Catfished! Spotting Fakes in the Swinger Lifestyle (Revisited)

0:06 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show.

0:50 Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And today we're talking about catfishing, and no, we're not referring to actual catfishing. We're not talking about going deep sea diving or whatever- No … whatever they refer to. I don't think it's deep sea diving. No? I think it's like swamps. Swamps? Yeah, I think that's where you find catfish the most. Really? Yeah Like in Louisiana and stuff? I think so. Yeah. I don't, I don't know. We're not discussing that. We're not discussing that. That's on another show. That is on another show. Hopefully not our show. But we are talking about catfishing. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, catfishing essentially means when you're pretending to be someone else online- Yeah … to deceive others.

1:37 Yes. Yeah. Now, sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it is not, but either way it's unethical. Yes. You know what I mean? It is lying. It is lying. It's a, it's a, it is a little section of lying. It's a form of lying. Yeah. And I've actually talked to people who they deceive with their photos, and I've had these discussions- Yeah … and they've straight up admitted, "Oh, yeah. You know what? I'm… I understand people when they say it's a form of lying." It is a form of lying. It is. I don't mean to be deceiving, but it's just what I do. And it's, oh, my gosh. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, no. I've heard that. That's almost pe- It's paraphrased. Mm. But yeah, that was incredible. And so we've been in this lifestyle for 14 years.

2:20 Yes. We've dealt with catfishing throughout not only our lifestyle, but previous to that. Even before that. Before we even got together. Yeah. I was a kid of the AOL generation. Right. I spent a lot of times in chat rooms back when it was the thing to do. Yeah? Yeah. And I'm… I, back then- Talking to a 40-year-old man. My parents would make jokes about that. They'd be like, "Eh, you don't know who you're talking to." You don't know who you're talking to. You don't know who you're talking to, but as a horny teenager, you didn't really care. Okay. And oftentimes we would go into these chat rooms and I would have conversations with these cute girls. Yeah. And we would have great conversation.

3:02 One particular one I actually remember was I was… I think I was in an Arizona chat room. I don't even know how I got there. I just was in all sorts of chat rooms. I was in, in an Arizona chat room, and there was this girl And I can't remember her screen name. I just remember it ended in 34C. Okay. And that kinda caught my attention. We started talking, and she sent me… And I must've been 17, something like that. Wow. Yeah. And she claimed to be… She didn't know that I was 17. She never asked. Yeah. She didn't do the A-S-L question. Okay. But she assumed that I was her age, assuming that she was an actual person. Yeah. And she said that she was in her mid-20s.

3:44 She sent me this picture, and it was this black and white picture. She's laid out on this big bed wearing nothing but a bra and panties. She's laying on her stomach, and it's a black and white picture. Very artistic, very pretty. She looked very model-esque. Uh-huh. And she had her hair coming down, and beautiful cleavage, little black bra set. And she sent me that picture, and I remember thinking, "Wow, that's a really hot woman." Now, looking back on it now, clear-headed and less horny, probably not her. Probably. Probably not her. Now, was I talking to a man? I don't know. If so, he was very gentle. But really, it could have been a woman who just didn't look like that.

4:28 Yeah. That was the only picture that I ever got. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it just seemed too perfect of a picture. She had a few conversations with me. We talked for maybe a month or so, and then she disappeared. That was it. Never to be seen again. Never, never. That was it. Very sad. Very sad. I was broken-hearted. I'm sure you were. Nah. I moved on. I moved on. You- 'Cause I dealt with that a lot. There was a lot of different women- I'm… … that were like that. It was easier back then, I guess. You didn't have- But you didn't have pictures. Like, you could send a picture. So I think catfishing made it easier then, as opposed to now. Yeah. It's still, it's still the same. And- You know, compare it to back in the '50s- Okay when people bought houses, families would live in these houses, they would never lock their door.

5:15 Hell, we grew up in the '80s, and that's really where they started saying, "You know what? You should really start locking your door." Now, you remember that? I remember being a kid- It was after that little, yeah and, and yeah. Yeah. We never used to lock our door. No. And then all of a sudden, uh, it, it became a thing. Yes. It's like, there's robberies, so you have to start locking your door. Mm-hmm. There was a certain amount of trust and naivete that was held back then until people started proving that you couldn't trust. Mm-hmm. I mean, and it's the same thing with this. Those were the early days of the internet and internet dating and that sort of thing. Of social media, pretty much. Social media. I mean- Yeah … you can really call it it's what it was. Yeah. AOL chat rooms were social medias. Ab- absolutely.

5:56 Um- Yeah … and so it was, yeah, it was a lot easier, 'cause it was just typing. There wasn't any actual person. Like- Yeah … you could- The door was unlocked. Yeah. And it's, exactly. Yeah, the door was unlocked. Yeah. All naive. And every now and then somebody would nudge you and go, "You're probably talking to a dude." And you know, it, like- Your sister, for example- Yeah … is, is a good example of that. Yeah. She met a guy on AOL. Now, her and I were friends. W- we were friends on AOL, but we were friends in real life, too. And so she claimed when she told your family, she- That it was your friend … that it was my friend. Yeah. And that's how it went. When realistically, everybody had a lot of shame in saying, "Oh, yeah, we met online."

6:37 Yeah. And I am no stranger to that myself. I know that I remember going to a party- Mm-hmm … with some friends. Mm. And I would get, I'd get real anxious in situations. There was a lot of people, and I was sitting at a table, and everybody's sitting around us, and I was just in comedian mode. Right. And I'm entertaining everybody. And we were talking about dating, and I said, "Man, I just can't imagine dating somebody online a- and finding the love of my life online. That just seems so, so weird, and I just, I can't see it." And that's when the owner of the house and the person who threw the party and his wife stood up and said, "We actually met online."

7:23 So weird now. And man, I shoved my foot in my mouth so frigging fast because I felt so embarrassed. Yeah. And I was like, here I am talking about, you know, that. I've met people online. Yeah. And they've actually turned out to be the person, actually. Yeah? Yeah. But I've also… And that was back then. That was just the chatting time. Yeah. So I haven't… His picture was way better on the computer than it was in person, but- And, and that's- … we didn't have phones back then … that's the thing. In the lifestyle, and I find this very interesting, in the lifestyle, there are actual people who will sell services to work with couples and singles on profiles for you.

8:07 Yes. And here's how we need to do your pictures, and here's how we need to do- Yeah … your biography. Because there are people who struggle when they get on these profiles, they get on these apps. They struggle to entice people to message them. So then they pay others to do this and fix their pictures and fix their bio in hope that they'll entice somebody to message them. Now, I don't know. I feel like that's a little unethical, but at the same time, it's, it's borderline. It's not. So you can't really- fake your picture. Like you have to- You can You can. You can now.

8:48 You can, but you're gonna meet these people in person, and that's where- But that doesn't stop people That doesn't stop them. Yeah. Because we have seen it 1,000 times, where we talk to a couple and their pictures look great, and then we meet them, and it's, "When did you take that picture? 20 years ago?" Yeah. Yeah. And why are you so short? What were you- Well, you- … standing on? Like- Sometimes you can't always detect height in, in pictures. I don't know. But you have. I don't know how you do it. You- I have. I can tell when someone is short and someone is tall. I'm bad at measuring. Which is fine, but if I say, "Oh, I really like tall guys," and you're standing on this thing, and it's, "Oh, yeah, I'm like this tall," and it's, "Really?" Hey, hey. You come to me and I'm like, "You're like 5'4".

9:29 Short kings need love too. I do. I got you. I'm just saying it's easier to… It's not easier. Just people just really take the pictures and the filters and the, all that good stuff, and they just make it into a profile. Yeah, yeah. And it's just- It's recycled. I always say that if I see a person who has nothing but filtered pictures, especially with Snapchat filters and that stuff, that it's just nothing but- Oh my God that that's a sign- That wasn't what you used to- You know, I lose interest. That's a red flag That wasn't what you used to think, though. No, 'cause I- Because every- … wanted better … girl that would send you pictures were like little puppy dogs. Or little hearts around. And I'd be like, "That's not what she looks like." Well, so understand that when I was getting down with that was when we were poly.

10:13 Right. So when we were poly and we were no longer dating as a couple, we were dating individually, I found it a lot more difficult at the very beginning because I didn't know how to explain to women that I am not a single guy, I'm a married man, but I'm looking to date. And I would get judgment there. You know what I mean? And so sometimes if somebody was enticed, I would end up realizing that this person's not technically- Puppy dog … on the up and up either. It's not a puppy dog. She's not a puppy dog. She ain't a puppy dog. I showed up with peanut butter at this date and it- Yeah did me no good. That a lot of their pictures were with filters, and I remember thinking, "Oh, it's just a cutesy thing." Yeah.

10:58 "Whatever. It's just a cutesy thing. Everybody's doing it." But then I started realizing it, these filters take away their natural flaws. Yeah. And what I find is I like flaws. Of course. I like the person themselves. I'm not looking to have somebody who ain't got no wrinkles. The, if they look like they look with the Snapchat filter where it just erases everything on their face, I don't know, you're gonna, you're gonna look like a potato with lipstick. Every time I go to take a picture, especially on Snapchat, I always end up doing something and it does this like little filter-y thing, and I'm like No. I don't know.

11:38 I've just never been, I've never been one to take too many pictures- Yeah … first of all. Like, the first or second picture is good enough. Yeah. And there are some people that need to do the filter for whatever makes you feel better, but it's when you start posting them and you s- and people actually think that's what you look like, it's deceiving because- Yeah they're gonna see you somewhere, and it's oh. See, now if- Or they're gonna see you and be like- … if you don't have plans to ever see them- Then by all means, do it … then that's- Yeah. But- You, you're running a game. Yeah. And especially it's like I know angles and stuff like that. It's good. Now let me ask you about that. Okay. You brought that up, and I find that interesting because obviously Snapchat filters are deception. Yes.

12:19 It is unethical. Yes. But what about the whole angles way up here and that sort of thing? I feel- You're taking a picture that's trying to remove whatever flaws you're not happy with. Is that not in the same realm? Well, if you, if you're taking regular… So you wanna look good, right, in your pictures. For women, we wanna be, we wanna look like we're curvier or thinner. But- Once you meet us and we're not, and it is a point, it is a way of deceiving as well. Yeah, yeah. Because, but the angles are really for, oh, I look cu- I look cute. Oh, you can't see my long ha, you can't see my love handles. Right. I mean, it's- But if you say, if you tell people, "Hey, I'm a…" Or if you have a regular picture and it's, like, your full body.

13:03 Yeah. Okay, and then all your other pictures are up high. We're gonna flip through 'em and make sure. Okay. We like the curvy girls, so. Yeah, yeah. But we have met people where it's, oh, you're actually a very curvy person, and your pictures did not show that at all, and you should have just said, "I'm a curvy girl." It's not like we don't- And I understand it to an extent. Um- It's for- It's an insecurity thing. Yeah. So when a person has revealed themself, the, for what they are or h- what they look or whatever, and they end up getting judged by somebody that they were interested in. Yeah. And getting rejected- Yeah … because of how they look, because the person that they were interested in was really shallow.

13:45 Yeah. Then what that does is it causes trauma. It makes them go, "Okay, I'm not doing that again." Yeah. And so then they start being less vulnerable. Mm-hmm. They stop putting their real self out there because they're insecure- Mm about that. And what the problem is that not everybody is shallow. No. Now, why is this an especially big deal in the lifestyle as opposed to vanilla dating? Because vanilla dating, I don't feel like it's as prominent. I do know it's there. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, there's a show on MTV or was- Yeah … called Catfish. Yeah. And they literally, they would be on social media, they'd be talking to whomever, um, and then it would be revealed that this person was not actually who they said they were.

14:30 Yeah. And I think in the lifestyle it's a big deal because you're in the lifestyle because you want trust. That's your first and foremost, trust. So you wanna make sure the person is an actual human being and an actual person that looks the way they are, because that's attraction. And I feel like it's, people think that it's easier to swindle theirsel- themselves into the lifestyle if they portray themselves as a couple, and it's- Yeah … actually not a couple. Yeah. Or a guy, and he's all muscular, but he's really not. Yeah. Just different things, and it's- That's the big thing is in vanilla dating, they're looking for relationships.

15:10 So you have to be more upfront with these people- Mm-hmm … because you're gonna go out on a date, and they're gonna see you for who you are, and they're not gonna come up with a second date. In the lifestyle, it's about sex. It is. And so you're gonna have people coming in who are going to swindle and scam s- in hopes that they're gonna get you in, like, by the bed and ready to go. Yeah. And they're gonna, they're gonna reveal their true selves, and you're gonna be like, "I'm already here in the bed. Might as well. Go ahead." Yeah. You know what I mean? They can- Ego boost all the way. Ego boost. They wanna look hotter. They wanna look- Younger … younger. Oh my gosh. More swingy. Yeah, yeah. I'm with all these people.

15:51 Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's- It's really an ego boost … it's an ego boost. Mm-hmm. I personally know of different times, just in our community alone- Mm heard it so many times, where a Either a vanilla single or a vanilla couple is curious about the lifestyle. They create a swingers profile. Mm-hmm. And they get on there- Mm … just to pose as lifestyle couples so that they can see what it's like, and see if they can even get people who are interested in them, and that sort of- And they're not swingers? And they're not swingers. Okay. That alone is a form of catfishing. You're saying that you're this- But not … but you're not actually. Yeah. Yeah. And then of course you got your predatory people.

16:33 Ooh, yes. Your scammers, your money grabs. Let me tell you that that happens all the time. We ran into it a lot at, at the beginning, a- throughout. And, a- and actually, I haven't run into this in a while, but we used to get a lot of people who would message… Like, as a guy in the couple, I would get a guy messaging me pretending to be a couple. Yes. I remember. And he's, "Hey, do you wanna swap pictures and videos of our wives?" And when I was first on the journey, I'm horny, I wanna do something. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Let's do that." Right. And so we would, and they would send me a picture or a video, and they'd be like, "Okay, now your turn. Send something." And so then I'd send something, and then they would just dis- disappear.

17:19 Yeah. And then you have to wonder, "Okay- Yeah … w- was this even the real person? Did they just take our video and our picture, and now they're gonna use that with somebody else?" Yeah. And we stopped doing that very quickly. Oh, yeah. No. I don't send- We have that rule. Yeah. I don't send pictures to, to friends I will, but not to anybody we haven't met physically. Yeah. That's, and that's anytime we've gotten messages, and I still get messages from time to time- Oh, so do I where they're like, "Hey, do you wanna trade pictures?" and that sort of thing. And I'm like, "I'm sorry, but our rule is we do not trade pictures or videos unless we've interacted in person- Mm-hmm … and you are." I said, "Otherwise, no." Nope. Uh, we don't know who you are. Not doing that. You're not using my face. It's not good. It's not good, 'cause people are out there fishing for nudes. Mm. I will tell you- That it comes in different forms.

18:01 There was this girl recently who hit me up on TikTok, and she started messaging me. Oh, yes. Yeah, and we've been messaging back- Uh-huh … and forth for the past week. Uh-huh. Seemed like on the up and up. Uh-huh. Everything was cool. Then yesterday- Uh-huh … she sends me a message, and she's, "Oh, what are you doing today?" And I said, "Oh, I'm just working on getting ready for-" Is that the same girl you told me about? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. We were having a conversation, and she says, "Oh, yeah, my birthday's coming up." And I'm like, "Oh, good for you." Oh. "Happy birthday." I could already see where this was going. Oh, I could s- I could see where it was going too. Okay. But I was gonna play it out and see. Uh-huh. She's, "Yeah, my birthday's on September 12th." And I was like, "Oh, cool. I have a kid whose birthday is a couple days from that." Yeah. And so she was like, "Oh, wow, that's great." And then she says, "Yeah, I'm gonna go get my nails done." And I said, "Nice.

18:44 That's really cool." So then she says, "So do you wanna pay for my nails?" And I said… She, and she says, "It's only $45." And I said, "No, sorry." I said, "I was just laid off from work." And I said, "I've got five kids and a full f- I got a full-" Yeah ass family, man. Yeah. I, I said, "I don't have $45 to be giving somebody." Yeah. And I was hoping she would let it go, but instead she kept pressing. And- Really? … and, and then finally she said, "So you don't care about me enough to pay for my nails?" And I didn't say anything else. I hit block because I knew exactly what she was pulling. Of course. I knew exactly what she was pulling. Of course.

19:24 Now, hey, no hate to her game. I guarantee you- No hate to her game … there's, there's people out there that- Mm-hmm … are paying for that and whatever. Hey, good for her. Mm-hmm. I'm just not that guy. No. And personally, don't come at me like you're a part of this and then you're gonna ask me for money. No, man. No. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I, I'm not that guy. And so- … you'll find that- Of course. Yes … it's, it happens. No offense to my fellows out there, but we're, we're the first ones to get duped. Oh. Doesn't take much. Yeah. You know what I mean? I have to… I've, I don't know if I've told you this, but I've gotten messages from men who are like, "Oh yeah, this is my wife," and they'll just start sending me pictures of their wife. Yeah. And it could be They're clothed or they're not clothed, and it's just pictures after pictures.

20:09 Your turn, and I'm like- I- … "Dude, I don't know you." I never agreed to that. Yeah. You're the one… Does your wife know you're sending me pictures? Because you don't even know who I am. That's, and so that's funny, 'cause I get that too. Now, back in the day, so guys would just send videos and pics, and then they'd be like, "Are you gonna send anything?" And I would feel bad, and I'd be like, "Uh, okay. Sure." And I, I- Yeah … but I wouldn't feel good about it. Yeah. Now I found my no. Yeah. And so I get that now, and they send stuff to me, and they're like, "Oh, you gonna send anything?" And I'm like, "No, sorry, but we have a rule that we don't do that." Yeah. And sometimes they get mad. Yeah. Sometimes they just disappear. Sometimes they're really nice, and they're like, "Oh, I completely understand," and then they leave it at that.

20:50 Yeah. But it's no, dude. I'm not just gonna randomly send you my ones. You know who you are. You could be somebody that's looking to be a serial killer. Yeah. You really don't know who you're dealing with. And so- You don't know who you're dealing with. And, or like the profiles that do no picture. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. To me, that's just not a good thing. But I feel a lot of people catfish for the insecurities. I guaran- Like- That's, I think, the main reason … yeah, like they're really insecure about whatever it is. Like, they wanna make you feel b- some women, some women and some men need the praise, need the, "You're sexy, you're hot," whatever it is. Thank God I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, but you don't do filters.

21:32 No, no. You're just your picture. I don't wanna… No, I think the problem- But I'm talking about- … is that if I do filters, people are gonna meet me, and they're gonna lose interest right away. Yeah, and that's how I feel. Yeah. I'm like, I don't use filters on my pictures. You're gonna see every little wrinkle, every little gray hair. That's just the way it is. And I actually, I took it up a notch, because I felt like even the picture angles- Yeah … can be a little deceiving. So I started doing videos where I was talking. Yeah. Because if you're talking to a video, it's, you're gonna have bad angles at some point. It doesn't matter. You're gonna move. You're gonna talk. You're gonna have bad angles. Hell, I look bad right now. I know. I was gonna say the, the, this is- The camera adds like 10, 20, sometimes 30 pounds, depending on if we just ate. So does those talker looks, so.

22:12 Yeah. It was a really good breakfast we had, by the way. We're in a lifestyle that is, it revolves around looks. Yes. And I don't care who says what, looks are involved. Attraction. You have to have some kind of attraction. There has to be some sort of attraction. Physical attraction, yeah. And so there's a lot of shallow people that are in the lifestyle who… I just saw an article that's been making its way around social media about this couple who decided to open a swingers club. Oh. And they said that they're only- You sent it to me. Yeah. They said that they're only inviting pretty people. Pretty people. Ugly people are not allowed. And of course, everybody in the lifestyle is jumping in there, going, "That's ridiculous. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." That's, that is so not cool.

22:54 But, but it's believable- Yeah … in the fact that we've met people like that. How is it all of a sudden people are looking at their picture going, "They're not even attractive." Yeah. "How are they gonna say that?" You know what I mean? They're not to me, so. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I understand being insecure about your body. Mm-hmm. I understand being insecure about what you look like and that sort of thing, but there is somebody out there who's going to find you interesting if you're just honest with them. And it takes a vulnerability, and that's hard sometimes. Yes, yes. But you just have to put yourself out there and learn that if- And- they're not into it, they're not into it … maybe it's just me, but the lifestyle, if you're in a really good community, they're… They open their doors to everybody.

23:39 There's so many people in this community, different shapes, different sizes, different colors. Like, it's everywhere. Yeah. You don't have to lie. No. And that's not just the swinger world. That is polyamory. That's anywhere in- Anything … ethical non-monogamy. We have great communities in every aspect of that, that are very good at accepting people for what they look like. Mm-hmm. As long as you're honest about it. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you're lying to yourself, you're lying to others, you're not gonna get very far- No in any community. No. And that's just fact. Now, when it comes to insecurities, I totally get it. Same. If you've been rejected because of how you look like, that causes trauma. That causes me to refer back and go, "I don't know if I wanna put myself out there-" Yeah … "honestly, because I've been rejected so many times."

24:26 A good example of that was when I used to hit up those AOL chat rooms. And there were girls that I were in- that I would be interested in, and we would have these back and forths via chat message and, or messenger, and things would be going really great, and then we would have dinner, we'd meet somewhere, and all of a sudden they'd act real cold to me. Yeah. All of a sudden they were not interested. And I was left with nothing but, "I'm not attractive." That's the thought that I had. Yeah. "I'm not attractive." Yeah. And then they would ghost me afterwards. Little scarring there. Yeah. Yeah. I'll… Let me tell you, this one has always stuck with me. I think I might have told you this one once before. Okay. So there was this… I was in high school.

25:09 Uh-huh. I must've been a junior, I guess, something like that, and I was dating this girl. Now, I did not meet her online. I met her through a high school friend. She went to a different high school. Scratch that. She dropped out. Okay. But we all knew… We knew- Okay. … the same people. But I met up with her at a party once, and we started talking, we started dating, whatever. It was cool. Eventually we broke it off and I… One of her friends who I never actually met- Mm-hmm … and she never met me, but we knew of each other, and we knew of each other online. Okay. She found me online and she sent me her number and she's, "Hey, let's talk.

25:51 I know that you were dating so and so." And I was like, "Oh, okay, cool." So we started talking. We had a phone conversation. Never met each other in person, and we started talking on the phone, talking on the phone. We were talking on the phone all the time. Okay. All the time. Okay. That's what teenagers do, right? Yeah. What else? Yeah. So then it becomes puppy love and everything is, "Oh, I love you. I love you." You hang up first. "I love you." Yeah, you know how it goes. No, you hang up first. You know how it goes. Yes. Yeah. So then finally she says, "Hey," me and my short-time ex of her friend or whatever, they were gonna be at the mall with some friends, and she's, "Yeah, we're gonna get our nails done and whatnot. You should meet us at the mall and hang out with us," 'cause that was the thing to do. That was the thing. And so I was like, "Okay." So I took the bus to the mall.

26:35 Okay. I showed up there and I met this girl. Funny thing is, this girl's into lifestyle, I found out years later. Anyway I met up with her. Now, not attractive. I was gonna ask you. Not attractive. Did not look very pretty, and beauty is in the, the eye of the beholder. I was the beholder. Okay. And she was not, she was not very attractive. I already know- But- … where this is going … but- Uh-huh … I didn't care. I didn't care. I could look past that because I liked the person that she was. Right. So I was there for her. I wasn't there for what she looked like. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I show up and I see her, and I'm like, "Hey." She gives me the cold shoulder.

27:17 Oh, no. She gave me the cold shoulder- Mm-mm … for about 30 minutes. Mm-mm. And then she just pretty much pretended like I wasn't even there, and she took off with her friends. And I ran into my best friend since first grade. Okay. He just so happened to be there. Okay. And he was driving, and I told him what was going on, and he was like, "Oh, I know her. I went to school with her." Uh-huh. "Had you told me you were going out with her, I could've told you immediately what you were getting into." Yeah. And I was like, "I had no idea." And I said, "Now I got no way to go home." So he was like, "I'll give you a ride home. Don't worry." Yeah. And we left, and I remember thinking… And that one really killed me because I was like, here is a woman that is not attractive in regular life. Mm. And she just gave me the cold shoulder.

27:59 It brings your insecurities. Oh, man, it made me so insecure. Yeah. So insecure. Yeah. And so it all went downhill from there, and I… That's one of the reasons why I struggled with my own confidence. Right. Now, I didn't catfish anybody because I wanted people to like me for who I was, what I looked like. I didn't wanna deceive. But I felt, I guess if people saw my picture, when they saw me in person, just still wasn't good enough. And I just didn't quite understand. Oh, and you're too handsome. Oh, man, it did- I- … something to my confidence. I, I would just portray my… I wouldn't portray my face or anything like that. I'd portray that I was older than I was. Yeah? Yeah. So I would maybe talk to people and they'd be like, "Oh, how old are you?" And I was like, 16.

28:41 I'd be like, "Oh, I'm 18." I'm 18, mijita. Yeah. Or I would be like 15, and I'd look like I was 18, and I'd be like, "Oh, I'm 18." I stopped doing that because I met someone who was older than me. Yeah. And I thought we were just gonna be friends, and I actually saw him in person 'cause he was my cousin's best friend to her boyfriend or something. This m- I was 16. This man was, like, 23. Ooh. And he said he was 18. Oh. And he was 23, and we were alone. And I was like- Mm. It's a cat and predator … "Yeah," and I was like, "No, you could take me home." Yeah. But- And that's a bad situation because- That's a bad situation … that could've been a bad situation for you.

29:24 But yeah, I never catfished picture-wise or anything like that. I am who I am, people. Now, to me, there's a few different catfishes. Yes. So you've got the catfish of the pictures. Yeah. You say that you're this, you know, that you look this way, but really you're not because you're doing filters. Then there's the catfish where that picture isn't even you. Oh, my gosh. You just ripped that picture from somebody else's profile- Oh, yeah and you're basically portraying this other person- Yes … that's not even close to being you. Yes. But then there's also the, the personality catfish, and nobody really talks about that. Yeah. But especially now with social media the way it is- Mm-hmm … people like to pretend that they are something that they are not.

30:07 Especially now. Especially now. Especially now. I've run into people who portray that they're this kind person, and then you meet- Mm-hmm … them in person and they're horrible. Or they portray that they're an in-love couple- Yes … and then you hang out with them and they- Oh, my- … are nowhere near each other goodness. They show no love towards each other. We have seen that. They argue with each other in front of everybody. We've seen that- Yeah … many times. Yeah. That, for us, that is a major red flag. Oh, man, big time. If you can't get along- Big time … with your partner, like, this is- No … not fake. No. Like, this shit is real. Like, what you're getting when we hit record, this is us whether the record button was hit or not.

30:47 Yeah. And that's where people… When people hear me on the podcast, when they see me on YouTube, or even when they read what I write online- Uh-huh People think that I'm not portraying the real me, and people think that because that happens often. Yes. That happens often. People wanna act like they're very knowledgeable about the lifestyle. They wanna act like they're all-inclusive and all-accepting. They wanna act like they're kind to everybody. And then when they host an event or they attend an event or they're around other people, it's the exact opposite.

31:30 This man is nicer than I am. Period. We, and- The person that you're getting here- And- … that's the person that it's all the time … and that's what we portray. I am not the nicest person all the time, but we know that. But we're a balance. We are a balance. We're a balance- Yeah … and it works. Yeah. You know? But I'm not lying. No, and you are unapologetically you. I'm- I am unapologetically me. And you know what? We're not for certain types of people. No. People will not like- Mm-hmm … and that's okay. Because now I look at it as, if people don't like this, those aren't the people for us. Correct. And they need to move along. Correct. You know what I mean? Hey, so we wanna talk about something that actually is kind of important before we move any further Yeah, ProDX Health, and here's why we love them They do at-home testing.

32:17 Like, you get a kit, you do it at home, you mail it back STIs, hormones, real stuff that you should really actually know about Yeah, and there's no waiting room, there's no awkward conversations, none of that You just get your results, and if you need next steps, they help you with that too Look, knowing what's going on with your body is just part of taking care of yourself and the people that you're with Very true. It really is. And ProDX Health makes it so easy, there's really no excuse not to That's right. Use code BAOMONO at prodxhealth.com. That's 15% off year-round, even more during special events Link is in the show notes.

32:59 Okay, now back to it Back to it So that's really the big thing. I think that if you can just get used to spotting red flags, and I'm telling this to my newbies, and I'm also telling this to some of my veterans- Ooh, yes … out there who just haven't gotten the hang of spotting red flags and warning signs. Mm-hmm. This is big. It took me a long time to get used to spotting red flags. Yes, it did. And really, it took us being poly for me to learn how to spot red flags. That entire amount of time that we were polyamorous And I started dating on my own. You, I would… I always wanted you to meet whomever I was dating.

33:40 And after a while, I would set up a little date and I'd bring you along- Mm-hmm so that this way you could meet whoever. And you would meet them, and I remember at the very beginning, every time you would meet them, you'd have something negative to say- Yes … about them one way or another. "Oh, they're not being genuine," or this or that. "I have bad feelings about this." And being that I was, we were fresh in poly and I felt like you had jealousy issues, which you did. Yeah. But I couldn't separate you being an honest person- A jealous wife- … and telling me- … and an honest person … and, yeah, I couldn't separate that- Yeah … for some reason. Yeah. And so it took me a little while to realize, but you started teaching me more about the red flags so that I can spot them on my own.

34:24 Yes. And so then I got good at spotting red flags, but then I also would overlook them. Yes. So I would spot them, but I'd be like, "Nah." "It's okay. I can fix it." "Nah." I, I did go for a lot of broken people because I felt, I don't know, I felt like I needed to fix. I don't know why. Yeah, yeah. But I got better at spotting red flags. If you're new out there- Ooh … or if you struggle a lot, start looking at red flags. Start look- looking at the patterns. Look at what you wanna avoid. Chances are, if you're seeing red flags They're actual red flag. Like, you should probably go, "I'm not gonna"- Like, think with your brain and not think with your privates.

35:05 Yeah. Yeah. Think with your brain. Yeah. And, like, a few warning signs. If they don't have a picture on their profile, it could be for any reason. They wanna be- Yeah, they wanna be discreet … d- d- discreet or whatever. Yeah. And you decide they're gonna message you, ask for a picture. If you're already in Messenger, ask for a picture. Now, this is something that you're good at. You have- So- You're very direct with this now, aren't you? I am so direct. Let me tell you people, this is what I do. If you don't have a picture on your profile and you wanna DM me, that's fine, but you're about to take a picture with yourself holding a piece of paper with today's date on it. Yeah. Yeah. Period. And people will do it. And I do give them, I give them time.

35:46 Yeah. So I send it, and if they still haven't answered, I'm like, "Okay, I'm giving you till another hour. If you don't, I'm blocking you." Yeah. Yeah. And never fails. Never fails. I've only had one guy be truthful. Really? And I was like, "Cool." Geez. And he did it, and it was fine, and I was talking to him. Yeah. But I've had women, I've had men, I've had couples, and I'm like, "Okay. Cool." If you don't look like… It's, like, a picture of a baseball. You know what? That… Or, like, a somebody holding a gun or whatever. It's like it's always… It's never really… Or if they use a picture of, like, them and two other people and you don't know who's who.

36:27 I'm like, "No." You know what I mean? "Which one are you?" One big red flag for me is if every one of their pictures is, like, this model taken professional picture. Yes. Then that's just a red… You, you mean to tell me that you don't have any real pictures- Yeah that you were taking when you were going to Whataburger or whatever? You don't have any regular pictures? Everything is you on a photo shoot? Yeah. I don't think so. Oh my God. I just almost got catfished. Really? Do you remember the guy sent me his license? Oh, yeah. He sent me his license. That's right. His driver's license. That's right. And then he wanted pictures, and I was like, "Something is up with this guy." Yeah.

37:08 And I don't even know what happened. I can't remember what happened, but he… I'm sure it was some guy from a different country. It got found out. It got found out that it was not true. And then you also had somebody when you first got on the other platform, on TikTok, and I was like, "That's not a real person." And you're like, "How do you know?" And I'm like, "It's not." Yeah. So I real- I've only had TikTok a few weeks. And you had just got it. And I start getting these messages, and I'm like, I'm real bad about I feel like I have to answer every message I get. Yeah. And then I'm starting to realize these people are either bots- Oh or they're just fake people. I don't even answer messages anymore. Go- I'm just done. Yeah. I'm so tired of trying- Yeah … to answer messages. That's not a thing. I don't answer, I don't answer any, especially- Because there's so many fake people out there … especially if you don't have a face picture, forget- Oh, man about it.

37:54 Yeah. It's pretty bad. It is pretty bad. Now there- I've seen a lot of times, if you've ever gone into the different apps- Uh-huh … that are specific for what we do and the lifestyle. Mm-hmm. I see a lot are oftentimes in profiles, "We're not gonna have lots of back and forth conversations. If you don't wanna meet up after our third conversation, then you can stop talking to me." Because there are people out there who are catfishing, and all they wanna do is just have lots of conversation, and the moment you try to verify them w- either by video call or in real time, they're gonna avoid it in any way possible.

38:37 Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because obviously, if they do, it's not gonna work. Yeah. You're gonna… They're gonna get found out. Yeah. So they just disappear. That's it. They just move on. They're gone. Uh, so that's a big red flag. If you cannot get them to verify one way or another, that's a red flag. Sorry. Oftentimes, the… You'll catch a red flag where their stories just don't add up. Ooh, I had this one time, and I don't think you remember. It, it was when we first became poly, and there was this girl, she used to hit me up, um, on one of the apps- Okay … she used to hit me up on. And she claimed that her dude was… knew that she was messaging me, and that they were in the lifestyle.

39:19 She was interested in me, and I was like, "Okay, cool. Let's, let's talk more." And we talked back and forth for a while. Mm-hmm. She seemed like she was on the up and up. She lived in the same town. She had a lot of really great information. Like, I felt like it was legit. And then she accidentally sent me a text that she meant to send to somebody else, and it was a screenshot of our conversation. And it has some stuff highlighted Oh, that's right And then she said something like, "Oh, sorry. My phone's acting up," and somehow it- Yeah … it took a screenshot of my phone and sent it to you. Yeah. And I sat back and I, I didn't say anything for a little while, and I was like, "That doesn't make sense." And I remember messaging her and saying, "So your phone acted up, took a screenshot without you having anything to do with it- highlighted portions of that screenshot, and then sent it to me?" Mm. And immediately- What was the point of that?

40:15 … I blocked, because that was a red flag. Now, she could have been real. Yeah. And that could have been a situation, but that was a red flag. Was not- Mm-hmm … willing to go down that, that… You'll notice that stories just don't match up. Oh, that's a big red flag. Yeah. Yeah. Really big. There's oftentimes there's people who are new- Mm … but they claim that they've been in the lifestyle for a long time. Oh, my goodness, and you can tell. You can tell. We can tell when- Yeah … someone is not portraying that they've actually been in the lifestyle for a very long time. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's others who have been in the lifestyle a long time, but they're trying to pretend like they're still new. Yes. And I'll never understand that either. But people have their different motives for doing whatever they do. Or when they get… Or when you f- finally talk to somebody and they're like, "When are we gonna meet?"

41:02 Yeah. "When are we gonna meet?" Yeah. "Are we meeting, like, next weekend? Like, when can we meet?" We've had that so many times. So many times. And we used to be like, "Oh, next weekend." Now we're very… We've been in it for a while, so we know when someone is eager like that, they're brand new. Yeah. Usually. And- Which is not a problem, but it's just not our thing And we've met a couple people that were just really eager- Mm-hmm to meet us, and they wanted to set something up before they figure… Their words, "Before we lose interest." And it's not, it's not like that. We're not in a big rush. We'll hang out at some point. We're not gonna move away. Mm. If you live nearby, we'll get something on the calendar. Yeah. But we got family. We've got things going on. We don't always have the time- Yes … to just drop everything and go.

41:44 And we're not gonna go out during the week. That's not our thing. Don't ask us to go out on Wednesdays. No. So anytime that they're too eager for nudes- Ugh … when they push for nudes, especially, like, I, I'm sure you get that a lot from men. Yes. I get that from women sometimes, and that's a big red flag that I'm not talking to an actual person- Yeah … or somebody who's legit. Yeah. They wanna blackmail you. If a woman is messaging me, and right away they're like, "So are you gonna show me that dick?" Things like that, I'm like, "Nah, dude." To women sending… I have gotten that before. Oh, my gosh. And if it's not somebody that I know and can verify- Yeah … I don't.

42:26 Good. I don't, because it freaks me out. It freaks me out. Now, if you, if they rush into sex chat- That's not always a red flag because I know some women that do that and they're verifiable. They're just horny. So it is what it is. But that is sometimes a red flag as well. And if they're always busy when it's time to meet up I don't think that's a red flag It can be if you never, ever meet up ever. Like, oh, that's a red- Or I understand being busy. Now we're busy all the time. Mm-hmm. But we can also verify who we are. Yes. We're- Yeah … we have a podcast. Yeah. We're on social media. Yeah. We go live. There are different ways that we can verify who we are.

43:07 Yeah. And nowadays we're not living in the '80s, man. This is not landline phones and fax machines. We can easily, even if you have a Jitterbug flip phone- Mm … you still have ways that you can verify- Mm-hmm that you are really somebody- Yes … in the lifestyle. Yeah. So if somebody's just always busy when it's time to meet and they just can't make the time to verify in any other forms, that's a big red flag. Mm-hmm. And you should probably put some space between you and them. Yes. Now, when it comes to the fallout, because everything has repercussions. Yeah. There are people that, I mean, me, myself, I- I was gonna say you yourself … I have put in time and- Not so much now … not now.

43:52 I've learned. When we were, when we were- But early on … when we were f- first on and when we were poly- Yeah … you had this emotional letdown of- Of … you just wasted your time. Yeah … and you just put in so much of this. And I remember- And I walk away with less confidence than I started … and I remember telling you, "Who cares?" Yeah. You used to tell me all the time. Like, stop. You already have your- And I was like, "Please stop telling me." Like, stop, stop dwelling on it. Oh, what a… it wasn't a waste of time. And s- and so the problem that it was for me, it wasn't so much that I didn't make this work out, it was more or less I had bad confidence in myself. Right. I had horrible self-confidence. Right. And so what that did was it was, it reeked all over my confidence.

44:33 Mm-hmm. And it made me think, if this person was real, then they just said, "No, I can't deal with this guy anymore." Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's the way I took it. Yeah. Now I think of it that the way you do. Yeah. Which is, who cares? I don't care. I have a wife that I come to every night. I don't care. Yeah. I can have sex whenever I want. I don't wa- I, and everybody that we chat with, or everybody that I chat with, is 100% real. Yeah. I've actually met them or we- Things are a bit different now. Yeah. Because we have built up a tight community. Heck, just the Beyond Monogamy community, those of our listeners. Yeah. We've met a lot of you guys at- Mm-hmm … we've met a lot of you guys in the community, or when, when we travel or when you travel. We've talked to a lot of you online, live, verified, that sort of thing.

45:17 We're just way more comfortable. Yeah. And we're a bit more proactive now. Yes. Yes. And we have less scammers, but we also answer less messages. Yes. So. Um, so that's definitely- No, it can, it can be an emotional letdown, and it's, it is a waste of time sometimes. Now, it's scarier for women if you ask me. Mm-hmm. Because women- Mm-hmm Everything is scarier if you ask me when you're a woman. You cannot trust everybody. Like, I do not… I feel so mommy-like when I know a friend who is single is, has met some guy on whatever and has just been chatting with them. Yeah. And then they go meet up and I'm like, "Oh my God, why?" I just listened- Oh, yeah.

46:00 You- … to this true crime episode. Yeah. Why are you doing that? Send me your location. Yeah. And so you have them send a picture of the guy. You have- So, or something … all sorts of stuff, like dating profile. Like, even when I, when I was dating people, I am very What's the word that you call me when I don't trust anybody? Cynical. I'm very cynical. So I think everybody is out to hurt me. Yeah. I think anybody who's single and wants to meet me is going to murder me. Yeah. I think I'm gonna get kidnapped, and it's not e- Or poisoned. Like, anything, you just like- Or drugged … or drugged. You just never know, right? And that's a thing, man. It is a thing. It's a thing. And so I am… When we would do that, I would send him my location, and I'd be like, "This is who I'm talking to, and this is what they look like." Yeah. And you just never know. I even… I remember g- us going on a date, and I'd be, like, sending it to our daughter.

46:43 I'd be like, our oldest. And I'd be like, "Here you go. This is where mom and dad are going." Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's very scary. And there's safety issues when you have- Mm-hmm … trust issues. Mm-hmm. Because, and we've talked about so many times, if a person's willing to lie about what they look like and who they are- Yes … what else are they willing to lie about? Exactly. And we're in a lifestyle where sexual health is everything, and sometimes you have to take somebody's word. Because not everybody's walking around- Mm-hmm with their STI testing results clipped to their shirt. Yeah. And so you really have to do your due diligence- Mm-hmm … before you sleep with anybody. But in this lifestyle, people get horny.

47:23 People jump into stuff without verifying. And if a person is willing to lie about what they look like to somebody else or how they are to somebody else, what else are they willing to lie about? Exactly. It's just, it's done. Mm-hmm. It's done from- Mm-hmm … easy to lie about anything else from there. Mm-hmm. And it just goes into the lifestyle. Yeah. It just ripples. It ripples. Just keeps going. Yeah. Just keeps going. Yeah. It, it- Not a good thing … it really, it damages the reputation of the community. Mm-hmm. Now, that's what I love about the community. I… And I don't wanna put it in a negative light, because we all have each other's back- Yes … in our community. And that's the great thing about it, is if you're in the community, and you've been in the community, and you've gotten to know everybody in your community, and everybody's pretty tight.

48:09 Mm-hmm. Everybody looks out for each other, especially the women do. Oh, yeah. I- and- Yes … if certain communities overlook certain things, then it damages the reputation of the actual community itself. Mm-hmm. Everybody should be upheld to the same standards. And we all talk. We do. Everybody talks. We all talk. If there's an incident, if there's something that happened, you, we all have a friend to turn to. And that's very helpful, because they may have had the same kind of encounter, or they may have had the same kind of issue, and they can help you through it. Yeah. But yeah, it's, it does leak into the community, and it does really do damage to the reputation. Yeah. Big time. It's a thing. If it's not taken care of.

48:50 It's a thing. So, yeah. And so that's one of those things. Just, like, Facebook groups for example. A lot of- The community that we're in revolves around Facebook. Mm. And our personal community in Texas, and I don't wanna say just in Central Texas, but our community all throughout Texas- Mm-hmm … they're all very well protected, safe zones. Yes. They do their best to remove anybody that cannot verify themselves- Mm-hmm … that cannot verify if they're actual couples. They… Anything that looks shady, anything that comes up, you contact your admins, your admins do the investigating- Mm-hmm … and they make the decision to boot the person out of that community. And that keeps a safe zone.

49:31 Mm-hmm. So the groups that we're in are very safe. Yes. Those are the ones that we're active in. Mm-hmm. Now, we're in a lot of national groups, and we're in a lot of regional groups- Yes … statewide groups- Mm … that are not as good about protecting their people, and they're filled with scammers- Filled bots, people looking to collect pictures. Like, you just don't know. As soon as that messenger dings, you don't know who you're dealing with. No, you don't. And if you decide to banter with them, who knows what you're gonna get. Yeah. So let's talk about protecting yourself. Yeah. Yeah. The number one thing that I think you can do to protect yourself is, like I said, everybody has the ability to do some sort of face live.

50:15 Something. You, you can do Messenger, uh- Do what I do … FaceTime. You can verify in that way. Any way you want. That's really… That's one of… one good way. I personally know a lot of people who don't like to meet others one-on-one. They only meet people at meet and greets and big events because they know that they're real. Yeah. Yeah. And that's okay. Wherever you're comfortable in, especially if you're a single person, a single woman- Yeah … meet with other people. If you're in a community, then ask around. Ask around. Ask questions. Yeah. If y'all have mutual friends, ask your mutual… I have asked mutual friends, "Hey, do you know this person?" I've been asked by several people.

50:56 It's, it's, "Do you know them?" "Do you know this person?" Mm-hmm. "I just got friended by this person." Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you know them? Cross- cross-referencing profiles. Mm. Um, if- That's a good one … if you, say you're on SDC. Okay. And say you're on SDC, you're on Cassidy, and a few other platforms- Mm-hmm AFF, SLS, whatever. Most people have more than one platform that they- Yes … that they offer themselves to. Check 'em out. See if they have other platforms that they're consistently putting on. Yeah. There's… You're my little investigator, so you're like a private eye detective. I will find you. If there's somebody that's not on the up and up, you're gonna find out. Yes. And you've… I've always respected how you do that. And it's like, oh, what- Yeah … build yourself a little community.

51:39 Get your girlfriends together. Yes. Somebody that you trust. Yeah. Somebody that can vouch. Some- that- someone that can vouch. If you're in groups like what we have, the Facebook groups, or if you're in other groups on different platforms- Mm-hmm that have moderators and admins- Turn to them … and ask them if they can vouch for these people. Because they will know. Yeah, yeah. And ladies, trust your gut. Trust your gut. Yeah. If it feels off, probably is. Yeah, yeah. Trust it because we've got- That intuition is everything. A- as much as I've doubted you- It is for so many different o- Yes. I don't doubt you anymore. You know that. Yeah. You have proven to be right every single time that you have- I- … this strong intuition about somebody. I let him do whatever he wants.

52:19 Yeah. And once I feel like it's just an off, something's off, I'm like, "What is it?" Yeah. "What is it?" Yeah. It's just, you just never- Mm-mm … you never really know. You never know. You never really know. I remember, I remember one time I met up with somebody on AO… It wasn't AOL. Maybe it was. It was some- Or Yahoo Chats. Yeah. Something like that. And this girl, it was a girl, and we were meeting up for some kind of networking thing, and she completely lied about the company, about everything. It was just to meet me. Really? It was just to meet me. And that's scary. And this was in our hometown. Really? Yeah, like we were networking. She was like, "Oh, I have this business," and blah, blah, blah, blah.

53:03 And it's, "Okay, cool. Let's go. Come to meet, come with me to this networking thing." Yeah. We went. Nope. Whoa. Didn't even work. She was unemployed. What? She just wanted to meet me. Freaky dude. And I remember feeling so, like, that was totally uncalled for. It wasn't necessary. Like It wasn't necessary. Like it wasn't necessary. I'm pretty… I get asked often if… Because in the lifestyle, you, you have to ask if you're straight, if you're bi- Yeah if you're gay, that sort of thing. Mm-hmm. I'm pretty clear that I am straight, and as much as I love my male friends, sexually it's not for me. And I had been- Catfished by… This person was talking to me. They portrayed themselves as a woman and all that stuff, and then when we finally met, it turned out that it, they weren't a woman.

53:52 Oh. And they just figured that once I was into them, that was, that- Wow … that I was just gonna- Yeah … basically flip. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna switch. Sorry I'm not easy. And, yeah. That's, but that is, that's deceiving, man. Mm, mm-hmm. If you wanted to talk to me, you coulda just been straight with who you are- … and told me what, what your gender is and that sorta thing. We could be friends, but you're not gonna trick me into having sex with you. That's not gonna work. We had a friend who said they met up with a couple, and the couple was completely… Oh, the guy didn't have a leg, which is fine. That's not a thing. Yeah. But they thought the person… They didn't know they were handicapped. Yeah, yeah. And so they couldn't even get into their house because the guy was on a wheelchair, and it was such an odd situation.

54:37 Yeah. No, it's, it's- They were like, "What's gonna… What do we do?" It's one of those things where if you're not, if you're not honest about how you portray yourself, then you're just gonna be causing people to have a lot of story- Mm-hmm after they leave. And that's, that sucks. No. That just sucks. We don't want that. No. There's just a whole lot of oh, hell no red flags- Yes … that you can run into. Yes. And it's, I don't know, I take it personally. Yeah, you do. I do, I do. You do. And I know I shouldn't. I totally take it personally. I- I'm like, "Don't lie to me, dude." I- That's, I, I'm not an idiot. You do take it personally 'cause you don't like liars. I don't. I don't take it personally. I just like, "Uh, okay, that was uncalled for. Bye." Yeah, I really do take it personally 'cause I'm like, "I invested my time in you."

55:22 Yeah. "I invested whatever emotions that I had in getting to know you. I invested all of that just to be let down and be lied to." It's… I am the most non-judgmental person. You can tell me anything. Mm-hmm. And I'm not gonna judge you. No. I'm gonna talk to you like you're a regular person. Mm-hmm. I am the last person you need to lie to, and yet I still get lied to. It's not my thing. Mm. Sorry. Mm. Catfish isn't just annoying, but it, like I said, it's unsafe. You, if you cannot- Mm-hmm … trust the person you're talking to, then there's a lot of different things that you can't trust. The lifestyle is built on trust- It is … consent- Yes … and honesty. Yeah. So if you don't have that from the beginning, it's not even gonna work. No, no. And then if they're lying about what they look like and who they are, and they give you consent, who's to say that they're not gonna lie and say, "Yeah, no, I didn't give you my consent"- "I didn't give you consent" … and then all of a sudden start making a big thing- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm … about it.

56:15 I mean, it's a scary- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm scary thing. I mean, you can keep yourself protected. Yeah. You still wanna have fun. You don't wanna be like- Hold everybody back Obviously You know? And understand we're talking about s- some very negative situations. Yeah. But this is not all the time. It's not. It's- And for those of you coming in new, don't get scared and go, "Well, forget it," you know? This… Yeah, no, it's, especially if you're in a really good community, it's not like that. A lot of people are very open. Yeah. It's very rare now that you find the liars, the people that are just creeping in there, but it, it is around. Just be vigilant. Yeah. Look, listen to your gut and look at those red flags. Be vigilant. Absolutely.

56:55 Yeah. And but, like I said, take this more as notes to take as you go along- Yeah … rather than a deterrent for you to enjoy the lifestyle. There you go. Because this is not always the case. You will run into it, and when you do, you just say, "Not for me, thank you very much," and walk away. Mm-hmm. And keep on going. And be, you know- Keep on trucking … vet. Look at all your people. Vet. Ask people about them, if they have mutual friends. If they don't, ask the person that you're chatting with to verify that they are who they are. And if they have a problem with that, next. Yeah. And think with your brain, not with your privates. That's right. I like how you said that. Absolutely. And so that's gonna wrap us up today.

57:37 I, I really wanna thank everybody for listening, joining us- Thank you … as always. We really appreciate everybody that listens and they take the time to give us wonderful love and support on- Yes … any of our social medias. I think that's really cool. I really would, if you get a chance, if you get a chance- Go over to our website, www.beyond-monogamy.com, and share your catfish stories with us because I find this stuff really interesting. I'd like to actually revisit this and like to read some examples on the air, maybe for a future quickie episode. So go to www.beyond-monogamy.com.

58:20 You can leave us a voicemail. You can find our Reddit and all our socials. Mm-hmm. You have several different ways of getting a hold of us. Yes. And hit us up and let us know. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. And as a reminder, you can catch Beyond Monogamy with Adam and Pris on all major podcast platforms and Full Swap Radio on Thursdays from 1:00 to 6:00. Also- 1:00 and 6:00. Oh, 1:00 and 6:00. Yes. I'm so sorry, 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM. And also, guys, if you're already listening, when you're done, you just go all the way to the bottom of that little podcast thing and you click review. Yeah. You can leave us how many stars as you want. We appreciate the five, but also leave a little note. It goes on our website. It helps us grow.

59:00 It helps us grow. So please do that. Yeah. And- You guys are our community. You listening out there, you are a part of our community. Our community is our family. Mm-hmm. You are essentially a part of our family. We have no shame in asking our family to give us some reviews. Please. Now, if you can go to your platform and give us reviews, great. If you can't figure that part out, you go to our website- … www.beyond-monogamy.com, and at the top there's a little button that says Reviews. If you click that, it'll take you right where you need to go. Yes. And you just follow the directions from there. It's very simple. So very simple. We're gonna show you one of these days, I promise you, if you're struggling, but that helps us grow.

59:41 Yes. And we really appreciate all the help that you can give, really. Also, if you're watching us on YouTube, like, share, subscribe. W- we appreciate it. We're watching that community grow as well. Yes. So thank you. I'm sure it's not growing as fast because, like I said, I'm looking a little chubby. I'm working on it, guys. Okay? I'm trying to be some eye candy, but- … I'm not very good at it. You are. All right. And with that, we, like I said, we appreciate everybody listening, and we will see you guys next week. Bye.