What Makes Someone Slutty? A Swinger Couple Reclaims the S-Word

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

0:47 So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris, and on today's Wednesday quickie, we're gonna talk about sluttiness. Sluttiness. The sluts. Sluts. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there was a time when we were growing up where if somebody called somebody else a slut- Uh-huh … it was a horrible, horrible thing. Yeah. Um, I- I was called a slut once. Were you? And I laughed. When was the first time that you were called a slut? Do you remember when you were called a slut? Um, yeah, it was sixth grade maybe, that I can remember. Sixth grade? Yeah, so I liked- What the fuck?

1:28 I had this boyfriend. Talk about obsession. Oh, yeah. We just saw Obsession last night. Oh my gosh. Yeah, um, I mean, how far do you want me to, how deep do you want me to go? Go deep, girl. Okay, so I had this boyfriend- Balls deep when I was in sixth grade, right? All right. His name was, um- You want me tell you his name? No, we don't need the name. I have his whole name. Like, I know him. I mean, uh, so you can use a first name. You don't have to use- Okay … a whole name 'cause- Was Nathan. And Nath- All right, Nathan … I was, like, in love with Nathan. Like, that's little sixth grade, "Oh my God." "He's gonna be the one." And let me tell you that I had- Could be the one … bad taste in guys back… Like- Back then, huh? … this right here is the hottest man I have ever been with.

2:11 Oh, thank you. And- You could do better. I do know. Like, ugh, my goodness. Ugh. Anyway. Sluttiness. Um, anyway, so yeah. So I, I remember he broke up with me 'cause he wanted to be with another girl, and I was like, "Oh, fuck no." And then I went up to this table to tell the girl off, and this girl, she called me a slut. And I remember kicking her ass or just, like, pushing her. She fell, and I was like, "Well, that was easy." But yeah, like, she called me a slut. Ooh, I was also called a slut as a freshman by some guy 'cause I wouldn't give it up to him. He's like, "You're such a slut." I said, "Mm, am I though?" How does that work out? Guys, they b- guys knew what to say to hurt a girl's feelings, and I remember that I wasn't that girl.

2:53 You couldn't hurt my feelings. Didn't work, didn't work. Yeah. What you did was piss me off. It's still- And- … kind of the same … um, I guess so. Well, hurt feelings, I would, like, be like, "Oh," inside myself. Yeah. Um, names are just names. But yeah, uh, and it was always a guy. Mm. The girl, of course, because I didn't… I wanted to take… She got Nathan away from me, and I was like, "Oh, my God." Um, but other than that, I wasn't very easy to be a slut. You weren't easy. What's funny is- No … I've heard you tell stories ab- uh, like you were easy. Yeah. Uh, but you were not easy. No. Y- your idea of being easy back then- No … was you had a lot of boyfriends- Yeah that you would maybe, possibly, occasionally kiss.

3:36 Maybe. Maybe. Uh, that, that- Slut does not make- And not by lack of wanting. I wanted to kiss these guys Yeah … but I guess just being young, being embarrassed, they had… They were teenagers too, so it was- Yeah … you know, that scaredness and the rejection feeling. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, that was my sluttiness, that I had boyfriends. I had hoes in different zip codes. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. I had one every high school. Wow. Yeah. There were some I didn't even see. Like, they were just, like, my phone boyfriends. It's funny, you know, when we're younger- Yeah um, you know, like high school age even into some of college age, we associate sluttiness with, oh, well, they're talking to a lot of people.

4:23 Yeah. They're just talking to a lot of people. We don't know if there's any sexual things- Yeah … happening, but they're talking to a lot of people. Yeah. Obviously, as we've gotten older, we've realized that's not sluttiness. That's actually, non-monogamy. Yeah. And that's- I mean- I mean, that's, uh, that's what it comes down to … and we've talked about this. We've talked about, like, what, um- What makes a person slutty? Well, y- you and I have talked about it, but let's revisit that because what, what exactly makes a person slutty? I had- In, in your opinion … in my opinion, it's a person who, just not thinking as a non-monogamist, just thinking- Sure, sure … as a regular monogamous vanilla person. Right. It would be a person that fucks a lot of different people just for the fun of it, and she's very loose and slutty.

5:08 Just for the fun of it. Yeah, which is s- so dumb. Which I mean- One, because- … what, what are the two, what are the reasons to have sex? Sex is fucking fun. Either to procreate or- Exactly … to have a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Sex is fun, and having lots of different sexual partners is fun and amazing. Yeah. But think vanilla. Yeah. That, because the word vani- that's a, that's a vanilla word. What does it even mean? I don't know. You know, the first time that I had ever heard it, I was like five or six years old. Yeah. I got in so much trouble for calling one of my sisters a slut. Uh, yeah. I, but I didn't know what it meant. I had seen on television, we had HBO, and they referred to somebody as a barnyard slut.

5:49 I thought it had something to do with being a farmer. And I called my oldest sister a slut at the dinner table. Hey, I called my little sister a pig's dropping. Well, that's on a different- You little pig's dropping. That's, That's, that's a pig poop … that's not slut, though. I mean, come on. Let's, let's be real here. No, like you didn't know what it was. No, I had no idea what it was. Yeah. But I called her that at the table. And then of course, like, uh, I think there was a tagline in, uh, Saturday Night Live's when Chevy Chase did the, the news. Uh. And he was like, "Jane, you ignorant slut." Or no, that was Dan Aykroyd. But anyways, uh, so it was said- Yeah … on TV. Yeah. But I didn't know what it meant. I mean- You know? … it's, it's such a, I don't know. It's a word that just, I mean, women get upset when they're called bitches.

6:30 Women get upset when they're called hoes. Women get upset when they're called any name other than their name, right? Um- I'm very… I don't get my feelings hurt if it's in nobody I don't care about, so. Okay. What does slut mean, babies? Per Merriam-Webster's dictionary, slut is typically an offensive derogatory term used to shame a woman who is perceived as sexually promiscuous or having loose morals. There you go. Historically dating back to the 1400s. Yeah. It originally meant an untidy, dirty, or slovenly woman. Wow. Now, why woman? Why woman? Why woman?

7:11 That's- And what's the term for man? That's, that's, that's exactly what it is. Like, um, just man. And Just man. And we'll get into that, uh, later on. Yeah. 'Cause I wanted to get into the double standards of it, but- Yeah you know, that is the official definition of slut. And o- obviously, you know, from the moment it started, it carried a negative weight towards women. Yeah. Um, and I, uh, we, in this current position that we're in, we, we, we celebrate sluts. We praise that. We celebrate sluts. You go, sluts. Like- Uh, you know, honestly- Bing uh, i- by, by definition, if you change that to person instead of woman, you could say I'm, I'm s- a slut all the way.

7:54 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I, 100%. Uh, obviously- I thrive to be a slut. So you are not slutty. I am not. Um, but w- and we've talked about this because we, she had brought it up to me. I, I, I have this, you know, I- if you've listened to past shows, I have a hot wife kink. Yeah. Um, I, I have a consented cheating kink. Mm. Um, so the thought of her being out there with somebody else and she just can't take anymore, she decides she wants to have fun or do whatever she wants freely, uh, and then comes back to tell me about it, I find that very, very hot. Yeah. Um, I think that's incredible. But the problem is, is that my wife doesn't do so willingly.

8:35 Like, um, it, it's not really in her personality. Yeah. You're, you're not a slutty person naturally. No, I am not. I'm not, um- Which is amazing 'cause I when I first saw you after so many years and I was hanging out with, with you, and stories were being traded very quickly- Yeah about very slutty behavior from your past. Yes. And I was like, "Geez-" I drank a lot … this is… Well, so that's, that, that's interesting that you mention that. Uh, because oftentimes alcohol, when it's injected into… A- and this is lifestyle or vanilla. Yeah. When it's injected into a good time at a bar- Yeah … or with a group of friends or whatever, um, things get a little bit loose.

9:21 Yeah. People get a little bit loose. Kisses- Your inhibitions … start to happen. Inhibitions drop. Yeah. Um, in vanilla world, when threesomes happen, it usually happens under the influence. When a girl first kisses a girl, it's usually under the influence. Under the influence, yeah. I Um … for me, it was under, I was under the influence. Yeah. You know, I'm kinda curious because obviously alcohol helps along slutty behavior, good or bad. Yeah. Um, so if you're monogamous and you're drinking alcohol and you're going to a club, well, hey, something might happen. Uh, if you're in the lifestyle and you go to a club and you get, get a little, uh, drinky drinky, uh, well, hey- something might happen. Um, but I'm curious, how about weed?

10:02 Does, does weed have that same effect, do you think? Not for me. No? Not for you? No. Mm-mm. Oh, that's interesting. Not, it wasn't- 'Cause you used to tell me differently- So weed- … back in the day I, so there's some weed… No, I didn't really Well, so I r- so I remember you specifically telling me, this is way before we partook, if that's a word. Uh-huh. Partook, partaken. Uh-huh. Um, but way before this was even our thing, we were s- we were dating. Uh-huh. And we were talking about how I was an incredible pothead in high school. Um, and you had- I s- that I smoked … you had let me know that the few times that you had smoked, you ended up, like, sleeping. Like, it, it- So- it turned you on and you- I don't remember- … would fool around and- Yeah, the first time I kinda remember, but not really.

10:47 But the second time I smoked, I was smogging out with my cousins at my sister's wedding, and that's when I have my, my two night stands. My two one- Yeah … night stands. My two night stands. Yeah. One on the left and one on the right. That was so slutty. That was not because of weed. That was totally because of alcohol. Yeah? Oh, I was so plastered. Yeah. So plastered. Yeah, w- and that, that w- those were the stories that I was- Yeah … tossed the first time that I'd seen you after so many years. No, I mean, I do weed now, and I, I'm not slutty. I do the pot now. I do the pot now. Um- And I am not slutty at all. Well, you said something different about the buddies that you drink. So I- That your little tea that you drink … they lower my inhibitions. I will tell you, I smoke flower.

11:28 That does not lower my inhibitions. There is a gummy that a friend gave Adam for his birthday that he quartered for me, and that kind of made me, like, ooh, that sensation. Yeah. It was hot. And then, um, buddies for some reason, they kinda make me feel, they, uh, they make me loose. They make you loose? They kinda make you feel like- Like you drank a little, but a high. Yeah, yeah. So it's all over, it's a body high for sure. Sure. And oh my gosh, it is so hot. That's interesting. Yeah. Uh, you know, I, I don't think any substance that I've ever taken, whether it be alcohol or weed, has- ever made me horny. But primarily because I'm just horny naturally.

12:09 Yeah. Um, I remember- You a slut, baby … I, well, you know, if I could've been a slut in high school, I would have. If I could have been a slut in college, I would have. Um- Well, you could be a slut now … I tried, guys. I tried. Um, I associated with sluts. Um, I hung around people who were promiscuous. Yeah. And, um, while I didn't make those friends purposefully, I did have it in the back of my head that, hey, it doesn't hurt to have a, a, a good slutty friend or two. Uh, I never, ever got it- No … at all. Um, but- it, well, 'cause I was very respectful. Yeah. And had I, you know, been that guy to be a little bit forceful, I'm sure I could have.

12:49 Um, but that, that's never been my way. I'm just not that guy- Yeah … you know? And, and looking at it now- You just … it seems disrespectful … and you never shamed them. No. You were like, "You're cool." Yeah, you're that guy. No. I remember calling women sluts and bitches and hoes. Yeah. Yeah. Especially, I mean, that's, those are our go-to words. Those are our go-to- Yeah … to phrases, you know? Uh, y- you have- You fucking whore, you fucking slut. Especially if the girl wronged you, right? Like, you're gonna be like, "You fucking slut." You know, it, Because she slept with your husband. I, I think a, a lot of, uh, a lot of times that word gets tossed around and and- Yeah pretty much incorrectly so. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

13:29 Now, we're in the lifestyle- Yeah … obviously. And like I said, between the two of us, I'm more slutty than you are. Um- In my mind, I am a hoe and a half. And this is something that we've talked about. Now understand that this is a conversation that we have at home very openly, uh, between my wife and I. Uh, but like I said, I'm a fan of consented cheating, and we do have these discussions, um, in bed. We talk about, uh, sexually, uh, things that you could do, go out with this person, go do this, go do that, you know, and it's hot talk all the way. Um- I'm a slut in your mind … in my head, absolutely, baby, all day, every day. Uh, but in real life, this is the fun part, is that, uh, once the talk ends… a- and I, and many of you may be able to understand this because if some of you have ever gotten a porno mag or watched a porn and was so fucking horny and you just had to come and you're like, "Oh, yeah," you know?

14:27 And maybe, maybe you're watching a porn that, uh, something you wouldn't be into normally or, but it, but it's just something that you gotta watch to get it going. And then as soon as you come You go, "Oh, shut this shit off. Turn it off. I don't want this. I'm not that person." You know what I mean? So I've- Okay I've definitely done that before in my past. That, I think, is what happens as soon as we both nut and the conversation is done, um, then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, wait a second. Now, I've seen it before. What are you talking about? I've seen it before when, we've had sex. Like say we've had the house to ourselves.

15:10 Okay. No kids in sight. Okay. They're all out of town for the weekend, whatever. Yeah. Right? Oh, I get it. And we're talking about it, and it's like, "Oh yeah, you know what? We got the house to ourselves. Let's… We can… Let's invite somebody." And I'm like, "Well, sh- you got, you got the list of people that you would consider having sex with." Because in the past, um, you know, I would be the one to set things up. I'd have a guy come over, and she wouldn't know him, and it would be a little risky. And it… She wasn't into it especially because she didn't know him. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I would rather see the experience of you enjoying yourself with somebody that we know, or knowing that you're out there having fun with somebody that we know, uh, rather than some stranger, and you know it's unsafe and there's a lot of variables at play.

15:57 Oh, I don't It's just for sex purposes. Yeah. That's it . So we'll be having sex, and she'll be like, "Oh, yeah, let me get on my phone," while we're having sex, which she knows, I think is very hot. And she's like, "Yeah, let me get on my phone and let me message so and so." And so she's in the act of messaging. I can't see what's being put on the screen. Yeah. All I see is her on her phone and w- and we're going at it. Well then, as soon as I finish, or as soon as we finish- The story is done … it's done. And then all of a sudden she puts her phone away, and then it's never mentioned again. And I'm like, wait, didn't she just… Didn't she say that she was reaching out to somebody, she was gonna have somebody over? And so then it's like all of a sudden just like, "No, no, no, I, I was actually… I was messaging, uh, you know, seeing if… What was happening tonight, if anybody was going anywhere or what…" You know, it's like- Baby … there was one time you were just going through your pictures.

16:46 Baby. And that's okay. That's totally okay. Like, I have no issue with that. I think that's cool because- But you would like it to carry on … um, you know me personally, I think Well, uh, like we talked about during the show with, uh, Amanda Dames, you know, it, it… I guess you could say it is more of a fetish for me- Yeah … uh, than it is a kink. Yeah. Uh, because that's what's in my head oftentimes, and that's what- Yeah … I get off to oftentimes. Uh, so yeah. You know, I like it a lot, and that really brings up the discussion of what do you do when you have somebody in, in a couple who has this fetish- Yeah and the other person doesn't? And, you know, I think because you love me so much, you're willing to explore this for me.

17:30 Yeah. Uh, and we've, we've seen it I've seen you, uh, reach out to, you know, friends that we have and been like- Yeah … "Hey, you know, you don't live far. I can go over after work." I did, this Saturday. Oh yeah, I know. You, you, you did, huh? For this past Saturday, yeah. You did? But he went to work. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that- So you see- So but… And, and no, that's what I'm- … Pris be trying … that's what I'm saying. Like, you're trying. Yeah. Um, but you're trying, but also I… So this is the hard part. Oh, my goodness. No, no. This is the hard part. Oh, baby. Because I'm, a- as the husband, and I'm sure there are a lot of couples who can understand this, um, you know, there's a lot of husbands out there that push their wives to do things that maybe they're not totally uncom- uh, comfortable doing.

18:11 Yes. Um, and I always am afraid that I am pushing you to do something that you just don't wanna do. Now luckily for me, you have found your no. Yeah. You have found your voice, and I feel great about that. But that leaves several years unaccounted for where you did stuff on, uh, for, for me, essentially. Yeah. You were not into it. Oh, yes. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm always, um, I'm always… In, in the back of my head I'm always thinking, "Man, I, I hope that this is something that she actually wants to do." You know, it's a quick- "And it's not something that I'm pushing her for." It's, it's a quick… For me, that would be so easy, and all you would have to do is be like, "Dude, send me a picture. She doesn't wanna see you. She wanna see what you look like." What do you mean? Like, if you were to find somebody.

18:52 Oh, you're talking about if I were to find somebody. Yeah, if you were to find some- 'cause you're always, you're always on your phone, man. No, dude. I can't, because you are too picky. But that's what I'm saying. You'd be like, " Hey, here." I can't find somebody. Because I've, I've attempted to before and- Yeah … we've gone round and round the circle. No, I'm more of, I'm more of just people. I'm super now… I, I enjoy people that I like. Yeah. So- and I enjoy- Yeah … the thought of you being safe with somebody- Like, I used to be real transparent … that we know and like. Yeah, I used to be real, like, transactional and be like, "Mm, okay sure, whatever." Now I would only do that, like, at the club. Yeah. Yeah. I would not do that here at the house. Um, I would have to know who it is that's coming over to the house if I were to have somebody over.

19:34 Yeah. You know, we very rarely put you in a position of unsafe moments. Yeah. But it has happened before- Yes … uh, where you have played with somebody that you didn't really know very well- Yeah in a public spot, you know? Yeah. And, and, and, uh, just to fulfill a fantasy, which, which was awesome for me. Yeah. But- But you're there … yeah. So, like, I'm not alone. But at the same time it's like now I want you to explore your sluttiness. Yeah. And that's where I'm at. And I'm trying. I'm super trying. Like, I have people that I like that I talk to. Um, so I, I'm getting there, baby steps, because I'm picky as fuck. Yeah. I'm selective as hell.

20:16 Yeah. I want to know I like the person and the person gives me good vibes. Um, so far I got me a little list. Yeah, I'm starting to get a list. The only thing is that We're in an area that I don't know a lot of people around us. Like, everybody has to travel to us, so now- Mm … now I have, like, two people near us, so. Ooh. I know. Big time. You see. Hey, that's better than I did, I had last week, which was zero. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I mean, one, it's, it's hard to do when you- It is … have kids in the house. And I work a lot. And you work a lot. I work a lot, and we have this- And she doesn't like to interrupt our time on weekends. No. So Like, tomorrow I'm going out on a date.

20:56 Tomorrow? Yeah. Tomorrow I'm going out on a date, and we set it up, and immediately I texted Adam, and I was like, " Man." I already wanna cancel. I already wanna cancel. Because I have to go home, get ready, come back, and it's like, "Ugh." And I told her, I was like, "You know, you don't have to go. You-" Yeah. " You can go on the weekend." Yeah. And she's like, "No." Nope. " Not gonna do that." The weekend would be my time. Yeah, the weekend is- Yeah … is our time. Yeah. And I know you don't like to- And he's willing to come this way, but I was like, "I'll go that way." Yeah? Yeah. I'm just gonna come home, change, and then go that way. You know, I think I get it. Well, so for me, I get it in the fact that I can set up stuff for myself, and normally leading up to the moment, I'm like, "Man, I should cancel. I should cancel." Yeah.

21:43 But for me, it's different reasons. Oh. For me, it's- For me, it's, I'll get hot and I'm like, "Sorry." I, I, I wanna… I, I always think I should cancel because I, I have anxiety about- Oh … you know, w- what, how it's gonna go, but also- Yeah … how you're gonna react if you're having a good day or a bad day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's a lot at play. You have a lot. You- You know that this- Yeah … is my kink. Yes. And so you know no matter what happens, it's gonna be hot. Adam's gonna be on point. Yeah. And be like, "Let's celebrate that shit." But I'm trying to be- But you is a different story. Yeah, and I, but I'm, and I'm trying to be a little bit more, um Open… Guys, we've been in this lifestyle for 15 years. Wow. And that's a still a hard, um, thing for me to do is for him to go and play separately without me.

22:26 Yeah. And be, and be his little slutty self. Um, and I'm, but I'm trying to be more open to that, especially now that I'm, I'm finding my own people. Mm. Mm-hmm. I guess. Mm-hmm. So it's easier. Yeah. It's easier now. I'm not, um, my… I'm not home by myself. Yeah. Because we have teenagers. They're fucking gone all the time. Well, you know, and I'm curious 'cause, you know, having sex with a lot of people, uh, is only part of what makes up slutty behavior. Okay, real quick before we get back into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com Oh, yes. Okay, so if you don't know SDC, it's basically the largest online community for open-minded adults Which if you're listening to this show right now, I feel like you probably already know if that's your scene Yeah.

23:18 It's your people all in one place. Just make a profile and go explore No weirdness, no judgment, just a ton of like-minded humans living their lives, just like us Honestly, it's kinda fun just to poke around Yeah, it really is. Go sign up at sdc.com. Use code 38236. Link's in the show notes Okay, now back to what we were saying Yes What do you think else is considered- You know, honestly- slutty behavior? I think it's just that. Really? Just the- I'd throw in more. I mean… So, like, uh, I, I'll give you an example. Um, we go to the club. Uh-huh. We go to the adult club. And, uh, you know, we have friends that we eventually will take to the back and have fun with.

24:02 Yes. Um, and- Y- you, you aren't that touchy-feely with them unless we go to the back. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well- Well, I mean, you're getting better at it … I, so I'm not touch… I'm like, I'll touch them like I could touch you on the show. Like a buddy. But yeah, I don't touch them like I touch you at the club. Right, right, right. You know, a- and you know that you can. I don't know if that's okay. Like, well, you gotta ask. That's what asking is for. Yeah. That's what consent is for. You see, I just don't, I don't know, because you know, I, that's the- You don't really touch people. You don't, like, flirt that much. Like, you'll say- Yeah something every now and then, but it really takes a lot for you to- It does, yeah … and that's because you used to be a stripper.

24:47 You used to give guys lap dances and shit. So guys, I use- That's touchy-feely … I mean, if you're gonna, if you're think- if you're calling s- that part, that part sluttiness, being very touchy-feely- Mm. I think it's a part of the behavior- Of the behavior … that exudes sluttiness. Okay, that makes it, yeah. And I feel like it, it kind of pushes that air into it. Yeah. Like, hey, you know, this is, I'm showing interest in you. Would you call that more teasing? It's only teasing if you don't give it up. Is teasing part of slutty behavior? I think I think it can be. I think it can be. But you know, I'm sure there's people out there that, that will disagree with me, and I, and I'm not, I'm, I'm not trying to make a debate out of it. But this is what I've always seen as- Hmm … kind of the- Yeah … the precursor of slutty behavior, you know?

25:29 Yeah. I- if, if I see a woman who's, uh, going out and about at a club, and she's, like, grinding up against different people, and she's making out with several different people, that's slutty behavior. That's slutty behavior. Adam likes it raw, hard. And there's no sex involved. Oh, dude, 100%. I tell you, and I bring this up because I literally, right before you walked in today, um, there was, uh, somebody that popped up on my Instagram, and I, they, she was like, it had a caption that said, "When I decide to go out with my friends to the club," and they show her, like, making out with this guy, and then all of a sudden she's making out with this guy over here, and then she's making out with another guy outside, and it's like, I was like, "Follow." Because that's hot to me.

26:10 That's- Yeah … that's very hot behavior. Yeah. Um, you know, I- I'm in my head for- Yeah? … I'm just in my head for a lot of reasons. Really? Like, what if they don't wanna kiss me? What if- Then they'll tell you no … what if my breath smells? You chew a lot of gum. What if, I don't know. You chew gum when we're at the club. What if they suck at kissing? That, Dude, everyone sucks- Right there … at kissing. That. Actually, no. I've actually found- A few people that are not sucky at kissing Oh, there you go Yeah That's a start Girls too Um, you know, I, uh, I enjoy it when a woman comes up to me and kisses me. I like that. Uh, to an extent. If it's t- if it's all the time, come on. I mean, you gotta give me something else.

26:50 Uh, but yeah, I, I, I like- Give you a handshake That's right. Slap my palms a little bit. Um, you know, I, I think that that is a… Like, I would love to see you be that way, and there was a time when I wouldn't have. There was a time when we could have gone out and you, you know, being, like touching another man's- Yeah … arm or being, uh, flirty and showing attention to one or two other people that weren't me. The way I was before I met you? Yeah. Yeah. There was a chance I would not have handled that well at all. Really? No. But this was before I realized, you know, like I said, this was- Yeah … a lot of confusing times during those early years- Yeah … because I didn't know- Yeah … that I liked the hot wife thing so much.

27:37 I d- I didn't know that I liked the hot husband- I didn't know that either … until recently. Until recently, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that either. Yeah. I didn't think that that was a- I, that's my dominant side. Yeah? That's my, this is my property. He is my dick. Oh. This is mine right here. Oh, okay. You can borrow him. You're gonna br- he's coming back. Yeah. And There you go. Yeah. You may or may not get a text the next morning. You may, you may. Just depends. It is what it is, man. But th- that's my dominant part and- She's very dominant … I like when you- Very dominant. You know, I do like the sluttiness. It's hot. I like the sluttiness. You know, it represents sexual freedom for me, and sexual freedom is a major- That's- … turn-on. It is. It's a major turn-on. Yeah, yeah. The fact that I can do or you can do whatever we want to do- Yeah … and not have to worry about how it's going to negatively affect our marriage, our relationship- Yeah, yeah … our household- Mm-hmm … uh, is everything to me.

28:31 Yeah. And frankly, even more of a turn-on. Uh, so whenever I can have my fun and come home and not have to worry about, oh, she's, she didn't like that one, you know? Yeah. Or vice versa. If I didn't like it, he will know. I will tell him. Pre- pretty quick, yeah. I'm not holding it in anymore. No, no, it's definitely not being held in anymore. That's definitely stopped. That's ended. Uh, but you know- Like I said, it, it… But you have gotten, you've come leaps and bounds. Like, you've gone a long way from where you used to be. Well, You've come a long way. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because I used to be- I mean, you still sometimes do this whole texting thing over here. Like, like I've gotta see what you're texting. I actually don't. I think that's more of you just being, um- I never hide texting from you you don't hide, but it's funny when you do, like when you're behind me and you're texting.

29:19 I'm like, "Where are you?" No, you don't hide shit. It's just funny because you have bad, like, you have moments. If you're in front of me, I, I'm gonna text. I'm not gonna get in front of you and go, "Uh, let me text in front of your face." You're walking in front of me. Yeah. But because the past Adam- Yeah … has raised your suspicions- … when you see me on my phone walking behind you, you go- Yeah … "Oh, he's hiding his texts." No, I mean- Negative, ma'am … you, well, I mean, that's what I'm saying … I am very out in the open. Out in the open is very, is- And if I, I, if, if you're behind me, I'm gonna send that text just the same. Oh, a- being very open in the way you are and very communi- communicative? Mm-hmm. Communicative. Communicative. Communic- communicative. Yeah. That's that word. Communicative. Communicative.

30:00 Communicative. That's right. Oh. Yes, I knew that was gonna happen. It's helped me, it's helped me be very secure. Do you know, me and my coworker were just talking about that. Oh yeah? Yeah, we were talking about how, um- Love bombing. Like, I need that love bombing- Mm-hmm every single day. Like, and you do that. It works out. Yeah, you do that all the time. Yeah. And I mean, like, I call it love bombing, but in a very positive way. Mm-hmm. This is him telling me that he loves me every single day, all day long. I, you know, I have always wanted someone to reciprocate and to be the object- of my love. Yeah. So as soon as I got you and you were like, "Oh, I love this so much," and I was like, "Well, I love this so much." I love you so much.

30:43 So that helps me be secure, and that helps you live your little slutty life if you want. It definitely works for me. I have no complaints. Communication. He's put in the work. It's a lot of communication. I have put in a lot of the work and, and, you know, as we go along, we're… Uh, you know, I'm trying not to jump into things too deep too fast. You know, I want us to take things slowly just like everything else- Yeah … that we do with this, uh, because I, I love the idea of you being slutty. Uh, but also if I stop getting attention from you and that's all you do, like there's, there's been- There's a problem … you know, there's been times where we've had our, our conversations and I've been like, "Yeah, I'd really love it if you did this, and I'd love it if you just… You know, don't even worry about me.

31:27 Don't… I- if I'm, even if I'm in the room, don't even think about me. You go have your fun because- Yeah … I'm watching." Yeah. And I think that's hot. But then I also say that and immediately hear it myself and sit back and go, "What the fuck are you saying, bro?" Are you serious? Do you realize that she could just up and say, 'I love this from now on, and you just need to stay the fuck away'? Uh, you know, that's always an option. That's always something that could happen. And it, it, it- You? You? Oh, man, even as, as- You … even as recent as a couple weeks ago at the club- You … that thought rang into my head. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And I know I have nothing to worry about- No … but that's just a natural- I'm obsessed feeling.

32:09 Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's why it doesn't last very long. Yeah. That thought, it, you know, it comes into me, and I'm like, "Jesus, she can, she can end up-" I get it … uh, you know, really enjoying. Yeah. Or like I've told you, you know, yeah, you can date other women. Like- Yeah … uh, that's fine. You don't want me to date, I won't date. But you have that ability to date other women and do your thing- Yeah … and enjoy yourself. But then I say that, and then I sit back and I go, "Gosh, but what if she prefers it after a while?" And then she's like, "Mm." Like, we have a really good friend- Yeah … who we've actually had on the show, uh, who is dating a woman, and she's- Yeah married to a man. Yeah. And, uh, you know, she's very happy in her marriage, but she's also really happy in her relationship with her lady.

32:51 I know. And I think that's so awesome, but at the same time, um, two things. You have always shown me so much love and always been the number one priority in your life Yes that if I was to end up being pushed back to second place and your fawnings over daily- Yeah … just so happened to be your relationship with your lady, and I had to take a backseat, I don't know, I don't know how much I would like that. You would never have a backseat. Well, yeah, easier said than done as far as here and now. You just tell me. But what if, what if you find something like our friend has, where you're that deep- I mean- … and you love it that much?

33:33 But she loves her husband still. And you go… Oh, no, th- th- no question. Yeah. No question. And just, it works out because her husband is very busy. He works a lot. Yeah. And he's kind of one of those guys where it's like, "Hey, go do your thing. I'm chilling here at home. I don't mind being by myself." That's how you are. Ah, that's how I am because I rarely get time alone. What? I rarely get time away from you. Yes. Yeah. Except for during the workday. Yeah. But I'm talking about, like, weekend times. Yeah, I get it. You know, stuff like that. Yeah. I'm rarely away from- I, I, well, you would never be second. No, I know that. Never. I mean- But the, but what I'm saying is- But you have not- … those thoughts do- Yeah. Wow … those thoughts do come in. That's- And, and they stick around a little bit every now and then. Oh. Yeah, they come and go. Uh, but I have, you know, I have thought about that whenever I tell you, "Yeah, go, go be slutty.

34:18 Go have a good time." And, and, and in, in realistic hopes- Yeah … that you have good experiences, really find this side of you- Yeah … and enjoy yourself. Because that's what it comes down to, is, is- Wow … is not necessarily doing it for your husband- Yeah … but doing it to find your inner, "I like this." I mean, I- Because everybody has it, different versions. I like, I like being the center of attention. Really? Yes. I thought you hated attention. No. I don't like individual attention. Like, I like if it's, like, s- a few people and I'm the center of attention. Roger that. But if it's, like, one person just giving me attention, it creeps me out sometimes.

35:00 I don't know why. Like, I'm not worthy. Like, stop. I need more. You know, that's… I, I have always known you- I don't know … to hate, uh, attention on, on the norm. Individual attention. Individual attention. Yeah. Um, but I guess, like, doing a live show in a crowd- Yeah, doing a live show. Yeah … or just having a b- a bunch of guys surrounding you and everybody's into you, that you're good with. That I'm good with. Okay. Okay. That I'm good with. But individual attention, no. No. And see, that was conversations that we always had, 'cause I always wanted attention. Yeah. And you always got attention. Yeah. And you're like, "Oh, I hate getting all of this attention." And I'm like, "Uh, you could sweep some this way." Oh, wait. I was saying that for a reason. You made me miss what I was gonna say.

35:40 I made you. I'm going out and to try to see if I like this slutty behavior, and I'm, um… It's kinda weird still for me. I tell you what, though, uh, wannabe slut, let me tell you something. What? I think I unlocked a new fantasy for you last night. You think so? I think so because I have not seen you respond in the way that you responded- … until I started talking about how you were gonna go out with this guy. Uh-huh. And if you really liked it, after you had your date, if you wanted to invite him out to our local, uh, spots- Yeah uh, both he and I can accompany you for the night and be your dates.

36:27 And out in the open, in front of everybody, you can very much make out with me, and you- Yeah … can make out with him and do your thing. And that hit- Ooh … a spot. It, I- center of attention. Is that what it is? Look at that. Hmm. Evolutionary. I love to, uh, f- yes. Oh, man. Forget it. That's why when you- Niagara Falls- That's why- … Frankie Angel. So I like center of at- like that. Um, that's why I was like, "Fuck yeah, I'll date, I'll date a, a couple." Yeah. Hell yeah. ' Cause you like to be the center of attention. I can have a woman and a man be a lo- yes, I will so date a couple. Yeah? I have to like both of y'all, though. That's a, you know, I think that's easier said than done because you're, y- if you're talking about dating, I mean, that's- Yeah that's a lot.

37:11 That, that's a lot of connection that you have to make equally with both- Yeah … and that's just a, I don't know, that's, that's a tough sell for me. Uh, but I think that I have looked at slutty behavior, uh, as, like, an open playing field. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's, it's like, it's like us showing up and saying before we even get started, "Okay, uh, we're both gonna, you know, have this opportunity." Do our thing. "Go do your thing." Yeah. "Don't forget to check in with each other." Yeah. " If you don't wanna do anything, I'm right here. You can be here, but let's go have fun." Yeah. Uh, and then I'll see you at the end of the night. Yeah. You know, that sort of thing. I think that is a major, major turn-on. It is.

37:51 Yeah. It is. Yeah. Now, you know, there is one thing I did wanna bring up, though, uh, is, is the double standard. Oh. Uh, and that's something that we touched up on at the beginning. Yeah, because- Um, there is a major double standard. Obviously the definition itself- Has women, women, women … refers to women- Yeah not men. Of course, that was the 1400s. Yeah. That was, uh, you know, I mean, throughout the years And you ask what they call men … the misogynistic times. Uh, but, uh, that is a very good question. Yeah. What do you call a man who acts the same way? Just a man, baby. Um, you know, I- In these times, it literally is just a man. It is so okay for you guys to go sleep around, and it is so okay, not frowned upon, especially with our age.

38:36 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Our age group- Yeah … it's not frowned upon. You can do whatever you want. That's crazy. But I- I mean- … you know, I hate to say it, it's kinda true … but- Like, I can, if I were to uh, cheat on you. Yeah. Like, i- if we were monogamous- Yeah … and I were to cheat on you- Yeah … I could easily find a group of friends who would help me- Oh, yeah … keep that on the low. Yeah. You know? Because guys will have each other's back on that most of the time. For sure. Um, and sometimes women- Oh, women will have your back women will have your back. Yeah. You know, it's kinda yeesh. Then I have to go, "Everybody." Oh my gosh. Hey, easy there, pal. This is a public venue.

39:17 That was me cutting their wires to their phone. Oh, okay. You can't charge these. Gotcha. Thank you for specifying. Um, yeah, so it, it's interesting the double standard because, uh, you know, growing up, uh, I, I knew that women were referred to as slutty. Yeah. Me personally, I was a fan of the ones that were referred to as slutty in high school. Uh, those are normally the ones that I had crushes on, I'm not gonna lie. Um, but, uh, those were also the ones that I was not in their realm. Yeah. Um, and I always secretly sought after. The guys that would refer to these women as sluts or these girls as sluts, uh, normally claimed to have gotten it, and I never quite understood that.

40:04 It's like you're gonna be derogatory about them, slut-shaming them, but you're claiming to have slept with them, and all your friends are high-fiving you. Yeah. Like, it was very, uh, after- I didn't get that … school teen special, you know? Yeah, I didn't get that. I was like, "Why?" But it… That's what I'm saying, it was only the guys who didn't get it- Yeah are the ones who would call them sluts. That's interesting. Like, I would be called a slut- But I didn't get it … because I didn't wanna give it up. And so not- I didn't get it … giving it up was me being a tease, not giving it up. That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Well, see, I, I didn't get it, but I also didn't pressure people to get it, uh, because- Yeah I was raised a little gentleman.

40:45 Uh, so I was… I just didn't… I wanted somebody to give it to me because they wanted to give it to me. You wanted them to give you their flower. That's right. A plethora of flowers. Um, I, I, I wanted, I wanted it to be- Yeah. Give in … I wanted somebody to want me and say- Yeah "I wanna give this to you," and I would've been like, "Fuck yes." Uh, but I didn't wanna go, "Hey, you know, m- let me take it out. You wanna touch it? Touch it. Come on, just touch it." Like, I shouldn't have to convince somebody to touch my penis. Oh my God. Um- I've had a lot of convincing. I know. I've heard your stories. And then I didn't give it up and he called me a slut.

41:25 That's incredible. That's, and- Yeah … I mean, quite the opposite. I was never, like, butthurt about it though. I was never butthurt about being called names. Yeah? Yeah. I was just like, "Huh. Okay." So let me ask you, w- when it comes to slutty behavior, yes, uh, you know, I would- Yeah love for you to be more slutty, et cetera, et cetera. But from a woman's mind who is in the lifestyle, especially somebody who's been in 15 years- Uh-huh … when you see another woman in the lifestyle who you don't know- Uh-huh … but you do see very obviously exuding major slutty behavior with several people, say in the club- Yeah or wherever, is there any tinge of judgment, uh, that makes you go, "Ooh. Hmm. Stay away from my husband," or anything like that?

42:13 No. No? Um, no. Now, I know you are a big believer in, uh, if I see that person kissing someone I don't approve of, you cannot kiss my husband. Yes. That's more of a personal thing. Um, no, I don't care how many, how many partners they have. Um- You wrap it. Yeah. That's true. And you know what? And, and you, we test. Yeah. And so no, I, um, no, I don't care what they do. That's… I think that's the fun part of the lifestyle is that you can be that expressive and not have any judging, no anybody judging you. And no, I don't- In theory. I mean, there's still- In theory slut-shaming, man. I mean- There is slut-shaming. Let me tell you, I have talked to couples- Oh my gosh … in our community who very specifically have said, "Well, if I see that you have sex with too many people, I lose interest." And that I find interesting.

43:05 It's like- You're basically slut-shaming. Do you- That's cool, you can lose interest, but you don't have to say that Yeah, you don't have to say it because- Because you're slut-shaming it's the lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. That's ridiculous. But then the opposite is also true because, uh, I have seen people get shamed for not sleeping with anybody. So I guess no matter what community you go to- It doesn't matter … you're gonna get shamed one way or another. Yeah. So you might as well do what makes you feel happy. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I don't ever, um, I don't ever shame. Like it, it's… I was just- Can you show me your ways? I was just curious what your thoughts would be. Yeah. I mean, younger- Like if something came up like that and- Younger Priscilla? Yeah. Oh, most definitely. Yeah? Yeah. Mm. Younger, younger, hurt and, you know, un- uneducated, very insecure Priscilla, for sure.

43:47 Very jealous that I couldn't be that person. So yeah. Now do you, would you have realized that back then- No … when you were passing judgment? No. That, that it was because of a jealousy thing? No. No? Uh-uh. No. That's interesting. Well, you know what? I think this was a great conversation. This is gonna wrap us up for today, but before we let you go, I just wanna let you know we've got our live show running every Thursday night at 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM Central Time. Yes. Right on our website. So pull up a chair, chat with us and other listeners in real time. You can interact with us. It's a lot of fun. Yes. It is a lot of fun. It is a lot of fun. It is. And speaking of the website, beyond-monogamy.com is where you'll find everything, full episodes, the blog, our merch, and 100% anonymous confessional.

44:36 I like that confessional. Yeah. I do too. If, if you got something on your mind about the lifestyle, ENM, Kink, the show, whatever it is, you can drop it there completely anonymously, and we might read it on the air. We just might. You can also catch us streaming on fullswapradio.com, Thursdays at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central. And mark your calendars, guys. We will be at Crazy Winter Nights in Kansas City on February 19th through the 21st, 2027. So that's next year. Use code Beyomono for your discount. That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O. And shout out to Pro DX Health for keeping us going.

45:17 Like we said, we do test, and they got the hookup. Yes. And they can hook you up, too. Code Beyomono. Once again, B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O gets you 15% off. If you wanna check them out, you know where to go. Check the show notes. Yes. And with that, we thank you all for joining us for another episode, and we will see you guys next week. Bye.