Kink 101: Fetish vs. Kink, Power Exchange & Hot Wifing (feat. The Kink Consultant)

Let's just get this out of the way first: Adam almost called our guest a "sex couch" instead of a "sex coach." We didn't edit it out because honestly, at this point, blooper reels are half our personality. Anyway. Welcome back to Beyond Monogamy, the podcast where two swingers-turned-podcasters occasionally wander outside our comfort zone and drag you along with us.

This week we took a field trip into the kink world with Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant, a certified somatic sex and relationship coach, sexologist, and former New York City dominatrix who once moonlighted at a dungeon after clocking out from her day job at the Wall Street Journal. Yes, really. Corporate America by day, corporal punishment by night. Iconic.

So... What Even Is Kink?

If you're anything like Pris, "kink" conjures up images of glue, spatulas, and questionable furniture arrangements. (True story: our very first kink party as baby swingers involved fire play, knife play, and a genuinely aggressive amount of spanking with actual kitchen spatulas. We were not ready.) Amanda set the record straight: kink is a massive spectrum, and most people are somewhere on it whether they've labeled it or not.

The real lightbulb moment of the episode? Kink is a "nice to have." Fetish is a "need to have." Amanda broke down how a fetish requires a very specific thing to achieve arousal (yes, foot fetishes are basically the gateway fetish of the group, thanks to a certain tough economy and everyone selling feet pics), while a kink is more of a fun addition. Adam, for the record, immediately copped to a hot wife fetish. Pris, for the record, immediately diagnosed Adam on the spot. Free therapy, folks.

The $20 Home Depot Light Bulb That Changed Everything

We are not exaggerating when we say Amanda dropped one of the best communication hacks we've ever heard on this show: buy a color-changing light bulb, put it in the kitchen, and switch the color when you're feeling extra dominant. No awkward announcement required. Your partner sees blue, they know what's up. It's basically the Bat-Signal, but for kink. Adam's exact reaction was "that's frigging genius," and honestly, same.

Hot Wifing, Hot Husbanding, and the Great Pre-Claim/Reclaim Debate

We got into the difference between Adam's hot wife fetish and Pris's very firm boundary around hot husbanding (spoiler: she loves telling him about her experiences, she does NOT love hearing about his, unless she asks). Amanda coined the moment perfectly and even introduced us to the concept of reclamation sex, which apparently we've been doing all along without knowing the fancy term for it. Turns out our whole sex life has a "pre-claim, go have your fun, reclaim" cycle, and Amanda was borderline obsessed with how well it works for us. We'll take the compliment.

Justice, Power, and Why Pris Might Secretly Be Kinkier Than She Thinks

Amanda gently called out Pris's need to grab the paddle and start swinging at kink parties as less about kink and more about... justice. Make of that what you will. We also talked pegging, strap-ons, compartmentalizing fantasies without cheating, and why "aftercare" boundaries (looking at you, no-cuddling rule) are healthy, not heartless.

Go Get Amanda's Free Guide

Amanda's free download, Speaking Your Desires With Confidence, is designed for couples navigating exactly this conversation - kinky, non-kinky, or somewhere in between. Grab it at amandadames.com, and while you're there, check out her own podcast and follow her everywhere:

• Instagram: @the_kinkconsultant
• Facebook: The Kink Consultant
• TikTok: @the_kinkconsultant
• YouTube: @thekinkconsultant
• Podcast: The Kink Consultant Podcast
• Email: info@thekinkconsultant.com

Oh, and if you want to meet Amanda in person, she's got a discount code for her Jamaica swingcation - head to swingcation.com and use code TKC50 for up to $400 off.

A Word From Our Sponsors

ProDX Health made an appearance in this episode too - at-home STI and hormone testing with zero waiting rooms and zero awkward conversations. Use code BEYOMONO at prodxhealth.com for 15% off year-round, even more during special events.

Also don't forget our other partners keeping the lifestyle safe and fun: SDC (code 38236), 3Fun (code TK11932), and FirmTech (code BEYOMONO).

Where To Find Us (and Where We'll Be)

Head over to beyond-monogamy.com for our full episode library, the listener confessional we teased, and details on our brand-new live show launching soon - Thursdays, 7:00-8:00 PM Central, on our own platform. No big production, just us and you, live.

Catch us streaming every Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central on Full Swap Radio (fullswapradio.com), and if you're in San Antonio, come find us at Beyond Monogamy Live at Club Eden.

We'll also be at Krazy Winter Nights KC, February 19-21, 2027 - grab tickets at krazykasbh.com and use code BEYOMONO at checkout for a discount.

Loved this one? Like, subscribe, share it with a kink-curious friend, and leave us five stars if you're feeling generous. See you next week.