Catfished! Spotting Fakes in the Swinger Lifestyle (Revisited)

So there's a "woman." She's gorgeous. Black-and-white photo, artfully sprawled across a big bed, model-esque, perfect cleavage, the works. She's mid-20s, she's charming, and she's been chatting with a very lucky 17-year-old Adam in an Arizona AOL chat room for a month. Then — poof. Gone. Never seen again.

Was she real? Was she a bored 40-year-old man with excellent taste in stock photography? We'll never know. As Adam puts it: "If so, he was very gentle."

Welcome to our revisited episode on catfishing in the swinger lifestyle — because this problem didn't retire with AOL. It just got better lighting and a Snapchat filter.

What Even Is Catfishing? (No, Not the Swamp Kind)

We open the episode with a hard-hitting geographical debate about where actual catfish live. (Louisiana? Swamps? "That's on another show.") Once that's settled — it isn't — we get into the real definition: pretending to be someone you're not online to deceive others. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's a slow drift of filters and old photos, but either way, it's lying. And in ethical non-monogamy, the "ethical" part is kind of load-bearing.

Adam and Pris have been in the lifestyle for 14 years, and they've been catfished, almost-catfished, and catfish-adjacent more times than they can count. This episode is the greatest-hits reel.

Filters, Angles, and the Potato with Lipstick

Here's the tricky part: where's the line between looking your best and running a con? A flattering angle? Fine. A photo from the Clinton administration? Not fine. A Snapchat filter that erases every line on your face until, in Adam's words, you look like "a potato with lipstick"? Absolutely not fine.

Pris breaks down the angle game with the precision of a woman who has flipped through many a profile: if every photo is taken from a drone hovering above your head, we're going to notice. And here's the thing — the lifestyle community genuinely doesn't care. Curvy, short, gray, wrinkly, whatever: as Adam and Pris say over and over, there's someone out there who will find you attractive if you're honest. Lie about it, and the meet-up goes from sexy to awkward before anyone's even ordered a drink. "When did you take that picture? 20 years ago? And why are you so short? What were you standing on?"

The Personality Catfish (Nobody Talks About This One)

Photos aren't the only thing people fake. There's a whole species of catfish that shows up looking exactly like their pictures — and acting nothing like their profile. The "kind, all-accepting" couple who are rude to everyone at the meet and greet. The "madly in love" pair who argue in front of the whole party. The "lifestyle veterans" who have clearly never been to so much as a house party.

For Adam and Pris, a couple who bickers in public is a bigger red flag than a filtered selfie. Because what you get on the podcast is what you get in person — whether the record button is on or not.

The $45 Nail Fund and Other Fine Scams

Then there are the professionals. Adam shares a fresh one: a week of pleasant TikTok messages with a seemingly normal woman, right up until — record scratch — "So do you wanna pay for my nails? It's only $45." Adam, a laid-off father of five, politely declined. She pressed. He blocked. No hate to her game, but as he says: "Don't come at me like you're a part of this and then ask me for money."

And it gets darker: fake "couples" who are actually one guy collecting your photos to trade like baseball cards, picture-collectors fishing for nudes, bots, blackmailers. Which is why Adam and Pris have an iron rule — no pictures or videos to anyone they haven't met in person. Ever. Your face is not community property.

Red Flags: A Field Guide

The episode's meat is a full rundown of warning signs for swinger apps and open relationship dating:

• No profile photo — and they dodge when you ask for one
• Every photo is a professional model shoot (nobody's life is all photo shoots — where's the Whataburger pic?)
• Stories that don't add up (like the girl whose phone "accidentally" screenshotted her own conversation, highlighted parts of it, and sent it to Adam — phones don't freelance like that)
• They refuse video verification in any form, forever
• They're weirdly eager to meet right now... or mysteriously busy every single time
• They push for nudes early — that's not flirting, that's phishing

Pris's verification move is legendary: no face pic on your profile? Fine — send a photo of yourself holding a piece of paper with today's date, or get blocked within the hour. In years of running this play, exactly ONE person has passed. Let that sink in.

Why It Matters More in the Lifestyle

Here's the serious beat under the jokes: the swinger lifestyle runs on trust, consent, and honesty. If someone lies about their face, what else are they lying about? Their relationship status? Their STI status? Their consent? In a community where sexual health and safety are everything, a "harmless" fake photo is the first domino. It ripples into the community and damages everyone's trust.

The good news: strong communities protect their own. Verified groups, admins who investigate, women who look out for each other, friends who vouch. Ask around. Cross-reference profiles. Send your location to a friend. And ladies — trust your gut. Pris's intuition has a perfect record, and Adam has the receipts.

Don't Be Scared — Be Vigilant

None of this is a reason to avoid the lifestyle. It's a reason to enter it with your eyes open. Most people in a good community are exactly who they say they are. For the rest: "Not for me, thank you very much" — and walk away. Or, in the episode's best advice: think with your brain, not with your privates.

Got a Catfish Story? We Want It

Adam and Pris want your catfish stories — the weird, the wild, the "he said he was 6'2"." Share yours at beyond-monogamy.com and they might read it on a future quickie episode.

Listen & watch: Full episodes, blog, and the FREE livestream every Thursday at 7PM Central at beyond-monogamy.com. You can also catch Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris on FullSwapRadio, Thursdays at 1PM and 6PM.

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