Swinger vs Polyamory vs FWB: What's the Real Difference?

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

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This show is raw, real,
and definitely not rated PG

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your kids

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today, we decided it'd be a
good idea to talk about, uh…

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Well, you know, I went to a friend
of mine, and he, uh, he's a barber.

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Yeah.

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And he got me all taken care of, and we
were talking 'cause, uh, he's scoped out

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the show and he's listened to content.

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Mm-hmm.

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And what I realized is, is that
he had no idea the differences

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between swinging and poly.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I just kinda wanted to talk about
that, uh, from our perspective, kind

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of where we led through this because,
uh, we started as newbie swingers.

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I mean, you had, you had
experience before me.

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I did.

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But would you say it was,
like, good experience?

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Or, like, not, like, good or bad, but,
like, were you knowledgeable of what

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this even was that you were doing?

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I did.

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Really?

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Like, you guys knew it
was a swinging thing?

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Yes.

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No kidding.

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Yeah.

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I did.

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Huh.

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I knew exactly what it was.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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And I was very intrigued.

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Really?

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Oh, for sure.

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Huh.

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Um, I wasn't jealous.

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With your… W- with
the- No … the last guy?

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Mm-mm.

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No?

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Not territorial at all.

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No.

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Wow.

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No.

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Mm-mm.

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That's interesting.

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No.

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Ooh, I will tell you something.

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What?

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I did not feel attractive.

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Okay.

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So I didn't know my worth.

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Fair.

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Okay?

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Sure.

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So, um, looking back now-

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We would always go for people
who are, who were unattractive

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Who were unattractive because we felt like
we couldn't go for anything better, huh?

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Yes.

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Yeah?

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Yes.

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Hmm.

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And me now-

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Yeah

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…
can look back and say, "Wow, I could
have really, um, one, been taken

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care of like a princess." Period.

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Yeah.

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Um, and how I didn't
take advantage of that.

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And why didn't you?

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Because I didn't know my worth.

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Gotcha.

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That makes sense.

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I did not know my worth, and when these
men, looking back now, I'm like, "Damn."

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So let, well, let me ask you this because
throughout the years, you, when you told

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me stories from your past before me-

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Mm-hmm

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…
and, uh, people that you messed with
and, and things like that, obviously

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I picture this incredible thing.

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I picture these hot people.

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It's all fantasy in my head.

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Um, but the reality of it when we
talk in a non-sexual setting was

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you didn't really find the people
that you messed with attractive back

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then.

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No.

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Mm-mm.

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No kidding.

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Mm-mm.

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Like, they just weren't attractive.

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You just did it for the experiences.

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Yes.

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That's interesting.

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Yeah.

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I think we all do that
in the beginning, though.

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Yeah.

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Uh, but especially if you're not happy
in your relationship or in the- For

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sure … sexual relationship too.

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I mean- Yeah,

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yeah, yeah.

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And, um, and you gotta understand that
I am coming from- Being with somebody

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for 13 years, the same partner-

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Yeah

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who was really only my third partner-

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Mm-hmm

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…
ever.

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Yeah.

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And then having experiences
with women then behind his back-

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Mm-hmm

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…
and really enjoying that, and
then not explaining that to him.

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Yeah.

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So when I got with my second,
pretty much the second person,

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I didn't have any experience.

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No kidding.

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Like, if I could see those
videos, because we did record-

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Yeah

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um, when recording was,
you know- … a little-

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Yeah, yeah

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…
like that's, I feel like years ago.

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The

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early, early digital recording.

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So what, Like '04?

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Oof.

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Yeah.

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Damn.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, it's like, uh-

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So I was not experienced.

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Um- Yeah … but I was super intrigued.

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Huh.

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I liked it.

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I liked the threesome.

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I liked the two women and a man.

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Really?

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So he would always end up knocking out.

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Passing out from

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alcohol?

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Passing out from alcohol.

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Yeah.

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And I was always the sober one.

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Uh-huh.

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You know, I would have a drink,
but I would not be intoxicated.

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Uh-huh.

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Um, I knew better because I am, I have
always been non-trusting of men period.

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Mm-mm, that's fair.

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Um, and so I was always vigilant.

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But I did like that.

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I enjoyed him knocking out and me
enjoying another woman and a man.

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So kind of, I mean-

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I would have my experience-
Yeah … with the woman.

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Yeah.

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And sometimes the man didn't even work.

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I didn't get fucked.

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So that, that right there, I
mean, is kind of like an unethical

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hot wife experience right there.

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Oh, for

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sure.

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Like he was present-
Mm-hmm … but not present.

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Exactly.

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It was not really consented.

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It was

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better when he was asleep.

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Yeah?

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Oh, yeah.

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You know, you had mentioned
once before that the idea of the

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cheating is kind of a turn-on.

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Oh, God, it's such a turn-on.

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Yeah?

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But I think that's me and trauma.

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Mm.

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Understanding the cheating
when I got cheated on.

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Ah, okay.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So I was like, "Oh,
okay. That makes sense."

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Yeah.

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Kind of heat of the moment in the- Yeah
… in some passionate- Yes … kind of shit.

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Just let's fuck, let's get this done.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Now, do you carry that kind of
energy on into your experiences now?

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I don't.

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Why not?

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I don't know.

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Huh.

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Because I like you.

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Well, I like you, too.

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But you can't like me and,
and still have that kind of

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energy?

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Um…

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Still kind of have that,
that playtime, uh, switch.

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I can No

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Yeah?

206
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Yeah.

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You're kinda getting there?

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Yeah.

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Takes

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some time.

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I am for sure getting there.

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It takes some time

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for sure.

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I'm fulfilling my fantasies.

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Yeah.

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Not yours I think that's cool.

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Yeah.

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That, and that was kinda my thing was,
you know, for years you did stuff for

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me, and I was like, "Dude, you need
to fulfill your fantasies." Yeah.

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And I'm kinda curious
what your fantasies are.

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Well, that's why I
learned that I'm a switch.

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Yeah.

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So, that's where the switch comes in.

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I'm so submissive to you, and not
dominant, so I have to switch that off

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because I'm always submissive to you.

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So when you tell me, "Go and do
something," you don't do it…

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You do it in a very soft way.

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Yeah.

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And I've told you, "Hey, if you
pick out somebody here at the club-"

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Mm-hmm

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and you tell me, 'Go and fuck 'em.

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Go and try to fuck 'em," I
would be like, "Yes, sir."

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That's fucking hot.

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But only to you.

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Right.

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Somebody else try to tell me
to go do something, um, no.

237
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No.

238
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I'm not

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the girl for you.

240
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You're about to get smacked.

241
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Yeah.

242
00:07:43,386 --> 00:07:43,528
Yeah, no.

243
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Yeah.

244
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Um- I could be a sub for certain people.

245
00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:49,358
Really?

246
00:07:49,398 --> 00:07:50,028
Mm-hmm.

247
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You could?

248
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I can, yeah.

249
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Outside of me?

250
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Yes.

251
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No

252
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kidding.

253
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Yeah, yeah.

254
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But now, and, and now you're kinda
toying with that dominant side

255
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of you- Yes … with other men.

256
00:07:58,498 --> 00:07:58,688
Yes.

257
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How's that going?

258
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I like it.

259
00:08:01,258 --> 00:08:01,658
Yeah?

260
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:02,588
I do.

261
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:03,948
It actually turns you on, huh?

262
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Fuck yeah.

263
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That's something new.

264
00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:06,488
Yes.

265
00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:06,948
Yeah.

266
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:12,638
And I like it because I'm
getting assistance from you.

267
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Yeah.

268
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I can't really from AI.

269
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Right.

270
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Um, and just from, like, them themselves.

271
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Yeah.

272
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You know?

273
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Yeah.

274
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The sub is telling me, " You
know, if you do this," and

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then I'm like, "Okay, hold on.

276
00:08:24,488 --> 00:08:28,328
Let me think about… I don't even know."
Like, I wanna do this because it's hot.

277
00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:30,108
I don't know how.

278
00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:34,378
Now, when did you realize that
this was an actual turn-on to you?

279
00:08:34,878 --> 00:08:35,558
I don't know

280
00:08:36,418 --> 00:08:36,428
Hmm

281
00:08:37,288 --> 00:08:37,538
I don't know

282
00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:40,788
'
Cause all of a sudden it was
just like, "I like this."

283
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:44,608
I think I've always had it- Yeah … but
I've always pushed it down for you.

284
00:08:45,038 --> 00:08:45,618
How funny.

285
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:46,198
I know.

286
00:08:46,828 --> 00:08:47,298
Wow.

287
00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:47,798
Yeah.

288
00:08:48,298 --> 00:08:48,448
Mm-hmm.

289
00:08:48,458 --> 00:08:49,418
That's interesting.

290
00:08:49,448 --> 00:08:49,958
Mm-hmm

291
00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:51,448
That is interesting

292
00:08:51,458 --> 00:08:52,508
I think it's so hot

293
00:08:53,058 --> 00:08:53,548
Yeah.

294
00:08:53,628 --> 00:08:58,028
You know, I, uh, I gotta tell
you, you know, I, I, I don't

295
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,448
mind the aggressiveness.

296
00:09:00,128 --> 00:09:00,628
Um-

297
00:09:00,948 --> 00:09:01,918
But you gotta be warned

298
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:04,038
…
I do gotta be warned ahead of time.

299
00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:04,078
Uh-huh.

300
00:09:04,088 --> 00:09:06,068
Like you, uh, you told me today.

301
00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:06,358
Yes.

302
00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:07,458
What did you ask me?

303
00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:10,768
I said, "Do you want
dom Pris or sub Pris?"

304
00:09:11,058 --> 00:09:11,908
And what did I tell you?

305
00:09:11,938 --> 00:09:15,628
And you said, "Maybe…" You
said you liked s- you want

306
00:09:15,628 --> 00:09:16,608
it kind of in the middle.

307
00:09:17,038 --> 00:09:17,498
Yeah.

308
00:09:17,538 --> 00:09:18,008
No pain.

309
00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:19,508
I'm not really a pain giver.

310
00:09:19,678 --> 00:09:20,028
Yeah.

311
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:20,988
I don't like the pain.

312
00:09:21,078 --> 00:09:22,728
I like a firm softness.

313
00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:23,218
Yeah.

314
00:09:23,218 --> 00:09:28,838
Um, so like I want you to
be aggressively wanting me-

315
00:09:28,848 --> 00:09:29,228
Yes

316
00:09:29,238 --> 00:09:32,328
…
but at the same time not, uh-
Yes … not hurting my feelings.

317
00:09:32,328 --> 00:09:32,628
Yeah.

318
00:09:32,678 --> 00:09:33,678
'
Cause I have sensitive feelings.

319
00:09:33,678 --> 00:09:34,008
Yes.

320
00:09:34,018 --> 00:09:34,038
Yeah.

321
00:09:34,278 --> 00:09:34,648
Very sensitive.

322
00:09:35,478 --> 00:09:38,308
So I, I… So yeah, I do that.

323
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:40,388
Now, I have a question.

324
00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:40,578
Yeah.

325
00:09:40,578 --> 00:09:42,638
I don't even know what
this topic is of this show.

326
00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:43,318
Oh, we're getting there.

327
00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:44,138
But, you know.

328
00:09:44,448 --> 00:09:50,168
What, um, what, what do
you like in other women?

329
00:09:51,148 --> 00:09:51,508
What do

330
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,788
I like in other women?

331
00:09:53,508 --> 00:09:53,618
Do you like subs?

332
00:09:53,668 --> 00:09:54,108
Okay.

333
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,218
Uh, you know-

334
00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:56,988
I know the answer

335
00:09:57,858 --> 00:10:01,148
…
I am, uh, apparently, if there
was supposed to be a label

336
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:02,978
on it, I'm a pleasure dom.

337
00:10:03,098 --> 00:10:03,708
I don't know.

338
00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:08,198
I don't really care for that title,
but, um, I like to please people-

339
00:10:08,248 --> 00:10:08,598
Mm-hmm

340
00:10:08,648 --> 00:10:10,158
in whatever way that means.

341
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:10,188
Mm-hmm.

342
00:10:10,198 --> 00:10:14,358
So I've had women tell me straight
up, "Well, uh, I'd like to be

343
00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:15,988
dominated in the bedroom." Uh-huh.

344
00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:18,268
"Like, I'd like it if you gave it
to me rough. I'd like…" Mm-hmm.

345
00:10:18,278 --> 00:10:20,848
And that's not normally in my nature.

346
00:10:20,858 --> 00:10:20,878
Yeah.

347
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:25,788
Like, if I'm doing it for, for my
pleasure, that's not gonna get me off.

348
00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:26,098
Mm-hmm.

349
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:29,658
But if I know that doing
that's getting this person off-

350
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:30,828
Mm-hmm … then it will get me off.

351
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:30,868
Mm-hmm.

352
00:10:30,878 --> 00:10:31,458
You know what I mean?

353
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:36,328
Um, so I think my… I don't know.

354
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:42,368
I, I feel like my, uh, ideal situation
is almost like a 50/50 thing.

355
00:10:42,368 --> 00:10:43,618
It's like right down the middle.

356
00:10:43,928 --> 00:10:46,308
It's a little bit of, uh, give and take-

357
00:10:46,348 --> 00:10:46,598
Mm-hmm

358
00:10:46,698 --> 00:10:47,428
…
in the session-

359
00:10:47,518 --> 00:10:47,918
Mm-hmm

360
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:55,498
of hot aggressiveness, but also giving,
uh, some submission there, you know-

361
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:56,348
Mm-hmm … and that sort of thing.

362
00:10:56,348 --> 00:10:57,608
Just kinda going back and forth.

363
00:10:57,617 --> 00:10:57,908
Mm-hmm.

364
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,067
Kinda like a delicate ballet, you know?

365
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:00,518
Yeah.

366
00:11:00,598 --> 00:11:00,918
Yeah.

367
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,178
Yeah.

368
00:11:01,468 --> 00:11:02,018
I dig that.

369
00:11:02,018 --> 00:11:04,298
I think you lean more
toward the submissive.

370
00:11:04,558 --> 00:11:05,148
Probably.

371
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:05,568
Mm-hmm.

372
00:11:05,818 --> 00:11:06,498
Probably.

373
00:11:06,938 --> 00:11:09,168
Uh, I do like an aggressive woman.

374
00:11:09,718 --> 00:11:10,057
Mm-hmm.

375
00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:10,698
Um-

376
00:11:10,798 --> 00:11:12,048
Now, do they have to warn you?

377
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:13,327
Or is it just me?

378
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:14,758
Uh, that's just you.

379
00:11:14,877 --> 00:11:14,907
Okay.

380
00:11:14,938 --> 00:11:17,677
It's just you because I am conditioned-

381
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,787
'
Cause you like me more

382
00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:22,698
… '
cause I'm, well, 'cause I'm conditioned-
… on how it's been for so long.

383
00:11:22,707 --> 00:11:22,727
Yeah.

384
00:11:23,218 --> 00:11:27,127
And it's such a difficult transition
to just pull the rug out and go,

385
00:11:27,127 --> 00:11:28,428
"Yeah, I'm not doing that anymore."

386
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:28,648
Yeah.

387
00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:29,177
And it's like, ah.

388
00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:29,968
No

389
00:11:30,418 --> 00:11:30,608
Yeah

390
00:11:30,638 --> 00:11:31,248
…
you know.

391
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:35,968
I've really enjoyed, uh, how we've
conducted ourselves previous to this

392
00:11:35,968 --> 00:11:39,958
Yeah And, and so I like exploring
stuff with you, but at the same time,

393
00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:43,438
I don't want anything to really change
'cause I've really enjoyed it What…

394
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:47,568
I wonder what would happen if I
just totally wanted to just be dom?

395
00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:49,428
100% with

396
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:49,548
me?

397
00:11:49,548 --> 00:11:50,558
100% with you.

398
00:11:50,568 --> 00:11:54,608
Like, I would tell you, like, "That's
it." Do you think you would go I

399
00:11:54,608 --> 00:11:57,888
mean, and not go I mean, that's-
But you, I think, I think, I don't

400
00:11:57,888 --> 00:11:59,118
think you'd be happy with that

401
00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:00,818
I don't think you'd ever do that.

402
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:04,568
Well, and, and, and what I mean by that
is you love me too much to give me-

403
00:12:04,568 --> 00:12:04,903
I

404
00:12:04,903 --> 00:12:05,238
do.

405
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:05,590
I do

406
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:06,198
to give me that.

407
00:12:06,208 --> 00:12:06,228
Yeah.

408
00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:10,378
You would never just say, "This is
me now, and I'm not working with you

409
00:12:10,378 --> 00:12:11,348
on anything else." Some people do.

410
00:12:11,348 --> 00:12:12,188
Like, you would never do that.

411
00:12:12,478 --> 00:12:13,268
Some people do.

412
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:15,858
Um- Some people, like, have no…
Like, and what if… Like, there's some

413
00:12:15,858 --> 00:12:17,258
people just have no choice sometimes.

414
00:12:17,428 --> 00:12:18,658
Well, it's the same thing with- Yeah

415
00:12:18,658 --> 00:12:20,798
with the whole polyamory thing, you know?

416
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:20,948
Yes.

417
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:24,428
For those who don't know- Mm-hmm … we
were poly for about five years.

418
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:24,608
Yeah.

419
00:12:24,848 --> 00:12:28,058
Um, and, uh, it was my
idea, jumping into it.

420
00:12:28,098 --> 00:12:29,138
Uh, we, we did it.

421
00:12:29,138 --> 00:12:32,038
We didn't know much about it,
and we made some mistakes.

422
00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:39,138
Uh, but in that situation, it's, it's kind
of that whole deal where it's like, well,

423
00:12:39,268 --> 00:12:42,707
I mean, we gotta, we gotta try it- Yeah

424
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:45,827
and see if we even dig this sorta thing.

425
00:12:45,837 --> 00:12:46,127
Yeah.

426
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:46,987
Um-

427
00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:49,097
I think that's where a lot of swingers-

428
00:12:49,178 --> 00:12:49,537
Mm-hmm

429
00:12:49,788 --> 00:12:50,268
…
start.

430
00:12:50,918 --> 00:12:51,347
I think- I

431
00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:51,738
mean, I,

432
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:52,258
I feel

433
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:52,698
like if you…

434
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:57,117
I don't- Well, so I think a lot of
swingers are confused about poly.

435
00:12:57,747 --> 00:13:01,047
And what I'm starting to realize this,
the more people that I talk with-

436
00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:01,197
Mm-hmm

437
00:13:01,557 --> 00:13:06,697
…
um, a lot of people either identify
with the swinger side or the poly side,

438
00:13:06,707 --> 00:13:08,367
or they say, "Oh, well, I'm both."

439
00:13:08,377 --> 00:13:08,727
Mm-hmm.

440
00:13:08,768 --> 00:13:11,628
And there's really no other
discussions about dynamics

441
00:13:11,697 --> 00:13:14,317
of those, of those dynamics.

442
00:13:14,357 --> 00:13:14,647
Right.

443
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:20,567
And what I found is there's a lot
of people who claim they are poly

444
00:13:20,617 --> 00:13:22,817
or claim they want to be poly.

445
00:13:22,817 --> 00:13:23,087
Mm-hmm.

446
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:27,617
And really, they're not looking
for a romantic relationship.

447
00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:30,367
They're just looking for
a connection of some sort.

448
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:32,507
Doesn't necessarily have to be romantic.

449
00:13:32,617 --> 00:13:38,157
Mm. For those who don't know, polyamory
means that you're basically involved with

450
00:13:38,378 --> 00:13:41,177
many people- Yeah … and, and share love-

451
00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:41,498
Yeah

452
00:13:41,557 --> 00:13:43,267
…
romantic love with each other.

453
00:13:43,268 --> 00:13:45,108
There's a lot of that going on there.

454
00:13:45,118 --> 00:13:45,138
Um-

455
00:13:45,188 --> 00:13:46,067
It's a relationship

456
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:46,527
…
it's a relationship.

457
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,428
That you're having multiple relationships.

458
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:48,518
Yeah,

459
00:13:48,518 --> 00:13:48,644
yeah.

460
00:13:48,644 --> 00:13:48,898
Mm-hmm.

461
00:13:48,898 --> 00:13:51,828
Um, and so, or, or, or many
loves essentially- Mm-hmm … is

462
00:13:51,828 --> 00:13:52,807
what it breaks down to.

463
00:13:53,307 --> 00:13:59,008
Uh, so when it comes down to that,
I mean, you kinda have to… Y- you

464
00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:03,328
have to, one, you have to be really
solid, but then if you're gonna go tell

465
00:14:03,518 --> 00:14:05,558
your spouse, "Look, this is me now,"

466
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:06,138
Yeah

467
00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:10,118
"and you can't have it any other
way. Either you're gonna do this with

468
00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:11,608
me, or you're gonna see the door,"

469
00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:12,008
Yeah

470
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:16,408
…
well, you have to really feel
strongly about that- Yeah … in

471
00:14:16,418 --> 00:14:19,898
order to just tell your partner,
"Hey, it's all or nothing, baby."

472
00:14:19,988 --> 00:14:20,438
Yeah.

473
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:21,378
Um, you would

474
00:14:21,378 --> 00:14:22,508
never do that to me.

475
00:14:22,508 --> 00:14:25,038
I think it's also… I wouldn't,
but I think it's also, um, but

476
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:29,008
there are people that have told
their spouse that they're no longer-

477
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:29,598
Yeah, yeah

478
00:14:29,608 --> 00:14:31,288
swingers and they're only poly.

479
00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:31,608
Yeah.

480
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:36,508
Um, we know a lot of people who are
going, are navigating through that.

481
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:37,878
Yes, we do.

482
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:38,458
Um-

483
00:14:38,488 --> 00:14:38,878
We do.

484
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:44,868
I, in my head, when, um, when we
were swingers at, in the beginning-

485
00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:45,138
Yeah

486
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:51,858
…
and then we decided to try poly I still
kind of put myself in the swinger mindset-

487
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:52,608
Yeah, s- … to

488
00:14:53,178 --> 00:14:53,458
accept it

489
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:59,798
Well, so that's the thing about it is, I
don't think we realized exactly what- No

490
00:15:00,098 --> 00:15:03,188
the romantic portion of poly was.

491
00:15:03,188 --> 00:15:03,208
We

492
00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:04,518
did not understand this.

493
00:15:04,548 --> 00:15:09,348
We did not get the whole idea that
this is a whole-ass relationship.

494
00:15:09,358 --> 00:15:09,378
Mm-hmm.

495
00:15:09,388 --> 00:15:12,068
Like, I saw the words on
the page, but it just didn't

496
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,318
register, you know what I mean?

497
00:15:13,318 --> 00:15:13,628
Yeah.

498
00:15:13,708 --> 00:15:21,198
Like, the whole time, the very first kind
of, um, I guess relationship you could say

499
00:15:21,198 --> 00:15:27,078
that we pursued was we had a good friend
of mine that I knew for a long time.

500
00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:27,238
Mm-hmm.

501
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:31,448
And, um, you became really
good friends with her.

502
00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:31,488
Mm-hmm.

503
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:36,658
And the three of us started hanging out,
and unfortunately, it was a wounded bird

504
00:15:36,658 --> 00:15:41,288
situation 'cause she was vanilla, but
she was going through marital problems.

505
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:41,648
Mm-hmm.

506
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:45,948
And so she was, uh, kind of becoming
a single mom in the process.

507
00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:50,468
And you know, the three
of us all had chemistry

508
00:15:50,488 --> 00:15:51,048
for what it seemed.

509
00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:51,828
We got along.

510
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,538
We had chemistry friend-wise.

511
00:15:53,548 --> 00:15:53,978
Yes.

512
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,198
It was amazing.

513
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:55,228
Now,

514
00:15:55,328 --> 00:15:55,778
It was.

515
00:15:55,778 --> 00:15:57,828
When the three- Like- … of us
were together, it was amazing

516
00:15:57,858 --> 00:15:58,758
time It was really fun, yeah.

517
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:04,768
Um, and she knew that we were, uh,
starting this whole poly thing.

518
00:16:04,778 --> 00:16:04,928
Mm-hmm.

519
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,528
And we were all talking about it.

520
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:07,568
And, and she was like, "What is it?

521
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:11,298
What exactly is it?" And we're like,
"Well, you know, you could, you

522
00:16:11,298 --> 00:16:12,538
could date a couple." Like, we were-

523
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:12,918
Mm-hmm

524
00:16:12,918 --> 00:16:14,638
…
we were really trying to shine up this-

525
00:16:14,678 --> 00:16:15,548
Mm-hmm

526
00:16:15,548 --> 00:16:15,878
…
turd here-

527
00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:16,358
Mm-hmm

528
00:16:16,448 --> 00:16:20,968
…
uh, for us, uh, to make it look like,
" Hey, you know, this, this might be

529
00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:25,288
fun for all of us." And I remember
it was, like, a Christmas night-

530
00:16:25,538 --> 00:16:25,828
Yeah

531
00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:26,632
that we were out, the three of us.

532
00:16:26,632 --> 00:16:26,738
You know what we

533
00:16:27,138 --> 00:16:27,458
need?

534
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:27,868
What?

535
00:16:27,868 --> 00:16:30,988
A little button that has, like,
a little red flag every time we

536
00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:34,258
have, like, red flags because we
did s- we were such red flaggers.

537
00:16:34,258 --> 00:16:35,758
So many red flags, totally.

538
00:16:35,768 --> 00:16:37,388
When we were swingers in the beginning-

539
00:16:37,398 --> 00:16:38,298
Red flags … we,

540
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:38,908
we were red flaggers.

541
00:16:38,908 --> 00:16:40,178
Totally, yeah.

542
00:16:40,338 --> 00:16:40,578
Like, ugh.

543
00:16:40,588 --> 00:16:43,578
And then poly, oh, my gosh- We were,
oh, my God … so many red flags.

544
00:16:43,998 --> 00:16:48,578
Um, we were the, uh, we were the
people that we would tell you

545
00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:49,684
not to go- Stay away … around.

546
00:16:49,684 --> 00:16:49,788
Yeah.

547
00:16:49,788 --> 00:16:52,828
Uh, because it was kinda predatory.

548
00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:56,668
I mean, it's that typical couple looking
for the unicorn type of situation.

549
00:16:56,678 --> 00:16:56,803
Mm-hmm.

550
00:16:56,803 --> 00:16:56,928
Mm-hmm.

551
00:16:56,968 --> 00:16:58,088
She was bisexual.

552
00:16:58,088 --> 00:16:59,298
You were bisexual.

553
00:16:59,308 --> 00:16:59,338
Mm-hmm.

554
00:16:59,648 --> 00:17:02,238
Um, and I was digging you both.

555
00:17:02,268 --> 00:17:02,288
Mm-hmm.

556
00:17:02,298 --> 00:17:04,938
And so I was like, "Why
can't she be our girlfriend?"

557
00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:05,268
Yeah.

558
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:05,978
Um-

559
00:17:06,188 --> 00:17:09,648
And we did end up meeting
people who were poly.

560
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:10,218
Yes.

561
00:17:10,218 --> 00:17:11,528
And I say that loosely.

562
00:17:11,618 --> 00:17:12,098
Yeah.

563
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:19,208
Um, but that particular relationship,
uh, it crumbled not only the

564
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:23,028
romantic portion of it, but also
crumbled the, uh, friendship.

565
00:17:23,038 --> 00:17:23,438
For sure.

566
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:27,818
Uh, because she didn't know what she
was getting into, and we didn't know

567
00:17:27,828 --> 00:17:28,928
what we were- No … getting into.

568
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:29,378
Mm-mm.

569
00:17:29,378 --> 00:17:35,338
And I think that, in and of itself,
is reason enough to listen to others.

570
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:35,398
Yes.

571
00:17:35,398 --> 00:17:37,808
Listen to others and their experiences.

572
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:38,818
Get their, get- Tread

573
00:17:38,818 --> 00:17:39,338
lightly

574
00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:45,418
…
get as much advice as you can
get from anywhere, anybody.

575
00:17:45,568 --> 00:17:45,898
Yeah.

576
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,098
If you accept, if you
ta- if you use it, great.

577
00:17:49,098 --> 00:17:51,708
If not, it's gonna be in there.

578
00:17:51,788 --> 00:17:52,228
Yeah.

579
00:17:52,228 --> 00:17:57,158
It's gonna be in- Now, I will say, and
I can tell you this right now, my idea

580
00:17:57,158 --> 00:18:00,338
of polyamory was very muddled, and-

581
00:18:00,578 --> 00:18:01,018
Mm-hmm

582
00:18:01,108 --> 00:18:04,998
…
I notice that there's a lot of
swingers who have the same issue of

583
00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:08,698
muddling when it comes to polyamory,
because they think they want that.

584
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:09,218
Mm-hmm.

585
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:12,918
And what they really want is more of
a friends with benefits situation.

586
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:13,188
Correct.

587
00:18:13,398 --> 00:18:16,438
I did not realize just how
much that's what I wanted-

588
00:18:16,518 --> 00:18:16,868
Mm-hmm

589
00:18:16,978 --> 00:18:18,718
…
uh, over polyamory-

590
00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:19,178
For sure

591
00:18:19,218 --> 00:18:21,598
…
uh, till we started
exploring this whole thing.

592
00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:21,948
For sure.

593
00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:22,168
Mm-hmm.

594
00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:26,288
Because now I'm going, "Shit, I don't
want a- Yeah … romantic relationship.

595
00:18:26,308 --> 00:18:30,698
I don't want the obligation of having
to s- text with somebody every single

596
00:18:30,708 --> 00:18:34,978
day, and have to call them on the phone,
and make sure they're doing okay, and

597
00:18:34,978 --> 00:18:36,708
play that typical role of boyfriend.

598
00:18:36,708 --> 00:18:37,848
That is exhausting.

599
00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:39,168
I already have a good marriage.

600
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:40,148
I'm good, thanks."

601
00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:40,498
Yeah.

602
00:18:40,878 --> 00:18:45,538
Uh, what I do want is to be able to
connect with somebody as a friend, joke

603
00:18:45,538 --> 00:18:47,628
around, laugh, be that flirty friend.

604
00:18:47,638 --> 00:18:49,078
You know, do that whole thing.

605
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:49,408
Yeah.

606
00:18:49,418 --> 00:18:55,018
Uh, you know, a- and, and still
have, uh, affection towards each

607
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:57,528
other, but it's still a friendship.

608
00:18:57,918 --> 00:18:58,378
Mm-hmm.

609
00:18:58,378 --> 00:19:02,588
And it can follow up with some, uh-
Mm-hmm … some freaky fun time.

610
00:19:02,888 --> 00:19:03,538
You know what I mean?

611
00:19:03,538 --> 00:19:09,668
Now, for that, to be very honest with you
guys, I was still very hesitant about.

612
00:19:09,678 --> 00:19:10,188
Oh, yeah.

613
00:19:10,198 --> 00:19:12,038
I was- That was a rough
one … not comfortable with it.

614
00:19:12,048 --> 00:19:12,068
No.

615
00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:12,758
I did not-

616
00:19:12,768 --> 00:19:14,638
'
Cause Polly, Polly really caused you a lot

617
00:19:14,638 --> 00:19:14,943
of trauma.

618
00:19:14,943 --> 00:19:15,228
Yeah.

619
00:19:15,228 --> 00:19:24,258
And so, um, it took a lot for me to Allow
him to do that and persuasion on his part.

620
00:19:24,848 --> 00:19:26,978
Oh, it was not- In the beginning- It
was rough … it was a, it was hard.

621
00:19:26,978 --> 00:19:26,998
For

622
00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:27,258
both

623
00:19:27,258 --> 00:19:27,348
of us.

624
00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:28,118
It was very hard.

625
00:19:28,128 --> 00:19:29,488
Um- We got into arguments-

626
00:19:29,778 --> 00:19:30,068
Yeah

627
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:31,288
…
disagreements.

628
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:31,798
Yeah.

629
00:19:31,808 --> 00:19:32,468
Um-

630
00:19:32,998 --> 00:19:34,178
We had to hash out a lot of stuff.

631
00:19:34,188 --> 00:19:38,068
And sometimes it was under my skin.

632
00:19:38,228 --> 00:19:39,728
He had to really dig it out.

633
00:19:40,318 --> 00:19:40,568
Yeah.

634
00:19:40,568 --> 00:19:44,878
Um, and he had to accept certain things.

635
00:19:45,078 --> 00:19:49,168
So you, if you want it
to work, you communicate.

636
00:19:49,518 --> 00:19:50,398
Yeah, absolutely.

637
00:19:50,408 --> 00:19:54,078
Like, I think all of those
experiences really brought us to

638
00:19:54,078 --> 00:19:59,218
where we are at now, and this show
has brought me to where I am now.

639
00:19:59,528 --> 00:20:01,318
Which is pretty cool- For
sure … to be able to say that-

640
00:20:01,578 --> 00:20:01,608
Mm-hmm

641
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:05,308
…
uh, a lot of your personal growth is-
Mm-hmm … attributed to the show.

642
00:20:05,308 --> 00:20:07,018
I'm sure that we have listeners out there-

643
00:20:07,058 --> 00:20:07,338
Yeah

644
00:20:07,378 --> 00:20:10,288
…
who their personal growth is
also attributed to the show,

645
00:20:10,288 --> 00:20:11,718
and that's pretty damn cool.

646
00:20:11,808 --> 00:20:11,978
Yeah.

647
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:14,278
Uh, we're not experts, and
I say this all the time.

648
00:20:14,298 --> 00:20:19,258
I tell people, "We're not experts."
The reason why we know what you

649
00:20:19,258 --> 00:20:23,748
should avoid is because a lot of
times we were what you should avoid.

650
00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:24,098
Yeah.

651
00:20:24,148 --> 00:20:29,398
We had different experiences, and
we didn't have that mentality of

652
00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:31,158
we were gonna be these people-

653
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:31,498
Mm-hmm

654
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,078
…
um, intentionally.

655
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:34,348
Mm-hmm.

656
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,618
We just didn't know.

657
00:20:35,628 --> 00:20:35,648
Yeah.

658
00:20:35,698 --> 00:20:36,878
We didn't know any better.

659
00:20:36,908 --> 00:20:37,208
Yeah.

660
00:20:37,298 --> 00:20:40,878
And if you don't know any better,
that doesn't make it any better,

661
00:20:40,878 --> 00:20:42,798
but at least it's not intentional.

662
00:20:42,818 --> 00:20:43,088
Mm-hmm.

663
00:20:43,128 --> 00:20:43,548
You know?

664
00:20:43,578 --> 00:20:43,758
Yeah.

665
00:20:44,058 --> 00:20:49,568
Um, I would… What would you say,
and this, I, I'm just kind of curious.

666
00:20:49,578 --> 00:20:53,448
This is just conversational, but
what would you say probably the,

667
00:20:54,118 --> 00:20:57,648
the worst in poly was for you?

668
00:20:57,658 --> 00:21:02,208
Like, the, the absolute worst point
where you were like, "Fuck this.

669
00:21:02,468 --> 00:21:03,178
I'm done.

670
00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:04,768
I can't do this no more"?

671
00:21:05,268 --> 00:21:05,728
Um

672
00:21:06,338 --> 00:21:07,548
The tipping scale.

673
00:21:07,948 --> 00:21:11,078
Because I know you didn't like it
the whole time, and I got that, but

674
00:21:11,088 --> 00:21:13,458
it obviously got worse and worse
and worse and worse and worse.

675
00:21:13,818 --> 00:21:15,838
I just didn't like sharing you like that.

676
00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:16,208
Yeah?

677
00:21:16,518 --> 00:21:17,038
Yeah.

678
00:21:17,728 --> 00:21:18,198
Yeah.

679
00:21:18,228 --> 00:21:19,898
You know, I, I remember-

680
00:21:19,948 --> 00:21:20,848
That was the hardest

681
00:21:20,898 --> 00:21:23,688
…
it was very romanticized in my eyes.

682
00:21:23,698 --> 00:21:23,728
Yes.

683
00:21:23,738 --> 00:21:27,248
First off, I worked very
hard to get a girlfriend.

684
00:21:27,258 --> 00:21:31,208
Like, it, it, I worked very… Like,
I was on these, these apps, and I was

685
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:34,218
constantly swiping left and right,
and I was searching for this, and

686
00:21:34,218 --> 00:21:37,528
I was having these conversations
and that would lead to nowhere.

687
00:21:38,038 --> 00:21:40,978
And so when I f- it was
almost like fishing.

688
00:21:41,778 --> 00:21:44,898
I attribute it to, to fishing.

689
00:21:45,028 --> 00:21:45,328
Mm-hmm.

690
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,088
And you're throwing your line out
there, and you're throwing your

691
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:49,608
line out there, and then finally
you get a bite and you get excited.

692
00:21:49,618 --> 00:21:49,728
Mm-hmm.

693
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,778
And it's like, "Holy shit, this is
somebody who's interested in me. Holy

694
00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:56,848
shit, this is somebody who's willing
to, to go down this journey and,

695
00:21:56,848 --> 00:22:01,708
and be my girlfriend, uh, in this s-
you know, in this poly journey with

696
00:22:01,708 --> 00:22:02,998
me," you know, that sort of thing.

697
00:22:03,328 --> 00:22:04,648
So I get all excited.

698
00:22:05,268 --> 00:22:08,788
Uh, and then of course there's, there's
that whole new relationship energy thing.

699
00:22:08,788 --> 00:22:09,148
Yes.

700
00:22:09,148 --> 00:22:13,788
So I'm throwing all my attention into
this person, and it's like I'm constantly

701
00:22:13,788 --> 00:22:17,008
on my phone, which I know would annoy
you and, and that sort of thing.

702
00:22:17,948 --> 00:22:18,568
Oh, man.

703
00:22:18,618 --> 00:22:20,888
I would go through his phone.

704
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:21,308
Yeah.

705
00:22:21,388 --> 00:22:23,328
I was very sneaky leaky.

706
00:22:23,948 --> 00:22:25,158
Um, and-

707
00:22:25,238 --> 00:22:27,068
Uh, those were, those were
some crazy times … those were

708
00:22:27,068 --> 00:22:27,808
some crazy times.

709
00:22:27,968 --> 00:22:28,198
Yeah.

710
00:22:28,198 --> 00:22:30,348
Like, I am not a quiet woman.

711
00:22:30,788 --> 00:22:31,758
Like- Well, so-

712
00:22:31,878 --> 00:22:34,518
I did not know how to communicate,
and I would communicate

713
00:22:34,518 --> 00:22:37,718
with just bitter, icy colds

714
00:22:37,958 --> 00:22:40,388
…
I thought at some point
maybe you'd come around.

715
00:22:40,398 --> 00:22:40,438
Mm-hmm.

716
00:22:40,998 --> 00:22:45,798
Uh, but I remember the last
girlfriend that I had, um, it was

717
00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:49,078
hot and heavy at the very beginning
because it was a sex thing.

718
00:22:49,218 --> 00:22:49,358
Mm-hmm.

719
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:49,718
Right?

720
00:22:50,228 --> 00:22:54,188
Uh, so we had, like, our first or
first date, and then our second

721
00:22:54,188 --> 00:22:55,938
date ended up at her place.

722
00:22:55,948 --> 00:22:56,228
Mm-hmm.

723
00:22:56,278 --> 00:22:56,998
And we had sex.

724
00:22:57,148 --> 00:22:57,348
Yeah.

725
00:22:57,658 --> 00:23:02,238
Um, and then from there it was like,
oh, we're in this relationship.

726
00:23:02,238 --> 00:23:02,908
She's my girlfriend.

727
00:23:02,908 --> 00:23:03,538
Okay, whatever.

728
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:03,568
Yeah.

729
00:23:04,158 --> 00:23:12,178
So then I remember it wasn't too far
into that relationship, I was at work-

730
00:23:12,388 --> 00:23:12,528
Mm-hmm

731
00:23:12,538 --> 00:23:15,878
and I was going to the bathroom,
and my phone was just going off.

732
00:23:15,938 --> 00:23:17,478
Just buzz, buzz, buzz.

733
00:23:17,758 --> 00:23:22,518
And I'm like, "Fuck, dude, I'm
exhausted. I'm stressed." I was working

734
00:23:22,518 --> 00:23:24,938
for a handyman, uh, agency- Yeah.

735
00:23:24,938 --> 00:23:27,028
Yeah … and I was just
very annoyed and stressed.

736
00:23:27,028 --> 00:23:27,048
Mm-hmm.

737
00:23:27,048 --> 00:23:27,908
Money was tight.

738
00:23:28,388 --> 00:23:31,718
Uh, I was doing an office management
job that was just not a good job.

739
00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:37,998
Um, and I was just like, "Dude, leave
me the fuck alone." Like, I didn't

740
00:23:38,008 --> 00:23:39,558
say that, but I was feeling that.

741
00:23:39,558 --> 00:23:42,348
I was like, "Dude, I…" Like, "I
don't wanna talk to you right now.

742
00:23:42,378 --> 00:23:45,638
I'm not interested in being the
attentive boyfriend right now.

743
00:23:45,968 --> 00:23:47,708
I have shit I'm dealing with." Yeah.

744
00:23:47,708 --> 00:23:48,028
You know?

745
00:23:48,408 --> 00:23:52,558
Um, and so I remember that's kind of
where I started getting annoyed with the

746
00:23:52,558 --> 00:23:54,488
idea of the whole relationship thing.

747
00:23:54,488 --> 00:23:54,638
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

748
00:23:55,068 --> 00:23:58,968
Uh, and then as time went on, she
was just so eager to fucking talk

749
00:23:58,968 --> 00:24:01,158
to me, and it was constantly,
"When am I gonna see you again?

750
00:24:01,408 --> 00:24:02,618
When are we gonna make another date?

751
00:24:02,828 --> 00:24:03,698
When am I gonna see you again?

752
00:24:03,698 --> 00:24:05,738
You know, you're my boyfriend,
so I gotta see you, you know?

753
00:24:05,838 --> 00:24:07,128
Oh, you know, it's my birthday.

754
00:24:07,128 --> 00:24:08,168
Are you gonna come out and see me?"

755
00:24:08,168 --> 00:24:08,448
Blah, blah, blah.

756
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:12,358
And it's like, "Fuck,
dude." Like, I'm exhausted.

757
00:24:12,548 --> 00:24:13,728
It's been a long day.

758
00:24:13,758 --> 00:24:16,478
My solace and happiness is with my family.

759
00:24:16,488 --> 00:24:16,518
Mm-hmm.

760
00:24:17,058 --> 00:24:19,118
And you're trying to
take me away from that.

761
00:24:19,478 --> 00:24:25,858
And I remember feeling like there was this
obligatory, um, just- complete feeling-

762
00:24:25,948 --> 00:24:26,438
Yeah

763
00:24:26,658 --> 00:24:28,328
…
of, "I have to do this."

764
00:24:28,348 --> 00:24:28,828
Yeah.

765
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:29,888
And so-

766
00:24:29,948 --> 00:24:30,458
I was dating

767
00:24:30,848 --> 00:24:33,668
you were dating- I was dating a woman
… but it was never anything like that.

768
00:24:33,748 --> 00:24:34,188
No.

769
00:24:34,238 --> 00:24:37,138
I think she was obsessed with me.

770
00:24:37,248 --> 00:24:38,508
Oh, yeah, that's right.

771
00:24:38,508 --> 00:24:38,858
Yeah,

772
00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:39,558
yeah.

773
00:24:39,558 --> 00:24:39,738
How, w-

774
00:24:39,738 --> 00:24:41,898
w- how did that even start?

775
00:24:42,188 --> 00:24:44,178
I met her s- 3Fun, something.

776
00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:45,298
Was it on the app?

777
00:24:45,378 --> 00:24:46,428
You met her on 3Fun?

778
00:24:46,428 --> 00:24:46,451
I

779
00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:47,091
I think so.

780
00:24:47,461 --> 00:24:48,271
Interesting.

781
00:24:48,381 --> 00:24:48,741
Yeah.

782
00:24:49,361 --> 00:24:50,551
I don't remember, honestly.

783
00:24:50,661 --> 00:24:52,831
And what was wrong in that situation?

784
00:24:52,841 --> 00:24:53,881
I wasn't comfortable.

785
00:24:53,991 --> 00:24:54,881
You weren't comfortable?

786
00:24:54,881 --> 00:24:55,241
No.

787
00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:55,921
What do you mean?

788
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:57,671
She just spoiled me.

789
00:24:57,721 --> 00:24:58,761
She wanted, she bought me-

790
00:24:58,791 --> 00:24:59,784
Oh, yeah … so

791
00:24:59,784 --> 00:25:00,091
many things.

792
00:25:00,091 --> 00:25:02,751
You know, that was really the first
time that I ever- Mm-hmm … felt

793
00:25:02,851 --> 00:25:04,651
a jealous feeling towards-

794
00:25:04,771 --> 00:25:05,081
Yeah

795
00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:06,311
…
a situation.

796
00:25:06,641 --> 00:25:06,671
Mm-hmm.

797
00:25:06,681 --> 00:25:10,041
Because she got you,
uh, your first AirPods.

798
00:25:10,161 --> 00:25:10,591
Mm-hmm.

799
00:25:10,671 --> 00:25:15,101
And at that time, AirPods were very
expensive, and I was trying to figure

800
00:25:15,101 --> 00:25:18,901
out how I was gonna scrape the money
together to try and get you some.

801
00:25:19,221 --> 00:25:19,251
Mm-hmm.

802
00:25:19,291 --> 00:25:22,541
And you just mentioned it in conversation,
and this person just bought them

803
00:25:22,541 --> 00:25:23,671
for you, and I was like, "Oh."

804
00:25:23,771 --> 00:25:25,061
Mm. She saw them in a picture.

805
00:25:25,791 --> 00:25:26,971
She saw them in a picture?

806
00:25:27,001 --> 00:25:27,491
Yeah.

807
00:25:27,681 --> 00:25:30,601
And it was my second time meeting
her, and she wanted to take me

808
00:25:30,601 --> 00:25:32,161
to lunch, and I was like, "Okay."

809
00:25:32,441 --> 00:25:36,021
I remember she was always talking
about wanting to take you on vacations.

810
00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:36,601
Oh, yeah.

811
00:25:36,661 --> 00:25:37,111
And that

812
00:25:37,111 --> 00:25:37,901
And she bought me so many things.

813
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:37,931
Yeah.

814
00:25:37,981 --> 00:25:39,671
So when, when that broke up, I don't know.

815
00:25:39,681 --> 00:25:40,961
What did she do with that shit?

816
00:25:41,261 --> 00:25:42,731
Maybe returned it, but whatever.

817
00:25:42,821 --> 00:25:43,451
I don't know.

818
00:25:43,451 --> 00:25:48,891
But I, I just remember the conversations,
like, we had that conversation of, "Oh,

819
00:25:48,891 --> 00:25:52,201
well, she wants to… She's trying to
woo me to take me on a vacation," and

820
00:25:52,221 --> 00:25:55,771
this and that, and I was like… I
remember sitting back and going, "Well,

821
00:25:55,811 --> 00:25:57,691
I mean, I think I'd be okay with that.

822
00:25:57,741 --> 00:26:00,031
I mean, if you wanna try
it, go ahead and go."

823
00:26:00,411 --> 00:26:03,181
And that's when you looked at me and
you're like, "Fuck that. Like, I'm not

824
00:26:03,181 --> 00:26:04,701
going on vacation with nobody." No.

825
00:26:04,901 --> 00:26:06,871
And then you looked at me
and you said, "We don't go on

826
00:26:06,871 --> 00:26:07,761
vacation with people." We do not.

827
00:26:07,761 --> 00:26:10,691
And I was like, "Oh, okay. Well,
that's fine. I mean, that's not

828
00:26:10,691 --> 00:26:11,671
a deal breaker for me." And we

829
00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:12,521
don't shower with people.

830
00:26:12,521 --> 00:26:13,891
And we don't shower with people.

831
00:26:13,891 --> 00:26:13,981
Mm-mm.

832
00:26:14,001 --> 00:26:16,481
Yeah, there's things that, uh, I guess we

833
00:26:16,481 --> 00:26:16,651
hold sacred.

834
00:26:16,651 --> 00:26:16,701
Unless

835
00:26:17,581 --> 00:26:17,841
we're doing content.

836
00:26:17,841 --> 00:26:18,401
That's different.

837
00:26:18,441 --> 00:26:18,841
That's different.

838
00:26:18,851 --> 00:26:19,221
Yeah.

839
00:26:19,491 --> 00:26:20,141
But, uh-

840
00:26:20,671 --> 00:26:21,531
Business

841
00:26:21,551 --> 00:26:28,091
…
you know, the poly thing, I- I was talking
about this the other day to you that-

842
00:26:28,531 --> 00:26:29,051
Mm-hmm

843
00:26:29,551 --> 00:26:33,601
…
I realize now, and I realize that
a lot of others realize this too-

844
00:26:33,891 --> 00:26:34,051
Mm-hmm

845
00:26:34,091 --> 00:26:37,751
is that, like I said, I
didn't want the poly thing.

846
00:26:38,281 --> 00:26:41,081
Uh, and I realized that after
that last relationship that I

847
00:26:41,091 --> 00:26:42,381
had, and I had to break it off-

848
00:26:42,451 --> 00:26:42,881
For sure

849
00:26:42,961 --> 00:26:45,981
…
um, because it was just too much
stress for me and I couldn't handle it.

850
00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:50,101
And now I'm like, "Why am I gonna
try and fix a relationship when

851
00:26:50,101 --> 00:26:51,891
my relationship is just fine?"

852
00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:51,961
Mm-hmm.

853
00:26:51,971 --> 00:26:53,441
You know, this one's my priority.

854
00:26:53,501 --> 00:26:53,971
Mm-hmm.

855
00:26:54,301 --> 00:26:56,301
What I wanted was a friends with benefits.

856
00:26:56,341 --> 00:26:56,561
Mm-hmm.

857
00:26:56,601 --> 00:26:59,001
I just wanted somebody to hang
out with and be flirty with-

858
00:26:59,001 --> 00:26:59,891
and be able to have sex with.

859
00:26:59,891 --> 00:27:02,991
That just seems- no strings
attached, let's just be friends-

860
00:27:02,991 --> 00:27:05,411
let's be buddies, and hey, let's
lay the pipe every now and then.

861
00:27:05,411 --> 00:27:05,431
And it,

862
00:27:05,431 --> 00:27:07,761
but it took me a long
time to realize that.

863
00:27:07,761 --> 00:27:08,361
Yeah, yeah.

864
00:27:08,421 --> 00:27:09,721
Like, I remember you talking about it.

865
00:27:09,721 --> 00:27:13,271
And so we didn't even, after poly,
we just, we were just chilling.

866
00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:14,411
We kinda connected.

867
00:27:14,531 --> 00:27:14,841
Yeah.

868
00:27:15,241 --> 00:27:21,601
Um, and then we… I had to heal a little
bit, but I didn't know I had to heal.

869
00:27:22,331 --> 00:27:22,801
Yeah.

870
00:27:22,801 --> 00:27:24,441
You know, you, you did have

871
00:27:24,441 --> 00:27:25,191
to- We didn't communicate.

872
00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:26,211
No.

873
00:27:26,221 --> 00:27:26,241
Yeah.

874
00:27:26,251 --> 00:27:31,051
There was a lot of… And you know what's
funny is, there was a lot of conversations

875
00:27:31,051 --> 00:27:35,141
that we had over the span of that
first year- Mm-hmm … year and a half-

876
00:27:35,151 --> 00:27:35,631
Mm-hmm

877
00:27:35,631 --> 00:27:39,281
…
after we stopped being poly, and
they would come out in little spurts.

878
00:27:39,341 --> 00:27:39,451
Oh, yeah.

879
00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:40,431
Every time we were in the car.

880
00:27:40,431 --> 00:27:40,551
And

881
00:27:40,551 --> 00:27:42,131
mine was very passive-aggressive.

882
00:27:42,281 --> 00:27:45,051
Every time we were in the car, you
would bring up something and you'd be

883
00:27:45,051 --> 00:27:48,651
like, "You know, I remember when this
was happening in poly, and I just, I

884
00:27:48,651 --> 00:27:50,036
couldn't stand it," and this and that.

885
00:27:50,036 --> 00:27:51,201
And we would talk it out.

886
00:27:51,281 --> 00:27:51,611
Mm-hmm.

887
00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:54,371
And a lot of the stuff we worked out-

888
00:27:54,431 --> 00:27:54,791
Mm-hmm

889
00:27:54,791 --> 00:27:55,486
…
over that span.

890
00:27:55,486 --> 00:27:55,651
Oh,

891
00:27:55,651 --> 00:27:55,901
yeah.

892
00:27:56,221 --> 00:28:00,831
Um, and then when I decided, I said,
"Okay, you know, I, I really would like

893
00:28:01,771 --> 00:28:05,921
to connect with other people and have
a friends with benefits situation,"

894
00:28:05,921 --> 00:28:06,971
and I remember telling you that.

895
00:28:07,531 --> 00:28:12,881
And you said, "Okay, well, that's fine."
And I said, "Well, okay, but you're

896
00:28:12,881 --> 00:28:16,191
fine with me going out on, like, dates.

897
00:28:16,691 --> 00:28:16,811
"… with these people, right?" Yeah.

898
00:28:16,811 --> 00:28:20,141
And that's when you c- you sat by
and you said, "Why do you have to

899
00:28:20,141 --> 00:28:21,061
go out on dates with them?" Yeah,

900
00:28:21,061 --> 00:28:21,481
yeah.

901
00:28:21,551 --> 00:28:23,981
And I remember this was a
whole conversation that we had.

902
00:28:23,981 --> 00:28:27,341
"Why do you have to go out on dates with
them if it's just a friends with benefits

903
00:28:27,341 --> 00:28:30,321
situation? You're doing this for the sex,
right?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm doing

904
00:28:30,321 --> 00:28:35,161
this for the sex. But I'm also, I want
a friend." And it's like, well, why do

905
00:28:35,161 --> 00:28:36,471
you have to go out on a date with them?

906
00:28:36,471 --> 00:28:38,741
And it's like, well, because as a guy-

907
00:28:38,841 --> 00:28:39,181
Mm-hmm

908
00:28:39,181 --> 00:28:40,201
most times-

909
00:28:40,211 --> 00:28:40,441
Mm-hmm

910
00:28:40,911 --> 00:28:45,221
…
I have to work on that connection,
and a lot of women need to feel safe.

911
00:28:45,231 --> 00:28:45,561
Mm-hmm.

912
00:28:45,771 --> 00:28:49,721
And women don't feel safe unless they're
in front of you and they can feel the

913
00:28:49,721 --> 00:28:52,081
vibes and they can see that you're
a safe person, that sort of thing.

914
00:28:52,111 --> 00:28:52,361
Correct.

915
00:28:52,371 --> 00:28:55,781
Like, it, it, it takes a lot of
work from a guy's standpoint.

916
00:28:56,191 --> 00:28:59,121
I don't know if it's necessarily the
same from a woman's standpoint, is it?

917
00:28:59,591 --> 00:28:59,961
Um-

918
00:29:00,081 --> 00:29:01,421
Or even women with other women

919
00:29:01,421 --> 00:29:03,371
…
and I still disagree
with that, what you said.

920
00:29:03,371 --> 00:29:03,721
Yeah?

921
00:29:03,851 --> 00:29:04,881
Yeah, like, it doesn't.

922
00:29:04,901 --> 00:29:10,121
If you're a swinger, if you're in
the lifestyle- And I understand

923
00:29:10,121 --> 00:29:13,321
not being transactional, but
you don't have to go on dates.

924
00:29:13,421 --> 00:29:17,801
A date, like let's go meet
each other, you know, whatever.

925
00:29:18,331 --> 00:29:18,751
Okay.

926
00:29:18,761 --> 00:29:19,061
Uh-huh.

927
00:29:19,071 --> 00:29:19,431
Cool.

928
00:29:19,741 --> 00:29:24,491
Because, I mean, honestly, how
many times do you see your friends

929
00:29:24,991 --> 00:29:26,241
and you're not fucking them?

930
00:29:26,741 --> 00:29:27,311
Um…

931
00:29:27,321 --> 00:29:28,341
it starts with a date.

932
00:29:28,621 --> 00:29:31,671
Well, I mean, our friends we
see often, and we don't fuck

933
00:29:31,671 --> 00:29:33,371
them That's a friends thing

934
00:29:33,531 --> 00:29:34,571
We don't see friends.

935
00:29:34,571 --> 00:29:38,271
We see them at the… Like,
we fuck for the most part

936
00:29:38,271 --> 00:29:40,691
We have a lot of friends that we fuck-

937
00:29:40,761 --> 00:29:41,191
Mm-hmm

938
00:29:41,611 --> 00:29:46,121
…
but we hang out with them as friends
and don't fuck them several times over

939
00:29:46,121 --> 00:29:46,651
Those aren't dates, though

940
00:29:47,051 --> 00:29:49,647
I mean, they can… I- So here's
the thing- My thing is like we

941
00:29:49,647 --> 00:29:52,411
don't have to woo … is I think
you associate the word date-

942
00:29:52,661 --> 00:29:53,091
With romance

943
00:29:53,091 --> 00:29:54,171
with romance.

944
00:29:54,181 --> 00:29:54,421
Yes.

945
00:29:54,441 --> 00:29:54,831
Oh, yeah.

946
00:29:54,831 --> 00:29:55,771
That's right … that's not-

947
00:29:55,851 --> 00:29:56,311
That's right

948
00:29:56,331 --> 00:29:57,281
…
that's not what a- But we

949
00:29:57,411 --> 00:29:58,481
agreed to disagree on that

950
00:29:58,981 --> 00:30:01,991
That… Well, you agreed that we agreed-
See, that is … to disagree on that

951
00:30:01,991 --> 00:30:02,421
That is something-

952
00:30:02,421 --> 00:30:03,681
I didn't agree on that at

953
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:06,551
all … but, but, but to go
back, that is something that

954
00:30:07,051 --> 00:30:10,151
Y- I, you and I kind of agree.

955
00:30:10,651 --> 00:30:12,781
Like, you're cool with me being that way.

956
00:30:13,001 --> 00:30:13,981
Like, you understand.

957
00:30:13,981 --> 00:30:14,371
Yeah, yeah,

958
00:30:14,371 --> 00:30:14,691
yeah.

959
00:30:15,181 --> 00:30:15,414
You understand what I mean.

960
00:30:15,414 --> 00:30:15,461
Absolutely.

961
00:30:15,461 --> 00:30:17,671
Like, I get where you're coming from.

962
00:30:17,671 --> 00:30:17,921
Yeah.

963
00:30:18,081 --> 00:30:21,801
I don't agree with it- Yeah … but I
will, uh, I'll go along with it, sure.

964
00:30:21,811 --> 00:30:21,971
Yeah.

965
00:30:22,001 --> 00:30:22,581
Because I love

966
00:30:22,581 --> 00:30:22,601
you.

967
00:30:22,601 --> 00:30:24,821
And so far, it is what it is.

968
00:30:24,901 --> 00:30:25,581
It is what it is.

969
00:30:25,621 --> 00:30:26,401
Yeah.

970
00:30:26,531 --> 00:30:26,951
Yeah.

971
00:30:27,001 --> 00:30:32,591
I, um, I think that a
person can go out on a date-

972
00:30:32,681 --> 00:30:32,991
Mm-hmm

973
00:30:33,051 --> 00:30:33,891
…
with friends-

974
00:30:34,061 --> 00:30:34,421
Mm-hmm

975
00:30:34,621 --> 00:30:39,351
…
and it not be romantic, even
if it were to end in sex.

976
00:30:39,541 --> 00:30:39,871
Yeah.

977
00:30:40,331 --> 00:30:41,821
It would not be romantic.

978
00:30:42,311 --> 00:30:47,871
Um, and I think that's… The, the word
date, just the same as the word polyamory,

979
00:30:47,881 --> 00:30:50,241
really gives a bad rap in your book.

980
00:30:50,801 --> 00:30:53,381
Uh, but it's just a date.

981
00:30:54,121 --> 00:30:54,291
Yes, it does.

982
00:30:54,291 --> 00:30:54,331
It's just a date.

983
00:30:54,331 --> 00:30:54,691
And, but there's

984
00:30:54,711 --> 00:30:57,831
no convincing me yet,
and I'm still am- I'm-

985
00:30:57,831 --> 00:30:59,791
What… And so instead of the word date-

986
00:30:59,861 --> 00:31:00,151
Nope

987
00:31:00,211 --> 00:31:02,081
…
what is another word we can use?

988
00:31:02,121 --> 00:31:02,731
Nothing.

989
00:31:03,051 --> 00:31:03,891
There's not another word?

990
00:31:03,891 --> 00:31:04,931
I'm gonna- Rendezvous?

991
00:31:05,811 --> 00:31:06,251
No.

992
00:31:06,341 --> 00:31:07,051
Rendezvous.

993
00:31:07,051 --> 00:31:07,871
Just don't do it.

994
00:31:07,941 --> 00:31:09,241
Rendezvous sounds even dirtier, actually.

995
00:31:09,241 --> 00:31:09,341
I

996
00:31:09,381 --> 00:31:11,801
mean, unless she wants to take-
Rendezvous sounds romantic

997
00:31:11,801 --> 00:31:16,951
me somewhere or she's like, "Hey, I
just… I'm gonna order a pizza. Cool

998
00:31:17,061 --> 00:31:19,791
if we eat before we fuck?" Okay, cool.

999
00:31:20,291 --> 00:31:22,791
Text me, because that means I
have to give you some time to eat

1000
00:31:22,791 --> 00:31:24,121
because you only have a two-hour…

1001
00:31:24,501 --> 00:31:24,971
That's a-

1002
00:31:25,021 --> 00:31:26,131
You have a two-hour rule

1003
00:31:26,131 --> 00:31:26,961
…
that's a date, girl.

1004
00:31:27,431 --> 00:31:27,754
That's a

1005
00:31:27,754 --> 00:31:27,917
date.

1006
00:31:27,917 --> 00:31:28,081
Okay.

1007
00:31:28,081 --> 00:31:29,491
But fine, don't tell me that.

1008
00:31:30,001 --> 00:31:32,561
But we can use a different
word and it doesn't have to be-

1009
00:31:32,561 --> 00:31:33,211
Well, let me come

1010
00:31:33,211 --> 00:31:33,411
up with a word

1011
00:31:33,411 --> 00:31:33,461
like

1012
00:31:33,461 --> 00:31:33,781
that.

1013
00:31:33,881 --> 00:31:35,591
What, what's another word that we can use?

1014
00:31:35,601 --> 00:31:36,791
So it's not rendezvous.

1015
00:31:36,791 --> 00:31:37,701
We can't use rendezvous.

1016
00:31:37,851 --> 00:31:38,481
Oh, you know what?

1017
00:31:38,981 --> 00:31:39,961
What are you gonna do?

1018
00:31:40,071 --> 00:31:42,111
Well, you know, back in the day-

1019
00:31:42,141 --> 00:31:42,811
Uh-huh

1020
00:31:43,111 --> 00:31:43,571
…
uh-

1021
00:31:43,701 --> 00:31:45,931
You are so freaking hot.

1022
00:31:46,431 --> 00:31:47,001
Thank you.

1023
00:31:47,011 --> 00:31:52,211
Mm. Uh, back in the day, I used
to have a thesaurus dictionary.

1024
00:31:52,711 --> 00:31:53,488
You're such a nerd.

1025
00:31:53,488 --> 00:31:54,961
And you just got hotter, Boo Boo.

1026
00:31:54,961 --> 00:31:57,111
Well, let me tell you why I
had a thesaurus dictionary.

1027
00:31:57,121 --> 00:31:57,434
Why, my love?

1028
00:31:57,434 --> 00:31:58,731
Because I wanted to be a rapper.

1029
00:31:59,061 --> 00:31:59,621
Uh-huh.

1030
00:31:59,621 --> 00:31:59,841
That's right.

1031
00:31:59,841 --> 00:32:01,691
So I, I, I loved words.

1032
00:32:01,911 --> 00:32:02,031
Okay.

1033
00:32:02,071 --> 00:32:04,311
And I loved finding rhyming words.

1034
00:32:04,361 --> 00:32:04,871
And so-

1035
00:32:04,901 --> 00:32:05,501
Finding rhyming

1036
00:32:05,501 --> 00:32:05,541
words.

1037
00:32:05,551 --> 00:32:06,331
Uh, that's right.

1038
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,046
Say that five times fast.

1039
00:32:08,046 --> 00:32:08,901
Um-

1040
00:32:08,901 --> 00:32:10,271
I… Well, do… Can you rap?

1041
00:32:10,771 --> 00:32:11,211
No.

1042
00:32:12,091 --> 00:32:12,581
Have- Not at all.

1043
00:32:12,621 --> 00:32:13,531
Have you tried?

1044
00:32:14,031 --> 00:32:16,261
Uh, no, no.

1045
00:32:16,281 --> 00:32:17,221
Can you skedaddle?

1046
00:32:17,991 --> 00:32:18,661
Can I what?

1047
00:32:19,501 --> 00:32:19,691
Skedaddle.

1048
00:32:19,831 --> 00:32:20,841
So it's not skedaddle.

1049
00:32:20,861 --> 00:32:21,811
I think you mean scat.

1050
00:32:22,091 --> 00:32:22,561
Yes.

1051
00:32:22,581 --> 00:32:22,831
Yeah.

1052
00:32:22,831 --> 00:32:23,531
No, I can't.

1053
00:32:23,601 --> 00:32:23,681
Oh.

1054
00:32:24,261 --> 00:32:24,681
Yeah.

1055
00:32:24,751 --> 00:32:24,991
Huh.

1056
00:32:25,501 --> 00:32:26,641
I, I, like, I tried.

1057
00:32:27,051 --> 00:32:27,141
Mm-hmm.

1058
00:32:27,141 --> 00:32:29,201
I've heard jazz musicians do the scatting.

1059
00:32:29,201 --> 00:32:30,001
Oh, I know.

1060
00:32:30,001 --> 00:32:31,431
And like Mel- Yeah, yeah, yeah … Mel
Tormé and, and- Yeah, yeah … you know.

1061
00:32:31,561 --> 00:32:31,791
Yeah.

1062
00:32:31,861 --> 00:32:36,631
And I just think it's so cool, but I
think when I do it, I sound so lame.

1063
00:32:37,321 --> 00:32:37,541
Hmm.

1064
00:32:37,851 --> 00:32:38,291
I know.

1065
00:32:38,851 --> 00:32:39,691
I doubt it.

1066
00:32:40,051 --> 00:32:40,981
Oh, it's true.

1067
00:32:41,101 --> 00:32:41,951
It doesn't work for

1068
00:32:41,951 --> 00:32:42,021
me.

1069
00:32:42,031 --> 00:32:43,371
Nothing of you is lame.

1070
00:32:43,701 --> 00:32:44,771
Okay, here we go.

1071
00:32:44,801 --> 00:32:46,141
Okay, we're not gonna call it dates.

1072
00:32:46,221 --> 00:32:48,191
Uh, oh, okay.

1073
00:32:48,251 --> 00:32:49,071
Maybe, hold on.

1074
00:32:49,571 --> 00:32:53,401
It's asking for, uh, specifics.

1075
00:32:53,471 --> 00:32:53,931
Okay.

1076
00:32:54,911 --> 00:32:55,661
Okay, here we go.

1077
00:32:55,681 --> 00:32:58,351
So we agree rendezvous
sounds a little romantic.

1078
00:32:58,361 --> 00:32:59,101
We don't wanna do that.

1079
00:32:59,401 --> 00:33:00,361
Mm-hmm.

1080
00:33:00,361 --> 00:33:00,761
Tryst.

1081
00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:00,851
Ugh.

1082
00:33:01,251 --> 00:33:01,631
Nope.

1083
00:33:01,781 --> 00:33:03,431
Yeah, no, that doesn't have a good sound.

1084
00:33:03,431 --> 00:33:03,511
No.

1085
00:33:03,681 --> 00:33:04,531
Get-together.

1086
00:33:05,031 --> 00:33:05,211
Maybe.

1087
00:33:06,061 --> 00:33:08,091
Our genitals will have a get-together.

1088
00:33:08,131 --> 00:33:08,161
Nope.

1089
00:33:08,161 --> 00:33:08,454
Mm-mm.

1090
00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:08,601
No?

1091
00:33:08,601 --> 00:33:09,031
Okay.

1092
00:33:09,041 --> 00:33:09,201
Nope.

1093
00:33:09,201 --> 00:33:09,631
Okay.

1094
00:33:09,811 --> 00:33:09,991
Nope.

1095
00:33:09,991 --> 00:33:10,461
Outing.

1096
00:33:10,961 --> 00:33:11,571
An outing.

1097
00:33:11,611 --> 00:33:11,911
Nope.

1098
00:33:12,411 --> 00:33:12,691
No.

1099
00:33:13,361 --> 00:33:15,661
Me and Ellen are gonna have an outing.

1100
00:33:15,711 --> 00:33:17,521
Who the fuck is Ellen?

1101
00:33:17,551 --> 00:33:18,041
I don't know.

1102
00:33:18,361 --> 00:33:19,351
Ellen DeGeneres?

1103
00:33:19,911 --> 00:33:21,471
Um, a meetup

1104
00:33:21,971 --> 00:33:22,321
Okay

1105
00:33:22,371 --> 00:33:25,171
…
so I'm gonna go to this
meetup across town Okay

1106
00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:26,061
Yeah Yeah

1107
00:33:26,061 --> 00:33:26,431
I

1108
00:33:26,431 --> 00:33:27,081
could do that.

1109
00:33:27,151 --> 00:33:27,901
You could do meet up?

1110
00:33:27,941 --> 00:33:28,611
I could do meet up.

1111
00:33:28,701 --> 00:33:30,871
And when you go, it's M-E-A-T.

1112
00:33:31,861 --> 00:33:33,791
Ha, that's right.

1113
00:33:34,231 --> 00:33:35,611
I am a joker.

1114
00:33:36,161 --> 00:33:37,931
I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker.

1115
00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:40,581
There's another one here
that says evening out.

1116
00:33:40,611 --> 00:33:41,851
I don't- No … that's weird.

1117
00:33:41,981 --> 00:33:42,261
I don't like that.

1118
00:33:42,261 --> 00:33:42,971
And night out.

1119
00:33:43,091 --> 00:33:43,481
Mm.

1120
00:33:43,541 --> 00:33:44,331
Liaison.

1121
00:33:44,521 --> 00:33:44,751
Nope.

1122
00:33:45,101 --> 00:33:47,191
That implies secrecy and romance, though.

1123
00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:47,791
That's no good.

1124
00:33:48,511 --> 00:33:50,341
Uh, assignation.

1125
00:33:50,841 --> 00:33:52,491
I put the ass in assignation.

1126
00:33:52,991 --> 00:33:55,401
Formal itinerary often implies secrecy.

1127
00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:56,521
Well, fuck you, assignation.

1128
00:33:57,021 --> 00:33:57,771
We're not doing it.

1129
00:33:58,061 --> 00:33:59,091
We're doing meet up.

1130
00:33:59,091 --> 00:33:59,231
Meet up.

1131
00:33:59,231 --> 00:33:59,371
Mm-hmm.

1132
00:33:59,371 --> 00:33:59,761
That's right.

1133
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:00,381
Hell yeah.

1134
00:34:00,381 --> 00:34:00,931
Okay, I like that.

1135
00:34:00,931 --> 00:34:01,121
I like

1136
00:34:01,121 --> 00:34:01,361
that.

1137
00:34:01,531 --> 00:34:02,171
I like that too.

1138
00:34:02,181 --> 00:34:02,211
All

1139
00:34:02,211 --> 00:34:02,541
right.

1140
00:34:03,031 --> 00:34:03,411
Um-

1141
00:34:03,571 --> 00:34:04,671
See, that's communication-

1142
00:34:05,101 --> 00:34:05,431
Yeah … people.

1143
00:34:05,431 --> 00:34:06,461
That's working out your shit.

1144
00:34:06,501 --> 00:34:06,781
Yeah.

1145
00:34:06,991 --> 00:34:07,951
Uh, so there we go.

1146
00:34:07,951 --> 00:34:08,961
Something to work on there.

1147
00:34:09,101 --> 00:34:11,421
No using the word date, no.

1148
00:34:11,451 --> 00:34:11,461
Mm.

1149
00:34:11,781 --> 00:34:11,991
Bad.

1150
00:34:12,001 --> 00:34:12,211
Nope.

1151
00:34:12,301 --> 00:34:12,811
Not good.

1152
00:34:13,181 --> 00:34:14,221
Uh, but, um-

1153
00:34:14,721 --> 00:34:16,081
And always bring leftovers

1154
00:34:16,581 --> 00:34:18,351
…
always bring leftovers.

1155
00:34:18,401 --> 00:34:21,091
Oh, that is, that's our
rule when we go out- Mm-hmm

1156
00:34:21,181 --> 00:34:22,471
uh, to eat without each other.

1157
00:34:22,471 --> 00:34:22,831
I like

1158
00:34:22,841 --> 00:34:24,991
dessert, he likes savory.

1159
00:34:25,141 --> 00:34:25,561
I do.

1160
00:34:25,731 --> 00:34:27,851
I'm a, I'm a savory person.

1161
00:34:27,861 --> 00:34:27,881
Mm-hmm.

1162
00:34:27,881 --> 00:34:29,011
I'm not a big sweets guy.

1163
00:34:29,021 --> 00:34:29,151
Mm-hmm.

1164
00:34:29,761 --> 00:34:33,681
Uh, so now we stopped being poly.

1165
00:34:33,731 --> 00:34:35,771
We took that little bit of time off.

1166
00:34:35,771 --> 00:34:37,951
We got back into swinging.

1167
00:34:38,301 --> 00:34:38,641
Yes.

1168
00:34:39,501 --> 00:34:39,941
Um-

1169
00:34:39,951 --> 00:34:40,763
And that's where the friends

1170
00:34:40,763 --> 00:34:43,861
with benefits- And that's where we started
interjecting the friends with benefits.

1171
00:34:43,921 --> 00:34:44,521
Mm-hmm.

1172
00:34:44,901 --> 00:34:49,641
Okay, real quick before we get back
into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com

1173
00:34:49,971 --> 00:34:50,491
Oh, yes.

1174
00:34:50,591 --> 00:34:53,851
Okay, so if you don't know SDC,
it's basically the largest online

1175
00:34:53,851 --> 00:34:55,451
community for open-minded adults

1176
00:34:55,651 --> 00:35:00,511
Which if you're listening to this show
right now, I feel like you probably

1177
00:35:00,511 --> 00:35:02,181
already know if that's your scene.

1178
00:35:02,541 --> 00:35:02,821
Yeah.

1179
00:35:02,841 --> 00:35:04,761
It's your people all in one place.

1180
00:35:05,101 --> 00:35:07,341
Just make a profile and go explore

1181
00:35:07,581 --> 00:35:11,501
No weirdness, no judgment, just
a ton of like-minded humans

1182
00:35:11,541 --> 00:35:13,311
living their lives, just like us.

1183
00:35:13,491 --> 00:35:15,281
Honestly, it's kinda
fun just to poke around

1184
00:35:15,361 --> 00:35:16,301
Yeah, it really is.

1185
00:35:16,501 --> 00:35:18,731
Go sign up at sdc.com.

1186
00:35:18,941 --> 00:35:20,371
Use code 38236.

1187
00:35:21,571 --> 00:35:23,071
Links in the show notes.

1188
00:35:23,111 --> 00:35:24,801
Okay, now back to what we were saying.

1189
00:35:24,981 --> 00:35:25,401
Yes

1190
00:35:25,703 --> 00:35:33,493
Now, the entire time until probably
most recently, you've been pretty, I

1191
00:35:33,643 --> 00:35:37,253
don't know, against the idea of it-

1192
00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:37,693
Yes

1193
00:35:37,913 --> 00:35:39,003
…
of friends with benefits.

1194
00:35:39,043 --> 00:35:39,313
Yes.

1195
00:35:40,033 --> 00:35:40,943
For both of us.

1196
00:35:41,153 --> 00:35:41,433
Si.

1197
00:35:41,703 --> 00:35:44,843
Uh, but now you've, uh, you've come along.

1198
00:35:45,123 --> 00:35:45,833
I have.

1199
00:35:45,853 --> 00:35:46,863
What switched you over?

1200
00:35:46,863 --> 00:35:47,803
What changed your,

1201
00:35:47,803 --> 00:35:48,513
your feelings on that?

1202
00:35:48,513 --> 00:35:50,723
Um, I've met some really cool people.

1203
00:35:50,803 --> 00:35:51,143
Yeah?

1204
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:51,673
Yeah.

1205
00:35:52,433 --> 00:35:56,883
And you've discussed even
the possibilities of having

1206
00:35:56,893 --> 00:35:58,473
romantic relationships?

1207
00:35:58,973 --> 00:36:01,193
Um- Is this- … with couples.

1208
00:36:01,273 --> 00:36:01,993
With couples,

1209
00:36:02,003 --> 00:36:02,453
yeah.

1210
00:36:02,453 --> 00:36:02,673
Yeah.

1211
00:36:02,673 --> 00:36:05,883
And, and it has to be, like,
it's with, you know, the unicorn.

1212
00:36:06,393 --> 00:36:07,188
You know, I don't think-

1213
00:36:07,188 --> 00:36:09,093
We have to get along
and- Yeah … you know.

1214
00:36:09,223 --> 00:36:09,613
Yeah.

1215
00:36:09,703 --> 00:36:11,513
Her and I don't have
to necessarily, like…

1216
00:36:12,013 --> 00:36:12,413
No.

1217
00:36:12,723 --> 00:36:16,503
I want somebody who's bi
and we're into each other.

1218
00:36:16,683 --> 00:36:21,913
I would, you know, if we dated, like, if
we'd legitimately dated another woman-

1219
00:36:22,003 --> 00:36:22,453
Mm-hmm

1220
00:36:22,573 --> 00:36:23,413
…
the both of us-

1221
00:36:23,423 --> 00:36:23,803
Mm-hmm

1222
00:36:24,233 --> 00:36:27,203
…
um, I'd wanna do it right, obviously.

1223
00:36:27,643 --> 00:36:29,543
You know, we did it wrong
the first time around.

1224
00:36:29,553 --> 00:36:31,763
We didn't know what the hell we were
doing, but now we know what we're doing.

1225
00:36:31,773 --> 00:36:32,083
Mm-hmm.

1226
00:36:32,363 --> 00:36:33,773
I'd wanna do it the right way.

1227
00:36:33,813 --> 00:36:40,213
I'd wanna find somebody who
is completely into both of us-

1228
00:36:40,543 --> 00:36:40,863
Yeah

1229
00:36:40,873 --> 00:36:43,733
…
without, you know, more
this way, more that way.

1230
00:36:43,733 --> 00:36:44,053
Yeah.

1231
00:36:44,783 --> 00:36:50,391
But also, you know, somebody
that understands- There's

1232
00:36:50,391 --> 00:36:51,661
a little bit of hierarchy.

1233
00:36:52,021 --> 00:36:52,291
Yeah.

1234
00:36:52,351 --> 00:36:57,151
And I've had people in the
poly community get very upset-

1235
00:36:57,201 --> 00:36:58,891
Yes … that we would even say that.

1236
00:36:59,051 --> 00:36:59,071
Yeah.

1237
00:36:59,071 --> 00:36:59,691
But that's our- And understand

1238
00:36:59,691 --> 00:37:00,161
…
that's us

1239
00:37:00,181 --> 00:37:00,471
…
that's our agreement.

1240
00:37:00,471 --> 00:37:05,801
And if anybody wanted to join us, they
would be joining us under that agreement.

1241
00:37:05,841 --> 00:37:06,241
Mm-hmm.

1242
00:37:06,241 --> 00:37:06,451
Yeah.

1243
00:37:06,451 --> 00:37:08,611
And as long as they're okay with that.

1244
00:37:08,621 --> 00:37:08,871
Mm-hmm.

1245
00:37:09,321 --> 00:37:13,071
Uh, you know, but obviously people
go, "Well, that's unethical."

1246
00:37:13,071 --> 00:37:14,491
Well, it's unethical- And you know-

1247
00:37:14,491 --> 00:37:18,081
if you're pushing it onto
somebody, but if they agree to it.

1248
00:37:18,131 --> 00:37:18,391
Yeah.

1249
00:37:18,461 --> 00:37:20,671
And you know- Right … I
was thinking about that.

1250
00:37:21,231 --> 00:37:22,171
That's right now.

1251
00:37:22,481 --> 00:37:23,451
Like, that's right now.

1252
00:37:23,651 --> 00:37:24,621
That's right now, yeah.

1253
00:37:24,671 --> 00:37:25,251
You know?

1254
00:37:25,261 --> 00:37:30,951
Once we're empty nesters and it's just
us, it may be a different situation.

1255
00:37:31,401 --> 00:37:31,691
Yeah.

1256
00:37:31,691 --> 00:37:31,804
You

1257
00:37:31,804 --> 00:37:31,918
know?

1258
00:37:31,918 --> 00:37:32,031
Well,

1259
00:37:32,031 --> 00:37:32,471
you never know.

1260
00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:34,271
It might be a deeper relationship.

1261
00:37:34,271 --> 00:37:34,491
Yeah,

1262
00:37:34,491 --> 00:37:34,771
yeah.

1263
00:37:34,951 --> 00:37:39,341
Um, right now we devote
our time to our family,

1264
00:37:39,821 --> 00:37:39,861
you know?

1265
00:37:39,871 --> 00:37:40,771
This is true.

1266
00:37:40,771 --> 00:37:40,791
It-

1267
00:37:40,791 --> 00:37:42,091
We're still raising children

1268
00:37:42,101 --> 00:37:46,311
…
it's hard to break away during the
week- Yeah … and sometimes on certain

1269
00:37:46,311 --> 00:37:48,921
weekends because we're still raising kids.

1270
00:37:48,941 --> 00:37:49,271
Yeah.

1271
00:37:49,331 --> 00:37:49,861
And-

1272
00:37:49,911 --> 00:37:52,281
And we like to really be with each other,

1273
00:37:52,301 --> 00:37:53,321
like- With each other, yeah

1274
00:37:53,511 --> 00:37:55,471
we're each other's best friends.

1275
00:37:55,471 --> 00:37:59,721
So going out on separate dates,
or excuse me, meetups with others.

1276
00:37:59,991 --> 00:38:00,681
Ooh.

1277
00:38:00,721 --> 00:38:01,161
Ooh, sorry.

1278
00:38:01,211 --> 00:38:01,461
Give me

1279
00:38:01,461 --> 00:38:01,781
your hand.

1280
00:38:01,781 --> 00:38:02,441
Yeah, sorry.

1281
00:38:02,931 --> 00:38:03,371
My bad.

1282
00:38:03,511 --> 00:38:03,701
Yeah.

1283
00:38:04,001 --> 00:38:10,041
Uh, on separate meetups with others
while, say, I'm at home or you're at home.

1284
00:38:10,191 --> 00:38:10,441
Yeah.

1285
00:38:10,501 --> 00:38:14,531
That's always a hard one for me, and I'm
sure it's a hard one for you, too, because

1286
00:38:14,531 --> 00:38:15,841
we don't like to be apart from each other.

1287
00:38:15,901 --> 00:38:16,311
No.

1288
00:38:16,481 --> 00:38:16,731
We don't.

1289
00:38:16,831 --> 00:38:19,321
We always enjoy being around each other.

1290
00:38:19,321 --> 00:38:19,361
Yeah.

1291
00:38:19,361 --> 00:38:20,791
We people watch together.

1292
00:38:20,801 --> 00:38:24,081
We, uh, you know, point out
things and this sort of stuff.

1293
00:38:24,081 --> 00:38:24,961
That's what we do.

1294
00:38:24,971 --> 00:38:25,851
You're my best friend.

1295
00:38:25,881 --> 00:38:27,371
I'm your best friend, so it works.

1296
00:38:27,451 --> 00:38:27,711
Yeah.

1297
00:38:27,921 --> 00:38:32,491
Um, so it's difficult to say, "Okay, well,
I'll be back later," and then- Mm-hmm

1298
00:38:32,511 --> 00:38:37,101
… come back a few hours later and be like,
"Okay, I'm turning back on the switch

1299
00:38:37,101 --> 00:38:38,511
for you now," and that sort of thing.

1300
00:38:38,541 --> 00:38:39,381
Like, it's weird.

1301
00:38:39,501 --> 00:38:39,821
Mm-hmm.

1302
00:38:39,891 --> 00:38:40,511
It's weird.

1303
00:38:40,611 --> 00:38:41,051
Yeah.

1304
00:38:41,261 --> 00:38:43,031
Um, I'd rather do it with you.

1305
00:38:43,231 --> 00:38:43,561
Yeah.

1306
00:38:43,641 --> 00:38:46,651
And I would be down to date
another couple, and I think that's

1307
00:38:46,651 --> 00:38:51,491
the ideal situation is dating
another couple because I'm not bi.

1308
00:38:51,821 --> 00:38:52,031
Yeah.

1309
00:38:52,071 --> 00:38:55,861
Um, and I'm not obviously
going to be having sex with

1310
00:38:55,861 --> 00:38:57,051
the man of the other couple.

1311
00:38:57,071 --> 00:38:57,361
Yeah.

1312
00:38:57,621 --> 00:39:01,991
Um, but I mean, dude, you can
have a bromance relationship.

1313
00:39:01,991 --> 00:39:02,561
Yes.

1314
00:39:02,561 --> 00:39:02,901
You know?

1315
00:39:02,901 --> 00:39:04,911
You can be best friends with the guy-

1316
00:39:04,961 --> 00:39:05,351
Yeah

1317
00:39:05,381 --> 00:39:07,301
…
while the women date each other.

1318
00:39:07,301 --> 00:39:07,341
Mm-hmm.

1319
00:39:07,341 --> 00:39:12,231
And I also date, uh, a woman, and
he dates a w- you know what I mean?

1320
00:39:12,231 --> 00:39:12,381
Like-

1321
00:39:12,381 --> 00:39:12,771
Yeah

1322
00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:13,861
…
it can happen.

1323
00:39:13,911 --> 00:39:14,191
Yeah.

1324
00:39:14,201 --> 00:39:16,381
But then you can hear the whole
thing where, oh, that's the

1325
00:39:16,381 --> 00:39:20,501
real unicorn is finding that-
Yeah … other couple that everybody's

1326
00:39:20,981 --> 00:39:21,251
connected.

1327
00:39:21,251 --> 00:39:25,451
I mean, of course, because
I'm, I'm a little harder to…

1328
00:39:25,941 --> 00:39:26,311
Please?

1329
00:39:26,451 --> 00:39:26,811
Please.

1330
00:39:26,811 --> 00:39:27,501
Choosier.

1331
00:39:27,501 --> 00:39:28,101
Choosier.

1332
00:39:28,111 --> 00:39:28,131
Yeah.

1333
00:39:28,131 --> 00:39:28,271
Yeah.

1334
00:39:28,271 --> 00:39:28,861
Now- Choosy moms choose Jif.

1335
00:39:29,361 --> 00:39:29,831
That's right.

1336
00:39:30,431 --> 00:39:33,461
Um, we were talking about meetups, right?

1337
00:39:33,511 --> 00:39:34,011
We were.

1338
00:39:34,511 --> 00:39:36,001
He's pretty fast.

1339
00:39:36,351 --> 00:39:37,891
Like, you're cool with just-

1340
00:39:38,441 --> 00:39:39,251
Getting down to it?

1341
00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:40,581
…
getting down to it, because you have- I've

1342
00:39:40,581 --> 00:39:41,231
gotten there now,

1343
00:39:41,231 --> 00:39:43,201
yeah … yeah, y- you know, um-

1344
00:39:43,201 --> 00:39:45,761
I've realized I don't
have to work as hard-

1345
00:39:45,761 --> 00:39:46,401
There you go

1346
00:39:46,501 --> 00:39:46,881
…
as I

1347
00:39:46,881 --> 00:39:47,271
need to.

1348
00:39:47,271 --> 00:39:47,591
You're welcome.

1349
00:39:47,621 --> 00:39:47,871
Yeah.

1350
00:39:47,871 --> 00:39:48,561
You're welcome.

1351
00:39:48,561 --> 00:39:50,381
Yeah, that is something that
I've taken away from you.

1352
00:39:50,381 --> 00:39:51,081
Yeah, yeah.

1353
00:39:51,081 --> 00:39:55,811
That you've said is… You know, I,
for what I'm looking for- Yeah … I

1354
00:39:55,861 --> 00:39:57,151
don't have to work as hard.

1355
00:39:57,161 --> 00:39:57,181
Yeah.

1356
00:39:57,191 --> 00:40:00,991
If I want an even more solid
connection, if I was looking for

1357
00:40:00,991 --> 00:40:04,001
something romantic, then yeah,
obviously I'd, I'd have to work harder.

1358
00:40:04,011 --> 00:40:04,261
Mm-hmm.

1359
00:40:04,641 --> 00:40:07,591
Um, but I really don't
have to work that hard.

1360
00:40:07,951 --> 00:40:08,431
No.

1361
00:40:08,571 --> 00:40:08,821
Yeah.

1362
00:40:08,901 --> 00:40:09,401
No.

1363
00:40:09,741 --> 00:40:17,301
Um, I have noticed that some of the
guys that I talk to are actually the

1364
00:40:17,311 --> 00:40:24,571
only… Well, one of the guys that I
actually went to a meetup with- … um,

1365
00:40:25,561 --> 00:40:27,461
is a little slower than my husband.

1366
00:40:28,001 --> 00:40:28,521
Yeah.

1367
00:40:28,671 --> 00:40:29,191
Yeah.

1368
00:40:29,581 --> 00:40:34,241
You know, how… I actually wanna…
That's a good thing to talk about

1369
00:40:34,241 --> 00:40:37,921
there, because your experiences
with men throughout the years-

1370
00:40:37,931 --> 00:40:38,351
Mm-hmm

1371
00:40:38,691 --> 00:40:42,651
uh, it's very rare that you've had
good experiences- Mm-hmm … with men.

1372
00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:45,571
Um, they're either too
fast or not fast enough.

1373
00:40:45,631 --> 00:40:46,031
Mm-hmm.

1374
00:40:46,041 --> 00:40:49,361
And this one is kind of,
I think, at a good pace.

1375
00:40:49,391 --> 00:40:49,711
Yeah?

1376
00:40:50,011 --> 00:40:50,461
Yeah.

1377
00:40:50,741 --> 00:40:54,411
Um, and it's… We were talking
about that on one of our shows-

1378
00:40:54,421 --> 00:40:56,061
Mm … like, how many meetups, right?

1379
00:40:56,511 --> 00:40:59,101
And I was thinking about
that, and I was like, well-

1380
00:40:59,601 --> 00:41:04,851
I pretty much am… I'll do, like,
regular hookups- Yeah … at the club.

1381
00:41:05,111 --> 00:41:05,371
Yeah.

1382
00:41:05,571 --> 00:41:06,841
You know, with friends.

1383
00:41:07,431 --> 00:41:12,871
Um, but, like, meetups, I think
I want that to be a little slow.

1384
00:41:13,151 --> 00:41:13,501
Really?

1385
00:41:13,611 --> 00:41:14,051
Yeah.

1386
00:41:14,071 --> 00:41:15,431
'
Cause you want trust there.

1387
00:41:15,521 --> 00:41:16,301
Yeah.

1388
00:41:16,321 --> 00:41:16,341
You

1389
00:41:16,371 --> 00:41:16,611
wanna

1390
00:41:16,611 --> 00:41:17,331
feel comfortable and safe.

1391
00:41:17,331 --> 00:41:19,251
Because I'm so… Especially with men.

1392
00:41:19,361 --> 00:41:21,841
I don't think it would
be the same with women.

1393
00:41:22,371 --> 00:41:23,861
And yes, bias.

1394
00:41:24,581 --> 00:41:25,321
Now, what do you mean?

1395
00:41:25,321 --> 00:41:26,861
So how would it be different with women?

1396
00:41:27,001 --> 00:41:27,731
Be faster?

1397
00:41:27,791 --> 00:41:28,431
Faster.

1398
00:41:28,441 --> 00:41:28,761
Yeah?

1399
00:41:28,791 --> 00:41:29,251
Yeah.

1400
00:41:29,381 --> 00:41:30,081
I think-

1401
00:41:30,091 --> 00:41:31,601
Mm. Sexually faster.

1402
00:41:31,601 --> 00:41:33,401
Yeah, I think sexually faster.

1403
00:41:33,761 --> 00:41:37,931
Um- Interesting … because it's so hard
to find… For me, it's so hard to find

1404
00:41:37,931 --> 00:41:41,851
women that I connect with- Ah, uh-huh
… and that actually want to hook up.

1405
00:41:42,631 --> 00:41:43,081
Yeah.

1406
00:41:44,051 --> 00:41:44,611
That's interesting.

1407
00:41:44,611 --> 00:41:44,921
I know.

1408
00:41:44,921 --> 00:41:45,561
That is true.

1409
00:41:45,631 --> 00:41:47,001
It's so- Yeah … freaking hard.

1410
00:41:47,051 --> 00:41:50,801
Um- Because I'm, I don't
like the bi-situational.

1411
00:41:50,841 --> 00:41:54,321
Like, I under- uh, like, I
use it in a very negative way.

1412
00:41:54,361 --> 00:41:54,441
Yeah.

1413
00:41:54,491 --> 00:41:56,861
It's been told to me so many
different versions of it.

1414
00:41:56,961 --> 00:41:57,191
Yeah.

1415
00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:58,631
But I'm not a bi-situational.

1416
00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:00,911
I like experienced women who like women.

1417
00:42:01,071 --> 00:42:01,301
Right.

1418
00:42:01,301 --> 00:42:03,661
Like, I find that super hot.

1419
00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:04,501
Now

1420
00:42:05,001 --> 00:42:07,461
I'm also, like our bestie-

1421
00:42:07,821 --> 00:42:08,081
Mm

1422
00:42:08,151 --> 00:42:09,251
…
has never been with a woman.

1423
00:42:09,881 --> 00:42:10,231
Right.

1424
00:42:10,391 --> 00:42:13,061
I'm ready to crack that sh- shell.

1425
00:42:13,561 --> 00:42:15,301
Um, because I know the
connection's gonna be there.

1426
00:42:15,371 --> 00:42:15,721
Yeah.

1427
00:42:15,891 --> 00:42:16,331
You know?

1428
00:42:16,371 --> 00:42:18,361
I- Yeah … I think it's
gonna be fun all around.

1429
00:42:18,431 --> 00:42:18,931
Right.

1430
00:42:18,981 --> 00:42:19,431
So.

1431
00:42:19,951 --> 00:42:20,381
Yeah.

1432
00:42:20,401 --> 00:42:24,861
Well, you know, and that's
really the, where you can give

1433
00:42:24,861 --> 00:42:26,541
that perspective because- Mm-hmm

1434
00:42:26,551 --> 00:42:27,461
you're, you're bisexual.

1435
00:42:27,461 --> 00:42:27,521
Mm-hmm.

1436
00:42:27,521 --> 00:42:31,561
And so what you do with women and what you
do with men can be completely different.

1437
00:42:31,581 --> 00:42:31,991
It is, yeah.

1438
00:42:31,991 --> 00:42:32,251
Yeah.

1439
00:42:32,311 --> 00:42:38,871
Um, and obviously it's kind of
funny, y- you are that woman that

1440
00:42:38,921 --> 00:42:41,251
I used to have to work hard for.

1441
00:42:41,381 --> 00:42:41,731
Yeah.

1442
00:42:42,231 --> 00:42:45,681
And back then when I was working
hard for it, you'd be like, "You

1443
00:42:45,681 --> 00:42:46,851
don't need to work that hard."

1444
00:42:46,891 --> 00:42:47,151
No.

1445
00:42:47,311 --> 00:42:48,861
And you… They don't need to work hard.

1446
00:42:48,921 --> 00:42:49,111
Yeah.

1447
00:42:49,151 --> 00:42:50,211
Like, they really don't.

1448
00:42:50,251 --> 00:42:51,951
I like these men, so.

1449
00:42:51,951 --> 00:42:54,081
But they have to establish
safety- But- … and trust

1450
00:42:54,131 --> 00:42:56,271
…
but for them, they're a little slower.

1451
00:42:56,291 --> 00:42:56,631
Ah.

1452
00:42:56,661 --> 00:42:58,351
And I'm cool with that.

1453
00:42:58,371 --> 00:42:58,471
Yeah.

1454
00:42:58,481 --> 00:43:01,131
I'm like, "All right. If you wanna
get to know me better, then that's

1455
00:43:01,131 --> 00:43:08,621
fine," because I feel men really
put a lot of pressure on themselves.

1456
00:43:09,121 --> 00:43:09,381
Yeah.

1457
00:43:09,381 --> 00:43:10,271
And, um- I can

1458
00:43:10,271 --> 00:43:10,421
see

1459
00:43:10,421 --> 00:43:13,631
that … you want to be… You
don't wanna be grosero, you

1460
00:43:13,631 --> 00:43:15,561
don't wanna be rude, right?

1461
00:43:15,581 --> 00:43:16,041
Right.

1462
00:43:16,101 --> 00:43:18,551
You don't wanna be, um, controlling.

1463
00:43:18,851 --> 00:43:20,131
No machismo-ness.

1464
00:43:20,791 --> 00:43:22,581
Well, so you wanna be-

1465
00:43:22,901 --> 00:43:23,741
A gentleman

1466
00:43:23,751 --> 00:43:25,011
…
you wanna be a gentleman.

1467
00:43:25,021 --> 00:43:27,951
You also want them to know…
So there's a fine line there.

1468
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:31,501
You want them to know that you're
interested in them, but you also

1469
00:43:31,501 --> 00:43:33,021
don't wanna be disrespectful.

1470
00:43:33,081 --> 00:43:33,551
Yes.

1471
00:43:33,551 --> 00:43:36,891
So you don't wanna be too
forward, but you also don't wanna

1472
00:43:36,891 --> 00:43:39,631
be too backward- Yeah … and,

1473
00:43:39,631 --> 00:43:39,829
and not showing interest.

1474
00:43:39,829 --> 00:43:42,721
Because you may catch me, you may send
me… You may catch me on a bad day.

1475
00:43:43,541 --> 00:43:45,761
Your first impression is important.

1476
00:43:46,631 --> 00:43:47,101
Yeah.

1477
00:43:47,141 --> 00:43:48,091
I can see that.

1478
00:43:48,091 --> 00:43:48,111
Mm-hmm.

1479
00:43:48,121 --> 00:43:48,651
And there's been some
people that have been fast.

1480
00:43:48,651 --> 00:43:48,711
And I don't have a type,

1481
00:43:49,211 --> 00:43:50,341
but I kinda do have a type.

1482
00:43:50,571 --> 00:43:51,221
What is your type?

1483
00:43:51,721 --> 00:43:52,911
I like any race

1484
00:43:53,091 --> 00:43:53,351
Ah

1485
00:43:53,851 --> 00:43:54,881
I like bald

1486
00:43:55,211 --> 00:43:55,511
Mm.

1487
00:43:56,011 --> 00:44:00,181
I like my height or a little taller

1488
00:44:00,411 --> 00:44:00,831
Uh-huh

1489
00:44:00,931 --> 00:44:02,251
Um, that's on men.

1490
00:44:03,121 --> 00:44:03,461
Yeah

1491
00:44:03,581 --> 00:44:04,071
You know?

1492
00:44:04,131 --> 00:44:05,241
I love beards.

1493
00:44:05,631 --> 00:44:08,291
Well, before you get into
women, I wanna stop you there.

1494
00:44:08,341 --> 00:44:08,951
Okay.

1495
00:44:09,781 --> 00:44:14,321
Because everything you listed,
I'm checking boxes, obviously.

1496
00:44:14,361 --> 00:44:15,611
Oh, you wanna go out with me?

1497
00:44:15,641 --> 00:44:16,061
You wanna meet up?

1498
00:44:16,371 --> 00:44:18,071
Uh, I think I've already put the work in.

1499
00:44:18,341 --> 00:44:20,421
But here, here's what my thing is.

1500
00:44:20,451 --> 00:44:21,031
Uh-huh.

1501
00:44:21,241 --> 00:44:23,331
And we were having this
discussion the other day.

1502
00:44:23,351 --> 00:44:23,841
Mm-hmm.

1503
00:44:24,341 --> 00:44:28,711
What I look for in this
lifestyle- Mm-hmm … is not you.

1504
00:44:29,131 --> 00:44:30,201
I have you.

1505
00:44:30,311 --> 00:44:30,651
Yeah.

1506
00:44:30,691 --> 00:44:34,251
So I don't look for you in
all the experiences I have.

1507
00:44:34,251 --> 00:44:35,801
I look for different body types.

1508
00:44:35,831 --> 00:44:37,941
I look for different personalities- Yeah

1509
00:44:38,191 --> 00:44:39,041
and that sort of thing.

1510
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:41,501
And if we were poly and we were dating-

1511
00:44:41,571 --> 00:44:42,021
Mm-hmm

1512
00:44:42,021 --> 00:44:44,251
…
I would not look for somebody like you.

1513
00:44:44,251 --> 00:44:44,331
Mm-hmm.

1514
00:44:44,331 --> 00:44:47,521
I would look for a different body
type, a different personality type.

1515
00:44:47,541 --> 00:44:47,561
Mm-hmm.

1516
00:44:47,571 --> 00:44:48,871
Now, I, 'cause I have you.

1517
00:44:48,941 --> 00:44:49,401
Yes.

1518
00:44:49,761 --> 00:44:53,561
But you are attracted to me.

1519
00:44:54,191 --> 00:44:56,521
Because we are attracted
to different things.

1520
00:44:56,671 --> 00:44:57,961
I'm 50/50- Uh-huh

1521
00:44:57,961 --> 00:44:58,961
on physical-

1522
00:44:59,081 --> 00:44:59,381
Yeah

1523
00:44:59,491 --> 00:45:01,571
…
and what's the other one?

1524
00:45:02,071 --> 00:45:03,631
Mm, emotional?

1525
00:45:03,671 --> 00:45:04,521
Physical attraction and-

1526
00:45:04,821 --> 00:45:05,231
Personality

1527
00:45:06,011 --> 00:45:06,671
…
yeah.

1528
00:45:07,171 --> 00:45:07,621
So, like- And the other

1529
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:08,961
50 is personality?

1530
00:45:08,981 --> 00:45:09,451
Yeah.

1531
00:45:09,451 --> 00:45:11,881
So yeah, so it's, exactly.

1532
00:45:12,321 --> 00:45:12,591
Yeah.

1533
00:45:12,601 --> 00:45:13,081
Thank you.

1534
00:45:13,091 --> 00:45:13,821
You're very welcome.

1535
00:45:13,831 --> 00:45:13,881
Bing.

1536
00:45:14,381 --> 00:45:16,601
I felt like that little cartoon
with the little light bulb.

1537
00:45:17,481 --> 00:45:18,081
That was cool.

1538
00:45:18,861 --> 00:45:21,461
Um, so I'm 50/50.

1539
00:45:21,461 --> 00:45:23,991
You lean more to the

1540
00:45:24,491 --> 00:45:26,091
I lean more toward the personality

1541
00:45:26,101 --> 00:45:26,791
personality

1542
00:45:26,831 --> 00:45:27,101
Yeah

1543
00:45:27,141 --> 00:45:28,356
Yeah … toward the personality

1544
00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:28,746
Yeah

1545
00:45:28,756 --> 00:45:29,506
Like, um-

1546
00:45:29,796 --> 00:45:30,126
I can-

1547
00:45:30,136 --> 00:45:31,136
That's your thing

1548
00:45:31,246 --> 00:45:33,826
A personality can really-
And- … make somebody attractive

1549
00:45:34,326 --> 00:45:36,756
…
the submissiveness They want you

1550
00:45:37,256 --> 00:45:38,406
I, yeah, I can get down with that

1551
00:45:38,406 --> 00:45:40,246
They want to, like, worship you.

1552
00:45:40,496 --> 00:45:40,806
Yeah.

1553
00:45:40,806 --> 00:45:43,726
Well, you know, it all comes down
to, and I, I've said this before and

1554
00:45:43,726 --> 00:45:49,246
I'll say it again, it all comes down
to my experiences in high school.

1555
00:45:49,316 --> 00:45:50,236
Mm-hmm.

1556
00:45:50,286 --> 00:45:51,726
Um, or, or lack

1557
00:45:51,806 --> 00:45:52,096
thereof.

1558
00:45:52,396 --> 00:45:53,926
Well, I think even, or
even being the only child.

1559
00:45:54,256 --> 00:45:55,946
Uh- The, the wants.

1560
00:45:55,956 --> 00:45:56,486
Yeah.

1561
00:45:56,526 --> 00:45:59,096
Well, you know, I was,
pretty well ignored at home.

1562
00:45:59,146 --> 00:45:59,596
Mm-hmm.

1563
00:45:59,606 --> 00:45:59,626
Yeah.

1564
00:45:59,636 --> 00:46:02,156
But I was always chasing love.

1565
00:46:02,166 --> 00:46:02,186
Yeah.

1566
00:46:02,466 --> 00:46:03,656
I was always chasing the girl.

1567
00:46:03,656 --> 00:46:04,086
Yeah,

1568
00:46:04,086 --> 00:46:04,386
yeah.

1569
00:46:04,436 --> 00:46:08,926
Um, and I, you know, I think
my longest relationship at that

1570
00:46:08,926 --> 00:46:10,236
time was, like, three months.

1571
00:46:10,346 --> 00:46:10,526
Yeah.

1572
00:46:10,526 --> 00:46:12,406
Like, my relationships
didn't last very long.

1573
00:46:12,416 --> 00:46:12,436
Yeah.

1574
00:46:12,856 --> 00:46:14,536
I was a chubby kid.

1575
00:46:14,556 --> 00:46:14,666
Mm-hmm.

1576
00:46:15,016 --> 00:46:16,406
I was not the jock.

1577
00:46:16,436 --> 00:46:19,836
I was not the guy who was
fucking top of my class.

1578
00:46:19,856 --> 00:46:22,216
I, I really didn't have
anything going for me.

1579
00:46:22,216 --> 00:46:24,466
The only thing I had going
for me was that I was funny.

1580
00:46:24,596 --> 00:46:24,996
Mm-hmm.

1581
00:46:25,126 --> 00:46:30,256
Um, and people liked that, but I was
also a gentleman with the ladies.

1582
00:46:30,256 --> 00:46:30,536
Yeah.

1583
00:46:30,676 --> 00:46:32,066
I was very much a gentleman.

1584
00:46:32,066 --> 00:46:33,426
I thought you were- I was raised by women

1585
00:46:33,506 --> 00:46:34,616
…
I thought you were handsome.

1586
00:46:34,856 --> 00:46:35,496
Well, thank you.

1587
00:46:35,566 --> 00:46:35,936
Yeah.

1588
00:46:35,936 --> 00:46:36,856
Like, I've told you.

1589
00:46:36,856 --> 00:46:38,836
Um- I, I remember seeing
you and I was like-

1590
00:46:38,886 --> 00:46:43,336
I did… So I think all of us look
at back, at ourselves in high school-

1591
00:46:43,336 --> 00:46:46,166
Mm-hmm … and go, "Wow, I was not
as bad as I felt I was back then."

1592
00:46:46,226 --> 00:46:46,666
Yeah.

1593
00:46:47,046 --> 00:46:50,376
Um, I felt like I was the complete
outcast of the high school.

1594
00:46:50,376 --> 00:46:52,306
Like, I have no idea why I was there.

1595
00:46:52,306 --> 00:46:52,556
Same.

1596
00:46:52,916 --> 00:47:00,036
And so because of that, you know, we
grew up through the '90s where American

1597
00:47:00,036 --> 00:47:04,036
Pie was a thing, and you see all of
these- Mm-hmm … these kids, they get

1598
00:47:04,036 --> 00:47:07,446
out of high school and they go and,
a- and they have these parties, and

1599
00:47:07,786 --> 00:47:11,006
everybody's hanging out, and it's sexual
parties- Yeah … and all this stuff.

1600
00:47:11,026 --> 00:47:12,736
And I, I was a horny guy, man.

1601
00:47:12,736 --> 00:47:13,126
Yeah.

1602
00:47:13,536 --> 00:47:20,556
I was just as much trying to get poontang
as every other high schooler was.

1603
00:47:20,556 --> 00:47:21,286
What?

1604
00:47:21,286 --> 00:47:21,806
Yeah.

1605
00:47:21,826 --> 00:47:26,536
I was on the prowl, but the difference was
I was not as aggressive with it as some of

1606
00:47:26,546 --> 00:47:28,926
my other male counterparts at that time.

1607
00:47:29,406 --> 00:47:34,606
And I wasn't a deceptive person, so
I wasn't going to deceive somebody

1608
00:47:34,606 --> 00:47:36,126
into trying to give it up either.

1609
00:47:36,296 --> 00:47:36,396
Oh.

1610
00:47:36,746 --> 00:47:43,596
Um, so because it wasn't willingly being
thrown at me, I felt like a failure-

1611
00:47:43,606 --> 00:47:43,946
Mm-hmm

1612
00:47:43,956 --> 00:47:46,376
…
when it came to being sexual-

1613
00:47:46,446 --> 00:47:46,906
Mm-hmm

1614
00:47:47,106 --> 00:47:50,186
…
in high school and then again in college.

1615
00:47:50,196 --> 00:47:50,566
Yeah.

1616
00:47:50,626 --> 00:47:55,056
Um, you get this whole idea made
out for you that college years,

1617
00:47:55,056 --> 00:47:58,006
it's all sexual, and that's-
Yeah … when people experiment.

1618
00:47:58,016 --> 00:48:01,986
They have all this fun and stuff, and so
you have this build-up, this expectation.

1619
00:48:01,996 --> 00:48:02,286
Mm-hmm.

1620
00:48:02,306 --> 00:48:06,136
And then you go to college right after
high school and nothing's doing, chief.

1621
00:48:06,436 --> 00:48:11,006
I went to a couple parties where I
maybe could have, possibly, but nobody

1622
00:48:11,016 --> 00:48:14,106
really showed any interest in me,
and so I was just- … kind of there.

1623
00:48:14,606 --> 00:48:19,256
Um, but outside of that, the women in
college actually wanted to learn- Yeah

1624
00:48:19,636 --> 00:48:21,446
… and actually wanted to do homework.

1625
00:48:21,456 --> 00:48:21,476
Yeah.

1626
00:48:21,486 --> 00:48:24,976
So when somebody would contact
me for a, a homework study date,

1627
00:48:25,536 --> 00:48:27,516
they actually wanted to study.

1628
00:48:27,526 --> 00:48:27,716
Yeah.

1629
00:48:27,716 --> 00:48:29,266
And they weren't interested in me at all.

1630
00:48:29,546 --> 00:48:37,132
So- Throughout my 20s after college,
I was still the unsuccessful fat guy-

1631
00:48:37,202 --> 00:48:37,422
Mm-hmm

1632
00:48:37,452 --> 00:48:38,722
…
who was a tagalong.

1633
00:48:39,002 --> 00:48:42,072
I was the guy who had the great
voice that the ladies would

1634
00:48:42,102 --> 00:48:43,672
swoon whenever I would sing.

1635
00:48:43,862 --> 00:48:44,032
Yeah.

1636
00:48:44,032 --> 00:48:45,772
But that's as far as it went.

1637
00:48:46,072 --> 00:48:49,402
I was the guy who made people
laugh, but then everybody went

1638
00:48:49,402 --> 00:48:53,302
off and went to go literally go
fuck- Mm-hmm … like in the open.

1639
00:48:53,302 --> 00:48:53,342
Mm-hmm.

1640
00:48:53,352 --> 00:48:54,292
Like, they weren't swingers.

1641
00:48:54,292 --> 00:48:57,322
They were just fucking easy, and
they would go and they would all

1642
00:48:57,322 --> 00:49:00,812
fuck each other in this group, and
I was always the friend that was

1643
00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:02,862
left out just kinda there, you know?

1644
00:49:02,862 --> 00:49:08,442
And, and I, and looking back on
it- … I, I really should've been a

1645
00:49:08,452 --> 00:49:10,572
higher point on that list in that group.

1646
00:49:10,592 --> 00:49:12,462
But I'm just, I… That's
just me looking back on it.

1647
00:49:12,462 --> 00:49:13,092
There you go.

1648
00:49:13,212 --> 00:49:15,442
Anyways, uh, well g- that's
a confidence thing now.

1649
00:49:15,442 --> 00:49:18,022
Looking back, I had no confidence, and
maybe that was- Yeah … the, the thing.

1650
00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:18,272
Yeah.

1651
00:49:18,712 --> 00:49:23,072
Uh, but all of those experiences
of feeling unsuccessful-

1652
00:49:23,302 --> 00:49:25,762
through my high school years,
through my college years,

1653
00:49:25,762 --> 00:49:27,662
through my tw- my early 20s.

1654
00:49:27,662 --> 00:49:28,382
Mm-hmm.

1655
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:34,932
Always feeling unsuccessful sexually
When I got to experience the lifestyle,

1656
00:49:35,432 --> 00:49:37,162
I got to feel that all over again.

1657
00:49:37,282 --> 00:49:37,902
Yes.

1658
00:49:38,252 --> 00:49:39,292
I got to feel-

1659
00:49:39,302 --> 00:49:40,052
Yes, and poly

1660
00:49:40,052 --> 00:49:44,252
…
uh, I got to feel that, that same
high school feeling all over again.

1661
00:49:44,252 --> 00:49:44,272
Yeah.

1662
00:49:44,272 --> 00:49:47,252
And I'm chasing it, and I'm
not catching up to what I want.

1663
00:49:47,282 --> 00:49:47,482
Mm-hmm.

1664
00:49:47,692 --> 00:49:50,692
Um, I'm just being kind
of judged and ridiculed.

1665
00:49:50,802 --> 00:49:50,822
Yeah.

1666
00:49:51,032 --> 00:49:55,152
And either people, if they are
interested, they're not saying so.

1667
00:49:55,172 --> 00:49:56,352
They're not reaching out.

1668
00:49:56,362 --> 00:49:59,462
And if, uh, you know, the
ones that, uh, I'm interested

1669
00:49:59,462 --> 00:50:01,072
in definitely don't want me.

1670
00:50:01,462 --> 00:50:04,882
So, you know, it makes you feel worse
about yourself, and then one day you

1671
00:50:04,882 --> 00:50:07,552
realize you're thinking too much.

1672
00:50:08,162 --> 00:50:09,822
You just need to be yourself.

1673
00:50:10,252 --> 00:50:14,322
You need to have confidence, and you
need to go in with no expectations.

1674
00:50:14,322 --> 00:50:17,432
And the moment I realized all
of that and I started trying

1675
00:50:17,432 --> 00:50:19,592
to build myself up confidently-

1676
00:50:19,632 --> 00:50:20,582
Mm-hmm

1677
00:50:20,582 --> 00:50:24,322
that's when I started
getting wanted by women.

1678
00:50:24,552 --> 00:50:24,622
Mm.

1679
00:50:25,012 --> 00:50:29,212
That's when I started feeling women
get a little bit more aggressive

1680
00:50:29,252 --> 00:50:32,082
in their hunt for me, so to speak.

1681
00:50:32,092 --> 00:50:36,272
And of course, because of that,
I'm good, you know, with somebody

1682
00:50:36,272 --> 00:50:37,572
kissing me without consent.

1683
00:50:37,592 --> 00:50:42,112
You know, like, I'm good with certain
things because this is the experience

1684
00:50:42,112 --> 00:50:44,582
that I wanted then and never got.

1685
00:50:44,592 --> 00:50:44,882
Mm-hmm.

1686
00:50:45,022 --> 00:50:46,972
And now I'm here.

1687
00:50:47,052 --> 00:50:47,162
Mm-hmm.

1688
00:50:47,242 --> 00:50:48,542
I'm having my fun.

1689
00:50:48,552 --> 00:50:49,802
Mm. I'm having a great time.

1690
00:50:49,802 --> 00:50:52,822
I'm connecting with all of these
people, and that freedom of

1691
00:50:52,822 --> 00:50:56,542
sexuality and being able to move,
and being able to do it with you-

1692
00:50:56,552 --> 00:50:56,822
Mm-hmm

1693
00:50:57,192 --> 00:51:02,422
…
and being able to move along throughout
this entire journey is really fun.

1694
00:51:02,702 --> 00:51:02,972
Yeah.

1695
00:51:03,042 --> 00:51:10,442
Um, I remember watching MTV in
the '90s, um, '96, '97, whatever.

1696
00:51:10,442 --> 00:51:13,572
You know, Real World and all those
different reality shows were on.

1697
00:51:14,082 --> 00:51:19,032
And there was one where they were showing
these… they were older than me, but

1698
00:51:19,032 --> 00:51:26,712
probably, uh, early 20s, and these groups
of friends, they all go out to the club.

1699
00:51:27,302 --> 00:51:30,572
They all drink, and they're
all f- kissing each other.

1700
00:51:30,622 --> 00:51:30,772
Mm-hmm.

1701
00:51:30,782 --> 00:51:32,012
They're all making out with each other.

1702
00:51:32,022 --> 00:51:33,672
The guys are making out with the girls.

1703
00:51:33,672 --> 00:51:35,112
The girls are making out with the guys.

1704
00:51:35,122 --> 00:51:37,582
The girls are making out with
the other girls, and then there's

1705
00:51:37,612 --> 00:51:39,082
three-way kisses going on.

1706
00:51:39,382 --> 00:51:43,012
And I remember the first time I saw
the three-way kiss, where two girls

1707
00:51:43,012 --> 00:51:44,822
and a guy start making out in front.

1708
00:51:44,832 --> 00:51:45,142
Mm-hmm.

1709
00:51:45,282 --> 00:51:46,242
They're in a club.

1710
00:51:46,292 --> 00:51:46,632
Mm-hmm

1711
00:51:47,132 --> 00:51:51,582
I got so hard that my dick
could have broken glass.

1712
00:51:52,082 --> 00:51:55,982
I don't know what it was
about the make-out session.

1713
00:51:56,222 --> 00:52:00,722
It seemed very slutty- Mm-hmm … for one
thing, which, bam, caught my attention.

1714
00:52:00,732 --> 00:52:00,762
Mm-hmm.

1715
00:52:01,202 --> 00:52:05,332
But then on top of all that, it's
taking place in front of everybody.

1716
00:52:05,352 --> 00:52:06,432
They don't give a fuck.

1717
00:52:06,472 --> 00:52:08,042
It's actually being recorded.

1718
00:52:08,062 --> 00:52:09,882
It's on fucking MTV.

1719
00:52:09,892 --> 00:52:11,302
Like, how hot is that?

1720
00:52:11,312 --> 00:52:11,882
Mm-hmm.

1721
00:52:11,892 --> 00:52:16,302
And I just remember thinking, "God, I wish
I could have a group of slutty friends

1722
00:52:16,302 --> 00:52:17,682
like that, that I could be a part of."

1723
00:52:17,682 --> 00:52:18,252
Yeah, yeah.

1724
00:52:18,252 --> 00:52:21,532
And now we're in a community
of it- Yeah … which is great.

1725
00:52:21,912 --> 00:52:23,242
Uh, but that whole-

1726
00:52:23,402 --> 00:52:25,782
But that's what… I think
that's what you used to chase.

1727
00:52:25,852 --> 00:52:26,302
Yeah.

1728
00:52:26,302 --> 00:52:26,442
And

1729
00:52:26,442 --> 00:52:27,552
I'm not chasing it anymore … you don't

1730
00:52:27,772 --> 00:52:28,872
chase it anymore.

1731
00:52:28,882 --> 00:52:28,902
No.

1732
00:52:29,092 --> 00:52:31,372
But I mean, that… because,
you know, different person.

1733
00:52:31,382 --> 00:52:31,762
Yeah,

1734
00:52:31,852 --> 00:52:32,072
yeah.

1735
00:52:32,072 --> 00:52:35,452
But I think that's where
we started after poly.

1736
00:52:35,952 --> 00:52:36,422
Yeah.

1737
00:52:36,542 --> 00:52:39,632
And then now we're here, it's
a little… it's different.

1738
00:52:39,632 --> 00:52:47,362
But what we were saying is the person that
I talk to is a little slower, and- Because

1739
00:52:47,362 --> 00:52:49,452
that connection for him is different.

1740
00:52:49,582 --> 00:52:50,302
Right.

1741
00:52:50,342 --> 00:52:52,452
So it's like, who do you follow, right?

1742
00:52:52,782 --> 00:52:55,332
So, like, if you ever met a,
a woman and she's like, "Mm,

1743
00:52:55,362 --> 00:52:56,532
I go a little slower." Yeah.

1744
00:52:56,782 --> 00:52:59,052
Like, you would have no choice, you know?

1745
00:52:59,062 --> 00:52:59,372
Right.

1746
00:52:59,592 --> 00:53:02,282
But that would be a
communication between me and you.

1747
00:53:02,372 --> 00:53:02,662
Yeah.

1748
00:53:02,752 --> 00:53:03,332
You know?

1749
00:53:03,852 --> 00:53:04,022
Yeah.

1750
00:53:04,022 --> 00:53:04,042
You

1751
00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,782
know- Something you and
I have to talk about.

1752
00:53:06,512 --> 00:53:08,602
I like where we're at now.

1753
00:53:08,722 --> 00:53:13,732
I can't foresee myself getting
romantically involved with anybody.

1754
00:53:13,732 --> 00:53:17,392
As a matter of fact, I think you
and I have done a, like a swap,

1755
00:53:18,002 --> 00:53:19,952
because you're more open to it now.

1756
00:53:19,952 --> 00:53:20,152
Mm-hmm.

1757
00:53:20,152 --> 00:53:22,432
And I'm less open to it now.

1758
00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:26,392
I'm, uh… You know, just the
thought of having to entertain

1759
00:53:26,392 --> 00:53:28,732
a relationship is cringe to me.

1760
00:53:28,932 --> 00:53:29,222
Yeah.

1761
00:53:29,262 --> 00:53:31,312
But I'm also…

1762
00:53:31,332 --> 00:53:34,702
I've been in my most
stressed state of mind-

1763
00:53:34,782 --> 00:53:35,292
Yeah

1764
00:53:35,362 --> 00:53:39,492
…
um, since being laid off since last
Au- Yeah … uh, August, you know.

1765
00:53:39,992 --> 00:53:44,152
Why would I want to entertain a, a
relationship when I already have so

1766
00:53:44,152 --> 00:53:45,912
much in my head as is- Yeah … right?

1767
00:53:45,922 --> 00:53:45,942
Yeah.

1768
00:53:46,522 --> 00:53:49,912
Um, you just never know the
person that comes along.

1769
00:53:49,922 --> 00:53:49,952
Mm-hmm.

1770
00:53:49,952 --> 00:53:53,642
I know, uh, M- Myrina and Nick-

1771
00:53:53,812 --> 00:53:54,132
Mm-hmm

1772
00:53:54,142 --> 00:53:59,322
with The Accidental Swingers, um,
they… as they said on, on our

1773
00:53:59,322 --> 00:54:02,032
show, they just started as swingers.

1774
00:54:02,032 --> 00:54:03,602
They didn't look to be poly.

1775
00:54:03,602 --> 00:54:04,772
They didn't wanna be poly.

1776
00:54:04,772 --> 00:54:05,302
Mm-hmm.

1777
00:54:05,302 --> 00:54:08,392
They are in a poly relationship
with another couple.

1778
00:54:08,392 --> 00:54:08,852
Yeah.

1779
00:54:09,092 --> 00:54:11,722
And I just saw that on
their show, you know.

1780
00:54:11,732 --> 00:54:11,752
Yeah.

1781
00:54:11,762 --> 00:54:13,692
That, you know, it's, it's, it's…

1782
00:54:14,322 --> 00:54:15,692
They said they didn't seek it out.

1783
00:54:15,692 --> 00:54:16,542
It just kinda happened.

1784
00:54:16,592 --> 00:54:16,832
Yeah.

1785
00:54:17,062 --> 00:54:22,352
And I think that is cool,
because it just happened.

1786
00:54:22,362 --> 00:54:23,472
It was organic.

1787
00:54:23,482 --> 00:54:23,612
Yeah.

1788
00:54:23,612 --> 00:54:25,602
You know, they didn't try to stop it.

1789
00:54:25,602 --> 00:54:27,802
They just went with it, and it took place.

1790
00:54:27,812 --> 00:54:28,362
And who knows?

1791
00:54:28,382 --> 00:54:30,172
Maybe that will happen.

1792
00:54:30,172 --> 00:54:34,202
You never know who we'll meet in
the future, or who we've already

1793
00:54:34,202 --> 00:54:37,442
met and the timing ends up being
right, or whatever the situation is.

1794
00:54:38,022 --> 00:54:45,012
Uh, but I like the fact that even if
it never happens, you, uh, have opened

1795
00:54:45,012 --> 00:54:46,842
up your mind to different experiences.

1796
00:54:46,982 --> 00:54:47,262
Mm-hmm.

1797
00:54:47,302 --> 00:54:49,422
And you're ready to just go for the ride.

1798
00:54:49,462 --> 00:54:49,952
Yeah.

1799
00:54:50,142 --> 00:54:51,392
'
Cause we're not getting any younger.

1800
00:54:51,432 --> 00:54:51,872
Yeah.

1801
00:54:52,092 --> 00:54:52,472
No.

1802
00:54:52,822 --> 00:54:53,222
All I-

1803
00:54:53,372 --> 00:54:53,722
Have a little fun.

1804
00:54:54,052 --> 00:54:54,802
Have fun.

1805
00:54:54,812 --> 00:55:00,162
All I know is I wanna make sure my
relationship is always protected.

1806
00:55:00,162 --> 00:55:00,452
Yes.

1807
00:55:00,782 --> 00:55:01,972
And I'm a- … always protecting it.

1808
00:55:02,062 --> 00:55:03,742
I am a needy bitch.

1809
00:55:03,802 --> 00:55:04,312
Oh, man.

1810
00:55:04,322 --> 00:55:05,392
I am needy.

1811
00:55:05,402 --> 00:55:05,422
Yeah.

1812
00:55:05,432 --> 00:55:06,102
I'm s- So

1813
00:55:06,102 --> 00:55:06,262
much

1814
00:55:06,262 --> 00:55:07,452
…
spoiled rotten.

1815
00:55:07,982 --> 00:55:11,592
Uh, I'm not that type of guy who will
go- No … "Hey, I'm gonna go have

1816
00:55:11,592 --> 00:55:12,972
drinks with the guys after work." No.

1817
00:55:13,002 --> 00:55:17,112
"I'll see you at, like, 8:00 or
9:00." No, we… I- if I'm gonna go-

1818
00:55:17,112 --> 00:55:18,722
out after work, she's coming with me.

1819
00:55:18,852 --> 00:55:19,092
Yeah.

1820
00:55:19,372 --> 00:55:19,452
You know?

1821
00:55:19,622 --> 00:55:19,642
Yeah.

1822
00:55:19,922 --> 00:55:21,082
I'm very hormonal.

1823
00:55:21,172 --> 00:55:21,432
Oh.

1824
00:55:21,882 --> 00:55:22,592
Well, you know.

1825
00:55:22,612 --> 00:55:26,812
I mean, I'm in menopause,
so it is what it is.

1826
00:55:26,822 --> 00:55:27,572
It is what it is.

1827
00:55:27,572 --> 00:55:27,712
We

1828
00:55:27,712 --> 00:55:28,212
navigate.

1829
00:55:28,212 --> 00:55:29,752
We, we're navigating right now.

1830
00:55:29,752 --> 00:55:34,932
A little rough, a little bump
sometimes, but I think we're good.

1831
00:55:35,252 --> 00:55:35,822
Oh, I love

1832
00:55:35,962 --> 00:55:36,562
where our relationship is at.

1833
00:55:36,562 --> 00:55:40,045
I think our relationship
is pretty Pretty good.

1834
00:55:40,145 --> 00:55:40,365
Yeah

1835
00:55:40,365 --> 00:55:40,595
It is

1836
00:55:40,595 --> 00:55:42,565
solid Yeah It's probably the
most solid it's ever been.

1837
00:55:42,625 --> 00:55:43,395
Yeah, for sure.

1838
00:55:43,405 --> 00:55:43,955
Um, and

1839
00:55:43,955 --> 00:55:44,035
I think that's cool.

1840
00:55:44,035 --> 00:55:46,115
I mean, I'm still working through stuff.

1841
00:55:46,295 --> 00:55:46,845
Oh, yeah.

1842
00:55:47,195 --> 00:55:47,755
You know?

1843
00:55:47,765 --> 00:55:47,785
Yeah.

1844
00:55:47,795 --> 00:55:49,935
And you're still having to-

1845
00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:51,485
Navigate that

1846
00:55:51,585 --> 00:55:54,885
…
navigate, and we talk about it,
and we help each other, and-

1847
00:55:55,215 --> 00:55:55,605
Of course

1848
00:55:55,615 --> 00:55:59,815
sometimes we agree to disagree,
and- … it is what it is.

1849
00:55:59,865 --> 00:56:00,425
Yeah.

1850
00:56:00,425 --> 00:56:01,285
It is what it is.

1851
00:56:01,515 --> 00:56:01,535
Yeah.

1852
00:56:01,645 --> 00:56:02,645
That is true.

1853
00:56:03,115 --> 00:56:05,555
Yeah, so, uh, that was a pretty good show.

1854
00:56:05,555 --> 00:56:06,615
I like where that went.

1855
00:56:06,635 --> 00:56:09,275
I, I think that this is something
personally that we could probably

1856
00:56:09,275 --> 00:56:10,465
talk about for another hour.

1857
00:56:10,465 --> 00:56:11,015
We can.

1858
00:56:11,045 --> 00:56:12,115
I'm not gonna do that, though.

1859
00:56:12,135 --> 00:56:12,585
I hungry.

1860
00:56:12,595 --> 00:56:14,565
Uh, yeah, we need to, we need to eat.

1861
00:56:14,575 --> 00:56:15,545
We need to get ready.

1862
00:56:15,555 --> 00:56:15,575
Yeah.

1863
00:56:15,795 --> 00:56:18,995
Uh, because if you're
listening to this, it's Sunday.

1864
00:56:19,025 --> 00:56:23,255
Yesterday was my birthday, and chances
are you're probably gonna wanna

1865
00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:26,215
scope out our socials and listen
to our quickie on Wednesday, 'cause

1866
00:56:26,225 --> 00:56:28,215
we're gonna be talking all about it.

1867
00:56:28,625 --> 00:56:28,655
Mm-hmm.

1868
00:56:28,665 --> 00:56:32,685
Um, but before we let you go, just
wanted to let you know we've got our

1869
00:56:32,685 --> 00:56:37,815
live streaming show running every
Thursday night, 7:00 to 8:00 PM

1870
00:56:37,825 --> 00:56:40,345
Central Time, right on our website.

1871
00:56:40,345 --> 00:56:41,865
Remember, it's 100% free.

1872
00:56:42,095 --> 00:56:46,265
So you just pull up a chair, chat with
us, and other listeners in real time.

1873
00:56:46,275 --> 00:56:46,435
Mm-hmm.

1874
00:56:46,435 --> 00:56:47,275
It's a lot of fun.

1875
00:56:47,285 --> 00:56:48,995
Hey, technology, you know?

1876
00:56:49,485 --> 00:56:50,415
You get to see me.

1877
00:56:50,475 --> 00:56:50,995
That's right.

1878
00:56:51,175 --> 00:56:51,985
And my honey.

1879
00:56:52,015 --> 00:56:52,605
That's right.

1880
00:56:52,655 --> 00:56:53,405
And it's fun.

1881
00:56:53,415 --> 00:56:53,995
It is fun.

1882
00:56:54,065 --> 00:56:58,125
And speaking of the website,
beyond-monogamy.com, is

1883
00:56:58,125 --> 00:56:59,725
where you'll find everything.

1884
00:56:59,775 --> 00:57:02,625
Full episodes, the blog,
our merch that I make.

1885
00:57:02,865 --> 00:57:03,335
Oh, yeah.

1886
00:57:03,395 --> 00:57:05,965
And our 100% anonymous confessional.

1887
00:57:06,005 --> 00:57:07,045
I think that's your favorite.

1888
00:57:07,175 --> 00:57:07,915
That is my favorite.

1889
00:57:07,915 --> 00:57:08,565
I love that thing.

1890
00:57:08,565 --> 00:57:08,785
Yeah.

1891
00:57:08,785 --> 00:57:09,945
Well, you put a lot of
work into that website.

1892
00:57:09,945 --> 00:57:12,505
I did, and I like the fact
that people actually use it.

1893
00:57:12,555 --> 00:57:16,955
Yeah, so if you got something on your
mind about the lifestyle, ENM, kink,

1894
00:57:17,005 --> 00:57:19,875
the show, whatever it is, hit him up.

1895
00:57:20,025 --> 00:57:20,455
Yeah.

1896
00:57:20,465 --> 00:57:21,265
He likes it.

1897
00:57:21,275 --> 00:57:22,505
It makes him very happy.

1898
00:57:22,565 --> 00:57:23,015
It makes

1899
00:57:23,185 --> 00:57:23,665
me feel useful.

1900
00:57:23,665 --> 00:57:26,155
And it is completely anonymous,
so don't even worry about it.

1901
00:57:26,155 --> 00:57:28,295
But we will read it on
the air if you approve.

1902
00:57:28,415 --> 00:57:29,135
That's right.

1903
00:57:29,515 --> 00:57:35,215
And don't forget, you can always catch
us over on fullswapradio.com every

1904
00:57:35,215 --> 00:57:37,745
Thursdays at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1905
00:57:37,755 --> 00:57:40,495
Of course, why would you wanna go
there at 7:00 PM Central when you can

1906
00:57:40,495 --> 00:57:42,555
just go to our live at our website?

1907
00:57:42,595 --> 00:57:43,145
That's right.

1908
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:48,005
And mark your calendar, 'cause we will be
at Crazy Winter Nights in Kansas City on

1909
00:57:48,045 --> 00:57:51,685
February 19th through the 21st of 2027.

1910
00:57:51,985 --> 00:57:58,685
You can use code BEYOMONO, that's
B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, for your discount.

1911
00:57:58,805 --> 00:57:59,505
That's right.

1912
00:57:59,535 --> 00:58:00,695
I like how you broke that down.

1913
00:58:00,695 --> 00:58:00,995
That was good.

1914
00:58:00,995 --> 00:58:01,075
Thanks.

1915
00:58:01,935 --> 00:58:02,475
Uh, yeah.

1916
00:58:02,475 --> 00:58:06,645
And the, uh, website for that
is gonna be in our show notes.

1917
00:58:06,735 --> 00:58:07,125
All right.

1918
00:58:07,165 --> 00:58:11,865
Uh, also shout out to Proteax Health
for keeping us going, always keeping

1919
00:58:11,865 --> 00:58:13,515
us healthy and keeping us in the know.

1920
00:58:13,905 --> 00:58:18,915
Uh, always go to proteaxhealth.com
and use code BEYOMONO, like

1921
00:58:18,915 --> 00:58:19,965
you heard the lady earlier.

1922
00:58:19,965 --> 00:58:24,085
That gets you 15% off if
you wanna go check 'em out.

1923
00:58:24,345 --> 00:58:25,485
So check 'em out.

1924
00:58:25,925 --> 00:58:31,065
Uh, and with that, we thank you guys for
joining us as always for another episode,

1925
00:58:31,315 --> 00:58:33,395
and we will see you guys next week.

1926
00:58:33,445 --> 00:58:34,325
Bye.