Predators in the Swinger Lifestyle: Red Flags Every Couple Must Know

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated PG.

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches.

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And goodness gracious, is that
the way that my arms look?

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I'm so white.

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You are very white.

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I gotta get some, I gotta get some light.

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You are very white.

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See, that's the problem with doing a
video podcast as well as an audio podcast.

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Nobody knows what I look like in an
audio podcast, but on a video podcast

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they can see my translucent arms.

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Isn't that something?

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Jesus.

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I, honestly- That's why I
wear sweaters … I know.

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Look it.

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That's why I wear sweaters.

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Look at that.

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I'm… It's like, uh, Michael
Jackson before and after.

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Wow.

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That's incredible.

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Anyways, uh-

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Wait.

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Am I on Michael Jackson?

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You're the pre, you're the pre.

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I'm the

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pre?

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Okay.

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And I'm the post.

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Thanks.

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Yeah.

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Hey.

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Thanks for that.

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I had nothing else to compare it to.

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Anyways, uh, thank you guys for
joining us for another episode.

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We're talking today about
something that may be a little

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triggering for some people.

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It's a little bit of a
serious conversation.

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Um-

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but it's something that we've been
needing to talk about for a while

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because we've had a lot come up.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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This

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one- Uh, not with us personally,
but we've seen it a lot.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So today we're talking about predators.

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Yes.

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Sexual predators.

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And- Sexual predators?

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That's right.

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Sexual

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predators.

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What other kind of predators are there?

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Um, there's the nocturnal predators.

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They only come out at night and- Gotcha

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uh, normally eat small animals.

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They're not normally humans.

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Okay.

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Um, yeah, the whole
predator and prey thing.

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Sexual predators- Yeah … is
what we're talking about today.

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Sexual predators in the lifestyle.

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And the only reason why we've really,
really felt like we needed to talk

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about this is because we've ha- we have
seen a lot of stuff come up lately.

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Yes.

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And it's- Yeah … one of those things
where it's like, God, we really… I-

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it's, it's such a bummer to talk about.

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It is definitely one of the
dark corners of the lifestyle.

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Mm-hmm.

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But it's also one of the things
that people for some reason don't

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like to talk about out loud.

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And, um, you know, it's a conversation
that's not normally had because

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it's not in the highlight reel.

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Yeah.

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It's not the fun stuff.

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It's not the party, party, party and
we're on the, we're on a cruise and

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we're on this event and we're doing this.

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No, no, no.

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This is… And it takes place, guys.

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And, and let's start off real
quick by defining the predators in

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the lifestyle because you have…
There's a difference, right?

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Between those awkward newbies and
then someone showing you, like-

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their genuine predator patterns

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Well, so-

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Because it's like, because newbies
can come off as predators only,

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only because they're new and they
don't know how to interact yet.

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And, and so it looks kind
of predatorial, but…

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Well, here, look, this, this
should open things up for you- Okay

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a little bit.

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A predator is someone who
repeatedly seeks out sexual or

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romantic contact by circumventing
consent, uh, through pressure-

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Yeah

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…
through deception, or targeting people
less able to protect themselves, rather

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than through mutual informed agreement.

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Now, a, there is a, a, a, a very big
asterisk that should be parked on that.

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Uh, because when it comes to
this community, the community

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distinction that usually matters
is that everyone makes mistakes.

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Okay?

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Everyone makes mistakes
or they misread a moment.

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It, it, it happens.

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I mean, I've done it.

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It's happened with us.

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We've both done it.

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I have done

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it.

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Um, the, but it's what makes
a predator is the pattern.

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Yes.

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It's the fact that, "Oh, I just got called
out- Yeah … and I realize this, but you

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know what?- Yes … I'ma keep on doing
it- Yeah … because I don't give a fuck."

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I, I have, I have accidentally, and
I'm gonna say accidentally, I've

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accidentally become the, uh, did that
thing where I was like, "Oh, let-

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let's just go," without even- Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah … like getting
full… Nothing happened.

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Oh, we talked about it in a show.

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Yeah, we did a show.

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Yeah.

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Nothing happened.

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I'm just saying that that was a pattern.

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Like, that was something
that could'a, that could've

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gone a totally different way.

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Now, I have been the person who has been

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Preyed upon?

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Preyed upon.

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Um

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By a sexual predator

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By a female and a male, like a couple.

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And it was, it, it's such a sad, um,
it's such a sa- I, I'm, I'm fully

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aware, and it's such a sad situation
because when it's your friend, they're

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your friends or people that you hang
out with, and then something turns

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a corner, it's like, holy shit.

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Now, we should really talk
about, like, red flags.

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Like, how do you know one is a predator?

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Well, I got a list.

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Okay.

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I've put together, uh- Oh … uh, some
notes here, and they're quite a bit.

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Okay.

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And we're gonna go down this list here.

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So the first, the first portion
of it is consent violations.

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That's really, uh, one of the number
one things is consent violations.

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Like you- Pushing past a no-

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Yeah,

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yeah … or a not yet.

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Yeah.

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Repeated asking, hoping
to wear someone down.

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Yes.

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Uh, you personally have seen
that, uh- Many times … have

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dealt with that towards yourself.

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Many

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times.

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Escalating touch or intensity
without checking in.

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Mm-hmm.

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Using alcohol or environment
to lower someone's guard rather

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than respecting stated limits.

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Say that louder.

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And ignoring a partner's
boundaries by going around them.

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Mm-hmm.

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Pressuring one half of a couple
when the other has said no.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, so those are, those
are all consent violations.

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And you know what's funny, is we've
seen every single one of those.

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Like, stop real quick, people, and,
and listen to everything he just said.

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I am sure you've either had that happen
or you've done it and haven't been

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self-aware or haven't been called out.

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Well, see, and that's the thing.

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That, that does not
make a sexual predator.

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A sexual predator knows
what they're doing.

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True.

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And they're doing it.

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True.

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You know?

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Uh, a, a person who doesn't know any
better is just a person that doesn't

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know any better, and a person who
doesn't know any better is never

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gonna know until you call them out.

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And honestly, even calling them
out, they're gonna talk, they're

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gonna not express, like, they're
not gonna understand, um, or they're

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not gonna take accountability.

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That's the sad part … most times

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That's the shitty

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part I mean, uh, that's what makes a
sexual predator too- Yeah … is like-

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Yeah

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…
you can call them out, they're not
gonna take accountability, and they

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may continue doing the, the behavior.

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Yeah.

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That is a sexual predator.

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Yeah.

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Um, and unfortunately, it's not just in
the lifestyle, it is in vanilla world.

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It's in everywhere.

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But we're talking about it
right now because- Yeah.

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We've had it come-

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It doesn't get shut down as much in
the lifestyle- It doesn't … because

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nobody wants to be the, uh, the asshole.

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Nobody wants to be the bitch.

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Nobody wants to be the one who stops a
good time in the middle of a good time.

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Um, and I know that both of us have
been in situations before where

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we wanted to say no, but we didn't
because we didn't wanna stop the fun.

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Yes.

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We didn't wanna screw things up.

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Yeah.

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Um- Yeah … and then also-

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And if you replay those situations

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it, it, you start realizing.

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It's like, "Oh- You

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start realizing … that's
fucked up" … holy shit, that

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person totally isolated me.

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Yeah.

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You start

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looking at everything.

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And now I'm

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here.

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Yeah.

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Yeah,

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you start looking at everything.

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I'm, I'm, I'm… When I'm doing, if
it's somebo- if it's me by myself,

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I'm very quick to like say no.

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Is,

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well, yeah.

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It's very hard When it's me and you

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Really?

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When someone is, has isolated you and
I, it's very hard for me to say no

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because you may want to and I may not.

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Yes.

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And that person, that
couple has isolated us.

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Yes, but-

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And you have gone along
with it, and I have not

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…
I have, but you know, if y-
if you just speak up and say,

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"Yeah, I don't think so"-

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Yeah

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um, I always respect what you say-
Yeah … and it's not gonna, you know,

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I, I go with what you're feeling because
your intuition is genuinely good.

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I think, I think I'm gonna say
when it's something like that

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happens, I always go back to our
very first beginning of lifestyle-

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Uh-huh

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…
where you felt if we didn't partake,
we lo- we missed opportunities.

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Oh yeah,

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because I hadn't had my experiences.

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And then you and I would kind…
Yeah, you and I- Yeah … would kind

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of get into little riffs- We did,
yeah … of little arguments about that.

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Early

256
00:08:50,591 --> 00:08:50,721
on.

257
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:55,821
And so I think about that when I ha-
and this is, things like that have not

258
00:08:55,821 --> 00:09:03,161
happened, like, we've not been isolated
by a, a person or a couple in a while.

259
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,731
It's been at least a year.

260
00:09:04,801 --> 00:09:06,661
Um, it's been less than a year.

261
00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:08,091
It actually happened this year.

262
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:09,081
This year?

263
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:09,551
Yeah.

264
00:09:09,551 --> 00:09:09,621
Really?

265
00:09:09,621 --> 00:09:14,681
Yeah, yeah, where we got isolated,
and I was like, " Uh, uh, okay.

266
00:09:15,131 --> 00:09:15,581
Yeah.

267
00:09:15,911 --> 00:09:16,271
Yeah.

268
00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:17,141
Yeah.

269
00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:19,091
I'll talk, we'll talk about
it anoth- yeah, yeah." Hmm.

270
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,571
And so like things like that just
don't, um… It's hard, right?

271
00:09:22,571 --> 00:09:25,231
Because like you said, one
couple may want, one person may

272
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,231
want, and the other person- Yeah

273
00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:26,661
may not.

274
00:09:26,711 --> 00:09:27,041
Right.

275
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:32,191
Um, and you do, you do have to s- my
own advice, you do have to speak up.

276
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:32,671
Like…

277
00:09:33,491 --> 00:09:39,771
Well, I think that you finally realized
that, uh, after your, your past couple of-

278
00:09:39,811 --> 00:09:40,201
Yeah

279
00:09:40,211 --> 00:09:41,551
…
scenarios that have come up.

280
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:41,781
Yeah.

281
00:09:42,231 --> 00:09:49,411
Um, what happens with you is in the moment
usually you don't realize it, especially

282
00:09:49,411 --> 00:09:51,311
if it's somebody who's close to you- Yeah

283
00:09:51,321 --> 00:09:52,661
or their friend or whatever.

284
00:09:52,671 --> 00:09:52,951
Mm-hmm.

285
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,971
Uh, you don't really realize-
No … that that's what's happening-

286
00:09:55,981 --> 00:09:57,301
Mm-hmm … until afterwards.

287
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:57,591
Until

288
00:09:57,591 --> 00:09:57,931
afterwards.

289
00:09:57,971 --> 00:10:01,581
And you, and you personally, you think
about it- Yeah … and you process it.

290
00:10:01,911 --> 00:10:05,511
And then you kind of put yourself in a,
in, in a position where you're looking

291
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:07,081
at it from a third party perspective-

292
00:10:07,081 --> 00:10:07,331
Yes

293
00:10:07,591 --> 00:10:09,811
and you're going, "That was not right."

294
00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:10,151
Yeah.

295
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:16,731
And I have never seen you… When it
happened to you, uh, I had never seen

296
00:10:16,731 --> 00:10:20,251
you You processed it for like four days

297
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,181
It was-

298
00:10:21,361 --> 00:10:22,681
Four or five days

299
00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:23,421
…
two, two days.

300
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:25,241
'Cause I, we, it came back- You got

301
00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:28,011
angrier and angrier-
Yeah … every single time.

302
00:10:28,031 --> 00:10:28,191
Yeah.

303
00:10:28,191 --> 00:10:29,331
Like every day that passed- Yeah

304
00:10:29,331 --> 00:10:30,001
you got angrier.

305
00:10:30,031 --> 00:10:32,961
I get angry at myself, and
I get angry at the person.

306
00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:33,421
Yeah.

307
00:10:33,441 --> 00:10:39,521
Because let me tell you what's always,
guys, what's always, always, always

308
00:10:39,521 --> 00:10:44,831
involved in situations like this in
the lifestyle, uh, that we have seen.

309
00:10:45,051 --> 00:10:45,531
Alcohol.

310
00:10:45,531 --> 00:10:45,971
Alcohol.

311
00:10:46,381 --> 00:10:46,991
Number one.

312
00:10:47,161 --> 00:10:48,801
Because- I, we didn't
even talk about that.

313
00:10:49,021 --> 00:10:50,058
I just know- Alcohol

314
00:10:50,058 --> 00:10:50,791
and you just know, it's

315
00:10:51,131 --> 00:10:51,631
alcohol.

316
00:10:51,631 --> 00:10:55,631
Alcohol is- Number, number
one … guys, you, some people just

317
00:10:55,641 --> 00:10:58,861
don't know the intake, when to stop.

318
00:10:58,871 --> 00:10:59,581
They don't know their window.

319
00:10:59,841 --> 00:11:00,681
How to s- like-

320
00:11:00,711 --> 00:11:01,031
Yeah

321
00:11:01,231 --> 00:11:08,211
…
and you think that it's okay to be
belligerent and be like, "Oh," you know?

322
00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:10,571
You know, I unders- I
understand it to an extent.

323
00:11:10,621 --> 00:11:10,941
Yeah.

324
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:15,941
I get that we all need sometimes
to lower our inhibitions- Yeah

325
00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:20,231
to feel comfortable in a setting where
maybe you're not comfortable with your

326
00:11:20,231 --> 00:11:23,611
body, or maybe you don't have a whole lot
of self-esteem, and normally if you were

327
00:11:23,611 --> 00:11:27,781
sober, you wouldn't even be there- Yeah
… much less be talking to somebody else.

328
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,561
So you have to lower those inhibitions.

329
00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:30,451
I get it.

330
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:33,201
Now, I have a weird real
question, and I don't know when

331
00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:34,311
we're gonna throw this in here.

332
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:34,681
Hmm.

333
00:11:35,181 --> 00:11:36,371
Predatorial

334
00:11:36,871 --> 00:11:38,781
things that people do, right?

335
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:39,231
Mm-hmm.

336
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:42,011
It's very noticed amongst men.

337
00:11:42,121 --> 00:11:45,871
For me, I can see a man
being a predator a mile away.

338
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:50,441
But How do you… W- when a woman
is doing it, it's kinda hard

339
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:51,791
because- … this is my thing.

340
00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:52,011
Like-

341
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:52,781
Double standard

342
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:58,211
…
we go into a club, the woman is there
looking around to see, like, ooh,

343
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:03,371
which guy is going to fulfill my hot
wife fantasy or, or who's gonna be

344
00:12:03,371 --> 00:12:05,571
able to do the slutty stuff with me.

345
00:12:05,671 --> 00:12:06,461
Mm-hmm.

346
00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:11,431
And we're looking, and we're
trying to figure out which guy.

347
00:12:12,091 --> 00:12:17,091
I mean, although we don't, like,
always go up to the person, but we

348
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:20,891
are being like It's a double standard,
and here's the thing about it is, we

349
00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:25,981
expect as a whole, stereotypically,
as a society, we expect men-

350
00:12:25,991 --> 00:12:26,341
Men

351
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:34,131
to be the predatory person, the
aggressor, the person who is too much.

352
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:34,461
Yes.

353
00:12:34,491 --> 00:12:40,231
A- and, and that's why single guys in
the lifestyle have such a bad reputation

354
00:12:40,231 --> 00:12:44,811
without actually having done anything
to- Yeah … get that reputation.

355
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:49,431
It's just something that we as a society,
vanilla or lifestyle, automatically- Yes

356
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:50,251
assume.

357
00:12:50,341 --> 00:12:50,541
Yeah.

358
00:12:50,581 --> 00:12:55,251
And then what's on the other side is
people assume that women are safe.

359
00:12:55,471 --> 00:12:57,241
And we are not.

360
00:12:57,351 --> 00:12:58,551
I've been violated by women.

361
00:12:58,661 --> 00:12:58,761
Yeah.

362
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,361
Now, here's the thing about
it is- Now, you… 'Cause see,

363
00:13:00,361 --> 00:13:01,151
but you- … I'm okay with it.

364
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:01,821
You're okay with that.

365
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:02,001
Yes.

366
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,991
And see, this is where
things get muddled- But-

367
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:04,871
in the lifestyle.

368
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:08,101
And this is, this is the
problem that, that the lifestyle

369
00:13:08,111 --> 00:13:10,781
has that is a gray area.

370
00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:15,181
Because there are people
like me who I'm good with it.

371
00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:21,031
Like, I am here for sexual experiences,
and depending on the person, like,

372
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,801
if they're gonna be grabbing at me
and doing stuff without consent,

373
00:13:23,841 --> 00:13:26,561
if I'm into it, absolutely.

374
00:13:26,941 --> 00:13:28,461
Um, I'm, I'm down for it.

375
00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:30,871
And there are several people in
the lifestyle that are like me,

376
00:13:31,591 --> 00:13:35,391
but there are several people in the
lifestyle that are nothing like me.

377
00:13:35,401 --> 00:13:35,421
Yeah.

378
00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:36,241
They're like you.

379
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:36,461
Yeah.

380
00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:40,231
And it's like, motherfucker, don't
even touch me without asking me first.

381
00:13:40,231 --> 00:13:40,251
Yeah.

382
00:13:40,261 --> 00:13:43,611
Don't even try and, a- and, and
that's literally the way it should be.

383
00:13:43,611 --> 00:13:44,051
It's out of respect.

384
00:13:44,081 --> 00:13:49,071
Now, now- I know some of the
women that have done that to you

385
00:13:49,191 --> 00:13:49,771
I do too

386
00:13:50,211 --> 00:13:52,701
Those… But they do it to everybody

387
00:13:52,851 --> 00:13:53,891
They do it to everybody.

388
00:13:53,911 --> 00:13:56,491
Now- Which is predatory

389
00:13:56,781 --> 00:13:58,971
…
like, it's, I find that it's
predatory, and no one says anything

390
00:13:58,981 --> 00:14:00,641
about it, because everyone likes it.

391
00:14:01,271 --> 00:14:03,731
That's- Or like, or the people
that they like it, right?

392
00:14:03,731 --> 00:14:03,811
Like-

393
00:14:03,811 --> 00:14:05,911
Well, so the people that
don't like it don't speak up.

394
00:14:06,251 --> 00:14:06,281
Yes.

395
00:14:06,321 --> 00:14:08,971
The people that like it, like
myself, we're not gonna speak up.

396
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:09,221
No.

397
00:14:09,311 --> 00:14:10,041
I'm good with it.

398
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:10,261
No.

399
00:14:10,451 --> 00:14:14,611
But if it happens to you- Yeah … or
if it happens to somebody in the

400
00:14:14,611 --> 00:14:17,091
lifestyle- Yeah … that doesn't like it-

401
00:14:17,251 --> 00:14:17,451
Yeah

402
00:14:17,451 --> 00:14:21,251
…
and they don't speak up, and
they don't call it out, then this

403
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,531
person's gonna think it's okay,
and they're gonna continue on.

404
00:14:23,541 --> 00:14:27,961
Like, when I kiss a guy, I always ask
him, "Hey, is it cool if I kiss you?"

405
00:14:28,091 --> 00:14:28,801
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

406
00:14:29,071 --> 00:14:29,201
Well,

407
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:29,691
that's the way it should be.

408
00:14:29,691 --> 00:14:31,891
I have never, ever heard anyone ask you

409
00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:32,951
Um.

410
00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:34,271
Oh, that's interesting.

411
00:14:34,271 --> 00:14:34,631
Yeah.

412
00:14:34,651 --> 00:14:36,181
You know, I sit here
and I think about it, I-

413
00:14:36,431 --> 00:14:38,201
Now, I don't care- I don't think
I've been asked … if you've already

414
00:14:38,201 --> 00:14:42,351
discussed it on your texting and whatever,
because I have- Uh-huh … as well.

415
00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:42,751
Uh-huh.

416
00:14:42,801 --> 00:14:44,741
But still, I'm gonna ask them.

417
00:14:45,421 --> 00:14:47,961
Well, I always ask too, even if
we've talked about it in- Yeah

418
00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:48,781
in, um, conversation.

419
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:49,071
Yeah.

420
00:14:49,161 --> 00:14:52,031
But the women that kiss
you don't ever ask.

421
00:14:52,531 --> 00:14:52,801
Hmm.

422
00:14:53,151 --> 00:14:54,041
They never ask.

423
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,021
That's true.

424
00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:55,481
Yeah.

425
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:59,781
And, you know, the one thing that's,
that's thrown about a little bit

426
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:04,931
but not as often, is that you
can gain consent the first time-

427
00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:05,511
Yes

428
00:15:05,851 --> 00:15:07,549
…
but that's not a blanket consent- It's

429
00:15:07,549 --> 00:15:07,658
not

430
00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:08,511
a blanket … most of the time.

431
00:15:08,511 --> 00:15:08,681
Now,

432
00:15:08,681 --> 00:15:09,821
I have told people-

433
00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:10,261
"
You've got a

434
00:15:10,261 --> 00:15:11,411
blanket consent" … with a

435
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:11,531
blanket consent.

436
00:15:11,531 --> 00:15:14,641
You see me and you see me in the, in
the club- Well, like our friends … or

437
00:15:14,641 --> 00:15:15,841
in the house, help yourself.

438
00:15:15,861 --> 00:15:16,651
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

439
00:15:16,651 --> 00:15:18,791
Like- Like, we, but
we're vocal about that.

440
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:19,081
Yeah.

441
00:15:19,691 --> 00:15:21,401
But if we haven't told a person that- Yeah

442
00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:25,041
and they think that over and over
again, I mean, that's a violation.

443
00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:28,991
And that's what people really bring
up often is, "Well, it's, it wasn't

444
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:31,621
a blanket consent. Like, I'm, I'm
not feeling it today." Like, you

445
00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:33,001
should really ask every single time.

446
00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:33,221
Yeah.

447
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:36,391
Uh, because you just don't
know what the situation is

448
00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:37,171
on that day.

449
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:37,191
You don't.

450
00:15:37,191 --> 00:15:39,661
You don't know… Yeah, you
don't know what kind of mood.

451
00:15:39,661 --> 00:15:43,391
I mean, you could catch me on a mood
where I'm like, " Watch yourself."

452
00:15:44,351 --> 00:15:44,401
Yeah.

453
00:15:44,481 --> 00:15:46,471
"Watch yourself." Yeah.

454
00:15:46,471 --> 00:15:50,341
Well, you know, I mean, you can, uh…
But I, I think a lot of people don't

455
00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:53,291
really fuck with you unless they know you-

456
00:15:53,541 --> 00:15:53,891
Yeah

457
00:15:53,901 --> 00:15:56,111
…
because you put off those
'don't fuck with me' vibes.

458
00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:58,201
I mean, and I feel like everyone
should have those vibes.

459
00:15:58,991 --> 00:15:59,191
Hmm.

460
00:15:59,281 --> 00:15:59,761
Ladies.

461
00:15:59,781 --> 00:16:00,051
Possibly.

462
00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:00,451
You should have those vibes.

463
00:16:00,451 --> 00:16:01,266
I mean, it is a protection.

464
00:16:01,266 --> 00:16:01,971
It is a protection.

465
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:02,601
It is.

466
00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:03,871
It's a good, it… Yeah.

467
00:16:03,871 --> 00:16:03,971
Um.

468
00:16:04,161 --> 00:16:07,941
So very quickly,
yesterday we had somebody.

469
00:16:07,951 --> 00:16:07,971
Yeah.

470
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:11,191
So we were- Yeah … at the club
yesterday, and there was this single guy.

471
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:14,591
Now, mind you, we sat in our little booth.

472
00:16:15,161 --> 00:16:19,661
This man was in front of
us in one of those tables.

473
00:16:19,711 --> 00:16:21,711
Yeah, a table in front
of, uh, our couch area.

474
00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:24,901
I sat down, and he was
literally staring at me.

475
00:16:24,921 --> 00:16:27,911
Nonstop, and he, that's because
his back was towards us, so

476
00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,051
it wasn't like he was- And

477
00:16:29,051 --> 00:16:29,701
he would turn.

478
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:32,831
Yeah, he would turn full body
and just stand there and stare

479
00:16:32,831 --> 00:16:35,711
at her, and then he'd turn back
around, and then he'd turn back.

480
00:16:35,741 --> 00:16:40,031
And to, I'm not a jealous person-
No … and I'm not bothered by things.

481
00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:40,531
I get it.

482
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:42,441
But even that creeped me out.

483
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:42,471
Yeah.

484
00:16:42,481 --> 00:16:44,141
I was like, "This dude is too much."

485
00:16:44,181 --> 00:16:46,221
And you were like, "Is he single?"
And I was like, "I don't know,

486
00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:48,031
but do you see him staring?" He's
like, "Yeah, he's been staring."

487
00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:50,921
Now, he walked in with a box
of White Claws, and that was

488
00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:54,591
the kind of the ongoing joke,
was that single guy walking in.

489
00:16:54,631 --> 00:16:57,431
I'm talking a big ass box of White Claws.

490
00:16:57,441 --> 00:16:57,461
Yeah.

491
00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,441
He had them open.

492
00:16:58,441 --> 00:17:01,751
He was drinking, and it was very
obvious to me that he was trying to

493
00:17:01,751 --> 00:17:03,551
bait a woman into sleeping with him.

494
00:17:03,591 --> 00:17:03,971
Yeah.

495
00:17:04,461 --> 00:17:05,621
And that's what I got from it.

496
00:17:05,731 --> 00:17:06,001
Oh, for sure.

497
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:06,251
Now,

498
00:17:06,611 --> 00:17:08,451
there- He went up to- We've seen
single guys in the club- Oh,

499
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,601
so many … and they've handled
themselves respectfully- Yes

500
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:10,921
and everything.

501
00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:13,691
But this guy, there was
something about him-

502
00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:14,051
Yeah

503
00:17:14,051 --> 00:17:15,271
…
that was just wrong.

504
00:17:15,281 --> 00:17:20,931
Now, let me tell you guys, this is why
I love the Club Eden that we go to.

505
00:17:20,981 --> 00:17:21,211
Yeah.

506
00:17:21,221 --> 00:17:22,851
Like, let me explain this to you.

507
00:17:23,181 --> 00:17:24,321
This guy is there.

508
00:17:24,581 --> 00:17:26,431
He's going up to each group, right?

509
00:17:26,883 --> 00:17:29,433
He talked to this one couple.

510
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:30,733
I guess they weren't interested.

511
00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:32,233
He talked to another couple And

512
00:17:32,233 --> 00:17:32,903
he's drunk.

513
00:17:32,903 --> 00:17:33,253
He walked in drunk

514
00:17:33,263 --> 00:17:37,983
He's, he's drunk Talked to another
couple, went to the, the host

515
00:17:38,253 --> 00:17:42,743
people to, to introduce him to
other people, went, talked to them.

516
00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:45,263
I knew he was gonna make his way to us.

517
00:17:45,783 --> 00:17:46,223
I knew he

518
00:17:46,223 --> 00:17:48,283
was And even through all of that,
he kept staring at you still.

519
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:53,093
Yeah We, we were at a, a very
tight area in our couch, so it

520
00:17:53,093 --> 00:17:56,463
was me and you, and there was
another couple that was next to us.

521
00:17:56,463 --> 00:17:58,473
Yeah There wasn't really
room for anybody else.

522
00:17:58,473 --> 00:18:02,073
No Uh, but in the middle of our
conversation, as we're talking-

523
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:03,103
He comes and introduces

524
00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,873
himself … he comes and introduces
himself And then- And so we,

525
00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:07,463
a- and so we shook hands- Yeah

526
00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:11,623
we said hello, uh, did that whole thing,
and then he eventually walked away.

527
00:18:11,853 --> 00:18:12,103
Yeah

528
00:18:12,303 --> 00:18:13,503
Uh, and that was like, okay.

529
00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:16,283
I mean, it was, it, it was kind of a
weird situation We were not inclusive.

530
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:17,193
I was not inclusive.

531
00:18:17,233 --> 00:18:18,113
And that's rare.

532
00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:21,823
That's rare because we are very inclusive,
but- Yes … the thing about it is, is

533
00:18:22,713 --> 00:18:26,913
if you're drunk and you're making this
woman feel uncomfortable and creepy

534
00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:28,833
before you've even introduced yourself-

535
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:29,923
My, my little-

536
00:18:30,073 --> 00:18:31,393
the inclusivity bug is

537
00:18:31,393 --> 00:18:31,643
gone.

538
00:18:31,683 --> 00:18:32,013
Yeah.

539
00:18:32,013 --> 00:18:32,733
It's so gone It's going away.

540
00:18:32,983 --> 00:18:34,813
And so that's essentially what happened.

541
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,753
He came, he interrupted our
conversation, which, which in and

542
00:18:37,773 --> 00:18:39,233
of itself I could tell annoyed you.

543
00:18:39,663 --> 00:18:41,313
Uh, but then he introduced himself.

544
00:18:41,313 --> 00:18:44,803
And of course, his words were slurring and
he- Yeah … he said hello and he kinda

545
00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:46,673
stood there, could not read the room.

546
00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:47,913
And that's one of my big things is- Could

547
00:18:47,913 --> 00:18:48,253
not

548
00:18:48,343 --> 00:18:50,803
…
in this lifestyle, you
have to read the room.

549
00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:51,133
Yes

550
00:18:51,283 --> 00:18:52,503
Uh, could not read the room.

551
00:18:52,503 --> 00:18:55,903
It was obvious that it
was an awkward situation.

552
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:57,383
Nobody could really
hear what he was saying.

553
00:18:57,723 --> 00:19:00,623
So eventually he took the
hint and he walked away.

554
00:19:00,753 --> 00:19:01,063
Yeah

555
00:19:01,453 --> 00:19:04,713
Uh, we continued on throughout
the night having conversation.

556
00:19:04,713 --> 00:19:09,083
It was a great time, and then randomly,
I didn't even see him show up.

557
00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:09,933
All of a sudden he was just there.

558
00:19:09,943 --> 00:19:10,113
Oh,

559
00:19:10,113 --> 00:19:12,183
I, I was watching him the whole time.

560
00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:12,573
Yeah?

561
00:19:12,843 --> 00:19:14,123
All of a sudden he was just there.

562
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:14,403
Yeah

563
00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:20,343
And he says, "Is it okay if I sit
with you guys?" Now I am… We

564
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:21,613
were talking about this last night.

565
00:19:21,613 --> 00:19:24,993
We were kinda laughing about this
because my wife and I are so different.

566
00:19:25,343 --> 00:19:31,873
Um, she is, she is out to protect
herself and she's out to protect-

567
00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:33,233
All women … other, other women.

568
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:33,703
All women

569
00:19:33,703 --> 00:19:33,943
You know?

570
00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:35,463
That, uh, her head is on a swivel.

571
00:19:35,463 --> 00:19:41,023
She's constantly very, very vigilant
about where, you know, this, this

572
00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:42,173
kind of behavior is taking place.

573
00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:46,103
And especially because I know we have
friends that are there that don't know

574
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:50,593
how to say their no's yet, are very
still weary about saying their no.

575
00:19:50,603 --> 00:19:53,433
So I specifically am
like locked onto them.

576
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:53,743
Yeah.

577
00:19:53,743 --> 00:19:54,563
And I'm like- Yeah, so- … are they

578
00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:55,033
good?

579
00:19:55,243 --> 00:19:59,043
So she's, she's already, like
she's more cynical than I am.

580
00:19:59,113 --> 00:20:00,393
I am a nice guy.

581
00:20:00,693 --> 00:20:03,093
I feel horrible, you know?

582
00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:06,043
And so we were talking to the
other couple about that last night.

583
00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:09,273
I was like, "You know, really,
uh, those are the kind of…

584
00:20:09,413 --> 00:20:10,993
That, that's, that's how we are.

585
00:20:10,993 --> 00:20:15,343
That's the balance that we are." But
because of that I always revert to her.

586
00:20:15,543 --> 00:20:15,833
Yeah

587
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:19,903
Um, and this guy showed up and out of
nowhere interrupted our conversation

588
00:20:19,903 --> 00:20:24,073
and said, "Is it okay if I sit with
you guys?" Now one, there was no room

589
00:20:24,073 --> 00:20:25,203
on the couch where we were sitting.

590
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:30,941
But B- Uh, this, I, I wasn't
gonna say anything because if

591
00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:32,931
it was up to me, I would've been
like, "Well, let me stand up.

592
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:35,611
Here, have a seat," you know,
because that's just my nature.

593
00:20:35,971 --> 00:20:39,031
And I always revert to you,
so that's exactly what I did.

594
00:20:39,051 --> 00:20:40,411
I looked right over at you.

595
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:47,511
And, um, like the hero of the night
that you are- … you sat there,

596
00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:52,251
you looked right at him, you made
straight eye contact, and you didn't,

597
00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:53,981
you didn't say it with attitude.

598
00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:54,451
No.

599
00:20:54,481 --> 00:20:56,791
You didn't s- you didn't say it ugly.

600
00:20:57,471 --> 00:21:00,071
You looked at him and you said, "No."

601
00:21:00,931 --> 00:21:01,471
"
Thanks."

602
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,721
"
And, and you, and you didn't give
off a smug smile or anything,

603
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:06,721
but y- I, I thought you did.

604
00:21:06,791 --> 00:21:06,811
Yeah.

605
00:21:06,821 --> 00:21:08,801
You delivered it perfectly.

606
00:21:09,581 --> 00:21:09,821
Yeah.

607
00:21:09,861 --> 00:21:13,571
Um, he did not take the no very
well because he made this face.

608
00:21:13,571 --> 00:21:16,081
I said, "No, thanks," and then I
looked back at my friends 'cause

609
00:21:16,081 --> 00:21:17,441
I didn't care what he was doing.

610
00:21:17,471 --> 00:21:18,521
But you looked at him.

611
00:21:18,591 --> 00:21:19,171
I did.

612
00:21:19,181 --> 00:21:23,431
He looked, and he made this face
like he was highly offended,

613
00:21:23,841 --> 00:21:25,831
and I was like, "Aw." You know?

614
00:21:25,831 --> 00:21:27,821
Like, I was thinking in my head-
Yeah … "Aw, man, that's…"

615
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,631
I mean, I get that feeling.

616
00:21:29,631 --> 00:21:32,491
I understand, although I've never
put myself in that position.

617
00:21:32,491 --> 00:21:32,611
Yeah.

618
00:21:32,611 --> 00:21:33,671
I've never been told like that.

619
00:21:33,671 --> 00:21:34,611
I can only imagine.

620
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,441
Uh, I can empathize I guess.

621
00:21:36,451 --> 00:21:36,871
No.

622
00:21:37,221 --> 00:21:39,311
Uh, but he left, you know?

623
00:21:39,621 --> 00:21:45,141
Uh, and then shortly thereafter, I believe
he was kicked out- Yeah … of the club.

624
00:21:45,141 --> 00:21:45,691
Was he not?

625
00:21:46,251 --> 00:21:46,571
Yeah.

626
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:47,581
We went to the back.

627
00:21:47,901 --> 00:21:48,211
Yeah.

628
00:21:48,241 --> 00:21:49,161
When we came back,

629
00:21:49,661 --> 00:21:50,281
they had kicked him out.

630
00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:50,661
Yeah.

631
00:21:50,681 --> 00:21:51,691
So I don't know the whole story.

632
00:21:51,691 --> 00:21:53,201
I have to get with the other
couple that was there 'cause we

633
00:21:53,201 --> 00:21:54,731
left, and I was like, "Aw, man."

634
00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:56,301
But I know there was like

635
00:21:56,301 --> 00:21:58,761
a- he was- There was a
thing … standing outside, um,

636
00:21:58,821 --> 00:22:00,951
and the manager was watching him.

637
00:22:00,961 --> 00:22:01,171
So-

638
00:22:01,191 --> 00:22:01,441
Yeah

639
00:22:01,451 --> 00:22:05,021
…
like I said, he was already drunk when
he came in, and then he started- And

640
00:22:05,021 --> 00:22:05,901
they were very vigilant-

641
00:22:05,901 --> 00:22:06,181
…
drinking

642
00:22:06,181 --> 00:22:06,831
…
watching him.

643
00:22:06,931 --> 00:22:08,411
Oh, and that's why we love this club.

644
00:22:08,531 --> 00:22:08,661
That's

645
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:08,681
why.

646
00:22:08,681 --> 00:22:12,801
Because the safety aspect
of this club- Mm-hmm

647
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,011
is fantastic.

648
00:22:14,021 --> 00:22:14,231
Mm-hmm.

649
00:22:14,451 --> 00:22:17,461
Your club is only as good as your staff.

650
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:17,651
Yes.

651
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:21,691
And Eden in San Antonio
has an amazing staff- They

652
00:22:21,691 --> 00:22:21,901
do

653
00:22:21,931 --> 00:22:25,251
…
that makes us all feel very safe-
Yeah … and very comfortable.

654
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:26,158
And, um-

655
00:22:26,158 --> 00:22:27,601
And they're so vigilant.

656
00:22:28,031 --> 00:22:31,331
You can't go… Single g- men can't
go to the back without a couple-

657
00:22:31,691 --> 00:22:32,371
Or another

658
00:22:32,371 --> 00:22:33,621
woman … a couple or another woman.

659
00:22:33,731 --> 00:22:33,971
Yeah, yeah.

660
00:22:33,971 --> 00:22:36,721
And, um, they are vigilant.

661
00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:40,671
Yeah, they let this guy in,
and he was good for a while-

662
00:22:40,891 --> 00:22:41,161
Yeah

663
00:22:41,201 --> 00:22:42,551
…
and then boom, it went south.

664
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:43,451
Yeah.

665
00:22:43,471 --> 00:22:46,141
But you could tell he was predatorial.

666
00:22:46,141 --> 00:22:46,331
Yeah.

667
00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:48,671
I told Adam, I said, "Look, he's
just like a predator. He looks like a

668
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:53,361
freaking animal looking to see who can
he, he can feed on," and be like…

669
00:22:53,591 --> 00:22:58,261
And he went up to everybody, and I
was watching him like a freaking hawk.

670
00:22:58,721 --> 00:22:59,121
Yeah.

671
00:22:59,351 --> 00:23:01,071
Like, y'all were all
having a conversation.

672
00:23:01,071 --> 00:23:01,431
I was like

673
00:23:01,931 --> 00:23:03,911
Yeah, no, I, uh, I'm oblivious-

674
00:23:04,021 --> 00:23:04,291
Yeah

675
00:23:04,301 --> 00:23:04,911
…
to things.

676
00:23:04,961 --> 00:23:06,941
Uh- Now- … but I don't, I don't
need to watch people have sex

677
00:23:06,941 --> 00:23:07,711
…
now if that

678
00:23:07,711 --> 00:23:07,941
was

679
00:23:07,941 --> 00:23:08,521
a woman-

680
00:23:08,911 --> 00:23:09,141
Yeah

681
00:23:09,641 --> 00:23:13,131
…
I probably would've been like,
"Yeah, but you're getting about,

682
00:23:13,131 --> 00:23:14,451
you're about to get sober, home girl.

683
00:23:15,071 --> 00:23:17,171
Like I'm about to give you some
water and you- Yeah … are

684
00:23:17,181 --> 00:23:20,851
gonna drink it, and you are gonna
sober up, and we are not playing.

685
00:23:21,031 --> 00:23:22,601
This is just your little safe spot."

686
00:23:22,721 --> 00:23:23,301
Yeah, yeah.

687
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:23,511
Yeah.

688
00:23:23,511 --> 00:23:24,711
Like that's the thing.

689
00:23:25,331 --> 00:23:25,661
But-

690
00:23:25,951 --> 00:23:28,161
But you wouldn't have done
that with a guy because- No

691
00:23:28,161 --> 00:23:30,061
…
you- Oh, the way he came off was gross

692
00:23:30,071 --> 00:23:31,261
…
he was looking to grope.

693
00:23:31,631 --> 00:23:31,691
Yeah.

694
00:23:32,191 --> 00:23:36,571
He was thinking he was gonna get
lucky, and he was in the wrong place.

695
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:40,431
And you know, it's like, God, you just
wasted a Good amount of money … because

696
00:23:40,621 --> 00:23:42,944
they charge quite a bit for single men.

697
00:23:42,944 --> 00:23:43,411
For single.

698
00:23:43,411 --> 00:23:43,741
Yeah.

699
00:23:43,761 --> 00:23:49,371
Um, and so this guy came in already,
uh, already drunk, paid this money,

700
00:23:49,381 --> 00:23:54,021
came in, looked around, creeped
people out, eventually got kicked out.

701
00:23:54,231 --> 00:23:55,691
Like it wasn't even that long.

702
00:23:55,701 --> 00:23:55,741
Yeah.

703
00:23:55,741 --> 00:23:56,171
It was what?

704
00:23:56,171 --> 00:23:57,361
A couple hours maybe?

705
00:23:57,501 --> 00:23:58,631
Maybe less than that.

706
00:23:58,631 --> 00:23:58,661
Not even that.

707
00:23:58,661 --> 00:23:59,401
Hour and a half?

708
00:23:59,491 --> 00:23:59,901
Hour?

709
00:24:00,021 --> 00:24:00,911
Yeah, maybe.

710
00:24:00,991 --> 00:24:01,361
Yeah.

711
00:24:01,681 --> 00:24:02,011
Damn.

712
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:03,941
You know, that's just one of many.

713
00:24:03,941 --> 00:24:08,631
You know, there, there was a…
The, I think the, the real bummer

714
00:24:09,311 --> 00:24:15,681
is when we realized that we had
been associating with predators.

715
00:24:15,831 --> 00:24:16,121
Ugh.

716
00:24:16,301 --> 00:24:20,691
Uh, you know, I, I, I personally, and
this is the part where you and I would

717
00:24:20,701 --> 00:24:23,641
differ on this, I personally give
everybody the benefit of the doubt.

718
00:24:23,651 --> 00:24:23,681
Right.

719
00:24:23,971 --> 00:24:30,461
But the moment that I find out that you
are a sexual predator, or the moment

720
00:24:30,461 --> 00:24:35,561
that I find out that you have fucked
up in such a way where it wasn't a

721
00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:41,491
one-time deal, this was, you've done
this with other people, um, you're done.

722
00:24:41,751 --> 00:24:41,971
Yeah.

723
00:24:42,031 --> 00:24:46,881
Now- I'm not that person to call them
out in front of the whole community.

724
00:24:46,891 --> 00:24:46,911
Yeah.

725
00:24:47,271 --> 00:24:50,561
I know that we should be protecting
our community, but at the same

726
00:24:50,561 --> 00:24:52,921
time, uh, I'm not frigging Batman.

727
00:24:53,181 --> 00:24:54,431
Uh, I'm not swinger Batman.

728
00:24:54,431 --> 00:24:54,631
Yeah.

729
00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:58,561
Uh, I… it's not up to me to bring
people up to justice and that sort

730
00:24:58,561 --> 00:25:00,361
of thing, and frankly, I don't
wanna use my platform- And, and-

731
00:25:00,361 --> 00:25:00,971
for something like that.

732
00:25:00,981 --> 00:25:01,001
Um-

733
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:05,571
And I know that people say, like, "Just
because it happened to you doesn't mean

734
00:25:05,571 --> 00:25:09,861
it's gonna happen to somebody else."
I know for a fact certain predators

735
00:25:10,011 --> 00:25:12,121
have been predatorial to other people.

736
00:25:12,641 --> 00:25:13,161
That's true.

737
00:25:13,161 --> 00:25:16,321
But- You know, there was this couple
that we used to be, uh, really good

738
00:25:16,321 --> 00:25:21,041
friends with, and, uh, they used
to throw a lot of house parties.

739
00:25:21,081 --> 00:25:21,311
Yeah.

740
00:25:21,611 --> 00:25:27,221
And the, the guy of, the guy of
the couple, you, you realized-

741
00:25:27,221 --> 00:25:28,511
You mentioned something,
and I didn't realize it then

742
00:25:28,511 --> 00:25:29,301
…
well, so yeah.

743
00:25:29,301 --> 00:25:34,661
I mean, they, they threw parties, and
it was, uh, exclusive-only parties,

744
00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:36,181
and they made it real clear to us.

745
00:25:36,181 --> 00:25:38,801
They were like, "Oh, yeah,
we only invite people that we

746
00:25:38,821 --> 00:25:39,831
know we would wanna play with."

747
00:25:39,841 --> 00:25:41,731
And let me tell you
that I saw, I didn't- I

748
00:25:41,731 --> 00:25:42,461
didn't think anything of that

749
00:25:42,511 --> 00:25:45,951
…
I didn't think the red flags, especially
when they said, when we first went

750
00:25:45,951 --> 00:25:49,611
to their party and they said… I was
like, "Man, all these guys are, are

751
00:25:50,011 --> 00:25:53,871
kinda young." "That's how we like them."
I was like, I didn't think anything.

752
00:25:53,871 --> 00:25:56,191
Yeah, and you know, it did not pop.

753
00:25:56,201 --> 00:25:56,441
No.

754
00:25:56,571 --> 00:25:57,601
Because we were friends.

755
00:25:57,841 --> 00:25:58,671
It did not pop.

756
00:25:58,681 --> 00:25:58,881
And

757
00:25:58,881 --> 00:26:00,231
we weren't having sex with them.

758
00:26:00,241 --> 00:26:00,261
No.

759
00:26:00,271 --> 00:26:00,601
So

760
00:26:00,631 --> 00:26:01,061
I was like,

761
00:26:01,531 --> 00:26:02,781
"
Whatever." And we, we never,
we never played with them.

762
00:26:02,781 --> 00:26:03,051
Yeah.

763
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,961
Uh, but it, it did not-

764
00:26:05,161 --> 00:26:05,501
No

765
00:26:05,571 --> 00:26:07,541
…
it just didn't ring true.

766
00:26:07,551 --> 00:26:07,571
Yeah.

767
00:26:07,581 --> 00:26:11,551
And it wasn't until afterwards
that, you know, at some point,

768
00:26:11,961 --> 00:26:13,281
things started happening.

769
00:26:13,611 --> 00:26:19,911
We saw behavior, and before anything
came to us, like we found out that

770
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:25,901
there was actual predatory behavior
happening, uh, before we knew that-

771
00:26:25,991 --> 00:26:26,371
Yeah

772
00:26:26,771 --> 00:26:27,801
you called it.

773
00:26:27,881 --> 00:26:28,231
Yeah.

774
00:26:29,051 --> 00:26:33,471
You were like, "That dude's… He's,
he's, he acts so predatory and-"

775
00:26:34,241 --> 00:26:42,361
The, the, the vibes he would give
off to me would make me hide.

776
00:26:42,411 --> 00:26:44,221
Adam would be holding me on one end.

777
00:26:44,681 --> 00:26:50,021
He would come in and talk to me, and
I would move around Adam to be on the

778
00:26:50,021 --> 00:26:50,971
other side It was, it would be very

779
00:26:50,971 --> 00:26:51,491
obvious

780
00:26:51,511 --> 00:26:52,141
It was- Very obvious

781
00:26:52,141 --> 00:26:54,121
like I did not want him to touch me.

782
00:26:54,151 --> 00:26:58,031
I didn't, like… And he would, like,
grab my leg, and I'd be like, "Yeah, no."

783
00:26:58,601 --> 00:26:59,351
Yeah, yeah.

784
00:26:59,361 --> 00:26:59,381
Um,

785
00:26:59,391 --> 00:27:01,431
but dude was a predator.

786
00:27:01,481 --> 00:27:03,131
Now wait, wait for this.

787
00:27:04,101 --> 00:27:05,801
His wife was just as much.

788
00:27:05,841 --> 00:27:12,971
And as we talked about it, we realized,
holy shit, his wife was a big part of

789
00:27:12,971 --> 00:27:14,311
that predatory behavior A big part.

790
00:27:14,321 --> 00:27:15,211
Yeah, yeah.

791
00:27:15,241 --> 00:27:20,291
So before we found out anything that had
happened, and apparently there's been a

792
00:27:20,291 --> 00:27:22,011
few things that have happened with them.

793
00:27:22,181 --> 00:27:22,341
Yeah.

794
00:27:22,341 --> 00:27:25,391
Before we found out about that, but
towards the end of our friendship

795
00:27:25,421 --> 00:27:28,801
you could say, uh, you know, you were
real uncomfortable and you were like,

796
00:27:28,801 --> 00:27:32,081
"Man, that, he's, he's just really
ridiculously bad," and that sort of thing.

797
00:27:32,081 --> 00:27:33,601
But we didn't see anything with her.

798
00:27:33,901 --> 00:27:37,101
We didn't put it all together- Mm-mm
… until we started hearing about that.

799
00:27:37,131 --> 00:27:40,411
And then I started thinking,
I was like, holy shit, she was

800
00:27:40,421 --> 00:27:42,961
predatory in, in finding women.

801
00:27:42,961 --> 00:27:43,911
In finding women.

802
00:27:44,161 --> 00:27:48,031
And he was predatory in
finding his young people.

803
00:27:48,071 --> 00:27:48,381
Yeah.

804
00:27:48,841 --> 00:27:54,781
And they w- they were, you know,
throwing parties in the lifestyle and

805
00:27:54,781 --> 00:27:56,301
inviting people over, and it was a thing.

806
00:27:56,301 --> 00:27:57,551
And it's like, wow, you know?

807
00:27:57,581 --> 00:27:57,901
I mean-

808
00:27:58,761 --> 00:27:59,671
You never know.

809
00:27:59,671 --> 00:28:02,581
Like, it's, yeah, we were
around it and we didn't pick up.

810
00:28:03,001 --> 00:28:06,291
But, like, things like that are
things that I've learned and, uh,

811
00:28:06,291 --> 00:28:07,791
they just stay in the file cabinet.

812
00:28:08,571 --> 00:28:09,801
They stay in the file cabinet.

813
00:28:09,841 --> 00:28:10,151
Yeah.

814
00:28:10,151 --> 00:28:10,851
And like- Oh, yeah, no.

815
00:28:11,111 --> 00:28:13,051
When we make a mistake, we
don't make it more than once.

816
00:28:13,061 --> 00:28:13,391
No.

817
00:28:13,511 --> 00:28:17,371
And these sort of things, when you see
a red flag and you didn't realize it and

818
00:28:17,371 --> 00:28:21,221
then you realize it afterwards, you don't
ever let those things get past again.

819
00:28:21,371 --> 00:28:22,111
Like, that's it.

820
00:28:22,241 --> 00:28:22,521
That's it.

821
00:28:22,651 --> 00:28:24,021
Uh, and we recognize that.

822
00:28:24,021 --> 00:28:24,301
Yeah.

823
00:28:24,361 --> 00:28:27,781
Now, it, it kind of, I don't know.

824
00:28:28,111 --> 00:28:33,411
One, it's disappointing to find out that
you're… And this isn't the first time.

825
00:28:33,421 --> 00:28:33,441
No.

826
00:28:33,451 --> 00:28:36,351
Like, we've known other people-

827
00:28:36,411 --> 00:28:36,751
Mm-hmm

828
00:28:36,771 --> 00:28:43,451
…
who have been predators and have hidden
themselves in the lifestyle so that

829
00:28:43,451 --> 00:28:48,381
they can y- you know, they, they portray
themselves as, as this, uh, you know,

830
00:28:48,381 --> 00:28:50,671
well-to-do couple in the lifestyle.

831
00:28:50,681 --> 00:28:50,961
Mm-hmm.

832
00:28:51,021 --> 00:28:55,921
And, you know, we look for newbies,
and we're trying to make sure

833
00:28:55,961 --> 00:28:57,391
newbies have a good experience.

834
00:28:57,411 --> 00:28:58,481
I've heard that from some people.

835
00:28:58,491 --> 00:28:59,181
Oh my gosh.

836
00:28:59,201 --> 00:29:01,581
Because I know a lot of people
that they're like, "Oh, well, we

837
00:29:01,591 --> 00:29:04,271
stay away from newbies because they
don't seem to know boundaries," and

838
00:29:04,271 --> 00:29:05,181
this and that, blah, blah, blah.

839
00:29:05,841 --> 00:29:08,431
I know a lot of people that are
like, "No, we look for newbies-

840
00:29:08,451 --> 00:29:10,591
Yeah … because we wanna make sure
they have a good experience." Yeah.

841
00:29:10,761 --> 00:29:13,211
And really, that's some bullshit.

842
00:29:13,221 --> 00:29:14,211
That's bullshit.

843
00:29:14,251 --> 00:29:16,911
That's some bullshit
because we've seen them-

844
00:29:17,041 --> 00:29:20,451
Like, these specifically pe- these
people specifically is… It was,

845
00:29:20,521 --> 00:29:22,701
we realize, was not for that.

846
00:29:22,701 --> 00:29:24,771
No, they latch on to these people.

847
00:29:24,771 --> 00:29:25,071
Yeah.

848
00:29:25,071 --> 00:29:30,871
And they basically use them as
their, um, "That's our couple."

849
00:29:31,031 --> 00:29:31,231
Yeah.

850
00:29:31,231 --> 00:29:31,441
You know?

851
00:29:31,441 --> 00:29:32,401
"Those are our people." Mm-hmm.

852
00:29:32,411 --> 00:29:32,801
You know?

853
00:29:32,801 --> 00:29:36,151
And they may be able to, like, talk with
other people, but those are their people.

854
00:29:36,681 --> 00:29:37,061
Or-

855
00:29:37,071 --> 00:29:38,101
Uh, that's predatory behavior, you know?

856
00:29:38,171 --> 00:29:43,971
And we've seen people… Also, we've
seen couples attach themselves to

857
00:29:43,971 --> 00:29:48,021
someone who maybe has just broken
up with their significant other.

858
00:29:48,881 --> 00:29:50,571
Like, they're- Yeah … single now
and they're like, "Ooh." Seen that

859
00:29:50,571 --> 00:29:51,401
a few times.

860
00:29:51,411 --> 00:29:51,431
Yeah.

861
00:29:51,931 --> 00:29:54,301
And it's like, damn, it's like flies on

862
00:29:54,681 --> 00:29:54,971
shit.

863
00:29:54,971 --> 00:29:56,511
She's a, she's a, she's a broken bird.

864
00:29:56,541 --> 00:29:56,781
Yeah.

865
00:29:56,831 --> 00:29:57,691
So let me go over here.

866
00:29:57,691 --> 00:29:58,291
Let me go over there.

867
00:29:58,301 --> 00:29:59,931
We'll, we'll swoop in
and we'll be able to…

868
00:30:00,021 --> 00:30:00,371
Yeah.

869
00:30:00,431 --> 00:30:06,351
And sometimes, well, I'd say
most times, the people that do

870
00:30:06,351 --> 00:30:07,251
that know what they're doing.

871
00:30:07,321 --> 00:30:07,441
Mm-hmm.

872
00:30:07,731 --> 00:30:09,571
They know very well what they're doing.

873
00:30:09,591 --> 00:30:09,611
Um-

874
00:30:09,831 --> 00:30:11,141
Because they can control.

875
00:30:11,221 --> 00:30:11,881
They're grooming.

876
00:30:12,281 --> 00:30:16,761
They're grooming that person to be
what they want in the lifestyle.

877
00:30:16,971 --> 00:30:17,141
Yeah.

878
00:30:17,141 --> 00:30:20,591
Man, we've seen it to where they
even get upset if that person

879
00:30:20,591 --> 00:30:21,691
is playing with somebody else.

880
00:30:21,701 --> 00:30:21,941
Like-

881
00:30:22,051 --> 00:30:22,711
Yeah, yeah

882
00:30:22,711 --> 00:30:24,391
…
the stories that we- They take ownership

883
00:30:24,421 --> 00:30:25,071
they take ownership.

884
00:30:25,081 --> 00:30:25,501
Oh, dude.

885
00:30:25,501 --> 00:30:27,391
The stories that we have heard, you know?

886
00:30:27,801 --> 00:30:27,871
Yeah.

887
00:30:27,881 --> 00:30:31,511
Now, when you know someone's a
predator and someone, say, in the

888
00:30:31,511 --> 00:30:36,561
group has brought it up and they have
blasted this person, these people-

889
00:30:37,061 --> 00:30:39,841
Should these people be exploited?

890
00:30:40,701 --> 00:30:42,311
Like, should it be thrown
out there to the community?

891
00:30:42,311 --> 00:30:42,721
Should it?

892
00:30:43,221 --> 00:30:44,191
You know, honestly, we-

893
00:30:44,191 --> 00:30:46,561
I'm a very different… I have a
very different thought than Adam

894
00:30:46,611 --> 00:30:51,951
…
I f- I feel like we, uh, we
govern ourselves individually.

895
00:30:51,961 --> 00:30:52,281
Yeah.

896
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:56,501
And what happens with us may
not happen with other people.

897
00:30:56,501 --> 00:30:59,341
Now- Or what happens with this couple
may not happen with other people

898
00:30:59,341 --> 00:31:01,021
…
what if you know it's
happened with other people?

899
00:31:01,121 --> 00:31:02,151
I mean, I don't know.

900
00:31:02,161 --> 00:31:02,191
It's-

901
00:31:02,191 --> 00:31:02,921
That's my thing.

902
00:31:02,931 --> 00:31:05,731
Like- That's, it's, it's, um, I
don't feel like we have a moral

903
00:31:05,731 --> 00:31:09,321
obligation to stand out there and be
people's judge, jury, and executioner.

904
00:31:09,331 --> 00:31:12,791
And that's where I, I s-
I find I say different.

905
00:31:13,031 --> 00:31:18,181
Like, I think that everybody should be,
everyone should have their guard up and

906
00:31:18,181 --> 00:31:24,931
everyone should know these people, this
person, whatever, watch out for them.

907
00:31:25,741 --> 00:31:29,171
Like, they should be, they should have
a little red flag on them because- But

908
00:31:29,351 --> 00:31:31,781
see, telling pe- so h- in my past-

909
00:31:31,781 --> 00:31:31,971
Yeah

910
00:31:32,471 --> 00:31:38,421
…
um, I, and this is a little different,
I understand, but any time I start

911
00:31:38,421 --> 00:31:42,001
a new job, when people come up to
me and they make friends with me

912
00:31:42,021 --> 00:31:44,691
and then they start going, "Hey,
you see those guys over there?

913
00:31:45,021 --> 00:31:45,671
You need to watch out for them."

914
00:31:45,681 --> 00:31:46,231
Yes.

915
00:31:46,441 --> 00:31:46,941
But that's different.

916
00:31:46,951 --> 00:31:48,561
Or, "You see that guy
over here?" But that's

917
00:31:48,561 --> 00:31:48,761
different.

918
00:31:48,761 --> 00:31:48,811
You need…

919
00:31:48,811 --> 00:31:52,711
A- and every time somebody has done
that to me, that's told me that that's

920
00:31:52,761 --> 00:31:56,041
the person with the problem, that's the
person that we need to stay away from.

921
00:31:56,321 --> 00:32:00,481
And we've had that in the lifestyle
early on where people told us- We have

922
00:32:00,481 --> 00:32:02,131
"You need to stay away from this
person," or, "You need to stay

923
00:32:02,131 --> 00:32:02,901
away from that person." Mm-hmm.

924
00:32:03,281 --> 00:32:03,781
And-

925
00:32:03,871 --> 00:32:04,831
'
Cause we make our own judgments

926
00:32:04,871 --> 00:32:07,051
…
and then, exactly, we
make our own judgments.

927
00:32:07,051 --> 00:32:07,071
But what,

928
00:32:07,081 --> 00:32:12,841
What if it's actually you've, you've
had several people s- tell you the

929
00:32:12,841 --> 00:32:16,571
same story What if it's several
people have told you the same story?

930
00:32:17,071 --> 00:32:18,001
Well, normally- Where,

931
00:32:18,001 --> 00:32:18,461
where-

932
00:32:18,481 --> 00:32:21,621
…
that person would be out of our
sight, period, because once that

933
00:32:21,621 --> 00:32:23,461
happens, the community has talked.

934
00:32:23,831 --> 00:32:25,291
But what if, but what if they're not?

935
00:32:25,411 --> 00:32:26,271
What if they're still there?

936
00:32:26,791 --> 00:32:27,311
I don't know.

937
00:32:27,361 --> 00:32:28,161
That's a problem.

938
00:32:28,171 --> 00:32:28,461
Like- I don't

939
00:32:28,461 --> 00:32:28,661
know

940
00:32:29,071 --> 00:32:31,471
…
like when is it… When, what do you say?

941
00:32:31,471 --> 00:32:35,871
You know, yeah, and if that person never,
those people never take accountability or

942
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:37,481
that person never takes accountability-

943
00:32:37,551 --> 00:32:37,911
Mm-hmm

944
00:32:38,821 --> 00:32:39,341
what then?

945
00:32:39,691 --> 00:32:40,231
What then?

946
00:32:40,421 --> 00:32:40,761
Yeah.

947
00:32:41,101 --> 00:32:41,531
You know?

948
00:32:41,731 --> 00:32:43,001
They pretend like it didn't happen.

949
00:32:43,001 --> 00:32:46,161
But like I said, the lifestyle's
a great place for these kind of

950
00:32:46,161 --> 00:32:47,831
people to- Mm-hmm … to hide.

951
00:32:47,991 --> 00:32:48,331
Mm-hmm.

952
00:32:48,401 --> 00:32:50,351
And not be noticed.

953
00:32:50,361 --> 00:32:54,061
Because it's something that can be
noticed in the vanilla world pretty well.

954
00:32:54,811 --> 00:32:56,869
Uh, also it's expected
in the vanilla world.

955
00:32:56,869 --> 00:32:59,251
I think now- Now, not, not as
couples, I'm not talking about

956
00:32:59,251 --> 00:33:01,481
as couples, but as individuals-

957
00:33:01,731 --> 00:33:02,441
I think now

958
00:33:02,451 --> 00:33:03,091
…
who are married

959
00:33:04,031 --> 00:33:04,131
a lot of times.

960
00:33:04,131 --> 00:33:04,326
I think now.

961
00:33:04,326 --> 00:33:04,391
Yeah.

962
00:33:04,391 --> 00:33:04,891
Now.

963
00:33:04,931 --> 00:33:08,491
Now it's… And now, now we can
see it, but we didn't before.

964
00:33:08,981 --> 00:33:10,321
No, we didn't before, but-

965
00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:14,221
Like, I think it's known now to see
the predators ahe- like, like- For

966
00:33:14,261 --> 00:33:14,461
us

967
00:33:14,461 --> 00:33:14,491
in,

968
00:33:14,491 --> 00:33:15,821
in the vanilla world, I'm talking about.

969
00:33:15,881 --> 00:33:16,801
Yeah, for us.

970
00:33:16,831 --> 00:33:17,221
Yeah.

971
00:33:17,301 --> 00:33:20,361
Uh, but what I'm saying is it's just
as prevalent in the vanilla world,

972
00:33:20,381 --> 00:33:25,531
not as couples, because couples don't
get predatory with other people unless

973
00:33:25,531 --> 00:33:26,861
they're in the lifestyle usually.

974
00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:26,891
Yeah.

975
00:33:27,251 --> 00:33:31,851
But individuals who maybe are
married in monogamous relationships,

976
00:33:32,381 --> 00:33:33,901
uh, you know, who cheat-

977
00:33:34,091 --> 00:33:34,471
Mm-hmm

978
00:33:34,551 --> 00:33:35,771
get very predatory.

979
00:33:35,781 --> 00:33:35,811
Mm-hmm.

980
00:33:35,811 --> 00:33:37,741
I've, I've been around a lot of guys.

981
00:33:37,751 --> 00:33:37,781
Oh, yeah.

982
00:33:37,801 --> 00:33:39,681
I used to work as a weld inspector.

983
00:33:39,681 --> 00:33:43,491
I- Yeah … I've been around a lot
of guys, and going out after work

984
00:33:43,491 --> 00:33:46,801
and the bars and this and that,
the predatory behavior, it exists.

985
00:33:46,841 --> 00:33:48,181
Oh, man, I've seen that with women.

986
00:33:48,221 --> 00:33:49,231
I've seen women- And see, I haven't-

987
00:33:49,231 --> 00:33:51,331
be very predatory to the
person they're cheating with.

988
00:33:51,651 --> 00:33:52,071
Yeah?

989
00:33:52,141 --> 00:33:52,661
Oh, yeah.

990
00:33:52,811 --> 00:33:53,371
No shit.

991
00:33:53,391 --> 00:33:53,761
Yeah.

992
00:33:53,931 --> 00:33:57,451
I always wondered about that because
I haven't been… I, I, I always had

993
00:33:57,451 --> 00:34:01,801
friends that were girls, but the way a
girl acts with a guy and the way a girl

994
00:34:01,801 --> 00:34:04,041
acts with other girls are just different.

995
00:34:04,041 --> 00:34:04,261
Yeah,

996
00:34:04,661 --> 00:34:04,921
yeah.

997
00:34:04,951 --> 00:34:05,891
Women, excuse me.

998
00:34:06,011 --> 00:34:06,231
Yeah,

999
00:34:06,231 --> 00:34:06,531
yeah.

1000
00:34:06,531 --> 00:34:06,651
Women.

1001
00:34:06,651 --> 00:34:07,071
Keep saying girls.

1002
00:34:07,091 --> 00:34:07,491
Women.

1003
00:34:08,051 --> 00:34:12,161
Uh, but, uh, yeah, you know,
that, that was always… I don't

1004
00:34:12,161 --> 00:34:13,291
know, that was always my thing.

1005
00:34:13,721 --> 00:34:14,091
Yeah.

1006
00:34:14,931 --> 00:34:18,631
I mean- I, I always, like, Adam stifles me

1007
00:34:19,221 --> 00:34:19,571
I do

1008
00:34:19,831 --> 00:34:23,791
…
but I would totally be like, "Mm, yeah,
you need to stay away from that person,

1009
00:34:23,821 --> 00:34:28,701
especially if they're drinking." Like,
that's how, this is how they get.

1010
00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:29,691
And-

1011
00:34:30,191 --> 00:34:32,521
But they may not get
that way with everybody

1012
00:34:32,551 --> 00:34:33,811
But what if you know they have?

1013
00:34:34,341 --> 00:34:37,931
What if they've only done it with a
couple of people, but everybody else

1014
00:34:38,241 --> 00:34:39,473
they've been with- I think a couple
is enough … it's never happened.

1015
00:34:39,473 --> 00:34:42,091
Well, I, I agree, but I also don't agree.

1016
00:34:42,101 --> 00:34:47,991
I, I think, I mean, if you know
of a, somebody who acts like that

1017
00:34:48,121 --> 00:34:53,361
and you know that it's happened to
four people four different times-

1018
00:34:53,771 --> 00:34:55,001
Yeah, that's a lot

1019
00:34:55,521 --> 00:34:56,021
that's a lot.

1020
00:34:56,561 --> 00:34:56,971
That's a lot.

1021
00:34:56,981 --> 00:34:58,721
Should they be ostracized?

1022
00:34:59,121 --> 00:35:03,211
Well, so I, I think, first off,
how do you even announce it?

1023
00:35:03,261 --> 00:35:04,691
How do you, how do you label it?

1024
00:35:04,731 --> 00:35:08,281
Sure, if, if they're in the Facebook
communities or if they're in larger

1025
00:35:08,281 --> 00:35:11,841
communities- Yeah … with other
people, yeah, they can be ousted

1026
00:35:11,881 --> 00:35:14,421
outside of that particular community.

1027
00:35:14,431 --> 00:35:14,691
Yes.

1028
00:35:14,741 --> 00:35:18,421
But they'll never be ousted outside of
the lifestyle period because, what are

1029
00:35:18,421 --> 00:35:20,231
this, th- this isn't The Scarlet Letter.

1030
00:35:20,231 --> 00:35:20,351
Yeah.

1031
00:35:20,351 --> 00:35:20,511
You know?

1032
00:35:20,511 --> 00:35:21,141
You don't, you don't-

1033
00:35:21,431 --> 00:35:21,651
Yeah

1034
00:35:21,661 --> 00:35:23,761
…
toss them with a certain
color and put a patch on them.

1035
00:35:24,041 --> 00:35:25,591
Like, that's not how this works.

1036
00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:25,811
Yeah.

1037
00:35:25,831 --> 00:35:27,841
So the fact is- So you kinda have

1038
00:35:27,861 --> 00:35:28,711
no, you really have

1039
00:35:28,721 --> 00:35:30,161
no- There is no way to- There's no way

1040
00:35:30,161 --> 00:35:32,271
all you can do is protect
your inner circle.

1041
00:35:32,281 --> 00:35:32,491
Yeah.

1042
00:35:32,491 --> 00:35:35,801
You can protect your people,
which I understand, but

1043
00:35:35,921 --> 00:35:37,621
also, those are your people.

1044
00:35:37,621 --> 00:35:38,311
Those are your people.

1045
00:35:38,311 --> 00:35:41,421
Would I go up to somebody who's
brand new, maybe just walked into the

1046
00:35:41,421 --> 00:35:43,041
club and, and was introduced to us?

1047
00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:45,761
Would I go, "Hey, you see those
people across the way over

1048
00:35:45,761 --> 00:35:47,031
there that are dancing funny?"

1049
00:35:47,101 --> 00:35:47,371
Yeah.

1050
00:35:47,911 --> 00:35:49,111
"
Yeah, th- stay away from them."

1051
00:35:49,111 --> 00:35:49,321
Yeah.

1052
00:35:49,441 --> 00:35:49,791
You know?

1053
00:35:49,791 --> 00:35:53,511
I just, I just don't feel like I
should be the person to say that.

1054
00:35:53,541 --> 00:35:55,361
No, you're, you're, you're, you're right.

1055
00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:58,311
I mean, y- you may be right.

1056
00:35:58,691 --> 00:35:59,871
And what can you do?

1057
00:35:59,871 --> 00:36:00,131
I mean- I

1058
00:36:00,131 --> 00:36:00,541
think we're both right

1059
00:36:00,551 --> 00:36:01,951
…
I don't even think
there's a right or wrong.

1060
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:02,291
Yeah.

1061
00:36:02,291 --> 00:36:02,811
Like, it's just,

1062
00:36:02,811 --> 00:36:03,981
it's- It's, it's really difficult,

1063
00:36:04,041 --> 00:36:04,291
yeah

1064
00:36:04,301 --> 00:36:05,101
it's just a society and-

1065
00:36:05,121 --> 00:36:05,921
It's a question of ethics.

1066
00:36:05,931 --> 00:36:09,101
Um, it's like, are, i- are we
gonna… It- And you just- … it's

1067
00:36:09,101 --> 00:36:12,501
almost like one of those what
would you do from 2020 scenarios.

1068
00:36:12,611 --> 00:36:13,091
Yeah.

1069
00:36:13,091 --> 00:36:13,131
And you just, yeah.

1070
00:36:13,131 --> 00:36:14,291
It's like what would you do?

1071
00:36:14,291 --> 00:36:18,141
You pretty, you pretty much
have to educate yourself.

1072
00:36:18,225 --> 00:36:19,295
Hold on, hold on.

1073
00:36:19,295 --> 00:36:20,975
We need to tell you guys about 3Fun first.

1074
00:36:21,165 --> 00:36:21,715
Oh, yeah.

1075
00:36:21,937 --> 00:36:24,997
Okay, so 3Fun is the app.

1076
00:36:25,127 --> 00:36:26,237
You guys know the app.

1077
00:36:26,657 --> 00:36:29,067
And if you don't know, it's for
couples and singles who wanna

1078
00:36:29,067 --> 00:36:30,757
connect with like-minded people.

1079
00:36:30,957 --> 00:36:32,277
And it actually works.

1080
00:36:32,387 --> 00:36:33,657
Like, we're not just saying that.

1081
00:36:34,047 --> 00:36:37,337
It's easy, it's low pressure, and
it's way less awkward than trying

1082
00:36:37,337 --> 00:36:38,357
to figure it out on your own.

1083
00:36:38,527 --> 00:36:39,557
Way less.

1084
00:36:40,057 --> 00:36:41,007
We're gonna leave it at that.

1085
00:36:41,497 --> 00:36:41,787
Yep.

1086
00:36:42,237 --> 00:36:43,377
Download 3Fun.

1087
00:36:43,527 --> 00:36:45,517
The link is in the show notes.

1088
00:36:45,707 --> 00:36:47,217
Okay, where were we?

1089
00:36:47,667 --> 00:36:47,957
Huh.

1090
00:36:48,413 --> 00:36:51,043
Like, there's red flags.

1091
00:36:51,153 --> 00:36:52,683
There's a lot of red flags.

1092
00:36:52,693 --> 00:36:53,673
There's a lot of-

1093
00:36:54,033 --> 00:36:54,293
Yeah

1094
00:36:54,333 --> 00:36:55,933
…
different personalities.

1095
00:36:55,943 --> 00:36:58,613
There's different people in the lifestyle.

1096
00:36:58,933 --> 00:37:03,563
And what I always tell people, and I,
I think I make so many videos about

1097
00:37:03,563 --> 00:37:08,243
this and I post it all the time,
your partner, if you're going in as

1098
00:37:08,243 --> 00:37:13,803
a couple, your partner, you and your
partner have to have an understanding.

1099
00:37:13,813 --> 00:37:19,033
You have to be able to h- assist
each other and protect each other.

1100
00:37:19,293 --> 00:37:23,453
Like, I am super protective of Adam.

1101
00:37:23,663 --> 00:37:25,443
Adam's very protective of me.

1102
00:37:25,483 --> 00:37:25,873
Yeah.

1103
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:30,383
He knows I can hold my own and
I will put a stop to whatever

1104
00:37:30,413 --> 00:37:31,923
I feel uncomfortable with.

1105
00:37:32,423 --> 00:37:33,443
To an extent.

1106
00:37:33,893 --> 00:37:36,483
If I don't feel like it,
he's there to back it up

1107
00:37:36,753 --> 00:37:39,203
I look like a tough guy on the exterior.

1108
00:37:39,463 --> 00:37:39,553
Yeah.

1109
00:37:39,593 --> 00:37:43,463
Uh, and if I have to have that person
come out, that's a past Adam that

1110
00:37:43,533 --> 00:37:44,973
I haven't had to have come out.

1111
00:37:45,003 --> 00:37:45,433
Yeah.

1112
00:37:45,503 --> 00:37:47,973
But if I have to- Yeah … I can
bring him out- Yeah … and I can

1113
00:37:47,973 --> 00:37:49,553
take care of things if need be.

1114
00:37:49,583 --> 00:37:49,673
Yeah.

1115
00:37:49,693 --> 00:37:50,593
I would rather not.

1116
00:37:50,603 --> 00:37:51,633
We're all adults here.

1117
00:37:51,643 --> 00:37:51,653
Uh-

1118
00:37:51,733 --> 00:37:52,153
He's the

1119
00:37:52,553 --> 00:37:52,613
tough one.

1120
00:37:52,613 --> 00:37:58,163
No, I'm not … but at the same time, uh,
people who have met us, a lot of them will

1121
00:37:58,163 --> 00:38:02,423
be afraid of me because of how I look,
and really, they should be afraid of you-

1122
00:38:02,553 --> 00:38:02,763
Yeah

1123
00:38:02,763 --> 00:38:03,863
because of how you act.

1124
00:38:04,193 --> 00:38:06,653
So it's like you will,
you will call it out.

1125
00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:08,573
You'll call out the bad behavior.

1126
00:38:08,883 --> 00:38:13,433
Um, you know, if you and I were
on What Would You Do on 2020- Oh,

1127
00:38:13,433 --> 00:38:13,873
man

1128
00:38:13,913 --> 00:38:18,393
…
and it was you separately and it was
me separately, there would be a lot of,

1129
00:38:18,573 --> 00:38:20,793
not necessarily sweeping under the rug.

1130
00:38:20,853 --> 00:38:22,903
I would call things out that are blatant.

1131
00:38:23,303 --> 00:38:26,893
Uh, but I, when I call things
out, it's just slightly different-

1132
00:38:27,093 --> 00:38:27,383
Yes

1133
00:38:27,393 --> 00:38:29,483
…
uh, than way, the way you call things out.

1134
00:38:29,543 --> 00:38:29,843
Yeah.

1135
00:38:29,893 --> 00:38:33,133
Um, you're a very in
your face kind of person.

1136
00:38:33,563 --> 00:38:38,573
Um, there was a time where, uh,
there was a, you saw a guy that was

1137
00:38:38,573 --> 00:38:42,783
basically sexually assaulting, uh,
one of our friends on the dance floor.

1138
00:38:42,783 --> 00:38:43,433
Oh my God.

1139
00:38:43,513 --> 00:38:48,333
Um, and you walked up there and started
dancing with her and went up to him and

1140
00:38:48,333 --> 00:38:50,853
said- You … "If you touch her again"-

1141
00:38:50,863 --> 00:38:52,003
I will fuck you up

1142
00:38:52,113 --> 00:38:52,403
…
yeah.

1143
00:38:53,233 --> 00:38:54,813
Now, I wouldn't have handled it that way.

1144
00:38:55,443 --> 00:38:55,713
Like-

1145
00:38:55,723 --> 00:39:00,523
Uh, I would have contacted the,
uh, the manager, which I did while

1146
00:39:00,523 --> 00:39:02,593
she did that, and it was taken care

1147
00:39:02,663 --> 00:39:02,683
of.

1148
00:39:02,693 --> 00:39:03,113
Mm-hmm.

1149
00:39:03,163 --> 00:39:04,083
They got rid of the guy.

1150
00:39:04,213 --> 00:39:04,633
Mm-hmm.

1151
00:39:05,023 --> 00:39:05,613
He's banned.

1152
00:39:05,623 --> 00:39:06,633
He's never allowed back in.

1153
00:39:07,403 --> 00:39:11,103
Um, I think it was great you stood
up and you did what you did, but

1154
00:39:11,103 --> 00:39:13,573
you and I have very… We, we agree-

1155
00:39:13,573 --> 00:39:13,983
Yes

1156
00:39:14,233 --> 00:39:14,953
…
to a point.

1157
00:39:14,983 --> 00:39:15,743
We agree.

1158
00:39:16,253 --> 00:39:19,433
Uh, you know, we do have to
protect our community, and we

1159
00:39:19,433 --> 00:39:20,973
do have to protect our people.

1160
00:39:21,273 --> 00:39:28,543
Uh, but this is a very large community,
and you don't know, um, you don't know

1161
00:39:28,543 --> 00:39:30,156
everything all the time if it's- You don't

1162
00:39:30,156 --> 00:39:31,153
not dealing with you directly.

1163
00:39:31,163 --> 00:39:31,783
You don't.

1164
00:39:32,133 --> 00:39:32,383
Yeah.

1165
00:39:32,463 --> 00:39:32,923
You don't.

1166
00:39:32,973 --> 00:39:36,633
And, and, and I don't say
things until I see something.

1167
00:39:36,633 --> 00:39:39,513
So when I see something and I
don't see anybody calling that

1168
00:39:39,513 --> 00:39:41,083
person out, I'm gonna call him out.

1169
00:39:41,633 --> 00:39:41,913
Yeah.

1170
00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:42,813
I'm not embarrassed.

1171
00:39:42,833 --> 00:39:43,703
I'm gonna call you out.

1172
00:39:44,353 --> 00:39:44,773
You know?

1173
00:39:44,833 --> 00:39:45,063
Yeah.

1174
00:39:45,063 --> 00:39:53,743
I mean- I've, I think I've been silent
enough in my life and have seen so

1175
00:39:53,743 --> 00:39:57,983
much and have heard so many stories
that I'm, I'm done being silent.

1176
00:39:58,063 --> 00:39:58,883
Like, I'm done.

1177
00:39:58,883 --> 00:40:04,123
Like, sorry if, if it ha- you know, if
something happens the way you didn't

1178
00:40:04,123 --> 00:40:07,713
want it to happen, but I, I am so
okay with calling people out on- I

1179
00:40:07,753 --> 00:40:08,753
mean, we do have-

1180
00:40:08,763 --> 00:40:09,353
…
on bad behavior

1181
00:40:09,503 --> 00:40:13,703
…
we have a moral obligation to
protect the people in our community.

1182
00:40:14,153 --> 00:40:14,483
Um- I

1183
00:40:14,533 --> 00:40:16,757
think we have a moral obligation
to protect not even in our

1184
00:40:16,757 --> 00:40:17,460
community- People, period

1185
00:40:17,460 --> 00:40:17,694
just

1186
00:40:17,694 --> 00:40:17,929
period.

1187
00:40:17,929 --> 00:40:18,163
Yeah.

1188
00:40:18,163 --> 00:40:18,713
I agree.

1189
00:40:18,733 --> 00:40:18,923
Yeah.

1190
00:40:18,923 --> 00:40:19,423
I agree.

1191
00:40:19,833 --> 00:40:23,993
Uh, but at the same time, and, and
this is just a, a… I mean, your,

1192
00:40:24,063 --> 00:40:28,073
your argument is way better than
mine, 100%, because I am on your side.

1193
00:40:28,813 --> 00:40:32,723
Uh, but you know me, apparently I
like to argue with you a lot- Yes, you

1194
00:40:32,723 --> 00:40:34,123
do … so you pointed out the other

1195
00:40:34,123 --> 00:40:34,383
day.

1196
00:40:34,383 --> 00:40:34,561
But

1197
00:40:34,561 --> 00:40:34,916
that's okay.

1198
00:40:34,916 --> 00:40:36,443
Uh, but even still- You like to

1199
00:40:36,453 --> 00:40:37,483
be the opposite of me.

1200
00:40:37,553 --> 00:40:40,613
I don't agree with that,
but that's just me talking.

1201
00:40:40,963 --> 00:40:47,943
Uh, but yeah, I, I do feel like we
have a, um, a moral obligation to

1202
00:40:47,943 --> 00:40:49,733
take care of your fellow person-

1203
00:40:49,853 --> 00:40:50,193
Mm-hmm

1204
00:40:50,263 --> 00:40:51,423
…
your fellow human being.

1205
00:40:51,943 --> 00:41:01,163
Uh, but also we dabble in a lifestyle
where CNC is a thing You know what CNC is?

1206
00:41:01,163 --> 00:41:01,413
Mm-mm.

1207
00:41:01,663 --> 00:41:03,593
Consent non-consent.

1208
00:41:03,813 --> 00:41:04,233
Yeah.

1209
00:41:04,493 --> 00:41:04,653
Oh, that's

1210
00:41:04,833 --> 00:41:04,863
right.

1211
00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:05,903
Consent non-consent.

1212
00:41:06,043 --> 00:41:09,033
And we have a lot of
friends who dabble in this-

1213
00:41:09,183 --> 00:41:09,533
Mm-hmm

1214
00:41:09,543 --> 00:41:11,193
…
with their, with their others.

1215
00:41:11,413 --> 00:41:11,563
Yeah.

1216
00:41:11,933 --> 00:41:15,193
Um, and this, maybe there's an
agreement, and that's why I don't

1217
00:41:15,293 --> 00:41:18,553
pop over and jump into things
if I don't know 100%, you know?

1218
00:41:18,873 --> 00:41:19,283
A- agree.

1219
00:41:19,283 --> 00:41:21,543
I mean, it, it could-
Agree … be a situation.

1220
00:41:21,583 --> 00:41:26,263
And, and, and when it's a situation,
I mean, you can kinda tell.

1221
00:41:26,563 --> 00:41:27,043
You can kinda tell.

1222
00:41:27,043 --> 00:41:27,073
Yes.

1223
00:41:27,073 --> 00:41:32,333
You're right, because there is an
uncomfortable deer in the headlights look-

1224
00:41:32,343 --> 00:41:32,843
Yes

1225
00:41:32,883 --> 00:41:37,253
…
that a person will have when
they're getting sexually assaulted-

1226
00:41:37,253 --> 00:41:37,743
Yes

1227
00:41:38,173 --> 00:41:40,833
…
and they feel like there's
nothing that they can do about it.

1228
00:41:40,833 --> 00:41:41,043
Yes.

1229
00:41:41,053 --> 00:41:42,326
There's a specific look.

1230
00:41:42,326 --> 00:41:42,433
There's a

1231
00:41:42,433 --> 00:41:42,973
look.

1232
00:41:43,093 --> 00:41:44,683
And that's not a CNC

1233
00:41:44,683 --> 00:41:44,923
look.

1234
00:41:44,923 --> 00:41:45,163
No.

1235
00:41:45,163 --> 00:41:48,533
Um, so yeah, I mean, you're,
like I said, you're right.

1236
00:41:48,563 --> 00:41:48,843
Yeah.

1237
00:41:48,893 --> 00:41:51,313
I'm just pointing out that
there are caveats to this.

1238
00:41:51,333 --> 00:41:51,633
Yeah.

1239
00:41:52,013 --> 00:41:56,173
Uh, because not everything in
this arena, especially with the

1240
00:41:56,173 --> 00:41:59,073
lifestyle, is that clear-cut and dry.

1241
00:41:59,093 --> 00:41:59,443
Yeah.

1242
00:41:59,553 --> 00:42:02,433
Um, and that's the scary part, guys.

1243
00:42:02,443 --> 00:42:04,203
That's the scary part-
Yeah … about the lifestyle.

1244
00:42:04,213 --> 00:42:05,623
It is a scary- Mm-hmm

1245
00:42:05,633 --> 00:42:07,003
portion of the lifestyle-

1246
00:42:07,013 --> 00:42:07,223
Mm-hmm

1247
00:42:07,373 --> 00:42:10,433
…
that sexual assaults will happen-

1248
00:42:10,463 --> 00:42:10,733
Yes

1249
00:42:10,763 --> 00:42:12,313
…
if you are not vigilant-

1250
00:42:12,353 --> 00:42:12,643
Yeah

1251
00:42:12,773 --> 00:42:17,503
…
if you are not paying attention- Mm-hmm
… to what's around you and what's happening.

1252
00:42:17,883 --> 00:42:19,913
It can happen with strangers.

1253
00:42:19,943 --> 00:42:20,243
Mm-hmm.

1254
00:42:20,293 --> 00:42:23,313
It can happen with the people
that you've known for months.

1255
00:42:23,323 --> 00:42:23,403
Yes.

1256
00:42:23,443 --> 00:42:26,033
And it can happen with people
that you've known for years.

1257
00:42:26,043 --> 00:42:26,063
Yeah.

1258
00:42:26,483 --> 00:42:28,973
Uh, it, it, you really don't know.

1259
00:42:29,423 --> 00:42:31,373
But when it happens, it happens.

1260
00:42:31,433 --> 00:42:31,593
Yeah.

1261
00:42:31,613 --> 00:42:34,913
And you really have to sit back and
go, "How am I gonna handle this- Mm-hmm

1262
00:42:35,333 --> 00:42:40,143
… now? Am I gonna sweep it under the rug
and pretend like it didn't happen in hopes

1263
00:42:40,193 --> 00:42:45,463
it doesn't happen again? Am I gonna, am
I gonna confront it and call it out and

1264
00:42:45,463 --> 00:42:50,353
say, 'I really hope that this was a first
and only time that this ever happens'"?

1265
00:42:50,883 --> 00:42:52,853
Um, or are you just gonna
say, "You know what?

1266
00:42:53,103 --> 00:42:53,623
Fuck you.

1267
00:42:53,623 --> 00:42:54,373
You shouldn't have done that.

1268
00:42:54,393 --> 00:42:54,813
I'm out.

1269
00:42:54,853 --> 00:42:56,383
Peace." Like, how are you gonna handle it?

1270
00:42:56,383 --> 00:42:57,043
Yeah.

1271
00:42:57,043 --> 00:43:00,143
And, uh, how, how would you,
how would you handle it?

1272
00:43:00,213 --> 00:43:03,433
Oh, I, I, I definitely
learn from my experiences.

1273
00:43:03,543 --> 00:43:03,843
Yeah.

1274
00:43:04,033 --> 00:43:07,713
I learn from all, every, all and
every experience that I've had

1275
00:43:07,713 --> 00:43:11,683
in my whole life, I learn, and
to this day, I am still learning.

1276
00:43:11,853 --> 00:43:13,713
One, I will always be loud.

1277
00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:14,743
Yeah.

1278
00:43:14,763 --> 00:43:15,643
I will always be loud.

1279
00:43:15,643 --> 00:43:18,413
I will, I will always… If
I feel uncomfortable with a

1280
00:43:18,413 --> 00:43:23,233
situation, I know to say no.

1281
00:43:24,213 --> 00:43:24,393
Absolutely.

1282
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:25,773
Like, I know how to say no.

1283
00:43:25,773 --> 00:43:26,153
Yeah, yeah.

1284
00:43:26,173 --> 00:43:30,573
I know to also be vigilant
of my fellow women.

1285
00:43:31,003 --> 00:43:31,283
Uh-huh.

1286
00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:34,563
And if I see deer in headlights,
I will always ask, "Are you good?"

1287
00:43:34,883 --> 00:43:35,173
Right.

1288
00:43:35,223 --> 00:43:36,033
"Are you okay?"

1289
00:43:36,083 --> 00:43:36,463
Right.

1290
00:43:36,663 --> 00:43:39,083
Um- I, I will, I'll call out.

1291
00:43:39,743 --> 00:43:42,003
If something is happening
to me, I'm gonna call it out

1292
00:43:42,133 --> 00:43:46,243
And I love- And- I love you for that
I- And I wish there were more like you-

1293
00:43:46,303 --> 00:43:46,603
Yeah

1294
00:43:46,643 --> 00:43:47,493
…
in this lifestyle.

1295
00:43:47,493 --> 00:43:50,173
We have friends, uh, even in our club.

1296
00:43:50,183 --> 00:43:51,673
That's one of the reasons
why we like the club.

1297
00:43:52,173 --> 00:43:56,393
Some of the people that show up there just
as often as us are, are like you in that.

1298
00:43:56,393 --> 00:43:56,633
Yes.

1299
00:43:56,643 --> 00:43:58,245
They will call out bad behavior.

1300
00:43:58,245 --> 00:43:58,733
They will call out

1301
00:43:58,733 --> 00:43:59,283
bad behavior.

1302
00:43:59,293 --> 00:44:01,513
They will very clearly tell people no.

1303
00:44:01,513 --> 00:44:04,023
They will, they will stand up
for the others around them.

1304
00:44:04,093 --> 00:44:09,013
And, and, I mean, I understand if
someone is, is, is drinking, and,

1305
00:44:09,023 --> 00:44:10,413
you know, inhibitions are lower.

1306
00:44:10,443 --> 00:44:11,943
I understand that.

1307
00:44:11,943 --> 00:44:12,733
Mistakes happen.

1308
00:44:13,293 --> 00:44:18,183
I will tell you, "Hey, you're
acting a little erratic right now,

1309
00:44:18,193 --> 00:44:19,643
and I am not enjoying this." Yeah.

1310
00:44:19,753 --> 00:44:24,743
Like, I don't play with
people who are too inebriated.

1311
00:44:25,563 --> 00:44:30,043
And then the guy looks at you and
goes, "Erratic? Yeah. Fucking A."

1312
00:44:30,653 --> 00:44:31,583
I do not…

1313
00:44:31,593 --> 00:44:34,133
I don't- I knew I was,
had erratic behavior.

1314
00:44:34,183 --> 00:44:35,053
You want White Claw?

1315
00:44:35,553 --> 00:44:37,593
Oh my God- Sorry … the
White Claw guy is gonna- Sorry

1316
00:44:37,593 --> 00:44:40,503
be in our thing 'cause I was like, I
was like, "That's how you get them."

1317
00:44:40,533 --> 00:44:41,253
Sorry, White

1318
00:44:41,253 --> 00:44:41,583
Claw.

1319
00:44:41,673 --> 00:44:42,323
That's how you get them.

1320
00:44:42,323 --> 00:44:42,413
Sorry.

1321
00:44:42,413 --> 00:44:43,993
That's how you get the
girls with your White Claw.

1322
00:44:44,273 --> 00:44:47,913
Um, no, I, I have no, I have no problem.

1323
00:44:47,943 --> 00:44:50,893
Um, and I feel like I get more empowered-

1324
00:44:51,033 --> 00:44:51,623
As time goes on

1325
00:44:51,633 --> 00:44:54,023
…
after every situation.

1326
00:44:54,023 --> 00:45:00,133
Yeah, it's funny because, uh, I used to
always talk about how when a woman who

1327
00:45:00,133 --> 00:45:06,013
is in an abusive relationship separates
from them and gets a divorce and finally

1328
00:45:06,293 --> 00:45:08,713
realizes and empowers herself- Mm-hmm

1329
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:12,753
she empowers herself, and she
almost goes over that mark-

1330
00:45:12,793 --> 00:45:13,093
Yeah

1331
00:45:13,403 --> 00:45:16,693
…
to, you know, kind of overinflates-
Yeah … that empowerment-

1332
00:45:16,693 --> 00:45:17,013
Yes

1333
00:45:17,053 --> 00:45:18,353
…
to show off that-

1334
00:45:18,423 --> 00:45:18,643
Yeah

1335
00:45:18,643 --> 00:45:19,963
… "
Hey, you don't fuck with me now."

1336
00:45:19,973 --> 00:45:20,243
Yes.

1337
00:45:20,263 --> 00:45:22,043
"
You have no hold over me." Yes.

1338
00:45:22,363 --> 00:45:24,213
And I think it's kind of the
similar situation for you.

1339
00:45:24,373 --> 00:45:25,483
It is, yeah, yeah.

1340
00:45:25,543 --> 00:45:28,363
Because every time there's a
situation it's like, "You know what?

1341
00:45:28,373 --> 00:45:31,763
You got away with that this time,
motherfucker." You ain't getting it.

1342
00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:32,533
"But nobody's gonna do it again."

1343
00:45:32,573 --> 00:45:32,903
Yeah.

1344
00:45:33,033 --> 00:45:33,703
Like, that's it.

1345
00:45:33,703 --> 00:45:34,223
Pretty much.

1346
00:45:34,233 --> 00:45:34,543
Yeah,

1347
00:45:34,543 --> 00:45:35,723
no, that's- That's exactly what it is.

1348
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:36,183
It's a-

1349
00:45:36,243 --> 00:45:36,953
I know my wife

1350
00:45:37,033 --> 00:45:44,043
…
I, um… And if I see those people around,
I'm vigilant of who they're talking to.

1351
00:45:44,753 --> 00:45:46,183
To see if they're taking
advantage of them?

1352
00:45:46,183 --> 00:45:46,623
Yes.

1353
00:45:46,783 --> 00:45:47,613
Yeah, yeah.

1354
00:45:47,653 --> 00:45:47,873
Yeah.

1355
00:45:48,443 --> 00:45:56,053
Uh, I, I think the one that blows my mind
the most is the couple ownership, uh,

1356
00:45:56,093 --> 00:45:58,393
couples taking ownership of newer couples.

1357
00:45:58,393 --> 00:45:58,703
Yeah.

1358
00:45:58,803 --> 00:46:02,413
And what's crazy about it
is I f- I've seen it and not

1359
00:46:02,423 --> 00:46:04,223
realized that that was happening.

1360
00:46:04,243 --> 00:46:04,523
Yeah.

1361
00:46:04,583 --> 00:46:09,453
And I've been told stories- Yeah … from
people who were popular couples in

1362
00:46:09,453 --> 00:46:14,823
the lifestyle talking about when they
got into the lifestyle, that couples

1363
00:46:15,313 --> 00:46:21,003
came in and basically took ownership
of them, and they did not know it.

1364
00:46:21,043 --> 00:46:23,873
And let me tell you, oh my God, yes.

1365
00:46:23,983 --> 00:46:24,213
Yeah.

1366
00:46:24,263 --> 00:46:28,393
And the stories that fucking come
out of these people's mouths.

1367
00:46:28,833 --> 00:46:29,313
It's incredible.

1368
00:46:29,323 --> 00:46:31,853
And it's, it's called grooming.

1369
00:46:32,393 --> 00:46:33,343
It's grooming, people.

1370
00:46:33,353 --> 00:46:34,713
These people are grooming you.

1371
00:46:34,713 --> 00:46:35,063
Put a name on it.

1372
00:46:35,063 --> 00:46:42,543
And what fucking just blows my mind
is that you're saying this, and I

1373
00:46:42,603 --> 00:46:47,743
know of the fucking group that's
still going on and fucking grooming.

1374
00:46:47,743 --> 00:46:48,213
Yeah.

1375
00:46:48,213 --> 00:46:49,353
And just grooming.

1376
00:46:49,403 --> 00:46:49,643
Yeah.

1377
00:46:49,693 --> 00:46:53,663
And grooming, and it's like, do you
not, did you not hear what we told you?

1378
00:46:53,663 --> 00:46:55,913
Do you not understand?

1379
00:46:56,153 --> 00:46:56,513
Like-

1380
00:46:56,723 --> 00:46:57,103
Yeah

1381
00:46:57,113 --> 00:46:58,953
…
I hope to God you're
listening to this show.

1382
00:46:59,643 --> 00:46:59,933
Yeah.

1383
00:47:00,023 --> 00:47:02,593
It, it's- Like, I hope, like, I might
even send it to them and be like-

1384
00:47:02,593 --> 00:47:03,333
It's really bad

1385
00:47:03,333 --> 00:47:05,273
… "
You guys need to understand
this right here."

1386
00:47:05,603 --> 00:47:05,933
Yeah.

1387
00:47:05,933 --> 00:47:10,623
You know, it's, it's… And that's
the thing about it is it's not even,

1388
00:47:10,633 --> 00:47:13,643
you can't sit back and go, "Well,
it's, they don't realize that they're

1389
00:47:13,643 --> 00:47:16,223
doing it." No, they, they know.

1390
00:47:16,223 --> 00:47:16,793
Oh, they know.

1391
00:47:16,803 --> 00:47:17,663
They know what they're doing.

1392
00:47:17,663 --> 00:47:18,153
They know.

1393
00:47:18,293 --> 00:47:22,433
Um- It's predatory … it, 'cause
that's what predator, uh, predators.

1394
00:47:22,933 --> 00:47:23,313
It's the predators.

1395
00:47:23,313 --> 00:47:24,473
Uh, that's what predators do.

1396
00:47:24,563 --> 00:47:24,823
Yeah.

1397
00:47:24,873 --> 00:47:27,903
They, uh, that's exactly what they do.

1398
00:47:27,933 --> 00:47:29,153
They know what they're doing.

1399
00:47:29,163 --> 00:47:30,723
They're doing it for a purpose.

1400
00:47:31,063 --> 00:47:36,823
Uh, and like you said, yeah, uh, we did
that a little bit when we first started as

1401
00:47:36,823 --> 00:47:38,653
newbies because we didn't know any better.

1402
00:47:38,943 --> 00:47:42,363
I was, uh, hungry for those experiences.

1403
00:47:42,363 --> 00:47:43,953
Yeah, but we didn't, but we didn't-

1404
00:47:44,453 --> 00:47:46,313
We didn't really prey on anybody, no

1405
00:47:46,313 --> 00:47:47,893
I was like, "We didn't prey on anybody"-
No … 'cause we didn't have fun

1406
00:47:47,893 --> 00:47:49,313
when… We didn't even play with anybody

1407
00:47:49,313 --> 00:47:50,013
We didn't really.

1408
00:47:50,463 --> 00:47:51,113
Uh, but-

1409
00:47:51,323 --> 00:47:53,453
You, and your situation
was different, baby.

1410
00:47:53,453 --> 00:47:56,323
You looked for people.

1411
00:47:56,493 --> 00:47:56,653
Yeah.

1412
00:47:56,683 --> 00:47:58,043
You didn't press.

1413
00:47:58,053 --> 00:48:00,913
You weren't, you weren't love bombing.

1414
00:48:01,203 --> 00:48:02,633
Motherfuckers were love bombing you.

1415
00:48:02,653 --> 00:48:04,323
You did not love bomb them.

1416
00:48:04,543 --> 00:48:05,063
That's true.

1417
00:48:05,153 --> 00:48:05,883
You know what I mean?

1418
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:06,043
Like-

1419
00:48:06,053 --> 00:48:06,293
Yeah.

1420
00:48:06,293 --> 00:48:06,413
Yeah

1421
00:48:06,413 --> 00:48:07,763
…
it was a different situation.

1422
00:48:07,773 --> 00:48:08,793
We were not preying.

1423
00:48:09,293 --> 00:48:13,193
We made accidents, but we
didn't, we didn't prey.

1424
00:48:13,493 --> 00:48:15,233
Yeah, no, that's true.

1425
00:48:15,583 --> 00:48:17,033
Um- We're not… That's not in our nature.

1426
00:48:17,043 --> 00:48:17,433
No.

1427
00:48:17,553 --> 00:48:18,563
No, it really isn't.

1428
00:48:18,863 --> 00:48:20,303
I don't think you'd ever let that happen.

1429
00:48:20,313 --> 00:48:20,823
No.

1430
00:48:20,903 --> 00:48:26,003
Um, I'm not, I'm not that kind of
person, but I, I really am, I'm like you.

1431
00:48:26,003 --> 00:48:28,573
You know, we've always kind of
looked out for other human beings.

1432
00:48:28,603 --> 00:48:28,813
Mm-hmm.

1433
00:48:29,233 --> 00:48:29,563
Um-

1434
00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,933
But I do get what you mean.

1435
00:48:30,973 --> 00:48:32,343
You were preyed upon.

1436
00:48:32,673 --> 00:48:34,493
Well, I mean, I had no experience.

1437
00:48:34,633 --> 00:48:34,803
Yeah.

1438
00:48:34,803 --> 00:48:39,703
I was new, and then when we entered
the lifestyle, there were couples

1439
00:48:39,763 --> 00:48:42,683
in our community that were, um-

1440
00:48:43,553 --> 00:48:43,943
Oh

1441
00:48:44,013 --> 00:48:47,483
they were, they had been in
it, and they were, you know,

1442
00:48:47,613 --> 00:48:48,983
floating around in it quite a bit.

1443
00:48:48,983 --> 00:48:49,043
They preyed

1444
00:48:49,043 --> 00:48:49,403
us-

1445
00:48:49,483 --> 00:48:49,863
They did

1446
00:48:49,863 --> 00:48:50,743
…
to be with me.

1447
00:48:50,773 --> 00:48:51,193
Yeah.

1448
00:48:51,403 --> 00:48:51,773
Yeah.

1449
00:48:52,023 --> 00:48:52,893
That's exactly it.

1450
00:48:52,903 --> 00:48:54,103
Like, that was a lot.

1451
00:48:54,183 --> 00:48:54,553
Yeah.

1452
00:48:54,793 --> 00:48:58,533
And, uh, even then- You know what?

1453
00:48:58,573 --> 00:48:59,883
I completely forgot about that.

1454
00:48:59,883 --> 00:48:59,923
Uh-huh.

1455
00:48:59,923 --> 00:49:02,253
But even then, you were sexually…
That was one of the first times you were

1456
00:49:02,253 --> 00:49:04,053
sexually assaulted by somebody- Mm-hmm

1457
00:49:04,053 --> 00:49:07,123
at a, a beach orgy.

1458
00:49:07,193 --> 00:49:07,503
Mm-hmm.

1459
00:49:07,503 --> 00:49:07,613
Mm-hmm.

1460
00:49:07,613 --> 00:49:08,023
Yeah.

1461
00:49:08,873 --> 00:49:13,063
Um, and that guy had no
control over himself at all.

1462
00:49:13,073 --> 00:49:13,093
Mm-mm.

1463
00:49:13,093 --> 00:49:16,193
Like, he just could not… He, he
felt like it was okay for him to touch

1464
00:49:16,193 --> 00:49:17,473
and- Mm-hmm … and you know what?

1465
00:49:17,713 --> 00:49:18,803
In that community- I didn't know

1466
00:49:18,803 --> 00:49:19,413
my no.

1467
00:49:19,533 --> 00:49:20,193
No, you didn't.

1468
00:49:20,203 --> 00:49:22,483
I did not know my no, guys And we
were, we were still very, very new.

1469
00:49:22,533 --> 00:49:22,783
Mm-hmm.

1470
00:49:22,803 --> 00:49:27,243
Although you did tell him no once
because, uh, if you remember,

1471
00:49:27,253 --> 00:49:29,203
we had that, that little SUV.

1472
00:49:29,303 --> 00:49:29,593
Yeah.

1473
00:49:29,633 --> 00:49:33,753
And so we, we kind of broke off from
everybody, and we went into that SUV,

1474
00:49:34,033 --> 00:49:35,793
and we started having sex in there.

1475
00:49:35,983 --> 00:49:36,283
And he was

1476
00:49:36,283 --> 00:49:36,293
around.

1477
00:49:36,293 --> 00:49:38,873
He was- And he was watching through
the windows, and then he tried to

1478
00:49:38,873 --> 00:49:42,173
climb in, and you pushed him off, and
you were like, "No, this is just us."

1479
00:49:42,353 --> 00:49:42,563
Yeah.

1480
00:49:43,193 --> 00:49:45,483
And so he ended up walking away.

1481
00:49:45,763 --> 00:49:50,263
And then later on, somebody else was
involved, and we were all having a thing.

1482
00:49:50,263 --> 00:49:50,573
Yeah.

1483
00:49:50,833 --> 00:49:54,413
And then he thought it was okay for
him- Yeah … to just penetrate you.

1484
00:49:54,413 --> 00:49:54,473
Yeah,

1485
00:49:54,473 --> 00:49:54,803
yeah.

1486
00:49:55,423 --> 00:49:55,893
And-

1487
00:49:56,263 --> 00:49:56,493
Yeah

1488
00:49:56,493 --> 00:49:57,553
…
you didn't have your no.

1489
00:49:57,573 --> 00:49:58,453
I didn't have my no.

1490
00:49:58,733 --> 00:49:59,313
And it happened.

1491
00:49:59,343 --> 00:50:03,793
And I don't even know if
anybody's told that guy no.

1492
00:50:03,793 --> 00:50:05,583
He did that for several years.

1493
00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:05,663
Yeah.

1494
00:50:05,663 --> 00:50:10,623
And he developed a reputation in
the community of breaking the,

1495
00:50:10,653 --> 00:50:12,883
uh, the boundaries of people.

1496
00:50:12,893 --> 00:50:12,913
Yeah.

1497
00:50:12,923 --> 00:50:15,833
And nobody- Mm-hmm … I don't
think anybody ever called him out.

1498
00:50:15,873 --> 00:50:16,273
Mm-mm.

1499
00:50:16,683 --> 00:50:17,013
This is incredible.

1500
00:50:17,013 --> 00:50:17,803
I didn't.

1501
00:50:18,383 --> 00:50:18,503
Yeah.

1502
00:50:18,503 --> 00:50:19,893
But if I were to see
the motherfucker now…

1503
00:50:20,393 --> 00:50:20,693
Yeah.

1504
00:50:20,733 --> 00:50:24,223
You know what's funny is his ex-

1505
00:50:24,233 --> 00:50:24,493
Mm-hmm

1506
00:50:24,823 --> 00:50:26,073
who is still our friend-

1507
00:50:26,083 --> 00:50:26,363
Yeah

1508
00:50:26,663 --> 00:50:32,763
…
she had told me that, uh, they
as a couple were playing with

1509
00:50:32,763 --> 00:50:34,393
this other couple that we knew.

1510
00:50:34,523 --> 00:50:34,833
Mm-hmm.

1511
00:50:35,373 --> 00:50:39,453
Um, and they were doing
parallel play, right?

1512
00:50:39,463 --> 00:50:39,493
Mm-hmm.

1513
00:50:40,073 --> 00:50:43,753
Uh, and he did not use a condom
with his, with his girlfriend.

1514
00:50:43,823 --> 00:50:44,103
Oh, okay.

1515
00:50:44,443 --> 00:50:45,053
With his girlfriend.

1516
00:50:45,053 --> 00:50:47,853
Um, and of course the other
couple, the, the husband and

1517
00:50:47,853 --> 00:50:48,963
wife, they didn't use a condom.

1518
00:50:49,373 --> 00:50:51,943
But the, their, her boundary-

1519
00:50:52,143 --> 00:50:52,433
Uh-huh

1520
00:50:52,483 --> 00:50:55,133
…
our friend, her boundary
is always condoms.

1521
00:50:55,193 --> 00:50:56,373
We do not do unprotected.

1522
00:50:56,493 --> 00:50:56,763
Uh-huh.

1523
00:50:57,193 --> 00:51:04,223
Um, so they swapped, and she said
that she noticed that the guy that

1524
00:51:04,223 --> 00:51:09,623
she… The, the husband, uh, that was
having s- sex with her was attempting

1525
00:51:09,623 --> 00:51:14,333
to take off the condom in the
middle of sex, and she's very vocal.

1526
00:51:14,573 --> 00:51:15,703
She has her no.

1527
00:51:16,263 --> 00:51:16,943
And she stopped.

1528
00:51:16,953 --> 00:51:19,093
She said, "Uh-uh, what do
you think you're doing?

1529
00:51:19,873 --> 00:51:23,773
You're not gonna do that." And she
was like, "We're not doing this."

1530
00:51:24,273 --> 00:51:30,403
She realized this was something
the, the boys had discussed- … and

1531
00:51:30,403 --> 00:51:35,713
said it was okay because he, this,
the one that had sexually assaulted

1532
00:51:35,713 --> 00:51:38,463
you, was condomless in the wife.

1533
00:51:38,963 --> 00:51:43,753
And the difference was, was that our
friend was very upset, made a huge

1534
00:51:43,753 --> 00:51:45,253
deal about it, was pissed off- Oh,

1535
00:51:45,253 --> 00:51:45,523
I would

1536
00:51:45,583 --> 00:51:48,753
…
and even got pissed off
at the wife because-

1537
00:51:48,993 --> 00:51:49,143
She

1538
00:51:49,143 --> 00:51:52,513
was in on it … she said, "I think
she was in on it," because she

1539
00:51:52,513 --> 00:51:53,743
seemed to have been enjoying it.

1540
00:51:54,613 --> 00:51:55,093
No.

1541
00:51:55,543 --> 00:51:58,533
And I-- blew my fucking mind.

1542
00:51:58,533 --> 00:51:58,763
No.

1543
00:51:58,763 --> 00:51:59,143
Mm-mm.

1544
00:51:59,173 --> 00:52:02,083
And you know, you know
that, that is illegal.

1545
00:52:02,273 --> 00:52:02,873
Did you know that?

1546
00:52:03,413 --> 00:52:06,413
Uh, there's a name for it, and I
can't remember, but somebody that,

1547
00:52:06,423 --> 00:52:13,093
that we follow, uh, has been doing
some, uh, content on it, and she

1548
00:52:13,093 --> 00:52:16,853
was talking about how, uh… I
can't remember what it's called.

1549
00:52:17,123 --> 00:52:23,943
But when you're having penetrative sex
with somebody, and condoms are a must and

1550
00:52:23,943 --> 00:52:29,513
the, the, that, that's the agreed-upon
thing, and you find some way of taking off

1551
00:52:29,523 --> 00:52:35,133
the condom so that you can have sex with
them without, that is against the law.

1552
00:52:35,533 --> 00:52:36,073
Really?

1553
00:52:36,093 --> 00:52:36,713
It is.

1554
00:52:37,023 --> 00:52:37,643
It is.

1555
00:52:37,783 --> 00:52:38,523
Now I have to look for it.

1556
00:52:38,573 --> 00:52:42,883
I actually had sent it to you,
uh, that, that content creator.

1557
00:52:43,313 --> 00:52:44,793
Let me, let me put it up here.

1558
00:52:45,513 --> 00:52:46,203
Let's see.

1559
00:52:46,703 --> 00:52:47,383
Wow

1560
00:52:47,763 --> 00:52:48,093
Yeah.

1561
00:52:48,593 --> 00:52:49,243
Stealthing

1562
00:52:49,243 --> 00:52:50,013
Stealthing

1563
00:52:50,013 --> 00:52:51,423
Stealthing is what it's called.

1564
00:52:51,423 --> 00:52:51,743
Yeah

1565
00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:53,583
And that I, I c- I knew
it started with an S.

1566
00:52:53,583 --> 00:52:56,813
I couldn't- In many places, removing
condom during prene- penetrive-

1567
00:52:56,813 --> 00:52:59,633
Penetrative, yeah … penetrative
sex without your partner's

1568
00:52:59,653 --> 00:53:03,293
knowledge or consent often is called
stealthing and can be illegal.

1569
00:53:03,613 --> 00:53:07,403
Whether it's a crime depends on the
laws where it happened, but these

1570
00:53:07,403 --> 00:53:09,103
are generally two possibilities.

1571
00:53:09,463 --> 00:53:14,143
Criminal law, someone states and
countries… Oh, some states and

1572
00:53:14,143 --> 00:53:18,513
countries have laws that specifically
prohibit unconsent- non-consensual

1573
00:53:18,513 --> 00:53:23,903
condom removal or prosecuted under
sexual assault or related offenses.

1574
00:53:24,183 --> 00:53:25,523
It could also be a civil law.

1575
00:53:26,263 --> 00:53:31,253
Even where it isn't a specific crime,
the person who has, who was harmed

1576
00:53:31,733 --> 00:53:35,123
by the person can sue for damages.

1577
00:53:35,223 --> 00:53:35,713
Yeah.

1578
00:53:36,413 --> 00:53:37,033
That's a thing.

1579
00:53:37,093 --> 00:53:40,803
I mean, if you did that to someone-
That's a fucking thing … it's,

1580
00:53:40,823 --> 00:53:42,103
it's not okay, people.

1581
00:53:42,213 --> 00:53:43,213
It is not okay.

1582
00:53:43,283 --> 00:53:44,263
Consent, baby.

1583
00:53:44,273 --> 00:53:44,523
My goodness.

1584
00:53:44,523 --> 00:53:49,043
It's all about consent, and when you do
things to break that consent, to break

1585
00:53:49,053 --> 00:53:56,123
those boundaries, uh, without obtaining
consent, yeah, that's probably illegal.

1586
00:53:56,683 --> 00:53:58,553
So that's something that
you gotta look out for.

1587
00:53:58,583 --> 00:54:00,693
It can happen, guys, you know?

1588
00:54:00,693 --> 00:54:01,753
You just never know.

1589
00:54:02,163 --> 00:54:04,413
Um, and I'm not saying don't trust.

1590
00:54:04,493 --> 00:54:05,153
Yeah.

1591
00:54:05,153 --> 00:54:08,953
I'm not saying go out there and don't make
friends and, and- S- state … you know.

1592
00:54:09,023 --> 00:54:09,183
S-

1593
00:54:09,613 --> 00:54:10,103
exactly.

1594
00:54:10,113 --> 00:54:11,133
State your boundaries.

1595
00:54:11,133 --> 00:54:11,453
Yeah

1596
00:54:11,553 --> 00:54:12,663
State your rules.

1597
00:54:13,273 --> 00:54:14,193
Be vigilant.

1598
00:54:14,203 --> 00:54:14,563
Be steadfast

1599
00:54:14,563 --> 00:54:14,713
about that.

1600
00:54:14,713 --> 00:54:19,973
If you're a single person, if you're a
single woman, always go with somebody.

1601
00:54:20,073 --> 00:54:21,323
Make friends.

1602
00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:23,323
Know who you're talking to.

1603
00:54:23,823 --> 00:54:25,983
Don't drink too much- Don't drink
too much, yeah … if you're out.

1604
00:54:25,983 --> 00:54:26,773
Don't drink too much.

1605
00:54:26,783 --> 00:54:29,473
I understand everybody likes
to have a good pastime.

1606
00:54:29,843 --> 00:54:31,443
There's a, there's a, there's a point.

1607
00:54:31,963 --> 00:54:35,773
If you need to be inebriated to be at an
event, then you shouldn't be at the event.

1608
00:54:36,033 --> 00:54:36,343
Yeah.

1609
00:54:36,733 --> 00:54:37,163
Um-

1610
00:54:37,333 --> 00:54:38,143
That's a good point

1611
00:54:38,223 --> 00:54:42,803
…
you know, you and your
partner set your own words.

1612
00:54:43,673 --> 00:54:44,963
You know, safe words.

1613
00:54:44,963 --> 00:54:47,273
Safe words One of y'all
has to be sober, guys.

1614
00:54:47,453 --> 00:54:49,063
You can't both be drunk.

1615
00:54:49,783 --> 00:54:50,133
Like-

1616
00:54:50,683 --> 00:54:50,963
Yeah

1617
00:54:50,993 --> 00:54:51,463
…
you know?

1618
00:54:51,743 --> 00:54:53,913
And read the fucking room.

1619
00:54:53,953 --> 00:54:54,553
Read the room.

1620
00:54:54,893 --> 00:54:58,063
Like, if a woman- is saying,
"No, not right now," or, you

1621
00:54:58,063 --> 00:55:01,853
know, g- we do this thing where
we're like, "You're funny," Yeah

1622
00:55:02,273 --> 00:55:03,153
and push you away.

1623
00:55:03,433 --> 00:55:04,053
That means no.

1624
00:55:04,483 --> 00:55:04,813
Yeah.

1625
00:55:04,863 --> 00:55:06,073
We just don't know how to say it yet.

1626
00:55:06,493 --> 00:55:06,813
Yeah.

1627
00:55:06,953 --> 00:55:12,373
It's, it's any kind of no, whether
it's verbal or non-verbal- Yeah … um-

1628
00:55:12,413 --> 00:55:12,773
Yeah

1629
00:55:12,803 --> 00:55:13,683
…
is a no.

1630
00:55:13,713 --> 00:55:14,273
Is a no.

1631
00:55:14,313 --> 00:55:17,693
If it's not enthusiastic
consent, it's a no.

1632
00:55:17,743 --> 00:55:18,233
There you go.

1633
00:55:18,323 --> 00:55:21,403
Um, and I, I know that there's
a lot of argument about what

1634
00:55:21,403 --> 00:55:24,283
exactly is enthusiastic consent.

1635
00:55:24,673 --> 00:55:27,623
Well, I mean, it, it doesn't mean
that they have to be jumping up

1636
00:55:27,623 --> 00:55:29,533
and down, "Yay, let's go." Mm-hmm.

1637
00:55:29,773 --> 00:55:32,633
No, it just means that
they have to be into it.

1638
00:55:33,023 --> 00:55:35,473
You can tell when somebody's
saying yes and- Reciprocating the

1639
00:55:35,473 --> 00:55:36,003
same energy

1640
00:55:36,013 --> 00:55:36,323
…
and, yeah.

1641
00:55:36,323 --> 00:55:36,763
Yeah.

1642
00:55:36,843 --> 00:55:38,773
They're, they're basically just not-

1643
00:55:39,103 --> 00:55:39,323
Yeah

1644
00:55:39,363 --> 00:55:42,603
…
they're not there on the same level as
you, but they're saying yes because they

1645
00:55:42,603 --> 00:55:44,343
maybe feel like they're obligated to.

1646
00:55:44,713 --> 00:55:46,873
That is not- Yeah … an
enthusiastic consent.

1647
00:55:47,293 --> 00:55:50,003
And, uh, frankly, why would
you want it unless- And it's

1648
00:55:50,093 --> 00:55:51,263
okay to say no.

1649
00:55:51,343 --> 00:55:54,953
It's okay to say no in a
ver- I have turned down many

1650
00:55:54,983 --> 00:55:58,273
people in a very nice way.

1651
00:55:59,003 --> 00:55:59,253
Yeah.

1652
00:55:59,753 --> 00:56:00,213
That's true.

1653
00:56:00,573 --> 00:56:02,023
She turns me down all the time.

1654
00:56:02,883 --> 00:56:03,623
But it's nice.

1655
00:56:03,853 --> 00:56:04,013
Yes.

1656
00:56:04,013 --> 00:56:05,353
And I'm like, I stay married to her.

1657
00:56:05,533 --> 00:56:07,733
Because I'm like, man,
that's kind of my thing.

1658
00:56:07,893 --> 00:56:08,263
Yeah.

1659
00:56:08,383 --> 00:56:10,653
She's like, "I'm gonna go have sex with
other people," and like, "I have sex

1660
00:56:10,653 --> 00:56:13,333
with you." I'm like, " Okay." That's hot.

1661
00:56:13,793 --> 00:56:14,003
Ah.

1662
00:56:14,013 --> 00:56:14,523
Take a video.

1663
00:56:14,783 --> 00:56:15,923
Sorry, that took a turn.

1664
00:56:16,233 --> 00:56:16,393
It did.

1665
00:56:16,433 --> 00:56:19,643
Um, yeah, so like we said, stay vigilant.

1666
00:56:19,663 --> 00:56:24,133
If you're new and you're coming in
and you haven't, you haven't had these

1667
00:56:24,133 --> 00:56:27,303
experiences, don't worry, you will.

1668
00:56:27,803 --> 00:56:28,603
Ooh, I have another one.

1669
00:56:28,643 --> 00:56:28,963
What?

1670
00:56:29,493 --> 00:56:32,733
Talk about your experiences after
your experiences with your partner.

1671
00:56:32,783 --> 00:56:33,133
Oh, yeah.

1672
00:56:33,193 --> 00:56:37,393
Because you may have seen something
he did not see, or vice versa.

1673
00:56:37,873 --> 00:56:39,433
Talk about your experiences.

1674
00:56:39,703 --> 00:56:42,303
After you have an experience,
step away for a second.

1675
00:56:43,073 --> 00:56:44,723
Go and meet with each other.

1676
00:56:45,003 --> 00:56:49,913
Talk about it, because things may
have happened that you didn't like.

1677
00:56:49,913 --> 00:56:50,453
Yeah.

1678
00:56:50,453 --> 00:56:54,073
You know, like, I don't know, it's
just, it's a good way for you to

1679
00:56:54,073 --> 00:56:56,963
kind of, um, look at everything

1680
00:56:57,173 --> 00:56:59,723
and- And call out your spouse if
you see them, or your partners

1681
00:56:59,733 --> 00:57:01,383
if you see them being predatory.

1682
00:57:01,393 --> 00:57:01,983
Yes.

1683
00:57:02,083 --> 00:57:03,013
I did with this one.

1684
00:57:03,303 --> 00:57:03,653
Yes.

1685
00:57:04,153 --> 00:57:06,243
You know, when that, when that's- And I
have with him … and she has with me.

1686
00:57:06,533 --> 00:57:09,813
Um, you know, don't be afraid
to call out your spouse.

1687
00:57:09,903 --> 00:57:15,493
Don't slut shame people- Don't slut shame
… uh, who, who maybe have verbalized a no

1688
00:57:15,503 --> 00:57:18,703
or verbalized that they felt violated.

1689
00:57:18,703 --> 00:57:19,473
Don't slut shame.

1690
00:57:19,483 --> 00:57:19,493
Uh-

1691
00:57:19,603 --> 00:57:23,013
Man, I, you know, I wasn't slut
shamed, but I was definitely called

1692
00:57:23,013 --> 00:57:26,333
out like, "Oh, if you don't want
me, oh, you must not be bisexual."

1693
00:57:26,873 --> 00:57:27,363
Oh, yeah.

1694
00:57:27,793 --> 00:57:28,143
Yeah.

1695
00:57:28,153 --> 00:57:28,743
The fuck?

1696
00:57:29,053 --> 00:57:31,343
I don't wanna fuck you 'cause
you're drunk, and you're ugly.

1697
00:57:31,843 --> 00:57:32,813
But I mean, that's-

1698
00:57:33,243 --> 00:57:33,463
Yeah

1699
00:57:33,513 --> 00:57:34,223
…
that's a thing.

1700
00:57:34,233 --> 00:57:34,453
Yeah.

1701
00:57:34,483 --> 00:57:35,873
That happens quite a bit.

1702
00:57:35,883 --> 00:57:36,103
Mm-hmm.

1703
00:57:36,383 --> 00:57:36,773
Yeah.

1704
00:57:37,043 --> 00:57:38,223
So I don't know.

1705
00:57:38,723 --> 00:57:42,583
Okay, so you're looking for somebody, and
you wanna find a good environment, right?

1706
00:57:42,583 --> 00:57:44,723
Because the lifestyle is
not a bad place, guys.

1707
00:57:44,733 --> 00:57:47,713
Like, it's super, super fun.

1708
00:57:47,853 --> 00:57:48,123
Yeah.

1709
00:57:48,183 --> 00:57:49,553
And it's safe.

1710
00:57:50,163 --> 00:57:51,493
You have to be safe.

1711
00:57:51,883 --> 00:57:52,983
It can only go so far.

1712
00:57:53,393 --> 00:57:53,673
Right.

1713
00:57:53,683 --> 00:57:53,973
Right?

1714
00:57:53,973 --> 00:58:00,093
So, like, clubs, platforms- Platforms
… platforms can only go so far, but

1715
00:58:00,093 --> 00:58:02,703
they do a lot of, um, verification.

1716
00:58:03,243 --> 00:58:06,173
What platforms do we have that,
that we know do verification?

1717
00:58:06,183 --> 00:58:08,843
Well, you know, it's funny that you
ask that because I actually had a

1718
00:58:08,843 --> 00:58:12,203
couple reach out to me on TikTok,
uh- Mm-hmm … earlier this week.

1719
00:58:12,203 --> 00:58:13,263
I was on TikTok Live.

1720
00:58:13,313 --> 00:58:13,823
Uh-huh.

1721
00:58:13,823 --> 00:58:15,883
And they had asked something similar.

1722
00:58:15,883 --> 00:58:17,763
They were brand new to the lifestyle.

1723
00:58:17,833 --> 00:58:17,923
Oh, yeah.

1724
00:58:18,113 --> 00:58:23,223
And they said, you know, "I really…
We, we want to know that we're talking to

1725
00:58:23,223 --> 00:58:25,093
real people," and this and that, you know.

1726
00:58:25,093 --> 00:58:27,353
And I said, "Verification is everything."

1727
00:58:27,363 --> 00:58:27,583
Yes.

1728
00:58:27,813 --> 00:58:31,973
So if, say, you're on Facebook and
you're in that community, or somebody

1729
00:58:31,973 --> 00:58:35,023
reaches out to you on Facebook and
says, "Hey, we'd love to meet you

1730
00:58:35,023 --> 00:58:39,163
guys," and they wanna talk to you,
they wanna message you, verification

1731
00:58:39,173 --> 00:58:40,983
via FaceTime or something- Yeah

1732
00:58:40,993 --> 00:58:44,233
that you can tell that they're real
people- Yeah … and that you might,

1733
00:58:44,263 --> 00:58:45,913
uh, meet each other at some point.

1734
00:58:46,183 --> 00:58:49,563
But also, there's, uh, places like SDC.

1735
00:58:50,043 --> 00:58:52,573
Uh, you know, you've heard
us talk about SDC a lot.

1736
00:58:52,643 --> 00:58:55,133
Um, they are amazing.

1737
00:58:55,133 --> 00:58:55,723
We love them.

1738
00:58:55,733 --> 00:58:58,623
We, uh, are, are big part of that space-

1739
00:58:58,643 --> 00:58:59,033
Mm-hmm

1740
00:58:59,053 --> 00:59:03,703
…
because of the safety, because
of the verification that they do.

1741
00:59:03,713 --> 00:59:04,043
Mm-hmm.

1742
00:59:04,053 --> 00:59:08,753
Uh, one of our favorite, uh, apps is,
uh, 3Fun- Mm-hmm … that we utilize,

1743
00:59:09,083 --> 00:59:12,683
uh, when we do utilize it because
they have verification on there.

1744
00:59:12,683 --> 00:59:13,093
Uh-huh.

1745
00:59:13,093 --> 00:59:17,073
Uh, I think they have… They,
like you have to be in a picture

1746
00:59:17,073 --> 00:59:18,473
with your thumb up a certain way.

1747
00:59:18,473 --> 00:59:18,813
I don't know.

1748
00:59:18,813 --> 00:59:19,003
Yeah.

1749
00:59:19,013 --> 00:59:19,313
It's a thing.

1750
00:59:19,573 --> 00:59:19,953
Yeah.

1751
00:59:19,953 --> 00:59:26,613
Um, I remember being a part of,
like- Certain Facebook groups and

1752
00:59:27,233 --> 00:59:28,903
Kik chats and things like that- Yeah

1753
00:59:28,913 --> 00:59:32,443
where you could, you could
join for about a day or two.

1754
00:59:32,543 --> 00:59:32,773
Mm-hmm.

1755
00:59:32,923 --> 00:59:38,163
But if you hadn't submitted any
kind of, uh, video verification-

1756
00:59:38,183 --> 00:59:38,613
Mm-hmm

1757
00:59:38,643 --> 00:59:39,223
…
you were gone.

1758
00:59:39,273 --> 00:59:39,383
Mm-hmm.

1759
00:59:39,843 --> 00:59:43,223
Um, and I remember… You know
what's funny is I remember being a

1760
00:59:43,223 --> 00:59:46,863
part of those groups early on and
going, "God, I don't wanna do that."

1761
00:59:46,913 --> 00:59:47,033
Mm-hmm.

1762
00:59:47,563 --> 00:59:48,313
I don't know why.

1763
00:59:48,333 --> 00:59:48,733
Mm-hmm.

1764
00:59:48,783 --> 00:59:52,183
It made me feel uncomfortable,
and really, I should have felt

1765
00:59:52,223 --> 00:59:52,993
really comfortable with that.

1766
00:59:52,993 --> 00:59:53,293
Yeah.

1767
00:59:53,293 --> 00:59:53,343
Yeah.

1768
00:59:53,343 --> 00:59:58,993
Because, uh, verification is
really what, uh, makes y- it, it

1769
00:59:58,993 --> 01:00:00,173
makes you- Mm-hmm … feel safer.

1770
01:00:00,193 --> 01:00:00,223
Mm-hmm.

1771
01:00:00,383 --> 01:00:00,803
You know?

1772
01:00:00,803 --> 01:00:02,033
And that's what it's all about.

1773
01:00:02,343 --> 01:00:04,973
That's why we like this club so
much, is 'cause we feel so safe.

1774
01:00:04,983 --> 01:00:05,013
Mm-hmm.

1775
01:00:05,533 --> 01:00:10,353
Um, and so that's… Anything that
you can go to that has any kind of

1776
01:00:10,353 --> 01:00:12,883
verification whatsoever, I'd say do it.

1777
01:00:12,953 --> 01:00:14,523
All right, well, that
was a great conversation.

1778
01:00:14,523 --> 01:00:19,993
Before we let you go, if this episode hit
home for you, do us a favor, hit that like

1779
01:00:19,993 --> 01:00:22,693
button, subscribe if you haven't already.

1780
01:00:22,713 --> 01:00:23,783
You gotta subscribe.

1781
01:00:24,023 --> 01:00:24,123
Yeah.

1782
01:00:24,123 --> 01:00:25,143
I know you that you see our stuff.

1783
01:00:25,143 --> 01:00:26,863
Just hit that, hit that subscribe button.

1784
01:00:26,863 --> 01:00:27,023
Yeah.

1785
01:00:27,303 --> 01:00:31,763
And share this particular episode or any
of our episodes with somebody in your

1786
01:00:31,763 --> 01:00:33,343
circle who you think needs to hear it.

1787
01:00:33,733 --> 01:00:38,383
And, uh, by the way, a quick review
on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or even

1788
01:00:38,383 --> 01:00:42,123
our own website goes a long way in
helping other people find the show.

1789
01:00:42,533 --> 01:00:43,223
It really does.

1790
01:00:43,263 --> 01:00:47,123
And speaking of finding us, if you love
hanging out with us live, we stream

1791
01:00:47,153 --> 01:00:53,743
every single Thursday, 2:00 PM and 7:00
PM Central over on Full Swap Radio.

1792
01:00:53,903 --> 01:00:54,393
Check them out.

1793
01:00:54,603 --> 01:00:56,373
That's right, fullswapradio.com.

1794
01:00:56,383 --> 01:00:56,943
We like them.

1795
01:00:57,623 --> 01:01:02,793
We're also live ourselves-
Yes … live streaming every Thursday

1796
01:01:02,793 --> 01:01:05,163
night at 7:00 PM Central Time.

1797
01:01:05,423 --> 01:01:09,803
It's completely free, straight from
our own website at beyond-monogamy.com.

1798
01:01:10,303 --> 01:01:13,893
And now, this last week, apparently it
was a little choppy, so I'm still working

1799
01:01:13,893 --> 01:01:17,993
some bugs, but come in, interact with
us, come hang out, because we always

1800
01:01:17,993 --> 01:01:19,823
got a, a lot of fun things to say.

1801
01:01:20,103 --> 01:01:20,313
Yes.

1802
01:01:20,843 --> 01:01:24,713
But if you miss it or you wanna
go back and rewatch it, a full

1803
01:01:24,723 --> 01:01:30,233
replay video whenever you want,
that's a Patreon-only perk.

1804
01:01:30,253 --> 01:01:30,793
Oh, yeah.

1805
01:01:30,973 --> 01:01:34,663
The full live stream
replay only lives there.

1806
01:01:34,833 --> 01:01:37,933
So if you want it on demand,
that's where to find it.

1807
01:01:38,333 --> 01:01:41,243
Oh, and while you're on the
website, don't forget that we've got

1808
01:01:41,263 --> 01:01:44,033
everything Beyond Monogamy there,
so if you love us, you'll love it.

1809
01:01:44,403 --> 01:01:48,213
Every past episode, the blog, the
merch, because this lady has been

1810
01:01:48,223 --> 01:01:49,693
very creative- Oh my goodness

1811
01:01:49,693 --> 01:01:51,633
and she's been making some awesome stuff.

1812
01:01:51,643 --> 01:01:51,673
Right?

1813
01:01:51,843 --> 01:01:52,243
Yeah.

1814
01:01:52,293 --> 01:01:52,813
I have.

1815
01:01:53,033 --> 01:01:53,393
Yeah.

1816
01:01:53,393 --> 01:01:56,833
She's been making some incredible
stuff, and I hear that there

1817
01:01:56,833 --> 01:02:00,073
might be a little bit of a Beyond
Monogamy hat company happening.

1818
01:02:00,093 --> 01:02:00,693
I don't know.

1819
01:02:00,733 --> 01:02:01,223
I don't know.

1820
01:02:01,383 --> 01:02:03,703
So keep your ear to the ground,
'cause you're gonna wanna follow that.

1821
01:02:03,703 --> 01:02:06,883
So you make sure and check
that out at beyond-monogamy.com

1822
01:02:07,383 --> 01:02:09,123
And of course, our
confessional, baby Oh, yeah,

1823
01:02:09,123 --> 01:02:09,473
I love

1824
01:02:09,473 --> 01:02:12,953
that thing Yeah, that's 100% anonymous,
so if you've got something on your chest

1825
01:02:12,983 --> 01:02:15,183
about the lifestyle, like I always do-

1826
01:02:15,303 --> 01:02:15,553
Yeah

1827
01:02:15,933 --> 01:02:15,973
about

1828
01:02:15,973 --> 01:02:21,153
the- That's true … ethical non-monogamy
life- Mm-hmm … kink, the show, whatever.

1829
01:02:21,183 --> 01:02:21,703
Whatever.

1830
01:02:21,733 --> 01:02:22,403
Go drop it there.

1831
01:02:22,403 --> 01:02:22,603
Yeah.

1832
01:02:22,603 --> 01:02:23,733
We might even read it on the air.

1833
01:02:23,783 --> 01:02:25,033
Yeah, as long as you say it's okay.

1834
01:02:25,113 --> 01:02:25,523
Yes.

1835
01:02:25,573 --> 01:02:26,293
Consent only.

1836
01:02:26,333 --> 01:02:26,713
That's right.

1837
01:02:26,993 --> 01:02:29,713
Now let's talk plans, because
we've got a big one coming up.

1838
01:02:30,073 --> 01:02:32,823
Uh, I think you may have heard
of it in, uh, if you stayed

1839
01:02:32,823 --> 01:02:33,953
this long in past episodes.

1840
01:02:34,183 --> 01:02:37,123
Crazy Casba's Crazy Winter Nights 2027.

1841
01:02:37,133 --> 01:02:38,313
Say that five times fast.

1842
01:02:38,313 --> 01:02:44,343
It's happening in February, and you can
lock in your spot right now, 'cause we're

1843
01:02:44,343 --> 01:02:46,793
gonna be out there doing live shows.

1844
01:02:46,793 --> 01:02:47,993
You can come and hang out with us.

1845
01:02:48,003 --> 01:02:48,063
Mm-hmm.

1846
01:02:48,533 --> 01:02:50,453
Go to crazycasba.com.

1847
01:02:50,453 --> 01:02:52,003
That link is in the show notes.

1848
01:02:52,173 --> 01:02:57,823
Use code beyomono, B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O,
at the checkout and you get

1849
01:02:57,823 --> 01:02:58,713
a good discount on that.

1850
01:02:58,963 --> 01:02:59,243
Yes.

1851
01:02:59,443 --> 01:02:59,773
Mm-hmm.

1852
01:02:59,773 --> 01:03:03,713
And don't, don't think I forgot,
it's my boo bear's birthday-

1853
01:03:03,773 --> 01:03:04,013
It's

1854
01:03:04,023 --> 01:03:04,253
what?

1855
01:03:04,253 --> 01:03:05,153
… next Saturday.

1856
01:03:05,153 --> 01:03:05,433
It's what?

1857
01:03:05,433 --> 01:03:06,143
So guys- What, what

1858
01:03:06,143 --> 01:03:10,173
we're going to be having a dinner,
but we're also gonna be at Club Eden,

1859
01:03:10,173 --> 01:03:15,033
so if you do go or if you wanna just
show up there, we will have a couple

1860
01:03:15,033 --> 01:03:18,323
of couches just for us and our crew.

1861
01:03:18,333 --> 01:03:18,683
Oh, man.

1862
01:03:18,683 --> 01:03:20,703
So- And I'm pretty sure
there's gonna be an orgy in the

1863
01:03:20,703 --> 01:03:21,703
middle beds, because, uh- Of

1864
01:03:21,703 --> 01:03:22,253
course.

1865
01:03:22,303 --> 01:03:22,493
Our

1866
01:03:22,493 --> 01:03:23,052
friends are coming

1867
01:03:23,052 --> 01:03:23,238
that

1868
01:03:23,238 --> 01:03:23,984
love to have orgies.

1869
01:03:23,984 --> 01:03:24,170
Yeah.

1870
01:03:24,170 --> 01:03:24,543
So, yes.

1871
01:03:24,543 --> 01:03:27,163
And every time they come, we end up
having- Yes … a big orgy in the back.

1872
01:03:27,163 --> 01:03:27,633
Yes, so.

1873
01:03:27,643 --> 01:03:30,633
Where everybody can see, so I'm
not saying go over there to see

1874
01:03:30,633 --> 01:03:33,343
an orgy, because you go in with
expectations you just never know.

1875
01:03:33,363 --> 01:03:33,683
Yes.

1876
01:03:33,873 --> 01:03:36,673
But I'm saying there's some good chances.

1877
01:03:36,673 --> 01:03:36,953
Yeah.

1878
01:03:36,953 --> 01:03:40,043
So… So if you're there or if
you're in the area, go to Club Eden.

1879
01:03:40,043 --> 01:03:42,843
Remember, you have to sign
up on their, um, site.

1880
01:03:43,293 --> 01:03:44,663
You get a little membership.

1881
01:03:45,223 --> 01:03:45,523
Yeah.

1882
01:03:45,773 --> 01:03:49,463
Take care of everything, upload your
driver's license, all that good stuff.

1883
01:03:49,603 --> 01:03:53,203
Um- It's a thing … but we will be
celebrating his birthday next Saturday.

1884
01:03:53,333 --> 01:03:57,053
Yeah, and so if you do show up
there, please, if you see us,

1885
01:03:57,233 --> 01:04:00,033
come say hello, because we will
not recognize you as listeners.

1886
01:04:00,083 --> 01:04:00,303
No.

1887
01:04:00,563 --> 01:04:03,553
But you can recognize us, and
we love to meet our listeners.

1888
01:04:03,563 --> 01:04:03,583
Yeah.

1889
01:04:03,593 --> 01:04:04,233
We really do.

1890
01:04:04,353 --> 01:04:04,553
We do.

1891
01:04:04,553 --> 01:04:05,613
It's one of our favorite things.

1892
01:04:05,653 --> 01:04:05,883
Yeah.

1893
01:04:05,943 --> 01:04:08,343
Uh, so yeah, if you see
us, definitely say hello.

1894
01:04:08,633 --> 01:04:13,073
Uh, outside of that, we appreciate
you guys always joining us for

1895
01:04:13,073 --> 01:04:17,013
another week and another episode,
and we will see you guys next week.

1896
01:04:17,053 --> 01:04:17,753
Bye.