What Makes Someone Slutty? A Swinger Couple Reclaims the S-Word

There are words you weren't allowed to say at the dinner table. Adam learned that at age five, when — armed with nothing but HBO and total confusion — he called his oldest sister a "barnyard slut" over dinner because he thought it had something to do with farming. It did not go well. On this week's Wednesday Quickie, Adam & Pris finally give the S-word the full Beyond Monogamy treatment: where it came from, who it's aimed at, and why the swinger lifestyle took one look at it and said, "Actually... we'll keep it."

Pris Was Called a Slut in Sixth Grade (For Basically Nothing)

Let's set the scene: sixth grade. Pris is in love — capital-L, he's-gonna-be-the-one love — with a boy named Nathan. (First name only. She has the whole name. She knows him. We're protecting Nathan.) Nathan dumps her for another girl, Pris marches up to said girl's table to deliver a piece of her mind, and the girl calls her a slut. The girl then discovered gravity. "She fell, and I was like, well, that was easy."

But here's the part that tells you everything about how this word actually works: Pris got called a slut again as a freshman — by a guy — because she wouldn't sleep with him. Read that again. Not giving it up made her a slut. Her response? "Mm, am I though?" Iconic. And for the record, her actual "slutty" behavior back then consisted of having a lot of boyfriends she would maybe, possibly, occasionally kiss. Hoes in different zip codes? Sure. Some of them were phone boyfriends she never even saw. Scandalous stuff.

What Does "Slut" Even Mean?

Adam did the homework so you don't have to. Per Merriam-Webster, "slut" is a derogatory term used to shame a woman perceived as sexually promiscuous — and it dates back to the 1400s, when it originally meant an untidy or slovenly woman. Pris zeroed in immediately: "Why woman? And what's the term for a man?" Hold that thought, because the double-standard portion of this episode is a whole meal.

Here's the thing this couple has figured out after 15 years in ethical non-monogamy: what the vanilla world calls sluttiness — sleeping with different people just because sex is fun — is what the rest of us call a Tuesday. Or, more accurately, consensual non-monogamy. The two reasons to have sex are procreation and a good time, and only one of them requires a crib.

Alcohol, Weed, and the Great Inhibition Debate

Science corner (not actual science): the hosts compare notes on which substances bring out the slut. Alcohol? Proven track record — see Pris's legendary "two night stands" story from her sister's wedding. One on the left, one on the right. That's not a typo, that's furniture-based wordplay, and it was, in her official ruling, "totally the alcohol." Weed? Flower does nothing for her, but a certain birthday gummy and her beloved "buddies" produce what she describes as a full-body ooh. Adam, meanwhile, reports that no substance has ever made him horny, primarily because he's already operating at maximum capacity at all times. The man tried his best to be a slut in high school and college. He associated with sluts. He networked. He never once closed. He was, tragically, too respectful.

The Hotwife Kink and the Case of the Disappearing Text Messages

Longtime listeners know Adam has a hotwife kink — a consensual "cheating" fetish where the thought of Pris out there having her fun and coming home to tell him about it is, in his words, very very hot. The catch? Pris isn't naturally slutty. So the couple gets an extremely funny recurring scene: mid-romance, house empty, Pris grabs her phone and starts "messaging somebody to come over"... and the moment things conclude, the phone vanishes and it is never spoken of again. One time she was just scrolling her own photos. Baby. Baby.

But there's a real, tender conversation under the comedy — Adam openly wrestles with the fear that he might be pushing her toward something she doesn't want, and celebrates that after years of going along with things for his sake, Pris has found her voice and her no. Now she's exploring at her own pace: picky as hell, vibes-based, with an actual little list of people she likes. Two of them even live nearby. Growth.

Plot Twist: Pris Has a Hot Husband Kink

The discovery of the episode: Pris realized she likes sending Adam out to play — dominantly. Her exact policy statement: "This is my property. He is my dick. You can borrow him. He's coming back." You may or may not get a text the next morning. Depends. HR has been notified and HR thinks it's hot.

And Adam may have unlocked a brand-new fantasy for Pris involving a date, a second date to the same night out, and Pris making out with both of them in front of everybody. Turns out the woman who hates individual attention absolutely thrives as the center of attention. Evolutionary, as Adam says.

"What Do You Call a Man Who Acts the Same Way?" "Just a Man, Baby."

The episode closes on the double standard: the guys who slut-shamed girls in high school were usually the same guys claiming — with high-fives — to have slept with them. The girls called sluts were often the ones who wouldn't. And even inside the swinger lifestyle, slut-shaming sneaks in ("If I see you sleep with too many people, I lose interest" — you can lose interest quietly, friend). The takeaway from 15 years in the lifestyle: you'll get shamed for doing it and shamed for not doing it, so you might as well do what makes you happy. Wrap it, test, and go be your own version of slutty. Or don't. Nobody here is judging — least of all the guy who follows Instagram accounts of women making out with three different men, "for research."

Come Play With Us

Want the full conversation? Hit play — and then come hang out with us live!

• Live show every Thursday, 7–8PM Central at beyond-monogamy.com — chat with us and other listeners in real time. Full episodes, the blog, merch, and the 100% anonymous confessional are all there too. Confess your lifestyle, ENM, and kink secrets — we might read them on air.
• FullSwapRadio — streaming at fullswapradio.com Thursdays at 2PM and 7PM Central.
• Crazy Winter Nights — Kansas City, February 19–21, 2027. Use code BEYOMONO for your discount. Come find us!
• SDC — the largest online community for open-minded adults. No weirdness, no judgment. Sign up at sdc.com with code 38236.
• Pro DX Health — we test, and they've got the hookup. Code BEYOMONO gets you 15% off.

Until next week — stay safe, stay communicative (Pris can teach you the word), and go be the slut you were born to be.