Double Confessional: Roleplay in a Houston Bar, Hotel Takeover Nerves, and "Wait… Is My Fiancé Actually Poly?"

Welcome back to the confessional booth, baby. We pulled out two anonymous submissions this week that were honestly too good — and too different — to split up. So here we are. A Double Confessional Quickie. Two stories, two pieces of advice, and at least one moment where Adam and Pris had to admit this episode hit a little too close to home.

Pour something. This one's worth it.

Confessional #1: The Houston Roleplay, Stranger Danger (On Purpose), and the Art of Not Winking at Your Own Husband

Our first confessor is the wife of a guy who wrote in a few episodes back — a newbie couple getting ready to attend their first lifestyle hotel takeover. She wanted to thank Pris for articulating thoughts she'd been having herself (solidarity, bestie), and then dropped two genuinely great questions into our anonymous confessional at beyond-monogamy.com.

First question: She and her husband are planning a roleplay scenario during an upcoming trip to Houston. She wants to meet at a bar acting like strangers, let him buy her a drink, "hit it off," and take things from there. Classic, hot, wildly underutilized fantasy for married couples. She wanted tips on how to actually make it work.

Adam's answer: Commit. Fully. Embarrassingly. Completely.

Don't do the wink-wink-nudge-nudge version where you half-heartedly pretend not to know each other and then giggle every thirty seconds. That's not roleplay. That's improv class without a teacher. If you're going to do this, you treat your husband like he is a genuine stranger. You don't know his name. You don't know his job. You don't know what he looks like in the morning or that he leaves his socks next to the hamper instead of in it. He is a mystery. He is intrigue. He is a man at a bar who wants to buy you a drink.

In fact? Adam took it one step further. His suggestion: take separate Ubers. One of you arrives early. The other walks in later. You meet organically. You do the whole thing. No shared Uber ride where you're arguing about whether you remembered to feed the dog before you left. Strangers don't have that problem. Commit to the bit.

Pris, for her part, admitted she has always wanted to do exactly this — and that the whole conversation sparked something in her brain that Adam is now legally obligated to follow through on. Adam agreed. Then immediately started calculating whether he'd have to actually pay for a hotel room or if they could just go home after. (Spoiler: Pris was not impressed by this budget-conscious approach to romance.)

Adam also pointed out that this kind of roleplay doubles as practice — not just for the fantasy, but for the actual event. Hotel takeovers involve navigating conversations with new people in real time. You have to know how to make small talk, signal interest, decline gracefully, or pivot topics smoothly. Roleplaying different scenarios at home — "you're in the bathroom and someone approaches me at the bar" — is literally what improv coaches make students do. It builds the muscle memory. Use it.

Question #2: How Do We Handle Unwanted Attention Without Being Rude… Or Saying Yes When We Mean No?

She also asked about unwanted attention at the takeover — specifically, how to let people know where you stand without having a fifteen-minute conversation every time someone approaches you.

Pris had two modes: ice cold and aggressively sweet. She aims for sweet. She doesn't always land on sweet. That's just the truth.

But here's the thing they both wanted her to hear: most people at lifestyle events are just as nervous as you are. Adam described himself at early events as a chihuahua — just constantly shaking. Everyone's anxious, everyone's overthinking, and the boldly confident stranger approach she's bracing for? It's mostly a myth. Most people ease into conversation, vibe-check, and read the room before making any kind of move.

And if someone does approach you directly? The simplest script in the world: "We just came to watch tonight, we're not playing — but thank you!" That's it. Warm, clear, kind. Anyone who reacts badly to that has done you a massive favor by immediately revealing their character.

Pro tip: figure out your dynamic before you go. Full swap? Soft swap? Same room? Separate play? Bisexual? Just watching? When you meet a new couple, one of the first things to ask is: "What's y'all's dynamic?" It filters out mismatches instantly and saves everyone time. No awkwardness, no long let-down conversation. Just two couples being adults about what they want. Revolutionary, honestly.

Pris also mentioned she's working on a free PDF with questions to help couples sort through all of this — a little starter kit for navigating the lifestyle. Keep your eyes on beyond-monogamy.com for that drop.

Confessional #2: "He Says He's Not Poly. But Like… He's Kinda Poly."

This one got quiet in the studio. In a good way.

Our second confessor has been in the lifestyle for about 18 months. Her fiancé has been a swinger for over 20 years. When they got together, they had a clear agreement: no poly. Swinging was the spice, not the main course. Their primary relationship came first. She was on board. He said he was on board.

Except… he needs deep emotional connections with every person he plays with. Ongoing contact. Real friendship. He doesn't just want a fun night — he wants people he genuinely knows and cares about.

She, on the other hand, prefers what she called "superficial connection" — limited ongoing contact, friendly but not close, play when it works and move on. She doesn't need to text her play partners on a Tuesday. She doesn't want to.

She brought it up. Told him it felt poly to her. He disagreed — said poly is only romantic, and since there's no romance involved, it isn't poly. They've hit a wall.

First thing Adam and Pris said: you are not crazy, and you are not insecure. What you're describing has a name. It's called a connection style difference. He's kitchen table. She's parallel. Neither is wrong. They're just different — and the issue is that they made an agreement early on without fully understanding what each other meant by it.

Then they did something rare for a podcast: they got personal. Because this? Is essentially their own story.

Adam is connection-driven. He wants meaningful friendships with the people he plays with. He and Pris were actually poly for five years — not because she wanted it, but because he needed to explore what that kind of connection felt like. She went along with it because she didn't want to hold him back. He dove in, worked through it, eventually came to understand where his need for constant connection was rooted (trauma from an unloving household, a childhood need to feel liked and accepted), and they found their way back to a more defined structure that worked for both of them.

Pris, meanwhile, is deeply superficial in the best possible way. She said it herself — she does not need to have an ongoing texting relationship with someone she's played with once. She is your friend in the context of the event. She is warm, she cares about you, and she does not need to hear from you on Wednesday morning. That is her boundary and she is at peace with it. (It took years to get here. Give her the credit.)

Adam's advice for our confessor: sit down with your fiancé and trace it back. His need for connection almost certainly has a root — a reason it feels like a need rather than a preference. Find that. Understand it. Then build your agreement from that understanding, because the current disagreement isn't really about poly vs. not-poly. It's about two people who never fully defined what "connection" meant in their lifestyle until it became a problem.

And to the confessor directly, Adam said this: "You are not crazy. You're not insecure. You had an agreement, and you deserve a partner who honors it — or renegotiates it honestly."

Pris closed with this: loving someone and being incompatible in your lifestyle can both be true at the same time. You don't have to choose between acknowledging the love and acknowledging the gap.

If that didn't land for you, we don't know what will.

Have Your Own Confession?

You know where to go. The anonymous confessional at beyond-monogamy.com is always open. No name, no login, no one will ever know it was you. Adam and Pris read every single one — and the right one just might become the next episode.

Events Coming Up

🎉 Beyond Monogamy at Club Eden — San Antonio, TX
June 20th, 9PM Central. This is our very own event, and we want to see you there. Club Eden requires a membership to attend, so get that set up on their website ahead of time. Couch rentals, table rentals, and good people. Come through.

❄️ Krazy Winter Nights 2027 — Kansas City, MO
February 19–21, 2027. Use code BEYOMONO at checkout and save. Mark your calendar now so you don't pretend you forgot in November.

📻 Full Swap Radio
We're live every Thursday at 2PM and 7PM Central on fullswapradio.com. Real talk, real people, all lifestyle. Come hang.

This Episode's Sponsor: FirmTech

We talk a lot on this show about showing up fully — emotionally, communicatively, and yes, physically. FirmTech makes that last part easier. Their smart performance ring is the only one on the market that actually tracks your health data — giving you real insights about your body while also improving your performance and your partner's experience.

Use code BEYOMONO at myfirmtech.com/adamalvarez to save. You're welcome.

Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris drops weekly. Find us on Apple Podcasts, YouTube, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Pandora, and at beyond-monogamy.com.