Quickie Mashup: Prostate Play, the P-Spot & Slut-Shaming

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

0:52 I'm Adam And I'm Pris. And before we get into today's episode, if you're new here, welcome. You found the right place. We talk about the things that most people are thinking but nobody is saying out loud: ethical non-monogamy, the swinging lifestyle, sex, relationships, communication, and everything in between Everything we do, full episodes, quickies, video clips, blog posts, our guest lineup, merch, and our anonymous confessional, all of it lives at www.beyond-monogamy.com. That is home base. Bookmark it, save it, tell a friend And speaking of telling a friend, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your shows, do us a favor right now. Before we even start, hit follow, leave us a five-star review, and share this episode with somebody in your life who needs to hear it.

1:38 Those actions cost nothing, and they help us reach more people who are looking for exactly this kind of conversation. Now, babe, we got a confessional, and this one came in hot Yes, and I'm excited, so let me go ahead and read this one, okay? So this confessional came into our website, and here's how it goes Hey, Adam and Pris. I was listening to the Cum episode, and a question you guys asked sparked my interest because I am uniquely qualified to answer. The question was about prostate massage during a blowjob or any other type of play. Over the past year or so, my wife has been giving me a prostate massage during blowjobs, and the sensation can only be described as earth-shaking.

2:22 It feels like a full-body orgasm with the duration, the intensity, and the volume of ejaculate all increased way more than you would think. Usually afterwards, I am completely incapacitated, and the time it takes for me to reach orgasm is greatly reduced. I would liken it to the difference between women who experience a vaginal orgasm versus clitoral, but that's a guess since I don't have either of those. He says, "Hope this helps." Wow. Yeah, no, that absolutely helps, um, 100%, because today we're going to build on this, because I think there's a lot here, including some personal transparency from me, that I think this is going to hit home for a lot of the men listening.

3:08 Yeah. Yeah. Now, I wanna be upfront with y'all. I have never had this done. Uh, so there's, there's a whole thing to it. Um, I first heard about this… Uh, I think there was a, there was a movie… Uh, th- well, there was a movie called Road Trip. Okay. Remember that movie Road Trip? Uh, it's where they have to drive all the way to Boston. To Ithaca. Yeah. Or to- Because- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, so there was a part where they needed to get money in order to get gas to get back home or whatever. Yeah. And so they had to make some money, so they went to a, uh- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah … a, a sperm bank. Yeah. And- And the guy got… Yeah. Yeah. And Stifler- So it is … Stifler, the guy that plays Stifler all the time, he, he's over there and he's like, "Hey-" Yeah. you know, I need some help," and y- 'cause the, the nurse is hot.

3:50 Yeah. And she's like, "We call this milking the-" Yeah … "prostate." Yeah. And she puts on the, the glove, and then it goes from there. Yeah. So that's the first time I'd ever heard anything- Mm-hmm … about this. Um, now- I don't know if you remember me telling you, but there was a girl that I was with a very long time ago. I was in my early 20s. Um- Yes. … and she, it was our, our first time together, and she was going down on me, and the blowjob was great. Mm-hmm. Uh, but she, it was a sloppy blowjob. It was very wet, and then I guess somewhere in there she just shoved a finger inside of me. Now, I don't know if… Uh, I mean, she came from the nursing industry, so I don't know if maybe she was trying to find the prostate.

4:33 I remember feeling like there was something alien inside of me, and I couldn't… I don't know. I, I- Yeah, no, it's, uh- … I was wiggly, and I just couldn't… I, I was like, "Oh my gosh, what's happening?" I wasn't, I wasn't mentally prepared for it, for one thing. Uh, you know, it was, it was, it was really, really difficult to… You know, she just stuck that finger up in there, and she started moving it around, and I would assume that she knew what she was doing. But also, uh, nothing had been up there previous to her finger. Yeah. And I, like I said, I was not prepared. I wasn't into it, and honestly, it just created an association that I've carried around for a very long time. It's very traumatic for me. Uh, the butt became very closed off.

5:15 Yeah. I mean, everything you said, um, I think the key word here just you had no warning. I didn't have no warning. You had no warning. I mean- No … that's not a prostate problem. I feel like that was consent and communication problem. Well, yeah. You know what I mean? You just kind of happened, right? So. But it's traumatic. I mean- It's traumatic … I've, I guess I need to know, the prostate is… Do only men have it? Well, I, I don't really know anything about it, honestly. Like, do only men have a prostate? Let's see Because if only a man has a prostate, I really can't say anything about that, but all… Is it fingering an asshole?

5:56 Okay, hold on. I am looking up everything you can find about prostates. Okay. Okay? Okay. I'm gonna read this here. This is the prostate gland, a comprehensive overview. Okay. What is the prostate? The prostate is a walnut-sized exocrine gland found only in people assigned male at birth. Okay. There's your answer there. Okay, so It sits just below the bladder, in front of the rectum, and surrounds the urethra, the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body. It's part of both the urinary and repr- reproductive systems. Oh, so I totally understand. So you would go in and toward- I don't like what you're doing with your finger there yeah, you go in and toward the, toward your testicles.

6:44 So toward… Oh. So the prostate's primary job is reproductive. Mm. Uh, it produces prostatic fluid, a milky, slightly alkaline fluid that makes up 20 to 30% of semen volume. Okay. Uh, it protects sperm. The alkaline fluid neutralizes the acidity of the vaginal canal. Uh, it powers ejaculation. The prostate's smooth muscle contracts during orgasm to propel semen through the urethra. And hormone conversion. Contains the enzyme 5-alpha reduct- Okay … which converts testosterone into more potent dihydrotestosterone, or DHT, which regulates prostate growth.

7:31 Okay. Now- So yeah. So it's, it's- It's considered the male G-spot, also called the P-spot, due to the concentration of nerve endings that are in there. It's highly in- in- innervated by both the autonomic and somatic nervous systems. Oh my gosh, this is total nerd talk. I don't understand any of that. Stimulation can trigger intense pleasure and, in many cases, enhance or produce orgasm, which is basically what our friend here is saying, sometimes called a prostate orgasm or a non-ejaculatory orgasm. How do you do that? Okay, so here we go. Prostate massage, also called prostate milking, refers to the manual stimulation of the prostate gland, either internally via f- a finger or specialized toy inserted into the rectum angled toward the navel- Yeah … roughly two or three inches in toward the belly button side of the rectal wall.

8:32 Or externally via pressure on the perineum Yeah, that middle part … the area between the scrotum and the anus, sometimes called the taint. Yeah. This is less direct. Now, I will tell you, and, and I mean, I don't have to tell you, you know this- Yeah … because you've gone down there- Yeah … and you've massaged that little area. Yeah. The taint. You really care for it. The taint ain't a bad place, let me tell you, because you have gone there and you've kinda rubbed it and like when you're going down- Yeah … you kinda rubbed it. And I'm like It feels good. It feels nice. I don't know if I'd feel the same way if you stuck a finger up my ass though. So then I get it. I get why, um, I know that some men like that.

9:12 I've t- I've actually spoken to some men and they, they like the prostate play. I, um- So this might have been- Wait, is that why guys like their ass eaten out? I may possibly. I mean, that's a really good question. I've never been into ass play myself. Like I said though, that one interaction that I had when I was younger, it traumatized me and I've never, ever- I think a lot of men think that it's- … gone back to that … um, very, it's, uh, it's homophobic. Well, so, and that's the thing that, that, you know, uh, is, is brought up oftentimes is, "Well, I, I don't want no finger in my ass. I ain't gay." "I ain't gay." And even in swinger lifestyle circles- Yeah … I have seen it a billion times.

9:55 Yeah. Where, uh, you know, I, I commend the guys who are straight up secure in themselves to come out and go, "I fucking love it. You know, hit me up." "I don't, I don't care." You know? I mean- And I, to me, I, it's, it's not gay. I don't, I don't believe- No … it's gay. Um, but I, I think it's, it's this, this toxic masculine, "Well, I don't want no finger up my ass. I ain't gay." I think- And it's like, come on, bro. I mean, think outside the box. Yeah, for sure. First of all- For sure … it, I understand the association that these guys are thinking. Mm-hmm. "Okay, something's going in my ass that apparently means I'm gay." That's this old school way of thinking. But if, fellas, if, if a woman- … is going down on you- Yeah … and she's the one putting her fingers in your ass- It's not gay … that's not gay.

10:46 Now, if a man is doing it, that's gay. Yeah, and I think that's the mo- I mean, I- Yeah. I- It's interesting … I don't know if I would do that with just anybody. Well, so- Me personally, like I would- I don't know. So I trust you, but at the same time- Yeah … I don't know if I would trust you to do that internally. I would rather have a nurse, because otherwise you're gonna be probing me with your fin- You got some long ass fingers, girl, and they're chubby fingers. I got you. Like you're, you got some girthy fingers. I got you though. You know what I'm saying? No, we're gonna- And you're just gonna be in there and you're gonna be like- No … "Nah, man. I don't think so." I got you. I don't think so. We're gonna try this. Now what? You better stop it, girl. This is me telling you.

11:26 I don't- Come on I don't think so. Hey, you have to try everything once. This is, this is true, but like I said- But I won't go- … I don't know if I would trust you to do it. I'm the only one that wants to do it Why would you need a nurse to do it? Because nurses know about that sort of thing. Why would you get a nurse to do it though? You're not having sex with them. It's for ejaculation. I know that, but I'm saying there's lots of nurses in the lifestyle. No. Me first, then you could go to the nurse. Well, then you need to research your shit because- I got you … I ain't gonna have you just poking me willy-nilly with your middle finger. I have seen what you do to women, and frankly, I don't know about all that. Like, if you're gonna be doing that to me, like you get in there, like you're up in there. No. Mm. Never.

12:07 I've seen you get some fingers up in there. No. It's just… Nope. Just- Nope. … po- poking at people. I don't do that 'cause I don't like that done on me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Well- Mm-hmm … let's not turn this show about you. Yeah. This is about prostates, of which you do not have. No, but I would definitely try the… I would definitely try it on you, at least the taint area. You know, it's, it's so, it's so difficult though because, because like I said, that, that trauma is in my head. Mm-hmm. Like I know that I didn't like that feeling. Mm-hmm. And I, I'm afraid of, frankly, of, of what it might produce. You know, for one thing, I don't wanna shit on you. Um- And I don't… A- and this is coming from a place of ignorance, guys.

12:48 So if for those of y'all who know this business- Mm-hmm … I apologize for my ignorance, but this is a very typical way- I understand of thinking. And you know, I'm like, you know, I, I don't wanna shit on you for one thing. How embarrassing, uh, would that be? Yeah. Uh, even if I am with you. Um, I don't know. Like I… the, just the, the tr- but I didn't, I didn't shit on that, that w- … woman the one time, you know? But I also was, I mean, I was frigging watertight, man. I was like- I mean, you still are … I had tight shutter speed. I was like, "Ah." I mean, there's, there's… I had some, I had some grip strength on that asshole when she pulled it out. I, she might have… Luckily she didn't have Lee Press On Nails or she would've lost a, a fingernail.

13:29 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I used to do that to my first- husband But did you do that- No with that specifically? No, because I didn't- Or you just did- No … a finger in the ass? No. Well, w- w- okay. I have questions. Hold up. I have questions. So you used to finger your first husband's asshole? Not, not like a lot. It was just like… Yeah. Well, what does, what does that mean? Well, not a lot. No, just- Well, because- I just would finger his asshole a little bit because that is like the motion- That's not a little bit, or a lot … that's the motion of in and out, in and out. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. What? Yeah. So how would that even come about? Like, would he just be like… He'd be like, "Okay, I'm gonna lay here. I'm gonna put my legs up in the air. You just get in there and just-" It's the- move your finger around." No.

14:18 Um, how would that happen? How did that happen? You lived it. Um, I wanna say blowjob. Mm. I don't really know. I don't remember, but I remember doing it. You just remember doing it. I think, yeah, he was on top of me, and then I would just, like, reach around. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think that the part that I have the biggest issue with is the vulnerability that's attached. I don't think it gets any more vulnerable than that. I, I agree. Like, I can- Yeah, that's a little- I can… E- excuse me for saying this, but I can have my dick in my, in somebody's mouth. Mm-hmm. Um, and that's vulnerable. Mm-hmm. You know, in front of everybody. Mm-hmm. But not as vulnerable as me pulling my ass cheeks apart in front of people. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't think it's- Like, that's a vulnerability that I don't- I don't think it's so graphic like that.

15:00 I don't think… I think you're, you're playing it to be very… It's not… It's, I think it's a sensual move. Is it? So I- Yeah … like I said, I, I, I'm ignorant about- I, it's because, I mean, the, the way- this entire thing. Um- … the way you're express, or explaining it, it's, you s- it makes it seem like it's very hard, hard actions. I think it's a very sensual- Is it? Yeah. Yeah? Because you have to be relaxed. 'Cause it's an actual massage. Yeah, and they have to- It's not like a finger pumping. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So the person has to be super, super, um, relaxed- Yeah … for it to even, I think, work in their favor. Not the person doing the action, but the person having the action done to it, done to them.

15:41 I feel like they have… It's a very sensual relaxation because even when you have anal play, if you're not used to it, you should be super, super relaxed. So I would think that just comes with a very, um, sensual play. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, especially, I would think especially a man, because you need to, like, really… Actually, anybody who's having that kind of action done on them, you have to be super relaxed, super comfortable, and then it's not like you're bent over spreading your cheeks. It's not like that. Mm. It's just a very- Okay, wait. Before we go any further, FirmTech. We have to talk about FirmTech. Yes. Okay, so FirmTech makes the Tech Ring.

16:23 Yeah, and here's the thing. It's not what you might think. Well, it kind of is, but it's so much more than that. Yeah. It's a wearable ring that helps with firmness and blood flow, and it actually connects to an app that tracks data. Real data. Like, it tells you exactly what's going on. And there's actual clinical research behind it. This isn't some random gimmick. And then there's the Ring Mate. I saw this thing. It's an attachment that goes on the Tech Ring specifically for your partner's pleasure. Looks just like a tongue. Hey, so everybody wins. Everybody wins. It really is a whole situation. A good situation. A very good situation. Use code BEYOMONO at firmtech.co.

17:05 That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, percent off. Okay, now where were we? Okay, so let's, let's open Pandora's box, so to speak. Uh, so I guess my, my real question would be, and, and, and this I, I, I wanna propose to you. Mm-hmm. How would you say, how would, how would you go about getting consent to do that to somebody? I would just ask. 'Cause there's… I, I, I've seen women say- Same … that they're into that. Yeah, so there are women that really enjoy- Yes … uh, pleasuring men in this way. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Especially if it's something that they're down for. Mm-hmm.

17:45 Um, I know for some women it's a, it's a matter of, like, being able to control somebody in that way, like it's a power thing. Like, oh, I'm making this guy- come. Like I'm, I'm getting him probably- Oh … the best orgasm of his life, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah, I would think it would. Um, yeah. Uh, so but say, say, say I liked this sort of thing. Mm-hmm. What would our boundary be regarding that? Would it be just me and you? It would only happen between me and you? Or would that be something that if somebody asked, I would be like, "Okay." That would be a y- I mean, I, like for me, I mean, I don't know, that would be a you thing. I, well, I, that's the thing is boundaries- Yeah are an us thing.

18:27 Yeah. I don't know if- So- … I'd want anybody messing with that on you. Yeah. Gotta be like, "That's my area, thank you very much." You know, I, I, I feel like there's so much, uh, like I said, it's, it's a very vulnerable thing for me. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I don't think I could do it with anybody else. Mm-mm. I don't even know if I could do it with you. I don't think so. Yeah. Like that would be a tough one. I mean, I may try it. Yeah. Um, just because I've never really, outside of that horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible experience. Um, outside of that, I mean, maybe it's different when you're expecting it. I, I would think so. Yeah. You know? I mean, it has to be. It's like any type of that, any type of anal play, you, you need to be expecting it, and you can't just- Here, here's- … it can't be a surprise … here's the thing, though.

19:10 So I saw, I read that, that, uh, it, it gives you a full bladder feeling, like you have to pee. Okay. Um- Yeah, that makes sense … so I remember m- when this woman started, you know, doing her thing while she was going down on me, uh, like I said, I wasn't prepared for it, so then I'm like, "Ugh," you know, I tighten up. I, I can't relax. No. Now, had I known it was coming, I probably could have done my best to relax a little bit more. Yeah. But the fact that it was just taken from me- … um, I, I, I was very, uh, uptight about it, no pun intended. And I really, I didn't know h- first off, God, I wish I had known how to say no, 'cause I- I don't know how that would've worked out.

20:01 Um- I mean, she should've asked for consent, but I, I feel like we ask for consent more now, but back in the day, we… it wasn't. No. And I, I really couldn't find my no on that either. No. And that was, that was a- I mean- … that was a tough one. I re- I feel- I just remember feeling like I couldn't relax if- Yeah … and, and I definitely, if I can't relax, I'm definitely not gonna cum. Yeah. And see, that's the other part of this. That's what I'm saying. It has to be very sensual and- Well, see, but that's the other part of this, too. If I am being that vulnerable and I'm having something done that I had a traumatic experience with already- Mm-hmm … my mind, you know my mind. I'm, I'm an anxious little Chihuahua sometimes, and if my mind is on other things, I'm not gonna be able to cum.

20:44 And my question is, if I have this thing do, being done to me, is my mind gonna prevent me from being able to cum? No. Or is this like, "Hey, I just press the button. Boom, you're done"? I think so. Really? I do. Oh, man. Yeah. I can't even imagine. Well, imagine. Now, have you ever thought about exploring this with me? Mm-hmm. Really? I have, yeah. Really? Yeah. You never talked about it before. No, because I know how you are. I had trauma. Yeah. So. Um, and so now that we're talking about it, is this something that you wanna try with me? I do. Really? Yeah. Now, my question for you is this, because we've had this conversation before, where you're like, "Oh, I'm a…" I- if you go to my TikTok and you see there, there's a, there, one of the pinned TikToks on there is a conversation that we had in the car, uh, where we debated over something, and the debate was- … she, she claims to be a people pleaser.

21:42 She's like, "I'm like you. I'm a people pleaser." And I'm like, "What? No, you're not." And she's like, "Yeah. Um, I please them by making them cum." And I'm like, "Yeah, but you're not pleasing them like, you know, people pleasing means like you're trying to please them in, in every single way. It's like, 'Oh my gosh, I wanna massage you. I wanna make you feel good. Like, I wanna please you in every single way.' You're talking about just making them cum." And you're like, "Well-" That's that … "does making you cum please you?" Yeah. Then I, I pleased you. I did my job. I'm a people pleaser. Anyways. So that's the cribs notes on that. That was the whole conversation. Now, my question to you is, would you want to do that because you want to legitimately please me- Yeah or is it more of a power thing in that I wanna find his button?

22:26 I know, I know your buttons. You know my button, my mental buttons. Yeah. And you know other stuff. I know all, yeah. But I'm talking about the P spot. This one would be… Yeah, no, this would be for, for, for you. This would be for me. Yeah. Well, then you better- If I could do it you better give, you better give me- If I can do it, um, yeah. I would, I would. You better give me two, two ice cream cones, uh, 'cause one's going in my mouth and the other one's gonna go in my ass- … afterwards. 'Cause goddamn. I'm just saying. Sticking the unicorn in there. Yeah, I'm just saying, you know- My horn nope, nope, nope- Ooh, I could use my- No, no … my creature. No, girl, stop it. Stop it. No, this would be nice, sensual, and we'll see. Stay tuned, people. I mean, this, this is definitely something that, uh- Yeah … that we're gonna have to, uh, look into.

23:10 And like I said, there's really nobody else that I would want to explore this with. Yeah. Um, I'll, I'll say, you know, I will do it just for the sake of experiments. For sure. I would do it just for the sake of experiments because- You have to try everything once … you do have to try everything once. So I, I, I, I, I'm not a big fan of that saying, uh- … because, uh, because I'm, I… You know, I, I… It gets thrown at me a lot. I, I, I agree to an extent that you have to try everything once. Mm-hmm. But some things are not worth trying. Uh, for example, uh, I'm, I'm straight. Yes. Um, and because of that, I know for a fact that I'm straight because- My dick does not get hard, uh, when there are men's penises around me.

24:00 Right. Penises, peni, whatever it is. Yeah. Um, but I know that I am not sexually attracted to men. Right. So because of that, I know that I'm straight. But every time I say, "You never know until you tried it. You gotta try everything once." That's different. That's what gets thrown at me oftentimes. No, that is… Oh, I mean, I know they do. Like, "Well, you haven't tried, you haven't tried sucking a dick." Yeah. And it's like, well, this is factual. I have never tried sucking a dick. Yeah. Um, and it… But it doesn't appeal to me. You know what I mean? And, and just the same way- Does this appeal to you? It doesn't initially, but I will say that this person- I think the outcome of it will … this person who wrote to us via our confessional, I'm not gonna lie, my friend, uh, you pose a wonderful argument, um, of which you've got me thinking.

24:43 You've got me thinking. There you go. And, uh, you definitely opened up the conversation, uh, for us. Yeah. Uh, now, my beautiful bride, would you look at me any different? Because there was an old, an old version of you- Yes … uh, from back in the day. There was. And this is not you now, but- Yeah … the old version of you, uh, where, you know, if, if you f- found out that a guy liked ass play, you would automatically just kind of look at him differently and walk away going, "Yeah, I'm not interested." Yes. Um, and so obviously I know that that's not how you think about things now. No. Uh, but would it change how you th- No … think about me at all? No. Like w- 'cause, uh, you know- I don't, I wouldn't care … toxic masculinity is a biotch, man.

25:23 Yeah. And, and frankly, I'm talking about it here in front of everybody. Mm-hmm. And I guarantee you there's some motherfuckers out there that are judging me, and they're going, "Ohh, Adam. Yeah, we know what you're gonna do." And you know what? What the fuck ever, bro. You wanna judge me- Uh, no … whatever. I don't care. I wouldn't see you any differently. Um, but- I mean, and I wouldn't care you know, it, it's, to me, it's, it's an experiment. Man, I will tell you something, though. If I like it, oh, shit. Forget it. We're gonna have to, we're gonna have to figure something out. I think you will. We're gonna have to figure something else out. Yeah, yeah. I think you will. I, I, I think the, the biggest problem with This being openly talked about, though, is definitely the toxic masculinity that revolves around it.

26:04 Oh, yeah. Um, you know, there's so many people out there, and, and it's not just guys- No … but it's also some, some women that have the same, uh, kind of thinking. I mean, I did. I, I did not… If… I didn't… If a man told me that they were bisexual, I just didn't have any interest. Um- Yeah … I don't think like that anymore. I was just very ignorant about it, and it just, I don't know, never sat well with me. I have so many friends that are bisexual, and I could care less. Yeah. Well, and you know, it's funny because, you know, we grew up in the '80s and the '90s, and if you think back to all the, even the soft-core porn movies that we saw, uh, during those days- Mm-hmm it's very, the man is pleasuring the woman.

26:53 Mm-hmm. That's every movie that you'll ever see. Yeah. The man is pleasuring the woman. It doesn't revolve around male pleasure. No. And- No … there's something very, um… I think that's a big deal. I, I don't think that there's enough talk about male pleasure, um, because- Because they think that just by ejaculation that that's how you get it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. It's, um… They don't talk about it, and I think they don't… I don't think… I think it's not talked about a lot is because you don't see men that way. You think of just, oh, they have a dick, and they're just gonna pump it and, boom, they're gonna cum. Like, there should be… There's no brain. There's no thought behind it.

27:33 Yeah, yeah. And I think that's why that is not talked about enough because, oh, y'all always have it in your brain. Oh, it is what it is. Y'all just look at women or whatever, a hole is a hole, and not, like, anything to just come in, and it's not like that. Well, and you know, the other, the other coin, the other flip side of the coin is that, uh, everybody knows that women are complicated creatures when it comes to sexual satisfaction. Yes. Uh, and every woman is different. Yes. And every woman, most of the time, is, is, y- you know, you g- y'all are like Bop It's. Mm-hmm. You know, you gotta pull, and you gotta yank, and you gotta twist and do all these things in order to get you there. And men are usually thought of as simplistic creatures that will get hard when the wind blows.

28:17 You yank a couple times, and he's already coming. Yes. You know? And, and it's normally very quick. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And these are the stereotypes out there. But realistically, we like to, uh, be pleasured, too. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We like, we like a little bit. So with that- You guys out there, I know that we're still new to it, and it's kinda like welcoming you to a place that we just arrived at. But we put together a little practical guide if you want to start exploring this, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's, um… You can, if you're curious, so here's where we land practically. First, you're gonna have the conversation. Don't just surprise them. Yeah. Let them know, you know?

28:57 Don't cause trauma. You need to have… Both of y'all need to be on the same, same mindset, understand what you're doing, um, and be very comfortable with each other. Like, don't just spring it on them. Yeah. And you know, if, if your answer's a no, then it's a no. It's a no. If you're not ready- Yeah … if you're not ready, you're not ready. Yeah. Uh, and, and you know, I don't know when I'm gonna be ready, but, uh, I mean, it's definitely not tonight. Uh, but you know, it's, it's something where the conversation, you just, you literally just heard it- You do, yeah … happen in real time. Yeah. This is a conversation between me and my wife, and obviously there's more to it. Um, but you definitely wanna have that conversation as much as possible.

29:39 Yeah. And then after that, start slow. Now, this is, this is information that I had to research. External pressure on the perineum- Perineum … the perineum, is a low-commitment starting point. So it gives you a sense of whether there's something there that's worth exploring, uh, further than going all the way in. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you do go internal, just remember, hygiene and preparation matter. Yeah. Short nails, um, gloves. Yeah. Lube. Always lube. Always lube. Always lube. And go slow. Check in and pay attention to your partner's responses. Now, this is for everything sexual, people, but I mean, the, at least paying attention- Yeah … to your sexual partners.

30:21 You don't have to use, you know, gloves all the time, so. And you know, frankly, that's actually, that, that's good for fingering women as well. Like- Yes … short nails. Make sure your hands- Hydration … are clean. Yeah. Clean under your nails, you know, stuff like that. I said hydration. I meant hygiene. But, hey, hydration's- Hydration … good too. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink lots of water Definitely communication during is just as important as communication before. I would figure this should be like, uh, this should feel like an upgrade to intimacy. Yeah. Not something anyone is, like, white-knuckling through and it's like, "Yeah, just do it already. Come on, let's do this." No, no, no. If it's not working, you stop. Yeah. Plain and simple. Yeah. If it's incredible, you gotta talk about that, too. Yeah. Uh, so that's definitely something that you wanna- Yeah, talk about what you like and what you didn't like.

31:05 Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then when you're done talking about it, hit us up on the 100% anonymous Beyond Monogamy confessional- Yes … and let us know how that shit went- Yes … because I gots to know. Yeah. Okay? Now, before we get out of here, we want to give a huge thanks, uh, to the listener who sent it in. Uh, it took guts. It is going to start a real conversation, as you heard, in not only our household, but I'm sure plenty of households. I'm sure. And that's exactly why we have this confessional. Yes. And you can drop your own confessional at www.beyond-monogamy.com. It's completely anonymous, zero judgment, and you just might end up on a quickie of your own. Hells yeah.

31:46 Everything we do lives at www.beyond-monogamy.com. Full episodes, quickies, video clips, our blog, our guest lineup, merch, all that good stuff. You've heard it a billion times. That's your hub. That's your home. All right, real quick, hold up your hand for a second. Why? What are we doing? We're doing the SwingTap plug. This is the wedding ring on my hand. And this is the bracelet on my wrist, which I haven't taken off since we've gotten it. Yeah, you really should- … 'cause you gotta clean yourself. Yeah. But before we even get into the wearables, SwingTap is actually a whole platform. You sign up, one-time fee, no subscription, and you build yourself a lifestyle profile. Photos, preferences, all of it.

32:27 And once it's built, you get your own custom link and a QR code. So instead of trying to remember your SDC username or spelling out your kick across a loud bar- You just share the link or flash the code, and then it's done and that is where the wearable comes in. Because instead of even pulling out your phone, you can just show them the QR code once they tap your little wearable thing here. Yeah, I mean, it really is that simple. You just tap. You tap the rings, the bracelets. They even do NFC cards. Oh, that's right. It's really cool. Yeah. Someone taps their phone to mine, my whole profile pops up. Mine just looks like a wedding ring from across the room, so nobody's the wiser until you want them to be. Same with my bracelet.

33:07 It's genuinely the smoothest setup we've found for events, meetups, the boat, wherever. Build your profile once, then just tap wherever you go. That's right. Go check out the platform and the wearables, swingtap.fun. Link's in the show notes. Use our link, swingtap.fun/share/beyomono. It supports the show, too. Tap in, literally. All right, back to the episode. Welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And on today's quickie, we're gonna talk about sluttiness Sluttiness The sluts Sluts Yeah Yeah. You know, there was a time when we were growing up where if somebody called somebody else a slut- Uh-huh … it was a horrible, horrible thing.

33:53 Yeah Um, I- I was called a slut once Were you? And it was, ah- When was the first time that you were called a slut? Do you remember when you were called a slut? Um, yeah, it was sixth grade, maybe, that I can remember Sixth grade? Yeah, so I, like- What the- I, I had this boyfriend. Talk about obsession. Oh, yeah. We just saw Obsession last night Oh my gosh. Yeah. Um- I mean, how far do you want me to, how deep do you want me to go? Go deep, girl. Okay, so I had this boyfriend- Balls deep … when I was in sixth grade, right? All right. His name was, um, you want me to tell you his name? No, we don't need the name. I have his whole name. Like I know him now. I mean, uh, so you can use a first name. You don't have to use a whole name- Okay … 'cause. Was Nathan.

34:33 And Nath- I was like- I like Nathan … in love with Nathan. Like that's little sixth grade, oh, my God. He's gonna be the one. And let me tell you that I had- Could've been the one bad taste in guys back, like- Back then, huh? This right here is the hottest man I have ever been with. Oh, thank you. And- You could do better. No. Like, ugh, my goodness. Ugh. Um, anyway, so yeah, so I, I remember he broke up with me 'cause he wanted to be with another girl, and I was like, "Oh, fuck no." And then I went up to this table to tell the girl off, and this girl, she called me a slut, and I remember kicking her ass or just like pushing her.

35:13 She fell and I was like, "Well, that was easy." But yeah, like she called me a slut. Ooh, I was also called a slut as a freshman by some guy 'cause I wouldn't give it up to him. He's like, "You're such a slut." I said, "Mm, am I though?" How does that work out? Guys, they b- guys knew what to say to hurt a girl's feelings. And I remember that I wasn't that girl. You couldn't hurt my feelings. Didn't work, didn't work, huh? What you did was piss me off. It's still kind of the same. And, um, I guess so. Well, hurt feelings, I would like be like, oh, inside myself. Yeah. Um, names are just names, but yeah, uh, and it was always a guy. Mm. The girl, of course, because I didn't, I wanted to take, she got Nathan away from me, and I was like, "Oh, my God." Um, but other than that, I wasn't very easy to be a slut.

36:02 You weren't easy. What's funny is- No … I've heard you tell stories ab- o- like you were easy. Yeah. Uh, but you were not easy. No. Y- your idea of being easy back then- No was you had a lot of boyfriends- Yes … that you would maybe, possibly, occasionally kiss. Maybe. Maybe. Uh, that, that slut does not make- And not by lack of wanting. I wanted to kiss these guys. Yeah. But I guess just being young, being embarrassed, they had, they were teenagers too, so it was- Yeah … you know, that scaredness and the rejection feeling. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that was my sluttiness, that I had boyfriends, I had hoes in different zip codes.

36:43 Yeah. But come on. Yeah. I had one every high school. Wow. Yeah. There were some I didn't even see. Like, they were just like my phone boyfriends. It's funny, you know, when we're younger- Yeah … um, you know, like high school age even into some of college age, we associate sluttiness with, oh, well, they're talking to a lot of people. Yeah. They're just talking to a lot of people. We don't know if there's any sexual things happening. Yeah. But they're talking to a lot of people. Yeah. Obviously, as we've gotten older, we've realized that's not sluttiness. That's actually non-monogamy. Yeah. And that's- I mean- I mean, that's, uh, that's what it comes down to and we've talked about this. We've talked about, like, what, um, what makes a person slutty.

37:24 Well, y- you and I have talked about it, but let's revisit that because what, what exactly makes a person slutty- Exa- … in your opinion? In my opinion, it's a person who, just not thinking as a non-monogamist, just thinking- Sure, sure as a regular monogamous vanilla person. Right. It would be a person that fucks a lot of different people just for the fun of it, and she's very loose and slutty. Just for the fun of it. Yeah, which is so dumb. Which, I mean- One, because- What, what are the two, what are the reasons to have sex? Sex is fucking fun. Either to procreate- Exactly … or to have a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Sex is fun, and having lots of different sexual partners is fun and amazing.

38:07 Yeah. But think vanilla. Yeah. That, because the word vanilla, it's a, that's a vanilla word. What does it even mean? I don't know. You know, the first time that I had ever heard it, I was, like, five or six years old. Yeah. I got in so much trouble for calling one of my sisters a slut. Uh, yeah. I, but I didn't know what it meant. I had seen on television, we had HBO, and they referred to somebody as a barnyard slut. I thought it had something to do with being a farmer. And I called my oldest sister a slut at the dinner table. Hey, I called my little sister a pig's dropping. Well, that's on a different- You little pig's dropping. That's That's a pig poop. That's, that's not slut, though. I mean, come on. Let's, let's be real here. No, like, you didn't know what it was. No, I had no idea what it was.

38:48 Yeah. But I called her that at the table. And then of course, like, uh, I think there was a tagline in, uh, Saturday Night Live when Chevy Chase did the, the news. Uh-huh. And he was like, "Jane, you ignorant slut." Or no, that was Dan Aykroyd. But anyways, so it was said- Yeah … on TV. Yeah. But I didn't know what it meant. I mean- You know? … it's, it's such a, I don't know. It's a word that just… I mean, women get upset when they're called bitches. Women get upset when they're called hoes. Women get upset when they're called any name other than their name, right? Um, I'm very, I don't get my feelings hurt if it's in nobody I don't care about, so. Okay. What does slut mean, babies? Per Merriam-Webster's dictionary, slut is typically an offensive derogatory term used to shame a woman who is perceived as sexually promiscuous or having loose morals.

39:39 There you go. Historically dating back to the 1400s- Yeah … it originally meant an untidy, dirty, or slovenly woman. Wow. Now why woman? Why woman? Why woman? That's, that's what- And what's the term for man? That's, that's exactly what it is. Like, um, just man. And Just man. And we'll get into that, uh, later on. Mm-hmm. 'Cause I wanted to get into the double standards of it, but- Yeah … you know, that is the official definition of slut. And o- obviously, you know, from the moment it started, it carried a negative weight towards women. Yeah. Um, and I, uh, we in this current position that we're in, we, we- We celebrate sluts.

40:22 We praise that. We celebrate sluts. You go, slut. Like- Uh, you know, honestly- Bing … uh, it, it, by, by definition, if you change that to person instead of woman, you could say I'm, I'm s- a slut all the way. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I, 100%, uh, obviously- I strive to be a slut. So you are not slutty. I am not. Um, but w- and we've talked about this because we, w- she had brought it up to me. I, I, I have this, you know, I… If you've listened to past shows, I have a hot wife kink. Yeah. Um, I, I have a consented cheating kink. Mm. Um, so the thought of her being out there with somebody else and she just can't take anymore, she decides she wants to have fun or do whatever she wants freely, uh, and then comes back to tell me about it, I find that very, very hot.

41:09 Yeah. Um, I think that's incredible. But the problem is, is that my wife doesn't do so willingly. Like, um, it, it's not really in her personality. Yeah. It… You're, you're not a slutty person naturally. No, I'm not. I'm not, um- Which is amazing 'cause I when I first saw you after so many years and I was hanging out with, with you, and stories were being traded very quickly- Yeah about very slutty behavior from your past. Yes. And I was like, "Geez-" I drank a lot … this is… Well, so that's, that, that's interesting that you mention that. Uh, because oftentimes alcohol, when it's injected into… A- and this is lifestyle or vanilla.

41:53 Yeah. When it's injected into a good time at a bar- Yeah … or with a group of friends or whatever, um Things get a little bit loose. Yeah. People get a little bit loose. Kisses- Your inhibitions … start to happen. Inhibitions drop. Yeah. Um, in vanilla worlds, when threesomes happen, it usually happens under the influence. When a girl first kisses a girl, it's usually under the influence. Under the influence. Um- I, for me, it was under the, I was under the influence. Yeah. You know, I'm kinda curious because obviously alcohol helps along slutty behavior, good or bad. Yeah. Um, so if you're monogamous and you're drinking alcohol and you're going to a club, well, hey, something might happen. Uh, if you're in the lifestyle and you go to a club and you get, get a little, uh, drinky drinky, uh- well, hey, something might happen.

42:40 Um, but I'm curious, how about weed? Does, does weed have that same effect, do you think? Not for me. No? Not for you? No. Mm-mm. Oh, that's interesting. Well, n- not… It doesn't- 'Cause you used to tell me differently- So weed- … back in the day … I, so there's some weed… No, I didn't really do weed. Well, so I r- so I remember you specifically telling me, this is way before we partook, if that's the word. Mm-hmm. Partook. Partaken. Mm-hmm. Um, but way before this was even our thing, we were s- we were dating. Uh-huh. And we were talking about how I was an incredible pothead in high school. Um, and you had- I s- that I smoked you had let me know that the few times that you had smoked, you ended up, like, sleeping… Like, it- So- … it, it turned you on and you- I don't remember- … would fool around and- Yeah, the first time I kinda remember, but not really.

43:28 But the second time I smoked, I was smogging out with my cousins at my sister's wedding, and that's when I have my, my two night stands. My two one- Yeah … night stands. My two night stands. Yeah. One on the left, one on the right. That was so slutty. That was not because of weed. That was totally because of alcohol. Yeah? Oh, I was so plastered. Yeah. So plastered. Yeah. W- and that, that w- those were the stories that I was- Yeah … tossed the first time that I'd seen you after so many years. No, I mean, I do weed now, and I I'm not slutty. I do the pot now. I do the pot now. Um- And I am not slutty at all. Well, you said something different about the buddies that you drink. So- That your little THC drinks … I, they lower my inhibitions. I will tell you, I smoke flower.

44:08 That does not lower my inhibitions There is a gummy that a friend gave Adam for his birthday that he quartered for me, and that kind of made me like, ooh, that sensation. It was hot. Yeah. And then, um, buddies for some reason, they kinda make me feel… They, uh, they make me loose. They make you loose? They kinda make you feel like, like you drank a little, but a high. Yeah, yeah. So it's all over, it's a body high for sure. Sure. Oh my gosh. It is so hot. That's interesting. Yeah. Uh, you know, I, I don't think any substance that I've ever taken, whether it be alcohol or weed- It made you- ever made me horny. But primarily because I'm just horny naturally.

44:49 Yeah. Um, I remember- You a slut, baby … I- Well, you know, if I could've been a slut in high school, I would have. If I could've been a slut in college, I would have. Um- Well, you could be a slut now … I tried, guys. I tried. Um, I associated with sluts. Um- Good for you … I hung around people who were promiscuous. Yeah. And, um, while I didn't make those friends purposefully, I did have it in the back of my head that, hey, it doesn't hurt to have a, a, a good slutty friend or two. Uh, I never, ever got it- No … at all. Um, but it… Well, 'cause I was very respectful. Yeah. And had I, you know, been that guy to be a little bit forceful, I'm sure I could have.

45:29 Uh, but that, that's never been my way. I'm just not that guy. Yeah. You know? And, and looking at it now- You just- … it's disrespectful … and, and you never shamed them. No. You were like, "You're cool." Yeah, you're that guy. No. I remember calling women sluts and bitches and hoes. Yeah. Yeah. Especially, I mean, that's, those are our go-to words. Those are our go-to- Yeah … to phrases, you know? Uh, you, you have- You fucking whore, you fucking slut. Especially if the girl wronged you, right? Like- You're gonna be like, "You fucking slut." You know, I- Because she slept with your husband. I, I think a, a lot of, uh, a lot of times that word gets tossed around and, and- Yeah pretty much incorrectly so. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

46:10 Now, we're in the lifestyle- Yeah … obviously. And like I said, between the two of us, I'm more slutty than you are. Um- In my mind, I am a hoe and a half. And this is something that we've talked about. Now, understand that this is a conversation that we have at home very openly, uh, between my wife and I. Uh, but like I said, I'm a fan of consented cheating, and we do have these discussions, um, in bed. We talk about, uh, sexually, uh, things that you could do. Go out with this person, go do this, go do that, you know, and it's hot talk all the way. Um- I'm a slut in your mind. In my head, absolutely, baby, all day every day. Uh, but in real life, this is the fun part, is that, uh, once the talk ends… A- a- and many of you may be able to understand this, because if some of you have ever gotten a porno mag or watched a porn and was so fucking horny and you just had to come, and you're like, "Oh, yeah," you know?

47:08 And maybe, maybe you're watching a porn that, uh, is something you wouldn't be into normally or… But it, but it's just something that you gotta watch to get it going. And then as soon as you come, you go, "Oh, shut this shit off. Turn it off. I don't want this. I'm not that person." You know what I mean? So I've- Okay … I've definitely done that before in my past. That, I think, is what happens as soon as we both nut and the conversation is done Um, then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, wait a second. Now, I've seen it before- What are you talking about? I've seen it before when we've had sex. Like, say we've had the house to ourselves.

47:50 Okay. No kids in sight. Okay. They're all out of town for the weekend, whatever. Yeah. Right? Oh, I get it. And we're talking about it, and it's like, "Oh yeah, you know what? We got the house to ourselves. Let's… We can… Let's invite somebody." And I'm like, "Well, so you got, you got the list of people that you would consider having sex with." Because in the past, um, you know, I would be the one to set things up. I'd have a guy come over, and she wouldn't know him, and it would be a little risky, and it… She wasn't into it, especially because she didn't know him. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I would rather see the experience of you enjoying yourself with somebody that we know, or knowing that you're out there having fun with somebody that we know, uh, rather than some stranger and you know it's unsafe and there's a lot of variables.

48:37 Oh, I don't… It's just for sex purposes. Yeah. So we'll be having sex, and she'll be like, "Oh yeah, let me get on my phone," while we're having sex, which she knows I think is very hot. And she's like, "Yeah, let me get on my phone and let me message so and so." And so she's in the act of messaging. I can't see what's being put on the screen. Yeah. All I see is her on her phone and, and we're going at it. Well, then, as soon as I finish, or as soon as we finish- The story is done. It's done. And then all of a sudden she puts her phone away, and then it's never mentioned again. And I'm like, wait, didn't she just… Didn't she say that she was reaching out to somebody, she was gonna have somebody over? And so then it's like all of a sudden it's like, "No, no, no, I, I was actually… I was messaging, uh, you know, seeing if… What was happening tonight, if anybody was going anywhere or what." You know, it's like- Baby … it was one time you were just going through your pictures.

49:27 Baby. And that's okay. That's totally okay. Like, I have no issue with that. I think that's cool because- But you would like it to carry on. Um, you know me personally, I think- Well, uh, like we talked about during the show with, uh, Amanda Dames, you know, it, it… I guess you could say it is more of a fetish for me- Yeah … uh, than it is a kink. Yeah. Uh, because that's what's in my head oftentimes, and that's what- Yeah … I get off to oftentimes. Uh, so yeah. You know, I like it a lot, and that really brings up the discussion of what do you do when you have somebody in, in a couple who has this fetish- Yeah … and the other person doesn't? And, you know, I think because you love me so much, you're willing to explore this for me.

50:10 Yeah. Uh, and we've, we've seen it. I've seen you, uh, reach out to, you know, friends that we have and been like- Yeah "Hey, you know, you don't live far. I can go over-" I did "… after work." This Saturday. Oh, yeah. I know. Y- y- you did, huh? Or this past Saturday, yeah. But he went to work. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, th- So you see- So, but… And, and, no, that's what I'm- … Pris be trying … that's what I'm saying, like, you're trying. Yeah. Um, but you're trying, but also I… So this is the hard part. Oh, my goodness. No, no, this is the hard part because I'm- Come on, baby … a- as the husband, and I'm sure there are a lot of couples who can understand this, um, you know, there's a lot of husbands out there that push their wives to do things that maybe they're not totally uncom- uh, comfortable doing.

50:52 Yes. Um, and I always am afraid that I am pushing you to do something that you just don't wanna do. Now, luckily for me, you have found your no. Yeah. You have found your voice, and I feel great about that. But that leaves several years unaccounted for where you did stuff on, uh, for, for me, essentially. Yeah. You were not into it. Oh, yes. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm always, uh I'm always in, in the back of my head, I'm always thinking, "Man, I, I hope that this is something that she actually wants to do." You know, it's a quick- And it's not something that I'm pushing her for … it, it's a quick… For me, that would be so easy and all you would have to do is be like, "Dude, send me a picture. She doesn't wanna see you. She wanna see what you look like." What do you mean? Like, if you were to find somebody.

51:33 Oh, you're talking about if I were to find somebody. Yeah. If you were to find some- 'Cause you're always- No, dude … you're always on your phone. I can't because you are too picky. But that's what I'm saying. You'd be like, "Hey, here." I can't find somebody. Because I've, I've attempted to before- Yeah … and we've gone round and round the circle. No, I'm more of, I'm more of just people. I'm super now… I, I enjoy people that I like. Yeah. So- And I enjoy- Yeah … the thought of you being safe with somebody- Like, I used to be real- that we know and like … transparent. Yeah, I used to be real, like, transactional and be like, "Mm, okay, sure, whatever." Now, I would only do that, like, at the club. Yeah. Yeah. I would not do that here at the house. Um, I would have to know who it is that's coming over to the house if I were to have somebody over.

52:15 Yeah. You know, we very rarely put you in a position of unsafe moments. Yeah. But it has happened before. Yes. Uh, where you have played with somebody that you didn't really know very well- Yeah … in a public spot, you know? Yeah. And, and, and, uh, just to fulfill a fantasy, which, which was awesome for me. Yeah. But- But you're there. Yeah. I'm not alone. This time it's like, now I want you to explore your sluttiness. Yeah. And I'm trying. And that's where I'm at. I'm super trying. Like, I have people that I like, that I talk to. Um, so I, I'm getting there, baby steps, because I'm picky as fuck. Yeah. I'm selective as hell.

52:56 Yeah. I want to know I like the person and the person gives me good vibes. Um, so far I gots me a little list. The only thing is that we're in an area that I don't know a lot of people around us. Like, everybody has to travel to us. So now- Yeah … now I have, like, two people near us, so. Ooh. I know. Big time. You see. Hey, that's better than I did, I had last week, which was zero. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, one, it's, it's hard to do when you have- It is … kids in the house. And I work a lot. And you work a lot. I work a lot and we have this- And she doesn't like to interrupt our time on weekends. No. So … Like tomorrow I'm going out on a date.

53:36 Tomorrow? Yeah. Tomorrow I'm going out on a date, and we set it up and immediately I texted Adam and I was like, "Man." I already wanna cancel. I already wanna cancel. Because I have to go home, get ready, come back, and it's like, "Ugh." And I told her, I was like, "You know, you don't have to go. You-" Yeah. "… you can go on the weekend." Yeah. And she's like, "No." Nope. Not gonna do that. The weekend be my time. Yeah, the weekend is- Yeah … is our time. Yeah. And I know y'all want to- And he's willing to come this way, but I was like, "Ah, go that way." Yeah? Yeah. I'm just gonna come home, change, and then go that way. You know, I think I get it. Well, so for me, I get it in the fact that I can set up stuff for myself, and normally leading up to the moment, I'm like, "Man, I should cancel.

54:22 I should cancel." Yeah. But for me, it's different reasons. Oh. For me, it's- For me, it's, I'm gonna get hot and I wanna try it. I, I, I want to… I, I always think I should cancel because I, I have anxiety about- Oh … you know, what, how it's gonna go, but also- Yeah … how you're gonna react, if you're having a good day or a bad day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's a lot that- You have a lot. You've- You know that this is- Yeah … my kink. Yes. And so you know no matter what happens, it's gonna be hot, Adam's gonna be on point. Yeah. And you're gonna be like, "Let's celebrate that shit." But I'm trying to be- But you is a different story. Yeah, and I… But I'm, and I'm trying to be a little bit more, um… Guys, we've been in this lifestyle for 15 years. I know. And that's a still a hard, um, thing for me to do is for him to go and play separately without me.

55:07 Yeah. And be, and be his little slutty self. Um, and I'm… But I'm trying to be more open to that, especially now that I'm, I'm finding my own people. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I guess. So it's easier. Yeah. It's easier now. I'm not, um, my… I'm not home by myself. Yeah. Because we have teenagers. They're fucking gone all the time. Well, you know, and I'm curious 'cause, you know, having sex with a lot of people, uh, is only part of what makes up slutty behavior. Okay, real quick before we get back into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com. Oh, yes. Okay, so if you don't know SDC, it's basically the largest online community for open-minded adults.

55:51 Which, if you're listening to this show right now, I feel like you probably already know if that's your scene. Yeah. It's your people all in one place. Just make a profile and go explore. No weirdness, no judgment, just a ton of like-minded humans living their lives, just like us. Honestly, it's kinda fun just to poke around. Yeah, it really is. Go sign up at sdc.com. Use code 38236. Links in the show notes. Okay. Now back to what we were saying. Yes. What do you think else is considered- You know, honestly- … slutty behavior? … I think it's just that. Really? Just the- I'd throw in more. I mean… So, like, I, I'll give you an example.

56:32 Um, we go to the club. Uh-huh. We go to the adult club. And, uh, you know, we have friends that we eventually will take to the back and have fun with. Yes. Um, and y- you, you aren't that touchy feely with them unless we go to the back. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well- Well, I mean, you're getting better at it I, so I'm not touch… I'm like, I'll touch them like I could touch you on the show. Like a buddy. But yeah, I don't touch them like I touch you at the club. Right, right, right. You know, a- and you know that you can. I don't know if that's okay. Like, well, you gotta ask. That's what asking is for. Yeah. That's what consent is for. You see, I just don't, I don't know, because you know, I definitely- You don't really touch people.

57:17 You don't, like, flirt that much. Like, you'll say- Yeah … something every now and then, but it really takes a lot for you to- It does, yeah … and that's because you used to be a stripper. You used to give guys- So guys, I use- lap dances and shit … I mean, if you're gonna- Touchy feely … if you're think- if you're calling s- that part, that part sluttiness- Mm … being very touchy feely- I th- I think it's a part of the behavior- Of the behavior … that exudes sluttiness. Okay, I see. And I, and I feel like it- Yeah … it kind of pushes that air into it. Yeah. Like, "Hey, you know, this is, I'm showing interest in you." Would you call that more teasing? It's only teasing if you don't give it up. Is teasing part of slutty behavior? I think it can be. I think it can be. But you know, I'm sure there's people out there that, that will disagree with me.

58:00 And I, and I'm not, I'm, I'm not trying to make a debate out of it, but this is what I've always seen as- Mm kind of the- Yeah … the precursor of slutty behavior, you know? Yeah. I- I- if, if I see a woman who's, uh, going out and about at a club and she's, like, grinding up against different people and she's making out with several different people, that's slutty behavior. That's slutty behavior, Adam. It is no sex involved. Like the rock hard. Oh, dude, 100%. I tell you, and I bring this up because I literally, right before you walked in today, um, there was a, somebody that popped up on my Instagram, and I, they, she was like, it had a caption that said, "When I decide to go out with my friends to the club," and they show her, like, making out with this guy, and then all of a sudden she's making out with this guy over here, and then she's making out with another guy outside, and it's like, I was like, "Follow."

58:49 Because that's hot to me. That's- Yeah … that's very hot behavior. Yeah. Um, you know, I- I'm in my head for- Yeah? I'm just in my head for a lot of reasons. Really? Like, what if they don't wanna kiss me? What if- Then they'll tell you no … what if my breath smells? You chew a lot of gum. What if, I don't know. You chew gum when we're at the club. What if they suck at kissing? That. Dude, everyone- Right there … sucks at kissing. That. Actually, no. I've actually found a few people that are not sucky at kissing. Oh, there you go. Yeah. That's a start. Girls too. Um, you know, I, uh, I enjoy it when a woman comes up to me and kisses me. I like that. Uh, to an extent. If it's t- if it's all the time, come on.

59:30 I mean, you gotta give me something else. Uh, but yeah, I, I, I like- Give me a handshake. That's right. Slap my palms a little bit. Um, you know, I, I think that that is a… Like, I would love to see you be that way, and there was a time when I wouldn't have. There was a time when we could have gone out And you, you know, being, like touching another man's- Yeah arm or being, uh, flirty and showing attention to one or two other people that weren't me- The way I was before I met you? Yeah. Yeah. There was a chance I would not have handled that well at all. Really? Nope. But this was before I realized, you know… Like I said, this was- Yeah … a lot of confusing times during those early years- Yeah because I didn't know- Yeah … that I liked the hot wife thing so much.

1:00:17 I di- I didn't know that I liked the hot husband- I didn't know that either … until recently. Until recently, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that ei- Yeah. I didn't think that that was a thing. I- That's my dominant side. Yeah? That's my, this is my property. He is my dick. Oh. This is mine right here. Oh, okay. You can borrow him. You're gonna br- he's coming back. Yeah. And there you go. Yeah. You may or may not get a text the next morning. You may, you may. Just depends. It is what it is, man. But th- that's my dominant part and- She's very dominant … I like when you- Very dominant. You know, I do like the sluttiness. It's hot. I like the sluttiness. You know, it, it represents sexual freedom for me, and sexual freedom is a major- That's- … turn-on. It is. It's a major turn-on. Yeah, yeah. The fact that I can do or you can do whatever we want to do- Yeah … and not have to worry about how it's going to negatively affect our marriage, our relationship- Yeah, yeah our household- Mm-hmm … uh, is everything to me.

1:01:12 Yeah. And frankly, even more of a turn-on. Uh, so whenever I can have my fun and come home and not have to worry about, oh, she's, she didn't like that one, you know? Yeah. Or vice versa. If I didn't like it, he will know. I will tell him. Pre- pretty quick, yeah. I'm not holding it in anymore. No, no, it's definitely not being held in anymore. That's definitely stopped. That's ended. Uh, but you know- … like I said, it, it… But you have gotten… You've come leaps and bounds. Like, you've gone a long way from- Well, you've come a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because I used to be- I mean, you still sometimes do this whole texting thing over here. Like, like I've gotta see what you're texting. I actually don't. I think that's more of you just being, um- I never hide texting from you.

1:01:55 You don't hide, but it's funny when you do, like when you're behind me and you're texting. I'm like, "Where are you?" No, you don't hide shit. It's just funny because you have bad, like, you have moments. If you're in front of me, I, I'm gonna text. I'm not gonna get in front of you and go, "Uh, let me text in front of your face." You're walking in front of me. Yeah. But because the past Adam- Yeah … has raised your suspicions, when you see me on my phone walking behind you, you go- Yeah … "Oh, he's hiding his texts." No, I mean- Negative, ma'am you, well, I mean, that's what I'm saying, there is- I am very out in the open. If you're behind me, I'm gonna send that text just the same. Oh, a- being very open in the way you are and very communi- communicative?

1:02:36 Communicative. Yeah. That's that word. Communicative. Communicative. Communicative. That's right Yes, I knew that was gonna happen it's helped me be very secure. Do you know, me and my coworker were just talking about that. Oh, yeah? Yeah. We were talking about how, um, love bombing. Like, I need that love bombing- Mm-hmm … every single day. Like, and you do that. It works out. Yeah, you do that all the time. Yeah. And I mean, like, I call it love bombing, but in a very positive way. Mm-hmm. This is him telling me that he loves me every single day, all day long. I, you know, I have always wanted someone to reciprocate and to be the object of my love.

1:03:18 Yeah. So as soon as I got you and you were like, "Oh, I love this so much," and I was like, "Well, I love this so much." "I love you so much." So that helps me be secure, and that helps you live your little slutty life if you want. It definitely works for me. I have no complaints. Communication. He's put in the work. It's a lot of communication. I have put in a lot of the work. And, and, you know, as we go along, we're… Uh, you know, I'm trying not to jump into things too deep too fast, you know. I want us to take things slowly just like everything else- Yeah that we do with this. Uh, because I, I love the idea of you being slutty, uh, but also if I stop getting attention from you and that's all you do, like, there's, there's been- There's a problem … you know, there's been times where we've had our, our conversations and I've been like, "Yeah, I'd really love it if you did this, and I'd love it if you just… You know, don't even worry about me.

1:04:07 Don't… If I'm, even if I'm in the room, don't even think about me. You go have your fun because- Yeah … I'm watching." Yeah. And I think that's hot. But then I also say that and immediately hear it myself and sit back and go, "What the fuck are you saying, bro?" "Are you serious? Do you realize that she could just up and say, 'I love this from now on, and you just need to stay the fuck away.'" Uh, you know, that's always an option. That's always something that can happen. And it's, and, and it- You? You? Oh, man, even as, as- You … even as recent as a couple weeks ago at the club- You … that thought rang into my head. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And I know I have nothing to worry about. No. But that's just a natural- I'm obsessed … feeling.

1:04:49 Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's why it doesn't last very long. Yeah. That thought, it, you know, it comes into me and I'm like, "Jesus, she can, she can end up-" I get- "… uh, you know, really enjoying." Yeah. Or like I've told you, you know, yeah, you can date other women. Like- Yeah … that's fine. You don't want me to date, I won't date. But you have that ability to date other women and do your thing- Yeah … and enjoy yourself. But then I say that, and then I sit back and I go, "Gosh, but what if she prefers it after a while?" And then she's like, "Mm." Like, we have a really good friend- Yeah who we've actually had on the show, uh, who is dating a woman. And she's- Yeah … married to a man. Yeah. And, uh, you know, she's very happy in her marriage, but she's also really happy in her relationship with her lover.

1:05:32 I know. And I think that's so awesome, but at the same time, um- Two things. You have always shown me so much love and always been the number one priority in your life. Yes. That if I was to end up being pushed back to second place and your fawnings over daily- Yeah … just so happened to be your relationship with your lady And I had to take a backseat. I don't know, I don't know how much I would like that. You would never have a backseat. Well, yeah, easier said than done- as far as here and now. You just tell me. But what if, what if you find something like our friend has, where you're that deep- I mean- … and you love it that much.

1:06:14 But she loves her husband- And you go- … still. Oh, no, th- That much. Yeah … no question. Yeah. No question. And just, it works out because her husband is very busy. He works a lot. Yeah. And he's kind of one of those guys where it's like, "Hey, go do your thing. I'm chilling here at home. I don't mind being by myself." Yeah. Uh- That's how you are. Ah, that's how I am because I rarely get time alone. What? I rarely get time away from you. Yes. Yeah. Except for during the workday. Yeah. But I'm talking about, like, weekends- Yeah, I get it … or stuff like that. Yeah. I'm rarely away from- I, I… well, you would never be second. No, I know that. Never. I mean- But the, but, but what I'm saying is- But you have not- … those thoughts do- Yeah. Wow … those thoughts do come in. That's- And, and they stick around a little bit every now and then. Oh. Yeah, they come and go. Uh, but I have, you know, I have thought about that whenever I tell you, "Yeah, go, go be slutty. Go have a good time." And, and, and in h- in realistic hopes- Yeah … that you have good experiences, really find this side of you- Yeah … and enjoy yourself.

1:07:10 Because that's what it comes down to, is- Wow is, is not necessarily doing it for your husband- Yeah … but doing it to find your inner, "I like this," because- I mean, I- … everybody has it, different versions … I like, I like being the center of attention. Really? Yes. I thought you hated attention. No. I don't like individual attention. Like, I like if it's, like, s- a few people and I'm the center of attention. Roger that. But if it's, like, one person just giving me attention, it creeps me out sometimes. I don't know why. It's like I'm not worthy, like, stop. I need more. Yeah. You know, that's, I, I have always- No, no, no … known you to hate, uh, attention on, on the norm.

1:07:52 Individual attention. Individual attention. Yeah. Um, but I guess, like, doing a live show in a crowd- Yeah, doing a live show or just having a b- Yeah … a bunch of guys surrounding you and everybody's into you, that you're good with. That I'm good with. Okay. Okay. That I'm good with. But individual attention, no. No. And see, that was conversations that we always had, 'cause I always wanted attention. Yeah. And you always got attention. Yeah. And you're like, "Oh, I hate getting all of this attention," and I'm like, "Uh, you could sweep some this way." Oh, wait. I was saying that for a reason. You made me miss what I was gonna say. I made you. I'm going out and to try to see if I like this slutty behavior, and I'm, um… it's kinda weird still for me. I tell you what, though, uh, wannabe slut.

1:08:35 Let me tell you something. What? I think I unlocked a new fantasy for you last night. You think so? I think so, because I have not seen you respond in the way that you responded- … until I started talking about how you were gonna go out with this guy. Uh-huh. And if you really liked it- After you had your date, if you wanted to invite him out to our local, uh, spots- Yeah uh, both he and I can accompany you for the night and be your dates, and out in the open in front of everybody you can very much make out with me and you- Yeah … can make out with him and do your thing.

1:09:15 And that hit- Ooh … a spot. It- I'm center of attention. Is that what it is? Look at that. Hmm. Evolutionary. I love two, uh… Yes. Oh, man. Forget- That's, that's why when you- Niagara Falls- That's why- … Frankie Angel. So I like center of… It's like that. Um, that's why I was like, "Fuck yeah, I'll date, I'll date a, a couple." Yeah. Hell yeah. 'Cause you like to be the center of attention. I can have a woman and a man be a little… Yes, I will so date a couple. Yeah? I have to like both of y'all, though That's, uh, you know, I think that's easier said than done because you're, y- if you're talking about dating, I mean, that's- Yeah … that's a lot. That, that's a lot of connection that you have to make equally with both- Yeah … and that's just, uh, I don't know, that's, that's a tough sell for me.

1:09:58 Uh, but I think that I have looked at slutty behavior, uh, as, like, an open playing field. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's, it's like, it's like us showing up and saying before we even get started, "Okay, uh, we're both gonna, you know, have this opportunity." Do our thing. "Go do your thing." Yeah. "Don't forget to check in with each other." Yeah. "If you don't wanna do anything, I'm right here. You can be here, but let's go have fun." Yeah. Uh, "And then I'll see you at the end of the night." Yeah. You know, that sort of thing. I think that is a major, major turn-on. It is. Yeah. It is. Yeah. Now, you know, there is one thing I did wanna bring up, though, uh, is, is the double standard.

1:10:39 Oh. Uh, and that's something that we touched up on at the beginning. Yeah, because- Um, there is a major double standard. Obviously the definition itself- Has women, women, women … refers to women- Yeah … not men. Of course, that was the 1400s. Yeah. That was, uh, you know, I mean, throughout the years. And you ask what they call men. The misogynistic times. Uh, but, uh, that is a very good question. Yeah. What do you call a man who acts the same way? Just a man, baby. Um, you know, I, I- In these times, it literally is just a man. It is so okay for you guys to go sleep around, and it is so okay, not frowned, frowned upon, especially with our age. Mm-hmm. Our age group- Yeah … it's not frowned upon.

1:11:19 You can do whatever you want. That's crazy. But I- I mean- … you know, I hate to say it, it's kinda true … but- Like, I can… If I were to, uh, cheat on you- Yeah … like, i- if we were monogamous- Yeah … and I were to cheat on you- Yeah … I could easily find a group of friends who would help me- Oh, yeah keep that on the low. Yeah. You know? Because guys will have each other's back on that most of the time. For sure. Um, and sometimes women- Oh, women will have your back … women will have your back. Yeah. You know, it's kinda… Then I have to go, "Everybody." Oh my gosh. Hey, easy there, pal. This is a public venue. That was me cutting their wires to their phone.

1:12:01 Oh, okay. You can't charge these. Gotcha. Thank you for specifying. Um, yeah, so it, it's interesting, the double standard, because, uh, you know, growing up, uh, I, I knew that- Women were referred to as slutty. Yeah. Me personally, I was a fan of the ones that were referred to as slutty in high school. Uh, those are normally the ones that I had crushes on, I'm not gonna lie. Um, but, uh, those were also the ones that I was not in their realm. Yeah. Um, and I always secretly sought after. The guys that would refer to these women as sluts or these girls as sluts, uh, normally claimed to have gotten it, and I never quite understood that.

1:12:45 It's like you're gonna be derogatory about them, slut-shaming them, but you're claiming to have slept with them, and all your friends are high-fiving you. Yeah. Like, it was very, uh- I didn't get that … after school teen special, you know? Yeah. I didn't get that. I was like, "Why?" But it… That's what I'm saying, it was only the guys who didn't get it- Yeah … are the ones who would call them sluts. That's interesting. Like, I would be called a slut- But I didn't get it because I didn't wanna give it up. And so- I didn't get it … not giving it up was me being a tease, not giving it up. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Well, see, I, I didn't get it, but I also didn't pressure people to get it, uh, because- Yeah … I was raised a little gentleman.

1:13:25 Uh so I was… I just didn't… I wanted somebody to give it to me because they wanted to give it to me. You wanted them to give you their flower. That's right. A plethora of flowers. Um, I, I, I wanted, I wanted it to be- Yeah. Give in … I wanted somebody to want me and say- Yeah … "I wanna give this to you," and I would've been like, "Fuck yes." Uh, but I didn't wanna go, "Hey, you know, m- let me take it out. You wanna touch it? Touch it. Come on, just touch it." Like, I shouldn't have to convince somebody to touch my penis. Oh my God. Um- I've had a lot of convincing. I know. I've heard your stories. Y- And then I didn't give it up, and he called me a slut.

1:14:06 That's incredible. That's… And- Yeah … I mean, quite the opposite. I was never, like, butthurt about it, though. I was never butthurt about being called names. Yeah? Yeah. I was just like, "Huh, okay. Huh." So let me ask you, w- when it comes to slutty behavior, yes, uh, you know, I would- Yeah … love for you to be more slutty, et cetera, et cetera. But from a woman's mind who is in the lifestyle, especially somebody who's been in 15 years. Uh-huh. When you see another woman in the lifestyle who you don't know- Uh-huh … but you do see very obviously exuding major slutty behavior with several people, say, in the club- Yeah … or wherever, is there any tinge of judgment, uh, that makes you go, "Ooh, stay away from my husband," or anything like that?

1:14:54 No. No? Um, no. Now, I know you are a big believer in, uh, if I see that person kissing someone I don't approve of, you cannot kiss my husband. Yes. That's more of a personal thing. Um, no, I don't care how many, how many partners they have. Um, you wrap it. Yeah. That's true. And you know what? And, and you… We test. Yeah, yeah. And so, no, I, um, no, I don't care what they do. That's… I think that's the fun part of the lifestyle is that you can be that expressive and not have any judging, no- anybody judging you. And no, I don't- Yeah, in theory. I mean, there's still- In theory … slut-shaming, man. I mean- There is slut-shaming. Let me tell you, I have talked to couples- Oh my gosh in our community who very specifically have said, "Well, if I see that you have sex with too many people, I lose interest." And that I find interesting.

1:15:45 It's like- You're basically slut-shaming. To you- That's cool. You can lose interest, but you don't have to say that. Yeah, you don't have to say it because- Because you're slut-shaming it's the lifestyle, yeah. Yeah. That's ridiculous. But then the opposite is also true because, uh, I have seen people get shamed for not sleeping with anybody. So I guess no matter what community you go to- It doesn't matter … you're gonna get shamed one way or another. Yeah. So you might as well do what makes you feel happy. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I don't ever, um, I don't ever shame. Like, it, it's… I was just- Can you show me your ways? I was just curious what your thoughts would be- Yeah … if you came up like that and- I'm your younger Priscilla. Yeah. Oh, most definitely. Yeah? Yeah. Mm. Younger, younger, hurt, and, you know, un- uneducated, very insecure Priscilla, for sure.

1:16:28 Very jealous that I couldn't be that person. So yeah. You… Now, do, would you have realized that back then- No … when you were passing judgment? No. That, that it was because of a jealousy thing? No. No? Uh-uh. That's interesting. No. Well, you know what? I think this was a great conversation. This is gonna wrap us up for today, but before we let you go beyond-monogamy.com is where you'll find everything, full episodes, the blog, our merch, and 100% anonymous confessional. I like that confessional. Yeah. I do, too. If, if you got something on your mind about the lifestyle, ENM, kink, the show, whatever it is, you can drop it there completely anonymously, and we might read it on the air. We just might. You can also catch us streaming on fullswapradio.com, Thursdays at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1:17:16 And mark your calendars, guys. We will be at Krazy Winter Nights in Kansas City on February 19th through the 21st, 2027. So that's next year. Use code BEYOMONO for your discount. That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O. And shout out to ProDX Health for keeping us going. Like we said, we do test, and they got the hookup. Yes. And they can hook you up, too. Code BEYOMONO, once again, B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, gets you 15% off. If you wanna check them out, you know where to go. Check the show notes. Yes. And with that, we thank you all for joining us for another episode, and we will see you guys next week.

1:17:56 Bye.