We Talked to the Sex Therapist Who Got Kicked Out of Her Church for Talking About Sex (And It Was EVERYTHING)

Let's just say this right off the bat: if you have ever felt like your body was a sin, your desires were a disease, or your sex drive was a one-way ticket to eternal damnation — this episode was made specifically, lovingly, and unapologetically for YOU.

We sat down with Natasha Helfer — AASECT-certified sex therapist, author, founder of Symmetry Counseling, board member of The Sanctuary in Salt Lake City, and official holder of the title "Woman Who Got Excommunicated From Her Church For Telling The Truth About Sex And Refused To Apologize For It." We're adding that last one to her LinkedIn ourselves.

First, A Little Context: What Even Is Purity Culture?

Purity culture is the idea — baked into many religious communities — that your worth as a human being is directly tied to what has or hasn't happened to your genitals. Romantic, right? Natasha grew up in the Mormon faith, where she was taught that sexuality outside of marriage was not just bad — it was perverse, wicked, and a slippery slope to "whoredoms." (Their word. We couldn't make this up.)

She got kicked out of BYU for having premarital sex with her fiancé. Her two-and-a-half lifetime partners, as she hilariously called them. The church's version of promiscuity and actual promiscuity are having very different conversations, clearly.

Adam chimed in here because of course he did — turns out our boy was in the Catholic seminary training to be a priest in his early 20s. Pris's face when she hears this story never gets old. The man who now co-hosts a podcast about ethical non-monogamy was once learning how to say Mass. God truly works in mysterious ways.

The Part That Made Our Jaws Drop

Here's what Natasha said that stopped us cold: as a culture, we are ten times more comfortable with infidelity than we are with ethical non-monogamy.

Read that again. Cheat on your spouse? Uncomfortable topic, but okay. Openly, honestly, consensually explore relationships with multiple partners? SCANDAL. WHOREDOMS. ETERNAL FIRE.

Adam knows this personally — his extended family had cheating running through it like a river, and nobody blinked. The minute he and Pris went ethical and non-monogamous? Black sheep. Immediately. The hypocrisy is staggering and Natasha absolutely nailed it.

Why Do People Leaving Religion Flock to ENM?

This was one of the most fascinating parts of the conversation. Natasha has been working with ethical non-monogamy clients for 15 years, long before she entered the ENM space personally. And she sees a very clear pattern:

People who grew up in purity culture often married young, married someone sexually incompatible (because you literally couldn't test the waters), and are now hitting their 40s and 50s realizing they were sold a bill of goods. They're pissed. They have FOMO. They're in what Natasha beautifully calls their second adolescence — that midlife developmental stage where the brain literally opens back up and says, "Okay but what did I actually WANT though?"

Plus, for a lot of women, exploring ENM is a giant, glorious middle finger to the patriarchy. We are here for all of it.

The "Are You One of Those Guys?" Story

Adam shared a deeply relatable moment from the early days of his relationship with Pris. He had just come out of a seven-year marriage where they had sex approximately twice — both resulting in children — and then Pris asked him the loaded question: "You're not one of those guys who wants sex all the time, are you?"

His instinct? Lie. His decision? Don't. He told her the truth. She had sex with him and immediately became, in Adam's words, "a totally different person." Pris confirms this. Adam has zero complaints. A love story for the ages.

What To Do If You Love Your Religion AND Want to Swing

Natasha got real practical here for the folks in our inbox who are deeply religious and deeply curious about the lifestyle. Her answer: it requires moving from external authority to internal authority. You can still love your faith, your community, your God — and also decide that your private erotic life is yours. Not every religious person needs to confess everything to a bishop. Some things are between you and whoever you pray to.

This won't work for everyone. Rigid, black-and-white thinkers will struggle. But if you have the capacity to hold nuance — to say "I believe in this AND I am also this" — there is a path.

Go Follow Natasha. Right Now. We Mean It.

She has a memoir/self-help book coming called Sex Communicated. She teaches at The Sanctuary in Salt Lake City (yes, it's exactly what it sounds like and yes it's organized as a religion, which is the most wonderfully chaotic thing we've ever heard). She leads a seven-week group for people transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy. She works with clients personally. She's going to be teaching on a Fantasy Lifestyle Cruise in February.

Find everything at natashahelford.com.

While You're Here — Our People, Our Plugs

You know we love you, and you know we also need to pay bills. Here's what's keeping the lights on and the mics hot:

• SDC — The world's largest lifestyle social network. Get in there. Code 38236 at sdc.com
• 3Fun — The app for couples and singles exploring the lifestyle. Code: TK11932
• FirmTech — Performance rings that actually work. Code: BEYOMONO
• ProDx Health — At-home health testing because adulting matters. Code: BEYOMONO

Catch us LIVE on Full Swap Radio every Thursday at 2PM and 7PM Central. Come hang out. It's a good time.

Events on the radar: Krazy Winter Nights KC is happening February 19–21, 2027 — use code BEYOMONO at krazykasbh.com and come find us. And keep an eye out for Beyond Monogamy Live at Club Eden San Antonio.

All our links, past episodes, and ways to connect live at beyond-monogamy.com. And if this episode brought something up for you — hop over to our anonymous confessional. We read every single one. No judgment. Ever.