Double Confessional: Lifestyle Roleplay Tips + Is Your Swinger Actually Poly?

1
00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:07,887
All right, y'all.

2
00:00:08,347 --> 00:00:10,607
Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

3
00:00:11,107 --> 00:00:13,887
This show is raw, real,
and definitely not rated PG

4
00:00:14,867 --> 00:00:19,588
We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

5
00:00:19,668 --> 00:00:23,768
probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your kids

6
00:00:24,588 --> 00:00:28,607
So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy

7
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:33,168
Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

8
00:00:33,248 --> 00:00:36,047
counselors, or sex couches.

9
00:00:36,887 --> 00:00:37,967
Sex coaches.

10
00:00:38,268 --> 00:00:39,047
Sex coaches

11
00:00:39,128 --> 00:00:40,187
Not sex couches

12
00:00:40,687 --> 00:00:44,006
We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

13
00:00:44,106 --> 00:00:46,807
adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

14
00:00:47,266 --> 00:00:51,128
So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show

15
00:00:51,628 --> 00:00:54,068
Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

16
00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:54,688
I'm Adam.

17
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:58,248
And I'm Pris, and on today's quickie,
we're going back to the confessional

18
00:00:58,489 --> 00:01:00,848
because you all have been busy.

19
00:01:01,168 --> 00:01:01,308
Yeah.

20
00:01:01,388 --> 00:01:04,808
And we've got two submissions
that were too good not to

21
00:01:04,868 --> 00:01:06,468
put together in one episode.

22
00:01:06,989 --> 00:01:10,928
Yeah, both of these come straight from
the anonymous confessional on our website.

23
00:01:11,069 --> 00:01:12,228
You know you've heard of it.

24
00:01:12,288 --> 00:01:15,008
I've said it every time, and
I wanna say this upfront.

25
00:01:15,268 --> 00:01:17,548
The fact that people are using
that feature the way it was

26
00:01:17,588 --> 00:01:22,268
intended, being this honest and this
vulnerable, it means everything to us.

27
00:01:22,368 --> 00:01:22,608
Yes.

28
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:24,368
This is exactly why we built it.

29
00:01:24,588 --> 00:01:24,928
Mm-hmm.

30
00:01:25,388 --> 00:01:30,908
These are two different situations
today, but both are incredibly relatable.

31
00:01:31,669 --> 00:01:32,808
So let's get into it, baby.

32
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,989
Yeah, and real quick, if you have
something on your chest that you need

33
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:40,408
to get off or a question that you
can't ask anyone in your real life,

34
00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:45,268
head to beyond-monogamy.com and drop
it in the 100% anonymous confessional.

35
00:01:45,588 --> 00:01:48,988
No name, no login, no one
will ever know it was you.

36
00:01:49,388 --> 00:01:55,068
We do read every single one, and you
can opt out of having it on the show.

37
00:01:55,128 --> 00:01:57,869
If i-i… there's a question there
that you just gotta hit yes or no.

38
00:01:57,910 --> 00:02:00,529
If you don't want it on the
show, we won't talk about it.

39
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,359
We're gonna talk about it.

40
00:02:01,399 --> 00:02:01,999
That's right.

41
00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:05,399
All right, so here's
the first confessional.

42
00:02:05,479 --> 00:02:06,879
I'm gonna read this one in full

43
00:02:07,379 --> 00:02:08,299
Hi Adam and Pris.

44
00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:12,519
I'm the wife of the latest
newbie confessioner's poster.

45
00:02:13,459 --> 00:02:15,979
Thank you for answering
my husband's questions.

46
00:02:16,099 --> 00:02:18,079
I really appreciate all the advice.

47
00:02:18,119 --> 00:02:23,199
My husband has been really supportive
in taking his whole process

48
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:26,069
slow, and I truly appreciate him.

49
00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:32,579
I also wanna thank Pris for saying a lot
of thoughts she has had that echo my own.

50
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,919
It reassures me that she and I
have similar outlooks and thoughts.

51
00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:39,898
We've been talking about the upcoming
Halloween takeover and the lifestyle

52
00:02:39,979 --> 00:02:41,859
a lot over the last few months.

53
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:46,939
One of the things we decided to do
to prepare is to do some role play

54
00:02:47,039 --> 00:02:48,619
in an upcoming trip to Houston.

55
00:02:49,219 --> 00:02:53,299
In that trip, we plan to meet at the bar
acting like strangers and to hook up.

56
00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:58,359
One of my fantasies is sitting at the
bar and a stranger, AKA my husband,

57
00:02:58,799 --> 00:03:03,939
buying me a drink and us hitting it
off after a lot of spicy touching.

58
00:03:03,989 --> 00:03:07,359
Then we make our way to the room
and the rest of the fun ensues.

59
00:03:07,399 --> 00:03:11,689
Are there any recommendations from
you guys to spice things up like

60
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,509
this to prepare us for the takeover?

61
00:03:14,009 --> 00:03:18,929
Also, one of our worries is
other people coming onto us.

62
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:22,829
You both have said we would
just need to set boundaries.

63
00:03:22,949 --> 00:03:27,119
Are there any ways we can
easily let others know what we

64
00:03:27,199 --> 00:03:29,619
are about and our boundaries?

65
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:34,959
I don't imagine that we would come across
people who state their kinks upfront.

66
00:03:35,559 --> 00:03:38,339
We just wanted to avoid the
long conversation to get to

67
00:03:38,399 --> 00:03:41,939
know each other that ends up
with us declining their offer.

68
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:45,139
Thank you for any advice
you both have for us.

69
00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:45,979
Okay.

70
00:03:46,339 --> 00:03:48,299
Well, I love this couple so much.

71
00:03:48,499 --> 00:03:48,729
Yeah.

72
00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:52,479
First, shout out to the husband
for being patient and supportive.

73
00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:53,279
That really matters.

74
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:54,239
That's right.

75
00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:54,499
Yes.

76
00:03:54,519 --> 00:03:57,439
And this is such a fun submission
because it's two questions in one.

77
00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:57,509
Mm-hmm.

78
00:03:57,879 --> 00:04:00,219
How do we make the role
play experience great?

79
00:04:00,399 --> 00:04:00,659
Mm-hmm.

80
00:04:00,739 --> 00:04:05,299
And how do we handle unwanted attention
at an event without it being awkward?

81
00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:06,299
Let's talk about it.

82
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,459
All right, let's do that.

83
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,219
So you tell me.

84
00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:11,619
All right, so we're gonna start
with the first one, which was- How

85
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:14,419
do we make the role play experience great?

86
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,239
Oh, you know, that's more you

87
00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:18,819
Well, you know-

88
00:04:19,139 --> 00:04:20,359
You're kind of my guide in that

89
00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:24,959
that, that's, that's the, the
thing about it is, is that you

90
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:30,159
and I When we role play, it's more
or less when we're having sex.

91
00:04:30,259 --> 00:04:33,019
We've never actually done the
role play in public- No … which

92
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:33,999
I think is freaking hot.

93
00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:34,009
It's

94
00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:34,999
very hot.

95
00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:36,469
I think that that is a, a great idea.

96
00:04:36,469 --> 00:04:37,099
I've always wanted to

97
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:38,979
do, I've always wanted
to do what she's doing.

98
00:04:39,059 --> 00:04:39,339
Yeah.

99
00:04:39,399 --> 00:04:39,749
I've always

100
00:04:39,799 --> 00:04:40,299
wanted to do that.

101
00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:40,359
Yeah.

102
00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:44,059
The, the thing about it though is
if you're gonna do it, like commit.

103
00:04:44,519 --> 00:04:45,529
I'm talking commit.

104
00:04:45,579 --> 00:04:46,279
Yes.

105
00:04:46,299 --> 00:04:46,329
Like, don't break.

106
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,939
And then get on our voicemail
and let us know how it goes.

107
00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:49,339
Yeah.

108
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:51,099
Don't, don't break- Like,
don't break … on that one.

109
00:04:51,119 --> 00:04:51,169
Yeah.

110
00:04:51,259 --> 00:04:53,509
So, like you see him.

111
00:04:53,599 --> 00:04:56,499
He really is, in your
mind, a complete stranger.

112
00:04:56,679 --> 00:04:57,939
You don't know this person.

113
00:04:58,018 --> 00:04:58,579
You know what I mean?

114
00:04:58,659 --> 00:05:01,579
Like, if you guys are- Yeah … really
gonna role play, don't do that

115
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:05,099
wink, wink, nudge, nudge, nudge,
nudge, uh, you know, can I buy

116
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:05,979
you a drink- Yeah … kinda thing.

117
00:05:06,079 --> 00:05:08,359
Like, this is severely a, a- Like

118
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:08,979
actors.

119
00:05:09,099 --> 00:05:09,359
Yeah.

120
00:05:09,419 --> 00:05:09,639
Like, do

121
00:05:09,719 --> 00:05:09,919
it.

122
00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:10,479
Like, do it.

123
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,149
Commit to it 100%, because
y'all- That's kinda hot.

124
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:13,819
It is kinda hot.

125
00:05:13,859 --> 00:05:14,739
We gotta do that.

126
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:20,749
And you can also use it as practice
on how you would talk to somebody

127
00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:25,279
who maybe is coming up to you, who
is in a l- in a lifestyle situation.

128
00:05:25,348 --> 00:05:25,358
Mm-hmm.

129
00:05:25,399 --> 00:05:27,279
Say, like at the takeover.

130
00:05:27,319 --> 00:05:27,599
Mm-hmm.

131
00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:31,019
And, you know, how are, how
are you gonna handle this?

132
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:35,919
So you can do the role play where it's
hot and sexual, and you guys go do

133
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:41,599
your thing, or you can do the legit
role play where you guys are practicing

134
00:05:41,659 --> 00:05:44,729
how to handle attention from others-

135
00:05:45,019 --> 00:05:45,279
Ooh

136
00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:46,189
at the hotel takeover.

137
00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:46,619
Yeah.

138
00:05:47,399 --> 00:05:51,859
Um, because that's, that's kind of
leading into the second question.

139
00:05:51,999 --> 00:05:52,279
Yeah.

140
00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:52,759
You know?

141
00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:53,199
Yeah.

142
00:05:53,539 --> 00:05:56,699
Um, a- and, and how to handle,
uh, the unwanted attention.

143
00:05:56,779 --> 00:05:58,619
How do you handle the unwanted attention?

144
00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:03,759
Girl, I don't like attention,
but I like attention.

145
00:06:04,539 --> 00:06:06,079
Yeah, that's the question.

146
00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:06,159
Uh

147
00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:11,779
.
Um, so when, when Adam says
unwanted attention, like for me,

148
00:06:12,159 --> 00:06:14,789
unwanted attention may b- be from
like- Is every kind of attention

149
00:06:14,789 --> 00:06:15,259
somebody

150
00:06:15,759 --> 00:06:22,979
It would be somebody that he knows I
just will not, like care for, or care

151
00:06:23,019 --> 00:06:27,519
for because, say, this person is like
overly intoxicated and then comes and

152
00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:31,739
tries to like hit on me, that's the kind
of unwanted attention he's talking about.

153
00:06:31,819 --> 00:06:33,449
Um, I'm not down for that.

154
00:06:34,409 --> 00:06:37,889
But I handle it, um, two ways.

155
00:06:38,169 --> 00:06:40,229
I either handle it very bitchy and cold

156
00:06:40,819 --> 00:06:41,079
or- That's true

157
00:06:41,079 --> 00:06:42,769
very sweet and nice.

158
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:43,749
Um, I really try

159
00:06:43,829 --> 00:06:44,489
to- It depends on how she's feeling that

160
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:47,529
day … I really try to aim
for the latter, but, you know.

161
00:06:47,629 --> 00:06:48,089
Um

162
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:48,469
Yeah.

163
00:06:48,569 --> 00:06:50,589
I mean, it, it really is what it is.

164
00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:54,069
So here's one thing that,
that she struggles with.

165
00:06:54,209 --> 00:06:56,669
She doesn't like to be called beautiful.

166
00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,149
She doesn't like it when
people are like- Well, I'm-

167
00:06:58,149 --> 00:06:59,129
"Hey, beautiful," and

168
00:06:59,369 --> 00:07:00,279
this and that … I'm, I'm
getting better at that,

169
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:00,589
baby.

170
00:07:00,598 --> 00:07:01,649
Uh, well, so I was gonna ask you.

171
00:07:01,829 --> 00:07:01,929
Yeah.

172
00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:05,399
So when they do it in
person, how do you react

173
00:07:05,449 --> 00:07:05,469
to it?

174
00:07:05,469 --> 00:07:07,788
Um, I, I… You know, I have a
lot of friends that just say that.

175
00:07:07,869 --> 00:07:08,049
Yeah.

176
00:07:08,149 --> 00:07:11,500
You know, we, all our friends pretty much-
That's the way we greet each other, right?

177
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:12,380
And, and the guys too.

178
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,881
So I've kinda gotten over
that because it's so stupid

179
00:07:14,921 --> 00:07:16,060
and so minute and so little.

180
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,600
It's, like, so s- it's so dumb for me.

181
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:22,441
And so um, but there's
other people that do it.

182
00:07:22,481 --> 00:07:26,260
They're like, "Ooh, hey sexy."
And it's like, "Ugh, cringe."

183
00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:26,821
Yeah.

184
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:26,901
We

185
00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:28,120
don't really do the like- Um, I ignore.

186
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:29,060
I ignore.

187
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:29,680
Yeah?

188
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:30,260
I'm a…

189
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,360
I'm great at an ignorer.

190
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:31,540
Like,

191
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,040
you pretend like it wasn't said,

192
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:33,321
ignore?

193
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:33,580
Yeah.

194
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,360
Or I'll be like, "Hi, thanks."

195
00:07:36,661 --> 00:07:36,741
And

196
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:37,060
then move on.

197
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:37,880
I'll, I'll do, yeah.

198
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,380
I'll do a really fake, um…
But you're new to the lifestyle,

199
00:07:41,481 --> 00:07:43,900
and I'm gonna tell you that

200
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:49,340
There's not a lot of un- I mean, attention
you're gonna get if you're, you're, you're

201
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:51,080
a woman, like, you're gonna get attention.

202
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,020
It is what it is.

203
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:56,600
Um, men love women, women love women.

204
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,220
It's, it's just- Yeah … you're
gonna get the attention.

205
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,580
Um, now unwanted attention, m-
are you m- maybe she's meaning

206
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,900
unwanted, like, approaches.

207
00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:10,760
Like, I think she thinks, I think you
think that you're gonna go to the Takeover

208
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:18,420
and someone's gonna be like, "Hey, um,
I'm, I'm, you know, I'm Jackie, and I

209
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:23,291
think you're hot, and do you wanna go
upstairs?" It's not like that Um, I've

210
00:08:23,321 --> 00:08:26,601
been in the lifestyle for longer than
15 years, and it's not like that Well,

211
00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:28,191
not to say it doesn't
happen, but, uh- It does

212
00:08:28,261 --> 00:08:28,590
happen,

213
00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:28,991
but

214
00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:29,151
you know

215
00:08:29,441 --> 00:08:32,481
It happens mainly when a lot of people
are very, very much intoxicated.

216
00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:36,161
Yeah, so it, it doesn't
naturally come out that way.

217
00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:36,201
No.

218
00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:41,641
Um, people don't normally just, uh, come
out swinging like that, so to speak.

219
00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:41,681
Yeah.

220
00:08:42,181 --> 00:08:45,321
Uh, everybody is just as
nervous as you probably are.

221
00:08:45,821 --> 00:08:46,091
Um- Well

222
00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:46,681
put, baby

223
00:08:46,721 --> 00:08:48,161
…
oh, I mean, that's really the case.

224
00:08:48,221 --> 00:08:51,311
Like- Yeah … I remember going into
every single event feeling like a

225
00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:53,201
chihuahua dog, just constantly shaking.

226
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:53,261
Yeah.

227
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:54,981
Like I was afraid of this
and that and the other.

228
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:58,121
And then we'd get there, and we would
see a lot of our friends, and we would

229
00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:04,081
talk, and they would be just as, um,
not scared, but nervous, anxious.

230
00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:06,041
They didn't know what to
expect, this and that.

231
00:09:06,361 --> 00:09:06,371
Yeah.

232
00:09:06,381 --> 00:09:09,141
And so then they start drinking
because that makes things chill.

233
00:09:09,201 --> 00:09:11,701
Well, I'm stoned, so that
makes things chill for me.

234
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,221
Yeah.

235
00:09:12,281 --> 00:09:12,641
You know?

236
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:17,441
And s- but that's the… Everybody
is pretty much, unless they're

237
00:09:17,521 --> 00:09:21,221
seasoned in this and they do
this almost every weekend, pretty

238
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,001
much everybody has the willies.

239
00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:23,641
Yeah.

240
00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:23,861
You know?

241
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:28,361
And, and if you do get a brave couple
that decides to approach you, um,

242
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,881
just be kind because they, they
made themselves vulnerable as well.

243
00:09:32,381 --> 00:09:35,621
And if you're just, you know y'all are
not gonna play, you just say, "Oh, you

244
00:09:35,661 --> 00:09:40,011
know, we just came to watch. We're not
playing. We're not playing at this time,"

245
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:43,681
um, they're gonna be super understanding.

246
00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:44,101
Yeah.

247
00:09:44,161 --> 00:09:48,681
It's the, it's the way they approach
you, and it's the way you give

248
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,141
them back, you know, your answer.

249
00:09:51,201 --> 00:09:51,501
So-

250
00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:56,731
But also, if they react poorly, that makes
it real easy for you to say, "Okay, peace,

251
00:09:56,841 --> 00:09:57,261
dude."

252
00:09:57,371 --> 00:09:57,381
Yeah.

253
00:09:58,281 --> 00:09:58,921
Take it easy.

254
00:09:59,001 --> 00:09:59,501
Yeah.

255
00:09:59,801 --> 00:10:00,271
Uh, we don't

256
00:10:00,301 --> 00:10:00,441
need you.

257
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:02,141
You're off of my list, sir.

258
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:02,501
Yeah.

259
00:10:02,701 --> 00:10:07,041
Uh, you know, make sure that you
know that, um, you are worth way

260
00:10:07,121 --> 00:10:09,721
more than, than, than what you-

261
00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:11,901
think people view you as.

262
00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:12,361
Yeah.

263
00:10:12,981 --> 00:10:13,661
Does that make sense?

264
00:10:13,921 --> 00:10:14,341
Yes.

265
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:14,821
Yeah.

266
00:10:15,351 --> 00:10:15,361
Yeah.

267
00:10:15,421 --> 00:10:20,341
Um, you know, you don't have to say
yes to anybody if you're not 100%.

268
00:10:20,461 --> 00:10:27,201
You don't have to, uh, do anything or play
along with anybody- Mm-hmm … at all.

269
00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:27,341
Like-

270
00:10:27,441 --> 00:10:27,541
No

271
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,821
…
this is, you know, your feelings are very,
very much, uh, in play on this, and you

272
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:37,151
wanna make sure that you're, uh, what
you're feeling is comfort and safety-

273
00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:37,681
Yes, for sure

274
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:38,431
uh, in the moment you don't feel it.

275
00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:38,510
Because

276
00:10:38,521 --> 00:10:38,871
that makes it

277
00:10:39,021 --> 00:10:39,521
fun.

278
00:10:39,531 --> 00:10:39,541
Yeah.

279
00:10:39,561 --> 00:10:40,521
That makes it more fun.

280
00:10:40,561 --> 00:10:41,181
Exactly.

281
00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,111
And, and it's okay to say no.

282
00:10:43,491 --> 00:10:44,071
It is okay to say no.

283
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:44,791
It's okay to say no.

284
00:10:44,851 --> 00:10:46,571
I mean, I have trouble
saying no sometimes.

285
00:10:46,611 --> 00:10:48,051
I'm gonna be super, super honest with you.

286
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,271
Um, it's hard sometimes, but- And

287
00:10:50,311 --> 00:10:51,670
we don't wanna kill the vibe, right?

288
00:10:51,691 --> 00:10:51,751
Yeah.

289
00:10:51,771 --> 00:10:52,431
That's the fear.

290
00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:53,571
I don't wanna kill the vibe.

291
00:10:53,631 --> 00:10:54,691
Everybody's having a good time.

292
00:10:54,771 --> 00:10:58,191
I don't wanna say, "Hey, sorry, but
no, I don't…" Nobody wants to be-

293
00:10:58,211 --> 00:11:01,211
Yeah … labeled the bitch or the
asshole who just made things awkward.

294
00:11:01,982 --> 00:11:05,842
But we've talked about it so much now
that- Yeah … I understand it's not

295
00:11:05,883 --> 00:11:09,782
gonna come out like that, that I ha- I
have to be in the relationship, I have

296
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:14,363
to be the one who stops it, um, if we've
already talked about it beforehand.

297
00:11:14,903 --> 00:11:18,602
Because- Yeah … he doesn't know
how to… He doesn't like to say no.

298
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:19,183
He doesn't like to say no.

299
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:19,682
I don't.

300
00:11:20,122 --> 00:11:22,522
And sometimes it's hard
for me to say no as well.

301
00:11:23,122 --> 00:11:27,522
But I think you guys are doing good,
especially with the role play before him.

302
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:28,122
Yeah.

303
00:11:28,182 --> 00:11:31,042
I think that's gonna give them
a little bit of a, um- It's

304
00:11:31,082 --> 00:11:32,522
so smart

305
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:34,722
…
like a little bit of relaxation.

306
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:35,783
Yeah.

307
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,682
Like, not so… You're not gonna
be thinking about it so heavy and

308
00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:40,482
just kind of like go with the flow.

309
00:11:40,603 --> 00:11:45,662
Well, you know, uh, really good improv
comedians, they go to improv class.

310
00:11:45,682 --> 00:11:46,522
They role play.

311
00:11:46,882 --> 00:11:46,962
Yes.

312
00:11:47,062 --> 00:11:47,762
You know what I'm saying?

313
00:11:48,162 --> 00:11:53,702
Uh, and if you want to get used to
being able to communicate with new

314
00:11:53,782 --> 00:11:58,682
people at an event like a hotel
takeover, you guys should role play

315
00:11:58,763 --> 00:12:00,243
different things, different- Yeah

316
00:12:00,542 --> 00:12:02,222
uh, different types of environments.

317
00:12:02,282 --> 00:12:02,702
Okay.

318
00:12:03,142 --> 00:12:07,443
Uh, you know, this person, you're
gonna go to the bathroom, and I'm

319
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:09,943
gonna sit here waiting for you
to get back, and somebody's gonna

320
00:12:10,002 --> 00:12:11,382
come and, and say hello to me.

321
00:12:11,422 --> 00:12:12,163
You're that person.

322
00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:12,763
Mm-hmm.

323
00:12:13,263 --> 00:12:15,803
Or, you know, how am I gonna, how
am I gonna get out of this, or-

324
00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:16,082
Yeah

325
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,762
…
is this something that I really want?

326
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,982
You know, different
hypothetical situations-

327
00:12:20,162 --> 00:12:20,342
Yeah … you

328
00:12:20,342 --> 00:12:20,903
can work through.

329
00:12:21,242 --> 00:12:24,862
And also, um, maybe get to know
some of the people that are

330
00:12:24,882 --> 00:12:27,302
going to the Houston Takeover.

331
00:12:27,342 --> 00:12:30,182
Like, maybe there's a Discord-
Oh, yeah … or maybe there's a

332
00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:35,022
Facebook group, or maybe when you,
um- RSVP, there's some kind of link

333
00:12:35,042 --> 00:12:36,482
that you can get to know people.

334
00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:40,822
Um, usually they do have some kind
of communication, some groups.

335
00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:45,842
And you can get to know people and
maybe, like, set up some, some chats.

336
00:12:46,022 --> 00:12:46,322
Um- Yeah,

337
00:12:46,362 --> 00:12:46,902
ahead of time

338
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:47,922
…
ahead of time.

339
00:12:48,082 --> 00:12:49,472
Get your feet in the water.

340
00:12:49,642 --> 00:12:53,422
You know, right then and there, you can
straight up tell them your boundaries.

341
00:12:54,162 --> 00:12:54,222
Yeah.

342
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,722
Straight up tell them your rules.

343
00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:56,202
Yeah.

344
00:12:56,232 --> 00:12:58,852
Your, your, um… I was
gonna say demographic.

345
00:12:59,102 --> 00:13:00,132
Your demographics.

346
00:13:00,132 --> 00:13:00,182
Your

347
00:13:00,202 --> 00:13:00,742
dynamics.

348
00:13:00,782 --> 00:13:01,662
Your dynamics.

349
00:13:01,722 --> 00:13:04,522
And that's, and that was part of one of
the things that you were asking was, you

350
00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:05,842
know, you don't wanna waste any time.

351
00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:08,302
Uh, you don't wanna waste
anybody else's time.

352
00:13:08,362 --> 00:13:09,622
You don't wanna waste your own time.

353
00:13:09,692 --> 00:13:10,122
Um- I'm very

354
00:13:10,202 --> 00:13:10,352
good

355
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:10,802
about that

356
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:12,802
so that's what dynamic is for.

357
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:12,991
Yeah.

358
00:13:12,991 --> 00:13:16,362
When you meet somebody, one of the first
things that you should be asking them

359
00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:17,922
is, "Well, what's y'all's dynamic?"

360
00:13:17,982 --> 00:13:18,302
Mm-hmm.

361
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:23,082
Because if they say, "Well,
we're, we play separately," and

362
00:13:23,182 --> 00:13:27,582
you guys do not play separately,
then these people are not for you.

363
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:28,042
Mm-hmm.

364
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:29,322
And why waste your time?

365
00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:29,502
Mm-hmm.

366
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:29,592
And

367
00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:32,642
it's like, "Okay, well, it's nice to
meet you. Moving on." You know what I

368
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:33,062
mean?

369
00:13:33,072 --> 00:13:33,082
Exactly.

370
00:13:33,142 --> 00:13:35,922
Don't waste your time, don't waste
their time, and you'll be fine.

371
00:13:36,002 --> 00:13:36,072
Mm-hmm.

372
00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:36,672
You know what I mean?

373
00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:38,702
But yeah, express your dynamic.

374
00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:43,012
What it i- What is it that
you guys are, uh, advertising

375
00:13:43,042 --> 00:13:44,822
yourselves as, so to speak.

376
00:13:44,922 --> 00:13:44,932
Mm-hmm.

377
00:13:44,932 --> 00:13:46,682
Uh, are you guys a full swap?

378
00:13:46,962 --> 00:13:50,562
Are you, uh, you know, separate play?

379
00:13:50,642 --> 00:13:52,342
Are you same room swap?

380
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:53,602
Or is- Are you soft swap?

381
00:13:53,692 --> 00:13:55,122
Are y'all bisexual?

382
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,912
Are y'all not swap at all?

383
00:13:56,912 --> 00:13:57,062
Um,

384
00:13:57,242 --> 00:13:57,432
yeah,

385
00:13:57,642 --> 00:13:58,582
like- Still watching?

386
00:13:58,622 --> 00:13:58,842
Yeah.

387
00:13:59,262 --> 00:13:59,922
Parallel play.

388
00:13:59,962 --> 00:14:03,722
Like, there's- Yeah … so
many, so many questions.

389
00:14:03,942 --> 00:14:06,482
Um, I've actually made a
little PDF about that, babe.

390
00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:06,762
Did you?

391
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:07,582
I did.

392
00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:07,882
Yeah?

393
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:08,382
Yeah.

394
00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:10,662
And I think we're gonna offer
it to everybody for free.

395
00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:11,282
Oh, wow.

396
00:14:11,462 --> 00:14:12,462
Yeah, some questions.

397
00:14:12,522 --> 00:14:13,102
Look at you.

398
00:14:13,162 --> 00:14:14,542
They can, like, just learn about it.

399
00:14:15,042 --> 00:14:15,542
Wow.

400
00:14:15,662 --> 00:14:15,982
Yeah.

401
00:14:16,102 --> 00:14:19,102
Look at you with your
lifestyle propaganda.

402
00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:21,222
Push that lifestyle propaganda.

403
00:14:21,282 --> 00:14:21,822
Yeah.

404
00:14:21,892 --> 00:14:21,902
Yeah.

405
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:23,342
So I mean, they can at least learn.

406
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:25,462
There are some questions in
there that'll help them at least

407
00:14:25,502 --> 00:14:28,322
break the ice on certain things.

408
00:14:28,382 --> 00:14:28,662
That's right.

409
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,602
I wish there was something like
that around when we started.

410
00:14:30,682 --> 00:14:33,962
You know, I really wish there was…
Uh, I wish our show was around when we

411
00:14:34,022 --> 00:14:37,422
started, because- Yeah … uh, I could
have used that information that we had.

412
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,342
If I knew then what I know now-

413
00:14:40,442 --> 00:14:41,562
If I knew

414
00:14:41,682 --> 00:14:42,132
then- Oh, my goodness

415
00:14:42,162 --> 00:14:47,962
…
what I didn't know now, I wish I could
start this whole thing over again.

416
00:14:48,302 --> 00:14:48,522
Okay.

417
00:14:48,582 --> 00:14:51,562
See, and I, I… If I knew then
what I know now- … I wouldn't

418
00:14:51,582 --> 00:14:52,802
have even started with that.

419
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:55,382
I would've kept that one to myself.

420
00:14:55,502 --> 00:14:59,642
Uh, but you know, it, it really…
I think the, I think the role

421
00:14:59,722 --> 00:15:00,722
playing thing is awesome.

422
00:15:00,922 --> 00:15:01,042
I do

423
00:15:01,052 --> 00:15:01,082
too.

424
00:15:01,102 --> 00:15:03,962
And honestly, that's really
spiced up something in my head.

425
00:15:04,022 --> 00:15:05,322
I think I'm gonna try something cool.

426
00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:05,372
I know.

427
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:05,502
We

428
00:15:05,742 --> 00:15:06,182
are.

429
00:15:06,382 --> 00:15:08,622
Yeah, I think I'm… And I'm
talking, like, really commit.

430
00:15:08,722 --> 00:15:11,282
I'm talking- Like, from- … we
take Ubers to the place.

431
00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:11,322
Yes.

432
00:15:11,382 --> 00:15:12,562
We don't even drive together.

433
00:15:12,672 --> 00:15:12,742
That's

434
00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:12,922
kinda

435
00:15:13,022 --> 00:15:13,102
hot.

436
00:15:13,142 --> 00:15:14,311
We take Ubers together.

437
00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:16,542
We, we, maybe one of us is there early.

438
00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:16,822
Uh-huh.

439
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,922
And one of us is there later.

440
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:21,052
Um, and you know, I buy you a drink.

441
00:15:21,072 --> 00:15:21,402
When do you

442
00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:21,892
break it?

443
00:15:22,392 --> 00:15:24,693
You break it after I come.

444
00:15:25,193 --> 00:15:25,393
Yeah.

445
00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:27,413
Then after that- Boom,

446
00:15:27,714 --> 00:15:28,293
three minutes.

447
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:31,673
…
actually, actually, no, if we could,
if we could keep that, then you can

448
00:15:31,753 --> 00:15:33,453
just take your own Uber back home.

449
00:15:33,953 --> 00:15:34,852
Get out of here, girl.

450
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:36,352
Go clean yourself up.

451
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:37,872
My wife, my wife's coming

452
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:37,961
to pick me up.

453
00:15:37,961 --> 00:15:39,551
My wife's waiting in the car.

454
00:15:40,051 --> 00:15:41,090
Oh my gosh.

455
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:41,730
Oh.

456
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:42,930
Wait, are we getting a hotel?

457
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:43,930
Who's paying for

458
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:44,130
that?

459
00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:44,951
God, I hope not.

460
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:46,610
I don't wanna get a hotel.

461
00:15:46,651 --> 00:15:48,230
Well, how, where are we gonna go?

462
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:50,250
We'll go to the, we'll go to- Wait,
are we hooking up the first night?

463
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:51,090
Well, yeah.

464
00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:54,489
I fully expect to get some on the first
night, or I'll be really disappointed.

465
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:55,750
I ain't calling you back after that.

466
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:56,649
Uh-uh.

467
00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:57,149
Do you hear that,

468
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:57,450
ladies?

469
00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:57,669
You hear me?

470
00:15:57,989 --> 00:16:01,549
She ta- Hey, my wife told me I don't
have to work as hard, so why would

471
00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:03,669
I work so hard at the role play?

472
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:06,489
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna work at the role play?

473
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:07,749
Come on, you're a sure thing.

474
00:16:08,249 --> 00:16:08,629
I'm not gonna have to work

475
00:16:08,649 --> 00:16:08,829
that hard.

476
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:09,809
I mean, I don't know.

477
00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:12,849
If I have options, I don't know
if I'm a sure thing anymore.

478
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:13,989
You're a total sure thing.

479
00:16:14,049 --> 00:16:16,669
I don't… I know exactly
what meal to buy you.

480
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:17,849
We're good.

481
00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:20,229
It's done, I'm not even worried about it.

482
00:16:20,769 --> 00:16:21,890
I'll put on your favorite show.

483
00:16:22,409 --> 00:16:22,869
Forget it.

484
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:23,569
Sex.

485
00:16:23,589 --> 00:16:25,189
We're going back home?

486
00:16:25,409 --> 00:16:26,909
Well, yeah, I'm not
gonna get a hotel room.

487
00:16:26,949 --> 00:16:29,989
Well, you said commit
to the end, broke-ass.

488
00:16:30,049 --> 00:16:31,169
Forget that.

489
00:16:31,269 --> 00:16:32,610
I'm pretty much busy.

490
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:34,589
I, I already came.

491
00:16:34,669 --> 00:16:35,189
It's okay.

492
00:16:35,689 --> 00:16:36,890
I got mine.

493
00:16:37,669 --> 00:16:38,289
Oh my gosh.

494
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,390
You see what happens?

495
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,149
No, I mean- You see what
happens … I think it's hot.

496
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:45,030
I think you guys- I do … are going
to have a really good, good time.

497
00:16:45,128 --> 00:16:45,708
Okay, wait.

498
00:16:45,848 --> 00:16:49,148
Before we go any further, FirmTech.

499
00:16:49,489 --> 00:16:51,088
We have to talk about FirmTech.

500
00:16:51,328 --> 00:16:51,488
Yes.

501
00:16:51,588 --> 00:16:54,128
Okay, so FirmTech makes the Tech Ring.

502
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,889
Yeah, and here's the thing.

503
00:16:56,228 --> 00:16:57,768
It's not what you might think.

504
00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:01,148
Well, it kind of is, but
it's so much more than that.

505
00:17:01,649 --> 00:17:01,788
Yeah.

506
00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:06,108
It's a wearable ring that helps with
firmness and blood flow, and it actually

507
00:17:06,149 --> 00:17:08,188
connects to an app that tracks data.

508
00:17:08,588 --> 00:17:09,988
Real data.

509
00:17:10,328 --> 00:17:12,928
Like, it tells you
exactly what's going on.

510
00:17:13,268 --> 00:17:15,288
And there's actual clinical
research behind it.

511
00:17:15,408 --> 00:17:16,688
This isn't some random gimmick.

512
00:17:17,628 --> 00:17:18,968
And then there's the Ring Mate.

513
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:19,749
I saw this thing.

514
00:17:19,828 --> 00:17:22,988
It's an attachment that goes
on the Tech Ring specifically

515
00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:24,368
for your partner's pleasure.

516
00:17:24,468 --> 00:17:25,628
Looks just like a tongue.

517
00:17:25,708 --> 00:17:27,229
Hey, so everybody wins.

518
00:17:27,308 --> 00:17:28,229
Everybody wins.

519
00:17:28,528 --> 00:17:30,428
It really is a whole situation.

520
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,328
A good situation.

521
00:17:31,648 --> 00:17:33,028
A very good situation.

522
00:17:33,448 --> 00:17:36,528
Use code BEYOMONO at firmtech.co.

523
00:17:36,569 --> 00:17:42,348
That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, and get 15% off.

524
00:17:42,668 --> 00:17:43,708
Okay, now where were we?

525
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:44,353
All right.

526
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:46,634
Anyhow, let's move into
our second confessional.

527
00:17:46,694 --> 00:17:50,574
This one is a little bit heavier-
Ooh … but really, really important.

528
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:51,294
Okay.

529
00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:54,654
Yeah, this one, it hit close
to home for me in some ways.

530
00:17:54,814 --> 00:17:56,874
I think a lot of people are going
to hear themselves in this one.

531
00:17:57,654 --> 00:17:57,814
Yeah.

532
00:17:57,894 --> 00:17:58,354
Here we go.

533
00:17:58,854 --> 00:18:02,094
"
I haven't been a swinger
for long, about 18 months.

534
00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:06,174
My fiance and I have been
together for two years in July.

535
00:18:07,094 --> 00:18:10,254
He's been a swinger for the
better part of 20 plus years.

536
00:18:10,934 --> 00:18:14,834
I will start by saying I have
a lot of relationship trauma

537
00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,414
from previous relationships.

538
00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:20,804
That being said, I'm in therapy and
working through a lot of it, but it's

539
00:18:20,894 --> 00:18:22,674
still a battle a lot of the time.

540
00:18:23,294 --> 00:18:27,674
Before I got into the lifestyle
with my fiance, I was in the BDSM

541
00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:32,454
lifestyle, so I have some experience
with alternative lifestyles and was,

542
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:36,774
and still am, genuinely interested
in pursuing this with my fiance.

543
00:18:37,274 --> 00:18:39,414
Here's where I am having a difficult time.

544
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:44,674
When we got together, we talked at length
about things we wanted and didn't want.

545
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:49,854
A big thing for both of us is we
didn't want poly in any aspect.

546
00:18:50,534 --> 00:18:55,814
Our focus was on our primary relationship,
and the swinging was to be the spice,

547
00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:58,334
on occasion, to our relationship.

548
00:18:58,994 --> 00:19:02,004
I still very much want things
that way, and he does too, or

549
00:19:02,114 --> 00:19:07,554
so he says, but I have made the
realization that he is, in fact, poly.

550
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:12,914
Perhaps not in the romantic sense
of the word, but he very much

551
00:19:12,974 --> 00:19:16,414
wants and needs a closer connection
with people he plays with.

552
00:19:17,034 --> 00:19:19,834
I prefer a very superficial
connection with my partners,

553
00:19:20,254 --> 00:19:22,494
limited contact and conversation.

554
00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:26,854
I brought up that this makes me very
uncomfortable, and it's a trigger.

555
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,504
It feels like he's juggling
multiple relationships, and

556
00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:31,394
it feels very poly to me.

557
00:19:31,434 --> 00:19:34,303
He doesn't see the
correlation in his actions.

558
00:19:34,354 --> 00:19:40,454
He views poly as only romantic and not in
any way poly because it's not romantic.

559
00:19:40,484 --> 00:19:44,284
I'm struggling to handle this disconnect
in our relationship, and I'm not sure

560
00:19:44,354 --> 00:19:46,174
how to move past my insecurities.

561
00:19:46,614 --> 00:19:48,394
I'd love some advice if you have any.

562
00:19:48,403 --> 00:19:50,994
Thanks for listening,
and I love your podcast.

563
00:19:51,054 --> 00:19:54,294
You guys have been great wealth of
knowledge for me on my journey."

564
00:19:54,794 --> 00:20:00,514
First, I see you, and I wanna say
the fact that you're in therapy, that

565
00:20:00,674 --> 00:20:05,994
you know your triggers, that you can
articulate this so clearly is amazing.

566
00:20:06,435 --> 00:20:08,214
That's not someone with insecurities.

567
00:20:08,315 --> 00:20:10,374
That's someone doing their work.

568
00:20:10,694 --> 00:20:10,954
Yeah.

569
00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:15,494
Uh, this is definitely not a
simple who's right kinda situation.

570
00:20:15,895 --> 00:20:20,434
Both of them are operating from
completely genuine spaces, but they

571
00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:24,294
are describing fundamentally different
styles of engagement in the lifestyle.

572
00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:24,454
Mm-hmm.

573
00:20:24,475 --> 00:20:27,614
And that gap is real.

574
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:28,054
Yeah.

575
00:20:28,355 --> 00:20:29,315
And it matters.

576
00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:29,655
Yep.

577
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:30,814
Yeah.

578
00:20:31,175 --> 00:20:33,454
So what you're describing,
it actually has a name.

579
00:20:33,475 --> 00:20:36,974
It, it, it's a, it's a
connection style difference.

580
00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:39,754
Uh, some people are kitchen table.

581
00:20:39,835 --> 00:20:41,094
Mm. Some are parallel.

582
00:20:41,134 --> 00:20:41,394
Mm-hmm.

583
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:46,955
He sounds like he's kitchen table,
and I think maybe you're possibly

584
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,895
parallel, if we had to put labels on it.

585
00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:49,036
I

586
00:20:49,075 --> 00:20:50,516
mean, she's not poly at all.

587
00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:53,715
No, no, not at all, but we're
talking about connection style.

588
00:20:54,055 --> 00:20:54,595
Okay.

589
00:20:54,615 --> 00:20:57,635
Now- Okay, yeah, because
I'm… So I'm pretty much her.

590
00:20:58,115 --> 00:20:58,295
Yeah.

591
00:20:59,016 --> 00:20:59,115
Yeah.

592
00:20:59,155 --> 00:20:59,515
I'm pretty-

593
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,395
This is a very, um- This
is- … a very real-

594
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:03,065
This is us

595
00:21:03,075 --> 00:21:05,535
…
conversation because
this is us, essentially.

596
00:21:05,675 --> 00:21:08,955
Um- Yeah … I am not, I, I am not poly.

597
00:21:09,056 --> 00:21:11,636
Um- You use a really
good word that I like.

598
00:21:11,976 --> 00:21:13,136
I'm superficial.

599
00:21:13,216 --> 00:21:17,656
It's very, I don't need to
have the everyday conversation.

600
00:21:17,756 --> 00:21:22,916
I don't need to have the, you know, every
time we see each other type of connection.

601
00:21:22,976 --> 00:21:23,815
Like, we're just friends.

602
00:21:24,496 --> 00:21:26,716
Um, and if we have time
to play, we can play.

603
00:21:27,696 --> 00:21:28,576
I, I, I'm there.

604
00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:30,236
I'm, uh, well, that's where I'm at.

605
00:21:30,936 --> 00:21:31,756
Adam is more-

606
00:21:32,076 --> 00:21:32,636
I'm different.

607
00:21:32,686 --> 00:21:32,696
Yeah.

608
00:21:32,716 --> 00:21:34,336
So I like the connection.

609
00:21:34,396 --> 00:21:34,516
Yeah.

610
00:21:34,636 --> 00:21:37,136
And while we, we did the poly thing.

611
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:40,356
We were poly for five years, and
it was primarily because of me.

612
00:21:40,426 --> 00:21:40,436
Yeah.

613
00:21:40,436 --> 00:21:43,126
Because I wanted to experience a
lot of connections with others.

614
00:21:43,776 --> 00:21:46,496
Um, and I wanted to see
how that would work out.

615
00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:49,236
And so it wasn't for both of us.

616
00:21:49,336 --> 00:21:52,476
She didn't enjoy it, and
I did for the most part.

617
00:21:52,516 --> 00:21:57,156
But when we realized, okay,
this is, this is a gap here.

618
00:21:57,176 --> 00:22:01,086
She didn't- Mm … wanna hold me back
from, from being able to connect with

619
00:22:01,156 --> 00:22:05,176
others, but she also didn't wanna be
poly, and she didn't want me to be poly.

620
00:22:05,216 --> 00:22:05,296
Yeah.

621
00:22:05,336 --> 00:22:11,796
Now, poly is romantic, so if it's a
many friendship thing, um, I wouldn't

622
00:22:11,836 --> 00:22:14,016
really classify that as romantic.

623
00:22:14,576 --> 00:22:19,196
Um, and, and I wouldn't classify that as,
as poly if it's, if it's not romantic.

624
00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,956
But I do understand what you're saying.

625
00:22:21,476 --> 00:22:26,916
Um, all of these separate friendships
are, are separate connections, and

626
00:22:26,976 --> 00:22:34,916
each connection is, is fulfilling for
him in a way of, you know, that bond-

627
00:22:35,016 --> 00:22:35,126
Mm-hmm

628
00:22:35,156 --> 00:22:36,116
that you get with someone.

629
00:22:36,156 --> 00:22:39,856
Now, that is something that I
need and, and for the longest

630
00:22:39,876 --> 00:22:41,586
time, Pris didn't understand why.

631
00:22:41,666 --> 00:22:41,676
Mm-hmm.

632
00:22:41,676 --> 00:22:45,756
And we had to really go
back to the root of why.

633
00:22:45,816 --> 00:22:52,556
Why do I feel this incessant need to be
liked by so many, but also to have strong

634
00:22:52,676 --> 00:22:55,366
connections with every single person?

635
00:22:55,396 --> 00:22:55,456
Mm-hmm.

636
00:22:56,016 --> 00:22:58,096
Um, and it, it did feel like I was- And-

637
00:22:58,096 --> 00:22:59,446
juggling a lot of friendships
for a long time … it

638
00:22:59,576 --> 00:23:01,816
was, and also it's a lot, um-

639
00:23:02,316 --> 00:23:05,856
And I don't know how to bring it all
together, but like He knew… I knew what

640
00:23:05,896 --> 00:23:10,416
he wanted, but then he also… I knew that
he didn't need to… Like, he didn't…

641
00:23:10,486 --> 00:23:16,556
He wanted to do the whole poly thing, but
you also put in a lot of effort into that.

642
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:19,516
Like, it sometimes it consumed you.

643
00:23:19,836 --> 00:23:20,316
Yeah.

644
00:23:20,415 --> 00:23:20,696
Yeah.

645
00:23:20,736 --> 00:23:24,176
No, and that was, that was one thing
that I didn't really understand poly.

646
00:23:24,796 --> 00:23:26,206
Um, I did all my own research.

647
00:23:26,256 --> 00:23:27,926
I didn't have anybody
to talk to me about it.

648
00:23:27,936 --> 00:23:27,946
Mm-hmm.

649
00:23:28,036 --> 00:23:32,996
So I was really learning as I went, and I
felt like if I wasn't actively dating, if

650
00:23:33,076 --> 00:23:39,036
I didn't actively have a girlfriend on the
side doing my thing, I wasn't a successful

651
00:23:39,176 --> 00:23:41,886
poly, which is just- Yeah … stupid
saying it that, saying that out loud.

652
00:23:41,886 --> 00:23:41,926
And

653
00:23:41,936 --> 00:23:42,196
so-

654
00:23:42,436 --> 00:23:43,906
But a lot of us have
that feeling, you know?

655
00:23:43,916 --> 00:23:45,936
Yeah, and- You force
yourself into situations.

656
00:23:46,196 --> 00:23:46,636
Yeah.

657
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:47,176
Yeah.

658
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:47,686
Yeah.

659
00:23:48,246 --> 00:23:48,876
Want some water?

660
00:23:49,506 --> 00:23:49,566
No.

661
00:23:50,086 --> 00:23:50,626
It just went down.

662
00:23:51,126 --> 00:23:55,056
Um, so yeah, that was… And for me,
I was very… I'm very different.

663
00:23:55,146 --> 00:23:57,466
I don't need to have that,
even in as a swinger.

664
00:23:57,586 --> 00:24:02,506
Um, now I'm starting to make more
friends and want more of a connection,

665
00:24:03,236 --> 00:24:06,796
but that took years for me to get here.

666
00:24:06,876 --> 00:24:10,336
Well, you started realizing that the
sex can be more fulfilling if you

667
00:24:10,436 --> 00:24:13,436
actually are friends with the person,
which… And, and, you know, that

668
00:24:13,476 --> 00:24:16,376
was one thing was she's like, "Yeah,
you know, I had a few conversations

669
00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:19,236
with him. I think I'm good." And it's
like, well, that's not really friends.

670
00:24:19,246 --> 00:24:21,856
Like, you gotta be actual
friends and, you know, that…

671
00:24:22,456 --> 00:24:25,776
To be a true friend to
somebody, it's, it takes work.

672
00:24:26,276 --> 00:24:28,996
It takes work, it takes time,
it takes being there for

673
00:24:29,046 --> 00:24:30,336
'em, it takes conversations.

674
00:24:30,956 --> 00:24:36,876
Um, and, you know, he's probably
getting, uh, a fulfillment of

675
00:24:36,886 --> 00:24:38,806
friendship out of, out of that.

676
00:24:39,026 --> 00:24:43,306
You know, I, and like I said, I, I
understand it because I have that.

677
00:24:43,686 --> 00:24:43,756
Mm-hmm.

678
00:24:43,826 --> 00:24:48,866
But mine comes from a place of
trauma as a, a youth, uh, because

679
00:24:48,926 --> 00:24:51,146
I, I was in a, an abusive household.

680
00:24:51,266 --> 00:24:55,426
I didn't feel loved, and I
didn't… You know, I struggled, uh,

681
00:24:55,466 --> 00:24:58,806
throughout school feeling liked even.

682
00:24:58,906 --> 00:25:05,446
Uh, so to want to feel liked by
everybody's very big for me, and I like

683
00:25:05,506 --> 00:25:10,386
to have very meaningful friendships
with people, and I like to, up until

684
00:25:10,466 --> 00:25:14,686
recently, I, I love to have as many
connections with people as possible.

685
00:25:15,106 --> 00:25:19,146
I've kind of gone into a bit
of hermit mode as of lately,

686
00:25:19,266 --> 00:25:21,306
uh, just because I'm exhausted.

687
00:25:21,806 --> 00:25:25,746
I'm exhausted and- Mm-hmm … you know,
when you're in the mix nonstop, nonstop,

688
00:25:25,786 --> 00:25:32,066
nonstop, you just kinda have to, uh, take
every moment as it comes, and if you have

689
00:25:32,146 --> 00:25:33,706
quiet moments, you just gotta take 'em.

690
00:25:33,726 --> 00:25:33,826
Mm-hmm.

691
00:25:34,426 --> 00:25:39,306
Uh, and so that's why I'm not really
juggling much right now, but I get it.

692
00:25:40,006 --> 00:25:44,306
Um, I don't know what his reason for
it is, but I guarantee you, if you

693
00:25:44,366 --> 00:25:49,046
guys sit down and talk about it, you
can probably trace all the way back

694
00:25:49,066 --> 00:25:50,466
why he- Mm-hmm … feels that way.

695
00:25:50,506 --> 00:25:50,716
Mm-hmm.

696
00:25:51,146 --> 00:25:53,336
W- it could be something
that a parent did.

697
00:25:53,626 --> 00:25:53,826
Yeah.

698
00:25:53,926 --> 00:25:56,806
Or a, you know, a traumatic
moment, something.

699
00:25:56,826 --> 00:26:00,598
There's some reason Why this is a need.

700
00:26:00,678 --> 00:26:00,898
Mm-hmm.

701
00:26:01,818 --> 00:26:03,648
And it doesn't, it isn't anything that,

702
00:26:04,198 --> 00:26:05,038
that- That you're lacking or,

703
00:26:05,098 --> 00:26:06,488
or not giving to
him … you're lacking from.

704
00:26:06,488 --> 00:26:09,378
Or yeah, uh, you don't, you don't
really… There's nothing that you

705
00:26:09,418 --> 00:26:14,518
can really do to make that situation
better except to talk and to better

706
00:26:14,578 --> 00:26:17,438
understand why that's happening.

707
00:26:17,898 --> 00:26:22,198
And then once you've got a, a
hold of it, then you two can talk

708
00:26:22,258 --> 00:26:26,158
even more openly about, "Okay,
look, these are our boundaries.

709
00:26:26,258 --> 00:26:27,818
Th- there, there's no crossing that.

710
00:26:28,458 --> 00:26:32,378
You know, let's make sure we have
an agreement on every situation

711
00:26:32,418 --> 00:26:35,978
that could come up, and let's make
sure that we have a clear yes or no.

712
00:26:36,038 --> 00:26:37,318
There's no gray area here."

713
00:26:37,658 --> 00:26:37,878
Mm-hmm.

714
00:26:38,038 --> 00:26:39,998
Uh, because anything can come up.

715
00:26:40,858 --> 00:26:44,598
Um, and then you just go on from there.

716
00:26:44,658 --> 00:26:45,058
Yeah.

717
00:26:45,118 --> 00:26:45,538
Yeah.

718
00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:48,758
Like, it's, it's, it's
something where it's, it…

719
00:26:49,258 --> 00:26:50,878
It's gonna take a lot of communication.

720
00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:51,388
Yeah.

721
00:26:51,398 --> 00:26:55,378
You guys have to really discuss
it and, and he's gotta be willing

722
00:26:55,438 --> 00:26:56,917
to hear your side as well.

723
00:26:57,358 --> 00:27:00,718
And you, you're have, you're gonna have
to willing to be hearing his side as well.

724
00:27:00,898 --> 00:27:02,158
Like, you gotta communicate.

725
00:27:02,778 --> 00:27:06,758
It's, it's something, like for
us, one of us has to give, right?

726
00:27:07,278 --> 00:27:08,038
It is what it is.

727
00:27:08,658 --> 00:27:13,678
And you just figure out where
your insecurity of maybe the

728
00:27:13,718 --> 00:27:14,998
poly issue is coming from.

729
00:27:15,558 --> 00:27:16,758
I know where mine came from.

730
00:27:17,398 --> 00:27:18,958
Um, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

731
00:27:18,998 --> 00:27:21,518
It's just something that I just,
I don't like to share that type

732
00:27:21,558 --> 00:27:23,718
of romantic-ness from my spouse.

733
00:27:23,998 --> 00:27:26,778
I don't want… He doesn't need to
give that to anybody else but me, so.

734
00:27:26,818 --> 00:27:27,978
And you know, it doesn't bother me

735
00:27:28,058 --> 00:27:28,208
seeing

736
00:27:28,208 --> 00:27:28,258
her do it with anybody.

737
00:27:28,268 --> 00:27:28,278
Yeah.

738
00:27:28,278 --> 00:27:28,618
And so

739
00:27:28,678 --> 00:27:29,378
that…

740
00:27:29,418 --> 00:27:30,328
Yeah, it doesn't bother him, either.

741
00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:31,518
We're just very different people.

742
00:27:31,558 --> 00:27:31,738
Yeah.

743
00:27:31,778 --> 00:27:32,818
And that's gonna happen.

744
00:27:32,858 --> 00:27:32,948
Mm-hmm.

745
00:27:33,378 --> 00:27:38,828
I've had people ask me before,
"Well, you know, what, what do we do?

746
00:27:39,008 --> 00:27:46,247
You know, he's, he is more poly and I'm
more lifestyle, and I don't wanna be poly.

747
00:27:46,848 --> 00:27:48,028
Um, what do we do?

748
00:27:48,088 --> 00:27:50,768
Is this the end of our relationship?"
And it's like, "Well, no."

749
00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:51,328
Yeah.

750
00:27:51,508 --> 00:27:57,008
Um, you have to have that conversation
of, "What's more important to us? Is

751
00:27:57,088 --> 00:28:01,078
your non-monogamy, is your pursuit for
poly more important-" Yeah … "than

752
00:28:01,128 --> 00:28:05,428
the relationship? Because if so, I don't
want our relationship to hold you back."

753
00:28:05,488 --> 00:28:05,688
Mm-hmm.

754
00:28:06,028 --> 00:28:09,788
Uh, "But these are my boundaries. These
are my hard boundaries, and I don't wanna

755
00:28:09,828 --> 00:28:11,928
be poly and I don't want us to be poly."

756
00:28:11,968 --> 00:28:12,058
Yeah.

757
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:12,348
And so you just communicate.

758
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:14,537
"
We can be non-monogamous
in this way." Yeah.

759
00:28:14,537 --> 00:28:15,067
You know what I mean?

760
00:28:15,208 --> 00:28:16,388
Yeah, you just communicate it.

761
00:28:16,448 --> 00:28:17,528
You communicate, guys.

762
00:28:17,828 --> 00:28:18,048
Yeah.

763
00:28:18,468 --> 00:28:20,668
Doesn't… It, it, it sounds easy.

764
00:28:20,788 --> 00:28:22,048
I know we make it sound easy.

765
00:28:22,208 --> 00:28:23,588
It's an uncomfortable conversation.

766
00:28:23,628 --> 00:28:24,508
They're never easy.

767
00:28:24,868 --> 00:28:24,968
No.

768
00:28:25,188 --> 00:28:27,928
Um, but just be prepared
to keep an open mind.

769
00:28:28,028 --> 00:28:28,408
Yes.

770
00:28:28,448 --> 00:28:28,827
And an open heart.

771
00:28:28,838 --> 00:28:29,428
Be kind.

772
00:28:29,608 --> 00:28:30,088
Be kind.

773
00:28:30,148 --> 00:28:30,748
You be kind.

774
00:28:30,888 --> 00:28:31,847
Yeah, all the way.

775
00:28:32,088 --> 00:28:32,468
Yes.

776
00:28:32,768 --> 00:28:34,168
Got to be kind.

777
00:28:34,468 --> 00:28:39,908
And I just wanna say, loving someone and
being incompatible in your lifestyle can

778
00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:44,148
both be true at the same time, and you
don't have to choose between acknowledging

779
00:28:44,168 --> 00:28:45,928
the love and acknowledging the person.

780
00:28:46,868 --> 00:28:47,628
Well said.

781
00:28:48,128 --> 00:28:48,428
Thanks.

782
00:28:48,968 --> 00:28:49,567
Good job.

783
00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:52,608
And to our confessor, you are not crazy.

784
00:28:52,708 --> 00:28:54,488
You're not insecure.

785
00:28:54,518 --> 00:28:58,328
You just had an agreement, and
you deserve a partner who honors

786
00:28:58,388 --> 00:29:01,118
it or renegotiates it honestly.

787
00:29:01,148 --> 00:29:04,808
So keep going to therapy and
keep advocating for yourself.

788
00:29:05,308 --> 00:29:08,428
All right, that's our quickie for
today, two incredible submissions

789
00:29:08,448 --> 00:29:12,068
and two very real conversations
that we know hit home for more than

790
00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:13,488
just the people who wrote it in.

791
00:29:14,288 --> 00:29:18,478
If that was you in either of these
situations, we hope that you got

792
00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:20,208
something useful out of today.

793
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:23,448
And if you have something on your
chest, drop it in our 100% anonymous

794
00:29:23,488 --> 00:29:27,748
confessional at www.beyond-monogamy.com.

795
00:29:28,268 --> 00:29:30,458
No name, there's no login, no receipts.

796
00:29:30,548 --> 00:29:31,708
It's just you being honest.

797
00:29:31,748 --> 00:29:33,588
It might just become the next episode.

798
00:29:34,188 --> 00:29:38,508
Yeah, and if today's episode
resonated, share that shit, man.

799
00:29:38,928 --> 00:29:40,168
Text it to your partner.

800
00:29:40,388 --> 00:29:44,088
Leave us a five-star review on
Apple Podcasts or YouTube or even

801
00:29:44,128 --> 00:29:49,328
Spotify because you know that
you love us, I'm telling you.

802
00:29:49,428 --> 00:29:54,048
That kinda keeps our show growing and
keeps reaching the people who need it.

803
00:29:54,108 --> 00:29:58,608
Yes, and for even more lifestyle content,
come find us on fullswapradio.com.

804
00:29:59,048 --> 00:30:01,948
We're live every Thursday at
2:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Central.

805
00:30:02,328 --> 00:30:04,368
Good people, real talk, all lifestyle.

806
00:30:04,708 --> 00:30:09,028
Yes, and events, Crazy Winter
Nights 2027 in Kansas City, February

807
00:30:09,048 --> 00:30:11,248
19th through the 21st of 2027.

808
00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:15,748
Use code BEYOMONO at
checkout and save some money.

809
00:30:15,768 --> 00:30:16,768
You get that discount.

810
00:30:16,888 --> 00:30:19,988
You can come out and see us,
and write it on your calendar.

811
00:30:20,287 --> 00:30:20,648
Yes.

812
00:30:21,168 --> 00:30:25,588
And we have our very own Beyond Monogamy
event at Club Eden in San Antonio

813
00:30:25,598 --> 00:30:27,198
on June 20th at 9:00 p.m. Central.

814
00:30:27,568 --> 00:30:28,608
We wanna see you there.

815
00:30:29,088 --> 00:30:33,108
Just remember, Club Eden requires
a membership, guys, to attend.

816
00:30:33,228 --> 00:30:38,748
So go in their website, go log in, create
a membership, do all that good stuff.

817
00:30:38,788 --> 00:30:40,348
You can rent a table, a couch.

818
00:30:40,828 --> 00:30:41,608
Get on it now.

819
00:30:42,068 --> 00:30:42,108
Yeah.

820
00:30:42,208 --> 00:30:44,698
All, all the information
is in our event tab.

821
00:30:45,458 --> 00:30:46,558
That's right.

822
00:30:47,058 --> 00:30:47,338
Wow.

823
00:30:47,838 --> 00:30:51,158
You are sexy when you are good at
this- Thank you … sorta thing.

824
00:30:51,218 --> 00:30:51,438
Oh my

825
00:30:51,538 --> 00:30:51,688
goodness.

826
00:30:52,678 --> 00:30:55,998
With that, we thank you all for
joining us for another episode,

827
00:30:56,038 --> 00:30:57,758
and we will see you guys next week.

828
00:30:57,998 --> 00:30:58,778
Bye.