We Were Mid-Conversation and Accidentally Made a Podcast Episode

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads-up

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated PG.

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches.

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today essentially what you're
getting is something a little weird.

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Yes.

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Uh, so we were sitting
here waiting for a guest-

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Mm-hmm

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…
to show up, and that
guest did not show up.

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Mm-mm.

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And while we were waiting, we
were recording, and we had a very,

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very interesting conversation,
and somehow it became a show.

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So sit back and you're gonna
catch us in mid-conversation,

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but just go along for the ride.

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Yeah.

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Enjoy.

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Enjoy.

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You could do, like, " Backstage
with Adam and Pris." What?

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That sounds, that sounds horrible.

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I like how you were telling a
story to a nonexistent audience.

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So our daughter, guys, she's 19,
and I'm like, wait, I'm really

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here.

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Oh, oh, 'cause I was saying that on Monday
we're gonna start working out again.

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Yeah, we are.

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And you're like… Yeah.

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And I was like, 'cause, you
know, even at home- She's, she's

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like- … we didn't like to tell
peop- we didn't even like to say that.

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Yeah.

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It's like, "We're looking
a little chunky." She

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straight up says, she's like,
"We're, we're looking-" We're looking

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"we're looking a little
chunky." I'm like, "Excuse me.

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It goes my s- this goes
to my self-confidence."

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It's like the husky.

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Yeah.

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It's call me husky.

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I'm seven years old again and feeling
bad about the pudge in my stomach.

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I'm feeling pudgetastic

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Pudgy.

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You know, I mean, we're just… It's
that, um, my curly looks flat there.

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What makes a person hate someone so
much that they join a hate group?

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Like me hating somebody?

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Or-

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Or like Nazis, you know?

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Or people who hate on
the gays or trans people.

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What- What, what is it that's so bad about
these groups of people and the choices

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that they choose to make for themselves
that fills these people so much with

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hate and anger that they have to join
groups to vocalize that hate and anger?

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Now I mean, I personally think that more
than half, if not 75% of these people are

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closeted homosexuals, uh, who are maybe
dealing with confusing feelings- Mm-hmm,

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mm-hmm

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…
and they don't know how to just
come out and say, "Look, you know,

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I, I once had a thought about
sucking a guy's dick, and now that

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I don't know how I feel about that."

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So, so instead of vocalizing that,
they have to fucking go over here and

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go, "I'm not gay, and you shouldn't
be either, and fuck you," and-

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And you're gonna go to hell.

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Yeah.

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And-

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Yeah

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…
yeah.

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I don't know.

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It's-

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I don't know.

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I don't get it.

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I don't know.

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I don't understand, like, what, what
is the, this- Now I- … what this

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person's doing in their sex life,
I don't understand how that affects

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other people that vocal- Why it
makes them- And they, they hate…

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These people hate on us, too.

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Yes.

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As swingers.

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Yes.

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It's like, ugh- Yeah … you know,
you guys are, are an abomination

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because you- Yeah … you know,
you're, you're not l- adhering to

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family values, good family values,
and you have sex with other people.

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And it's like, well, how the
fuck does that affect you?

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Well, I remember, I remember when
we were, we were first starting, and

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I had that inner moral thing just
tell me, "Oh my God, what I'm doing"

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Yeah, what

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was

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that?

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You know, we never really-

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I don't know

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…
deciphered that.

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I think, I think that I wanted
to… I think I wanted to stop

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swinging for a moment.

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Really?

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I think that I-

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That was literally the day
after we had fun with somebody.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I felt like maybe I didn't like it.

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It was weird because I saw this person
that had so much regret and guilt, and I

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remember thinking, "This isn't the woman
I was dating. Like, who the fuck is this?"

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Yeah.

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Like, I- Yeah … I was into you 'cause
you were kind of the bad girl, and then

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all of a sudden you're like, "This is
wrong, and how can we be doing that?"

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I was like, "What's going on here?"

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It was because of that.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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What a trip.

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Oh, man.

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I mean, I got over it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Fast.

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Very

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quickly.

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Oh, yeah.

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Very quickly.

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Yeah.

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Now, have you had more than one-

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No

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…
time?

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Was that the only time that you ever had?

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That was the only time.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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There's never been any other
times where you've sat back and

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gone, "Hmm, maybe we shouldn't."

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No.

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"
Maybe we shouldn't." Yeah.

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No.

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Hmm.

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I, I-- We're so open.

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I mean,

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yes.

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Yeah?

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Yes.

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Really?

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Um, I feel like the person that we last
dated together, and who was our friend-

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Yeah

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…
in Corpus- Yeah, yeah … um, I
felt like that, that was forced.

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Forced on you or forced on

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her?

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Forced on e-

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forced on-

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You, you were thinking dick
and not thinking anything else

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Yeah.

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Well, I mean, I was new and I-

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Yeah … I

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didn't know what to do.

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And you had an opportunity
to, to be with two hot women.

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Yeah.

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Um, not saying that you're not hot enough.

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I'm just saying to your,
to your standards, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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And I don't think you thought it through,
and I just wanted to make you happy

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Well, I would've been down to have both
of you physically and romantically.

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Yeah.

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But she was vanilla.

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That was … She was
vanilla, and that- And so

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she wasn't aware.

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And- And we were new-

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Uh, yeah, and I

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think- … to the whole life-

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And I think that's-

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that lifestyle … those were
two horrible, horrible situations

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that should have never, ever-

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Oh, yeah

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…
happened.

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No, I can, I can agree with that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That was definitely a mistake that

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was made.

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Yeah.

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Um- Um, just that.

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Just that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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But I mean, we didn't
know what we were doing.

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Realistically, we didn't
know what we were doing.

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No,

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at all.

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And, you know, I can say all day
long that I didn't know what we

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were doing, but at the same time-

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But did you

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know that- … I didn't know
what was ethical and unethical.

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And I think that situation and
how it was all being treated-

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Uh-huh

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…
was maybe not as ethical
as it could've been.

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Like, there should've been
full enthusiasm- I knew it

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wasn't ethical.

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Well, why didn't you speak up?

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Because I always thought that it
was gonna be, like, jealous wife.

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Well, yeah, that's the way
you always made it seem.

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Yeah.

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That's the way it always came out.

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Yeah.

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But that one in particular-

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Yeah

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…
yeah.

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Well, and you know, I realized
she was very confused.

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She's a very confused person.

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She had a lot of-

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Yeah

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…
of emotional things happening in her
life and, you know, her whole ex-

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And look, this is

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where you and I- … and
physical thing and-

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This is where you and I differ.

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I did not- want to help her in any way

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But you, so there were times where
you expressed and help without me-

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But I wanted to-

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throwing it out

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there … well, well, yeah.

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I wouldn't have minded helping her as
a friend, but the helping You wanted it

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to intertwine into an live-in girlfriend

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I didn't want her to live with us

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Yeah

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But I-

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But when she had to

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I was… Well, yeah, no.

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That-

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That-

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I didn't want her to- Yeah … I
didn't want her or her kids- Yeah

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living with us.

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Yeah.

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Like that w-

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Yeah

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…
I don't like people
infringing on our home life.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so it would be, no matter how close
we are to somebody, it would be real

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difficult for us to live with anybody.

243
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Yeah.

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00:08:01,754 --> 00:08:04,394
'
Cause I just, it's a fear of mine.

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I don't, I don't know how I
would assimilate to somebody

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else being a certain way.

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I can't control it.

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00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:10,034
Mm-hmm.

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You know what I mean?

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00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:10,864
Mm-hmm.

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Just I don't think we
could live with anybody.

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Sure.

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And I wouldn't, I didn't
want her, I definitely didn't

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want her and her kid there.

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Uh- I thought

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you did

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…
but no.

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I was thinking more s- so this is where I
know it was still such a new thing for me.

259
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Mm-hmm.

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Because I is- was looking at it like,
"Oh, this is gonna be a great polyamorous

261
00:08:30,254 --> 00:08:32,764
relationship. I'm gonna have my wife,
I'm gonna have my girlfriend, and

262
00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:34,944
they're gonna be involved together,
and this is gonna be a great thing."

263
00:08:35,364 --> 00:08:35,544
Mm-hmm.

264
00:08:35,564 --> 00:08:40,184
But really, what I wanted out
of that was less relationship

265
00:08:40,184 --> 00:08:41,984
and more sexual relationship.

266
00:08:42,664 --> 00:08:44,804
Less romantic and more sexual.

267
00:08:44,814 --> 00:08:44,834
Yeah.

268
00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:49,694
And it became more we're doing for
her, we're doing for her, and not

269
00:08:49,694 --> 00:08:51,154
getting anything sexual out of it.

270
00:08:51,174 --> 00:08:51,194
Mm-hmm.

271
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:51,914
You know what I mean?

272
00:08:51,924 --> 00:08:51,954
Mm-hmm.

273
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:57,354
And so, yeah, no, I was not, I did
not seek that one out properly.

274
00:08:57,364 --> 00:08:58,154
Mm. That was not a good one.

275
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:58,344
Yeah.

276
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:03,974
And then I am, I kind of think it's- You
know, looking back on it, yeah, and you're

277
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:08,664
probably gonna love this big win, but I
shouldn't be fucking around with anybody

278
00:09:08,664 --> 00:09:12,814
who's not familiar with this lifestyle.

279
00:09:12,814 --> 00:09:12,944
Lifestyle.

280
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:13,154
Yeah.

281
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:17,524
Uh, and how consent is supposed
to be and how, you know, there's

282
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,544
just a, a lot of people who are
vanilla, they jump into shit.

283
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:21,134
Mm-hmm.

284
00:09:21,584 --> 00:09:24,264
And they think, "Okay, yeah, sure.

285
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:24,857
I'll give it a sh- I'm single

286
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:24,942
now

287
00:09:24,942 --> 00:09:25,154
…
I'll give it

288
00:09:25,154 --> 00:09:26,104
a try." I, I'm single now.

289
00:09:26,104 --> 00:09:26,964
I, I could do this.

290
00:09:26,994 --> 00:09:27,174
Yeah.

291
00:09:27,174 --> 00:09:27,784
Let me do this.

292
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:28,604
Let me give it a try.

293
00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:29,394
I'll give it a try.

294
00:09:29,404 --> 00:09:29,434
Mm-hmm.

295
00:09:29,484 --> 00:09:32,914
And it's like, well, maybe
you should think on it.

296
00:09:33,414 --> 00:09:34,464
Don't just jump into it.

297
00:09:34,464 --> 00:09:34,524
Mm-hmm.

298
00:09:34,904 --> 00:09:38,944
Because it looks great from the outside,
but going into it, it's just not.

299
00:09:39,444 --> 00:09:39,764
Yeah.

300
00:09:39,764 --> 00:09:40,904
It's been, ugh.

301
00:09:41,404 --> 00:09:43,464
And so yeah, that was
not a good situation.

302
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:47,504
And, and looking back now, pretty
much everybody that we were

303
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:53,674
talking to, um, were all vanilla
trying to open up relationships.

304
00:09:53,684 --> 00:09:58,474
When, yeah, and so I think that
that's part of what I was telling

305
00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:01,244
you is like, I don't think we
did poly right when we were poly.

306
00:10:01,254 --> 00:10:02,224
No, no.

307
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,754
We didn't do it the right way.

308
00:10:03,754 --> 00:10:04,364
No.

309
00:10:04,364 --> 00:10:09,344
And it was, I felt, for lack of
resources, I didn't feel like I,

310
00:10:09,554 --> 00:10:13,734
I could get a good understanding
of what we should've been doing.

311
00:10:13,744 --> 00:10:14,134
Mm-hmm.

312
00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:16,074
And of course, everything
is different for everybody.

313
00:10:16,954 --> 00:10:21,024
But yeah, I don't, I don't feel
like we did poly the right way.

314
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:23,194
And especially now that
we've done all these shows.

315
00:10:23,194 --> 00:10:23,524
Yeah.

316
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:28,474
We've talked to so many people, and
we've realized what the ethical and

317
00:10:28,474 --> 00:10:31,434
proper way of doing these things are,
and then you sit back and you go,

318
00:10:31,494 --> 00:10:34,684
"Oh man, we fucked up so many times-

319
00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:35,264
Mm-hmm

320
00:10:35,264 --> 00:10:40,134
early on." A- a- about halfway through,
we had fucked up so many times that

321
00:10:40,134 --> 00:10:41,874
we thought that this was just the way.

322
00:10:42,124 --> 00:10:42,514
Yeah.

323
00:10:43,114 --> 00:10:49,054
And, every single interaction that I had,
even with the girlfriends that I had, they

324
00:10:49,054 --> 00:10:52,114
were, they weren't the best of situations.

325
00:10:52,124 --> 00:10:52,454
Yeah.

326
00:10:52,454 --> 00:10:54,934
You know, And I felt e- even when
we stopped being poly- You know, I

327
00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:56,234
would be so down

328
00:10:56,694 --> 00:10:56,994
What?

329
00:10:57,434 --> 00:10:58,544
To try this again.

330
00:10:58,674 --> 00:10:59,634
To try poly again?

331
00:11:00,364 --> 00:11:00,624
Yeah.

332
00:11:01,284 --> 00:11:01,514
Hmm.

333
00:11:02,044 --> 00:11:03,724
You know, I would be, I'd
be down to try it too with-

334
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:06,034
I mean, I would like, I would like to date

335
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:07,954
I would like to find a couple

336
00:11:08,164 --> 00:11:09,144
So here's the thing.

337
00:11:09,344 --> 00:11:11,364
When we first… This is what I realized.

338
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:12,984
When we first went into poly-

339
00:11:13,054 --> 00:11:13,544
Mm-hmm

340
00:11:13,554 --> 00:11:18,214
…
um, we thought that this is poly.

341
00:11:18,524 --> 00:11:22,774
We, you have this, this… It's almost
like the poster of the American dream.

342
00:11:22,784 --> 00:11:24,534
This is what poly looks like.

343
00:11:24,574 --> 00:11:24,764
Yeah.

344
00:11:24,914 --> 00:11:27,814
If you're a couple, if you're
a, a guy or if you're a girl,

345
00:11:27,814 --> 00:11:29,034
this is what poly looks like.

346
00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,944
This is what successful poly looks like.

347
00:11:31,004 --> 00:11:31,374
Yes.

348
00:11:31,434 --> 00:11:35,304
And even when we stopped being poly,
I didn't realize this until maybe

349
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:37,094
a year after we stopped being poly.

350
00:11:37,104 --> 00:11:37,134
Mm-hmm.

351
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:43,864
Was that successful in poly
is completely up to you.

352
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:45,774
It doesn't mean that you
have to be with somebody.

353
00:11:46,064 --> 00:11:50,134
We could have decided not to
date anybody for five years and

354
00:11:50,134 --> 00:11:52,024
just said we're poly in theory.

355
00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:55,674
And still we would've
been successfully poly.

356
00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:56,074
Yeah.

357
00:11:56,454 --> 00:12:00,784
I felt like if I was not actively
seeking out and finding a romantic

358
00:12:00,784 --> 00:12:02,904
relationship, I was not poly.

359
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:03,284
Mm-hmm.

360
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:08,354
I felt like if I didn't have a
relationship going on, I was not

361
00:12:08,364 --> 00:12:10,684
successfully poly, and that's so stupid.

362
00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:11,444
But-

363
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:11,934
Yeah.

364
00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:12,504
Now

365
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:13,644
…
now I know that.

366
00:12:13,654 --> 00:12:13,734
Mm-hmm.

367
00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:15,524
But I didn't know that then.

368
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:15,654
Mm-hmm.

369
00:12:15,664 --> 00:12:18,674
Like, even when we stopped,
like, I didn't realize that.

370
00:12:18,794 --> 00:12:19,234
Mm-hmm.

371
00:12:19,234 --> 00:12:20,744
It's like, what is successful poly?

372
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:22,284
I felt like I was not good at it.

373
00:12:22,354 --> 00:12:22,734
Mm-hmm.

374
00:12:22,954 --> 00:12:28,434
Um, and it seemed like- Same … easier
to find vanillas to consider it-

375
00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:28,934
Mm-hmm

376
00:12:28,944 --> 00:12:32,184
…
than it did finding people in
the polyamorous community because

377
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:35,134
the people that we found in the
polyamorous community- Were so stuck up

378
00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:37,294
they n- well, they were
stuck up or they were trashy.

379
00:12:37,414 --> 00:12:37,554
Yeah.

380
00:12:37,554 --> 00:12:37,594
There was no in

381
00:12:37,594 --> 00:12:37,604
between.

382
00:12:37,604 --> 00:12:38,814
There was no in between.

383
00:12:39,014 --> 00:12:41,004
We couldn't find ourselves there.

384
00:12:41,024 --> 00:12:41,144
No.

385
00:12:41,354 --> 00:12:44,134
They were either really hoity-toity
and stuck-up, and it's like-

386
00:12:44,184 --> 00:12:47,474
Mm-hmm … "Oh, well you can meet
me at my yoga class maybe, and we'll

387
00:12:47,524 --> 00:12:49,214
meet for martinis." And it's like, mm.

388
00:12:49,674 --> 00:12:53,554
Or the opposite, which is dread
and blue hair and, you know, just

389
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:58,964
very homely looking and they wanna
play D&D and, like, there was- Not

390
00:12:58,964 --> 00:12:59,394
our types

391
00:12:59,624 --> 00:13:00,874
…
there was not our types.

392
00:13:01,164 --> 00:13:05,374
And because I felt like we had to do
this, I had to have this relationship,

393
00:13:05,374 --> 00:13:09,384
I had to jump into it, it's, it's
like I didn't give time to anything.

394
00:13:09,854 --> 00:13:11,534
We didn't give time to anything.

395
00:13:12,014 --> 00:13:15,674
You know, I would do it, but it
would, I would have stipulations.

396
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:16,094
Like what?

397
00:13:16,814 --> 00:13:17,784
Um, Latino.

398
00:13:18,724 --> 00:13:20,744
Has to be a Lat- Latina couple.

399
00:13:20,784 --> 00:13:21,614
For you or for us?

400
00:13:21,644 --> 00:13:22,004
Yeah.

401
00:13:22,454 --> 00:13:23,604
If it's a Latino.

402
00:13:23,614 --> 00:13:25,684
Well, so now before you even
get into that, what's the

403
00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:27,589
dynamic if you were to, if you

404
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:27,826
were to do this again?

405
00:13:27,826 --> 00:13:30,634
If, if it was a couple, the,
I'd like the couple to be open.

406
00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:31,184
Ah.

407
00:13:31,264 --> 00:13:33,014
And not clingy.

408
00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:33,434
Ah,

409
00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:33,454
yeah.

410
00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:34,364
Like, like us.

411
00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:36,404
Like, you have a family, we have
a family, like- Can't do the

412
00:13:36,404 --> 00:13:37,134
clingy thing.

413
00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:40,614
Yeah … we could do, you know,
weekends every now and then.

414
00:13:40,734 --> 00:13:41,024
Yeah.

415
00:13:41,214 --> 00:13:42,604
We can have fun.

416
00:13:42,684 --> 00:13:42,834
Right.

417
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:43,224
Come over.

418
00:13:43,224 --> 00:13:45,004
But, um, no drinking.

419
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:46,574
Mm-hmm.

420
00:13:46,574 --> 00:13:47,344
420 is fine.

421
00:13:47,604 --> 00:13:47,904
Yeah.

422
00:13:48,234 --> 00:13:49,744
Um, but no alcohol.

423
00:13:50,284 --> 00:13:50,304
Mm-hmm.

424
00:13:50,804 --> 00:13:53,874
If you wanna drink like a White
Claw or something, that's cool.

425
00:13:53,884 --> 00:13:53,904
Yeah.

426
00:13:53,914 --> 00:13:56,024
But no hard liquor at all.

427
00:13:56,114 --> 00:13:56,374
Yeah.

428
00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:59,334
And no more than like a
six-pack, like period.

429
00:13:59,344 --> 00:13:59,494
Mm-hmm.

430
00:13:59,784 --> 00:14:00,204
You know?

431
00:14:00,264 --> 00:14:00,644
Yeah.

432
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:01,364
Yeah.

433
00:14:01,864 --> 00:14:03,844
And maybe our age

434
00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:04,824
Well, and-

435
00:14:04,964 --> 00:14:06,434
Or even a little bit older

436
00:14:07,064 --> 00:14:08,254
Well, you know, a- age is- I

437
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:11,454
mean, I'm 48 Age- I don't really care

438
00:14:11,464 --> 00:14:13,654
Age doesn't really make a
difference in the f- Yeah … it,

439
00:14:13,754 --> 00:14:15,014
it's more or less when it…

440
00:14:15,024 --> 00:14:18,174
You're talking about a
relationship with somebody.

441
00:14:18,284 --> 00:14:18,554
Yeah.

442
00:14:18,554 --> 00:14:22,274
It's less age, and it's more or
less, can I relate to this person?

443
00:14:22,354 --> 00:14:22,604
That's what I'm saying.

444
00:14:22,614 --> 00:14:24,764
Which a lot of times age can dictate.

445
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:24,824
It,

446
00:14:24,824 --> 00:14:25,494
it can

447
00:14:25,494 --> 00:14:26,424
But not always.

448
00:14:26,654 --> 00:14:26,984
True.

449
00:14:27,164 --> 00:14:27,364
Yeah.

450
00:14:27,384 --> 00:14:29,884
Because we've met people our age and
we're like, "What the fuck? You're

451
00:14:29,884 --> 00:14:31,214
still doing whatever you're doing."

452
00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:31,694
Yeah, yeah.

453
00:14:31,694 --> 00:14:34,244
Um, and they can't do
any other drugs but weed.

454
00:14:34,254 --> 00:14:34,284
Mm-hmm.

455
00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:35,224
And maybe some shrooms.

456
00:14:35,224 --> 00:14:35,534
I would, I

457
00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:36,484
would prefer not-

458
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:36,744
You know?

459
00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:38,754
Like, I, like- Not heavy
stuff … 420 o- Yeah, yeah … it has

460
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:38,814
to

461
00:14:38,814 --> 00:14:39,854
be, like, the main thing.

462
00:14:40,074 --> 00:14:40,344
Right.

463
00:14:40,344 --> 00:14:42,514
I don't wanna have to worry about-
Yeah … somebody we're dating-

464
00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:42,904
Exactly

465
00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:44,704
…
having some sort of cardiac arrest-

466
00:14:44,714 --> 00:14:45,194
Yeah

467
00:14:45,194 --> 00:14:45,924
because

468
00:14:45,924 --> 00:14:46,384
of drugs.

469
00:14:46,394 --> 00:14:46,934
And, exactly.

470
00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:49,004
If it's a couple, I wanna
make sure that they're solid.

471
00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:49,334
Yeah.

472
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:49,934
You know?

473
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:51,264
Like, don't be trying to fix this.

474
00:14:51,664 --> 00:14:53,184
Has he ever cheated on you?

475
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,244
Has she ever cheated on you?

476
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,304
How long ago?

477
00:14:56,804 --> 00:14:58,019
You know, what you're describing- Like,
there's a whole- … it kinda reminds

478
00:14:58,019 --> 00:14:59,394
me of whenever you get a government job.

479
00:14:59,714 --> 00:14:59,864
I mean-

480
00:15:00,134 --> 00:15:01,994
And it's, like, a book application.

481
00:15:02,224 --> 00:15:04,664
Hey- And they gotta talk to your
neighbors, they gotta talk to-

482
00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,034
Yeah … your old friends, your teachers.

483
00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:06,344
Yeah.

484
00:15:06,344 --> 00:15:09,564
Like, they have to interview and do
all sorts of back- background vetting.

485
00:15:09,564 --> 00:15:09,574
Yeah,

486
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:13,254
and it's gonna be a lot of fun time play-

487
00:15:13,324 --> 00:15:13,644
Yeah

488
00:15:13,814 --> 00:15:19,404
…
before we even try to accept that
pers- those people into our lives as-

489
00:15:19,444 --> 00:15:22,094
Well, you know, you've
seen just as friends-

490
00:15:22,124 --> 00:15:22,304
Mm-hmm

491
00:15:22,364 --> 00:15:25,344
that we can be close to people for months.

492
00:15:25,394 --> 00:15:26,494
And then they can disappear.

493
00:15:26,494 --> 00:15:27,594
And they can disappear.

494
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:27,604
Yeah.

495
00:15:27,604 --> 00:15:29,834
And, and things can change very quickly.

496
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:29,854
Yeah.

497
00:15:29,874 --> 00:15:30,144
So-

498
00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:31,344
But have you noticed-

499
00:15:31,454 --> 00:15:31,664
Hmm

500
00:15:32,294 --> 00:15:38,384
…
the people that were in our lives like
that, some of them were alcoholics.

501
00:15:38,564 --> 00:15:39,024
Yes.

502
00:15:39,624 --> 00:15:45,144
Some of them were too
young to even comprehend.

503
00:15:45,304 --> 00:15:46,064
Yeah, yeah.

504
00:15:46,524 --> 00:15:48,834
Um, and then- Those are it.

505
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:48,944
You know?

506
00:15:49,444 --> 00:15:49,634
Uh,

507
00:15:49,854 --> 00:15:51,404
you know, I, I, I just think that-

508
00:15:51,424 --> 00:15:53,594
It's… We are two different people.

509
00:15:53,844 --> 00:15:54,014
Like-

510
00:15:54,014 --> 00:15:58,024
Because of w- who we are, like how we
operate, because we're not, we're not

511
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:02,264
alcoholics, so obviously there's a lot
of people who like to go out drinking.

512
00:16:02,274 --> 00:16:02,804
Mm-hmm.

513
00:16:02,884 --> 00:16:05,934
And when they wanna go out drinking,
they don't wanna go out with a couple

514
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:07,174
that's not gonna join them drinking.

515
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:11,114
I know, I knew a lot of people that when
I stopped drinking, they were like, "Ugh,

516
00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:14,154
yeah, well, I don't, I mean, I don't
think you wanna come out with us 'cause

517
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,254
y- you know- Yeah … we're, we're going
drinking." It's like- Yeah … "Okay.

518
00:16:16,254 --> 00:16:16,924
Yeah, that's fair."

519
00:16:16,994 --> 00:16:19,664
And it's like- … I mean,
you can still invite.

520
00:16:19,874 --> 00:16:20,274
Yeah.

521
00:16:20,454 --> 00:16:20,994
You know?

522
00:16:21,324 --> 00:16:21,794
That's true.

523
00:16:22,544 --> 00:16:25,924
But, you know, it's, it, there are
things, there are other things to

524
00:16:25,924 --> 00:16:27,404
do besides just go out drinking.

525
00:16:27,744 --> 00:16:30,894
And if you wanna go have a drink, that's
cool, but there's other places that

526
00:16:30,894 --> 00:16:32,194
you can go where you can have a drink.

527
00:16:32,194 --> 00:16:33,794
It doesn't have to be a bar, you know

528
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:34,454
what I mean?

529
00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:34,714
Yeah.

530
00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:34,914
Yeah.

531
00:16:34,914 --> 00:16:36,074
Like, there's, there's other

532
00:16:36,074 --> 00:16:36,104
ways.

533
00:16:36,104 --> 00:16:38,444
But even at the bar, we've
gone and met people at bars.

534
00:16:38,444 --> 00:16:38,744
Yeah.

535
00:16:38,744 --> 00:16:39,324
Yeah, absolutely.

536
00:16:39,324 --> 00:16:40,184
Like, we don't care.

537
00:16:40,194 --> 00:16:40,214
Yeah.

538
00:16:40,214 --> 00:16:41,472
We're gonna drink our
water and we're gonna-

539
00:16:41,472 --> 00:16:41,864
Don't care at all.

540
00:16:41,864 --> 00:16:43,724
We're there for the conversation- We're
there, yeah … we're there to hang out.

541
00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:43,754
Like,

542
00:16:43,764 --> 00:16:43,974
we're-

543
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:44,764
But there's people- … we're freaking

544
00:16:44,764 --> 00:16:45,124
flown

545
00:16:45,284 --> 00:16:47,124
…
but these people that drink a lot- Yeah

546
00:16:47,124 --> 00:16:50,834
they're like, "Well, I don't
wanna drink by myself." Oh, so

547
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:54,264
you're looking for a companion to
be an- Yeah … alcoholic with.

548
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:54,524
Yeah.

549
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:55,524
That's different.

550
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:55,934
Yeah.

551
00:16:56,204 --> 00:16:56,464
That's different.

552
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:57,854
So that's not, that's not for us.

553
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:58,344
No.

554
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,714
I would also… So that's one
of my stipulations, like no, no

555
00:17:01,714 --> 00:17:05,574
hard drugs and no, infidelity.

556
00:17:05,674 --> 00:17:06,034
Yeah.

557
00:17:06,464 --> 00:17:08,190
No abusiveness.

558
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,830
Like, I'll do a fucking background check.

559
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:12,340
Yeah.

560
00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:12,850
You know?

561
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:13,630
Well, you gotta, you gotta trust.

562
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:14,960
That's n- that's me.

563
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,360
Like, I'm doing- You gotta trust
… your fricking background check.

564
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,940
I have all my little sleuths
figuring you out, who you are.

565
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:22,280
So come clean.

566
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,500
That's the kinda couple I would
like, but that's the kinda person

567
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,500
I want, period, in our lives, if
it was a single person or not.

568
00:17:28,850 --> 00:17:29,250
Yeah.

569
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:29,690
You know?

570
00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:30,930
Like, I, that's what I want.

571
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,820
And no vanillas.

572
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:33,760
No.

573
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:36,810
You know, I definitely have- No
vanillas … changed a lot of my

574
00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:40,680
views since we stopped being poly,
and also since we started the podcast.

575
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:41,190
Mm-hmm.

576
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:44,810
And so I'm definitely not the same
person that I was when we started.

577
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:51,350
And, you know, you were always a- afraid
of me getting as super attached to people.

578
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:51,380
Yeah.

579
00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:53,270
I don't think I'm that person anymore.

580
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:55,950
Um, I'm, I'm a little exhausted.

581
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:56,680
And openness.

582
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,040
You know,

583
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,440
like- I'm very open now.

584
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,980
Yeah I used to not be as transparent.

585
00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:01,560
Yeah.

586
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,010
Um- Like,

587
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:02,730
that's what I want.

588
00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:04,010
Like, I want openness

589
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:04,443
and- Yeah.

590
00:18:04,443 --> 00:18:04,660
Obviously

591
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:07,290
…
and communication has
to be between all of us.

592
00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:08,010
Um- All

593
00:18:08,010 --> 00:18:08,750
of us, yeah

594
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:09,390
…
period.

595
00:18:09,730 --> 00:18:11,490
That … I mean, I would be down for that.

596
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:12,880
That'd be interesting.

597
00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:13,480
Yeah.

598
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:13,840
That'd be

599
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:13,910
interesting.

600
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:16,930
I won't be seeking it
out, or maybe I will be.

601
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,400
Well, so, and that's the

602
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:18,487
thing.

603
00:18:18,487 --> 00:18:20,887
This is, this is the hard part for you.

604
00:18:20,997 --> 00:18:21,547
Uh-huh.

605
00:18:21,637 --> 00:18:23,927
Because I don't, I
don't have this problem.

606
00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:27,537
And, and I c- and I honestly wish
that I could explain as to why.

607
00:18:27,537 --> 00:18:28,407
I don't know why.

608
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:35,467
But I have less of a problem, I guess
connecting with others than you do.

609
00:18:35,877 --> 00:18:37,537
And it's not anything that you do.

610
00:18:37,557 --> 00:18:39,127
I don't understand it, honestly.

611
00:18:39,317 --> 00:18:40,927
Um- Um, but I have to meet them.

612
00:18:41,407 --> 00:18:41,957
Well, yeah.

613
00:18:42,097 --> 00:18:42,727
I guess I understand that.

614
00:18:42,727 --> 00:18:43,057
That's the thing.

615
00:18:43,057 --> 00:18:43,077
Yeah.

616
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,417
When you … Like, I wanna meet them.

617
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:49,187
But I am trusting because our besties-

618
00:18:49,397 --> 00:18:49,647
Yeah

619
00:18:50,147 --> 00:18:51,567
if our besties were here

620
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,137
Yeah, they'd probably be the couple

621
00:18:53,517 --> 00:18:54,557
They'd be the couple

622
00:18:54,637 --> 00:18:54,907
Yeah

623
00:18:55,407 --> 00:18:56,917
Because I trust them

624
00:18:57,877 --> 00:18:58,327
Yeah

625
00:18:58,517 --> 00:18:58,847
You know?

626
00:18:58,857 --> 00:19:00,227
Which is funny because-

627
00:19:00,817 --> 00:19:01,437
There's a lot-

628
00:19:01,437 --> 00:19:02,807
…
you didn't really know
them in the- I don't

629
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:02,847
…
in the

630
00:19:02,857 --> 00:19:03,077
beginning.

631
00:19:03,077 --> 00:19:03,257
Yeah, no

632
00:19:03,257 --> 00:19:03,317
But you kind of just took

633
00:19:03,317 --> 00:19:03,377
them very quickly And, and, um

634
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:04,657
I know them

635
00:19:05,157 --> 00:19:05,457
Yeah

636
00:19:05,957 --> 00:19:09,507
And they don't even meet my rules

637
00:19:10,007 --> 00:19:10,487
What do you mean?

638
00:19:11,057 --> 00:19:13,077
My stipulations that I just put up

639
00:19:13,317 --> 00:19:14,717
They don't meet your stipulations?

640
00:19:14,727 --> 00:19:15,197
No

641
00:19:15,827 --> 00:19:16,277
How's that?

642
00:19:16,877 --> 00:19:17,627
They just don't.

643
00:19:18,127 --> 00:19:20,427
There's some of my stipulations
that they don't meet

644
00:19:21,277 --> 00:19:21,627
Uh-huh

645
00:19:21,737 --> 00:19:22,217
You know?

646
00:19:22,487 --> 00:19:24,937
And it's like, hmm.

647
00:19:25,437 --> 00:19:26,147
Hmm

648
00:19:26,347 --> 00:19:26,797
Hmm

649
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:27,697
But

650
00:19:28,197 --> 00:19:30,827
It would still be an iffy
because they're so new

651
00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:35,947
Well, so I've realized that You shouldn't

652
00:19:36,587 --> 00:19:38,517
Date best friends?

653
00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:41,997
Well, no, I wasn't… Actually,
I think it's, it's best to date

654
00:19:42,027 --> 00:19:45,817
best friends because then you
like them on a different level.

655
00:19:45,997 --> 00:19:46,247
Mm-hmm.

656
00:19:46,247 --> 00:19:46,577
You know?

657
00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:49,297
There's more than just romantic shit.

658
00:19:49,307 --> 00:19:49,327
Mm-hmm.

659
00:19:49,337 --> 00:19:50,917
There's more than just sexual shit.

660
00:19:50,937 --> 00:19:53,037
You actually like being
around that person.

661
00:19:53,047 --> 00:19:53,347
Mm-hmm.

662
00:19:53,407 --> 00:19:55,847
Which if you're gonna share
any kind of relationship with,

663
00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:57,177
that's kind of important.

664
00:19:57,187 --> 00:19:57,267
Mm-hmm.

665
00:19:57,927 --> 00:20:00,957
So no, I think it's great
to, to be with friends.

666
00:20:00,977 --> 00:20:01,007
Mm-hmm.

667
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:11,227
Um, I think that it's difficult to find
a proper connection amongst four people,

668
00:20:11,307 --> 00:20:12,847
and we've talked about this before.

669
00:20:12,847 --> 00:20:16,727
Yeah, you know, and we've said, "Well,
it's not that difficult." Well, as far

670
00:20:16,727 --> 00:20:18,357
as sexually, it's not that difficult-

671
00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:18,797
Mm-hmm

672
00:20:18,847 --> 00:20:20,457
…
for us to connect with another couple.

673
00:20:20,457 --> 00:20:20,477
Mm-hmm.

674
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,257
We can easily do that all day long.

675
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:22,897
Mm-hmm.

676
00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,397
But if you're talking about a
relationship- Mm-hmm … that's

677
00:20:25,397 --> 00:20:27,097
a completely different subject.

678
00:20:27,197 --> 00:20:27,537
Yeah.

679
00:20:27,607 --> 00:20:28,297
Because-

680
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,617
That's why they have to
be like-minded like that.

681
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:31,377
Yeah.

682
00:20:31,377 --> 00:20:31,577
Yeah.

683
00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:32,087
Like I'm saying,

684
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:32,297
okay,

685
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,630
it can't be, it can't be- there's
gotta be a lot of self-realization

686
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,463
…
yes, like it can't

687
00:20:35,463 --> 00:20:35,720
be a

688
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:36,460
swinger.

689
00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:36,500
You've

690
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:37,010
gotta… No, no, no.

691
00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:38,650
It's gotta be somebody- It has
to be somebody- … who's very

692
00:20:38,650 --> 00:20:39,810
secure- Yeah … in themselves.

693
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:40,030
Yeah.

694
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:44,670
Secure in their mind, secure in their
body, able to exude that confidence.

695
00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:46,090
Don't be clingy.

696
00:20:46,130 --> 00:20:49,610
Understand that we are our
separate entity- Yeah … and

697
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:53,630
we do have friends, and we do go
out, and we do a lot of things.

698
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,010
Yeah.

699
00:20:54,090 --> 00:20:57,740
You know, we've had people that tried
to take ownership of us, and the moment-

700
00:20:57,740 --> 00:21:00,960
Yeah … that we don't spend every
weekend with them, they get upset.

701
00:21:01,070 --> 00:21:01,360
Yeah.

702
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:01,830
You know?

703
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:02,910
And they go huffing off.

704
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:02,950
Yeah.

705
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,580
Well, we, we can't have that.

706
00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:06,060
You know, if you're talking-

707
00:21:06,070 --> 00:21:07,630
We like our, we like our time.

708
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,810
We like our time.

709
00:21:08,820 --> 00:21:08,840
Yeah.

710
00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:12,710
So if we go on a vacation with other
couples, yeah, we're gonna spend time

711
00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:15,460
with you, but we're not gonna spend
the entire time with you because we're-

712
00:21:15,510 --> 00:21:15,720
No entitlement

713
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,150
…
we're looking to spend time- Yeah

714
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:17,730
with each other.

715
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:18,170
Yeah.

716
00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:18,520
Yeah.

717
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:24,410
You are the only person that I really
am ever gonna give that real title to.

718
00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:24,430
Mm-hmm.

719
00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:27,670
And that's well earned, you know?

720
00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:30,570
And, I just don't feel like
anybody can just step in and

721
00:21:30,570 --> 00:21:32,300
just hand those out willy-nilly.

722
00:21:32,650 --> 00:21:38,910
Now, people poly differently, and the
whole hierarchy thing, you know, the

723
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,830
primary, the secondary, and all that shit.

724
00:21:41,830 --> 00:21:48,370
Like, the way we would do it would be
like this is our primary, this is our-

725
00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:49,870
Mm-hmm … our number one priority.

726
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:49,910
Mm-hmm.

727
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:54,720
And then our relationship with
whomever else, that's basically

728
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,160
a secondary relationship.

729
00:21:56,170 --> 00:21:56,330
Mm-hmm.

730
00:21:56,330 --> 00:21:59,210
It's important, but it'll
never trump what we have.

731
00:21:59,280 --> 00:21:59,610
Mm-hmm.

732
00:22:00,230 --> 00:22:03,730
There are people that are poly that are
like, "No, we're not gonna do that."

733
00:22:03,730 --> 00:22:03,960
Yeah.

734
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:04,830
Yeah.

735
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:09,106
Our relationship with, with you- Yeah
… should be just as important- No … as

736
00:22:09,106 --> 00:22:11,320
your primary relationship, and I don't-

737
00:22:11,490 --> 00:22:12,340
So it really has to be somebody- … feel

738
00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:12,950
good about that.

739
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,460
Yeah, it h- really has to
be somebody who understands

740
00:22:15,550 --> 00:22:15,860
that.

741
00:22:15,910 --> 00:22:18,020
And, and, and is good with
it being on our terms.

742
00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:18,050
And

743
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,150
there's no convincing.

744
00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:19,170
Like, no.

745
00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:19,610
There's no convincing otherwise.

746
00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:19,830
No.

747
00:22:19,830 --> 00:22:20,130
Like-

748
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:21,320
We don't have to do it

749
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:26,060
…
we have already agreed that we are going
to love each other till the day we die.

750
00:22:26,110 --> 00:22:26,400
Yeah.

751
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,460
And we're gonna be together-
Till the day we die

752
00:22:29,570 --> 00:22:29,840
Yeah.

753
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:31,050
That's true

754
00:22:31,110 --> 00:22:32,430
That's our little path there

755
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:37,600
But, you know, my only concern i- doing
it, yeah, I mean, it's easy to say, "Okay,

756
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,160
yeah, we can totally do this again."

757
00:22:39,350 --> 00:22:39,740
Mm-hmm.

758
00:22:40,170 --> 00:22:45,680
But it comes down to trust, and I'm not
talking about you trusting me, I'm talking

759
00:22:45,690 --> 00:22:49,050
about you trusting others outside of me.

760
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:49,380
Yeah.

761
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,650
You aren't that person.

762
00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:53,490
You don't trust people.

763
00:22:53,510 --> 00:22:53,750
No.

764
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,504
And it takes a lot for
you to trust people.

765
00:22:55,504 --> 00:22:55,583
That's

766
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,700
why I'm saying, like, it would
have to be somebody… Like,

767
00:22:57,700 --> 00:22:59,110
this would be a long thing.

768
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:00,150
What do you mean?

769
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,270
Like, it would be a long-

770
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:04,520
So it would take a long time before
we actually say, "Okay, yeah, we're

771
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,600
actually dating these people"?

772
00:23:05,810 --> 00:23:06,460
Yes.

773
00:23:07,460 --> 00:23:10,970
It would be a lot of…
And I'm not saying years.

774
00:23:11,710 --> 00:23:14,320
It would just, we would have
to grow that relationship.

775
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,660
We would have to get to know them.

776
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:18,030
You know what's funny is I realized
something about you, though.

777
00:23:18,420 --> 00:23:19,240
Tell me.

778
00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:21,750
When you fall, you fall hard and fast.

779
00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:22,980
For couples?

780
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:23,400
Yeah.

781
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:24,670
There's only been one.

782
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,800
Well, even the girl that we dated.

783
00:23:27,310 --> 00:23:28,040
You kind of-

784
00:23:28,620 --> 00:23:28,960
Yeah

785
00:23:28,970 --> 00:23:30,380
…
went in hard and fast on that

786
00:23:30,460 --> 00:23:30,490
one.

787
00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:30,770
Yeah.

788
00:23:30,770 --> 00:23:32,400
And- Well, that one was on purpose

789
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:33,450
Really?

790
00:23:33,650 --> 00:23:34,200
Oh, yeah.

791
00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:35,110
What do you mean?

792
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:37,570
That was on pur- like, I
pushed myself to do that.

793
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,640
Oh, so that you could kind of figure out-

794
00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:40,150
Yeah

795
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:40,850
…
I didn't know that.

796
00:23:40,850 --> 00:23:42,530
Yeah, I pushed myself to do that.

797
00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:43,620
Huh, okay.

798
00:23:43,650 --> 00:23:44,100
Yeah.

799
00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:46,730
That is where a lot of
your changes started.

800
00:23:46,730 --> 00:23:48,490
Yeah, and I was testing the waters.

801
00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:48,840
Yeah.

802
00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:49,690
Um-

803
00:23:49,690 --> 00:23:51,540
Kinda letting your, your
hair down a little bit.

804
00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:52,050
Yeah.

805
00:23:52,210 --> 00:23:55,200
And that was a really good
person to have that happen with.

806
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,120
To be able to-

807
00:23:56,170 --> 00:23:56,410
Yes

808
00:23:56,410 --> 00:23:56,970
…
to do that with?

809
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:57,260
Yeah.

810
00:23:57,290 --> 00:23:57,550
Yeah.

811
00:23:57,550 --> 00:23:58,010
That's cool.

812
00:23:58,010 --> 00:23:59,270
And I always have to remember that.

813
00:23:59,770 --> 00:24:00,220
Yeah.

814
00:24:00,270 --> 00:24:01,410
You do, but you know what?

815
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,080
It's, it is funny, 'cause you
do, you do fall pretty fast.

816
00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:07,150
And they're my- And pretty
hard … and actually both of

817
00:24:07,150 --> 00:24:09,040
those ladies are my besties.

818
00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:09,890
Yeah, yeah.

819
00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:10,180
You- They're my

820
00:24:10,180 --> 00:24:10,660
girl besties

821
00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:11,690
…
you, you get very close to them,

822
00:24:11,690 --> 00:24:12,100
yeah.

823
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:12,110
Yeah.

824
00:24:12,110 --> 00:24:13,070
And, like- Yeah.

825
00:24:13,570 --> 00:24:16,820
If we could be a throuple, I
would be a throuple with them.

826
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,200
Yeah?

827
00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:17,700
Yeah.

828
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:18,410
That's funny.

829
00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:18,790
Yeah.

830
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,020
Hey.

831
00:24:20,270 --> 00:24:20,530
Yeah.

832
00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:25,160
And what's funny is back when
we were poly, I was good with

833
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:29,800
you dating other women, and even
the thought of dating other men.

834
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,680
I wasn't that good with you…
the thought of you dating couples.

835
00:24:33,530 --> 00:24:34,490
No, you weren't.

836
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:35,510
I don't know why.

837
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:35,540
Yeah.

838
00:24:35,550 --> 00:24:37,430
It seemed like a threat to me.

839
00:24:37,930 --> 00:24:38,170
Hmm.

840
00:24:38,670 --> 00:24:39,170
I could see.

841
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,870
But I don't feel that anymore.

842
00:24:41,090 --> 00:24:41,710
I could see that.

843
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:42,340
Yeah.

844
00:24:42,410 --> 00:24:43,480
I don't feel that anymore.

845
00:24:43,490 --> 00:24:43,510
Yeah.

846
00:24:43,740 --> 00:24:48,170
The first time that you actually had
some alone time with a couple, it

847
00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:51,130
was a little weird for me because-

848
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,370
It was weird for me

849
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:56,120
well bec- I was so used, I'm so
used to you, like, leaning on me,

850
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,550
relying on me- Yeah … being there
all the time- Yeah … you know?

851
00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:02,830
And so for you to have this
experience with another couple- I

852
00:25:03,150 --> 00:25:03,340
see

853
00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:06,210
…
and I was not involved at all-

854
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:06,850
Mm-hmm

855
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,310
…
um, there was no control for me
there, and so if there's no control

856
00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:12,940
for me, I was completely checked out.

857
00:25:13,010 --> 00:25:13,430
Mm-hmm.

858
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:16,510
And it's like, "Oh, okay. I don't
care. Good for you." Mm-hmm.

859
00:25:16,510 --> 00:25:16,840
"That's cool."

860
00:25:17,410 --> 00:25:18,300
Yeah, you were.

861
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:18,660
Um,

862
00:25:18,660 --> 00:25:22,320
But it was a good experiment for
me to see, like, "Oh, how is this

863
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,480
gonna work out?" And I'm totally
cool with you, dating a couple.

864
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,060
I would like to be cool
with the couple, you know?

865
00:25:29,150 --> 00:25:29,500
Yeah.

866
00:25:29,550 --> 00:25:33,350
Um, I don't wanna be checked
out like I was on the last one.

867
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:33,980
Mm-hmm.

868
00:25:34,030 --> 00:25:37,650
But yeah, I'd like to be cool
with them and that sort of thing.

869
00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:42,210
It's like, if you're gonna be banging
and dating my wife, I'd like to

870
00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:43,680
at least like you and know you.

871
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:44,290
Mm-hmm.

872
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:44,780
You know?

873
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,490
Maybe have you pay a bill.

874
00:25:46,990 --> 00:25:51,580
I had a feeling that you would
eventually walk your way back

875
00:25:51,610 --> 00:25:53,530
to, to trying out poly again.

876
00:25:53,650 --> 00:25:54,050
Mm-hmm.

877
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:58,750
Just because there's… it… I c- I
can see it in you- Like, and at the m-

878
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,300
… that you're open to new experiences.

879
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:03,340
Yeah, and the moment I feel, threatened-

880
00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:03,830
Yeah

881
00:26:04,330 --> 00:26:06,190
Let's be honest because
that's the feeling.

882
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:06,570
Mm.

883
00:26:06,610 --> 00:26:06,970
Right?

884
00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:09,650
The moment I feel threatened
is the moment I'll end it.

885
00:26:10,530 --> 00:26:10,940
Yeah?

886
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,100
I won't push that aside.

887
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,670
You, you won't just communicate
it and see about talking about it?

888
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,880
Um- Because if there's a threat there- Of

889
00:26:18,940 --> 00:26:19,280
course

890
00:26:19,610 --> 00:26:21,540
…
you gotta kinda- No, no, no, of
course … sit back and figure

891
00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:21,740
it

892
00:26:21,740 --> 00:26:21,900
out.

893
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:22,160
Of course.

894
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:22,320
Yeah.

895
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,440
I'd be like, "Hey, I'm
feeling threatened." Yeah.

896
00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:26,650
"And why am I feeling that way?"

897
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:30,780
And in that situ- So that's the
thing is if you're gonna jump

898
00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,740
into a relationship with somebody-

899
00:26:32,900 --> 00:26:33,270
Yeah

900
00:26:33,370 --> 00:26:37,550
and then the moment you get a very
real feeling like that, you go, "Okay,

901
00:26:37,550 --> 00:26:42,320
peace. I'm out," then you don't wanna
really jump into a relationship with

902
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:46,430
somebody because that's somebody who's
getting emotionally involved with you.

903
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,150
Mm-hmm.

904
00:26:47,210 --> 00:26:50,750
And if you're dealing with your
own thing and you don't communicate

905
00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:52,810
it with them and you don't try to
work it out with them- That's true

906
00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:54,860
then, I mean, that's kind
of unfair to them, you know?

907
00:26:54,870 --> 00:26:54,980
Yeah.

908
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:55,690
'Cause it's a- I mean,

909
00:26:55,930 --> 00:26:56,190
yeah

910
00:26:56,230 --> 00:26:56,840
…
it's a real relationship.

911
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:56,980
I

912
00:26:57,060 --> 00:26:58,180
would, I would.

913
00:26:58,980 --> 00:27:01,000
The moment I feel threatened-
Yeah … I would definitely sit

914
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:06,250
down and be like, "Hey, I'm feeling
a certain way, and this is why."

915
00:27:06,670 --> 00:27:07,090
Yeah.

916
00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:09,720
And if we can't get through it You know

917
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:10,930
Yeah.

918
00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:15,040
You know, I, uh, like I said, you're
getting older and you're, you're

919
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:19,170
being more open to different, I
don't know, different experiences-

920
00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:19,320
Situations and experiences

921
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:19,370
yeah.

922
00:27:19,370 --> 00:27:19,420
Yeah.

923
00:27:19,420 --> 00:27:19,800
Um- I'm really into

924
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:20,320
no-

925
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,010
You're not so hardened anymore.

926
00:27:22,020 --> 00:27:24,120
Yeah, but I'm also still no bullshit.

927
00:27:24,540 --> 00:27:25,000
Oh, yeah.

928
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:29,790
But you've also kind of found
your footing in this ethical

929
00:27:29,790 --> 00:27:31,990
non-monogamous planet that we live on.

930
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:32,020
Yeah.

931
00:27:32,540 --> 00:27:35,960
And you've kind of, , I don't know,
figured out where you stand there.

932
00:27:36,050 --> 00:27:36,480
Yeah.

933
00:27:36,620 --> 00:27:38,330
This is more under your control-

934
00:27:38,610 --> 00:27:39,030
Yeah

935
00:27:39,310 --> 00:27:40,400
than it was last time.

936
00:27:41,050 --> 00:27:41,530
Yeah.

937
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:46,390
So when we did poly last time, A,
you didn't know anything about it.

938
00:27:46,390 --> 00:27:47,560
Like, you didn't know what it was.

939
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,290
I- you were relying on me to
explain all this stuff to you.

940
00:27:50,370 --> 00:27:50,720
Yes.

941
00:27:50,950 --> 00:27:54,560
And I was getting short-handed
information myself.

942
00:27:54,570 --> 00:27:54,910
Mm-hmm.

943
00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:57,670
And I was getting a lot of bad
information and what- Mm-hmm

944
00:27:57,670 --> 00:27:58,920
and I wasn't doing it right.

945
00:27:59,040 --> 00:27:59,240
Mm-hmm.

946
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,030
So therefore, we weren't doing it right.

947
00:28:01,060 --> 00:28:01,370
Mm-hmm.

948
00:28:01,410 --> 00:28:07,590
Not to mention, I was doing early
on in poly what we did early on

949
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,560
as swingers, which was I'm jumping
into every experience that I have.

950
00:28:11,570 --> 00:28:14,500
I wanna get into experiences, I wanna
experience- Yeah … I wanna experience.

951
00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:16,080
And I wasn't properly vetting.

952
00:28:16,150 --> 00:28:16,830
Okay, wait.

953
00:28:16,860 --> 00:28:19,820
Before we go any further, FirmTech.

954
00:28:20,470 --> 00:28:22,100
We have to talk about FirmTech

955
00:28:22,270 --> 00:28:22,590
Yes.

956
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,290
Okay, so FirmTech makes the Tech Ring.

957
00:28:25,390 --> 00:28:27,040
Yeah, and here's the thing.

958
00:28:27,220 --> 00:28:28,930
It's not what you might think.

959
00:28:29,460 --> 00:28:32,250
Well, it kind of is, but
it's so much more than that.

960
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:32,880
Yeah.

961
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:37,190
It's a wearable ring that helps with
firmness and blood flow, and it actually

962
00:28:37,190 --> 00:28:39,320
connects to an app that tracks data

963
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,070
Real data.

964
00:28:41,300 --> 00:28:44,040
Like, it tells you exactly what's going on

965
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,400
And there's actual clinical
research behind it.

966
00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:47,820
This isn't some random gimmick

967
00:28:48,180 --> 00:28:49,560
And then there's the Ring Mate.

968
00:28:49,590 --> 00:28:50,380
I saw this thing.

969
00:28:50,390 --> 00:28:53,580
It's an attachment that goes
on the Tech Ring specifically

970
00:28:53,590 --> 00:28:54,980
for your partner's pleasure.

971
00:28:55,010 --> 00:28:56,090
Looks just like a tongue

972
00:28:56,230 --> 00:28:57,820
Hey, so everybody wins

973
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,830
Everybody wins.

974
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:01,010
It really is a whole situation

975
00:29:01,060 --> 00:29:01,930
A good situation

976
00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:03,610
A very good situation.

977
00:29:03,870 --> 00:29:07,110
Use code BEYOMONO at firmtech.co.

978
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:12,990
That's B-E-Y-O-M-O-N-O, and get 15% off

979
00:29:13,180 --> 00:29:14,310
Okay, now where were we?

980
00:29:14,565 --> 00:29:14,795
Yes.

981
00:29:14,835 --> 00:29:18,555
And I wasn't trying to find the right
people, not to mention where we were at.

982
00:29:18,565 --> 00:29:18,585
Mm-hmm.

983
00:29:18,595 --> 00:29:19,265
Forget about it.

984
00:29:19,765 --> 00:29:21,725
It just seems very different now.

985
00:29:21,735 --> 00:29:23,725
And I think you were very pushy on me.

986
00:29:23,965 --> 00:29:24,305
Yeah.

987
00:29:24,555 --> 00:29:26,865
Yeah, you were very pushy on me
to go find, go find, go find.

988
00:29:26,865 --> 00:29:27,455
Obviously.

989
00:29:27,465 --> 00:29:27,485
Yeah.

990
00:29:27,495 --> 00:29:29,755
Well, because it would feel better to me.

991
00:29:29,755 --> 00:29:30,075
Yeah.

992
00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:33,145
I would feel- Yes … more okay- And
that made- … pursuing something-

993
00:29:33,145 --> 00:29:33,885
That made- … if you were pursuing

994
00:29:33,885 --> 00:29:33,945
something.

995
00:29:33,945 --> 00:29:36,055
Yeah, 'cause because I remember
getting upset about it.

996
00:29:36,055 --> 00:29:36,065
Yeah.

997
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:40,035
I'm like, "Why are you… Why?" And then
when you told me that, I was like, "Okay.

998
00:29:40,275 --> 00:29:40,975
Well, that makes sense."

999
00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:41,625
Yeah.

1000
00:29:41,735 --> 00:29:42,315
I get it.

1001
00:29:42,575 --> 00:29:45,565
I mean, that's, I- it's an
asshole thing to say, and- Yeah

1002
00:29:45,565 --> 00:29:48,865
I, I liken the fact that
I'm not like that anymore.

1003
00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:48,895
Yeah.

1004
00:29:48,905 --> 00:29:52,055
But absolutely, I, I did-
Yeah … push that on you because

1005
00:29:52,095 --> 00:29:55,125
I wanted to feel less guilt.

1006
00:29:55,595 --> 00:29:55,965
Yeah.

1007
00:29:55,965 --> 00:30:00,155
You know, because you said it was okay,
but if you're not actively seeking,

1008
00:30:00,505 --> 00:30:02,005
then I just feel like a douchebag-

1009
00:30:02,255 --> 00:30:02,425
Mm-hmm

1010
00:30:02,445 --> 00:30:04,245
…
looking to get these experiences.

1011
00:30:04,255 --> 00:30:04,285
Mm-hmm.

1012
00:30:04,615 --> 00:30:08,695
Well, now I'm at a point in my life
where I'm like, "I don't care."

1013
00:30:09,145 --> 00:30:11,015
Like, I don't, I don't
care about experiences.

1014
00:30:11,065 --> 00:30:12,225
I've had my experiences.

1015
00:30:12,225 --> 00:30:12,625
Yeah.

1016
00:30:12,675 --> 00:30:15,835
My poly, experiences were
not that great, but I did-

1017
00:30:15,895 --> 00:30:16,175
Yeah

1018
00:30:16,205 --> 00:30:19,165
…
enjoy the poly lifestyle.

1019
00:30:19,365 --> 00:30:19,805
Mm-hmm.

1020
00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:25,555
So that's the funny thing about it
is I could actively be poly and not

1021
00:30:25,555 --> 00:30:30,135
date- Mm-hmm … and just enjoy being
around poly people- Mm-hmm … and

1022
00:30:30,145 --> 00:30:32,155
being in the poly lifestyle.

1023
00:30:32,175 --> 00:30:32,425
Mm-hmm.

1024
00:30:32,485 --> 00:30:34,875
You know, and being surrounded
by people like that and being

1025
00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:38,665
able to have those conversations
and shit, I think is, is fun.

1026
00:30:39,275 --> 00:30:42,495
But I don't wanna be
actively seeking anything.

1027
00:30:42,725 --> 00:30:45,845
I don't even like actively
seeking sex on swinger sites.

1028
00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:48,605
As a matter of fact, one of the best
things that we could have ever done

1029
00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:51,995
was gotten this podcast, because it's
like shooting fish in a barrel now.

1030
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:55,685
Most of the time when we go to
a place, people know who we are.

1031
00:30:55,865 --> 00:30:59,235
I'm not saying, like, big-headed everybody
knows who we are, but in a year and

1032
00:30:59,235 --> 00:31:01,129
a half- We've, we've come a long way.

1033
00:31:01,139 --> 00:31:01,469
Mm-hmm.

1034
00:31:01,519 --> 00:31:05,749
And oftentimes we can go to
a, a, a new place and there's

1035
00:31:05,749 --> 00:31:07,149
at least one person there-

1036
00:31:07,149 --> 00:31:07,309
Yeah

1037
00:31:07,489 --> 00:31:08,809
…
who knows who we are.

1038
00:31:08,819 --> 00:31:08,839
Yeah.

1039
00:31:09,129 --> 00:31:11,969
Uh, and it just becomes a little bit
easier because they're like, "Oh,

1040
00:31:11,969 --> 00:31:14,999
I listen to the podcast and I know
what you guys like," and this and

1041
00:31:14,999 --> 00:31:17,869
that, and it's like, okay, cool, I
don't have to explain myself at all.

1042
00:31:18,279 --> 00:31:19,909
This just got way easier.

1043
00:31:19,929 --> 00:31:20,109
Yeah.

1044
00:31:20,399 --> 00:31:24,669
Also, I like the fact that
we're learning so much from the

1045
00:31:24,669 --> 00:31:27,239
people that we have on the show.

1046
00:31:27,739 --> 00:31:29,149
It's, it's free therapy.

1047
00:31:29,159 --> 00:31:29,519
Mm-hmm.

1048
00:31:30,109 --> 00:31:32,869
There's so much that- Mm-hmm
… that's there to be learned and,

1049
00:31:32,909 --> 00:31:35,629
and we haven't even scratched
the surface of it, you know?

1050
00:31:35,659 --> 00:31:36,959
And I think I've grown.

1051
00:31:37,159 --> 00:31:38,559
You have grown a lot.

1052
00:31:38,999 --> 00:31:42,639
But you know what's funny is
your growth is kind of like…

1053
00:31:43,139 --> 00:31:47,799
It's kinda like tracking the
stock market on an election year.

1054
00:31:48,649 --> 00:31:51,399
And what I mean by that is
there's lots of ups and downs.

1055
00:31:51,639 --> 00:31:52,649
So- There is … yeah.

1056
00:31:52,649 --> 00:31:56,249
So one day you can be like this,
where you're like, "I'm ready to

1057
00:31:56,249 --> 00:32:01,209
try poly again." And then tomorrow,
something could happen and you could

1058
00:32:01,219 --> 00:32:03,429
be like, "Yeah, I don't think so."

1059
00:32:03,939 --> 00:32:07,989
And it's like, you know, I just have
to kind of gauge where you're at and

1060
00:32:07,999 --> 00:32:13,539
how you're feeling, as to how poly or
not poly I am for that day, I guess.

1061
00:32:14,039 --> 00:32:14,549
Agree.

1062
00:32:14,969 --> 00:32:15,099
Yeah.

1063
00:32:15,869 --> 00:32:16,529
Uh, you know-

1064
00:32:16,529 --> 00:32:16,569
Agree.

1065
00:32:16,819 --> 00:32:17,869
I'm very hormonal.

1066
00:32:18,339 --> 00:32:18,929
You are.

1067
00:32:18,949 --> 00:32:19,179
And- I

1068
00:32:19,179 --> 00:32:19,529
am

1069
00:32:19,539 --> 00:32:20,159
…
and I've, I've-

1070
00:32:20,199 --> 00:32:20,609
And-

1071
00:32:20,619 --> 00:32:23,339
…
had to play the, the game-
Yeah … as much as possible.

1072
00:32:23,389 --> 00:32:23,719
Yeah.

1073
00:32:23,819 --> 00:32:24,169
Yeah.

1074
00:32:24,419 --> 00:32:24,689
Yeah.

1075
00:32:24,849 --> 00:32:28,489
It's, it's not easy for, it's not easy
for a woman who's going through hormones.

1076
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:30,349
I, I don't take that away from you at all.

1077
00:32:30,359 --> 00:32:30,539
Yeah.

1078
00:32:30,809 --> 00:32:33,169
And it's not easy for a
woman who's menopausal.

1079
00:32:33,169 --> 00:32:33,839
I,

1080
00:32:33,839 --> 00:32:34,144
I- Thank

1081
00:32:34,144 --> 00:32:35,939
you, because my boss doesn't think-

1082
00:32:36,019 --> 00:32:36,329
Well-

1083
00:32:36,509 --> 00:32:36,559
…
it's a thing.

1084
00:32:36,559 --> 00:32:36,689
Like

1085
00:32:36,759 --> 00:32:40,519
…
yeah, your boss… If I had the
money to pay you like he does,

1086
00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:41,499
then you wouldn't be with him.

1087
00:32:41,619 --> 00:32:42,259
My God.

1088
00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:42,939
I know.

1089
00:32:43,029 --> 00:32:46,169
But you know, I, I know
what you're going through.

1090
00:32:46,169 --> 00:32:48,749
I wish- Well, to an extent … that-
I, I, I never had it, but

1091
00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:51,259
I've done my research on it.

1092
00:32:51,259 --> 00:32:56,249
I've read about it and I… From a husband
standpoint, you don't even know what

1093
00:32:56,249 --> 00:32:59,429
you're going through, so it's hard for me
to understand what you're going through.

1094
00:32:59,429 --> 00:32:59,929
Mm-hmm.

1095
00:32:59,929 --> 00:33:04,439
And all I can do is really try
to just understand that the

1096
00:33:04,439 --> 00:33:06,399
hormones that you're dealing with-

1097
00:33:06,439 --> 00:33:06,859
Yeah

1098
00:33:06,899 --> 00:33:09,689
really have you up and down, up and down.

1099
00:33:09,739 --> 00:33:10,219
They do.

1100
00:33:10,219 --> 00:33:10,249
They do.

1101
00:33:10,249 --> 00:33:18,249
And it makes it hard sometimes, to,
to anything outside of monogamy.

1102
00:33:18,249 --> 00:33:19,019
You know?

1103
00:33:19,379 --> 00:33:22,679
I mean, it's, it's really kind of humorous
when you think about it because- … it's,

1104
00:33:22,919 --> 00:33:28,039
it's like, yeah, let me, let me go ahead
and put on this suit made out of meat and

1105
00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:33,119
walk into the lions' den, because that's
essentially what I'm doing when I tell my,

1106
00:33:33,619 --> 00:33:38,759
my, my wife who's going through menopause
and who's very hormonal, "Hey, I, I think

1107
00:33:38,759 --> 00:33:44,999
I'm gonna go and, and maybe seek out this
extra relationship with somebody else,"

1108
00:33:45,469 --> 00:33:48,559
be it either romantic, mental, or sexual.

1109
00:33:49,209 --> 00:33:55,369
Even saying it here right now, after you
dropped the bomb on me about considering

1110
00:33:55,369 --> 00:33:59,339
being poly again, even, even having that
conversation, I'm still, uncomfortable

1111
00:33:59,839 --> 00:34:03,479
expressing any kind of want on that end.

1112
00:34:04,329 --> 00:34:06,459
Because, A, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings, B, I

1113
00:34:06,469 --> 00:34:08,439
don't wanna, light the fire.

1114
00:34:08,779 --> 00:34:09,929
No, that's what I'm saying.

1115
00:34:10,069 --> 00:34:10,239
Yeah.

1116
00:34:10,249 --> 00:34:11,919
It has to be a journey together.

1117
00:34:11,959 --> 00:34:12,179
Yeah.

1118
00:34:12,179 --> 00:34:13,059
No, no, no, absolutely.

1119
00:34:13,079 --> 00:34:13,251
That's what,

1120
00:34:13,251 --> 00:34:13,354
yeah.

1121
00:34:13,354 --> 00:34:13,456
Like,

1122
00:34:13,456 --> 00:34:13,559
it,

1123
00:34:13,559 --> 00:34:16,139
it has to be, it has to be together.

1124
00:34:16,149 --> 00:34:16,279
Like-

1125
00:34:16,279 --> 00:34:18,969
So only poly together, not poly separate.

1126
00:34:19,119 --> 00:34:20,509
Only poly together.

1127
00:34:20,529 --> 00:34:23,119
So you wouldn't be dating
another couple separately or-

1128
00:34:23,299 --> 00:34:25,179
No … another person separately.

1129
00:34:25,659 --> 00:34:25,679
No.

1130
00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:26,729
Only together.

1131
00:34:27,079 --> 00:34:27,469
Only

1132
00:34:27,489 --> 00:34:27,549
together.

1133
00:34:27,549 --> 00:34:31,559
Somebody- Somebody … either somebody
or somebodies is dating this couple,

1134
00:34:31,589 --> 00:34:34,029
us two- Yes … together 100% equal.

1135
00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:34,069
Yes.

1136
00:34:34,889 --> 00:34:38,189
And the moment that you feel
it's not equal, you're out.

1137
00:34:39,059 --> 00:34:39,869
Oh, we're out.

1138
00:34:40,789 --> 00:34:41,229
Well, yeah.

1139
00:34:41,229 --> 00:34:42,124
No, you're- Yes.

1140
00:34:42,124 --> 00:34:42,699
I, that's obvious.

1141
00:34:42,889 --> 00:34:43,039
Yes.

1142
00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:44,239
Yeah, we're out.

1143
00:34:44,669 --> 00:34:45,489
I don't, I don't know.

1144
00:34:45,489 --> 00:34:45,769
I don't think that's-

1145
00:34:45,789 --> 00:34:47,444
I mean, I would talk it … I
think that's gonna work.

1146
00:34:47,444 --> 00:34:49,629
I would, I would talk about
it, and why am I uncomfortable-

1147
00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:50,279
Yeah, yeah … and whatever.

1148
00:34:50,279 --> 00:34:50,759
Right, right.

1149
00:34:50,769 --> 00:34:52,179
But the moment I feel it-

1150
00:34:52,279 --> 00:34:52,539
Yeah

1151
00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:54,919
…
and I talk to y'all about it-

1152
00:34:55,009 --> 00:34:55,319
Yeah

1153
00:34:55,409 --> 00:34:57,859
…
and if that feeling…
'Cause it festers in me.

1154
00:34:57,859 --> 00:34:59,589
Like, I really have to,
like, talk about it.

1155
00:34:59,599 --> 00:35:01,199
Like- Yeah … it has
to be discussed a lot.

1156
00:35:01,209 --> 00:35:01,239
Sure.

1157
00:35:01,659 --> 00:35:04,369
I don't know why, but you know how I am.

1158
00:35:04,949 --> 00:35:05,539
That's fair.

1159
00:35:05,639 --> 00:35:07,699
And I don't have anything
else to distract me.

1160
00:35:08,199 --> 00:35:11,669
Yes, I'm probably, we'll probably be out.

1161
00:35:12,219 --> 00:35:12,879
That's interesting.

1162
00:35:13,019 --> 00:35:18,749
But I understand myself and, if I don't
like something just because I don't like

1163
00:35:18,749 --> 00:35:22,099
something, if I don't like the color, if
I don't like the smell, if I don't like-

1164
00:35:22,299 --> 00:35:25,229
But see, that's the hard part, is
we're not attracted to the same people.

1165
00:35:25,259 --> 00:35:26,529
But that's what I'm saying.

1166
00:35:26,699 --> 00:35:28,159
We gotta figure this out if

1167
00:35:28,679 --> 00:35:28,709
What?

1168
00:35:29,669 --> 00:35:30,609
Thank you,

1169
00:35:30,609 --> 00:35:31,064
unicorns.

1170
00:35:31,064 --> 00:35:31,749
I, we're

1171
00:35:31,749 --> 00:35:32,669
not attracted to the

1172
00:35:33,169 --> 00:35:33,559
same people.

1173
00:35:33,569 --> 00:35:33,879
Unicorn couples.

1174
00:35:33,879 --> 00:35:34,949
We are ready.

1175
00:35:35,229 --> 00:35:37,439
Um, we are, baby.

1176
00:35:37,649 --> 00:35:40,679
I am just a hard-ass sometimes.

1177
00:35:41,179 --> 00:35:41,639
Really?

1178
00:35:41,689 --> 00:35:42,259
Yeah.

1179
00:35:42,769 --> 00:35:45,389
I think, I think I don't give
people the benefit of the doubts.

1180
00:35:45,459 --> 00:35:45,749
Oh.

1181
00:35:46,119 --> 00:35:47,297
I just figured you, you just,

1182
00:35:47,297 --> 00:35:48,829
you don't like- Um, but I like Latinos.

1183
00:35:48,839 --> 00:35:49,566
Like, I want Latinos

1184
00:35:49,616 --> 00:35:51,456
…
well, that's a tough one in and of itself.

1185
00:35:51,456 --> 00:35:55,366
There's not a whole lot of,
Hispanics in the polyamory community.

1186
00:35:55,776 --> 00:35:55,826
Agreed.

1187
00:35:55,836 --> 00:35:59,396
As a matter of fact, when we came
out as polyamorous, that's when

1188
00:35:59,406 --> 00:36:03,916
the whole Latinx thing or Latin-
Mm-hmm … necki came out, and it was

1189
00:36:03,916 --> 00:36:05,526
a big thing in the poly community.

1190
00:36:05,536 --> 00:36:06,006
Mm-hmm.

1191
00:36:06,116 --> 00:36:10,656
And we tried to build a
Latino poly community.

1192
00:36:10,666 --> 00:36:10,696
Mm-hmm.

1193
00:36:10,756 --> 00:36:12,456
And that just failed

1194
00:36:12,566 --> 00:36:12,706
horribly.

1195
00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:15,396
You know, I feel like there's
more openness now, so.

1196
00:36:15,456 --> 00:36:15,886
You think?

1197
00:36:16,086 --> 00:36:16,746
I do.

1198
00:36:17,036 --> 00:36:18,596
Um, and we're gonna figure it out.

1199
00:36:18,686 --> 00:36:19,006
I don't know.

1200
00:36:19,006 --> 00:36:23,106
I think there's more openness to the
sexual portion of non-monogamy, but

1201
00:36:23,116 --> 00:36:26,736
way less on the relationship-wise,
especially for Hispanics.

1202
00:36:26,996 --> 00:36:28,476
That's not something
that you can openly have.

1203
00:36:28,976 --> 00:36:31,876
In a Hispanic community, that's
not something you can openly have.

1204
00:36:32,096 --> 00:36:32,306
Mi

1205
00:36:32,336 --> 00:36:32,606
gente- I'm

1206
00:36:32,606 --> 00:36:33,026
sorry.

1207
00:36:33,496 --> 00:36:33,686
I'm sorry

1208
00:36:33,926 --> 00:36:34,376
…
Latina.

1209
00:36:34,436 --> 00:36:37,196
It's, it's very, very,
very, very, very difficult.

1210
00:36:37,556 --> 00:36:41,926
Your… It would have to be, they
would have to be accepted by their

1211
00:36:41,926 --> 00:36:44,786
family, otherwise it's gonna be a big
secret, and you already said one of the

1212
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:46,496
stipulations is you cannot be a secret.

1213
00:36:46,506 --> 00:36:48,316
I am not a side hoe.

1214
00:36:48,866 --> 00:36:50,516
I am not your side chick.

1215
00:36:50,916 --> 00:36:53,426
I am not the, the one you hide away.

1216
00:36:53,676 --> 00:36:55,386
I am a flower.

1217
00:36:55,796 --> 00:36:58,526
I am meant to be shown.

1218
00:36:58,566 --> 00:36:59,306
Yes, we got you.

1219
00:36:59,306 --> 00:37:02,286
But this is what I'm
saying- … is that if you're, it-

1220
00:37:02,446 --> 00:37:02,696
Well,

1221
00:37:02,796 --> 00:37:03,916
that's what I'm saying … these,
these are your rules.

1222
00:37:03,916 --> 00:37:07,426
It's like- These are my rules … okay,
well, go ahead and, and, and go

1223
00:37:07,426 --> 00:37:11,346
ahead and go swimming in the pool,
but don't forget to put your, your-

1224
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:12,356
your shackles on.

1225
00:37:13,266 --> 00:37:13,946
Baby.

1226
00:37:14,066 --> 00:37:18,456
No, I'm just saying, like, why even
say, "Ah, you know, I'd consider being

1227
00:37:18,456 --> 00:37:20,346
poly." Get out of here with that, man.

1228
00:37:20,526 --> 00:37:23,906
Because why You just, you just
made an impossible scenario.

1229
00:37:24,536 --> 00:37:25,606
An impossible scenario.

1230
00:37:25,606 --> 00:37:26,036
What if

1231
00:37:26,036 --> 00:37:27,126
I didn't, though?

1232
00:37:27,306 --> 00:37:29,366
You just made it an impossible scenario.

1233
00:37:29,366 --> 00:37:29,376
It

1234
00:37:29,376 --> 00:37:29,396
doesn't… Okay.

1235
00:37:29,396 --> 00:37:29,686
It doesn't

1236
00:37:29,686 --> 00:37:32,046
have to- They can only be Latinos, and-

1237
00:37:32,046 --> 00:37:32,916
But it doesn't have to be a couple.

1238
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:35,046
It could be one single woman.

1239
00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:38,936
Yeah, but you would feel inequality
very quickly- You don't- … because,

1240
00:37:38,936 --> 00:37:43,896
honestly, you get insecure
about how people react to me.

1241
00:37:44,046 --> 00:37:44,536
Yes.

1242
00:37:44,626 --> 00:37:45,536
Especially women.

1243
00:37:45,566 --> 00:37:47,256
Especially women that you're into.

1244
00:37:47,336 --> 00:37:47,576
Yes.

1245
00:37:47,656 --> 00:37:51,266
You get insecure about… You
get almost competitive with

1246
00:37:51,266 --> 00:37:52,786
me, which I never understood-

1247
00:37:53,386 --> 00:37:53,936
Um

1248
00:37:53,946 --> 00:37:57,046
when it comes to women that
we're both interested in Y- y-

1249
00:37:57,096 --> 00:38:00,786
normally there's not a competition
because you will have the one up.

1250
00:38:00,816 --> 00:38:03,786
You have a vagina, and most
of these women are into that.

1251
00:38:03,956 --> 00:38:04,376
Yeah.

1252
00:38:04,746 --> 00:38:07,076
Uh, I'm the one that has
to work harder because-

1253
00:38:07,206 --> 00:38:10,136
I think your charm is
over- overpowers people.

1254
00:38:10,326 --> 00:38:11,493
I, you know, I think- No

1255
00:38:11,493 --> 00:38:12,336
if you just work harder.

1256
00:38:12,336 --> 00:38:12,566
No.

1257
00:38:13,066 --> 00:38:13,496
No.

1258
00:38:13,626 --> 00:38:14,466
It's your charm.

1259
00:38:15,106 --> 00:38:17,256
Well, you don't have to find that
in a- No, it's your charm … in

1260
00:38:17,256 --> 00:38:18,416
a negative way, though.

1261
00:38:18,416 --> 00:38:18,456
I mean-

1262
00:38:18,456 --> 00:38:19,076
I mean,

1263
00:38:19,086 --> 00:38:19,676
geez

1264
00:38:20,116 --> 00:38:20,716
…
it is what it is.

1265
00:38:20,716 --> 00:38:24,806
How, how bad is it that your
husband's liked in a, in a three-way-

1266
00:38:24,806 --> 00:38:25,630
It's not… That's what I'm
saying … relationship?

1267
00:38:25,630 --> 00:38:27,056
It was, we were at a different time.

1268
00:38:27,156 --> 00:38:27,486
Yeah.

1269
00:38:27,526 --> 00:38:28,816
Why were you so clingy?

1270
00:38:29,396 --> 00:38:29,706
Yeah, that's fair.

1271
00:38:29,706 --> 00:38:31,086
I mean, come on.

1272
00:38:31,466 --> 00:38:32,026
That's fair.

1273
00:38:32,116 --> 00:38:35,586
I felt like I had to compete because
you were so clingy, and I thought

1274
00:38:35,616 --> 00:38:37,246
I was losing that clinginess.

1275
00:38:37,806 --> 00:38:40,816
Well, you know, my, my big thing-
So … back then was we couldn't have

1276
00:38:40,826 --> 00:38:43,576
group chats because you were not-

1277
00:38:43,936 --> 00:38:44,266
Yeah

1278
00:38:44,276 --> 00:38:45,286
…
you weren't a participant of

1279
00:38:45,286 --> 00:38:45,506
it.

1280
00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:46,696
Yeah … and we have to know.

1281
00:38:46,736 --> 00:38:48,986
Yeah, I know, but I'm saying,
like, that- Yeah … is cool.

1282
00:38:48,986 --> 00:38:50,156
I'm cool with that.

1283
00:38:50,206 --> 00:38:50,846
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1284
00:38:50,846 --> 00:38:51,116
No, I

1285
00:38:51,616 --> 00:38:51,896
mean- Like,

1286
00:38:51,896 --> 00:38:54,266
I like group chats … I'm, I'm
saying, like, back then you weren't-

1287
00:38:54,266 --> 00:38:54,746
Yeah, no

1288
00:38:54,756 --> 00:38:55,136
…
participating.

1289
00:38:55,136 --> 00:38:55,206
You're better at it now.

1290
00:38:55,206 --> 00:38:58,256
Like, I am straight up, look,
I wanna see the group chat.

1291
00:38:58,966 --> 00:39:03,636
I wanna know what's going on, and if
there's any side pictures or anything

1292
00:39:03,636 --> 00:39:06,646
like that, the, the pictures and
everything have to be a group chat.

1293
00:39:06,646 --> 00:39:07,506
Like even though I'm- Yeah

1294
00:39:07,506 --> 00:39:13,186
not very active in it, it has to be-
Sure … full cover, 100%, none of this,

1295
00:39:13,266 --> 00:39:19,196
"Oh, I'm just surprising Pris," or, "Oh,
I'm just surprising Adam," or Adam's like,

1296
00:39:19,226 --> 00:39:21,236
"Oh, I'm just surprising so…" None of

1297
00:39:21,236 --> 00:39:21,306
them.

1298
00:39:21,306 --> 00:39:22,536
'Cause we end up showing
each other anyways.

1299
00:39:22,536 --> 00:39:22,736
Yeah.

1300
00:39:22,756 --> 00:39:25,786
Like I don't want- It's kind of pointless
… yeah, I don't want any of it.

1301
00:39:26,006 --> 00:39:27,726
Am I in and out of the conversation?

1302
00:39:27,816 --> 00:39:28,836
Probably.

1303
00:39:28,976 --> 00:39:29,426
Maybe.

1304
00:39:29,496 --> 00:39:30,436
But I'm busy.

1305
00:39:30,856 --> 00:39:31,596
Usually, yeah.

1306
00:39:31,606 --> 00:39:32,146
You know?

1307
00:39:32,146 --> 00:39:38,096
I mean, I want somebody who
is ADHD and realizes it.

1308
00:39:38,326 --> 00:39:38,846
Um-

1309
00:39:39,346 --> 00:39:43,626
But see, and so in a relationship
with somebody else, you…

1310
00:39:44,336 --> 00:39:45,226
No, but listen, hear me out.

1311
00:39:45,226 --> 00:39:45,276
What?

1312
00:39:45,686 --> 00:39:46,626
Don't roll your eyes.

1313
00:39:46,886 --> 00:39:51,766
You, we, you know, as a person, I'm not
saying you you, I'm saying generally you.

1314
00:39:52,216 --> 00:39:55,566
You want to, relate to
them on different levels.

1315
00:39:56,066 --> 00:39:59,286
We, as a couple, are not gonna
relate to a person or other

1316
00:39:59,286 --> 00:40:01,026
persons on different levels.

1317
00:40:01,026 --> 00:40:03,776
You and I have different things
that we like and dislike.

1318
00:40:03,886 --> 00:40:04,236
Yes.

1319
00:40:04,246 --> 00:40:08,036
So if I'm gonna talk to somebody
and I relate to them on different

1320
00:40:08,036 --> 00:40:12,076
levels that you cannot relate to
them on, it's not a competition.

1321
00:40:12,696 --> 00:40:16,446
It's a, oh, they're developing
something on their own and I should

1322
00:40:16,456 --> 00:40:18,486
develop something on my own as well.

1323
00:40:18,506 --> 00:40:18,896
Yeah.

1324
00:40:19,046 --> 00:40:20,116
Now I understand that.

1325
00:40:20,296 --> 00:40:20,776
Okay.

1326
00:40:20,826 --> 00:40:22,678
'Cause previously that it
was always a competition.

1327
00:40:22,678 --> 00:40:22,804
Still

1328
00:40:22,804 --> 00:40:23,526
gonna be a group chat.

1329
00:40:23,976 --> 00:40:24,276
Oh, obviously.

1330
00:40:24,276 --> 00:40:27,006
I'm good with a group chat because there's
days where- Yeah, no, I agree … I

1331
00:40:27,006 --> 00:40:28,056
don't wanna frigging talk to anybody.

1332
00:40:28,106 --> 00:40:35,806
So what you're looking for is
a Hispanic female or couple-

1333
00:40:36,376 --> 00:40:37,136
Yes

1334
00:40:37,566 --> 00:40:38,176
…
that-

1335
00:40:38,676 --> 00:40:40,286
Is 100% open

1336
00:40:40,566 --> 00:40:42,076
…
100% open-

1337
00:40:42,346 --> 00:40:42,466
Uh-huh

1338
00:40:42,506 --> 00:40:46,926
…
that we can get to know
over the span of 12 months.

1339
00:40:47,386 --> 00:40:47,836
Does it have to

1340
00:40:47,836 --> 00:40:48,676
be- To see… No, no, no.

1341
00:40:48,676 --> 00:40:50,676
I mean, let's just- Okay … let's
just put a time limit on it.

1342
00:40:50,676 --> 00:40:50,826
Okay.

1343
00:40:50,826 --> 00:40:52,136
Over the span of 12 months-

1344
00:40:52,156 --> 00:40:52,826
It can be six

1345
00:40:52,826 --> 00:40:54,386
…
that we can get to know them-

1346
00:40:54,486 --> 00:40:54,676
Yeah

1347
00:40:54,696 --> 00:40:57,846
…
to where you can develop
trust in them and like them-

1348
00:40:57,976 --> 00:40:58,126
Yes

1349
00:40:58,136 --> 00:41:00,396
…
and also have tried them out
sexually because they gotta

1350
00:41:00,396 --> 00:41:01,586
be good sexually as well.

1351
00:41:01,586 --> 00:41:02,266
Yes.

1352
00:41:02,316 --> 00:41:04,996
And you gotta enjoy their personality.

1353
00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:06,786
We gotta keep everything
in the group chat.

1354
00:41:06,786 --> 00:41:10,556
There can't be any sneaking around
or, or just one-on-one side chats.

1355
00:41:11,296 --> 00:41:11,666
Uh-

1356
00:41:12,446 --> 00:41:13,106
Okay, you know what?

1357
00:41:13,126 --> 00:41:18,976
I'm willing to not… It doesn't
have to be, um, Latinos It can

1358
00:41:18,976 --> 00:41:22,176
be anybody who I can relate to

1359
00:41:23,146 --> 00:41:25,956
So that, that opens up the doors to a lot

1360
00:41:25,966 --> 00:41:26,406
Yeah

1361
00:41:26,566 --> 00:41:31,296
Uh, because, uh, a- and that's the
thing, it's like, hey man, I, I know

1362
00:41:31,296 --> 00:41:33,406
a lot of Latinos you do not relate to

1363
00:41:33,606 --> 00:41:34,036
Yeah, I was

1364
00:41:34,286 --> 00:41:34,896
gonna say Just because-

1365
00:41:34,936 --> 00:41:35,266
Yeah

1366
00:41:35,296 --> 00:41:37,936
y'all are born to the same race-
Yeah … does not mean that-

1367
00:41:37,936 --> 00:41:38,636
Yeah … that you can relate to them

1368
00:41:38,636 --> 00:41:39,746
So I wouldn't get race.

1369
00:41:40,246 --> 00:41:47,666
But definitely married, have kids, our
age, been in the lifestyle for a while,

1370
00:41:48,546 --> 00:41:54,356
been doing poly, is open to situations-

1371
00:41:54,446 --> 00:41:54,716
Mm

1372
00:41:55,056 --> 00:42:01,116
…
um, is mature enough to understand
situations and speak about them and

1373
00:42:01,136 --> 00:42:06,886
understand them, as we are growing as
well in that, We're learning what we

1374
00:42:06,886 --> 00:42:08,586
like, we're learning what we don't like.

1375
00:42:08,586 --> 00:42:09,051
This is true.

1376
00:42:09,051 --> 00:42:11,286
So we're kind of baby to it as well.

1377
00:42:11,616 --> 00:42:12,256
This is true.

1378
00:42:12,626 --> 00:42:13,086
Um,

1379
00:42:13,416 --> 00:42:13,456
so yeah.

1380
00:42:13,456 --> 00:42:17,916
I think we have a better stronghold
on how to do this better.

1381
00:42:17,926 --> 00:42:17,946
Yeah.

1382
00:42:18,316 --> 00:42:19,586
I'm very hormonal.

1383
00:42:19,616 --> 00:42:20,126
I'm-

1384
00:42:20,136 --> 00:42:20,296
Yeah

1385
00:42:20,736 --> 00:42:22,336
…
you know, I'm in menopause.

1386
00:42:22,356 --> 00:42:25,796
And we're, we're better about
spending time apart, you and I.

1387
00:42:25,904 --> 00:42:26,504
Yes.

1388
00:42:26,824 --> 00:42:31,024
So it's not- Um- You're, you're not
as clingy to me as you were before.

1389
00:42:31,584 --> 00:42:34,244
No, but I also don't want you
to be clingy to somebody else.

1390
00:42:34,244 --> 00:42:36,014
Like if I'm miserable- I

1391
00:42:36,184 --> 00:42:36,574
don't, I'm not

1392
00:42:36,574 --> 00:42:38,714
clingy to anybody … and not
clingy, I want you to feel

1393
00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:40,494
miserable and not clingy as well.

1394
00:42:40,494 --> 00:42:40,674
That's,

1395
00:42:41,174 --> 00:42:42,744
that's the woman I married.

1396
00:42:43,244 --> 00:42:45,474
You know, compersion
goes the other direction.

1397
00:42:45,474 --> 00:42:46,794
It doesn't go the darker direction.

1398
00:42:46,804 --> 00:42:49,254
Baby, what- You're supposed to be
happy for me babe … not supposed

1399
00:42:49,274 --> 00:42:50,574
to keep me down and miserable.

1400
00:42:50,574 --> 00:42:50,724
Because

1401
00:42:50,754 --> 00:42:51,144
I, I need lovies.

1402
00:42:51,144 --> 00:42:51,234
And I love you- I need lots … up here.

1403
00:42:51,234 --> 00:42:51,264
I need lots.

1404
00:42:51,264 --> 00:42:51,374
You don't have to bring
me down here to love you.

1405
00:42:51,374 --> 00:42:51,924
I need lots of

1406
00:42:52,724 --> 00:42:52,934
love.

1407
00:42:52,934 --> 00:42:55,624
You need to come up here to me.

1408
00:42:55,844 --> 00:42:57,744
Baby, I need lots of lovies.

1409
00:42:57,904 --> 00:42:59,284
That's all I give you is love.

1410
00:42:59,284 --> 00:43:00,354
Babe.

1411
00:43:00,354 --> 00:43:01,624
We have this whole podcast.

1412
00:43:01,624 --> 00:43:01,634
Babe.

1413
00:43:01,634 --> 00:43:02,284
That's what love is.

1414
00:43:02,514 --> 00:43:02,614
Yes or

1415
00:43:02,614 --> 00:43:03,024
no?

1416
00:43:03,074 --> 00:43:05,024
I wanna know what love is.

1417
00:43:05,304 --> 00:43:07,144
What do you… What is
to… What is that to you?

1418
00:43:07,554 --> 00:43:08,294
You want extra lovies.

1419
00:43:08,674 --> 00:43:09,474
What does that even mean?

1420
00:43:09,624 --> 00:43:12,274
I don't want you to be with
nobody else during that time.

1421
00:43:12,284 --> 00:43:13,854
Darling, see- We are
in hibernation together

1422
00:43:13,864 --> 00:43:15,474
…
you are putting rules on me.

1423
00:43:15,474 --> 00:43:16,654
Those aren't boundaries.

1424
00:43:16,664 --> 00:43:17,404
Those are rules-

1425
00:43:17,404 --> 00:43:18,084
Okay, fine … that

1426
00:43:18,094 --> 00:43:20,594
you're putting on me It's a rule then.

1427
00:43:20,604 --> 00:43:21,604
That's not fair.

1428
00:43:21,604 --> 00:43:22,344
I can't have a

1429
00:43:22,844 --> 00:43:22,874
rule?

1430
00:43:22,874 --> 00:43:23,024
That's not even Stevens.

1431
00:43:23,024 --> 00:43:24,034
I can't have a rule?

1432
00:43:24,094 --> 00:43:24,894
That's not even Steve-

1433
00:43:24,944 --> 00:43:26,394
Well, I would do that for you.

1434
00:43:26,814 --> 00:43:26,824
I

1435
00:43:27,074 --> 00:43:28,454
don't want that for you.

1436
00:43:29,224 --> 00:43:30,554
Give me a stipulation.

1437
00:43:31,054 --> 00:43:31,324
Think of

1438
00:43:31,324 --> 00:43:31,504
something.

1439
00:43:31,504 --> 00:43:33,514
I feel like you're pushing
your stipulations on me,

1440
00:43:33,514 --> 00:43:34,604
giving you a stipulation.

1441
00:43:34,604 --> 00:43:35,174
I don't wanna do that.

1442
00:43:35,174 --> 00:43:36,584
You don't wanna give me any at all?

1443
00:43:36,624 --> 00:43:40,004
Why would I wanna th- why would I
wanna hold you down from experiencing?

1444
00:43:40,404 --> 00:43:40,634
Anything?

1445
00:43:41,134 --> 00:43:43,874
I am, I am happy- Like- … for
you getting whatever- Like straight

1446
00:43:44,004 --> 00:43:44,314
up

1447
00:43:44,364 --> 00:43:46,784
…
whatever experience that you wanna have-

1448
00:43:46,794 --> 00:43:47,284
Uh-huh

1449
00:43:47,494 --> 00:43:50,754
…
I fully support that,
and I want that for you.

1450
00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:52,451
I don't look at my- Any experience

1451
00:43:52,451 --> 00:43:53,474
I don't, I don't look even-

1452
00:43:53,484 --> 00:43:56,414
I wanna go to Dutch Bros every
morning with this person.

1453
00:43:56,644 --> 00:43:59,954
I'm fucking ha- I, if that's what you
wanna do, if that's seriously what you

1454
00:43:59,954 --> 00:44:02,594
wanna do, I fully support you, dude.

1455
00:44:03,314 --> 00:44:03,954
Yes.

1456
00:44:04,284 --> 00:44:05,094
Nothing at all.

1457
00:44:05,094 --> 00:44:08,234
I, I know that this seems
like a really weird notion.

1458
00:44:08,664 --> 00:44:13,604
Like, how can anybody really love the
person that they're with that much- Yes

1459
00:44:13,604 --> 00:44:14,664
that they could do that?

1460
00:44:14,914 --> 00:44:16,704
But yeah, I'm, I'm actually that-

1461
00:44:16,704 --> 00:44:17,474
That makes me sad

1462
00:44:18,094 --> 00:44:19,774
…
that… What does that make you sad?

1463
00:44:20,274 --> 00:44:21,324
Because you're not like me?

1464
00:44:21,834 --> 00:44:22,974
It makes me feel unloved.

1465
00:44:23,804 --> 00:44:24,034
What?

1466
00:44:24,314 --> 00:44:24,624
What?

1467
00:44:25,034 --> 00:44:28,444
That you're going to Dutch Bros with a
person every single day that's not me?

1468
00:44:28,444 --> 00:44:29,074
Yes, and that you're not-

1469
00:44:29,084 --> 00:44:29,684
Well, don't do

1470
00:44:30,644 --> 00:44:30,664
it

1471
00:44:30,664 --> 00:44:30,944
and that

1472
00:44:31,224 --> 00:44:32,164
you're not stopping- That simple.

1473
00:44:33,044 --> 00:44:33,774
Don't do it … and

1474
00:44:33,774 --> 00:44:35,324
that you're not stopping me.

1475
00:44:35,334 --> 00:44:36,864
You want me to stop you?

1476
00:44:36,904 --> 00:44:39,694
I'm not here to hold-
I'm not, I'm not a chain.

1477
00:44:39,694 --> 00:44:43,284
I want, I want, I want you to show me that
you love me and you want me to be there.

1478
00:44:43,304 --> 00:44:46,594
So me being there for you and telling
you how much I love you and that I

1479
00:44:46,614 --> 00:44:48,444
support you is not showing you love?

1480
00:44:48,754 --> 00:44:48,964
Yes.

1481
00:44:49,884 --> 00:44:53,654
So I have to be not supportive of what
you want in order to show you love?

1482
00:44:53,654 --> 00:44:53,824
Yes.

1483
00:44:53,824 --> 00:44:54,664
That's what you're telling me?

1484
00:44:54,664 --> 00:44:55,009
Yes.

1485
00:44:55,009 --> 00:44:55,354
Do

1486
00:44:55,354 --> 00:44:59,124
you realize how fucking crazy that is?

1487
00:44:59,794 --> 00:45:01,084
Are you kidding me?

1488
00:45:01,984 --> 00:45:07,294
You're telling me to do the exact
opposite of what you've always told me.

1489
00:45:07,384 --> 00:45:09,244
I, I'm supposed to support you.

1490
00:45:09,884 --> 00:45:13,944
I support you in every single aspect
of our life, everything that you wanna

1491
00:45:13,964 --> 00:45:19,024
do, anything that you wanna do, but now
you're telling me that I should show that

1492
00:45:19,024 --> 00:45:21,724
I don't support you on doing something-

1493
00:45:21,724 --> 00:45:23,194
so that I can prove my love to you.

1494
00:45:23,214 --> 00:45:23,414
Yeah.

1495
00:45:24,324 --> 00:45:26,264
No, girl, that is not how that works.

1496
00:45:26,294 --> 00:45:27,904
That is completely dysfunctional.

1497
00:45:28,404 --> 00:45:30,344
That is so dysfunctional, man.

1498
00:45:30,844 --> 00:45:31,004
Come on.

1499
00:45:31,124 --> 00:45:31,864
That's horrible.

1500
00:45:31,874 --> 00:45:36,294
No, why can't you… Why does it have to
be, "Can't you figure out what I mean?"

1501
00:45:36,304 --> 00:45:37,854
Why does it, why does it have to be that?

1502
00:45:37,864 --> 00:45:38,784
Why can't you just-

1503
00:45:39,274 --> 00:45:43,114
operate with everything out in
the forefront and go, "No, I don't

1504
00:45:43,114 --> 00:45:48,204
want that. I want, I want you to
prevent me from doing these things"?

1505
00:45:48,204 --> 00:45:49,434
Well, just don't do them.

1506
00:45:49,934 --> 00:45:52,564
If you don't wanna do them, don't do them.

1507
00:45:52,574 --> 00:45:52,594
See?

1508
00:45:52,794 --> 00:45:54,034
Stop being depressed.

1509
00:45:54,754 --> 00:45:55,624
Oh, well, that's different.

1510
00:45:55,954 --> 00:45:56,264
Why?

1511
00:45:56,464 --> 00:45:57,534
It's a feeling.

1512
00:45:57,754 --> 00:45:59,744
Yeah, but you can't… That's a disease.

1513
00:46:00,244 --> 00:46:00,764
Oh, my-

1514
00:46:01,054 --> 00:46:04,954
Depression is a disease And, uh, and yeah

1515
00:46:05,294 --> 00:46:06,004
It's not a disease.

1516
00:46:06,004 --> 00:46:06,484
It is.

1517
00:46:06,484 --> 00:46:07,624
Depression is a disease.

1518
00:46:07,624 --> 00:46:11,414
You wouldn't ask an alcoholic to just
stop being an alcoholic, would you?

1519
00:46:11,914 --> 00:46:14,494
Yeah, I guess that's probably a bad- Well,

1520
00:46:14,494 --> 00:46:15,054
it's a disease.

1521
00:46:15,514 --> 00:46:16,254
Is it a disease?

1522
00:46:16,344 --> 00:46:17,624
It is a disease.

1523
00:46:17,674 --> 00:46:18,274
Are you sure?

1524
00:46:18,314 --> 00:46:19,314
Depression is a disease.

1525
00:46:19,314 --> 00:46:20,994
It c- it can be hereditary.

1526
00:46:21,734 --> 00:46:22,884
It is not a disease.

1527
00:46:22,884 --> 00:46:23,734
It is a disease.

1528
00:46:23,744 --> 00:46:24,264
Look it up.

1529
00:46:25,024 --> 00:46:25,634
Well, anyway,

1530
00:46:25,704 --> 00:46:26,634
yeah- Google that shit

1531
00:46:26,634 --> 00:46:27,004
…
fine.

1532
00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:28,834
I mean, I'm pretty sure
I need a lot of therapy.

1533
00:46:28,834 --> 00:46:30,504
Depression is a disease.

1534
00:46:30,934 --> 00:46:33,744
But I can't stop from being
overprotective and jealous.

1535
00:46:33,744 --> 00:46:35,524
Oh, honey, I'm not asking you to.

1536
00:46:35,814 --> 00:46:37,044
What I'm- But yeah, 'cause
you're questioning me … no.

1537
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:39,424
No, no, no, no, no, no You're like-
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1538
00:46:39,424 --> 00:46:40,754
Understand, I'm not questioning you.

1539
00:46:40,814 --> 00:46:41,744
I support you.

1540
00:46:42,494 --> 00:46:43,194
There's a difference.

1541
00:46:43,314 --> 00:46:44,044
But you're saying- I support you.

1542
00:46:44,294 --> 00:46:48,654
No, what I'm saying is, I don't wanna
jump into a relationship with another

1543
00:46:48,654 --> 00:46:54,694
person or another couple until you've
got yourself on the right level.

1544
00:46:55,194 --> 00:46:58,694
Because it's, if it's gonna be us in
a relationship with somebody else-

1545
00:46:58,694 --> 00:46:59,034
Yeah

1546
00:46:59,284 --> 00:47:05,284
I can only operate at least
75% on behalf of both of us.

1547
00:47:05,914 --> 00:47:11,022
The other 25%, if not more, is you,
and what you say- I mean, babe,

1548
00:47:11,022 --> 00:47:13,004
you're, you can't just do- … and
how you act, and how you respond.

1549
00:47:13,394 --> 00:47:15,004
Like, that's very different, man.

1550
00:47:15,004 --> 00:47:18,584
I can't carry the, a relationship
with somebody else on behalf of us.

1551
00:47:18,674 --> 00:47:20,154
It's not how that works, man.

1552
00:47:20,834 --> 00:47:24,524
Like, we have to be in this together, and
it has to be a complete connection with

1553
00:47:24,524 --> 00:47:26,204
somebody else, or we don't jump into it.

1554
00:47:26,374 --> 00:47:27,034
It would be.

1555
00:47:28,034 --> 00:47:29,664
The fuck out of… It would be.

1556
00:47:30,554 --> 00:47:32,234
What are you talking about, you idiot?

1557
00:47:32,734 --> 00:47:34,124
We wouldn't do it any other way.

1558
00:47:34,124 --> 00:47:34,154
Don't

1559
00:47:34,154 --> 00:47:34,934
be silly, babe.

1560
00:47:35,284 --> 00:47:36,254
I can't help it, man.

1561
00:47:36,274 --> 00:47:37,384
You're, you're crazy, girl.

1562
00:47:37,384 --> 00:47:38,014
Ugh.

1563
00:47:38,514 --> 00:47:43,894
So as you can see, we have a lot
of, a lot of things to figure out-

1564
00:47:44,024 --> 00:47:44,644
as always.

1565
00:47:45,274 --> 00:47:45,904
As always.

1566
00:47:46,314 --> 00:47:49,024
I mean, you tune into us because we're
a real couple, and this is what we do.

1567
00:47:49,024 --> 00:47:50,244
This is a real couple conversation.

1568
00:47:50,254 --> 00:47:54,848
Honestly, uh, y- this wasn't even
supposed to be recorded, so there you go.

1569
00:47:54,848 --> 00:47:54,941
What

1570
00:47:54,941 --> 00:47:55,724
were you talking about?

1571
00:47:56,224 --> 00:47:57,294
Becoming poly.

1572
00:47:58,104 --> 00:47:58,284
Yeah.

1573
00:47:58,554 --> 00:48:01,154
You just came out of nowhere and was
like, "You know, I could do that."

1574
00:48:01,394 --> 00:48:01,874
I can.

1575
00:48:01,914 --> 00:48:03,264
Oh my gosh.

1576
00:48:03,874 --> 00:48:05,024
18 months.

1577
00:48:05,574 --> 00:48:09,944
18 months with a podcast, now all of a
sudden you're Miss Polly Pocket over here.

1578
00:48:09,954 --> 00:48:10,574
No, man.

1579
00:48:10,894 --> 00:48:10,954
No.

1580
00:48:11,014 --> 00:48:12,744
Uh, you know, uh-

1581
00:48:13,084 --> 00:48:13,194
Yes

1582
00:48:13,484 --> 00:48:16,994
…
this is why you people tune into our
show, because it, we are a real couple.

1583
00:48:16,994 --> 00:48:20,084
We're having real conversations, and
honestly, this was a real conversation.

1584
00:48:20,084 --> 00:48:21,344
We had to, we had to record it.

1585
00:48:21,644 --> 00:48:21,674
Mm-hmm.

1586
00:48:21,714 --> 00:48:22,984
And that's exactly what we did.

1587
00:48:23,344 --> 00:48:26,684
With that, we're gonna go
ahead and, wrap up here.

1588
00:48:27,194 --> 00:48:31,134
Don't forget that you can scope
out everything Beyond Monogamy at

1589
00:48:31,134 --> 00:48:35,994
beyond-monogamy.com, all of our episodes,
our blogs, all that good stuff, including

1590
00:48:35,994 --> 00:48:38,384
the 100% anonymous confessional.

1591
00:48:38,784 --> 00:48:43,279
Don't forget that we're also on
fullswapradio.com every Thursday

1592
00:48:43,359 --> 00:48:45,819
at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1593
00:48:46,209 --> 00:48:52,629
And Crazy Winter Nights, is
happening in February 2027.

1594
00:48:52,809 --> 00:48:53,329
Mm-hmm.

1595
00:48:53,399 --> 00:48:57,839
The exact dates are gonna be on the
Events tab on our website, as well

1596
00:48:57,839 --> 00:49:02,709
as fullswapradio.com, and if you use
the code BEOMONO, you get, you get

1597
00:49:02,709 --> 00:49:04,899
a discount on- Yeah … on tickets.

1598
00:49:05,359 --> 00:49:06,359
So that's really cool.

1599
00:49:06,669 --> 00:49:12,149
Also, we're gonna have some events
coming up, so be sure and scope that

1600
00:49:12,169 --> 00:49:14,469
out on our Events tab on our website.

1601
00:49:14,749 --> 00:49:19,319
With that, we really appreciate you
guys tuning into our show as always,

1602
00:49:19,369 --> 00:49:21,159
and we will see you guys next week.

1603
00:49:21,619 --> 00:49:21,929
Bye.