Hotel Takeovers 101: The Real Talk Survival Guide Nobody Handed You at the Door

Let me set the scene for you real quick.

This past weekend, Pris and I were at a hotel takeover. Not just attending — we were there working, recording a live podcast episode in front of a room full of lifestyle people who were, shall we say, already in a very festive mood. That full live show drops this Sunday, and you are absolutely going to want to hear it.

But here's the thing about recording a live show at a hotel takeover full of beautiful, partially dressed humans who are very much in party mode: you don't exactly get to sit there and deliver a thoughtful breakdown of what hotel takeovers are and how to navigate them. You get energy, laughter, great moments, and the occasional distraction that shall remain nameless.

So that's why this QUICKIE exists. Consider it your homework before Sunday. The primer. The survival guide nobody hands you at the door — delivered first, before the live experience drops, so you actually know what you're listening to when it hits.

You're welcome.

Okay, So What Even IS a Hotel Takeover?

A hotel takeover is exactly what it sounds like. A lifestyle event organizer purchases a floor, a wing, or the entire hotel for a weekend and sells rooms to couples and vetted guests in the community. Everything in that hotel — the pool, the hallways, the event rooms, the elevators — becomes your playground for the weekend. Think of it like a nightclub and a house party had a baby, and then that baby got a hotel room and invited all of its friends over for a sleepover.

That's basically it. It's a big, glorious, adults-only sleepover with way better energy than anything you did in middle school.

At most takeovers you'll find themed rooms (yes, people actually decorate and compete), games like bingo or trivia, and sometimes other events — seminars, contests, live entertainment. At the one we just got back from, there was a little bit of everything, including some very competitive contests that I will leave to your imagination.

Who Goes to These Things?

Couples, mostly — that's the bread and butter of any hotel takeover. Single women are always welcome and never turned away. Single men are a different story. Most events operate with the same philosophy as clubs: limited single male spots, usually vetted, often based on availability. It's not personal, it's just how the community tends to work. If you're a single guy curious about going, reach out to the organizer directly and ask. Some events will work with you.

Ages vary way more than you'd expect. You'll see people in their late 20s, people in their 50s and 60s, and everything in between. Lifestyle folks come in all shapes, sizes, and life stages, and honestly? That's part of what makes it great.

First Timer? Here's What to Actually Expect

You're going to feel some anxiety. Both of us still feel anxiety going in. I walk in thinking I'm gonna be this smooth, confident, social butterfly and then the moment I step foot in that hotel I realize I would very much like to be attached to my wife's hip indefinitely. That's normal. That's human. Don't fight it.

Here's the thing nobody tells first-timers: you don't have to do anything. You paid for that room. You can stay in it the entire weekend watching movies, eating pizza, and listening to the party happening down the hall. That's completely valid. There is no pressure, no quota, no performance required. The goal is to be wherever your comfort level is — not where you think you're supposed to be.

And one of the best parts about hotel takeovers versus clubs or house parties? When the crowd gets to be too much, you have a retreat. You can excuse yourself, go to your room, regroup, and come back out when you're ready. That's a game changer.

What to Bring (Don't Show Up Unprepared)

Pack like you're going for a weekend because you are. Here's the actual list:

• Outfits + themes — Check if there's a theme. We skipped it this time and I watched Pris stare longingly at women in gorgeous themed outfits going, "We could've rocked that." We could have.
• Protection + lube — Non-negotiable. Bring more than you think you need.
• Toys — Some people go all out. BDSM furniture, mood lighting, the works. Start wherever you're comfortable.
• Waterproof blankets — Yes, really. Bring them.
• A cooler with food and snacks — Most hotel takeovers do not have food on premises. Maybe a continental breakfast, maybe a food truck, but mostly you're on your own. Pris brought chips, a case of water, and leftover pizza. That woman is a genius.
• Hydration — Water. Lots of it. No glass in the pool area — bring cans and koozies like a civilized lifestyle person.
• A hoodie — Check the weather. Pack for outdoor common areas. I packed one for Pris. Then I also got cold. Lesson learned.
• Your little blue pill if that's your thing — No shame, bring it, use it, that's why it exists.

Budget-wise, expect $500–$800 for a full weekend. That's your room plus the event access. It's not cheap, but do it once and you'll get it. Worth every penny if you go in with the right mindset.

The Rules Still Apply (All of Them)

Say it with me: just because it's a takeover doesn't mean everyone is available to you.

You still have to read the room. You still have to approach people respectfully. Consent is not optional. No cameras in play spaces — and if you're in common areas and someone asks you not to photograph them, that's the end of that conversation. Pris once asked someone to take a picture of her and he politely said no because of his kids. Totally respected. That's exactly how it works.

Discretion is real. Not everyone at a hotel takeover is out and proud about their lifestyle. You don't own people's privacy just because you're all under the same roof having the same kind of fun. Keep that in mind.

And the golden rule: a closed door is a closed door. Doesn't matter if it was open five minutes ago. Don't knock. Don't open it. Move on.

Communication: Before, During, and After

We talked the whole drive over. What we were hoping for. What we were feeling. What to do if one of us wasn't feeling it. We even had a whole conversation about whether we needed a code word, which somehow turned into a debate about whether "figgy tree" was a realistic emergency phrase to use in a crowd. (It's not. Please don't.)

Check-ins during the event matter. If you're playing separately, know where your partner is. Air tags are a thing. Use them without shame.

And the debrief? Probably one of the most underrated tools in the lifestyle relationship toolbox. After every night. After the whole weekend. In the car on the way home. We talked over breakfast, over lunch, on the drive back. That hour in the car is when everything gets processed. Don't skip it.

Real Talk on Jealousy

We're gonna be honest with you because that's literally why this show exists. Jealousy is going to show up. Maybe for you, maybe for your partner, probably for both at some point.

Pris's approach when she looks over and I'm making out with someone she doesn't know? She says something snarky. On purpose. With full awareness that it might land badly and ruin the whole vibe. Because that's an authentic human reaction and she owns it.

My personal discovery: I actually do experience jealousy when it comes to Pris — but it turns out for me it's a hot thing. Watching her, and then the reclaiming afterward. I'll just leave that there for you to connect the dots.

The point is: jealousy doesn't have to be the end of the night. It can be information. It can be a conversation. It can even be fuel, depending on how you roll. Know yourself. Talk to your partner. Don't let it fester silently.

How to Find Hotel Takeovers

Start with beyond-monogamy.com — scroll to the bottom of our homepage and you'll find a link to SDC, which is the best community-based platform for finding events near you. Beyond that: local swinger Facebook groups, Discord servers, Telegram channels, and honestly? TikTok. Search "hotel takeover" on TikTok and you'll find the organizers and communities putting them on.

There are also companies that do nothing but run lifestyle hotel takeover events across the US — word of mouth and personal invite are their main marketing channels, but they do have a presence on the platforms above.

The Bottom Line

Hotel takeovers are genuinely some of the most fun you can have in the lifestyle. If you've got the budget to do even one a year, do it. Go with a game plan, communicate with your partner, pack the snacks, bring the protection, and give yourself permission to just enjoy the ride — even if the ride is mostly you sitting on your hotel bed eating leftover pizza at 1AM while the party rages two floors below. That counts too.

Now go listen to this episode, then come back this Sunday for the live show recorded right there at the takeover. You'll want to hear both.

— Adam & Pris

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