Press the Button: Our Raw, Real Conversation About Prostate Massage

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG. We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids. So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy. Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches. Not sex couches. We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

0:47 So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris, and before we get into today's episode, if you're new here, welcome. You found the right place. We talk about the things that most people are thinking, but nobody is saying out loud. Ethical non-monogamy, the swinging lifestyle, sex, relationships, communication, and everything in between. Everything we do, full episodes, quickies, video clips, blog posts, our guest lineup, merch, and our anonymous confessional, all of it lives at www.beyond-monogamy.com. That is home base. Bookmark it. Save it. Tell a friend. And speaking of telling a friend, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your shows, do us a favor right now.

1:32 Before we even start, hit follow, leave us a five-star review, and share this episode with somebody in your life who needs to hear it. Those actions cost nothing, and they help us reach more people who are looking for exactly this kind of conversation. Now, babe, we got a confessional, and this one came in hot. Yes, and I'm excited, so let me go ahead and read this one, okay? So this confessional came into our website, and here's how it goes. " Hey, Adam and Pris. I was listening to the Cum episode, and a question you guys asked sparked my interest because I am uniquely qualified to answer. The question was about prostate massage- during a blowjob or any other type of play.

2:14 Over the past year or so, my wife has been giving me a prostate massage during blowjobs, and the sensation can only be described as earth-shaking. It feels like a full-body orgasm with the duration, the intensity, and the volume of ejaculate all increased way more than you would think. Usually afterwards, I am completely incapacitated, and the time it takes for me to reach orgasm is greatly reduced. I would liken it to the difference between women who experience a vaginal orgasm versus clitoral, but that's a guess since I don't have either of those. He says, "Hope this helps." Wow. Yeah, no, that absolutely helps, um, 100%, because today we're going to build on this, because I think there's a lot here, including some personal transparency from me that I think this is going to hit home for a lot of the men listening.

3:09 Yeah. Yeah. Now, I wanna be upfront with y'all. I have never had this done. Um- uh, so there's, there's a whole thing to it. Um, I first heard about this, uh, I think there was a, there was a movie, uh, well, there was a movie called Road Trip. Okay. You remember that movie Road Trip? Uh, it's where they have to drive all the way to Boston. To Ithaca. Yeah. Because- Or to Ithaca. Yeah. Anyways, so there was a part where they needed to get money in order to get gas to get back home or whatever. Yeah. And so they had to make some money, so they went to a, uh- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ... a sperm bank. Yeah. And- And the guy got... Yeah ... yeah, and Stifler- So it hits Stifler, the guy that plays Stifler all the time, he, he's over there and he's like, "Hey," you know- Yeah ... "I need some help," and y- 'cause the, the nurse is hot.

3:52 Yeah. And she's like, "We call this milking the-" Yeah ... "prostate." Yeah. And she puts on the, the glove, and then it goes from there. Yeah. So that's the first time I had ever heard anything- Mm-hmm about this. Um, now, I don't know if you remember me telling you, but there was a girl that I was with a very long time ago. I was in my early 20s. Um- Yes ... and she, it was our, our first time together, and she was going down on me, and the blowjob was great. Mm-hmm. Uh, but she... I- it was a sloppy blowjob. It was very wet, and then I guess somewhere in there she just shoved a finger inside of me. Now, I don't know if... I, I mean, she came from the nursing industry, so I don't know if maybe she was trying to find the prostate.

4:35 I remember feeling like there was something alien inside of me, and I couldn't... I don't know. I, I- Yeah, no, it's, um- ... I was wiggly, and I just couldn't... I, I was like, "Oh, my gosh. What's happening?" I wasn't, I wasn't mentally prepared for it, for one thing. You know, it was, it was, it was really, really difficult to, you know, she just stuck that finger up in there and she started moving it around, and I would assume that she knew what she was doing. But also, uh, nothing had been up there previous to her finger. Yeah. And I, like I said, I was not prepared, I wasn't into it, and honestly, it just created an association that I've carried around for a very long time. It's very traumatic for me. Uh, the butt became very closed off.

5:17 Yeah. I mean, everything you said I think the key word here, just, you had no warning. I didn't have no warning. You had no warning. No. I mean, that's not a prostate problem. I feel like that was consent and communication problem. Well, yeah. You know what I mean? You just kind of happened, right? So- But it's traumatic. I mean- It's traumatic ... I've, I guess I need to know, the prostate is... Do only men have it? Well, I, I don't really know anything about it, honestly. Like, do only men have a prostate? Let's see. Because if only a man has a prostate, I really can't say anything about that, but all... Is it fingering an asshole?

5:57 Okay, hold on. I am looking up everything you can find about prostates. Okay. Okay? Okay. I'm gonna read this here. This is the prostate gland, a comprehensive overview. Okay. What is the prostate? The prostate is a walnut-sized exocrine gland found only in people assigned male at birth. Okay. There's your answer there. Okay, so It sits just below the bladder, in front of the rectum, and surrounds the urethra, the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body. It's part of both the urinary and repr- reproductive systems. Oh, so I totally understand. So you would go in and toward- I don't like what you're doing with your finger there ... yeah, you go in and toward the, toward your testicles.

6:45 So toward... Oh. So the prostate's primary job is reproductive. Mm. Uh, it produces prostatic fluid, a milky, slightly alkaline fluid that makes up 20 to 30% of semen volume. Okay. Uh, it protects sperm. The alkaline fluid neutralizes the acidity of the vaginal canal. Uh, it powers ejaculation. The prostate's smooth muscle contracts during orgasm to propel semen through the urethra. And hormone conversion contains the enzyme 5-alpha-reductase- Okay ... which converts testosterone into more potent dihydrotestosterone, or DHT, which regulates prostate growth.

7:33 Okay. Now- So yeah, so it's, it's- It's considered the male G-spot, also called the P-spot, due to the concentration of nerve endings that are in there. It's highly in- in- innervated by both the autonomic and somatic nervous systems. Oh my gosh, this is total nerd talk. I don't understand any of that. Stimulation can trigger intense pleasure and, in many cases, enhance or produce orgasm, which is basically what our friend here is saying, sometimes called a prostate orgasm or a non-ejaculatory orgasm. How do you do that? Okay, so here we go. Prostate massage, also called prostate milking, refers to the manual stimulation of the prostate gland, either internally via f- a finger or specialized toy inserted into the rectum angled toward the navel- Yeah roughly two or three inches in toward the belly button side of the rectal wall.

8:34 Or externally via pressure on the perineum. Yeah, that middle part. The area between the scrotum and the anus, sometimes called the taint. Yeah. This is less direct. Now, I will tell you, and, and, and I mean, I don't have to tell you, you know this- Yeah because you've gone down there- Yeah ... and you've massaged that little area. Yeah. The taint. You really care for it. The taint ain't a bad place, let me tell you, because you have gone there, and you've kinda rubbed it and, like, when you're going down- Yeah ... and you kinda rubbed it. And I'm like, "Ooh, it, it feels good." "It feels nice." I don't know if I'd feel the same way if you stuck a finger up my ass though. So then I get it. I get why, um, I know that some men like that.

9:14 I've, I've actually spoken to some men, and they, they like the prostate play. I, um... So this might have been- Wait, is that why guys like their ass eaten out? I may... Possibly. I mean, that's a really good question. I've never been into ass play myself. Like I said, though, that one interaction that I had when I was younger, it traumatized me, and I've never, ever- I think a lot of men think that- ... gone back to that ... it's, um, ver- it's, uh, it's homophobic. Well, so, and that's the thing that, that, you know, uh, is, is brought up oftentimes is, "Well, I, I don't want no finger in my ass. I ain't gay." "I ain't gay." And even in swinger lifestyle circles- Yeah ... I have seen it a billion times.

9:56 Yeah. Wh- uh, you know, I, I commend the guys who are straight-up secure in themselves to come out and go, "I fucking love it." You know, hit me up. I don't, I don't care. You know? I mean- And I, to me, I... It's, it's not gay. I don't, I don't believe- No ... it's gay. Um, but I, I think it's, it's this, this toxic masculine, "Well, I don't want no finger up my ass. I ain't gay." I- And it's like, come on, bro. I mean, think outside the box. Yeah, for sure. First of all- For sure ... it... I understand the association that these guys are thinking. Mm-hmm. "Okay, something's going in my ass that apparently means I'm gay." That's this old school way of thinking. But if, fellas, if, if a woman is going down on you- Yeah ... and she's the one putting her fingers in your ass- It's not gay ... that's not gay.

10:48 Now, if a man is doing it, that's gay. Yeah, and I think that's the mo- I mean, I... Yeah. I- It's interesting ... I don't know if I would do that with just anybody. Well, so- I mean, personally, like I would- I don't know. So I trust you, but at the same time- Yeah ... I don't know if I would trust you to do that internally. I would rather have a nurse, because otherwise you're gonna be probing me with your fi- you got some long ass fingers, girl, and they're chubby fingers. I got you. Like you're, you got some girthy fingers. I got you, though. You know what I'm saying? No. We're gonna- And you're just gonna be in there and you're gonna be like- No "Nah, man. I don't think so." I got you. I don't think so. We're gonna try this. Now what? You better stop it, girl. This is me telling you.

11:28 I don't- Come on ... I don't think so. Hey, you have to try everything once. This is, this is true. But like I said- But I won't know- ... I don't know if I would trust you to do it. I'm the only one that wants to do it. Why would you need a nurse to do it? Because nurses know about that sort of thing. Why would you get a nurse to do it, though? You're not having sex with them. It's for ejaculation. I know that, but I'm saying there's lots of nurses in the lifestyle. No. Me first, then you can go with a nurse. Well, then you need to research your shit because- I got you I ain't gonna have you just poking me willy-nilly with your middle finger. I have seen what you do to women, and frankly, I don't know about all that. Like, if you're gonna be doing that to me, like you get in there. Like, you're up in there. No. Mm-hmm. Never.

12:08 I've seen you get some fingers up in there. No. It's just- Nope ... just- Nope. ... po- poking at people. I don't do that 'cause I don't like that done on me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Well- Mm-hmm ... well, let's not turn the show about you. Yeah. This is about prostates, of which you do not have. No, but I would definitely try the... I would definitely try it on you, at least the taint area. You know, it's, it's so, it's so difficult though, because, because like I said, that, that trauma is in my head. Mm-hmm. Like, I know that I didn't like that feeling. Mm-hmm. And I, I'm afraid of, frankly, of, of what it might produce. You know, for one thing, I don't wanna shit on you. And I don't, and this is coming from a place of ignorance, guys.

12:49 So if for those of y'all who know this business- Mm-hmm ... I apologize for my ignorance, but this is a very typical- I understand ... way of thinking. And, you know, I'm like, you know, I, I don't wanna shit on you, for one thing. How embarrassing, uh, would that be? Yeah. Uh, even if I am with you. Um, I don't know. Like, uh, the, just the, the tr- but I didn't, I didn't shit on that, that w- woman the one time, you know? But I also was, I mean, I was frigging watertight, man. I was like- I mean, you still are ... I had tight shutter speed. I was like, "Ah." I mean, there's, there's ... I had some, I had some grip strength on that asshole when she pulled it out. I, she might have, luckily she didn't have Lee Press On Nails, or she would've lost a, a fingernail.

13:31 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I used to do that to my first husband. But did you do that- No ... with that specifically? No, because I, no. Or you just did- No ... a finger in the ass? No. Well, w- w- okay. I have questions. Hold up. I have questions. So you used to finger your first husband's- No, not like a lot ... asshole? It's just like... Yeah . Well, what does, what does that mean? N- well, not a lot. No, just- Well, because- I just would finger his asshole a little bit ... because that is like the motion- That's not a little bit or a lot ... that's the motion of in and out, in and out. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. What? Yeah. So how would that even come about? Like, would he just be like, he'd be like, "Okay, I'm gonna lay here.

14:14 I'm gonna put my legs up in the air. You just get in there and just-" It's then- "... move your finger around." No. Um, how would that happen? How did that happen? You lived it. Um, I wanna say blowjob. I don't really know. I don't remember, but I remember doing it. You just remember doing it. I think... Yeah, he was on top of me, and then I would just, like, reach around. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think that the part that I have the biggest issue with is the vulnerability that's attached. I don't think it gets any more vulnerable than that. I, I agree. Like, I can- Yeah, that's a little- I can, e- excuse me for saying this, but I can have my dick in m- in somebody's mouth. Mm-hmm. Um, and that's vulnerable- Mm-hmm ... you know, in front of everybody.

14:54 Mm-hmm. But not as vulnerable as me pulling my ass cheeks apart in front of people. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't think it's- Like, that's a vulnerability that I don't- I don't think it's so graphic like that. I don't think... I think you're, you're playing it to be very... It's not... It's, I think it's a sensual move. Is it? So I- Yeah ... like I said, I, I, I'm ignorant- I, it's- ... about this entire thing ... because, I mean, the way- Um ... the way you're express or explaining it, it's, you s- it makes it seem like it's very hard, hard actions. I think it's a very sensual- Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Because you have to be relaxed. 'Cause it's an actual massage. Yeah, and they have to- It's not like a finger pumping. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So the person has to be super, super, um, relaxed- Yeah ... for it to even- I think work in their favor, not the person doing the action, but the person having the action done to it, done to them.

15:42 I feel like they ha- it's a very sensual relaxation because even when you have anal play, if you're not used to it, you should be super, super relaxed. So I would think that just comes with a very, um, sensual play. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, especially, I would think especially a man, because you need to, like, really... Actually, anybody who's having that kind of action done on them, you have to be super relaxed, super comfortable, and then it's not like you're bent over spreading your cheeks. It's not like that. Mm. It's just a very... Okay, wait. Before we go any further, FirmTech. We have to talk about FirmTech Yes. Okay, so FirmTech makes the Tech Ring Yeah, and here's the thing.

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17:13 okay, so let's, let's open Pandora's box, so to speak. Uh, so I guess my, my real question would be, and, and, and this I, I, I wanna propose to you. Mm-hmm. How would you say... How would, how would you go about getting consent to do that to somebody? I would just ask. ' Cause there's... I, I, I've seen women- Same ... say that they're into that. Yeah, so there are women that really enjoy- Yes ... uh, pleasuring men in this way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Especially if it's something that they're down for. Mm-hmm. Um, I know for some women it's a, it's a matter of, like, being able to control somebody in that way, like it's a power thing.

17:54 Like, "Ooh, I'm making this guy come." Like, "I'm, I'm getting him probably the best-" Oh ... "orgasm of his life," you know, that sort of thing. Yeah. I would think it would. Um, yeah. Uh, so but say, say, say I liked this sorta thing. Mm-hmm. What would our boundary be regarding that? Would it be just me and you? It would only happen between me and you? Or would that be something that if somebody asked, I would be like, "Okay"? That would be a... I mean, I- Like, for me, I mean, I don't know. That would be a you thing. Uh, well, I, um, that's the thing is boundaries- Yeah ... are an us thing. Yeah. So- I don't know if I would want anybody messing with that on you. Yeah. Gotta be like, "That's my area.

18:34 Thank you very much." You know, I, I, I feel like there's so much... Uh, like I said, it's, it's a very vulnerable thing for me. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I don't think I could do it with anybody else. Mm-mm. I don't even know if I could do it with you. I don't think so. Yeah. Like, that would be a tough one. I mean, I may try it. Yeah. Um, just because I've never really, outside of that horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible experience- ... um, outside of that, I mean, maybe it's different when you're expecting it. I, I would think so. Yeah. You know? I mean, it has to be. It's like any type of that, any type of anal play, you, you need to be expecting it. You can't just- Here, here's- ... it can't be surprise. Here's the thing, though. So I saw, I read that, that, uh, it, it gives you a full bladder feeling, like you have to pee.

19:20 Okay. Um- Yeah, that makes sense. So I remember m- when this woman started, you know, doing her thing while she was going down on me, uh, like I said, I wasn't prepared for it. So then I'm like, "Oh," you know, I tighten up. I, I can't relax. No. Now, had I known it was coming, I probably could have done my best to relax a little bit more. Yeah. But the fact that it was just taken from me, um- ... I, I, I was very, uh, uptight about it, no pun intended. And I really, I didn't know h- first off, God- I wish I had known how to say no, 'cause I- Mm. I don't know how that would've worked out.

20:03 Um- I mean, she should've asked for consent, but I, I feel like we ask for consent more now, but back in the day, we, it wasn't. No, and I, I really couldn't find my no on that either, and that was- No ... that was a- I mean- ... that was a tough one. I re- I feel- I just remember feeling like I couldn't relax if- Yeah ... and, and I definitely, if I can't relax, I'm definitely not gonna cum. Yeah. And see, that's the other part of this. That's what I'm saying. It has to be very sensual and- Well, see, but that's the other part of this, too. If I am being that vulnerable and I'm having something done that I had a traumatic experience with already- Mm-hmm my mind, you know my mind. I'm, I'm an anxious little chihuahua sometimes. And if my mind is on other things, I'm not gonna be able to cum.

20:45 And my question is, if I have this thing do, being done to me, is my mind gonna prevent me from being able to cum? No. Or is this like, "Hey, I just press the button. Boom, you're done"? I think so. Really? I do. Oh, man. Yeah. I can't even imagine. Well, imagine. Now, have you ever thought about exploring this with me? Mm-hmm. Really? I have, yeah. Really? Yeah. You never talked about it before. No, because I know how you are. I had trauma. Yeah. So. Um, and so now that we're talking about it, is this something that you wanna try with me? I do. Really? Now my question for you is this, because we've had this conversation before where you're like, "Oh, I'm a..." I- if you go to my TikTok and you see there, there's a, there, one of the pinned TikToks on there is a conversation that we had in the car, uh, where we debated over something, and the debate was- Uh-huh she, she claims to be a people pleaser.

21:44 She's like, "I'm like you. I'm a people pleaser." And I'm like, "What? No, you're not." And she's like, "Yeah. Um, I please them by making them cum." And I'm like, "Yeah, but you're not pleasing them like, you know, people pleasing means like you're trying to please them in, in every single way. It's like, 'Oh my gosh, I wanna massage you. I wanna make you feel good. Like, I wanna please you in every single way.' You're talking about just making them cum." And you're like, "Well-" That's enough ... "does making you cum please you?" Yeah. " Then I, I pleased you." I did my job. I'm a people pleaser. Anyways. So that's the cribs notes on that. That was the whole conversation. Now my question to you is, would you want to do that because you want to legitimately please me? Yeah.

22:24 Or is it more of a power thing in that I wanna find his button? I know, I know your buttons. You know my button, my mental buttons. Yeah. And you know all the stuff. I know all, yeah. But I'm talking about the P spot. This one would be... Yeah, no, this would be for, for, for you. This would be for me. Yeah. Well, then you better- If I could do it ... you better give, you better give me- And if I could do it, um, yeah. I would, I will ... you better give me two, two ice cream cones, uh, 'cause one's going in my mouth and the other one's gonna go on my ass- afterwards, 'cause goddamn. I'm just saying. Sticking the unicorn in there. Yeah. I'm just saying, you know, nope, nope- My horn ... nope ... ooh, I could use my- No, no ... my creature. No, girl, stop it. Stop it. No, this would be nice, sensual, and we'll see.

23:04 Stay tuned, people. I mean, this, this is definitely something that, uh- Yeah ... that we're gonna have to, uh, look into. And like I said, there's really nobody else that I would want to explore this with. Yeah. Um, I, I'll say, you know, I will do it just for the sake of experiments. For sure. I would do it just for the sake of experiments, because- You have to try everything once ... you do have to try everything once. So I, I, I, I, I'm not a big fan of that saying, uh, because, uh, because I'm, I, you know, I, I, it gets thrown at me a lot. I, I, I, I agree to an extent that you have to try everything once. Mm-hmm. But some things are not worth trying.

23:48 Uh, for example, uh, I'm, I'm straight. Yes. Um, and because of that, I know for a fact that I'm straight because my dick does not get hard, uh, when there are men's penises around me. Right. Penises? Penii? Whatever it is. Penii. Um, but I know that I am not sexually attracted to men. Right. So because of that, I know that I'm straight. But every time I say, " You never know until you tried it. You gotta try everything once." That's different. That's what gets thrown at me oftentimes. No, that is... Oh, I mean, I know they do. Like, "Well, you haven't tried, you haven't tried sucking a dick." Yeah. And it's like, well, this is factual. I have never tried sucking a dick. Yeah. Um, and it, but it doesn't appeal to me. You know what I mean? And, and just the same way- Does this appeal to you?

24:30 It doesn't initially, but I will say that this person- I think the outcome of it will this person who wrote to us via our confessional, I'm not gonna lie, my friend, uh, you pose a wonderful argument, um, of which you've got me thinking. You've got me thinking. There you go. And, uh, you definitely opened up the conversation, uh, for us. Yeah. Uh, now, my beautiful bride, would you look at me any different? Because there was an old, an old version of you- Yes ... uh, from back in the day. There was. And this is not you now, but- Yeah ... the old version of you, uh, where, you know, if, if you f- found out that a guy liked ass play, you would automatically just kind of look at him differently and walk away going, "Yeah, I'm not interested."

25:12 Yes. Um, and so obviously I know that that's not how you think about things now. No. Uh, but would it change how you th- No ... think about me at all? No. Like w- ' cause, uh, you know- I, I wouldn't care ... toxic masculinity is a biotch, man. Yeah. And, and frankly, I'm talking about it here in front of everybody. Mm-hmm. And I guarantee you there's some motherfuckers out there that are judging me, and they're going, "Oh, Adam. Yeah, we know what you're gonna do." And you know what? What the fuck ever, bro. You wanna judge me- Uh, no ... whatever. I don't care. I wouldn't see you any differently. Um, but- I mean, and I wouldn't care ... you know, it, it's, to me, it's, it's an experiment. Man, I will tell you something, though. If I like it, oh, shit. Forget it.

25:52 We're gonna have to, we're gonna have to figure something out. I think you will. We're gonna have to figure- Yeah ... something else out. Yeah. I think you will. I, I, I think the, the biggest problem with this being openly talked about, though, is definitely the toxic masculinity that revolves around it. Oh, yeah. Um, you know, there's so many people out there, and, and it's not just guys. No. But it's also some, some women that have the same, uh, kind of thinking. I mean, I did. I, I did not... If... I didn't... If a man told me that they were bisexual, I just didn't have any interest. Um- Yeah ... I don't think like that anymore. I was just very ignorant about it, and it just, I don't know, never sat well with me. I have so many friends that are bisexual, and I could care less.

26:34 Yeah. Well, and you know, it's funny because, you know, we grew up in the '80s and the '90s, and if you think back to all the, even the soft core porn movies that we saw, uh, during those days- Mm-hmm it's very- The man is pleasuring the woman Mm-hmm That's every movie that you'll ever see Yeah The man is pleasuring the woman. It doesn't revolve around male pleasure No And- No ... there's something very, um... I think that's a big deal. I, I don't think that there's enough talk about male pleasure, um, because- Because they, they think that just by ejaculation that that's how you get it Yeah Yeah.

27:17 No, I know Yeah Yeah. It's, um... They don't talk about it. And I think they don't... I don't think... I think it's not talked about a lot is because you don't see men that way. You think of just, "Oh, they have a dick, and they're just gonna pump it, and boom, they're gonna cum." Like, there should be... There's no brain. There's no thought behind it Yeah, yeah And I think that's why that is not talked about enough because, " Oh, y'all always have it in your brain. Oh, it is what it is. Y'all just look at women or whatever, a hole as a hole, and not, like, anything to just come in," and it's not like that Well, and you know, the other, the other coin, the other flip side of the coin is that, uh, everybody knows that women are complicated creatures when it comes to sexual satisfaction Yes Uh, and every woman is different- Yes and every woman, most of the time, is, is, i- you know, you g- y'all are like Bop It's.

28:06 Mm-hmm You know, you gotta pull, and you gotta yank, and you gotta twist and do all these things in order to get you there. And men are usually thought of as simplistic creatures that will get hard when the wind blows. You yank a couple times, and he's already coming. Yes You know? And, and it's normally very quick. Yeah You know what I'm saying? And these are the stereotypes out there. But realistically, we like to, uh, be pleasured, too. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. We like, we like a little bit. So with that, you guys out there, I know that we're still new to it, and it's kinda like welcoming you to a place that we just arrived at. But we put together a little practical guide if you want to start exploring this, right?

28:46 Yeah Yeah It's, um... You can, if you're curious, so here's where we land practically. First, you're gonna have the conversation. Don't just surprise them. Yeah Let them know, you know? Don't cause trauma You need to have... Both of y'all need to be on the same, same mindset, understand what you're doing. Um- And be very comfortable with each other. Like, don't just spring it on them Yeah. And you know, if, if your answer's a no, then it's a no. It's a no. If you're not ready- Yeah ... if you're not ready, you're not ready. Yeah. Uh, and, and you know, I don't know when I'm gonna be ready, but, uh, I mean, it's definitely not tonight. Uh, but you know, it's, it's something where the conversation, you just, you literally just heard it- You do, yeah ... happen in real time.

29:31 Yeah. This is a conversation between me and my wife, and obviously there's more to it. Um, but you definitely wanna have that conversation as much as possible. Yeah. And then after that, start slow. Now this is, this is information that I had to research. External pressure on the perineum- Perineum ... the perineum is a low commitment starting point. So it gives you a sense of whether there's something there that's worth exploring, uh, further than going all the way in. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you do go internal, just remember, hygiene and preparation matter. Yeah. Short nails, um, gloves. Yeah. Lube. Always lube. Always lube.

30:12 Always lube. And go slow. Check in and pay attention to your partner's responses. Now this is for everything sexual people, but I mean, the, at least paying attention- Yeah to your sexual partners. You don't have to use, you know, gloves all the time, so. And you know, frankly, that's actually, that's, that's good for fingering women as well. Like- Yes ... short nails. Make sure your hands- Hydration ... are clean. Yeah. Clean under your nails, you know, stuff like that. I said hydration. I meant hygiene. But hey, hydration's- Hydration ... good too. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink lots of water. Definitely communication during is just as important as communication before. I would figure this should be like, uh- This should feel like an upgrade to intimacy. Yeah. Not something anyone is, like, white-knuckling through and it's like, "Yeah, just do it already.

30:55 Come on, let's do this." No, no, no. If it's not working, you stop. Yeah. Plain and simple. Yeah. If it's incredible, you gotta talk about that, too. Yeah. Uh, so that's definitely something that you wanna- Yeah, talk about what you like and what you didn't like. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then when you're done talking about it, hit us up on the- 100% anonymous, Beyond Monogamy confessional- Yes ... and let us know how that shit went- Yes ... because I gots to know. Yeah. Okay? Now, before we get out of here, we want to give a huge thanks, uh, to the listener who sent it in. Uh, it took guts. It is going to start a real conversation, as you heard, in not only our household, but I'm sure plenty of households. I'm sure. And that's exactly why we have this confessional. Yes.

31:35 And you can drop your own confessional at www.beyond-monogamy.com. It's completely anonymous, zero judgment, and you just might end up on a quickie of your own. Hells yeah. Everything we do lives at www- , uh, .beyond-monogamy.com. Full episodes, quickies, video clips, our blog, our guest lineup, merch, all that good stuff. You've heard it a billion times. That's your hub. That's your home. Yes. And if you wanna catch us streaming every Thursday on fullswapradio.com, we do two shows, 2:00 PM Central and 7:00 PM Central. Come hang out with us. And There's a fun lineup of other podcasters on that adult space. Totes. Now, listen, we have something up that you do not wanna miss.

32:17 We're gonna be live and in person at Club Eden in San Antonio on June 20th. If you're here in Texas, in the area, if you're within an hour or two drive- Mm-hmm ... you wanna come out there and, uh, you know, this is your shot to come hang out with me and Pris in real life, in the lifestyle, doing what we do. Details, as always, are at beyond-monogamy.com. But also don't forget, you need a membership to the club- Yes ... to get in. Yes. So all of that can be found at Club Eden's website, which you can find at our Events tab- Mm-hmm ... at the website. You know, you know what it is. Yes. And wherever you're listening right now, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, please hit that follow and subscribe button.

32:58 Leave us a five-star review and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You know who that person is. Those things take 30 seconds, and they mean everything to us. They help us grow in the show. Yes. Yes. And with that, we thank you guys for listening. And as always, we will see you next week. Bye. Yeah. It's