Catfished! Spotting Fakes in the Swinger Lifestyle (Revisited)

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This
show is raw, real, and definitely not

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rated PG We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your

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kids So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and

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just so we're clear, we are not licensed
therapists, counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches Not sex couches We're
just a couple of people sharing

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our lives, experiences, and sexy
adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we're talking about
catfishing, and no, we're not

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referring to actual catfishing.

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We're not talking about going
deep sea diving or whatever-

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No … whatever they refer to.

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I don't think it's deep sea diving.

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No?

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I think it's like swamps.

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Swamps?

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Yeah, I think that's where
you find catfish the most.

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Really?

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Yeah Like in Louisiana and stuff?

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I think so.

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Yeah.

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I don't, I don't know.

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We're not discussing that.

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We're not discussing that.

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That's on another show.

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That is on another show.

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Hopefully not our show.

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But we are talking about catfishing.

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For those of you who aren't familiar with
the term, catfishing essentially means

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when you're pretending to be someone
else online- Yeah … to deceive others.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Now, sometimes it's intentional
and sometimes it is not, but

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either way it's unethical.

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Yes.

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You know what I mean?

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It is lying.

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It is lying.

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It's a, it's a, it is a
little section of lying.

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It's a form of lying.

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Yeah.

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And I've actually talked to people who
they deceive with their photos, and

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I've had these discussions- Yeah … and
they've straight up admitted, "Oh, yeah.

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You know what? I'm… I understand people
when they say it's a form of lying."

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It is a form of lying.

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It is.

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I don't mean to be deceiving,
but it's just what I do.

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And it's, oh, my gosh.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, no.

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I've heard that.

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That's almost pe- It's paraphrased.

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Mm. But yeah, that was incredible.

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And so we've been in this
lifestyle for 14 years.

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Yes.

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We've dealt with catfishing throughout not
only our lifestyle, but previous to that.

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Even before that.

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Before we even got together.

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Yeah.

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I was a kid of the AOL generation.

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Right.

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I spent a lot of times in chat rooms
back when it was the thing to do.

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Yeah?

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Yeah.

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And I'm… I, back then-
Talking to a 40-year-old man.

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My parents would make jokes about that.

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They'd be like, "Eh, you don't
know who you're talking to."

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You don't know who you're talking to.

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You don't know who you're
talking to, but as a horny

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teenager, you didn't really care.

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Okay.

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And oftentimes we would go into
these chat rooms and I would have

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conversations with these cute girls.

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Yeah.

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And we would have great conversation.

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One particular one I actually
remember was I was…

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I think I was in an Arizona chat room.

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I don't even know how I got there.

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I just was in all sorts of chat rooms.

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I was in, in an Arizona chat room,
and there was this girl And I

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can't remember her screen name.

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I just remember it ended in 34C.

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Okay.

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And that kinda caught my attention.

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We started talking, and she sent me…

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And I must've been 17,
something like that.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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And she claimed to be… She
didn't know that I was 17.

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She never asked.

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Yeah.

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She didn't do the A-S-L question.

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Okay.

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But she assumed that I was her age,
assuming that she was an actual person.

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Yeah.

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And she said that she was in her mid-20s.

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She sent me this picture, and it
was this black and white picture.

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She's laid out on this big bed
wearing nothing but a bra and panties.

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She's laying on her stomach, and
it's a black and white picture.

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Very artistic, very pretty.

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She looked very model-esque.

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Uh-huh.

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And she had her hair coming down, and
beautiful cleavage, little black bra set.

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And she sent me that picture,
and I remember thinking, "Wow,

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that's a really hot woman."

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Now, looking back on it now, clear-headed
and less horny, probably not her.

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Probably.

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Probably not her.

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Now, was I talking to a man?

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I don't know.

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If so, he was very gentle.

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But really, it could have been a
woman who just didn't look like that.

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Yeah.

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That was the only picture that I ever got.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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And it just seemed too
perfect of a picture.

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She had a few conversations with me.

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We talked for maybe a month or
so, and then she disappeared.

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That was it.

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Never to be seen again.

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Never, never.

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That was it.

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Very sad.

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Very sad.

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I was broken-hearted.

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I'm sure you were.

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Nah.

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I moved on.

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I moved on.

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You- 'Cause I dealt with that a lot.

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There was a lot of different women-
I'm… … that were like that.

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It was easier back then, I guess.

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You didn't have- But you
didn't have pictures.

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Like, you could send a picture.

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So I think catfishing made it
easier then, as opposed to now.

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Yeah.

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It's still, it's still the same.

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And- You know, compare it
to back in the '50s- Okay

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when people bought houses, families
would live in these houses, they

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would never lock their door.

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Hell, we grew up in the '80s, and that's
really where they started saying, "You

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know what? You should really start locking
your door." Now, you remember that?

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I remember being a kid- It
was after that little, yeah

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and, and yeah.

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Yeah.

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We never used to lock our door.

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No.

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And then all of a sudden,
uh, it, it became a thing.

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Yes.

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It's like, there's robberies, so
you have to start locking your door.

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Mm-hmm.

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There was a certain amount of
trust and naivete that was held

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back then until people started
proving that you couldn't trust.

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Mm-hmm.

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I mean, and it's the same thing with this.

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Those were the early days
of the internet and internet

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dating and that sort of thing.

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Of social media, pretty much.

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Social media.

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I mean- Yeah … you can really
call it it's what it was.

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Yeah.

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AOL chat rooms were social medias.

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Ab- absolutely.

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Um- Yeah … and so it was, yeah, it was
a lot easier, 'cause it was just typing.

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There wasn't any actual person.

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Like- Yeah … you could-
The door was unlocked.

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Yeah.

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And it's, exactly.

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Yeah, the door was unlocked.

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Yeah.

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All naive.

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And every now and then somebody would
nudge you and go, "You're probably

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talking to a dude." And you know,
it, like- Your sister, for example-

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Yeah … is, is a good example of that.

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Yeah.

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She met a guy on AOL.

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Now, her and I were friends.

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W- we were friends on AOL, but we
were friends in real life, too.

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And so she claimed when she told
your family, she- That it was your

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friend … that it was my friend.

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Yeah.

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And that's how it went.

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When realistically, everybody
had a lot of shame in saying,

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"Oh, yeah, we met online."

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Yeah.

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And I am no stranger to that myself.

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I know that I remember going to a
party- Mm-hmm … with some friends.

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Mm. And I would get, I'd get
real anxious in situations.

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There was a lot of people, and
I was sitting at a table, and

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everybody's sitting around us,
and I was just in comedian mode.

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Right.

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And I'm entertaining everybody.

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And we were talking about dating,
and I said, "Man, I just can't

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imagine dating somebody online a- and
finding the love of my life online.

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That just seems so, so weird, and I
just, I can't see it." And that's when

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the owner of the house and the person
who threw the party and his wife stood

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up and said, "We actually met online."

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So weird now.

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And man, I shoved my foot
in my mouth so frigging fast

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because I felt so embarrassed.

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Yeah.

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And I was like, here I am
talking about, you know, that.

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I've met people online.

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Yeah.

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And they've actually turned
out to be the person, actually.

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Yeah?

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Yeah.

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But I've also… And that was back then.

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That was just the chatting time.

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Yeah.

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So I haven't… His picture was way better
on the computer than it was in person,

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but- And, and that's- … we didn't have
phones back then … that's the thing.

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In the lifestyle, and I find this
very interesting, in the lifestyle,

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there are actual people who will
sell services to work with couples

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and singles on profiles for you.

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Yes.

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And here's how we need to do your
pictures, and here's how we need

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to do- Yeah … your biography.

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Because there are people who
struggle when they get on these

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profiles, they get on these apps.

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They struggle to entice
people to message them.

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So then they pay others to do this
and fix their pictures and fix

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their bio in hope that they'll
entice somebody to message them.

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Now, I don't know.

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I feel like that's a little unethical, but
at the same time, it's, it's borderline.

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It's not.

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So you can't really- fake your picture.

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Like you have to- You can You can.

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You can now.

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You can, but you're gonna meet
these people in person, and that's

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where- But that doesn't stop
people That doesn't stop them.

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Yeah.

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Because we have seen it 1,000 times,
where we talk to a couple and their

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pictures look great, and then we meet
them, and it's, "When did you take

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that picture? 20 years ago?" Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And why are you so short?

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What were you- Well, you- … standing on?

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Like- Sometimes you can't always
detect height in, in pictures.

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I don't know.

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But you have.

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I don't know how you do it.

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You- I have.

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I can tell when someone is
short and someone is tall.

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I'm bad at measuring.

255
00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:24,210
Which is fine, but if I say, "Oh, I really
like tall guys," and you're standing on

256
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:27,740
this thing, and it's, "Oh, yeah, I'm like
this tall," and it's, "Really?" Hey, hey.

257
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,550
You come to me and I'm
like, "You're like 5'4".

258
00:09:29,590 --> 00:09:30,590
Short kings need love too.

259
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,130
I do.

260
00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:31,415
I got you.

261
00:09:31,415 --> 00:09:35,470
I'm just saying it's easier
to… It's not easier.

262
00:09:35,470 --> 00:09:39,130
Just people just really take
the pictures and the filters and

263
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:43,420
the, all that good stuff, and
they just make it into a profile.

264
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,070
Yeah, yeah.

265
00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:45,670
And it's just- It's recycled.

266
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:51,050
I always say that if I see a
person who has nothing but filtered

267
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,780
pictures, especially with Snapchat
filters and that stuff, that

268
00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:56,980
it's just nothing but- Oh my God

269
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:59,183
that that's a sign- That wasn't what
you used to- You know, I lose interest.

270
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,090
That's a red flag That wasn't
what you used to think, though.

271
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,630
No, 'cause I- Because every- … wanted
better … girl that would send you

272
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:06,090
pictures were like little puppy dogs.

273
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,950
Or little hearts around.

274
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:08,920
And I'd be like, "That's
not what she looks like."

275
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,380
Well, so understand that
when I was getting down with

276
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:13,390
that was when we were poly.

277
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:13,930
Right.

278
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:19,590
So when we were poly and we were no
longer dating as a couple, we were

279
00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:24,860
dating individually, I found it a lot
more difficult at the very beginning

280
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:31,680
because I didn't know how to explain to
women that I am not a single guy, I'm

281
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,470
a married man, but I'm looking to date.

282
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:37,230
And I would get judgment there.

283
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:38,020
You know what I mean?

284
00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:42,950
And so sometimes if somebody was
enticed, I would end up realizing

285
00:10:42,950 --> 00:10:45,518
that this person's not technically-
Puppy dog … on the up and up either.

286
00:10:45,518 --> 00:10:45,962
It's not a puppy dog.

287
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:47,180
She's not a puppy dog.

288
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:47,830
She ain't a puppy dog.

289
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:50,970
I showed up with peanut butter
at this date and it- Yeah

290
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:51,610
did me no good.

291
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,980
That a lot of their pictures were
with filters, and I remember thinking,

292
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,760
"Oh, it's just a cutesy thing." Yeah.

293
00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:02,250
"Whatever. It's just a cutesy thing.
Everybody's doing it." But then I

294
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:08,740
started realizing it, these filters
take away their natural flaws.

295
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:08,820
Yeah.

296
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:13,270
And what I find is I like flaws.

297
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:13,980
Of course.

298
00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:16,420
I like the person themselves.

299
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:19,210
I'm not looking to have somebody
who ain't got no wrinkles.

300
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:23,700
The, if they look like they look with
the Snapchat filter where it just

301
00:11:23,990 --> 00:11:27,280
erases everything on their face, I
don't know, you're gonna, you're gonna

302
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,760
look like a potato with lipstick.

303
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:32,990
Every time I go to take a picture,
especially on Snapchat, I always end up

304
00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:37,064
doing something and it does this like
little filter-y thing, and I'm like No.

305
00:11:38,304 --> 00:11:38,814
I don't know.

306
00:11:38,814 --> 00:11:43,334
I've just never been, I've
never been one to take too many

307
00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:44,864
pictures- Yeah … first of all.

308
00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:46,814
Like, the first or second
picture is good enough.

309
00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:47,134
Yeah.

310
00:11:47,404 --> 00:11:50,804
And there are some people that need to
do the filter for whatever makes you

311
00:11:50,804 --> 00:11:53,884
feel better, but it's when you start
posting them and you s- and people

312
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:58,304
actually think that's what you look
like, it's deceiving because- Yeah

313
00:11:58,314 --> 00:12:00,974
they're gonna see you
somewhere, and it's oh.

314
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,464
See, now if- Or they're gonna see you
and be like- … if you don't have

315
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:05,654
plans to ever see them- Then by all
means, do it … then that's- Yeah.

316
00:12:05,674 --> 00:12:06,734
But- You, you're running a game.

317
00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:07,254
Yeah.

318
00:12:07,254 --> 00:12:10,004
And especially it's like I know
angles and stuff like that.

319
00:12:10,024 --> 00:12:10,774
It's good.

320
00:12:10,774 --> 00:12:12,084
Now let me ask you about that.

321
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:12,634
Okay.

322
00:12:12,694 --> 00:12:16,244
You brought that up, and I find
that interesting because obviously

323
00:12:16,404 --> 00:12:18,614
Snapchat filters are deception.

324
00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:19,154
Yes.

325
00:12:19,484 --> 00:12:20,474
It is unethical.

326
00:12:20,544 --> 00:12:20,894
Yes.

327
00:12:21,704 --> 00:12:26,034
But what about the whole angles
way up here and that sort of thing?

328
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:29,284
I feel- You're taking a picture
that's trying to remove whatever

329
00:12:29,284 --> 00:12:30,694
flaws you're not happy with.

330
00:12:31,114 --> 00:12:32,504
Is that not in the same realm?

331
00:12:32,504 --> 00:12:36,284
Well, if you, if you're taking
regular… So you wanna look

332
00:12:36,374 --> 00:12:37,964
good, right, in your pictures.

333
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:43,154
For women, we wanna be, we wanna
look like we're curvier or thinner.

334
00:12:43,604 --> 00:12:49,580
But- Once you meet us and we're
not, and it is a point, it is

335
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:50,980
a way of deceiving as well.

336
00:12:51,050 --> 00:12:51,430
Yeah, yeah.

337
00:12:51,430 --> 00:12:55,390
Because, but the angles are really
for, oh, I look cu- I look cute.

338
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:58,380
Oh, you can't see my long ha,
you can't see my love handles.

339
00:12:58,390 --> 00:12:58,640
Right.

340
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,800
I mean, it's- But if you say, if
you tell people, "Hey, I'm a…"

341
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,220
Or if you have a regular picture
and it's, like, your full body.

342
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:03,560
Yeah.

343
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:06,450
Okay, and then all your
other pictures are up high.

344
00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:09,220
We're gonna flip through
'em and make sure.

345
00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:09,344
Okay.

346
00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:10,850
We like the curvy girls, so.

347
00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:11,380
Yeah, yeah.

348
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:16,390
But we have met people where it's, oh,
you're actually a very curvy person,

349
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,300
and your pictures did not show that
at all, and you should have just said,

350
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,550
"I'm a curvy girl." It's not like we
don't- And I understand it to an extent.

351
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:27,120
Um- It's for- It's an insecurity thing.

352
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:27,760
Yeah.

353
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:32,660
So when a person has revealed
themself, the, for what they are

354
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:38,070
or h- what they look or whatever,
and they end up getting judged by

355
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,640
somebody that they were interested in.

356
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:40,060
Yeah.

357
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,530
And getting rejected-
Yeah … because of how they look,

358
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:45,120
because the person that they were
interested in was really shallow.

359
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:45,590
Yeah.

360
00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:47,940
Then what that does is it causes trauma.

361
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,440
It makes them go, "Okay, I'm
not doing that again." Yeah.

362
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,240
And so then they start
being less vulnerable.

363
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:53,550
Mm-hmm.

364
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:57,270
They stop putting their real self out
there because they're insecure- Mm

365
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:57,900
about that.

366
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,420
And what the problem is that
not everybody is shallow.

367
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:01,980
No.

368
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:09,330
Now, why is this an especially
big deal in the lifestyle as

369
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:10,500
opposed to vanilla dating?

370
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:14,460
Because vanilla dating, I don't
feel like it's as prominent.

371
00:14:14,490 --> 00:14:14,980
I do know it's there.

372
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:15,340
Yeah, yeah.

373
00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:19,750
Obviously, there's a show on MTV
or was- Yeah … called Catfish.

374
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:20,050
Yeah.

375
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,600
And they literally, they would be
on social media, they'd be talking

376
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:28,650
to whomever, um, and then it would
be revealed that this person was not

377
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,290
actually who they said they were.

378
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:30,740
Yeah.

379
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,320
And I think in the lifestyle it's
a big deal because you're in the

380
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,760
lifestyle because you want trust.

381
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,670
That's your first and foremost, trust.

382
00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:40,810
So you wanna make sure the person
is an actual human being and an

383
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:45,370
actual person that looks the way
they are, because that's attraction.

384
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:50,050
And I feel like it's, people think
that it's easier to swindle theirsel-

385
00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:55,694
themselves into the lifestyle if they
portray themselves as a couple, and

386
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,004
it's- Yeah … actually not a couple.

387
00:14:57,024 --> 00:14:57,374
Yeah.

388
00:14:57,394 --> 00:15:04,114
Or a guy, and he's all
muscular, but he's really not.

389
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:04,414
Yeah.

390
00:15:04,444 --> 00:15:09,154
Just different things, and it's- That's
the big thing is in vanilla dating,

391
00:15:09,164 --> 00:15:10,744
they're looking for relationships.

392
00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:15,564
So you have to be more upfront with
these people- Mm-hmm … because you're

393
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:19,164
gonna go out on a date, and they're gonna
see you for who you are, and they're

394
00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:20,664
not gonna come up with a second date.

395
00:15:20,734 --> 00:15:23,004
In the lifestyle, it's about sex.

396
00:15:23,014 --> 00:15:23,594
It is.

397
00:15:23,654 --> 00:15:29,214
And so you're gonna have people coming
in who are going to swindle and scam

398
00:15:29,564 --> 00:15:34,774
s- in hopes that they're gonna get you
in, like, by the bed and ready to go.

399
00:15:34,814 --> 00:15:35,104
Yeah.

400
00:15:35,384 --> 00:15:38,334
And they're gonna, they're gonna reveal
their true selves, and you're gonna

401
00:15:38,344 --> 00:15:39,724
be like, "I'm already here in the bed.

402
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:40,164
Might as well.

403
00:15:40,164 --> 00:15:40,974
Go ahead." Yeah.

404
00:15:40,994 --> 00:15:41,724
You know what I mean?

405
00:15:41,734 --> 00:15:43,324
They can- Ego boost all the way.

406
00:15:43,414 --> 00:15:43,714
Ego boost.

407
00:15:43,914 --> 00:15:45,174
They wanna look hotter.

408
00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:46,544
They wanna look- Younger … younger.

409
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:47,454
Oh my gosh.

410
00:15:47,784 --> 00:15:48,964
More swingy.

411
00:15:49,704 --> 00:15:50,124
Yeah, yeah.

412
00:15:50,124 --> 00:15:51,204
I'm with all these people.

413
00:15:51,204 --> 00:15:51,674
Yeah.

414
00:15:51,674 --> 00:15:51,734
Yeah.

415
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,944
It's a, it's- It's really an
ego boost … it's an ego boost.

416
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:54,014
Mm-hmm.

417
00:15:54,014 --> 00:15:59,484
I personally know of different times,
just in our community alone- Mm

418
00:15:59,494 --> 00:16:07,292
heard it so many times, where a
Either a vanilla single or a vanilla

419
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:09,982
couple is curious about the lifestyle.

420
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:12,872
They create a swingers profile.

421
00:16:12,882 --> 00:16:12,902
Mm-hmm.

422
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:17,362
And they get on there- Mm … just to pose
as lifestyle couples so that they can see

423
00:16:17,362 --> 00:16:22,542
what it's like, and see if they can even
get people who are interested in them, and

424
00:16:22,542 --> 00:16:23,072
that sort of- And they're not swingers?

425
00:16:23,072 --> 00:16:24,142
And they're not swingers.

426
00:16:24,152 --> 00:16:24,182
Okay.

427
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:26,422
That alone is a form of catfishing.

428
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:30,042
You're saying that you're this- But
not … but you're not actually.

429
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:30,392
Yeah.

430
00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:30,682
Yeah.

431
00:16:30,682 --> 00:16:33,692
And then of course you
got your predatory people.

432
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:33,752
Ooh, yes.

433
00:16:33,802 --> 00:16:35,612
Your scammers, your money grabs.

434
00:16:35,612 --> 00:16:39,422
Let me tell you that that
happens all the time.

435
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:42,862
We ran into it a lot at, at
the beginning, a- throughout.

436
00:16:42,872 --> 00:16:49,512
And, a- and actually, I haven't run into
this in a while, but we used to get a lot

437
00:16:49,512 --> 00:16:54,292
of people who would message… Like, as
a guy in the couple, I would get a guy

438
00:16:54,332 --> 00:16:57,022
messaging me pretending to be a couple.

439
00:16:57,032 --> 00:16:57,462
Yes.

440
00:16:57,472 --> 00:16:57,962
I remember.

441
00:16:57,962 --> 00:17:02,382
And he's, "Hey, do you wanna swap
pictures and videos of our wives?"

442
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:07,242
And when I was first on the journey,
I'm horny, I wanna do something.

443
00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:09,022
"Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Let's do that." Right.

444
00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:15,322
And so we would, and they would send me
a picture or a video, and they'd be like,

445
00:17:15,322 --> 00:17:18,002
"Okay, now your turn. Send something."
And so then I'd send something, and

446
00:17:18,002 --> 00:17:19,242
then they would just dis- disappear.

447
00:17:19,482 --> 00:17:19,782
Yeah.

448
00:17:20,202 --> 00:17:24,172
And then you have to wonder, "Okay-
Yeah … w- was this even the real person?

449
00:17:24,182 --> 00:17:27,222
Did they just take our video and
our picture, and now they're gonna

450
00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:28,352
use that with somebody else?" Yeah.

451
00:17:28,362 --> 00:17:29,612
And we stopped doing that very quickly.

452
00:17:29,622 --> 00:17:30,022
Oh, yeah.

453
00:17:30,022 --> 00:17:30,212
No.

454
00:17:30,262 --> 00:17:31,312
I don't send- We have that rule.

455
00:17:31,322 --> 00:17:31,652
Yeah.

456
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:35,222
I don't send pictures to, to
friends I will, but not to

457
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,012
anybody we haven't met physically.

458
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:37,302
Yeah.

459
00:17:37,302 --> 00:17:40,252
That's, and that's anytime we've
gotten messages, and I still get

460
00:17:40,252 --> 00:17:41,872
messages from time to time- Oh, so do I

461
00:17:41,892 --> 00:17:44,622
where they're like, "Hey, do you wanna
trade pictures?" and that sort of thing.

462
00:17:44,622 --> 00:17:49,362
And I'm like, "I'm sorry, but our rule is
we do not trade pictures or videos unless

463
00:17:49,362 --> 00:17:52,552
we've interacted in person- Mm-hmm … and
you are." I said, "Otherwise, no." Nope.

464
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,112
Uh, we don't know who you are.

465
00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:54,332
Not doing that.

466
00:17:54,332 --> 00:17:55,272
You're not using my face.

467
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:55,792
It's not good.

468
00:17:55,952 --> 00:17:58,012
It's not good, 'cause people
are out there fishing for nudes.

469
00:17:58,022 --> 00:18:01,454
Mm. I will tell you- That
it comes in different forms.

470
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:08,054
There was this girl recently who hit me up
on TikTok, and she started messaging me.

471
00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:08,434
Oh, yes.

472
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:11,014
Yeah, and we've been messaging back-
Uh-huh … and forth for the past week.

473
00:18:11,144 --> 00:18:11,504
Uh-huh.

474
00:18:11,714 --> 00:18:12,924
Seemed like on the up and up.

475
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:13,124
Uh-huh.

476
00:18:13,124 --> 00:18:13,764
Everything was cool.

477
00:18:14,584 --> 00:18:18,844
Then yesterday- Uh-huh … she sends
me a message, and she's, "Oh, what are

478
00:18:18,844 --> 00:18:21,834
you doing today?" And I said, "Oh, I'm
just working on getting ready for-" Is

479
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,758
that the same girl you told me about?

480
00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:22,816
Yeah.

481
00:18:22,816 --> 00:18:22,894
Yeah, yeah.

482
00:18:22,904 --> 00:18:23,204
Okay.

483
00:18:23,264 --> 00:18:23,534
Okay.

484
00:18:23,584 --> 00:18:26,484
We were having a conversation, and she
says, "Oh, yeah, my birthday's coming up."

485
00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:27,754
And I'm like, "Oh, good for you." Oh.

486
00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:29,224
"Happy birthday." I could
already see where this was going.

487
00:18:29,224 --> 00:18:30,364
Oh, I could s- I could see
where it was going too.

488
00:18:30,384 --> 00:18:30,534
Okay.

489
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:31,634
But I was gonna play it out and see.

490
00:18:31,634 --> 00:18:31,904
Uh-huh.

491
00:18:31,974 --> 00:18:35,224
She's, "Yeah, my birthday's on September
12th." And I was like, "Oh, cool.

492
00:18:35,604 --> 00:18:37,784
I have a kid whose birthday
is a couple days from that."

493
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:38,104
Yeah.

494
00:18:38,594 --> 00:18:41,234
And so she was like, "Oh, wow,
that's great." And then she

495
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:44,534
says, "Yeah, I'm gonna go get my
nails done." And I said, "Nice.

496
00:18:44,564 --> 00:18:49,294
That's really cool." So then she says,
"So do you wanna pay for my nails?"

497
00:18:49,924 --> 00:18:55,704
And I said… She, and she says, "It's
only $45." And I said, "No, sorry."

498
00:18:55,704 --> 00:18:59,164
I said, "I was just laid off from
work." And I said, "I've got five

499
00:18:59,174 --> 00:19:02,234
kids and a full f- I got a full-" Yeah

500
00:19:02,234 --> 00:19:02,894
ass family, man.

501
00:19:02,904 --> 00:19:02,924
Yeah.

502
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:05,414
I, I said, "I don't have $45
to be giving somebody." Yeah.

503
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:11,614
And I was hoping she would let it
go, but instead she kept pressing.

504
00:19:11,974 --> 00:19:12,294
And- Really?

505
00:19:12,294 --> 00:19:16,594
… and, and then finally she said, "So you
don't care about me enough to pay for my

506
00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:19,194
nails?" And I didn't say anything else.

507
00:19:19,694 --> 00:19:22,814
I hit block because I knew
exactly what she was pulling.

508
00:19:22,814 --> 00:19:23,294
Of course.

509
00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:24,454
I knew exactly what she was pulling.

510
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:24,784
Of course.

511
00:19:24,814 --> 00:19:26,534
Now, hey, no hate to her game.

512
00:19:26,564 --> 00:19:29,044
I guarantee you- No hate to her
game … there's, there's people

513
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,174
out there that- Mm-hmm … are
paying for that and whatever.

514
00:19:31,174 --> 00:19:31,744
Hey, good for her.

515
00:19:31,744 --> 00:19:31,884
Mm-hmm.

516
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:32,724
I'm just not that guy.

517
00:19:32,784 --> 00:19:33,004
No.

518
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:38,604
And personally, don't come at me
like you're a part of this and

519
00:19:38,604 --> 00:19:39,934
then you're gonna ask me for money.

520
00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:40,504
No, man.

521
00:19:40,504 --> 00:19:40,514
No.

522
00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:40,534
Yeah.

523
00:19:40,624 --> 00:19:41,324
You know what I'm saying?

524
00:19:41,324 --> 00:19:42,144
I, I'm not that guy.

525
00:19:42,174 --> 00:19:44,894
And so- … you'll find that- Of course.

526
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,054
Yes … it's, it happens.

527
00:19:47,444 --> 00:19:50,924
No offense to my fellows out there, but
we're, we're the first ones to get duped.

528
00:19:51,054 --> 00:19:51,344
Oh.

529
00:19:51,344 --> 00:19:52,134
Doesn't take much.

530
00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:52,444
Yeah.

531
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:53,014
You know what I mean?

532
00:19:53,024 --> 00:19:56,144
I have to… I've, I don't know if I've
told you this, but I've gotten messages

533
00:19:56,154 --> 00:20:00,204
from men who are like, "Oh yeah, this
is my wife," and they'll just start

534
00:20:00,204 --> 00:20:01,584
sending me pictures of their wife.

535
00:20:01,624 --> 00:20:01,964
Yeah.

536
00:20:02,574 --> 00:20:07,722
And it could be They're clothed
or they're not clothed, and it's

537
00:20:07,722 --> 00:20:08,762
just pictures after pictures.

538
00:20:09,272 --> 00:20:13,632
Your turn, and I'm like- I- … "Dude, I
don't know you." I never agreed to that.

539
00:20:13,842 --> 00:20:14,072
Yeah.

540
00:20:14,072 --> 00:20:16,362
You're the one… Does your wife
know you're sending me pictures?

541
00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:17,982
Because you don't even know who I am.

542
00:20:17,992 --> 00:20:20,142
That's, and so that's funny,
'cause I get that too.

543
00:20:20,472 --> 00:20:24,812
Now, back in the day, so guys would
just send videos and pics, and

544
00:20:24,812 --> 00:20:28,082
then they'd be like, "Are you gonna
send anything?" And I would feel

545
00:20:28,082 --> 00:20:29,692
bad, and I'd be like, "Uh, okay.

546
00:20:29,692 --> 00:20:32,102
Sure." And I, I- Yeah … but
I wouldn't feel good about it.

547
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:32,372
Yeah.

548
00:20:32,822 --> 00:20:33,882
Now I found my no.

549
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:34,422
Yeah.

550
00:20:34,422 --> 00:20:37,962
And so I get that now, and they
send stuff to me, and they're like,

551
00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:39,162
"Oh, you gonna send anything?"

552
00:20:39,162 --> 00:20:42,692
And I'm like, "No, sorry, but we have
a rule that we don't do that." Yeah.

553
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:45,112
And sometimes they get mad.

554
00:20:45,302 --> 00:20:45,662
Yeah.

555
00:20:45,732 --> 00:20:47,092
Sometimes they just disappear.

556
00:20:47,432 --> 00:20:50,012
Sometimes they're really nice, and they're
like, "Oh, I completely understand,"

557
00:20:50,012 --> 00:20:50,952
and then they leave it at that.

558
00:20:50,972 --> 00:20:51,162
Yeah.

559
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,482
But it's no, dude.

560
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,882
I'm not just gonna
randomly send you my ones.

561
00:20:54,882 --> 00:20:55,352
You know who you are.

562
00:20:55,372 --> 00:20:59,382
You could be somebody that's
looking to be a serial killer.

563
00:20:59,422 --> 00:20:59,752
Yeah.

564
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:01,172
You really don't know
who you're dealing with.

565
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,312
And so- You don't know
who you're dealing with.

566
00:21:02,352 --> 00:21:05,332
And, or like the profiles
that do no picture.

567
00:21:05,622 --> 00:21:05,902
Yeah.

568
00:21:06,472 --> 00:21:06,882
No.

569
00:21:07,002 --> 00:21:07,402
Yeah.

570
00:21:07,462 --> 00:21:07,912
No.

571
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,022
To me, that's just not a good thing.

572
00:21:11,382 --> 00:21:14,012
But I feel a lot of people
catfish for the insecurities.

573
00:21:14,112 --> 00:21:17,122
I guaran- Like- That's, I think, the
main reason … yeah, like they're

574
00:21:17,122 --> 00:21:19,152
really insecure about whatever it is.

575
00:21:19,162 --> 00:21:23,962
Like, they wanna make you feel b-
some women, some women and some men

576
00:21:24,292 --> 00:21:30,142
need the praise, need the, "You're
sexy, you're hot," whatever it is.

577
00:21:30,232 --> 00:21:30,412
Thank God I'm not gonna lie.

578
00:21:30,412 --> 00:21:32,242
Yeah, but you don't do filters.

579
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:32,822
No, no.

580
00:21:32,822 --> 00:21:32,922
You're just your picture.

581
00:21:32,922 --> 00:21:35,422
I don't wanna… No, I think the problem-
But I'm talking about- … is that if I

582
00:21:35,422 --> 00:21:38,317
do filters, people are gonna meet me, and
they're gonna lose interest right away.

583
00:21:38,317 --> 00:21:39,632
Yeah, and that's how I feel.

584
00:21:39,652 --> 00:21:39,912
Yeah.

585
00:21:39,992 --> 00:21:41,892
I'm like, I don't use
filters on my pictures.

586
00:21:41,982 --> 00:21:44,742
You're gonna see every little
wrinkle, every little gray hair.

587
00:21:45,152 --> 00:21:46,362
That's just the way it is.

588
00:21:46,492 --> 00:21:49,172
And I actually, I took it
up a notch, because I felt

589
00:21:49,172 --> 00:21:53,532
like even the picture angles-
Yeah … can be a little deceiving.

590
00:21:53,742 --> 00:21:56,062
So I started doing videos
where I was talking.

591
00:21:56,072 --> 00:21:56,092
Yeah.

592
00:21:56,092 --> 00:22:00,302
Because if you're talking to
a video, it's, you're gonna

593
00:22:00,302 --> 00:22:01,752
have bad angles at some point.

594
00:22:01,762 --> 00:22:02,192
It doesn't matter.

595
00:22:02,192 --> 00:22:02,682
You're gonna move.

596
00:22:02,682 --> 00:22:03,322
You're gonna talk.

597
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,202
You're gonna have bad angles.

598
00:22:04,272 --> 00:22:05,236
Hell, I look bad right now.

599
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:05,429
I know.

600
00:22:05,429 --> 00:22:09,542
I was gonna say the, the, this is- The
camera adds like 10, 20, sometimes 30

601
00:22:09,542 --> 00:22:10,662
pounds, depending on if we just ate.

602
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,832
So does those talker looks, so.

603
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,552
Yeah.

604
00:22:13,552 --> 00:22:15,122
It was a really good
breakfast we had, by the way.

605
00:22:15,692 --> 00:22:19,972
We're in a lifestyle that
is, it revolves around looks.

606
00:22:20,012 --> 00:22:20,342
Yes.

607
00:22:20,372 --> 00:22:23,312
And I don't care who says
what, looks are involved.

608
00:22:23,312 --> 00:22:23,892
Attraction.

609
00:22:23,892 --> 00:22:23,972
You have to have some kind of attraction.

610
00:22:23,972 --> 00:22:25,782
There has to be some sort of attraction.

611
00:22:25,892 --> 00:22:26,582
Physical attraction, yeah.

612
00:22:26,592 --> 00:22:32,292
And so there's a lot of shallow people
that are in the lifestyle who… I just

613
00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:37,132
saw an article that's been making its
way around social media about this couple

614
00:22:37,512 --> 00:22:40,572
who decided to open a swingers club.

615
00:22:40,582 --> 00:22:40,592
Oh.

616
00:22:40,872 --> 00:22:42,582
And they said that they're
only- You sent it to me.

617
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:42,842
Yeah.

618
00:22:42,842 --> 00:22:45,442
They said that they're only
inviting pretty people.

619
00:22:45,442 --> 00:22:46,032
Pretty people.

620
00:22:46,202 --> 00:22:47,562
Ugly people are not allowed.

621
00:22:48,082 --> 00:22:51,052
And of course, everybody in the lifestyle
is jumping in there, going, "That's

622
00:22:51,052 --> 00:22:54,382
ridiculous. That's the dumbest thing I've
ever heard." That's, that is so not cool.

623
00:22:54,672 --> 00:22:59,512
But, but it's believable- Yeah … in
the fact that we've met people like that.

624
00:23:00,596 --> 00:23:02,966
How is it all of a sudden people
are looking at their picture going,

625
00:23:02,976 --> 00:23:04,096
"They're not even attractive." Yeah.

626
00:23:04,096 --> 00:23:05,616
"How are they gonna say
that?" You know what I mean?

627
00:23:05,646 --> 00:23:06,556
They're not to me, so.

628
00:23:06,556 --> 00:23:10,596
Beauty is in the eye of the
beholder, and I understand

629
00:23:10,606 --> 00:23:12,436
being insecure about your body.

630
00:23:12,446 --> 00:23:12,536
Mm-hmm.

631
00:23:12,536 --> 00:23:15,576
I understand being insecure about
what you look like and that sort of

632
00:23:15,576 --> 00:23:21,646
thing, but there is somebody out there
who's going to find you interesting

633
00:23:21,966 --> 00:23:23,556
if you're just honest with them.

634
00:23:23,606 --> 00:23:26,456
And it takes a vulnerability,
and that's hard sometimes.

635
00:23:26,456 --> 00:23:26,996
Yes, yes.

636
00:23:26,996 --> 00:23:31,006
But you just have to put yourself
out there and learn that if- And-

637
00:23:31,146 --> 00:23:33,466
they're not into it, they're not
into it … maybe it's just me,

638
00:23:33,476 --> 00:23:37,366
but the lifestyle, if you're in a
really good community, they're…

639
00:23:37,546 --> 00:23:39,656
They open their doors to everybody.

640
00:23:39,666 --> 00:23:43,246
There's so many people in this
community, different shapes,

641
00:23:43,246 --> 00:23:44,916
different sizes, different colors.

642
00:23:44,926 --> 00:23:46,806
Like, it's everywhere.

643
00:23:46,866 --> 00:23:47,086
Yeah.

644
00:23:47,106 --> 00:23:48,006
You don't have to lie.

645
00:23:48,046 --> 00:23:48,336
No.

646
00:23:48,336 --> 00:23:49,676
And that's not just the swinger world.

647
00:23:49,676 --> 00:23:51,136
That is polyamory.

648
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:53,706
That's anywhere in-
Anything … ethical non-monogamy.

649
00:23:53,706 --> 00:23:58,686
We have great communities in every
aspect of that, that are very good at

650
00:23:58,726 --> 00:24:01,216
accepting people for what they look like.

651
00:24:01,226 --> 00:24:01,266
Mm-hmm.

652
00:24:01,266 --> 00:24:03,126
As long as you're honest about it.

653
00:24:03,136 --> 00:24:03,156
Yeah.

654
00:24:03,166 --> 00:24:03,826
You know what I mean?

655
00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:07,076
If you're lying to yourself,
you're lying to others, you're

656
00:24:07,076 --> 00:24:08,206
not gonna get very far- No

657
00:24:08,246 --> 00:24:09,226
in any community.

658
00:24:09,246 --> 00:24:09,406
No.

659
00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:10,336
And that's just fact.

660
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:13,656
Now, when it comes to
insecurities, I totally get it.

661
00:24:13,816 --> 00:24:14,106
Same.

662
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:18,826
If you've been rejected because of
how you look like, that causes trauma.

663
00:24:18,896 --> 00:24:23,046
That causes me to refer back and go,
"I don't know if I wanna put myself

664
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:26,476
out there-" Yeah … "honestly, because
I've been rejected so many times."

665
00:24:26,876 --> 00:24:30,496
A good example of that was when I
used to hit up those AOL chat rooms.

666
00:24:30,926 --> 00:24:35,786
And there were girls that I were in-
that I would be interested in, and

667
00:24:35,786 --> 00:24:40,926
we would have these back and forths
via chat message and, or messenger,

668
00:24:41,416 --> 00:24:47,276
and things would be going really
great, and then we would have dinner,

669
00:24:47,576 --> 00:24:51,556
we'd meet somewhere, and all of a
sudden they'd act real cold to me.

670
00:24:51,586 --> 00:24:51,796
Yeah.

671
00:24:51,826 --> 00:24:53,136
All of a sudden they were not interested.

672
00:24:53,406 --> 00:24:56,396
And I was left with nothing
but, "I'm not attractive."

673
00:24:56,476 --> 00:24:57,656
That's the thought that I had.

674
00:24:57,656 --> 00:24:57,956
Yeah.

675
00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:58,786
"I'm not attractive." Yeah.

676
00:24:58,856 --> 00:25:00,186
And then they would ghost me afterwards.

677
00:25:00,186 --> 00:25:00,836
Little scarring there.

678
00:25:00,836 --> 00:25:01,116
Yeah.

679
00:25:01,196 --> 00:25:01,316
Yeah.

680
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:04,096
I'll… Let me tell you, this
one has always stuck with me.

681
00:25:04,096 --> 00:25:05,176
I think I might have told
you this one once before.

682
00:25:05,176 --> 00:25:05,186
Okay.

683
00:25:05,186 --> 00:25:05,216
So there was

684
00:25:08,246 --> 00:25:09,566
this… I was in high school.

685
00:25:09,736 --> 00:25:10,056
Uh-huh.

686
00:25:10,146 --> 00:25:12,536
I must've been a junior, I
guess, something like that,

687
00:25:13,076 --> 00:25:14,806
and I was dating this girl.

688
00:25:15,126 --> 00:25:16,906
Now, I did not meet her online.

689
00:25:16,906 --> 00:25:19,376
I met her through a high school friend.

690
00:25:19,506 --> 00:25:20,776
She went to a different high school.

691
00:25:21,806 --> 00:25:22,456
Scratch that.

692
00:25:22,576 --> 00:25:23,376
She dropped out.

693
00:25:23,466 --> 00:25:23,756
Okay.

694
00:25:23,776 --> 00:25:25,456
But we all knew… We knew- Okay.

695
00:25:25,496 --> 00:25:26,436
… the same people.

696
00:25:26,846 --> 00:25:31,236
But I met up with her at a party
once, and we started talking,

697
00:25:31,236 --> 00:25:32,226
we started dating, whatever.

698
00:25:32,226 --> 00:25:32,626
It was cool.

699
00:25:34,094 --> 00:25:40,304
Eventually we broke it off and
I… One of her friends who I never

700
00:25:40,344 --> 00:25:44,514
actually met- Mm-hmm … and she never
met me, but we knew of each other,

701
00:25:44,904 --> 00:25:46,694
and we knew of each other online.

702
00:25:46,704 --> 00:25:46,984
Okay.

703
00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:50,864
She found me online and she sent me
her number and she's, "Hey, let's talk.

704
00:25:51,214 --> 00:25:53,654
I know that you were dating so and
so." And I was like, "Oh, okay, cool."

705
00:25:54,064 --> 00:25:54,834
So we started talking.

706
00:25:54,874 --> 00:25:56,824
We had a phone conversation.

707
00:25:57,224 --> 00:26:00,594
Never met each other in person,
and we started talking on the

708
00:26:00,594 --> 00:26:01,464
phone, talking on the phone.

709
00:26:01,474 --> 00:26:03,394
We were talking on the phone all the time.

710
00:26:03,424 --> 00:26:03,674
Okay.

711
00:26:03,704 --> 00:26:04,154
All the time.

712
00:26:04,384 --> 00:26:04,584
Okay.

713
00:26:04,684 --> 00:26:05,594
That's what teenagers do, right?

714
00:26:05,604 --> 00:26:05,964
Yeah.

715
00:26:06,014 --> 00:26:06,574
What else?

716
00:26:06,704 --> 00:26:07,034
Yeah.

717
00:26:07,674 --> 00:26:11,274
So then it becomes puppy love and
everything is, "Oh, I love you.

718
00:26:11,284 --> 00:26:13,734
I love you." You hang up first.

719
00:26:13,734 --> 00:26:14,044
"I love you." Yeah, you know how it goes.

720
00:26:14,044 --> 00:26:14,094
No, you hang up first.

721
00:26:14,094 --> 00:26:14,514
You know how it goes.

722
00:26:14,524 --> 00:26:14,814
Yes.

723
00:26:14,814 --> 00:26:15,124
Yeah.

724
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:22,014
So then finally she says, "Hey," me
and my short-time ex of her friend or

725
00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:25,574
whatever, they were gonna be at the mall
with some friends, and she's, "Yeah, we're

726
00:26:25,574 --> 00:26:26,774
gonna get our nails done and whatnot.

727
00:26:26,784 --> 00:26:28,724
You should meet us at the mall
and hang out with us," 'cause

728
00:26:28,734 --> 00:26:29,674
that was the thing to do.

729
00:26:29,674 --> 00:26:30,094
That was the thing.

730
00:26:30,424 --> 00:26:34,884
And so I was like, "Okay." So
I took the bus to the mall.

731
00:26:35,044 --> 00:26:35,344
Okay.

732
00:26:35,404 --> 00:26:37,974
I showed up there and I met this girl.

733
00:26:38,804 --> 00:26:42,624
Funny thing is, this girl's into
lifestyle, I found out years later.

734
00:26:43,554 --> 00:26:45,860
Anyway I met up with her.

735
00:26:46,030 --> 00:26:47,890
Now, not attractive.

736
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,440
I was gonna ask you.

737
00:26:50,630 --> 00:26:51,350
Not attractive.

738
00:26:52,140 --> 00:26:56,300
Did not look very pretty, and beauty
is in the, the eye of the beholder.

739
00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:56,930
I was the beholder.

740
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:57,450
Okay.

741
00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:59,640
And she was not, she
was not very attractive.

742
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,990
I already know- But- … where this is
going … but- Uh-huh … I didn't care.

743
00:27:04,050 --> 00:27:04,930
I didn't care.

744
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,940
I could look past that because
I liked the person that she was.

745
00:27:07,950 --> 00:27:08,370
Right.

746
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:09,730
So I was there for her.

747
00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:11,630
I wasn't there for what she looked like.

748
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:11,670
Okay.

749
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:12,280
You know what I mean?

750
00:27:12,330 --> 00:27:12,660
Yeah.

751
00:27:13,020 --> 00:27:17,490
So I show up and I see her, and I'm like,
"Hey." She gives me the cold shoulder.

752
00:27:17,490 --> 00:27:18,130
Oh, no.

753
00:27:18,140 --> 00:27:21,500
She gave me the cold shoulder-
Mm-mm … for about 30 minutes.

754
00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:21,740
Mm-mm.

755
00:27:21,790 --> 00:27:25,250
And then she just pretty much
pretended like I wasn't even there,

756
00:27:25,270 --> 00:27:26,660
and she took off with her friends.

757
00:27:27,090 --> 00:27:30,310
And I ran into my best
friend since first grade.

758
00:27:30,450 --> 00:27:30,730
Okay.

759
00:27:30,730 --> 00:27:31,850
He just so happened to be there.

760
00:27:31,940 --> 00:27:32,300
Okay.

761
00:27:32,550 --> 00:27:36,990
And he was driving, and I told him what
was going on, and he was like, "Oh, I know

762
00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:38,320
her. I went to school with her." Uh-huh.

763
00:27:38,380 --> 00:27:40,490
"Had you told me you were going
out with her, I could've told you

764
00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:41,850
immediately what you were getting into."

765
00:27:41,870 --> 00:27:42,080
Yeah.

766
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:45,750
And I was like, "I had no idea." And I
said, "Now I got no way to go home." So

767
00:27:45,750 --> 00:27:46,690
he was like, "I'll give you a ride home.

768
00:27:46,690 --> 00:27:47,380
Don't worry." Yeah.

769
00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:51,790
And we left, and I remember thinking…
And that one really killed me because

770
00:27:51,790 --> 00:27:57,460
I was like, here is a woman that
is not attractive in regular life.

771
00:27:57,470 --> 00:27:59,560
Mm. And she just gave
me the cold shoulder.

772
00:27:59,790 --> 00:28:00,830
It brings your insecurities.

773
00:28:00,830 --> 00:28:02,420
Oh, man, it made me so insecure.

774
00:28:02,430 --> 00:28:02,450
Yeah.

775
00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:03,310
So insecure.

776
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:03,640
Yeah.

777
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,800
And so it all went downhill from there,
and I… That's one of the reasons why

778
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,330
I struggled with my own confidence.

779
00:28:09,340 --> 00:28:09,710
Right.

780
00:28:09,750 --> 00:28:15,050
Now, I didn't catfish anybody
because I wanted people to like me

781
00:28:15,050 --> 00:28:17,020
for who I was, what I looked like.

782
00:28:17,020 --> 00:28:18,310
I didn't wanna deceive.

783
00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:22,930
But I felt, I guess if people saw my
picture, when they saw me in person,

784
00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:24,450
just still wasn't good enough.

785
00:28:25,110 --> 00:28:26,600
And I just didn't quite understand.

786
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,160
Oh, and you're too handsome.

787
00:28:28,170 --> 00:28:30,230
Oh, man, it did- I- … something
to my confidence.

788
00:28:30,260 --> 00:28:33,550
I, I would just portray my… I wouldn't
portray my face or anything like that.

789
00:28:33,550 --> 00:28:35,730
I'd portray that I was older than I was.

790
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:36,120
Yeah?

791
00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:36,600
Yeah.

792
00:28:36,610 --> 00:28:40,010
So I would maybe talk to people
and they'd be like, "Oh, how old

793
00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:41,110
are you?" And I was like, 16.

794
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,000
I'd be like, "Oh, I'm 18." I'm 18, mijita.

795
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:44,130
Yeah.

796
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,820
Or I would be like 15, and I'd look
like I was 18, and I'd be like, "Oh,

797
00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:54,830
I'm 18." I stopped doing that because
I met someone who was older than me.

798
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:55,230
Yeah.

799
00:28:55,530 --> 00:29:00,900
And I thought we were just gonna be
friends, and I actually saw him in

800
00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:06,310
person 'cause he was my cousin's best
friend to her boyfriend or something.

801
00:29:07,450 --> 00:29:08,930
This m- I was 16.

802
00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:11,064
This man was, like, 23.

803
00:29:11,064 --> 00:29:11,280
Ooh.

804
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:12,870
And he said he was 18.

805
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:13,620
Oh.

806
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,470
And he was 23, and we were alone.

807
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,740
And I was like- Mm. It's a cat and
predator … "Yeah," and I was like,

808
00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:21,020
"No, you could take me home." Yeah.

809
00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:23,090
But- And that's a bad situation
because- That's a bad situation … that

810
00:29:23,090 --> 00:29:24,510
could've been a bad situation for you.

811
00:29:24,510 --> 00:29:29,270
But yeah, I never catfished
picture-wise or anything like that.

812
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:30,470
I am who I am, people.

813
00:29:30,740 --> 00:29:33,470
Now, to me, there's a
few different catfishes.

814
00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:34,010
Yes.

815
00:29:34,070 --> 00:29:36,770
So you've got the catfish of the pictures.

816
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:37,190
Yeah.

817
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:41,680
You say that you're this, you know,
that you look this way, but really

818
00:29:41,690 --> 00:29:43,250
you're not because you're doing filters.

819
00:29:43,290 --> 00:29:46,640
Then there's the catfish where
that picture isn't even you.

820
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:46,670
Oh, my gosh.

821
00:29:46,670 --> 00:29:49,910
You just ripped that picture from
somebody else's profile- Oh, yeah

822
00:29:49,910 --> 00:29:52,980
and you're basically portraying
this other person- Yes … that's

823
00:29:52,980 --> 00:29:53,890
not even close to being you.

824
00:29:53,900 --> 00:29:54,400
Yes.

825
00:29:54,980 --> 00:29:58,700
But then there's also the,
the personality catfish, and

826
00:29:58,700 --> 00:30:00,140
nobody really talks about that.

827
00:30:00,140 --> 00:30:00,310
Yeah.

828
00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:04,040
But especially now with social media
the way it is- Mm-hmm … people

829
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,180
like to pretend that they are
something that they are not.

830
00:30:07,290 --> 00:30:09,470
Especially now.

831
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:10,110
Especially now.

832
00:30:10,150 --> 00:30:11,210
Especially now.

833
00:30:11,260 --> 00:30:16,110
I've run into people who portray
that they're this kind person,

834
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,580
and then you meet- Mm-hmm … them
in person and they're horrible.

835
00:30:18,770 --> 00:30:22,760
Or they portray that they're an
in-love couple- Yes … and then

836
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,410
you hang out with them and they- Oh,
my- … are nowhere near each other

837
00:30:25,410 --> 00:30:25,660
goodness.

838
00:30:25,660 --> 00:30:27,910
They show no love towards each other.

839
00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:28,300
We have seen that.

840
00:30:28,300 --> 00:30:30,450
They argue with each other
in front of everybody.

841
00:30:30,460 --> 00:30:33,130
We've seen that- Yeah … many times.

842
00:30:33,150 --> 00:30:33,380
Yeah.

843
00:30:33,490 --> 00:30:36,520
That, for us, that is a major red flag.

844
00:30:36,530 --> 00:30:37,470
Oh, man, big time.

845
00:30:37,470 --> 00:30:39,160
If you can't get along- Big
time … with your partner,

846
00:30:39,180 --> 00:30:40,580
like, this is- No … not fake.

847
00:30:40,610 --> 00:30:40,890
No.

848
00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:41,920
Like, this shit is real.

849
00:30:41,930 --> 00:30:46,440
Like, what you're getting when
we hit record, this is us whether

850
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,560
the record button was hit or not.

851
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:47,870
Yeah.

852
00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:54,690
And that's where people… When people
hear me on the podcast, when they see me

853
00:30:54,690 --> 00:31:03,230
on YouTube, or even when they read what
I write online- Uh-huh People think that

854
00:31:03,790 --> 00:31:09,810
I'm not portraying the real me, and people
think that because that happens often.

855
00:31:09,990 --> 00:31:10,520
Yes.

856
00:31:10,820 --> 00:31:11,830
That happens often.

857
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,860
People wanna act like they're very
knowledgeable about the lifestyle.

858
00:31:15,870 --> 00:31:18,860
They wanna act like they're
all-inclusive and all-accepting.

859
00:31:19,150 --> 00:31:21,160
They wanna act like
they're kind to everybody.

860
00:31:21,220 --> 00:31:27,310
And then when they host an event or
they attend an event or they're around

861
00:31:27,310 --> 00:31:30,210
other people, it's the exact opposite.

862
00:31:30,270 --> 00:31:32,510
This man is nicer than I am.

863
00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:34,050
Period.

864
00:31:34,210 --> 00:31:35,370
We, and- The person that you're
getting here- And- … that's

865
00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:37,830
the person that it's all the
time … and that's what we portray.

866
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,550
I am not the nicest person all
the time, but we know that.

867
00:31:40,570 --> 00:31:41,490
But we're a balance.

868
00:31:41,570 --> 00:31:42,140
We are a balance.

869
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,540
We're a balance- Yeah … and it works.

870
00:31:43,550 --> 00:31:43,820
Yeah.

871
00:31:43,830 --> 00:31:44,020
You know?

872
00:31:44,020 --> 00:31:44,790
But I'm not lying.

873
00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:47,720
No, and you are unapologetically you.

874
00:31:47,810 --> 00:31:49,500
I'm- I am unapologetically me.

875
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:50,270
And you know what?

876
00:31:51,390 --> 00:31:53,765
We're not for certain types of people.

877
00:31:53,765 --> 00:31:53,980
No.

878
00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:56,610
People will not like-
Mm-hmm … and that's okay.

879
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,980
Because now I look at it as,
if people don't like this,

880
00:32:01,010 --> 00:32:02,310
those aren't the people for us.

881
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:02,680
Correct.

882
00:32:02,700 --> 00:32:03,840
And they need to move along.

883
00:32:03,850 --> 00:32:04,190
Correct.

884
00:32:04,220 --> 00:32:04,980
You know what I mean?

885
00:32:05,046 --> 00:32:09,496
Hey, so we wanna talk about something
that actually is kind of important

886
00:32:09,496 --> 00:32:14,646
before we move any further Yeah,
ProDX Health, and here's why we

887
00:32:14,646 --> 00:32:17,436
love them They do at-home testing.

888
00:32:17,676 --> 00:32:24,866
Like, you get a kit, you do it at home,
you mail it back STIs, hormones, real

889
00:32:24,866 --> 00:32:28,226
stuff that you should really actually
know about Yeah, and there's no waiting

890
00:32:28,226 --> 00:32:32,416
room, there's no awkward conversations,
none of that You just get your results,

891
00:32:32,466 --> 00:32:36,956
and if you need next steps, they help
you with that too Look, knowing what's

892
00:32:36,956 --> 00:32:41,406
going on with your body is just part
of taking care of yourself and the

893
00:32:41,406 --> 00:32:43,406
people that you're with Very true.

894
00:32:43,406 --> 00:32:44,116
It really is.

895
00:32:44,266 --> 00:32:49,876
And ProDX Health makes it so easy, there's
really no excuse not to That's right.

896
00:32:50,076 --> 00:32:52,956
Use code BAOMONO at prodxhealth.com.

897
00:32:52,956 --> 00:32:57,446
That's 15% off year-round,
even more during special events

898
00:32:57,896 --> 00:32:58,976
Link is in the show notes.

899
00:32:59,166 --> 00:33:01,226
Okay, now back to it Back to it

900
00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:03,230
So that's really the big thing.

901
00:33:03,630 --> 00:33:10,200
I think that if you can just get used to
spotting red flags, and I'm telling this

902
00:33:10,210 --> 00:33:13,970
to my newbies, and I'm also telling this
to some of my veterans- Ooh, yes … out

903
00:33:13,970 --> 00:33:18,280
there who just haven't gotten the hang
of spotting red flags and warning signs.

904
00:33:18,350 --> 00:33:18,510
Mm-hmm.

905
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,590
This is big.

906
00:33:19,970 --> 00:33:22,490
It took me a long time to get
used to spotting red flags.

907
00:33:22,490 --> 00:33:23,260
Yes, it did.

908
00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:28,710
And really, it took us being poly for
me to learn how to spot red flags.

909
00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:33,150
That entire amount of time
that we were polyamorous And

910
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,710
I started dating on my own.

911
00:33:35,580 --> 00:33:40,040
You, I would… I always wanted
you to meet whomever I was dating.

912
00:33:40,150 --> 00:33:45,870
And after a while, I would set up a little
date and I'd bring you along- Mm-hmm

913
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,390
so that this way you could meet whoever.

914
00:33:47,710 --> 00:33:50,680
And you would meet them, and I
remember at the very beginning,

915
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,020
every time you would meet them,
you'd have something negative to say-

916
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,030
Yes … about them one way or another.

917
00:33:56,070 --> 00:33:58,610
"Oh, they're not being
genuine," or this or that.

918
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,930
"I have bad feelings about this."
And being that I was, we were fresh

919
00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:06,150
in poly and I felt like you had
jealousy issues, which you did.

920
00:34:06,410 --> 00:34:06,600
Yeah.

921
00:34:06,610 --> 00:34:13,268
But I couldn't separate you being an
honest person- A jealous wife- … and

922
00:34:13,268 --> 00:34:14,720
telling me- … and an honest
person … and, yeah, I couldn't

923
00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:15,980
separate that- Yeah … for some reason.

924
00:34:15,980 --> 00:34:16,260
Yeah.

925
00:34:16,670 --> 00:34:20,180
And so it took me a little while to
realize, but you started teaching

926
00:34:20,180 --> 00:34:24,950
me more about the red flags so
that I can spot them on my own.

927
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:25,420
Yes.

928
00:34:25,810 --> 00:34:28,960
And so then I got good at
spotting red flags, but then

929
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,510
I also would overlook them.

930
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:31,890
Yes.

931
00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:34,600
So I would spot them, but I'd
be like, "Nah." "It's okay.

932
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:39,800
I can fix it." "Nah." I, I did go for a
lot of broken people because I felt, I

933
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,360
don't know, I felt like I needed to fix.

934
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:41,890
I don't know why.

935
00:34:41,890 --> 00:34:42,210
Yeah, yeah.

936
00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:45,740
But I got better at spotting red flags.

937
00:34:46,510 --> 00:34:49,620
If you're new out there-
Ooh … or if you struggle a

938
00:34:49,620 --> 00:34:51,950
lot, start looking at red flags.

939
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,740
Start look- looking at the patterns.

940
00:34:54,210 --> 00:34:56,040
Look at what you wanna avoid.

941
00:34:56,630 --> 00:35:01,564
Chances are, if you're seeing red
flags They're actual red flag.

942
00:35:01,584 --> 00:35:03,814
Like, you should probably go, "I'm not
gonna"- Like, think with your brain

943
00:35:04,514 --> 00:35:05,874
and not think with your privates.

944
00:35:05,904 --> 00:35:06,274
Yeah.

945
00:35:06,274 --> 00:35:06,414
Yeah.

946
00:35:06,414 --> 00:35:07,344
Think with your brain.

947
00:35:07,344 --> 00:35:07,364
Yeah.

948
00:35:07,364 --> 00:35:10,114
And, like, a few warning signs.

949
00:35:10,424 --> 00:35:15,814
If they don't have a picture on their
profile, it could be for any reason.

950
00:35:15,824 --> 00:35:17,924
They wanna be- Yeah, they wanna be
discreet … d- d- discreet or whatever.

951
00:35:18,004 --> 00:35:18,274
Yeah.

952
00:35:18,334 --> 00:35:22,284
And you decide they're gonna
message you, ask for a picture.

953
00:35:22,294 --> 00:35:24,684
If you're already in
Messenger, ask for a picture.

954
00:35:24,694 --> 00:35:26,144
Now, this is something
that you're good at.

955
00:35:26,154 --> 00:35:27,834
You have- So- You're very direct
with this now, aren't you?

956
00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:28,864
I am so direct.

957
00:35:28,864 --> 00:35:31,454
Let me tell you people, this is what I do.

958
00:35:31,474 --> 00:35:37,344
If you don't have a picture on your
profile and you wanna DM me, that's

959
00:35:37,354 --> 00:35:40,704
fine, but you're about to take a
picture with yourself holding a piece

960
00:35:40,704 --> 00:35:42,474
of paper with today's date on it.

961
00:35:42,504 --> 00:35:42,814
Yeah.

962
00:35:42,814 --> 00:35:42,904
Yeah.

963
00:35:42,904 --> 00:35:43,444
Period.

964
00:35:43,494 --> 00:35:44,384
And people will do it.

965
00:35:44,424 --> 00:35:46,264
And I do give them, I give them time.

966
00:35:46,264 --> 00:35:46,284
Yeah.

967
00:35:46,364 --> 00:35:49,834
So I send it, and if they still
haven't answered, I'm like, "Okay,

968
00:35:49,834 --> 00:35:54,104
I'm giving you till another hour. If
you don't, I'm blocking you." Yeah.

969
00:35:54,104 --> 00:35:54,384
Yeah.

970
00:35:54,524 --> 00:35:56,624
And never fails.

971
00:35:57,064 --> 00:35:58,354
Never fails.

972
00:35:58,414 --> 00:36:00,404
I've only had one guy be truthful.

973
00:36:00,444 --> 00:36:00,934
Really?

974
00:36:01,364 --> 00:36:02,284
And I was like, "Cool."

975
00:36:02,504 --> 00:36:02,754
Geez.

976
00:36:02,794 --> 00:36:06,124
And he did it, and it was
fine, and I was talking to him.

977
00:36:06,364 --> 00:36:06,644
Yeah.

978
00:36:06,684 --> 00:36:11,614
But I've had women, I've had men,
I've had couples, and I'm like, "Okay.

979
00:36:11,724 --> 00:36:15,484
Cool." If you don't look like…
It's, like, a picture of a baseball.

980
00:36:15,584 --> 00:36:16,324
You know what?

981
00:36:16,494 --> 00:36:18,774
That… Or, like, a somebody
holding a gun or whatever.

982
00:36:18,774 --> 00:36:20,974
It's like it's always…
It's never really…

983
00:36:21,164 --> 00:36:25,884
Or if they use a picture of,
like, them and two other people

984
00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:27,054
and you don't know who's who.

985
00:36:27,094 --> 00:36:28,098
I'm like, "No." You know what I mean?

986
00:36:28,098 --> 00:36:32,074
"Which one are you?" One big red
flag for me is if every one of

987
00:36:32,074 --> 00:36:37,124
their pictures is, like, this
model taken professional picture.

988
00:36:37,214 --> 00:36:37,804
Yes.

989
00:36:37,864 --> 00:36:39,934
Then that's just a red… You,
you mean to tell me that you

990
00:36:39,934 --> 00:36:41,794
don't have any real pictures- Yeah

991
00:36:41,794 --> 00:36:44,274
that you were taking when you were
going to Whataburger or whatever?

992
00:36:44,654 --> 00:36:46,324
You don't have any regular pictures?

993
00:36:46,394 --> 00:36:48,324
Everything is you on a photo shoot?

994
00:36:48,384 --> 00:36:48,754
Yeah.

995
00:36:48,864 --> 00:36:49,604
I don't think so.

996
00:36:49,824 --> 00:36:50,944
Oh my God.

997
00:36:51,234 --> 00:36:53,494
I just almost got catfished.

998
00:36:53,634 --> 00:36:54,054
Really?

999
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:56,634
Do you remember the guy
sent me his license?

1000
00:36:57,024 --> 00:36:57,574
Oh, yeah.

1001
00:36:57,784 --> 00:36:59,654
He sent me his license.

1002
00:36:59,664 --> 00:37:00,214
That's right.

1003
00:37:00,284 --> 00:37:01,624
His driver's license.

1004
00:37:01,644 --> 00:37:02,214
That's right.

1005
00:37:02,254 --> 00:37:06,044
And then he wanted pictures,
and I was like, "Something

1006
00:37:06,044 --> 00:37:07,774
is up with this guy." Yeah.

1007
00:37:08,144 --> 00:37:10,234
And I don't even know what happened.

1008
00:37:11,104 --> 00:37:13,794
I can't remember what happened,
but he… I'm sure it was some

1009
00:37:13,794 --> 00:37:15,214
guy from a different country.

1010
00:37:15,444 --> 00:37:16,414
It got found out.

1011
00:37:16,474 --> 00:37:18,294
It got found out that it was not true.

1012
00:37:18,294 --> 00:37:22,464
And then you also had somebody
when you first got on the other

1013
00:37:22,504 --> 00:37:25,454
platform, on TikTok, and I was
like, "That's not a real person."

1014
00:37:25,454 --> 00:37:28,744
And you're like, "How do you know?"
And I'm like, "It's not." Yeah.

1015
00:37:28,744 --> 00:37:31,074
So I real- I've only
had TikTok a few weeks.

1016
00:37:31,124 --> 00:37:32,084
And you had just got it.

1017
00:37:32,084 --> 00:37:35,904
And I start getting these messages, and
I'm like, I'm real bad about I feel like

1018
00:37:35,904 --> 00:37:37,324
I have to answer every message I get.

1019
00:37:37,604 --> 00:37:37,914
Yeah.

1020
00:37:37,984 --> 00:37:41,564
And then I'm starting to realize
these people are either bots- Oh

1021
00:37:41,614 --> 00:37:43,024
or they're just fake people.

1022
00:37:43,364 --> 00:37:44,894
I don't even answer messages anymore.

1023
00:37:44,894 --> 00:37:45,824
Go- I'm just done.

1024
00:37:46,024 --> 00:37:46,044
Yeah.

1025
00:37:46,044 --> 00:37:47,714
I'm so tired of trying-
Yeah … to answer messages.

1026
00:37:47,714 --> 00:37:47,754
That's not a thing.

1027
00:37:47,754 --> 00:37:50,724
I don't answer, I don't answer any,
especially- Because there's so many fake

1028
00:37:50,724 --> 00:37:53,714
people out there … especially if you
don't have a face picture, forget- Oh, man

1029
00:37:54,064 --> 00:37:54,714
about it.

1030
00:37:54,714 --> 00:37:55,034
Yeah.

1031
00:37:55,084 --> 00:37:55,964
It's pretty bad.

1032
00:37:56,104 --> 00:37:57,054
It is pretty bad.

1033
00:37:57,314 --> 00:38:02,732
Now there- I've seen a lot of times,
if you've ever gone into the different

1034
00:38:02,772 --> 00:38:06,892
apps- Uh-huh … that are specific
for what we do and the lifestyle.

1035
00:38:06,902 --> 00:38:06,932
Mm-hmm.

1036
00:38:07,692 --> 00:38:13,832
I see a lot are oftentimes in profiles,
"We're not gonna have lots of back and

1037
00:38:13,832 --> 00:38:18,412
forth conversations. If you don't wanna
meet up after our third conversation,

1038
00:38:18,422 --> 00:38:20,632
then you can stop talking to me."

1039
00:38:20,662 --> 00:38:25,472
Because there are people out there who
are catfishing, and all they wanna do is

1040
00:38:25,472 --> 00:38:30,632
just have lots of conversation, and the
moment you try to verify them w- either

1041
00:38:30,632 --> 00:38:37,052
by video call or in real time, they're
gonna avoid it in any way possible.

1042
00:38:37,222 --> 00:38:37,342
Yes.

1043
00:38:37,342 --> 00:38:37,412
Yeah.

1044
00:38:37,412 --> 00:38:37,842
You know what I mean?

1045
00:38:37,842 --> 00:38:40,312
Because obviously, if they
do, it's not gonna work.

1046
00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:40,612
Yeah.

1047
00:38:40,722 --> 00:38:42,242
You're gonna… They're
gonna get found out.

1048
00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:42,662
Yeah.

1049
00:38:42,852 --> 00:38:43,792
So they just disappear.

1050
00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:44,102
That's it.

1051
00:38:44,252 --> 00:38:44,572
They just move on.

1052
00:38:44,592 --> 00:38:44,732
They're gone.

1053
00:38:44,742 --> 00:38:46,192
Uh, so that's a big red flag.

1054
00:38:46,192 --> 00:38:51,852
If you cannot get them to verify one
way or another, that's a red flag.

1055
00:38:52,312 --> 00:38:52,682
Sorry.

1056
00:38:52,982 --> 00:38:57,832
Oftentimes, the… You'll catch a red flag
where their stories just don't add up.

1057
00:38:58,072 --> 00:39:02,192
Ooh, I had this one time, and
I don't think you remember.

1058
00:39:02,262 --> 00:39:05,722
It, it was when we first became poly,
and there was this girl, she used to

1059
00:39:05,722 --> 00:39:10,262
hit me up, um, on one of the apps-
Okay … she used to hit me up on.

1060
00:39:11,042 --> 00:39:18,212
And she claimed that her dude was…
knew that she was messaging me, and

1061
00:39:18,212 --> 00:39:19,862
that they were in the lifestyle.

1062
00:39:19,912 --> 00:39:23,572
She was interested in me, and I was like,
"Okay, cool. Let's, let's talk more."

1063
00:39:24,002 --> 00:39:25,812
And we talked back and forth for a while.

1064
00:39:25,822 --> 00:39:25,852
Mm-hmm.

1065
00:39:25,862 --> 00:39:28,082
She seemed like she was on the up and up.

1066
00:39:28,432 --> 00:39:30,062
She lived in the same town.

1067
00:39:30,082 --> 00:39:31,852
She had a lot of really great information.

1068
00:39:32,242 --> 00:39:34,012
Like, I felt like it was legit.

1069
00:39:34,862 --> 00:39:39,892
And then she accidentally sent
me a text that she meant to send

1070
00:39:39,892 --> 00:39:44,372
to somebody else, and it was a
screenshot of our conversation.

1071
00:39:45,558 --> 00:39:49,698
And it has some stuff highlighted Oh,
that's right And then she said something

1072
00:39:49,698 --> 00:39:54,298
like, "Oh, sorry. My phone's acting
up," and somehow it- Yeah … it took a

1073
00:39:54,298 --> 00:39:56,338
screenshot of my phone and sent it to you.

1074
00:39:56,398 --> 00:39:56,748
Yeah.

1075
00:39:57,018 --> 00:39:59,968
And I sat back and I, I didn't say
anything for a little while, and I was

1076
00:39:59,968 --> 00:40:04,118
like, "That doesn't make sense." And I
remember messaging her and saying, "So

1077
00:40:04,118 --> 00:40:09,578
your phone acted up, took a screenshot
without you having anything to do with it-

1078
00:40:09,868 --> 00:40:14,448
highlighted portions of that screenshot,
and then sent it to me?" Mm. And

1079
00:40:14,488 --> 00:40:15,938
immediately- What was the point of that?

1080
00:40:15,938 --> 00:40:17,618
… I blocked, because that was a red flag.

1081
00:40:17,658 --> 00:40:18,888
Now, she could have been real.

1082
00:40:19,338 --> 00:40:19,698
Yeah.

1083
00:40:19,758 --> 00:40:22,648
And that could have been a
situation, but that was a red flag.

1084
00:40:22,678 --> 00:40:25,188
Was not- Mm-hmm … willing to go
down that, that… You'll notice

1085
00:40:25,188 --> 00:40:26,948
that stories just don't match up.

1086
00:40:27,148 --> 00:40:28,468
Oh, that's a big red flag.

1087
00:40:28,498 --> 00:40:28,878
Yeah.

1088
00:40:29,008 --> 00:40:29,258
Yeah.

1089
00:40:29,388 --> 00:40:29,828
Really big.

1090
00:40:29,848 --> 00:40:34,998
There's oftentimes there's people who are
new- Mm … but they claim that they've

1091
00:40:35,008 --> 00:40:36,348
been in the lifestyle for a long time.

1092
00:40:36,358 --> 00:40:38,118
Oh, my goodness, and you can tell.

1093
00:40:38,378 --> 00:40:38,978
You can tell.

1094
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:42,098
We can tell when- Yeah … someone is
not portraying that they've actually been

1095
00:40:42,098 --> 00:40:43,508
in the lifestyle for a very long time.

1096
00:40:43,518 --> 00:40:43,958
Yeah.

1097
00:40:44,148 --> 00:40:44,558
Yeah.

1098
00:40:44,848 --> 00:40:48,998
And then there's others who have been in
the lifestyle a long time, but they're

1099
00:40:48,998 --> 00:40:50,678
trying to pretend like they're still new.

1100
00:40:50,758 --> 00:40:50,888
Yes.

1101
00:40:50,888 --> 00:40:52,128
And I'll never understand that either.

1102
00:40:52,508 --> 00:40:55,578
But people have their different
motives for doing whatever they do.

1103
00:40:55,618 --> 00:41:00,978
Or when they get… Or when you f-
finally talk to somebody and they're

1104
00:41:00,978 --> 00:41:02,468
like, "When are we gonna meet?"

1105
00:41:02,998 --> 00:41:03,378
Yeah.

1106
00:41:03,498 --> 00:41:04,548
"When are we gonna meet?" Yeah.

1107
00:41:04,628 --> 00:41:06,748
"Are we meeting, like, next
weekend? Like, when can we meet?"

1108
00:41:07,088 --> 00:41:08,858
We've had that so many times.

1109
00:41:08,868 --> 00:41:09,458
So many times.

1110
00:41:09,508 --> 00:41:14,638
And we used to be like, "Oh, next
weekend." Now we're very… We've been in

1111
00:41:14,638 --> 00:41:19,658
it for a while, so we know when someone
is eager like that, they're brand new.

1112
00:41:19,898 --> 00:41:20,238
Yeah.

1113
00:41:20,238 --> 00:41:20,908
Usually.

1114
00:41:20,938 --> 00:41:24,008
And- Which is not a problem, but it's
just not our thing And we've met a couple

1115
00:41:24,008 --> 00:41:25,568
people that were just really eager- Mm-hmm

1116
00:41:25,568 --> 00:41:28,708
to meet us, and they wanted to set
something up before they figure…

1117
00:41:28,988 --> 00:41:32,598
Their words, "Before we lose interest."
And it's not, it's not like that.

1118
00:41:32,598 --> 00:41:33,728
We're not in a big rush.

1119
00:41:33,758 --> 00:41:34,898
We'll hang out at some point.

1120
00:41:34,898 --> 00:41:35,808
We're not gonna move away.

1121
00:41:35,838 --> 00:41:38,768
Mm. If you live nearby, we'll
get something on the calendar.

1122
00:41:38,828 --> 00:41:38,878
Yeah.

1123
00:41:39,198 --> 00:41:40,128
But we got family.

1124
00:41:40,338 --> 00:41:41,388
We've got things going on.

1125
00:41:41,398 --> 00:41:44,588
We don't always have the time-
Yes … to just drop everything and go.

1126
00:41:44,758 --> 00:41:46,138
And we're not gonna go
out during the week.

1127
00:41:46,578 --> 00:41:47,308
That's not our thing.

1128
00:41:47,708 --> 00:41:48,868
Don't ask us to go out on Wednesdays.

1129
00:41:48,878 --> 00:41:49,508
No.

1130
00:41:49,808 --> 00:41:55,648
So anytime that they're too eager
for nudes- Ugh … when they push

1131
00:41:55,658 --> 00:42:00,048
for nudes, especially, like, I, I'm
sure you get that a lot from men.

1132
00:42:00,188 --> 00:42:00,578
Yes.

1133
00:42:00,958 --> 00:42:04,758
I get that from women sometimes,
and that's a big red flag that I'm

1134
00:42:04,758 --> 00:42:08,698
not talking to an actual person-
Yeah … or somebody who's legit.

1135
00:42:08,698 --> 00:42:08,888
Yeah.

1136
00:42:09,668 --> 00:42:10,608
They wanna blackmail you.

1137
00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:14,678
If a woman is messaging me, and right
away they're like, "So are you gonna

1138
00:42:14,678 --> 00:42:18,998
show me that dick?" Things like that, I'm
like, "Nah, dude." To women sending…

1139
00:42:19,128 --> 00:42:20,518
I have gotten that before.

1140
00:42:20,518 --> 00:42:20,568
Oh, my gosh.

1141
00:42:20,568 --> 00:42:26,138
And if it's not somebody that I know
and can verify- Yeah … I don't.

1142
00:42:26,198 --> 00:42:26,478
Good.

1143
00:42:26,478 --> 00:42:28,218
I don't, because it freaks me out.

1144
00:42:28,218 --> 00:42:29,718
It freaks me out.

1145
00:42:29,888 --> 00:42:35,458
Now, if you, if they rush into sex
chat- That's not always a red flag

1146
00:42:35,458 --> 00:42:38,588
because I know some women that
do that and they're verifiable.

1147
00:42:38,828 --> 00:42:39,718
They're just horny.

1148
00:42:40,158 --> 00:42:40,998
So it is what it is.

1149
00:42:41,328 --> 00:42:44,288
But that is sometimes a red flag as well.

1150
00:42:44,838 --> 00:42:50,108
And if they're always busy when it's time
to meet up I don't think that's a red flag

1151
00:42:50,698 --> 00:42:52,968
It can be if you never, ever meet up ever.

1152
00:42:52,968 --> 00:42:55,328
Like, oh, that's a red- Or
I understand being busy.

1153
00:42:55,338 --> 00:42:56,468
Now we're busy all the time.

1154
00:42:56,478 --> 00:42:56,508
Mm-hmm.

1155
00:42:56,518 --> 00:43:00,138
But we can also verify who we are.

1156
00:43:00,178 --> 00:43:00,588
Yes.

1157
00:43:00,598 --> 00:43:02,208
We're- Yeah … we have a podcast.

1158
00:43:02,278 --> 00:43:02,558
Yeah.

1159
00:43:02,738 --> 00:43:03,738
We're on social media.

1160
00:43:03,758 --> 00:43:04,048
Yeah.

1161
00:43:04,538 --> 00:43:05,378
We go live.

1162
00:43:05,428 --> 00:43:07,878
There are different ways that
we can verify who we are.

1163
00:43:07,878 --> 00:43:08,208
Yeah.

1164
00:43:08,208 --> 00:43:11,418
And nowadays we're not
living in the '80s, man.

1165
00:43:11,418 --> 00:43:13,358
This is not landline
phones and fax machines.

1166
00:43:13,578 --> 00:43:19,128
We can easily, even if you have a
Jitterbug flip phone- Mm … you still

1167
00:43:19,128 --> 00:43:20,998
have ways that you can verify- Mm-hmm

1168
00:43:21,058 --> 00:43:23,678
that you are really somebody-
Yes … in the lifestyle.

1169
00:43:23,738 --> 00:43:24,008
Yeah.

1170
00:43:24,178 --> 00:43:27,588
So if somebody's just always busy
when it's time to meet and they just

1171
00:43:27,588 --> 00:43:32,068
can't make the time to verify in any
other forms, that's a big red flag.

1172
00:43:32,078 --> 00:43:32,128
Mm-hmm.

1173
00:43:32,138 --> 00:43:34,468
And you should probably put
some space between you and them.

1174
00:43:34,498 --> 00:43:34,858
Yes.

1175
00:43:35,558 --> 00:43:40,928
Now, when it comes to the fallout,
because everything has repercussions.

1176
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:41,288
Yeah.

1177
00:43:41,328 --> 00:43:45,468
There are people that, I mean,
me, myself, I- I was gonna say you

1178
00:43:45,468 --> 00:43:51,898
yourself … I have put in time
and- Not so much now … not now.

1179
00:43:52,008 --> 00:43:52,518
I've learned.

1180
00:43:52,518 --> 00:43:54,748
When we were, when we were- But
early on … when we were f- first on

1181
00:43:54,748 --> 00:44:00,158
and when we were poly- Yeah … you
had this emotional letdown of-

1182
00:44:00,158 --> 00:44:02,638
Of … you just wasted your time.

1183
00:44:02,638 --> 00:44:04,788
Yeah … and you just
put in so much of this.

1184
00:44:04,788 --> 00:44:07,008
And I remember- And I walk away with
less confidence than I started … and I

1185
00:44:07,008 --> 00:44:10,308
remember telling you, "Who cares?" Yeah.

1186
00:44:10,308 --> 00:44:11,528
You used to tell me all the time.

1187
00:44:11,528 --> 00:44:11,568
Like, stop.

1188
00:44:11,568 --> 00:44:13,808
You already have your- And I was
like, "Please stop telling me."

1189
00:44:13,808 --> 00:44:14,788
Like, stop, stop dwelling on it.

1190
00:44:15,008 --> 00:44:16,230
Oh, what a… it wasn't a waste of time.

1191
00:44:16,230 --> 00:44:20,858
And s- and so the problem that it was
for me, it wasn't so much that I didn't

1192
00:44:20,868 --> 00:44:26,818
make this work out, it was more or
less I had bad confidence in myself.

1193
00:44:26,818 --> 00:44:26,898
Right.

1194
00:44:26,898 --> 00:44:28,588
I had horrible self-confidence.

1195
00:44:28,598 --> 00:44:28,628
Right.

1196
00:44:28,958 --> 00:44:33,128
And so what that did was it was,
it reeked all over my confidence.

1197
00:44:33,128 --> 00:44:33,338
Mm-hmm.

1198
00:44:33,398 --> 00:44:38,248
And it made me think, if this person was
real, then they just said, "No, I can't

1199
00:44:38,248 --> 00:44:39,563
deal with this guy anymore." Mm-hmm.

1200
00:44:39,563 --> 00:44:39,698
Yeah.

1201
00:44:39,698 --> 00:44:40,238
You know what I mean?

1202
00:44:40,238 --> 00:44:41,248
That's the way I took it.

1203
00:44:41,298 --> 00:44:41,578
Yeah.

1204
00:44:41,578 --> 00:44:44,058
Now I think of it that the way you do.

1205
00:44:44,068 --> 00:44:44,088
Yeah.

1206
00:44:44,088 --> 00:44:45,558
Which is, who cares?

1207
00:44:45,628 --> 00:44:46,078
I don't care.

1208
00:44:46,258 --> 00:44:47,918
I have a wife that I come to every night.

1209
00:44:48,048 --> 00:44:48,468
I don't care.

1210
00:44:48,468 --> 00:44:48,498
Yeah.

1211
00:44:48,498 --> 00:44:49,918
I can have sex whenever I want.

1212
00:44:49,938 --> 00:44:53,948
I don't wa- I, and everybody
that we chat with, or everybody

1213
00:44:53,948 --> 00:44:55,988
that I chat with, is 100% real.

1214
00:44:56,568 --> 00:44:56,748
Yeah.

1215
00:44:56,748 --> 00:44:59,478
I've actually met them or we-
Things are a bit different now.

1216
00:44:59,498 --> 00:44:59,698
Yeah.

1217
00:44:59,708 --> 00:45:03,288
Because we have built
up a tight community.

1218
00:45:03,358 --> 00:45:06,708
Heck, just the Beyond Monogamy
community, those of our listeners.

1219
00:45:06,758 --> 00:45:06,778
Yeah.

1220
00:45:06,818 --> 00:45:09,578
We've met a lot of you guys at-
Mm-hmm … we've met a lot of you

1221
00:45:09,588 --> 00:45:12,838
guys in the community, or when,
when we travel or when you travel.

1222
00:45:13,058 --> 00:45:17,828
We've talked to a lot of you online,
live, verified, that sort of thing.

1223
00:45:17,828 --> 00:45:19,798
We're just way more comfortable.

1224
00:45:19,808 --> 00:45:19,828
Yeah.

1225
00:45:20,158 --> 00:45:22,658
And we're a bit more proactive now.

1226
00:45:22,668 --> 00:45:23,188
Yes.

1227
00:45:23,288 --> 00:45:23,468
Yes.

1228
00:45:23,478 --> 00:45:27,278
And we have less scammers, but
we also answer less messages.

1229
00:45:27,328 --> 00:45:27,598
Yes.

1230
00:45:27,778 --> 00:45:27,958
So.

1231
00:45:27,968 --> 00:45:30,658
Um, so that's definitely- No, it can,
it can be an emotional letdown, and

1232
00:45:30,658 --> 00:45:32,238
it's, it is a waste of time sometimes.

1233
00:45:32,238 --> 00:45:34,318
Now, it's scarier for women if you ask me.

1234
00:45:34,328 --> 00:45:34,348
Mm-hmm.

1235
00:45:34,408 --> 00:45:39,552
Because women- Mm-hmm Everything is
scarier if you ask me when you're a woman.

1236
00:45:39,872 --> 00:45:42,962
You cannot trust everybody.

1237
00:45:43,112 --> 00:45:49,592
Like, I do not… I feel so mommy-like
when I know a friend who is single

1238
00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:55,062
is, has met some guy on whatever and
has just been chatting with them.

1239
00:45:55,062 --> 00:45:55,302
Yeah.

1240
00:45:55,622 --> 00:46:00,432
And then they go meet up and I'm like, "Oh
my God, why?" I just listened- Oh, yeah.

1241
00:46:00,432 --> 00:46:01,562
You- … to this true crime episode.

1242
00:46:01,562 --> 00:46:01,632
Yeah.

1243
00:46:01,672 --> 00:46:02,812
Why are you doing that?

1244
00:46:03,202 --> 00:46:04,272
Send me your location.

1245
00:46:04,272 --> 00:46:04,512
Yeah.

1246
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:06,412
And so you have them send
a picture of the guy.

1247
00:46:06,422 --> 00:46:07,872
You have- So, or something … all
sorts of stuff, like dating profile.

1248
00:46:07,872 --> 00:46:13,444
Like, even when I, when I was dating
people, I am very What's the word that

1249
00:46:13,444 --> 00:46:15,784
you call me when I don't trust anybody?

1250
00:46:15,874 --> 00:46:16,354
Cynical.

1251
00:46:16,394 --> 00:46:17,304
I'm very cynical.

1252
00:46:17,304 --> 00:46:19,104
So I think everybody is out to hurt me.

1253
00:46:19,114 --> 00:46:19,134
Yeah.

1254
00:46:19,304 --> 00:46:22,604
I think anybody who's single and wants
to meet me is going to murder me.

1255
00:46:22,664 --> 00:46:22,934
Yeah.

1256
00:46:23,044 --> 00:46:26,344
I think I'm gonna get kidnapped,
and it's not e- Or poisoned.

1257
00:46:26,574 --> 00:46:28,604
Like, anything, you just like-
Or drugged … or drugged.

1258
00:46:28,604 --> 00:46:29,291
You just never know, right?

1259
00:46:29,291 --> 00:46:30,094
And that's a thing, man.

1260
00:46:30,104 --> 00:46:30,628
It is a thing.

1261
00:46:30,628 --> 00:46:31,214
It's a thing.

1262
00:46:31,214 --> 00:46:35,824
And so I am… When we would do that,
I would send him my location, and

1263
00:46:35,824 --> 00:46:38,394
I'd be like, "This is who I'm talking
to, and this is what they look like."

1264
00:46:38,564 --> 00:46:38,974
Yeah.

1265
00:46:39,364 --> 00:46:40,084
And you just never know.

1266
00:46:40,114 --> 00:46:42,294
I even… I remember g- us going
on a date, and I'd be, like,

1267
00:46:42,664 --> 00:46:43,464
sending it to our daughter.

1268
00:46:43,464 --> 00:46:44,234
I'd be like, our oldest.

1269
00:46:44,234 --> 00:46:46,454
And I'd be like, "Here you go. This
is where mom and dad are going." Yeah.

1270
00:46:46,684 --> 00:46:46,954
Yeah.

1271
00:46:46,954 --> 00:46:49,054
Like, it's very scary.

1272
00:46:49,064 --> 00:46:52,564
And there's safety issues when
you have- Mm-hmm … trust issues.

1273
00:46:52,564 --> 00:46:52,684
Mm-hmm.

1274
00:46:52,734 --> 00:46:57,184
Because, and we've talked about so many
times, if a person's willing to lie about

1275
00:46:57,504 --> 00:47:01,424
what they look like and who they are- Yes
… what else are they willing to lie about?

1276
00:47:01,434 --> 00:47:02,274
Exactly.

1277
00:47:02,324 --> 00:47:06,854
And we're in a lifestyle where sexual
health is everything, and sometimes

1278
00:47:06,864 --> 00:47:09,854
you have to take somebody's word.

1279
00:47:09,864 --> 00:47:11,744
Because not everybody's
walking around- Mm-hmm

1280
00:47:11,754 --> 00:47:15,834
with their STI testing results
clipped to their shirt.

1281
00:47:15,844 --> 00:47:16,114
Yeah.

1282
00:47:16,434 --> 00:47:19,224
And so you really have to do your
due diligence- Mm-hmm … before

1283
00:47:19,224 --> 00:47:20,254
you sleep with anybody.

1284
00:47:20,674 --> 00:47:23,824
But in this lifestyle, people get horny.

1285
00:47:23,824 --> 00:47:26,394
People jump into stuff without verifying.

1286
00:47:26,904 --> 00:47:32,184
And if a person is willing to lie about
what they look like to somebody else

1287
00:47:32,224 --> 00:47:36,744
or how they are to somebody else, what
else are they willing to lie about?

1288
00:47:36,754 --> 00:47:37,324
Exactly.

1289
00:47:37,454 --> 00:47:38,554
It's just, it's done.

1290
00:47:38,564 --> 00:47:38,634
Mm-hmm.

1291
00:47:38,634 --> 00:47:40,844
It's done from- Mm-hmm … easy to
lie about anything else from there.

1292
00:47:40,844 --> 00:47:41,034
Mm-hmm.

1293
00:47:41,114 --> 00:47:42,374
And it just goes into the lifestyle.

1294
00:47:42,384 --> 00:47:42,404
Yeah.

1295
00:47:42,674 --> 00:47:43,404
It just ripples.

1296
00:47:43,724 --> 00:47:44,274
It ripples.

1297
00:47:44,274 --> 00:47:44,914
Just keeps going.

1298
00:47:44,994 --> 00:47:45,284
Yeah.

1299
00:47:45,294 --> 00:47:46,044
Just keeps going.

1300
00:47:46,074 --> 00:47:46,314
Yeah.

1301
00:47:46,314 --> 00:47:50,014
It, it- Not a good thing … it really, it
damages the reputation of the community.

1302
00:47:50,054 --> 00:47:50,204
Mm-hmm.

1303
00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:51,984
Now, that's what I love
about the community.

1304
00:47:52,024 --> 00:47:57,154
I… And I don't wanna put it in a
negative light, because we all have each

1305
00:47:57,154 --> 00:47:59,684
other's back- Yes … in our community.

1306
00:48:00,174 --> 00:48:03,594
And that's the great thing about it,
is if you're in the community, and

1307
00:48:03,594 --> 00:48:06,824
you've been in the community, and
you've gotten to know everybody in your

1308
00:48:06,824 --> 00:48:09,014
community, and everybody's pretty tight.

1309
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:09,104
Mm-hmm.

1310
00:48:09,104 --> 00:48:11,844
Everybody looks out for each
other, especially the women do.

1311
00:48:12,034 --> 00:48:12,464
Oh, yeah.

1312
00:48:12,644 --> 00:48:18,704
I- and- Yes … if certain
communities overlook certain things,

1313
00:48:18,764 --> 00:48:21,514
then it damages the reputation
of the actual community itself.

1314
00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:21,614
Mm-hmm.

1315
00:48:21,614 --> 00:48:24,724
Everybody should be upheld
to the same standards.

1316
00:48:24,744 --> 00:48:26,554
And we all talk.

1317
00:48:26,734 --> 00:48:27,114
We do.

1318
00:48:27,334 --> 00:48:27,974
Everybody talks.

1319
00:48:27,974 --> 00:48:28,524
We all talk.

1320
00:48:28,534 --> 00:48:31,324
If there's an incident, if there's
something that happened, you,

1321
00:48:31,334 --> 00:48:33,614
we all have a friend to turn to.

1322
00:48:33,694 --> 00:48:38,804
And that's very helpful, because they
may have had the same kind of encounter,

1323
00:48:38,804 --> 00:48:41,674
or they may have had the same kind of
issue, and they can help you through it.

1324
00:48:41,824 --> 00:48:42,134
Yeah.

1325
00:48:42,174 --> 00:48:45,594
But yeah, it's, it does leak into
the community, and it does really

1326
00:48:45,594 --> 00:48:47,674
do damage to the reputation.

1327
00:48:47,794 --> 00:48:48,194
Yeah.

1328
00:48:48,224 --> 00:48:48,674
Big time.

1329
00:48:48,754 --> 00:48:48,964
It's a thing.

1330
00:48:48,964 --> 00:48:50,194
If it's not taken care of.

1331
00:48:50,244 --> 00:48:50,854
It's a thing.

1332
00:48:50,874 --> 00:48:51,284
So, yeah.

1333
00:48:51,544 --> 00:48:53,284
And so that's one of those things.

1334
00:48:53,284 --> 00:48:55,544
Just, like, Facebook groups for example.

1335
00:48:56,254 --> 00:49:00,778
A lot of- The community that
we're in revolves around Facebook.

1336
00:49:00,828 --> 00:49:05,888
Mm. And our personal community in
Texas, and I don't wanna say just in

1337
00:49:05,888 --> 00:49:08,968
Central Texas, but our community all
throughout Texas- Mm-hmm … they're

1338
00:49:08,968 --> 00:49:11,998
all very well protected, safe zones.

1339
00:49:12,008 --> 00:49:12,038
Yes.

1340
00:49:12,048 --> 00:49:16,708
They do their best to remove anybody that
cannot verify themselves- Mm-hmm … that

1341
00:49:16,708 --> 00:49:18,908
cannot verify if they're actual couples.

1342
00:49:19,198 --> 00:49:23,708
They… Anything that looks shady,
anything that comes up, you contact your

1343
00:49:23,728 --> 00:49:27,758
admins, your admins do the investigating-
Mm-hmm … and they make the decision to

1344
00:49:27,758 --> 00:49:29,528
boot the person out of that community.

1345
00:49:30,008 --> 00:49:31,668
And that keeps a safe zone.

1346
00:49:31,698 --> 00:49:31,868
Mm-hmm.

1347
00:49:31,868 --> 00:49:35,648
So the groups that we're in are very safe.

1348
00:49:35,658 --> 00:49:35,688
Yes.

1349
00:49:35,698 --> 00:49:37,128
Those are the ones that we're active in.

1350
00:49:37,138 --> 00:49:37,168
Mm-hmm.

1351
00:49:37,228 --> 00:49:41,438
Now, we're in a lot of national groups,
and we're in a lot of regional groups-

1352
00:49:41,448 --> 00:49:46,838
Yes … statewide groups- Mm … that are
not as good about protecting their people,

1353
00:49:46,838 --> 00:49:49,278
and they're filled with scammers- Filled

1354
00:49:49,278 --> 00:49:52,808
bots, people looking to collect pictures.

1355
00:49:52,808 --> 00:49:54,608
Like, you just don't know.

1356
00:49:54,608 --> 00:49:57,418
As soon as that messenger dings, you
don't know who you're dealing with.

1357
00:49:57,448 --> 00:49:58,258
No, you don't.

1358
00:49:58,288 --> 00:50:01,698
And if you decide to banter with
them, who knows what you're gonna get.

1359
00:50:01,698 --> 00:50:02,098
Yeah.

1360
00:50:02,728 --> 00:50:04,318
So let's talk about protecting yourself.

1361
00:50:04,558 --> 00:50:05,108
Yeah.

1362
00:50:05,128 --> 00:50:05,518
Yeah.

1363
00:50:05,538 --> 00:50:08,878
The number one thing that I think
you can do to protect yourself

1364
00:50:08,878 --> 00:50:15,598
is, like I said, everybody has the
ability to do some sort of face live.

1365
00:50:15,858 --> 00:50:16,538
Something.

1366
00:50:16,598 --> 00:50:20,618
You, you can do Messenger,
uh- Do what I do … FaceTime.

1367
00:50:20,658 --> 00:50:22,428
You can verify in that way.

1368
00:50:22,498 --> 00:50:23,348
Any way you want.

1369
00:50:23,358 --> 00:50:27,178
That's really… That's
one of… one good way.

1370
00:50:27,238 --> 00:50:33,068
I personally know a lot of people who
don't like to meet others one-on-one.

1371
00:50:33,078 --> 00:50:36,818
They only meet people at meet
and greets and big events because

1372
00:50:36,818 --> 00:50:37,708
they know that they're real.

1373
00:50:37,858 --> 00:50:38,228
Yeah.

1374
00:50:38,308 --> 00:50:38,498
Yeah.

1375
00:50:38,498 --> 00:50:39,338
And that's okay.

1376
00:50:39,338 --> 00:50:43,288
Wherever you're comfortable in, especially
if you're a single person, a single

1377
00:50:43,288 --> 00:50:45,588
woman- Yeah … meet with other people.

1378
00:50:46,538 --> 00:50:48,628
If you're in a community, then ask around.

1379
00:50:48,728 --> 00:50:49,458
Ask around.

1380
00:50:49,458 --> 00:50:49,788
Ask questions.

1381
00:50:49,788 --> 00:50:49,978
Yeah.

1382
00:50:49,998 --> 00:50:53,928
If y'all have mutual friends, ask
your mutual… I have asked mutual

1383
00:50:53,938 --> 00:50:54,988
friends, "Hey, do you know this person?"

1384
00:50:55,028 --> 00:50:56,558
I've been asked by several people.

1385
00:50:56,668 --> 00:50:57,928
It's, it's, "Do you know them?"
"Do you know this person?" Mm-hmm.

1386
00:50:57,928 --> 00:50:59,248
"I just got friended by
this person." Mm-hmm.

1387
00:50:59,258 --> 00:50:59,278
Yeah.

1388
00:50:59,348 --> 00:50:59,438
Do you know them?

1389
00:50:59,458 --> 00:51:01,988
Cross- cross-referencing profiles.

1390
00:51:02,008 --> 00:51:06,118
Mm. Um, if- That's a good
one … if you, say you're on SDC.

1391
00:51:06,218 --> 00:51:06,548
Okay.

1392
00:51:07,018 --> 00:51:12,658
And say you're on SDC, you're on Cassidy,
and a few other platforms- Mm-hmm

1393
00:51:12,658 --> 00:51:13,398
AFF, SLS, whatever.

1394
00:51:13,458 --> 00:51:16,752
Most people have more than one
platform that they- Yes … that

1395
00:51:16,752 --> 00:51:17,788
they offer themselves to.

1396
00:51:19,246 --> 00:51:19,976
Check 'em out.

1397
00:51:20,226 --> 00:51:23,846
See if they have other platforms
that they're consistently putting on.

1398
00:51:23,886 --> 00:51:24,236
Yeah.

1399
00:51:24,416 --> 00:51:29,216
There's… You're my little investigator,
so you're like a private eye detective.

1400
00:51:29,446 --> 00:51:30,256
I will find you.

1401
00:51:30,266 --> 00:51:34,146
If there's somebody that's not on
the up and up, you're gonna find out.

1402
00:51:34,176 --> 00:51:34,316
Yes.

1403
00:51:34,536 --> 00:51:36,311
And you've… I've always
respected how you do that.

1404
00:51:36,311 --> 00:51:39,016
And it's like, oh, what- Yeah … build
yourself a little community.

1405
00:51:39,026 --> 00:51:40,276
Get your girlfriends together.

1406
00:51:40,286 --> 00:51:40,316
Yes.

1407
00:51:40,326 --> 00:51:41,806
Somebody that you trust.

1408
00:51:41,846 --> 00:51:41,916
Yeah.

1409
00:51:41,916 --> 00:51:43,016
Somebody that can vouch.

1410
00:51:43,026 --> 00:51:44,496
Some- that- someone that can vouch.

1411
00:51:44,786 --> 00:51:48,346
If you're in groups like what we have,
the Facebook groups, or if you're in other

1412
00:51:48,346 --> 00:51:49,826
groups on different platforms- Mm-hmm

1413
00:51:49,826 --> 00:51:53,116
that have moderators and admins-
Turn to them … and ask them if

1414
00:51:53,206 --> 00:51:54,156
they can vouch for these people.

1415
00:51:54,156 --> 00:51:55,046
Because they will know.

1416
00:51:55,056 --> 00:51:55,736
Yeah, yeah.

1417
00:51:55,736 --> 00:51:59,426
And ladies, trust your gut.

1418
00:51:59,586 --> 00:52:00,186
Trust your gut.

1419
00:52:00,216 --> 00:52:00,236
Yeah.

1420
00:52:00,246 --> 00:52:03,186
If it feels off, probably is.

1421
00:52:03,186 --> 00:52:03,636
Yeah, yeah.

1422
00:52:03,886 --> 00:52:06,796
Trust it because we've got-
That intuition is everything.

1423
00:52:06,796 --> 00:52:08,626
A- as much as I've doubted you- It is

1424
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,036
for so many different o- Yes.

1425
00:52:10,266 --> 00:52:11,146
I don't doubt you anymore.

1426
00:52:11,296 --> 00:52:11,826
You know that.

1427
00:52:11,856 --> 00:52:12,196
Yeah.

1428
00:52:12,316 --> 00:52:16,086
You have proven to be right every
single time that you have- I- … this

1429
00:52:16,096 --> 00:52:17,596
strong intuition about somebody.

1430
00:52:17,606 --> 00:52:19,916
I let him do whatever he wants.

1431
00:52:19,916 --> 00:52:20,026
Yeah.

1432
00:52:20,126 --> 00:52:24,376
And once I feel like it's
just an off, something's off,

1433
00:52:24,416 --> 00:52:26,256
I'm like, "What is it?" Yeah.

1434
00:52:26,296 --> 00:52:27,016
"What is it?"

1435
00:52:27,866 --> 00:52:28,286
Yeah.

1436
00:52:28,286 --> 00:52:30,366
It's just, you just never-
Mm-mm … you never really know.

1437
00:52:30,366 --> 00:52:30,406
You never know.

1438
00:52:30,406 --> 00:52:30,886
You never really know.

1439
00:52:31,316 --> 00:52:37,166
I remember, I remember one time I met
up with somebody on AO… It wasn't AOL.

1440
00:52:37,206 --> 00:52:38,076
Maybe it was.

1441
00:52:38,076 --> 00:52:39,196
It was some- Or Yahoo Chats.

1442
00:52:39,206 --> 00:52:39,686
Yeah.

1443
00:52:39,686 --> 00:52:40,256
Something like that.

1444
00:52:40,256 --> 00:52:45,516
And this girl, it was a girl, and
we were meeting up for some kind of

1445
00:52:45,526 --> 00:52:51,816
networking thing, and she completely
lied about the company, about everything.

1446
00:52:51,896 --> 00:52:53,736
It was just to meet me.

1447
00:52:53,986 --> 00:52:54,486
Really?

1448
00:52:54,556 --> 00:52:55,946
It was just to meet me.

1449
00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:56,596
And that's scary.

1450
00:52:56,606 --> 00:52:57,976
And this was in our hometown.

1451
00:52:58,076 --> 00:52:58,596
Really?

1452
00:52:58,596 --> 00:52:59,836
Yeah, like we were networking.

1453
00:52:59,836 --> 00:53:02,996
She was like, "Oh, I have this
business," and blah, blah, blah, blah.

1454
00:53:03,036 --> 00:53:05,616
And it's, "Okay, cool. Let's go.
Come to meet, come with me to

1455
00:53:05,616 --> 00:53:06,546
this networking thing." Yeah.

1456
00:53:06,696 --> 00:53:07,316
We went.

1457
00:53:08,216 --> 00:53:08,506
Nope.

1458
00:53:08,826 --> 00:53:09,596
Whoa.

1459
00:53:09,606 --> 00:53:10,456
Didn't even work.

1460
00:53:10,506 --> 00:53:11,626
She was unemployed.

1461
00:53:11,626 --> 00:53:11,826
What?

1462
00:53:11,886 --> 00:53:13,056
She just wanted to meet me.

1463
00:53:13,356 --> 00:53:13,706
Freaky dude.

1464
00:53:13,706 --> 00:53:18,436
And I remember feeling so, like,
that was totally uncalled for.

1465
00:53:18,566 --> 00:53:19,846
It wasn't necessary.

1466
00:53:19,866 --> 00:53:20,396
Like It wasn't necessary.

1467
00:53:20,396 --> 00:53:22,076
Like it wasn't necessary.

1468
00:53:22,176 --> 00:53:26,546
I'm pretty… I get asked often if…
Because in the lifestyle, you, you have to

1469
00:53:26,566 --> 00:53:29,416
ask if you're straight, if you're bi- Yeah

1470
00:53:29,416 --> 00:53:30,006
if you're gay, that sort of thing.

1471
00:53:30,016 --> 00:53:30,086
Mm-hmm.

1472
00:53:30,146 --> 00:53:34,286
I'm pretty clear that I am straight,
and as much as I love my male

1473
00:53:34,286 --> 00:53:36,756
friends, sexually it's not for me.

1474
00:53:36,766 --> 00:53:42,884
And I had been- Catfished by…
This person was talking to me.

1475
00:53:42,884 --> 00:53:47,914
They portrayed themselves as a
woman and all that stuff, and then

1476
00:53:47,914 --> 00:53:52,104
when we finally met, it turned
out that it, they weren't a woman.

1477
00:53:52,444 --> 00:53:53,024
Oh.

1478
00:53:53,074 --> 00:53:58,574
And they just figured that once I was
into them, that was, that- Wow … that I

1479
00:53:58,574 --> 00:54:00,384
was just gonna- Yeah … basically flip.

1480
00:54:00,424 --> 00:54:00,604
Yeah, yeah.

1481
00:54:00,604 --> 00:54:01,474
I was gonna switch.

1482
00:54:01,664 --> 00:54:02,542
Sorry I'm not easy.

1483
00:54:02,542 --> 00:54:03,084
And, yeah.

1484
00:54:03,084 --> 00:54:05,974
That's, but that is,
that's deceiving, man.

1485
00:54:05,974 --> 00:54:06,044
Mm, mm-hmm.

1486
00:54:06,044 --> 00:54:08,644
If you wanted to talk to me, you
coulda just been straight with who

1487
00:54:08,644 --> 00:54:12,374
you are- … and told me what, what
your gender is and that sorta thing.

1488
00:54:12,374 --> 00:54:16,024
We could be friends, but you're not
gonna trick me into having sex with you.

1489
00:54:16,064 --> 00:54:16,754
That's not gonna work.

1490
00:54:16,814 --> 00:54:21,034
We had a friend who said they met
up with a couple, and the couple

1491
00:54:21,034 --> 00:54:26,854
was completely… Oh, the guy
didn't have a leg, which is fine.

1492
00:54:27,344 --> 00:54:28,124
That's not a thing.

1493
00:54:28,164 --> 00:54:28,394
Yeah.

1494
00:54:28,404 --> 00:54:31,124
But they thought the person… They
didn't know they were handicapped.

1495
00:54:31,254 --> 00:54:31,614
Yeah, yeah.

1496
00:54:31,614 --> 00:54:34,944
And so they couldn't even get into their
house because the guy was on a wheelchair,

1497
00:54:34,984 --> 00:54:37,434
and it was such an odd situation.

1498
00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:37,844
Yeah.

1499
00:54:37,854 --> 00:54:40,554
No, it's, it's- They were like, "What's
gonna… What do we do?" It's one of those

1500
00:54:40,554 --> 00:54:44,554
things where if you're not, if you're not
honest about how you portray yourself,

1501
00:54:45,224 --> 00:54:48,694
then you're just gonna be causing
people to have a lot of story- Mm-hmm

1502
00:54:48,694 --> 00:54:49,374
after they leave.

1503
00:54:49,384 --> 00:54:50,794
And that's, that sucks.

1504
00:54:50,914 --> 00:54:51,314
No.

1505
00:54:51,414 --> 00:54:51,754
That just sucks.

1506
00:54:51,754 --> 00:54:52,494
We don't want that.

1507
00:54:52,504 --> 00:54:52,864
No.

1508
00:54:53,274 --> 00:54:58,184
There's just a whole lot of oh, hell no
red flags- Yes … that you can run into.

1509
00:54:58,254 --> 00:54:58,654
Yes.

1510
00:54:58,704 --> 00:55:02,044
And it's, I don't know,
I take it personally.

1511
00:55:02,384 --> 00:55:03,004
Yeah, you do.

1512
00:55:03,004 --> 00:55:04,104
I do, I do.

1513
00:55:04,104 --> 00:55:04,124
You do.

1514
00:55:04,124 --> 00:55:05,004
And I know I shouldn't.

1515
00:55:05,004 --> 00:55:06,344
I totally take it personally.

1516
00:55:06,354 --> 00:55:07,744
I- I'm like, "Don't lie to me, dude."

1517
00:55:07,944 --> 00:55:09,774
I- That's, I, I'm not an idiot.

1518
00:55:09,874 --> 00:55:12,694
You do take it personally
'cause you don't like liars.

1519
00:55:12,774 --> 00:55:13,294
I don't.

1520
00:55:13,374 --> 00:55:14,834
I don't take it personally.

1521
00:55:14,884 --> 00:55:19,844
I just like, "Uh, okay, that was
uncalled for. Bye." Yeah, I really

1522
00:55:19,844 --> 00:55:22,734
do take it personally 'cause I'm
like, "I invested my time in you."

1523
00:55:22,784 --> 00:55:27,684
Yeah. "I invested whatever emotions
that I had in getting to know you.

1524
00:55:27,684 --> 00:55:32,284
I invested all of that just to be
let down and be lied to." It's… I

1525
00:55:32,284 --> 00:55:34,354
am the most non-judgmental person.

1526
00:55:34,354 --> 00:55:35,614
You can tell me anything.

1527
00:55:35,624 --> 00:55:35,654
Mm-hmm.

1528
00:55:35,664 --> 00:55:36,674
And I'm not gonna judge you.

1529
00:55:36,674 --> 00:55:36,704
No.

1530
00:55:36,704 --> 00:55:38,794
I'm gonna talk to you like
you're a regular person.

1531
00:55:38,804 --> 00:55:38,994
Mm-hmm.

1532
00:55:39,044 --> 00:55:43,264
I am the last person you need to
lie to, and yet I still get lied to.

1533
00:55:43,264 --> 00:55:45,124
It's not my thing.

1534
00:55:45,294 --> 00:55:45,934
Mm. Sorry.

1535
00:55:46,254 --> 00:55:49,834
Mm. Catfish isn't just annoying,
but it, like I said, it's unsafe.

1536
00:55:49,874 --> 00:55:52,634
You, if you cannot- Mm-hmm … trust
the person you're talking to,

1537
00:55:52,964 --> 00:55:55,184
then there's a lot of different
things that you can't trust.

1538
00:55:55,364 --> 00:55:59,064
The lifestyle is built on trust- It
is … consent- Yes … and honesty.

1539
00:55:59,074 --> 00:55:59,094
Yeah.

1540
00:55:59,104 --> 00:56:01,774
So if you don't have that from the
beginning, it's not even gonna work.

1541
00:56:01,834 --> 00:56:02,544
No, no.

1542
00:56:02,564 --> 00:56:06,664
And then if they're lying about what
they look like and who they are, and

1543
00:56:06,664 --> 00:56:11,224
they give you consent, who's to say that
they're not gonna lie and say, "Yeah,

1544
00:56:11,224 --> 00:56:13,634
no, I didn't give you my consent"- "I
didn't give you consent" … and then

1545
00:56:13,634 --> 00:56:15,664
all of a sudden start making a big
thing- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm … about it.

1546
00:56:15,664 --> 00:56:16,734
I mean, it's a scary- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

1547
00:56:16,734 --> 00:56:17,684
scary thing.

1548
00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:20,304
I mean, you can keep yourself protected.

1549
00:56:20,354 --> 00:56:20,654
Yeah.

1550
00:56:20,674 --> 00:56:21,774
You still wanna have fun.

1551
00:56:21,774 --> 00:56:27,096
You don't wanna be like- Hold
everybody back Obviously You know?

1552
00:56:27,096 --> 00:56:30,986
And understand we're talking about
s- some very negative situations.

1553
00:56:30,986 --> 00:56:31,406
Yeah.

1554
00:56:31,406 --> 00:56:32,216
But this is not all the time.

1555
00:56:32,326 --> 00:56:32,756
It's not.

1556
00:56:32,846 --> 00:56:35,866
It's- And for those of you coming
in new, don't get scared and

1557
00:56:35,876 --> 00:56:36,380
go, "Well, forget it," you know?

1558
00:56:36,380 --> 00:56:38,786
This… Yeah, no, it's, especially
if you're in a really good

1559
00:56:38,786 --> 00:56:41,016
community, it's not like that.

1560
00:56:41,116 --> 00:56:43,246
A lot of people are very open.

1561
00:56:43,286 --> 00:56:43,666
Yeah.

1562
00:56:44,346 --> 00:56:48,196
It's very rare now that you find
the liars, the people that are just

1563
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:50,156
creeping in there, but it, it is around.

1564
00:56:50,156 --> 00:56:51,566
Just be vigilant.

1565
00:56:51,796 --> 00:56:51,866
Yeah.

1566
00:56:51,896 --> 00:56:53,876
Look, listen to your gut
and look at those red flags.

1567
00:56:53,886 --> 00:56:54,886
Be vigilant.

1568
00:56:55,036 --> 00:56:55,676
Absolutely.

1569
00:56:55,676 --> 00:56:55,786
Yeah.

1570
00:56:56,166 --> 00:57:02,696
And but, like I said, take this more
as notes to take as you go along-

1571
00:57:03,026 --> 00:57:06,076
Yeah … rather than a deterrent
for you to enjoy the lifestyle.

1572
00:57:06,076 --> 00:57:06,526
There you go.

1573
00:57:06,566 --> 00:57:08,106
Because this is not always the case.

1574
00:57:08,456 --> 00:57:12,826
You will run into it, and when
you do, you just say, "Not for me,

1575
00:57:12,856 --> 00:57:14,526
thank you very much," and walk away.

1576
00:57:14,536 --> 00:57:14,566
Mm-hmm.

1577
00:57:14,596 --> 00:57:15,426
And keep on going.

1578
00:57:15,706 --> 00:57:18,436
And be, you know- Keep on trucking
… vet. Look at all your people.

1579
00:57:18,436 --> 00:57:21,486
Vet. Ask people about them,
if they have mutual friends.

1580
00:57:21,486 --> 00:57:24,116
If they don't, ask the person
that you're chatting with to

1581
00:57:24,116 --> 00:57:25,666
verify that they are who they are.

1582
00:57:26,236 --> 00:57:28,496
And if they have a
problem with that, next.

1583
00:57:28,686 --> 00:57:29,196
Yeah.

1584
00:57:29,676 --> 00:57:32,946
And think with your brain,
not with your privates.

1585
00:57:32,946 --> 00:57:33,016
That's right.

1586
00:57:33,016 --> 00:57:33,806
I like how you said that.

1587
00:57:34,336 --> 00:57:34,806
Absolutely.

1588
00:57:35,196 --> 00:57:37,166
And so that's gonna wrap us up today.

1589
00:57:37,296 --> 00:57:40,686
I, I really wanna thank
everybody for listening, joining

1590
00:57:40,686 --> 00:57:41,996
us- Thank you … as always.

1591
00:57:42,226 --> 00:57:46,646
We really appreciate everybody that
listens and they take the time to

1592
00:57:46,966 --> 00:57:50,906
give us wonderful love and support
on- Yes … any of our social medias.

1593
00:57:50,946 --> 00:57:52,136
I think that's really cool.

1594
00:57:52,676 --> 00:57:58,816
I really would, if you get a chance,
if you get a chance- Go over to our

1595
00:57:58,816 --> 00:58:06,546
website, www.beyond-monogamy.com, and
share your catfish stories with us because

1596
00:58:06,596 --> 00:58:08,546
I find this stuff really interesting.

1597
00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:14,756
I'd like to actually revisit this and
like to read some examples on the air,

1598
00:58:14,756 --> 00:58:16,436
maybe for a future quickie episode.

1599
00:58:16,696 --> 00:58:20,506
So go to www.beyond-monogamy.com.

1600
00:58:20,736 --> 00:58:22,096
You can leave us a voicemail.

1601
00:58:22,116 --> 00:58:23,840
You can find our Reddit
and all our socials.

1602
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:24,186
Mm-hmm.

1603
00:58:24,216 --> 00:58:26,386
You have several different
ways of getting a hold of us.

1604
00:58:26,486 --> 00:58:26,816
Yes.

1605
00:58:26,826 --> 00:58:28,116
And hit us up and let us know.

1606
00:58:28,126 --> 00:58:28,416
Yes.

1607
00:58:28,436 --> 00:58:29,026
You know what I mean?

1608
00:58:29,816 --> 00:58:30,196
Yes.

1609
00:58:30,226 --> 00:58:34,506
And as a reminder, you can catch Beyond
Monogamy with Adam and Pris on all

1610
00:58:34,506 --> 00:58:40,036
major podcast platforms and Full Swap
Radio on Thursdays from 1:00 to 6:00.

1611
00:58:40,036 --> 00:58:40,306
Also- 1:00 and 6:00.

1612
00:58:40,306 --> 00:58:42,486
Oh, 1:00 and 6:00.

1613
00:58:42,506 --> 00:58:42,666
Yes.

1614
00:58:42,676 --> 00:58:44,306
I'm so sorry, 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM.

1615
00:58:44,316 --> 00:58:48,286
And also, guys, if you're already
listening, when you're done, you just go

1616
00:58:48,286 --> 00:58:51,916
all the way to the bottom of that little
podcast thing and you click review.

1617
00:58:52,166 --> 00:58:52,476
Yeah.

1618
00:58:52,736 --> 00:58:54,676
You can leave us how
many stars as you want.

1619
00:58:54,676 --> 00:58:57,876
We appreciate the five, but
also leave a little note.

1620
00:58:58,436 --> 00:58:59,636
It goes on our website.

1621
00:58:59,646 --> 00:59:00,656
It helps us grow.

1622
00:59:00,816 --> 00:59:01,576
It helps us grow.

1623
00:59:01,576 --> 00:59:02,216
So please do that.

1624
00:59:02,216 --> 00:59:02,556
Yeah.

1625
00:59:02,556 --> 00:59:04,146
And- You guys are our community.

1626
00:59:04,156 --> 00:59:07,466
You listening out there, you
are a part of our community.

1627
00:59:07,726 --> 00:59:09,056
Our community is our family.

1628
00:59:09,096 --> 00:59:09,216
Mm-hmm.

1629
00:59:09,226 --> 00:59:10,956
You are essentially a part of our family.

1630
00:59:11,036 --> 00:59:15,826
We have no shame in asking our
family to give us some reviews.

1631
00:59:15,836 --> 00:59:16,106
Please.

1632
00:59:16,116 --> 00:59:19,116
Now, if you can go to your platform
and give us reviews, great.

1633
00:59:19,226 --> 00:59:22,086
If you can't figure that part
out, you go to our website-

1634
00:59:22,126 --> 00:59:28,716
… www.beyond-monogamy.com, and at the top
there's a little button that says Reviews.

1635
00:59:28,716 --> 00:59:31,716
If you click that, it'll take
you right where you need to go.

1636
00:59:31,716 --> 00:59:32,166
Yes.

1637
00:59:32,276 --> 00:59:34,336
And you just follow the
directions from there.

1638
00:59:34,356 --> 00:59:34,596
It's very simple.

1639
00:59:34,606 --> 00:59:35,906
So very simple.

1640
00:59:36,186 --> 00:59:39,316
We're gonna show you one of these
days, I promise you, if you're

1641
00:59:39,316 --> 00:59:41,506
struggling, but that helps us grow.

1642
00:59:41,526 --> 00:59:41,556
Yes.

1643
00:59:41,566 --> 00:59:45,056
And we really appreciate all the
help that you can give, really.

1644
00:59:45,306 --> 00:59:50,646
Also, if you're watching us on
YouTube, like, share, subscribe.

1645
00:59:50,646 --> 00:59:52,466
W- we appreciate it.

1646
00:59:52,476 --> 00:59:54,526
We're watching that
community grow as well.

1647
00:59:54,556 --> 00:59:54,976
Yes.

1648
00:59:54,986 --> 00:59:55,596
So thank you.

1649
00:59:55,596 --> 00:59:59,106
I'm sure it's not growing as fast because,
like I said, I'm looking a little chubby.

1650
01:00:00,056 --> 01:00:01,846
I'm working on it, guys.

1651
01:00:01,846 --> 01:00:02,346
Okay?

1652
01:00:02,346 --> 01:00:05,456
I'm trying to be some eye candy,
but- … I'm not very good at it.

1653
01:00:05,546 --> 01:00:06,116
You are.

1654
01:00:06,486 --> 01:00:06,876
All right.

1655
01:00:07,416 --> 01:00:10,906
And with that, we, like I said,
we appreciate everybody listening,

1656
01:00:10,956 --> 01:00:12,946
and we will see you guys next week.

1657
01:00:13,366 --> 01:00:13,746
Bye.