In-the-Moment Jealousy in ENM: A Listener's Voicemail Confession

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated PG.

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches.

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris, and on today's quickie,
we're talking about something that

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hits close to home for a lot of you.

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That in the moment jealousy,
ugh, that little flicker that

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shows up when everything else
in the relationship feels solid.

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I don't know what you're talking about.

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Yeah.

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What?

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Yeah.

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And we're not talking about
this one in the abstract today.

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We actually got a voicemail from
one of you, a listener who's newer

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to the podcast, and honestly,
it's one of the most real, most

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relatable messages that we've gotten.

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They wanted to stay anonymous
since their spouse listens too,

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so we're respecting that 100%.

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All right.

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I didn't wanna put the
actual, voicemail on.

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Okay.

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So I figured I'd just read it.

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All right.

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But the question that they're
asking, we guarantee you half

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have lived this exact moment.

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Yeah.

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But before we get into this, if you got
a question, a confession, a does anyone

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else do this moment, we wanna hear it.

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Hit the voicemail link in our show notes,
or on beyond-monogamy.com, and you might

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end up right here on a future quickie.

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That's right.

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So I'm gonna go ahead and read this
voicemail instead of playing it.

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Like I said, their, the listener's
spouse listens, to the show.

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Okay.

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And so I'm not trying to
out anybody on our show.

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So here we go The listener says,
" Hey guys, love y'all's podcast.

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I'm pretty new to it myself.

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I wanna leave my name out of
this as it becomes an episode.

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My spouse also listens
to your podcast as well.

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But with that being said, how do y'all
navigate in-the-moment jealousy or

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things that you are not okay with?

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I've come to find myself that me and
my spouse can be having a good time

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at a pool party or just things of that
nature, and she'll try to do something

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that I say I'm okay with, and then I get
this interaction where I, like, hold her

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hand or whisper in her ear that I'm not
okay with that or please don't do that."

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Hmm.

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"It mostly happens in public settings like
meet and greets or certain events, not

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so necessarily at the club, as I tend to
have more okayness with being at the club.

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I just wanna be more understanding
and cooperative with her needs and

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her wants as well as my own, because
she does attend to me very well.

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I guess I'm just mostly looking
for advice on that and how to just

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deal with in-the-moment jealousy or
sporadic moments of intense feeling.

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Thank you, and I appreciate you both,
and y'all have a wonderful day."

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Okay.

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Yeah, there's so much to dig into here.

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Um- Let's, uh, let's see.

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What do you think?

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Um, in-the-moment jealousy, I
think it's pretty natural If

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jealousy comes pretty often to you

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Well, actually, so I'm
not a jealous person.

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Yeah.

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But I've had this before.

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I've experienced it before.

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You've experienced with me?

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With you.

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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I've experienced it with you probably
a couple, a handful of times.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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And you've never said anything?

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No, because for me, it was something
that I felt, and, and you've said

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this before, it was something that
I needed to Process … on my own.

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Yeah.

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And I knew that bothering you with it,
uh, you know, it just didn't- It would

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make me stop

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yeah.

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Because no matter what-

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It, it would, it would
make you completely go

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internal … like, it would
make me completely… Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Um, in the moment, I don't
know if it would do that.

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I mean, it would.

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It would shut me down because I
do not like to hurt your feelings.

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Well-

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And that's how you are with me

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yeah, yeah.

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So I don't wanna hurt
your feelings at all.

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Yeah.

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And, and one of the reasons why
we're in the lifestyle is because

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I really love the freedom of it.

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Right.

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I love the sexual freedom of it.

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Yeah.

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I like the fact that we can do what
we want- Yeah … as we want and

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still have our relationship intact.

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Like, that's very important to me.

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And, and

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he's saying that.

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I still have very… I get jealous at-

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The drop of a hat … I t-

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I get jealous, but I also get annoyed.

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Yeah,

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you do.

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Like, it's, it's a lot of annoyance
on my end, and it's just things that

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don't need to happen that happen.

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Um- But there's a lot of variables here.

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How long have y'all been in the lifestyle?

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Um, are these things happening
when she's intoxicated?

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Um, even though you said it's in a
normal setting, is it things that's

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gonna bring attention to you all, and
that's what's getting you jealous?

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Like, or maybe not jealous,
but making you concerned.

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Is it something that's bringing attention,
maybe you're at a vanilla bar at a meet

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and greet, and she pops out her tits
or something, and, you know, maybe a,

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a woman starts s- rubbing them or a guy
starts rubbing them with her permission.

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Is that what's getting you jealous?

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Like, w- you know, it really
depends on the scenario.

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Yeah.

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You know, it does.

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It, it, it depends on, uh, what it is
exactly that's getting you jealous.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, because- Does it

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matter where?

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Well, uh, you know, it,
it's not even so much that.

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It's, it's what is it
that's getting you jealous?

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Mm-hmm.

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And you wanna go all the way
down to the nitty-gritty of it

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yeah.

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So is she doing something?

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What is she doing exactly?

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Like, it really depends, is she
making out with somebody and

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it's causing for people to look?

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But I don't know if that would cause so
much jealousy as being very flirtatious.

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Like, if you were very flirtatious and I
wasn't being very flirtatious and maybe

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something happened, like, maybe not so
much cross a boundary, but just, you

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know, you pinned somebody up against
the bar and just started making out-

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Mm-hmm

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in front of me or whatever, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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And I'm just kinda standing there.

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I guess that used to make
me really, really jealous,

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and maybe that's what it is.

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But we don't really… If you
discuss things ahead of time, that's

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where it kinda gets weary, right?

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Because if someone is intoxicated,
if someone is having a lot of fun

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and they're around a lot of lifestyle
people who- Are very touchy-feely

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Yeah

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Like, that might make someone jealous.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I mean, it, it's really hard to
say, uh, just because we don't

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know what the situations were.

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Yeah.

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Um, it depends on, on what
you feel is a major situation.

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Um, the few times that I've dealt
with in the moment jealousy with you,

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uh, have been for me personally, have
been where I actually see you, like

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being heavily flirted with somebody.

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Uh-huh.

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Um-

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Which is rare, guys.

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Uh, you know, it really,
it doesn't bother me.

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Uh-huh.

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But the initial moment of it just ki- I
have a moment, a quick moment of jealousy.

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Uh, and then of course I know
that I like that, so then I'm

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like, "Eh, whatever." Yeah.

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And I let you do your thing.

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Yeah.

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Um, but there's been different times,
uh, sometimes when we, when we play with

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others, um, and, like, if they're all
on you and I'm just kinda sitting back

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and I'm not doing anything, then Yeah

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I'll get an in moment-
Yeah … jealousy kinda thing.

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Um, so it does come up.

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Well, this gentleman said that he reacts,
and so when he reacts, he's grabbing

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her hand and whispering in her ear.

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Um, I don't like that.

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Is it keep ha- does it keep happening?

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Like, you want your
partner to be free, right?

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In some aspect.

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Yeah.

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Whatever your rule or boundary is.

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But you don't want them to go
too far in a public setting.

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Yeah.

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So- I mean, I don't know.

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It's- … that, I mean, tho- those
are the internal check-ins, right?

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Whenever you go to meet
and greets or whatever.

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Yeah.

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I mean, as a couple,
you wanna do check-ins.

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Yeah.

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Um, we did check-ins, but we were
never really apart from each other.

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Yeah.

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Um, we were always together, and so
you knew… Well, one, you knew that I

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didn't wanna be anywhere that we were at.

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Mm-hmm.

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'
Cause of my anxiety.

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Yeah.

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I didn't wanna be anywhere.

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Uh, I was ready to go home
as soon as we got there.

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Uh, so if there were times where
I was uncomfortable with anything,

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I mean, you were right there.

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I could easily tell you.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, for me, though, I, I wasn't m- I
never felt like there was anything that

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I needed to tell you in the moment.

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Mm-hmm.

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I always felt like, eh, I can
talk about this on the ride home.

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Like, I don't need to say this now.

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And

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so, and I'm very opposite.

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Um, I used to be very opposite.

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If I got jealous, I would
tell you right then and there.

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Mm-hmm.

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And it would kind of kill the vibe.

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Um, but like Adam said, do a lot of
check-ins, and is this happening a lot?

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'Cause then there might be
some other kinda pattern and

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you're just kind of not seeing.

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Yeah.

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You know…

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I mean, jealousy's normal, dude.

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Jealousy is normal.

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Jealousy's normal.

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I mean, that's- How you navigate
it is a different story, but, um…

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You know, a lot of jealousies
come off of insecurities.

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Mm-hmm.

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00:09:36,608 --> 00:09:40,988
Um, and that's kind of what I mean
when I say get to the root of it.

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Yes.

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If you can figure out what it was
that bothered you, and if you can

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figure out why it bothered you-

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Mm-hmm

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then you can kind of root
it back to, okay, this-

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Mm-hmm

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…
this is the reason why.

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I'm insecure about this, or, this is
something that happened before that I

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didn't like and I'm afraid it's gonna
happen again, so it's like a past trauma.

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Um, you know, whatever it is that- seems
to be the issue that really bothers you.

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00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:10,154
Um, once you have it pinpointed,
then it's a matter of talking

246
00:10:10,154 --> 00:10:12,224
to your partner about it-

247
00:10:12,324 --> 00:10:12,744
Mm-hmm

248
00:10:12,754 --> 00:10:17,444
…
so that they can know and understand,
and it just makes it that much easier.

249
00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:18,584
Um-

250
00:10:18,614 --> 00:10:19,044
Yeah.

251
00:10:19,044 --> 00:10:22,014
Over-communication is definitely
the key on this one, though.

252
00:10:22,024 --> 00:10:22,464
Yeah.

253
00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:26,594
I mean, you can even step away from
the, uh, from the moment and, and

254
00:10:26,704 --> 00:10:28,644
reconnect real quick and just be like…

255
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:32,774
You know, walk to the bathroom together
or walk to the car to pick up, get

256
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:35,484
something real quick and just be, just
say like, "We just need a, a moment

257
00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:39,804
because you're doing A, B, and C,
and we've already talked about it,"

258
00:10:40,314 --> 00:10:41,924
or, "You're not reading my signals.

259
00:10:41,944 --> 00:10:44,524
I'm not really comfortable
with whatever you're doing."

260
00:10:44,674 --> 00:10:44,974
Yeah.

261
00:10:45,014 --> 00:10:49,024
And it's bringing out this,
um… it really is an insecurity.

262
00:10:49,034 --> 00:10:54,134
And, uh, like I said, I'm a very
jealous person, and I know that

263
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:57,644
70% is, are, is my insecurity.

264
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:04,154
Um, and so you, in the lifestyle,
you really have to, like,

265
00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:06,664
over-communicate and do those check-ins.

266
00:11:06,664 --> 00:11:12,074
Like, normalize that little
bit of quiet time really quick.

267
00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:17,894
Um, if you can hold it in… I mean,
obviously you can't, because you're

268
00:11:18,334 --> 00:11:21,894
discussing it in the moment, um,
with the little whisper in her ear

269
00:11:21,894 --> 00:11:23,874
and, you know, the hand squeezing.

270
00:11:24,514 --> 00:11:27,994
So, if something is triggering
you, get to the bottom of that.

271
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:29,174
Yeah, you know.

272
00:11:29,174 --> 00:11:31,104
And, and talk to your partner and-

273
00:11:31,444 --> 00:11:31,814
Yeah

274
00:11:31,814 --> 00:11:32,854
…
and let them know, "Look, I…"

275
00:11:32,974 --> 00:11:35,414
You know, instead of whispering
in her ear, you know, have a

276
00:11:35,414 --> 00:11:36,894
little code, have a little signal.

277
00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:37,244
Yeah.

278
00:11:37,284 --> 00:11:40,474
Uh, maybe if you guys are holding hands,
you know, you give a little hand squeeze

279
00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:41,944
or, or something like that, you know?

280
00:11:42,254 --> 00:11:46,404
Something that's not gonna disrupt,
but something that your partner

281
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:48,234
will know, "Okay, there's an issue.

282
00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:49,154
We need to regroup."

283
00:11:49,204 --> 00:11:49,694
Yeah.

284
00:11:49,694 --> 00:11:50,024
You know what I'm saying?

285
00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:50,354
Yeah.

286
00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:54,194
Um, so that's something that, you
know, is a big part of the conversation

287
00:11:54,194 --> 00:11:54,964
between you and your partner.

288
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:55,004
Mm-hmm.

289
00:11:55,004 --> 00:11:56,564
You gotta listen to that.

290
00:11:56,564 --> 00:11:56,934
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

291
00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:58,544
And, and make it work, you know?

292
00:11:58,554 --> 00:11:59,404
Mm-hmm, yeah.

293
00:11:59,864 --> 00:12:04,264
And that communication before
y'all head out, have another talk.

294
00:12:04,344 --> 00:12:07,314
Like, have a talk on the
way to the lifestyle event.

295
00:12:07,914 --> 00:12:08,084
Yeah.

296
00:12:08,414 --> 00:12:08,444
Like,

297
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:13,354
discuss, "Hey, last time we were there,
you saw blah, blah, blah, and this

298
00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:17,314
happened. Um, but remember we discussed
that?" And I know you don't wanna

299
00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:19,894
hold back your partner, I get that.

300
00:12:19,944 --> 00:12:23,754
I totally 110% understand that.

301
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:28,404
But if you have a feeling and you
have something that is bothering

302
00:12:28,404 --> 00:12:30,554
you, that's your partner.

303
00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:36,294
Your partner should be able to understand
that and help you navigate through it.

304
00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:37,664
You're not alone in this.

305
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,624
Like, it should be a team effort.

306
00:12:40,914 --> 00:12:41,284
Yeah.

307
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:45,554
Realistically, uh, you know, when
we first got into this, I didn't

308
00:12:45,554 --> 00:12:49,109
feel like we were, uh, a, a… it
was a team effort in the beginning.

309
00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:49,207
No.

310
00:12:49,207 --> 00:12:49,404
Mm-mm.

311
00:12:49,404 --> 00:12:52,734
Because, um, you know, you
were kinda checked out, and you

312
00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:54,584
just basically said- Whatever

313
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,154
"Find us, find us whoever,
whatever," you know?

314
00:12:56,154 --> 00:12:56,444
Yeah.

315
00:12:56,704 --> 00:12:59,654
And so I figured we'd do this
individually as well as a couple.

316
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,144
Now, we do this as a team.

317
00:13:01,494 --> 00:13:01,674
Yeah.

318
00:13:01,684 --> 00:13:07,194
We do play separately, uh, at
times, but we're in this together,

319
00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:11,214
and if there's something that
she doesn't like and she- Yeah

320
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:16,904
you know, she… Usually, it's not a
big a deal enough to say in the moment.

321
00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:21,144
She'll normally process it,
wait, and tell me afterwards.

322
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:24,454
But if it's something major, oh, you best
believe she'll tell me in the moment.

323
00:13:24,464 --> 00:13:24,884
Yeah.

324
00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:25,044
Yeah.

325
00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:28,644
Uh, it… If it's something that's really,
really big to her, yeah, she'll come up

326
00:13:28,644 --> 00:13:30,004
to me and she'll be like, "Hey, excuse me.

327
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:35,824
Uh, I need to talk to you right quick."
Um, and so, you know, it really comes

328
00:13:35,824 --> 00:13:39,674
down to personality, what kind of
personality you have, what kind of,

329
00:13:40,074 --> 00:13:42,374
uh… Which way would you go on that?

330
00:13:42,374 --> 00:13:44,994
Because Pris and I, we handle-
Mm-hmm … things very differently.

331
00:13:44,994 --> 00:13:45,144
Mm-hmm.

332
00:13:45,654 --> 00:13:50,704
Uh, so in that situation, if I
saw something that I didn't like,

333
00:13:50,954 --> 00:13:53,504
I would hold onto it and I'd
wait till afterwards to tell her.

334
00:13:53,514 --> 00:13:53,664
Mm-hmm.

335
00:13:53,994 --> 00:13:58,084
Um, but if she, felt like it was
a big enough deal, she would come

336
00:13:58,084 --> 00:13:58,934
up to me and she would tell me.

337
00:13:58,934 --> 00:14:00,634
And everything's a
freaking big deal for me.

338
00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:02,174
And I don't have a problem with that.

339
00:14:02,184 --> 00:14:03,194
Like, I know my wife.

340
00:14:03,214 --> 00:14:03,654
Yeah.

341
00:14:03,654 --> 00:14:08,144
And I know what she's going
to, uh, think and feel usually

342
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,154
before she's thought and felt it.

343
00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:11,834
Uh, so yeah.

344
00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:16,504
I mean, really that's what it comes down
to is, is you, you know your partner.

345
00:14:16,654 --> 00:14:16,924
Yeah.

346
00:14:16,944 --> 00:14:23,074
Um, you should be able to clock 'em
relatively well, uh, um, and they

347
00:14:23,074 --> 00:14:25,754
should know you, and they should be
able to clock you relatively well.

348
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:31,484
They said something about,
like, being fair, um, that she

349
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:33,644
attends to him well, and she…

350
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:34,854
and he doesn't wanna, like-

351
00:14:34,914 --> 00:14:35,314
Yeah

352
00:14:35,664 --> 00:14:37,784
…
and he doesn't want to… Let's see.

353
00:14:37,784 --> 00:14:38,664
What did he say?

354
00:14:39,164 --> 00:14:43,004
I just wanna be more Understanding
… and cooperative with her needs and

355
00:14:43,014 --> 00:14:46,394
her wants as well as my own, because
she does attend to me very well.

356
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,814
So don't feel guilty.

357
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:51,914
Do not feel guilty about pulling back.

358
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:56,284
Like, if you are uncomfortable with
the situation and you're uncomfortable

359
00:14:56,284 --> 00:15:00,844
with certain things, don't be scared
to pull back and just talk to your

360
00:15:00,844 --> 00:15:04,244
partner and be like, "Look, we,
you know, we're discussing this.

361
00:15:04,254 --> 00:15:05,254
It's still happening.

362
00:15:05,254 --> 00:15:10,094
We need to, like, we need to have
a moment to us and re- recenter

363
00:15:10,094 --> 00:15:14,824
ourselves," because something is not
co- you know, something's not working.

364
00:15:14,824 --> 00:15:18,914
But don't ever feel guilty just
because you sh- you know, she gives you

365
00:15:18,924 --> 00:15:20,954
everything and… I get that, though.

366
00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:24,544
I do get that because I didn't
wanna p- hold you back, and

367
00:15:24,544 --> 00:15:25,604
you don't wanna hold me back.

368
00:15:25,604 --> 00:15:25,634
No.

369
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:30,014
Like, it's very, you know…
But that took a lot of talking.

370
00:15:30,604 --> 00:15:34,244
Like, we're here because of a lot of
discussions, a lot of conversations

371
00:15:34,244 --> 00:15:36,674
we had, a lot of jealousy moments.

372
00:15:37,134 --> 00:15:42,874
Um, so I would, I wouldn't feel so
guilty- You know- … about pulling back.

373
00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:42,974
I mean-

374
00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:45,944
Yeah, and also understand that- … it's
your partner … your feelings are valid-

375
00:15:45,964 --> 00:15:46,494
Very

376
00:15:46,494 --> 00:15:48,614
just as much as your-
Yes … partner's feelings.

377
00:15:48,644 --> 00:15:53,334
So while we wanna take that role of, "Oh,
you know, I, I don't wanna hold them back.

378
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:57,554
I want them to have a good time. I don't
wanna stop them," uh, know that you two

379
00:15:57,554 --> 00:16:01,094
are in this together, and h- her feelings
are valid, your feelings are valid-

380
00:16:01,104 --> 00:16:03,384
Mm-hmm … just as much and just the same.

381
00:16:03,664 --> 00:16:03,684
Yeah.

382
00:16:03,704 --> 00:16:05,204
And so you gotta sit down.

383
00:16:05,204 --> 00:16:06,984
You gotta work out your feelings.

384
00:16:07,324 --> 00:16:10,004
Uh, if you don't wanna hold them
back, that's fine, but at least you,

385
00:16:10,314 --> 00:16:13,024
you voiced what it is that you feel.

386
00:16:13,074 --> 00:16:13,344
Yeah.

387
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:15,434
And I think that's pretty,
uh, pretty important.

388
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,174
'
Cause you gotta be on
the same page going in.

389
00:16:17,234 --> 00:16:17,354
And-

390
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:17,774
Oh, yeah

391
00:16:17,814 --> 00:16:20,594
…
you know, the lifestyle's fun.

392
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,074
It brings out a different person.

393
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:28,524
Um, you know, they're being able
to be free and do, you know, just

394
00:16:28,524 --> 00:16:31,894
be themselves, and it's hard.

395
00:16:31,894 --> 00:16:35,014
It's hard sometimes to cope with
if you're not ready for that.

396
00:16:35,487 --> 00:16:36,317
Okay, hold on.

397
00:16:36,317 --> 00:16:39,797
Before we get back into it,
we have to talk about Snoozy.

398
00:16:40,317 --> 00:16:42,417
The love is all you need gummies.

399
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:43,257
Yes.

400
00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:49,377
So these are THC and CBD intimacy
gummies, and they're not just hype.

401
00:16:49,867 --> 00:16:53,437
They've got maca root and
horny goat weed in them.

402
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:53,967
Yeah.

403
00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:56,967
Actual natural aphrodisiacs.

404
00:16:57,087 --> 00:16:57,457
Yeah.

405
00:16:57,997 --> 00:17:02,967
Combined with Delta 9 THC and CBD
to help you relax and get in the

406
00:17:02,977 --> 00:17:04,977
brown chicken, brown cow mood.

407
00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:08,417
They're peach-flavored, vegan lab tested.

408
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,107
Basically, they did everything right.

409
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:11,617
Yeah.

410
00:17:11,977 --> 00:17:17,867
You just take one about 30 to 45 minutes
before and just let it do its thing.

411
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:19,897
We'll leave the rest to your imagination.

412
00:17:20,087 --> 00:17:23,637
Given our listeners, you probably
don't need much imagination.

413
00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:24,257
Fair point.

414
00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:25,657
Check out Snoozy.

415
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,107
The link is in the show notes.

416
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:28,477
You're welcome.

417
00:17:28,717 --> 00:17:30,327
Okay, back to the show

418
00:17:30,757 --> 00:17:31,127
Yeah.

419
00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:37,347
You know, it… I kind of related
to something, you know, because-

420
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:44,017
They said, you know, that she'll do
something that he says he's okay with.

421
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:44,617
Yeah.

422
00:17:44,617 --> 00:17:45,387
And then-

423
00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:46,397
It sparks up

424
00:17:46,397 --> 00:17:47,627
jealousy … eventually, yeah.

425
00:17:47,637 --> 00:17:48,267
You know, it's a-

426
00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:48,957
Yeah

427
00:17:48,957 --> 00:17:49,357
…
so-

428
00:17:49,937 --> 00:17:51,247
Because you don't know until you know

429
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:54,117
…
I've had that with you in, you
know, you'll tell me, yeah,

430
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:55,287
that you're okay with something.

431
00:17:55,827 --> 00:17:58,777
Uh, a- and if I've never done it
before, you're like, "Yeah, no, I'm

432
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:03,217
good. I'm o- Yeah … it's okay." And
then I'll do it, and you won't be okay.

433
00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:03,607
Yeah.

434
00:18:03,727 --> 00:18:04,617
Um, but-

435
00:18:04,777 --> 00:18:05,737
That's happened many times

436
00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:06,837
…
that's happened many times.

437
00:18:06,837 --> 00:18:06,997
Yeah.

438
00:18:07,017 --> 00:18:11,697
But understand that we would follow that
up with an uncomfortable conversation-

439
00:18:11,697 --> 00:18:11,947
Yeah

440
00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:13,797
…
usually where we hash it out.

441
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:17,657
Um, and we get to the bottom
of, of it all, you know?

442
00:18:17,657 --> 00:18:20,367
And, and I think that's really
what you guys are gonna have to do.

443
00:18:20,377 --> 00:18:23,187
You're gonna have to hash
out every single letter-

444
00:18:23,577 --> 00:18:23,657
Yes … of this.

445
00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:27,177
I would not go to another event
until you have this conversation.

446
00:18:27,297 --> 00:18:27,877
Oh, man.

447
00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:28,167
Yeah.

448
00:18:28,187 --> 00:18:28,367
That's, that's-

449
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:30,417
Like, you need to have this conversation.

450
00:18:30,427 --> 00:18:32,087
I know that sounds a little
extreme- Um- … but yeah.

451
00:18:32,087 --> 00:18:35,817
I mean, that's, realistically, you
wanna hash this out before you do

452
00:18:35,817 --> 00:18:37,317
anything else in the lifestyle.

453
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:37,647
And,

454
00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:38,867
and it's okay.

455
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:43,077
I mean, you know, you know your partner
better than anything, so it's okay if

456
00:18:43,127 --> 00:18:45,077
it's, uh, it's gonna feel uncomfortable.

457
00:18:45,077 --> 00:18:47,637
But if you don't discuss it to,
and get to the bottom of it,

458
00:18:47,657 --> 00:18:48,837
it's just gonna keep happening.

459
00:18:49,207 --> 00:18:49,617
Yeah.

460
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:53,707
And you know, understand, like we said,
jealousy is not the, the bad guy here.

461
00:18:53,707 --> 00:18:53,957
Mm-mm.

462
00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:58,957
Um, and don't feel like a bad person
because- Yeah … you feel jealous.

463
00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:03,547
Uh, like I said, uh, I don't feel jealous,
but my wife here, she does, often.

464
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:06,857
And that was just something that
we had to learn how to navigate.

465
00:19:06,877 --> 00:19:11,597
We had to make sure that, uh, w-
we didn't treat it like s- there

466
00:19:11,597 --> 00:19:12,827
was something wrong with her.

467
00:19:12,837 --> 00:19:12,857
Um-

468
00:19:13,207 --> 00:19:17,447
I used to think that it was… Because
it came up so much, I really thought

469
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:20,807
that there was just something, I was just
never gonna be able to not be jealous.

470
00:19:21,177 --> 00:19:24,737
And We used to get into
arguments about- Oh,

471
00:19:24,737 --> 00:19:24,977
man

472
00:19:25,417 --> 00:19:28,917
…
how, you know, maybe I was just
being a jealous wife or I was

473
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:32,737
just being controlling and, and
you know, I mean, you come- Mm

474
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,837
it comes to a head at some point
and you just gotta figure it out.

475
00:19:36,317 --> 00:19:36,787
Um.

476
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:40,337
You know, we've only broken
up once in our entire-

477
00:19:40,397 --> 00:19:40,877
Yeah

478
00:19:40,877 --> 00:19:44,307
…
time that we've been together, and the
only time that we broke up was because

479
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,397
it was our first argument about jealousy.

480
00:19:46,407 --> 00:19:46,887
Mm-hmm.

481
00:19:46,897 --> 00:19:46,917
Yeah.

482
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:51,557
And I did not want to go… I came
out of a relationship that was

483
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:55,727
riddled with jealousy and accusations,
and I didn't wanna do that again.

484
00:19:56,217 --> 00:20:01,397
And we just didn't see eye to eye, and
that was… We literally broke up for

485
00:20:01,397 --> 00:20:04,967
24 hours, the only time that we ever
broke up, and, uh, I think we were

486
00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:06,797
like in our, what, our second month-

487
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:07,397
I

488
00:20:07,397 --> 00:20:09,111
think so … together or
third month together- I don't

489
00:20:09,111 --> 00:20:09,447
remember … something like that.

490
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,857
Uh, and you know, it… We realized we
couldn't stay, uh, away from each other,

491
00:20:14,857 --> 00:20:16,987
and so it didn't last more than 24 hours.

492
00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:21,057
But that's when we started
realizing, okay, we're gonna have

493
00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:22,777
to figure out this jealousy issue.

494
00:20:22,827 --> 00:20:23,277
Uh-huh.

495
00:20:23,277 --> 00:20:26,047
And somehow we still became
lifestyle after that, 'cause

496
00:20:26,047 --> 00:20:26,927
we were not lifestyle then.

497
00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:26,957
Yeah.

498
00:20:26,987 --> 00:20:29,107
I mean, people laugh when they
have a weird face whenever I

499
00:20:29,107 --> 00:20:30,367
say I'm a very jealous person.

500
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:30,647
I am.

501
00:20:30,657 --> 00:20:30,917
Yeah.

502
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:31,957
I'm a very jealous person.

503
00:20:31,957 --> 00:20:32,227
Yeah.

504
00:20:32,647 --> 00:20:33,117
But-

505
00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:35,147
And it doesn't bother me anymore

506
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:36,687
…
I can control it.

507
00:20:37,187 --> 00:20:45,857
Now, I will say jealousy is normal,
and it's not always- Your in-

508
00:20:45,857 --> 00:20:48,017
it's not always your insecurity.

509
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,187
Not always.

510
00:20:49,427 --> 00:20:51,017
Like, it could just be anything.

511
00:20:51,137 --> 00:20:51,587
Oh, yeah.

512
00:20:51,857 --> 00:20:52,307
It could be just… You know?

513
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:52,337
Yeah.

514
00:20:52,637 --> 00:20:54,217
It's not always your insecurity.

515
00:20:54,227 --> 00:20:56,617
He could do something that just
makes me jealous, and it has

516
00:20:56,617 --> 00:20:57,917
nothing to do with my insecurity.

517
00:20:57,917 --> 00:21:00,397
It's just like, "I didn't like that."

518
00:21:00,747 --> 00:21:03,687
Yeah, like you get jealous whenever
I go hang out with the kids

519
00:21:03,687 --> 00:21:04,437
or something, and you're like-

520
00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:05,887
I'm like, "Hello, what about me?"

521
00:21:06,187 --> 00:21:09,007
Yeah, so there's, there's
different, uh, reasons- Yeah

522
00:21:09,047 --> 00:21:10,037
for spurning jealousy.

523
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:13,037
And I'm pretty sure your partner
is not doing it maliciously.

524
00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:13,897
Let's hope not.

525
00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:17,737
Yeah, I mean, there's-
I, I wouldn't think so.

526
00:21:18,117 --> 00:21:21,187
Um, but you know, like I said, we
don't really know the situation.

527
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:21,217
Yeah.

528
00:21:21,217 --> 00:21:24,517
Now, as far as, you said
something, uh, a little while ago.

529
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,867
You said that you control your jealousy.

530
00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:29,367
You don't control your jealousy.

531
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:31,277
You control your reactions.

532
00:21:31,607 --> 00:21:32,527
I control my reactions.

533
00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:32,857
Yeah.

534
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:33,077
There

535
00:21:33,077 --> 00:21:33,544
you go.

536
00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:34,317
Your jealousy's still the same.

537
00:21:34,317 --> 00:21:34,337
Yeah.

538
00:21:34,337 --> 00:21:34,457
My

539
00:21:34,457 --> 00:21:34,727
jealousy's

540
00:21:35,147 --> 00:21:35,377
still there.

541
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:36,057
Your jealousy's still very, very present.

542
00:21:36,057 --> 00:21:36,237
I

543
00:21:36,267 --> 00:21:37,187
just, um-

544
00:21:37,237 --> 00:21:39,227
Uh, but it was your reactions that we had.

545
00:21:39,237 --> 00:21:39,257
Yeah.

546
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:41,397
And, and that's something
to keep in mind as well.

547
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,847
You know, it's okay to be
jealous, but it's how you react.

548
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:45,967
And, and-

549
00:21:46,327 --> 00:21:46,827
Mm-hmm

550
00:21:46,957 --> 00:21:49,417
…
that really tells everything
on how you navigate.

551
00:21:49,427 --> 00:21:49,807
Mm-hmm.

552
00:21:49,857 --> 00:21:54,547
Um, Pris and I worked through a lot
of her jealousies, and sh- they're

553
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:58,367
still very much present, just as they
were back when we first got together.

554
00:21:58,507 --> 00:21:58,827
Yeah.

555
00:21:58,937 --> 00:22:03,897
The difference is now is that she
knows she's got these jealousies,

556
00:22:03,967 --> 00:22:05,677
and she knows how to navigate them.

557
00:22:05,687 --> 00:22:10,817
We talk about it openly, and
she doesn't immediately react.

558
00:22:11,157 --> 00:22:14,077
You know, she used to
immediately react or shut down.

559
00:22:14,147 --> 00:22:14,527
Mm-hmm.

560
00:22:14,577 --> 00:22:15,957
React or shut down.

561
00:22:16,457 --> 00:22:21,537
The why is not always going to be
something your partner understands.

562
00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:28,517
So be prepared to just be, you know,
she may be like, "Okay, well, I don't…

563
00:22:28,697 --> 00:22:33,487
That, that's really silly," or, "I don't
understand that." Just gotta make sure

564
00:22:33,487 --> 00:22:37,242
that you are verbal with what you really
want and what you don't- Yeah … what

565
00:22:37,242 --> 00:22:38,617
you don't like and what you like.

566
00:22:38,627 --> 00:22:38,957
Yeah.

567
00:22:38,977 --> 00:22:42,937
Verbalize, uh, verbalize
what you want to- Mm-hmm

568
00:22:42,937 --> 00:22:46,197
uh, explain- Yes … as
far as what the issue is.

569
00:22:46,197 --> 00:22:46,577
Yeah,

570
00:22:46,577 --> 00:22:46,647
yeah.

571
00:22:46,647 --> 00:22:50,427
Um, when you realize that there's
an issue, try and figure that

572
00:22:50,427 --> 00:22:52,277
out before you even tell them.

573
00:22:52,417 --> 00:22:52,847
Mm-hmm.

574
00:22:52,907 --> 00:22:57,747
Like, if you're feeling the jealousy
in the moment, sit back and go, "Why

575
00:22:57,747 --> 00:23:00,617
am I feeling this right now?" Have that
internal conversation with yourself.

576
00:23:00,887 --> 00:23:01,067
Yeah.

577
00:23:01,067 --> 00:23:03,847
"Why, why am I feeling that right
now? And is it a big enough deal

578
00:23:03,847 --> 00:23:05,067
where I need to say this now?"

579
00:23:05,307 --> 00:23:05,457
Mm-hmm.

580
00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:09,447
Um, if it is, then
absolutely, uh, tend to it.

581
00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:15,987
Um, and then say something to the effect
of, "We'll talk about it, uh, later on-"

582
00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:17,197
Yeah … you know, "when we leave here."

583
00:23:17,327 --> 00:23:17,607
Yeah.

584
00:23:17,737 --> 00:23:22,547
Uh, and during that time, you can learn,
you can kinda figure out in your head

585
00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:26,727
what it is that's bothering you, and
you can verbalize it in your head- Yes

586
00:23:26,727 --> 00:23:29,937
so that when you guys talk about
it later, you'll have it there.

587
00:23:29,997 --> 00:23:30,297
Yeah.

588
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:32,467
Uh, I think you've gotten
in the habit of that, right?

589
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:32,507
Mm-hmm.

590
00:23:32,517 --> 00:23:35,387
Like, just figuring out how
to verbalize what you're-

591
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:35,627
Mm-hmm.

592
00:23:35,627 --> 00:23:36,987
Yeah … and you've taken some time.

593
00:23:36,997 --> 00:23:37,817
Yeah, yeah.

594
00:23:37,817 --> 00:23:42,287
Like, I'll sit there and I'll just
kinda be like, "Hmm, ChatGPT it, man."

595
00:23:42,777 --> 00:23:43,057
Yeah.

596
00:23:43,057 --> 00:23:45,307
Get on that AI, help,
have somebody help you.

597
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:45,797
Yeah.

598
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:47,517
'
Cause it's out there.

599
00:23:47,517 --> 00:23:51,237
Like, there's, you know, there's
ways for you to express yourself.

600
00:23:51,287 --> 00:23:55,117
It's hard for me to come up with words
sometimes, and so I have to make sure that

601
00:23:55,447 --> 00:23:59,697
I- I take a few days to kinda process it

602
00:23:59,937 --> 00:24:00,767
And mull it over

603
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:01,807
And get the words right.

604
00:24:02,027 --> 00:24:02,437
Yeah.

605
00:24:02,687 --> 00:24:03,687
Yeah, yeah.

606
00:24:03,707 --> 00:24:07,737
You know, the sporadic moments of
intense feelings- Mm-hmm … if

607
00:24:07,737 --> 00:24:13,607
that's something that bothers you,
the lifestyle's gonna be problematic.

608
00:24:13,717 --> 00:24:14,277
Very hard.

609
00:24:14,297 --> 00:24:17,667
Uh, because that is something
that I think comes up a lot.

610
00:24:17,717 --> 00:24:18,007
Yes.

611
00:24:18,277 --> 00:24:23,497
Um, even if you're a single
in the lifestyle or a member

612
00:24:23,497 --> 00:24:24,887
of a couple in the lifestyle.

613
00:24:25,157 --> 00:24:25,197
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

614
00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:28,237
You're gonna have sporadic
moments of intense feelings.

615
00:24:28,277 --> 00:24:28,647
Mm-hmm.

616
00:24:28,727 --> 00:24:32,887
Um, intense jealousies
will- Yeah … will pop up.

617
00:24:33,307 --> 00:24:40,627
Um, if you can't navigate them, um, and
you two cannot come to a conclusion as a

618
00:24:40,637 --> 00:24:47,847
couple and, and learn how to navigate that
together, um, it, it may be worth saying,

619
00:24:47,857 --> 00:24:50,317
"Hmm, maybe, maybe this isn't for us."

620
00:24:50,367 --> 00:24:50,707
Mm-hmm.

621
00:24:50,717 --> 00:24:52,747
Or, "Maybe this isn't for us right now."

622
00:24:53,007 --> 00:24:53,257
Yeah.

623
00:24:53,307 --> 00:24:56,847
Um, you know, there's nothing
wrong with saying, "Okay, we should

624
00:24:56,847 --> 00:25:00,467
probably take a step back and see
if we can figure this out before we

625
00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:02,807
go any further with this." Mm-hmm.

626
00:25:02,817 --> 00:25:08,167
Uh, because a lot of people seem to
think that that's like a failure or that-

627
00:25:08,747 --> 00:25:09,007
And you know- You

628
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:09,237
know?

629
00:25:09,237 --> 00:25:09,757
And it's not

630
00:25:09,787 --> 00:25:10,187
…
exactly.

631
00:25:10,227 --> 00:25:11,427
And you know what I
was thinking right now?

632
00:25:11,447 --> 00:25:16,147
I was like, your intense, your jealousy
or the sporadic moments of intense

633
00:25:16,157 --> 00:25:20,207
feelings- Are they happening, and
this is just out of curiosity, are

634
00:25:20,207 --> 00:25:21,777
they happening when you're drinking?

635
00:25:22,277 --> 00:25:26,877
Are these things happening- Yeah
… when you're having some drinks?

636
00:25:26,897 --> 00:25:28,647
Because inhibitions are lower, right?

637
00:25:29,077 --> 00:25:30,117
You're feeling better.

638
00:25:30,117 --> 00:25:31,127
You're feeling good.

639
00:25:31,707 --> 00:25:35,177
But it can also trigger the
opposite to m- some people.

640
00:25:35,337 --> 00:25:35,637
Yeah.

641
00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:36,677
It can make you upset.

642
00:25:36,727 --> 00:25:38,797
It can make you sad.

643
00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:41,597
What is it exactly?

644
00:25:41,617 --> 00:25:45,007
Because then you're gonna have to step
back and take a look at yourself and be

645
00:25:45,007 --> 00:25:47,717
like, "Okay, we're drinking too much."

646
00:25:47,767 --> 00:25:48,127
Yeah.

647
00:25:48,197 --> 00:25:48,757
Or- Alcohol's

648
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:48,817
a

649
00:25:48,817 --> 00:25:50,407
depressant … we're partying too hard.

650
00:25:50,457 --> 00:25:50,647
Yeah.

651
00:25:50,657 --> 00:25:55,417
Like, it- is- are those the
things, like… And be true, be-

652
00:25:55,477 --> 00:25:58,877
be super true with yourself and
be honest- Yeah … with yourself.

653
00:25:59,277 --> 00:26:05,697
Because I remember when I would
get really jealous, I was drinking.

654
00:26:06,347 --> 00:26:06,797
Um- Oh,

655
00:26:06,797 --> 00:26:07,137
yeah

656
00:26:07,257 --> 00:26:08,547
…
yeah, I was drinking.

657
00:26:08,847 --> 00:26:13,737
Um, and so things like
that just don't, you know?

658
00:26:14,327 --> 00:26:19,357
Because you have a harder time not
only processing it, but figuring out

659
00:26:19,357 --> 00:26:21,417
what the problem is and verbalizing it.

660
00:26:21,417 --> 00:26:21,597
Yeah.

661
00:26:21,597 --> 00:26:23,517
You can't do all of that when
you're under the influence.

662
00:26:23,517 --> 00:26:24,137
You just can't.

663
00:26:24,297 --> 00:26:24,517
No.

664
00:26:24,557 --> 00:26:30,137
Uh, because it kind of gray zones
a lot of that, that thinking and-

665
00:26:30,237 --> 00:26:30,447
Yeah

666
00:26:30,457 --> 00:26:31,767
…
like I said, it's a depressant.

667
00:26:31,947 --> 00:26:32,087
Yeah.

668
00:26:32,117 --> 00:26:35,532
Uh, so it's gonna make you see kind
of the more negative side of things.

669
00:26:35,532 --> 00:26:35,957
Mm-hmm.

670
00:26:35,957 --> 00:26:36,507
Mm-hmm.

671
00:26:36,507 --> 00:26:40,187
Uh, so that is, yeah, that's
definitely a really, really good point.

672
00:26:40,297 --> 00:26:40,677
Yeah.

673
00:26:40,837 --> 00:26:45,357
Um, so yeah, I mean, sporadic
moments of intense feelings, even

674
00:26:45,357 --> 00:26:47,687
if they're feelings of jealousy,
they're, it- it's gonna come up.

675
00:26:47,717 --> 00:26:47,967
Yes.

676
00:26:47,967 --> 00:26:54,407
And, and, uh, if you feel like it's
unbearable now, uh, you know, you may, you

677
00:26:54,407 --> 00:26:56,717
may wanna sit back and wait- Yeah, yeah

678
00:26:56,757 --> 00:26:57,967
'cause it gets more unbearable.

679
00:26:58,147 --> 00:27:00,017
And also, is it the crowds?

680
00:27:00,467 --> 00:27:01,827
The crowd that y'all are with.

681
00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:02,807
That's true, too.

682
00:27:02,827 --> 00:27:06,317
Are, is the crowd that you're with
bringing out something in her that's

683
00:27:06,887 --> 00:27:08,447
maybe y'all really need to talk about?

684
00:27:08,867 --> 00:27:16,587
You know, find, like, what it is that's
kind of causing- That crazy, "Ha, I

685
00:27:16,587 --> 00:27:18,427
can do whatever," person come out.

686
00:27:18,727 --> 00:27:23,257
Yeah, and you know, I mean, it, it's…
The way it was worded, it's really hard

687
00:27:23,257 --> 00:27:27,517
to tell if it's, like, a no-big-deal
kind of situation or if it's a,

688
00:27:27,517 --> 00:27:28,492
like, a big deal kind of situation.

689
00:27:28,492 --> 00:27:28,947
Yeah, yeah.

690
00:27:29,117 --> 00:27:32,247
What I mean by that is there,
there's a whole spectrum that

691
00:27:32,247 --> 00:27:33,417
you could be talking about.

692
00:27:33,437 --> 00:27:33,647
Mm-hmm.

693
00:27:33,657 --> 00:27:40,767
Like, did your partner just, like, rub up
or hug up on somebody at a meet and greet?

694
00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:40,787
Yeah.

695
00:27:40,807 --> 00:27:47,007
Or did she happen to maybe end up, you
know, by the bathrooms alone with this

696
00:27:47,017 --> 00:27:50,767
person- Yeah … uh, by themselves,
you know, away from everybody?

697
00:27:50,767 --> 00:27:54,847
Like, there's, there's a couple…
Like, those are two extreme scenarios.

698
00:27:55,147 --> 00:27:58,527
Uh, and one could be considered,
well, not a big deal, but I feel

699
00:27:58,527 --> 00:27:59,877
some intense feelings about it.

700
00:28:00,157 --> 00:28:04,237
Another one could be a, a big
deal- Yeah … uh, and you have

701
00:28:04,277 --> 00:28:05,497
intense feelings- Yeah … about it.

702
00:28:05,497 --> 00:28:05,547
Mm-hmm.

703
00:28:05,557 --> 00:28:06,067
You know what I mean?

704
00:28:06,257 --> 00:28:06,287
Mm-hmm.

705
00:28:06,297 --> 00:28:09,307
So it really depends on, on
where on that spectrum you sit.

706
00:28:09,417 --> 00:28:09,577
Yeah.

707
00:28:09,627 --> 00:28:13,607
Uh, now for me, uh, all of that
pretty much is not a big deal,

708
00:28:13,627 --> 00:28:17,137
but for, uh, others, it would be.

709
00:28:17,217 --> 00:28:17,237
Mm-hmm.

710
00:28:17,247 --> 00:28:17,697
You know?

711
00:28:17,727 --> 00:28:19,447
Um, so it just depends.

712
00:28:19,597 --> 00:28:20,497
You gotta figure that part out.

713
00:28:20,667 --> 00:28:20,987
Yeah.

714
00:28:21,487 --> 00:28:24,437
So if you're the person who's ever grabbed
your partner's hand across the room

715
00:28:24,437 --> 00:28:29,347
and hoped they just get it, you're not
broken, and you're definitely not alone.

716
00:28:29,787 --> 00:28:32,717
Yeah, and if you're the partner on
the receiving end of that squeeze,

717
00:28:32,887 --> 00:28:34,477
take it as a trust, not a rejection.

718
00:28:34,727 --> 00:28:37,137
That's someone telling you the
truth in real time instead of

719
00:28:37,137 --> 00:28:38,647
bottling it up for a fight later.

720
00:28:38,917 --> 00:28:39,067
Yeah.

721
00:28:39,457 --> 00:28:40,307
That's good.

722
00:28:40,307 --> 00:28:40,757
I know.

723
00:28:40,767 --> 00:28:41,847
That's some good advice there.

724
00:28:41,937 --> 00:28:42,047
Yeah.

725
00:28:42,237 --> 00:28:46,587
And to our anonymous voicemail friend,
thank you for trusting us with this.

726
00:28:46,917 --> 00:28:49,737
We hope this gave you and your spouse
something to talk about tonight.

727
00:28:50,237 --> 00:28:52,447
All right, everyone, that's
a wrap on today's episode.

728
00:28:52,447 --> 00:28:54,557
If you enjoyed this
one, do us a huge favor.

729
00:28:54,817 --> 00:28:59,047
Like it, subscribe, follow the show,
share it with a friend who needs to hear

730
00:28:59,047 --> 00:29:03,337
it, and if you got 30 seconds, leave us
a review, 'cause it generally helps us-

731
00:29:04,301 --> 00:29:06,301
Get out there- Yeah … with other people.

732
00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,071
D- do you know that we're on YouTube?

733
00:29:08,771 --> 00:29:09,941
Yes, we are on YouTube.

734
00:29:09,941 --> 00:29:09,961
We're on

735
00:29:09,961 --> 00:29:10,421
YouTube.

736
00:29:10,421 --> 00:29:10,461
Yeah.

737
00:29:10,461 --> 00:29:10,851
See this?

738
00:29:10,851 --> 00:29:11,061
Yeah.

739
00:29:11,431 --> 00:29:13,971
You can hear us on your radio,
guys, but you can also watch us.

740
00:29:14,021 --> 00:29:14,841
You can watch us.

741
00:29:14,881 --> 00:29:17,671
Uh, you know, a quick note
on that YouTube, though.

742
00:29:17,681 --> 00:29:18,031
Okay.

743
00:29:18,121 --> 00:29:24,181
Uh, because YouTube is a platform, uh,
that is considered family-friendly.

744
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:24,531
Oh.

745
00:29:24,691 --> 00:29:29,761
They have r- they removed one of our
shows recently for the sexual nature,

746
00:29:30,191 --> 00:29:36,261
and they said that if I break the rules
again, uh, that I won't be able to,

747
00:29:36,271 --> 00:29:38,741
like, upload for a week or whatever.

748
00:29:39,521 --> 00:29:43,741
So we're gonna see if I break the
rules again, and if I do, between

749
00:29:43,741 --> 00:29:48,111
now and October, uh, y- you may
notice some suspensions on YouTube.

750
00:29:48,701 --> 00:29:52,461
If you listen on YouTube
and you wanna see the video-

751
00:29:52,721 --> 00:29:53,081
Yeah

752
00:29:53,131 --> 00:29:56,351
…
you can see the video at Spotify.

753
00:29:56,971 --> 00:29:57,161
Ooh.

754
00:29:57,361 --> 00:29:57,371
Or

755
00:29:58,221 --> 00:30:01,401
you can see the video at our
Patreon, one or the other.

756
00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:02,451
Look at that.

757
00:30:02,471 --> 00:30:02,951
That's right.

758
00:30:02,951 --> 00:30:03,211
So-

759
00:30:03,301 --> 00:30:04,071
You have it all set up.

760
00:30:04,111 --> 00:30:06,121
Well, you know, I can't take any chances.

761
00:30:06,131 --> 00:30:10,081
YouTube, uh, everybody that follows
us on YouTube, um, you know, uh, I

762
00:30:10,081 --> 00:30:11,421
just wanna make sure you guys know.

763
00:30:11,431 --> 00:30:14,881
I'm trying to make sure that we
stay on the even keel, but hey, this

764
00:30:14,881 --> 00:30:18,281
show is what it is, and, you know,
social media is what it is as well.

765
00:30:18,541 --> 00:30:18,561
Yeah.

766
00:30:18,591 --> 00:30:22,661
Uh, so if you wanna find us, there
are other facets out there for sure.

767
00:30:22,881 --> 00:30:22,951
Yes.

768
00:30:23,111 --> 00:30:26,201
And make sure you head to our
website, beyond-monogamy.com.

769
00:30:26,231 --> 00:30:29,551
That's where you'll find everything,
the listener confessional we

770
00:30:29,551 --> 00:30:33,731
mentioned, our full episode
library, upcoming events, all of it.

771
00:30:34,011 --> 00:30:36,191
It's your one-stop shop for
all things Beyond Monogamy.

772
00:30:36,491 --> 00:30:40,711
Yeah, and speaking of upcoming events,
we're gonna be at Crazy Winter Nights

773
00:30:40,711 --> 00:30:48,001
in Kansas City, Missouri, February
19th and the, through the 21st, 2027.

774
00:30:48,781 --> 00:30:54,781
Head to crazycasba.com, which is in our
show notes, and grab your tickets, and use

775
00:30:54,781 --> 00:30:58,231
code beyomono at checkout for a discount.

776
00:30:58,911 --> 00:31:01,281
Ooh, and you can also
catch us live on the radio.

777
00:31:01,281 --> 00:31:06,231
We are on Full Swap Radio every Thursday
at 2:00 PM and again at 7:00 PM Central.

778
00:31:06,511 --> 00:31:08,281
Head to fullswapradio.com to tune in.

779
00:31:09,051 --> 00:31:12,381
And here's something brand
new in just a few weeks.

780
00:31:12,741 --> 00:31:15,951
That's right, we're
launching our own live show.

781
00:31:16,331 --> 00:31:16,361
What?

782
00:31:16,361 --> 00:31:23,651
Thursday evenings, 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Central Time right on our own platform

783
00:31:23,701 --> 00:31:26,421
on our website, beyond-monogamy.com.

784
00:31:26,681 --> 00:31:30,121
You'll be able to pull up a chair
and join the conversation live with

785
00:31:30,131 --> 00:31:33,501
me and Pris, plus all the other
listeners hanging out in the room.

786
00:31:34,081 --> 00:31:38,711
No pressure, no big production, just real
fun chat and interaction in real time.

787
00:31:38,851 --> 00:31:41,481
Yeah, so follow our socials
so you don't miss the launch.

788
00:31:41,741 --> 00:31:44,091
We'll be announcing that
exact start date very soon.

789
00:31:44,581 --> 00:31:47,191
And with that, we thank you
all for joining us for another

790
00:31:47,221 --> 00:31:50,751
episode of Beyond Monogamy, and
we'll see you guys next week.

791
00:31:50,851 --> 00:31:51,131
Bye.