Pressure: The Word Nobody in the Lifestyle Wants to Say Out Loud (But We're Saying It)

Welcome back to another Wednesday Quickie, where we squeeze all the things we probably shouldn't say into a compact little episode and then release it into the world like a bat out of a very adult, very consensual hell.

This week's topic? Pressure. And no, we're not talking about the David Bowie and Queen banger — though honestly, that track slaps and you should go listen to it after this. We're talking about the kind of pressure that sneaks into the swinger lifestyle and makes everything weird, uncomfortable, and occasionally cringe-worthy.

It Starts With the Newbies (But Doesn't End There)

Pris kicks things off with a very diplomatic reframe: she doesn't want to call it "pushiness," she wants to talk about couples who clearly haven't communicated before showing up to the club. Adam nods along before immediately admitting that he was, in fact, one of those couples. Early Adam was out here chasing experiences like he had a lifestyle bucket list and a hard deadline. Pris confirms this with the quiet confidence of a woman who has been keeping receipts for fifteen years.

But here's the thing — it's not just newbies. Pris has seen people who've been in the lifestyle for years still pulling the classic "Hey, my wife's been trying to get with you" move. In front of everyone. As if their partner is a product they're pitching at a trade show. Pris's response to this, in her own words: "Shut the f*** up already." Diplomatic queen.

Your Partner Has a Mouth. Let Them Use It.

This is a hill Pris will absolutely die on, and honestly? She's right. If your wife wants to kiss someone, your wife should be the one asking. If your husband wants to play, your husband should say so. Your partner is a person with their own voice, their own desires, and their own ability to make decisions without you acting as their hype man/booking agent/sexual PR rep.

Adam backs this up with a story about guys asking him, "Is it okay if I kiss your wife?" — to which Adam's answer is always some version of: "I mean, I'm fine with it, but… you gotta ask her." Because yes, these are her lips. They are not a community resource managed by Adam.

Adam Cannot Say No, and Pris Has Thoughts

In what might be the most unhinged and lovable segment of this episode, Pris presents a series of increasingly specific hypotheticals to prove that Adam is constitutionally incapable of telling someone no. Would he say no to a woman he didn't like? Probably. Would he say no to a woman he liked but had bad chemistry with? ...He would "give it a few more tries." Would he say no if it was already happening? He would "think of Pris."

Pris's verdict: "You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be the nice person and not the honest, upfront person."

Adam's defense: "I'm not putting pressure on myself to be nice. I AM nice. It's who I am."

This is what fifteen years of ethical non-monogamy looks like, folks. True intimacy is your wife methodically dismantling your self-image while you nod along and insist you could say no if you really wanted to.

The Drinking Thing Nobody Talks About

The lifestyle revolves around parties. Parties have alcohol. And some people use that alcohol as a tool — over-serving their partner to get them "loosey-goosey" before a scene. Adam and Pris don't drink much anymore (hangovers after 40 are a hate crime), but they remember what it was like to navigate lifestyle spaces as non-drinkers. People assumed they were in recovery. People assumed they were judging everyone. They were not. They just discovered that two drinks put Adam to sleep and give him whiskey d*** — his words, not ours.

Fame-ish Pressure Is Also Real

Here's a pressure point that's unique to their situation: being recognized at lifestyle events. When you've got 30,000+ downloads and listeners in 100+ countries, sometimes strangers know you better than you know them — and that creates a weird dynamic when you're trying to, uh, be present in an intimate moment and someone waves hello. Adam describes the pressure of always feeling "on" — like a walking podcast episode — and how exhausting it is to be charming and accessible when sometimes you just want to sit in a corner and zone out.

Real Talk: Money, Stress, and Feeling Sexy

Adam got laid off last August. The plan was to go full-time on the podcast. The podcast is not yet paying all the bills (working on it!). Groceries are expensive. Gas is expensive. Naughty N'awlins is expensive. And it's hard to feel sexy when you're stressed about finances — a truth so universal it almost transcends the lifestyle entirely.

But here's what they both agree on: the pressure of keeping the lifestyle going is a pressure they choose. And that makes all the difference.

Pris Is Retiring at 50. Adam Says No.

With two years to go, Pris has announced she is done working for other people at age 50. Adam says she'll still be working — just for the podcast. Pris says Adam can't tell her what to do. Adam says "Now show your tits to everybody" as a subject change. It works. Somehow. This is their marriage.

🎉 Come Find Us at Naughty N'awlins!

We'll be there July 8–13 in New Orleans with an exhibitor booth. Day passes are still available — CLICK HERE to grab yours and come party with us. We promise we won't pressure you into anything. (Pris might. But Adam will be very nice about it.)

💚 This Episode Is Brought to You By 3Fun

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