Pressure in the Lifestyle: Are You Pushing Your Partner Too Far?

0:07 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

0:47 So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris, and today on our Wednesday quickie, we are going to be discussing pushiness. Pushiness. I, I, and I don't wanna sound like it… I know pushiness is negative, right? I wanna just talk about how some couples, you can tell they have not communicated when coming into the lifestyle. How about that? You know, I think that's a fair observation, but I think that's what makes a lot of newbie couples newbies. You know what I mean? Like, we- Yeah … when we first came in- Yeah … we, we did, we thought we had a really good communication, uh, skill.

1:30 I know, I know. I think, I think we do. We do now. I'm, I'm, yeah. But I'm talking about when we first c- came in to the lifestyle. Yeah. You don't think so? Oh, God, no. No? Not, not what it is now. This is more like you've never really pushed me to do things. You've never been, like, the one to tell me, "Look…" I've pushed you. I have. " Look, that, that, that chick is showing her ass off. Why don't you show your ass off?" No, I did… I, I, I never pushed you that way, but I, I, there were times when I, early on, where I was kinda pushy with me wanting my experiences. Oh, for sure. You know, I wanted to get my experiences. I think- You had already had 'em … I, I don't think you're pushy now, but I think you express that even now.

2:15 What? The experiences and stuff like that. I mean, I, I- Yeah … I've, I have all my experiences, so I'm not- Yeah. And I mean, I don't really… Yeah. Yeah, I guess you do. So I don't, I don't really care, uh, what we choose not to do- Yeah … or what experiences we don't have now because I've pretty much experienced everything I wanted to. Yeah. Uh, so back then, I was hard up to get those experiences. I wanted- Yeah … the threesomes. And I- I wanted to try all this stuff … that's, that's, that's very true. You did, and, and, and you, you were, you were a bit pushy. Yeah, I was. Um, up until even Polly you were a bit pushy. Yes. Yes, I was. And I f- and you're right, our communication was not as good as it is now.

2:56 I know. No. I, and I really express myself way more now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You, you, you kept- Uh, why did you make that face? No, no, no. No, I didn't make no face. I'm just saying, oh, I mean, it's just like- I am. I'm, I'm- … when you put it in perspective- Yeah … it's like, yeah, you do. Like, really. I'm really, I'm, I was telling somebody else this, I don't know who it was. It was a girlfriend, so it must have been one of the, the few that I have. But I'm, I'm in, I'm in my, I'm in my, um, I don't really give a fuck phase. Yeah? I really don't give a fuck anymore. Like, it's not that I don't give a fuck about you. Um, I just don't, I don't care anymore. It's, I- You don't care to, to hold it in.

3:37 I don't. I don't care to hold it in. Because you know, well, first off- I mean- … you know that this is rock solid, our relationship. Yeah. Uh, so you don't- And- … have to. Yeah. And when I don't like something, I tell you. Yeah. Earlier today we talked about something and I was like, "Yeah, I don't, I," you know? And see, that is- Not gonna have this conversation right now that conversation earlier, that's a good example of the fact that we have such good con- uh, uh- Yeah … communication now. Yeah. Because that is something that we would not have been able to talk about previous to, you know, uh, w- where we are in our- Yeah … in our communication levels. Yeah. You know? When, when you can ask questions, uh, about, you know, things that, that we may have coming up or- Mm-hmm experiences that we wanna try- Mm-hmm … or, or things like that, there's uncomfortable feelings with certain things that you ask.

4:29 Yeah. But only if you ask them in certain ways. Yes. So in this lifestyle, and it's so funny because you can communicate openly 100%, but it's also how you say it. Yeah. How you come out of that about it. And, and that's what I'm saying. It come, some of it comes off really pushy. But I've, I don't, I don't care for that. Yeah. I don't care for the, the pushiness. Like, and, and this is not only new people. This is also people who have been around. Is that right? I do not care for pushy people. And let me give you an example, and I think we've talked about it on the show. I don't like when the spouse of the other person is pushy to- To, to have them do something … to have them do something.

5:14 Yeah. And, and like if it's amongst them- Yeah … that's their thing. But to do it out in the open- To do it out in the open … and kinda give that pressure. Yeah. Yeah. And, and be like, "You know, um, my chick's been trying to get with you, Adam," or to me. Yeah. Yeah. "Hey, you know, so your, my chick's been trying to get with you, Pris." I don't like that. I think that's very- Tacky? It's tacky. It's, it's, um, it's rude. Your par- your, your partner is a person. Yeah. Like, they should be able to speak their own mind. Yeah. Yeah. And I've seen it. Like, I've seen it in my face and I've- told somebody like, "Shut the fuck up already."

5:58 Like, "Shut up, dude." Like, "It's not gonna happen." Like, "Get the fuck over it already." Yeah, yeah. Um, I feel it, it's, and it's such a turnoff. Like, I can't even see those people in the same light anymore. Yeah. Well, you know, I, I remember seeing that when we first started in the lifestyle and we would go to, you know, we went to a few parties here and there- Yeah uh, i- in our hometown. And a lot of the guys were like that with their ladies, I noticed. A l- a lot of those guys were, like, um, a little pushy with their, with their partners and telling them, "Hey"- " Hey, go give him a blowjob." Yeah. Or, or, "Hey, take, take your tits out- Yeah … in front of everybody." Yeah. You know?

6:38 And it's like, I don't know, th- it always gave me the cringe. Now, some people are, some people are into that. Like, that's- Agreed … sometimes that's their dynamic. Agreed. That's how they have it. Hey, I ain't trying to knock anybody's deal. Don't have that dynamic in front of me. That's, if that's, if that's your deal, that's your deal, and, and we're not talking shit about it at all. But at the same time, uh, for the way we operate, that's, I mean, you hear it sometimes, a little cringe. My husband is very sweet. I'm totally calling you out. All right. I'm calling you out. I don't like… Men should not have any kind of responsibility or any kind of voice towards their woman's body, period.

7:20 I don't c- I mean, I get it, it's your dynamic. I get it, it's your thing. But don't do it out loud. Like, just don't say it out loud because you're gonna come across somebody like myself who's gonna be like, "Dude, she is a person." I mean, it is what it is. We've been stopped in the middle of having sex at the club, and this has happened numerous, numerous times. Like, I cannot even tell you how many times I've had the guy tell me, "Hey, can the… Can she help?" And it's like, if she wants my man's dick in her mouth, she needs to be the one to say something.

8:02 Or I've, I've seen guys ask, "Hey, i- is it okay if my wife kisses you?" And it's- Yeah … and it's like, well, shouldn't she be asking? Shouldn't she be asking? Like, it's not… Those aren't your lips. Yeah. That, that does happen quite a bit. You know, next time that happens I'm gonna be like, "Why don't you do that? Why don't you come and put it…" But, you know, a- and at the same time too, I've had guys come up to me and go, "Hey, um, is it okay if I kiss your wife?" Yeah. And I'm like, "It's… I mean, I'm fine with it, but you need to ask her." That's when he zooms in on my face like… That is, that is her deal. So don't think that if I say it's okay on my end, that you- Yeah … just go do it. Yeah. Because, no. And I get it. Like, we have friends where you're like, "Hey, why don't you go over there and, and kiss so-and-so?"

8:45 And I'm like, "Okay." 'Cause it's cute, right? Yeah. Like, that's a thing that we like- But that's something that we say to each other- We say to each other … off to the side. Yeah. You know, not in front of… I, I- Yeah … you know, I'm not gonna say it in front of them. Yeah. That kinda puts pressure. It puts a lot of pressure. Yeah. It puts some pressure there. And I am not o- I, I'm okay with, like, calling you out on it. I just don't… I don't know. I don't like it. Like, I feel like it, it just comes down… And, like, that's not only, that's not only a sex thing. I have seen the pressure in drinking. I've seen the pressure in- Well, just drinking I guess. Drinking and that. I mean, like I've seen people like, you know, over-serve their partner to get them loosey-goosey.

9:28 Well, you know, it's, it's a hard lifestyle in the fact that, uh, a lot of it revolves around partying. Yeah. Um, the club is a party, a house party, you know? Yeah. Uh, meet and greets are parties. I mean, everything is a party, so, uh, you know, unless you're going out with a couple one-on-one, which most likely you're gonna go to a bar- Mm-hmm or a restaurant that- Mm-hmm … has alcohol. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, the, the whole lifestyle really seems to revolve around partying- Yeah … and, uh, keeping up with everybody else. Yeah. And, and, and- And that's a lot of pressure in and of itself … that's a lot of pressure. And if y'all wanna do that, that's great, but the pressure, guys, the pressure behind it all.

10:10 And it does cause FOMO too, you know? Yes. Uh, I know I've gotten, uh, FOMO from feeling the, the pressure, you know, wanting to… I've wanted to go, you know- Yeah … to some things, and it's like, but then I think now I, I, I don't wanna go to that 'cause- Yeah … they'll, they're gonna be up all night, and I'm gonna show up. I'll be there for an hour, and I'll feel bad because I wanna go home already. Uh, you know, so, eh, that's, that's the pressure that I feel oftentimes is going out and having to stay up all night, not necessarily party. Mm-hmm. Now, we ran into some, uh, roughness when we first started getting into the community, uh, because we didn't drink. Yeah. And it was hard to find, uh, different communities that- 'Cause I think a lot of people- … had stuff- Yeah … that didn't drink.

10:56 Yeah, and we were just talking about that. Yeah. But I think a lot of people thought that we had a sobriety issue. Yeah, like we were- Yeah … gonna judge people for drinking. Yeah. And it's like, no. I- Yeah … I got no problem with it. I just- I mean, we, we- … don't partake … we just don't do it because we choose a different vice, right? So it's like we will sometimes grab a drink, and he and I will sip on it and be like, "Oh, that was nice." Yeah. Better things. I like the flavors. I, I, I love beer. I like a liquor. I am a beer person. I'm a good liquor person. Like, give me a Dos with some salt, and I'm good. Like, I love that. I can drink 'em like water. But yeah. I- There is a lot of pressure … you know, the thing about it is, is that, you know, when, when we started dating, we were heavy drinkers.

11:40 Yeah. And we would go out to the bar- Yeah … and we would shut out- Yes uh, shut, shut it down, you know? Um- When did we stop really drink- When was that? We, I know, hello, we had COVID, 'cause we were drinking some wine bottles It was, it was after COVID, that's for sure. I was probably like, uh, I don't know It's been like three years already? It's been about three or four years. About three or four years, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it's been a bit. And we just thought, 'cause we're getting fucking old. We're getting old. Those hangovers, dude. Uh, I don't know. I mean- That's okay … it wasn't so much the hangovers that were killing me. For me it was. It was, I wasn't having fun with it anymore. Yeah. So I remember we would go out, and we would have a drink, and I remember w- I would just be sitting there and I'd just be like sweating.

12:22 Yeah. And I'd feel gross, because the first drink or two- … it, it kind of raises your blood pressure, and then you're just feeling sweaty and gross, and I'm just like, "I just paid eight, $10 for this frigging drink, and I'm gonna do two of them, and, and then I'm gonna be what? Ready to go to sleep?" Yeah. Like, that sucks. You know what I mean? Yeah. If I'm gonna be up all night doing shots, uh, you know, because I'm pretending to be young again or whatever, okay fine. I'm gonna go balls to the wall with it, and we're gonna have some fun. But I can't do just a few drinks, 'cause it's gonna put me to sleep. Not to mention- You can't even, I- … it'll give me whiskey dick I- oh yeah. Mm. I don't even think you could do one drink anymore. I could do one drink. I could do, I could do several.

13:04 I doubt that. I could do a lotta drinking, let me tell you. I could double fist it. Is that right? Double fist it. I bet you could double fist it. I can double fist it. Hey, you remember that one time at that party where we saw that girl get fisted? Yes. Classic. Oh, wait. It was your birthday party. That was my birthday party. Yeah. I don't know where she is, but yeah. I've never seen that in my life. Oh, man. Yeah. I'm, um, not into that. You know- And let me tell you, oh- I had never- that was a perfect scenario of- … seen it before … pressure. Oh? How's that? Yes. Because they were telling her to do it. But it, but she liked to do it. Um, I don't think she was ready. I think it was her idea.

13:44 I don't think so She liked it No, she liked it, but I don't think she was ready to do it then Really? Yeah I thought it was her idea No. You weren't there Well, that's fair Well, I think I was sucking your dick Yeah, so then you weren't there No, I was right next to them listening to them I was there, too Yeah I was sitting back listening Don't you remember? You were sitting back. Remember she was like, um, " No, not…" Like, I remember her saying, like, "Yeah, not, not here." And they ended up going to the room and doing it, 'cause it was, like, six of them I, I don't recall that at all Yes, I do Huh I mean, after that, of course she liked it, but pressure Pressure Pressure Yeah.

14:24 Well Stop with the pressure You know, for, for me I, I, I have a hard time telling people no Why is that? Uh, I don't like to hurt feelings But i, I mean, like, if, if some girl that you don't like is grabbing you by the hand Well, that's different if it's a girl I don't like Mm But if it's somebody that I en- enjoy as a person, it's hard for, for me to tell them no Hmm Yeah Really? Yeah Now, what if you've already had sex with them and you didn't like it, and they still are like, "Hi, Adam. Come on, let's go to the back" Um- You still don't know how to say no? I still don't know how to say no No Yeah, no. I would probably endure it Yeah, you would Yeah. 'Cause I don't like to hurt feelings I'm sorry.

15:07 I'm just- I'm not … I, I'm, I wish I could be a cold-blooded bastard like yourself, but I can't It's not cold-blooded. I am just very honest. I'm honest I'm honest, too You're not. That's not being honest. You didn't even- Well, I, okay, first off, it's a hypothetical situation- Yeah. Oh, … so you can't label me a liar if I've never had it happen before Hypothetically But I'm talking here, you know, I'm saying it, n- it's, it's not honest, but it's not lying actively either. It's just going with the flow. Hey, because let me tell you something. That's pressure Keep in mind, you may have had a bad first time- Uh-huh … but the second time could be better.

15:47 And the more you do it, the more you get to know each other. Boom, improved sex. So let me tell you something. I don't just cut off immediately. I like to give a few chances. See if you can mold this clay into a nice little pot No You like pot? Yeah. I'm just saying, you know, yeah, I would go- I think you give yourself your- I would probably go along with, or I would find a way out of it. Mm-mm. You, you would be my way out of it. No. I would tell you, "You need to get me out of this." I cannot, I cannot be your out. You gotta be my out. What are we married for if you're not gonna take care of this for me? You have to learn to say- This was a part of the vows … you have to learn to say, "Oh, not right now." Not right now Yeah. Yeah, I'm not in, I'm not in the mood right now.

16:29 If they listen to the show, they know that I'm always ready to go. Mm-hmm. So not right now- And that you don't know how to say no … not right now- So ladies- … is a very difficult thing. What the hell, babe? Ladies. If you want that, all you have to do is go up to him. All you have to do is go up to me and make me like you. There's a difference. You can't just, just do that. You can't just, uh, go up- Some girl just goes up to you and sits down with you and is like, "Hey, I think you're handsome. Um, do you wanna go to the back?" I would need a little bit more than just that. Bullshit. Bullshit. I would need more than that. I'm calling bullshit. I would need more than that. Bullshit. I would need some conversation. That alone is pressure.

17:10 You would feel under the pressure. Oh my gosh. You would look at me and be like- That is so not true "Babe, I'm gonna go to the back." And then I would look at you and be like No, no. So look- You know what? I would, I would look them in the eye and I would say, "Thank you so much for those kind words, but let me tell you, I think we should talk a little bit more first before I go to the back. But yes, I will go to the back with you. Just give me a little bit." See? What? It's, uh, it's, it's being honest. I'm saying, I… Yes, I'll go to the back with you- You put a lot of pressure on yourself … but you need to put a little bit of work on that. You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be the nice person and not the honest, upfront person. Well, so let me tell you, it's not that I'm putting pressure on myself to be the nice person. It's that I'm the nice person.

17:51 It's not a pressure that I'm putting on myself. It's who I am. And so I don't wanna be mean to somebody. But if you don't like something, if y'all don't mesh… If we don't mesh, then it'll be natural that we're just- You're already in the back … gonna go our separate ways. She already has her dick in your mouth. Wow, you really- … you really went crazy with this hypothetical. That's… She's already sucking your hypothetical dick. No. Like, first off, I can't, I can't answer if you keep changing the rules. You give me one scenario and then you're like, "Well, no, but then this turn and then that turn." And it's like, what the hell, dude? 'Cause that's what happened. Because you're trying to paint me into a corner- 'Cause that's what happened … with no… No, that's not what happens.

18:34 I'm a big boy. I make my own decisions. I know how to say no. No, you don't. I've said no before. Have I said no before? No, baby. I've said no before. No. We've… It's been more like a nah. Nah, I'm good. I was just thinking. I mean, I feel like you, you do. You give yourself a lot of… You put yourself a lot of pressure. Uh, you know, I, I like myself the way I am Yeah Um, and- I like you … I don't want to be any other way. So if that means that I gotta, you know, have sex with somebody that maybe I am not 100% enthusiastically into, well, I'll think about you.

19:14 Oh, okay. Yeah. That works. That works for me too. That works for me. I mean, I'm just saying. There you go. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, so back to the pressure part. Back to the pressure part. Yeah. Hold on, hold on. We need to tell you guys about 3Fun first. Oh, yeah. Okay, so 3Fun is the app. You guys know the app. And if you don't know, it's for couples and singles who wanna connect with like-minded people. And it actually works. Like, we're not just saying that. It's easy, it's low pressure, and it's way less awkward than trying to figure it out on your own. Way less. We're gonna leave it at that. Yep. Download 3Fun. The link is in the show notes. Okay, where were we?

19:56 Huh. I feel like there just needs to be a little bit more communication. Like, especially with, you've been in, you're new or you're not new, you've been in it for a long time. Don't pressure your spouse to do anything they haven't already told you they wanna do. Well, you know, I, I, I think to- I used to get that with girls … to… What do you mean? The men would push their girls on me. Oh. I, I think to add on to what you're saying there- We really just as, as guys, uh, as husbands, excuse me- Or partners. Male partners, yeah … as the male partner- Mm-hmm … um, we should be providing safety for our, our spouses.

20:41 Mm-hmm. Uh, and that doesn't just go for the guys. That's actually… Sorry, that's, that's equal all around. That's equal, yeah. Uh, both partners should be- Yeah … really putting forth as much effort as possible to create a safe- Yeah environment for their spouse. And when you put somebody up to something and they very much look uncomfortable, there's a very, there's a very specific look that people give off when they're uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. And, uh, even people who are good at keeping a straight face will flinch a certain way when they're uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. Um, so y- you gotta, as a spouse, recognize when your, when your partner is, is l- feeling or expressing that uncomfortableness.

21:24 Mm-hmm. And don't put them in situations where they're- Yeah … gonna have to feel that, you know? And just kind of pull back. Even if you did push a little bit, just pull back and go, "Hey, uh, you know, I, I know you weren't that comfortable with this, and I'm sorry. I should have talked to you about it. What's the best way to go about this next time?" Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, that's, I think, how I probably would handle it. Because, you know, when we were e- early on, like I said, I was pushy. Um, I wasn't pushy in that manner, but I was pushy in other respects. Mm-hmm. And, uh, you know, I recognize that now, and I take accountability for it now, and I'm not like that now. But it's taken years of going through all of that and gaining our experiences, and me being able to sit back and go, "Oh, you know what? I'm not in this to fuck. I'm actually in this for some cool-ass connections."

22:15 Mm-hmm. And to be able to appreciate all that. I don't know. Yeah I think that's what it comes down to, is just- Yeah really protecting your, your partner. Your partner. Yeah, for sure. Um- And also for the per- other person to be a little bit more s- outspoken. Like, if you don't like something and you're just not ready, like, be vocal about it. Um, it's okay. Like, what's gonna happen? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I… How, how many times since we've been doing this, how many times would you say that you've felt pressure sexually? F- Like me, me being pressured to have sex with somebody? Yeah, or, or having somebody pressured into having sex with you or whatever.

23:01 Um, it's not even that, it's not even the sex part. I, I've never had that. I, I, I know how to s- I know… I'm okay with telling people, like, "I, no." Yeah. "I'm, I'm not interested." Hm. Um, prob- I've had more of the vanilla-ish, where it's like the pressure to kiss a girl. Ah. Like, that was always the thing. Huh. Um, I don't have that anymore. I've never had a problem with saying, " Mm, yeah, no, actually, I'm lying to you." I've, I've felt the pressure to have sex with somebody a few times. Really? Because maybe you wanted to have sex with that other person, with a woman.

23:42 Sounds about right. And then I didn't have a choice. So, kinda taking one for the team, but I really felt the pressure from you. Mm. Um… And see, that's the hard part is because it wouldn't be the other way around because it's never really been your want to seek out stuff. It was always mine. Yeah. I'm more of a, it hap- if it happens, it happens, and I can wait for it to happen. Yeah. Yeah, I've never been one to, " Let's do this now." Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. When, uh, you know, I remember, uh, there were a lot of times where there was… But that's also where we had that rule that said that we could not, uh, play individually.

24:29 Mm-hmm. We had to play together, full swap. Mm. Same room only. Um, so we would both have to be attracted to the couple in order for it to take place. Mm-hmm. And, you know, on, uh, I think- But even then, I would push my feelings to the side. Well, no, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's, that's why- Yes … we were in that situation. Yeah, yeah. Was because the, uh, because my, my whole point was if we're gonna wait for you to be fully attracted and, and both of us to be attracted to another couple, we're never gonna get experiences. We're never gonna play. Mm. Like, that's, you're, you're too selective, and I'm not selective enough. So between the two of us, it's always gonna be me pursuing and you, uh, you know, having to take one for the team, so to speak.

25:17 Yeah, yeah. ' Cause it's just not that often that we find, uh, another couple that we both are on the same level with. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, there's definitely been pressure throughout the years. It's better now. There's not, there's not so much pressure I, uh, for us, like there's no pressure. Like- No, there's a different kind of pressure. Is there? Yeah, it's not, uh, it's not necessarily sexual pressure anymore. It's more, uh, podcast show pressure. There's a lot of pressure there. Um, we have so much going on with the show and, and then on top of all that, you know, we're not, we're not necessarily nobodies anymore.

26:02 Um, so people tend to know us- Mm-hmm … a little bit more now. Mm-hmm. Um, and, and it's, it's strange- Mm-hmm … uh, to be in an intimate setting sexually, um- Yes and have people, strangers so to speak, that, uh, they, they know us well, but we don't know who they are. Yes. And, uh, you know, sometimes, uh, people will say hello when we're having sex and stuff, and it's, it's very, it's funny. You know? Um- So it's a pressure to be nice. But no, it's not even that. It's, it's, uh, it's more just a pressure to be on, you know? Um- Yes … I, uh, there's times where I just don't wanna talk at all, and all I do is talk.

26:46 I talk, talk, talk. And sometimes we'll be around other lifestyle couples, or we'll be around other people in the, in the lifestyle and it's like, if they know me very well- Mm-hmm … and chances are if they were friends before we had the show or anything like that, I know I don't have to be on with them, and I have a certain comfort where I can just sit there and just zone out- Yes and not have to say anything. There's only a few people that I, we can be like that with. Yeah. But outside of that, I feel like I'm constantly on, and that's, that's definitely a pressure. It's exhausting. Yeah. Um, but we love what we do. Yeah. This is… I mean, this is, uh, uh, definitely a creative outlet for, for both of us, and there's a lot that I get out of it personally.

27:34 There's a lot of satisfaction I get out of it. Plus, I don't have to really teach people about me anymore. I can just tell them to listen to the show. I, yeah. Uh, I had that come up today. I do that. Um, I, uh, I was reached out to by, uh, a couple of, uh, people on Three Fun. Mm-hmm. On Three Fun? Yeah, so I had, uh… There's, there was two couples, and the husbands of these two couples have reached out to me today. Mm-hmm. So we, we message back and forth, uh, a couple of times, and then they start asking this and that, but they see in the profile that we have a podcast.

28:17 Mm-hmm. Um, and so I really just say, "Hey, you know, if you, if you really wanna get to know us as a couple, check out the show." Uh, because that's us. This is us. Yeah. Yeah. This is us all the time. Mm-hmm. Like, you get obviously the opinions very easily. You pull her string and she'll spew it out for you. Uh, this is the way we are. This is the way we are when we meet up with other couples for dinner or whatever, you know, things like that. Um, but I, I will say that I do enjoy having the show because it's easy for me to say, "Hey, just… You wanna get to know me, check out the podcast." Yeah. 'Cause I have a- anxiety, you know? It's like- Yeah I don't wanna talk to everybody. So it helps out, you know. I, I've definitely enjoyed it.

28:57 Yeah. I mean, it takes the pressure off. Yeah. A little bit. Adds pressure, but it takes pressure off. It, it takes the pressure off. But yeah, it does add pressure. You know, I was, I was just thinking about something when you said, um- the show. There's a lot of pressure and, and this is just probably a female thing, to look a certain way. Yeah. Um, and not, not body type. I meant like we're going to this thing, right? We're going to this big, this big, um, party in, in New Orleans. There's pressure there. There's pressure to be on point with what you're gonna wear at these things because they're themed. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I- I already said in my head that if I don't have the theme of whatever they're wearing, I'm staying in the room.

29:41 Well, they said that you don't have to wear- Yeah, I'm staying in the room … you don't- Yeah … there's people that don't dress- No … in the theme, I guarantee you that. Yeah. You're crazy. Staying in the room. See, now that's a pressure- … that's a pressure you're putting on yourself I put the pressure on myself. You can't say that they're putting it on you. And I'm like, " Uh, I'll just stay in the room." 'Cause they, they all made it real clear. Yeah. They were like, "You don't have to dress the themes. You don't have to do this." But as the woman, you have to. Why? You do. There's some women that walk around just naked. Yeah. Or in lingerie. No. Yeah. And it's like, that's the pressure. I'm like, "Mm, I'm just gonna…" The lingerie? No. The th- to be in the theme. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying, not everybody's gonna be dressed in the theme. There's gonna be people that are just gonna be walking around in lingerie.

30:22 Yeah. You're assuming that everybody there is gonna be dressed in theme. You haven't even been there, girl. Pressure. Ah, you're making up- Already know … a whole thing in your head. Already know. So you can't blame anything, that, that's just- Pressure that's just you putting your own pressure, girl. Pressure of the themes. That's crazy. You are silly. Well, that's a lot of pressure. Yes. Yeah. I mean, to be… And then to be on point. Like you said the, the podcast, you, yeah, you have to look a certain way, you have to act a certain way. No. That's a lot of pressure. I mean, but no, I just can't… I- It's hard because I am a very, I'm a very vocal person. I, I try to keep as reserve as possible, like not, not be always opinionated.

31:07 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But it's hard. Well, so, you know, it's, it's tougher for me because I don't wanna stifle you. I want you to be you. But at the same time- You, and, but you, um- I don't want you to be you. Yeah. I have to- I, I, you know- I have to protect this world from you being you sometimes … if a, if, and, and if something comes up, a conversation comes up, I already know that you know that I'm gonna say something about something. Like I- Uh-huh if someone says something, I can walk away, but there's, that's the pressure. That's pressure to be nice. That's a hard- Pressure to be nice. That's hard. Oh my gosh. I mean, I'm nice. I'm not, I'm not mean. I mean, a lot of you know me. I'm not a mean person. I do say what's on my mind.

31:48 I do probably come off very aggressive. I'm just, I'm tired. I've always been the person who didn't say shit. I've always been the person who was always a pushover, and I'm not that person anymore Well, I'm glad you found your voice Yeah, for s- for sure. Definitely found it. If only he could shut it up. You know, I have sat back a few times and gone, "Damn, what the hell did I do?" Oh, yeah, when it goes towards you? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't send your monkeys my way. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, I mean, I'm- I know how to fight now … I'm glad that- Yeah … that you're the strong woman that you are, because that's a big turn-on for me.

32:30 Uh, that's what I wanted. But at the same time, I'm like, damn, there is no off button there. It's on all the time. Mm-hmm. That's a long time to be on, too. So it's gotta be exhausting. It's not. It's gotta be exhausting to be like that. It's me. Yeah? Yeah. Is it exhausting to be nice? Yes. Yes, it is. No, this comes naturally. This is me. Oh. Nah. Well, this is me, too. It's not exhausting Really? Mm. You said the other day that it was exhausting to be not trusting. No, it's not exhausting to not be tr- not trusting. It's just annoying. It's annoying. Like, I don't trust anybody, and we were just talking about that.

33:10 We don't, I don't trust anybody. It's just annoying. Yeah. You know? 'Cause it's like, oh God, I see the bad in everybody. I feel like this was such a negative show. No. I mean, it's, it's good. It's just, I feel like the tone is so negative. Can we talk about something else? No, no, no. I'm, I'm putting it out. Yeah. It is what it is. No pressure. People are gonna like it or they're not gonna like it. I'm not feeling the pressure. Nope. Not me. You are feeling the pressure. No. Yeah. I, I'm just gonna put the show out and let it be. Let it do what it do, 'cause I'm trying to get some work. I'm feeling that pressure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure the… I'm, you s- I mean, okay, that was the pressure of lifestyle, the pressure of the economy on everybody.

33:52 That's the hard part, man. That is so hard. I mean- That's the real hard part. You know, that's, uh… I, it's hard to feel sexy when you're stressed, and it's hard- Or s- maybe that's where I'm- … not to be stressed … that's where I'm at, I think. Stressed? Yeah. And I think I just can't, I can't- Be sexual? I know we have that big thing coming up, and so I'm like, "Oh, fuck, man." I'm like super stressed. Yeah. I just don't… Yeah. Well, you know, it's, it's been a nice year off- Mm-hmm … from work- Mm-hmm … after getting laid off last August. Has it been a nice year? Uh, it was, about half the year was nice. Mm. Uh, but I had it in the back of my head like, "Man, I should really be looking for a job. I should really be looking for a job." But the idea was that I do this whole thing full time, the podcast.

34:38 Mm-hmm. Um, we now know that that is not sustainable. Mm-hmm. Like, it's just not possible. And then, uh, with, with how expensive groceries are and how expensive gas is, like things, things are costing even more, right? Uh, so it's like, okay, I need to, I need to go to work. Mm-hmm. I need to go to work. Uh, but then we've got this, uh, thing coming up, Naughty Nolans, which is cool. Uh, but- There are bills that need to be paid Mm-hmm And sitting back going, man, we, we still, we still have to pay for this thing you know? We gotta do some- yeah. Um, there's, there's a, it's a, that's pressure, man.

35:18 A lot of pressure to keep up with, um, the lifestyle. You know, it's- But it's the pressure that we are okay with dealing with. That's the funny part. Yeah. I don't mind it. Like- Yeah. Mm-hmm … I enjoy going to the occasional meet and greet- Mm-hmm … or, um, you know, going to the club- Mm-hmm uh, meeting up with different couples every now and then. Like it's, it's nice that we're still doing it. We're, we're not just podcasting about it, we're still doing it. Yeah. And I think that that's important because the moment that you're not doing it, then what are we even doing this for? Mm-hmm. Like, that, that's the end of that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, um, so I think it's important that we keep that part of us going and we just kind of let everything else kind of fall in place.

36:08 Yeah. I enjoy it. Um- I do too … I enjoy meeting all the new people, especially whenever we go to the club and we get- Yeah … introduced to new people, or, uh, people will come up to us that we haven't met who are listeners. Yeah. Um, I, I like going to events like Naughty Nollons that we have coming up and, and having the opportunity to, to meet with so many people, especially educators. I, I, I think we're gonna have some real interesting guests that come off of who we meet out there- Right … which is gonna be a lot of fun. Um, but there's just- so many ways that this is so fulfilling to me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, that I'm going back to work full time.

36:51 Mm-hmm. And I'm gonna keep up with this show. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna do it. Um, and we're gonna, we're gonna keep riding this gravy train until, uh, until mama say we don't have to. Uh, but we'll see how that goes. Uh, so- But then I get to take a year off. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so. We're gonna be working till we die. It's my turn. We're gonna work till we die. I'm, I'm not working till I die. Oh, baby, you're gonna work till you die. No. Are you gonna die young? I am going to stop working at the age of 50. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, that's something to work up to. Mm-hmm. Okay? I'm gonna stop working at the age of 50. That's a goal. You have two more years of my income, and that's it.

37:33 Nah, you ain't putting that pressure on me, girl. You have- Uh-uh … two more years of my income- No … and that's it. No, ma'am. First off, don't ever word it that way. That's- And no, that, that is instant pressure right there. Okay. I don't think so. You better get used to that, that working itch. Besides, you couldn't even handle being locked down on COVID. You were like- Yeah, I could … "I gotta go to work. I gotta go to work." Because the kids were little. Now they're big, and now I have other things that I can do. Oh. Yeah. I could take a year off. You w- you couldn't handle it. I could now. You couldn't handle it. There's no way. You could not handle- … being home. We'll see. You can't do it. You're not that personality. It takes a certain personality to be home. Yeah, it- Yeah. Certain type of personality.

38:15 You are not that personality. I am now. That is not you. No. Yeah. You can't just flip it like a switch. I can. My kids are big. That is not you. I, it's, they're fun now. I got two. I got one in college, one out of the s- two out of the state. I have two more halfway through high school. Hell yes. Nah, you couldn't handle it. Hell yes. You couldn't do it. I'm so ready. I'm so ready for that time where I can just kind of relax- First off and find myself. First off, if you're not gonna be working, you're still gonna be working. You'll be working the show. You'll be working- Yeah … this. Be doing something fun. You'll be doing your own, your… So it's not like you're just gonna be sitting at home doing nothing. You're gonna be working.

38:56 Doing something fun. Yeah. You're just not gonna be working for somebody. Mm-hmm. Well, that's a better deal. Are you just making my deal? Are you just creating what… Are you, like, creating, like, what I just want? Are you creating what I want? What you think I want? No, I, I'm, I'm letting you know that when you're done at 50, you're going to be working the podcast and everything that we do here. You can't tell me what to do. Hey, yes, the hell I can. You cannot tell me what to do. Absolutely, I can. No. Yeah. Now show your tits to everybody. That's a good- Ah. That's an Adam save right there. Damn right. That is an Adam save.

39:38 That's what's up. See that? Now I'm gonna have to end the show because she's getting wild and unruly. She needs some food in her stomach. So anyways… Man, I love you so much. I can feel that. I can feel the look coming from you. Anyways, guys, thank you so much for listening to us on another Wednesday quickie. Uh, you know the drill. Uh, if you can, if you have time, leave us a review, go to Spotify, go to Apple Podcast. Wherever you listen to us, hit that five stars because you know you love us. Yes. And help us become a part of the algorithm, you know? We're really trying to push ourselves out there. People, all it takes is for you to share it. Yeah. Leave a review, like, do this. We got no shame. Push that shit, guys. Mama doesn't wanna work.

40:18 Yeah, man. You know, I only got two years of her income. That's right. So, uh, you know, hook us up here and, and, and shoot, shoot that five-star review. Yes. Um, also don't forget, if you're interested in finding more of us, come out to www.beyond-monogamy.com- Mm-hmm … where you can find all of our episodes, all of our clips, our blogs, our merch. That's right, we have merch. Yes. Beautiful merch. Yes. And our 100% beyond monogamy confessional, 100% anonymous. Yeah. Anonymous. Where you can leave your confession, your question, your statement, whatever you wanna talk about, you put that shit in there, and we'll read it, and we'll talk about it on the air.

41:02 Uh, you… We'll answer your questions. Anything you wanna know, anything you wanna say, we'll have it out there. We're there. That's right. Also, uh, don't forget, you can scope us out every Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central on fullswapradio.com. Uh, also, we're not the only adult podcasters out there, so check out the other ones. Yes. They're also awesome. There's a lot. Um, we are going to be, like I mentioned earlier, we're gonna be at Naughty Nollans. They do still have day passes, guys, for, I believe it is called, um, the Nopsy. And- We have a little link We have a link So- So you'll be able to- We have a link … find that in the show notes.

41:43 Yeah. Uh, so if you're curious about that, go to the show notes, click the link. Yes. You'll have everything you need. What is it, July 8th through the 13th? Yes, ma'am. July 8th through the 13th. Come party with us. Come see the pressure. Yeah. We're actually gonna have an exhibitor booth out there- Mm-hmm … and we will be, uh, shaking hands and kissing babies. No. No. Mm-mm. No, no, no. Kissing boobies. Kissing boobies. There we go. There you go. Uh, yeah, so if you can, you should be a part of that. Yeah. Definitely be a part of that. Yes. And if you already got plans to be out there, scope us out. Yes. We will be out there. We'd love to see you. Anyhow, with that, thank you so much for listening to us for another week, and we will see you guys next week.

42:23 Bye.