The Orgasm Gap in the Lifestyle: Why She Comes at Home But Not at the Club

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads up

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This show is raw, real,
and definitely not rated PG

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your kids

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches

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Not sex couches

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we're diving into something
that came straight out of our confessional

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once again, and honestly, the moment
that I read this one, I knew that we

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had to dedicate a full episode to it.

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Oh,

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okay.

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Yeah.

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It's not just one person's story.

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This is something that affects a huge
portion of people in the lifestyle, and

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almost nobody talks about it directly.

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So we're talking about the orgasm
gap, and specifically why it shows

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up even in spaces that are supposed
to be all about pleasure and orgasms.

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So let's get into it.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So this is coming straight
from our confessional.

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This came in, uh, today, I believe.

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Okay.

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This person says, " My husband and
I have been in the lifestyle for a

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year now, and I've been with over a
dozen people, male and female, but

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I've never had an orgasm with anyone.

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Once they're done, we're done.

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It's disappointing.

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Not sure what to do here.

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My husband comes every single time,
more than once if we're at the club.

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My husband and I have the most
amazing sex, and I get off easily

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and sometimes really quickly.

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Is there a way to vet people better?

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I'm not sure what my question is here.

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Looking for advice on this topic.

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Is this a common thing in the lifestyle
or is everyone just out for themselves?"

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Huh.

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Yeah.

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Um,

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I thought that was such a great
question, and it's not something

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that's discussed very often.

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Um-

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Now-

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…
it's a valid concern

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…
I don't orgasm every time.

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And I, I didn't think so.

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I don't orgasm every time,
and it's just because

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Um I don't know.

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I don't, I don't relax enough.

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If we're at the club, I'm only
orgasming because someone is…

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I've been with them previous maybe.

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Yeah?

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Yeah.

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Um It's hard.

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It's a hard situation.

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I can have an orgasm
with you pretty quickly.

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Yeah, so when all else fails, you
know that I can make you come.

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Yeah.

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Now-

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But w- but when it… We're
talking playing with other people.

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How often do

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you

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come with other people?

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Yeah, our s- uh, it's very rare.

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Yeah.

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Now, I don't go… So when I…
Like, she's… Like this person

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said, when they're done, when that
other couple's done, they're done.

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Um, it doesn't have to be like that.

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Like, you can say, " Can
you vet people?" You can.

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What can you say, though?

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That's a hard thing to vet. Um-

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Well, I know somebody who said…
Uh, so I've had… Actually, I've had

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guys tell me, "I take a long time to
orgasm, so I'm here for your pleasure."

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Yeah, so there are people, like
myself, I'm a people pleaser.

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Yeah, but what if it takes
a person a couple of hours?

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Well, so I, I'm down
to put forth the work.

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Yeah.

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Most of the time, if a person, uh, if
a woman that I'm with is taking a long

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time to come or they know that they
always take a long time to come, they

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straight up tell me after a while.

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Yeah.

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They're like, "Hey, just so
you know, I'm not gonna come.

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So-" Yeah.

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I mean, I tell you sometimes … "We can,
we can, we can move on from this." Yeah.

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And I'm like, okay.

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That's, that's normally my, uh, my
little cue to go, "Okay, well then

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let's-" And- "… let's focus on me now."

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…
if you want somebody to make
you orgasm, tell them that.

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Because, like, for instance, If I'm
having sex with somebody and Adam is

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done and they haven't came yet, I'll give
them a little bit, but then I'm done.

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Yeah.

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I get bored very easily.

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How about that?

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I get bored exceptionally fast.

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So if you are

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Well, so there's, and

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there's- … keeping the same pace-

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Yeah

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…
and not doing anything to entertain
me, and my husband is done already with

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your wife, and they're just sitting
there or they're getting dressed, I'm

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getting ready to stop you and let's go.

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Well, so if we're full swapping,
normally what I've seen happen

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is I'll finish before you.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you'll keep on going with whomever
because- For them a while … you

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haven't reached that point.

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Yeah.

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And the person that I'm with will get
worked up, and of course I'm still

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hard, so we'll end up getting into
it again and going a second round.

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Yeah.

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And then before you know it, you're
done and I'm in the middle of my

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stuff and I'm like, "Well, shit, I
wanna come a second time," you know?

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Yeah.

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Um, and so we're never really
finishing around the same time.

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Uh, I… It's rare that I
don't come with someone.

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Yeah.

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Uh, but as a guy- You

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don't come with me all
the time at the club

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Well, because you edge me- Yeah, so no

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and you stop me But I mean,

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like, the, yeah, so, so you-

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So I could come with
you every single time.

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Yeah.

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But we've come to the con- this is the
fun little game that we play, is that-

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Yeah … every time we go back there,
you make it real clear, "I'm not gonna

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come until the end of the night." So
you've pretty much trained me to do that.

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Yeah.

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Um, whenever I'm with other women, I
really try to get that out of my head so

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that I can come with them, because a lot
of other women don't feel like they're

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good at sex unless they make the man come.

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Oh, yeah.

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I don't think that anymore.

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I'm glad you don't think

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that anymore.

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I used to think

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that as,

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But I've run,

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I've run

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into that with other

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women

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as an old, like, that's a mentality that I
used to have, like, maybe a long time ago.

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Yeah.

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That I needed to have sex with these
guys and I needed to make them come.

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No.

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I've talked to other women and, and-
Yeah … they, they fully believe that.

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Um- "Oh, if I can't make a man come,
then, then it, it upsets me." Yeah, no.

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And I'm like, "Really? Wow."

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I'm- That sucks … I, and let me tell
you really briefly why I think that,

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it's, I don't think that anymore.

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Because now, men just take a long time.

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I am, I'm an adult now, I understand
men just take a long time.

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And I've made, it's, I, there's
no challenge for me in my head.

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I've made men come without even
fucking getting inside of me.

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That's true.

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So-

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That's true

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…
I used to think that when I was
younger, like, "I have to make a man

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come because that means I'm good." No.

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No, not anymore.

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Yeah, I was thinking- But- … back
to when I was younger.

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Yeah.

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Because up, up until you, you remember
when we first started dating, I used

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to tell you, "Oh, I can't do quickies."

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Yes.

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'
Cause I take a very long time to come.

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I's got little kids when we got

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together, so.

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I, I really, I struggle to come from head.

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Yeah.

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And I struggle to come
from a quickie, you know?

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I was like, a lot of it was
internally, it's… I realize

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now, a lot of it was in my head.

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Yeah.

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You know what I mean?

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Yeah.

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Uh, part of it was I kept
thinking, "Oh, my God, I, I

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can't believe I'm doing this."

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Yeah.

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"
This is frigging awesome." But
then also, a lot of it was panic

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and, "I don't wanna come yet.

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I don't wanna come early.

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I don't wanna embarrass myself." So-

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Which I don't-

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…
I had a lot of that in my head

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…
So I, I'm gonna s- be honest with
you, listener, writer person.

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I think that might be an
issue for a lot of men.

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So a lot of men just hold
it or they just can't come.

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Yeah.

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So it's not that they're
not trying to get you off.

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And how do you vet them, right?

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How do you… You could
just tell them, "Hey"

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I don't think there's
any real way to vet them.

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You can just a- tell them, "Look,
I wanna have an orgasm, but you

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know what I've actually been doing?

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I've been taking toys with me."

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That's true.

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Because we're back there.

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There's times when I'm with my husband
and I don't come, so my little toy will

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help me, and that's just because I'm
looking around or something, you know?

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S- uh, I'm not-

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We usually play- … feeling my best or,
you know … we're exhibitionists, so

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we play in front of everybody, you know?

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Yes.

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We don't, we don't go behind curtains.

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No.

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Um, and so- A toy … oftentimes, you
know, she'll have her toy and she'll be-

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Yeah … looking around and we'll be doing
our thing, and it's just a hot thing.

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Like, the sex itself is hot.

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Yeah.

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But the orgasm, while it's not
always necessary, it's a great

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thing to have every single time.

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It

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is.

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But so, like, if you know
they're… 'Cause a lot of

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people don't know you, right?

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So take something, take a toy.

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Or-

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I think the best advice that you
could give, and you mentioned this

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a little bit ago, was just be vocal.

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Be vocal with- Yes … the people.

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So it's not so much vetting,
because you're not gonna be able

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to tell whether or not they're
gonna be able to make you orgasm.

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No.

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They can have a great personality.

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They can be a great kisser.

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They can do every single thing
right, but when it comes down to it-

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I mean-

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…
can they make you orgasm?

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If- It's hard to say

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…
this, it's, this is sex.

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Just think about it.

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You're going into bed with somebody that
you've probably never had sex with before.

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They don't know your body.

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They don't know what is
going to make you orgasm.

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Your partner does, right?

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00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,788
Because they've been with you.

248
00:09:43,178 --> 00:09:47,268
So you do have to be super vocal
and… Like, I tell everybody,

249
00:09:48,148 --> 00:09:52,578
"I'm not a girl who likes to get
fingered. That's not me." Yeah.

250
00:09:52,578 --> 00:09:56,848
"You are not going to do anything but make
me think about how many germs are on your

251
00:09:56,868 --> 00:10:02,448
fingernails," " And have you washed your
hands before, like, that that happens?"

252
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:04,358
So I am not that girl.

253
00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:10,898
I, and I usually tell the guys, I'm
very, I'm- My clit is my perfect spot

254
00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:13,458
if you're gonna be eating me out.

255
00:10:13,788 --> 00:10:14,018
Yeah.

256
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:15,888
Like, that's your go-to right there.

257
00:10:16,608 --> 00:10:17,358
But you're vocal

258
00:10:17,358 --> 00:10:17,718
about it.

259
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:17,828
Yeah,

260
00:10:17,828 --> 00:10:19,288
I mean, you're- I'm very vocal about it.

261
00:10:19,298 --> 00:10:21,008
I'm very expressive to people.

262
00:10:21,008 --> 00:10:23,418
Like, I, I… They can see it in
my face if I'm not telling them.

263
00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:23,718
I'm like…

264
00:10:24,648 --> 00:10:29,518
But also, if you're sleeping with
a, a person and it's a one-time

265
00:10:29,538 --> 00:10:32,408
thing, because I, I hear this often.

266
00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:35,698
I always talk to people and they, a-
and I'm like, "Okay, are you, are…"

267
00:10:35,908 --> 00:10:39,218
You know, "If you sleep with somebody
and it's a bad experience, do you give

268
00:10:39,218 --> 00:10:40,488
them a second chance or not?" I don't.

269
00:10:40,618 --> 00:10:41,428
And you don't.

270
00:10:41,818 --> 00:10:45,888
But if you would give them a second chance
and tell them, "Look, the, the first time

271
00:10:45,908 --> 00:10:48,088
it w- wasn't that great, and here's why.

272
00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:51,928
If you do this-" Yeah … "if you
go here, if you touch this," and

273
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:56,318
give them the opportunity to learn
your body and find all your spots,

274
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:57,958
they can make you cum most likely.

275
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:58,048
They can,

276
00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:58,748
yes.

277
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,458
Uh, but you gotta give
them a second chance.

278
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:00,538
And

279
00:11:00,538 --> 00:11:03,828
I've had people tell me, "Pris,
can you give me a second chance,

280
00:11:03,838 --> 00:11:06,038
please?" And I'm like, "Yeah, no.

281
00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,228
I'm not, I'm not in the-"

282
00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:09,878
And I hear from a lot of women, they're
like, "I don't wanna teach people."

283
00:11:09,938 --> 00:11:11,518
I, I'm not a teacher, like…

284
00:11:12,228 --> 00:11:15,548
If you're not willing to teach,
then you're going to lose out.

285
00:11:15,558 --> 00:11:16,408
Correct, yeah.

286
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:16,438
And

287
00:11:16,448 --> 00:11:19,558
you're gonna have- Yeah … most
likely, like, like yourself-

288
00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:19,868
Yeah

289
00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:23,668
…
you don't always have good experiences- No

290
00:11:23,778 --> 00:11:24,758
especially with men.

291
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:25,798
But you know what?

292
00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:31,348
I've also have had bad experiences with
men that I've had sex with multiple times

293
00:11:31,848 --> 00:11:32,258
Oh, yeah?

294
00:11:32,438 --> 00:11:32,768
Yeah.

295
00:11:32,768 --> 00:11:34,218
It's like, what happened?

296
00:11:34,218 --> 00:11:35,288
What happened the first time?

297
00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:36,208
Oh, yeah, yeah.

298
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:37,488
What happened the second time?

299
00:11:38,248 --> 00:11:39,468
What's up with this time?

300
00:11:39,478 --> 00:11:41,458
Like, why did you, what… You know?

301
00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:44,738
And I guess it's because there's
been so many gaps in between.

302
00:11:44,748 --> 00:11:47,188
Like, it's not like a-
Yeah … I see them all the time.

303
00:11:47,198 --> 00:11:47,428
And

304
00:11:47,428 --> 00:11:48,688
everybody has days.

305
00:11:48,768 --> 00:11:49,668
Everybody has days.

306
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,368
Everybody has days.

307
00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:54,288
Um, but yeah, you really have to like,
you have to tell people what you like.

308
00:11:54,288 --> 00:11:57,728
Like, if you don't like your ass licked,

309
00:11:58,228 --> 00:12:01,728
you know- I mean, I've never
had to say that out loud.

310
00:12:02,048 --> 00:12:05,878
That's normally something that comes up
from the person who wants to lick ass.

311
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:10,128
They're normally the ones to say, "Hey,
you know, I kinda like to lick ass.

312
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:15,068
Can I lick your ass?" And that's when
I would speak up and go, "Not really

313
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:19,788
into that, but thank you for asking."
But I don't meet people and go, "Hey,

314
00:12:19,798 --> 00:12:23,028
you wanna go to the back?" "Yeah, sure,
let's go." "Oh, by the way, I don't

315
00:12:23,028 --> 00:12:24,858
like my ass licked, so don't go there."

316
00:12:25,028 --> 00:12:27,858
But- Like, that just seems like a
very specific thing to throw out

317
00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:27,898
there … yeah.

318
00:12:27,898 --> 00:12:32,678
But I do think the, the conversation
of, "Hey, um, hey, so I know we're

319
00:12:32,678 --> 00:12:34,508
gonna go to the club tonight, Adam.

320
00:12:34,778 --> 00:12:37,708
Um, and I know it's gonna
be, like, our first time.

321
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,328
Hopefully, we get to play.

322
00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:44,558
I'd like to know, like, do you
take a long time to orgasm?"

323
00:12:44,818 --> 00:12:45,018
Mm.

324
00:12:45,108 --> 00:12:47,288
"
What is your… What do you like?

325
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:51,248
Like, how, what… How do you
picture your, our night starting

326
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:52,138
off in the back?" Right?

327
00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:56,528
Now, this is assuming that, uh,
this is person that we just met

328
00:12:56,628 --> 00:12:59,758
that night at the club- Um … or is
this a person that we maybe talked

329
00:12:59,868 --> 00:13:00,304
to in a hypothetical situation?

330
00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:00,460
We've been…

331
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,740
let's say we've been talking
to hypothetically and just…

332
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,690
And it's been not horny brain
Adam, just regular conversation.

333
00:13:07,690 --> 00:13:08,010
Just a regular

334
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:08,460
old conversation.

335
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:09,210
A regular old

336
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:09,350
conversation.

337
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:09,370
Yeah.

338
00:13:09,430 --> 00:13:09,850
Right, right, right.

339
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:13,260
We decided we're gonna go meet them
at the club- Yeah … and we may play.

340
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:13,650
Uh-huh.

341
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:14,670
Okay.

342
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,710
So we're gonna meet tonight.

343
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:16,740
Yeah.

344
00:13:16,790 --> 00:13:19,260
You know, me and my husband are
gonna meet you and Priscilla.

345
00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:19,570
Yeah.

346
00:13:20,070 --> 00:13:23,850
If we decide to play, I know what you've
told me, I know that you told me you've,

347
00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:27,220
you come and you, you can still stay hard.

348
00:13:27,230 --> 00:13:27,550
Mm-hmm.

349
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:27,730
Mm-hmm.

350
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:29,540
But what is like, what's your orgasm?

351
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:32,250
Like, what do you… What's,
what's your preferred… How are

352
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:33,570
we gonna start off the night?

353
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:37,860
Yeah, I've had women ask me to break
that down, and I, you know, I just,

354
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:40,160
I'm so meat and potatoes with it.

355
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:44,760
You know, I've had men ask me how
I wanna start the night, and I just

356
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,760
tell them, "How the fuck do I know?"

357
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:47,390
Like,

358
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,700
what- I may not like to, wanna
talk to you when we get there.

359
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:51,810
I'm, I'm, I'm not very chaotic.

360
00:13:51,810 --> 00:13:54,850
I'm actually very organized
and OCD in a lot of aspects.

361
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:55,370
You are.

362
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:56,250
And especially with this.

363
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:57,870
I know exactly how your night-

364
00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:59,950
I, it's how our s- our sex goes.

365
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:00,120
Yeah.

366
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,580
Like, every single time we go to
the back, we're very rigid with

367
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:03,830
what we do and how we do it.

368
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,630
We go, like, we walk straight to the back.

369
00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:07,420
We get over there.

370
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:08,920
We get partly undressed.

371
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:11,390
I go down on you till you come.

372
00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:12,030
Mm-hmm.

373
00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:13,300
Then I lay down.

374
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:17,170
You go down on me until you can't
take it anymore, and you ride me- Yeah

375
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:17,710
normally.

376
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:24,040
Um, and then if we're not fully edging,
then you'll lay down at some point,

377
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:28,070
and I'll take you missionary until I
have to stop or finish, one of the two.

378
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:28,420
Yeah.

379
00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:30,890
Uh, and then yeah, we'll be done.

380
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:31,660
That's it.

381
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:32,300
That's it.

382
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,440
Uh, every now and then
we'll throw in doggy style.

383
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,050
Every now and then we'll do it
on the side- We're not very…

384
00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:38,570
or whatever.

385
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,800
We're- But this is our, this is our-

386
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:41,640
We're not very-

387
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:42,090
…
equation.

388
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:42,470
Yeah.

389
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,790
We're not very, um- It's

390
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:44,410
our formula.

391
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:45,440
Yeah, we

392
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,690
don't do- I don't have
a whole lot of moves.

393
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:50,820
We don't do anything, like,
don't bend me every which way.

394
00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:52,450
And- This is not for y'all's
pleasure we're doing.

395
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:56,120
But, you know, that brings up another
question that I had that popped into

396
00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:02,570
my head the other day, uh, because,
you know, I remember, uh, being young

397
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:07,380
and trying to get ahold of porno mags,
and they were a little difficult.

398
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:11,440
And I remember going to the Barnes
& Noble, and I found a picture book

399
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,000
on Kama Sutra, and I bought it.

400
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:14,690
Okay.

401
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:15,370
Now,

402
00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:17,250
that- A picture book you say?

403
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:17,570
Yeah.

404
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:20,120
Well, I mean, it had words in
there, but it had a lot of pictures.

405
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:20,610
Okay.

406
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,930
And, uh, it showed a lot
of these different, um-

407
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,040
I didn't know what Kama Sutra was
until I was in, like, my late 20s

408
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,310
Oh, no, I was like 14.

409
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:28,340
Yeah.

410
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:31,520
Um, the different positions
and this and that.

411
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:37,190
And- I saw these different positions and
I, I still know of some of them today.

412
00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:39,820
I just, I just don't bend that way.

413
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:40,180
You know?

414
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:42,410
And I'm not that… I,
I… That's so difficult.

415
00:15:42,450 --> 00:15:48,520
Or, you know, in some cases, like, you
have to have a really large dick to get to

416
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:52,080
some of these places to have any kind of
meaningful impact, 'cause all of a sudden

417
00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:55,820
she's like, "You're sitting on my knees,"
or I have to be a certain way and- Yeah

418
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,950
and it's like, well, my
dick won't reach that far.

419
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:58,260
Yeah.

420
00:15:58,270 --> 00:15:58,760
You know?

421
00:15:58,990 --> 00:15:59,510
Sorry.

422
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:05,090
Um, but- No … a lot of these
positions are not functional

423
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,010
positions- No … in my opinion.

424
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:08,100
Uh, like I said, I'm, I'm eating potatoes.

425
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:08,660
I mean, they are.

426
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:08,700
Some

427
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,030
of them are, are really- They

428
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:10,430
can

429
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,640
be … like, I've done a few
positions where it's like, oh, I

430
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,980
don't know if I can do those anymore.

431
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,070
Why?

432
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,510
Because I don't know.

433
00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:20,030
You've never tried them.

434
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,530
I don't even know what
positions you're talking about.

435
00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:24,230
You've never asked me to change it up.

436
00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:24,710
Yeah.

437
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,240
I have very functional positions.

438
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:26,800
I'm content.

439
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:33,070
The positions that I utilize are positions
to make, A, you come, and B, me come.

440
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:33,390
Yeah.

441
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:37,080
And those positions are
functional, and they do the job.

442
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:37,750
They do the job.

443
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:38,240
That's right.

444
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,230
The trusty old sidekicks of, of- I have no

445
00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:40,640
complaints.

446
00:16:40,650 --> 00:16:40,990
Like- Yeah.

447
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:42,760
I get the job done.

448
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,090
And, and when I sleep with other women,
I get the job done- Yeah … with

449
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:49,300
those few positions that I have.

450
00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:49,620
Yeah.

451
00:16:49,650 --> 00:16:54,460
I have very rarely been told by a woman
that I was playing with in the lifestyle,

452
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,230
"Hey, can we try this position?"

453
00:16:56,550 --> 00:17:01,020
Or, "Can we do it this way?" Um, most
of the women that I've been with in

454
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:07,320
the lifestyle are tried and true, let's
do oral, let's do, uh, doggy style,

455
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:10,010
let's do missionary, let me ride you.

456
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:11,190
That's, I mean, that's-

457
00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:11,742
I mean, what

458
00:17:11,742 --> 00:17:11,840
else is there?

459
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:12,870
… that's as far as it goes.

460
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:14,220
What else is there?

461
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:19,130
Okay, real quick before we get back
into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com.

462
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:19,980
Oh, yes.

463
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,340
Okay, so if you don't know SDC,
it's basically the largest online

464
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:24,940
community for open-minded adults.

465
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:29,725
Which if you're listening to this show
right now, I feel like you probably

466
00:17:29,725 --> 00:17:31,395
already know if that's your scene.

467
00:17:31,755 --> 00:17:32,035
Yeah.

468
00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:33,975
It's your people all in one place.

469
00:17:34,315 --> 00:17:36,555
Just make a profile and go explore.

470
00:17:36,795 --> 00:17:40,715
No weirdness, no judgment, just
a ton of like-minded humans

471
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,525
living their lives, just like us.

472
00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:44,495
Honestly, it's kinda
fun just to poke around.

473
00:17:44,575 --> 00:17:45,515
Yeah, it really is.

474
00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:47,945
Go sign up at sdc.com.

475
00:17:48,155 --> 00:17:49,585
Use code 38236.

476
00:17:49,675 --> 00:17:52,285
Link's in the show notes.

477
00:17:52,325 --> 00:17:54,015
Okay, now back to what we were saying.

478
00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:54,615
Yes

479
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,603
You could do it on the side.

480
00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:57,413
Um-

481
00:17:57,413 --> 00:17:58,433
Yeah, you've done me

482
00:17:58,433 --> 00:17:58,513
on the

483
00:17:58,913 --> 00:17:59,113
side

484
00:17:59,133 --> 00:17:59,343
before.

485
00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:02,043
Um … you know, some, some guys
pick up their women and, and

486
00:18:02,043 --> 00:18:02,693
hold them.

487
00:18:02,693 --> 00:18:03,723
My man's not gonna pick you up, Carl.

488
00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:04,323
I can't do that.

489
00:18:04,323 --> 00:18:05,863
My upper body strength is lacking.

490
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:06,893
Um-

491
00:18:06,913 --> 00:18:09,463
So, I mean- And so that's
the way you started, right?

492
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,663
So you're like, "Okay, well-"

493
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:16,163
Or like we were, we were next to that
one couple at the club and, and he had

494
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,309
his legs open a certain way and she
was in between them- And she was, yeah

495
00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:20,533
and she had her legs locked in.

496
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,493
That was a different position that we had-
I wanna try that … never tried before.

497
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:28,683
Uh, last night at the club you were
riding me but facing, uh, forward,

498
00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:30,663
facing away from me, reverse cowgirl.

499
00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:30,703
Uh-huh.

500
00:18:30,823 --> 00:18:31,113
Yeah.

501
00:18:31,123 --> 00:18:32,823
Because we had friends
who were having fun.

502
00:18:33,453 --> 00:18:33,503
We

503
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:33,633
were

504
00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:33,843
watching.

505
00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:37,283
That's the only time that you change it
up, is when, oh, well, we got friends

506
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,543
over here and you wanna watch the show.

507
00:18:39,143 --> 00:18:41,313
Uh, but outside of that, I
mean, we do the same positions.

508
00:18:41,313 --> 00:18:41,813
When I wanna

509
00:18:42,013 --> 00:18:43,903
see somebody- They're
functional … I wanna see somebody.

510
00:18:43,933 --> 00:18:47,563
But yeah, it's, it's really,
we have sex for our pleasure.

511
00:18:47,963 --> 00:18:50,873
Um, you can watch if you
wanna watch or don't.

512
00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:56,733
So i- if you were to play with
somebody who just had a mastery list

513
00:18:56,733 --> 00:19:00,953
of different wild positions, and
this is your first time with them-

514
00:19:01,353 --> 00:19:01,793
Uh-huh

515
00:19:01,953 --> 00:19:03,483
would you go along with that?

516
00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:07,183
Or would you be like, "Okay, hold
on a second. One, I don't do these

517
00:19:07,193 --> 00:19:10,943
positions with my husband. Two, I
don't know if I could bend that way

518
00:19:10,943 --> 00:19:13,793
without proper meditation." And three-

519
00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,003
I'm pretty, I'm pretty bendable

520
00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:19,753
…
you can be, but also- Yeah … like
afterwards you don't bend back as easily.

521
00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:25,773
So you can be bent in certain positions,
but the bending back is the hard part.

522
00:19:26,273 --> 00:19:29,093
You know, I can fold you like laundry,
but then you're just gonna stay-

523
00:19:29,093 --> 00:19:31,773
I- … like that like you're starched.

524
00:19:31,773 --> 00:19:31,803
I can bend.

525
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:31,823
Nah, girl.

526
00:19:31,823 --> 00:19:32,073
Hey, man, I hear the creaks.

527
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:33,913
Uh, no.

528
00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:34,003
I hear the creaks.

529
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:35,233
You don't hear any creaks.

530
00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:35,843
Um-

531
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:37,373
Oh, you, you start walking around-
You know what I really like?

532
00:19:37,373 --> 00:19:39,383
You're like, "You hear that clicking
in my hip?" 'Cause you- You hear that?

533
00:19:39,403 --> 00:19:40,493
Every time I walk I hear
a clicking in my hip.

534
00:19:40,493 --> 00:19:40,603
Um,

535
00:19:40,603 --> 00:19:45,153
if somebody asked me to do a
certain thing, yeah, I'd be down.

536
00:19:45,423 --> 00:19:45,743
Yeah?

537
00:19:45,873 --> 00:19:46,313
Yeah.

538
00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:49,743
I don't mind trying different positions.

539
00:19:49,853 --> 00:19:52,023
Even if it was something that
you've never tried with me?

540
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:53,293
Um…

541
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:58,813
'Cause you seem to have a real problem
doing stuff or ha- having… You have

542
00:19:58,813 --> 00:20:00,613
a problem with me doing stuff that-

543
00:20:01,373 --> 00:20:01,653
I don't

544
00:20:01,653 --> 00:20:03,083
wanna know … that you've never-

545
00:20:03,113 --> 00:20:04,073
I told you I don't wanna know … done

546
00:20:04,213 --> 00:20:04,563
with me.

547
00:20:04,593 --> 00:20:04,903
Yeah.

548
00:20:04,983 --> 00:20:05,563
I don't wanna know.

549
00:20:06,403 --> 00:20:08,433
You said if I don't say
anything that that's lying.

550
00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:09,093
I don't wanna know.

551
00:20:09,603 --> 00:20:11,203
Now, if I asked you and you told me-

552
00:20:11,663 --> 00:20:11,933
What a tangled web we weave

553
00:20:11,933 --> 00:20:12,068
I'd be

554
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:15,583
like, "Oh." I mean- What could we
do that we have never done before?

555
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:16,703
I have no idea.

556
00:20:16,703 --> 00:20:18,113
We've had sex on a chair.

557
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,363
We've had sex on tables.

558
00:20:19,363 --> 00:20:19,443
Yeah.

559
00:20:19,443 --> 00:20:20,143
We had sex on counters.

560
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:20,283
You,

561
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,683
I mean- We've had sex on a
balcony … you said that I, I can't

562
00:20:21,683 --> 00:20:23,483
have sex in public with somebody.

563
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:24,993
Can't have sex in public with anybody.

564
00:20:24,993 --> 00:20:25,093
I

565
00:20:25,313 --> 00:20:26,123
mean- Or, like, in a car or something.

566
00:20:26,133 --> 00:20:29,833
No, I said you can't be fucking anybody
on a balcony outside in the public of air.

567
00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:30,213
That's right.

568
00:20:30,253 --> 00:20:31,173
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

569
00:20:31,173 --> 00:20:32,293
That's a very specific thing.

570
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:32,653
Yeah.

571
00:20:32,693 --> 00:20:32,933
No.

572
00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:34,893
No, no balcony fucking-
No … with somebody else.

573
00:20:34,903 --> 00:20:38,353
Even if you open their windows
and you're fucking against the

574
00:20:38,353 --> 00:20:40,523
window in their balcony, no.

575
00:20:40,753 --> 00:20:41,143
Really?

576
00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:43,113
No, we do not do that, no.

577
00:20:43,783 --> 00:20:44,193
Why?

578
00:20:44,253 --> 00:20:45,293
Because you don't do that with me.

579
00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,043
It's because we don't have a balcony.

580
00:20:47,093 --> 00:20:49,263
When we go to hotels or
anything, we don't do that.

581
00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:51,333
It's… I didn't realize it was an option.

582
00:20:51,703 --> 00:20:52,053
Of course.

583
00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:53,633
What do you mean, of course?

584
00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,243
Any- As if I would've known this,

585
00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:58,163
ever … anything, anything
fun and anything fun can, you

586
00:20:58,163 --> 00:20:59,323
can get caught in the act.

587
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,143
So why does it have to be my idea?

588
00:21:01,143 --> 00:21:02,613
Why can't it ever be your idea?

589
00:21:02,613 --> 00:21:04,913
Why can't you say, "Hey,
let's give this a shot"?

590
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:05,663
Okay.

591
00:21:05,793 --> 00:21:06,103
Because

592
00:21:06,123 --> 00:21:07,303
-
Why does it rely on

593
00:21:07,323 --> 00:21:07,533
me?

594
00:21:07,543 --> 00:21:08,483
… I usually get shot down.

595
00:21:08,923 --> 00:21:10,373
You've never asked.

596
00:21:10,673 --> 00:21:12,563
I've said, "Do you wanna have
sex here?" And you're like,

597
00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:14,573
"No, it's outside." Where?

598
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,253
Like, in the parking lot in the car.

599
00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:20,723
Yeah, because it's, it's - … you're
talking about fucking in a parking lot

600
00:21:20,803 --> 00:21:22,863
of an H-E-B or something that's packed.

601
00:21:23,203 --> 00:21:25,163
You gotta… You can't
just do spur of the moment.

602
00:21:25,173 --> 00:21:26,423
You gotta build me up to that.

603
00:21:26,813 --> 00:21:29,293
So you gotta tell me, "Hey, so next week-"

604
00:21:29,703 --> 00:21:29,963
Okay

605
00:21:30,553 --> 00:21:31,413
"…
on Saturday-"

606
00:21:31,533 --> 00:21:31,613
All right

607
00:21:32,383 --> 00:21:33,193
"…
we're gonna go here-" I

608
00:21:33,213 --> 00:21:34,573
mean, you can have sex with anybody-

609
00:21:34,573 --> 00:21:34,701
and we're gonna do
this." … anywhere you want.

610
00:21:34,701 --> 00:21:34,715
What?

611
00:21:34,715 --> 00:21:34,729
Yeah.

612
00:21:34,729 --> 00:21:34,799
But not on a balcony.

613
00:21:34,799 --> 00:21:34,883
No, go ahead, if you want to.

614
00:21:34,883 --> 00:21:34,943
Or in front of a window.

615
00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:34,993
If, if you want to.

616
00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:35,113
Why are you

617
00:21:35,613 --> 00:21:36,323
changing it

618
00:21:36,723 --> 00:21:36,833
right now?

619
00:21:36,833 --> 00:21:36,883
'Cause we

620
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:37,993
talked about that.

621
00:21:38,053 --> 00:21:39,193
Yeah, if you want to, you can.

622
00:21:40,183 --> 00:21:40,513
Hmm.

623
00:21:41,193 --> 00:21:41,643
I don't know.

624
00:21:42,173 --> 00:21:42,683
I don't know.

625
00:21:43,443 --> 00:21:44,043
I don't know, guys.

626
00:21:44,083 --> 00:21:45,093
I don't know how I feel about that.

627
00:21:45,883 --> 00:21:50,013
Uh, you know, but that's, that's really
the, the big question is y- you know,

628
00:21:50,053 --> 00:21:54,223
I, I think that there's two schools of
thoughts for guys in this lifestyle.

629
00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:59,873
Um, they're… Half the guys that I've
met in this lifestyle, uh, don't really

630
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:01,733
think about pleasuring the other woman.

631
00:22:01,743 --> 00:22:05,923
They're so interested in just having
sex with them that once they get

632
00:22:05,923 --> 00:22:07,413
their rocks off, yeah, that's it.

633
00:22:07,823 --> 00:22:08,983
It, it may not- You know- … last long.

634
00:22:08,983 --> 00:22:10,423
It may, may be a bit.

635
00:22:11,153 --> 00:22:14,373
Uh, but the other half of the
guys are people pleasers like me.

636
00:22:14,573 --> 00:22:14,823
Yeah.

637
00:22:14,903 --> 00:22:18,633
And I know several men who are
like, "I, I don't care if I come

638
00:22:18,633 --> 00:22:21,893
or not. I just want this time with
you, and I wanna make you come."

639
00:22:22,183 --> 00:22:22,523
Yes.

640
00:22:22,573 --> 00:22:22,943
You know?

641
00:22:22,983 --> 00:22:24,253
And I know I've said that before.

642
00:22:24,263 --> 00:22:26,673
I, I get a lot of guys
that say that to me.

643
00:22:26,703 --> 00:22:26,993
Yeah.

644
00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:27,273
Yeah.

645
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:30,083
And that's, that's half, half of the
guys in the lifestyle- And I'm like-

646
00:22:30,083 --> 00:22:30,953
are one or the other

647
00:22:31,043 --> 00:22:31,653
…
great.

648
00:22:31,723 --> 00:22:32,573
Let's do this.

649
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,663
Um, I take a long time sometimes, though.

650
00:22:35,803 --> 00:22:37,063
Like, if you're not
hitting the right spot.

651
00:22:38,013 --> 00:22:40,963
Yeah, but you… I don't
know if you still do this.

652
00:22:40,963 --> 00:22:41,733
Do you fake it?

653
00:22:42,233 --> 00:22:42,983
Uh, no.

654
00:22:43,023 --> 00:22:44,603
'
Cause you used to just to end it.

655
00:22:44,753 --> 00:22:47,723
Yeah, no, the guys have
been pretty good lately.

656
00:22:47,973 --> 00:22:48,333
Yeah?

657
00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:48,893
Mm-hmm.

658
00:22:49,393 --> 00:22:49,763
Wow.

659
00:22:49,973 --> 00:22:50,493
Yeah.

660
00:22:51,073 --> 00:22:52,273
Pat on the back, fellas.

661
00:22:52,423 --> 00:22:55,063
It… Yeah, it ha- hasn't
been that many, but yes.

662
00:22:55,563 --> 00:22:56,713
But they're your regulars now.

663
00:22:57,633 --> 00:22:59,463
Um- Yeah

664
00:22:59,943 --> 00:23:00,733
Yeah, the ones that
make you cum and you're

665
00:23:00,733 --> 00:23:03,133
regular with I just don't, I don't, we
don't have sex like, we don't play very

666
00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:07,323
often, so when we do play, they are the
ones that are there that I can play with.

667
00:23:07,523 --> 00:23:07,853
Yeah.

668
00:23:08,323 --> 00:23:08,473
Mm-hmm.

669
00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:09,133
Yeah.

670
00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:12,393
So when we go to a place
like the club- Mm-hmm

671
00:23:12,473 --> 00:23:14,623
like tonight, for example,
we're gonna go to the club.

672
00:23:15,323 --> 00:23:20,203
Um, when we go, I know that neither
one of us have any expectations

673
00:23:20,203 --> 00:23:22,753
with the exception of you and
I are gonna sleep together.

674
00:23:23,303 --> 00:23:26,203
Uh, we never have any expectations
of playing with others.

675
00:23:27,003 --> 00:23:33,643
But do you have expectations to orgasm at
least once in the night before leaving?

676
00:23:34,143 --> 00:23:34,713
With you?

677
00:23:35,173 --> 00:23:35,763
Just period.

678
00:23:35,933 --> 00:23:36,473
Yes.

679
00:23:36,533 --> 00:23:36,873
Yeah.

680
00:23:36,943 --> 00:23:37,303
Yeah.

681
00:23:38,003 --> 00:23:39,223
Yeah, I'm pretty tried and true on that.

682
00:23:39,223 --> 00:23:39,773
Yeah.

683
00:23:39,923 --> 00:23:40,723
I can make that happen.

684
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:40,943
Mm-hmm.

685
00:23:41,283 --> 00:23:42,463
You make it happen more than once.

686
00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:43,453
Yeah.

687
00:23:43,513 --> 00:23:48,133
Now, if your situation was like
this, uh, this person who wrote

688
00:23:48,133 --> 00:23:53,003
in, where… A- and it's, it's
actually not far off from- No, it's

689
00:23:53,213 --> 00:23:54,703
not … from the way it's been with you.

690
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:55,033
Yes.

691
00:23:55,113 --> 00:24:00,963
Uh, because, to the person who wrote
that, uh, this was one of the problems

692
00:24:00,963 --> 00:24:04,963
that we've always had, is that we'll
play with a couple, whether it be

693
00:24:04,963 --> 00:24:08,703
at a house party or at the club,
or even just a couple that we met.

694
00:24:08,963 --> 00:24:09,353
Mm-hmm.

695
00:24:09,403 --> 00:24:11,633
And the vibes are there.

696
00:24:11,643 --> 00:24:13,143
Everything seems cool.

697
00:24:13,573 --> 00:24:14,893
We go to the bedroom.

698
00:24:15,233 --> 00:24:16,703
I start in with the wife.

699
00:24:17,113 --> 00:24:21,733
Uh, my lovely wife here starts with
the, the husband of the, the couple.

700
00:24:22,233 --> 00:24:23,863
And I stop paying attention.

701
00:24:24,293 --> 00:24:27,623
I'm trying to make the
woman that I'm with orgasm.

702
00:24:27,863 --> 00:24:31,213
Like, that's my goal, and so I'm
putting all my work into that.

703
00:24:31,503 --> 00:24:37,393
Meanwhile, my wife is having not the
greatest time with the person that she's

704
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:41,203
with, uh, for any variety of reasons.

705
00:24:41,243 --> 00:24:41,973
Could be anything.

706
00:24:42,543 --> 00:24:48,143
Um, and normally, when it doesn't
work out between her and the guy that

707
00:24:48,143 --> 00:24:52,663
she's with, she'll normally come up
to me and she'll be like, "Okay, now

708
00:24:52,663 --> 00:24:53,653
you're gonna make me cum." Mm-hmm.

709
00:24:54,153 --> 00:24:54,433
Yeah.

710
00:24:54,433 --> 00:24:56,273
"He didn't make me cum, so
now you're gonna make me cum."

711
00:24:56,273 --> 00:25:01,093
And I do… So, like, if you're with a
couple and your husband is, is having

712
00:25:01,103 --> 00:25:06,593
fun with that woman, and then the
guy hasn't made you cum but he's cum

713
00:25:06,593 --> 00:25:10,103
already, then I would just be s- I'd
stay right there and I'd be like, "All

714
00:25:10,103 --> 00:25:14,563
right, husband, come over here and
make me, do your thing," because, yeah.

715
00:25:14,563 --> 00:25:14,683
Yeah.

716
00:25:14,683 --> 00:25:16,213
That was not satisfying to me.

717
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:16,243
Yeah.

718
00:25:16,523 --> 00:25:19,333
I don't, what, one… Let me tell you
what's the most frustrating for me, is,

719
00:25:19,343 --> 00:25:22,453
like, when we're in the back and we're
having, like, an orgy or something, and

720
00:25:22,453 --> 00:25:27,693
I don't have an orgasm and everybody else
has, and it… That is so frustrating

721
00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:31,723
to me, because it's like we just all
put on this, this whole time, and all

722
00:25:31,723 --> 00:25:33,743
you men already came and I'm still here.

723
00:25:33,743 --> 00:25:34,393
Yeah, no.

724
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:37,833
I'll gri- I don't… He'll be, he
could be in the middle of something

725
00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:40,573
and I'll be like- And I haven't,
yeah … "All right, I, you need to

726
00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:42,043
go take care of your husband, girl.

727
00:25:42,323 --> 00:25:43,293
You need to give me mine.

728
00:25:43,303 --> 00:25:48,283
Wor- he works great." Um, "And
he's perfectly fine with having

729
00:25:48,283 --> 00:25:49,653
sex with me, so let's do this."

730
00:25:50,073 --> 00:25:53,223
Now, worth asking, is this common?

731
00:25:53,883 --> 00:25:54,253
Yes.

732
00:25:54,263 --> 00:25:55,723
Uh, it is very common.

733
00:25:55,733 --> 00:25:59,063
The funny thing is- Yes … is that
it, it's not spoken about very often.

734
00:25:59,113 --> 00:25:59,323
It's

735
00:25:59,333 --> 00:25:59,363
not.

736
00:25:59,363 --> 00:26:00,943
It is very common for women.

737
00:26:00,973 --> 00:26:01,543
Yeah.

738
00:26:01,563 --> 00:26:05,803
Because I've, I, I know it from your
point of view, but I also know it from

739
00:26:05,813 --> 00:26:09,233
other women that we've talked to in
the lifestyle who have gotten around.

740
00:26:09,743 --> 00:26:14,983
Uh, and they tend to have
not so great, you know, uh-

741
00:26:15,483 --> 00:26:16,503
rendezvous-

742
00:26:16,503 --> 00:26:17,063
Yeah

743
00:26:17,163 --> 00:26:22,473
…
um, a- and it's normally men that
they've just met and played with or

744
00:26:22,483 --> 00:26:25,873
maybe met a couple of times and it's the
first time playing, that sort of thing.

745
00:26:26,023 --> 00:26:29,253
You know, because I have noticed that
sometimes when couples get together,

746
00:26:29,753 --> 00:26:32,843
the guy is just staring at his wife.

747
00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:36,353
Like, if y'all are in the same room
and stuff, he's just staring at his

748
00:26:36,353 --> 00:26:40,813
wife getting pounded and not really
focusing, sometimes not really focusing on

749
00:26:41,023 --> 00:26:41,140
the person.

750
00:26:41,140 --> 00:26:41,873
I get that.

751
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:46,523
I mean, I used to love to watch you, but
I also wanted to really put forth a lot

752
00:26:46,523 --> 00:26:51,473
of, uh, effort in… I get off into making
the person I'm with get off, you know?

753
00:26:51,493 --> 00:26:51,863
Yeah.

754
00:26:52,013 --> 00:26:54,403
Um, but I don't think
everybody thinks like that.

755
00:26:54,623 --> 00:26:54,973
No.

756
00:26:54,973 --> 00:26:56,683
Um, and this is definitely a common thing.

757
00:26:56,703 --> 00:26:56,803
I

758
00:26:56,803 --> 00:26:57,083
don't.

759
00:26:57,973 --> 00:26:59,583
I, I've spoken to women, uh- Like-

760
00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:02,963
often that are like- I don't- … "I've,
I've yet to come from a, another

761
00:27:02,963 --> 00:27:03,343
guy." Yeah.

762
00:27:03,343 --> 00:27:08,183
I don't, um, I don't have sex with men
to, for their pleasure most of the times.

763
00:27:08,563 --> 00:27:13,563
Um, and if I, if we do, it's mainly
because, oh, Adam wanted to see that

764
00:27:13,563 --> 00:27:17,643
or I wanted to experience it and,
um, I wasn't, I don't really need

765
00:27:17,653 --> 00:27:21,553
to have a orgasm, but I don't really
fuck the men for their pleasure.

766
00:27:22,323 --> 00:27:22,773
Yeah.

767
00:27:22,773 --> 00:27:23,183
You know- I

768
00:27:23,183 --> 00:27:23,583
really do it

769
00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:24,483
for, like- Not anymore.

770
00:27:24,493 --> 00:27:25,583
Yeah, not anymore, for sure.

771
00:27:25,603 --> 00:27:27,133
You became very vocal about that.

772
00:27:27,133 --> 00:27:27,257
Yeah.

773
00:27:27,257 --> 00:27:29,043
You were like, "You know
what? I'm tired of this shit."

774
00:27:29,163 --> 00:27:29,353
Yeah.

775
00:27:29,463 --> 00:27:30,813
"
Um, I need to get mine."

776
00:27:30,813 --> 00:27:31,083
Yeah.

777
00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:34,523
If we're fucking, it's because I want
to fuck and it's because I wanna have

778
00:27:34,523 --> 00:27:37,513
an orgasm or I want spank bank material.

779
00:27:37,753 --> 00:27:41,913
Now, on a different tangent, I'm kinda
curious, do you think that because this

780
00:27:41,943 --> 00:27:47,693
issue is so common, is that a reason
why women tend to go for more women?

781
00:27:48,193 --> 00:27:48,733
Um,

782
00:27:49,233 --> 00:27:49,553
no

783
00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:50,163
No?

784
00:27:50,163 --> 00:27:51,153
No.

785
00:27:51,153 --> 00:27:51,563
No.

786
00:27:51,563 --> 00:27:52,273
Mm-mm.

787
00:27:52,373 --> 00:27:52,683
No?

788
00:27:52,723 --> 00:27:52,963
No.

789
00:27:53,573 --> 00:27:55,243
Because a lot

790
00:27:55,243 --> 00:27:57,653
of- 'Cause you've had some bad
experiences with women, too

791
00:27:57,823 --> 00:27:58,443
Yeah.

792
00:27:58,503 --> 00:27:59,703
I've had bad experience, yeah

793
00:27:59,703 --> 00:27:59,933
Just as

794
00:27:59,933 --> 00:28:01,263
much as men So yeah, no.

795
00:28:01,573 --> 00:28:08,763
Um, I like to play with women, but I
have noticed that playing with women

796
00:28:08,763 --> 00:28:14,653
in the lifestyle isn't as easy as
playing with men in the lifestyle.

797
00:28:15,023 --> 00:28:20,033
Women have that I need to start
drinking before I kiss a girl.

798
00:28:20,043 --> 00:28:20,063
Yeah.

799
00:28:20,063 --> 00:28:23,893
Yeah Like, they get super nervous
and they really get to a point where

800
00:28:23,893 --> 00:28:24,733
it's fun and- 'Cause of conditioning

801
00:28:24,733 --> 00:28:24,973
yeah.

802
00:28:25,513 --> 00:28:27,233
It's not, it's not fun anymore.

803
00:28:27,233 --> 00:28:29,343
But, um, no.

804
00:28:29,933 --> 00:28:32,633
Now, I will tell you that if
I'm with a woman, I wanna make

805
00:28:32,633 --> 00:28:35,483
her orgasm before I orgasm.

806
00:28:35,593 --> 00:28:35,883
Mm-hmm.

807
00:28:36,133 --> 00:28:42,173
So I do do that for women, but for men,
sorry guys, I do not do it for you guys.

808
00:28:42,673 --> 00:28:43,643
I don't.

809
00:28:43,673 --> 00:28:47,243
I know that sounds crappy, but I
mean, if we're friends and we've had

810
00:28:47,243 --> 00:28:50,743
sex before, then yeah, of course I'm
gonna, you know, please you like that.

811
00:28:50,743 --> 00:28:55,853
But if this is somebody that I'm
in, I'm already there and I've been

812
00:28:55,853 --> 00:28:58,883
at it for like, I don't know, 30
minutes and nothing is happening

813
00:28:58,883 --> 00:29:00,073
and it's still the same rhythm.

814
00:29:01,023 --> 00:29:02,753
I'm like, "I'm done."

815
00:29:03,363 --> 00:29:08,043
But s- so why can't you use it as
a teachable opportunity and say,

816
00:29:08,043 --> 00:29:09,743
"Okay, here's what I need you to do.

817
00:29:10,293 --> 00:29:11,433
You really wanna get me off?

818
00:29:11,493 --> 00:29:12,543
Here's what I need you to do"?

819
00:29:12,573 --> 00:29:13,463
I don't care enough.

820
00:29:13,963 --> 00:29:14,363
Really?

821
00:29:14,363 --> 00:29:17,243
The guys that know how to have
sex with me, that I like to

822
00:29:17,243 --> 00:29:18,563
have sex with, already know.

823
00:29:19,033 --> 00:29:21,333
I am not there for me to teach.

824
00:29:21,343 --> 00:29:22,763
If you see that my- That's

825
00:29:22,773 --> 00:29:23,253
so bad, man

826
00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:30,143
…
if you hear that my moans are nonexistent
or very low, you're not doing something.

827
00:29:30,243 --> 00:29:32,993
I don't understand the whole
I don't wanna teach thing.

828
00:29:32,993 --> 00:29:33,198
I,

829
00:29:33,198 --> 00:29:33,403
I,

830
00:29:33,403 --> 00:29:33,413
It's

831
00:29:33,413 --> 00:29:33,633
not that I wanna teach.

832
00:29:33,663 --> 00:29:36,343
I just don't wanna be
there and tell you, "Hey"-

833
00:29:36,343 --> 00:29:40,703
If most of your experiences- … dude,
I've been there … are bad, then why

834
00:29:40,703 --> 00:29:44,153
not take that time and go, "Okay, we're
not gonna do this bad experience thing.

835
00:29:44,153 --> 00:29:44,333
You're

836
00:29:44,453 --> 00:29:46,643
telling me- I need to teach you
this … that if someone sucks your

837
00:29:46,643 --> 00:29:51,273
dick and has a lot of teeth, but then
the next time they come around they

838
00:29:51,273 --> 00:29:54,293
wanna suck your dick again and you
know that they have a lot of teeth.

839
00:29:54,503 --> 00:29:56,113
Are you gonna tell her, "Hey"-

840
00:29:56,123 --> 00:29:58,053
Second time around, if it happens again?

841
00:29:58,543 --> 00:29:58,859
You're gonna tell her, "Hey, your"- Yeah.

842
00:29:58,859 --> 00:30:01,053
I'll be like, "Ooh, easy
with the teeth." Yeah.

843
00:30:01,103 --> 00:30:01,943
I have before.

844
00:30:02,443 --> 00:30:03,983
I mean, uh, you've told me that.

845
00:30:04,113 --> 00:30:04,603
Yeah, not just you.

846
00:30:04,603 --> 00:30:04,763
I've, I've- I've

847
00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,433
never heard you tell
anybody else, but- You've

848
00:30:06,433 --> 00:30:07,173
never heard me- Yeah,

849
00:30:07,173 --> 00:30:07,463
I've never

850
00:30:07,463 --> 00:30:07,773
heard you, so

851
00:30:07,773 --> 00:30:09,513
because you've been
involved with other things.

852
00:30:09,523 --> 00:30:09,543
Yeah.

853
00:30:09,583 --> 00:30:09,983
I don't, I- But

854
00:30:09,983 --> 00:30:11,823
yeah, no, I've… If it doesn't

855
00:30:11,823 --> 00:30:11,873
feel

856
00:30:11,873 --> 00:30:11,903
good-

857
00:30:12,403 --> 00:30:15,843
If I'm there at the club and it, you're,
you're doing the same thing and we

858
00:30:15,843 --> 00:30:20,223
haven't moved and you s- and they, you
know you're just watching your wife and

859
00:30:20,223 --> 00:30:22,203
whatever, nah, I'm already out of it.

860
00:30:22,253 --> 00:30:22,863
I'm out of it.

861
00:30:23,623 --> 00:30:26,063
Like, there's times and places
where I'm just completely out of

862
00:30:26,063 --> 00:30:29,583
it and I'm like, "Yeah, this was
a waste of me opening my legs."

863
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:31,363
You know, I don't know.

864
00:30:31,373 --> 00:30:31,863
I, it- I,

865
00:30:32,003 --> 00:30:34,553
I don't wanna sit there and
tell somebody how to have sex.

866
00:30:35,113 --> 00:30:36,958
No, you're not telling
somebody how to have sex.

867
00:30:36,958 --> 00:30:39,323
'Cause then they get all- You're
telling them how to get you off.

868
00:30:39,353 --> 00:30:39,603
Yeah.

869
00:30:39,603 --> 00:30:40,123
Men don't like-

870
00:30:40,123 --> 00:30:41,664
There's a difference between
telling them how to have sex-

871
00:30:41,664 --> 00:30:42,006
Agreed … and how to get you

872
00:30:42,006 --> 00:30:42,063
off.

873
00:30:42,063 --> 00:30:44,773
And I, there's possibly some
men that I can tell this to.

874
00:30:45,173 --> 00:30:47,843
But a lot of men get inside
themselves and they're like, "Oh."

875
00:30:47,843 --> 00:30:48,463
That's true.

876
00:30:49,023 --> 00:30:49,543
"
Oh."

877
00:30:49,583 --> 00:30:49,903
That's true.

878
00:30:50,213 --> 00:30:52,573
I know some guys that aren't
good at taking direction.

879
00:30:52,583 --> 00:30:52,603
Yeah.

880
00:30:52,613 --> 00:30:53,453
They get upset-

881
00:30:53,713 --> 00:30:53,993
Yeah

882
00:30:54,063 --> 00:30:56,543
…
that you're telling them what
to do, and they think that

883
00:30:56,543 --> 00:30:57,463
they know what they're doing.

884
00:30:57,743 --> 00:31:00,673
Guys, for the most part, you
don't know what you're doing.

885
00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:02,603
I know I didn't know what I was doing.

886
00:31:03,003 --> 00:31:04,873
Um, you know, you learn over time.

887
00:31:05,263 --> 00:31:06,703
You tr- but you gotta pay attention.

888
00:31:07,203 --> 00:31:08,143
Ask questions.

889
00:31:08,183 --> 00:31:09,013
Ask questions, man.

890
00:31:09,023 --> 00:31:09,383
Like-

891
00:31:09,433 --> 00:31:11,323
Y- y- guys should be proactive.

892
00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:12,393
Nobody has ever

893
00:31:12,433 --> 00:31:13,203
asked-

894
00:31:13,213 --> 00:31:17,153
And ask … nobody has ever
asked me, "How do you orgasm?"

895
00:31:17,653 --> 00:31:19,643
No one's- And what would
you say if somebody asked

896
00:31:19,643 --> 00:31:20,796
you, how do you orgasm?" Um,

897
00:31:21,486 --> 00:31:23,756
I orgasm by clitoris play.

898
00:31:24,076 --> 00:31:25,906
Like, that's your go-to.

899
00:31:26,206 --> 00:31:26,506
Yeah.

900
00:31:26,816 --> 00:31:27,156
Mm-hmm.

901
00:31:27,656 --> 00:31:27,786
Hmm.

902
00:31:27,876 --> 00:31:28,256
Yeah.

903
00:31:28,526 --> 00:31:32,016
And if you're inside me and you want
me to orgasm, you have to get, like-

904
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:34,146
kind of close to me.

905
00:31:35,006 --> 00:31:38,366
Like, I like to come when
someone's missionary.

906
00:31:38,456 --> 00:31:38,646
Mm.

907
00:31:38,656 --> 00:31:39,636
Like, that's my favorite.

908
00:31:40,456 --> 00:31:42,296
I, you know, I've never
heard you tell anybody that.

909
00:31:42,336 --> 00:31:44,076
I guess 'cause no-
nobody's ever asked, huh?

910
00:31:44,596 --> 00:31:46,616
Um, I've told people that.

911
00:31:46,896 --> 00:31:48,186
Maybe you haven't been
in the conversation.

912
00:31:48,196 --> 00:31:48,246
Yeah.

913
00:31:48,246 --> 00:31:48,826
Possibly.

914
00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:49,546
Yeah.

915
00:31:49,686 --> 00:31:50,586
That's interesting.

916
00:31:50,986 --> 00:31:55,266
Well, so s- suffice to say, this is
an extremely common thing, but I don't

917
00:31:55,276 --> 00:31:57,126
think it's just common in the lifestyle.

918
00:31:57,136 --> 00:31:59,816
I think that this is- No … actually,
like, this is just a sex thing.

919
00:31:59,996 --> 00:32:00,536
Yes.

920
00:32:00,536 --> 00:32:02,066
Uh, this is in the vanilla world, too.

921
00:32:02,076 --> 00:32:02,316
Like-

922
00:32:02,336 --> 00:32:02,696
Yes

923
00:32:02,706 --> 00:32:04,986
…
the o- the orgasm gap is real.

924
00:32:05,036 --> 00:32:05,306
Yes.

925
00:32:05,336 --> 00:32:10,616
Um, and you're gonna find that no matter
what, whether you're, uh, in the lifestyle

926
00:32:10,616 --> 00:32:12,196
or whether you're in the vanilla life.

927
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:18,126
Um, I think it might be harder in the,
uh, lifestyle just because there's a

928
00:32:18,126 --> 00:32:20,886
lot more one-night stands, so to speak.

929
00:32:20,896 --> 00:32:21,726
There's a lot of-

930
00:32:22,096 --> 00:32:22,416
One-time

931
00:32:22,416 --> 00:32:26,606
play … your situations where you, you
play with somebody and they sucked, and

932
00:32:26,606 --> 00:32:29,586
so then it's like, "Yeah, no, I'm not
giving that person a second chance."

933
00:32:29,586 --> 00:32:29,876
Yeah.

934
00:32:29,876 --> 00:32:34,326
And then they just go on and they have sex
with other women who don't teach them, and

935
00:32:34,326 --> 00:32:36,436
they continue giving bad experiences- Yeah

936
00:32:36,486 --> 00:32:37,136
you know?

937
00:32:37,136 --> 00:32:37,356
Like-

938
00:32:37,356 --> 00:32:40,606
Like, it, you have to… And I
understand the teaching part.

939
00:32:40,616 --> 00:32:43,606
Like, I get that, and you
don't have to teach everybody.

940
00:32:43,606 --> 00:32:45,716
But if you know you're already
talking to somebody and you

941
00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:46,616
know y'all are gonna play,

942
00:32:47,246 --> 00:32:47,646
If you'd

943
00:32:47,646 --> 00:32:47,726
like

944
00:32:47,726 --> 00:32:48,616
to keep 'em around, yeah

945
00:32:48,716 --> 00:32:52,836
…
I would give them some advice on what
you like and what you don't like.

946
00:32:53,156 --> 00:32:58,426
Like, "Oh, you're gonna make me come
before I make you come," because- I'm

947
00:32:58,426 --> 00:33:02,926
pretty sure I can make you cum in minutes
. So mine's gonna take a little longer

948
00:33:03,306 --> 00:33:03,466
.
Yeah.

949
00:33:03,966 --> 00:33:08,726
Now, you know, I, I, I think it's, it's
interesting, uh, you know, for the person

950
00:33:08,726 --> 00:33:14,846
who wrote this in, you had mentioned
that you normally come very quickly, uh,

951
00:33:14,856 --> 00:33:16,586
I guess with your, with your husband.

952
00:33:16,606 --> 00:33:18,126
Very, very quick and easy.

953
00:33:18,576 --> 00:33:22,126
But that doesn't seem to
happen, uh, with other people.

954
00:33:22,706 --> 00:33:23,126
Um-

955
00:33:23,646 --> 00:33:24,306
I wonder why

956
00:33:24,316 --> 00:33:28,316
…
what is it that he's doing,
uh, that others are not doing?

957
00:33:28,316 --> 00:33:32,866
Because whatever that is, you can pinpoint
it and just carry that along, and the

958
00:33:32,866 --> 00:33:36,416
next time that you're about to play
with somebody, just straight up tell

959
00:33:36,416 --> 00:33:39,016
them, "Look, uh, this is how I get off."

960
00:33:39,436 --> 00:33:39,796
Yeah.

961
00:33:40,156 --> 00:33:41,576
Like, you don't have
to teach them anything.

962
00:33:41,826 --> 00:33:45,086
But it can be a part of the
conversation before you even

963
00:33:45,256 --> 00:33:46,306
get into the sack with them.

964
00:33:46,316 --> 00:33:46,666
Yeah

965
00:33:46,756 --> 00:33:51,216
…
is, "You know, I've had this thing come
up before where I've been with guys, and

966
00:33:51,226 --> 00:33:53,176
for some reason they just seem to fumble.

967
00:33:53,646 --> 00:33:55,646
I'm gonna give you the
cheat code right now.

968
00:33:55,766 --> 00:33:57,126
This is how you get me off."

969
00:33:57,186 --> 00:33:57,636
Yes.

970
00:33:57,796 --> 00:33:58,876
And you just tell them.

971
00:33:59,206 --> 00:34:04,316
And if they're dumb enough to not take
notes and not do what you told them,

972
00:34:04,606 --> 00:34:06,106
then they don't get a second chance.

973
00:34:06,136 --> 00:34:06,406
Yeah.

974
00:34:06,686 --> 00:34:09,356
And if they're smart enough to take
those notes and do everything the

975
00:34:09,356 --> 00:34:12,086
right way, then obviously you're
gonna, you're gonna be pleasured.

976
00:34:12,086 --> 00:34:12,136
Mm-hmm.

977
00:34:12,136 --> 00:34:13,106
You're gonna have a good time.

978
00:34:13,546 --> 00:34:16,976
Uh, you know, uh, once again, it
always comes to over-communication.

979
00:34:17,066 --> 00:34:17,366
Yes.

980
00:34:17,606 --> 00:34:18,046
Um-

981
00:34:18,116 --> 00:34:18,386
Yeah

982
00:34:18,866 --> 00:34:21,776
…
now, if that person that you're
talking to, you give them the cheat

983
00:34:21,776 --> 00:34:24,016
codes, you tell them, "Look, I,
uh, this is how you get me off,"

984
00:34:24,016 --> 00:34:25,896
and they just go, "Well, whatever.

985
00:34:25,906 --> 00:34:29,126
I know what I'm doing," which
you've come across guys like that.

986
00:34:29,626 --> 00:34:31,136
It's been years.

987
00:34:31,416 --> 00:34:32,006
Yes.

988
00:34:32,536 --> 00:34:36,926
When I was younger and the men
were a little younger, yeah, yeah.

989
00:34:37,026 --> 00:34:37,426
Yeah.

990
00:34:37,876 --> 00:34:38,716
I had that.

991
00:34:38,796 --> 00:34:43,346
So, y- you know, a- and if you
give them the cheat code and they

992
00:34:43,356 --> 00:34:47,156
basically, you know, throw their
nose up in the air and go, "I know

993
00:34:47,156 --> 00:34:48,952
what I'm doing," well, obviously
they're not the right person for you.

994
00:34:48,952 --> 00:34:49,036
Then that's a

995
00:34:49,036 --> 00:34:50,036
person not for you.

996
00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:50,396
Yeah.

997
00:34:50,646 --> 00:34:51,006
Like

998
00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:52,256
Yeah

999
00:34:52,266 --> 00:34:55,546
…
you can just say, "Okay, well, you can
know what you're doing with someone else."

1000
00:34:55,886 --> 00:34:56,066
Yeah.

1001
00:34:56,756 --> 00:35:01,766
Now, you know, I, I will say whenever
I'm with a woman, it's always tough

1002
00:35:01,786 --> 00:35:08,216
because I gauge what I'm doing-
off of her reactions and her moans.

1003
00:35:08,436 --> 00:35:11,226
Like, that's kind of my, my journey map.

1004
00:35:11,596 --> 00:35:11,766
Mm-hmm.

1005
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:12,246
You know?

1006
00:35:12,256 --> 00:35:12,276
Yeah.

1007
00:35:12,336 --> 00:35:15,406
I'm following how engaged she is.

1008
00:35:15,496 --> 00:35:18,256
I'm, I'm following what
faces she's making.

1009
00:35:18,266 --> 00:35:20,966
Mm. I'm following what moans she's making.

1010
00:35:20,966 --> 00:35:23,266
Is it, is it getting more
or is it getting less?

1011
00:35:23,266 --> 00:35:26,136
It's kinda like that little game we
used to play as kids where it's like,

1012
00:35:26,576 --> 00:35:29,066
uh, you know, you're warm, you're hot.

1013
00:35:29,226 --> 00:35:29,626
Mm-hmm.

1014
00:35:29,736 --> 00:35:30,506
No, you're cold.

1015
00:35:30,506 --> 00:35:31,506
You know, it's that sorta thing.

1016
00:35:31,516 --> 00:35:32,456
Y- y- you're-

1017
00:35:32,466 --> 00:35:35,736
That makes me, reminds me of the
Harry Met Sally, that part where

1018
00:35:35,736 --> 00:35:39,686
she fakes her orgasm and she's like,
"Ah," and he's like, "Holy crap."

1019
00:35:40,026 --> 00:35:40,366
Yeah.

1020
00:35:41,276 --> 00:35:42,116
Well, I mean, that's- But

1021
00:35:42,116 --> 00:35:43,056
you hear the high and the low-

1022
00:35:43,066 --> 00:35:43,843
Yeah, and you- … the high

1023
00:35:43,843 --> 00:35:44,276
and the low

1024
00:35:44,306 --> 00:35:45,116
…
that's the road map.

1025
00:35:45,116 --> 00:35:45,286
You engage

1026
00:35:45,286 --> 00:35:45,386
it,

1027
00:35:45,386 --> 00:35:45,546
yeah.

1028
00:35:45,546 --> 00:35:47,816
Now, I know that there's some
women out there, and men too,

1029
00:35:47,816 --> 00:35:49,326
that, that are very quiet.

1030
00:35:49,366 --> 00:35:51,146
They don't like to make
a whole lot of noise.

1031
00:35:51,166 --> 00:35:51,186
Yeah.

1032
00:35:51,186 --> 00:35:55,756
But really, I mean, that
is, that's how I gauge.

1033
00:35:55,776 --> 00:35:58,546
Now, I've been with women that
haven't made hardly any noise.

1034
00:35:58,666 --> 00:35:58,856
Yeah.

1035
00:35:58,856 --> 00:36:00,716
and that's really where I get lost.

1036
00:36:00,726 --> 00:36:03,036
Because I know how to have sex,
I know how to please a woman-

1037
00:36:03,156 --> 00:36:03,456
Yeah

1038
00:36:03,476 --> 00:36:07,156
…
but it's off of what they're giving me.

1039
00:36:07,216 --> 00:36:08,616
So it's, it's back and forth.

1040
00:36:08,616 --> 00:36:08,861
It's a vibe.

1041
00:36:08,861 --> 00:36:08,963
But

1042
00:36:08,963 --> 00:36:11,406
yeah, I mean, a lot of women
aren't… I'm not very loud.

1043
00:36:11,906 --> 00:36:13,136
No, you don't have to be loud.

1044
00:36:13,286 --> 00:36:13,336
Yeah.

1045
00:36:13,406 --> 00:36:16,516
I just have to s- to hear you-
To hear something in that-

1046
00:36:16,596 --> 00:36:17,076
well enough to know-

1047
00:36:17,126 --> 00:36:17,636
Ah.

1048
00:36:17,636 --> 00:36:18,376
You know what I'm saying?

1049
00:36:18,376 --> 00:36:18,646
Yeah, yeah.

1050
00:36:18,646 --> 00:36:19,956
Like, I've gone down on a woman-

1051
00:36:20,036 --> 00:36:20,256
Yeah

1052
00:36:20,306 --> 00:36:23,056
…
and it's been crickets for a little while.

1053
00:36:23,226 --> 00:36:23,566
Yes.

1054
00:36:23,606 --> 00:36:26,246
And then all of a sudden, I start
hitting a spot, and bam, bam, bam.

1055
00:36:26,256 --> 00:36:29,306
You start hearing, you know, the
moans getting a little bit more, and a

1056
00:36:29,306 --> 00:36:31,506
little bit faster, a little bit louder.

1057
00:36:31,546 --> 00:36:31,726
Yes.

1058
00:36:31,766 --> 00:36:33,486
Okay, then I'm going
in the right direction.

1059
00:36:33,746 --> 00:36:34,136
Men don't pay attention to that.

1060
00:36:34,136 --> 00:36:35,076
And I just keep doing that.

1061
00:36:35,706 --> 00:36:36,336
Some do.

1062
00:36:36,336 --> 00:36:36,816
I do.

1063
00:36:36,866 --> 00:36:37,706
No, a lot of men- You
know what I'm saying?

1064
00:36:37,706 --> 00:36:38,336
… don't pay attention to that.

1065
00:36:38,336 --> 00:36:38,356
Yeah.

1066
00:36:38,416 --> 00:36:38,756
Yeah.

1067
00:36:38,756 --> 00:36:39,776
You know, the selfish ones.

1068
00:36:39,986 --> 00:36:42,776
But the people pleasers,
they use that as a road map.

1069
00:36:43,166 --> 00:36:47,656
So if that's something that you
do, definitely keep doing it,

1070
00:36:47,776 --> 00:36:49,006
'cause that's a good way to do it.

1071
00:36:49,006 --> 00:36:49,036
Mm-hmm.

1072
00:36:49,036 --> 00:36:50,926
But also have that
conversation ahead of time.

1073
00:36:50,926 --> 00:36:52,256
Just say, "Hey, uh-"

1074
00:36:52,346 --> 00:36:52,986
"
This is what I like."

1075
00:36:53,026 --> 00:36:53,876
"…
this is what I like.

1076
00:36:54,096 --> 00:36:54,766
This is me."

1077
00:36:54,776 --> 00:36:54,796
Um-

1078
00:36:55,576 --> 00:36:55,856
"
And you should do it." Or,

1079
00:36:55,856 --> 00:36:57,996
"
Hey, can you try this?" Yeah.

1080
00:36:58,006 --> 00:37:00,376
Now, little bit of role play here.

1081
00:37:00,376 --> 00:37:06,016
I'm curious, what would you say exactly
to a person you just met at the club?

1082
00:37:06,976 --> 00:37:10,536
They came up to our couch, they're sitting
down, we're having great conversation.

1083
00:37:10,536 --> 00:37:11,216
You dig him.

1084
00:37:11,686 --> 00:37:13,226
He's a nice-looking guy.

1085
00:37:13,546 --> 00:37:14,976
He seems attentive.

1086
00:37:15,216 --> 00:37:17,636
You are who you are and how you are.

1087
00:37:17,696 --> 00:37:18,116
Uh-huh.

1088
00:37:18,616 --> 00:37:20,576
We decide we're gonna go play in the back.

1089
00:37:20,576 --> 00:37:22,776
But before we do, what are you saying?

1090
00:37:23,276 --> 00:37:25,956
So do you wanna go to the back with us?

1091
00:37:26,606 --> 00:37:27,216
Uh-huh.

1092
00:37:27,506 --> 00:37:29,236
Okay, just a few tips.

1093
00:37:29,336 --> 00:37:29,716
Okay.

1094
00:37:30,216 --> 00:37:31,906
Um, I'm not really into fingering.

1095
00:37:32,506 --> 00:37:33,096
No fingering.

1096
00:37:33,096 --> 00:37:36,216
Um, you, if you want to stop by the
bathroom and wash your hands before

1097
00:37:36,216 --> 00:37:38,956
we go back there, that's great,
then that might be able to happen.

1098
00:37:39,316 --> 00:37:40,816
I don't mind you going down on me.

1099
00:37:41,036 --> 00:37:42,016
No spitting.

1100
00:37:42,056 --> 00:37:43,176
Like, don't spit on me.

1101
00:37:43,206 --> 00:37:45,706
Don't even make that sound 'cause
this thing gets disgusting.

1102
00:37:45,866 --> 00:37:47,566
Well, you know, it's natural lube.

1103
00:37:47,736 --> 00:37:48,686
Yeah, it is.

1104
00:37:48,746 --> 00:37:53,306
Um, how about you just go down
on me- … and start licking me.

1105
00:37:53,556 --> 00:37:54,036
I love that.

1106
00:37:54,516 --> 00:37:55,716
And then there you go.

1107
00:37:55,716 --> 00:37:56,586
You don't have to make the-

1108
00:37:56,646 --> 00:37:57,666
I heard somebody else say that recently

1109
00:37:57,666 --> 00:37:58,016
ptui

1110
00:37:58,016 --> 00:37:58,436
sound.

1111
00:37:58,436 --> 00:37:59,336
Well, that's a natural lube.

1112
00:37:59,336 --> 00:37:59,446
I, but, uh-

1113
00:37:59,446 --> 00:38:00,246
It's disgusting.

1114
00:38:00,246 --> 00:38:01,706
It is not a natural lube.

1115
00:38:02,206 --> 00:38:03,116
Um, and that's it.

1116
00:38:03,596 --> 00:38:03,696
After that- And

1117
00:38:03,936 --> 00:38:04,726
but what, uh, how would…

1118
00:38:05,316 --> 00:38:06,674
And then I'd be like,
I would tell him that.

1119
00:38:06,674 --> 00:38:08,916
I'd be like, um, "You go down on me.

1120
00:38:08,926 --> 00:38:10,386
Like, we're down for oral.

1121
00:38:10,686 --> 00:38:11,406
That's great.

1122
00:38:11,746 --> 00:38:13,316
Um, condom."

1123
00:38:14,016 --> 00:38:14,376
Mm-hmm.

1124
00:38:15,336 --> 00:38:18,606
Um, if you wanna take your condom
off and cum on me, that's great.

1125
00:38:18,616 --> 00:38:21,426
That can happen, but we're
having sex with a condom on.

1126
00:38:22,126 --> 00:38:24,336
And that's it.

1127
00:38:24,586 --> 00:38:27,546
If you take too long, I'm
gonna stop you though.

1128
00:38:28,166 --> 00:38:29,056
What's too long?

1129
00:38:29,336 --> 00:38:32,076
Um, if we're back there and you
see me that I'm, like, sweating.

1130
00:38:32,076 --> 00:38:33,486
If, I'll tell you if it's too long.

1131
00:38:33,496 --> 00:38:36,336
And I tell you, I'll… If I tell
you that I'm tired, go with that.

1132
00:38:37,276 --> 00:38:37,576
Mm.

1133
00:38:37,876 --> 00:38:38,206
Yeah.

1134
00:38:38,506 --> 00:38:39,286
But let's have fun.

1135
00:38:39,786 --> 00:38:40,052
Let's go.

1136
00:38:40,052 --> 00:38:40,426
That's pretty good.

1137
00:38:40,776 --> 00:38:41,076
Yeah.

1138
00:38:41,126 --> 00:38:41,606
It's pretty good.

1139
00:38:41,606 --> 00:38:43,366
I don't mind saying that at all.

1140
00:38:43,826 --> 00:38:44,136
Yeah.

1141
00:38:44,136 --> 00:38:50,506
You know, it, what's funny is it's a
lot easier than we make it seem like.

1142
00:38:50,956 --> 00:38:51,546
Yes.

1143
00:38:51,616 --> 00:38:56,206
A lot of people do not like
to s- tell people what they do

1144
00:38:56,206 --> 00:38:56,956
not like and what they want.

1145
00:38:56,956 --> 00:38:56,966
We,

1146
00:38:56,966 --> 00:38:59,226
we built up this anxiety
inside of us- Let me tell you-

1147
00:38:59,226 --> 00:39:00,136
and we're afraid to say

1148
00:39:00,146 --> 00:39:03,236
it … I had a lot of horrible sex
with men and women because I didn't

1149
00:39:03,236 --> 00:39:04,536
tell them what exactly I liked.

1150
00:39:04,686 --> 00:39:04,706
Yeah.

1151
00:39:04,706 --> 00:39:08,956
I'm not saying horrible sex, just
not very, um, fulfilling sex.

1152
00:39:09,456 --> 00:39:13,006
Now, I can tell you, I have good sex.

1153
00:39:13,006 --> 00:39:16,386
Like, if you're new and I'm
s- the sex is still bad, I'm

1154
00:39:16,396 --> 00:39:19,416
like, "Ugh, all right. Next."

1155
00:39:19,946 --> 00:39:25,296
I mean, you, you wanna have good
sex, you need to tell them that.

1156
00:39:25,326 --> 00:39:29,296
Like, you can stop in the moment
and be like, "Hey, I don't like

1157
00:39:29,296 --> 00:39:32,822
that." Um, I've stopped people from
fingering me in the moment and been

1158
00:39:32,822 --> 00:39:33,786
like- Yeah … "I don't like that.

1159
00:39:33,826 --> 00:39:38,976
Like, that's not my thing."
Um, don't take it so hurtful.

1160
00:39:38,976 --> 00:39:39,866
It's not hurtful.

1161
00:39:39,876 --> 00:39:40,976
They're trying to teach you.

1162
00:39:40,976 --> 00:39:43,746
But- I don't know, more vocal

1163
00:39:44,406 --> 00:39:48,366
You know, I liked the, uh, the question
that the person wrote in about is

1164
00:39:48,396 --> 00:39:49,996
everyone just out for themselves?

1165
00:39:50,006 --> 00:39:50,466
Yes.

1166
00:39:50,876 --> 00:39:52,496
That is a valid question.

1167
00:39:52,656 --> 00:39:53,036
Um-

1168
00:39:53,066 --> 00:39:56,136
Um, and there are some people who are

1169
00:39:56,796 --> 00:39:59,416
Yeah, and but there- That's the
thing … you know, I, there is,

1170
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:00,836
and I used to think exactly that.

1171
00:40:00,836 --> 00:40:04,826
I used to think that everybody was
out there for themselves I'm learning,

1172
00:40:04,906 --> 00:40:11,186
I don't know how old you are, but
in my, my age area, I've noticed

1173
00:40:11,186 --> 00:40:15,846
that they're very more, very much
more about pleasing, like you said.

1174
00:40:16,756 --> 00:40:17,146
Yeah.

1175
00:40:17,166 --> 00:40:18,246
There are a good amount of

1176
00:40:18,406 --> 00:40:19,826
guys who are- But it's not all the men.

1177
00:40:19,836 --> 00:40:22,376
It's, I see that it's a certain age.

1178
00:40:22,536 --> 00:40:22,816
Is it?

1179
00:40:23,386 --> 00:40:25,006
Now, I could be wrong.

1180
00:40:25,116 --> 00:40:29,256
These are just the men that come up to
me, but yeah, men that are in, like, their

1181
00:40:29,276 --> 00:40:33,506
late 30s or early 40s up until older.

1182
00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:33,806
Yeah.

1183
00:40:33,856 --> 00:40:35,606
They're like, boom.

1184
00:40:36,566 --> 00:40:39,846
And these are the more experienced men.

1185
00:40:40,676 --> 00:40:44,506
Now, do you think that porn
has something to do with it?

1186
00:40:44,716 --> 00:40:47,286
M- possibly, and I think
that when you're new.

1187
00:40:47,296 --> 00:40:49,476
When, if somebody's new to the lifestyle-

1188
00:40:49,536 --> 00:40:49,836
Yeah

1189
00:40:50,126 --> 00:40:53,586
…
I think that's where they get the horny
brain, and they think it's out for them.

1190
00:40:53,776 --> 00:40:54,456
Well see, but

1191
00:40:54,456 --> 00:40:54,816
if they're

1192
00:40:54,826 --> 00:40:55,956
new to the lifestyle-
Somebody comes into the life-

1193
00:40:55,956 --> 00:40:58,096
they, they get their ideas
from porn oftentimes.

1194
00:40:58,096 --> 00:40:58,836
Yeah.

1195
00:40:58,986 --> 00:41:02,706
Uh, from porn and from other
people who have social medias

1196
00:41:02,716 --> 00:41:04,846
and other content creators.

1197
00:41:04,866 --> 00:41:05,046
Content

1198
00:41:05,486 --> 00:41:05,986
creators.

1199
00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:09,476
They listen, they listen to things, and
they're like, "Oh, that must be r- " I

1200
00:41:09,486 --> 00:41:14,746
mean, dude, I'm in the lifestyle, and I
go live, and I'm on X, and I have Reddit.

1201
00:41:14,846 --> 00:41:17,096
How many freaking m- even on Facebook.

1202
00:41:17,106 --> 00:41:20,396
Yeah, but understand, that,
that goes in the niche of porn.

1203
00:41:20,406 --> 00:41:20,906
Yes.

1204
00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:21,176
Yeah.

1205
00:41:21,176 --> 00:41:24,016
The social media c- All of that
stuff … for content creators,

1206
00:41:24,036 --> 00:41:25,676
they're creating a porn.

1207
00:41:25,816 --> 00:41:26,136
Yes.

1208
00:41:26,146 --> 00:41:28,466
The hot wife content creators-
So yes, then yes … all

1209
00:41:28,466 --> 00:41:29,446
of these people- Then yes.

1210
00:41:29,456 --> 00:41:29,826
All those

1211
00:41:29,826 --> 00:41:35,876
people … are creating this, this porn
because they want the guy who thinks that

1212
00:41:36,146 --> 00:41:37,986
this is somebody that they have a chance-

1213
00:41:37,986 --> 00:41:42,156
of sleeping with, and they've developed
this whole look that appeals to them.

1214
00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:44,396
He's gonna pay money
to, to get their porn.

1215
00:41:44,396 --> 00:41:44,806
Yeah.

1216
00:41:44,806 --> 00:41:50,086
And he's gonna see their porn of this
couple going out and the hot wife finding

1217
00:41:50,086 --> 00:41:53,006
some guy in a public place and going,
"I want you," and- Yeah … taking

1218
00:41:53,006 --> 00:41:54,356
him out to the back and fucking him.

1219
00:41:54,546 --> 00:41:54,836
Yeah.

1220
00:41:54,976 --> 00:41:56,216
That is set up.

1221
00:41:56,606 --> 00:41:57,626
That is not real.

1222
00:41:57,676 --> 00:41:57,926
Yeah.

1223
00:41:58,296 --> 00:42:04,756
And the problem with that is that it
makes it seem like this is the way it is.

1224
00:42:04,786 --> 00:42:08,136
"Oh, you don't have to have consent.
Oh, you don't have to please the woman

1225
00:42:08,136 --> 00:42:13,746
that you're with." The woman that, her
whole role is to get your rocks off.

1226
00:42:13,896 --> 00:42:14,116
Yeah.

1227
00:42:14,116 --> 00:42:17,206
And this whole thing
ends as soon as you cum.

1228
00:42:17,946 --> 00:42:18,506
You know what I'm saying?

1229
00:42:18,516 --> 00:42:18,536
Yeah.

1230
00:42:18,546 --> 00:42:19,146
Have you noticed that?

1231
00:42:19,306 --> 00:42:19,456
Yeah.

1232
00:42:19,526 --> 00:42:22,146
Porn ends as soon as the guy cums.

1233
00:42:22,226 --> 00:42:22,566
Yes.

1234
00:42:23,276 --> 00:42:25,246
And that's not real life.

1235
00:42:25,606 --> 00:42:25,626
No.

1236
00:42:25,636 --> 00:42:28,986
As a matter of fact, most of
us guys tend to come first.

1237
00:42:29,166 --> 00:42:29,436
Yeah.

1238
00:42:30,026 --> 00:42:33,606
Not by, uh, anything out, uh,
within our control sometimes.

1239
00:42:33,826 --> 00:42:34,056
Yeah.

1240
00:42:34,066 --> 00:42:37,186
Um, so obviously we don't
want that to be the end.

1241
00:42:38,140 --> 00:42:41,470
But that's what we see in porn,
and that's what we think it is.

1242
00:42:41,690 --> 00:42:43,860
And especially if you're not around that-

1243
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:44,170
Yes

1244
00:42:44,180 --> 00:42:46,300
…
you think that this is what
you're gonna walk into.

1245
00:42:46,310 --> 00:42:46,330
Yeah.

1246
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:47,967
Uh, yeah, that's how you're gonna

1247
00:42:47,967 --> 00:42:48,182
see it.

1248
00:42:48,182 --> 00:42:50,230
So yeah, no, I, I, I will agree with you.

1249
00:42:50,230 --> 00:42:50,590
Yeah.

1250
00:42:50,630 --> 00:42:55,940
They probably think that because of porn,
it's, it's just easy and it's like, it's

1251
00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:58,320
for my rocks, not for, for her rocks.

1252
00:42:58,670 --> 00:43:02,390
I mean, they think like that,
uh, and that's regular life,

1253
00:43:02,810 --> 00:43:04,100
like regular relationships.

1254
00:43:04,110 --> 00:43:08,380
Some men just think, "Oh, I'm in this
sex life for my, for, for myself, not

1255
00:43:08,380 --> 00:43:09,980
even for my partner." It's like, what?

1256
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,620
We've met couples like that where
the, uh, where one of them is really

1257
00:43:14,620 --> 00:43:18,870
in it for themselves, and then the
partner's just kinda like, "I'm here."

1258
00:43:19,190 --> 00:43:19,770
Yes.

1259
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,560
And it's like, why?

1260
00:43:21,580 --> 00:43:21,680
What?

1261
00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:23,150
Why are you here?

1262
00:43:23,780 --> 00:43:23,916
Give me a

1263
00:43:23,916 --> 00:43:24,110
day with you.

1264
00:43:24,170 --> 00:43:24,755
Why aren't you

1265
00:43:24,755 --> 00:43:24,932
both

1266
00:43:24,932 --> 00:43:25,110
here?

1267
00:43:25,110 --> 00:43:25,220
You

1268
00:43:25,990 --> 00:43:26,240
know?

1269
00:43:26,450 --> 00:43:26,850
Yes.

1270
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,930
Uh, those are always the hard ones to see.

1271
00:43:29,170 --> 00:43:34,290
But- … yeah, you know, I mean,
obviously there are some people who

1272
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,560
are in it just to get their rocks off.

1273
00:43:36,570 --> 00:43:36,590
Yeah.

1274
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:37,780
They're in it for themselves.

1275
00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:42,720
But more times than not, it's
not really selfishness, it's

1276
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,130
more they're just oblivious.

1277
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,670
Uh, a lot of men and some-
Yeah … women genuinely don't

1278
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:49,660
know, uh, that they don't know.

1279
00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:50,660
They think that- Yeah … they know.

1280
00:43:50,700 --> 00:43:52,600
And they've never been told any different.

1281
00:43:52,650 --> 00:43:54,480
They've never been taught by anybody.

1282
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,170
They've never been told by somebody
that they've gone down on, "Hey,

1283
00:43:57,180 --> 00:43:59,650
don't do that. Don't bite the clit."

1284
00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:00,210
You know?

1285
00:44:00,210 --> 00:44:01,030
Different things like that.

1286
00:44:01,030 --> 00:44:01,880
It's like, "Don't do that."

1287
00:44:02,190 --> 00:44:02,630
Yeah, yeah.

1288
00:44:02,630 --> 00:44:06,800
They just… Nobody wants to say
anything, so then they pretend and

1289
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,670
they end it, and then they never
give the person another chance.

1290
00:44:09,740 --> 00:44:12,290
And then they go and they give
these other people experiences.

1291
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:12,660
It's horrible.

1292
00:44:12,660 --> 00:44:12,670
I,

1293
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:13,200
yeah.

1294
00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:17,790
I think people need to be more vocal
on what their pleasures are before

1295
00:44:17,790 --> 00:44:19,600
going into the bedroom with somebody.

1296
00:44:19,870 --> 00:44:23,530
It is pretty smart to have that
conversation literally before

1297
00:44:23,530 --> 00:44:25,040
going to- Yeah … to the beds.

1298
00:44:25,340 --> 00:44:29,290
What I notice is, is, and especially with
a lot of, uh, people who are newer in

1299
00:44:29,290 --> 00:44:34,890
the lifestyle, anywhere from brand new
to even three or four years in, uh, they

1300
00:44:34,890 --> 00:44:38,680
struggle to have certain conversations.

1301
00:44:38,900 --> 00:44:41,960
They just… They don't, they don't have
a problem going straight to the bed-

1302
00:44:42,050 --> 00:44:42,430
Yeah

1303
00:44:42,490 --> 00:44:44,570
because horny brain takes over.

1304
00:44:44,940 --> 00:44:49,840
But the awkward conversations
that they, they view, um,

1305
00:44:50,250 --> 00:44:51,870
how do we talk about condoms?

1306
00:44:52,210 --> 00:44:53,300
How do we talk about-

1307
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:53,780
Yeah

1308
00:44:53,790 --> 00:44:55,130
…
uh, this, that, and the other.

1309
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:59,700
There's, there's certain conversations
that people just feel too embarrassed

1310
00:44:59,710 --> 00:45:01,600
to talk about, and really you shouldn't.

1311
00:45:01,690 --> 00:45:02,100
No.

1312
00:45:02,110 --> 00:45:02,770
Uh, you know?

1313
00:45:02,770 --> 00:45:04,070
Those are the easiest conversations.

1314
00:45:04,070 --> 00:45:04,100
Like-

1315
00:45:04,130 --> 00:45:09,740
Talking about how to please you
shouldn't make you feel, uh, shamed or

1316
00:45:09,740 --> 00:45:11,220
like you shouldn't be talking about it.

1317
00:45:11,260 --> 00:45:13,100
Uh, we're all here for this reason.

1318
00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:16,050
Especially if you're going into this
as a couple with another couple and

1319
00:45:16,050 --> 00:45:19,510
you're doing full swap, what the other
couple likes is gonna be something

1320
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,480
totally different than what you like.

1321
00:45:21,620 --> 00:45:22,690
Yeah, yeah.

1322
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,010
So be aware of that.

1323
00:45:25,010 --> 00:45:27,970
Like, understand people need
to know what you like and

1324
00:45:27,980 --> 00:45:29,720
just have those conversations.

1325
00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:34,910
So in finality- With everything that
we've looked at, everything that

1326
00:45:34,910 --> 00:45:40,460
we've talked about, what is your
solid piece of advice for this person?

1327
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:41,800
Be more vocal

1328
00:45:42,230 --> 00:45:43,130
Be more vocal

1329
00:45:43,250 --> 00:45:44,160
Be more vocal.

1330
00:45:44,230 --> 00:45:46,970
Tell that person, whoever
you're gonna sleep with, exactly

1331
00:45:46,970 --> 00:45:48,450
what gets your rocks off.

1332
00:45:49,020 --> 00:45:51,980
Be more vocal is definitely…
That's, that's, that's, uh, good.

1333
00:45:52,020 --> 00:45:53,140
Over-communicate.

1334
00:45:53,550 --> 00:45:59,060
Um, get into the habit of having the
awkward or what you think might be

1335
00:45:59,070 --> 00:46:02,550
awkward conversations ahead of time
before going- Yeah … into the back.

1336
00:46:02,910 --> 00:46:11,140
But also, I would throw in maybe seek
out more, uh, more play partners that

1337
00:46:11,140 --> 00:46:13,190
you would wanna make regular, right?

1338
00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:13,870
Uh-

1339
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:14,210
Yeah

1340
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,850
…
if there's somebody that you actually
like, you enjoy their presence, you

1341
00:46:17,850 --> 00:46:21,540
enjoy their company, you find them
attractive, but maybe they're not a solid

1342
00:46:21,540 --> 00:46:25,390
lay, maybe they can't get you off, maybe
pull them off to the side and say, "Hey,

1343
00:46:25,390 --> 00:46:31,830
you know, I enjoy having sex with you,
but I would like to see if we can maybe

1344
00:46:31,830 --> 00:46:34,120
talk about how you could get me off."

1345
00:46:34,500 --> 00:46:36,140
'Cause then we could really have some fun.

1346
00:46:36,140 --> 00:46:36,580
Yeah.

1347
00:46:36,580 --> 00:46:37,160
You know what I mean?

1348
00:46:37,170 --> 00:46:37,450
Yeah.

1349
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:41,190
Um, there are ways to say it without
making it sound weird, and if you

1350
00:46:41,190 --> 00:46:45,170
have struggles with it, just type
in what you, uh, are thinking into

1351
00:46:45,190 --> 00:46:47,680
some sort of AI prompt- … and
it will give you something.

1352
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:49,560
And then you can take it from there.

1353
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:49,850
There

1354
00:46:49,850 --> 00:46:49,980
you go.

1355
00:46:50,020 --> 00:46:54,240
Uh, but yeah, I, I'm a big believer in,
and, and I know there's a lot of people

1356
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:59,020
that disagree with me, but y- if you value
that person and you want more of them and

1357
00:46:59,020 --> 00:47:01,350
it wasn't a great experience, teach them.

1358
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:02,310
Tell them.

1359
00:47:02,770 --> 00:47:04,190
Teach them about your body.

1360
00:47:04,450 --> 00:47:08,220
The reason why you get off to
your husband very easily, well, I

1361
00:47:08,230 --> 00:47:12,730
guarantee you he didn't have that
key to your lock the very first time.

1362
00:47:13,540 --> 00:47:17,090
The more times that you guys had
sex, the more time that y'all spent

1363
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:19,210
together, he got to know your body.

1364
00:47:19,220 --> 00:47:19,570
Mm-hmm.

1365
00:47:19,590 --> 00:47:20,900
He got to know your buttons.

1366
00:47:20,900 --> 00:47:24,590
He got to know all your erogenous zones,
and they're different from woman to woman.

1367
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:29,540
So, you know, if, if you find
somebody that's worth trying to keep

1368
00:47:29,540 --> 00:47:32,800
around as a regular and you feel
like this is something that you can

1369
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,900
talk to, uh, them about, definitely.

1370
00:47:35,980 --> 00:47:36,360
Mm-hmm.

1371
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:37,140
Talk to them about it.

1372
00:47:37,140 --> 00:47:37,170
Mm-hmm.

1373
00:47:37,170 --> 00:47:41,150
And say, "Hey, you know, I'd really
love to have some sort of, uh, regularly

1374
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,790
good sex with somebody else. If
this is something that you're up to,

1375
00:47:44,810 --> 00:47:48,570
you think you can make this happen,
let's talk about it." You know?

1376
00:47:48,570 --> 00:47:50,320
And, and- Yeah … that's,
that's definitely how I would-

1377
00:47:50,340 --> 00:47:51,600
Yeah … I would, uh, pose it.

1378
00:47:51,950 --> 00:47:54,730
That's a good… That's, that's
exactly how you should pose it.

1379
00:47:54,990 --> 00:47:55,300
Yeah.

1380
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:57,970
You know, and- Yeah … th- the thing
about it is, is that we, we have

1381
00:47:57,970 --> 00:48:01,020
these conversations in our head, and
we think that it's gonna be, like,

1382
00:48:01,020 --> 00:48:03,860
this horrible, horrible situation.

1383
00:48:04,170 --> 00:48:10,700
And, and, you know, frankly, anybody
who is a walking green flag, you

1384
00:48:10,700 --> 00:48:11,860
can talk to them about anything.

1385
00:48:11,860 --> 00:48:12,160
Yes.

1386
00:48:12,210 --> 00:48:15,700
And you can sit there and say, "Hey,
look, I really like you, and I enjoy our

1387
00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:18,870
time together, and I would really love
to have great sex with you." Mm-hmm.

1388
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:23,940
"This is what I need to get there.
So do you think you can do that?

1389
00:48:24,180 --> 00:48:25,700
Are you up for that?" You know?

1390
00:48:25,980 --> 00:48:29,170
Uh, also understand that
women rule this roost, man.

1391
00:48:29,390 --> 00:48:34,726
Uh, you know, so definitely be vocal
Advocate for your own pleasure-

1392
00:48:34,736 --> 00:48:35,336
That's right.

1393
00:48:35,486 --> 00:48:36,216
Yes … all the time.

1394
00:48:36,266 --> 00:48:36,676
Yes.

1395
00:48:36,886 --> 00:48:37,496
All the time.

1396
00:48:37,546 --> 00:48:38,166
Yes.

1397
00:48:38,566 --> 00:48:39,286
Be verbal.

1398
00:48:39,436 --> 00:48:39,806
Yeah.

1399
00:48:39,826 --> 00:48:40,461
Let them know.

1400
00:48:40,461 --> 00:48:43,156
And be verbal, but a- Be
direct … physical, physical

1401
00:48:43,156 --> 00:48:44,906
guidance, you know, move their hand.

1402
00:48:44,916 --> 00:48:49,306
I remember when I was younger and
I was very ex- inexperienced in

1403
00:48:49,306 --> 00:48:53,836
sex, and I was with this woman, and
it was one of my first blow jobs.

1404
00:48:54,246 --> 00:48:54,506
Mm-hmm.

1405
00:48:54,596 --> 00:48:56,236
And she was going down on me.

1406
00:48:56,976 --> 00:48:59,156
I knew everything from porn.

1407
00:48:59,406 --> 00:48:59,436
Okay.

1408
00:48:59,936 --> 00:49:03,506
And so my first reaction-
Ah … was to put my hand on the

1409
00:49:03,516 --> 00:49:05,216
back of her head 'cause I saw it.

1410
00:49:05,216 --> 00:49:05,836
To slide it.

1411
00:49:05,836 --> 00:49:08,476
She grabbed my hand and
she threw it off of her.

1412
00:49:08,486 --> 00:49:08,896
Yeah.

1413
00:49:08,986 --> 00:49:12,396
And without saying a word, she
kept on doing what she was doing.

1414
00:49:12,406 --> 00:49:12,426
Mm-hmm.

1415
00:49:12,436 --> 00:49:18,366
But she grabbed the, my hand and threw it
off of her with enough attitude- To know

1416
00:49:18,366 --> 00:49:20,756
that I knew, "Don't do that again."

1417
00:49:20,816 --> 00:49:20,936
Yeah.

1418
00:49:21,616 --> 00:49:22,196
You know?

1419
00:49:22,196 --> 00:49:22,846
That's not for you.

1420
00:49:22,846 --> 00:49:22,896
Yeah.

1421
00:49:23,086 --> 00:49:27,576
Now, I have been with you, uh, and
sometimes other women, but you in

1422
00:49:27,576 --> 00:49:32,076
particular, uh, whenever I'm going down
on you, sometimes I'll be going real fast

1423
00:49:32,076 --> 00:49:33,206
and you'll be like, "Okay, slow it down.

1424
00:49:33,206 --> 00:49:33,876
Slow it down." Yeah.

1425
00:49:34,036 --> 00:49:34,426
Okay.

1426
00:49:34,426 --> 00:49:34,816
Cool.

1427
00:49:34,906 --> 00:49:35,006
Yeah.

1428
00:49:35,036 --> 00:49:38,396
I follow those instructions-
Yes … because I know- He listens well.

1429
00:49:38,396 --> 00:49:40,436
… that she's getting close.

1430
00:49:40,546 --> 00:49:40,736
Yeah.

1431
00:49:40,736 --> 00:49:42,526
And that's, that's where
she wants me to go with it.

1432
00:49:42,786 --> 00:49:44,986
Or if we're having sex and
she's like, "Oh, you know,

1433
00:49:44,986 --> 00:49:46,436
fuck me harder." Okay, cool.

1434
00:49:46,526 --> 00:49:46,696
Yeah.

1435
00:49:46,776 --> 00:49:49,956
Give me some… But, but, you know,
you don't have to obviously sound

1436
00:49:49,966 --> 00:49:53,376
like a, an instruction manual the
entire time, but, you know, in the, in

1437
00:49:53,376 --> 00:49:57,216
between moans be like, "Oh yeah, slam
that shit," you know, or whatever.

1438
00:49:58,216 --> 00:49:58,246
I don't know.

1439
00:49:58,246 --> 00:50:00,746
Please tap the right boob twice.

1440
00:50:01,256 --> 00:50:02,006
That's right.

1441
00:50:02,506 --> 00:50:03,606
A, B, A, B. That's right.

1442
00:50:03,606 --> 00:50:04,526
Left, right, left, right.

1443
00:50:04,526 --> 00:50:04,556
That's right.

1444
00:50:04,556 --> 00:50:05,386
Up, down, up, down.

1445
00:50:05,776 --> 00:50:06,606
Hit my knee.

1446
00:50:07,106 --> 00:50:09,526
And you know, y- you can
always bring your partner in.

1447
00:50:09,526 --> 00:50:12,396
Now, this is something that I, I found
kind of- Mm-hmm … an interesting

1448
00:50:12,396 --> 00:50:17,416
thought is that, uh, you know that
your partner satisfies you, uh, and

1449
00:50:17,416 --> 00:50:21,066
you want, but you also wanna have this,
uh, experience with somebody else, and

1450
00:50:21,086 --> 00:50:22,496
maybe they're not getting it to you.

1451
00:50:22,776 --> 00:50:23,336
Guess what?

1452
00:50:23,566 --> 00:50:25,906
You call your partner over there
and say, "Hey, you know what

1453
00:50:25,906 --> 00:50:28,556
would re- be really hot, is if
the both of y'all took me." Yeah.

1454
00:50:28,566 --> 00:50:32,796
And then let your, your husband do a
lot of the heavy lifting- If he can

1455
00:50:32,796 --> 00:50:33,356
read the room

1456
00:50:33,416 --> 00:50:35,166
…
in, into getting you off.

1457
00:50:35,216 --> 00:50:35,676
Yeah.

1458
00:50:35,676 --> 00:50:35,766
Yeah.

1459
00:50:35,766 --> 00:50:36,586
If he can read the room.

1460
00:50:36,586 --> 00:50:37,176
If he can read the room.

1461
00:50:37,176 --> 00:50:38,286
Sometimes husbands cannot read the room.

1462
00:50:38,636 --> 00:50:39,446
Hey, it happens.

1463
00:50:39,456 --> 00:50:40,496
And you just gotta tell them.

1464
00:50:41,126 --> 00:50:41,676
It happens.

1465
00:50:41,716 --> 00:50:42,256
It does.

1466
00:50:42,316 --> 00:50:42,716
Yeah.

1467
00:50:42,776 --> 00:50:43,936
I mean, what are you gonna do?

1468
00:50:44,086 --> 00:50:44,256
Yeah.

1469
00:50:44,256 --> 00:50:48,956
Uh, it's definitely, us husbands,
we can be oblivious at times.

1470
00:50:49,436 --> 00:50:49,466
Yes.

1471
00:50:49,476 --> 00:50:51,176
Uh, and you know, it is what it

1472
00:50:51,676 --> 00:50:51,696
is.

1473
00:50:51,696 --> 00:50:51,936
That's always fine.

1474
00:50:51,936 --> 00:50:55,246
Uh, but anyways, you know, I really
want to, uh, thank the person

1475
00:50:55,246 --> 00:50:57,196
who wrote us in, uh, on that.

1476
00:50:57,196 --> 00:51:02,726
I hope that we gave you some sort of,
um- Advice, something to go off of,

1477
00:51:02,736 --> 00:51:06,966
but also just to feel a little bit more
confident that you are not a problem.

1478
00:51:07,166 --> 00:51:07,336
You

1479
00:51:07,506 --> 00:51:07,676
are not alone.

1480
00:51:07,676 --> 00:51:08,996
Uh, you're not the problem on this.

1481
00:51:09,016 --> 00:51:10,446
You are not alone on this.

1482
00:51:10,736 --> 00:51:15,056
This is a, actually something
that's very common, um, but

1483
00:51:15,056 --> 00:51:16,476
it's not very talked about.

1484
00:51:16,486 --> 00:51:16,506
Yeah.

1485
00:51:16,676 --> 00:51:18,566
And so I'm glad that you brought it up.

1486
00:51:18,986 --> 00:51:24,886
Uh, and I hope that our advice helps you
get where you need to go and helps you

1487
00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:26,686
get off and have the right experiences.

1488
00:51:26,686 --> 00:51:26,766
Yeah.

1489
00:51:26,766 --> 00:51:27,456
Yeah.

1490
00:51:27,496 --> 00:51:29,636
'Cause God… And take a toy, girl.

1491
00:51:29,636 --> 00:51:29,806
Take a toy.

1492
00:51:29,806 --> 00:51:30,351
Take a toy with you, girl.

1493
00:51:30,351 --> 00:51:30,736
Always take a toy.

1494
00:51:30,736 --> 00:51:32,136
There is nothing wrong with taking a toy.

1495
00:51:32,146 --> 00:51:32,166
Um-

1496
00:51:32,336 --> 00:51:34,476
I took two little
bullets with me yesterday

1497
00:51:34,576 --> 00:51:38,496
a good guy who's gonna enjoy his
experience with you is going to

1498
00:51:38,496 --> 00:51:40,306
appreciate the fact that you have a toy.

1499
00:51:40,316 --> 00:51:40,736
Yes.

1500
00:51:41,216 --> 00:51:41,946
I know I do.

1501
00:51:41,966 --> 00:51:44,336
Anytime a woman's brought out
a toy, I'm like, "Fuck yeah."

1502
00:51:44,636 --> 00:51:44,886
Let's

1503
00:51:44,886 --> 00:51:44,906
go.

1504
00:51:44,906 --> 00:51:46,936
"Tell me how we can do this."
Those preschool ones- "How can

1505
00:51:46,936 --> 00:51:47,416
we get you off?" … are like,

1506
00:51:47,486 --> 00:51:48,016
"
No."

1507
00:51:48,556 --> 00:51:49,056
Yeah.

1508
00:51:49,086 --> 00:51:51,596
You know, it's, it's a
way of thinking that- Yeah

1509
00:51:51,606 --> 00:51:52,496
I don't know, it's older.

1510
00:51:52,716 --> 00:51:52,836
Yes.

1511
00:51:53,266 --> 00:51:56,826
Now, to our community, I'm
curious, everything that you

1512
00:51:56,826 --> 00:52:00,446
heard, have you ever felt this
way or seen this in our community?

1513
00:52:00,736 --> 00:52:02,566
I'm pretty sure I know
the answer to that one.

1514
00:52:02,566 --> 00:52:06,616
What would you say directly to this
woman if you could say anything?

1515
00:52:07,046 --> 00:52:11,266
Um, and what do you think is the number
one thing that she could do right now?

1516
00:52:11,596 --> 00:52:14,836
Uh, if you have any answers to those
questions, we'd love to hear it.

1517
00:52:15,206 --> 00:52:18,546
Definitely hit us up on any
of our socials, uh, you know,

1518
00:52:18,776 --> 00:52:20,206
comments, YouTube, whatever.

1519
00:52:20,496 --> 00:52:21,326
Toss it on there.

1520
00:52:21,326 --> 00:52:23,196
I'm kinda curious what you guys think.

1521
00:52:24,046 --> 00:52:27,376
All right, and before we let you go, if
this episode hit home for you, if you

1522
00:52:27,386 --> 00:52:30,676
recognized yourself in that confessional
or if you've been sitting on something

1523
00:52:30,676 --> 00:52:34,656
that you've never had to say out loud
to anyone, we wanna hear from you.

1524
00:52:35,126 --> 00:52:38,476
Head over to beyond-monogamy.com
and drop it in our confessional.

1525
00:52:38,506 --> 00:52:43,086
It is 100% anonymous, obviously, 'cause
we don't know who wrote this one.

1526
00:52:43,626 --> 00:52:46,896
No names, no judgment, just
real talk, and who knows?

1527
00:52:47,106 --> 00:52:50,396
It might end up being the topic of
our next episode, just like this one.

1528
00:52:50,676 --> 00:52:51,096
Yes.

1529
00:52:51,356 --> 00:52:54,149
And if you're not already
subscribed, what are you doing?

1530
00:52:54,149 --> 00:52:54,706
What are you

1531
00:52:54,706 --> 00:52:55,066
doing?

1532
00:52:55,366 --> 00:52:57,536
Hit that subscribe button right now.

1533
00:52:57,646 --> 00:52:58,526
Leave us a review.

1534
00:52:58,666 --> 00:53:00,686
Seriously, reviews help us so much.

1535
00:53:00,696 --> 00:53:00,716
Mm-hmm.

1536
00:53:00,796 --> 00:53:02,396
It helps other people find us.

1537
00:53:02,406 --> 00:53:02,426
Mm-hmm.

1538
00:53:02,436 --> 00:53:03,876
It does all that good stuff.

1539
00:53:03,886 --> 00:53:04,066
Mm-hmm.

1540
00:53:04,426 --> 00:53:09,286
And we read them all, so- That is
true … share this episode with somebody

1541
00:53:09,296 --> 00:53:11,906
in your life who needs to hear It

1542
00:53:12,866 --> 00:53:13,156
It

1543
00:53:14,146 --> 00:53:18,816
Share this episode with somebody
in your life who needs to hear it.

1544
00:53:19,216 --> 00:53:20,726
You know who that person is.

1545
00:53:21,276 --> 00:53:21,636
Yeah.

1546
00:53:22,226 --> 00:53:26,366
And you can find everything Beyond
Monogamy at beyond-monogamy.com, episodes,

1547
00:53:26,366 --> 00:53:28,346
the blog, the confessional, all of it.

1548
00:53:28,956 --> 00:53:33,486
And if you want even more of us, catch
us on fullswapradio.com where we air

1549
00:53:33,526 --> 00:53:36,496
every Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM.

1550
00:53:36,496 --> 00:53:41,676
And before, uh, before we go any further,
I do want to mention the fact that we

1551
00:53:41,676 --> 00:53:49,536
have been mulling over, um, starting
up a weekly live show, um, through

1552
00:53:49,576 --> 00:53:52,156
our website, uh, beyond-monogamy.com.

1553
00:53:52,156 --> 00:53:52,656
Yes.

1554
00:53:52,936 --> 00:53:55,486
This may be something that we'll
be setting up in the coming weeks.

1555
00:53:55,486 --> 00:53:59,836
So if you don't already follow us, you
definitely need to smash that subscribe

1556
00:53:59,846 --> 00:54:02,346
button, like any of our socials.

1557
00:54:02,356 --> 00:54:07,066
Follow us wherever you can because we
will be starting that up in a few weeks,

1558
00:54:07,116 --> 00:54:08,516
and you're not gonna wanna miss it.

1559
00:54:08,846 --> 00:54:11,286
It's gonna be in the
evenings during the week.

1560
00:54:11,626 --> 00:54:15,916
We will have once a week for
one hour, you'll have us.

1561
00:54:15,996 --> 00:54:16,626
You'll have us.

1562
00:54:16,716 --> 00:54:18,366
You'll have us live streaming.

1563
00:54:18,466 --> 00:54:18,696
All

1564
00:54:18,696 --> 00:54:18,916
right.

1565
00:54:18,916 --> 00:54:22,406
You get on there, you type in a
question, you say what you gotta say.

1566
00:54:22,406 --> 00:54:23,326
You say the thing.

1567
00:54:23,486 --> 00:54:23,876
Yes.

1568
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:23,916
And

1569
00:54:24,326 --> 00:54:25,106
we talk about it.

1570
00:54:25,106 --> 00:54:25,146
Yes.

1571
00:54:25,146 --> 00:54:25,986
And we interact.

1572
00:54:26,056 --> 00:54:26,146
There you go.

1573
00:54:26,146 --> 00:54:27,036
It's gonna be a lot of fun.

1574
00:54:27,976 --> 00:54:31,706
And hey, as you know, we are
still rearranging our calendars.

1575
00:54:31,716 --> 00:54:31,916
Mm-hmm.

1576
00:54:31,916 --> 00:54:35,636
So if you're looking for your next
lifestyle event, as of right now,

1577
00:54:35,646 --> 00:54:40,836
check out crazycasba.com for Crazy
Winter Nights in Kansas City.

1578
00:54:41,086 --> 00:54:44,446
That's February 19th through
the 21st of next year.

1579
00:54:44,546 --> 00:54:44,816
Yeah.

1580
00:54:44,946 --> 00:54:49,986
You can use our code
B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, that's Beyomono,

1581
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:51,456
for a discount when you register.

1582
00:54:51,606 --> 00:54:53,506
It's going to be a great time, guys.

1583
00:54:53,546 --> 00:54:53,976
It is.

1584
00:54:53,976 --> 00:54:57,446
And then fortunately, right now,
uh, you know, if you listen to

1585
00:54:57,446 --> 00:55:00,866
our last quickie, you know, uh,
we had to back out of some events.

1586
00:55:00,876 --> 00:55:05,376
So as of right now, we're working
on our events, we're working on

1587
00:55:05,376 --> 00:55:08,996
our calendar, uh, for the rest
of the year and for next year.

1588
00:55:08,996 --> 00:55:09,006
Yeah.

1589
00:55:09,006 --> 00:55:12,116
And that is the most current
thing we got going on.

1590
00:55:12,116 --> 00:55:12,466
That's all.

1591
00:55:12,856 --> 00:55:15,646
So if you wanna hang out with us, you
better put that one on your calendar- Yes

1592
00:55:15,656 --> 00:55:16,716
… 'cause we're definitely gonna be there.

1593
00:55:17,126 --> 00:55:20,916
Uh, with that being said, we thank you
all for joining us for another episode,

1594
00:55:20,946 --> 00:55:23,196
and we will see you guys next week.

1595
00:55:23,376 --> 00:55:24,276
Bye.