Sweat, Queefs & Cramps: The Messy Truth About Swinger Sex

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This
show is raw, real, and definitely not

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rated PG We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your

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kids So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and

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just so we're clear, we are not licensed
therapists, counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches We're just a couple of
people sharing our lives, experiences, and

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sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a chair and
enjoy the show Hello, and welcome to

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another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris, and on today's quickie,
we're talking about the part of sex nobody

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puts in the highlight reel, the noises.

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Mm. The cramps, the sweats, that
moment your body decides to do its

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own thing in a room full of people.

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Yeah.

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Look, the lifestyle sells a picture.

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Candlelight, lingerie, everybody's
looking flawless, everything is smooth.

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And then you actually get in
there and somebody's calf locks up

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right in the middle of everything.

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And if that's never happened
to you, give it time.

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Give it time.

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Give it time.

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Here's the thing, bodies are gross.

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That's just a fact.

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Every single one of them.

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And when you add more bodies to
the room, you get more gross.

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Oh, yeah.

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So today, we're telling on ourselves,
maybe telling on a few people,

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no names, and talking about why
being able to laugh it off might

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be the sexiest skill you can have.

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You good with that?

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Before we get into it, do us a
favor, hit that follow, hit that

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subscribe, leave us a five-star review
on Apple Podcasts or even Spotify.

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Send this episode to that one
friend who would absolutely

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die if this happened to them.

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And everything we do, full episodes,
quickies, blogs, merch, and

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our 100% anonymous confessional
lives at beyond-monogamy.com.

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Got a mortifying story of your own?

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I can't say that word.

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Mortifying.

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Mortifying.

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Drop it in the confessional.

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We might read it on a future show.

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Yeah.

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All right.

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Let's get gross.

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It's Halloween time.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, it is.

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Okay.

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It is Halloween time.

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You know, this is stuff that
people don't really talk about,

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and this is something that I, I
have mentioned on a few occasions.

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Uh, because, you know, there's this
fantasy that everybody has in their

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head when they think of a full
swap or a threesome or whatever.

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Of course.

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And it's this, like, this beautiful Red
Shoe Diaries, Cinemax kind of situation.

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Everything is going to go right.

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Everybody- Somebody's in the
corner- … is gonna look

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sexy … playing the saxophone.

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Yes.

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You know?

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Like, everything is perfect.

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Yeah.

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Bodies are perfect.

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Yeah.

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All of that, everything works.

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That is very much fantasy Well, we don't
wanna ru- ruin it, right, for everybody.

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But it is, um, that is definitely not-
I mean, guys, you've had sex … I mean,

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there is somebody in, there is somebody on
the corner playing the saxophone though.

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No, well, yeah, we don't
leave home without it.

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At least in Adam's fantasy.

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That's right, always
playing Careless Whisper.

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It is a… It can be a sweaty situation.

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Ugh.

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Some people really enjoy that.

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You know, the, so- We- … I
don't deal, I, I don't care

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if somebody else is sweating.

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Right.

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It doesn't bother me.

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I care if I sweat, and I'm
very, very insecure about this.

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And the hard part is, is that hotel
rooms aren't normally very cold.

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You can't monitor… Like, it only goes
up to a certain amount of temperature.

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Right.

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Correct.

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And, and when you're doing the
deed in a hotel room, chances are

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the air is not flowing that great.

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And, yeah, you know, all of a sudden,
if I'm on top and I start to feel

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my head sweat- Right … forget it.

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Forget it.

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Like, you're done.

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I'm, I'm overthinking it, because
then I don't wanna drip on somebody.

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I- I think that's disgusting … do
not like to feel sweaty.

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Yeah.

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And a sweaty, hairy body part
on me does not feel good.

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Really?

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Yeah, so- I would expect not.

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That doesn't sound
good … I, I don't like that.

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But I also don't like, even if it's not
hairy, another body part sweaty on me.

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I'm not, I'm not really a s-
I don't really sweat a lot, so

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having a person be very sweaty
on me is not, does not feel sexy.

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So, for me, it's not so big of
a deal, because we're talking

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about the feminine body.

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And sweaty or not, if I'm doing
it right, there's gonna be a lot

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of liquid just all over the place.

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You know what I mean?

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Yes.

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I mean, you and I have
gotten pretty liquidy.

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Yeah, we've gotten sloshy.

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We've gotten a little sloshy.

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We're getting a little sloshy there.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Uh, you know, i- if it's done right, like
if y- you know, there's- I was just about

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to tell you … there's a lot happening.

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So even if, like, the, if it's the b-
perfect bedsheets- Yeah … it's okay.

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Yeah.

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Because, kinda gets all, you
know… The, the sheets are great.

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But we can't have slippery, satiny sheets.

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No.

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And then somebody is dripping.

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Like, it's not that it's- It's not so
much gross, it's just uncomfortable Yeah.

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You know, for anybody who, you know,
wore button down shirts in the '90s, who

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wore silk or rayon, you know, in a heated
element, you're gonna start to sweat.

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Things start getting kind of ugly feeling.

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It does.

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It's not a good feeling.

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No.

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My, my biggest fear, not fear, but what
makes me feel or what used to make me

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feel really uncomfortable are queefs.

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Only because it's done a certain way.

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Yeah.

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So if somebody is getting me doggy
style- Mm-hmm … I feel that

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air, and it's super uncomfortable.

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Yeah.

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But if it's, if they're sweating
and doing it, I mean, okay.

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I mean, just add it to it, you know?

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I, it, it- That, that was always
like a- It is … a big thing

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because when people have sex with
you doggy style, for some reason a

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lot of guys seem to put air in you.

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It's, it's air, and it's
uncomfortable in my stomach.

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Now, the sound.

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I used to get really
uncomfortable about the sound.

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It sounds like a horse- But it doesn't-
… that's making, that's neighing, you know?

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We had a friend who just made it funny.

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Yeah.

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And ever since then, I have not
really been insecure about it.

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Ah, you know, I, I never
thought it was a big deal.

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Yeah.

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But there are people who get weirded
out by it, which is like- They

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do … dude, it's, it's a noise.

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Big deal.

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It's like you're putting
air inside of somebody.

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It does, it's gonna happen.

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Yeah.

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It's not, it's not anything to
be too embarrassed about, but-

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When I was younger, I was super
embarrassed about that I think what

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it is, is it's not a sexy sound.

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Yeah.

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So there's moans.

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So you could be getting into it, and
there's moaning, and there's a lot of…

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I mean, you've heard sex happening.

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There's a lot of hot noises
coming out of it usually.

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There are definitely hot noises.

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Yes.

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And, you know, the slapping
noises, the macaroni in a pot.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Yes.

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There's a lot of really crazy
noises that are crazy, sexy noises.

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Yes.

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And then all of a sudden
you hear pff like that.

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Yeah.

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And it's not very sexy.

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Right.

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And I think that's what
people freak out about.

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Well, when I was younger, it
was said that you are queefing

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because your pussy was too loose.

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Really?

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And so I think that, like, s-
was in my head for many years.

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Yeah.

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And then as I got older, I was like,
well, I mean, of course it's gonna happen.

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You're putting air inside of something.

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It's… You're blowing up the, the area.

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Yeah.

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And then it has to escape somehow, right?

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So it's a pussy fart.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, but you know what is…

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What I've noticed is when a, a, a lot
of times when a guy puts air in you,

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it doesn't really cause you to queef.

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It just causes your stomach to hurt.

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Yes.

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And you kind of end your
night relatively quick.

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Yes.

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It will put so much air inside
of me that I'm like, "I'm done,"

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because it's so uncomfortable.

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My body doesn't know where it,
where it needs to escape from.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Now, is this a, uh, is this a common
thing- I don't know … among women?

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I've thought of that before No,
I think it's different Is it?

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Because I've seen people just get,
just have sex normally, uh, missionary

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style, and they get air in them.

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Really?

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I really feel it's the position of
your pelvis, the size of the penis,

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and how big your vagina opens.

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So there is a technique.

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So if I engage my core,
and I'm doing it now.

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If I engage my core- She is … and I
kind of also Kegel when I'm bent over,

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you know, from behind, it, it's fine.

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Although, it does, it doesn't let
me… It's not very mobile on my back.

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Like, my back doesn't get very mobile
if I'm in that, if I'm engaging my

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core and I'm tightening down there.

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Uh-huh.

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My ass doesn't know to, to relax and go
up and down and bounce and everything.

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Oh.

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So I have to pick one.

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Uh-huh.

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And it's really pretty much
engage your core, tighten down

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there, and then let them fuck.

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I do it sometimes, but I don't always
do it because that's a lot of work.

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Yeah.

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I mean, engage your core right now.

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That sounds like a I would rather not.

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Yeah.

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It's engaging, and then also
tightening down there, and it's like,

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okay, well, I'm a s- I'm stiff now.

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Like- Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So there are things that you can do
to prevent that, at least I can do.

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And I also can put a s-
uh, roll up a, a pillow.

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Okay.

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And I kind of tuck it underneath me.

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Mm-hmm and kind of lift my pelvis,
but I'm also putting pressure below.

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Like, s- I'm, I'm actually
putting pressure, and that helps.

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No kidding.

243
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Yeah.

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Wow.

245
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Yeah.

246
00:10:01,295 --> 00:10:05,900
So there's a lot to it if I wanna keep
from that, from, keep that from happening.

247
00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:10,215
It's just I have to remember all of that.

248
00:10:10,372 --> 00:10:11,314
That's a lot to remember.

249
00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:11,670
Yeah.

250
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:16,475
So I really prefer not to have
sex doggy style for that reason.

251
00:10:16,889 --> 00:10:20,148
Now, it doesn't always happen.

252
00:10:20,322 --> 00:10:20,612
Mm-hmm.

253
00:10:20,938 --> 00:10:21,208
Mm-hmm.

254
00:10:21,814 --> 00:10:27,209
But it happens, and I feel like
women… I, I think it happens to

255
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,666
a lot of women in different ways.

256
00:10:29,144 --> 00:10:29,993
They just gotta go with it.

257
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:32,054
You just gotta go with it.

258
00:10:32,054 --> 00:10:35,241
You know, I think that if
somebody's going to, uh, you know…

259
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:38,898
'Cause people, there's a lot of women
that, that feel embarrassed at the thought

260
00:10:38,956 --> 00:10:43,049
of queefing and, and that sort of thing,
and it's like really if the person you're

261
00:10:43,049 --> 00:10:47,115
with is gonna make a big deal about you
queefing, got… They need to grow up.

262
00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:47,587
Yeah.

263
00:10:47,928 --> 00:10:49,647
I mean, I've queefed in someone's face.

264
00:10:49,842 --> 00:10:50,197
Yeah.

265
00:10:50,823 --> 00:10:51,288
That's true.

266
00:10:51,328 --> 00:10:53,799
I, you know, they fucked me,
then they went down on me,

267
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:54,893
and I queefed in their face.

268
00:10:54,942 --> 00:10:56,521
And then a bunch of gold coins came out.

269
00:10:56,601 --> 00:10:56,918
It's amazing.

270
00:10:56,918 --> 00:10:58,687
I think I've even tooted on you.

271
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,318
Yeah, me.

272
00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:00,963
Yeah.

273
00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:00,973
Yeah.

274
00:11:00,973 --> 00:11:04,845
I don't toot on anybody else, but if you-
I'm so glad that you reserve that for me.

275
00:11:04,869 --> 00:11:05,441
Thank you for that.

276
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:09,463
If you bend me a certain way…
Uh, it's, it's really the women.

277
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,644
Like, you bend us a certain
way, you're gonna…

278
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:13,043
Something has to escape.

279
00:11:13,094 --> 00:11:13,839
Yeah, it's like yoga.

280
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:14,563
Yeah.

281
00:11:14,563 --> 00:11:14,573
Yeah.

282
00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:17,599
I mean, I've gone to the club and
I've heard it, and it's like…

283
00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:19,731
You know, it is what it is.

284
00:11:19,915 --> 00:11:23,144
And that's the thing is, so, you know,
you've got queefing with women, but, you

285
00:11:23,145 --> 00:11:26,609
know, as a, as a guy- I was gonna ask
you, like, what sounds do y'all make?

286
00:11:26,624 --> 00:11:27,424
Oh, dude.

287
00:11:27,616 --> 00:11:28,821
You know, it, it…

288
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:33,667
nerve-wracking sometimes when you're
getting a, a, a really good blowjob.

289
00:11:33,731 --> 00:11:39,286
You get really relaxed, and, you know,
I'm always afraid if, say, we had

290
00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:41,206
a big meal beforehand or whatever.

291
00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:41,481
Yeah.

292
00:11:41,482 --> 00:11:43,052
I'm just always afraid
that I'm gonna get gassy.

293
00:11:43,271 --> 00:11:43,494
Yeah.

294
00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:46,978
And I've had times where
I've really, like, held back.

295
00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:52,289
So I've always- thought if I'm
going down on somebody, a guy,

296
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,696
that they're gonna toot on me.

297
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:57,900
You know, I've, I mean, I've
heard it happening before.

298
00:11:57,914 --> 00:12:00,003
I've not- I wouldn't- … had
it happen, thankfully.

299
00:12:00,059 --> 00:12:00,681
No, you haven't.

300
00:12:00,822 --> 00:12:04,283
But that is definitely a panic of mine.

301
00:12:04,581 --> 00:12:10,304
You know, I've, I've had it where we're
maybe getting into it with somebody else.

302
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:10,753
Mm-hmm.

303
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,401
If I have to pee-
Uh-huh … I can't get hard.

304
00:12:14,506 --> 00:12:15,512
I think you've told me that before.

305
00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:18,520
Yeah, like w- like s-
say swapping partners or

306
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,396
something- Right … like that.

307
00:12:19,396 --> 00:12:22,773
You know, maybe I'm with you, and then I'm
gonna go with somebody else or vice versa.

308
00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:23,190
Right.

309
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,177
And then all of a sudden it's
like I'm struggling to get hard.

310
00:12:26,218 --> 00:12:26,555
Yeah.

311
00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:28,979
Sometimes it's because I just
have to go pee, and then I

312
00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:30,028
can come back- And you're fine

313
00:12:30,028 --> 00:12:30,793
and I'm good to go again.

314
00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:35,743
But I can't, for some reason I've
never been able to vocalize that in

315
00:12:35,743 --> 00:12:39,100
the moment and been like, "Excuse
me a second. I have to go relieve

316
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:42,120
myself." Yeah, it's- And then go
to the bathroom and then come back.

317
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,183
You know, it's just- You've
had to … I don't know.

318
00:12:44,183 --> 00:12:44,193
Yeah.

319
00:12:45,079 --> 00:12:48,163
Does it just make it go away completely?

320
00:12:49,126 --> 00:12:50,040
It feels like it, yeah.

321
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:50,395
Yeah?

322
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:50,727
Yeah.

323
00:12:50,958 --> 00:12:58,492
See, now sometimes this is the weird
part because obviously I cannot, like,

324
00:12:58,552 --> 00:13:01,686
be sexually aroused and have to pee-
And have to pee … at the same time.

325
00:13:01,686 --> 00:13:01,949
You've told me that before.

326
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,329
It's, it's a, it's a flip of a switch.

327
00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:04,793
I'm either one- Right … or
the other, right?

328
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:09,398
So sometimes in the morning,
you know, your bladder wakes you

329
00:13:09,398 --> 00:13:13,566
up, and it's like 10 minutes, 15
minutes before the alarm goes off.

330
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:17,087
And I'm like, "No, I wanna stay in
bed for another 15 minutes." Yeah.

331
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:20,852
So what I'll do is I'll
start rubbing on my dick.

332
00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:21,369
And you'll get kind of sexy.

333
00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:24,117
And I'll make myself hard
so that I won't have to pee.

334
00:13:24,688 --> 00:13:28,289
But then the problem is not that I
have to pee anymore; now I'm hard.

335
00:13:28,477 --> 00:13:28,690
Yeah.

336
00:13:28,705 --> 00:13:29,976
So now we gotta have sex.

337
00:13:29,994 --> 00:13:31,311
And now you have to
relieve it another way.

338
00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:31,897
That's right.

339
00:13:32,402 --> 00:13:33,947
And then after I'm done, I have to go pee.

340
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,327
It's this weird cycle.

341
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:36,461
Weird cycle.

342
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:39,633
I mean, I wonder if that happens
for everybody I don't know.

343
00:13:39,634 --> 00:13:40,505
I've always wondered that.

344
00:13:40,505 --> 00:13:40,535
For every guy.

345
00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:45,106
You know, I've never actually had
that, that actual conversation before.

346
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:45,516
Yeah.

347
00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:48,417
Now, you know, one thing that we've
had come up whenever we've done,

348
00:13:48,418 --> 00:13:50,948
like, full swaps and threesomes,
your stomach growls, man.

349
00:13:50,948 --> 00:13:54,045
When I'm hungry, my stomach is talking.

350
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:54,515
Yeah.

351
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,740
It has talked to you many times.

352
00:13:56,762 --> 00:13:57,396
So many times.

353
00:13:57,448 --> 00:13:59,751
I've been… You've been down there.

354
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:00,108
Mm-hmm.

355
00:14:00,176 --> 00:14:02,064
And I'm like, "Sorry." Yeah.

356
00:14:02,182 --> 00:14:02,559
Yeah.

357
00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:04,210
It's gotten really bad before.

358
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,683
Like, we should… You know, when
we were dating, I used to always

359
00:14:07,683 --> 00:14:12,208
say that when we would go out to
eat, that would turn you on, and

360
00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:13,479
that's when you would wanna have sex.

361
00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:13,526
Yeah.

362
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:15,728
But then it would suck because
we were always so full.

363
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:16,291
Always.

364
00:14:16,347 --> 00:14:19,193
And so I was like, "No, you know, you
c- you gotta give it more time." Well,

365
00:14:19,194 --> 00:14:22,325
now it seems like every time we have
sex, your stomach is talking to me.

366
00:14:22,549 --> 00:14:24,267
And it's like, "Oh, my
goodness." I'm always hungry.

367
00:14:24,267 --> 00:14:25,574
Yeah, I gotta have some snacks then.

368
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:29,937
So, I mean, my body makes a lot of
noises, and it… And I'm not, like, a

369
00:14:29,947 --> 00:14:36,126
burper or anything like that, but I do
get, like, really loud stomach sounds.

370
00:14:36,189 --> 00:14:36,470
Yeah.

371
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,928
Even when I'm full.

372
00:14:37,973 --> 00:14:41,301
Like, they just kind of like, they're
growling and being like, "I'm relaxed.

373
00:14:41,324 --> 00:14:45,824
No." "I'm just gonna make a lot of noise
now." "I'm just going to be relaxed here."

374
00:14:46,045 --> 00:14:52,744
The other noises that always seem
to be, like, freaky are- The gagging

375
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:56,579
noises Yeah The slurping noises Yeah.

376
00:14:56,589 --> 00:14:58,762
So- I- I like the slurping noises.

377
00:14:58,764 --> 00:14:59,698
I know you don't … I do not.

378
00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:04,510
I have to be in a good head space-
Yeah … to listen to the slurping

379
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:08,542
noises because it, it grosses me out.

380
00:15:08,837 --> 00:15:10,755
See, now gagging noises gross me out.

381
00:15:11,364 --> 00:15:12,205
That's funny.

382
00:15:12,273 --> 00:15:17,544
Slurping noises I think are hot, but
gagging noises will make me wanna

383
00:15:17,544 --> 00:15:20,068
gag, and I'll wanna do it, too.

384
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:20,797
You know what I mean?

385
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:22,338
Like, I'm a sympathetic gagger.

386
00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:22,779
Yeah.

387
00:15:22,883 --> 00:15:27,675
So if, like, she's trying to, uh, you
know, turn me on by thinking that gagging

388
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:31,524
on my dick is gonna do it- Yeah … I'm
just gonna end up, like, gagging over her.

389
00:15:31,524 --> 00:15:31,798
Yeah.

390
00:15:31,835 --> 00:15:33,525
And before you know it,
like, that's not good.

391
00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:34,734
I don't like the slurping.

392
00:15:35,349 --> 00:15:36,657
Why, why don't you like the slurping?

393
00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:37,667
It just sounds gross.

394
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:37,988
Really?

395
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:39,375
It reminds me of, like- Soup?

396
00:15:40,363 --> 00:15:41,367
I don't know.

397
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:45,555
No, it's just, like, it's
just a, a gross sound to me.

398
00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:47,390
Like- Like eating a peach
without dentures in?

399
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:48,822
Is that what it reminds you of?

400
00:15:49,413 --> 00:15:51,524
No, that's- Somebody with
no teeth eating a peach?

401
00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:52,466
That's okay.

402
00:15:52,563 --> 00:15:53,063
Really?

403
00:15:53,115 --> 00:15:54,135
Sounds gross to me.

404
00:15:54,135 --> 00:15:56,901
It's just a lot of, like…
And it's like- Oh my gosh.

405
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:57,843
Mm. That's kinda hot.

406
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,340
I don't know why.

407
00:15:58,340 --> 00:15:59,492
That just kinda turned me on.

408
00:15:59,887 --> 00:16:00,868
You're a freak.

409
00:16:00,915 --> 00:16:01,260
That's why.

410
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,163
But, well, because I'm thinking
about it from an oral standpoint,

411
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,449
that's hot for me- Mm-hmm

412
00:16:05,449 --> 00:16:06,043
as a guy.

413
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:09,054
Like, I like a lot of sloppy
tongue action and slurping.

414
00:16:09,054 --> 00:16:09,853
Right, you do.

415
00:16:10,093 --> 00:16:12,673
But for you, I mean… I don't like that.

416
00:16:12,694 --> 00:16:15,106
I also don't like the
sound of someone spitting.

417
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:16,098
That's right.

418
00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:17,478
It's very gross to me.

419
00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:20,177
I don't like to be spit on.

420
00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:23,137
I've gotten spit on many times.

421
00:16:23,176 --> 00:16:23,511
Yeah.

422
00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:29,428
Uh, and I don't like it because
that's why they invented lube.

423
00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:35,213
That's why they invented them So
it's not sexy to me to see it.

424
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:39,526
I don't like when the woman is
going down on you and it's just

425
00:16:39,537 --> 00:16:43,319
all white, like, thick saliva.

426
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:44,704
I find that so gross.

427
00:16:44,705 --> 00:16:49,380
Like, I will literally grab your dick
and before I get on it, I'm wiping it.

428
00:16:49,415 --> 00:16:50,025
How funny.

429
00:16:50,027 --> 00:16:50,998
I think that's hot.

430
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,334
It is n- it's… I don't know.

431
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:56,516
I think that's kinda pornographic.

432
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:58,070
Hey, everyone likes different things.

433
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:58,598
This is true.

434
00:16:58,606 --> 00:17:00,496
Everyone does like different things.

435
00:17:00,496 --> 00:17:00,506
Yeah.

436
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,703
Um, you know, there's a lot of
things that, a lotta sounds that

437
00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:06,153
will knock me off my, uh, kilter.

438
00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:06,165
Yeah.

439
00:17:06,406 --> 00:17:11,954
And if I, if I can't concentrate,
if I'm knocked off mentally, it's

440
00:17:11,955 --> 00:17:13,320
gonna be hard for me to finish.

441
00:17:13,322 --> 00:17:13,370
You're done.

442
00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:13,595
Yeah.

443
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:19,439
You know, when we moved into our, where
we live now, we set up our bed a certain

444
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,904
way, and that motherfucker's heavy.

445
00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:21,278
Yes.

446
00:17:21,322 --> 00:17:25,148
And I guess a certain screw- You did not
put a screw in that thing I don't know.

447
00:17:25,148 --> 00:17:28,837
I couldn't find it in the move,
and I didn't put the screw in.

448
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:32,253
And so now, when we have
sex, the bed squeaks.

449
00:17:32,258 --> 00:17:32,553
Yes.

450
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,661
And not just, like, a light squeak.

451
00:17:34,673 --> 00:17:34,691
No.

452
00:17:34,691 --> 00:17:36,466
Like, a really loud squeak.

453
00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:36,835
Yes.

454
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,933
Like, kind of comical.

455
00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:39,952
Yeah.

456
00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:41,421
It's really loud.

457
00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:46,890
And, you know, I don't really
care, but, you know, it, it, it is

458
00:17:46,897 --> 00:17:48,557
very distracting for me sometimes.

459
00:17:48,557 --> 00:17:49,528
It is, yeah.

460
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:54,168
And then I try to move myself in
a certain way where it doesn't.

461
00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:55,131
I think we kinda got it down.

462
00:17:55,193 --> 00:17:55,809
I don't know.

463
00:17:55,818 --> 00:17:57,579
Sometimes we do, but sometimes we don't.

464
00:17:57,595 --> 00:17:58,643
I really don't care.

465
00:17:58,652 --> 00:18:02,123
Like, the bed squeaking now in my,
in our own home doesn't bother me.

466
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,364
As long as nobody else
is in the living room.

467
00:18:04,368 --> 00:18:05,687
But then they can't even hear it.

468
00:18:06,348 --> 00:18:06,694
No?

469
00:18:06,695 --> 00:18:07,275
Are we sure about that?

470
00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:07,617
Yes.

471
00:18:07,617 --> 00:18:09,687
I've had you jump on it,
and I could not hear you.

472
00:18:09,752 --> 00:18:09,817
Oh.

473
00:18:10,147 --> 00:18:10,522
Yeah.

474
00:18:10,919 --> 00:18:11,455
Well, there you go.

475
00:18:11,636 --> 00:18:15,332
But it is something that I know
throws you off, so then throws me off.

476
00:18:15,907 --> 00:18:15,979
Totally.

477
00:18:15,981 --> 00:18:18,467
And I'm like Okay.

478
00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:18,959
Yeah.

479
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,485
Are we gonna do this?

480
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,837
Like, it's okay, right?

481
00:18:22,051 --> 00:18:26,441
Body, body slapping, like balls
against my ass, love that sound.

482
00:18:26,441 --> 00:18:27,209
I think that's hot.

483
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:28,269
That is so hot.

484
00:18:28,271 --> 00:18:29,242
Yeah, I think that's hot.

485
00:18:29,265 --> 00:18:30,514
Like, I know that it's…

486
00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:32,434
I heard that it hurts y'all sometimes.

487
00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:32,800
Yeah.

488
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:36,690
Okay, so someone said it hurts,
like when it's slapping really hard.

489
00:18:36,702 --> 00:18:38,439
No, I haven't had it hurt like that.

490
00:18:38,439 --> 00:18:38,822
Okay.

491
00:18:38,907 --> 00:18:39,290
No.

492
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,302
I like that sound.

493
00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:41,078
Yeah?

494
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:41,410
Yeah.

495
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:42,169
Yeah.

496
00:18:42,169 --> 00:18:42,659
I know about that.

497
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:46,564
Because there's, uh… And now when
that happens, do you feel the extra,

498
00:18:47,153 --> 00:18:48,767
like, is it a turn-on to feel it?

499
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:48,937
It is.

500
00:18:48,943 --> 00:18:49,250
Yeah?

501
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,095
It is, yeah.

502
00:18:50,098 --> 00:18:53,836
Es- especially if you have me a certain
way, I'm like, "Yes." There you go.

503
00:18:53,893 --> 00:18:55,238
I love when your balls hit me.

504
00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:56,837
Hello.

505
00:18:56,925 --> 00:18:57,980
Hold on, hold on.

506
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,646
We need to tell you guys about 3Fun first.

507
00:18:59,859 --> 00:19:00,395
Oh, yeah.

508
00:19:01,018 --> 00:19:04,072
Okay, so 3Fun is the app.

509
00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:05,484
You guys know the app.

510
00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:08,143
And if you don't know, it's for
couples and singles who wanna

511
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:09,831
connect with like-minded people.

512
00:19:10,055 --> 00:19:11,352
And it actually works.

513
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:12,739
Like, we're not just saying that.

514
00:19:13,129 --> 00:19:16,422
It's easy, it's low pressure, and
it's way less awkward than trying

515
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:17,433
to figure it out on your own.

516
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,644
Way less.

517
00:19:19,145 --> 00:19:20,092
We're gonna leave it at that.

518
00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:20,867
Yep.

519
00:19:21,312 --> 00:19:22,457
Download 3Fun.

520
00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:24,577
The link is in the show notes.

521
00:19:24,791 --> 00:19:25,238
Okay.

522
00:19:25,639 --> 00:19:26,287
Where were we?

523
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:27,015
Huh.

524
00:19:27,286 --> 00:19:31,253
You know, one thing that I have
hated during this entire time,

525
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,927
and one thing that we don't really
talk about a whole lot is cramps.

526
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:34,711
You know?

527
00:19:34,713 --> 00:19:34,723
Oh.

528
00:19:34,953 --> 00:19:39,072
The cramping, holy crap, is
such an issue, because we don't

529
00:19:39,081 --> 00:19:41,081
hydrate enough, for one thing.

530
00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:41,549
Yeah.

531
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:46,097
And in the different positions, left
and right, north, south, east and

532
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:50,067
west, you know, no matter what you're
doing, there's gonna be a cramp

533
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:55,436
that develops somewhere in the leg
area, the calf area, the foot area.

534
00:19:55,436 --> 00:19:56,234
It's like, oh gosh.

535
00:19:56,234 --> 00:20:01,017
So for me, and I'm pretty sure other
women have this problem, when our legs

536
00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:03,594
are up, it's right around that hip area.

537
00:20:03,608 --> 00:20:03,642
Yeah.

538
00:20:03,648 --> 00:20:06,245
And it's like you don't want them
to get out of you, but then you're

539
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,124
like, "Stretch. Stretch me." Yeah.

540
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:11,035
I've had men stretch my legs for me.

541
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:11,370
Really?

542
00:20:11,392 --> 00:20:11,782
Yeah.

543
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:14,465
You know what's funny is
whenever, whenever either of us

544
00:20:14,468 --> 00:20:17,554
have cramps, we really try to
do our best to work through it.

545
00:20:17,554 --> 00:20:17,574
Just work.

546
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:20,616
I tell you what, the orgasm is
incredible if you can achieve it.

547
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:23,799
Because then- It's like, I'm gonna s-
… you're, like, recovering … stretch

548
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:25,453
and get that charley horse out.

549
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:26,082
Oh, my gosh.

550
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:26,885
And I'm also gonna cum.

551
00:20:27,132 --> 00:20:29,914
Oh, it's so rewarding
if you can get there.

552
00:20:30,237 --> 00:20:31,208
If you can get there.

553
00:20:31,218 --> 00:20:33,037
It's, like, double rewarding.

554
00:20:33,115 --> 00:20:33,556
Yeah.

555
00:20:33,587 --> 00:20:36,406
You've gotten the cramp out and-
Exactly … you've had an orgasm.

556
00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:36,572
Exactly.

557
00:20:36,573 --> 00:20:37,927
So it's, like, the perfect thing.

558
00:20:37,981 --> 00:20:40,782
I do try to stretch before we go out.

559
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:41,871
So- Do you really?

560
00:20:41,871 --> 00:20:42,864
… I stretch a lot.

561
00:20:43,054 --> 00:20:44,948
I stretch my legs and my hips.

562
00:20:45,405 --> 00:20:49,335
So, like, for us, we haven't
really played, um, in a while.

563
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:50,442
We haven't gone to the club in a while.

564
00:20:50,496 --> 00:20:50,660
Yeah.

565
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:51,384
Like three weeks, I think.

566
00:20:51,428 --> 00:20:54,433
So it's just a matter of us,
like, stretching our bodies and

567
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:56,956
doing all that before you do that,

568
00:20:57,486 --> 00:20:58,719
And hydrate, people.

569
00:20:58,766 --> 00:20:59,679
Hydrate.

570
00:20:59,715 --> 00:21:00,684
So much, yes.

571
00:21:00,684 --> 00:21:01,053
Hydrate.

572
00:21:01,062 --> 00:21:01,999
Hydrate.

573
00:21:02,105 --> 00:21:02,767
Hydrate.

574
00:21:02,771 --> 00:21:03,019
Yeah.

575
00:21:03,019 --> 00:21:07,099
Because I don't know how many times
we've been in the middle beds, and I've

576
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,884
been… Like, you've looked at me and
been like, "Oh, I'm c- I'm having a cramp.

577
00:21:10,196 --> 00:21:12,057
I'm having a cramp." And
I'm like, "Oh, what do I do?

578
00:21:12,057 --> 00:21:13,586
What do I do?" "Uh, just give me a minute.

579
00:21:13,586 --> 00:21:15,912
Just give me a minute." And it's
like, oh, we're in front of everybody.

580
00:21:15,912 --> 00:21:17,547
What do I- It's like, just bend my leg.

581
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:17,959
Here.

582
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:19,089
Put me a certain way.

583
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:20,065
Okay.

584
00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:21,180
Uh, just tell me what to do.

585
00:21:21,181 --> 00:21:21,997
I don't know what to do.

586
00:21:22,534 --> 00:21:23,047
You know?

587
00:21:23,051 --> 00:21:24,676
There's- While you're still in me.

588
00:21:24,726 --> 00:21:25,109
Yeah.

589
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,351
Almost finishing, by the way.

590
00:21:27,377 --> 00:21:27,643
Yeah.

591
00:21:27,643 --> 00:21:27,653
Yeah.

592
00:21:27,655 --> 00:21:29,424
It's, it's, it's really a problem.

593
00:21:29,427 --> 00:21:33,790
But- I find it real embarrassing
for me when I'm with… Like, at

594
00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:35,437
least with you it's no big deal.

595
00:21:35,914 --> 00:21:40,463
But when I'm playing with somebody
else, it's like a lot of times I'm just

596
00:21:40,464 --> 00:21:42,124
gonna do my best to work through it.

597
00:21:42,976 --> 00:21:43,442
Yeah.

598
00:21:43,442 --> 00:21:47,943
But if I absolutely can't and I have
to step off, it's… I just feel like

599
00:21:47,944 --> 00:21:51,033
it's embarrassing and it's gonna be
hard for me to recover my hard-on.

600
00:21:51,738 --> 00:21:56,582
I think, I think we think people
don't understand, but they do.

601
00:21:57,277 --> 00:21:57,877
I've stopped people.

602
00:21:57,887 --> 00:21:58,892
Oh, I'm sure they do.

603
00:21:58,914 --> 00:22:05,172
I've stopped people and been like, "Ooh,
give me a second. I'm cramping here."

604
00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:10,154
I'm pretty sure they stayed hard, like
jacking off, so Yeah But, but if it's the

605
00:22:10,154 --> 00:22:12,223
other way around, that has to be too hard.

606
00:22:12,278 --> 00:22:13,244
It, it, you know how I- Because-

607
00:22:13,244 --> 00:22:16,151
overthink stuff- Exactly … so
that doesn't help, you know?

608
00:22:16,151 --> 00:22:16,161
Yeah.

609
00:22:16,161 --> 00:22:16,402
Uh, yeah.

610
00:22:16,403 --> 00:22:18,151
It w- it will definitely freak me out.

611
00:22:18,199 --> 00:22:21,661
I've, I've had different things come up.

612
00:22:21,692 --> 00:22:25,323
The one that bothers me the most
is, and I have yet to say it out

613
00:22:25,324 --> 00:22:31,514
loud- … but I've had women just
jump on my dick, like hop on to ride

614
00:22:31,515 --> 00:22:34,921
me, and done so very roughly- Yeah

615
00:22:34,921 --> 00:22:40,809
and not been, I guess, very observant
of where my balls are, and just

616
00:22:40,809 --> 00:22:42,896
smash the fuck out of my balls.

617
00:22:42,924 --> 00:22:43,551
I have done that.

618
00:22:43,551 --> 00:22:43,601
I've done that to you.

619
00:22:43,601 --> 00:22:47,851
And I've- Yeah … had to pretend
like nothing hurt, and I'm just

620
00:22:47,851 --> 00:22:52,189
like… And it's, it, that, the ball
hurt is not just an immediate hurt.

621
00:22:52,233 --> 00:22:57,566
It's an immediate pain that seems to
echo throughout the balls for a while.

622
00:22:57,594 --> 00:23:00,513
Mm. And those, that's not the
greatest feeling in the world.

623
00:23:00,531 --> 00:23:00,541
Right.

624
00:23:00,541 --> 00:23:02,846
And it just feels like it
kinda takes the air outta you.

625
00:23:03,229 --> 00:23:04,703
And I've, I've had it before.

626
00:23:04,703 --> 00:23:07,973
And some women are, like, very rough
with the balls, and it's like for

627
00:23:07,980 --> 00:23:09,466
me, I mean, that's not my thing.

628
00:23:09,466 --> 00:23:11,497
Like, I like, uh, gentleness.

629
00:23:11,499 --> 00:23:11,514
Yes.

630
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:12,400
To be gentle.

631
00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:15,525
You know, I had this one woman
that was really just kind of

632
00:23:15,538 --> 00:23:16,979
sucking on the balls- Yeah

633
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,685
and I'm not into that at all.

634
00:23:18,686 --> 00:23:18,709
Yeah.

635
00:23:18,714 --> 00:23:24,642
Because, you know, it just, it does that,
that vibrating- Well, yeah, like she was

636
00:23:24,649 --> 00:23:26,239
sucking- … w- in waves … and pulling.

637
00:23:26,255 --> 00:23:26,773
Yeah.

638
00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:27,229
No.

639
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,372
And that wasn't your thing.

640
00:23:28,429 --> 00:23:28,440
Mm-mm.

641
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,031
No.

642
00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:33,317
I, I can s- I suck balls, I suck
your balls, but I don't tug at them.

643
00:23:33,386 --> 00:23:33,741
No.

644
00:23:33,741 --> 00:23:35,331
It's all, it's all about the gentleness.

645
00:23:35,350 --> 00:23:35,908
Yes.

646
00:23:35,925 --> 00:23:36,528
Gotta be gentle.

647
00:23:36,528 --> 00:23:38,185
It's a big gentle bear, guys.

648
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:38,387
Yeah.

649
00:23:38,387 --> 00:23:38,618
That's right.

650
00:23:38,619 --> 00:23:40,993
Be, be gentle to the, to the gems.

651
00:23:41,054 --> 00:23:41,548
That's right.

652
00:23:42,394 --> 00:23:47,122
Be care- I've, I've gotten on top of you,
and you've been a certain way, and you're

653
00:23:47,124 --> 00:23:51,128
like, "Oh, wow. That just, you just got
my balls." It's especially if you're

654
00:23:51,129 --> 00:23:53,704
riding and you go back a little bit.

655
00:23:54,105 --> 00:23:58,829
You're going to squish it with your, like
the heaviness is gonna squish your balls.

656
00:23:59,101 --> 00:23:59,486
Yeah.

657
00:23:59,530 --> 00:24:01,767
It, it's, it's just
happened every now and then.

658
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:04,717
Things haven't been, uh, you
know, just in the right position.

659
00:24:05,141 --> 00:24:09,011
Somebody will jump up and just go for
it, and I just have to work through it.

660
00:24:09,016 --> 00:24:09,320
Yeah.

661
00:24:09,342 --> 00:24:12,578
But there's been a time or two where
I've wanted to throw somebody off me

662
00:24:12,580 --> 00:24:14,026
and been like, "Aha, I need a minute."

663
00:24:14,050 --> 00:24:15,051
You just hurt me.

664
00:24:15,170 --> 00:24:15,903
Oh, man.

665
00:24:15,924 --> 00:24:17,887
That's- That is, that is hard.

666
00:24:17,939 --> 00:24:22,052
Or does it feel like a,
like someone wrecked you?

667
00:24:22,603 --> 00:24:23,258
Sometimes.

668
00:24:23,279 --> 00:24:24,188
Um- Momentarily.

669
00:24:24,201 --> 00:24:24,530
Okay.

670
00:24:24,556 --> 00:24:25,205
Momentarily.

671
00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:25,497
Yeah.

672
00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:26,091
Yeah.

673
00:24:26,099 --> 00:24:30,079
Well- So like I said, it's an immediate
sharp pain followed by these waves

674
00:24:30,079 --> 00:24:32,698
of, like, this vibrating pain.

675
00:24:32,948 --> 00:24:33,172
Yes.

676
00:24:33,174 --> 00:24:34,490
Like, it's just not fun.

677
00:24:34,644 --> 00:24:35,558
Not fun at all.

678
00:24:35,897 --> 00:24:41,058
Now, something else that I've come
across is the heavy breathing on me.

679
00:24:41,681 --> 00:24:41,854
Yeah.

680
00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:42,553
You don't like that, huh?

681
00:24:42,557 --> 00:24:44,862
Do n- I don't like heavy breathing on me.

682
00:24:44,862 --> 00:24:47,050
Mm. Because I'm pretty hot already.

683
00:24:47,051 --> 00:24:49,056
Like, it's, that, this- … the
whole situation is hot.

684
00:24:49,056 --> 00:24:49,101
Yeah.

685
00:24:49,107 --> 00:24:51,689
And if you're breathing on
me, you're just adding air.

686
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,856
like hot air to my body and
not… I don't like that.

687
00:24:56,093 --> 00:24:58,986
See, that's funny because I'm
kind of insecure about that.

688
00:24:59,257 --> 00:25:02,204
When it's you and I, you like
it when I'm close to you, but

689
00:25:02,208 --> 00:25:03,695
s- I'm a chubby panda, guys.

690
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:07,628
And, you know, I get worked up and all
of a sudden I'm breathing like James

691
00:25:07,637 --> 00:25:12,696
Gandolfini from The Sopranos, and I
feel like I sometimes can't control it.

692
00:25:12,696 --> 00:25:13,565
You don't sound… No.

693
00:25:13,565 --> 00:25:16,991
You're- And I'm, like, just huffing
and pu- I've had guys get on top

694
00:25:16,991 --> 00:25:19,681
of me, get super close to me, and
they're, like, breathing on my

695
00:25:19,681 --> 00:25:21,737
neck, and it's like, okay, that's…

696
00:25:22,740 --> 00:25:23,763
This is not fun.

697
00:25:23,766 --> 00:25:25,795
Like, you're too- Yeah … like,
it's like I feel trapped.

698
00:25:25,842 --> 00:25:27,277
Claustrophobic.

699
00:25:27,342 --> 00:25:28,335
Like you can't go anywhere?

700
00:25:28,572 --> 00:25:29,709
I'm in a coffin.

701
00:25:29,817 --> 00:25:31,113
I can't go anywhere.

702
00:25:31,242 --> 00:25:34,901
Like- He's holding me underneath
him … I'm under some man and he's

703
00:25:34,912 --> 00:25:39,089
breathing on me and is he in me?

704
00:25:39,647 --> 00:25:40,428
Is he in there?

705
00:25:40,434 --> 00:25:41,089
I've had that.

706
00:25:41,089 --> 00:25:44,798
I mean- I've been like,
"Are we having sex already?"

707
00:25:45,565 --> 00:25:46,871
Did we get started?

708
00:25:46,906 --> 00:25:50,145
Mm. You know, I love the breathing
on me, but of course it's normally

709
00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:51,627
from a woman and it's different.

710
00:25:51,765 --> 00:25:52,290
It is different.

711
00:25:52,332 --> 00:25:54,572
Uh, you know, the breathing
on the neck, you know, the,

712
00:25:54,582 --> 00:25:56,029
the neck- Yeah … is my spot.

713
00:25:56,108 --> 00:25:56,355
Yeah.

714
00:25:56,509 --> 00:25:59,224
Uh, so the breathing on that
and all that, oh, forget it.

715
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:01,149
If it's, like, neck, ears, all that stuff.

716
00:26:01,149 --> 00:26:02,029
Now, what if it's bad breath?

717
00:26:02,181 --> 00:26:04,751
So there's, there's a
lot that I can work with.

718
00:26:04,835 --> 00:26:08,441
Smoky breath, to an
extent I can work with.

719
00:26:09,034 --> 00:26:12,768
If it's too much, like if it's fresh,
I just smoked a cigarette and here I

720
00:26:12,769 --> 00:26:15,464
am trying to kiss you, that's no bueno.

721
00:26:15,738 --> 00:26:20,117
If you had a cigarette maybe 15, 20
minutes ago or you smoked within the hour,

722
00:26:20,117 --> 00:26:22,105
whatever, and it's kinda smoky- Right

723
00:26:22,234 --> 00:26:25,263
I can get past that, you know,
because I was a smoker for 20 years.

724
00:26:25,297 --> 00:26:26,409
Not really that big a deal.

725
00:26:26,627 --> 00:26:27,880
But it just can't be fresh.

726
00:26:28,854 --> 00:26:34,525
Garlic breath, that's a, that's a
tough one to get past, um, 'cause I

727
00:26:34,530 --> 00:26:38,637
like to kiss, and if the garlic breath
is there, it's like, ooh, this is

728
00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:41,380
not as fun as it could be right now.

729
00:26:41,432 --> 00:26:42,735
No more breathing on your neck?

730
00:26:42,789 --> 00:26:47,514
Mm. I mean, I can… What I'll do is
I'll just breathe through my mouth

731
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:49,593
and I won't breathe through my nose.

732
00:26:50,693 --> 00:26:51,137
We'll get past it.

733
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:53,035
You are a smart man.

734
00:26:53,042 --> 00:26:55,026
I was a trash man at one point, you know.

735
00:26:55,026 --> 00:26:56,560
I know how to get past smells.

736
00:26:56,561 --> 00:26:56,999
We're good.

737
00:26:56,999 --> 00:26:58,203
You're a very smart man.

738
00:26:58,206 --> 00:26:58,596
Yeah.

739
00:26:58,619 --> 00:26:58,857
Yeah.

740
00:26:58,857 --> 00:27:01,227
You don't say n- I'm
very weird about smells.

741
00:27:01,255 --> 00:27:03,490
Oh, man, you've always been
overly sensitive about smells.

742
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:07,203
Yeah, so if I smell… A bad
cigarette doesn't bother me.

743
00:27:07,205 --> 00:27:11,320
I don't really kiss a lot of people,
so I've… You know, the cigarette

744
00:27:11,532 --> 00:27:15,022
s- taste or smell doesn't bother me.

745
00:27:15,154 --> 00:27:19,913
But if you've drank a lot of
alcohol- Yeah … there's this sour

746
00:27:19,921 --> 00:27:24,827
smell that is… It does something
to me, and I just do not like it.

747
00:27:24,996 --> 00:27:31,083
Like- It grosses me out … that
sour mesh alcohol smell.

748
00:27:31,142 --> 00:27:31,844
Yeah.

749
00:27:31,856 --> 00:27:33,689
Like they've been
drinking for a long time.

750
00:27:33,689 --> 00:27:35,528
It's kinda coming in through their pores.

751
00:27:35,530 --> 00:27:36,278
Yes.

752
00:27:36,806 --> 00:27:37,186
Yeah.

753
00:27:37,186 --> 00:27:37,196
Yeah.

754
00:27:37,227 --> 00:27:41,615
It's, um… And it kinda
triggers me to like a bad mood.

755
00:27:42,566 --> 00:27:42,857
Huh.

756
00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:43,456
Yeah.

757
00:27:43,744 --> 00:27:46,073
Now, we talked about gross smells.

758
00:27:46,905 --> 00:27:46,924
Yeah.

759
00:27:46,924 --> 00:27:48,248
Amazing smells.

760
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:50,845
I love the way mint smells.

761
00:27:50,914 --> 00:27:51,384
Yeah.

762
00:27:51,408 --> 00:27:52,104
So, you know.

763
00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:52,462
Juice 'em.

764
00:27:52,471 --> 00:27:53,030
So go.

765
00:27:53,152 --> 00:27:53,445
Juice and go.

766
00:27:53,445 --> 00:27:56,377
And okay, so we talked about all
these, like, things that people… I

767
00:27:56,411 --> 00:27:59,617
told you how you can take care of the,
the queefing guys- Yeah … or women.

768
00:27:59,617 --> 00:27:59,811
Yeah.

769
00:28:00,296 --> 00:28:06,497
What, what other things can our
friends do when they're sweaty?

770
00:28:06,574 --> 00:28:11,278
Well, you know, if, if I had a
major sweating problem, which

771
00:28:11,278 --> 00:28:13,262
luckily I don't, I rarely sweat.

772
00:28:13,288 --> 00:28:13,511
Yeah.

773
00:28:13,724 --> 00:28:16,689
Sometimes we'll go to the back
of the club, and if it's a hot

774
00:28:16,689 --> 00:28:18,028
day- We just kinda stop a little.

775
00:28:18,028 --> 00:28:18,439
Yeah.

776
00:28:18,453 --> 00:28:23,556
You know, it… I, I find that
hydrating before and after sex is good.

777
00:28:23,871 --> 00:28:26,315
But if I actually had that
problem, I would bring a towel.

778
00:28:26,461 --> 00:28:26,760
Mm-hmm.

779
00:28:26,811 --> 00:28:28,299
I would just bring a towel with me.

780
00:28:28,408 --> 00:28:28,578
Yeah.

781
00:28:28,578 --> 00:28:29,848
And always have a towel around.

782
00:28:29,848 --> 00:28:33,518
Now, a lot of these playrooms, they
have the beds, they have towels there

783
00:28:33,813 --> 00:28:37,050
that you can use for- Mm-hmm … for
whatever you need to use a towel for.

784
00:28:37,078 --> 00:28:37,236
Mm-hmm.

785
00:28:37,254 --> 00:28:41,103
And if you need that towel, put the
towel on your head or something.

786
00:28:41,104 --> 00:28:43,050
Like, I mean, that's,
that's really your best bet.

787
00:28:43,093 --> 00:28:43,466
Yeah.

788
00:28:44,235 --> 00:28:44,798
Blankets.

789
00:28:44,802 --> 00:28:47,259
I've heard people bring blankets
for like- Splash blankets

790
00:28:47,263 --> 00:28:48,002
the splashy.

791
00:28:48,043 --> 00:28:48,418
Yeah.

792
00:28:48,884 --> 00:28:49,855
The splashy fun.

793
00:28:51,254 --> 00:28:54,278
Wedge pillows are really good
when you're being bent over, when

794
00:28:54,279 --> 00:28:55,322
you're getting it from behind.

795
00:28:55,322 --> 00:28:55,332
Yeah.

796
00:28:55,332 --> 00:28:57,438
So if you can bring a pillow, that helps.

797
00:28:57,463 --> 00:28:59,167
Maybe it'll help a little
bit of the queefing.

798
00:28:59,168 --> 00:28:59,955
It does with me.

799
00:28:59,984 --> 00:29:02,318
You know what we didn't
talk about was squirting.

800
00:29:03,475 --> 00:29:04,173
Squirting.

801
00:29:04,207 --> 00:29:06,229
A lot of women are
embarrassed about squirting.

802
00:29:06,458 --> 00:29:07,888
A lot of women are embarrassed by it.

803
00:29:07,946 --> 00:29:10,961
I've, I've been apologized to,
I don't know how many times.

804
00:29:10,992 --> 00:29:11,520
I find it hot.

805
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:12,737
I do not like to get squirt on.

806
00:29:13,018 --> 00:29:13,300
No?

807
00:29:13,633 --> 00:29:13,961
No.

808
00:29:14,286 --> 00:29:15,328
You know how I feel about that.

809
00:29:15,551 --> 00:29:16,219
I do.

810
00:29:16,808 --> 00:29:17,554
It's not my thing.

811
00:29:17,994 --> 00:29:18,210
It's not.

812
00:29:18,224 --> 00:29:22,309
I'm not… And I do n- and if you squirt,
I do not like this beautiful, handsome

813
00:29:22,317 --> 00:29:24,268
face right here to get squirted on.

814
00:29:24,341 --> 00:29:29,577
Sorry, I understand he loves it, but
that's mine and I don't like a wet carpet.

815
00:29:29,998 --> 00:29:33,389
Well, you know, I, I, like
I said, I do enjoy it.

816
00:29:33,389 --> 00:29:33,399
Yeah.

817
00:29:33,399 --> 00:29:36,701
But, you know, a lot of women
are, uh, very embarrassed by it.

818
00:29:36,741 --> 00:29:39,221
And, you know, it's,
it can be hit or miss.

819
00:29:39,707 --> 00:29:40,354
Yes.

820
00:29:40,407 --> 00:29:45,938
Can be hit or miss because a lot of that
is dependent on what you drink- Yes.

821
00:29:46,318 --> 00:29:47,639
Oh … and what you intake.

822
00:29:47,699 --> 00:29:47,818
Oh.

823
00:29:47,955 --> 00:29:50,864
And it can't be, uh,
sometimes the greatest.

824
00:29:51,644 --> 00:29:53,776
Hey, it's an open conversation, right?

825
00:29:53,776 --> 00:29:54,212
We're talking.

826
00:29:54,214 --> 00:29:55,202
It is what it is, right?

827
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,127
I've never had a, a Kool-Aid,
you know what I'm saying?

828
00:29:58,127 --> 00:29:59,846
Like it- Yeah … it's
not fruity flavored.

829
00:29:59,917 --> 00:30:04,466
Uh, but it's… When you think
about it, when you think about

830
00:30:04,468 --> 00:30:05,788
the sexual experience- Mm-hmm

831
00:30:05,788 --> 00:30:11,347
any time you've been doing it
right, there's a lot of fluids.

832
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:11,855
Yeah.

833
00:30:12,111 --> 00:30:12,466
Yeah, that's true.

834
00:30:12,466 --> 00:30:13,845
You're in a lot of fluids.

835
00:30:14,029 --> 00:30:14,630
And they're not all bad.

836
00:30:14,630 --> 00:30:15,904
A bevy of different fluids.

837
00:30:15,912 --> 00:30:16,170
Yeah.

838
00:30:16,243 --> 00:30:17,260
And I guess they're not all bad.

839
00:30:17,302 --> 00:30:17,698
No.

840
00:30:17,698 --> 00:30:18,412
And you know what?

841
00:30:18,423 --> 00:30:23,065
If you're gonna be grossed out by it,
then it's gonna make oral very difficult.

842
00:30:23,066 --> 00:30:23,091
Yeah.

843
00:30:23,097 --> 00:30:24,621
It's gonna make kissing very difficult.

844
00:30:24,637 --> 00:30:30,308
You know, I remember being younger,
in my 20s- And with women, I

845
00:30:30,311 --> 00:30:34,371
never… Like, a woman would go down
on me and I would still kiss her.

846
00:30:34,682 --> 00:30:37,704
And I had friends that would be
like, "Ugh, you're gonna kiss

847
00:30:37,704 --> 00:30:40,476
a woman after she sucked your
dick? That's disgusting." Yeah.

848
00:30:40,476 --> 00:30:43,218
And I'm like, "Well, how,
why is that disgusting?"

849
00:30:43,218 --> 00:30:46,186
Like- It's my dick … I'm, uh, it's not
like I'm putting my dick in my mouth.

850
00:30:46,517 --> 00:30:46,686
Yeah.

851
00:30:46,718 --> 00:30:49,305
Um, you know, she was sucking… And,
"Well, it's like, it's like you might

852
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:53,021
as well suck your own dick." And
I was like, "Well, I mean, that's,

853
00:30:53,084 --> 00:30:54,339
I don't bend that way." You know?

854
00:30:54,339 --> 00:30:55,218
If I could, I would.

855
00:30:55,446 --> 00:30:56,138
It's not possible.

856
00:30:56,138 --> 00:30:56,168
It's not possible.

857
00:30:56,168 --> 00:30:59,254
But, you know, nonetheless,
it's, it's like, it's, it's me.

858
00:30:59,254 --> 00:30:59,985
What's the big deal?

859
00:30:59,985 --> 00:31:01,798
Like- Yeah … I'm,
I'm kissing this woman.

860
00:31:02,192 --> 00:31:04,696
And it's not gay, obviously-
Yeah … because I'm kissing a woman.

861
00:31:04,771 --> 00:31:05,000
Yeah.

862
00:31:05,010 --> 00:31:05,303
You know?

863
00:31:05,433 --> 00:31:07,734
But it's- Again, when they're, when
they're younger, when you're younger,

864
00:31:07,734 --> 00:31:09,976
it's just a little- Oh, I've heard
that- … insecure … from older.

865
00:31:10,278 --> 00:31:10,582
No.

866
00:31:10,582 --> 00:31:11,104
From older men.

867
00:31:11,227 --> 00:31:14,005
Uh, you know, it's, uh, it, it, it's,
it's something that's thought about.

868
00:31:14,007 --> 00:31:14,567
Don't think about that.

869
00:31:14,630 --> 00:31:14,952
Yeah.

870
00:31:14,952 --> 00:31:17,142
Um- Like, in the lifestyle,
there's dicks in people's mouths.

871
00:31:17,161 --> 00:31:20,395
Like, it, it is what it is, and you
are, if you're kissing a woman, she

872
00:31:20,395 --> 00:31:25,071
probably had a dick in her mouth and…
You know, when you, when you let go of

873
00:31:25,072 --> 00:31:28,956
all that insecurity and homophobia and
you just go, "I'm gonna have fun with

874
00:31:28,957 --> 00:31:29,993
this woman and we're gonna get-" Yes

875
00:31:29,993 --> 00:31:34,481
"down and dirty and fun," that's
when it really is major payoff.

876
00:31:34,481 --> 00:31:34,491
Yeah.

877
00:31:34,572 --> 00:31:37,648
Uh, when you're prudish about stuff
and you don't wanna… You, you'll do

878
00:31:37,650 --> 00:31:39,019
this, but you're not gonna do that.

879
00:31:39,029 --> 00:31:39,126
Yeah.

880
00:31:39,126 --> 00:31:40,554
And I'm gonna do this,
but I'm not gonna do that.

881
00:31:40,554 --> 00:31:43,799
Well, it's like, fuck, you're not
gonna have a good experience then.

882
00:31:44,045 --> 00:31:45,922
This is gonna be a little hit or miss.

883
00:31:45,969 --> 00:31:46,348
You know what I mean?

884
00:31:46,359 --> 00:31:50,394
You'll be like, "Hmm, should I do this
or…" You go in with all this gear.

885
00:31:50,662 --> 00:31:52,167
You have a mask and shield.

886
00:31:52,175 --> 00:31:52,656
Scuba diving.

887
00:31:52,684 --> 00:31:53,706
Hazmat suit.

888
00:31:53,815 --> 00:31:54,536
Let's do this.

889
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:58,211
The little hole, get your dick out and
be like, "Okay" Damn you, Scuba Steve.

890
00:32:00,447 --> 00:32:01,336
And you're good.

891
00:32:01,477 --> 00:32:01,887
You're good.

892
00:32:01,899 --> 00:32:04,879
Um, so yeah, a towel is
good- Yeah … for sweat.

893
00:32:05,526 --> 00:32:05,876
Yeah.

894
00:32:05,927 --> 00:32:06,757
Take some lube.

895
00:32:06,848 --> 00:32:09,394
If you get a fan, fan yourself.

896
00:32:09,443 --> 00:32:10,000
Fan.

897
00:32:10,793 --> 00:32:11,147
Totally.

898
00:32:11,147 --> 00:32:14,361
I have those little fans that, that
can, you know, you can take places.

899
00:32:14,367 --> 00:32:15,934
Battery powered or do you charge them?

900
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:16,482
Battery powered, charge up.

901
00:32:17,687 --> 00:32:19,185
That, that helps with sweatiness.

902
00:32:19,536 --> 00:32:20,235
It's hard.

903
00:32:20,246 --> 00:32:23,768
It is, um, a situation where
you don't know what to do.

904
00:32:23,769 --> 00:32:26,518
But I'm very mindful, especially
when I know that Adam is

905
00:32:26,518 --> 00:32:28,194
sweating, I will wipe him.

906
00:32:28,203 --> 00:32:30,785
Like, I wipe- Yeah … his sweat
and I'm like, "Okay, we can

907
00:32:30,785 --> 00:32:34,285
continue," because I know him and
I know how he feels about that, so.

908
00:32:34,294 --> 00:32:34,596
Yeah.

909
00:32:34,901 --> 00:32:35,908
Yeah, absolutely.

910
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,681
You know, the… one of the things
that, that would drive me nuts is the

911
00:32:39,686 --> 00:32:42,256
thought of losing an erection, and
if that's something that, that you're

912
00:32:42,266 --> 00:32:45,684
bothered by- Yeah … if you're afraid
of losing an erection and you don't

913
00:32:45,684 --> 00:32:50,501
know what to do, what we do is we have
a bag, a little plastic bag that's

914
00:32:50,501 --> 00:32:54,973
see-through, that we carry all of our
lube in, all of our condoms in- Mm-hmm

915
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:57,540
and a couple of vibrators, little toys.

916
00:32:57,546 --> 00:32:57,830
Yes.

917
00:32:57,841 --> 00:33:01,588
So that this way, if I'm distracted,
if I'm having trouble staying hard

918
00:33:01,599 --> 00:33:05,314
or, you know, I start losing an
erection, she gets her little toy out.

919
00:33:05,328 --> 00:33:09,769
She lays there and plays with herself,
and I get to watch, and forget it, I

920
00:33:09,770 --> 00:33:11,732
don't lose that erection for very long.

921
00:33:11,745 --> 00:33:11,969
Right.

922
00:33:11,971 --> 00:33:13,416
And then before you know
it, I'm back in the game.

923
00:33:13,494 --> 00:33:16,555
You know, stuff like that,
it, it happens, guys.

924
00:33:16,557 --> 00:33:18,497
You know- Yeah … you just
have to be ready for it.

925
00:33:18,512 --> 00:33:19,707
There is no shame in that.

926
00:33:19,718 --> 00:33:20,135
No.

927
00:33:20,150 --> 00:33:24,201
Now, when it stops being funny is when
you start feeling dizziness, when you

928
00:33:24,202 --> 00:33:26,122
start feeling f- like you're gonna faint.

929
00:33:26,433 --> 00:33:26,677
Yes.

930
00:33:26,698 --> 00:33:29,248
When you start having
chest pains, uh, you know.

931
00:33:29,423 --> 00:33:31,949
Those are not, um, those are not funny.

932
00:33:31,961 --> 00:33:32,868
Those are big deals.

933
00:33:32,870 --> 00:33:34,110
Those are really big deals.

934
00:33:34,149 --> 00:33:37,248
If you're back there having
fun with somebody, it's not

935
00:33:37,250 --> 00:33:38,935
supposed to smell like toast.

936
00:33:38,986 --> 00:33:40,181
You understand what I'm saying there?

937
00:33:40,195 --> 00:33:41,430
You might be having a stroke.

938
00:33:41,463 --> 00:33:41,851
Yes.

939
00:33:41,899 --> 00:33:47,109
So- Be very careful … be mindful of
what your body normally feels like and

940
00:33:47,109 --> 00:33:50,710
what it may not be feeling like or what
it may be feeling like in the moment.

941
00:33:50,756 --> 00:33:52,196
It, it just doesn't feel right.

942
00:33:52,467 --> 00:33:54,438
You need to know to stop, you know?

943
00:33:54,439 --> 00:33:55,717
Because that's- Let's pause.

944
00:33:55,717 --> 00:33:56,856
Just put a pause on it.

945
00:33:57,293 --> 00:33:59,073
Just stop for a moment, you know?

946
00:33:59,164 --> 00:34:00,622
That's, that's always a scary one.

947
00:34:00,905 --> 00:34:05,226
We've had… I've had situations where
I… you react a certain way or I

948
00:34:05,228 --> 00:34:06,843
react a certain way to a certain noise.

949
00:34:07,119 --> 00:34:07,800
It's always me.

950
00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:08,593
Yeah.

951
00:34:08,770 --> 00:34:09,432
It's always me.

952
00:34:09,432 --> 00:34:13,304
I am a laugher, so something
makes me laugh, I'm like,

953
00:34:13,972 --> 00:34:15,999
"Sorry I tooted on you." Yeah.

954
00:34:15,999 --> 00:34:17,929
And you know, most of the
time I'm like, "You know, you

955
00:34:17,929 --> 00:34:19,172
didn't have to tell me." Yeah.

956
00:34:19,363 --> 00:34:21,793
Like, I wouldn't have known- You don't
even know … if you had said anything.

957
00:34:21,844 --> 00:34:25,706
So it's- Everybody heard it … but
we're at that place in our relationship

958
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,221
where we can do that apparently.

959
00:34:27,285 --> 00:34:27,932
I love you.

960
00:34:28,168 --> 00:34:30,166
I hope to God that you guys are too.

961
00:34:31,380 --> 00:34:35,246
So anyways, if you take away one
thing from today, bodies are weird,

962
00:34:35,246 --> 00:34:38,588
sex is messy, and the people worth
playing with are the ones who can

963
00:34:38,601 --> 00:34:40,977
laugh with you even when it gets messy.

964
00:34:41,166 --> 00:34:41,520
Yeah.

965
00:34:41,645 --> 00:34:45,442
And speaking of messy, if you're going
to make a mess, make it a good one.

966
00:34:46,538 --> 00:34:47,141
Sliquid.

967
00:34:47,348 --> 00:34:48,098
There you go.

968
00:34:48,234 --> 00:34:52,314
Sliquid is our go-to for lube
that's body safe and actually feels

969
00:34:52,315 --> 00:34:56,049
good, and you can grab 15% off
with the link in our show notes.

970
00:34:56,536 --> 00:34:56,892
Yeah.

971
00:34:56,924 --> 00:34:59,937
And if you wanna hang out with us in
person and ask all the questions that

972
00:34:59,938 --> 00:35:04,065
you've been too nervous to ask, come
out to Swinger 101 on November 15th at

973
00:35:04,066 --> 00:35:06,021
Forbidden Fruit here in Austin, Texas.

974
00:35:06,100 --> 00:35:09,366
20 bucks a person, light
refreshments, and real talk.

975
00:35:09,371 --> 00:35:10,455
You get full access to us.

976
00:35:10,490 --> 00:35:11,220
That's right.

977
00:35:11,297 --> 00:35:14,408
And if you're planning ahead, Krazy
Winter Nights in Kansas City is

978
00:35:14,418 --> 00:35:16,296
February 19th through the 21st.

979
00:35:16,416 --> 00:35:18,636
Use code BEYOMONO at krazykasbh.com.

980
00:35:20,135 --> 00:35:20,548
Yeah.

981
00:35:20,549 --> 00:35:24,766
And you can catch us on Full Swap
Radio every Thursday at 2:00 PM and

982
00:35:24,766 --> 00:35:28,541
7:00 PM Central at www.fullswapradio.

983
00:35:28,677 --> 00:35:32,665
And don't forget the anonymous
confessional at beyond-monogamy.com.

984
00:35:32,676 --> 00:35:35,350
Your stories, your questions,
your messiest moments,

985
00:35:35,494 --> 00:35:36,904
we read every single one.

986
00:35:36,994 --> 00:35:37,370
Yeah.

987
00:35:37,373 --> 00:35:42,030
And if you have any stories about any
bodily embarrassments, please send them,

988
00:35:42,032 --> 00:35:43,356
'cause we would love to read those.

989
00:35:43,842 --> 00:35:46,957
And with that, we thank you all for
joining us for another episode this

990
00:35:46,959 --> 00:35:48,931
week, and we will see you guys next week.

991
00:35:48,931 --> 00:35:49,563
Bye.