Do Swingers Get Nervous? Confidence & Anxiety in the Lifestyle

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick
heads-up This show is raw, real,

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and definitely not rated PG.

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches.

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam And I'm Pris yeah, you are.

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You are Pris.

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Uh, y- I, you know, I was wondering,
we've been doing this for 15 years now.

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Mm-hmm Do you still get nervous?

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Um, no Did you ever?

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Yes Really?

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I would get nervous because I was
super insecure about what, the way

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I looked How long ago was that?

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Well

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'Cause I feel like honestly, I, I've never
felt you get nervous- Yeah, it's been a

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long time … since we've been doing this.

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Yeah, it's been a really long time.

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Like, I would get nervous when,
um, somebody new would come over.

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I'd be like, "What if they don't
like the way I look?" Really?

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Yeah.

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Now I- You never talked to me about that.

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I, I think I used to.

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I don't… Now I, um, I don't
get nervous like s- like that.

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Now I just like, "Ah, I'm excited."
Like, let's just… Or let's, let's

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do this and let's get it over with.

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Man.

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Yeah.

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But no, I don't get, I don't
get, um, nervous like we're gonna

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meet somebody or gonna play.

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Do you get nervous?

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I still get nervous.

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You do.

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I still get nervous.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Now I get nervous more
or less with new people.

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Uh, but there's, you know, I've
always been full of anxiety-

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Yeah … since we've been together.

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Yeah, you have.

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Mm-hmm.

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And especially when it comes to
sexual things or being liked by women.

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Mm-hmm.

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Those two things always
give me the most anxiety.

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Yeah.

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And, you know, it's because of my
past and whatnot, but you know,

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for a guy, I, I mean, I don't know
about you, but for a guy, there's

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so many things to be nervous about.

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I, there is.

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And I mean, for a girl there is too,
but yeah, for a guy I think that

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your brain functions what, func- it,
your brain and your manhood- Yeah.

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They're, they- … they talk to each
other … they are definitely tied-

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So, um- … together … so yeah, so
when you're nervous it's way more,

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um, noticeable than it is for a woman.

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Yeah.

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Um- Yeah.

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Um, that's for sure … for
us it's our face.

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Yeah.

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Like, we tell it all on our face if
we're into it or if we're nervous

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or if we're scared, whatever.

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It's, it's here.

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Um, for you, it's, for men,
yeah, it's a little different.

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Yeah, you know, I, I, uh, I know
for the first several years that

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we started swinging, it was a
struggle to get my head right.

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Yes.

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Um, I was always afraid of
how it was gonna turn out.

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Mm-hmm.

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I had these nightmare scenarios
that would always play in my head.

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And then, you know, the moment
that you have to tell yourself,

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"Okay, dude, you gotta get hard
now," you're not gonna get hard.

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Like, that's just not g- Yeah … if
I gotta tell myself, "All right,

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man, you need to, you need to sack
up, you need to get hard," uh, no.

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Forget it.

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I'm- Yeah.

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That's not happening … I might
as well call it, call it a day.

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I mean-

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I think there was my, might have been
… I mean, I get nervous to a point where

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I'm like, "Ugh, let's just cancel,"
and that was probably in the beginning.

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Yeah.

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Um, now my canceling is more,
is not nervous, it's just tired.

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Just tired.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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But I mean, I get ner- … Oh, you know, I
get nervous about meeting new people that

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I have never spoken to, and then maybe
that you've spoken to and I have not.

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Do you get nervous about that?

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Um, I used to because I was like,
"Man, I don't know if I can hold a

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conversation," but- You know- … I
think now- … I remember you saying

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that, that that was a big part of your
nervousness when we started exploring

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the friends with benefits separately.

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Yeah.

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Um, and you were like, "You know, I'm so
used to you leading the conversation- Yeah

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and now I have to worry about
being the person to keep the

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conversation." I'm great at it.

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But you're over that now, huh?

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I'm so over that.

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I'm over that because I have conversations
and people are like, "You can hold a

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conversation." And I'm like, "I know." And
I, now I know that, but- Yeah … yeah.

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So this whole process has basically weaned
you away from me to be an individual.

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Yeah.

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You were codependent, now you're just-
Now I'm not anymore … independent.

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Yeah.

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I am in- I'm an independent woman.

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Yeah.

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But you, so you can, you can do
this lifestyle on your own then?

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Oh, for sure.

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No shit.

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I can.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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You can do it without me?

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I could.

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I wouldn't want to.

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No, no, no.

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That's not what I'm asking.

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I'm just asking- I could … if
you could, 'cause I think there

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was a time where you couldn't.

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I couldn't.

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Yeah.

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No, I can.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Um, you know, it just took me getting
out of my little comfort zone, being

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like, "You are who you are." Yeah.

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And now I am who I am.

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Yeah.

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You really are who you are.

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And I mean, I didn't know how to function,
like hold conversations and, and talk

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to people and put myself out there.

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When would you say that changed?

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Do you recall, like, was it, was
it like a, a switch of a flip?

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Probably it, it- a flip of a switch.

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It happened

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Probably, I don't know, about
right after, like, the COVID times

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when I was like, "Fuck it, I am
who I am. I don't care." Really?

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Yeah.

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I don't care.

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I don't care if people like me or not.

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Like, I'm, I'm- You know, I wish I could
say that … Yeah, I don't, I don't, I, I

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truly do not care if they like me or not

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Because I probably don't like them.

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Do you know what I mean?

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That's fair, yeah.

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So if someone doesn't like me or
someone doesn't like my attitude, it's

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probably 'cause I don't like them, and
they felt that same kind of energy.

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Mm, mm, mm. Um, and when… That's fine,
but, um, yeah, I just… You… I got into

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the brain and my, in my brain, and I just
don't, I really don't… I am who I am.

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You are who you are.

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Yeah, that's for sure.

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You know, I wish I had that in me.

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I don't, I don't ha- I want
to be liked by everyone, and I

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think that's part of the problem.

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I mean, everybody wants to be liked.

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No, not everybody.

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No?

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You don't.

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I don't?

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You literally just said you don't.

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I mean, I want… I would like everyone
to like me, but I do- Ah, don't

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contradict yourself now Oh, yeah.

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No, I don't.

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You just said, and then you're gonna
come back- I don't … and say no.

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So which is it?

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Yeah, no, I don't really care.

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Yeah.

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I know you don't.

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Y- y- you know, uh, but every now and
then you come out and you're like, "Man,

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why didn't they like me?" Because I,
because I like- And I'm like, "Dude,

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why do you care?" … because if I…
So if it's someone that showed face

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for a while- Mm … and then all of
a sudden doesn't like me, it's like,

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dude, we haven't even, like, why, why…

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How could you not like me?

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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You know?

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Like, we were fine.

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Yeah.

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And then you don't like me.

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What happened?

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Um, but, and then I kinda sit
back and I'm like, "Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, you shouldn't have liked me."

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You know, I, I, uh, I always sit
back and go, "Why the hell didn't

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they like me?" I, y- you know, like
I said, I've, I have always, and this

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was since I was in elementary school.

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Mm. Like, I've always
wanted everybody to like me.

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Mm. And I never understood
when somebody didn't.

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Now, as I got older, I realized, you know,
once I got to be an adult and sometimes

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people are just not gonna like you.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, but I still couldn't understand that.

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You know?

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It just didn't make hide
nor hair of any of it.

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Like, I just didn't understand it.

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Like, how is somebody just gonna
look at me and go, "Fuck that

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dude, I don't like that guy"?

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You know ? Like, what, what did I do?

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You know what I mean?

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Um- I mean, I had a
lot of that growing up.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I did.

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I had a lot of that growing up.

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Well, so, and it's different, I
think, for women, because you've

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had that a lot as an adult.

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I had it from my own family.

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Where, where women just-
Don't … just see you- Yeah … and

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are like, "Yeah, no." Yeah.

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And I- But I get it … I
never understood it.

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I get it 'cause I'm the same way.

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That is true.

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I'll see a woman or I'll see a
man, and I'll be like, "Yeah, no.

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Mm-mm. You are not my vibe." Jeez.

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Like, "You, you and I should not
be in the same room together."

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Yeah.

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Um, but- And I would say I give p- people
the benefit of the doubt, but I don't.

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No.

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I don't I don't even
know why you said that.

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I, I, I, um… Yeah.

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So yeah, I just don't.

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I'm like, "Meh."

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Hmm.

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I know.

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You know, I feel like I work very hard at
making people- People pleaser … like me.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, people pleaser.

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Totally.

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Totally.

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Um, and that's… I think I've kind
of reached this arena in my life

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right now, right this very minute-
Right meow … right meow, um, where

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I'm starting to not really give
a shit, depending on the person.

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Of course.

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So I still want everybody to like me,
but if there is somebody who has shown

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that they don't like me or they're
just an asshole, then I really don't

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care- Yeah … if they like me or not.

243
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:25,190
Yeah.

244
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,340
It's like, hey, I, I
don't know what happened.

245
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:34,920
Uh, I, I, I can pinpoint it to one of
the fake friends that we had- Mm-hmm

246
00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:36,610
that ended up bailing on us.

247
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:36,880
Mm-hmm.

248
00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:40,610
And me sitting back going,
"You know what? Fuck it." Yeah.

249
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:41,880
"They don't, they don't deserve me." Yeah.

250
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,510
"The trash just got taken out-" Yeah
"… without me having to take it." Um, and

251
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:51,340
so that's… I, I think I did some sort
of movement of perception in my head

252
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,490
where I was just like, "You know what?

253
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,330
I don't care about them.

254
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,600
I don't need them to like me.

255
00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:59,910
They, they just lost out." But
everybody else, I'm like, "Oh, man.

256
00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,750
I hope they like me." Yeah.

257
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:01,850
You know?

258
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:02,770
It's just weird.

259
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:03,840
It's just weird.

260
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,240
I mean, I… it's, it's human nature.

261
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:10,260
You want everybody, like the community and
everything, to be, you know, all cordial.

262
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,170
You wanna be accepted.

263
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:12,470
Yeah, be accepted and stuff.

264
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,780
Uh, you wanna be accepted by
everybody in the community.

265
00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:22,040
I was such a people pleaser and a pushover
for so many years, most of my life,

266
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:29,110
that I finally got to a point where I
was like, "Um, I love myself." Yeah.

267
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:31,540
"I think I'm amazing." Yeah, I know.

268
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,460
And I do not care if
anybody else thinks it.

269
00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:35,390
I know that too.

270
00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:35,680
You know?

271
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:35,700
Yeah.

272
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,700
I mean, besides my husband, he
has to know that I'm amazing.

273
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,110
Yes, I know.

274
00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:43,830
Y- you think that you can maybe
bring your ego down a little bit?

275
00:10:45,590 --> 00:10:46,510
I mean, I guess.

276
00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:50,400
I mean, just to be a h- a regular
human being with a conversation.

277
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:51,070
Just shrink it?

278
00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:53,130
Goodness, man.

279
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,510
How small do you want me?

280
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,330
I don't want you small.

281
00:10:56,330 --> 00:11:00,060
It's- Well, we were talking
about… I don't even know

282
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:00,820
what we were talking about now.

283
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,400
Well, we were talking about nervousness.

284
00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:02,720
Yeah.

285
00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:06,320
And- Hey, it's okay
for me to be like that.

286
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:08,660
No, it's, it's okay for
you to be confident.

287
00:11:08,670 --> 00:11:08,690
Yeah.

288
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,450
It's not okay to be egotistical.

289
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:11,710
What's the difference?

290
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,190
You don't know the difference?

291
00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:13,550
No.

292
00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:15,120
I wouldn't be asking you.

293
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:16,270
What's egotistical?

294
00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:16,410
Well, sometimes, sometimes you ask me.

295
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:17,070
Well, you know what?

296
00:11:18,974 --> 00:11:21,924
I would feel like egotistical
would be like my shit don't

297
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:25,294
smell, I am sno- like a snob.

298
00:11:25,804 --> 00:11:27,664
I would think that would be egotistical.

299
00:11:28,024 --> 00:11:30,234
Like me just expressing how I am

300
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:31,244
Hmm

301
00:11:32,244 --> 00:11:32,724
Okay

302
00:11:35,314 --> 00:11:38,144
Egotistical means you're focused
on yourself, your own importance,

303
00:11:38,144 --> 00:11:41,324
achievements, or opinions,
often at others' expense.

304
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:41,704
Oh, no.

305
00:11:41,714 --> 00:11:44,684
Shows up as bragging, needing
constant validation, or

306
00:11:44,684 --> 00:11:46,464
dismissing other people's input.

307
00:11:46,464 --> 00:11:47,214
No, that's not you at all.

308
00:11:47,214 --> 00:11:48,234
No, not at all.

309
00:11:48,304 --> 00:11:48,504
No.

310
00:11:48,504 --> 00:11:48,864
No.

311
00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:51,994
Confident means you trust
your own abilities without

312
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:53,404
needing to prove it to others.

313
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:53,974
There you go.

314
00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:58,274
It doesn't require putting anyone
down or seeking e- external approval.

315
00:11:58,334 --> 00:11:58,784
There you go.

316
00:11:58,824 --> 00:11:59,484
So there you go.

317
00:11:59,624 --> 00:12:02,174
Like, I'm… I- it took me a long
time to get to the place where I'm at.

318
00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:03,354
Did it?

319
00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:03,854
Oh, yeah.

320
00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:05,094
I've always known you to be like this.

321
00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:05,984
No.

322
00:12:06,504 --> 00:12:08,614
Man, I never thought I was pretty.

323
00:12:08,614 --> 00:12:09,904
I never thought I was smart.

324
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:13,264
Up until, like, we were poly, I was
like, "God, you're gonna find somebody

325
00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:14,714
fucking smarter than me, and that's it."

326
00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:15,704
Yeah, no.

327
00:12:15,884 --> 00:12:17,704
Yeah, that was always-
Yeah … your big insecurity.

328
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:20,424
I am- It wasn't looks … I
am not s- It was smarts.

329
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:28,274
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, um… I'm very
confident that I am me, and I like me.

330
00:12:28,594 --> 00:12:30,844
You know, it took me a long
time to find my confidence.

331
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:34,304
Anybody who's listened to the
show knows that 2025 started

332
00:12:34,304 --> 00:12:35,664
the year of confident Adam.

333
00:12:35,664 --> 00:12:35,684
Yeah.

334
00:12:35,824 --> 00:12:37,604
But previous to that, I did not have it.

335
00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:43,734
Uh, now I, I do have confidence in
myself, and that has made a difference

336
00:12:43,784 --> 00:12:48,304
in the fact that I don't care if
certain types of people don't like me.

337
00:12:48,474 --> 00:12:49,954
Did that help with your nervousness?

338
00:12:50,454 --> 00:12:52,204
It did to an extent.

339
00:12:52,784 --> 00:12:55,734
It did, uh, because back in the-
'Cause it helps me … back in the

340
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:59,654
day, I used to get nervous even
with people we knew very well.

341
00:13:00,004 --> 00:13:00,374
Right.

342
00:13:00,874 --> 00:13:03,944
Uh, now I don't get nervous
with people we know very well.

343
00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:04,444
Mm-hmm.

344
00:13:04,554 --> 00:13:09,614
Um, it's like an enjoyable regular old
day- Yeah … when we're around them.

345
00:13:10,064 --> 00:13:17,044
Um, but I will say navigating new
personalities, navigating new possible

346
00:13:17,054 --> 00:13:21,844
friendships, um, and having that
brand-new conversation, even though

347
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:26,384
we've had the same conversation with
people throughout the community, having

348
00:13:26,384 --> 00:13:34,204
it with somebody new, um, always kind of
gives me a certain bit of nervousness.

349
00:13:34,524 --> 00:13:37,184
Uh- Yeah … a- because
there's a lot to figure out.

350
00:13:37,554 --> 00:13:37,914
Mm-hmm.

351
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:44,504
Um, one, you're getting to know
somebody- Mm-hmm … on a friendly level.

352
00:13:44,684 --> 00:13:45,104
Mm-hmm.

353
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:45,634
Yeah.

354
00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:51,104
Uh, but then you're also trying to
figure out if there's a sexual vibe

355
00:13:51,604 --> 00:13:56,504
there, and nobody wants to waste
each other's time, but at the same

356
00:13:56,504 --> 00:13:58,094
time, there's only one way to do it.

357
00:13:58,834 --> 00:13:59,264
Yeah.

358
00:14:00,224 --> 00:14:00,294
That's true.

359
00:14:00,544 --> 00:14:03,664
And you gotta make some time and talk.

360
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:04,164
Yeah.

361
00:14:04,504 --> 00:14:06,034
I do think that the confidence

362
00:14:08,396 --> 00:14:11,582
That I have made me
not be so nervous Yeah?

363
00:14:11,872 --> 00:14:12,262
Yeah.

364
00:14:12,962 --> 00:14:17,702
Okay, real quick before we get back
into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com.

365
00:14:18,032 --> 00:14:18,552
Oh, yes.

366
00:14:18,652 --> 00:14:21,912
Okay, so if you don't know SDC,
it's basically the largest online

367
00:14:21,912 --> 00:14:23,512
community for open-minded adults.

368
00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:28,572
Which, if you're listening to this show
right now, I feel like you probably

369
00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:30,242
already know if that's your scene.

370
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:30,882
Yeah.

371
00:14:30,902 --> 00:14:32,822
It's your people all in one place.

372
00:14:33,162 --> 00:14:35,402
Just make a profile and go explore.

373
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,562
No weirdness, no judgment, just
a ton of like-minded humans

374
00:14:39,602 --> 00:14:41,372
living their lives, just like us.

375
00:14:41,552 --> 00:14:43,342
Honestly, it's kinda
fun just to poke around.

376
00:14:43,422 --> 00:14:44,362
Yeah, it really is.

377
00:14:44,562 --> 00:14:46,792
Go sign up at sdc.com.

378
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:48,432
Use code 38236.

379
00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:51,132
Link's in the show notes.

380
00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:51,512
Okay.

381
00:14:51,762 --> 00:14:52,862
Now back to what we were saying.

382
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:53,462
Yes

383
00:14:53,681 --> 00:14:56,931
When was the last time that you were
nervous with someone other than me?

384
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:58,291
Hmm.

385
00:14:59,361 --> 00:14:59,941
Geez.

386
00:15:01,821 --> 00:15:02,601
Long time ago.

387
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:02,631
Yeah?

388
00:15:02,671 --> 00:15:03,671
I can't even remember.

389
00:15:03,781 --> 00:15:04,151
Wow.

390
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:04,591
Yeah.

391
00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:05,641
It's been a long time.

392
00:15:05,691 --> 00:15:06,411
Before me, huh?

393
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,581
No, I mean, I, I think I was
nervous, like, when we would first,

394
00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:14,991
when we were first kind of playing
with people, just because I was

395
00:15:14,991 --> 00:15:16,501
super insecure about my body.

396
00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:17,231
Hmm.

397
00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:20,081
And, like, my scars and stuff.

398
00:15:20,091 --> 00:15:20,141
Mm-hmm.

399
00:15:20,141 --> 00:15:21,381
I was just super insecure.

400
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:28,531
But I mean, I… If I have
to, like, point a time, it was

401
00:15:28,541 --> 00:15:30,531
probably when we first moved here.

402
00:15:30,951 --> 00:15:34,521
I was like, "Oh, okay." We didn't
play for a long time, and then

403
00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,940
I was like, "Okay, I'm feeling a
little bit more confident." So yeah.

404
00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:43,387
But yeah, no, it's, um, I think
it's my, uh, just M- I had to get

405
00:15:43,407 --> 00:15:49,629
my head straight and understand
that, that I had to like myself.

406
00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:50,289
Yeah.

407
00:15:50,669 --> 00:15:50,949
Yeah.

408
00:15:51,479 --> 00:15:54,469
So you had to like yourself, you
had to be confident in yourself-

409
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,009
Yes … to move past that.

410
00:15:56,069 --> 00:15:56,809
To move past that.

411
00:15:56,809 --> 00:16:00,439
And so anybody who's struggling
with nervousness or high, high

412
00:16:00,439 --> 00:16:02,399
anxiety in the lifestyle- Yeah

413
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,539
is that your, your answer?

414
00:16:04,549 --> 00:16:04,579
Yes.

415
00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:09,649
Like, you really have to… So, and
peop- I, I've gotten asked this before.

416
00:16:09,749 --> 00:16:12,169
I, I've actually been told
this by men, other men.

417
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:15,499
It's like, "My wife thinks you're
super, super confident, and she loves

418
00:16:15,519 --> 00:16:22,129
that." And it's, it's pretty much
you have to… Everyone says you have

419
00:16:22,129 --> 00:16:24,689
to fake it until you make it, right?

420
00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:24,719
Yeah.

421
00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:26,243
That's what I had to do.

422
00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:27,219
S- I didn't wanna fake it.

423
00:16:27,719 --> 00:16:28,039
Mm-hmm.

424
00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:33,459
I really wanted to be confident,
and so I had to just realize,

425
00:16:33,499 --> 00:16:36,399
okay, well, I had to like myself.

426
00:16:36,719 --> 00:16:37,019
Mm-hmm.

427
00:16:37,059 --> 00:16:41,479
And after I started doing that and
just kind of telling myself, you

428
00:16:41,479 --> 00:16:45,069
know, "You're beautiful, you're
smart, you're amazing," and you did,

429
00:16:45,079 --> 00:16:46,839
you do that a lot to me s- anyway.

430
00:16:46,889 --> 00:16:47,249
Mm-hmm.

431
00:16:47,409 --> 00:16:51,949
And so I just kind of, I went with that,
and I was like, "Yeah, I am." You know,

432
00:16:51,949 --> 00:16:57,909
I, I already had anxiety going into it,
but you know, I think it got worse as time

433
00:16:57,909 --> 00:17:02,469
went on because the first several years
that we were in the lifestyle, I, I didn't

434
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:10,523
get… So this is gonna sound funny, but
the women that we That I showed interest

435
00:17:10,523 --> 00:17:12,383
in for the first several years- Mm-hmm

436
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:19,253
um, looking back on it, were not
the most attractive women around.

437
00:17:19,253 --> 00:17:21,123
No, because we, we were in the
lifestyle for a different reason.

438
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:26,573
Which physically, uh, physically
they were not, uh, that attractive.

439
00:17:26,863 --> 00:17:30,473
Now for me, what, what makes a
person attractive is personality.

440
00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:35,183
Uh, but- They didn't have that
… personality, they didn't have that either.

441
00:17:35,193 --> 00:17:35,473
Mm-hmm.

442
00:17:35,503 --> 00:17:40,653
So we were going for experiences-
Mm-hmm … solely, and it,

443
00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:49,643
it left me feeling way less than,
because here was a person that I wasn't

444
00:17:49,643 --> 00:17:54,893
even attracted to and didn't even get
into personality wise, and they were

445
00:17:54,993 --> 00:17:57,413
not showing interest in me whatsoever.

446
00:17:57,513 --> 00:17:58,113
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

447
00:17:58,113 --> 00:18:03,123
Um, and I was just like, "Geez, how
horrible do I have to be when the

448
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:08,903
person that I don't even physically
want doesn't want me either?"

449
00:18:08,993 --> 00:18:09,683
Like, what?

450
00:18:09,683 --> 00:18:11,883
I mean, I remember- I have
low standards, you know?

451
00:18:11,913 --> 00:18:16,783
I remember you going through that and
I'm like, "Hmm." I… like, I couldn't

452
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:22,553
tell you enough that it was like, "It's
not you, it's them." Like… Yeah, yeah.

453
00:18:22,583 --> 00:18:25,013
You know, there, there was, there,
there was a lot of nervousness

454
00:18:25,013 --> 00:18:34,913
there, um, in just having to be the
guy who reaches out to the girl to

455
00:18:35,103 --> 00:18:36,643
make an introduction and- Mm-hmm

456
00:18:36,643 --> 00:18:39,293
and like, you get them all the
time, these messages from guys.

457
00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:39,333
Mm-hmm.

458
00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:44,723
There's some really, really bold guys
who just throw themselves out there.

459
00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:50,743
Um, and the ones that you want to be
thrown out there, they, they don't.

460
00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:55,663
But, uh, there's some really,
really bold, uh, confident guys.

461
00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:59,563
Now, they say confidence is
what wom- wins women over.

462
00:18:59,953 --> 00:19:00,363
Is that true?

463
00:19:02,263 --> 00:19:02,693
No.

464
00:19:03,153 --> 00:19:03,563
No?

465
00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:05,253
I mean, it depends on the situation.

466
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:05,803
Does it?

467
00:19:05,923 --> 00:19:06,283
Yeah.

468
00:19:06,853 --> 00:19:07,513
How's that?

469
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,903
If I… if you already know that
I find you attractive, so we're

470
00:19:09,903 --> 00:19:13,293
having a conversation, and then-
Well, but how are they gonna know-

471
00:19:13,293 --> 00:19:15,803
Yeah … if they're just reaching
out to you for the very first time?

472
00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:17,033
Um- 'Cause that's what
we're talking about.

473
00:19:17,043 --> 00:19:17,623
Yeah.

474
00:19:19,769 --> 00:19:26,419
No So confidence is not always- I
think in-person confidence maybe in

475
00:19:26,419 --> 00:19:28,309
how you go about it, but if you're

476
00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:37,693
Very vulgar about the scenario and
you're like, "Bah, I want this."

477
00:19:37,873 --> 00:19:41,793
Nah, that kind of confidence
doesn't, doesn't really fly with me.

478
00:19:42,103 --> 00:19:42,433
Hmm.

479
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:45,073
I'm sure it flies with
a lot of women, though.

480
00:19:45,343 --> 00:19:46,303
Do you think?

481
00:19:46,313 --> 00:19:47,123
I do.

482
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:48,183
Yeah.

483
00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:48,513
Huh.

484
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:52,063
You know, I, I'm- I, we- … I,
I'm not that kind of guy.

485
00:19:52,073 --> 00:20:00,389
You know, I guess because I know what
I like and what I want, so confidence,

486
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:06,339
sincere confidence of sweetness,
niceness- Mm-hmm … that kind.

487
00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:06,679
Mm-hmm.

488
00:20:06,899 --> 00:20:10,649
Um, and still be a little, um,
what's that word I'm looking for?

489
00:20:10,679 --> 00:20:11,539
Respectful.

490
00:20:12,459 --> 00:20:17,679
That kind of confidence is-
Mm … is good, but over-hypersexual

491
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:20,069
confidence, mm-mm, mm-mm.

492
00:20:20,069 --> 00:20:22,069
Over-hypersexual confidence.

493
00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:22,879
Mm-hmm.

494
00:20:22,879 --> 00:20:25,879
Like, ooh, uh- So confidence
in them as a person is good,

495
00:20:25,999 --> 00:20:28,479
confidence in them sexually is bad.

496
00:20:28,509 --> 00:20:28,999
Yeah.

497
00:20:29,569 --> 00:20:30,139
For me.

498
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:31,109
Hmm.

499
00:20:32,199 --> 00:20:33,029
That's interesting.

500
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:39,989
Um, you know, I noticed that I started
getting more attention from women when I

501
00:20:39,999 --> 00:20:45,359
started being more confident in myself,
and what that meant exactly was not that

502
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,759
I was exuding confidence towards women.

503
00:20:48,699 --> 00:20:54,379
What it meant was I was confident
in myself enough to go, "I don't, I

504
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:58,059
don't need to jump at every single
thing that comes across me." Mm-hmm.

505
00:20:58,059 --> 00:21:02,869
Uh, I can sit back and just kind of
enjoy the layout and, you know, I don't,

506
00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:05,319
I don't have to be hitting up every
single woman that walks through the door.

507
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:06,699
That's pretty much what I do.

508
00:21:07,819 --> 00:21:10,629
Pretty much your… what you just said
is what I just, like, it's like, eh.

509
00:21:11,459 --> 00:21:11,689
Yeah.

510
00:21:12,289 --> 00:21:12,329
You know?

511
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:12,469
Yeah.

512
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:13,579
I still get nervous, though.

513
00:21:13,929 --> 00:21:14,339
Yeah?

514
00:21:14,559 --> 00:21:17,439
I mean, there's, uh, so there's,
there's a lot of women in the community.

515
00:21:17,439 --> 00:21:18,829
You know, I'm- Yeah … I'm girl crazy.

516
00:21:19,109 --> 00:21:19,319
Yeah.

517
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:20,609
I love the ladies.

518
00:21:20,789 --> 00:21:20,929
Yeah.

519
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:28,049
Um, and it's difficult because yeah,
you know, we, we have good experiences

520
00:21:28,049 --> 00:21:29,629
with some solid friends that we have.

521
00:21:29,629 --> 00:21:30,219
Mm-hmm.

522
00:21:30,219 --> 00:21:36,909
But I mean, if I could sleep with every
single woman that I am attracted to,

523
00:21:38,649 --> 00:21:40,849
there aren't enough hours in the day.

524
00:21:41,629 --> 00:21:45,149
Like, that, I, I mean, there's a lot,
and there are women that I am attracted

525
00:21:45,149 --> 00:21:48,239
to at the club, who are friends.

526
00:21:48,239 --> 00:21:51,129
There are women that, that, uh, are
in the community that I'm attracted

527
00:21:51,129 --> 00:21:55,839
to, and I will make it known that
I'm attracted to them, but I won't

528
00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:56,969
say nothing else outside of that.

529
00:21:58,269 --> 00:21:59,669
I'm not gonna throw myself out there.

530
00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:00,079
This is true.

531
00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:00,269
Yeah.

532
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:02,769
I'm not gonna throw myself out
there and be like, "Hey, uh,

533
00:22:02,769 --> 00:22:05,159
you know, I was wondering if you
wanted to play sometime." Nope.

534
00:22:05,419 --> 00:22:05,559
Yeah.

535
00:22:05,559 --> 00:22:06,149
Not gonna do that.

536
00:22:06,149 --> 00:22:06,549
Mm-mm.

537
00:22:06,549 --> 00:22:13,319
Uh, because I have felt the impact
of the rejection- Mm-hmm … and

538
00:22:13,319 --> 00:22:17,389
it makes it hard to be friends
with somebody if I'm rejected.

539
00:22:17,639 --> 00:22:19,499
I could be friends with
somebody and be rejected.

540
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:20,029
Mm-hmm.

541
00:22:20,029 --> 00:22:20,669
That's not a problem.

542
00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:21,009
Mm-hmm.

543
00:22:21,379 --> 00:22:22,589
But it makes it harder.

544
00:22:22,859 --> 00:22:23,119
Yes.

545
00:22:23,549 --> 00:22:23,959
I see that.

546
00:22:23,959 --> 00:22:25,719
It's harder to look past the rejection.

547
00:22:25,749 --> 00:22:26,189
Yeah.

548
00:22:26,189 --> 00:22:27,119
It kinda, it kinda stings.

549
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:27,129
Yeah.

550
00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:27,149
You know?

551
00:22:27,149 --> 00:22:27,819
Yeah, of course.

552
00:22:27,999 --> 00:22:31,069
Uh, so- Kind of brings
your, your, um, confidence.

553
00:22:31,209 --> 00:22:31,689
Yeah.

554
00:22:31,819 --> 00:22:31,949
Yeah.

555
00:22:31,949 --> 00:22:36,729
So what I realized is if, if I put
myself out there just in the fact

556
00:22:36,729 --> 00:22:42,229
and I say, "Hey, I think you're very
attractive, and I'm interested,"

557
00:22:42,509 --> 00:22:43,149
and that's all I'm gonna say.

558
00:22:43,961 --> 00:22:46,051
And I never say it again
Some women are shy, though.

559
00:22:46,061 --> 00:22:46,841
They need more than that.

560
00:22:46,941 --> 00:22:49,041
Mm. I am easy.

561
00:22:49,051 --> 00:22:51,611
You tell me- But see- … I'll be like,
"Okay, cool" But see, some women are

562
00:22:51,611 --> 00:22:56,251
shy, but if you just be friends with them
after that- Mm-hmm … and you don't ever

563
00:22:56,251 --> 00:22:59,901
say it again- Yes … then at some point
they know that the interest is there.

564
00:22:59,901 --> 00:23:01,301
You've already laid it out there.

565
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:03,911
You don't have to keep
pressuring them with it.

566
00:23:03,911 --> 00:23:04,821
They have it in their head.

567
00:23:04,831 --> 00:23:06,841
But now they're getting
to know you as a friend.

568
00:23:06,891 --> 00:23:07,341
Mm-hmm.

569
00:23:07,761 --> 00:23:11,681
And now they get to sit back and go,
"You know what? I think I could see

570
00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:15,521
myself sleeping with that guy." And
then it's easier to get in there.

571
00:23:16,171 --> 00:23:19,451
That's, I mean, for all you guys
out there- I mean … who struggle,

572
00:23:19,811 --> 00:23:22,171
I'm telling you, this shit works.

573
00:23:23,591 --> 00:23:24,171
Take notes.

574
00:23:24,251 --> 00:23:25,331
I don't think you're wrong.

575
00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:25,921
No, no, no.

576
00:23:26,211 --> 00:23:30,141
Because it's, it's the safe… A- and
it's not gonna work for everybody, but

577
00:23:30,141 --> 00:23:36,121
it works for most people in the fact
that, you know, if, if you're looking

578
00:23:36,121 --> 00:23:41,301
to bed somebody very quickly, then
buddy, you are, you're gonna struggle.

579
00:23:42,291 --> 00:23:45,141
If you're looking to be friends
with people and you're looking to

580
00:23:45,181 --> 00:23:49,661
have people get to know you, the
real person, you're gonna be more

581
00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:52,251
successful sexually every time.

582
00:23:52,611 --> 00:23:56,361
Because they, it's, it's the person
that you have inside of you most

583
00:23:56,371 --> 00:23:58,701
times is what women find attractive.

584
00:23:58,931 --> 00:24:02,921
It's not this fake, "Oh,
hey guys, what's up?"

585
00:24:02,951 --> 00:24:03,291
You know?

586
00:24:03,291 --> 00:24:06,191
And trying to, "Let me rub my
nipples. Look, look at me, look all

587
00:24:06,201 --> 00:24:07,351
hot." You know, stuff like that.

588
00:24:07,701 --> 00:24:09,111
That doesn't win women over.

589
00:24:09,361 --> 00:24:13,851
I mean, it might win some, but it
doesn't win the majority, I would think.

590
00:24:14,021 --> 00:24:16,011
I can't even imagine
that it would win some.

591
00:24:16,291 --> 00:24:17,401
I mean, I don't know.

592
00:24:17,461 --> 00:24:17,851
Really?

593
00:24:17,851 --> 00:24:20,821
Some women love some certain
things and- Wow, that's true

594
00:24:21,261 --> 00:24:21,851
it's weird.

595
00:24:22,281 --> 00:24:23,181
It's not weird.

596
00:24:23,181 --> 00:24:30,651
It's just, it's, it's cool to see the
different things that people like.

597
00:24:30,861 --> 00:24:33,821
Well, you know, it's such a big and
vast community- It is … that there

598
00:24:33,881 --> 00:24:39,911
are so many different personalities and
so many different ways, uh, to do this.

599
00:24:40,281 --> 00:24:44,741
Uh, there's guys who just simply start
out a conversation with a dick pic,

600
00:24:45,081 --> 00:24:47,141
and I always wondered if that worked.

601
00:24:48,411 --> 00:24:49,391
It has to work on some.

602
00:24:49,391 --> 00:24:50,151
They keep doing it.

603
00:24:50,691 --> 00:24:56,361
I've seen, uh, clips of other
podcasts where women are talking

604
00:24:56,361 --> 00:24:58,311
about how they enjoy a good dick pic

605
00:24:59,311 --> 00:25:03,731
Uh-oh Go ahead I do, but only
from certain people How do you

606
00:25:03,751 --> 00:25:04,791
know who the certain people are?

607
00:25:04,801 --> 00:25:06,241
I've already talked to them Okay.

608
00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,251
Like- So that's what I'm asking
you … so yeah, like randoms?

609
00:25:08,521 --> 00:25:08,711
Yeah No.

610
00:25:08,711 --> 00:25:11,731
Randoms, I'll block Yeah I will block.

611
00:25:11,821 --> 00:25:17,211
Like- Even if it's a, a
well-endowed- Yes Really?

612
00:25:17,221 --> 00:25:17,671
Yes.

613
00:25:18,531 --> 00:25:19,341
You didn't ask?

614
00:25:20,631 --> 00:25:21,491
Hmm Ask.

615
00:25:21,751 --> 00:25:27,491
But there's, there's one person that
you're talking to who did that, in there.

616
00:25:27,491 --> 00:25:27,661
Mm-hmm.

617
00:25:28,641 --> 00:25:29,521
And you're still talking to him.

618
00:25:30,861 --> 00:25:32,131
Well, that wasn't the
first thing he sent me.

619
00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:32,591
No?

620
00:25:32,721 --> 00:25:33,251
Oh, no.

621
00:25:34,151 --> 00:25:35,001
Well, it depends what
you're talking about.

622
00:25:35,421 --> 00:25:35,751
No.

623
00:25:37,001 --> 00:25:38,551
No, everyone has always asked.

624
00:25:38,601 --> 00:25:38,961
Really?

625
00:25:38,991 --> 00:25:39,771
Everyone has asked.

626
00:25:39,921 --> 00:25:40,171
Hmm.

627
00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:42,951
I asked them, "Is it cool
if I send you a picture?"

628
00:25:43,051 --> 00:25:43,381
Hmm.

629
00:25:43,481 --> 00:25:43,821
Yeah.

630
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:45,911
Like, I don't just send.

631
00:25:46,821 --> 00:25:47,071
Hmm.

632
00:25:47,301 --> 00:25:47,571
Yeah.

633
00:25:47,631 --> 00:25:49,011
They alway- all of them have asked.

634
00:25:49,941 --> 00:25:50,791
Well, that's cool.

635
00:25:51,151 --> 00:25:51,381
Yeah.

636
00:25:51,681 --> 00:25:54,541
So then you do enjoy a good dick
pic, as long as you know them.

637
00:25:54,541 --> 00:25:55,181
As long as I know them.

638
00:25:55,191 --> 00:25:56,671
As long as you know
them and they've asked.

639
00:25:56,671 --> 00:25:56,971
Yes.

640
00:25:57,461 --> 00:25:57,471
Mm-hmm.

641
00:25:57,471 --> 00:25:57,851
Hmm.

642
00:25:58,041 --> 00:25:58,231
Yeah.

643
00:25:59,031 --> 00:25:59,651
That's interesting.

644
00:25:59,651 --> 00:25:59,961
Yeah.

645
00:26:00,711 --> 00:26:06,291
You know, it, it wasn't until probably
the past year, year and a half- Mm-hmm

646
00:26:06,311 --> 00:26:09,511
that I've started noticing that
women seem to enjoy dick pics.

647
00:26:09,551 --> 00:26:10,631
I've been asked.

648
00:26:10,931 --> 00:26:11,991
I don't offer.

649
00:26:12,761 --> 00:26:18,051
I don't ever offer, because I've seen your
reaction to too many men who have sent

650
00:26:18,061 --> 00:26:19,611
dick pics, and I've heard other women.

651
00:26:20,271 --> 00:26:21,201
I don't offer.

652
00:26:21,641 --> 00:26:22,441
But if someone's asking.

653
00:26:22,641 --> 00:26:23,571
If somebody's asking.

654
00:26:24,061 --> 00:26:24,331
Send it.

655
00:26:24,341 --> 00:26:27,291
And, you know, there's, uh, you
know, some- I mean, I've asked

656
00:26:27,331 --> 00:26:28,601
so yeah, I'll oblige.

657
00:26:29,231 --> 00:26:32,411
Um, you know where it
gets tough for me, though?

658
00:26:33,031 --> 00:26:40,911
So women like dick pics, but what women
really like are cum shot videos That I

659
00:26:40,911 --> 00:26:42,901
cannot produce Those are my favorite.

660
00:26:42,911 --> 00:26:43,811
I have lots, baby.

661
00:26:43,961 --> 00:26:45,271
You just tell them that it's for them.

662
00:26:46,911 --> 00:26:49,281
I can't produce a whole
lot because, uh- No.

663
00:26:49,391 --> 00:26:51,461
Yeah … I can't produce
a whole lot of cum shots.

664
00:26:51,551 --> 00:26:51,621
Oh, yeah.

665
00:26:51,621 --> 00:26:53,661
If you tell me you did
that for me, oh my God.

666
00:26:54,351 --> 00:26:54,791
Picture.

667
00:26:55,361 --> 00:26:55,621
Yeah?

668
00:26:55,621 --> 00:26:56,091
Please.

669
00:26:56,331 --> 00:27:00,591
So I remember seeing a lot of guys,
like, on, uh, different platforms,

670
00:27:01,421 --> 00:27:05,191
uh, claiming to give tribute to
whatever woman they were talking to.

671
00:27:05,191 --> 00:27:05,831
Yeah You know?

672
00:27:06,181 --> 00:27:08,851
And so th- this is the part
that never made sense to me.

673
00:27:08,851 --> 00:27:09,061
Yeah.

674
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:13,361
There were guys that would have these
pictures of these different women, like,

675
00:27:13,361 --> 00:27:15,491
on their, their OnlyFans or whatever.

676
00:27:15,501 --> 00:27:18,701
They put it on their phone,
or they put it on their, um,

677
00:27:18,861 --> 00:27:22,751
their iPad, and they cum shot.

678
00:27:22,801 --> 00:27:26,811
They do a cum shot all over the i-
And I'm like, that's… Y- you're

679
00:27:26,811 --> 00:27:28,591
coming on your computer, basically.

680
00:27:28,601 --> 00:27:30,011
They… You're coming on a tablet.

681
00:27:30,031 --> 00:27:34,471
What are you… That's, that's
not good for electronics.

682
00:27:35,241 --> 00:27:35,611
I don't know.

683
00:27:35,981 --> 00:27:36,431
That's me.

684
00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,641
I… You're not gonna see
me coming on electronics.

685
00:27:38,641 --> 00:27:39,341
I just can't do it.

686
00:27:39,601 --> 00:27:44,121
If anything, I would probably
take a still photo of that person.

687
00:27:44,401 --> 00:27:46,731
I would get a piece of paper
and put it on top of that, and

688
00:27:46,731 --> 00:27:48,201
I would trace outline them.

689
00:27:48,391 --> 00:27:50,631
No, or- And then I would come to
that … or get one of those little

690
00:27:50,651 --> 00:27:53,591
clear things that you could put
over, like- Like a transparency?

691
00:27:53,591 --> 00:27:55,861
Yeah, like even, like, a, one of
those- The projector transparencies?

692
00:27:55,861 --> 00:27:58,261
Yeah, or those binder,
between binder things.

693
00:27:58,261 --> 00:27:59,501
Just something clear.

694
00:28:00,061 --> 00:28:00,471
Yeah.

695
00:28:00,541 --> 00:28:03,221
And be like . Shoot your web.

696
00:28:04,221 --> 00:28:04,411
Yes.

697
00:28:04,411 --> 00:28:04,701
Yeah.

698
00:28:04,701 --> 00:28:08,591
You know, I, I, uh, I've never really-
See, that doesn't make them nervous.

699
00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:13,151
I don't have the confidence to just
randomly send a dick pic, and I

700
00:28:13,161 --> 00:28:16,711
don't have the confidence to ask
a woman if she wants to see one.

701
00:28:17,061 --> 00:28:17,501
Yeah.

702
00:28:18,021 --> 00:28:20,771
Um, so the only way that I
ever send it is if I'm asked.

703
00:28:21,501 --> 00:28:25,763
Um, and even then I'm like, "Are you sure?

704
00:28:26,013 --> 00:28:28,303
Are you sure you're
asking the right person?

705
00:28:28,343 --> 00:28:32,173
I don't think so." Uh, so
yeah, it's not my thing.

706
00:28:32,553 --> 00:28:35,193
But- Wait, do just random people
be like, "Hey, can I just have a

707
00:28:35,193 --> 00:28:37,467
dick pic of you?" No, it's usually
somebody I've been talking to.

708
00:28:37,467 --> 00:28:38,913
I think, yeah, like conversation.

709
00:28:38,923 --> 00:28:38,943
Yeah.

710
00:28:38,953 --> 00:28:40,503
I'll just say that's just weird.

711
00:28:40,563 --> 00:28:43,653
Well, see, if it's a random
person who just hit my DMs, you

712
00:28:43,653 --> 00:28:44,893
have to kind of ask yourself,

713
00:28:44,893 --> 00:28:46,653
Is this a real person?

714
00:28:46,743 --> 00:28:47,713
Is this a bot?

715
00:28:47,753 --> 00:28:50,203
Is this somebody in, in a-
Yeah … different country?

716
00:28:50,213 --> 00:28:50,513
Yeah.

717
00:28:50,593 --> 00:28:53,993
You know, trying to farm my, my pictures.

718
00:28:56,193 --> 00:28:57,753
Farm my dick pics.

719
00:28:59,383 --> 00:29:00,113
Why do you laugh?

720
00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:00,583
Because people do that.

721
00:29:00,583 --> 00:29:01,443
You never know.

722
00:29:01,733 --> 00:29:02,573
You never know.

723
00:29:02,583 --> 00:29:03,323
Why?

724
00:29:03,563 --> 00:29:04,453
Why not?

725
00:29:05,103 --> 00:29:05,783
I don't know.

726
00:29:06,113 --> 00:29:08,573
I have no idea, but there's a
lot of things that people do, and

727
00:29:08,573 --> 00:29:10,223
we've sat back and gone, "Why?

728
00:29:10,223 --> 00:29:11,683
Why would you do that?"

729
00:29:14,063 --> 00:29:14,443
I don't know.

730
00:29:14,443 --> 00:29:18,353
You know, I guess the whole point
for me was, uh, after all these

731
00:29:18,353 --> 00:29:19,573
years, yeah, I have gotten better.

732
00:29:19,573 --> 00:29:23,453
There's a lot of people I know that reach
out to us and they say, you know, "Does

733
00:29:23,453 --> 00:29:25,703
the nervousness ever go away?" It does.

734
00:29:25,773 --> 00:29:26,873
It does to an extent.

735
00:29:26,903 --> 00:29:27,283
It does to an extent.

736
00:29:27,283 --> 00:29:27,943
depends on you.

737
00:29:27,943 --> 00:29:29,063
Depends on your mindset.

738
00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:32,413
Um, women, you really have
to have that confidence.

739
00:29:32,413 --> 00:29:38,853
Like, the lifestyle, the community,
wherever you're at, is very open usually.

740
00:29:38,853 --> 00:29:43,733
It's, it's usually a very open
space, a very open community, and

741
00:29:44,663 --> 00:29:46,523
that confidence is extremely sexy.

742
00:29:46,523 --> 00:29:51,973
So, like, when I… I, I
don't have the best body.

743
00:29:51,983 --> 00:29:54,973
Like, I am not a skinny woman.

744
00:29:54,993 --> 00:29:58,993
I have had babies, so, like,
I have the stretch marks.

745
00:29:58,993 --> 00:30:02,363
I have the, you know, the
tummy and, and the arm.

746
00:30:02,373 --> 00:30:05,493
Like, I have things, but
I do not give a fuck.

747
00:30:06,463 --> 00:30:06,573
Yeah.

748
00:30:06,573 --> 00:30:09,573
Like, I put my lingerie on, and
I walk through, and I just look

749
00:30:09,573 --> 00:30:12,143
for my husband, and I'm just
walking confidently toward him.

750
00:30:12,613 --> 00:30:15,823
Um, and you, you have to have that.

751
00:30:15,833 --> 00:30:20,553
I have… I've been told many, many
times, "Man, you, you really have a

752
00:30:20,553 --> 00:30:24,801
lot of confidence." It's like, "Well-
I love myself and I'm happy with myself

753
00:30:24,941 --> 00:30:27,981
You know, I love myself, but I'm not
happy with my body and I'm not- Oh,

754
00:30:27,981 --> 00:30:29,951
for sure … uh, confident in my body.

755
00:30:29,951 --> 00:30:30,251
Yeah.

756
00:30:30,251 --> 00:30:33,541
And so that's really where I have
to- Mm-hmm … get rid of all

757
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:37,441
those thoughts when we, uh, do our
little exhibitionism- They fly away

758
00:30:37,451 --> 00:30:38,221
in front of everybody.

759
00:30:38,231 --> 00:30:38,401
Yeah.

760
00:30:38,571 --> 00:30:40,761
Well, for me, they don't fly away.

761
00:30:40,771 --> 00:30:40,791
Yeah.

762
00:30:41,161 --> 00:30:42,861
I just concentrate on you.

763
00:30:42,921 --> 00:30:43,101
Yeah.

764
00:30:43,101 --> 00:30:44,381
And I focus on you.

765
00:30:44,391 --> 00:30:44,411
Yeah.

766
00:30:44,751 --> 00:30:48,771
Uh, because as soon as I come,
as soon as I'm done- Yeah.

767
00:30:49,671 --> 00:30:53,541
… I put those underwears
on real fast, real fast.

768
00:30:53,611 --> 00:30:56,171
I'm just laying there like… I'm
like… I, and then of course,

769
00:30:56,211 --> 00:31:00,841
because I'm doing it so fast, my f-
my feet, like, get caught and then

770
00:31:00,841 --> 00:31:03,771
I stumble and I ch- and I'm like, I
make, I'm bringing more attention to

771
00:31:03,771 --> 00:31:06,051
myself than if I just took my time.

772
00:31:06,061 --> 00:31:06,081
Yeah.

773
00:31:06,301 --> 00:31:08,321
There's no real suave way to do it.

774
00:31:08,661 --> 00:31:12,641
Um, but I mean, at least I take 'em
off because I know a lot of people,

775
00:31:12,641 --> 00:31:15,331
there's a lot of guys that- That are
still halfway full, like fully clothed

776
00:31:15,341 --> 00:31:17,331
… there's some guys fully clothed, yeah.

777
00:31:17,821 --> 00:31:21,451
I've seen guys who have given a
show in the middle of the club

778
00:31:21,511 --> 00:31:23,431
and just unzipped their pants.

779
00:31:23,441 --> 00:31:23,701
Mm-hmm.

780
00:31:24,121 --> 00:31:24,371
Yeah.

781
00:31:24,411 --> 00:31:26,391
And, uh, hey, you know.

782
00:31:27,211 --> 00:31:28,081
Whatever helps you.

783
00:31:28,081 --> 00:31:28,831
I guess I'm not the only one.

784
00:31:29,271 --> 00:31:29,291
Yeah.

785
00:31:29,291 --> 00:31:31,131
I'm not the only one who struggles.

786
00:31:31,501 --> 00:31:31,521
No.

787
00:31:31,561 --> 00:31:37,941
Um, you know, I know that whenever we get
together with friends, certain friends,

788
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:42,201
uh, and we know that we're gonna play,
like it's planned out, I'm nervous.

789
00:31:44,291 --> 00:31:44,531
Oh.

790
00:31:44,631 --> 00:31:47,661
Yeah, like we had a friend come over
so that we could do a little- Yeah

791
00:31:47,661 --> 00:31:48,871
threesome action the other day.

792
00:31:49,421 --> 00:31:49,991
I was nervous.

793
00:31:50,571 --> 00:31:51,031
Really?

794
00:31:51,091 --> 00:31:51,341
Yeah.

795
00:31:51,631 --> 00:31:52,281
No, not me.

796
00:31:52,911 --> 00:31:53,151
Yeah.

797
00:31:53,171 --> 00:31:53,761
I was nervous.

798
00:31:53,791 --> 00:31:54,151
Yeah.

799
00:31:55,291 --> 00:31:55,801
Mm-mm.

800
00:31:56,421 --> 00:31:56,521
Hmm.

801
00:31:56,921 --> 00:31:57,681
Well, see, there you go.

802
00:31:57,801 --> 00:31:58,501
Just depends.

803
00:31:58,511 --> 00:32:00,361
Who are you like, me or her?

804
00:32:00,921 --> 00:32:01,271
I don't know.

805
00:32:02,211 --> 00:32:03,101
Only you can figure that out.

806
00:32:04,551 --> 00:32:06,251
I hope for your sake you're like her.

807
00:32:07,691 --> 00:32:09,531
Because if you're like me, forget it.

808
00:32:09,571 --> 00:32:10,191
Forget it.

809
00:32:10,191 --> 00:32:10,331
Uh-uh.

810
00:32:10,391 --> 00:32:10,911
Uh-uh.

811
00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:12,711
Or if your partner balances.

812
00:32:12,721 --> 00:32:12,731
Eh.

813
00:32:12,861 --> 00:32:13,931
That's right … maybe.

814
00:32:14,061 --> 00:32:14,511
I don't know.

815
00:32:15,251 --> 00:32:20,161
Anyways, uh, that's gonna wrap us
up here at, uh, Beyond Monogamy.

816
00:32:20,201 --> 00:32:23,341
We appreciate that y- you guys
joined us for another quickie.

817
00:32:23,471 --> 00:32:23,751
Yes.

818
00:32:23,751 --> 00:32:24,191
Thank you so much.

819
00:32:24,631 --> 00:32:30,181
Um, with that, I'm just gonna
tell you one single thing.

820
00:32:31,581 --> 00:32:36,131
Everything you need, Beyond
Monogamy, is found at our

821
00:32:36,131 --> 00:32:38,961
website, www.beyond-monogamy.com.

822
00:32:39,211 --> 00:32:43,611
We're also on fullswapradio.com every
Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM.

823
00:32:44,031 --> 00:32:47,061
And we've got a lot of events that
are gonna be coming up, so stay

824
00:32:47,111 --> 00:32:52,641
tuned, listen to the show, watch the
socials, and also go to the events

825
00:32:52,641 --> 00:32:56,051
tab at our beyond-monogamy.com site.

826
00:32:56,491 --> 00:32:59,131
Outside of that, we will
see you guys next week.

827
00:32:59,451 --> 00:32:59,831
Bye.