Our First Swinger Experiences: Everything We Did Wrong

0:00 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG. We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids. So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy. Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches. Not sex couches. We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show.

0:44 Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And today's episode, we're diving into a confession that came straight from you, our listeners. Okay. Through our anonymous confessional, you know, that's one of my favorite places, over at beyond-monogamy.com. If you've got something on your mind, you've got a question, a story, something that you're wrestling with maybe, that's exactly where this goes. And this is exactly what happens when you leave it. We read it. We talk about it right here on the show. Yes. But before we get into it, if you're new here, go ahead, hit that follow or subscribe button right now so you don't miss another episode., And if this one hits home for you today, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

1:30 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, let's go ahead and get into this one. All right. Now, this one's from a couple who's just getting their feet wet in the lifestyle, so I'm gonna read it. Okay. It says, " We are enthusiastically entering into the lifestyle and have gone to several club events but haven't played with another couple yet. We are in the early phases of talking with other couples. My wife is wondering what your first few experiences were like for you and how that differs from when you play with partners today. We would like to know how things started and progressed into play in the beginning, and if that's changed over time."

2:12 Ooh, okay. I like this one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is a good one. This is a good one to sit with. So- Yeah … um, right off the bat- And we're gonna, we're gonna get right to the nitty-gritty of it. Uh, because when we first started, all I had to go on was stories from your past. Yes. Which as, uh, the, the horny little devil dog that I was, uh, I was very turned on by your stories. Yeah. So I remember when we, we talked about it for a whole year before we even decided to start doing this. We did, yeah. We were… You, I told you my stories, and you got excited and, and- Yes … I was contemplating if I wanted to- Yes … proceed that kind of life with you.

3:01 Yeah, the ball was really in your court, but I was really pushing for it. Um- You were very pushy. I was, I was. I really wanted to get those experiences. I was jealous that you had them and I didn't. Yeah. Uh, so we… And this is something that we've never, ever talked about on the show, but, uh, before we got started- Mm-hmm … um, we had talked about it and talked about it and talked about it, and I felt like we were in a place where we could start exploring. Now, looking back on it now, I realize we were not in the same mental- No … space. No, we were not. Um, and so we ended up throwing a Halloween party at our house, um, and we had a lot of friends come over. Yes. And there was a girl there who I thought was attractive- Mm-hmm … more attainable than anything else, if I'm- Mm-hmm being real here.

3:46 Um, I was like, "Oh, you know, she seems open. She seems easy. I, you know, she kinda knows that this is something that we're, uh, interested in." So, uh, she got there, and mind you, we had been drinking already. Mm-hmm. L- we were throwing a Halloween party at our house. We had all sorts of libations there, and we had already started drinking. And so I was just excited to get started. So I guess I had my arms around this chick or something like that, and that kind of left you sour. But it wasn't something that we had talked about. Mm-hmm. Um, and so as the night went on, it stayed with you And we continued to drink, we continued to drink, and we continued to drink.

4:29 Uh, and then there was a, there was a couple there who just so happened to be our first couple. Mm-hmm. But not at that time. Uh, we, they were friends of both of ours from a very, very long time ago. Right. And she was very flirty, and she was very flirty with you. And so I remember we were all in the kitchen, and we're seven sheets to the wind, all three of us. Mm-hmm. And she's there straight up fucking flirting with you, 'cause you looked hot as fuck. And she's there in the kitchen, and she's flirting with you, and it, she's like, "Oh, you know, well, I'm into girls." And you were like, "Well, you know what? I'm into girls." And so the two of y'all were like, "Well, let's go to the bedroom." And I'm right there, so I'm like, "Hell yeah, let's go to the bedroom," thinking that I'm a part of it.

5:10 Yeah. So then we go to the bedroom, the three of us, where you two proceed to start making out, and I got pushed out of the room. Yeah. Uh, I got pushed out of the room, and, uh, you were kinda like… Uh, granted, you were drunk- Yes as I, a- as I was- Yeah … as well. And you pushed me out of the room, and you were like, "No, this is for me. You need to go." Mm-hmm. And you pushed me out of the room, and I left. And I went outside for a little while, and there was stuff going on inside the house. Now, knowing what I know now, I know that I like that. Mm-hmm. And I liked it then, but I was sitting outside processing it and the way it went down, and I was very confused because I didn't… I knew that I liked it, but I was confused by it because I hadn't really labeled that I liked it.

5:56 Yeah. I didn't really know. Right. And so I'm just getting upset. Well, then I ended up, uh, going in there and breaking up the little love fest that you guys were just starting to get into, and then she walked out, and you and I, that was one of the few times that we got into an argument, like a major argument about the lifestyle. Mm-hmm. Uh, and we were both drunk. And now that was a part of the problem. Now, I, we don't ever really talk about this because it was really our first time. We were both not knowledgeable about this. Yeah. At all. Um, we didn't handle things properly because there was a lot of lack of communication. We were on two separate levels, and we were both drunk. Mm-hmm. And none of those things are good things- Mm-hmm … uh, especially when you're starting out in the lifestyle.

6:43 So I listed all of those things out very importantly because all of those things are boxes that you need to check to make sure that those are not things that are accompanying you in your first experiences. Oh, for sure. Like- This is, this is something you gotta talk about … you need to be, you need to be a sober bird. Yes. Um, and I think after that, we decided that if we were gonna play, one of us, we both had to be At least, we were still drinking, so we couldn't get drunk Yeah, we had to put some, some boundaries on that. We had to put boundaries, and so, um, and then we knew not to play with anybody who is drunk.

7:24 Yeah, we had to really, really keep ourselves in control. Mm-hmm. And we had to make sure that the people that we played with were in control as well. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, but we learned a lot from that experience. Now, I will tell you, we did not talk about that experience for a couple of years. Mm-hmm. Um, it took a while for us to feel comfortable enough to even talk about that, because we both felt horrible about what we did to each other. Um, you know, I unknowingly did something to hurt her feelings, and so in retaliation of that, she did something to hurt my feelings. Mm-hmm. Um, and it was one of those things where we both learned so much from that experience. I would hope that nobody else has that experience.

8:06 Um, but I will say that was really the start of me going, oh, this is, this is not like that. Yeah. This is not like what I thought- Yeah … it would be. Yeah. You know? I… It, it was kinda like the first time that we were, you know, we were talking about doing the lifestyle, and that we, we were talking about y- how you were into women. Mm-hmm. And then we were at the trade center, and I was like, "Hey, check out this chick's ass." Yes. And you got pissed off at me for- Yeah … checking out this girl's ass, and I was like, wait, I thought that's what we were doing here. I was like, "No." So that's, those were the, the… That was the year that I really started figuring out, well, you and I are on two- Two different different wavelengths. Yeah. We're on two pages.

8:47 Yeah. And I really had to slow my roll down to figure out where, where we were on that. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Um, so that took some doing. That, that was our very, very first experience, non-experience. Yeah. Um, nothing happened outside of, uh, I think you got fingered a little bit. You made out with that, with that chick. Uh, but outside of that, nothing happened. Mm-mm. Um, and so that was something that we discussed, and we discussed over, and over, and over again. And I honestly thought after that experience that we were not gonna pursue it anymore. I thought that was gonna be the end of it. Yeah. Um, and then you had talked to me about things, and you were like, "You know, we can, we can try and do this- Yeah … the right way."

9:27 Yeah. " We just need to talk better. We need to be better for each other." Yes. Um, and so that made sense. Yeah. So I knew that there was a lot of things that I had to figure out, that I was wrestling with because… A- and I'll, I'll tell you this. Um, there's a lot of, I mean, y- you know this, there's a lot of toxic masculinity- Yeah … um, in and out of the lifestyle groups. Uh, because I, it took me years to be able to say out loud that I love to watch my wife have sex with other men. Mm-hmm. It took me years to be okay with saying, "Yeah, that's what I'm, I'm into."

10:10 And what I realized is there's a lot of guys who were into that sort of thing. Mm-hmm. And so it made it easier. But I remember e- like even being in the lifestyle, you know, people would be asking me, and I'd be like, "Yeah, like, you know, I'm kinda into it." Because they label, they label everything cuckold. People don't know what cuckold actually means. Yeah. And so they, they give it this derogatory, uh, tone, and they label anything that seems less than masculine as cuckold. Mm-hmm. "Well, you're just, you're just a cuck." Mm-hmm. "Aren't you just a cuck?" And it's like, well- In a bad way … mm, no, but what, uh, do you even know what that means? Yeah. Like, I, I think most people who throw that around in a do- a derogatory way don't even understand what that means.

10:53 Yes. Yeah. Um, but it's one of those things where I was wrestling with that back then. Like, I- Like it was a bad thing or it was a- Yeah, like, and so the, the feeling inside of me that, that came up during that Halloween- Mm-hmm was a very… Like I said, I went outside. Mm-hmm. Uh, I left you in the room. I went outside. We were all outside, and everybody was smoking and everything. Um, and I remember just sitting there, and people were talking to me, and I was kinda laughing, and I was sitting there and- It could have gone one of two ways. Mm-hmm. If I was more experienced, that uneasy feeling in my stomach, probably I would've realized, "Hey, this is a turn-on for me, and I'm kinda wondering what's happening over there, and I can't wait to hear about it."

11:40 Mm-hmm. Which is pretty much me now. Right. But because I didn't understand those feelings, I didn't know where to put them, I didn't know how to l- categorize them- Mm-hmm uh, and I had never experienced anything like this before, it went the wrong way. Mm-hmm. And I felt very machismo. Yeah. I felt very, "This man has been disrespectfit." Yeah. " Been disrespected." Yeah. And, and he needs to go in there, and he needs to get this shit straight. You know what I mean? Which was, it was stupid. It was very, very, very dumb way of thinking. But There's a lot of people who start out and they don't know how to interpret that feeling- Yeah … that they have inside of them.

12:24 I mean, it's, it's a, it's a, it's, it's jealousy. It's je- there's jealousy there. It's, it's, there's jealousy and, and- And we automatically think that that's a bad thing. And you have to control, you have to figure out why you have that feeling. Yeah. Um, because it's not your partner's fault. It's, it's no one's fault, but it is your problem. They're feelings to navigate. It's your… Yeah. It's your, it's your feelings, so you have to figure out how to navigate through them. Yeah, yeah. They're feelings to navigate. Mm-hmm. Now, when you came up to me afterwards, and this was a good while afterwards, but you were like, "You know, I think that we can do this the right way. Let's give this a shot again. We'll give this a try." And so we talked about it more and more.

13:07 Mm-hmm. And, uh, and then I decided, okay, I really need to see how I'm gonna react to you- Right being with somebody. Right. That, that to me was the most important thing. I needed to see how I was gonna react. Because before you, the very, very, very first time that I ever had any kind of a hot wife feeling, and I, I think I might have told you this, but it was towards the end of my first marriage. The marriage was over. It was the last year I was there. Mm-hmm. But I had these dreams of catching her fucking another man. Yeah. And me standing in the doorway watching. Now, I was not attracted to her by this time. I was actually kinda disgusted with her. Mm-hmm. As most people who get divorced end up being.

13:48 Um, but that particular scenario played out in a dream, and it really caught my attention because I remember sitting back going, "What the fuck does that mean?" Mm-hmm. It turned me on. Yeah. And I came to that thought. Mm-hmm. Um, and I was like, what does that mean? And then I experienced it more with you when we started going through the whole- Yeah … uh, swinging thing. Yeah. So that first experience, we, we fou- we, we got into the communities. We kinda reached out to different people, and we were gonna see if we can get a guy over to the house- Right to be with you. Yeah. I think we were on something like Three Fun, SDC, uh- No, it was, it was a- Adult Friend Finder … it was AFF and SLS.

14:32 Yeah. And so- Yeah, Swing Lifestyle and, and Adult Friend Finder … we found a single guy there, and, um, you set it up I did. Well, you s- you, you seemed a little, um, interested by the pictures Yeah And, uh, he was a, he was a muscular dude. He c- I was like, "Okay" … he definitely got his gym time in. Uh, he wasn't a bad-looking guy and, and, uh, we chatted up with him a little bit. And I said, "Okay. Well, I guess let's, let's see if, let's see if this can work." So- Yeah … we invited him over to the house when we had the, an empty house. Mm-hmm. And, uh, do you remember how you were feeling leading up to it? Did, were you nervous at all? I'm sure I was nervous. Yeah? I was always super insecure about my body. Really? Like, super insecure. Now, how about as far as play for our first time?

15:16 Um- Were you nervous about that at all? Yeah. Really? Yeah. We had never really talked about that. Yeah. Um, I know I was nervous, but I was nervous for the sheer fact that there was no going back. No. Yeah. So I was like, "Okay. No matter what, I'm not gonna unsee this." Mm-hmm. Um, and either I'm gonna like it or I'm not gonna like it. Yeah. And if I don't like it, this could be the end of our relationship. Like, I'm really taking a chance here. Yeah. But, you know, it's one of those things where you can't get rich working for somebody else, you know? It's high risk, high reward. Yeah. And so I was willing to put that on the line. I was willing to put our relationship on the line because something told me I was gonna like it. Something as in the experiences and thoughts that I had previous to that.

15:57 Yeah. Yeah. So I said, "I gotta figure this out." Mm-hmm. "We gotta, we gotta check this out." Mm-hmm. So the guy finally comes over Nice dude. Very nice. Had, had a, had good small talk conversation- Yeah … uh, in the room. Yeah. Um, and I remember- I used to get super nervous … you were, you were nervous- I used to giggle … and he was nervous. Yeah, I used to giggle. I, I get nervous. So I remember the two of y'all standing in front of each other, and he was nervous. He didn't know what to do, and you were just like, "Well, you wanna get started?" And you just kinda went in, and before you know it, bam, you guys were making out right there in front of me. Mm-hmm. And I was like, "Whoa." Uh, you know, you get flooded with emotions.

16:41 Like, it, you get flooded with all sorts of feelings. You do, yeah. And y- you know, it makes you flush, and your heart beats fast, and your stomach is kind of, you know, you feel the little butterflies in there. And it's like, I d- I, I'm processing. I'm watching and I'm processing. And, and I'm hard. Mm-hmm. But I'm processing. Mm-hmm. And I'm watching you make out with this guy, and I know that you're a great kisser, and I love kissing you. Mm. So then I'm watching you kiss this guy, and your hands are starting to go all over the place, and his hands are starting to explore your body. You know, you're only wearing panties and a, a little shirt. Mm-hmm. And you guys are making out, and before you know it… Like, I felt some type of way just watching you guys, uh, kiss, but then there was a moment where you started grabbing at his dick- Right, yeah through his pants.

17:30 Yeah. And seeing that took that feeling that I had and made it 10 times worse. I was like, "I'm in a daze here." Yeah. "I don't know, I, I don't know what's happening." Um- Yeah. And then we I think I was, I think I was looking at you every now and then Yeah, you would look at me every now and then Because You disconnected back then Yeah, I would disconnect. I would just be… I would, um, remove myself mentally from that situation. Yeah I kind of wanna say it is probably the same kind of thing that somebody who is getting assaulted does.

18:13 Yeah. I've, I've heard it compared to that Not that I was getting as- assaulted. I was not getting assaulted. I was just in my brain removing myself from the situation. So I wasn't enjoying it. And then he didn't… He wouldn't get hard. He struggled to get hard. Yeah And I was like, "Oh my goodness, is, is it me?" And so then, um- What we realized was that he was- He was just nervous, right? He was nervous. Yeah But I didn't know then. And I ended up making out with you. Yeah, so, uh, well, s- he wanted to bring me in, so I watched you guys for a while. Yeah. I think he wanted to And straight up, like I was, I was standing there, and I was, I was pulling at it while I was watching you guys.

18:54 Yeah 'Cause I was like, "Oh, my God. This is, this is incredible." Yeah "This is hot." Um, that's kind of where I realized, "Okay, I'm liking this." Yeah Uh, and so I was watching, and I was recording 'cause, uh- Yeah Was I recording? Maybe that was a different one. Not that one. Not that one, huh? Yeah. But anyways, I was watching you guys, uh, standing up while you guys were on the bed. Yeah And I remember him specifically, he was struggling to get hard, struggling to get hard, struggling to get hard. So then he finally tells me, "Hey, man. Why don't you come in here and help me out?" Yeah Like with you. Yeah And I was like, "Okay." So I remember you started getting me involved. We started making out. Um, before you know it, you and I- I'm riding you … you were riding me.

19:35 Yeah And that, I guess, turned him on enough to stand up, uh, on the bed, and you basically gave him head while you were riding me. Yeah Now, that sent me over. That was it. Like, I couldn't last any longer. She was riding me. I have this view of her going down on this guy, uh, right above me, and forget it. I came But of course I have that thing where I can stay hard, so I kept on- Right … you know, I kept on going. Yeah. Uh, but once he realized, yeah, I, I was done, he was like, "Okay. Well, I guess, you know, we're gonna go and wrap this up," and- Yeah. I was like, "Okay" … and so he ended up leaving. Mm-hmm. And you and I had- Proceeded to go at it for several hours. Yeah. Yeah. We, we fucked all weekend- Yeah … off of that one.

20:16 Yeah. Um, and possibly all week off of that one as well. Yeah. Uh, but as we kinda came, you know, a- a- after we had sex, we sat down and we talked about it. And that's where I realized that I had to come back, 'cause it made me feel so- It took a while … yeah. And I had to, I had to have sex with her to bring her back. Yeah. And it was almost like, and, and it's like you said, it's, it's, it's that disconnect that people when they get sexually assaulted, it's like they're just a vessel. They're not really a part- Yeah … of that. And you did that for a, uh, quite some time. I did. Uh- And I couldn't understand why. And then, um, I realized that I just wasn't I wasn't really wanting I really wasn't wanting it as much as you wanted it Yeah, especially back then.

21:07 Looking back on it, obviously- Mm-hmm I think you, you did a lot of these, uh, things for me. Yeah. Uh, so that I could get my, uh, experiences. And I'm super insecure and super jealous. Yeah. And you know, that was the funny thing was I knew that, but on… I, I felt like back then, I guess I was so blinded by my want for these experiences, that I thought you were on the same page as me. Yeah. ' Cause you weren't outwardly saying this. Because I wasn't, I wasn't vocalizing what I wanted. Yeah. I wasn't being transparent, and I didn't really want to be… You were a different person. Was I? You weren't understanding. You were a very frustrated person. Oh, no. I wasn't. Yeah. Like, if I said I didn't wanna do it, you would throw a tantrum. I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

21:47 Yeah. So, like- "I wanna do this." Yeah. So- "You're just being a jealous wife." Yeah. But see, that's, that was the hard part, was I couldn't separate the two. Mm-hmm. I couldn't see that it wasn't a jealous wife. Yeah. It was something else. I just wasn't ready. You weren't ready. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I was like, "Dude, you've, you've had all your experiences and you're holding out on me." Yeah. Uh, yeah. So obviously- Like, we've had… We had arguments- Totally … about this. Like- Absolutely … so I, yeah. And to, you know… In, in relationships, somebody always ends up… I mean, we… Somebody always ends up bending. Yeah. And I alway- I always bended. And so it went like that for a long time. A really, really long time.

22:27 First few years, probably. Yeah. Um, and then it got better, but then poly came, and you know, that rollercoaster. Yeah. And then I think now is the, the, the best swinging experiences I've ever had, so. Well, I think you kinda, you kinda launched yourself forward. Yeah, yeah. We're still talking about our early days. So… Well, yeah. I'm just saying, like- Yeah … yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, that, that first experience, seeing you with a guy- Brought out a lot … it brought out a lot for me that was positive. Mm-hmm. Um, unfortunately, it was your first of many guys that just did not work. Yeah. Um, which you already wanted- Yeah … more women experiences than men.

23:08 You were never really into the men experiences. You primarily did that for me. Uh, and it seemed like almost every guy that would, uh, show up couldn't show out. Yes. Yeah. And you didn't have a great experience. And so the great experience that would take place would be what would ensue afterwards between you and I. Yeah, yeah. That was the only time- Yeah … that you really had a good time, 'cause the guy would always disappoint. He- always. Like, it was never a good experience. And, um, we had a, we had, like you said, a few- Jeez, did I even have any? It had, it, it wa- it was a while You know, maybe two- It was a while … in the whole time. Yeah. It was a while.

23:48 It took a while. Yeah. Now, you know that, that first experience, it went well. Uh, it went well for me. Like I said, it took- Yeah … a while to get you back. Yeah. But once you were back, we were able to talk about things, and then we decided, "Okay, now it's my turn." Yes. Now let's set up a woman to come be with me. Mm-hmm. And let's see how that goes. Mm-hmm. Uh, so there was this girl that I worked with. Um, now a rule of mine, don't shit where you eat. Uh, but back then, you know, when you're- And also, don't play with vanillas … don't play with vanillas. Uh, but, uh, you know, when you're early on, you're looking for experiences, this was somebody who exper- uh, expressed interest and in both of us, and so I was like, "Mm, what the hell?"

24:34 And really was doing it because her husband had done it and cheated on her. This is true, and it was done for the wrong reasons. Yes. Once again, checking red fla- red flag boxes. Telling you. There was th- this experience was also, on paper, not a good experience. Not a good experience. Uh, there was a, a lot of reasons why we should not have gone for her, but we did because I wanted the experience. I needed to see how it was gonna be to be with- Yeah … another woman, but I needed her to see how I, how it was gonna be with another woman, right? Yeah. Um, all in all, a- and once again, it happened on a, this one ha- this one took place on a Halloween party. It was my birthday. Was it your birthday?

25:14 Yeah, someone's birthday. Uh, so some party that we- We threw a lot of parties … threw at the house. We used to throw parties at the house all the time. Um, vanilla parties. Vanilla parties. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but she came. Everybody ended up leaving. She left with everybody, and when she saw that everybody left, she called back and she was like, "Hey, uh, I was wondering if you guys wanted to have some fun. I can turn around. I can head back." And I was like, "Uh, yeah, let's do that." So I guess she went home, and she changed into something sexy, uh, and then came back, and she was dressed in, like- Um- … some boo- … a bustier … had a bunch of straps and ties- A bustier. Uh, a corset … and all sorts of… My God. She had a corset. And so- I mean, it was sexy, but damn, like, I was trying to get into it. I could not… Like, she was very chesty.

25:55 Yeah. And I, I like chesty, and I couldn't get a chest- Yeah … out of that thing. Like, it took a while. Yeah. Uh, but I remember she got there. We started making out, the, the two of us, and then it was the three of us, uh, and we all had an immersive experience that went well Until, uh, I got hard again and wanted to go for another round. Mm-hmm. Um, that was something that we had not previously discussed. It was something that had never come up, and it was something that she had only, Priscilla had only seen me do with her, was get hard and wanna go for another round. Yes.

26:36 Um- So he proceeded to have sex with this girl again. Without asking my wife. I asked her, I asked the girl that I was with. I was like, you know, like- "Can we go again?" … " Can we go again?" And she was like, "Yeah, sure." So I remember very specifically, I roll… 'Cause I was on the side of her, I kinda rolled her up and I got, uh, behind her. Yeah. And I started having sex with her doggy style, and you were right there next to me, and the faces you made to me, um, w- I would liken it to visual cyanide. Like, if looks could kill- Yeah … I would have been incinerated.

27:17 Yes. I would have lost my life- Yeah … within seconds. Yes. Um, you were not happy about that. No. And you were basically like, "Hurry up. Hurry up." Mm-hmm. " Let's do this." Mm-hmm. " Finish. Hurry up." Mm-hmm. Uh, so I was like, "Well, shit, I'm already in trouble. I might as well enjoy this one," you know? Uh, so I finished, you know, and, and, uh, we played it cool until she left, and as soon as she left, boy, did we get into it. We did. Uh- Yeah … we had a long discussion about that one. Mm-hmm. Um, and it was one of those things where it's like, that's when she discovered, oh, this is something that he likes to do. He likes to do multiple rounds. Mm-hmm. This is something we need to talk about more. Once again, a lot of time had to pass.

27:59 Like, we didn't jump into our next experience in between. No. There was a lot of downtime in between experiences. There was. We'd been in this for 15 years. Yeah. And so we took our time- Mm-hmm … before we got into another experience. Mm-hmm. So we saw how the first one played out when we invited the single guy. We processed and talked about it for a long time. Mm-hmm. We brought in a woman- Mm-hmm … to be with me. Yeah. And we, we saw how that went. We processed it. We discussed it for a long period of time. And then we decided we wanted to kick it up a notch and try a full swap, an actual couple. Yeah. Um, and the easiest thing for us was- … the couple from our Halloween party that started it all from the very beginning.

28:45 Yeah. And it was a bad experience from the very beginning, uh, but we were like, "You know what? Maybe this would be good." Yeah. "Maybe it would be good if we turn to these people," and we said, "You know what? You guys are gonna be our first full swap couple. Let's give this a try." Um, I didn't harbor any bad feelings. Like I said, we were all drunk. So everything that took place, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I was like, "You know what? This is, uh, this is what it is. Let's do this the right way." Mm-hmm. And so we went over to their house. Um, and I, I really was expecting it to be the Priscilla show, and for me to be sitting off to the side watching you get ravaged, because I knew this woman wanted you bad.

29:27 Right. And- And I wanted her … you loved your woman experiences. You wanted her. Yeah. So I was not really experiencing m- I, I, I, I wasn't expecting anything more- Yeah than just you two all over each other and maybe you playing with him or whatever. Um, but no, you know, that was really cool about this couple, was even knowing how much she wanted you, she spent plenty of time with me. She did. And I did not feel anything lacking. Mm-hmm. Um, they are still to this day one of our favorite couples. Mm-hmm. And we still play with them- Mm … whenever we get the opportunity to. Mm-hmm. Um, they're very, very great friends of ours. Mm-hmm. But that was our first full swap experience.

30:10 Hold on, hold on. We need to tell you guys about 3Fun first. Oh, yeah. Okay, so 3Fun is the app. You guys know the app. And if you don't know, it's for couples and singles who wanna connect with like-minded people. And it actually works. Like, we're not just saying that. It's easy, it's low pressure, and it's way less awkward than trying to figure it out on your own. Way less. We're gonna leave it at that. Yep. Download 3Fun. The link is in the show notes. Okay, where were we? Huh. Now, what did you think about it? Like, do you remember any of that? I think so. It's a long time ago. I think I remember it. Um, I enjoyed it. Yeah. I mean, I still enjoy it.

30:51 They're still, like you said, one of my favorite… She's one of my favorite women to play with. I think, you know what's funny is the more you sleep with a person regularly- I think the better it gets Yeah, for sure I mean, obviously if you're talking one-on-one, sure. But if you're talking, like, couple-on-couple, the more experiences you have- Yeah with them, the more you get to kinda figure out where their buttons are. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The more you figure out how to s- how to satisfy them better, and it just becomes better. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. It is fun. Yeah. Um, I remember I was very, very nervous. Um, and actually it took me years to get over being nervous when it came to sexual- Yeah play. Yeah.

31:32 Um, my whole body would shake whenever it came down to it. Yeah, yeah. When… I would be fine if we went out, if we had drinks, if we went out to dinner- Yeah … I would be fine. If we went to somebody's house, I'd be fine. But the moment somebody said, "Hey, let's, uh- Let's play … let's take this to the bedroom" Yeah I'd immediately start shaking. Start shaking. Full body shaking. Yes. And it was kind of embarrassing, because I'd be laying on the bed making out with the wife of the couple- Yeah … or whatever. We usually start kissing- And I'd be shaking … yeah. We- We always started with each- We started- … with each other first we started kissing each other first, and we used to have a rule that we would start with each other. Yeah. And, um, and so we did. I think that, that time we, you and I were sitting on the couch, and they were sitting on the bed, and you and I started making out.

32:19 Yeah. And I was rubbing you, and then they started making out, and they were just watching us. And then It kind of started from there. Like- Yeah … I started- And it really went, it really went from there. Like- It, it really did. I think I started riding you. Yeah. And then- And she was going down on him on the couch next to us … right next to us. Yeah. Yeah, and then I think we swapped. Yes, you did. And it was, it was fricking hot. So once- It was fun … we got the guys off, um, 'cause we swapped and, and she was, you know, riding Adam and I was… I think I was on the bed with her dude.

32:59 But after that, her and I would have fun. What's funny is even still to this day, and it's been years- It's still- … even still to this day it's still in that- It's still in that order that's still at that order, you know? Yeah. They're like, "Oh, let's, let's get the guys over and done with so that we can spend some girl time." Yeah, yeah. You guys are just- Yeah … cons. Yeah. Just taking- We all like that. Of course. They're… y'all are sitting there- Of course … you know, watching and still rubbing it out and- Of course are fucking talking about shit and laughing, so. Yeah. Now, I, I enjoyed my time with them, but a- even then I was like, "Okay, we had a good full swap experience." Yeah. " I wanna see what it's like with others." Yeah.

33:39 Now, our hometown really did not produce a lot of- No … attractive couples. No. A lot of, um, ethical couples. Yeah. Um, I felt like we were constantly ending up with people who would contact you afterwards and be like, "Hey, do you think you'd wanna play without him?" Yes. Or we would… You know, or, or we were just kind of both taking one for the team so that- Mm-hmm … we could get an experience in. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah. Uh, there was one couple that we met up with, uh, from… We, we met them through a website. And, uh, they seemed all right. Uh, she, she was, uh, shorter.

34:21 I found her attractive. They were both a little bit older than us. Um, but I found her attractive. Uh, he was not your type. Most, most, uh, men are not. Uh, but we met up with them for drinks. Mm-hmm. And they seemed like a cool couple, but there were certain moments where- You would notice she was drinking a bit and she was getting sauced. Mm-hmm. And then she gets kind of loose with her mouth and starts talking stuff, and he would get very suppressive. And he would be like, "You've had… You, you need to be quiet.

35:01 Like, you're… That's enough." Mm-hmm. Like, he would get kind of short with her- Mm-hmm … when they would start drinking. Uh, and so I had thought that was weird, you know? Uh, and then we ended up running into them a couple more times, uh, at a, at a couple different clubs. Mm-hmm. And we decided, you know what? Fuck it. Let's do this. Yeah. Uh, so we set something up. Mm-hmm. And we said, "Let's, let's go ahead and do this." So we pulled up, uh, at their house. They gave us the address. We pulled up. Very, very nice house. Uh, this, this place, I mean, it was… For just the two of them? I mean, I mean maybe- Yeah … they had kids, I don't know. Yeah. But they, I don't, I don't think they had anybody living in, in the house with them anymore.

35:41 No, no. It's a very old, historic house in a very- Yeah. Was that the second couple? Yeah. Wow. That was the second couple that we were ever with. Wow. Um, and so our experiences early on were not the greatest. No. Uh, so we So we had to climb up all these stairs for one thing. These are historic houses, so- Yeah … they kind of, um- They sit up on a really tall hill … It's n-n, no. Yeah, I guess it's like- Kinda … it's like you're… the street, and then there's three steps to the sidewalk, and then Then there, then there's like- Then there's like this- 10 steps to their front patio … it's, you know, it's like the- And their door … it's like the Mayan temples, man So- You know, you've got all these- It's, yeah … stairs going up to the top That's the historic area.

36:32 You could see them- Yeah … at the top, you know, these silhouettes of the couple standing in front of the doorway a- all the way at the to- And maybe I'm dra- dramatizing it, I don't know, but that's the way I remember it. So it's- Um- So we go in, and, um, we're… They ask us if they want, we want a beer, so we, we get a beer. Adam and I are- Yeah … sitting on a chair, and they're sitting like- It's like a den area … across from us. It's not- Yeah … not quite a living room area- Yeah … but it's almost like a secondary living room or a den area. You can tell they entertain people here. Yeah. Very nice place. Yeah, very nice. Oh my God. Um, f- being in that area, first of all, you- Yeah … and that kind of house, you, you have to have money. So- Oh, yeah … so we're there, and, um, a lot of antiques, you know.

37:16 Well, just having conversation. Yeah, having conversation, just talking, and we end up going upstairs. Yeah. There was a little bit of kissing that took place. Uh, she kissed me, uh, down in the den, and I guess he kissed you, and somebody said, "Do y'all wanna go upstairs?" And we're like, "Okay. Sure. I mean, that's what we're here for, right?" Yeah. So we went upstairs. Mm-hmm. And, uh, we went to their bedroom- Mm-hmm which was also very, very nice. Mm-hmm. Um, and her, uh, you and I started making out. Yes. And they were getting to one side of the bed, we were on the other side of the bed, and we started making out. Um, and then eventually you got on the bed- Mm-hmm … and you and I started having our fun.

38:01 Mm-hmm. And they were on the opposite side of the bed doing the exact same thing. At some point, the husband looks up and he goes, "Hey, Adam, do you wanna, wanna switch?" And I looked at you and I said, "You cool with that?" And you were like, "Yeah, sure. Whatever." "Okay." So we switch. I went to the other side of the bed where his wife was laying. Mm-hmm. And he went to your side of the bed. Mm-hmm. Now, I am trying to take my mind out of it because, you know, I'm already nervous as it is. Yeah. I'm trying to make sure my dick stays hard because I'm already nervous as it is.

38:41 Mm-hmm. Uh, but I am attracted to this woman, and I… She's a good-- She's, she seemed like a good kisser. Mm-hmm. So I was like, "You know, this shouldn't be too, too hard." Um, so we proceed to make out while she's on the bed. We're kissing. I'm on top of her. She's kinda got her legs wrapped around me a little bit. Mm-hmm. And I'm touching her and I'm kissing her, and I notice while I'm kissing her, she's kinda going, And it's kinda stifled, and it's a little light. And I'm on- But it's laughing. Yeah. And I'm like, "Hmm." And I'm laying there, and I can hear her- She goes … while I'm dealing with my own situation. It sounded kinda fake.

39:22 Yeah. We'll get into your situation. Yeah. But it sounded kinda fake, this stifled laughing. Yes. And I was like You know, I had heard stories from you about your past experiences and how if you didn't wanna play with somebody because they weren't attractive and you didn't wanna tell them no right off the bat, you just basically said that you had, you, you had your period. Yes. Like, that was, that was something that women do. If, if they, uh, don't wanna play with you, they'll be like, "Oh, well, I'm on my period, sorry." Yeah. You know? And that was kind of what was already in the back of my head. So this woman is starting to laugh and laugh, and the laughing is getting a bit more loud and a bit more hysterical.

40:04 And I'm like, "Are you okay?" And she's like "Yeah. Well, didn't, didn't, uh, didn't he tell you?" Referring to her husband. And I was like, "No. What's up?" And she goes, "Well, I'm extremely ticklish." And I was like, "Oh, okay. Well, I don't need to… I, I… You know, sorry if I'm touching you a certain way." And she goes, "No, no, no, there's… It's okay." She's like, "But I'm extremely ticklish in every single way and every part of my body. Uh, so there's no way to get past this without-" "… without my laughing. So hopefully it's not too much of a distraction for you." And I was like, "Oh, okay. Well, we're in this now, so let's do it." Mm-hmm.

40:49 You know? I mean, I was inside of her- Mm-hmm … at that point. Um, so the laughing is just… You know, as soon as I slid inside of her, she was laughing. Yeah. And I normally like laughing when we're having sex, when you and I are having sex- Yeah … because there's a lot of ab work that takes place, and, uh, there's a lot of grippy things happening because- The Kegels … the Kegels. Yeah. It's amazing. So I like to make you laugh whenever we're having sex, but that was not the case during this one. She was laughing like the Joker from the first Batman. Yeah. It was intimidating- Yeah … to say the least. I felt like either I was doing something wrong or I was doing something very, very right, and it did not feel good. Mm-hmm. Um, and so it was very, very distracting.

41:31 I, I really couldn't get past it. But then It wasn't just the laughing. This woman, um, I guess when she would get very passionate, uh, during her sexual experiences, uh, I likened the motion to be that of almost like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park, where they kind of bite the air. Yeah. You know, they do that bite. They're like, "Ar," you know? Mm-hmm. And, and you see the teeth come out. Well, she was doing that to me- Mm-hmm … as I was on top of her. Like, she wanted, she wanted to bite me. She goes like- Yeah … "Ar." And she would, like, reach out to you- Mm-hmm … who was across the bed from her. Mm-hmm. And she would reach out to me and just kinda do, like, this dragon paw thing.

42:15 Mm-hmm. It was really, really weird. Very, very distracted. I did not realize all the way on the other side of the bed, my wife was having a completely different experience. I was. What was going on on your side of the bed? So he, I guess, couldn't get hard, but really tried. Huh. And he had me lay down and cross my legs. Okay. And so pretty much fucked my thighs. And- So he didn't penetrate you? Very little, like the tip. And I- Huh … was super insecure. You know, I hadn't been with a lot of guys, so I was like, "Oh my gosh, I must be really, like, wide."

43:02 That he would, he would fuck your thighs? Yeah. Like, I must be really, like, he must not feel anything when he's inside my pussy. Do you recall- That- … was, was he, was he a good size at all? I don't think so. No? No. Huh. I wanna say he was average. Okay. So six inches, if that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Um, and he was thin, but I wasn't even big. Yeah. I was just super insecure. Huh. And so I'm looking over at this girl who's not pawing at me. And laughing. Yeah. And I looked at Adam, and I'm giving Adam this face like, "Are you serious? Are we finishing this?" Oh, we were making faces the whole time. And so- It's like, "What the fuck are we doing here?" I- But I wasn't gonna leave until I finished.

43:46 Yeah, so I think he finished. Uh, like I finished. I finished because of you. Yeah, and then- I was so distracted from the laughing, the maniacal laughing and the, the frigging dinosaur jaws- Yeah … and the pawing at me that I w- I, I was like, "There's no way I'm gonna finish." Oh, because I can fake it. I faked it. She's so good. I faked it so good. She's so good. And so she saw that I was struggling. I didn't think I was gonna cum. Mm-hmm. Um, and so Pris put on this show that she knew was gonna send me over. And it did. And it did. It totally did. We finished. That couple goes downstairs or does something, and we're in the room by ourselves, and I look at him and I'm like, "What the fuck?" Yeah. " We getting out of here."

44:26 Yeah, and that's exactly what we did. Like- We got dressed. We skedaddled the fuck out of there. Like, we were like, "Oh, bye. We'll see you later," and we jetted. And we laughed our way all the way home because it was such a strange debrief. Yeah. And I remember thinking, "Gosh, I hope not all the experiences are like this." Now, you know what's funny is I f- I, I would go often, um I would go often to, like, Pornhub or, uh, you know, even, like, the websites that we were on where we actually found them. Mm-hmm. And a lot of people can upload, like, their videos of their- Yeah … fun time and stuff like this. This couple got around, let me tell you.

45:07 Yeah. And they recorded a lot of their stuff, and they put it out there- Yeah … for people to watch. Mm-hmm. And I only knew it was them because, A, I recognized the bedroom, and C, I could hear the muffled laughing throughout the video, and I knew it was her. I knew it was her. It was… Oh, it was killer. Oh, that was a really good impression. Yeah. That was killer. That was killer. First off, you know, I'm still new to all this, and I'm very insecure about myself. So then all of a sudden- Yeah … I have a woman who I was sexually attracted to who's laughing at my performance. Yeah. It took me years to figure out whether or not I was good at sex. Yeah. I knew that you told me I was good at sex.

45:49 Yeah. But you also married into this. Same. You know? I wasn't sure. And, and the way he had me, I was like, "Man, I must not be, like, good." Yeah. So, you know- Yeah … I mean, things like that'll pop up in your, in your head and when you're having certain experiences. I mean, I'm- Yeah older now. I'm an adult. I'm… I was an adult then, but I'm older now, and I totally understand situations, so. Yeah. You know? So that was our first… Uh, I mean, our second, uh, couple swap experience. Now, I can tell you the immediate, um experience that we had after, there was, there was a single woman who was in the groups. Mm-hmm. And we had invited her over.

46:29 Um, and I played with her more than anything else. You were just kind of there on the bed. Mm-hmm. And it was primarily her and I. Mm-hmm. Uh, and it was hot. Mm-hmm. It was fun. It was a good time. Uh, I think that was the same… We actually invited her over, and we invited the guy- Right, the first guy who you were first with. Mm-hmm. Uh, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he could- He didn't do … perform the second time around. He could not. And he couldn't. But he- So I was there- She had the end of that one. I didn't She had the end of that one, but- And I was like, "Let me have my man" … you know, I, I ended up, uh, satisfying the both of y'all, which was cool. Mm-hmm. Um, but I, I remember going at it with her, and you were laying on the bed, and you were like, "Yeah, I have a stomach ache. I don't feel too good." Um, and we ended up finishing, and that chick left.

47:19 Mm-hmm. And we were talking because she went down on me. Yeah. And she gave me a really good blowjob- Yeah that, that made me cum. Yes. And that- I had never- Mm-mm … made him come with a blowjob. N- not at that time. Yeah. No, she hadn't made me cum at all. No. Like, I, I was one of those that I didn't think I'd ever cum- Mm-hmm … from a blowjob. And I, not only did she make me cum, I did not last- Mm-hmm … very long. Um, and so I guess that sat with you while her and I were playing. Ooh, I was so upset. And you were thinking about… Now, I could not tell that you were upset. I just knew that you were like, "Mm, no, I don't feel good, so I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna play, but you guys go ahead." You know, you were there.

48:00 I didn't know until after she left. Yeah. And it took you a little while. You were a- acting a little standoffish, but also I knew back then you were disconnected. Yeah. And so I had to bring you back- And I was- … and stuff like that … figuring it out, processing it. You were processing it, yeah. W- l- we know that now. Yeah. But we didn't know that then. No, we did not. And so it came up, and you were like, "So she made you cum from a blowjob, huh?" And I was like, "Yeah, like, really fast." Mm-hmm. And, you know, the way we talk about it now, I was trying to talk about it then. Like, yeah, it was a, it was the weirdest thing. Like, and, and so I thought you were trying to have a discussion like that 'cause you were like, "Well, what was… What did she do that was so great?" It was the way you worded… What would, what did she do that was so great that you ended up coming so fast?

48:54 And that's when I started sitting back going, "Oh." Shit. Shit's about to hit the fan. Okay. Uh, this is not a free-wielding and easy conversation. And so we, we've had, throughout the years, we've had a lot of these uncomfortable conversations processing that lead into questions that lead into uncomfortable conversations. Yeah. I, I can go on and on about all the different experiences that we had, but I broke those down for a reason. Mm-hmm. Um, those were some major learning opportunities in our early ages. I, I understand that you guys, you, you haven't played with another couple yet.

49:37 You're still in the early stages of talking. Yeah. I, I, I want you to learn from our mistakes. Uh, like I said, everything on paper, everything that we did was wrong. Yes. Every way that we went about it was the wrong way. Was not the right way. And we lucked out. Mm-hmm. We really lucked out that the way we did things did not fuck up our relationship. Yes. Luckily for us, we both loved each other so much that we refused to let anything fuck up our relationship. Mm-hmm. We were gonna hash this out. Mm-hmm. We weren't gonna go to bed mad. We were gonna hash this out. Mm-hmm. And we did that for several years. Yeah. You know, where we, we really had to sit down and go, "We're gonna hash this out."

50:19 Yeah. " I don't care if it takes-" And we did … "24 hours." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We did that a lot. Mm-hmm. And I remember there were several times where I sat back and I was like, "I fucking love her too much to let this fuck us up." Yeah. Like, I had those thoughts a lot early on. It's like, we love each other way too much. And, y- you know, it really helped us with, with different experiences, and it helped us… A- a- and, and in between these experiences, we, we would go months- Yes … without even playing. It was more conversation. Yeah. We've gone years without playing. I wouldn't say years. We've gone at least a year. We played every year.

50:59 We played every year at least once. You think? We played every year. And so, I mean, for me, it wasn't… There you go. It wasn't even that- I can remember almost every instance … it wasn't that great of experiences for me to remember. And see, that was the part that I struggled with, because something that you have to understand, and this is rampant in the lifestyle, is there are a lot of men who struggle to work. Mm-hmm. For one thing. Mm-hmm. There are a lot of men who are nervous. There are a lot of men who already struggle with ED problems. You add anxiety on top of that. There are a lot of men who will see you and be intimidated but still wanna pursue you. There are whatever reasons, there's a book full of them- Yeah as to why the dick will not work.

51:40 Mm-hmm. Um, and probably 99% of it does not revolve around you. Yeah. It's around the gap. Yeah. Uh, and so that's something that you have to first expect. Mm-hmm. And when it happens, not take personally. Yes. Um, but also understand that it's, it's not easy to find a good experience with a guy most times. Is that fair to say? Um Because you're not the only person that I've heard this from Yeah, unfortunately, if a guy doesn't tell you… Like, I have guys now that tell me, "Hey, it takes me a long time. Um, I'd rather go down on you for a while before we have sex." Okay, because they're being super transparent.

52:29 When you don't tell me and I'm waiting and you're trying to stuff a s- you know, very soft dick inside me, um, and you know that you always have this issue, then that sucks. But yeah, I mean, I would, I would agree with you. I always felt bad because- I would agree … you know, obviously for me, uh, it's hard to have a bad experience. Not, not to say that I haven't had bad experiences with women. There have been a few. But you also don't suffer from ED. I don't. Yeah. I don't. And, but, and, and that's something that I had to really kind of explain, uh, to my lovely wife here, is that, you know, it, there's a lot of pressure on us guys. Yeah. Um, and it's, it's hard to rise to the occasion.

53:12 And of course, if you can't get your dick hard, a lot of us guys are like, we feel like failures. And you start getting in your head. It's, it's, it's in your head. Yeah. It's there. Yeah. It's hard to bounce back from that. Uh, and of course, if I'm in my head and I'm trying to please you, that ain't gonna happen. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So obviously you're gonna be affected by it. And, and condoms- You're gonna have a bad experience … condoms really, um, if you've, if they've never used condoms and it's their first time- If, yeah, they've been with their wife for years … it's gonna, they're gonna, yeah, it's gonna be a struggle, so you have to be patient with that. And I didn't understand any of that until we had conversations, so. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the number one thing that I would advise you guys is, uh, communicate 100%.

53:57 Mm-hmm. If it seems like you're communicating too much, you're doing it right. Um- Yes … it, you know, if you feel like you're just, "I'm, I, I'm, I'm over-communicating with you right now. I'm giving you way too many details," you're doing it right. I am an, I am an over-communicator. I will tell him about every conversation that I have. Yeah. She'll be like, "Oh, uh," But for the most part, I, I do get- … "this, this guy messaged me today and said hello," and I'm like, "Okay." Yeah. I do get super busy, but for the most part, I tell him about… He doesn't really care. I don't. He's like, "Okay." I don't, unless it turns sexual, I don't care. Yeah, he doesn't care. You know? And so, um, I- that's me.

54:41 He is not like that. Uh, he will, uh- I- He's not like that, so. Uh, you know, so this was something that we had to talk about and I had to really get her to understand kind of my, my frame of reference, my, my point of view in this, is because I, I understand where she's coming from. She's an oversharer. She over-communicates all of these details, even the ones that don't need to be communicated- Mm-hmm … as far as I'm concerned. Um, and I had to explain to her, I said, "You know- I don't tell you every time somebody messages me, and the reason why is because a lot of people that message me Many of them aren't going anywhere. Mm-hmm. And I know that immediately. Um, when people message me, when a, when a woman messages me, if one, if I'm not interested right off the bat, chances are I might not be interested later on either.

55:31 Mm-hmm. So, you know, there's that. But then as the conversation goes on, I'm either gonna get pulled in and be interested or I'm not. Right. And so there was… I would have these, uh, conversations with women that I knew weren't going anywhere. Mm-hmm. And then she would find out that I was having conversations with these women, and she's like, "Well, why didn't you disclose that to me?" And I said, "Well, because they're not going anywhere. I'm not gonna sleep with them." Yeah. " We're not talking sexually. It's not, there's nothing going on here except for the fact that they're messaging me." Um, and, and you were like, "Well, how would you like it if I did that to you?" And I'm like, "That's fine. That's okay. You don't have to tell me every Tom, Dick, and Harry that sends you a message unless it's going somewhere."

56:12 Mm-hmm. " Then I need to know about it." So it took you a while to understand kind of my point of view on that. But, um, I've also come a long way in that I, I pretty much let you know, you know. Yeah, yeah. Uh, any messages that I get. Mm-hmm. Uh, just because it, what I realize now, and you've gotten me to understand your point of view in the fact that w- we handle each other's phones daily, like, without thinking. Mm-hmm. She's like, "Oh, I, I, I… Can I use your camera?" "Yeah, here you go. Go for it." We know each other's passwords. We know how to get into each other's social medias. There is nothing secretive. Uh, but the reason why I overshare with her at this point, because I know how she knows how I feel.

56:56 Mm-hmm. But the reason why I overshare at this point is because she made a really good point. She said, "You know, if I'm using your phone- Mm-hmm … and a message comes in from somebody, and I didn't know that you were talking to them, then I'm gonna be like, 'What the fuck?'" Mm-hmm. And I thought to myself, "That is a really good fucking point, because I don't wanna eat shit, you know, and have this uncomfortable conversation-" Yeah because you saw that somebody was messaging me, and it was some- and maybe you felt some type of way about it- Mm-hmm … and it was something that you didn't know about. Yeah. Then it looks like I'm hiding. Yeah. It looks like I'm not being transparent. Yes. So I was like, "Okay, I get it." Mm-hmm. And yes, we can, we can fix that.

57:37 Yeah. So I'm, I'm more open to it now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you are. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, um, from the beginning to now, very different. Night and day. And so, and, and that's really what you're asking. A lot of this stuff, we had to learn trial by fire. Yes. We had to get into the big, uh, arguments. We had to figure things out. We had to learn how to vet- Oh, yeah … for the proper experiences. Yes. And that's another thing that you gotta learn, is you've gotta not jump into experiences. Go vet 100%- Ask questions … until the both of y'all- Yes … feel comfortable. Comfortable. Yes. Absolutely. Exactly. Yeah. You can't do it any other way because, uh, if you do it any other way, one or the other is going to have issues.

58:21 Yeah. There's going to have some, some dark contention inside that's gonna build and bubble and eventually spill over. Yeah. And it's not gonna be a good conversation. No, it won't. It won't be good. I mean, it can, it can cause cracks in a marriage. It can do a lot of damage to friendships, relationships in any type of way. Yeah. Um, you know, best advice is communicate, talk about experiences W- talk about what you expect your experiences to be, what you expect from each other. Yeah. Um, if you disagree, find out why you disagree. We… You have to agree to disagree sometimes, and it is what the fuck it is.

59:03 Yeah. Um, find a common ground because if you don't, it's going to be hard. So if you're already going to, like, events and clubs and stuff like that, you know, start, start slow. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. There's so many different ways to do that. And you know what? If you see your partner doing something that you don't like, communicate it with them instead of holding it in and doing something- Yes to hurt them. Yes. Uh, one-upping your, your partner or your spouse is never a good idea. Mm-mm. You know what I'm saying? That th- th- a fight doesn't work for people if everybody's trying to win the fight.

59:44 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's the… It's not… You're not gonna get anything solved. Yeah. You know what I mean? Uh, if you feel like you have to one-up your partner because they did this and now you're gonna sh- you're gonna teach them a lesson by doing this, um, then you might as well break up. Mm-hmm. You might as well go your separate ways because this relationship is not a priority. Yeah. You have to have the emotional intelligence to sit down and go, "Okay. Look, I did not like that, and I would really, really love it if that never happened again." If you did not do that. Yeah. I mean, it sucks. Yeah. But it is what it is. It is. You gotta say it. Um, and I think that was probably the biggest lesson that we learned, was being able to communicate. Yeah. And even still to this day, like, it's, it's hard.

1:00:27 Yeah. It's hard. It is hard. You know? I've, I've sat back and, and told Pris, I'm like, you know, "I didn't like that." It's very rare- Mm-hmm … that I say stuff like that, but it's like, "I didn't like that." Uh, and it's like, "Okay. Let's talk about that." Yeah. You know? Yeah. Or vice versa, you know? Mm-hmm. She's like, at the end of the night she's like, "You know, I didn't care for that." Well, I didn't care. Like, oh, okay. All right. Yeah. You know? So that's, that's really what- It's … it comes down to. Learn from our lessons. Yes. You know, learn from the people around you. Everybody's got stories like these. Everybo- They really do. And you're gonna have experiences that you don't, aren't, you know, you don't like. It is what it is, 'cause you don't know- It is what it is what you like until you like it.

1:01:07 Yeah. So. Totally. Yeah. Totally. I love that, though. That was a good one. Well, I hope this helps you too, and honestly, thank you for trusting us with that. That's exactly what this confessional's for. Yeah. And if you've got your own confession out there, your own question or story, anonymous or not, head to beyond-monogamy.com and leave it for us. You might just hear us talk about it on a future episode Uh, and while you're on that site, thank you very much, you wanna poke around. Ha ha. That was me poking. Like I do. Yeah, she's poking. You'll find every past episode, clips from the show, our merch store that this woman has created a lot of fun things for, our blog of which I write, and of course, that confessional that we were just talking about.

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