Why Are People So Shitty? Swinger Drama, Bullies & Trolls

Every once in a while, Adam opens an episode with a question so profound, so philosophical, so deeply rooted in the human condition that Socrates himself would put down his toga and lean in. This week's question: "Why are people so shitty?"

Pris didn't know the topic in advance, which meant the audience got to watch her do live internal calibration: do we want get-real-bitchy Pris or subtle-but-still-mean Pris? (Spoiler: we got a delightful blend of both, served with a twist of "hormiga.")

The Fruit Salad Theory of the Swinger Lifestyle

Let's get one thing straight before anyone clutches their pearls: Adam & Pris love this community. By their math, 80 to 90% of the people in the swinger lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy world are wonderful — warm, welcoming, fun, and shockingly forgiving. As Adam puts it, one bad apple does not spoil this bunch. This bunch is, and we quote, "a motherfucking fruit salad."

But every fruit salad has that one mystery chunk nobody can identify. And this episode is about those chunks.

A Group Owner Gone Full Villain Arc

Without naming names (they're classy like that), Adam & Pris tell the story of a former group owner who seemed perfectly fine… right up until she wasn't. If you didn't sing her praises, invite her to everything, and agree with her every take, she'd use her platform to call you out, push you out, and rally her minions against you. Yes, minions. It got, in Pris's words, "very high school" — except high school ended, and this apparently didn't, because two-plus years later this person is still out there running a small-batch artisanal collection of fake Instagram and Facebook profiles, snooping on the local swinger community, trash-talking group leaders and club owners, and — the truly unforgivable part — trying to out people to their employers.

She even screenshotted one of Adam & Pris's shows and trash-talked it as a "detriment to the lifestyle." Adam's response was surgical: you clearly didn't listen to the show, because you can't review a podcast off a screenshot of the cover art. The silence that followed? Deafening.

The One Rule You Do Not Break

Here's where the episode gets real. Drama is annoying. Bullying is pathetic. But outing people in the lifestyle is the cardinal sin. Many people in ethical non-monogamy are discreet for very good reasons — jobs, families, church communities. They came into this world already nervous about being found out. Weaponizing that fear isn't gossip; it's cruelty. As Adam says, it's insecure people harboring power by scaring people. Or, in the technical terminology used repeatedly this episode: it's what pussies do.

Adam & Pris themselves are troll-proof for one beautiful reason: they have a podcast. "We know you're swingers, we'll tell your employer!" Guys. Everybody knows. They discuss their sexy adventures on the internet weekly, on purpose, with cover art. You cannot blackmail people who wear the lifestyle like a badge.

The Discretion Paradox

This leads to one of the most useful conversations in the episode for anyone new to the swinger lifestyle: the contradiction at the heart of discretion. You can hide your face in every profile picture and hope someone falls in love with your neck, or you can actually meet people — but you can't do both at 100%. Everything is online, phones are everywhere, and yes, you might walk into a meet and greet and see a coworker. (Pris has seen coworkers, family friends, AND family members of family members. The woman has stories.)

The answer isn't fear — it's vetting. Vet, vet, vet, vet, vet. Adam doesn't accept random friend requests, and if he's feeling generous, you're doing a video holding a piece of paper with his name and the date on it. It sounds extreme until you remember there's someone out there with five fake profiles methodically friending everyone who "looks lifestyle." The community's counter-move is genuinely heartwarming, though: word spreads fast, warnings go out, and everybody watches out for everybody. The good guys have minions too.

Adam vs. The Trolls: A Growth Story

Adam also shares his own character development arc. Once upon a time, a rude comment could ruin his day. Now, almost two years into podcasting, a random anonymous account can tell him to shut up on a perfectly wholesome TikTok and he feels… nothing. No response, no power granted, no rent-free tenancy in his head. (Though for the record: say it to his face and you will not finish the sentence. And if you leave mean comments on his honey boo boos, you don't answer to Adam — you answer to Pris. Choose wisely.)

The Takeaway

If you're new to the lifestyle and haven't yet collected your own drama story, your own difficult personality, your own bully or troll — don't worry, it's coming. That's not pessimism; it's realistic expectations. Every community has its bad apples: your job, your neighborhood, your church, your HOA (especially your HOA). The lifestyle is no different. What matters is what you do when it happens, and Adam & Pris hand you the script: "Fuck that, I'm moving on." Then actually move on. The other 90% of the fruit salad is waiting, and it's delicious.

Come Play With Us

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