Swinger Dynamics 101: Full Swap, Soft Swap & Knowing Your No

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kind of stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches. Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

0:53 I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And, uh, today I wanted to get into something, uh, we've had an, a just a, a surge of people who are either new to the lifestyle or interested in joining the lifestyle or interested in, in scoping it out. Mm-hmm. Uh, and a lot of people have asked about dynamics. What does it mean when somebody comes up to me and says, "What's your dynamic?" And so I thought that we'd, uh, talk about that today because, you know, that's not, that's not really something that people know right off the bat. No, I guess not. Yeah. Like, for example, our first few years- Mm-hmm … we didn't- I don't think … talk dynamics I don't think we knew what that was, yeah.

1:37 It's very much talked about now and expressed now and questioned now- Yeah … more so, and I don't know if it's maybe because we're a little bit more adult and a- adult, around more people who have been swinging for a little bit longer. I feel like it's because we don't, we don't wanna waste anybody's time, and we don't want- That is so true … anybody to waste our time. Um, we've run into that quite a bit. And, and, and you'll run into it a lot, where people- Yeah … just kinda waste your time. Yeah. Um, and I, I know that kinda sounds cold-blooded. No, a- and, and you are right. You are right. Because I remember times where I was like, "Well, we're into this for couples, and, uh, it has to be like a full swap. Like, the woman has to be bisexual."

2:18 And so you and I just started thinking, "Okay, well, this is not… We n- we need to have dynamics. We need to let these people know what we like, what we want." Yeah. And I'm very upfront, like, with our dynamics. They vary from person to person. Yeah. Well, you know, if… What I realized was that there was a lot of people that were reaching out to us that- Before we decided that we were gonna play separately, they would reach out going, "Well, does she play separately?" Yeah. You know, stuff like that. And it's like, "Well, no, that's not our dynamic." Mm-hmm. Um, and so r- really what your dynamic is is almost a way of labeling what experiences you want.

3:05 Now, not everybody goes by this. And, and what you're comfortable with. Yeah, pretty much. Um, for example, our dynamic is we are a full swap couple, uh, not a soft swap. But we can do soft swap, we have done soft swap, but that's not our preference. Mm-hmm. Our preference would be full swap, same room. Mm-hmm. That's our number one, that's our hottest favorite thing in the world. If that's what we can get, that's what we're gonna get. Mm-hmm. Full swap, which means it's gonna be me with the wife of the couple and her with the husband of the couple, complete full swap. Mm-hmm. As opposed to soft swap, which is, what again?

3:48 I think that's either oral or just, like, even- No penetration … parallel play. No penetration, yeah. Yeah, no penetration, so it's basically anything as long as there's no penetration. Mm-hmm. Uh, so it can be, um, kissing- Parallel play … and touching, grinding- Yeah parallel play, all the way up to, uh, but excluding penetration. Yes. So, uh, you know, like I said, we've done soft, soft play. Mm-hmm. Uh, soft swap. Mm-hmm. We've… It's not our favorite, but- … it's still fun. It's still a good time. Yeah, yeah. Uh, so but we don't label that as our dynamic because that's not our preference. Yeah. Um, same room is what we prefer because- Yes … we like to see each other- Mm-hmm … play with others.

4:34 So just as much as I enjoy playing with somebody else, I like to look up and see my wife playing with somebody else. And if we're all in the same room, boom, you just check those boxes. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, that's our preference. But it can be same room, it can be same roof, uh, which basically means as long as y'all are in the same home or hotel room or whatever, like- Mm-hmm … you can be the next room over or across the hallway- Yeah, yeah … or in the living room. You don't have to necessarily be in that same room. Mm-hmm. Um, that too is something that we're comfortable with, but we just don't really, we don't put it out there.

5:17 Yeah. Because it's not our number one preference. And it's really, yeah, who you're comfortable with. Like, Adam could be comfortable with one person, and I can be comfortable, and I may not be comfortable yet. Yeah. So things like that, we just have to kind of talk about, work around. Yeah. Figure it out. Yeah. And then, um, when we decided to start entertaining friends with benefits, around that same time, we also started entertaining the, the separate play. Now, this is something that we have in our arsenal that we can turn to. It is not our number one. Uh, we primarily utilize separate play if I really wanna play with somebody and she's not attracted to them or vice versa.

5:57 Um, we don't wanna stop each other from having a good time and enjoying, y- you know, ourselves. Mm-hmm. Uh, so we have this ability. Uh, we don't use it very often, uh, but it has been utilized. Now, it, it's a part of my hot wife thing. I like for her to go out and play separately. I think that's hot. She doesn't have that same, that same, uh, like, likes, I guess. No, not always. Yeah. Not, not, not usually. Sometimes. It really depends on the person. So, like, if there's a certain person, then yeah, I'm down for it. But if not, no. How do you decide? Um, I'm friends with most of the women. I don't care if you take to the back. Yeah. Yeah.

6:37 Like, I'm friends with a lot of them, and I don't mind if you take them, if you, if you play with them separately because they're… I, I know them, and I've spent time with them. Yeah. And I trust them, and I know their marriage. Hmm. Um, so that's, that's how I can, that's how I decipher, like, "Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, go." Mm-hmm. You know, it is what, it, it, however it is. Um- If I don't know them, it takes me a bit. Now, when you say no, like w- We've hung out how, yeah We've hung out a few times. I've talked to him. Because you're comfortable with anybody. Like- Yeah … you're pretty comfortable with anybody.

7:20 I, um … And it's not anything against you, I'm just not, I'm not comfortable with everybody. So there may be a woman who you're very interested in, and I haven't got to that part, part yet to let, to be okay with you being like, "Oh, go, go ahead and play with her." Be- And especially if they're a couple, like I wanna make sure that they're solid and it's all cool. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So, like, I have to really get to know them. And if you notice, pretty much everybody that you, besides your friends with benefits, the people that you play with- Mm … whenever you, that you can play with whenever you want. Yeah. I, I know, I've spent time with them. Right. Right. So I just- Well, it, well, so, and, and I'm, and I'm not picking on you, but it, it is, it is a good question for me just so that I can help figure out … It, it, it, it more or less helps me figure out how to navigate all of this.

8:09 But, like, currently, there are two couples that we know equally. Mm-hmm. Um, we know this couple and we know this couple. Both of them have the dynamic of separate play. Mm-hmm. One of the couples you're good with. Mm-hmm. But the other couple, you're not totally sure yet. Mm-hmm. You're not quite there yet. Yeah. But we've spent the same amount of time, if not more, with the other couple. That's about the same amount of time, cause remember, oh, in the, in the- ' in the beginning, remember, I was like, "Mm, no, I don't, I don't, not, I don't like her." Right, yes. Yeah. And then I started, we, I think we smoked one time with them, and then we started seeing him at the club a lot.

8:55 And seeing him at the club a lot and seeing their dynamic and how I talk to him, and he's talking about his wife. Mm-hmm. And he's talking about her relationship. I've had conversations like that where they're friends. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The other couple I haven't I gotcha I haven't, and there's still something that I can't pinpoint And, and, you know, it doesn't bo- it, it doesn't bother me. I mean- No … it's, it's hard. It's hard It, it can, it can be hard- It can, it can because I, it's, it's not a uniform rule- Yeah … all the way around. No. And so it's hard to navigate it. It's hard to… It is. Um, and so that's why I ask- Yeah … these kind of- Yeah … of questions- Now, that doesn't mean- … 'cause I'm like, "Well, how does that work?"

9:36 And it doesn't mean that I may come to a point where I'm like, "Go." Yeah. " I'm, I'm not ready, but you can go"- Yeah … "and whatever." But is that healthy? No, because I'm still gonna probably have these thoughts, and I'm still gonna probably have these feelings, so I have to kind of, like, work through them myself. On your own time. Yeah, and I am. I am working through them. Um- Uh, for me, dynamics really can bend if I'm comfortable with the woman Really? If I'm comfortable with the woman I'm, I'm good And not so much with the man?

10:19 Like, the man doesn't- I, I, uh… Men are easy. I, I can tell if I like the man instantly. Mm, mm-hmm. And it's the woman that really will either rub me the wrong way, or I see something. And it's not insecurities. These are not insecurities, because I feel like all these women are beautiful. We're all on the same page. It's nothing like that, but it, it, my dynamics do change when it's something I can't pinpoint. Mm-hmm. So, but again, they, they're very wavy. You know? I may be like- They're fluid They're very fluid. It is. It's a very fluid situation because- It's a living thing.

11:00 It changes- Yeah … from- It does- Yeah because even it, it changes, like, when we're going out with people. Yeah. And if they play under the same roof or if it's separate rooms. Like, it really does change situation by situation. It… Yeah, yeah. Uh, because our dynamic is so open- Yes … and so freewheeling. Yeah. But it's not a blanket freewheeling. No. It's not open to everybody. Yeah. It really is- It really is … a situational thing. Yeah. Depending on the couple, depending on the people- Yeah … uh, that we're getting involved in. And that's okay, as long as you communicate with your partner. And we're not gonna always agree. No. Like, it- No … we're not always gonna agree, and that is a little bit of a difficult part. But if you've been with somebody for a long time, you can just, like I tell my husband, "Just give me a bit. Just give me a little bit. It's gonna change."

11:47 One thing that I figured out really helps for me- Mm-hmm … on my end. Mm-hmm. Uh, and especially for any couples who kind of deal with this mismatch, um, where it started getting easier for me was when I kind of realized, "Okay, this is just her way," and I stopped being in such a hurry. Yeah. So, I used to treat every possible experience as, "I need to seal this deal, like, right away." Yes. You know, this person- Yeah … saying that they're interested. Yeah. They wanna sleep with me. I better jump on this right away. Yes. Yeah. Because who knows how long it's gonna last. Yeah. Um- I think that just recently changed for me. Recently, yeah. That- Like, I changed it not too long ago, because I- Yeah … I realized, one, if they really wanna sleep with me, it doesn't matter if it's gonna be next week or if it's gonna be months down the line.

12:35 Yeah. Uh, they're gonna, they're still gonna be there. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And if they're not gonna be there, then I don't know if I want that experience. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that just tells me- Like, there's gonna- … they're not in the right spot right now. Yeah. Like, there's gonna come a point and a time where it's gonna just all align. Like- Yeah … I mean, shit, we have people that are near us, and it's like hit and miss, hit and miss, hit and miss. Yeah. It just doesn't happen. Literally lives minutes away. It doesn't happen, and it's not by, by not, not wanting. It's just- Shit comes up, you know? It, it is what it is. Yeah, that's true. But yeah. Um, and you know, we are open communicating with each other on that, but we also openly communicate that with people that we're interested in.

13:21 Oh, yeah. Um, so- Like, I, I will tell people, "Okay, well, give me a second. I… you know, give me a bit because I need to be comfortable with this. My husband is very much comfortable with it, but I'm not, so pump your brakes a bit." Yeah, I, I really don't… I don't set up meetups- Yeah … with people. I don't even set up… I try not to set up- Not play dates … dates, period. Yeah. You, you just- I try not to set up dates with other couples or events- Yeah … because things change, and it's normally when things change, it's normally because of something on your end. Yeah. Like, if, you know, either you're not feeling well, it was a long week or whatever, something's come up. Yeah. Or I wasn't paying attention to the calendar and you put something in- Yeah … like we ended up double-booking- Yeah, yeah … or whatever.

14:05 You know, there's family stuff. She's more in tune to the calendar than I am. Um, and so oftentimes people will reach out and they'll be like, "Well, Adam, do you wanna go do this? You guys wanna go do that?" And it's like, "I don't know. Go talk to my wife." You gotta talk to Pris. Go talk to my… And you know, I'm good with that. And financially, like, we gotta make sure we're, we're all aligned. Yes. Like, we gotta make sure there's money. Yeah. The kids are good, dinner. Like, there's a lot of- Well, there's a lot of- variables … moving pieces Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of moving pieces. Um, I, it… sometimes I wanna set things up. Sometimes I, you know, I, like somebody- Yeah … somebody contacts me and they're like, "Hey"- Me too … "you know, let's, you know, are you guys gonna be at the club? 'Cause I'd love to play," and this and that.

14:45 And I want to. I wanna set something up. I wanna make plans. But then at the same time I'm like, normally what I'll say is something like, "We may be there. We may not." Yeah. "I don't know." Yeah. " Uh, but if we are there and you're there and we see each other, hey, well, let's talk about it," you know? Cool. Yeah. Um, I s- I don't put anything… The only way you know for certain that something's gonna happen is if I send you a screenshot of our calendar and you're in there. You're in there. If you're not in the calendar, there's no guarantee. Um- I just told that to somebody- Yeah … not like, "You're on my calendar." It's true. If you're not on the calendar, there's no guarantee. And even then, if you're on the calendar, we have a family, guys. Yeah. We have kids. We have cars that don't always work, you know?

15:28 Mm-hmm. We have financial situations that come up on occasion- Mm-hmm … where we're supposed to meet for dinner, and how the hell are we gonna do that when we got $5? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, things like that. Yeah. Sometimes you just have to reach out and go, "Okay." Can't right now. " I, I don't think we can do this right now." Yeah. "Let's, let's reschedule." Now, I've noticed when it comes to that sort of situation and a rescheduling needs to happen, I personally, and I think you're on the same track as me on this- If whoever is the one that has to cancel should be the person to reach out- Yes and reschedule. Yes. Um, if we, if we reach out, you know, if we reach out to somebody that we're scheduled with and we have to cancel, then if, if we really wanted to see them, we would reach out- Yeah … and reschedule.

16:18 Yeah. Um, not everybody does that. No. Not everybody does that. No. We, we have been- And sometimes I don't want to, 'cause it's like I don't wanna drive all the way that way. Like, you reach out to us, you come this way. See, I don't, I, I don't agree. That's where you and I start disagreeing. That's where you and I just- 'Cause it's like- I'm like, "Man, I don't wanna drive that way" … first off, you know, it, it, we're willing to drive wherever- Yeah … you know, to meet up with people. And if people are- For the most part, yeah are willing to meet halfway or whatever, I understand that not everybody lives in our little town. Yeah. And everybody seems to live an hour north or an hour south. So if that's the case, I cannot expect everybody to come to us.

16:58 Um- Well, yeah … now, if, if you're reaching out to us because you wanna meet up with us because you want advice on your, you know, a particular matter that's going on in your relationship, and you need us to help you work through a situation, uh, then yeah, you need to drive over here. Uh, but if we're talking about meeting up with a couple mutually just to get to know them and possibly, uh, bring them into the circle of friends that we have, uh, I'm good meeting halfway. I'm good going out there. I'll go out there if you promise that you'll come our way the second time around. You know, like there's always negotiating. Mm-hmm. Um, not a lot of people do that, though, either.

17:42 No. Like, people just expect us to go wherever they want us to go. Yes. And- And that's a negative … I don't really like that. That's a no. Yeah. That's a no, people. That's a no right there. Okay, hold on. Before we get back into it, we have to talk about Snoozy The love is all you need gummies Yes. So these are THC and CBD intimacy gummies, and they're not just hype They've got maca root and horny goat weed in them Yeah Actual natural aphrodisiacs Yeah. Combined with Delta-9-THC and CBD to help you relax and get in the brown chicken, brown cow mood.

18:26 They're peach-flavored, vegan lab-tested. Basically, they did everything right Yeah. You just take one about 30 to 45 minutes before and just let it do its thing We'll leave the rest to your imagination Given our listeners, you probably don't need much imagination Fair point. Check out Snoozy. The link is in the show notes You're welcome. Okay, back to the show Um, you know, I, I, I am a person that struggles to tell people no. I'm not good at it. Me too. Stop it. You are the person that I send in to say no when I can't say no. And I'm sorry, guys, there are some of y'all listening to this show right now who have gone, "That's why she came afterwards and told me no." Yeah.

19:14 I am not good at telling people no. Uh, I'm finding my no. I'm getting better at it, but I'm still not good at it. No. Um, and there are times where I just can't tell people no, and so I go, "Okay, hey, do me a favor. Take care of that, will ya?" And she's like, "Okay." So that's another dynamic right there. I take care of all the nos. It's not really a dynamic It's not dynamic. It's more like a house policy really than anything else. Uh, you know, there's some, some people are just easier to talk to than others. Mm-hmm. And there are some people where I feel like it's very easy to tell them no, and they… I won't… I know that they won't get all sour about it.

19:55 There are people that, that you tell them no, and there's a chance they're gonna get sour about it, and I just don't wanna… I don't wanna deal with that. Yeah. You know, I don't wanna go there. Um, but the one person that I have trouble saying no to the most is you. Yes. Like, that's the, that's the one person I, I, I really struggle to say no to. And it's difficult because we preach that both of our feelings are valid in this- They are in this, uh- They are valid … lifestyle. I, yeah, totally. They are valid. Aren't they? They are valid, but in this, in this particular relationship, while my feelings are valid, they may be for everything… not for everything, but maybe for a few things- Uh-huh … your feelings are just a bit more valid.

20:50 And l- I mean, like, going back to the, you know- Yes if, if you have- Yeah … if you have s- if you feel a certain type of way- Yeah … about somebody who wants- Yeah … to play with me separately, and you're not there yet, then yeah, I could probably go, "Uh, honey, I understand that you feel this way, but I really want this," and you'll probably let me. Yeah. Um, but it will be a very uncomfortable ride. It'll be a very uncomfortable time until you finally get over it, which who knows how long that will be. So while, yes, my feelings are valid- Give me a kiss. Your feelings are valid … my feelings are valid. They are. My feelings are valid. They are. But while my feelings are valid, I also know how to pick my battles.

21:32 Yes. And- Agreed … I think that is- And I'm gonna say, I- … important … it is very important because I would say yes a lot because I didn't wanna fight in the beginning. Um, yeah. That's true. My yeses were just yes, yes, yes, yes, whatever you wanna do, whatever you wanna do. Yeah. Yes, let's do, let's do, let's do it. That's true. And then I would eat my feelings, and then I wouldn't say anything. Then it would fester, and then it would blow up in his face. Now- Yeah … I just say, "Not comfortable. I'm sitting on it." Let me process, then we can go. Now, I will say that you saying it that way, the way you say it now- Mm-hmm doesn't inspire any kind of a fight. Correct. Doesn't inspire a- any bad feelings.

22:12 Yeah. It, it, it comes out, you know- Because you know I'm not doing it maliciously I know that you're not do- Yeah, like I'm literally processing … you're not, you're not being the jealous wife. Yeah, no. You're not doing it because you don't want me to have this experience. No. There are things, inner workings inside of you that just aren't the same as mine- Mm-hmm … and you are on a different clock than mine. I am. Um, and so I have to be, um, I guess more patient with that. And so that luckily for me, luckily for me, I am. You are very patient. Uh, and it's worked out. You know, I've had, uh, enjoyable experiences that I've really, uh, appreciated. And It was a matter of, you know, I, I had to change my perception.

22:55 I really had to look and go, "Okay, well, somebody really has expressed the want to have sex with me, and they can't wait. Like, they can't wait the, what, the few weeks- Mm-hmm … until it's, until it's been approved by Congress?" Uh, then, then, you know, they're, they're, they're a bit much for me. Like, if I have to, if I have to- Yeah … they want me to screw them this weekend, and we just started talking a few days ago. W- w- w- where's- And if they keep- Where's the rush, hoss? If they keep pestering you about it- Ugh … there you go. Ugh. That, that's an automatic no. Oh my gosh, and let me tell you something, passive aggressiveness just turns me off.

23:38 Ooh, man. Big time. Don't, don't do that. Big time. Yeah. ' Cause then he's gonna tell me, and I'm not gonna like you even more. Oh, man. You know, there's, the one way to get to me is to really get to her. If you can make her your buddy, I'm easy. There you go. You know? If you want- It's easy … if you wanna work a friendship with her to get to me, uh, you can easily find her- You would think- at our Beyond Monogamy Confessional. You can reach out that way. But wait, we tell people not to do that You can email us. You can do voicemail. Well, I mean- I know fake people … I, I agree. I mean, but that's the thing is, is really that's the only way for us. Yes. We do tell people not to do that.

24:19 Yes. And really, you shouldn't do that. Yeah. But I have a wife who is, i- is very, very much on a different track than I am. Yeah. And I have to reform how I pace myself- Yeah … behind whatever pace you're taking. Yeah. And some weeks you can be taking a very fast pace, and other weeks, mm-mm. Forever. Not at all. Yeah. And, and some weeks I can, I can openly talk about how I really want to have sex with somebody, and other weeks, better keep that shit to yourself. And- Hey, I'm in- … sometimes I don't even wanna say it when we're having sex … I, I'm in menopause.

25:00 Like, ugh. I am very hormonal. I am I am that 48-year-old woman who is just going through so many fucking changes. And yes- Yeah … sometimes it's very hard to talk to me. Yeah. It's very hard to- It can be … express things to me. And not all the time. No. It's very, very, very rare, but it does happen, and it, and he just has to find me in a right mood and right mental capacity. But I'm glad that you said all of that because, you know, I get reached out to by a lot of guys who are married- Mm-hmm … who are with women who are maybe perimenopausal- Mm-hmm and are just starting to go through this.

25:43 And it's being re- it, it's like all of a sudden things are difficult for them. Mm-hmm. And they're going, "Can I even do this lifestyle?" You can. Like, i- is this even possible? And yes, uh, this is proof right here that this is possible. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of patience. Mm. It takes a lot of understanding. Yeah. And it takes the woman to be real with herself. Yeah. Yes, ma'am. You're being a bitch because you're fucking going through some commo- some kind of hormonal changes that you're still probably still in fucking denial about, but go get checked. Go get checked. Because it helps. Let me tell you that I am a big believer that- Hormonal shit like that really does help you if you've tried everything else, you know?

26:29 Um, you know if you're acting… I- if you're self-aware, if you've already done that kind of work and you're self-aware of your actions, then you know what kind of person you're being. Um, and it takes a lot for that person to get there, and you have to communicate that to your husband. Yeah. And- To your partner … and, and as a couple, and, and people don't really see it this way, but you really gotta work as a team. Yeah. And I know that sounds weird, going into the lifestyle and you guys are working as a team. You have to. We really work as a team at this, uh, when- Because this comes first … when it comes down to it. This comes first. Yeah. Whatever's happening between us, it, everything else disappears. Mm-hmm. Because we have to fix this first.

27:09 Let's figure out what we're gonna do, how we're gonna do it, how are you feeling tonight, how am I feeling tonight, 'cause my feelings are valid. Um, you know, all of that has to get talked about. Mm-hmm. Who am I hoping to see? Who are you hoping to see? Who am I hoping you to see? Yeah. You know, that sort of thing. Yeah. Uh, and then once all of that's discussed, it's already in the back of the head. There's no surprises, nothing that can really come up that's kind of, hmm, you know, just kind of peeking off- Yeah to the side, you know? Yeah. It, it, it can… I've had times where we have gone out with other couples or to parties- Mm-hmm … or even to the club.

27:51 Mm-hmm. And somebody says something stupid. Yeah, that I accidentally overhear. Somebody says something stupid- Yeah … that… A- and she'll be there, and she'll hear it, and as soon as I hear the words, I'm like, "Oh, why did you say that?" There are certain things that s- that will trigger me, and I'm like, "Yeah, no." Yeah. Mm-mm. No. Yeah. And, uh, I, I catch them every time. But I don't mention it right away. And I'll look over at her to see if she's looking at me. Sometimes she is. Sometimes she's not. And then I think, "Huh, maybe she didn't hear it." And then when we get to the car- There's the bitch … that's the first thing she says.

28:33 You know, and it's like, damn, man, you know, why did you have to say that? I was really hoping to have sex with you. Now I'm not. You know? And I've learned to accept that and be okay with that because, uh, you know, frankly, if I had sex with every woman I wanted to have sex with- I don't think there's enough hours in the day. There'd be nothing left for me Oh, girl, oh, I'd always have enough for you. Always. I'm always there for you. Just banging it out. Uh, you know, but it, it, it is… I, I feel like we definitely have to work as a team- Mm-hmm … as a couple- Mm-hmm … uh, in this lifestyle.

29:13 Uh, sometimes we're each other's wingman. Yeah. Yeah. You know? If, if there's somebody that I'm interested in and I'm looking for an in, then you'll be like, "Hey, well, come on. Let's go introduce ourselves." Mm-hmm. Or, uh, you know, what- uh, it's the vice versa, you know? Mm-hmm. It, w- we are there for each other first and foremost, but we're also people watchers. We do things together because we're best friends, you know? And that just makes- Yeah … things easier. Um, I don't know what your relationship is like with your spouse or your partner. Um, I would hope that y'all are best friends. Yeah. Or at least friends. Um, I hope that y'all work together as a team at this. Uh, but there are couples out there who just would rather do things separately.

29:57 Yeah. And if that's your dynamic- That's your dynamic … that's your dynamic More power to you But discuss it. Make sure you're on the same page. Just talk about it. Yeah. And do not bend for each other. Like, I mean, I get the bending, but don't, don't just agree to make the other person happy. What I found is sometimes women don't always, um, believe a guy when he says, "Oh yeah, I have certain freedoms to do this or do that." Like if I- Even in the lifestyle? Even in the lifestyle. Like- Hmm … men have lied, and women tend to not trust. So- Yeah … you know, even in the lifestyle, say I tell a woman, "Well yeah, you know, we are a full swap, uh, couple. But, uh, with the right people, I can… I might be able to play separately. You know, that's something we can discuss."

30:39 And it's like, "Well, are you sure?" Girl. " Should I talk to your wife?" You should see how controlling I am. Yeah. If you haven't listened to the show. It really hasn't come up in quite some time, actually. Yeah, yeah. I think, I think for the most part people just kinda know. Uh, but yeah, it, it has, it has come up before. Hmm. Um, and in situations like that, I would easily say, "Well yeah, you know what? We can go ahead and start a group chat with my wife. You can ask her yourself." Yeah. Uh, of course if I have to take those, uh, measures, I probably lost interest already and that's not gonna happen. Yeah. Uh, but I won't say no to you. I'll get my wife to say it- … in the group chat.

31:20 Yes. What do you think? That should work, right? Yeah, I think that's gonna work great. I think so. I'll be more than happy to take that role. That's right. You're good at that one. You're good at denying women my, my dick. Yes. You're like, "No dick for you." Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, I, I really wanted to just kinda discuss the, the dynamic portion of this though because a lot of people who are new don't understand that. And frankly, it's the easiest way to have that discussion without, um, without- Pushing to waste anybody's time. Yeah. You meet somebody, say you're at a meet and greet or some sort of swinger event and you're having a, a, a conversation with another couple. Uh, one of the first things out of your mouth should be, "So what's y'all's dynamic?"

32:04 Mm-hmm. And they should be able to break that down very easily. Mm-hmm. Now, you're gonna have some people who go, "Well, what does that mean?" Yeah. And now you're gonna be able to tell them. Yeah. " Well, are you full swap or are you soft swap? Are you same room, same roof, or separate play?" Yes. " What are you guys digging? What are you guys here for?" What are y'all? You know, people would ask what our dynamic is, but you know what they would say? They would say, "So what are you into?" Yeah. That question would make me fucking nuts. That… Remember we had conversations about that. I'm like- What are you into? … what does that mean? What are you into? What are w- what are we here for? We're here for sex. What do you think I'm in- I'm into that … what, what are we, what are we here for?

32:47 I've been asked that before. What are you, what are, what are you here for? Oh, I've been asked that many times. I've been reached out on, on SDC and on 3Fun. I've, I've had people ask me, uh, "So what are you here for?" Well, the same reason you're here for, to have sex with other people, you know? Period. I mean, that's… Uh, but what I realize now is that's essentially what they're asking. What's your dynamic? What's your dynamic? Mm-hmm. What are you looking for? Mm-hmm. Well, I'm looking to have sex. Well, what are you really looking for? Like, what is your dynamic? Well, I'm looking to, we're looking for a unicorn. Mm-hmm. Or we're looking for a single guy to come in. Or we're looking for another couple to full swap. Or we don't know what we're looking for, we're still trying to figure that out.

33:29 You know, whatever it is, that is your dynamic. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. I think I have a, uh, a thing for the end. Maybe a generic… Yeah, look at that. Generic outro. What have we got? Yeah, that should be good enough. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, anyways, that was an awesome conversation. I appreciate it. This is very, very simply spoken when it comes to our, our Wednesday quickie. Yeah. Um, so thanks for hanging out with us as always this week.

34:11 If you loved it, make sure to like, subscribe, share, and leave us a review. Seriously helps us grow and keeps the conversations going. Yes. You can find everything at beyond-monogamy.com. Wait, sorry. You can find everything at www.beyond-monogamy.com, including our Beyond Monogamy Confessional, the blog post, merch, and all the juicy extras. Yeah, and don't forget to check out our events tab on our website for details on upcoming Beyond Monogamy events, like Krazy Winter Nights in February of next year. Yes. Or even just where we may be hanging out. Yes. Like, I think this weekend we're gonna be at a takeover.

34:52 Yeah. You would never know it if you didn't go to the events tab. So if you ever wanna hang out and join us, keep an eye on that events tab. Yes. And we're also streaming every Thursday on fullswapradio.com at 2:00 and 7:00 PM Central, so tune in and show us some love there, too. Yeah, and speaking of going live on Thursdays, routing you back up to beyond-monogamy.com, our website. If you go to the top, there's a little live button there. Mm-hmm. When you click it, if you click it on Thursday night at 7:00 PM Central, we're live. Yes, we are. For free. Yes, we are. On our website, and you can interact with us live.

35:33 For a whole hour. For, uh, 45 minutes to an hour. Just depends. Depends on how I'm feeling. Depends how he's feeling. That's right. Yes. But we would love for you to join us for our lives on Thursdays at 7:00 PM Central. So hopefully we'll see you there this Thursday. Yes. And as always, thanks for listening, and we will see you guys next week. Bye.