ENM Mailbag: Lifestyle Burnout, Jealousy & Pool Party Game

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick
heads-up This show is raw, real,

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and definitely not rated PG.

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches.

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we're doing
something a little different.

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There's no guest book, no pre-planned
topic, but instead- Oh … instead

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we're digging into our inbox-
Oh … and our anonymous confessional

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because you all sent some really
good stuff this past week.

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Well, then, that's a good show.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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We got two questions today, one from
our voicemail, one that came in through

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our messages, and honestly, they could
not be more different from each other.

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One's heavy- Mm-hmm … one's fun.

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Mm-hmm.

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And we're splitting the show right down
the middle to give each one of the time…

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to give each one the
time that it deserves.

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Yeah.

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Now, the first half of the show
we're talking about what happens when

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one partner falls in love with the
lifestyle and the other one wants out.

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It's real, it's raw, and if you've ever
felt like you and your partners are on

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two different pages about non-monogamy,
this one's definitely for you.

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Hmm.

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Yeah.

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And then in the second half we're
gonna lighten things up a little bit,

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a question from a guy who wants to
know how to actually read the room at

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a pool party without being that guy.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And listen, if either one of these
questions hits home for you and

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you've got your own situation
that you want a second opinion on,

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you can send it to us completely
anonymous through the confessional

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on our website, beyond-monogamy.com.

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You know where it's at.

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No names, no pressure, just
an honest answer from us.

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Yeah.

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So let's get into it.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So this first one came
in through our voicemail.

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Okay.

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Now, this listener specifically
asked to stay anonymous so

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we're not using any names.

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I mean, there's a lot of couples
out there- There is … who, who

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listen- Yeah … to the show.

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We're not using any names, by any means.

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Okay.

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We're not reading any identifying
details, just the question word for word.

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Yes.

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Okay.

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You ready?

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All right.

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So here we go.

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Here we go.

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It says, " Hi.

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I have a question it's kind of like
jealousy and one person in the couple

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just being done doing lifestyle things.

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We have been in the lifestyle
about three to five years.

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We've been married well over 20 years.

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We're at a point where my
husband truly, truly enjoys it.

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I feel like it's been bad for
our personal relationship.

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I don't wanna do it anymore.

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I'm very unhappy.

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I know this is a very non-sexy part
of the lifestyle, and I think it's

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easy to say, 'Just stop,' but we're
really in different spectrums here.

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He's come out with a lot of things that
kind of awakened in him, and I just

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wanna go back and I feel like I can't.

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And I'm just wondering if anyone,
other people who've gone through

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this, have… What have they done?

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How do you figure out what
is fair for both parties?

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Again, not very sexy, not very fun,
but I can't believe I'm the only

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person who feels this way or that there
aren't other couples where people are

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on extremely different wavelengths.

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I just… I'd like to know
what other people have done.

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Thanks.

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I think your show is great." So,
I mean, I have been in her shoes.

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Have you?

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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I- Sounds about right … I have.

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I did not, um… Well, first thing is fir-
… We have always had the, the right, and

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I'm gonna say this the way I'm gonna say
this because I really do not care what

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other people think about our relationship.

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Mm. It's our relationship.

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Mm-hmm.

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So I, we have always had the right to stop
when we wanted and veto who we wanted.

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True.

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So this lifestyle is not going to be fun
if both of y'all are not having fun in it.

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Um, I have been there.

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I'm, I'm telling you that I have been
in your shoes many times throughout

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our 15 years in the lifestyle.

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And even more so with the poly thing.

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I, I- Even more so with the poly,
but- … I really felt like w- I

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could relate to this on our end from
the poly situation because it sounded

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like you, when we were poly, you were
afraid- Yeah … to tell me anything.

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But, but I, I, in the lifestyle-
Because of what it did for me

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but in the lifestyle either way.

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Yeah.

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No, no, no.

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Yeah, I'm just saying
as far as relationships.

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So, and these discussions were
not, "Oh, honey, I just want you

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to stop." No, no, no, no, no.

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We came at each other.

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Like, if I wanted to stop the lifestyle,
um, we didn't have, like, set rules.

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Like, we said we did, but we really
didn't adhere to them because I didn't

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wanna hurt his feelings and I didn't
want him to stop certain things.

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Yeah.

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Um, which, which is, i- is, is
sweet to say, but stupid to do.

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It's unhealthy, yeah.

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It is.

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It's, it's, like, sweet to, like,
"Oh, I, you know, your feelings

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are valid, and what you wanna do
is really sweet," is really dumb to

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say when you are in the lifestyle.

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Yeah, it's not a good idea.

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Like, this is a different
type of relationship.

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You have to be able to say, "No,
I don't like that, and this is why

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I don't like that." Um, as opposed
to somebody who's maybe monogamous.

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I mean, I, they feel like they should
be as healthy, but they aren't.

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Yeah.

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Um, in the lifestyle
you really have to set

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Boundaries really, but that's like a
r- Set boundaries and adhere to it Yeah

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Anybody can put the, the w- the words
on the page, but can you adhere to them?

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Yeah You know?

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And, and find out what is it about
the lifestyle you don't like.

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For instance, in our situation,
Adam was just more wanting to get

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actions done, things done, more
so than what I really wanted.

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I wasn't I don't care about sex as
much as my husband cares about sex.

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I don't care about- Fair

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different type of situation
as much as my husband does.

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Um, now, I will say, that's me being me.

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Like, that's me being the woman that I am.

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Um, I've had floppy relationships
in the bed, and so with that, it's

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kinda kept me from being a little, not
wanting, not enjoying the lifestyle.

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I've… Now I'm older, I'm
finding different, different

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situations really different than
I was when I was in my early 30s.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, but what is it about the
lifestyle that you don't like?

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Well, see, I know for, from our
discussions and from your perspective,

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'cause sometimes I feel like I know
you better than I know yourself.

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Then you know yourself.

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Then you know yourself.

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That's funny.

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Um, but I think when it came to you,
a lot of it had to do with trust.

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Yeah.

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Um, a, a, a lot of it- I was super
jealous … had to do with trust.

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I was very insecure and super jealous.

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Uh, the, the insecurities, the jealousies.

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Uh, and it wasn't because I wasn't
doing a good job of, of reassuring

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you, uh, 'cause I was doing that.

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Yeah.

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Uh, but it was just because of
your past with past relationships

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and the things that you had been
through, you didn't have trust.

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Yeah.

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Um, not only- And you and I
didn't have- … in me and with

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others … yeah, like, we, you and I
didn't… Our relationship in the very

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beginning had a little bit of gaps.

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Yeah.

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Like, things that would happen,
and then you don't know how

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to let go of those things.

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Like, I'm saying, not, not
you, but, like, I don't know

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how to let go of those things.

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Yeah.

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Those- And so it's just be-
kinda becomes a part of you.

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Yeah.

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And it be- it festers out as a jealousy.

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Yeah.

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And it go… And then you say, "Well, I
can't control that, and I don't wanna have

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something that I can't control." Exactly.

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And so that was really hard for me, and
that's why I didn't like the lifestyle.

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He would make… He would find
relationships and find things to,

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people to do And I c- and I couldn't.

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Now, it wasn't the fact that I couldn't,
um, because there's a dime a dick.

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Like, if I wanted to find somebody
to have sex with, I could have

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find somebody to have sex with.

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Good point.

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And now I'm not… Yeah, I'm
not saying that it's just me.

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It's just a woman, it's a woman's area.

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It's, it's a woman's lifestyle.

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Like, it's a woman's lifestyle.

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So, uh, that… It wasn't that.

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I just wasn't in the mood.

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I didn't feel like I
was valued as a woman.

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I was more valued as a pussy, which
to me wasn't- Damn … very exciting.

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Yeah.

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Um, now it's different.

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But ask yourself, what don't you like?

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Like, you guys need to sit down And
you need to be like, "Look, Bob"

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"This is what I don't like." Yeah.

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"I don't, I don't, I feel insignificant
when you are chatting with someone a

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little longer than, than you should
be. Um, I feel like you're putting

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their, the, that person's needs and
wants who's not in the relationship

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with you a little bit more than I am."

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Or, "Hey, you should have a certain time
where, you know, you stop chatting with

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people." Like, i- or, "When we go out to
a meet and greet, how about don't always,

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I don't know, leave me at the table, or go
make out with somebody"- Right … or not

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introduce me as your wife, or whatever.

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I mean, and Bob could have same things.

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"Look, Stacy"

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I like to be wanted.

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Y- but, you know, I
mean, she's right though.

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Th- the… it's, it really comes
down to analyzing the root cause of

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your feelings and of his feelings.

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Yeah.

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And both of y'all's feelings is valid.

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Yeah.

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And then over-communicating it.

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Like- And it's not gonna
happen in just one com- And-

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uh, one night of communication
… no, it, it doesn't.

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And- It's like a series … and you
have to be okay with stepping away.

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And- Mm-hmm … you have to be okay
with your partner wanting to step away.

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Yeah, it's, it's gonna be hard because,
for instance, for me, if I were to

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say, "Hey, hey bub, hey babe, like
that's just it, like I want out.

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I want out of the, this lifestyle," in
my brain, in my insecurity, jealous brain

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of mine, "Oh, who was he talking to?

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Oh, now he's gonna go cheat.

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Oh, now he's gonna be do…" And you
kinda just have to get past that and

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just be full on trust with your, like,
significant other that's gonna be like,

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"Okay, I'm… they're gonna be okay.

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We're just not gonna do the
lifestyle anymore, but we're still

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gonna have fun, like we're gonna
still go and do things," you know?

235
00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:21,367
But it still comes down to trust.

236
00:11:21,397 --> 00:11:21,937
It comes down to trust.

237
00:11:21,937 --> 00:11:22,137
You know?

238
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:25,817
And if you have trust issues with your
spouse, or if you have trust issues

239
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:30,567
with others- Mm-hmm … and I, I, I
don't know of any other way to say this.

240
00:11:30,797 --> 00:11:33,337
It's kinda rough, but that's a you issue.

241
00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:33,777
Yes.

242
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,867
That's not an everybody else issue.

243
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:36,087
Mm-hmm.

244
00:11:36,357 --> 00:11:39,827
And that means that's something
that you have to work on yourself.

245
00:11:39,857 --> 00:11:41,007
Now, I'm not saying that's a- Yeah.

246
00:11:41,007 --> 00:11:43,477
And- … that, that your feelings are
invalid there or anything like that.

247
00:11:43,477 --> 00:11:47,037
But that's, there's a lot to unpack
that I'm sure you haven't- Yes

248
00:11:47,187 --> 00:11:49,667
unpacked yet- And- … uh,
for both of y'all … yeah.

249
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,507
And y'all really should sit and talk
about that, because like you said, it

250
00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:55,917
is, like for me, right, this would be
a… if we drop this, it would probably

251
00:11:55,927 --> 00:12:00,377
be a me, a me issue, me not liking
something, me not wanting to do something.

252
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:06,717
And as my partner, he's gonna
either go with it, or he's not.

253
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:06,747
Yeah.

254
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,087
And you have to be prepared for either-
For one or the other … situation.

255
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:10,377
Yeah.

256
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:17,127
When we were poly, I was o- I was okay,
and I was gonna live the way it ended

257
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:21,597
if whether he wanted to stay with me
and be monogamous with me, or if he

258
00:12:21,597 --> 00:12:23,357
wanted to leave and be non-monogamous.

259
00:12:23,357 --> 00:12:24,847
It took her a while to get to that point.

260
00:12:24,857 --> 00:12:27,507
It took me, it took me
months to get to that point.

261
00:12:27,827 --> 00:12:31,837
And I got there, and then when
I told him, I was like, "Well,

262
00:12:31,837 --> 00:12:34,387
I'm ready for anything." In my
brain I was ready for anything.

263
00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:38,273
Um- It ended up being good.

264
00:12:38,273 --> 00:12:40,373
I mean, we're here now Yeah,
it ended up being good.

265
00:12:40,373 --> 00:12:44,113
I mean- He has no stab wounds I- Has
all his limbs You know, I was p- when…

266
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,433
I had always told her, "If you want
out, just say you want out, and we're

267
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:51,963
out." Yeah Uh, she was afraid that
that was not going to actually happen.

268
00:12:52,043 --> 00:12:52,386
You know what?

269
00:12:52,386 --> 00:12:55,503
I- And I, because I know him You know,
the relationship is- Yeah … more

270
00:12:55,503 --> 00:12:57,243
important to me than anything else.

271
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,643
And you don't like to be embarrassed
And- And you would have to, literally you

272
00:12:59,643 --> 00:13:01,023
would have to break up with people Yeah.

273
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:03,133
Well, I, at that point- You
were already… Yeah … I was

274
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,713
actually out of a relationship.

275
00:13:04,713 --> 00:13:06,123
So yeah, no, I was- Yeah … I was good.

276
00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:08,943
But- But, like, things like that
There are things to consider.

277
00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:14,653
My thing is this: in every relationship
you gotta ask what the priority

278
00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:16,313
is - Mm-hmm … uh, for both of y'all.

279
00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:21,553
Mm-hmm Now, if this is something that
it's, it's priority that you guys

280
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:24,503
are monogamous and that y'all don't
actually do this and, and you just

281
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:27,983
can't look past it anymore, like, this
is everything, then you have to be

282
00:13:27,983 --> 00:13:29,803
prepared to lay all that out on the line.

283
00:13:30,303 --> 00:13:34,213
And if his priority is the relationship-
Mm-hmm … no matter what's

284
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:38,343
awakened in him non-monogamously,
he's going to put away whatever

285
00:13:38,343 --> 00:13:40,413
he has to to do the relationship.

286
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:41,563
I know I was prepared to.

287
00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:42,953
Yeah, or find a balance.

288
00:13:42,953 --> 00:13:47,963
I mean, we know of some
people who just talk the talk.

289
00:13:48,943 --> 00:13:49,363
You know?

290
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:49,953
Just the t- They don't actually play
with anyone They don't play with anybody.

291
00:13:49,953 --> 00:13:51,983
They just talk the talk.

292
00:13:51,993 --> 00:13:55,313
They just are in the community
I mean, Adam and I, everyone

293
00:13:55,313 --> 00:13:56,603
thinks, oh, we just, we play, play.

294
00:13:56,863 --> 00:13:59,153
We, we do a lot talking, a lot of talking.

295
00:13:59,153 --> 00:13:59,963
We play with each other.

296
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:00,343
Yeah.

297
00:14:00,343 --> 00:14:02,393
But, um- I mean, it is what it is, right?

298
00:14:02,393 --> 00:14:04,523
We, we have kids, we're busy I
mean, we, we play with others.

299
00:14:04,523 --> 00:14:05,133
Don't get us wrong.

300
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:08,183
Yeah I mean, it's not like we're
not a, we, we act like- We play

301
00:14:08,193 --> 00:14:08,953
we're pretty active.

302
00:14:09,003 --> 00:14:10,003
She's downplaying that quite a bit.

303
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:11,973
We're pretty active in the lifestyle.

304
00:14:12,263 --> 00:14:16,573
But the thing about it is, is every
time we go out- Yeah … if we don't

305
00:14:16,573 --> 00:14:18,003
play with others, that's totally cool.

306
00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:20,343
That's okay Because we're
gonna play with each other.

307
00:14:20,413 --> 00:14:23,073
Mm-hmm So being a part of this
community doesn't mean that

308
00:14:23,073 --> 00:14:24,343
you have to play with others.

309
00:14:24,593 --> 00:14:27,973
People in this community, sometimes
they're just exhibitionists.

310
00:14:27,983 --> 00:14:31,023
Sometimes they just like being around
people, and then they go behind

311
00:14:31,023 --> 00:14:33,723
closed doors and they have their
fun- Mm-hmm … with themselves.

312
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:40,023
So you don't actually have to play with
anybody in order to still be in the

313
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:41,763
lifestyle- Correct … and this community.

314
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,393
So y'all have been married
for well over 20 years.

315
00:14:44,403 --> 00:14:47,723
So I'm gonna say you're- They've been in
the lifestyle three to five years … so

316
00:14:47,723 --> 00:14:53,973
you're kind of, you're probably our
age, if not maybe a little, maybe

317
00:14:54,013 --> 00:14:56,133
a little younger or a little older.

318
00:14:56,193 --> 00:14:57,683
So you're probably around my age.

319
00:14:58,153 --> 00:14:58,893
I'm 48.

320
00:15:00,353 --> 00:15:02,403
Now- I'm 44 … menopause.

321
00:15:02,823 --> 00:15:03,003
Oh.

322
00:15:03,963 --> 00:15:04,753
Hormones.

323
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:05,183
Hormones.

324
00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,613
Hormones, menopa- well, hormones change.

325
00:15:08,523 --> 00:15:08,693
For men and women.

326
00:15:08,693 --> 00:15:11,343
Men, men are going through midlife crisis.

327
00:15:11,363 --> 00:15:14,913
Women are going through
perimenopause or menopause, right?

328
00:15:15,543 --> 00:15:16,263
It's a thing.

329
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:17,463
It's a thing- Right … homie.

330
00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:24,205
So take that into consideration,
like Write yourself a list of what

331
00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:26,815
of the lifestyle you do not like.

332
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:30,795
Because there's certain aspects of the
lifestyle I'm sure you do not like.

333
00:15:30,795 --> 00:15:34,205
It's not so much what he's doing
or what y'all are not doing,

334
00:15:34,615 --> 00:15:36,435
it's something in the lifestyle.

335
00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:39,805
And then you said h-
something awakened in him.

336
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:41,575
What was that?

337
00:15:41,935 --> 00:15:48,265
Can y'all bring that back into your,
your lifestyle as monogamous people?

338
00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:48,915
Yeah.

339
00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:50,595
I mean, is that… I- is it a kink?

340
00:15:50,605 --> 00:15:52,965
Is it something- Ex- exactly … is
it something that you can just dirty

341
00:15:52,965 --> 00:15:54,415
talk- Yeah … with each other?

342
00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:55,165
Like- You know?

343
00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:55,835
Ex- yeah.

344
00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:58,005
Yeah Like, it doesn't
always have to be an action.

345
00:15:58,015 --> 00:16:01,595
So figure out what that is, and
that's, like, my best advice.

346
00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:03,215
Figure out what it is, girl.

347
00:16:03,615 --> 00:16:04,595
Write it down.

348
00:16:05,335 --> 00:16:06,235
Think about it.

349
00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:12,125
Like, really think about it, and then
write down another, like, list of

350
00:16:12,615 --> 00:16:14,555
what makes you happy in the lifestyle.

351
00:16:14,665 --> 00:16:16,475
Are there any things that make you happy?

352
00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:21,815
Like, I love… I don't like to wear
bras or underclothes, but oh my goodness,

353
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:22,985
I love to wear them at the club.

354
00:16:23,625 --> 00:16:23,765
Yeah.

355
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,385
Like, I love to put on the lingerie.

356
00:16:25,445 --> 00:16:27,125
I love my husband to look at me.

357
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,565
I love people to watch.

358
00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:32,245
Like, there's certain things you like,
and there's certain things you don't like.

359
00:16:32,245 --> 00:16:32,535
Yeah.

360
00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:39,035
So, like- Yeah, and really that's, that's
where we all get caught up is, well, I'm

361
00:16:39,035 --> 00:16:43,685
not an actual member of this community
if I don't play with other people.

362
00:16:43,695 --> 00:16:44,025
Yeah.

363
00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:46,235
Or if y- you know, it's
like all or nothing.

364
00:16:46,235 --> 00:16:48,515
It's the same thing that I
realized when we were poly.

365
00:16:48,825 --> 00:16:53,395
When w- when we were poly, I thought,
"Well, we're not poly if I'm not actively

366
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:55,005
looking for another relationship." Yes.

367
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:55,855
Yeah.

368
00:16:55,885 --> 00:16:58,995
And- Yeah … looking back on
that, just hell, even saying

369
00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:00,455
it out loud, I feel so stupid.

370
00:17:00,785 --> 00:17:02,855
Because that is silly.

371
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:05,345
For you to be a part of a
community does not mean that

372
00:17:05,345 --> 00:17:07,705
you have to actively be dating.

373
00:17:07,975 --> 00:17:10,945
It doesn't mean that you have to
actively be playing with others.

374
00:17:10,945 --> 00:17:14,205
Like, whatever it is, you don't
have to be active in doing anything.

375
00:17:14,215 --> 00:17:15,715
You can still be a part of the community.

376
00:17:15,715 --> 00:17:17,655
We are an all-inclusive community.

377
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:18,525
Mm-hmm.

378
00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:22,715
Um, and now, like you were saying,
sweetheart, you know, d- really write

379
00:17:22,715 --> 00:17:23,955
down what you don't like about it.

380
00:17:24,195 --> 00:17:26,005
But also write down what
you do like about it.

381
00:17:26,035 --> 00:17:26,435
Yes.

382
00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:28,112
What is there that you enjoy?

383
00:17:28,112 --> 00:17:29,795
That's what I was saying, like
your lingerie- Yeah … your

384
00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:31,605
sexiness, like- Is it the community?

385
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:31,775
Mm-hmm.

386
00:17:31,775 --> 00:17:33,575
I- are, are there friends to be made?

387
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:33,665
Mm-hmm.

388
00:17:33,945 --> 00:17:36,725
Because you can be friends with
people and not sleep with them.

389
00:17:37,495 --> 00:17:38,505
We have plenty of those.

390
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:39,135
Plenty of those.

391
00:17:39,135 --> 00:17:39,435
Yeah.

392
00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:45,305
Um, it's, it's not just about sex,
even though the, this specific portion

393
00:17:45,305 --> 00:17:48,615
of the lifestyle- Yeah … seems
to be primarily about sex.

394
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:52,025
It's more about sexual freedom,
and it's more about connecting

395
00:17:52,025 --> 00:17:53,125
with like-minded people.

396
00:17:53,135 --> 00:17:53,295
Mm-hmm.

397
00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:56,175
Um, there are a lot of people
that we're friends with that we're

398
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,905
probably never gonna have sex
with 'cause the vibe's not there.

399
00:17:58,915 --> 00:17:59,135
Mm-hmm.

400
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,285
But we're great friends with them.

401
00:18:00,405 --> 00:18:00,595
Yeah.

402
00:18:00,635 --> 00:18:01,325
You know what I mean?

403
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:05,095
And also, like, we were talking about,
like, your hormones and stuff, right?

404
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:07,075
Your libido changes.

405
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:07,765
Yeah.

406
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:11,545
I do not have a very high libido.

407
00:18:11,685 --> 00:18:12,615
Adam does.

408
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:13,275
Yeah.

409
00:18:13,315 --> 00:18:19,353
Um, if I'm not, like, on my hormone
patch, I'm- Like just muscle

410
00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:21,013
mo- muscle memory like that.

411
00:18:21,013 --> 00:18:21,473
You know what I mean?

412
00:18:21,473 --> 00:18:22,913
Like, I'm just doing it to do it.

413
00:18:23,343 --> 00:18:29,573
Um, so look into that, and let me
tell you that this is going to be

414
00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:31,583
a very uncomfortable conversation.

415
00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:32,530
It will, for both of you.

416
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:35,003
This is going to be a very
uncomfortable conversation.

417
00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:39,913
Um, I will also kind of just let
you know, if you want like a, like

418
00:18:39,913 --> 00:18:43,303
a little list, I do have something
that I can share with them.

419
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:43,553
Yeah.

420
00:18:43,603 --> 00:18:47,503
Um, I've created like a little list
of like your pros and your cons and

421
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:51,003
what you like and how to actually
speak to your partner about this,

422
00:18:51,003 --> 00:18:52,583
because girl, I've been there.

423
00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:55,343
I have been there many times.

424
00:18:55,493 --> 00:18:55,693
Yeah.

425
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:56,353
Yeah.

426
00:18:56,393 --> 00:18:56,593
Yeah.

427
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:57,403
Many times.

428
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,103
So figure it out.

429
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:00,803
Yeah, so be on the lookout for that.

430
00:19:00,803 --> 00:19:03,183
We'll probably have something
offered on our website about that.

431
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:03,473
Yeah.

432
00:19:03,513 --> 00:19:08,933
But, you know, it, it, it's, it's very…
It's a difficult conversation to have.

433
00:19:08,933 --> 00:19:09,303
It is.

434
00:19:09,323 --> 00:19:10,003
It's uncomfortable.

435
00:19:10,073 --> 00:19:11,023
It is uncomfortable.

436
00:19:11,023 --> 00:19:15,223
But you know, if you're with your
spouse, most, most couples need to

437
00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:16,923
learn how to communicate like that.

438
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,473
If you can't have a difficult
conversation with your spouse-

439
00:19:19,513 --> 00:19:22,013
Yeah … then y- you're in trouble.

440
00:19:22,143 --> 00:19:22,493
Yeah.

441
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,533
And you kind of like, Adam and I,
we do this, "Hey, I need your be-

442
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:28,363
I need best friend ears right now.
Like, I just need you to listen

443
00:19:28,363 --> 00:19:29,883
to me." That means don't react.

444
00:19:29,943 --> 00:19:30,713
Don't react.

445
00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:31,943
Don't say anything.

446
00:19:32,123 --> 00:19:32,733
Let me do it.

447
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:34,163
Okay, now I need husband now.

448
00:19:34,163 --> 00:19:36,773
Here's, here are my things
that I like, and now I want

449
00:19:36,773 --> 00:19:37,553
you to talk to me about them.

450
00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:38,163
Here's the problem.

451
00:19:38,163 --> 00:19:38,993
I need you to solve it.

452
00:19:39,023 --> 00:19:39,193
Yes.

453
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:39,763
That sort of thing.

454
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:43,543
Um, and I hope that y'all
guys can communicate like that

455
00:19:43,543 --> 00:19:46,113
because you need to have that.

456
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:50,083
That is like probably tool
number two in the lifestyle.

457
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:56,035
Mm. You have to be able to bring up
those- Uncomfortable conversations

458
00:19:56,175 --> 00:19:59,055
And I can't emphasize this
enough, you should do it sober.

459
00:19:59,265 --> 00:19:59,535
Yes.

460
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:01,345
It should be a sober conversation.

461
00:20:01,345 --> 00:20:01,635
Yes.

462
00:20:01,905 --> 00:20:07,165
Um, alcohol or anything else should
not be, uh, introduced- Yes … at

463
00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,705
all during this conversation.

464
00:20:08,715 --> 00:20:11,135
Because obviously alcohol is a depressant.

465
00:20:11,465 --> 00:20:11,545
Yes.

466
00:20:11,575 --> 00:20:17,695
Uh, so if you guys are drinking and all
of a sudden it's brought up, it's no good.

467
00:20:17,985 --> 00:20:21,835
So look, look male subjects.

468
00:20:23,115 --> 00:20:25,435
It's hard for us women to
communicate as much as it's

469
00:20:25,435 --> 00:20:27,005
hard for y'all to communicate.

470
00:20:27,295 --> 00:20:28,575
This is not an argument.

471
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:34,295
This is just your female partner coming
into your little bubble and saying,

472
00:20:34,295 --> 00:20:39,295
"Hey, I'm feeling uncomfortable about
this. I don't like this. I really wanna

473
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:43,435
stop." And you know, stopping may not
be forever, it may be just a pause.

474
00:20:43,465 --> 00:20:47,635
Maybe you just need a pause and
y'all need to reawaken whatever

475
00:20:47,635 --> 00:20:49,395
it was that got y'all together.

476
00:20:49,435 --> 00:20:49,885
True.

477
00:20:50,075 --> 00:20:53,215
You know, I'm gonna take it even further
than that from the guy perspective-

478
00:20:53,245 --> 00:20:54,595
Yes … just to continue on with that.

479
00:20:54,595 --> 00:20:55,045
Yes.

480
00:20:56,095 --> 00:21:01,155
Is something I had to learn was to let
your guard down and let your pride go.

481
00:21:01,685 --> 00:21:04,785
W- when my wife would bring
up something that she didn't

482
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:06,885
like, I would get very upset.

483
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:07,145
Yes.

484
00:21:07,185 --> 00:21:08,875
And I would get very defensive- Yes

485
00:21:08,915 --> 00:21:10,595
because it's like, "What the hell?

486
00:21:10,595 --> 00:21:11,305
You don't trust me?

487
00:21:11,305 --> 00:21:13,655
What the hell?" You know, "What's your
problem?" Or he felt, like, blamed.

488
00:21:14,075 --> 00:21:14,335
You know, yeah.

489
00:21:14,335 --> 00:21:14,455
Like I was blaming him for something.

490
00:21:14,455 --> 00:21:15,955
I felt like I was being attacked.

491
00:21:15,995 --> 00:21:17,105
Or coming in as a child.

492
00:21:17,155 --> 00:21:17,525
Yeah.

493
00:21:17,555 --> 00:21:18,715
Oh, that was the worst one.

494
00:21:19,155 --> 00:21:25,295
But it took me some time to
realize it's not about that.

495
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:30,345
She's not trying to bring this up because
she wants to make me feel like this.

496
00:21:31,205 --> 00:21:34,525
She's bringing it up because it's a
very valid feeling that she's having,

497
00:21:34,525 --> 00:21:36,295
and she has no other way to explain it.

498
00:21:36,305 --> 00:21:36,565
Mm-hmm.

499
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:42,475
And so all I can do is let go of
that pride, let go of that anger,

500
00:21:42,505 --> 00:21:47,115
and just listen to what she has
to say, and just process it.

501
00:21:47,115 --> 00:21:48,435
Like, you don't have to say anything.

502
00:21:49,145 --> 00:21:51,565
You can sit there and just
go, "I'm gonna need a minute"-

503
00:21:51,575 --> 00:21:53,135
Yeah … and just process it.

504
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:57,725
And then you can sit back and go,
"Okay, here's my response." Mm-hmm.

505
00:21:57,775 --> 00:22:03,995
And it, it sounds very, um, very easy
on paper, and it's n- it's not easy.

506
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:04,565
Yeah.

507
00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:09,555
But the more you attempt it, the more
you do it, the easier it becomes.

508
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:14,825
And, and it's, if your relationship is
your priority, you're gonna be willing

509
00:22:14,825 --> 00:22:19,885
to do that for your spouse- Mm-hmm … is
to not react, to sit back and go, "Okay,

510
00:22:19,885 --> 00:22:24,595
let me listen to you." And if this is
something that she's brought up before and

511
00:22:24,595 --> 00:22:28,475
you felt like it was something that was
just, you're just being a jealous wife,

512
00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:32,605
or you're just being naggy, you need to
really hear the warning signs- Mm-hmm

513
00:22:32,615 --> 00:22:35,205
because she's probably not being naggy.

514
00:22:35,205 --> 00:22:39,445
She's probably saying it for a reason,
and you're not actually listening to it.

515
00:22:39,915 --> 00:22:43,075
So if you'd actually spend the time
and sit there and actually listen

516
00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:49,809
and absorb it, and, and, and try- You
probably won't have to hear it again.

517
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,749
Yeah Believe it or not,
and then it won't be naggy.

518
00:22:52,879 --> 00:22:57,409
And also, if y'all wanna take this even
further, there are pro- there are probably

519
00:22:57,409 --> 00:23:00,259
ENM counsels- counselors around your area.

520
00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:04,509
Um- That's true … you know, if y'all
really wanna stay in the lifestyle

521
00:23:04,519 --> 00:23:10,329
or you, you don't really know where
to go from here, um, and you have

522
00:23:10,329 --> 00:23:12,659
the funds, look up counseling.

523
00:23:12,669 --> 00:23:15,879
Look up, um, specifically
ethical non-monogamy counselors

524
00:23:15,929 --> 00:23:17,419
in your area or nearby.

525
00:23:17,429 --> 00:23:21,209
And, um, we've had a, we've
had a few on our show.

526
00:23:21,549 --> 00:23:25,709
Um, so please feel free to, to look
back on any of the shows and get their

527
00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:31,529
information, um, because- Yeah … there
are a lot of, if you… There's a, a lot

528
00:23:31,529 --> 00:23:33,809
of building blocks to this lifestyle.

529
00:23:33,859 --> 00:23:36,359
You just gotta figure out if you
wanna stay in it or you don't.

530
00:23:36,679 --> 00:23:40,449
Yeah, you know, if you go to our website,
beyond-monogamy.com, there's an area

531
00:23:40,449 --> 00:23:44,629
there where you can click on the guests,
and as you go down, it'll say what

532
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:49,639
the specialty the guest has, and it
actually links you to their, uh, their

533
00:23:49,649 --> 00:23:50,788
past episode so you can listen to it.

534
00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:51,349
Well, look at that.

535
00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:55,519
Uh, so if, if from there you wanna
contact them, their contact info

536
00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:57,059
is la- laid out there for you.

537
00:23:57,079 --> 00:23:57,349
Look at that.

538
00:23:57,529 --> 00:23:58,709
He's made it so easy for you.

539
00:23:58,979 --> 00:23:59,469
Oh my gosh.

540
00:23:59,469 --> 00:24:00,169
I know.

541
00:24:00,209 --> 00:24:01,099
It's so cool.

542
00:24:01,419 --> 00:24:07,459
But- Uh, you know, you have y- you have
definitely a real, uh, a real situation

543
00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:10,819
… she, she said that, or you know, she
said it was, it was an ugly subject.

544
00:24:10,869 --> 00:24:12,679
It's a- Yeah … it's
not a very sexy subject.

545
00:24:12,789 --> 00:24:13,979
It's a very real subject.

546
00:24:14,059 --> 00:24:14,469
It is a very real thing.

547
00:24:14,469 --> 00:24:16,089
And let me tell you, there are people-
It's a real part of the lifestyle

548
00:24:16,139 --> 00:24:20,349
… there are a lot of people that, um, don't
know how to get out of the lifestyle.

549
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,489
Maybe one partner does
and one partner doesn't.

550
00:24:22,499 --> 00:24:26,399
You know, they take a pause or they
just stop, you know, stop altogether.

551
00:24:26,439 --> 00:24:29,069
So figure out something
that'll work for you.

552
00:24:29,099 --> 00:24:33,469
I hope that you guys really do find
the way to communicate and have

553
00:24:33,469 --> 00:24:35,179
those uncomfortable conversations.

554
00:24:35,669 --> 00:24:36,449
They're very important.

555
00:24:36,989 --> 00:24:37,779
Yeah, yeah.

556
00:24:37,779 --> 00:24:42,079
You know, a l- you guys have
been together for 20 years or so.

557
00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:48,699
You already know that it is very give
and take, and any relationship that lasts

558
00:24:48,699 --> 00:24:53,079
that long, you guys have had, uh, I'm sure
bouts of give and take, give and take.

559
00:24:53,089 --> 00:24:54,669
E- everything's a negotiation.

560
00:24:54,689 --> 00:24:54,709
Yeah.

561
00:24:55,039 --> 00:24:58,499
Maybe, "If you give me this, I'll
give you this," sort of thing.

562
00:24:58,889 --> 00:25:00,549
Um, work it out.

563
00:25:00,669 --> 00:25:06,039
See, see what you guys can come up
with that is satisfactory to you both.

564
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:06,359
Mm-hmm.

565
00:25:06,719 --> 00:25:11,179
Um, or if you have to, just
get out of it altogether.

566
00:25:11,189 --> 00:25:14,129
I mean, that's, that's really-
Yeah … sometimes that's the only

567
00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:17,899
option for some people, and as long
as both are okay with it, yeah.

568
00:25:17,899 --> 00:25:18,779
There you go.

569
00:25:18,909 --> 00:25:19,439
There you go.

570
00:25:19,579 --> 00:25:22,529
And to whoever sent this in, thank you
very much for trusting us with something

571
00:25:22,529 --> 00:25:24,609
that's very vulnerable and very real.

572
00:25:24,829 --> 00:25:26,709
We hope this helped even a little.

573
00:25:26,829 --> 00:25:27,789
Yeah, yeah.

574
00:25:27,829 --> 00:25:28,119
Hopefully.

575
00:25:29,533 --> 00:25:32,143
All right, real quick, hold
up your hand for a second.

576
00:25:32,933 --> 00:25:33,333
Why?

577
00:25:33,423 --> 00:25:33,953
What are we doing?

578
00:25:34,943 --> 00:25:36,323
We're doing the SwingTap plug.

579
00:25:36,853 --> 00:25:38,873
This is the wedding ring on my hand.

580
00:25:39,103 --> 00:25:41,803
And this is the bracelet on my
wrist, which I haven't taken

581
00:25:41,803 --> 00:25:42,673
off since we've gotten it.

582
00:25:42,773 --> 00:25:44,853
Yeah, you really should- … 'cause
you gotta clean yourself.

583
00:25:44,883 --> 00:25:45,093
Yeah.

584
00:25:45,673 --> 00:25:50,783
But before we even get into the wearables,
SwingTap is actually a whole platform.

585
00:25:50,943 --> 00:25:54,423
You sign up, one-time fee, no
subscription, and you build

586
00:25:54,423 --> 00:25:55,923
yourself a lifestyle profile.

587
00:25:56,383 --> 00:25:58,613
Photos, preferences, all of it.

588
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:01,903
And once it's built, you get your
own custom link and a QR code.

589
00:26:01,923 --> 00:26:05,693
So instead of trying to remember your
SDC username or spelling out your kick

590
00:26:05,693 --> 00:26:10,823
across a loud bar- You just share the
link or flash the code, and then it's done

591
00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:13,393
and that is where the wearable comes in.

592
00:26:13,393 --> 00:26:17,453
Because instead of even pulling
out your phone, you can just show

593
00:26:17,453 --> 00:26:20,253
them the QR code once they tap
your little wearable thing here.

594
00:26:20,473 --> 00:26:22,273
Yeah, I mean, it really is that simple.

595
00:26:22,273 --> 00:26:23,103
You just tap.

596
00:26:23,453 --> 00:26:25,273
You tap the rings, the bracelets.

597
00:26:25,423 --> 00:26:26,923
They even do NFC cards.

598
00:26:26,933 --> 00:26:27,013
Oh, that's right.

599
00:26:27,013 --> 00:26:27,753
It's really cool.

600
00:26:27,763 --> 00:26:28,153
Yeah.

601
00:26:28,163 --> 00:26:31,763
Someone taps their phone to
mine, my whole profile pops up.

602
00:26:32,203 --> 00:26:35,273
Mine just looks like a wedding ring
from across the room, so nobody's

603
00:26:35,273 --> 00:26:37,323
the wiser until you want them to be.

604
00:26:37,773 --> 00:26:38,813
Same with my bracelet.

605
00:26:38,963 --> 00:26:41,823
It's genuinely the smoothest
setup we've found for events,

606
00:26:41,943 --> 00:26:43,273
meetups, the boat, wherever.

607
00:26:43,713 --> 00:26:46,293
Build your profile once, then
just tap wherever you go.

608
00:26:46,763 --> 00:26:47,253
That's right.

609
00:26:47,403 --> 00:26:49,733
Go check out the platform
and the wearables.

610
00:26:50,033 --> 00:26:51,333
SwingTap.fun.

611
00:26:51,503 --> 00:26:52,753
Links in the show notes.

612
00:26:52,983 --> 00:26:54,523
Use our link SwingTap.fun/share/BeyoMono.

613
00:26:59,063 --> 00:27:00,153
It supports the show, too.

614
00:27:00,703 --> 00:27:02,063
Tap in, literally.

615
00:27:02,473 --> 00:27:04,073
All right, back to the episode.

616
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:09,158
Let's, uh, shift gears 'cause, uh-
Mm-hmm … that one was a little heavy.

617
00:27:09,158 --> 00:27:13,711
This next one is a lot more fun, but
honestly, just as real for a lot of you.

618
00:27:13,911 --> 00:27:14,341
All right.

619
00:27:14,341 --> 00:27:17,611
So yeah, this one came in through
our messages, and it's a good one

620
00:27:17,641 --> 00:27:22,411
for anybody who's ever frozen up at a
pool party or just a party in general.

621
00:27:23,251 --> 00:27:23,581
Yeah.

622
00:27:23,731 --> 00:27:27,921
So this question is from a guy,
again, no names, and he's asking

623
00:27:27,921 --> 00:27:29,881
specifically for the ladies.

624
00:27:29,961 --> 00:27:30,541
Okay.

625
00:27:30,561 --> 00:27:31,201
Let's read it.

626
00:27:31,201 --> 00:27:31,495
Here we go.

627
00:27:31,495 --> 00:27:32,231
Well, I'm a lady.

628
00:27:32,291 --> 00:27:32,981
You are a lady.

629
00:27:32,981 --> 00:27:33,761
Do you want me to read it?

630
00:27:33,941 --> 00:27:34,611
Do you wanna read it?

631
00:27:34,671 --> 00:27:35,361
I don't know.

632
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:36,511
Let's see.

633
00:27:37,761 --> 00:27:39,031
Do I have to do it in a boy's voice?

634
00:27:39,181 --> 00:27:39,771
No.

635
00:27:41,091 --> 00:27:41,531
All right.

636
00:27:41,531 --> 00:27:42,981
So, I have a question.

637
00:27:43,031 --> 00:27:44,641
Maybe it can be answered on the show.

638
00:27:44,791 --> 00:27:46,131
So my question is for the ladies.

639
00:27:46,561 --> 00:27:50,541
So me and my wife started attending a
lifestyle clothing optional pool party.

640
00:27:50,841 --> 00:27:54,651
So far, we have three visits under
our belts, and as a newbie, I

641
00:27:54,651 --> 00:27:56,781
notice the people who are already…

642
00:27:57,431 --> 00:28:02,231
who already know one another get to
playing pretty quickly, and I always

643
00:28:02,231 --> 00:28:03,551
have an issue shooting my shot.

644
00:28:04,201 --> 00:28:08,961
Meanwhile, I turn around and I see
my wife just surrounded by guys, like

645
00:28:08,991 --> 00:28:10,731
minutes of us going into the pool.

646
00:28:11,271 --> 00:28:17,641
My problem is, I don't like it… My
problem is, I don't like to just approach

647
00:28:17,641 --> 00:28:22,291
women that don't show me obvious interest
in me, but then I find out later that

648
00:28:22,291 --> 00:28:26,221
they were interested but were waiting for
me to make my move, but I hesitate for

649
00:28:26,221 --> 00:28:28,201
fear of coming off as pushy or creepy.

650
00:28:29,091 --> 00:28:33,561
So with all that being said, for the
ladies, what are the signs that you

651
00:28:33,571 --> 00:28:37,761
give off that we, as thick-headed
men, let go completely over our

652
00:28:37,761 --> 00:28:41,191
heads, that we can look out for?

653
00:28:41,501 --> 00:28:41,811
Hmm.

654
00:28:42,001 --> 00:28:44,321
And ideally, how would
you like to be approached?

655
00:28:44,751 --> 00:28:49,161
Like, what is a good icebreaker to not
only start a conversation with you, but

656
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:51,771
to also get the, get the sexy point?

657
00:28:52,551 --> 00:28:54,611
Love, love, love the show.

658
00:28:54,641 --> 00:28:55,971
I listen regularly.

659
00:28:56,011 --> 00:28:58,661
I hope I get to hear the
questions answered on the show.

660
00:28:58,901 --> 00:29:00,271
Love all you sexy people.

661
00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:01,141
Keep on going.

662
00:29:01,891 --> 00:29:02,291
Yeah.

663
00:29:02,311 --> 00:29:04,751
Sorry, I kinda… He's a, he's
a way better reader than I am.

664
00:29:05,381 --> 00:29:08,601
Um, so oh.

665
00:29:08,601 --> 00:29:11,691
I mean, this is a really good
question for you because, uh- Signals.

666
00:29:11,691 --> 00:29:12,391
Okay, signals … yeah.

667
00:29:12,391 --> 00:29:14,521
You've- Um- We, we've
talked about this, I think

668
00:29:18,203 --> 00:29:25,643
Um, I gotta say this really quick,
because first off, way to go.

669
00:29:26,513 --> 00:29:27,933
I love that y'all are going to parties.

670
00:29:28,353 --> 00:29:32,863
Um, they're, you know, parties are, are
kind of, can be overwhelming sometimes.

671
00:29:32,863 --> 00:29:33,153
Yeah.

672
00:29:33,533 --> 00:29:35,823
Um, now

673
00:29:38,257 --> 00:29:42,467
Are y'all to- are y'all
together going into the party?

674
00:29:42,477 --> 00:29:44,787
And then at the pool
she's getting surrounded.

675
00:29:45,527 --> 00:29:46,907
And does she like that?

676
00:29:46,937 --> 00:29:48,157
Is that her thing?

677
00:29:48,167 --> 00:29:51,397
What is y'all's… Like, there's so many
questions, like, what's y'all's dynamic?

678
00:29:51,407 --> 00:29:54,217
So I'm just gonna kinda put it as ours.

679
00:29:54,517 --> 00:29:54,767
Okay.

680
00:29:55,237 --> 00:29:58,297
We go in, we go in, we're holding
hands, we're locking arms.

681
00:29:58,297 --> 00:29:58,887
We're usually, yeah.

682
00:29:58,887 --> 00:29:59,167
Yeah.

683
00:29:59,167 --> 00:30:00,507
We're usually touchy-feely.

684
00:30:00,557 --> 00:30:01,817
And we go into the pool.

685
00:30:02,257 --> 00:30:02,537
Mm-hmm.

686
00:30:03,567 --> 00:30:04,697
Nobody fucking approaches me.

687
00:30:05,787 --> 00:30:06,787
That is not true.

688
00:30:07,427 --> 00:30:07,797
Get outta here.

689
00:30:07,797 --> 00:30:10,857
So, um, sometimes, yeah, men will
come up, especially if they've

690
00:30:10,857 --> 00:30:15,657
never seen me, um, in person or I've
never attended any of these parties.

691
00:30:16,027 --> 00:30:18,357
Um, they will kind of come up to us.

692
00:30:18,527 --> 00:30:21,737
Okay, but you have your
three, three parties down.

693
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:22,867
Yeah, they'll come up.

694
00:30:23,547 --> 00:30:24,057
But

695
00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:31,547
You know, I'm not, I'm not that
person, so- You're not really

696
00:30:31,547 --> 00:30:33,137
good at, at, uh, being approached.

697
00:30:33,297 --> 00:30:39,457
I have seen guys who are confident at
parties have literally come up to you

698
00:30:39,467 --> 00:30:44,567
when we've been together, uh, shaked, uh,
shook your hand- Uh-huh … and introduced

699
00:30:44,567 --> 00:30:50,247
themselves to you, and then introduced
themselves to me, and went right back to

700
00:30:50,247 --> 00:30:54,277
you with the attention and proceeded to
say how beautiful you were and, and- Yeah

701
00:30:54,277 --> 00:30:55,027
and that sort of thing.

702
00:30:55,027 --> 00:30:57,177
Real quick, and then be on their way.

703
00:30:57,207 --> 00:30:59,287
And, uh, that has always worked for you.

704
00:30:59,497 --> 00:30:59,867
Yeah.

705
00:30:59,907 --> 00:31:04,607
And I mean, if you come off… So I
would say if you see a woman there, and

706
00:31:04,617 --> 00:31:08,147
y'all are in the pool, make small talk.

707
00:31:08,197 --> 00:31:12,387
First of all, jerky jerks, I
hope that y'all are at least

708
00:31:12,387 --> 00:31:16,167
saying hi to the husband before
you're, like, sharking the wife.

709
00:31:17,157 --> 00:31:18,167
You can add in something.

710
00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:18,847
I mean, you know.

711
00:31:18,857 --> 00:31:19,137
Yeah.

712
00:31:19,207 --> 00:31:22,497
You go up to the husband and be like,
"Hey, I'm blah, blah, blah," because

713
00:31:22,517 --> 00:31:25,957
he's gonna get a vibe for you, and
then, "Hey, I'm blah, blah, blah.

714
00:31:25,987 --> 00:31:28,067
Okay," and then you and I start talking.

715
00:31:28,377 --> 00:31:31,137
Like, make small conversation.

716
00:31:31,147 --> 00:31:32,417
Don't tell me I'm beautiful.

717
00:31:32,427 --> 00:31:38,177
Don't tell me I'm hot, because
that's just the lamest shit ever.

718
00:31:38,907 --> 00:31:43,047
And talking to a woman's tits-
Doesn't work … not a good idea.

719
00:31:43,057 --> 00:31:45,387
Because I'm gonna tell you,
we're at a lifestyle thing.

720
00:31:45,397 --> 00:31:46,407
We know we're hot.

721
00:31:46,627 --> 00:31:47,807
We know y'all want us.

722
00:31:48,227 --> 00:31:50,297
But make it specific.

723
00:31:50,857 --> 00:31:57,217
I will say that from, from just my
standpoint, how I, uh, would talk to

724
00:31:57,277 --> 00:32:00,057
any woman in the pool- I kinda know
what you do … well, what do I do?

725
00:32:00,647 --> 00:32:03,247
You always tell them, "Hey,
you're, you're looking smoking

726
00:32:03,247 --> 00:32:06,267
hot," which I just said was lame.

727
00:32:06,487 --> 00:32:09,377
Yeah, but it's all about
how you say it, okay?

728
00:32:09,377 --> 00:32:13,567
First off, there are certain women
that you know you can say that

729
00:32:13,567 --> 00:32:17,257
to, and- Most women … it will be
accepted- Yeah … as a compliment.

730
00:32:17,327 --> 00:32:17,647
Yeah.

731
00:32:17,767 --> 00:32:19,567
But it's also how you say it.

732
00:32:19,967 --> 00:32:23,287
Um, if I'm staring at somebody
creepily, which I would never do,

733
00:32:23,287 --> 00:32:25,709
but if I'm staring at somebody
creepily and I'm talking straight

734
00:32:25,709 --> 00:32:26,887
to her tits- I'm the creep starer.

735
00:32:27,067 --> 00:32:31,217
and I'm going, "Hey, you're smoking
hot," yeah, no, that's not gonna work.

736
00:32:31,507 --> 00:32:35,477
You know, I say it in a jovial, fun
way like, "Hey, look at you. Damn."

737
00:32:35,947 --> 00:32:39,007
Um- … you know, sometimes switch it up.

738
00:32:39,077 --> 00:32:40,357
Yeah, he doesn't do it in a lame way.

739
00:32:40,367 --> 00:32:45,873
I will say, like, whenever I,
I, if I meet a, a couple There's

740
00:32:46,093 --> 00:32:47,553
two things that I have to do.

741
00:32:47,553 --> 00:32:52,243
The first thing is I have
to find something that I can

742
00:32:52,243 --> 00:32:53,583
compliment both of them on.

743
00:32:54,493 --> 00:32:59,313
And the other thing is I wanna make the
husband feel comfortable with my presence.

744
00:32:59,333 --> 00:32:59,723
Mm-hmm.

745
00:33:00,013 --> 00:33:05,923
Because I can flirt with a woman
all day long, but if the man's not

746
00:33:05,923 --> 00:33:09,263
comfortable with my presence, then
everything goes out the window.

747
00:33:09,513 --> 00:33:09,583
Mm-hmm.

748
00:33:09,603 --> 00:33:13,073
So when we meet couples, the first
thing I do is, what's one thing

749
00:33:13,073 --> 00:33:15,013
that I can say about both of them?

750
00:33:15,253 --> 00:33:16,013
You know what I'm saying?

751
00:33:16,323 --> 00:33:20,053
So I'll introduce myself, and I'll look at
her, and I'll be like, "Man, you, you are

752
00:33:20,053 --> 00:33:22,623
wearing that dress like bam," you know?

753
00:33:22,923 --> 00:33:26,683
Um, and then from there, I turn my
attention to the husband and I'm like,

754
00:33:26,683 --> 00:33:29,963
"Wow, they… I like that shirt, you
know, you've got good taste. I like,

755
00:33:29,973 --> 00:33:32,573
you know, this…" E- even if you don't
believe it, I mean, it's something

756
00:33:32,573 --> 00:33:34,753
that y- is, is very nice- Mm-hmm

757
00:33:34,803 --> 00:33:37,893
uh, to say, and it makes
people feel comfortable.

758
00:33:38,113 --> 00:33:43,183
It makes them feel like, "This is a person
that I can easily talk to." Uh, and then

759
00:33:43,183 --> 00:33:45,453
you just go into a regular conversation.

760
00:33:45,453 --> 00:33:47,263
It doesn't have to be sexually charged.

761
00:33:47,713 --> 00:33:49,213
Uh, and you talk to both of them.

762
00:33:49,423 --> 00:33:49,823
Yeah.

763
00:33:49,983 --> 00:33:56,123
And then eventually, as the cu- the
couple gets more comfortable with you,

764
00:33:56,523 --> 00:34:02,483
the guy will s- a lot of times turn his
attention elsewhere because he realizes

765
00:34:02,483 --> 00:34:03,913
that the two of y'all are talking.

766
00:34:04,003 --> 00:34:04,333
Mm-hmm.

767
00:34:04,393 --> 00:34:07,863
And then it gets a little bit easier to,
to have that one-on-one conversation.

768
00:34:08,173 --> 00:34:10,403
That's the way it has
worked for me, honey.

769
00:34:10,403 --> 00:34:11,193
I mean, you… Yeah.

770
00:34:11,193 --> 00:34:16,793
And, and remember that your
wife is there for you, too.

771
00:34:16,793 --> 00:34:21,623
So, like- Yeah … if you need
a little bit of help, like…

772
00:34:21,913 --> 00:34:22,913
She can be a good wingman.

773
00:34:22,923 --> 00:34:24,543
She could be a good wingman, you know?

774
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:26,233
She could be like, "Hey, um-"

775
00:34:28,539 --> 00:34:32,639
"Hi, I like your bathing suit." Well, I
mean, if it's all, you know, something

776
00:34:32,649 --> 00:34:37,089
about their sunglasses or something,
just mention something, their hair,

777
00:34:37,419 --> 00:34:41,129
or, "Wow, how do you keep your hair
so pretty and you're in the water?

778
00:34:41,129 --> 00:34:41,889
Like, does it mess it up?

779
00:34:41,889 --> 00:34:45,429
Like I know you're a guy,
but…" Come up with a question.

780
00:34:46,289 --> 00:34:47,309
Um- Yeah.

781
00:34:47,499 --> 00:34:47,749
You know what?

782
00:34:47,749 --> 00:34:48,299
And break the ice.

783
00:34:48,299 --> 00:34:49,399
It makes it look like
you're really into it.

784
00:34:49,399 --> 00:34:49,689
Yeah.

785
00:34:49,689 --> 00:34:53,079
And- You know, the, the big thing is
women don't wanna feel objectified- Yeah

786
00:34:53,079 --> 00:34:53,909
… unless it's time to feel objectified.

787
00:34:54,189 --> 00:34:54,589
Yeah.

788
00:34:56,089 --> 00:34:56,599
You know what I mean?

789
00:34:56,839 --> 00:35:00,629
Like, they're okay feeling objectified
in the bedroom, like actually

790
00:35:00,669 --> 00:35:02,789
in bed because it's sexy time.

791
00:35:02,799 --> 00:35:03,259
Yeah.

792
00:35:03,259 --> 00:35:07,659
But up until then- Outside, no … it,
you, you're, they're a real person.

793
00:35:07,669 --> 00:35:07,699
Yes.

794
00:35:07,709 --> 00:35:10,049
You should be interacting with
them like they're a real person.

795
00:35:10,089 --> 00:35:10,369
Yes.

796
00:35:10,369 --> 00:35:10,709
You know what I mean?

797
00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:13,899
Like I've have, I have guys
that I've had sex with, and

798
00:35:13,909 --> 00:35:15,819
they are still super respectful.

799
00:35:15,959 --> 00:35:16,149
Yeah.

800
00:35:16,389 --> 00:35:16,849
You know?

801
00:35:17,129 --> 00:35:21,389
Um, also, I forgot what I was gonna say.

802
00:35:22,399 --> 00:35:22,869
Sorry.

803
00:35:23,409 --> 00:35:23,979
That's okay.

804
00:35:25,279 --> 00:35:27,459
Don't come off… The
confidence and arrogance.

805
00:35:27,469 --> 00:35:28,039
So

806
00:35:31,557 --> 00:35:37,377
I'm gonna say most women know what kind
of man you are as soon as you walk up.

807
00:35:37,537 --> 00:35:37,857
Yeah?

808
00:35:38,617 --> 00:35:39,367
I think so.

809
00:35:39,397 --> 00:35:39,737
Really?

810
00:35:40,117 --> 00:35:46,127
I feel like we sh- I feel like we're all
in… We all have this, like- Intuition?

811
00:35:46,197 --> 00:35:48,527
… douchey bag monitor on our brains.

812
00:35:48,937 --> 00:35:54,917
And we know when the guy is being a
douche or he's being cool, you know?

813
00:35:55,397 --> 00:35:55,417
Yeah.

814
00:35:55,427 --> 00:35:56,537
Oh, I know what I was gonna say.

815
00:35:57,537 --> 00:35:58,417
This is for my women.

816
00:35:59,427 --> 00:36:01,797
Give the guys a little break, okay?

817
00:36:01,997 --> 00:36:05,337
And I'm saying, and you're, and you're
hearing this from a person who absolutely

818
00:36:05,347 --> 00:36:08,017
loves women way more than I do men, okay?

819
00:36:08,497 --> 00:36:12,487
Um, but give them a little
break because they're nervous.

820
00:36:12,557 --> 00:36:14,127
We are exceptionally hot.

821
00:36:14,627 --> 00:36:16,857
We are all very beautiful.

822
00:36:16,857 --> 00:36:18,357
We're very intimidating.

823
00:36:18,377 --> 00:36:20,087
I mean, shit, we intimidate each other.

824
00:36:20,657 --> 00:36:26,207
Um- Yeah … so we're walking in,
we are these beautiful angels, sexy

825
00:36:26,207 --> 00:36:31,167
machines that they just wanna have
fun with, and it's hard for them.

826
00:36:31,377 --> 00:36:36,447
It's, it's not easy for you guys because
I feel like rejection hits y'all more than

827
00:36:36,447 --> 00:36:43,651
it hits us women You know, I've, I used to
think that, but I actually know a lot of

828
00:36:43,651 --> 00:36:47,451
women that are afraid to do certain things
because they've been rejected in the past.

829
00:36:47,451 --> 00:36:48,051
I mean, I'm one.

830
00:36:48,331 --> 00:36:48,541
Yeah.

831
00:36:48,541 --> 00:36:49,061
And I'm one.

832
00:36:49,071 --> 00:36:49,091
Yeah.

833
00:36:49,211 --> 00:36:54,861
But, but I'm saying, like, I feel like you
guys have the higher of feeling rejected.

834
00:36:55,241 --> 00:36:58,891
Like, it, it affects you guys a…
Like, y'all… I see it more for men

835
00:36:58,901 --> 00:37:00,301
than I do for women in the lifestyle.

836
00:37:01,421 --> 00:37:04,011
Well, I think more men
get rejected than women.

837
00:37:04,011 --> 00:37:04,411
That's what I'm saying, yeah.

838
00:37:04,411 --> 00:37:05,751
Yeah, for sure.

839
00:37:05,981 --> 00:37:06,121
That's what I'm saying.

840
00:37:06,121 --> 00:37:06,181
For sure.

841
00:37:06,181 --> 00:37:06,331
That's what I just said.

842
00:37:06,331 --> 00:37:07,091
Oh, I didn't understand.

843
00:37:07,091 --> 00:37:10,281
I thought you c- I thought you meant
as far as, like, handling rejection.

844
00:37:10,321 --> 00:37:11,111
No, no, no, no.

845
00:37:11,201 --> 00:37:13,881
I meant, like, you guys get
rejected way more than just women.

846
00:37:13,951 --> 00:37:14,621
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

847
00:37:14,621 --> 00:37:16,351
So, I mean, so y'all have that, right?

848
00:37:16,351 --> 00:37:18,391
So women, let's give them a little break.

849
00:37:18,721 --> 00:37:22,301
Like, they don't know, not all of them
know how to read the room, but if you're

850
00:37:22,321 --> 00:37:27,341
interested and the guy comes and says
hi to you, like, if you're interested,

851
00:37:27,591 --> 00:37:29,201
make a little bit of conversation.

852
00:37:30,291 --> 00:37:33,071
Guys, if they're not having a conversation
with you, it's probably because

853
00:37:33,071 --> 00:37:34,241
they just don't wanna talk to you.

854
00:37:34,321 --> 00:37:35,471
Oh, dude, read the room.

855
00:37:36,141 --> 00:37:40,971
Um, I, I, I've seen too many times a
guy will come up to talk to my wife

856
00:37:40,971 --> 00:37:46,781
when we're together, and they're
not good at reading the room.

857
00:37:47,291 --> 00:37:50,921
And so, you know, there's, there's a time
where you can make your introduction, you

858
00:37:50,921 --> 00:37:55,891
can do a little bit of small talk, but at
some point she's gonna start looking away.

859
00:37:55,961 --> 00:37:56,691
Mm-hmm.

860
00:37:56,691 --> 00:38:01,121
At some point- Mm-hmm … her
attention's not gonna be really

861
00:38:01,331 --> 00:38:03,071
into whatever it is you're saying.

862
00:38:03,421 --> 00:38:07,451
Read that room and say, "Okay,
now's a good time to make my

863
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:09,021
exit," instead of just lingering.

864
00:38:09,221 --> 00:38:13,151
Yeah, and I mean, if you are interested
and you know the guy is interested,

865
00:38:13,161 --> 00:38:15,561
women, like, yeah, go up to them.

866
00:38:15,571 --> 00:38:20,841
Be like, "Er, hey. Hey, I was chatting
with you the other day," you know?

867
00:38:21,121 --> 00:38:22,611
Come up with something
y'all chatted about.

868
00:38:23,251 --> 00:38:26,231
"Did you finish that report you
were doing at work," or, "Was

869
00:38:26,231 --> 00:38:28,011
work busy?" I mean, anything.

870
00:38:28,311 --> 00:38:32,271
If you know they're interested, make
it a little easier for them because-

871
00:38:33,751 --> 00:38:38,771
Maybe they don't know what your dynamic
is You know, I, I, I will say that if

872
00:38:38,771 --> 00:38:47,421
you want to be good at, um, I guess
having more attention from women,

873
00:38:48,281 --> 00:38:50,831
conversation is, is, is a big thing.

874
00:38:50,841 --> 00:38:55,441
Um- Making a woman laugh is right
up there … But just being able

875
00:38:55,441 --> 00:38:56,971
to have conversation, period.

876
00:38:56,981 --> 00:39:00,551
Yeah I mean, not everybody has
that ability, and that's really

877
00:39:00,551 --> 00:39:03,321
where I lucked out, is I've
always been good at conversing.

878
00:39:03,641 --> 00:39:06,261
But everybody I talk to, I feel
like they're a guest on the podcast.

879
00:39:06,271 --> 00:39:10,941
So I'm, I'm, I'm asking, uh,
very active questions about them.

880
00:39:10,941 --> 00:39:12,441
I do the same thing
and you make fun of me.

881
00:39:12,531 --> 00:39:14,421
You're like, "You always talk like
you're on the podcast." I'm like, "I

882
00:39:14,421 --> 00:39:17,381
know, 'cause I'm always on the podcast."
Well, honey, I'm not making fun of you.

883
00:39:17,381 --> 00:39:19,341
I'm just being jovial
about it when I say it.

884
00:39:19,381 --> 00:39:19,701
See?

885
00:39:19,731 --> 00:39:20,471
That's what he calls jovial.

886
00:39:20,471 --> 00:39:21,411
It's jovial.

887
00:39:21,931 --> 00:39:24,331
Uh, but, you know, l-
learn how to converse.

888
00:39:24,371 --> 00:39:28,071
Yeah If, if you don't
know, uh, definitely learn.

889
00:39:28,371 --> 00:39:33,171
Uh, and if you already know, uh,
use that opportunity to practice it.

890
00:39:33,741 --> 00:39:37,861
Now, I… It's very distracting to watch
your wife with a bunch of guys around.

891
00:39:38,321 --> 00:39:41,551
Uh, but if that's something that
you guys have discussed and you're

892
00:39:41,551 --> 00:39:43,831
like, "Okay, well, you're gonna
go ahead and do your thing and

893
00:39:43,841 --> 00:39:45,761
I'm gonna attempt to do mine" Yeah

894
00:39:46,031 --> 00:39:49,221
Uh, we've said that before and it's like,
yeah, I shouldn't have said that because

895
00:39:49,221 --> 00:39:52,111
I look across the room and there's,
she's surrounded by guys and girls.

896
00:39:52,521 --> 00:39:55,391
And I'm sitting off to the side by
myself trying to give fuck me eyes

897
00:39:55,391 --> 00:39:56,911
and nobody's even looking at me.

898
00:39:57,401 --> 00:40:01,981
So it can be rough to, to try and
figure that part out, but, you know,

899
00:40:02,371 --> 00:40:04,161
you're not gonna know unless you try.

900
00:40:04,431 --> 00:40:08,111
Yeah Uh, but if that's not a part of your
dynamic and you're actually together, well

901
00:40:08,111 --> 00:40:11,401
then when people surround your wife, they,
they should be surrounding you as well.

902
00:40:11,461 --> 00:40:13,591
Yeah And you should be
active in that conversation.

903
00:40:13,741 --> 00:40:17,811
Or, yeah, or, like, go up to your
wife and be like, give her a good

904
00:40:17,811 --> 00:40:20,671
kiss and be like, "Hi, guys" We're,
we're all over each other all the time

905
00:40:20,671 --> 00:40:24,041
"Hi, guys. How are you?" So as, as people
come and talk to my wife, they know that

906
00:40:24,041 --> 00:40:25,961
they're not just gonna be talking to
her, they're gonna be talking to me, too.

907
00:40:25,961 --> 00:40:27,231
And also, take breaks.

908
00:40:27,371 --> 00:40:28,081
S- take some breaks.

909
00:40:28,081 --> 00:40:32,451
If y'all are going to this party, like,
take, take a, a minute really quick just

910
00:40:32,451 --> 00:40:36,801
to kind of get back to each other and be
like, "Yeah, I'm having a hard time, um,

911
00:40:36,951 --> 00:40:38,591
making my first move on these women."

912
00:40:38,691 --> 00:40:41,541
Like, maybe your man needs
a little pep talk, girls.

913
00:40:42,261 --> 00:40:43,661
Let's give it to them, you know?

914
00:40:43,661 --> 00:40:46,491
Yeah, you know, and sometimes as
a guy, I, you know, me personally,

915
00:40:46,491 --> 00:40:47,871
I don't, I don't feel sexy.

916
00:40:47,931 --> 00:40:51,641
Yeah Uh, and I'm like, I, I don't think
that people- Yeah … are looking at me.

917
00:40:51,641 --> 00:40:53,071
Like, we went to this- I don't think
they're interested in me, and then

918
00:40:53,071 --> 00:40:56,201
you'll bang my, my brains out and
I'll walk out being like, "Uh-huh,

919
00:40:56,201 --> 00:40:57,281
I don't give a fuck" Yeah, I can go.

920
00:40:57,421 --> 00:40:58,811
"I'm feeling good either way," you know?

921
00:40:58,811 --> 00:41:01,541
Like, we went to the pool party,
um, a, a takeover and we're at

922
00:41:01,541 --> 00:41:03,131
the pool and we had friends there.

923
00:41:03,181 --> 00:41:04,611
They were on the other side of the pool.

924
00:41:05,221 --> 00:41:07,001
I was like, "Oh, my honey," you know?

925
00:41:08,021 --> 00:41:09,871
I've been all over him
for, like, two days.

926
00:41:09,881 --> 00:41:12,861
"Let me find somebody else." And so I
went and I got our friends, our friends

927
00:41:12,861 --> 00:41:16,721
came over here to the corner with us and
we were all chatting, and then honey is,

928
00:41:16,811 --> 00:41:18,211
is making out with one of our friends.

929
00:41:18,211 --> 00:41:20,641
And so it's like Just never
know … help him out.

930
00:41:20,641 --> 00:41:20,651
Yeah.

931
00:41:20,651 --> 00:41:22,801
Help him out a little bit.

932
00:41:23,351 --> 00:41:23,531
Yeah.

933
00:41:23,721 --> 00:41:26,471
You know, I mean, it, it's
a give or take sometimes.

934
00:41:26,481 --> 00:41:26,501
Yeah.

935
00:41:26,511 --> 00:41:30,111
But, uh, it's definitely conversation
that you wanna have with your partner.

936
00:41:30,211 --> 00:41:30,351
Yeah.

937
00:41:30,361 --> 00:41:36,551
And, uh, figure out how y'all can
best divvy it up, so to speak.

938
00:41:36,551 --> 00:41:36,571
Yeah.

939
00:41:36,571 --> 00:41:36,821
Yeah.

940
00:41:36,831 --> 00:41:37,341
You know what I mean?

941
00:41:37,341 --> 00:41:37,561
Yeah.

942
00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:40,181
How are we gonna… W- who, who does what?

943
00:41:40,191 --> 00:41:44,111
How are we gonna do our parts here so
that we both have a good time doing this?

944
00:41:44,561 --> 00:41:49,441
Because, you know, like we established,
women are always gonna have the

945
00:41:49,441 --> 00:41:51,401
attention- Yes … of men and women.

946
00:41:51,401 --> 00:41:51,661
Yes.

947
00:41:52,021 --> 00:41:53,081
That's just the way it is.

948
00:41:53,141 --> 00:41:53,621
It is.

949
00:41:53,701 --> 00:41:57,511
Uh, and not to take away anything
from anybody, but it really doesn't

950
00:41:57,511 --> 00:41:58,841
matter what a woman looks like.

951
00:41:59,381 --> 00:42:03,021
Um, there's somebody out there that's
gonna find them attractive enough-

952
00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:04,291
Yes … to be giving them attention.

953
00:42:05,131 --> 00:42:10,751
Uh, men, it doesn't matter how hot
you are or how hot you think you are,

954
00:42:11,641 --> 00:42:16,751
if you don't have an attractive woman
by your side and you just walk in

955
00:42:16,751 --> 00:42:21,181
by yourself, uh, you'll get an eye
or two and that's where it'll stay.

956
00:42:21,501 --> 00:42:26,601
Uh, not a lot of people go up to single
males or what appears to be single males.

957
00:42:27,061 --> 00:42:29,821
Um, doesn't matter what you look like.

958
00:42:29,831 --> 00:42:30,151
Yeah.

959
00:42:30,151 --> 00:42:30,551
You know?

960
00:42:30,561 --> 00:42:30,911
No, that's true.

961
00:42:30,911 --> 00:42:31,851
So that's just a guy thing.

962
00:42:31,861 --> 00:42:32,011
Mm-hmm.

963
00:42:32,011 --> 00:42:32,251
Yeah.

964
00:42:32,251 --> 00:42:32,551
Like, you know?

965
00:42:32,551 --> 00:42:36,031
They, they really- You really have to
have something to offer and you have

966
00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:37,711
to be the one to make the connection.

967
00:42:37,751 --> 00:42:38,161
Yeah.

968
00:42:38,201 --> 00:42:39,661
You have to be the one to make the move.

969
00:42:39,671 --> 00:42:40,481
And don't be scared.

970
00:42:40,481 --> 00:42:44,181
We're… I mean, just put in your brain
that not everybody's for everybody.

971
00:42:44,341 --> 00:42:44,471
Yeah.

972
00:42:44,551 --> 00:42:48,551
I know that, you know, it's, um,
not everybody is for everybody, but

973
00:42:48,571 --> 00:42:50,971
you already know, you already said
that there were some women that

974
00:42:50,971 --> 00:42:52,151
said they were just waiting for you.

975
00:42:52,541 --> 00:42:53,671
You got your in, dude.

976
00:42:53,831 --> 00:42:54,071
Yeah.

977
00:42:54,131 --> 00:42:55,011
You've got your in.

978
00:42:55,021 --> 00:42:56,371
Like, that's an in right there.

979
00:42:56,511 --> 00:42:59,731
You can go up to them and just have
small conversation and then you can

980
00:42:59,751 --> 00:43:04,491
ask them, "Hey, um, do you wanna go
play or can I make out with you?" Or

981
00:43:04,491 --> 00:43:06,011
like whatever they're comfortable with.

982
00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:08,271
Like, you've got your in.

983
00:43:08,281 --> 00:43:09,041
You've got your in.

984
00:43:09,051 --> 00:43:09,541
You've got it.

985
00:43:09,581 --> 00:43:09,871
Yeah.

986
00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:13,361
And you know- You got this … the
other thing is too, is, and, and this

987
00:43:13,361 --> 00:43:17,991
is just from my own personal, uh, side
of it, I, I've been at places where

988
00:43:17,991 --> 00:43:21,411
my wife was getting all the attention
and I was getting zero attention-

989
00:43:21,411 --> 00:43:23,551
Mm-hmm … and when I would try
and go on my own and do that thing.

990
00:43:25,255 --> 00:43:29,005
The coolest thing that you can
do is when you're ready, you

991
00:43:29,005 --> 00:43:31,575
go, "Okay, well, I didn't, I
didn't get anything from anybody.

992
00:43:31,575 --> 00:43:32,415
I didn't get any attention.

993
00:43:32,415 --> 00:43:36,565
My wife's over there." You walk into
that crowd of people, you kiss your

994
00:43:36,565 --> 00:43:37,945
wife, and you say, "Come on, babe.

995
00:43:37,945 --> 00:43:39,745
Let's go, let's go bang it out." Okay.

996
00:43:39,745 --> 00:43:42,565
And you take her away from all
of that, because you know what?

997
00:43:43,085 --> 00:43:44,455
That is your spouse.

998
00:43:44,565 --> 00:43:44,715
Mm-hmm.

999
00:43:44,775 --> 00:43:47,095
And the two of y'all are gonna connect.

1000
00:43:47,155 --> 00:43:47,883
That's very hot, by the way.

1001
00:43:47,883 --> 00:43:49,835
And that's, that's
fucking hot right there.

1002
00:43:49,835 --> 00:43:49,975
Yeah.

1003
00:43:50,245 --> 00:43:53,075
Uh, and then the two of y'all
can come back out and, you know,

1004
00:43:53,075 --> 00:43:55,675
you just made a statement right
there in front of everybody.

1005
00:43:55,715 --> 00:43:55,825
Mm-hmm.

1006
00:43:55,825 --> 00:43:57,005
And your wife did as well.

1007
00:43:57,015 --> 00:43:57,335
Mm-hmm.

1008
00:43:57,515 --> 00:43:58,885
And people are gonna know that.

1009
00:43:59,155 --> 00:43:59,535
You know?

1010
00:43:59,535 --> 00:44:00,575
You just set the tone.

1011
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:01,325
I like that.

1012
00:44:01,435 --> 00:44:01,815
Yeah.

1013
00:44:01,815 --> 00:44:02,095
Yeah.

1014
00:44:02,095 --> 00:44:02,295
Yeah.

1015
00:44:02,315 --> 00:44:04,025
I think it's, I think it's frigging hot.

1016
00:44:04,165 --> 00:44:04,225
Yeah.

1017
00:44:04,315 --> 00:44:04,685
Honestly.

1018
00:44:05,235 --> 00:44:09,335
So, uh, yeah, so all in
all, what do you think?

1019
00:44:09,525 --> 00:44:14,455
I think these were two really great
questions and stuff, and I hope that

1020
00:44:14,455 --> 00:44:22,435
we gave y'all enough, um, information
to go on and to be confident to

1021
00:44:22,435 --> 00:44:26,665
have these conversations and also
be confident to not be creepy

1022
00:44:27,115 --> 00:44:28,285
and go and say hi to these women.

1023
00:44:28,745 --> 00:44:33,615
You know, I, I think the fact that
you even messaged to get advice

1024
00:44:33,615 --> 00:44:35,115
on that means that you care.

1025
00:44:35,115 --> 00:44:35,855
You… Yeah.

1026
00:44:36,085 --> 00:44:36,605
Exactly.

1027
00:44:36,625 --> 00:44:38,015
So you, you've got this.

1028
00:44:38,025 --> 00:44:40,105
Like, I think you're overthinking it.

1029
00:44:40,535 --> 00:44:42,605
Um, don't overthink it.

1030
00:44:42,745 --> 00:44:48,185
You don't s- you don't seem creepy because
you're asking for advice, so you don't

1031
00:44:48,185 --> 00:44:53,895
give off the creepy vibes, um, because
then you wouldn't have asked for advice.

1032
00:44:54,195 --> 00:44:54,435
Right.

1033
00:44:54,445 --> 00:44:54,735
You know?

1034
00:44:54,735 --> 00:44:56,425
You're asking 'cause you wanna learn.

1035
00:44:56,875 --> 00:44:59,435
Um, just be j- be upfront and honest.

1036
00:44:59,485 --> 00:45:00,765
Be upfront and honest.

1037
00:45:00,795 --> 00:45:01,145
Yeah.

1038
00:45:01,145 --> 00:45:01,555
Yeah.

1039
00:45:01,555 --> 00:45:01,875
Yeah.

1040
00:45:01,925 --> 00:45:03,915
And to that listener, go get him.

1041
00:45:04,505 --> 00:45:06,355
Confidently, not creepily.

1042
00:45:06,705 --> 00:45:07,725
That's right.

1043
00:45:08,465 --> 00:45:10,225
All right, that's our
mail bag for this week.

1044
00:45:10,225 --> 00:45:12,115
Huge thank you to everyone
who sent something in.

1045
00:45:12,325 --> 00:45:16,515
Whether we read it on the air or
not, we see every single one of them.

1046
00:45:16,515 --> 00:45:19,955
Yeah, and if you got a question, a
confession, a rant, whatever it is,

1047
00:45:19,995 --> 00:45:25,295
lifestyle, ENM, kink, the show itself,
anything, head over to beyond-monogamy.com

1048
00:45:25,595 --> 00:45:26,955
and drop it in our confessional.

1049
00:45:26,995 --> 00:45:30,505
It's 100% anonymous, so say
whatever you need to say.

1050
00:45:31,315 --> 00:45:31,565
That's right.

1051
00:45:31,575 --> 00:45:31,595
Ugh,

1052
00:45:33,735 --> 00:45:36,935
and while you're on the site, go ahead
and check out our merch, catch up

1053
00:45:36,935 --> 00:45:38,765
on past episodes, and read the blog.

1054
00:45:38,785 --> 00:45:39,895
It's all there.

1055
00:45:40,085 --> 00:45:42,925
Yes, and we're also on Full
Swap Radio every Thursday at

1056
00:45:42,925 --> 00:45:44,655
2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1057
00:45:44,705 --> 00:45:45,505
Go catch us there, too.

1058
00:45:45,925 --> 00:45:48,805
And if you're looking for the
next event that we're gonna be

1059
00:45:48,805 --> 00:45:50,995
at, well, there's several that
are gonna come up, but- There is

1060
00:45:51,055 --> 00:45:55,145
the one that we have right now
that we're touting is Krazy Winter

1061
00:45:55,145 --> 00:45:59,735
Nights, Kansas City, Missouri,
February 19th through the 21st.

1062
00:46:00,025 --> 00:46:03,765
If you go to krazykasbh.com, the link
is in the show notes, you can use

1063
00:46:03,875 --> 00:46:08,285
the code beyomono when you register
and get a good little discount there.

1064
00:46:08,515 --> 00:46:12,545
Well, actually, we are gonna
be at Eden on the 19th.

1065
00:46:12,885 --> 00:46:13,405
Oh, yeah?

1066
00:46:13,435 --> 00:46:14,015
Yeah, so.

1067
00:46:14,065 --> 00:46:15,245
The 19th of?

1068
00:46:15,255 --> 00:46:19,035
Yeah, so we're gonna be at
Eden on September the 19th.

1069
00:46:19,035 --> 00:46:22,205
I know it's a couple of weeks away, so
it's not too f- it's not too far away.

1070
00:46:22,715 --> 00:46:23,255
It's a couple of weeks.

1071
00:46:23,375 --> 00:46:24,327
It's a couple weeks away, guys.

1072
00:46:24,327 --> 00:46:25,545
Don't make it- A couple weeks away.

1073
00:46:25,555 --> 00:46:29,725
Anyway, we're gonna be at Club
Eden with our friend, um, with our

1074
00:46:29,725 --> 00:46:33,905
friend, 'cause we're gonna be doing
some, some nice little content.

1075
00:46:33,985 --> 00:46:34,535
Oh, yeah?

1076
00:46:34,585 --> 00:46:34,785
Yeah.

1077
00:46:35,395 --> 00:46:36,475
Oh, brown chicken brown cow.

1078
00:46:36,655 --> 00:46:37,475
Yeah.

1079
00:46:37,825 --> 00:46:38,125
Um.

1080
00:46:38,125 --> 00:46:38,395
That sounds like fun.

1081
00:46:38,395 --> 00:46:40,995
So our friend will be
there, um, Pineapple Jen.

1082
00:46:41,045 --> 00:46:41,555
Yeah, yeah.

1083
00:46:41,705 --> 00:46:42,525
She's gonna be there.

1084
00:46:42,525 --> 00:46:45,865
We're gonna have some fun, and of
course she loves… She came to my

1085
00:46:45,865 --> 00:46:48,175
birthday party and loved Club Eden.

1086
00:46:48,315 --> 00:46:50,955
Um, or was it, was it my birthday party?

1087
00:46:51,015 --> 00:46:51,385
It was.

1088
00:46:51,405 --> 00:46:52,195
And, right, yeah.

1089
00:46:52,195 --> 00:46:52,215
Mm-hmm.

1090
00:46:52,215 --> 00:46:52,955
My birthday party.

1091
00:46:53,045 --> 00:46:56,335
She was like, "Let's go." So
we're planning to be over there.

1092
00:46:56,575 --> 00:46:58,585
So we will see y'all if y'all
can make it out to Club Eden.

1093
00:46:58,895 --> 00:46:59,855
You gotta get your membership.

1094
00:46:59,925 --> 00:47:00,805
Don't forget to do that.

1095
00:47:00,805 --> 00:47:01,655
Yeah, don't forget to do that.

1096
00:47:01,655 --> 00:47:03,905
And I think their link is always
on our site, so there you go.

1097
00:47:03,905 --> 00:47:06,205
And as always, you know, if
you're out there, you run

1098
00:47:06,205 --> 00:47:07,595
into us, which we have done.

1099
00:47:07,685 --> 00:47:07,965
Yes.

1100
00:47:07,965 --> 00:47:09,615
We just ran into somebody
this past weekend.

1101
00:47:09,625 --> 00:47:11,705
Yeah.. We love hearing from our listeners.

1102
00:47:11,715 --> 00:47:11,905
Yes.

1103
00:47:11,915 --> 00:47:13,805
And, uh, we love meeting our listeners.

1104
00:47:13,805 --> 00:47:13,925
Yeah.

1105
00:47:13,925 --> 00:47:18,015
And, uh, you know, it's funny, just
this past weekend we were at Club Eden

1106
00:47:18,015 --> 00:47:21,185
on Friday, and we were saying goodbye.

1107
00:47:21,195 --> 00:47:24,015
I had to… I was taking all
the, the stuff back to the bar.

1108
00:47:24,085 --> 00:47:24,575
Mm-hmm.

1109
00:47:24,615 --> 00:47:26,205
And there was a couple in front of me.

1110
00:47:26,885 --> 00:47:27,715
And so I was waiting.

1111
00:47:27,715 --> 00:47:30,235
Oh, that's right, you said- And the
guy looks back at me and he goes,

1112
00:47:30,965 --> 00:47:35,915
"Hey, you got a podcast, don't you?"
And I said, "Yeah." And, and he goes,

1113
00:47:35,915 --> 00:47:38,715
"Man, I listen to your podcast,"
and he introduced himself and, and I

1114
00:47:38,715 --> 00:47:40,285
got to talking to them as a couple.

1115
00:47:40,285 --> 00:47:43,115
And, and, you know, they were
just like, "Yeah, the podcast has

1116
00:47:43,115 --> 00:47:44,415
really helped a lot," you know?

1117
00:47:44,455 --> 00:47:44,755
Yeah.

1118
00:47:44,765 --> 00:47:45,335
And, and that sort of thing.

1119
00:47:45,335 --> 00:47:47,015
And I was like, "How cool," you know?

1120
00:47:47,015 --> 00:47:48,775
They walked away, and I was
like, that was really- Yeah … a

1121
00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:49,685
really neat interaction.

1122
00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:53,355
And I left my cups there at the bar, and
then I walked away and I realized your

1123
00:47:53,355 --> 00:47:54,735
panties were wrapped around my neck.

1124
00:47:54,735 --> 00:47:57,595
Yeah, they were wrapped around your neck
the whole… You were, like, walking out.

1125
00:47:57,595 --> 00:47:57,965
The whole time.

1126
00:47:57,965 --> 00:47:58,945
The whole time.

1127
00:47:59,345 --> 00:48:00,965
And, uh, didn't realize that.

1128
00:48:00,985 --> 00:48:01,075
No.

1129
00:48:01,075 --> 00:48:03,735
And I was like, I had this whole
conversation with a set of listeners, and

1130
00:48:03,735 --> 00:48:05,445
I had your panties wrapped around my neck.

1131
00:48:05,795 --> 00:48:09,325
So yeah, we do love to meet our
listeners any chance that we get.

1132
00:48:09,335 --> 00:48:09,355
Mm-hmm.

1133
00:48:09,365 --> 00:48:11,635
So if you ever go to a thing, be
sure and come up to us and say hello.

1134
00:48:11,635 --> 00:48:11,895
Yeah.

1135
00:48:11,895 --> 00:48:15,325
So we'll… So we're gonna be there on
September the 19th with Pineapple Jen.

1136
00:48:15,615 --> 00:48:17,255
Well, definitely follow our socials.

1137
00:48:17,295 --> 00:48:17,585
Yeah.

1138
00:48:17,655 --> 00:48:19,095
And keep track of that.

1139
00:48:19,115 --> 00:48:22,235
You can find that all on our
website, beyond-monogamy.com.

1140
00:48:22,645 --> 00:48:26,305
Uh, and with that, we thank you all
for joining us for another episode.

1141
00:48:26,665 --> 00:48:28,235
We will see you guys next week.

1142
00:48:28,445 --> 00:48:29,305
Bye.