Who Gets Left Out in the Swinger & ENM Lifestyle Community

1
00:00:07,219 --> 00:00:07,964
All right, y'all.

2
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:12,267
Before we dive in, a quick
heads-up This show is raw, real,

3
00:00:12,268 --> 00:00:13,919
and definitely not rated PG.

4
00:00:14,085 --> 00:00:18,853
We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

5
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:23,172
probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

6
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,267
So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

7
00:00:27,524 --> 00:00:32,060
Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

8
00:00:32,061 --> 00:00:34,988
counselors, or sex couches.

9
00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:36,863
Sex coaches.

10
00:00:37,107 --> 00:00:38,004
Sex coaches.

11
00:00:38,015 --> 00:00:39,103
Not sex couches.

12
00:00:39,770 --> 00:00:43,101
We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

13
00:00:43,171 --> 00:00:46,030
adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

14
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:50,282
So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

15
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:52,971
Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

16
00:00:53,131 --> 00:00:53,588
I'm Adam.

17
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:54,532
And I'm Pris.

18
00:00:54,827 --> 00:01:00,095
And today we're talking about
something that we've, we've

19
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,804
talked about on the show before.

20
00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:08,684
Um, I will say this, we as a lifestyle
podcaster, we really push the fact that

21
00:01:08,684 --> 00:01:11,236
we are an all-inclusive, uh, group.

22
00:01:11,496 --> 00:01:13,469
We try to be very all-inclusive.

23
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:18,189
Uh, the community is all-inclusive if
you can find it, but it's also not.

24
00:01:18,305 --> 00:01:20,102
It's also really kinda not.

25
00:01:20,176 --> 00:01:25,934
Uh, and a lot of times it
can be like high school.

26
00:01:26,904 --> 00:01:31,698
Um, the lifestyle sells itself as
this open, sex positive, and welcoming

27
00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:33,556
to everybody kind of community.

28
00:01:33,592 --> 00:01:33,631
Mm-hmm.

29
00:01:33,631 --> 00:01:36,982
But if you walk into any
lifestyle club- Mm-hmm

30
00:01:36,982 --> 00:01:39,802
on a Saturday night, you
will see a pecking order.

31
00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:40,273
Yeah.

32
00:01:40,285 --> 00:01:43,742
Uh, and so t- that's what we're
talking about today, and we're

33
00:01:43,742 --> 00:01:46,467
talking about who gets left out.

34
00:01:46,619 --> 00:01:46,971
Okay.

35
00:01:47,277 --> 00:01:48,492
And what we can do about it.

36
00:01:48,835 --> 00:01:49,320
All right.

37
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:49,734
Yeah.

38
00:01:49,904 --> 00:01:50,284
Well.

39
00:01:51,451 --> 00:01:51,703
Yeah.

40
00:01:51,705 --> 00:01:52,414
That's a few people.

41
00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:58,836
So, so I, I wanna start this… I want you
to channel Pris from five years ago, okay?

42
00:01:59,049 --> 00:01:59,342
Okay.

43
00:01:59,548 --> 00:02:00,567
Figure out your mindset.

44
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:03,783
May- maybe when we first moved
out here to where we're at now.

45
00:02:03,897 --> 00:02:04,184
Okay.

46
00:02:04,796 --> 00:02:05,629
Your mindset.

47
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:08,944
Granted, we were poly at that time,
but we were also still swinging.

48
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:09,375
Mm-hmm.

49
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:14,076
Uh, and you were… We were
just discovering that you were

50
00:02:14,106 --> 00:02:15,673
perimenopausal, all that good stuff.

51
00:02:15,673 --> 00:02:16,384
Already menopause.

52
00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:17,330
Already menopause.

53
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:17,454
Yeah.

54
00:02:17,472 --> 00:02:17,771
Excuse me.

55
00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:21,106
So I want you to channel in
that Priscilla right quick.

56
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:21,575
Okay.

57
00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:27,000
And describe to me the ideal
lifestyle couple to you.

58
00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:27,817
Um- Physically.

59
00:02:28,317 --> 00:02:28,989
Physically?

60
00:02:29,005 --> 00:02:29,662
Physically.

61
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:31,010
Ooh.

62
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:31,554
Mm-hmm.

63
00:02:31,657 --> 00:02:32,984
Yeah, we're not talking personality.

64
00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:37,746
I mean- From five years ago … for,
okay, five years ago, that would've

65
00:02:37,746 --> 00:02:40,634
been a very fit young couple.

66
00:02:40,697 --> 00:02:41,711
A fit young couple?

67
00:02:41,798 --> 00:02:42,164
Yeah.

68
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:42,980
Okay.

69
00:02:43,186 --> 00:02:43,514
Okay.

70
00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,601
Like, the guy would've been…
Both of them would've been fit.

71
00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:45,993
Yeah.

72
00:02:46,549 --> 00:02:49,935
Now, are you just talking about in
general, not for me, just in general?

73
00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:52,074
Like, what the ideal couple was then?

74
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:52,639
Yeah.

75
00:02:52,646 --> 00:02:55,234
Like, well the- So- … ideal couple
that you would be like, "Man, I,

76
00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:57,087
I, I wish we could," you know?

77
00:02:57,088 --> 00:02:57,774
That, that sort of thing.

78
00:02:57,774 --> 00:02:57,784
Yeah.

79
00:02:57,784 --> 00:03:04,927
So it would be maybe not young, young, but
our age, maybe a little younger, and fit.

80
00:03:05,201 --> 00:03:05,497
Yeah.

81
00:03:06,391 --> 00:03:07,832
Like, that was the thing.

82
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,145
And as far as, like, looks, like they
had to be, like, really attractive.

83
00:03:11,162 --> 00:03:12,467
Very attractive.

84
00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:12,684
Yeah.

85
00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:18,017
You know, just the, the extreme when
you think about… When you think

86
00:03:18,019 --> 00:03:23,865
about, I think, the lifestyle, you
always, for some reason, a pornographic

87
00:03:23,866 --> 00:03:26,629
vision of that, that sexy- Yeah

88
00:03:26,629 --> 00:03:27,784
person.

89
00:03:27,784 --> 00:03:27,997
Right.

90
00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:28,812
You know?

91
00:03:28,826 --> 00:03:34,836
The very suave man, the very
fit, well-proportioned woman.

92
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:38,615
That's what- I like to, to refer
to that as the unattainable couple.

93
00:03:38,766 --> 00:03:39,256
Yeah.

94
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:40,494
The unattainable couple.

95
00:03:40,518 --> 00:03:41,957
I… So I don't anymore.

96
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:42,478
Yeah.

97
00:03:42,593 --> 00:03:44,570
But yes, that was my thought back then.

98
00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:44,896
Yeah.

99
00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:45,262
Yeah.

100
00:03:45,279 --> 00:03:46,040
That's interesting.

101
00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:46,378
Yeah.

102
00:03:46,386 --> 00:03:53,155
You know, I can say- That even though I
am one of those that I don't, I don't go

103
00:03:53,156 --> 00:03:57,400
for people by their looks, personality
really makes more of a difference to me.

104
00:03:57,490 --> 00:03:57,864
Yes.

105
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:01,363
There is that unattainable
couple mentality in my head.

106
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:05,280
You know, especially when we first
entered in this community out here, and

107
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:10,043
there were certain couples that we would
look at just at a, a meet and greet or

108
00:04:10,044 --> 00:04:13,001
whatever and go, "They're hot." Yeah.

109
00:04:13,766 --> 00:04:13,944
Yeah.

110
00:04:13,945 --> 00:04:16,225
Like, we, we wouldn't even
be able to talk to them.

111
00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:16,512
Yeah.

112
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,962
And we had those conversations before.

113
00:04:18,963 --> 00:04:19,121
We did.

114
00:04:19,121 --> 00:04:22,835
And then as time went on, we,
we started meeting up with these

115
00:04:22,898 --> 00:04:27,477
people that we thought were hot,
and we started realizing- … that

116
00:04:27,529 --> 00:04:28,725
they were not that hot.

117
00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:31,286
And, and, and- Our brains- What is hot?

118
00:04:31,349 --> 00:04:32,308
Yeah, what is hot?

119
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:37,180
Our brains just thought
they were unattainable.

120
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:37,533
Yeah.

121
00:04:37,557 --> 00:04:40,315
Be- Because- Because of certain
looks … because of certain looks,

122
00:04:40,315 --> 00:04:43,155
but because we didn't have any
self-confidence- Right … at all.

123
00:04:43,271 --> 00:04:48,015
And then you meet these people, and all
the ones that we met, it was like their

124
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:51,354
personalities really made them less hot.

125
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:52,139
Yes.

126
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:52,651
You know?

127
00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:53,964
Made them less attractive.

128
00:04:53,988 --> 00:04:54,403
Yes.

129
00:04:54,456 --> 00:04:59,659
And then you realized what they
were, but because they were

130
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:01,970
physically attractive- Yeah

131
00:05:02,429 --> 00:05:06,370
they would be considered the,
the top of the hierarchy.

132
00:05:06,614 --> 00:05:07,073
Right.

133
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:07,817
So to speak.

134
00:05:07,828 --> 00:05:08,071
Mm-hmm.

135
00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:11,292
They're the ones who everybody
wants to invite to the party.

136
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:11,312
Yeah.

137
00:05:11,721 --> 00:05:14,565
They're the ones who everybody
hopes that they show up.

138
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:15,622
But that's what we thought.

139
00:05:15,622 --> 00:05:16,207
Well, that's what it seemed like.

140
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,096
That's what it seemed like.

141
00:05:17,096 --> 00:05:20,202
And that's, that's the thing is
that's what a lot of newer people

142
00:05:20,203 --> 00:05:23,843
or people who really haven't
dug into the community- Yeah

143
00:05:23,892 --> 00:05:27,313
and been involved in the community,
a lot of people think like that.

144
00:05:27,378 --> 00:05:27,796
Yes.

145
00:05:27,845 --> 00:05:32,739
And so- Like, we have to invite them
because they're hot, and they're probably

146
00:05:32,741 --> 00:05:35,769
gonna invite even hotter people, and
we're gonna have more hotter people.

147
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,990
We've actually heard people say
that about certain house parties.

148
00:05:39,058 --> 00:05:44,429
It is nothing Like what you think No.

149
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:48,808
So that was something, uh, you know,
like you said, we did not have the

150
00:05:48,813 --> 00:05:54,139
confidence at that time as a couple
to- Yeah … feel like, oh yeah, we

151
00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:56,062
should even be on their talking level.

152
00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:03,207
But like I said, y- you realize really,
really quick that this hierarchy

153
00:06:03,207 --> 00:06:08,704
that you form in your head really is
a very closed-minded way of being,

154
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,970
and many of us subscribe to it.

155
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:11,006
Yeah.

156
00:06:11,006 --> 00:06:15,061
And we don't realize that that's, that's
a form of being very closed-minded.

157
00:06:15,071 --> 00:06:15,154
Mm-hmm.

158
00:06:15,169 --> 00:06:19,273
Now- I think if you don't have any
self-confidence in yourself, that's

159
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,625
where, that's where your mind goes.

160
00:06:20,639 --> 00:06:21,368
Yeah, yeah.

161
00:06:21,396 --> 00:06:26,710
Um- And w- you know, because of that
lack of, of, uh, open-mindedness,

162
00:06:26,728 --> 00:06:30,188
because of the lack of confidence
in ourselves, we didn't really

163
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:31,796
talk to a whole lot of people- No

164
00:06:31,798 --> 00:06:32,404
initially.

165
00:06:32,444 --> 00:06:32,843
We did not.

166
00:06:32,853 --> 00:06:37,228
And because of that, we
felt left out quite a bit.

167
00:06:37,326 --> 00:06:37,731
We did.

168
00:06:38,088 --> 00:06:40,259
We felt left out- Mm-hmm … at events.

169
00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:40,292
Mm-hmm.

170
00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:43,165
You know, there was always a couple people
that would come up to us, but for the

171
00:06:43,165 --> 00:06:46,426
most part, people didn't… They would
just kind of look at us and keep walking.

172
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:46,652
Yeah.

173
00:06:46,761 --> 00:06:49,827
Um, and we felt like, "God, this,
this is kind of cold," you know?

174
00:06:49,831 --> 00:06:50,154
Yeah.

175
00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:54,322
And it was really one of those things
where, you know, you don't, you don't

176
00:06:54,322 --> 00:06:55,801
get invited to the house parties.

177
00:06:55,804 --> 00:06:57,685
Like, when are we gonna
go to a house party?

178
00:06:57,687 --> 00:06:59,737
We don't know what that experience is
like- Yeah … 'cause nobody invites us.

179
00:06:59,737 --> 00:07:01,896
Well, nobody invites us because
we don't talk to anybody.

180
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:06,475
So really, when we got immersed in the
community is when we realized, oh…

181
00:07:06,917 --> 00:07:10,331
And, and- … and the true
community, the true community

182
00:07:10,331 --> 00:07:14,769
that, that, that we experienced
had nothing to do with your looks.

183
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:15,224
No.

184
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:19,784
It had nothing to do
with your personality.

185
00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:20,125
No.

186
00:07:20,382 --> 00:07:23,453
And it had everything to do with
the fact that we had a, a podcast.

187
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:24,271
I'm just kidding.

188
00:07:24,595 --> 00:07:29,243
No, but, but really, really, for
real, for real, it, it… If you're

189
00:07:29,243 --> 00:07:33,779
really in the, the, the deepness of
the community like we got into, and we

190
00:07:33,779 --> 00:07:37,014
got to meet everybody, and we got to
talk to people, and we got to really,

191
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:43,068
really experience our local community-
People are really, really sweet.

192
00:07:43,273 --> 00:07:45,308
And they, and they-
Mm-hmm … have brought us in.

193
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:45,605
Mm-hmm.

194
00:07:45,605 --> 00:07:49,220
And they, they, there's a lot of
people who have felt excluded who

195
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,052
do their best to include everyone.

196
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:52,997
Oh, so many.

197
00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:53,420
Yeah.

198
00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:54,568
There's so many.

199
00:07:54,861 --> 00:07:59,956
And we seem to gravitate
toward people who are genuine.

200
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:04,537
So when we see that genuine, the,
when we start talking to people and

201
00:08:04,554 --> 00:08:10,232
in the community, and you find that,
that group of genuine inclusivity,

202
00:08:10,262 --> 00:08:13,187
it is not always a very huge group.

203
00:08:13,230 --> 00:08:13,589
No.

204
00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:14,542
No.

205
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:18,549
Like, there's a lot of people
who only include certain people

206
00:08:18,550 --> 00:08:21,045
into their little clique.

207
00:08:21,937 --> 00:08:24,755
Yeah, and- And, and, uh, you know,
I know people say, "Oh, there's not

208
00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:27,186
cliques in the lifestyle. There isn't
cliques in lifestyle." There is.

209
00:08:27,316 --> 00:08:28,647
There's cliques in the lifestyle.

210
00:08:28,648 --> 00:08:30,216
There's cliques everywhere.

211
00:08:30,252 --> 00:08:30,489
Yeah.

212
00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:32,697
There's cliques when you w-
at work, there are cliques.

213
00:08:33,106 --> 00:08:34,407
Doesn't matter what community.

214
00:08:34,407 --> 00:08:34,772
It doesn't matter what community it is.

215
00:08:34,772 --> 00:08:35,086
It's in every community.

216
00:08:35,086 --> 00:08:36,487
There are cliques.

217
00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:38,328
You didn't get invited to that one thing.

218
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:39,521
You didn't go to this thing.

219
00:08:39,565 --> 00:08:40,526
I, there is.

220
00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:41,536
It is what it is, right?

221
00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:48,138
But you can find these cliques
that are so open to people who

222
00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:50,822
are genuine, and we've seen that.

223
00:08:50,846 --> 00:08:54,594
We've seen so many
different style of people.

224
00:08:54,672 --> 00:08:55,008
Yeah.

225
00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:58,448
So many different… It's not
even like, um, not so much the

226
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:00,840
style, but the personalities.

227
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,797
So many different personalities.

228
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:03,667
Yeah, yeah.

229
00:09:03,672 --> 00:09:05,097
And- It really is a melting pot.

230
00:09:05,098 --> 00:09:05,343
It, it is.

231
00:09:05,393 --> 00:09:06,913
At least in our circle.

232
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:07,339
Yeah.

233
00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:09,507
In our community, it is a melting pot.

234
00:09:09,524 --> 00:09:09,535
Mm-hmm.

235
00:09:09,536 --> 00:09:12,094
Now, I don't know what other
communities are like out there.

236
00:09:12,143 --> 00:09:18,115
I'm sure if you go to a smaller town, like
our previous community was very small.

237
00:09:18,297 --> 00:09:18,311
Mm-hmm.

238
00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:19,939
And it was very close-minded.

239
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,604
And it, that's kind of weird to
say when you're talking about

240
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:27,053
a, a, a non-monogamous or s-
Mm-hmm … or swinging community.

241
00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:27,063
Mm-hmm.

242
00:09:27,081 --> 00:09:30,553
But there is a very clear hierarchy.

243
00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:35,034
So if you think back to high school,
and high school had a hierarchy.

244
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:38,559
And even any high school movie that
you watch, there's a hierarchy.

245
00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:43,985
You've got the rich people, and the jocks,
and the cheerleaders all on one area.

246
00:09:43,985 --> 00:09:47,422
And then you go down a level, and
then there's this group of people.

247
00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:47,432
Mm-hmm.

248
00:09:47,432 --> 00:09:50,758
And then there's, before that, you know
it, you're all the way down, right?

249
00:09:50,812 --> 00:09:55,241
And we all have this kind of thought
process stuck in our head because we're

250
00:09:55,243 --> 00:10:00,108
fed that through movies and just society
as a whole, just like anything else.

251
00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:03,056
And it's hard to break out of that.

252
00:10:03,149 --> 00:10:05,914
I remember telling you when we,
when we started in the lifestyle, I

253
00:10:05,915 --> 00:10:10,726
felt like I was on the bottom tier
of this popularity hotness scale.

254
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:11,517
Right.

255
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:14,025
And I was not being looked
at- Mm-hmm … by anybody.

256
00:10:14,066 --> 00:10:16,176
Mm. And, and it felt very high school.

257
00:10:16,251 --> 00:10:21,561
And, and so I've felt left out, I don't
know how many times, and that's me.

258
00:10:21,573 --> 00:10:23,761
My wife would never let me be left out.

259
00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:23,912
No.

260
00:10:23,912 --> 00:10:28,315
But I have always felt left out
because I'm with a beautiful woman, so

261
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:30,136
where's all the attention gonna go to?

262
00:10:30,292 --> 00:10:31,001
You know what I mean?

263
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,294
I'm not the, uh, the top-tier guy.

264
00:10:33,336 --> 00:10:35,092
As, it… That, that's
the way it was in my head.

265
00:10:35,122 --> 00:10:35,266
Mm-hmm.

266
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,626
And we had, I think we've
done shows on that before.

267
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,918
Mm. Has there ever been a time where
you've felt left out in the community?

268
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:41,458
Yes.

269
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:41,885
Really?

270
00:10:41,949 --> 00:10:42,386
Yes.

271
00:10:42,896 --> 00:10:45,909
You'll see a lot of women
groups in the community.

272
00:10:45,967 --> 00:10:46,205
Yeah.

273
00:10:46,265 --> 00:10:50,687
And I feel like that's
where I feel left out.

274
00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:54,453
But I also don't care.

275
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:54,812
Yeah.

276
00:10:54,848 --> 00:10:55,851
I used to care.

277
00:10:55,852 --> 00:10:58,558
I used to be like, "Why didn't
I get invited to that?" I…

278
00:10:58,583 --> 00:10:59,696
And it would hurt my feelings.

279
00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:00,976
Now I, I don't care.

280
00:11:01,136 --> 00:11:03,509
Like, it- That's a very freeing thing.

281
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:03,908
Yeah.

282
00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:06,483
I, I don't care if you
invite me to something.

283
00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:10,902
I don't care if… And it's not like,
"You're a bitch. I don't care." I

284
00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:12,099
might have just slipped your mind.

285
00:11:12,099 --> 00:11:15,441
I'm, we're not… I think people
now in the community understand

286
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,473
we aren't hard partiers.

287
00:11:17,475 --> 00:11:19,681
We do not, we don't drink.

288
00:11:20,056 --> 00:11:21,656
We don't stay out very late.

289
00:11:21,665 --> 00:11:26,179
If we go to the club, you're, you're
gonna catch us by 12:00 walking out.

290
00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:29,528
If we have friends there-
Yeah … that have come from out of

291
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:34,169
town, we'll stay a little bit later,
but for the most part, we leave.

292
00:11:34,557 --> 00:11:41,338
So I understand now, like, oh, you know,
I'm not a very active person in, in, in

293
00:11:41,339 --> 00:11:47,531
the community, like, to be included in,
like, bar hopping and stuff like that.

294
00:11:47,557 --> 00:11:47,886
Yeah.

295
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:52,213
So when I don't get invited to those
things or when the ladies are having,

296
00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:56,511
like, a certain, I don't know, tea party
or whatever it is, right, and I don't get

297
00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:58,707
invited, I used to feel really left out.

298
00:11:58,759 --> 00:11:59,045
Yeah.

299
00:11:59,648 --> 00:12:01,977
But I don't anymore.

300
00:12:02,059 --> 00:12:02,336
Yeah.

301
00:12:02,409 --> 00:12:04,797
Um, I used to feel like that
also when I was younger.

302
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:05,332
Really?

303
00:12:05,346 --> 00:12:05,655
Yeah.

304
00:12:05,657 --> 00:12:09,456
Like, if I didn't get invited to
a party, I mean, it was very rare.

305
00:12:09,470 --> 00:12:13,587
But when I didn't get in- … to a party,
even, like, a relative's party- Yeah … I

306
00:12:13,587 --> 00:12:16,355
would feel like, "Oh, how rude." Really?

307
00:12:16,355 --> 00:12:17,470
Like, why didn't you invite me?

308
00:12:17,542 --> 00:12:20,227
And then I got to a point in my
life where I was like, I don't care.

309
00:12:20,585 --> 00:12:24,948
And now I'm in that point again where I'm
like, okay, well, I'll throw my own party.

310
00:12:25,192 --> 00:12:25,793
I, I don't- Yeah

311
00:12:25,793 --> 00:12:27,144
need you to invite me to your party.

312
00:12:27,256 --> 00:12:33,465
Now, I understand when it's, um, an
event and I don't go, but no, I don't,

313
00:12:33,473 --> 00:12:37,187
I don't feel bad anymore about not
being invited, but not being included.

314
00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:40,815
Well, you know, I always said
since we started this that if

315
00:12:40,817 --> 00:12:43,276
people don't wanna invite us to
their table, that that's fine.

316
00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:43,820
It's okay.

317
00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:44,843
We're just gonna start our own table.

318
00:12:44,843 --> 00:12:45,231
Yeah.

319
00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:47,545
And we're gonna invite
everybody to our table and, you

320
00:12:47,546 --> 00:12:49,069
know, and fuck those people.

321
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:49,109
And I don't, yeah.

322
00:12:49,126 --> 00:12:56,548
I don't, I do think sometimes we're not
invited for certain reasons, but majority

323
00:12:56,593 --> 00:13:01,947
of the invitations that we do not get
is not because they don't like us.

324
00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:06,607
It's because they know us, and
they know we're not gonna drink.

325
00:13:06,618 --> 00:13:07,986
We're not gonna go out.

326
00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:09,060
Yeah, and that it's probably not our vibe.

327
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,158
It's not our vibe.

328
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:10,192
Yeah.

329
00:13:10,192 --> 00:13:14,898
And they understand that because they're
actual friends that pay attention.

330
00:13:15,012 --> 00:13:15,426
Right.

331
00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:15,999
You know?

332
00:13:16,017 --> 00:13:16,344
Right.

333
00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:19,073
And just because they're friends
and they don't invite us out does

334
00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:20,220
not mean they're not our friends.

335
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:23,675
They just understand that we're not gonna
stay out very late, and it's not our vibe.

336
00:13:23,683 --> 00:13:23,701
Yeah.

337
00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:25,852
Like you said, like, it's okay.

338
00:13:26,092 --> 00:13:26,463
Yeah.

339
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:27,087
You know?

340
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:27,735
That's true.

341
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:29,326
And you're gonna find mean people.

342
00:13:29,398 --> 00:13:29,688
Yeah.

343
00:13:29,688 --> 00:13:30,588
You're gonna find mean people.

344
00:13:30,636 --> 00:13:32,708
Girl, women are petty.

345
00:13:33,018 --> 00:13:33,883
We're petty.

346
00:13:33,935 --> 00:13:36,673
We're very, very catty.

347
00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:39,403
We're, we're assholes.

348
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:43,628
Like, we are bigger assholes on
invites than, than men are Yeah, I

349
00:13:43,628 --> 00:13:47,335
don't, I, I don't really care if I
don't get invited to stuff- Mm-hmm

350
00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:48,113
too often.

351
00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:48,129
Mm-hmm.

352
00:13:48,153 --> 00:13:50,567
Every now and then I've sat back
and gone, "Hey, what the hell?

353
00:13:51,294 --> 00:13:53,894
They didn't give us an invite."
But then I, I also have sat

354
00:13:53,894 --> 00:13:56,312
back and gone, "Uh, would I have
really gone?" Would you have gone?

355
00:13:56,329 --> 00:13:56,723
Yeah.

356
00:13:56,723 --> 00:13:57,016
No, probably not.

357
00:13:57,016 --> 00:13:57,735
We do that a lot.

358
00:13:57,786 --> 00:13:58,017
Yeah.

359
00:13:58,036 --> 00:14:02,151
You know, I, I have social anxiety, so
sometimes the idea of just staying home.

360
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:05,187
Like, I want to be invited,
just don't expect me to come.

361
00:14:05,237 --> 00:14:05,565
Mm-hmm.

362
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:05,905
You know?

363
00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:10,002
But, you know, there's, there's that
pecking order, there's that hierarchy

364
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:12,044
that we all kinda throw into our head.

365
00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:19,275
And, you know, I really feel like
it's that thought process that there's

366
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:24,825
a hierarchy in this that really
prevents people from talking to other

367
00:14:24,826 --> 00:14:28,811
people, from even throwing themselves
out there towards other people.

368
00:14:28,948 --> 00:14:30,653
I mean, it's intimidating.

369
00:14:30,653 --> 00:14:31,522
I mean, I mean, it, it can be.

370
00:14:31,598 --> 00:14:32,140
It can be.

371
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,594
It's a, it's a very intimidating
scene if you are new.

372
00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:36,543
Say you walk into…
Like, we started, right?

373
00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:38,599
You walk into a club on a Saturday.

374
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,761
It is filled with people.

375
00:14:41,886 --> 00:14:44,445
Our club, Club Eden, is filled.

376
00:14:44,457 --> 00:14:45,642
It's always busy.

377
00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:46,970
There's always new people.

378
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:53,160
But I've seen the new people come in, and
I've seen them been invited to tables.

379
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:58,235
I've seen them make the moves that needed
to be made in order- Yeah … you have to,

380
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:04,468
you cannot assume walking into a club that
someone is gonna say, "Hi, are you new?

381
00:15:04,549 --> 00:15:09,850
Come this way." It's a rare, but it's also
ve- I mean, like I said, it's very rare.

382
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:11,054
It's a very rare thing.

383
00:15:11,057 --> 00:15:11,067
Yeah.

384
00:15:11,224 --> 00:15:12,625
You have to make that move.

385
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:17,589
If you see a couple and you're
interested, just go up to them and talk.

386
00:15:18,113 --> 00:15:20,415
But if you're new, it's
a hard thing to do.

387
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:20,815
Yeah.

388
00:15:20,815 --> 00:15:22,078
It's very intimidating.

389
00:15:22,078 --> 00:15:25,073
Yeah, especially if you think
that they're way too attractive.

390
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:28,052
I've, I've heard people tell
you, "Oh, well, you're out of

391
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:31,164
my league." I didn't talk to you
because y- yeah, you're just… I

392
00:15:31,165 --> 00:15:32,231
don't, I don't think you'd like me.

393
00:15:32,237 --> 00:15:36,829
And it's like, that's the most, in
the lifestyle, that's ridiculous.

394
00:15:37,073 --> 00:15:40,727
It's, it, it, yeah, but it's also,
it, it revolves around insecurities.

395
00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:41,009
Yes.

396
00:15:41,032 --> 00:15:45,556
Now, there are several different
groups that I've realized are not on

397
00:15:45,558 --> 00:15:49,297
the norm included into usual settings.

398
00:15:49,355 --> 00:15:53,651
There's, the number one group
that I, I feel like is, is really

399
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:57,858
the most gate kept group in the
lifestyle, that's gonna be single men.

400
00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:58,341
Yes.

401
00:15:58,419 --> 00:15:58,916
Okay?

402
00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:04,493
Oftentimes, single men are not
included in a lot of plans.

403
00:16:04,732 --> 00:16:07,596
Hell, there's some clubs out there
that won't let single men in.

404
00:16:08,153 --> 00:16:10,502
Single men- And I don't
understand that … I don't know.

405
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:11,747
They have higher fees.

406
00:16:11,782 --> 00:16:11,982
Ugh.

407
00:16:11,982 --> 00:16:16,328
There's restricted nights, and then of
course there's that whole creepy guy.

408
00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:16,673
Creepy.

409
00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:16,797
Yeah.

410
00:16:16,797 --> 00:16:17,479
Creepy guy vibe.

411
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:17,978
Yeah.

412
00:16:18,023 --> 00:16:18,337
Yeah.

413
00:16:18,337 --> 00:16:20,708
It's just, and that's- It's
a, it's a stereotype for most.

414
00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:21,184
Yes.

415
00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:22,026
For most.

416
00:16:22,306 --> 00:16:26,467
I, I've noticed that really a lot of the
creepy guys that we've run into have been

417
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:29,220
a mix of single guys and married guys.

418
00:16:29,235 --> 00:16:29,387
Mm-hmm.

419
00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:29,760
You know?

420
00:16:29,761 --> 00:16:33,284
I mean, it's just- Mm-hmm … I think we
can just say they're just creepy people.

421
00:16:33,489 --> 00:16:34,477
I'm, there's, yeah.

422
00:16:34,478 --> 00:16:36,808
It's not even men are
w- it's creepy people.

423
00:16:36,808 --> 00:16:38,355
I've had creepy women.

424
00:16:38,824 --> 00:16:39,355
Totally.

425
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:47,021
But I do feel like the single male
gets shitted on more often than so.

426
00:16:47,026 --> 00:16:47,039
Yeah.

427
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:53,047
Which is odd, because the lifestyle is a
lot of things ethical non-monogamy, right?

428
00:16:53,048 --> 00:16:53,068
Yeah.

429
00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:54,012
It's a big umbrella.

430
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:54,378
Yeah.

431
00:16:54,628 --> 00:16:55,514
Hot wife?

432
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,920
They usually want a single guy Yeah.

433
00:16:59,798 --> 00:17:01,594
Yeah Like- So where are you
gonna find that at, you know?

434
00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:02,918
Where are you gonna find that at?

435
00:17:03,297 --> 00:17:04,780
And it's a, it is hard.

436
00:17:05,031 --> 00:17:09,328
And I see the single guys that go into
the clubs, and I'm like, "Guys, man,

437
00:17:09,331 --> 00:17:12,695
y'all…" Some of them are the creepy.

438
00:17:13,376 --> 00:17:13,767
The creepy guy?

439
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,189
I mean, how many times have we
said- Yeah … "Is this gonna

440
00:17:16,189 --> 00:17:17,255
be the White Claw guy again?"

441
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:18,315
Yeah, the White Claw guy.

442
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,372
If you haven't heard that
episode, you need to listen

443
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,765
to the White Claw guy episode.

444
00:17:21,765 --> 00:17:21,775
Yeah.

445
00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,425
And it never fails now.

446
00:17:23,428 --> 00:17:27,697
We look at every single guy because
they literally will stop and stare

447
00:17:28,182 --> 00:17:32,025
at us or stare at me like I'm like-
Granted, her boobs are normally

448
00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:36,442
out … like literally out, and those
are quite attractive to the eyes.

449
00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:40,917
But there are ways to
look without being creepy.

450
00:17:41,004 --> 00:17:41,424
Mm-hmm.

451
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:47,019
Because trust me, I'm, I'm checking out
every fine piece of the lady that walks

452
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:51,325
by me- Yeah … but I'm not staring-
Right … and just looking at their

453
00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:52,694
chest or just looking at their ass.

454
00:17:52,694 --> 00:17:55,345
But it's not only, it's not only the
single guys because how many of those

455
00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:57,837
people were, like, with a couple
and we're like, "Are they single?"

456
00:17:58,002 --> 00:17:58,413
Oh, yeah.

457
00:17:58,418 --> 00:18:00,505
And then here comes the lady, and
it's like, "No, they weren't." Yeah.

458
00:18:00,593 --> 00:18:01,378
It really isn't.

459
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:01,989
But, yeah.

460
00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:02,314
So that's what I'm saying.

461
00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:02,766
Yeah.

462
00:18:02,778 --> 00:18:06,484
It's single men are ostracized
and excluded oftentimes.

463
00:18:06,539 --> 00:18:09,567
Hell, throwing house parties, how
many times- Mm-hmm … do they

464
00:18:09,569 --> 00:18:10,867
go, "Okay, let's go down the list.

465
00:18:10,868 --> 00:18:13,752
We'll invite all these couples,
and do we wanna invite single guys?

466
00:18:13,783 --> 00:18:15,520
Nah, we're not gonna invite
single guys for this one." No.

467
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:19,384
Or, "Yeah, we'll invite one or two."
And you know, I think that… I think

468
00:18:19,385 --> 00:18:22,436
when people do that and don't invite
them, like, to the house parties and

469
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:25,182
everything, I think it's a male ego thing.

470
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:25,947
You think so?

471
00:18:25,962 --> 00:18:26,438
I do.

472
00:18:26,604 --> 00:18:29,879
Mm. I think, "Oh, there's too many,
too many men, and they're just

473
00:18:29,881 --> 00:18:33,406
gonna, like-" I'm gonna have to,
you know, whose dick is bigger.

474
00:18:33,919 --> 00:18:34,339
Really?

475
00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:35,826
I really feel like that's what it is.

476
00:18:35,835 --> 00:18:38,029
But, I mean, that's me hating on men.

477
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:42,896
In the entire 15 years we've been in
the lifestyle, I have never once felt

478
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,975
like, "Man, I, I bet that guy's dick
is gonna be bigger than mine." Yeah.

479
00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:50,511
Like, that thought has
never crossed my mind.

480
00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:50,915
Good.

481
00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:51,631
Well, you have a big dick, so.

482
00:18:51,638 --> 00:18:53,194
What a trip.

483
00:18:53,207 --> 00:18:54,977
Well, I didn't think I was well-equipped.

484
00:18:54,977 --> 00:18:55,179
Yeah.

485
00:18:55,220 --> 00:19:00,377
It was… It took me a while to realize
that I, I am, but- Yeah … yeah, for

486
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:04,495
the longest time, I'd, I, I just assumed
I was smaller than everybody else.

487
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:04,866
Yeah.

488
00:19:05,134 --> 00:19:09,041
And when I went to the club, there were
guys that, uh, we would go to, like, I

489
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:12,892
remember we went to a hotel takeover,
and there was this old dude across the

490
00:19:12,893 --> 00:19:16,408
pool from us, and he just disrobed- Oh

491
00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:20,633
like he was fresh out the
vagina, and, and he was packing.

492
00:19:20,749 --> 00:19:21,053
Yeah.

493
00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:22,016
Dude was packing.

494
00:19:22,139 --> 00:19:26,531
And I looked at him and I said, "Well,
I'm not taking off my clothes." I

495
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,338
mean, we all feel- Yeah … you know.

496
00:19:28,338 --> 00:19:28,640
Yeah.

497
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:28,870
But, yeah.

498
00:19:28,870 --> 00:19:31,825
But, you know, I mean, that,
and that kinda leads me into my

499
00:19:31,825 --> 00:19:38,236
next group, uh, that I feel are
often ostracized and left out.

500
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:44,235
We're talking about age and bodies here,
guys, because honestly, we've seen 'em.

501
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:45,315
We've seen 'em at the club.

502
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:50,278
There, there are some elderly folks who
have made it out- Mm-hmm … to the club.

503
00:19:50,301 --> 00:19:50,312
Mm-hmm.

504
00:19:50,312 --> 00:19:52,502
And I mean that, and I
mean that with all respect.

505
00:19:52,537 --> 00:19:52,634
Mm-hmm.

506
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,174
I'm talking walking
with a walker or a cane.

507
00:19:55,275 --> 00:19:55,844
Yeah.

508
00:19:55,851 --> 00:19:59,533
Uh, I, I'm talking, like, older
and- Our grand- like, they

509
00:19:59,555 --> 00:20:00,406
could be our grandparents.

510
00:20:00,427 --> 00:20:00,833
Yeah.

511
00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:01,776
And you know what?

512
00:20:02,841 --> 00:20:03,555
Fuck yeah.

513
00:20:03,693 --> 00:20:05,045
Awesome for you guys.

514
00:20:05,061 --> 00:20:05,071
Mm-hmm.

515
00:20:05,074 --> 00:20:07,876
But… A- and you know, that's,
I think that's a beautiful thing.

516
00:20:07,877 --> 00:20:08,856
I think that's great.

517
00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:09,084
Yeah.

518
00:20:09,089 --> 00:20:13,640
I think that y- that you can e- get
these experiences at no matter what age.

519
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:17,524
But I also sit back and go, "They're
not, they're probably not gonna be

520
00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:18,866
included in a whole lotta stuff."

521
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:19,802
Oh, for sure.

522
00:20:19,808 --> 00:20:20,398
You know what I mean?

523
00:20:20,398 --> 00:20:23,804
If they w- if they already, if they,
if they are new to the lifestyle

524
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:27,998
or haven't been involved in a lot
of the community- Yeah … they

525
00:20:27,998 --> 00:20:32,027
are not gonna… Yeah, and probably
incredible people to hang out with.

526
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:37,471
But, you know, because of the age
difference- Mm-hmm … chances are

527
00:20:37,473 --> 00:20:41,887
people would, would be like, "Yeah, no,
no, let's not invite the old people."

528
00:20:41,899 --> 00:20:42,303
We've… Exactly.

529
00:20:42,303 --> 00:20:42,796
You know what I mean?

530
00:20:42,813 --> 00:20:43,257
Yes.

531
00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:43,610
Yes.

532
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:44,549
Uh, I can already hear that one.

533
00:20:44,564 --> 00:20:45,792
I mean, I'm 48.

534
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:51,508
I'm, I'm hitting the 50s
almost, and I don't feel old.

535
00:20:51,555 --> 00:20:53,522
I don't know what that,
like, even what that is.

536
00:20:53,533 --> 00:21:00,302
Like, I don't feel incapable of, you
know, I can still be bent like Gumby.

537
00:21:00,632 --> 00:21:01,132
We're good.

538
00:21:01,195 --> 00:21:02,254
Ev- every- Yeah, you're posable.

539
00:21:02,269 --> 00:21:02,701
Yeah.

540
00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:04,741
And so that, um-

541
00:21:06,852 --> 00:21:12,044
It, it is something that crosses my mind,
like at what point do you, do you stop?

542
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:14,347
You know, we've al- Do you keep going?

543
00:21:14,347 --> 00:21:15,096
Yeah, we've always talked about that.

544
00:21:15,096 --> 00:21:17,635
Because are you gonna be… Yeah,
are you going to be that older

545
00:21:17,636 --> 00:21:20,370
couple that is walking with a
cane and shouldn't be in there?

546
00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:23,094
And, you know, and, and who
makes those fucking rules, man?

547
00:21:23,114 --> 00:21:23,563
Who makes the rules?

548
00:21:23,567 --> 00:21:24,108
That's exactly it.

549
00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:26,992
Who makes those rules and says,
"You know what? Yeah, no, sorry."

550
00:21:26,992 --> 00:21:27,827
I think you make them yourself.

551
00:21:28,027 --> 00:21:28,312
Yeah.

552
00:21:28,313 --> 00:21:30,822
We all internalize this-
Yeah … and go, yeah, no.

553
00:21:31,136 --> 00:21:34,312
Well, just because they're not for you
doesn't mean that they should be, that

554
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:35,441
they shouldn't- Mm-hmm … be included.

555
00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:36,308
You know what I mean?

556
00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:39,944
And I think that that's really our
own downfall, and we're projecting

557
00:21:39,944 --> 00:21:41,643
our own insecurities on other people.

558
00:21:41,648 --> 00:21:42,375
For sure.

559
00:21:42,411 --> 00:21:43,684
You know, which just sucks.

560
00:21:44,028 --> 00:21:49,310
And so, you know, older folks can tend
to feel excluded in a lot of things.

561
00:21:49,344 --> 00:21:49,744
Mm-hmm.

562
00:21:49,820 --> 00:21:55,206
I know that there are groups specifically
for the lifestyle, for 50 and over.

563
00:21:55,256 --> 00:21:55,378
Mm-hmm.

564
00:21:55,394 --> 00:21:56,966
And for 60 and over.

565
00:21:57,310 --> 00:22:00,404
And I think that's cool that you have your
own groups, but you shouldn't have to.

566
00:22:00,765 --> 00:22:01,741
You should be able to be included.

567
00:22:01,741 --> 00:22:02,883
You should be able to be included- Right?

568
00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:03,582
… in every group.

569
00:22:03,583 --> 00:22:07,947
And I'm sure if you feel invisible, you
know, just, just tap them with your cane.

570
00:22:07,962 --> 00:22:08,767
That's right.

571
00:22:09,088 --> 00:22:10,841
And say, "Hey, look here, Sunny Jim.

572
00:22:11,444 --> 00:22:14,257
I'm still here, and I fuck." That's right.

573
00:22:14,257 --> 00:22:14,897
You know what I'm saying?

574
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:16,110
Yeah, man.

575
00:22:16,389 --> 00:22:18,862
You can be mad as hell, and
you're not gonna take it anymore.

576
00:22:19,140 --> 00:22:20,576
And I dig it, because you know what?

577
00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:22,014
I'm gonna be there one of these days.

578
00:22:22,023 --> 00:22:22,326
Mm-hmm.

579
00:22:22,379 --> 00:22:23,157
I'm getting old.

580
00:22:23,165 --> 00:22:24,082
I mean, I look old.

581
00:22:24,708 --> 00:22:25,673
I, I look old.

582
00:22:25,689 --> 00:22:27,687
I'm just not… I'm 44.

583
00:22:27,688 --> 00:22:28,722
You look older.

584
00:22:28,789 --> 00:22:29,606
I look older.

585
00:22:29,694 --> 00:22:29,942
Yeah.

586
00:22:29,942 --> 00:22:30,552
Not old.

587
00:22:30,664 --> 00:22:34,587
My, my, my face and my
balls look distinguished.

588
00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:40,526
But I do, I do feel like I have
experienced some ageism at, at,

589
00:22:40,643 --> 00:22:46,206
at… Not ageism, but ageism when it
comes to this lifestyle at sometimes.

590
00:22:46,206 --> 00:22:47,688
Because you have the gray
hair and you look older.

591
00:22:47,688 --> 00:22:48,937
Because I look older.

592
00:22:48,983 --> 00:22:49,230
Mm-hmm.

593
00:22:49,236 --> 00:22:50,915
You know, you've always looked younger.

594
00:22:50,915 --> 00:22:53,356
And, and I mean, you don't
even… You stopped dyeing your

595
00:22:53,357 --> 00:22:55,401
hair, and you still look younger.

596
00:22:55,455 --> 00:23:02,544
And it's like, well… And we've been
around people- And felt parental.

597
00:23:02,599 --> 00:23:03,975
For sure.

598
00:23:04,455 --> 00:23:08,355
We, and I, I don't know
what to tell you, man.

599
00:23:08,367 --> 00:23:13,686
Like, the last thing I wanna do before
I tap that ass is feel like I have

600
00:23:13,687 --> 00:23:15,558
to lecture you about your grades.

601
00:23:15,605 --> 00:23:16,290
You know what I mean?

602
00:23:16,352 --> 00:23:17,959
I am not trying to do that.

603
00:23:17,965 --> 00:23:17,986
No.

604
00:23:17,987 --> 00:23:19,913
Like, don't make me feel like a parent.

605
00:23:19,913 --> 00:23:19,926
No.

606
00:23:20,212 --> 00:23:21,540
You have to be adult.

607
00:23:21,678 --> 00:23:21,995
Yes.

608
00:23:22,022 --> 00:23:23,484
You have to be responsible.

609
00:23:23,484 --> 00:23:23,821
Yes.

610
00:23:23,879 --> 00:23:26,147
And the moment that you- I
mean, I feel, I've, I've felt

611
00:23:26,151 --> 00:23:28,213
parental with older people, so.

612
00:23:28,313 --> 00:23:28,842
Yeah.

613
00:23:29,022 --> 00:23:30,911
Like- It really doesn't matter
what your age is on that- Yeah

614
00:23:30,911 --> 00:23:31,614
it's how you act.

615
00:23:31,776 --> 00:23:31,867
Yeah.

616
00:23:31,871 --> 00:23:33,241
And that goes back to
what you were saying.

617
00:23:33,244 --> 00:23:35,680
You, you've never really felt old.

618
00:23:35,692 --> 00:23:36,841
What is feeling old?

619
00:23:36,841 --> 00:23:37,154
Yeah.

620
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:37,174
You know?

621
00:23:37,174 --> 00:23:39,195
It's, it's, and old is a state of mind.

622
00:23:39,432 --> 00:23:40,159
I believe it is.

623
00:23:40,186 --> 00:23:41,203
Hell yeah, man.

624
00:23:41,203 --> 00:23:41,215
Mm-hmm.

625
00:23:41,219 --> 00:23:44,302
So, you know, don't stop
living for tomorrow.

626
00:23:44,302 --> 00:23:44,756
No.

627
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:44,767
Right?

628
00:23:44,911 --> 00:23:45,234
Yeah.

629
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:48,024
All right, real quick, hold
up your hand for a second.

630
00:23:48,822 --> 00:23:49,219
Why?

631
00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:49,833
What are we doing?

632
00:23:50,835 --> 00:23:52,214
We're doing the SwingTap plug.

633
00:23:52,737 --> 00:23:54,754
This is the wedding ring on my hand.

634
00:23:54,996 --> 00:23:57,689
And this is the bracelet on my
wrist, which I haven't taken

635
00:23:57,690 --> 00:23:58,548
off since we've gotten it.

636
00:23:58,666 --> 00:24:00,747
Yeah, you really should- … 'cause
you gotta clean yourself.

637
00:24:00,776 --> 00:24:00,987
Yeah.

638
00:24:01,568 --> 00:24:06,681
But before we even get into the wearables,
SwingTap is actually a whole platform.

639
00:24:06,839 --> 00:24:10,318
You sign up, one-time fee, no
subscription, and you build

640
00:24:10,318 --> 00:24:11,822
yourself a lifestyle profile.

641
00:24:12,283 --> 00:24:14,516
Photos, preferences, all of it.

642
00:24:14,827 --> 00:24:17,787
And once it's built, you get your
own custom link and a QR code.

643
00:24:17,812 --> 00:24:21,580
So instead of trying to remember your
SDC username or spelling out your kick

644
00:24:21,581 --> 00:24:26,708
across a loud bar- You just share the
link or flash the code, and then it's done

645
00:24:27,197 --> 00:24:29,288
And that is where the wearable comes in.

646
00:24:29,288 --> 00:24:33,347
Because instead of even pulling
out your phone, you can just show

647
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:36,158
them the QR code once they tap
your little wearable thing here.

648
00:24:36,370 --> 00:24:38,167
Yeah, I mean, it really is that simple.

649
00:24:38,168 --> 00:24:38,988
You just tap.

650
00:24:39,350 --> 00:24:41,145
You tap the rings, the bracelets.

651
00:24:41,316 --> 00:24:42,847
They even do NFC cards.

652
00:24:42,847 --> 00:24:42,949
Oh, that's right.

653
00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:43,640
It's really cool.

654
00:24:43,655 --> 00:24:44,037
Yeah.

655
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:47,652
Someone taps their phone to
mine, my whole profile pops up.

656
00:24:48,103 --> 00:24:51,167
Mine just looks like a wedding ring
from across the room, so nobody's

657
00:24:51,168 --> 00:24:53,206
the wiser until you want them to be.

658
00:24:53,677 --> 00:24:54,706
Same with my bracelet.

659
00:24:54,862 --> 00:24:57,714
It's genuinely the smoothest
setup we've found for events,

660
00:24:57,836 --> 00:24:59,164
meetups, the boat, wherever.

661
00:24:59,605 --> 00:25:02,185
Build your profile once, then
just tap wherever you go.

662
00:25:02,651 --> 00:25:03,126
That's right.

663
00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:07,223
Go check out the platform and
the wearables, swingtap.fun.

664
00:25:07,395 --> 00:25:08,629
Links in the show notes.

665
00:25:08,864 --> 00:25:10,409
Use our link swingtap.fun/share/beyomono.

666
00:25:14,956 --> 00:25:16,045
It supports the show too.

667
00:25:16,602 --> 00:25:17,951
Tap in, literally.

668
00:25:18,369 --> 00:25:19,971
All right, back to the episode.

669
00:25:20,579 --> 00:25:29,710
Now, I feel another group that always gets
or maybe is misunderstood, bigger bodies.

670
00:25:29,812 --> 00:25:30,892
Man, let me tell you something.

671
00:25:30,892 --> 00:25:33,373
There are- I have felt that one- The
lifestyle- … my whole life … yeah,

672
00:25:33,376 --> 00:25:35,483
the lifestyle has every shape.

673
00:25:36,475 --> 00:25:40,202
You're tall, you're short,
you're, you know, slim, you're

674
00:25:40,204 --> 00:25:43,123
not, you're athletic, you're not.

675
00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:46,012
Every single body type
is in the lifestyle.

676
00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:46,918
Yeah, that's true.

677
00:25:46,918 --> 00:25:47,564
Every kind.

678
00:25:48,135 --> 00:25:48,862
That's true.

679
00:25:50,484 --> 00:25:53,672
The bigger bodies do get excluded.

680
00:25:53,772 --> 00:25:58,193
Or I think they don't get excluded,
I think it is, uh, the person- Well,

681
00:25:58,199 --> 00:25:58,819
so yeah … that excludes themselves.

682
00:25:58,819 --> 00:26:03,495
You know, and I can absolutely speak
to this because let me tell you

683
00:26:03,497 --> 00:26:08,555
something, I'm a bigger body, and
I have been for a very long time.

684
00:26:08,826 --> 00:26:10,299
Now- I mean, I am, too.

685
00:26:10,325 --> 00:26:12,746
I'm not a- Um … I'm not a thick-
Yeah, but you're frigging smoking, dude

686
00:26:12,796 --> 00:26:16,279
I'm not a thin, I'm not a thin, fit body.

687
00:26:16,279 --> 00:26:16,638
This is true.

688
00:26:16,969 --> 00:26:17,205
This is true.

689
00:26:17,205 --> 00:26:18,061
Like, I am thick.

690
00:26:18,257 --> 00:26:20,798
And, and, and we're
gonna come back to that.

691
00:26:20,827 --> 00:26:23,078
Because, but, because
there's a difference.

692
00:26:23,631 --> 00:26:27,927
There is a difference between a bigger
body man and a bigger body woman.

693
00:26:28,762 --> 00:26:34,347
Mm. But I have always felt
this disregard in the lifestyle

694
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,152
because I was rather large.

695
00:26:36,424 --> 00:26:40,378
Now, I was a big guy when
we started in the lifestyle.

696
00:26:40,449 --> 00:26:40,468
Mm-hmm.

697
00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:42,197
And I got bigger over the years.

698
00:26:42,228 --> 00:26:46,871
And then a few years back, I got on
a healthy kick and I lost 100 pounds,

699
00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:49,173
and I started working out, right?

700
00:26:49,174 --> 00:26:49,577
Yeah.

701
00:26:49,838 --> 00:26:52,295
And that was about the time
that we started back in the

702
00:26:52,297 --> 00:26:53,979
life- like, in this community.

703
00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:53,992
Yeah.

704
00:26:54,039 --> 00:26:55,571
And we started meeting people.

705
00:26:55,597 --> 00:27:00,764
And I feel like, I feel like
people started seeing me

706
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:02,540
after I started working out.

707
00:27:02,781 --> 00:27:03,135
Yes.

708
00:27:03,156 --> 00:27:06,104
People started noticing me after
I started- Well, because you

709
00:27:06,136 --> 00:27:07,268
were more out … slimming down.

710
00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:10,262
I started coming out with this confidence.

711
00:27:10,262 --> 00:27:10,578
Yeah.

712
00:27:10,581 --> 00:27:10,831
You know?

713
00:27:11,165 --> 00:27:14,383
And because of that, I came out with
a little bit more confidence of,

714
00:27:14,421 --> 00:27:15,353
"Hey, you don't wanna talk to me?

715
00:27:15,354 --> 00:27:16,910
Well, fuck you, keep on walking." Right.

716
00:27:17,017 --> 00:27:21,245
And so that took away some of the,
I don't know, the awkwardness.

717
00:27:21,287 --> 00:27:26,971
And I realized, hey, you know, being
healthy and, and, and working out and

718
00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:29,020
that whole thing, it gets you attention.

719
00:27:29,377 --> 00:27:29,816
Yeah.

720
00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:36,170
And then- I was wa- And then- And
then … I got let go- … from my job

721
00:27:36,834 --> 00:27:38,734
and I stayed home for an entire year.

722
00:27:38,786 --> 00:27:38,982
Yeah.

723
00:27:38,982 --> 00:27:42,995
And in that year, I worked very hard on
this show, I worked very hard on content.

724
00:27:43,004 --> 00:27:43,344
Yeah.

725
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:44,845
And I did not leave the house.

726
00:27:44,866 --> 00:27:45,245
No.

727
00:27:45,501 --> 00:27:48,698
I hardly ever- And you found
those hundred pounds again.

728
00:27:48,701 --> 00:27:51,376
I hardly ever left the stretchy pants.

729
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:51,833
Yeah.

730
00:27:51,887 --> 00:27:53,321
Always wore the stretchy pants.

731
00:27:53,327 --> 00:27:53,614
Yeah.

732
00:27:53,661 --> 00:27:54,058
You know?

733
00:27:54,259 --> 00:27:55,131
And I gained weight.

734
00:27:55,145 --> 00:27:58,261
Now, I did not gain the full hundred,
thank you very much, asshole.

735
00:27:58,813 --> 00:28:00,317
But I did gain some weight.

736
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:02,560
I have gotten to be a chubby panda.

737
00:28:02,564 --> 00:28:03,730
Thank you very much.

738
00:28:03,749 --> 00:28:05,019
Bailey, you're so happy.

739
00:28:05,089 --> 00:28:06,272
Oh, thank you so much.

740
00:28:07,093 --> 00:28:11,044
I'm so glad that I have a nar-
another therapy appointment next week.

741
00:28:11,539 --> 00:28:12,959
We will revisit that.

742
00:28:13,866 --> 00:28:18,227
Um, but I mean, I've gained weight
and Uh, all right, yeah, okay.

743
00:28:18,381 --> 00:28:19,856
We're talking about me right now.

744
00:28:19,863 --> 00:28:20,138
Okay.

745
00:28:20,177 --> 00:28:20,459
Thank you.

746
00:28:20,464 --> 00:28:20,881
Sorry.

747
00:28:20,896 --> 00:28:21,527
Go ahead.

748
00:28:21,996 --> 00:28:24,379
This guy is husky now, right?

749
00:28:24,532 --> 00:28:27,988
So I have, I have seen- This is a
plus-size dude … I have seen myself

750
00:28:28,090 --> 00:28:32,879
balloon up from- Uh-huh … 230
to, I think I'm at 270 right now.

751
00:28:32,948 --> 00:28:33,254
Mm-hmm.

752
00:28:33,470 --> 00:28:36,834
Which is a lot, and
it's very disappointing.

753
00:28:36,834 --> 00:28:40,698
And of course, you, uh, you gain
weight and you start feeling less sexy.

754
00:28:40,698 --> 00:28:44,728
You start feeling less con- and then
those insecurities start coming back.

755
00:28:44,735 --> 00:28:45,764
So I get it.

756
00:28:45,792 --> 00:28:47,618
I'm a, like I said, I'm a bigger body.

757
00:28:47,912 --> 00:28:50,414
Have I felt excluded because of it?

758
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:51,652
Abso-fucking-lutely.

759
00:28:51,774 --> 00:28:52,221
Yeah.

760
00:28:52,359 --> 00:28:53,228
Absolutely.

761
00:28:53,237 --> 00:28:58,043
Mm. Have I… But this is the thing
about it, is those, I can tell you

762
00:28:58,050 --> 00:29:00,459
for sure, were my own insecurities.

763
00:29:00,823 --> 00:29:01,195
Mm-hmm.

764
00:29:01,195 --> 00:29:01,205
Mm-hmm.

765
00:29:01,688 --> 00:29:06,628
10 times out of 12, those were
usually my own insecurities

766
00:29:06,658 --> 00:29:08,038
and nobody really gave a shit.

767
00:29:08,144 --> 00:29:09,926
Uh, but- I mean, I'm like that too.

768
00:29:09,934 --> 00:29:12,095
Like, I can always tell you,
ooh, man, I just don't feel

769
00:29:12,095 --> 00:29:13,687
like I'm, I'm it right now.

770
00:29:13,753 --> 00:29:14,107
Yeah.

771
00:29:14,112 --> 00:29:15,165
I, I don't feel good.

772
00:29:15,214 --> 00:29:18,005
I- Yeah, and then you think
that everybody's looking at you.

773
00:29:18,015 --> 00:29:18,558
Yes.

774
00:29:18,749 --> 00:29:21,558
It feels like everybody's
looking- And judging

775
00:29:21,558 --> 00:29:23,620
and judging and, and
thinking that you're gross.

776
00:29:23,829 --> 00:29:23,914
Mm-hmm.

777
00:29:23,914 --> 00:29:24,522
And nobody is.

778
00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,371
And nobody really is.

779
00:29:26,657 --> 00:29:31,090
Like, I can tell you from a set of
professional people watchers that

780
00:29:31,092 --> 00:29:35,984
we are, uh, it is never been the
case that we've looked at somebody

781
00:29:35,984 --> 00:29:38,795
and gone, "Ugh- What are they doing?

782
00:29:38,875 --> 00:29:40,219
Oh my gosh, did you see that?

783
00:29:40,221 --> 00:29:40,452
No.

784
00:29:40,458 --> 00:29:40,885
Hell no.

785
00:29:40,885 --> 00:29:40,895
No.

786
00:29:40,954 --> 00:29:44,506
Uh, you know, I'm… We're those
people that we're like, "Fuck yeah,

787
00:29:44,506 --> 00:29:47,138
dude. You rock that shit. That's
confident right there." Mm-hmm.

788
00:29:47,138 --> 00:29:47,258
Mm-hmm.

789
00:29:47,266 --> 00:29:47,939
That's cool.

790
00:29:48,007 --> 00:29:48,416
Mm-hmm.

791
00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:53,171
Uh, being true to yourself, I think,
is very, very cool, and that wasn't

792
00:29:53,171 --> 00:29:56,981
the way that we were raised, to
celebrate being true to yourself.

793
00:29:57,021 --> 00:29:57,234
No.

794
00:29:57,420 --> 00:30:02,945
We were raised to, you know, be, be
the, the cool person, be, be like them.

795
00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:03,446
Mm-hmm.

796
00:30:03,446 --> 00:30:07,238
And, and doesn't matter how you feel
or you go with the crowds, you know.

797
00:30:07,685 --> 00:30:07,734
Mm-hmm.

798
00:30:07,748 --> 00:30:08,859
Not in this community.

799
00:30:08,915 --> 00:30:14,622
This community, it is very cool for you
to love who you wanna love, be who you

800
00:30:14,622 --> 00:30:16,910
wanna be, and look how you wanna look.

801
00:30:16,974 --> 00:30:17,380
Mm-hmm.

802
00:30:17,435 --> 00:30:22,093
And frankly, there is a
spot for every single body.

803
00:30:22,111 --> 00:30:22,378
There is.

804
00:30:22,378 --> 00:30:23,344
Doesn't matter what.

805
00:30:23,362 --> 00:30:28,559
Now, now speaking on that, I don't wanna
exclude those who have had their bodies

806
00:30:28,559 --> 00:30:32,864
done, because there are a lot of people
out there who have had a lot of work done.

807
00:30:32,864 --> 00:30:37,784
I will tell you, I follow this
one person who is, I think she's a

808
00:30:38,049 --> 00:30:41,647
porn star, and she's a big woman.

809
00:30:41,672 --> 00:30:41,935
Yeah.

810
00:30:42,486 --> 00:30:45,513
And that's exactly what she says.

811
00:30:45,524 --> 00:30:48,018
She, she has enough money
to get her body done.

812
00:30:48,027 --> 00:30:48,985
Like, don't get me wrong.

813
00:30:48,994 --> 00:30:52,052
There's so many drugs now that you can
lose so much weight, get your body done.

814
00:30:52,606 --> 00:30:56,186
And she said that it, it is hard.

815
00:30:56,204 --> 00:30:57,182
It's hard to compete.

816
00:30:57,183 --> 00:30:58,999
So it is… This is not a competition.

817
00:30:59,031 --> 00:31:04,425
It really isn't a competition.

818
00:31:04,425 --> 00:31:04,682
You know, it's not a competition, but
there are a lot, and I have to say there's

819
00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:11,258
probably a 50%, if not more, of the people
that get their body done in the lifestyle

820
00:31:11,792 --> 00:31:13,946
than there is just regular bodies.

821
00:31:13,974 --> 00:31:16,943
Yeah, and, uh, there's a lot of
different communities where, uh,

822
00:31:16,949 --> 00:31:20,007
and, and I've spoken to somebody
specifically about this, that their

823
00:31:20,009 --> 00:31:24,063
community is primarily a lot of
people who have had their bodies done.

824
00:31:24,063 --> 00:31:27,868
And so because of that, they
felt they had to do the same.

825
00:31:27,922 --> 00:31:30,726
And I can only imagine
that kind of pressure.

826
00:31:30,726 --> 00:31:31,452
That's a tough kind of pressure.

827
00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:35,659
And that's really you as a woman
putting that pressure on yourself.

828
00:31:35,716 --> 00:31:36,052
Yeah, yeah.

829
00:31:36,146 --> 00:31:38,209
Because nobody ca- Like,
I do the same thing.

830
00:31:38,256 --> 00:31:44,207
I would love to, you know, have that
mommy makeover and feel that confident,

831
00:31:44,716 --> 00:31:47,745
but I'm not doing it for competition.

832
00:31:48,038 --> 00:31:52,626
I'm not doing it because that
person's body looks better than mine.

833
00:31:53,773 --> 00:31:54,404
I know I'm hot.

834
00:31:54,755 --> 00:31:55,190
Yeah.

835
00:31:55,429 --> 00:31:55,830
Yeah.

836
00:31:56,263 --> 00:31:59,946
You know, that- I know I'm, I'm, I- That's
really gotta be tougher for women on that

837
00:31:59,955 --> 00:32:03,545
end- Yes … because- Like, you're gonna
take me as I am or you don't have to.

838
00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:06,857
Like, I'm doing… Whatever I wanna do to
myself is because I wanna do to myself.

839
00:32:06,877 --> 00:32:06,985
Yeah.

840
00:32:06,985 --> 00:32:10,873
It's nothing to do with I need
to keep up with the Joneses.

841
00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:12,868
Did you ever feel like that, though?

842
00:32:12,869 --> 00:32:13,047
Yes.

843
00:32:13,047 --> 00:32:15,523
Did you have- I did … that
feeling like, "Man, I really need

844
00:32:15,523 --> 00:32:17,251
to, I need to step up my game"?

845
00:32:17,262 --> 00:32:17,716
Yes.

846
00:32:17,728 --> 00:32:18,039
Yeah.

847
00:32:18,111 --> 00:32:18,553
Ever.

848
00:32:18,596 --> 00:32:18,981
Yeah?

849
00:32:19,311 --> 00:32:20,060
Forever.

850
00:32:20,380 --> 00:32:22,899
It wasn't- That's gotta be a lot of
pressure … until probably this, you

851
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:26,879
know, a year maybe, maybe two years ago
that I was like, I may not have that

852
00:32:26,879 --> 00:32:35,067
body, I may not be, you know, that picture
perfect whatever people think that is.

853
00:32:35,067 --> 00:32:35,381
You know?

854
00:32:35,381 --> 00:32:35,394
Right.

855
00:32:35,409 --> 00:32:39,854
The fake boobs and the, you know, the
fake ass and, and all that tucked in.

856
00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:44,249
And I thought, you know, well,
I'm never gonna get looked at.

857
00:32:44,795 --> 00:32:48,533
It really is a confidence in yourself
and, and I'm not an insecure person.

858
00:32:48,853 --> 00:32:53,289
Well, you know, what I found out
is there's a, there's a big thing

859
00:32:53,301 --> 00:32:55,151
when it comes to perception.

860
00:32:55,768 --> 00:32:59,142
Uh, the moment you change your
perception, everything changes.

861
00:32:59,153 --> 00:32:59,392
Mm-hmm.

862
00:32:59,418 --> 00:33:05,130
And what I mean by that is I used
to feel like, oh well, I can't, I

863
00:33:05,130 --> 00:33:08,666
can't get this person's attention
because they, they're not interested

864
00:33:08,666 --> 00:33:10,578
in bigger, bigger people like myself.

865
00:33:10,622 --> 00:33:12,276
They want only fit bodies.

866
00:33:12,305 --> 00:33:12,316
Mm-hmm.

867
00:33:12,321 --> 00:33:14,969
And then I felt sour and excluded.

868
00:33:15,323 --> 00:33:18,865
Now I'm like, they only want fit people?

869
00:33:19,148 --> 00:33:23,016
Well, move along, homie, because you're
not gonna get to experience this fun.

870
00:33:23,504 --> 00:33:24,147
You know what I mean?

871
00:33:24,394 --> 00:33:27,657
And that perception has made
me go, okay, you know what?

872
00:33:28,357 --> 00:33:29,496
I, I don't really care.

873
00:33:29,514 --> 00:33:29,587
Mm-hmm.

874
00:33:29,587 --> 00:33:33,395
Like I'm, I'm… I, I don't
like my body because of me.

875
00:33:33,608 --> 00:33:34,119
Exactly.

876
00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:37,139
I don't, like, have that
feeling about- Mm-hmm

877
00:33:37,139 --> 00:33:40,919
myself because of others- Mm-hmm … and
what they, what they perceive me as.

878
00:33:41,525 --> 00:33:43,475
I, I, I don't really care about that.

879
00:33:43,511 --> 00:33:47,682
I care about how I feel and how
I look- Yeah … for myself.

880
00:33:47,698 --> 00:33:48,047
Yeah.

881
00:33:48,078 --> 00:33:50,546
Like I- And I know a lot of people
get their bodies done for that

882
00:33:50,546 --> 00:33:53,774
very reason, because of their own-
Like, for me, it's gonna be for me.

883
00:33:53,774 --> 00:33:53,784
Yeah.

884
00:33:53,784 --> 00:33:56,198
I got my breasts lifted in 2013.

885
00:33:56,216 --> 00:33:56,710
Yeah, yeah.

886
00:33:56,710 --> 00:33:58,059
And I did that for me.

887
00:33:58,059 --> 00:34:00,142
I did not do that for anybody else.

888
00:34:00,649 --> 00:34:02,146
Do I want a mommy makeover?

889
00:34:02,180 --> 00:34:04,643
Of course I do, for me.

890
00:34:04,672 --> 00:34:05,047
Right.

891
00:34:05,127 --> 00:34:09,266
Not for anybody else's
pleasure but myself.

892
00:34:09,326 --> 00:34:09,622
Yeah.

893
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:10,052
So.

894
00:34:10,187 --> 00:34:10,364
Yeah.

895
00:34:10,372 --> 00:34:12,863
But I'm not, I'm not an insecure person.

896
00:34:12,929 --> 00:34:13,269
True.

897
00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:15,347
I'm not… I'm very confident.

898
00:34:15,378 --> 00:34:19,627
I love myself and I love my body,
and what I wanna do to myself and

899
00:34:19,630 --> 00:34:22,000
my body is specifically for me.

900
00:34:22,077 --> 00:34:22,436
Yeah.

901
00:34:22,611 --> 00:34:24,204
Nothing to do with a lifestyle.

902
00:34:24,248 --> 00:34:24,586
Yeah.

903
00:34:24,860 --> 00:34:33,745
A lot of women, though, do do it because I
feel because of insecurity and- Insecurity

904
00:34:33,746 --> 00:34:35,552
in the lifestyle specifically Yeah.

905
00:34:35,770 --> 00:34:38,489
Yeah, and that's gotta be a tough-
It's the keeping up with the Joneses.

906
00:34:38,598 --> 00:34:41,202
Yeah The keeping up with that,
that picture perfect that you

907
00:34:41,212 --> 00:34:43,020
think in your pr- in your mind, so.

908
00:34:43,181 --> 00:34:43,618
Sure.

909
00:34:43,641 --> 00:34:43,937
Sure.

910
00:34:43,954 --> 00:34:46,128
Well, I mean, I think we
all do it to an extent.

911
00:34:46,232 --> 00:34:49,630
Mm. But it, it is tough for those
who have had their bodies done.

912
00:34:49,630 --> 00:34:51,879
I know a lot of ladies who are…
They get their bodies done,

913
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,710
and then they're insecure about
their, their scars, you know?

914
00:34:54,711 --> 00:34:54,808
Mm-hmm.

915
00:34:54,808 --> 00:34:59,840
And it's like, "Hey, you know
what?" Honestly, a lot of us, 90,

916
00:34:59,895 --> 00:35:04,608
90% of us look at you for you and
are not looking at your scars.

917
00:35:04,608 --> 00:35:06,664
We're not looking at how your body looks.

918
00:35:06,686 --> 00:35:09,750
Maybe y- maybe you've got an
apron belly or maybe, you know,

919
00:35:09,757 --> 00:35:11,216
you've got cellulite or whatever.

920
00:35:11,226 --> 00:35:11,418
Mm-hmm.

921
00:35:11,447 --> 00:35:12,852
We're, we're not picking you apart.

922
00:35:12,860 --> 00:35:12,935
Mm-mm.

923
00:35:12,945 --> 00:35:15,963
There's a lot of us that we're
not, and there are more of us

924
00:35:15,965 --> 00:35:20,394
who are not judging you and not
picking you apart like you are.

925
00:35:20,931 --> 00:35:21,263
Yes.

926
00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:26,103
And way less of the people thinking
that you think are thinking that.

927
00:35:26,175 --> 00:35:30,358
Uh, so even though it may feel
unnatural, you really have to kinda

928
00:35:30,358 --> 00:35:35,260
pull yourself out of that and go, "Okay,
I'm gonna enjoy this for me." Yeah.

929
00:35:35,260 --> 00:35:35,399
You know?

930
00:35:35,399 --> 00:35:36,350
And enjoy it for yourself.

931
00:35:36,362 --> 00:35:36,804
Yes.

932
00:35:36,852 --> 00:35:37,274
Yeah.

933
00:35:38,104 --> 00:35:42,906
Now, uh, the next group that we're
gonna talk about, you know, being

934
00:35:42,936 --> 00:35:45,564
excluded is, is kind of a heavy, guys.

935
00:35:45,564 --> 00:35:47,989
It's kind of a heavy… It's a,
it's a, it's one that I know my wife

936
00:35:47,989 --> 00:35:49,496
is very, very opinionated about.

937
00:35:49,726 --> 00:35:50,673
We're talking about race.

938
00:35:51,048 --> 00:35:53,970
Now, I… W- and the reason why I
bring this up is because, uh, you

939
00:35:53,971 --> 00:35:58,645
know, I am an avid tuner of SwingTok.

940
00:35:58,958 --> 00:36:05,676
Uh, we do a lot of content, and we put
it on, uh, #SwingTok on TikTok, and

941
00:36:05,676 --> 00:36:09,808
that's where a lot of swinger content and
material can be found is on, on SwingTok.

942
00:36:09,870 --> 00:36:10,222
Uh-huh.

943
00:36:10,446 --> 00:36:16,751
And, uh, so I, I peruse it to see, uh,
what new content is out there, what

944
00:36:16,753 --> 00:36:19,293
kind of new podcasts are coming out.

945
00:36:19,294 --> 00:36:21,717
You know, I like to support
the community as best as I can

946
00:36:21,717 --> 00:36:23,121
and get eyes on other things.

947
00:36:23,219 --> 00:36:23,782
Uh-huh.

948
00:36:23,888 --> 00:36:28,011
And, uh, some of the people that
I follow are people of color.

949
00:36:28,993 --> 00:36:31,329
They're Latinos.

950
00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:34,541
They're people from the Black
community, Indian communities.

951
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:38,238
Uh, you know, it, there's a lot of
different communities- Mm-hmm … that

952
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:43,284
I, that I follow that are taking
off in the non-monogamous arenas.

953
00:36:43,549 --> 00:36:43,818
Okay.

954
00:36:43,894 --> 00:36:50,941
And when it came down to the non-monogamy,
uh, w- you know, we're from South Texas

955
00:36:51,038 --> 00:36:54,826
originally, and our community was down
there when we started out as swingers.

956
00:36:54,864 --> 00:37:01,837
Now, as swingers- It was very easy
to find people to have sex with who

957
00:37:01,838 --> 00:37:04,362
were Hispanic, who were Latinos.

958
00:37:04,452 --> 00:37:04,778
Yes.

959
00:37:05,089 --> 00:37:06,812
Because that's… We're South Texas.

960
00:37:06,848 --> 00:37:06,858
Mm-hmm.

961
00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:07,773
It was around, right?

962
00:37:08,494 --> 00:37:14,687
But what I've realized is in listening
to a lot of these other content creators

963
00:37:14,688 --> 00:37:21,509
is that a lot of people of color don't
feel like they're included when they

964
00:37:21,511 --> 00:37:27,191
go to a club, per se, or they go to
certain house parties, things like that.

965
00:37:27,531 --> 00:37:32,278
A lot of parties tend to be
more on the segregated end.

966
00:37:32,326 --> 00:37:36,323
And some clubs, like there's even, uh,
some clubs in Houston where they're

967
00:37:36,323 --> 00:37:38,638
just very, very different vibes.

968
00:37:39,059 --> 00:37:44,216
More people of color towards one
club and less toward the other club.

969
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,382
You know, it- it- it's… And I believe
there was one of the content creators

970
00:37:48,382 --> 00:37:51,507
that I was listening to, uh, they
were Black, and they were talking

971
00:37:51,509 --> 00:37:56,045
about how, yeah, you know, we, we
don't, we don't get included on…

972
00:37:56,108 --> 00:37:59,200
We know that if there's, if there's
certain events or if there's certain

973
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,951
house parties going on, we know
we're not gonna be getting an invite.

974
00:38:02,578 --> 00:38:05,674
But then there's other people that
you know that they're gonna be, uh,

975
00:38:05,829 --> 00:38:07,324
doing an event or something like that.

976
00:38:07,337 --> 00:38:09,337
We know we're, we're gonna be
one of the first ones to get in.

977
00:38:09,373 --> 00:38:12,674
Um, and it's, it's just, uh, what
they were saying it's, it's a

978
00:38:12,684 --> 00:38:17,423
comfort, uh, with, with people that
you know you can relate to, right?

979
00:38:17,424 --> 00:38:17,820
Yes.

980
00:38:17,897 --> 00:38:18,355
Yes.

981
00:38:18,806 --> 00:38:21,836
Now- But that's… And see that's
the tricky part is because it's a

982
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:26,821
form of exclusion, but it's also
a form of self ex- exclusion.

983
00:38:26,833 --> 00:38:27,602
Exactly.

984
00:38:27,933 --> 00:38:30,761
You know, you're, you're
kind of- I mean, we're-

985
00:38:30,761 --> 00:38:35,443
keeping to yourself instead of- It,
and you know, some people- … you

986
00:38:35,443 --> 00:38:37,363
know, mixing along with everybody
else … yeah, some people gravitate

987
00:38:38,053 --> 00:38:40,342
more to a different, to a certain race.

988
00:38:40,382 --> 00:38:45,093
I, I gra- I, if I see Latinos,
I gravitate toward Latinos.

989
00:38:45,210 --> 00:38:45,423
Yeah.

990
00:38:45,423 --> 00:38:47,232
Now, I like all races.

991
00:38:47,384 --> 00:38:47,654
Right.

992
00:38:48,087 --> 00:38:54,104
But your gravitation for me, if I
see a Latina girl, a Latina woman,

993
00:38:54,118 --> 00:38:55,521
I can at least speak Spanish.

994
00:38:55,521 --> 00:38:58,519
If I can speak Spanish or…
Like, that's just fun for me.

995
00:38:58,963 --> 00:39:07,677
Now- I do see in different communities,
in Corpus, I mean, people, there

996
00:39:07,710 --> 00:39:14,525
is a lot of not inclusivity toward
anybody who's not Latin in some

997
00:39:14,525 --> 00:39:15,712
of the groups that we were in.

998
00:39:15,919 --> 00:39:16,096
Yeah.

999
00:39:16,098 --> 00:39:18,677
They were specifically Latinos.

1000
00:39:18,847 --> 00:39:19,114
Yeah.

1001
00:39:19,334 --> 00:39:21,485
Um, the groups now are very inclusive.

1002
00:39:21,485 --> 00:39:23,749
There's, there's a lot of different races.

1003
00:39:23,806 --> 00:39:25,001
Yeah, they're very integrated.

1004
00:39:25,220 --> 00:39:30,412
Now, whenever we, whenever we talk
about our club and, you know, it's

1005
00:39:30,426 --> 00:39:33,606
in… It's located in San Antonio
and you would think, oh, there's

1006
00:39:33,606 --> 00:39:35,624
lots of Mexicanos, whatever.

1007
00:39:35,759 --> 00:39:37,105
It's actually a mixing bag.

1008
00:39:37,154 --> 00:39:40,634
It's a mixing bag, but in
the beginning there was not.

1009
00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:41,119
No?

1010
00:39:41,119 --> 00:39:42,473
It was not a mixing bag.

1011
00:39:42,491 --> 00:39:46,578
We would go in and we'd be like,
"There are no Latinos here." Yeah.

1012
00:39:46,645 --> 00:39:47,167
That's right.

1013
00:39:47,227 --> 00:39:52,188
They started doing Latin nights, and now
you see a majority of people coming out.

1014
00:39:52,281 --> 00:39:56,643
But for the most part, it's in
San Antonio, where there's a lot

1015
00:39:56,643 --> 00:39:58,190
of Hispan- a lot of Mexicanos.

1016
00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:58,229
Yeah.

1017
00:39:58,234 --> 00:39:59,491
There's none.

1018
00:39:59,869 --> 00:40:03,263
It's a very rare occasion when you
find a l- a, a few of them in the club.

1019
00:40:03,292 --> 00:40:03,715
Yeah.

1020
00:40:03,716 --> 00:40:06,964
You know, I mean, that's, and that's
the, that's the hard part about it.

1021
00:40:06,964 --> 00:40:10,682
You know, it's really a part of it
that we don't wanna discuss oftentimes

1022
00:40:10,690 --> 00:40:15,136
is- Oh, yeah … because it's hard
to t- to, to speak the truth on

1023
00:40:15,136 --> 00:40:19,192
that, it, but it, it really isn't a,
a, the mixed bag that it should be.

1024
00:40:19,700 --> 00:40:20,527
It is now.

1025
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:21,858
It's starting to get there.

1026
00:40:21,858 --> 00:40:22,753
It's starting to get there.

1027
00:40:22,753 --> 00:40:26,398
And it's slowly starting to get there,
but it's, it's getting there, and people

1028
00:40:26,398 --> 00:40:28,348
are like, "Hey, come on over here." Yes.

1029
00:40:28,348 --> 00:40:29,261
"Let's, let's do this." You know?

1030
00:40:29,582 --> 00:40:33,008
They're starting to realize that people
are nicer, people are- Yes … are,

1031
00:40:33,033 --> 00:40:34,685
this is an actual community.

1032
00:40:34,686 --> 00:40:37,756
It doesn't have to be I have
to stay over here with my, with

1033
00:40:37,757 --> 00:40:39,348
my friends and not, not go out.

1034
00:40:39,393 --> 00:40:39,719
Yeah.

1035
00:40:39,744 --> 00:40:42,002
You can actually- It's
a mix … uh, you can.

1036
00:40:42,376 --> 00:40:43,606
Now- And you can mingle with all of 'em.

1037
00:40:43,612 --> 00:40:48,342
Like, they're… It's so inclusive at
our, in our area that it's, it's nice.

1038
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:50,154
It's, it's nice to see that grow.

1039
00:40:50,286 --> 00:40:50,692
Yeah.

1040
00:40:50,744 --> 00:40:54,044
It, and, and it takes a lot to get there
'cause not all communities are there.

1041
00:40:54,066 --> 00:40:54,424
Exactly.

1042
00:40:54,545 --> 00:40:57,821
Now, one thing that I wanted to
bring up in, on this space too

1043
00:40:57,821 --> 00:41:02,913
was, you know, when we were down
in South Texas, we, we became poly.

1044
00:41:02,948 --> 00:41:02,958
Mm-hmm.

1045
00:41:02,964 --> 00:41:09,033
And one of the, the problems that
we ran across was that, you know,

1046
00:41:09,034 --> 00:41:12,865
you wanted, you specifically,
you wanted to date more Latinos.

1047
00:41:12,909 --> 00:41:13,237
Yes.

1048
00:41:13,324 --> 00:41:14,989
Uh, because that was your comfort.

1049
00:41:15,005 --> 00:41:17,434
That was one of the things that,
that, you know- I can relate … if

1050
00:41:17,435 --> 00:41:20,958
I'm going to be romantically involved
with somebody, it's, it's gotta be

1051
00:41:20,958 --> 00:41:22,721
somebody that I can relate to- Yeah

1052
00:41:22,721 --> 00:41:24,499
and have, you know, this comfort with.

1053
00:41:24,888 --> 00:41:25,795
Understandably so.

1054
00:41:26,781 --> 00:41:33,948
And we ran into a lot of… pushback and,
and issues because the, at that time,

1055
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:40,727
this was 2015, 2016, there were not a lot
of Latinos in the non-monogamous space.

1056
00:41:40,734 --> 00:41:45,041
Mm. And a lot of it had to do
with how deep-rooted our culture

1057
00:41:45,043 --> 00:41:47,271
is in the r- in religion.

1058
00:41:47,355 --> 00:41:47,644
Yes.

1059
00:41:47,660 --> 00:41:51,878
And a lot of times Catholicism, but other
religions as well, you know, there's, uh-

1060
00:41:51,883 --> 00:41:53,282
Yeah … the saints are present, you know?

1061
00:41:53,684 --> 00:41:53,848
Yeah.

1062
00:41:53,848 --> 00:41:56,458
The G- you're talking- Yes … God, you
know, you're talking all of this stuff.

1063
00:41:56,503 --> 00:42:02,034
And being non-monogamous and having
multiple partners is something that

1064
00:42:02,284 --> 00:42:04,418
people would say you're going to hell for.

1065
00:42:04,443 --> 00:42:04,742
Mm-hmm.

1066
00:42:04,742 --> 00:42:05,005
You know?

1067
00:42:05,005 --> 00:42:06,739
And we ran into it so many times.

1068
00:42:06,766 --> 00:42:06,983
Mm-hmm.

1069
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:13,899
Uh, we could not find very many people in
our area who were Latinos and who could

1070
00:42:13,899 --> 00:42:18,228
be involved with other people without
having to keep it down on the low.

1071
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:18,489
Yeah.

1072
00:42:18,547 --> 00:42:21,954
And I think that was one of the
problems that we ran into oftentimes

1073
00:42:22,499 --> 00:42:25,378
were when it came to, to being poly.

1074
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:31,021
There's, there's a, a throuple that
I follow on, uh, TikTok by the name

1075
00:42:31,021 --> 00:42:36,003
of Trio Diaries, and they are a
throuple, and they're all Puerto Rican.

1076
00:42:36,507 --> 00:42:37,481
I followed them before.

1077
00:42:37,545 --> 00:42:37,770
Yeah.

1078
00:42:37,772 --> 00:42:38,008
Yeah.

1079
00:42:38,087 --> 00:42:39,178
They're all Puerto Rican.

1080
00:42:39,189 --> 00:42:39,199
Mm-hmm.

1081
00:42:39,434 --> 00:42:41,569
And I find that so fascinating.

1082
00:42:41,615 --> 00:42:46,407
Granted, it's now, I feel like, uh,
non-monogamy has really taken an open

1083
00:42:46,423 --> 00:42:51,440
space since the pandemic, and people
are starting to normalize it a bit more.

1084
00:42:51,485 --> 00:42:53,072
They're starting to talk about it more.

1085
00:42:53,108 --> 00:42:53,278
Right.

1086
00:42:53,538 --> 00:42:55,665
And it's starting to feel okay.

1087
00:42:55,712 --> 00:42:57,744
People are getting their
questions answered.

1088
00:42:58,050 --> 00:42:58,066
Mm-hmm.

1089
00:42:58,066 --> 00:43:04,414
So something like that It blows us
away 'cause it's like, wow Latinos and-

1090
00:43:04,414 --> 00:43:08,063
Latinos, all of them … in an open-
Together … t- and it's, and you know,

1091
00:43:08,404 --> 00:43:12,044
it's also culturally the machismo-ness.

1092
00:43:12,069 --> 00:43:15,088
Uh-huh I feel like men don't
like to share their women.

1093
00:43:15,937 --> 00:43:17,485
I think that's in every culture.

1094
00:43:17,649 --> 00:43:20,393
I think it's, I, but I'm just
saying like- Yeah … our culture.

1095
00:43:20,395 --> 00:43:22,151
I know- Yeah … for
sure that that's a thing.

1096
00:43:22,162 --> 00:43:25,166
Like, that's a, men just do
not wanna share their women.

1097
00:43:25,190 --> 00:43:25,513
Yeah.

1098
00:43:25,650 --> 00:43:29,747
And so to be poly and to be in that
kind of thing is like, mm, yeah, no.

1099
00:43:30,060 --> 00:43:35,239
I mean, I've seen Mexicanos in the swinger
community where it's like, yeah, no, it,

1100
00:43:35,278 --> 00:43:38,450
it, she can't be with any, any other men.

1101
00:43:38,454 --> 00:43:38,554
Yeah.

1102
00:43:38,556 --> 00:43:39,838
Like, it's only a woman.

1103
00:43:39,933 --> 00:43:40,144
Right.

1104
00:43:40,167 --> 00:43:41,396
And it's like, why?

1105
00:43:41,766 --> 00:43:44,396
And we've talked to them, and it's
like, "Oh, because that's just the

1106
00:43:44,396 --> 00:43:46,760
way. I don't wanna see her with
another man. I wanna see her with a…"

1107
00:43:47,129 --> 00:43:47,867
Yeah, no.

1108
00:43:48,003 --> 00:43:48,384
Yeah.

1109
00:43:48,587 --> 00:43:50,571
I, she can share me,
but I can't share her.

1110
00:43:50,573 --> 00:43:51,077
I've seen that.

1111
00:43:51,287 --> 00:43:51,937
It's like, mm. I've seen that a lot.

1112
00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:59,623
And so, and, and that I feel
is, is a big issue in, in that,

1113
00:43:59,633 --> 00:44:01,327
in L- in the Latin community.

1114
00:44:01,344 --> 00:44:03,695
But we're starting to
see it come out more.

1115
00:44:03,697 --> 00:44:03,707
Oh.

1116
00:44:03,707 --> 00:44:04,567
Which I think is great.

1117
00:44:04,579 --> 00:44:04,691
For sure.

1118
00:44:04,691 --> 00:44:07,085
I mean, one of the shows that
we did was for a club that's

1119
00:44:07,085 --> 00:44:08,233
in California- In California

1120
00:44:08,233 --> 00:44:09,096
called Tentaciones.

1121
00:44:09,134 --> 00:44:11,521
Mm. And it's a Latino-owned club.

1122
00:44:11,738 --> 00:44:12,027
Yeah.

1123
00:44:12,251 --> 00:44:15,706
And Latino and Lat- and it's
Spanish themed, you know?

1124
00:44:15,708 --> 00:44:17,651
And, and- Yes … that's cool, you know?

1125
00:44:17,651 --> 00:44:19,462
So it's, it's, it's really awesome.

1126
00:44:19,474 --> 00:44:21,805
There's throuples that I
follow that are in Houston.

1127
00:44:21,805 --> 00:44:23,023
They're, they're in the Black community.

1128
00:44:23,043 --> 00:44:23,242
Mm-hmm.

1129
00:44:23,259 --> 00:44:27,737
You know, they're- Mm-hmm … it, it,
so it's, it's really starting to spread.

1130
00:44:28,608 --> 00:44:32,485
The problem as it were, though, and
I think that's the great end of it,

1131
00:44:32,489 --> 00:44:35,516
but then when you're talking about
race, you really have to ask yourself,

1132
00:44:35,624 --> 00:44:38,153
is anybody experiencing fetishizing?

1133
00:44:39,607 --> 00:44:42,375
You know, I've… I think so.

1134
00:44:42,452 --> 00:44:42,801
Yeah?

1135
00:44:43,125 --> 00:44:48,605
I'm, I at least once a day- Yeah … get
a message that's like, "You are such a

1136
00:44:48,608 --> 00:44:54,915
hot Latina. Like, I would love to just,
you know, spend some time with you."

1137
00:44:54,915 --> 00:44:56,448
And it's like, why?

1138
00:44:56,467 --> 00:44:57,820
Because Latina?

1139
00:44:57,893 --> 00:44:59,330
Because you're gonna smell like tortillas?

1140
00:44:59,384 --> 00:45:00,026
I guess so.

1141
00:45:00,846 --> 00:45:01,963
I'm gonna bring them tamales.

1142
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:03,018
That'll be $20.

1143
00:45:03,172 --> 00:45:03,751
That's right.

1144
00:45:04,463 --> 00:45:05,156
Shit ain't free.

1145
00:45:05,893 --> 00:45:06,978
I think it's fetishized.

1146
00:45:07,019 --> 00:45:12,654
I've been told, we've been told
that certain races are a fetish.

1147
00:45:12,830 --> 00:45:13,993
I can see that, too.

1148
00:45:13,998 --> 00:45:16,905
Like, I think ignorance
plays a big part in that.

1149
00:45:17,694 --> 00:45:18,224
Ignorance.

1150
00:45:18,238 --> 00:45:22,458
So that's really, that's the
tough part is talking, you know,

1151
00:45:22,458 --> 00:45:26,827
what's the difference between
fetishizing and having a preference?

1152
00:45:26,914 --> 00:45:27,418
Yeah.

1153
00:45:27,418 --> 00:45:31,383
And, and I feel like you can have
a preference, but that's not the

1154
00:45:31,429 --> 00:45:32,967
only thing that you go after.

1155
00:45:32,967 --> 00:45:33,610
You know what I mean?

1156
00:45:33,616 --> 00:45:36,152
Like, you have a preference for Latinos.

1157
00:45:36,152 --> 00:45:36,770
I have a preference.

1158
00:45:36,792 --> 00:45:37,198
Yeah.

1159
00:45:37,270 --> 00:45:39,432
But you don't only sleep with Latinos.

1160
00:45:39,586 --> 00:45:39,866
No, no.

1161
00:45:41,179 --> 00:45:46,331
If you were to be fetishizing, I believe
that's where that's all you go for.

1162
00:45:46,364 --> 00:45:46,609
Right.

1163
00:45:46,623 --> 00:45:50,195
Like, I've had women tell me,
"Oh, you're cute, but I only

1164
00:45:50,196 --> 00:45:51,811
sleep with Black guys." Yes.

1165
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:52,415
Oh, okay.

1166
00:45:52,485 --> 00:45:53,488
Like, I'm not offended by it.

1167
00:45:53,489 --> 00:45:54,039
I'm like, cool.

1168
00:45:54,488 --> 00:45:54,678
Yeah.

1169
00:45:54,678 --> 00:45:56,830
That's, that's, uh, thanks for
telling me ahead of time- Yeah, yeah

1170
00:45:56,830 --> 00:45:57,767
so I don't have to work so hard.

1171
00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:58,198
Yeah.

1172
00:45:58,594 --> 00:46:00,298
Takes some of the pressure off, you know?

1173
00:46:00,348 --> 00:46:00,649
Yeah.

1174
00:46:00,689 --> 00:46:02,398
But I've, I've seen it before.

1175
00:46:02,421 --> 00:46:05,006
Mm. And, uh- I've heard them tell
you that … and that right there

1176
00:46:05,007 --> 00:46:08,246
is straight up, that's a, uh,
that's a fetishizing point of view.

1177
00:46:08,893 --> 00:46:10,156
Uh- Is it?

1178
00:46:10,156 --> 00:46:11,062
People… It is.

1179
00:46:11,375 --> 00:46:11,507
It is.

1180
00:46:11,507 --> 00:46:11,669
Yeah?

1181
00:46:11,669 --> 00:46:11,679
Yeah.

1182
00:46:11,679 --> 00:46:12,487
It's not a preference?

1183
00:46:12,525 --> 00:46:13,247
No, no, no.

1184
00:46:13,255 --> 00:46:17,179
Because if it was a preference, me being
cute- Oh, you said it was a preference

1185
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:18,649
with me … well, I would still have
a chance I would still have a chance.

1186
00:46:18,649 --> 00:46:19,248
Right, right.

1187
00:46:19,554 --> 00:46:19,882
Yeah.

1188
00:46:19,882 --> 00:46:19,892
Yeah.

1189
00:46:19,892 --> 00:46:21,678
No, but, uh- Me being cute.

1190
00:46:21,735 --> 00:46:24,566
Yeah … if that's, if that's, if
that's all I've got going for me and,

1191
00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:27,895
and, uh- Yeah … you know, I'm not a
different shade, well, hey, forget it.

1192
00:46:27,988 --> 00:46:28,285
You know what I mean?

1193
00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:28,800
Yeah.

1194
00:46:28,866 --> 00:46:31,309
Uh, so and I don't get offended by it.

1195
00:46:31,309 --> 00:46:35,712
None of that stuff bothers me anymore, but
it is definitely something that we have

1196
00:46:35,713 --> 00:46:40,657
to look at, you know, that- Yes … I'm
not saying what you're doing is wrong.

1197
00:46:40,711 --> 00:46:43,223
I'm just, I'm just calling
it out for what it is.

1198
00:46:43,255 --> 00:46:44,193
It is what it is.

1199
00:46:44,249 --> 00:46:47,141
And, uh, if that's how you,
if that's how you swing, baby,

1200
00:46:47,141 --> 00:46:48,099
then that's how you swing.

1201
00:46:48,114 --> 00:46:54,448
I mean… Uh, but i- if, if it's a point
of concern for you- Then it's something

1202
00:46:54,449 --> 00:46:59,443
to look at internally and maybe go,
"Maybe I should look at other experiences.

1203
00:46:59,498 --> 00:47:01,634
Maybe that cute guy." Why not?

1204
00:47:01,695 --> 00:47:02,146
Why not?

1205
00:47:02,513 --> 00:47:07,165
I mean, it's a, that's a fair
qu- that's a fair assessment.

1206
00:47:07,214 --> 00:47:09,014
And I'm just gonna throw this out here.

1207
00:47:09,075 --> 00:47:14,147
I don't know, but, uh, not
all stereotypes are true.

1208
00:47:14,780 --> 00:47:15,711
I'm just saying.

1209
00:47:15,752 --> 00:47:16,361
Yes.

1210
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:18,216
That is so true.

1211
00:47:18,231 --> 00:47:20,010
Not all stereotypes are true.

1212
00:47:20,104 --> 00:47:22,720
I'll give you- Nope, you don't have
to … I'll give you an example.

1213
00:47:22,736 --> 00:47:22,852
Yeah.

1214
00:47:22,890 --> 00:47:26,731
I wear size 16 shoes, and
they automatically think just

1215
00:47:26,732 --> 00:47:29,172
because you have big feet that
you got- Yeah … a big dick.

1216
00:47:30,019 --> 00:47:30,653
It's not true.

1217
00:47:30,734 --> 00:47:31,093
No.

1218
00:47:31,356 --> 00:47:31,932
It's not true.

1219
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:33,406
No.

1220
00:47:33,455 --> 00:47:34,031
Yeah, no.

1221
00:47:34,145 --> 00:47:35,187
I don't have a big dick.

1222
00:47:35,910 --> 00:47:38,046
I have an average dick,
but I have large feet.

1223
00:47:38,669 --> 00:47:39,084
Yeah.

1224
00:47:39,252 --> 00:47:39,549
Yeah.

1225
00:47:39,789 --> 00:47:40,369
Big shoes.

1226
00:47:40,757 --> 00:47:41,779
Big shoes to fill.

1227
00:47:41,852 --> 00:47:42,871
Big shoes to fill.

1228
00:47:42,963 --> 00:47:43,489
That's right.

1229
00:47:43,491 --> 00:47:43,770
Yes.

1230
00:47:43,796 --> 00:47:46,651
Yeah, so, you know, that's,
that's, that's one of the things.

1231
00:47:46,688 --> 00:47:52,983
I, I, I really think that if you can,
if you can get past it, like if it's so-

1232
00:47:53,010 --> 00:47:56,214
if it's really a point of concern for
you and, and, and you feel like, maybe

1233
00:47:56,215 --> 00:47:58,031
I, maybe I am excluding people- Mm-hmm

1234
00:47:58,031 --> 00:47:59,307
because of this preference.

1235
00:47:59,317 --> 00:48:03,007
Maybe I should explore other
options and see what that's like.

1236
00:48:03,068 --> 00:48:05,090
Hey, that's, that, that's pretty cool.

1237
00:48:05,150 --> 00:48:05,427
Yeah.

1238
00:48:05,436 --> 00:48:08,293
Not saying you have to, but I mean,
that's, that's pretty cool- Yes … if

1239
00:48:08,293 --> 00:48:09,609
it's a point of concern to you.

1240
00:48:09,810 --> 00:48:10,231
Mm-hmm.

1241
00:48:10,231 --> 00:48:15,942
Now, there is a community within
our community that I have heard

1242
00:48:15,942 --> 00:48:19,999
from, and I'm, I may even have
somebody on the show at some point.

1243
00:48:20,017 --> 00:48:24,834
But I have heard from the, from
people with disabilities and from

1244
00:48:24,836 --> 00:48:30,533
people with chronic illnesses who
have vocalized the difficulty of

1245
00:48:30,547 --> 00:48:35,842
being in the community- While having
whatever it is that they have.

1246
00:48:36,565 --> 00:48:36,958
Okay.

1247
00:48:37,837 --> 00:48:43,893
Like I, I know a guy who's very, very
autistic in the community, and he's,

1248
00:48:43,913 --> 00:48:47,217
he's high, he's highly functioning, but
he's also very autistic, and it's…

1249
00:48:47,249 --> 00:48:51,653
And he has stated to me
very often, it's difficult.

1250
00:48:52,044 --> 00:48:56,128
It's difficult because the way he
is, you know, and, and he speaks very

1251
00:48:56,128 --> 00:48:57,689
matter of fact and things like that.

1252
00:48:57,726 --> 00:48:57,799
Mm-hmm.

1253
00:48:57,809 --> 00:49:01,401
Just it- it's a turn-off to people
sometimes, and they feel like, "Oh, well,

1254
00:49:01,402 --> 00:49:06,780
he just has a bad personality." Well,
no, actually he's, he's on the spectrum.

1255
00:49:06,971 --> 00:49:07,155
Yeah.

1256
00:49:07,161 --> 00:49:09,484
And it's, and it's diagnosed, you
know- Yeah … and that sort of thing.

1257
00:49:09,485 --> 00:49:13,127
And, and not everybody can handle that.

1258
00:49:13,178 --> 00:49:16,941
So automatically he feels
left out of a lot of groups.

1259
00:49:17,444 --> 00:49:23,874
I've been contacted by people who have
been affected by certain disabilities.

1260
00:49:24,130 --> 00:49:28,283
We've been at house parties
where, you know, a guy with

1261
00:49:28,428 --> 00:49:30,683
spina bifida walked in, you know?

1262
00:49:30,854 --> 00:49:33,834
We've, we've seen people-
Mm-hmm … who have been in our

1263
00:49:33,835 --> 00:49:35,849
community who have had disabilities.

1264
00:49:35,855 --> 00:49:40,397
Mm. And I can only imagine how
they are left out quite a bit.

1265
00:49:40,397 --> 00:49:40,407
Yeah.

1266
00:49:40,682 --> 00:49:41,198
You know?

1267
00:49:41,216 --> 00:49:41,506
Yes.

1268
00:49:41,531 --> 00:49:43,700
Um, that's, I mean, that's terrible.

1269
00:49:43,879 --> 00:49:44,210
Yeah.

1270
00:49:44,226 --> 00:49:47,143
People with chronic illnesses,
people who have, who are going

1271
00:49:47,143 --> 00:49:50,055
through cancer and things like that,
like, we actually know some people

1272
00:49:50,055 --> 00:49:51,001
who are- We know a lot of people

1273
00:49:51,001 --> 00:49:53,641
and, and in the community and
still enjoying themselves.

1274
00:49:53,642 --> 00:50:01,148
I mean, I think- If you're going in
for… If you're going in to play

1275
00:50:01,598 --> 00:50:07,025
with somebody, I think those are
things that you need to express to

1276
00:50:07,026 --> 00:50:12,160
somebody if it's not a physical-
Yeah … type of, of illness, you know?

1277
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:12,170
Yeah.

1278
00:50:12,635 --> 00:50:14,562
Because I f- they need to know that.

1279
00:50:15,500 --> 00:50:15,630
Yeah.

1280
00:50:15,630 --> 00:50:18,315
Now, disabilities, it is.

1281
00:50:18,324 --> 00:50:20,326
It's a, it's a whole
different subject in itself.

1282
00:50:20,384 --> 00:50:23,983
We do not have any dis- dis- you
know, we don't have any disabilities,

1283
00:50:24,343 --> 00:50:26,428
so to speak, on how difficult it is.

1284
00:50:26,478 --> 00:50:27,657
No, I can't really speak to it.

1285
00:50:27,657 --> 00:50:28,139
Very hard.

1286
00:50:28,139 --> 00:50:32,502
Yeah, so we, we're just… We know
these people, and we, we understand

1287
00:50:32,505 --> 00:50:34,285
how hard it is because we've seen them.

1288
00:50:34,285 --> 00:50:35,045
They're our friends.

1289
00:50:35,046 --> 00:50:36,276
We've seen them struggle.

1290
00:50:36,523 --> 00:50:41,408
We've seen them been unable to join
a group or even crack into one of

1291
00:50:41,409 --> 00:50:47,081
those little cliques because they
are not really accepted because

1292
00:50:47,095 --> 00:50:49,292
people don't understand that.

1293
00:50:49,531 --> 00:50:52,993
They think everybody in the,
in the lifestyle is just

1294
00:50:53,989 --> 00:50:55,532
what you would call normal.

1295
00:50:55,643 --> 00:50:56,112
Yeah.

1296
00:50:56,531 --> 00:50:58,163
But nobody's normal.

1297
00:50:58,389 --> 00:50:58,784
Yeah.

1298
00:50:58,842 --> 00:51:00,024
I mean, nobody is normal.

1299
00:51:00,230 --> 00:51:03,357
Well, and you know what's… And, and
I, and I hate to go back to this, but

1300
00:51:03,538 --> 00:51:08,243
if you're disabled or if you have any of
these things that are, are affecting you,

1301
00:51:08,955 --> 00:51:11,490
you may be putting on some insecurities.

1302
00:51:11,512 --> 00:51:15,167
Mm. You know, you may be projecting them
out a little bit because I've actually met

1303
00:51:16,110 --> 00:51:21,833
some really cool people in this lifestyle
who are quite attractive and have very

1304
00:51:21,875 --> 00:51:28,251
openly vocalized their want for, you
know, connection with other people, and

1305
00:51:28,252 --> 00:51:32,001
I've seen them go out with people who,
with, with disabilities and, and with

1306
00:51:32,010 --> 00:51:33,300
chronic illnesses and things like that.

1307
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:33,310
Yeah.

1308
00:51:33,310 --> 00:51:34,636
A- and like, I've seen it.

1309
00:51:34,669 --> 00:51:35,629
I have seen it.

1310
00:51:35,779 --> 00:51:37,346
They have sex and everything.

1311
00:51:37,469 --> 00:51:37,715
Yeah.

1312
00:51:37,723 --> 00:51:37,946
You know?

1313
00:51:38,261 --> 00:51:42,885
So while it is a very, very real
feeling, and it's completely valid,

1314
00:51:42,917 --> 00:51:49,553
and I want you to know you are seen
I also want you to know that you're,

1315
00:51:49,637 --> 00:51:54,982
you're… You may be keeping yourself
back from- Yes … experiences- I

1316
00:51:55,016 --> 00:51:56,621
th- … because you're feeling that way.

1317
00:51:56,677 --> 00:51:58,161
I think a lot of people do that.

1318
00:51:58,224 --> 00:51:58,971
I think so.

1319
00:51:58,993 --> 00:51:59,296
Yeah.

1320
00:51:59,341 --> 00:52:00,163
I think so.

1321
00:52:00,197 --> 00:52:00,919
And it's hard.

1322
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:01,548
It's human.

1323
00:52:01,783 --> 00:52:02,222
It's human.

1324
00:52:02,245 --> 00:52:03,009
It is human.

1325
00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:04,536
But, uh- We're hard on ourselves.

1326
00:52:04,591 --> 00:52:05,674
Yeah, it's true.

1327
00:52:05,815 --> 00:52:06,409
It's true.

1328
00:52:06,661 --> 00:52:12,544
I, I think when it comes to trying
to fix this whole thing, there's

1329
00:52:12,544 --> 00:52:13,429
some things that you can do.

1330
00:52:14,334 --> 00:52:14,758
For sure.

1331
00:52:14,782 --> 00:52:18,976
The number one thing would
be own something that

1332
00:52:18,976 --> 00:52:20,833
you've been guilty of doing.

1333
00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:21,449
Yes.

1334
00:52:21,459 --> 00:52:26,540
Try and look in… at yourself and
see yourself doing something, like

1335
00:52:26,742 --> 00:52:30,265
if you're judging someone or if
you're wanting to exclude someone,

1336
00:52:30,348 --> 00:52:32,153
I want you to really sit with it.

1337
00:52:32,317 --> 00:52:37,258
I want you to realize it and sit with
it, and just own it and go, "Okay,

1338
00:52:37,704 --> 00:52:41,933
why?" Women, women, stop being petty.

1339
00:52:41,966 --> 00:52:42,924
Stop being petty.

1340
00:52:42,926 --> 00:52:44,983
Stop being rude to each other.

1341
00:52:45,681 --> 00:52:47,765
Women should be uplifting women.

1342
00:52:48,077 --> 00:52:48,345
Yeah.

1343
00:52:48,702 --> 00:52:50,839
Women should be caring for women.

1344
00:52:51,262 --> 00:52:51,583
True.

1345
00:52:52,346 --> 00:52:56,414
Just because you like something and
maybe you've posted something and

1346
00:52:56,423 --> 00:53:01,053
they didn't like it does not mean
you should be mean to each other.

1347
00:53:01,097 --> 00:53:02,832
Agree to disagree.

1348
00:53:03,710 --> 00:53:05,570
It is okay.

1349
00:53:06,233 --> 00:53:10,544
I see so many women
talking shit to each other.

1350
00:53:10,584 --> 00:53:10,630
Yeah.

1351
00:53:10,630 --> 00:53:13,548
Like, I straight out, I
know who I don't like.

1352
00:53:13,722 --> 00:53:14,023
Yeah.

1353
00:53:14,286 --> 00:53:15,460
I don't talk shit about them.

1354
00:53:15,568 --> 00:53:16,587
I just don't talk to them.

1355
00:53:16,835 --> 00:53:17,076
Yeah.

1356
00:53:17,634 --> 00:53:18,954
But I know who I don't like.

1357
00:53:19,394 --> 00:53:25,957
But my gosh, if that person was going
through something difficult and having

1358
00:53:25,957 --> 00:53:30,831
some type of, of issue or something, I
wouldn't be, you know, putting them down.

1359
00:53:30,950 --> 00:53:33,076
It… That's what I see a lot
of- Yeah … in the lifestyle.

1360
00:53:33,076 --> 00:53:39,108
I see a lot of, of the pettiness
and the bitchiness and the For

1361
00:53:39,108 --> 00:53:40,863
things that are just not important.

1362
00:53:40,926 --> 00:53:41,837
Yeah, totally.

1363
00:53:41,869 --> 00:53:42,368
Own it.

1364
00:53:42,463 --> 00:53:42,483
Own it.

1365
00:53:42,483 --> 00:53:43,816
Just be nice to each other.

1366
00:53:43,827 --> 00:53:45,300
Like- Try your best … it's not… Yeah.

1367
00:53:46,163 --> 00:53:49,393
I think another big, big issue
is, and I wanna say clubs.

1368
00:53:49,646 --> 00:53:54,648
Clubs, stop charging so freaking
much for your single men.

1369
00:53:54,711 --> 00:53:57,250
Or, or incorporate them somehow more.

1370
00:53:57,250 --> 00:53:57,989
Incorporate them.

1371
00:53:57,993 --> 00:53:58,409
You know?

1372
00:53:58,422 --> 00:54:03,110
I know that some clubs do, like,
a hot wife night, where they

1373
00:54:03,110 --> 00:54:07,460
invite couples and single men,
and it's cheaper on those nights.

1374
00:54:07,460 --> 00:54:10,726
It's a bit easier to, for, for
them to come out and enjoy.

1375
00:54:11,145 --> 00:54:16,821
But I mean, there are a lot of couples-
Mm-hmm … who partake in hot wives

1376
00:54:16,866 --> 00:54:24,557
or enjoy a single guy, and if you have
that price so high, yeah, I get it's

1377
00:54:24,557 --> 00:54:28,423
gonna deter some of the single men
coming in, but then it also deters

1378
00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:29,838
some of the single men coming in.

1379
00:54:30,072 --> 00:54:30,437
It does.

1380
00:54:30,479 --> 00:54:33,033
And let's be factual here.

1381
00:54:33,051 --> 00:54:35,008
There, there's a call for them.

1382
00:54:35,022 --> 00:54:35,733
There is.

1383
00:54:35,790 --> 00:54:36,345
You know?

1384
00:54:36,409 --> 00:54:37,929
You know, you can vet them.

1385
00:54:38,017 --> 00:54:41,244
You can figure out a way to- You can vet
them, and you train your staff … and

1386
00:54:41,244 --> 00:54:42,916
you train your staff … properly.

1387
00:54:43,511 --> 00:54:49,718
I will say the, our club is very good
about including those single people.

1388
00:54:49,769 --> 00:54:50,077
Oh, yeah.

1389
00:54:50,244 --> 00:54:52,438
You know, they'll take them around or…

1390
00:54:52,634 --> 00:54:55,173
You, every now and then you
get a straggler, but the staff

1391
00:54:55,173 --> 00:54:56,599
is really good about watching.

1392
00:54:56,643 --> 00:54:57,321
Yeah, no.

1393
00:54:57,321 --> 00:55:00,127
And- The, the staff really makes that
entire place … it, it really- Which

1394
00:55:00,127 --> 00:55:02,058
is why I say you gotta, you gotta
train your staff … train your staff.

1395
00:55:02,062 --> 00:55:05,675
If your staff is trained properly-
Mm … that is a big part of it.

1396
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,597
Uh, now, when it comes to
couples, what can couples do?

1397
00:55:08,599 --> 00:55:09,571
Well, y- you know what?

1398
00:55:09,647 --> 00:55:15,691
When you're at a place, you see someone
standing alone, go say hi to them Go

1399
00:55:15,693 --> 00:55:18,770
say hi Go say hi Even if you don't see
them standing, if you just see somebody

1400
00:55:18,772 --> 00:55:22,468
that you, that caught your attention
in the bathroom, make conversation.

1401
00:55:22,818 --> 00:55:26,849
I will tell you, I've tried to make
conver- me personally, I've tried to

1402
00:55:26,849 --> 00:55:28,376
make conversations with some people- Yeah

1403
00:55:28,376 --> 00:55:30,118
and you can see they're very standoffish.

1404
00:55:30,126 --> 00:55:30,350
Yeah.

1405
00:55:30,605 --> 00:55:34,401
And I'm like, "Okay, that's fine." But at
least you- Move on … you, you attempted.

1406
00:55:34,409 --> 00:55:37,835
Yes And they know that they have
the ability to say hello if-

1407
00:55:37,949 --> 00:55:38,953
Yeah … that comes up again.

1408
00:55:38,953 --> 00:55:38,963
Yeah.

1409
00:55:38,963 --> 00:55:41,408
Not everybody's really
good at, at conversing.

1410
00:55:41,663 --> 00:55:41,828
Yeah.

1411
00:55:42,036 --> 00:55:47,073
Uh, but if you see someone who
looks like they're nervous, if

1412
00:55:47,073 --> 00:55:48,362
they look uncomfortable- Mm-hmm

1413
00:55:48,371 --> 00:55:53,007
in a setting like that, if they look
alone, it doesn't take much if you're

1414
00:55:53,007 --> 00:55:56,678
more experienced just to go out there
and say hello, introduce yourself-

1415
00:55:56,730 --> 00:55:59,314
Mm-hmm … maybe give them a compliment
on their shirt or something, and then

1416
00:55:59,315 --> 00:56:02,565
say, you know what, you know, "Are
you, are you busy? Do you wanna talk?"

1417
00:56:02,565 --> 00:56:03,994
Or you can walk away or whatever.

1418
00:56:04,283 --> 00:56:05,695
But at least that.

1419
00:56:06,068 --> 00:56:10,199
Make somebody feel seen, because the
moment you feel not seen the entire

1420
00:56:10,199 --> 00:56:11,852
night, boy, it really just hurts.

1421
00:56:11,861 --> 00:56:12,369
It does.

1422
00:56:12,433 --> 00:56:13,016
It hurts.

1423
00:56:13,066 --> 00:56:18,077
Now, I wanna tell all my listeners out
there, if you're listening, go to our

1424
00:56:18,078 --> 00:56:23,731
website, go to that confessional, and let
me know what your left out stories are.

1425
00:56:23,773 --> 00:56:28,213
Anytime you felt left out, hit the
anonymous confessional and let me know.

1426
00:56:28,229 --> 00:56:29,896
We'd love to talk about it on the show.

1427
00:56:30,642 --> 00:56:34,566
Now, if this episode got you thinking,
head over to beyond-monogamy.com.

1428
00:56:34,606 --> 00:56:39,299
That's where you'll find every episode,
our blogs, our merch, that 100% anonymous

1429
00:56:39,301 --> 00:56:43,316
confessional I just told you about,
and where you can send us anything on

1430
00:56:43,317 --> 00:56:48,229
the lifestyle, ethical non-monogamy,
kink, or the show just period.

1431
00:56:49,096 --> 00:56:51,658
You can also catch us on Full
Swap Radio every Thursday

1432
00:56:51,661 --> 00:56:53,129
at 2:00 and 7:00 PM Central.

1433
00:56:53,377 --> 00:56:57,399
And if you're in the Austin area- Mm-hmm
… come see us November 15th at Forbidden

1434
00:56:57,401 --> 00:56:59,269
Fruit for our Swinger 101 workshop.

1435
00:56:59,282 --> 00:57:01,553
Yeah, that's gonna be a fun one.

1436
00:57:01,588 --> 00:57:06,330
And we'll see you in Kansas City,
Missouri for Krazy Winter Nights,

1437
00:57:06,348 --> 00:57:10,517
February 19th through the 21st of 2027.

1438
00:57:10,529 --> 00:57:10,643
Mm-hmm.

1439
00:57:10,668 --> 00:57:15,418
That website is krazykasbh.com,
and you can use our discount code.

1440
00:57:15,891 --> 00:57:17,804
It's code BEYOMONO.

1441
00:57:17,817 --> 00:57:21,691
That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, and it
gets you a good little discount.

1442
00:57:21,835 --> 00:57:22,269
Yeah.

1443
00:57:22,337 --> 00:57:25,765
And with that, we thank you guys for
joining us as always for another episode,

1444
00:57:25,785 --> 00:57:27,563
and we will see you guys next week.

1445
00:57:27,792 --> 00:57:28,450
Bye