Swinger Dynamics 101: Full Swap, Soft Swap & Knowing Your No

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

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This show is raw, real,
and definitely not rated PG

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your kids

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And, uh, today I wanted to get
into something, uh, we've had an,

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a just a, a surge of people who
are either new to the lifestyle or

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interested in joining the lifestyle
or interested in, in scoping it out.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, and a lot of people
have asked about dynamics.

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What does it mean when somebody comes up
to me and says, "What's your dynamic?"

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And so I thought that we'd, uh, talk
about that today because, you know,

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that's not, that's not really something
that people know right off the bat.

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No, I guess not.

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Yeah.

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Like, for example, our first few years-

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Mm-hmm

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…
we didn't- I

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don't think

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…
talk dynamics

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I don't think we knew what that was, yeah.

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It's very much talked about now and
expressed now and questioned now- Yeah

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… more so, and I don't know if it's maybe
because we're a little bit more adult

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and a- adult, around more people who have
been swinging for a little bit longer.

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I feel like it's because we don't,
we don't wanna waste anybody's

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time, and we don't want- That is so
true … anybody to waste our time.

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Um, we've run into that quite a bit.

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And, and, and you'll run
into it a lot, where people-

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Yeah … just kinda waste your time.

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Yeah.

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Um, and I, I know that
kinda sounds cold-blooded.

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No, a- and, and you are right.

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You are right.

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Because I remember times where I was
like, "Well, we're into this for couples,

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and, uh, it has to be like a full swap.
Like, the woman has to be bisexual."

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And so you and I just started thinking,
"Okay, well, this is not… We n- we need

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to have dynamics. We need to let these
people know what we like, what we want."

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Yeah.

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And I'm very upfront,
like, with our dynamics.

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They vary from person to person.

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Yeah.

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Well, you know, if… What I realized
was that there was a lot of people

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that were reaching out to us that-
Before we decided that we were gonna

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play separately, they would reach out
going, "Well, does she play separately?"

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Yeah.

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You know, stuff like that.

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And it's like, "Well, no,
that's not our dynamic." Mm-hmm.

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Um, and so r- really what your
dynamic is is almost a way of

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labeling what experiences you want.

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Now, not everybody goes by this.

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And, and what you're comfortable with.

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Yeah, pretty much.

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Um, for example, our dynamic is we are
a full swap couple, uh, not a soft swap.

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But we can do soft swap, we have done
soft swap, but that's not our preference.

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Mm-hmm.

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Our preference would be
full swap, same room.

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Mm-hmm.

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That's our number one, that's our
hottest favorite thing in the world.

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If that's what we can get,
that's what we're gonna get.

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Mm-hmm.

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Full swap, which means it's gonna
be me with the wife of the couple

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and her with the husband of
the couple, complete full swap.

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Mm-hmm.

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As opposed to soft swap,
which is, what again?

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I think that's either
oral or just, like, even-

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No

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penetration … parallel play.

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No penetration, yeah.

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Yeah, no penetration, so it's
basically anything as long

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as there's no penetration.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, so it can be, um, kissing- Parallel
play … and touching, grinding- Yeah

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parallel play, all the way up to,
uh, but excluding penetration.

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Yes.

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So, uh, you know, like I said,
we've done soft, soft play.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, soft swap.

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Mm-hmm.

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We've… It's not our favorite,
but- … it's still fun.

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It's still a good time.

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Yeah,

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yeah.

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Uh, so but we don't label that as our
dynamic because that's not our preference.

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Yeah.

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Um, same room is what we prefer because-
Yes … we like to see each other-

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Mm-hmm

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…
play with others.

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So just as much as I enjoy playing with
somebody else, I like to look up and

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see my wife playing with somebody else.

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And if we're all in the same room,
boom, you just check those boxes.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So that's, that's our preference.

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But it can be same room, it can be same
roof, uh, which basically means as long as

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y'all are in the same home or hotel room
or whatever, like- Mm-hmm … you can be

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the next room over or across the hallway-
Yeah, yeah … or in the living room.

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You don't have to necessarily
be in that same room.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, that too is something that we're
comfortable with, but we just don't

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really, we don't put it out there.

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Yeah.

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Because it's not our
number one preference.

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And it's really, yeah, who
you're comfortable with.

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Like, Adam could be comfortable with
one person, and I can be comfortable,

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and I may not be comfortable yet.

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Yeah.

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So things like that, we just have
to kind of talk about, work around.

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Yeah.

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Figure it out.

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Yeah.

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And then, um, when we decided to start
entertaining friends with benefits,

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around that same time, we also started
entertaining the, the separate play.

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Now, this is something that we have
in our arsenal that we can turn to.

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It is not our number one.

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Uh, we primarily utilize separate play
if I really wanna play with somebody and

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she's not attracted to them or vice versa.

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Um, we don't wanna stop each
other from having a good time and

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enjoying, y- you know, ourselves.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, so we have this ability.

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Uh, we don't use it very often,
uh, but it has been utilized.

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Now, it, it's a part of my hot wife thing.

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I like for her to go
out and play separately.

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I think that's hot.

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She doesn't have that same, that
same, uh, like, likes, I guess.

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No, not always.

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Yeah.

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Not,

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not, not usually.

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Sometimes.

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It really depends on the person.

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So, like, if there's a certain
person, then yeah, I'm down for it.

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But if not, no.

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How do you decide?

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Um, I'm friends with most of the women.

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I don't care if you take to the back.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Like, I'm friends with a lot of
them, and I don't mind if you take

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them, if you, if you play with
them separately because they're…

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I, I know them, and I've
spent time with them.

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Yeah.

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And I trust them, and
I know their marriage.

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Hmm.

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Um, so that's, that's how I can,
that's how I decipher, like, "Oh,

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okay, cool. Yeah, go." Mm-hmm.

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You know, it is what,
it, it, however it is.

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Um- If I don't know
them, it takes me a bit.

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Now, when you say no, like

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w- We've hung out

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how, yeah We've hung out a few times.

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I've talked to him.

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Because you're comfortable with anybody.

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Like-

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Yeah

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…
you're pretty comfortable with anybody.

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I, um … And it's not anything
against you, I'm just not, I'm

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not comfortable with everybody.

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So there may be a woman who you're
very interested in, and I haven't

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got to that part, part yet to let,
to be okay with you being like, "Oh,

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go, go ahead and play with her."

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Be- And especially if they're a
couple, like I wanna make sure that

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they're solid and it's all cool.

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Mm-hmm,

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mm-hmm.

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So, like, I have to
really get to know them.

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And if you notice, pretty much everybody
that you, besides your friends with

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benefits, the people that you play
with- Mm … whenever you, that you

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can play with whenever you want.

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Yeah.

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I, I know, I've spent time with them.

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Right.

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Right.

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So I

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just- Well, it, well, so, and, and I'm,
and I'm not picking on you, but it, it

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is, it is a good question for me just
so that I can help figure out … It,

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it, it, it more or less helps me
figure out how to navigate all of this.

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But, like, currently, there are
two couples that we know equally.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, we know this couple
and we know this couple.

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Both of them have the
dynamic of separate play.

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Mm-hmm.

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One of the couples you're good with.

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Mm-hmm.

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But the other couple,
you're not totally sure yet.

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Mm-hmm.

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You're not quite there yet.

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Yeah.

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But we've spent the same amount of time,
if not more, with the other couple.

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That's about the same amount of time,

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cause remember,

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oh, in the, in the-

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'
in the beginning, remember, I
was like, "Mm, no, I don't, I

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don't, not, I don't like her."

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Right,

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yes.

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Yeah.

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And then I started, we, I think we
smoked one time with them, and then we

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started seeing him at the club a lot.

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And seeing him at the club a lot and
seeing their dynamic and how I talk to

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him, and he's talking about his wife.

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Mm-hmm.

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And he's talking about her relationship.

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I've had conversations like
that where they're friends.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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The other couple I haven't

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I gotcha

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I haven't, and there's still
something that I can't pinpoint

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And, and, you know, it doesn't
bo- it, it doesn't bother me.

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I mean- No … it's, it's hard.

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It's hard It, it can, it
can be hard- It can, it can

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because

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I, it's, it's not a uniform rule-
Yeah … all the way around.

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No.

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And so it's hard to navigate it.

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It's hard

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to… It is.

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Um, and so that's why I ask- Yeah
… these kind of- Yeah … of questions-

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Now, that doesn't mean- … 'cause
I'm like, "Well, how does that work?"

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And it doesn't mean that I may come
to a point where I'm like, "Go."

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Yeah.

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"
I'm, I'm not ready, but you can go"- Yeah
… "and whatever." But is that healthy?

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No, because I'm still gonna probably
have these thoughts, and I'm still gonna

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probably have these feelings, so I have to
kind of, like, work through them myself.

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On your own time.

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Yeah, and I am.

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I am working through them.

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Um-

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Uh, for me, dynamics really can bend
if I'm comfortable with the woman

243
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:12,733
Really?

244
00:10:12,883 --> 00:10:17,723
If I'm comfortable with
the woman I'm, I'm good

245
00:10:18,393 --> 00:10:19,853
And not so much with the man?

246
00:10:19,863 --> 00:10:20,163
Like, the man doesn't-

247
00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:21,853
I, I, uh… Men are easy.

248
00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:24,063
I, I can tell if I like the man instantly.

249
00:10:24,063 --> 00:10:24,443
Mm, mm-hmm.

250
00:10:24,513 --> 00:10:34,263
And it's the woman that really will either
rub me the wrong way, or I see something.

251
00:10:34,823 --> 00:10:37,743
And it's not insecurities.

252
00:10:37,743 --> 00:10:41,753
These are not insecurities, because I
feel like all these women are beautiful.

253
00:10:41,993 --> 00:10:43,273
We're all on the same page.

254
00:10:43,273 --> 00:10:45,793
It's nothing like that, but it,
it, my dynamics do change when

255
00:10:45,793 --> 00:10:48,363
it's something I can't pinpoint.

256
00:10:48,693 --> 00:10:49,073
Mm-hmm.

257
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:53,973
So, but again, they, they're very wavy.

258
00:10:54,173 --> 00:10:54,663
You know?

259
00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:55,403
I may be like-

260
00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:56,623
They're fluid

261
00:10:56,713 --> 00:10:57,703
They're very fluid.

262
00:10:57,713 --> 00:10:58,053
It is.

263
00:10:58,053 --> 00:10:59,523
It's a very fluid situation

264
00:10:59,523 --> 00:11:00,793
because- It's a living thing.

265
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:00,913
It

266
00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:01,533
changes-

267
00:11:01,543 --> 00:11:01,593
Yeah … from-

268
00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:02,233
It does- Yeah

269
00:11:02,323 --> 00:11:04,833
because even it, it changes, like,
when we're going out with people.

270
00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:05,053
Yeah.

271
00:11:05,103 --> 00:11:08,923
And if they play under the same
roof or if it's separate rooms.

272
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:11,743
Like, it really does change
situation by situation.

273
00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:12,113
It… Yeah,

274
00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:12,663
yeah.

275
00:11:12,663 --> 00:11:16,683
Uh, because our dynamic is so open-

276
00:11:16,873 --> 00:11:17,093
Yes

277
00:11:17,173 --> 00:11:18,593
…
and so freewheeling.

278
00:11:18,623 --> 00:11:18,863
Yeah.

279
00:11:18,923 --> 00:11:20,983
But it's not a blanket freewheeling.

280
00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:21,293
No.

281
00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,723
It's not open to everybody.

282
00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:23,933
Yeah.

283
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,063
It really is- It really
is … a situational thing.

284
00:11:26,063 --> 00:11:26,413
Yeah.

285
00:11:26,413 --> 00:11:28,463
Depending on the couple,
depending on the people-

286
00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:28,803
Yeah

287
00:11:28,873 --> 00:11:29,503
…
uh, that we're

288
00:11:29,503 --> 00:11:29,931
getting involved in.

289
00:11:29,931 --> 00:11:32,333
And that's okay, as long as you
communicate with your partner.

290
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,533
And we're not gonna always agree.

291
00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:35,513
No.

292
00:11:35,613 --> 00:11:35,923
Like, it-

293
00:11:35,933 --> 00:11:36,253
No

294
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:40,083
…
we're not always gonna agree, and that
is a little bit of a difficult part.

295
00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:43,933
But if you've been with somebody for a
long time, you can just, like I tell my

296
00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:47,473
husband, "Just give me a bit. Just give
me a little bit. It's gonna change."

297
00:11:47,483 --> 00:11:51,053
One thing that I figured
out really helps for me-

298
00:11:51,223 --> 00:11:51,463
Mm-hmm

299
00:11:51,473 --> 00:11:52,193
…
on my end.

300
00:11:52,283 --> 00:11:52,503
Mm-hmm.

301
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:56,143
Uh, and especially for any couples
who kind of deal with this mismatch,

302
00:11:56,693 --> 00:12:01,813
um, where it started getting easier
for me was when I kind of realized,

303
00:12:01,813 --> 00:12:07,253
"Okay, this is just her way," and
I stopped being in such a hurry.

304
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:08,443
Yeah.

305
00:12:08,443 --> 00:12:12,273
So, I used to treat every possible
experience as, "I need to seal

306
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,703
this deal, like, right away."

307
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,033
Yes.

308
00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:16,383
You know, this person- Yeah … saying
that they're interested.

309
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:16,413
Yeah.

310
00:12:16,423 --> 00:12:17,473
They wanna sleep with me.

311
00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:19,363
I better jump on this right away.

312
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:19,483
Yes.

313
00:12:19,543 --> 00:12:19,563
Yeah.

314
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,203
Because who knows how
long it's gonna last.

315
00:12:21,203 --> 00:12:21,503
Yeah.

316
00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:22,253
Um-

317
00:12:22,353 --> 00:12:23,963
I think that just recently

318
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:24,193
changed for me.

319
00:12:24,193 --> 00:12:24,743
Recently, yeah.

320
00:12:24,823 --> 00:12:29,293
That- Like, I changed it not too long
ago, because I- Yeah … I realized, one,

321
00:12:29,673 --> 00:12:34,243
if they really wanna sleep with me, it
doesn't matter if it's gonna be next week

322
00:12:34,273 --> 00:12:35,883
or if it's gonna be months down the line.

323
00:12:35,883 --> 00:12:36,183
Yeah.

324
00:12:36,703 --> 00:12:39,483
Uh, they're gonna, they're
still gonna be there.

325
00:12:39,603 --> 00:12:39,683
Mm-hmm.

326
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:40,403
You know what I mean?

327
00:12:40,643 --> 00:12:40,673
Mm-hmm.

328
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:45,163
And if they're not gonna be there, then
I don't know if I want that experience.

329
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:45,573
Yeah.

330
00:12:45,593 --> 00:12:46,223
You know what I mean?

331
00:12:46,483 --> 00:12:47,973
Like, that just tells me- Like,
there's gonna- … they're not

332
00:12:47,973 --> 00:12:49,063
in the right spot right now.

333
00:12:49,073 --> 00:12:49,403
Yeah.

334
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:52,743
Like, there's gonna come a point and a
time where it's gonna just all align.

335
00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:52,973
Like-

336
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:53,483
Yeah

337
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:57,973
…
I mean, shit, we have people that
are near us, and it's like hit and

338
00:12:57,973 --> 00:12:59,343
miss, hit and miss, hit and miss.

339
00:12:59,403 --> 00:12:59,743
Yeah.

340
00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:00,503
It just doesn't happen.

341
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,053
Literally lives minutes away.

342
00:13:02,093 --> 00:13:05,973
It doesn't happen, and it's
not by, by not, not wanting.

343
00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:08,825
It's just- Shit comes up, you know?

344
00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:10,105
It, it is what it is.

345
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:11,305
Yeah, that's true.

346
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:11,765
But yeah.

347
00:13:11,805 --> 00:13:17,455
Um, and you know, we are open
communicating with each other on that,

348
00:13:17,455 --> 00:13:21,665
but we also openly communicate that
with people that we're interested in.

349
00:13:21,665 --> 00:13:22,215
Oh, yeah.

350
00:13:22,715 --> 00:13:24,075
Um, so- Like,

351
00:13:24,075 --> 00:13:27,065
I, I will tell people, "Okay,
well, give me a second.

352
00:13:27,105 --> 00:13:30,435
I… you know, give me a bit because
I need to be comfortable with this.

353
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:36,385
My husband is very much comfortable with
it, but I'm not, so pump your brakes

354
00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:40,895
a bit." Yeah, I, I really
don't… I don't set up meetups-

355
00:13:41,485 --> 00:13:41,765
Yeah

356
00:13:41,815 --> 00:13:42,715
…
with people.

357
00:13:42,745 --> 00:13:43,615
I don't even set up…

358
00:13:43,645 --> 00:13:45,405
I try not to set up- Not
play dates … dates, period.

359
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:45,535
Yeah.

360
00:13:45,535 --> 00:13:46,175
You, you just-

361
00:13:46,175 --> 00:13:49,325
I try not to set up dates with other
couples or events- Yeah … because

362
00:13:50,085 --> 00:13:53,315
things change, and it's normally
when things change, it's normally

363
00:13:53,315 --> 00:13:55,335
because of something on your end.

364
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:55,745
Yeah.

365
00:13:55,795 --> 00:13:59,305
Like, if, you know, either you're
not feeling well, it was a long week

366
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:00,565
or whatever, something's come up.

367
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:00,585
Yeah.

368
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:03,655
Or I wasn't paying attention to the
calendar and you put something in-

369
00:14:03,655 --> 00:14:05,325
Yeah … like we ended up double-booking-
Yeah, yeah … or whatever.

370
00:14:05,325 --> 00:14:06,525
You know, there's family stuff.

371
00:14:06,775 --> 00:14:10,195
She's more in tune to
the calendar than I am.

372
00:14:10,205 --> 00:14:13,985
Um, and so oftentimes people will
reach out and they'll be like,

373
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:15,235
"Well, Adam, do you wanna go do this?

374
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,735
You guys wanna go do that?"
And it's like, "I don't know.

375
00:14:17,935 --> 00:14:18,935
Go talk to my wife." You gotta

376
00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:19,315
talk to Pris.

377
00:14:19,545 --> 00:14:20,985
Go talk to my… And you know,

378
00:14:21,645 --> 00:14:22,329
I'm good with that.

379
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,995
And financially, like, we gotta
make sure we're, we're all aligned.

380
00:14:24,005 --> 00:14:24,035
Yes.

381
00:14:24,045 --> 00:14:25,475
Like, we gotta make sure there's money.

382
00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:25,845
Yeah.

383
00:14:25,855 --> 00:14:27,245
The kids are good, dinner.

384
00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:28,325
Like, there's a lot of-

385
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:29,525
Well, there's a lot of-

386
00:14:29,705 --> 00:14:30,695
variables … moving pieces Yeah, yeah.

387
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:32,215
Yeah, there's a lot of moving pieces.

388
00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:37,635
Um, I, it… sometimes
I wanna set things up.

389
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:40,995
Sometimes I, you know, I, like
somebody- Yeah … somebody contacts

390
00:14:40,995 --> 00:14:43,275
me and they're like, "Hey"- Me
too … "you know, let's, you know,

391
00:14:43,275 --> 00:14:44,455
are you guys gonna be at the club?

392
00:14:44,465 --> 00:14:45,735
'Cause I'd love to
play," and this and that.

393
00:14:45,735 --> 00:14:47,415
And I want to.

394
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:48,745
I wanna set something up.

395
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:49,675
I wanna make plans.

396
00:14:49,675 --> 00:14:52,805
But then at the same time I'm like,
normally what I'll say is something like,

397
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,275
"We may be there. We may not." Yeah.

398
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:55,885
"I don't know."

399
00:14:56,045 --> 00:14:56,325
Yeah.

400
00:14:56,385 --> 00:14:59,355
"
Uh, but if we are there and you're
there and we see each other, hey,

401
00:14:59,395 --> 00:15:00,620
well, let's talk about it," you know?

402
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:00,925
Cool.

403
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:01,005
Yeah.

404
00:15:01,015 --> 00:15:04,585
Um, I s- I don't put anything…

405
00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:07,715
The only way you know for certain
that something's gonna happen

406
00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:10,945
is if I send you a screenshot of
our calendar and you're in there.

407
00:15:11,045 --> 00:15:11,585
You're in there.

408
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:14,025
If you're not in the calendar,
there's no guarantee.

409
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:14,945
Um-

410
00:15:14,945 --> 00:15:16,045
I just told that to somebody-

411
00:15:16,105 --> 00:15:16,575
Yeah … not like, "You're

412
00:15:16,575 --> 00:15:16,651
on

413
00:15:16,651 --> 00:15:17,345
my calendar." It's true.

414
00:15:17,345 --> 00:15:19,475
If you're not on the calendar,
there's no guarantee.

415
00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:23,765
And even then, if you're on the
calendar, we have a family, guys.

416
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:24,225
Yeah.

417
00:15:24,255 --> 00:15:25,185
We have kids.

418
00:15:25,435 --> 00:15:28,435
We have cars that don't
always work, you know?

419
00:15:28,435 --> 00:15:28,445
Mm-hmm.

420
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:32,635
We have financial situations
that come up on occasion-

421
00:15:32,645 --> 00:15:32,675
Mm-hmm

422
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,675
…
where we're supposed to meet for
dinner, and how the hell are we

423
00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:37,995
gonna do that when we got $5?

424
00:15:38,035 --> 00:15:38,255
Yeah.

425
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:38,785
You know what I mean?

426
00:15:38,785 --> 00:15:39,515
Like, things like that.

427
00:15:39,725 --> 00:15:39,915
Yeah.

428
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:42,375
Sometimes you just have to
reach out and go, "Okay."

429
00:15:42,785 --> 00:15:43,315
Can't right now.

430
00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:44,985
"
I, I don't think we can
do this right now." Yeah.

431
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:50,265
"Let's, let's reschedule." Now, I've
noticed when it comes to that sort of

432
00:15:50,265 --> 00:15:55,155
situation and a rescheduling needs to
happen, I personally, and I think you're

433
00:15:55,155 --> 00:16:01,559
on the same track as me on this- If
whoever is the one that has to cancel

434
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,299
should be the person to reach out- Yes

435
00:16:04,299 --> 00:16:05,159
and reschedule.

436
00:16:05,189 --> 00:16:05,519
Yes.

437
00:16:06,169 --> 00:16:09,749
Um, if we, if we reach out, you know,
if we reach out to somebody that

438
00:16:09,749 --> 00:16:15,119
we're scheduled with and we have to
cancel, then if, if we really wanted

439
00:16:15,119 --> 00:16:17,019
to see them, we would reach out-

440
00:16:17,039 --> 00:16:17,309
Yeah

441
00:16:17,339 --> 00:16:18,139
…
and reschedule.

442
00:16:18,139 --> 00:16:18,799
Yeah.

443
00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:21,729
Um, not everybody does that.

444
00:16:21,879 --> 00:16:22,299
No.

445
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:23,369
Not everybody does that.

446
00:16:23,369 --> 00:16:23,529
No.

447
00:16:23,589 --> 00:16:24,279
We, we have

448
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,339
been- And sometimes I don't want
to, 'cause it's like I don't

449
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:28,559
wanna drive all the way that way.

450
00:16:28,559 --> 00:16:32,569
Like, you reach out to
us, you come this way.

451
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:34,879
See, I don't, I, I don't agree.

452
00:16:34,909 --> 00:16:36,909
That's where you and I start disagreeing.

453
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:37,509
That's where you and I
just- 'Cause it's like-

454
00:16:37,509 --> 00:16:38,069
I'm like, "Man, I

455
00:16:38,069 --> 00:16:40,599
don't wanna drive that way" … first
off, you know, it, it, we're

456
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,319
willing to drive wherever-

457
00:16:42,399 --> 00:16:42,799
Yeah

458
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,469
…
you know, to meet up with people.

459
00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:45,289
And if people are- For the most part, yeah

460
00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:48,419
are willing to meet halfway or
whatever, I understand that not

461
00:16:48,419 --> 00:16:49,889
everybody lives in our little town.

462
00:16:50,039 --> 00:16:50,299
Yeah.

463
00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:53,269
And everybody seems to live an
hour north or an hour south.

464
00:16:53,609 --> 00:16:58,549
So if that's the case, I cannot
expect everybody to come to us.

465
00:16:58,929 --> 00:16:59,379
Um- Well,

466
00:16:59,379 --> 00:16:59,689
yeah

467
00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:03,729
…
now, if, if you're reaching out to us
because you wanna meet up with us because

468
00:17:03,729 --> 00:17:09,359
you want advice on your, you know, a
particular matter that's going on in

469
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:15,759
your relationship, and you need us to
help you work through a situation, uh,

470
00:17:15,819 --> 00:17:17,389
then yeah, you need to drive over here.

471
00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:21,989
Uh, but if we're talking about meeting
up with a couple mutually just to get

472
00:17:21,989 --> 00:17:26,879
to know them and possibly, uh, bring
them into the circle of friends that

473
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,709
we have, uh, I'm good meeting halfway.

474
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:30,989
I'm good going out there.

475
00:17:30,999 --> 00:17:34,589
I'll go out there if you
promise that you'll come our

476
00:17:34,589 --> 00:17:35,589
way the second time around.

477
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,339
You know, like there's always negotiating.

478
00:17:37,379 --> 00:17:37,399
Mm-hmm.

479
00:17:37,889 --> 00:17:42,049
Um, not a lot of people
do that, though, either.

480
00:17:42,259 --> 00:17:42,629
No.

481
00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:47,069
Like, people just expect us to
go wherever they want us to go.

482
00:17:47,369 --> 00:17:47,709
Yes.

483
00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:49,039
And-

484
00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:50,089
And that's a negative

485
00:17:50,599 --> 00:17:52,029
…
I don't really like that.

486
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:52,679
That's a no.

487
00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:53,349
Yeah.

488
00:17:53,579 --> 00:17:54,609
That's a no, people.

489
00:17:54,889 --> 00:17:55,709
That's a no right there.

490
00:17:56,259 --> 00:17:57,089
Okay, hold on.

491
00:17:57,089 --> 00:18:00,569
Before we get back into it,
we have to talk about Snoozy

492
00:18:01,089 --> 00:18:03,189
The love is all you need gummies

493
00:18:03,189 --> 00:18:04,029
Yes.

494
00:18:04,289 --> 00:18:10,149
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gummies, and they're not just hype

495
00:18:10,639 --> 00:18:14,209
They've got maca root and
horny goat weed in them

496
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:14,739
Yeah

497
00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:17,739
Actual natural aphrodisiacs

498
00:18:17,859 --> 00:18:18,229
Yeah.

499
00:18:18,769 --> 00:18:23,739
Combined with Delta-9-THC and CBD
to help you relax and get in the

500
00:18:23,749 --> 00:18:25,749
brown chicken, brown cow mood.

501
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:29,189
They're peach-flavored, vegan lab-tested.

502
00:18:29,599 --> 00:18:31,879
Basically, they did everything right

503
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:32,389
Yeah.

504
00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:38,639
You just take one about 30 to 45 minutes
before and just let it do its thing

505
00:18:38,859 --> 00:18:40,669
We'll leave the rest to your imagination

506
00:18:40,859 --> 00:18:44,409
Given our listeners, you probably
don't need much imagination

507
00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:45,029
Fair point.

508
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:46,429
Check out Snoozy.

509
00:18:46,549 --> 00:18:47,879
The link is in the show notes

510
00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:49,249
You're welcome.

511
00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:51,099
Okay, back to the show

512
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:56,769
Um, you know, I, I, I am a person
that struggles to tell people no.

513
00:18:57,192 --> 00:18:58,062
I'm not good at it.

514
00:18:58,082 --> 00:18:58,632
Me too.

515
00:18:59,032 --> 00:18:59,642
Stop it.

516
00:18:59,992 --> 00:19:04,962
You are the person that I send
in to say no when I can't say no.

517
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,392
And I'm sorry, guys, there are some
of y'all listening to this show right

518
00:19:08,392 --> 00:19:13,512
now who have gone, "That's why she
came afterwards and told me no." Yeah.

519
00:19:14,342 --> 00:19:16,422
I am not good at telling people no.

520
00:19:16,962 --> 00:19:18,592
Uh, I'm finding my no.

521
00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:21,812
I'm getting better at it,
but I'm still not good at it.

522
00:19:21,892 --> 00:19:22,222
No.

523
00:19:22,252 --> 00:19:27,532
Um, and there are times where I
just can't tell people no, and so

524
00:19:27,532 --> 00:19:29,072
I go, "Okay, hey, do me a favor.

525
00:19:29,912 --> 00:19:32,722
Take care of that, will
ya?" And she's like, "Okay."

526
00:19:33,242 --> 00:19:34,912
So that's another dynamic right there.

527
00:19:35,052 --> 00:19:36,382
I take care of all the nos.

528
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:39,354
It's not really a dynamic

529
00:19:39,354 --> 00:19:39,888
It's not

530
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:40,154
dynamic.

531
00:19:40,154 --> 00:19:43,614
It's more like a house policy
really than anything else.

532
00:19:44,194 --> 00:19:47,834
Uh, you know, there's some, some people
are just easier to talk to than others.

533
00:19:47,884 --> 00:19:48,254
Mm-hmm.

534
00:19:48,264 --> 00:19:51,754
And there are some people where I feel
like it's very easy to tell them no,

535
00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:55,044
and they… I won't… I know that
they won't get all sour about it.

536
00:19:55,374 --> 00:19:58,964
There are people that, that you tell them
no, and there's a chance they're gonna get

537
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,544
sour about it, and I just don't wanna…

538
00:20:00,944 --> 00:20:01,814
I don't wanna deal with that.

539
00:20:01,964 --> 00:20:02,294
Yeah.

540
00:20:02,314 --> 00:20:03,464
You know, I don't wanna go there.

541
00:20:04,164 --> 00:20:14,004
Um, but the one person that I have
trouble saying no to the most is you.

542
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:14,994
Yes.

543
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:19,074
Like, that's the, that's the one person
I, I, I really struggle to say no to.

544
00:20:19,524 --> 00:20:28,054
And it's difficult because we preach that
both of our feelings are valid in this-

545
00:20:28,104 --> 00:20:28,384
They are

546
00:20:28,814 --> 00:20:30,394
in this, uh- They are valid … lifestyle.

547
00:20:30,544 --> 00:20:31,914
I, yeah, totally.

548
00:20:31,954 --> 00:20:32,294
They are valid.

549
00:20:32,294 --> 00:20:32,444
Aren't they?

550
00:20:32,934 --> 00:20:37,534
They are valid, but in this, in this
particular relationship, while my

551
00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:44,474
feelings are valid, they may be for
everything… not for everything,

552
00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:46,174
but maybe for a few things-

553
00:20:46,224 --> 00:20:46,604
Uh-huh

554
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,674
…
your feelings are just a bit more valid.

555
00:20:50,654 --> 00:20:53,674
And l- I mean, like, going
back to the, you know- Yes

556
00:20:53,674 --> 00:20:54,544
if, if you have-

557
00:20:54,594 --> 00:20:54,894
Yeah

558
00:20:54,934 --> 00:20:58,664
…
if you have s- if you feel a certain type
of way- Yeah … about somebody who wants-

559
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:04,114
Yeah … to play with me separately, and
you're not there yet, then yeah, I could

560
00:21:04,114 --> 00:21:07,804
probably go, "Uh, honey, I understand
that you feel this way, but I really

561
00:21:07,804 --> 00:21:10,294
want this," and you'll probably let me.

562
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:10,794
Yeah.

563
00:21:11,254 --> 00:21:13,924
Um, but it will be a
very uncomfortable ride.

564
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:17,034
It'll be a very uncomfortable time
until you finally get over it, which

565
00:21:17,034 --> 00:21:18,534
who knows how long that will be.

566
00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:22,624
So while, yes, my feelings are valid-

567
00:21:22,644 --> 00:21:23,334
Give me a kiss.

568
00:21:23,344 --> 00:21:24,504
Your feelings are valid

569
00:21:24,764 --> 00:21:25,924
…
my feelings are valid.

570
00:21:25,934 --> 00:21:26,241
They are.

571
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:27,114
My feelings are valid.

572
00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:27,384
They

573
00:21:27,384 --> 00:21:27,504
are.

574
00:21:27,514 --> 00:21:32,134
But while my feelings are valid, I
also know how to pick my battles.

575
00:21:32,654 --> 00:21:33,184
Yes.

576
00:21:33,994 --> 00:21:34,464
And-

577
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:34,994
Agreed

578
00:21:35,054 --> 00:21:35,854
…
I think that

579
00:21:35,854 --> 00:21:36,694
is- And I'm gonna say,

580
00:21:36,854 --> 00:21:37,464
I- … important

581
00:21:37,544 --> 00:21:41,054
…
it is very important because I
would say yes a lot because I

582
00:21:41,054 --> 00:21:43,694
didn't wanna fight in the beginning.

583
00:21:43,724 --> 00:21:44,104
Um, yeah.

584
00:21:44,104 --> 00:21:44,154
That's true.

585
00:21:44,154 --> 00:21:46,624
My yeses were just yes, yes,
yes, yes, whatever you wanna

586
00:21:46,624 --> 00:21:47,254
do, whatever you wanna do.

587
00:21:47,254 --> 00:21:47,434
Yeah.

588
00:21:47,434 --> 00:21:48,494
Yes, let's do, let's do, let's do it.

589
00:21:48,494 --> 00:21:48,699
That's

590
00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:48,904
true.

591
00:21:48,904 --> 00:21:51,814
And then I would eat my feelings,
and then I wouldn't say anything.

592
00:21:51,814 --> 00:21:54,154
Then it would fester, and then
it would blow up in his face.

593
00:21:54,534 --> 00:21:59,394
Now- Yeah … I just say, "Not
comfortable. I'm sitting on it."

594
00:22:01,174 --> 00:22:04,104
Let me process, then we can go.

595
00:22:04,304 --> 00:22:07,844
Now, I will say that you saying it
that way, the way you say it now-

596
00:22:07,884 --> 00:22:08,144
Mm-hmm

597
00:22:08,384 --> 00:22:10,204
doesn't inspire any kind of a fight.

598
00:22:10,214 --> 00:22:10,384
Correct.

599
00:22:10,754 --> 00:22:12,874
Doesn't inspire a- any bad feelings.

600
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:13,294
Yeah.

601
00:22:13,694 --> 00:22:14,964
It, it, it comes out, you know-

602
00:22:14,964 --> 00:22:15,934
Because you know I'm not
doing it maliciously I

603
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,194
know that you're not do- Yeah, like
I'm literally processing … you're

604
00:22:17,194 --> 00:22:18,514
not, you're not being the jealous wife.

605
00:22:18,524 --> 00:22:19,064
Yeah, no.

606
00:22:19,074 --> 00:22:22,064
You're not doing it because you don't
want me to have this experience.

607
00:22:22,104 --> 00:22:22,264
No.

608
00:22:22,394 --> 00:22:26,484
There are things, inner workings
inside of you that just aren't the

609
00:22:26,484 --> 00:22:30,874
same as mine- Mm-hmm … and you
are on a different clock than mine.

610
00:22:31,064 --> 00:22:31,464
I am.

611
00:22:31,544 --> 00:22:36,454
Um, and so I have to be, um, I
guess more patient with that.

612
00:22:36,494 --> 00:22:39,444
And so that luckily for
me, luckily for me, I am.

613
00:22:40,464 --> 00:22:41,334
You are very patient.

614
00:22:41,354 --> 00:22:42,674
Uh, and it's worked out.

615
00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:46,264
You know, I've had, uh,
enjoyable experiences that

616
00:22:46,304 --> 00:22:48,754
I've really, uh, appreciated.

617
00:22:49,324 --> 00:22:54,926
And It was a matter of, you know,
I, I had to change my perception.

618
00:22:55,246 --> 00:22:59,706
I really had to look and go, "Okay,
well, somebody really has expressed the

619
00:22:59,706 --> 00:23:08,716
want to have sex with me, and they can't
wait. Like, they can't wait the, what,

620
00:23:08,756 --> 00:23:12,766
the few weeks- Mm-hmm … until it's,
until it's been approved by Congress?"

621
00:23:13,296 --> 00:23:18,496
Uh, then, then, you know, they're,
they're, they're a bit much for me.

622
00:23:19,096 --> 00:23:20,366
Like, if I have to, if I have to-

623
00:23:20,456 --> 00:23:20,736
Yeah

624
00:23:20,736 --> 00:23:23,226
…
they want me to screw them
this weekend, and we just

625
00:23:23,226 --> 00:23:24,746
started talking a few days ago.

626
00:23:25,096 --> 00:23:27,556
W- w- w- where's- And if they
keep- Where's the rush, hoss?

627
00:23:27,556 --> 00:23:27,576
If

628
00:23:27,576 --> 00:23:29,386
they keep pestering you about it-

629
00:23:29,396 --> 00:23:29,416
Ugh

630
00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:30,516
…
there you go.

631
00:23:31,266 --> 00:23:31,386
Ugh.

632
00:23:31,406 --> 00:23:33,686
That, that's an automatic no.

633
00:23:33,736 --> 00:23:38,256
Oh my gosh, and let me tell you something,
passive aggressiveness just turns me off.

634
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:40,106
Ooh, man.

635
00:23:40,126 --> 00:23:40,476
Big time.

636
00:23:40,496 --> 00:23:41,976
Don't, don't do that.

637
00:23:41,976 --> 00:23:42,036
Big

638
00:23:42,036 --> 00:23:42,096
time.

639
00:23:42,096 --> 00:23:42,256
Yeah.

640
00:23:42,286 --> 00:23:44,426
'
Cause then he's gonna tell me, and
I'm not gonna like you even more.

641
00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:45,546
Oh, man.

642
00:23:45,566 --> 00:23:50,566
You know, there's, the one way to
get to me is to really get to her.

643
00:23:51,386 --> 00:23:54,366
If you can make her your buddy, I'm easy.

644
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:54,659
There you go.

645
00:23:54,659 --> 00:23:55,066
You know?

646
00:23:55,076 --> 00:23:55,096
If

647
00:23:55,516 --> 00:24:00,656
you want- It's easy … if you wanna work
a friendship with her to get to me, uh,

648
00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:02,736
you can easily find her- You would think-

649
00:24:02,736 --> 00:24:04,776
at our Beyond Monogamy Confessional.

650
00:24:04,856 --> 00:24:05,996
You can reach out that way.

651
00:24:05,996 --> 00:24:07,516
But wait, we tell people not to do that

652
00:24:07,596 --> 00:24:07,646
You can email us.

653
00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:08,706
You can do voicemail.

654
00:24:08,986 --> 00:24:09,506
Well, I mean-

655
00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:10,726
I know fake people

656
00:24:11,166 --> 00:24:11,986
…
I, I agree.

657
00:24:11,986 --> 00:24:17,456
I mean, but that's the thing is, is
really that's the only way for us.

658
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:17,626
Yes.

659
00:24:17,626 --> 00:24:19,166
We do tell people not to do that.

660
00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:19,206
Yes.

661
00:24:19,206 --> 00:24:20,556
And really, you shouldn't do that.

662
00:24:20,816 --> 00:24:20,886
Yeah.

663
00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:26,316
But I have a wife who is, i- is very,
very much on a different track than I am.

664
00:24:26,406 --> 00:24:26,676
Yeah.

665
00:24:26,806 --> 00:24:32,196
And I have to reform how I pace myself-

666
00:24:32,766 --> 00:24:33,196
Yeah

667
00:24:33,606 --> 00:24:36,146
…
behind whatever pace you're taking.

668
00:24:36,156 --> 00:24:36,176
Yeah.

669
00:24:36,186 --> 00:24:41,256
And some weeks you can be taking a
very fast pace, and other weeks, mm-mm.

670
00:24:41,686 --> 00:24:42,116
Forever.

671
00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:42,806
Not at all.

672
00:24:43,136 --> 00:24:43,316
Yeah.

673
00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:50,186
And, and some weeks I can, I can openly
talk about how I really want to have

674
00:24:50,186 --> 00:24:55,106
sex with somebody, and other weeks,
better keep that shit to yourself.

675
00:24:56,126 --> 00:24:56,486
And-

676
00:24:56,486 --> 00:24:56,896
Hey,

677
00:24:56,976 --> 00:24:59,156
I'm in- … sometimes I don't even wanna
say it when we're having sex … I,

678
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,026
I'm in menopause.

679
00:25:00,336 --> 00:25:00,526
Like, ugh.

680
00:25:00,526 --> 00:25:03,186
I am very hormonal.

681
00:25:03,496 --> 00:25:09,264
I am I am that 48-year-old
woman who is just going through

682
00:25:09,264 --> 00:25:10,714
so many fucking changes.

683
00:25:11,034 --> 00:25:11,714
And yes-

684
00:25:11,994 --> 00:25:12,264
Yeah

685
00:25:12,474 --> 00:25:15,584
…
sometimes it's very hard to talk to me.

686
00:25:15,634 --> 00:25:15,854
Yeah.

687
00:25:15,924 --> 00:25:18,934
It's very hard to- It can
be … express things to me.

688
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:20,034
And not all the time.

689
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:20,394
No.

690
00:25:20,404 --> 00:25:26,454
It's very, very, very rare, but it does
happen, and it, and he just has to find me

691
00:25:26,454 --> 00:25:30,714
in a right mood and right mental capacity.

692
00:25:31,014 --> 00:25:34,314
But I'm glad that you said all of that
because, you know, I get reached out

693
00:25:34,314 --> 00:25:37,074
to by a lot of guys who are married-

694
00:25:37,084 --> 00:25:37,504
Mm-hmm

695
00:25:37,664 --> 00:25:40,944
…
who are with women who
are maybe perimenopausal-

696
00:25:40,944 --> 00:25:41,534
Mm-hmm

697
00:25:41,534 --> 00:25:43,724
and are just starting to go through this.

698
00:25:43,744 --> 00:25:47,454
And it's being re- it, it's like all of
a sudden things are difficult for them.

699
00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:47,654
Mm-hmm.

700
00:25:47,984 --> 00:25:51,624
And they're going, "Can I even
do this lifestyle?" You can.

701
00:25:51,624 --> 00:25:53,184
Like, i- is this even possible?

702
00:25:53,214 --> 00:25:57,074
And yes, uh, this is proof right
here that this is possible.

703
00:25:57,234 --> 00:25:58,364
It takes a lot of work.

704
00:25:58,374 --> 00:25:59,694
It takes a lot of patience.

705
00:25:59,704 --> 00:26:01,534
Mm. It takes a lot of understanding.

706
00:26:01,544 --> 00:26:01,564
Yeah.

707
00:26:01,574 --> 00:26:04,154
And it takes the woman
to be real with herself.

708
00:26:04,694 --> 00:26:04,714
Yeah.

709
00:26:04,724 --> 00:26:05,594
Yes, ma'am.

710
00:26:05,604 --> 00:26:08,854
You're being a bitch because you're
fucking going through some commo-

711
00:26:08,954 --> 00:26:12,374
some kind of hormonal changes that
you're still probably still in fucking

712
00:26:12,374 --> 00:26:15,264
denial about, but go get checked.

713
00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:15,924
Go get checked.

714
00:26:15,964 --> 00:26:17,044
Because it helps.

715
00:26:17,074 --> 00:26:23,600
Let me tell you that I am a big
believer that- Hormonal shit like

716
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:29,000
that really does help you if you've
tried everything else, you know?

717
00:26:29,050 --> 00:26:35,350
Um, you know if you're acting… I- if
you're self-aware, if you've already

718
00:26:35,350 --> 00:26:38,190
done that kind of work and you're
self-aware of your actions, then you

719
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,080
know what kind of person you're being.

720
00:26:40,510 --> 00:26:44,920
Um, and it takes a lot for that
person to get there, and you have

721
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:45,950
to communicate that to your husband.

722
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:46,970
Yeah.

723
00:26:46,970 --> 00:26:47,174
And- To your

724
00:26:47,174 --> 00:26:47,242
partner

725
00:26:47,242 --> 00:26:51,210
…
and, and as a couple, and, and people
don't really see it this way, but

726
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:52,520
you really gotta work as a team.

727
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:52,830
Yeah.

728
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:55,650
And I know that sounds weird,
going into the lifestyle and

729
00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:56,900
you guys are working as a team.

730
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:57,290
You have to.

731
00:26:57,300 --> 00:27:01,470
We really work as a team at this,
uh, when- Because this comes first

732
00:27:01,470 --> 00:27:01,578
…
when it

733
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:01,760
comes down to it.

734
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,720
This comes first.

735
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:03,030
Yeah.

736
00:27:03,070 --> 00:27:07,300
Whatever's happening between us,
it, everything else disappears.

737
00:27:07,310 --> 00:27:07,550
Mm-hmm.

738
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,760
Because we have to fix this first.

739
00:27:09,820 --> 00:27:13,290
Let's figure out what we're gonna
do, how we're gonna do it, how are

740
00:27:13,290 --> 00:27:16,450
you feeling tonight, how am I feeling
tonight, 'cause my feelings are valid.

741
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:21,290
Um, you know, all of that
has to get talked about.

742
00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:21,510
Mm-hmm.

743
00:27:22,010 --> 00:27:23,300
Who am I hoping to see?

744
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:24,340
Who are you hoping to see?

745
00:27:24,340 --> 00:27:26,310
Who am I hoping you to see?

746
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:26,530
Yeah.

747
00:27:26,530 --> 00:27:27,600
You know, that sort of thing.

748
00:27:27,610 --> 00:27:27,630
Yeah.

749
00:27:27,990 --> 00:27:31,790
Uh, and then once all of that's discussed,
it's already in the back of the head.

750
00:27:31,790 --> 00:27:38,140
There's no surprises, nothing that can
really come up that's kind of, hmm, you

751
00:27:38,140 --> 00:27:40,290
know, just kind of peeking off- Yeah

752
00:27:40,300 --> 00:27:41,010
to the side, you know?

753
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:41,300
Yeah.

754
00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:47,260
It, it, it can… I've had times
where we have gone out with

755
00:27:47,580 --> 00:27:49,810
other couples or to parties-

756
00:27:49,820 --> 00:27:50,240
Mm-hmm

757
00:27:50,350 --> 00:27:51,420
…
or even to the club.

758
00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:51,930
Mm-hmm.

759
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,540
And somebody says something stupid.

760
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,564
Yeah, that I accidentally

761
00:27:58,564 --> 00:27:58,590
overhear.

762
00:27:58,590 --> 00:28:00,350
Somebody says something stupid-

763
00:28:00,450 --> 00:28:00,740
Yeah

764
00:28:00,770 --> 00:28:05,600
…
that… A- and she'll be there, and she'll
hear it, and as soon as I hear the words,

765
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,527
I'm like, "Oh, why did you say that?"

766
00:28:07,527 --> 00:28:07,570
There are

767
00:28:07,570 --> 00:28:10,880
certain things that s- that will
trigger me, and I'm like, "Yeah, no."

768
00:28:11,070 --> 00:28:11,330
Yeah.

769
00:28:11,330 --> 00:28:11,680
Mm-mm.

770
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:12,440
No.

771
00:28:12,450 --> 00:28:12,470
Yeah.

772
00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:15,090
And, uh, I, I catch them every time.

773
00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:17,290
But I don't mention it right away.

774
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,690
And I'll look over at her to
see if she's looking at me.

775
00:28:21,690 --> 00:28:22,600
Sometimes she is.

776
00:28:23,060 --> 00:28:24,110
Sometimes she's not.

777
00:28:24,150 --> 00:28:26,830
And then I think, "Huh,
maybe she didn't hear it."

778
00:28:27,140 --> 00:28:29,860
And then when we get to the car-
There's the bitch … that's

779
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:31,630
the first thing she says.

780
00:28:33,030 --> 00:28:36,150
You know, and it's like, damn, man,
you know, why did you have to say that?

781
00:28:36,150 --> 00:28:37,590
I was really hoping to have sex with you.

782
00:28:37,810 --> 00:28:38,410
Now I'm not.

783
00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:39,440
You know?

784
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:44,860
And I've learned to accept that and
be okay with that because, uh, you

785
00:28:44,860 --> 00:28:48,080
know, frankly, if I had sex with
every woman I wanted to have sex with-

786
00:28:49,708 --> 00:28:49,898
I

787
00:28:49,898 --> 00:28:51,948
don't think there's
enough hours in the day.

788
00:28:52,888 --> 00:28:54,088
There'd be nothing left for me

789
00:28:54,258 --> 00:28:56,318
Oh, girl, oh, I'd always
have enough for you.

790
00:28:56,978 --> 00:28:57,568
Always.

791
00:28:58,178 --> 00:28:59,148
I'm always there for you.

792
00:29:00,148 --> 00:29:01,038
Just banging it out.

793
00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:09,268
Uh, you know, but it, it, it is… I,
I feel like we definitely have to work

794
00:29:09,268 --> 00:29:10,798
as a team- Mm-hmm … as a couple-

795
00:29:10,888 --> 00:29:11,318
Mm-hmm

796
00:29:11,358 --> 00:29:12,898
…
uh, in this lifestyle.

797
00:29:13,368 --> 00:29:16,988
Uh, sometimes we're each other's wingman.

798
00:29:17,278 --> 00:29:17,608
Yeah.

799
00:29:18,128 --> 00:29:18,318
Yeah.

800
00:29:18,318 --> 00:29:18,708
You know?

801
00:29:18,748 --> 00:29:23,158
If, if there's somebody that I'm
interested in and I'm looking for an

802
00:29:23,168 --> 00:29:25,758
in, then you'll be like, "Hey, well,
come on. Let's go introduce ourselves."

803
00:29:25,768 --> 00:29:26,268
Mm-hmm.

804
00:29:26,498 --> 00:29:29,158
Or, uh, you know, what- uh,
it's the vice versa, you know?

805
00:29:29,228 --> 00:29:29,258
Mm-hmm.

806
00:29:29,688 --> 00:29:33,038
It, w- we are there for each
other first and foremost, but

807
00:29:33,038 --> 00:29:34,658
we're also people watchers.

808
00:29:35,078 --> 00:29:38,118
We do things together because
we're best friends, you know?

809
00:29:38,118 --> 00:29:39,578
And that just makes-
Yeah … things easier.

810
00:29:40,148 --> 00:29:44,388
Um, I don't know what your relationship
is like with your spouse or your partner.

811
00:29:44,848 --> 00:29:46,848
Um, I would hope that
y'all are best friends.

812
00:29:46,918 --> 00:29:47,318
Yeah.

813
00:29:47,488 --> 00:29:48,438
Or at least friends.

814
00:29:49,078 --> 00:29:52,528
Um, I hope that y'all work
together as a team at this.

815
00:29:53,138 --> 00:29:57,748
Uh, but there are couples out there who
just would rather do things separately.

816
00:29:57,908 --> 00:29:57,988
Yeah.

817
00:29:58,268 --> 00:29:59,448
And if that's your dynamic-

818
00:29:59,448 --> 00:30:01,478
That's your dynamic … that's
your dynamic More power to you

819
00:30:01,488 --> 00:30:02,098
But discuss it.

820
00:30:02,428 --> 00:30:03,808
Make sure you're on the same page.

821
00:30:03,808 --> 00:30:04,708
Just talk about it.

822
00:30:04,718 --> 00:30:04,738
Yeah.

823
00:30:04,788 --> 00:30:07,078
And do not bend for each other.

824
00:30:07,118 --> 00:30:11,508
Like, I mean, I get the bending,
but don't, don't just agree to

825
00:30:11,508 --> 00:30:12,838
make the other person happy.

826
00:30:13,498 --> 00:30:18,908
What I found is sometimes women
don't always, um, believe a guy when

827
00:30:18,908 --> 00:30:21,898
he says, "Oh yeah, I have certain
freedoms to do this or do that."

828
00:30:22,428 --> 00:30:22,938
Like if I-

829
00:30:22,938 --> 00:30:23,708
Even in the lifestyle?

830
00:30:23,778 --> 00:30:24,748
Even in the lifestyle.

831
00:30:24,858 --> 00:30:25,028
Like-

832
00:30:25,028 --> 00:30:25,348
Hmm

833
00:30:26,048 --> 00:30:28,698
…
men have lied, and
women tend to not trust.

834
00:30:28,788 --> 00:30:29,198
So-

835
00:30:29,458 --> 00:30:29,478
Yeah

836
00:30:29,488 --> 00:30:32,788
…
you know, even in the lifestyle, say
I tell a woman, "Well yeah, you know,

837
00:30:32,788 --> 00:30:37,368
we are a full swap, uh, couple. But,
uh, with the right people, I can… I

838
00:30:37,368 --> 00:30:39,818
might be able to play separately. You
know, that's something we can discuss."

839
00:30:39,858 --> 00:30:41,038
And it's like, "Well, are you sure?"

840
00:30:41,498 --> 00:30:41,968
Girl.

841
00:30:41,968 --> 00:30:42,768
"
Should I talk to your wife?"

842
00:30:42,798 --> 00:30:44,898
You should see how controlling I am.

843
00:30:45,108 --> 00:30:45,328
Yeah.

844
00:30:45,758 --> 00:30:47,548
If you haven't listened to the show.

845
00:30:48,698 --> 00:30:50,688
It really hasn't come up in
quite some time, actually.

846
00:30:50,688 --> 00:30:51,195
Yeah, yeah.

847
00:30:51,195 --> 00:30:54,168
I think, I think for the most
part people just kinda know.

848
00:30:54,628 --> 00:30:57,878
Uh, but yeah, it, it has,
it has come up before.

849
00:30:58,048 --> 00:30:58,348
Hmm.

850
00:30:58,638 --> 00:31:04,378
Um, and in situations like that, I would
easily say, "Well yeah, you know what?

851
00:31:04,498 --> 00:31:07,738
We can go ahead and start a group chat
with my wife. You can ask her yourself."

852
00:31:07,898 --> 00:31:08,098
Yeah.

853
00:31:08,278 --> 00:31:12,598
Uh, of course if I have to take those,
uh, measures, I probably lost interest

854
00:31:12,598 --> 00:31:14,378
already and that's not gonna happen.

855
00:31:14,458 --> 00:31:14,838
Yeah.

856
00:31:15,118 --> 00:31:16,728
Uh, but I won't say no to you.

857
00:31:16,728 --> 00:31:19,088
I'll get my wife to say
it- … in the group chat.

858
00:31:20,738 --> 00:31:20,808
Yes.

859
00:31:20,848 --> 00:31:21,018
What

860
00:31:21,018 --> 00:31:21,318
do you think?

861
00:31:21,318 --> 00:31:21,968
That should work, right?

862
00:31:21,968 --> 00:31:21,988
Yeah,

863
00:31:22,168 --> 00:31:23,198
I think that's gonna work great.

864
00:31:23,228 --> 00:31:23,928
I think so.

865
00:31:23,968 --> 00:31:25,418
I'll be more than happy to take that role.

866
00:31:25,498 --> 00:31:26,078
That's right.

867
00:31:26,368 --> 00:31:27,208
You're good at that one.

868
00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,808
You're good at denying women my, my dick.

869
00:31:29,828 --> 00:31:30,418
Yes.

870
00:31:30,538 --> 00:31:32,618
You're like, "No dick for you."

871
00:31:32,628 --> 00:31:32,798
Mm-hmm.

872
00:31:33,228 --> 00:31:37,948
Uh, you know, I, I really wanted to just
kinda discuss the, the dynamic portion

873
00:31:37,948 --> 00:31:41,428
of this though because a lot of people
who are new don't understand that.

874
00:31:41,438 --> 00:31:47,098
And frankly, it's the easiest way
to have that discussion without, um,

875
00:31:47,388 --> 00:31:50,736
without- Pushing to waste anybody's time.

876
00:31:50,896 --> 00:31:51,166
Yeah.

877
00:31:51,606 --> 00:31:55,126
You meet somebody, say you're at
a meet and greet or some sort of

878
00:31:55,126 --> 00:31:59,736
swinger event and you're having a, a,
a conversation with another couple.

879
00:32:00,406 --> 00:32:03,026
Uh, one of the first things
out of your mouth should be,

880
00:32:03,236 --> 00:32:04,336
"So what's y'all's dynamic?"

881
00:32:04,376 --> 00:32:04,806
Mm-hmm.

882
00:32:05,176 --> 00:32:08,176
And they should be able to
break that down very easily.

883
00:32:08,186 --> 00:32:08,206
Mm-hmm.

884
00:32:08,216 --> 00:32:11,276
Now, you're gonna have some people
who go, "Well, what does that mean?"

885
00:32:11,526 --> 00:32:11,866
Yeah.

886
00:32:11,956 --> 00:32:13,766
And now you're gonna be able to tell them.

887
00:32:14,186 --> 00:32:14,536
Yeah.

888
00:32:14,926 --> 00:32:16,766
"
Well, are you full swap
or are you soft swap?

889
00:32:17,606 --> 00:32:20,296
Are you same room, same
roof, or separate play?"

890
00:32:20,296 --> 00:32:20,596
Yes.

891
00:32:21,006 --> 00:32:22,036
"
What are you guys digging?

892
00:32:22,126 --> 00:32:23,536
What are you guys here
for?" What are y'all?

893
00:32:23,536 --> 00:32:26,886
You know, people would ask
what our dynamic is, but you

894
00:32:26,886 --> 00:32:27,676
know what they would say?

895
00:32:28,766 --> 00:32:31,506
They would say, "So what are you into?"

896
00:32:32,066 --> 00:32:32,586
Yeah.

897
00:32:32,786 --> 00:32:36,606
That question would make me fucking nuts.

898
00:32:37,686 --> 00:32:39,516
That… Remember we had
conversations about that.

899
00:32:39,516 --> 00:32:40,280
I'm like- What are you into?

900
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:40,816
… what does that mean?

901
00:32:41,136 --> 00:32:41,826
What are you into?

902
00:32:41,856 --> 00:32:43,036
What are w- what are we here for?

903
00:32:43,046 --> 00:32:43,996
We're here for sex.

904
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:44,966
What do you think I'm in- I'm

905
00:32:44,966 --> 00:32:45,496
into that

906
00:32:45,706 --> 00:32:47,586
…
what, what are we, what are we here for?

907
00:32:47,856 --> 00:32:48,786
I've been asked that before.

908
00:32:48,786 --> 00:32:49,816
What are you, what are,
what are you here for?

909
00:32:49,826 --> 00:32:50,346
Oh, I've been asked

910
00:32:50,346 --> 00:32:50,526
that many times.

911
00:32:50,526 --> 00:32:53,636
I've been reached out
on, on SDC and on 3Fun.

912
00:32:53,656 --> 00:32:57,766
I've, I've had people ask me, uh,
"So what are you here for?" Well,

913
00:32:57,946 --> 00:33:03,406
the same reason you're here for, to
have sex with other people, you know?

914
00:33:03,406 --> 00:33:03,786
Period.

915
00:33:03,786 --> 00:33:07,376
I mean, that's… Uh, but
what I realize now is that's

916
00:33:07,456 --> 00:33:09,206
essentially what they're asking.

917
00:33:09,316 --> 00:33:10,186
What's your dynamic?

918
00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:11,226
What's your dynamic?

919
00:33:11,336 --> 00:33:11,566
Mm-hmm.

920
00:33:11,596 --> 00:33:12,926
What are you looking for?

921
00:33:13,086 --> 00:33:13,206
Mm-hmm.

922
00:33:13,206 --> 00:33:14,946
Well, I'm looking to have sex.

923
00:33:14,956 --> 00:33:16,646
Well, what are you really looking for?

924
00:33:16,646 --> 00:33:17,786
Like, what is your dynamic?

925
00:33:17,906 --> 00:33:20,836
Well, I'm looking to, we're
looking for a unicorn.

926
00:33:20,986 --> 00:33:21,266
Mm-hmm.

927
00:33:21,596 --> 00:33:23,876
Or we're looking for a
single guy to come in.

928
00:33:24,056 --> 00:33:26,216
Or we're looking for
another couple to full swap.

929
00:33:26,746 --> 00:33:29,556
Or we don't know what we're looking for,
we're still trying to figure that out.

930
00:33:29,616 --> 00:33:32,456
You know, whatever it
is, that is your dynamic.

931
00:33:33,286 --> 00:33:33,996
Write it down.

932
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:35,716
Write it down.

933
00:33:35,736 --> 00:33:36,466
Write it down.

934
00:33:37,986 --> 00:33:41,836
I think I have a, uh, a thing for the end.

935
00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:45,746
Maybe a generic… Yeah, look at that.

936
00:33:45,746 --> 00:33:46,646
Generic outro.

937
00:33:49,016 --> 00:33:49,226
What have we got?

938
00:33:51,564 --> 00:33:52,764
Yeah, that should be good enough.

939
00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:54,084
Mm-hmm.

940
00:33:55,494 --> 00:33:55,984
Okay.

941
00:33:58,104 --> 00:34:00,724
Well, anyways, that was
an awesome conversation.

942
00:34:00,724 --> 00:34:01,564
I appreciate it.

943
00:34:01,564 --> 00:34:06,064
This is very, very simply spoken when
it comes to our, our Wednesday quickie.

944
00:34:06,164 --> 00:34:06,544
Yeah.

945
00:34:06,654 --> 00:34:11,014
Um, so thanks for hanging out
with us as always this week.

946
00:34:11,254 --> 00:34:15,584
If you loved it, make sure to like,
subscribe, share, and leave us a review.

947
00:34:16,174 --> 00:34:19,684
Seriously helps us grow and
keeps the conversations going.

948
00:34:19,744 --> 00:34:20,144
Yes.

949
00:34:20,194 --> 00:34:22,884
You can find everything
at beyond-monogamy.com.

950
00:34:23,624 --> 00:34:24,374
Wait, sorry.

951
00:34:24,634 --> 00:34:30,294
You can find everything at
www.beyond-monogamy.com, including our

952
00:34:30,304 --> 00:34:34,714
Beyond Monogamy Confessional, the blog
post, merch, and all the juicy extras.

953
00:34:35,644 --> 00:34:40,184
Yeah, and don't forget to check
out our events tab on our website

954
00:34:40,194 --> 00:34:44,144
for details on upcoming Beyond
Monogamy events, like Krazy Winter

955
00:34:44,144 --> 00:34:46,124
Nights in February of next year.

956
00:34:46,254 --> 00:34:46,624
Yes.

957
00:34:46,634 --> 00:34:49,264
Or even just where we may be hanging out.

958
00:34:49,384 --> 00:34:49,444
Yes.

959
00:34:49,774 --> 00:34:52,594
Like, I think this weekend
we're gonna be at a takeover.

960
00:34:52,784 --> 00:34:52,924
Yeah.

961
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,494
You would never know it if you
didn't go to the events tab.

962
00:34:56,184 --> 00:34:59,974
So if you ever wanna hang out and join
us, keep an eye on that events tab.

963
00:35:00,134 --> 00:35:00,494
Yes.

964
00:35:00,534 --> 00:35:04,684
And we're also streaming every
Thursday on fullswapradio.com at

965
00:35:04,684 --> 00:35:08,584
2:00 and 7:00 PM Central, so tune
in and show us some love there, too.

966
00:35:09,024 --> 00:35:14,074
Yeah, and speaking of going live on
Thursdays, routing you back up to

967
00:35:14,084 --> 00:35:16,844
beyond-monogamy.com, our website.

968
00:35:17,064 --> 00:35:19,564
If you go to the top, there's
a little live button there.

969
00:35:19,574 --> 00:35:19,664
Mm-hmm.

970
00:35:19,664 --> 00:35:23,834
When you click it, if you
click it on Thursday night at

971
00:35:23,834 --> 00:35:26,474
7:00 PM Central, we're live.

972
00:35:26,564 --> 00:35:27,154
Yes, we are.

973
00:35:27,584 --> 00:35:28,374
For free.

974
00:35:28,624 --> 00:35:29,364
Yes, we are.

975
00:35:29,594 --> 00:35:33,134
On our website, and you
can interact with us live.

976
00:35:33,234 --> 00:35:34,094
For a whole hour.

977
00:35:34,144 --> 00:35:36,344
For, uh, 45 minutes to an hour.

978
00:35:36,524 --> 00:35:37,454
Just depends.

979
00:35:38,094 --> 00:35:39,234
Depends on how I'm feeling.

980
00:35:39,794 --> 00:35:40,634
Depends how he's feeling.

981
00:35:40,684 --> 00:35:41,224
That's right.

982
00:35:41,324 --> 00:35:41,524
Yes.

983
00:35:41,574 --> 00:35:46,814
But we would love for you to join us for
our lives on Thursdays at 7:00 PM Central.

984
00:35:47,084 --> 00:35:50,184
So hopefully we'll see
you there this Thursday.

985
00:35:50,504 --> 00:35:50,594
Yes.

986
00:35:50,824 --> 00:35:54,624
And as always, thanks for listening,
and we will see you guys next week.

987
00:35:54,654 --> 00:35:55,154
Bye.