QUICKIE: Sexual Assault in the Lifestyle: Why Consent Still Matters in Swinging and Non-Monogamy Spaces”

0:03 Alright y'all, before we dive in, a quick heads up. This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated pg. We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kind of stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kits. So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice and get comfy. Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex. Couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches, not sex couches or just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

0:43 An ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show. And. Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And on today's quickie, it's isn't our usual sexy banter. So sorry guys. It's something heavier. But way too important to stay quiet about. Yeah. We're talking about something that happens more often than people want to admit. Sexual assault within the lifestyle. Yeah. We warned you. Mm-hmm. It's heavy. Mm-hmm. Uh, because yes, it does happen here too. And pretending it doesn't is how people keep getting hurt.

1:24 And I did wanna point out something really quick, guys. If this, um, triggers you, please just don't listen to this episode and we apologize. But, um, we hope that you're healing and we're just gonna continue. Yeah, absolutely. You know, this is one that, that hits close to home for us and for many others. Yeah, I mean, we've heard a lot of stories and, I think that. A lot of people tend to see the flashing lights and the fun partying. Mm-hmm. And this and that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That people fail to remember that Yes, although sex is involved, there are plenty of times Oh, where people have been sexually assaulted. Now I say people. Mm-hmm. Because it's not always just women.

2:04 No. Yeah, no, it is, it is. Sometimes it's men, some, I mean, this right here hits really close to. It's a home. Yeah. And not only because it's happened to us, it's more because for me, I just wanna protect women. I know you're saying it's both and it is both. Yeah. I just wanna be there and I wanna protect women and I feel like this should be a safe environment. And sometimes, well, you've always been an advocate for women. Yeah. Yeah. I really have. And one of the biggest misconceptions is consent. The, everyone thinks that, oh, because I'm in the lifestyle, you automatically have my consent.

2:45 Yeah. How many times has that happened? A lot. Right? A lot. Now, see, and this is, this is where things get muddled. Okay. Because while I am a big advocate for consent mm-hmm. For everyone else, mm-hmm. For me personally. Consent is like depending on the person. Like I will straight up tell a person, you have my full consent to do whatever you want. Whenever. Yes. Like, I like you, you're good. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Now that doesn't hold up for everybody. No. But a lot of times, like if we're walking around in a club, you've seen it. Somebody greets me with a full, uh, make out kiss. Mm-hmm. Um. I'm okay with that. See?

3:25 And I've seen it done without even, and, and it is really sad because women will ask other women if they can be touched. Men will ask women, but nobody asks the guy. No, and I've, and that's why I said I've, I've heard a lot of stories actually from other men. It, they're not as loud or as prominent when it comes to talking about it. Yeah. Uh, because there is a. I machismo stigma to it. Mm-hmm. It's like, how are you gonna complain that a girl's touching you? You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, that's old school way of thinking. Yeah. Uh, but realistically if it's not invited, if it's not wanted, it's, I mean, salt.

4:08 I see. You get assaulted all the time. Well, yeah, and, and I. I get, like I don't get upset about it. It's more of, dude, you didn't even ask. Like you didn't even ask, like ask Yeah. You know, you don't want me to go up to your husband and be like, rah. You'd probably be like, why didn't you ask me? You know, rules are different for different people and they are. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really, it's really sad because there's, you know, they think, oh, lifestyle, oh, free for all, you know? Yeah. But just because somebody's in, in the lifestyle doesn't mean that they're always open to play. No. As a matter of fact, we know a lot of people in the lifestyle who are, who rarely play. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, just because either they're. They're looking for the right vibe, but they're trying to find the right tribe.

4:51 They're looking for the right couple. Mm-hmm. Uh, whatever it is. You know, this, this goes back to the misconception that swinging is basically just a a, a big group orgy, nonstop. Yeah. And it's not Yeah. It's a misconception. No. Yeah. It is a very big misconception. And even within like certain place bases, right? So say if I am already with one person and. Their wife or their partner is right next to 'em, and now I'm gonna engage with them. It's still, you still wanna ask for that consent. It's new person, new consent, new day. New consent, new day. Yeah. 'cause how I was feeling last night does not mean the same that I'm gonna be feeling the next time you see me.

5:33 It is. Moods. Read the room. People read the room. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that's for sure. You know it. This is where, um. You know, like I said, I'm, I'm a big advocate for this, but this is really your this is my baby. This is your baby right here. I love this because like I said, you have always been an advocate for women. Mm-hmm. But what I've noticed is in the lifestyle, there's a lot of people who haven't found their voice. Yeah. There's a lot of people who don't know how to express their No. Mm-hmm. And even me, I took several years to figure out how to find that. No. Yeah. Because I don't wanna hurt any feelings. Yeah. I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I had somebody that was grabbing on me that I didn't like and I didn't feel comfortable with, and it happened over and over again, but I didn't wanna make her feel bad.

6:22 Mm-hmm. So I never said anything. Mm-hmm. All I did was I ended up just avoiding her. Yeah. And that is. Not sustainable. No. Like you can't avoid someone. So only sold. And I, and you see that happen all the time. I avoid a lot of people that I know get get intoxicated at the clubs and not because they've ever touched me because they just don't. It's mainly because I know what they're gonna do. And this is men. Men, right? Women. I would have to avoid most of the club. I love you. Yeah. And, and it's great guys, and it's awesome to be around you, but consent is consent and I do not care if you're intoxicated.

7:02 You have to ask there's a fine line. Like, you know, you're gonna get to a point where you, you don't even know what you're doing. It's like, hmm. You know, I, I, I do notice that a lot of times when. There's an issue like this. Mm-hmm. Alcohol is often involved. Mm-hmm. Um, and usually, and I'm not shaming anybody for drinking, you know, everybody's got their own vices. Mm-hmm. Uh, but obviously intoxication does not make a good night. And every, every story that we've heard and every encounter that we've had, mm-hmm. It's always been the person was intoxicated. Yeah. Yeah. And. Yeah. You know, it could be funny. And the first time they're like, ha, stop.

7:45 Stop. You have to put your firm. You have to have that firm. Tone to you when you're telling somebody stop. Right. You have to make it mean something. So. Well, and you know, that's the thing about it, and this is something that I've heard often and it's unfortunate because it comes out as victim shaming, but what a lot of people say is, well, why didn't you put a stop to it right then and there? Do you know how, how difficult that is? Uh, you know. Do you know that trauma victims, when they're assaulted, they completely freeze. Most people freeze really in the moment of any type of uncomfortable touch. I did not know that. Mm-hmm. I did not know that. Uh, but I, I do know from my own experiences, I didn't feel comfortable saying anything, and so it.

8:31 My go-to is joking and just kind of move away and laugh it off. Mm-hmm. I know women who have done that. I know that you have done that. Oh yeah. And it's because you don't want to cause a scene. You don't want to be a jerk because if you cause a scene in a a lifestyle event, people aren't going to point the finger at the person who's doing the assaulting. People are gonna point the finger at the person causing the scene. Mm-hmm. And that's, that's always the case. Always. And I, I don't know why there's such a, a culture of victim shaming and labeling on that. Because, I understand that some people have used this as a weapon. Oh, of course. And maybe been not so honest about the, about what they said.

9:11 But at the same time. That's something you take very seriously. Oh yeah, for sure. And it's like you, I feel like a lot of women just don't, and I'm gonna say women because men I know that don't wanna hurt feelings, but I very rarely see it when men get uncomfortable with the situation. I see more women and so I'm just speaking as a woman, I feel like. There's a lot of things that we can do as a community to help each other when things like this happen. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like we have a lot of single friends and they're all females and they will come with us to the club, but we're not always together, like they go do their thing.

9:56 My one thing is, what's your safe word? Tell me what your safe word is. What is your go-to thing? Yeah. You've worked out code systems for people before. I have worked out, I've worked out code systems, I've worked out hand signals. And I also tell Adam what it is because I, I'm like, I need you to know what this is. This is I'm not around. Yeah. And always I feel like we need to go back to when our moms were raising us as teenagers, going to the mall. That's kind of difficult because not everybody was raised the same way. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my mom would always tell me, even when I would go to my the's house, my aunt and uncle's house, watch who's around you don't let anybody grab your hand.

10:36 Mm-hmm. When you like, stay together. Yeah. You and your cousins. It should always be like, and I feel like we need to go back to that guys clusters being clusters. You know what the, a big problem is, is that and I've, I've been guilty of it. Seeing something uhhuh, whether it be some, you know, you can, you can look off to the side and see people arguing or maybe there's some struggle you notice right away. Yeah, most of the time. Yeah. But a lot of times we don't know exactly what's going on. We don't know the situation and so a lot of us don't want to just go up to him and, and try and play the hero and go, Hey. Leave her alone. Yeah. When we don't know the situation and that sort of thing.

11:19 I, um, it's difficult. I have stopped people and I'm like, are you good? Are y'all good? Are is she okay? Yeah. Like it's just, but it's, no, I know. But that's, that's something that I think a lot of people have felt. Yes. But they don't, they don't want to themselves over steps. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly. 'cause I have, I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't wanna say anything. But then I'm like. I'm gonna feel so bad if something happens. Yeah, that's really the way you gotta think about it. I saw, I saw somebody this weekend get chastised by her guy that she was with, and I was like, I wanted to go over there to him and tell him something. 'cause I was like, man, maybe she wasn't ready. Maybe she wasn't ready to give her consent on that, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, and that's, that's the reason why we have this podcast.

12:00 Yeah. You can talk about it openly, and hopefully the right ears will hear it. Oh, that's good. Yeah. You like that? I do. That was good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, the big issue I think because we try to provide a safe space for ourselves mm-hmm. But also for anybody. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, if, if we just met and we're at the club. Yeah. And you are feeling uncomfortable or unsafe, just come up to us. Oh, yeah. Um, or find a bartender or find somebody and explain to them, Hey, somebody's bothering me. I just need somebody to help me get out of this. Yeah. There's a lot of people that will play that role for you.

12:41 There is, there's a lot us being that way as well. We are always that way. If you ever see us and you need a little safe space, that is what we. We're there for Yeah. Like, we're, we will take care of you and be, you know, the wall. Yeah. Nobody can get through. And we've had to do that before. Mm-hmm. With people. Mm-hmm. And, and you know, the thing about it is, is that you don't know. You could be talking to somebody who is sober as a bird one minute, and you're loving every bit of that interaction. Everything is great. You think this person is awesome. And then that person walks away. Gets drunk and before, you know, it gets very handsy with somebody mm-hmm.

13:23 Thinking that it's okay. And you may like that person. You may have enjoyed that person but that doesn't change what they did. Yeah. And. When that happens, you know, it's a, it's a bummer for me. It is. I've, I've run into this before where I've really liked somebody, but then that's happened and I've been like, well, you know, as much as I like you as a person mm-hmm. I cannot stay in this friendship. 'cause I don't, I don't want to be a part of that. Yeah. We've had people who. Every time they go out, they get drunk. Yes. And every couple days later, they're always saying, well, I, I messed up. I messed up again. Nope. You know? And it's like, Nope. Well, at what point are you gonna stop messing up?

14:03 Yeah. Yeah. When are you gonna see that there, the error of your ways? And go, okay, let's put a stop to that. Yeah. Because then after a while it's just it's not messing up. You're being predatorial. Yeah. Essential. That's what it is. That's what it is. And also, ladies are my, my fellows and everybody. Your intuition, go with your gut. Someone just mentioned that to us. Go with that intuition. Like if you feel something's off, something is off. Yeah. Don't sometimes he doesn't like it when I tell him something's off. Oh, its such a bummer. Know. He's like, ready? Such a bummer. It's like, nah, something's off. But I've learned to trust her intuition. Yeah. I have horrible intuition. Yeah. Um, I am, but I'm pretty.

14:45 Oblivious to things. I see the good in everybody. Mm-hmm. And I don't like to see the bad, and so, uh, it normally takes me a while. It's, you're my balance. Yeah. And so when you start pointing stuff out to me, I start sitting back and I'm going, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't notice that. I, um, I feel like it's a it's really sad when you're in a spot where you're there to have fun and then you're also, I was just telling somebody that. We were at the club this weekend. Mm-hmm. And I had to move because I felt like I was just, the person was intoxicated and there was no way for me to get out of my little corner there. So I had to go and stand by a friend, and the friend saw my face.

15:30 And so we connected yesterday and we're like, she's like, I can't believe that happened to you. And I'm like, I know. It's so, it's so annoying when it's, it's so sad and annoying when it's a woman that I have to tell them. Can you stop? There's no need for this. Well, and so what I've noticed is because there's so many women that are closeted, bisexual. Yes. In their, in, in, outside of the lifestyle, they're closeted, bisexual, they're playing the role of a straight woman. Mm-hmm. And so when they jump into the lifestyle, they want that. Woman on woman experience, and they thrive for it. And then they find out, well, the easiest thing that I can get is a guy, so let's just go ahead and get the guy, whatever. Yeah, yeah.

16:11 So they thrive for that woman on woman mm-hmm. Contact. Mm-hmm. Because they, they hardly get it. Oh, yeah. And they figure, I used to be that woman I know. And they figured. You're a woman. I can grab up on you. Yeah. You're we're all in this together. Yeah. And that's not the case. I used to be that woman. I would, I would go drink, get drunk, and then be like, oh, I get to touch a girl, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And it, it was not okay then. It is not okay now. Like I know better. And I also know when. I can read the room, right, like we were talking about that earlier, but I also know when it's just not the right time. 'cause you and I may not be feeling like you may want somebody.

16:52 And then I can see that maybe they're always a very handsy person. Mm-hmm. Mm. Or the husband is i'll, I won't even put myself in that situation. Like I know if you're wanting to, I'll just tell you. Nah, I don't, I don't really dig the vibe of the husband or whatever. Yeah. Or vice versa. Yeah. And it's like, okay, we're not doing it. Yeah. You know, I, I really, I remember when we first really started going through this whole thing, we started getting in these groups. Mm-hmm. We started going to meet and greets. We really made it a point to start getting more involved with these meet and greets. Yeah. And I remember asking questions to people and I found out that.

17:34 Consent not only goes for sexual touch, but it goes for any kind of touch. It goes for anything. I had people tell me, because I'm a hugger, I'm a big guy, I like to hug, and I had people tell me right off the bat, they were like I'm not a hugger. And I would really prefer to you, you just shake my hand or this, or, or fist bump or whatever. Okay, cool. Yeah. So then I started. Realizing that not only do I have to ask for consent sexually, but I need to ask for consent just to give somebody a hug. Yes. And I remember talking to you about it and thinking, gosh, this is weird. Yeah. Like, I don't know how, but now it's second nature. Yeah. I've done it so much and people seem to respect the fact that I, I ask every single time.

18:18 Yeah. And that's for people that I know. Yeah. I still ask. Yeah. Because you just never know. Yeah. You just never know. Sometimes I don't wanna be touched, so I do not ever wanna be touched. Sometimes I don't wanna be touched. Don't touch me, don't touch me. But you know, if I'm around people that I know Yeah. Maybe aren't feeling it or anything like that, I keep my hands in my pocket. Yeah. You'll see me with my hands in my pocket. Like it's that simple. Yeah. Now do I mind people touching up on me? No. No, but that's my thing, and I'm vocal about that. Yeah. So if it happens, I'm okay with it. Yeah. You used to get very upset on my behalf. Yeah. And that's when we had to have the talk. I had to tell you because this's my property and I'd be like, it's like, no.

18:59 So. You didn't listen to anything that the guy that we talked to? Oh, no. Now I, no, that's what I'm saying. That's why this is my property. Well, that's why you, I, you say I'm mad because it was my property. Oh, I thought you were saying that right now. I mean, I was like, goodness gracious, it's my property, but, oh, that's true. Uh, I mean, and where does this usually show up at? Everywhere you would, you would think that it shows up at parties and clubs and It does. It does. But sometimes this can happen one-on-one dates. It can happen any anywhere, guys. It. Do you remember, sorry to cut you off. Do you remember when, what time? When we fell in love? Horrible song. Um, do you remember when you were here, Uhhuh in Central Texas?

19:43 I was back home. Uhhuh raising our children. Yes. And we were poly. Yes. And you went out on a date with a guy? Yes. And you were not feeling it? And he really, really wanted to give you a kiss. Yes. And it got creepy. Do you, do you recall that? I do. How did that go? So we met at a pizza place, a very busy pizza place. And it was a, a, it's very lit. Like there's, so you walk in, you, we, I got there and he's like, he gives me a hug and I'm always a side hugger. Mm-hmm. Gives me a hug. And then we get in line. And when we're in line, he's just staring at me like this. I'm like literally inches from Adam's face.

20:25 Wow. Yeah. And then I looked at him and I was like hi. And he is like, can I give you a kiss? And I'm like no, it's okay. And so we went, we got our pizza, we sat down who's being weird? Oh, I want to date you. Oh my goodness, I could marry you, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, this is getting really awkward. Let's box up the pizza. We're walking out. And he was like. Like touching my hair and wanted to smell it. And then he was like, can I kiss you? And I'm like, no. And he is like, can I kiss you next time when I pick you up? And I'm like no. This is it. This is it. We're done. Now. I was not always that woman. I mean at, at, he asked. Yeah. I was not always that woman.

21:06 I was always a pushover. Mm-hmm. I was m. Submissive to the men that I was with mostly. And so I didn't know I didn't have a voice. Yeah. Yeah. I have a voice now. Very much so. I have a voice for too many. I have a voice for others. Yeah. They don't even want it. That's this guy right here. But again, if I'm not feeling it and I'm not feeling the vibe. I have to like pull him and it's unfortunate, but I do. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, what I do have to remind you of sometimes is that I have my own voice and I can make my own decisions. Yeah. And I can. But I do appreciate you having my back in that. And I know that there are a lot of people that appreciate that too. And if I see someone that's too intoxicated and making out with you.

21:50 Yeah. I'm like, no, we're not doing that. You start pulling me mm-hmm. Start pulling me away. I do. I start pulling you, and it's probably not the nicest way that I pull him, but I pull him and I'm like, she's just too much. Like, it's too, she's too intoxicated. Yeah. Well, you know the, that's the big issue with the lifestyles that people feel like. We're in the lifestyle, we're all in this for the same reason. Mm-hmm. So anything goes. Yeah. And no. Mm. That's not, uh, that's a very dangerous mentality of thinking. Mm-hmm. And, uh, it shouldn't be like that. I know this sort of thing comes up a lot, like I said, in clubs, parties all the time. Takeovers, hotel takeovers. I know it happened. Beach takeover.

22:30 Mm-hmm. It happened at, at several different takeovers. Mm-hmm. Alcohol happens. There's not people around. You know, it's easy to get lost in the crowd. Mm-hmm. It is what it is. Um. That's why I always recommend having a small, tight-knit group Yes. That you can travel with, that you can have around, so that everybody looks after everybody. Mm-hmm. There's never a time where you're alone by yourself and in a corner. You know what I mean? And especially partners. Partners, when y'all are, if y'all are playing separate, at least know where the other one is. You gotta be able to at least reach out to each other to know that you're safe. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, there's different types. I mean, we there's really light assault, like obviously you think grabbing up on you and grabbing your privates and that sort of thing, that, that's sexual assault, but mm-hmm.

23:20 It comes on in different versions. Yeah. You've got pressure disguised as flirting. Yes, you've got the accidental touches that weren't invited. I see that a lot with guys on women. You know, they, they put their hands on the small of their back. Mm-hmm. Or they massage them mm-hmm. Or touch their arms. Well, that wasn't invited. Mm-hmm. And you can see the face that Yes. Is emitted from that. Yes. Um, oh, I've seen people like literally make out. Yeah. And she's trying to push away. Yeah, I've seen that too. That's pretty bad. But yeah, no. Hey, alcohol. It blurs those little boundaries, guys. It really does. It does. I know. And it's not only alcohol, other drugs can blur it. That's just what we see, and that's what we're just giving our opinion on.

24:00 Yeah. And no judgment, man. You know? No judgment. You know, everybody, like I said, has their own vices. Yes. The reason why we're talking about it, and we're talking about it so openly, is because it happens so often mm-hmm. That A, if you're new to the lifestyle, or if you've been in the lifestyle and you have not had this happen to you, mm-hmm. You know, now. What you should look for. Yeah. And you know that it exists. Mm-hmm. That it's, you know that there are red flags out there that you should be keeping an eye out on, and if you see a red flag walk away from it. You don't need it. You don't need to be there with that. Mm-hmm. And that's really the big thing is. Is we want to be able to talk about it openly so that you feel comfortable. Yes. Talking about it openly.

24:40 There's too much shame that is put on this. Yes. Yes. There's Even when it happened to you Yes. And you had to talk about it, you felt shame. I felt bad, and it's like, dude, this is a very serious topic. Mm-hmm. I understand that people like to put shame on others. There's no reason why you should feel shame. You should find your voice, and you should push through it as much as possible. We're all adults. Yeah. Every single one of us is adults. And do not your feelings, your body, your thoughts, your wants are yours. Nobody else's, not your partners, not your other partners like they are yours. Yeah. And if you do not want to do something, people in the lifestyle should know what no means, right?

25:27 I mean, we're not playing, we're not kids, we're adults. And so. If you see that with other people, if you feel uncomfortable, if you don't know how to use your words, find a friend. Your friends can speak up for you. I speak up, I speak up for my friends all the time when they need a voice. Yeah. Because we have a lot of shy friends and they're like, I don't wanna say anything. Or I'm too traumatized to say anything. I was like, girl, I got your back. Yeah, I got you. For sure. For sure. Well, you know, sometimes people are afraid to call it what it is. Yeah. Because they think, well, I put myself into that situation. No. But no. Consent doesn't have an expiration date, and being flirty isn't an invitation Nope. To grab. You know what I mean?

26:07 You definitely have to speak up. A lot of times it's, it's. Definitely recommended that you speak up, but do so in private polo, the ho, the host of the house party. Mm-hmm. Or the takeover whomever that, could be in charge and let them know what's going on as close to that moment as possible. Yes. So that they can try and take care of it. Yeah. As soon as possible. Yeah. Hold your friends accountable. Yes. Yes. You know, hold your friends accountable when you see something. Say something. Mm-hmm. Even if you love them, even if they're your best friend mm-hmm. If you see them doing it, put a stop to it, man. Or your spouse. If you see your spouse getting a little bit too much Oh yes.

26:48 Control them. Yeah. You know, control them. You took them to the space, control them. Mm-hmm. You know, um, normalized checking in with each other. For sure. Adam and I have a two hour limit. Yeah. That if in two hours, if he hasn't like. Contacted me somehow, then I am going to freak out and think that someone kidnap my honey. Yeah, that sounds about right. But I, and nobody's gonna kick me because you're very cuddly. I am cuddly. I'm a soft guy. You're very cudd. I'm very soft. Uh, you know, I will say that there are a lot of clubs out there. Make sure that the club you are going to, you feel safe at.

27:28 Yes. If you show up to that club, if you feel like there isn't it, there isn't a safe spot. If you feel like maybe security's not there, if you've checked all the safety protocols and you just don't feel safe, don't stick around. No. Mm-hmm. And if you feel safe, make sure that that place is, uh, is your place, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And if you see anything sketchy, don't wait for the victim to make it comfortable for you. Yeah. Like just step in, you say something, you go protect your friends because the best people in the lifestyle are the ones who protect others for sure. Boundaries. They protect their boundaries just like their own. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, that's the big thing there.

28:10 Being sex positive means respecting every version of no. Mm-hmm. And for anybody in the lifestyle anybody who's been in the lifestyle for a good period of time, they know. A no. Yeah. I, I think we've all experienced that. No, course, of course. We've all felt it. We're all afraid of that rejection. We're all being afraid to be told. No. But every one of us should respect that. No. No matter what version of No. You're, you're receiving. Yeah. Just say, okay, I completely understand. I apologize if I crossed any boundaries. But you know, if anything changes, let me know. You know, or whatever, you know, it works. And so just remember, and if we can't talk about consent guys, we don't deserve to call ourselves a community For sure.

28:54 Like that's the one major thing. Consent. Yeah. We are a community by and large. And we are a very large community. We are. And if we don't take care of each other, if we don't look out for each other mm-hmm. Then this community will not be safe. And you will lose people from the community. Yeah. And it will go to shit. Yeah. Excuse my language, period. Full stop. So, uh, you know, this conversation isn't about scaring anyone away from the lifestyle. It's about making sure the spaces we love are safe for everyone. Uh, because when we're protecting each other, we actually make the lifestyle a lot stronger.

29:36 Yes. And if you've ever been assaulted or violated, please know you're not alone. You're not to blame. You deserve safety, care and support always For sure. You can find links to resources and more info on our website at www.beyond-monogamy.com, where you can also stream all of our past episodes and read our blogs. And make sure to follow us on all things. We're on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, and YouTube, and we have established communities on Reddit and Discord, which you can find on our website. Yes, and you can catch us as always, every Thursday on full swap radio.com at 1:00 PM and 6:00 PM Central, or anywhere where you stream your favorite podcasts, which hopefully is us.

30:24 And don't forget, we live and grow through you and your support. So please like. Subscribe, share, and leave us a review. It really helps us find more people and it helps these conversations Keep going. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So unfortunately, it was a little bit of a heavy topic. It wasn't our usual, fun, spicy, sexy kind of show, but it was a show that needed to be talked about. And if you have had experiences with sexual assault, if you are in the moment, if it's happening, feel free. To reach out to somebody. There's always somebody around who can help. Mm-hmm. Um, and if you need to talk to somebody, you know we're here.

31:07 Always. Always. Yes. And with that, we will see you guys next week. Bye.