What is the Lifestyle? An In-depth Exploration

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore

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topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,

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and related subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be

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advised that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content

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shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions

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about sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly

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recommend that you refrain from listening further. However,

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if you are of legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to

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settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris. So go ahead and pull up a chair and

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have a seat because today we are talking about getting started

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in the lifestyle. Now, we were thinking about it,

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you know, just for those people out there who are new to the

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lifestyle or considering the lifestyle or don't even know what it's

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about, this episode is for you. And that's really what we're

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gonna. We're gonna jump into. Yeah. First off,

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what is the lifestyle? What is the lifestyle? What is it exactly?

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That is a really, really good question. It's different

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for different people. But just looking up

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what most people think the lifestyle is. The lifestyle,

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which is once known as wife swapping or swinging,

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is actually a sexual activity in which both singles

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and partners in a committed relationship sexually

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engage with others for recreational purposes.

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And it's a form of non monogamy, ethical non monogamy.

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I like to throw that out there. Yeah. And so it's just one offshoot

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of ethical non monogamy. But that's what we refer to as

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the LS or the lifestyle. If you hear a

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bunch of people refer to that who are wearing pineapple shirts, then you have

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an idea of what exactly that is. Look for the pineapples. Absolutely.

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Look for. I wonder when that happened. You know, we're gonna have to research

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that. Yeah, we are. And why. Yeah, I'm feeling like geeking out,

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so. I guess I'm gonna have to do. Some research on that. For sure.

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For sure. So, you know, this episode really is

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to help those who are new, maybe don't have the

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resources that a lot of us do have in getting

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a jumping off point. Yeah, yeah. It's like asking, so what

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would ever convince anybody to join the lifestyle?

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What would ever convince the person to try the

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lifestyle? That's. That's a. That's the question of the day.

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Right. I mean, it's really. It's different for everybody. For us.

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I don't think I ever would have really thrown

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that out there. Even though deep down inside I

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had always known about swinging and I had always had an

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interest in it, I don't think I ever would have had the gall

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to ask, hey, can we try this? Yeah.

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Luckily for me, it came from you. I did. And so

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when. When you were. You obviously did this in the relationship

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previous to me, what were your reasonings as far as.

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As doing it? So for me, it was just. I wasn't. I wanted

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to try girls. I want. I wanted that. Okay, so that was.

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You wanted your girl experience. Yeah, I don't. I don't think I ever asked him.

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What, why he wanted to join. I mean, I just assumed it

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was because he wanted a threesome. I. I think

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for guys, it's probably a little bit easier as far as reasoning,

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because most guys just want to be able to sleep with other women.

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Like, and I could be wrong on that. I mean, I think so. I know.

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I think you're right. But honestly, I was in it to. Sleep with women,

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so I guess it's safe to say everybody's in it to sleep with women.

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Yeah. I'm just kidding. I know that there's a lot of women that aren't into

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other women. Bisectuational. We covered that.

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But even then, there are straight women in the lifestyle.

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There are. So you should join the lifestyle

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for good reasons. Good reasons don't do bad, not wrong reasons.

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Now the question is, what are those good reasons and what are those wrong reasons?

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Now, as far as what we had discussed, as far as your. Your previous

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relationship, safe to say you guys were probably

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in it for the wrong reasons. For sure. Because you didn't

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like sleeping with him. No. And you were looking

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for other experiences with others because. Yes. Your sex life was

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dull at home. Yes. Yeah. Now, for us together,

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I would say we did it for the right reason.

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Yeah. But what exactly are those. Why did you question that?

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Well, because what exactly. Well, what exactly

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are the right reasons? When we first went into this, it. We had

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already had a magnificent sex life. Yeah. So we were having

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sex a minimum of four times a day, sometimes more flex.

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No, that is not what I'm doing. But yes.

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So we did it for the good reasons. I think we just wanted to

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experiment. It was more about the experience. You were very

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open to me being bisexual. Yes. And you had

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always, like, asked me. And you've never, like, really been

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with a girl, and you've never really, like, done this. And I'm like, nope,

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I really haven't. And so you and I

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really went into it as. As a team.

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Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I've always been real big into.

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If you have fantasies or if there's something that you want to explore,

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you should explore it at least once, you know,

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and so that's always been kind of my. So those are my take on it.

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Yeah, those are. Those are some good reasons. Another bad reason is a

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failing marriage. Failing marriage. You know, a threesome or an orgy

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is not going to repair your marriage. I hate to break it to you.

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I know that most people think, well, maybe if we just spice

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it up a little bit, or she gets to have her fun and I get

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to have mine, maybe that'll repair this relationship.

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It is not an answer. It is not a marriage counselor.

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It's meant for fun, it's meant for enjoyment, and it's meant for personal

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connections. But you cannot put a bandaid

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on a bullet hole. No, no, no. So don't. If you're going in there for

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that, don't. If you are single.

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Single male, I feel like they get really shunned.

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Well, you know what's funny? You and I were talking about singles in lifestyle.

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I find it very interesting, and I personally

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don't think that I would ever be a single in the lifestyle

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just because I've seen what they go through on both

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the male and female sides of it. You know,

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it's. If you were. If you were a single guy, what would you do

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to prepare yourself in the lifestyle? Well,

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as a single guy, you really have to get your mindset right

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in the fact that, a, you've got a lot of competition out there

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and you need to kind of put yourself

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above the rest as far as how are you going to stand out? Yeah.

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You know, what's. What is it about you that's going to attract a couple's

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attention? Well, you know, it just. You got to

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get a feel for it. You got to read the room. Oh, man, you just

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read the room. Read the room, you know, big time. And so that's what a

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lot of these guys, they need to read the room. And the couple that they're

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interested in, either they're going to want them, you know, and connect with

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them as a person, in which case you should connect

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with them as a person. Or some couples are just going to use you as

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a toy, essentially. Right. And they don't want to get to know you. Right.

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And so you have to be able to switch back and forth between

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the two. I feel for single women as well. If I was a single woman,

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I mean, even me, you know, and you.

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So like, you tell me I can play by myself anytime. Right?

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Like that's one of your things. Yeah, I, when I reach out

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to a couple, because that's what I prefer to play with by myself.

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When I reach out to a couple or even a single woman,

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I always make sure they understand that I always put, actually understand

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that I'm going in there for their pleasure. Sure. You know,

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I'm not going in there. I'm giving you my, like, I'm being open

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and honest and I'm like, hey, I want to be with you guys, but I'm

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really going in there with the knowledge that it is for

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their pleasure. I gotcha. So I feel like

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you should, if you're single, you should understand

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that you're going in there for their pleasure. Yeah, yeah,

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I, I suppose, I mean, I hate to say it, that, you know, it's unfortunate

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but you know, in that situation, obviously it's not an equal

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three way situation. Most of the time it's

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for the couple's pleasure. So. Yeah, you've got a point there. So singles

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go in there open with an open mind. Yeah. You really have to be prepared

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for, you know, one way or the other. You do have to

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stand out. What it is that will make you stand out will really

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be on you and the people that you're trying to talk to.

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But you kind of get a feel for who you're trying to talk to and

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you can figure out, okay, is this, is this going to work for them

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to get noticed? Is this not. You know, some, some people prefer the

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direct and forward approach, but a lot of people feel that

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singles are pushier and less respectful to boundaries and

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rules. Now I'm not saying that's the case, but I, I know that it's been

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seen quite a bit. It has, yeah. Yeah. So it's really got to be difficult

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for singles in the lifestyle. Honestly, I,

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I wouldn't be one because the whole point of the lifestyle

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is, is to have fun and I feel like that would be a roller

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coaster ride for you that I wouldn't be interested in. Yeah,

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it would definitely push up my insecurities because

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I guarantee I'd be rejected. If I was

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in that way. If I was single, I would totally be in it. Yeah,

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I would. Because as you always say, I'm very transactional.

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Yeah, I, you know, I can fill people out pretty quickly

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and if I reach out me,

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I'm upfront with you and I'll tell you, I just really want to add you

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as a third, like I'm pretty. Yeah. You're very upfront.

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There's, there's really no other. But if you, but you're like that

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as a married woman. Understand? Yeah.

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Now would you be like that as a single woman? I think so.

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You think so? But there's no real way to tell. There's not, there's no

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real way to tell. You're just. Let's find out. We're speaking on theory

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here. Yeah. But you know, if. So that's a good way for, for singles to

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like prepare. Be open minded. Yes, absolutely. Be, be absolutely

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open minded. Couples prepare. How should

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couples prepare for, to jump in there, like for the lifestyle.

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Yeah. You know, they really need to, they really need

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to talk about everything ahead of time. I think the idea here is

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you want to overthink. Even if overthinking is not

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your deal, overthink it. Sit down

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there and make a list of different scenarios

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that could come up and discuss it with your spouse and

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go, okay, if this happens, what's, what's going to

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happen? Because understand that if a person's not prepared for

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a certain situation and it arises,

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you're gonna be kind of pushed to make

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a decision on how to react in the moment. And if you have to react

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in the moment, chances are it might not be the greatest reaction.

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I would totally agree with you on that because you,

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you overthink a lot and I really don't.

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Yeah, I'm very good with the flow. And so it helps that you overthink

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a lot because you point out different scenarios of

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what can happen. Yeah. If we say.

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Because this year was really our year of exploring

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different avenues. Yes. On this was our first time going to a

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club. Yes. It was very different.

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But you did have a lot of different scenarios. So we have, we've had

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a lot of firsts this year. We have had a lot of cherry popping moments.

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Yeah. But I think the,

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the big deal about it is, is that we've learn to

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really communicate. I mean, we've always been good at communicating,

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but I think we've learned a bit better our communication

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style. I think we've learned to really set realistic

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expectations before we go into anything. Yeah.

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And I feel like you have really managed to open up your

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mind more. Yes. Because I was very closed off.

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Yeah. Stick up my butt. Didn't want to really talk

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to people. Didn't really want to be social because

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I didn't want to feel rejected. Right. I.

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So it's almost like a way of protecting yourself. Yeah. So Wall goes

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up. You know what? Not so I was not. I was for sure

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just not going in there with an open mind.

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But I am now. And like I said,

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we're still trying different things and we always talk about it like

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different scenarios of, okay, if this happens,

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are you going to be okay with it? And if, you know, because I'm the

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one who usually is a reactor. Yeah, yeah,

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yeah. That's safe to say. Yeah, yeah. So we do the

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communication and the, the open communication and

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over communication of it all is the best because you

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see every scenario. Well, I think weird as couples,

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they also need. I mean, it's keeping an open mind 100%

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because you don't know what these experience are,

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what these experiences are going to bring out. There are couples

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that will go in as maybe heterosexual

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couple and in the process,

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maybe the husband starts having a

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pull towards men or maybe the woman

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has a pull towards women. You know, you don't know what kind of

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00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:15,177
kinks or what kind of preferences are underlying

229
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:19,681
and have never been explored and all of a sudden are unlocked because

230
00:14:19,753 --> 00:14:23,633
of this situation. Right. And so you

231
00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:27,609
have to really kind of prepare for anything going into

232
00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:31,925
this avenue. Now some people go in there for like sexual,

233
00:14:32,345 --> 00:14:35,697
just sexual conquests. Right, right. And so

234
00:14:35,761 --> 00:14:39,049
friendships, that's the big thing that I would advise for people who are

235
00:14:39,097 --> 00:14:42,969
starting out, because this was a mistake I made going into

236
00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:46,777
it. You've got the sexual conquest versus

237
00:14:46,841 --> 00:14:50,405
the friendships in the lifestyle. And realistically,

238
00:14:50,905 --> 00:14:54,865
when we're first going in with zero experiences, which is what I did,

239
00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:58,321
I was just wanting to get my experiences. Right. I wanted to

240
00:14:58,353 --> 00:15:01,737
have sex with another woman while my wife watched. Oh, my God, that would be

241
00:15:01,761 --> 00:15:05,657
incredible. Yeah. I wanted to experience these different threesomes

242
00:15:05,681 --> 00:15:08,847
and with anybody. Yeah, yeah. It really. I was not picky.

243
00:15:08,911 --> 00:15:12,591
You and I had a lot of discussions about that because we

244
00:15:12,743 --> 00:15:16,327
started off playing together. Only like that was. That was

245
00:15:16,391 --> 00:15:20,055
a rule rule that could not be broken. Right. When we first started.

246
00:15:20,135 --> 00:15:24,679
So you and I didn't have the same likes and women.

247
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,151
And it was hard because you wanted to

248
00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:31,687
just jump in there with, well. Because I wanted my experiences. You had

249
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:35,413
already had your experiences, so it wasn't as big of a deal to you.

250
00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:38,957
You were like, I can tell you about the last time I had the

251
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:42,341
threesome. And I'm like, well, I can't tell you because I've never had it

252
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:46,021
before. Yeah. And so when somebody is that overexcited

253
00:15:46,093 --> 00:15:49,773
about getting their experiences, they don't really think of the people in

254
00:15:49,789 --> 00:15:53,725
the lifestyle as people they Think of them as sexual

255
00:15:53,805 --> 00:15:56,933
conquest. How is this going to be? I want to get this notch in the

256
00:15:56,949 --> 00:16:00,871
belt. And as you start navigating the lifestyle,

257
00:16:00,903 --> 00:16:05,119
you start realizing a lot of people do not care for that. They don't

258
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:08,743
care for the sexual conquest or being a

259
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:11,607
notch in somebody's belt. They want to be friends.

260
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:15,743
They want to have that connection and then have something maybe

261
00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:19,679
come up organically. And had I realized

262
00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:23,647
that years back, it probably would have been a different ordeal

263
00:16:23,711 --> 00:16:27,327
for me starting out. Yeah. But once I

264
00:16:27,351 --> 00:16:31,367
made that decision that it was friendly, things changed

265
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:35,167
for the better. So for me, too. So I am not as reactive anymore

266
00:16:35,231 --> 00:16:38,127
because I've opened my mind up to, let's.

267
00:16:38,191 --> 00:16:41,527
Let's be friends. Let's. Let's see if we even like these people.

268
00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:44,863
Right. Because I was very closed off of I

269
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:48,591
don't want to make friends. I, you know, they're only in it for

270
00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:52,021
the one thing. And it's like, oh, man, that was. That was where

271
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,453
we really differed. Yes. Because you were like, oh, they just.

272
00:16:55,549 --> 00:16:59,093
Everything they say is. Is. Is fake and they just want

273
00:16:59,109 --> 00:17:02,373
to get into my pants, and this is just a waste of time.

274
00:17:02,429 --> 00:17:05,981
Yeah. And for me, I was like, well, they don't

275
00:17:06,013 --> 00:17:09,781
want to sleep with me because they need to get to know

276
00:17:09,813 --> 00:17:13,917
me first and I need to be their friend. So this is kind of a

277
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:17,209
cyclical contradiction, you know, so. Yeah,

278
00:17:17,257 --> 00:17:20,657
that's. That's. Realistically, if I could advise anything,

279
00:17:20,721 --> 00:17:24,889
go in with the perception of not necessarily getting your experiences,

280
00:17:25,017 --> 00:17:28,329
but making friends in the lifestyle, because realistically,

281
00:17:28,417 --> 00:17:31,809
you're networking. Yeah. And you could make friends with one

282
00:17:31,857 --> 00:17:35,593
couple who introduce you to seven other couples. And it

283
00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:39,185
just so happens that two of those seven couples end up being

284
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,841
your tribe. Yeah. And end up being the people where you get to

285
00:17:42,913 --> 00:17:46,505
have all the experiences that you want to experience. Yeah. So you just have to

286
00:17:46,545 --> 00:17:49,995
really keep an open mind. Now, I can.

287
00:17:50,155 --> 00:17:53,931
If I can take a moment here just to ask, what do

288
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:57,667
you think are some of the experiences

289
00:17:57,731 --> 00:18:00,843
that people tend to look for going in? What.

290
00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:04,539
What kind of experiences are there? What were the experiences

291
00:18:04,587 --> 00:18:07,715
for us that. That we were trying to attain? So for us.

292
00:18:07,835 --> 00:18:11,363
For me, I wanted more woman.

293
00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:14,609
I wanted more interaction. Women, Interaction.

294
00:18:14,657 --> 00:18:18,125
Just being with a woman by myself,

295
00:18:18,425 --> 00:18:21,925
without a. Without a male companion. Yeah.

296
00:18:22,505 --> 00:18:26,249
I never had that. You know, I feel like when there's a woman

297
00:18:26,377 --> 00:18:29,897
there. Yeah. They're. They're gonna play with me, but they're also gonna

298
00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:33,121
play with the guy, you know, and it's like, I. I just want it for

299
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:37,225
myself, you know? Now that's funny that you say that because you have the

300
00:18:37,305 --> 00:18:40,611
option for separate play with whoever you want.

301
00:18:40,713 --> 00:18:43,799
Yes. And you have women who are

302
00:18:43,887 --> 00:18:47,351
interested. And come on, give me a break here.

303
00:18:47,463 --> 00:18:50,671
You have a list of women that have shown interest and have straight

304
00:18:50,703 --> 00:18:54,863
out said, yes, please. And you

305
00:18:54,919 --> 00:18:58,295
have the opportunity. You have a husband who's sitting back going, go ahead,

306
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:01,887
go do your thing. Yes. But you don't because

307
00:19:01,951 --> 00:19:05,599
you would prefer I be there. I get a little nervous.

308
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:08,465
What are you nervous about? I don't know.

309
00:19:08,805 --> 00:19:12,669
Explainable. Okay. I don't, you know,

310
00:19:12,797 --> 00:19:15,877
I don't know. I'm just, I don't like to do

311
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:19,101
things without you. But then I sometimes don't want you there because I want to

312
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:22,565
experience the girl on girl. I don't know. So you would rather

313
00:19:22,605 --> 00:19:25,725
I just ha. I just have a seat and just be in a shadowy

314
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,581
corner like Batman? Yes. Well,

315
00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:31,717
that sucks hard,

316
00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:35,251
ladies. Yeah, no, I, I try.

317
00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:38,523
I mean, that's, that's an experience that we went in. For me,

318
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:42,643
that's what I went in for. So for me, I know that I had previous

319
00:19:42,739 --> 00:19:46,015
to, to us getting together

320
00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:49,867
and us joining the lifestyle. I had always wanted to experience

321
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:53,843
threesome. Yeah. And, you know, and orgies. And orgies.

322
00:19:53,899 --> 00:19:57,091
Yeah. I, I, I was a big porn watcher.

323
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,795
And so you see all these different scenes and it's like, oh, my God,

324
00:19:59,835 --> 00:20:03,017
what is that like? Yes. You know, two women on me. Are you kidding

325
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:06,849
me? Like, that is still, even to this day, a majestical

326
00:20:06,897 --> 00:20:10,393
thing that I hardly get. Oh, my gosh. I'm just saying.

327
00:20:10,449 --> 00:20:13,473
So this is more for fantasies, right?

328
00:20:13,529 --> 00:20:16,745
Correct. So, so realistically, it's making your

329
00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:20,441
fantasies. Come true, but also kink stuff. Well, so that

330
00:20:20,473 --> 00:20:24,025
is a whole new level. And I always said that I was very

331
00:20:24,105 --> 00:20:27,761
vanilla in the kink world. Yeah. Our.

332
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:31,489
We started figuring out there was, there was. There are, there are

333
00:20:31,537 --> 00:20:34,569
names for. We both have our own kinks. I don't think there's a

334
00:20:34,577 --> 00:20:37,753
name for what I like. I don't even know what you like. Well,

335
00:20:37,849 --> 00:20:40,809
I remember we talked about it, that it was like a new thing.

336
00:20:40,857 --> 00:20:44,633
Like, I like, I, the lifestyle is so cool because

337
00:20:44,689 --> 00:20:48,129
there's married men for some reason,

338
00:20:48,297 --> 00:20:51,441
if I know you're married and like,

339
00:20:51,473 --> 00:20:54,255
you have the consciousness consent to play.

340
00:20:54,595 --> 00:20:57,307
It's kind of hot. It's kind of cheat. What do you call it? You.

341
00:20:57,371 --> 00:21:00,931
It's consented cheating. Yes. Yes. So hot.

342
00:21:01,003 --> 00:21:05,211
Yeah. So I, I am turned on by the idea of consented

343
00:21:05,243 --> 00:21:08,595
cheating, by you going out there and cheating.

344
00:21:08,715 --> 00:21:12,643
Yeah. You're turned on by the consented cheating portion of it

345
00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:16,643
in that you were sleeping with married men. Yeah. So there's

346
00:21:16,699 --> 00:21:20,171
two different parts of it, but yeah, it's essentially the

347
00:21:20,203 --> 00:21:23,603
same kind of thing. Yeah. So for us, I mean, if you're new to

348
00:21:23,619 --> 00:21:26,811
the lifestyle, there are. If you have a certain kink that you're

349
00:21:26,843 --> 00:21:30,547
trying to explore, explore, you for sure

350
00:21:30,611 --> 00:21:33,891
can find it. And. Oh yeah, you know, there really is.

351
00:21:34,003 --> 00:21:37,715
And this is going to sound very cliche, but there is a spot

352
00:21:37,795 --> 00:21:41,255
for everybody in the kink world.

353
00:21:41,755 --> 00:21:45,299
If you like to dress up as Bugs Bunny

354
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:48,865
and walk around with hand puppets and watch people have

355
00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:51,817
sex, I guarantee you that there's a Facebook group for it.

356
00:21:51,881 --> 00:21:55,297
And there's no judgment. There is no judgment, and I love that there's

357
00:21:55,321 --> 00:21:58,425
no kink shaming. Everybody is into what they're

358
00:21:58,465 --> 00:22:02,185
into. And that's the beautiful thing about the lifestyle, is that you have a place,

359
00:22:02,345 --> 00:22:06,425
but you just have to find your place. Yes. And realistically,

360
00:22:06,545 --> 00:22:09,785
that's. That's where these experiences should line up. So you

361
00:22:09,825 --> 00:22:13,987
really have to figure out what kind of experiences you're looking for and

362
00:22:14,011 --> 00:22:17,179
what you want to do. Especially like fantasies. Oh, yeah.

363
00:22:17,267 --> 00:22:21,139
I just posted on one of our groups last night

364
00:22:21,187 --> 00:22:25,347
while you were snoring that I have some fantasies

365
00:22:25,451 --> 00:22:29,051
that I have not yet fulfilled.

366
00:22:29,203 --> 00:22:32,659
So we're gonna save that particularly for a. But I

367
00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:36,195
mean, if you have a. If you have a fantasy that you. That you want

368
00:22:36,315 --> 00:22:40,253
to fulfill, lifestyle is a place to do.

369
00:22:40,309 --> 00:22:43,853
Oh, no, absolutely. And, and realistically, if, if you

370
00:22:43,909 --> 00:22:47,317
have fantasies, normally the lifestyle

371
00:22:47,381 --> 00:22:50,349
is the place where you get that figured out and ironed out.

372
00:22:50,517 --> 00:22:54,549
Yeah, no, we're actually going to save fantasies for a weekly drop.

373
00:22:54,597 --> 00:22:58,141
I'm thinking maybe a 30 minute weekly drop, you know, to discuss

374
00:22:58,213 --> 00:23:01,837
that. So we may, we may be exploring that more. So you guys

375
00:23:01,901 --> 00:23:05,145
keep listening when it comes to that. Now,

376
00:23:05,515 --> 00:23:09,115
one of the things that I would really ask to somebody who is

377
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:12,571
new is are you prepared for your

378
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:17,123
spouse to either love it or hate it way

379
00:23:17,179 --> 00:23:20,483
more than you? Now, if you are going in

380
00:23:20,539 --> 00:23:24,723
with your spouse and you guys have the full swap

381
00:23:24,859 --> 00:23:28,947
situation and maybe you

382
00:23:29,011 --> 00:23:32,931
did not enjoy it nearly as much than

383
00:23:32,963 --> 00:23:36,459
your spouse and it's not.

384
00:23:36,587 --> 00:23:40,531
It's not your thing, but you realize that your spouse loves

385
00:23:40,563 --> 00:23:42,775
it and wants it to be your thing,

386
00:23:43,675 --> 00:23:46,735
how do you handle that? Ooh,

387
00:23:47,315 --> 00:23:50,787
man, that's a hard one. That is a hard. Because for me, I don't

388
00:23:50,811 --> 00:23:53,107
like to tell. If you were to come up to me and be like,

389
00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:55,835
I really like it, and I didn't. I think we Even might have had a

390
00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:59,675
time like that where you really enjoyed it and I was

391
00:23:59,715 --> 00:24:03,357
not feeling it. Well, I mean, even with Polly, we had that discussion

392
00:24:03,421 --> 00:24:06,877
because I enjoyed Polly more than you did. And you

393
00:24:06,901 --> 00:24:10,093
were afraid that that was going to be the end of us. Yes. Because of

394
00:24:10,109 --> 00:24:12,105
that. Yes. So I feel like,

395
00:24:12,645 --> 00:24:16,125
man, it's a hard conversation. If you're

396
00:24:16,165 --> 00:24:19,733
someone like me that's very submissive to your husband and

397
00:24:19,829 --> 00:24:23,269
you don't like to tell your husband no. Or you're. Or even if

398
00:24:23,277 --> 00:24:26,345
you're the man and you don't like to tell your wife no,

399
00:24:26,695 --> 00:24:30,279
it's hard because there's. You're going

400
00:24:30,287 --> 00:24:33,395
to feel a lot of feelings. Am I not good enough?

401
00:24:33,815 --> 00:24:37,783
What? Am I not good enough that you need to have this right?

402
00:24:37,879 --> 00:24:41,407
Am I? I'm not doing something right.

403
00:24:41,511 --> 00:24:44,955
So you're going to probably feel a lot of self doubt,

404
00:24:45,415 --> 00:24:49,439
you know, but you really do have to have that conversation because it does

405
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:53,415
happen. You and I, there was times where you and I were like,

406
00:24:53,495 --> 00:24:57,223
ooh, yeah. Well, you know, there were, believe it

407
00:24:57,239 --> 00:25:00,735
or not. So there was a lot of times where you liked it

408
00:25:00,775 --> 00:25:04,199
less than I did. Obviously I enjoyed it more. And you would

409
00:25:04,247 --> 00:25:07,863
question that. But we've had times where I sat back and went,

410
00:25:07,999 --> 00:25:11,543
this is not fun for me. I don't want to do this. And you

411
00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:15,223
were like, no, no, no, we need to give it more chances. Yes. Because I

412
00:25:15,239 --> 00:25:18,335
was so reactive. Right. And you were very traumatized.

413
00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:22,199
And that's what made it not fun, was that we were on two different

414
00:25:22,247 --> 00:25:25,849
wavelengths. And that's where I was very honest.

415
00:25:25,897 --> 00:25:28,681
And like, you know what? If we're not having fun with this, then there's no

416
00:25:28,713 --> 00:25:32,105
point. Yes. So the real big situation

417
00:25:32,225 --> 00:25:35,481
as far as this question is concerned is if you

418
00:25:35,513 --> 00:25:39,073
are on two different wavelengths, what's more important to you?

419
00:25:39,209 --> 00:25:42,393
Sex with others or your relationship? Yeah, you.

420
00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:45,649
And realistically, you need to go into this lifestyle with

421
00:25:45,737 --> 00:25:49,637
the notion that you need to focus on your relationship even

422
00:25:49,701 --> 00:25:52,773
more so than before. Yes.

423
00:25:52,869 --> 00:25:57,781
And if your spouse is maybe not as excited about swapping

424
00:25:57,853 --> 00:26:01,717
as you are, maybe you need to stay, take a step back. Maybe the

425
00:26:01,741 --> 00:26:05,493
two of you need to have more discussions before you jump in some more.

426
00:26:05,669 --> 00:26:09,101
Maybe this is something that you had the experience and it won't be for

427
00:26:09,133 --> 00:26:12,701
another couple of years before she or he are ready to get back

428
00:26:12,733 --> 00:26:15,425
into it. Yeah. For newbies.

429
00:26:15,725 --> 00:26:19,293
Also, I have a question. How do you

430
00:26:19,349 --> 00:26:22,813
react when you go into, say, a meet and greet

431
00:26:22,909 --> 00:26:26,293
and you're new to this and you decided you're gonna. You met A

432
00:26:26,309 --> 00:26:30,825
couple. And now you're gonna go out for dinner and

433
00:26:31,565 --> 00:26:35,157
you're there and you're talking and y'all are talking about your dynamics

434
00:26:35,221 --> 00:26:38,425
and whatnot. How do you get out

435
00:26:38,725 --> 00:26:42,381
of that? How do you break into the conversation of sex?

436
00:26:42,453 --> 00:26:45,775
Of sex. So we've been in that situation before where

437
00:26:45,815 --> 00:26:49,551
we have set up a dinner with a couple. Obviously we

438
00:26:49,583 --> 00:26:52,703
met them through one of the lifestyle facets,

439
00:26:52,799 --> 00:26:56,039
so we know that they're part of the lifestyle. We all go out,

440
00:26:56,127 --> 00:26:58,955
we all get to know each other, it's a lot of fun.

441
00:26:59,335 --> 00:27:02,863
And everybody seems to be gun shy on

442
00:27:02,919 --> 00:27:06,351
bringing up the topic of sex. Yes. We're all there for the

443
00:27:06,383 --> 00:27:09,435
same reason. Yes. But nobody's bringing it up,

444
00:27:09,575 --> 00:27:12,827
so nobody wants to be that first person to go, okay,

445
00:27:12,891 --> 00:27:16,883
so let's start talking about it. And especially if you're new. Yes. Because you're probably

446
00:27:16,939 --> 00:27:20,763
going out with somebody who isn't new. Right, right. So you're,

447
00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:23,763
you have to find that, that breaking point.

448
00:27:23,819 --> 00:27:27,335
Like one of y'all has to say something

449
00:27:27,955 --> 00:27:31,843
like, you have to. And it, it can be anxiety laden

450
00:27:31,899 --> 00:27:35,011
because you don't know how it's going to go. But chances are if you just

451
00:27:35,043 --> 00:27:38,507
reassure yourself and say, okay, we're all here for

452
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:41,851
the same reason. And I've said that before, before even getting into it. I'll,

453
00:27:41,883 --> 00:27:45,675
I'll be like, you know what, I'm just gonna throw this out here. We are

454
00:27:45,715 --> 00:27:48,907
all here for the same reason, obviously, so I'm

455
00:27:48,931 --> 00:27:51,575
just gonna come out and say it. Yeah. Yes,

456
00:27:52,315 --> 00:27:55,931
we are interested, or I am interested, or I'll

457
00:27:55,963 --> 00:27:59,227
even, you know, after the, the end of the date. And we've

458
00:27:59,251 --> 00:28:02,869
just had really great conversation. I'll tend to throw. Go out there and go.

459
00:28:03,027 --> 00:28:06,553
So I don't know how you guys feel, but I feel like this was really

460
00:28:06,609 --> 00:28:10,281
great. I love this fit. And I really think that maybe we

461
00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:13,417
should consider taking it to the next conversation,

462
00:28:13,481 --> 00:28:17,385
which would be sexually, you know, And I never had

463
00:28:17,425 --> 00:28:20,545
it backfire. No, I've never had that

464
00:28:20,585 --> 00:28:23,905
be a bad situation. Most of the time when I've said stuff like that,

465
00:28:24,025 --> 00:28:27,817
people have gone, oh, okay. And they feel easier to talk

466
00:28:27,841 --> 00:28:32,309
about it right after that. Yeah, yeah. But I think breaking

467
00:28:32,357 --> 00:28:35,829
away from the anxiety of, oh, I can't

468
00:28:35,877 --> 00:28:39,253
say that, and just being direct. Some people are really

469
00:28:39,309 --> 00:28:43,105
shy. Some people are very, very, very shy. But you know,

470
00:28:43,565 --> 00:28:47,253
the experience ones, we should really try

471
00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:51,069
to help out the new one. And, and so I think that there

472
00:28:51,117 --> 00:28:54,413
needs to be more mentoring

473
00:28:54,589 --> 00:28:58,305
amongst, amongst people who are more experienced. Yes.

474
00:28:58,695 --> 00:29:01,515
I remember when we Became poly.

475
00:29:02,415 --> 00:29:06,391
Going into Facebook groups for polyamory and

476
00:29:06,503 --> 00:29:09,195
asking questions because people would use certain,

477
00:29:09,975 --> 00:29:13,431
certain words that I didn't understand and they would ask certain questions

478
00:29:13,463 --> 00:29:15,895
that I didn't get. And this was a whole new world for me. Obviously,

479
00:29:15,935 --> 00:29:19,631
nobody's born with the knowledge. And I would ask questions

480
00:29:19,703 --> 00:29:23,479
and I would get such horrible responses back where it's like,

481
00:29:23,607 --> 00:29:26,211
that's what Google's for. Okay, thanks,

482
00:29:26,243 --> 00:29:29,547
smartass. I understand that you don't want to type stuff like

483
00:29:29,571 --> 00:29:33,331
out, but you know, it does. All it takes is one person

484
00:29:33,523 --> 00:29:36,651
to water the plant in order for the plant to grow.

485
00:29:36,723 --> 00:29:40,451
Yes. And realistically, if you have expert

486
00:29:40,523 --> 00:29:44,267
knowledge, if you have the experience, you want

487
00:29:44,291 --> 00:29:47,795
to protect others from falling down the wrong,

488
00:29:47,955 --> 00:29:51,915
the wrong way, the wrong direction. Because if you let people just

489
00:29:51,955 --> 00:29:55,369
figure it out on their own and then they do find a mentor who's

490
00:29:55,547 --> 00:29:59,341
actually really, really horrible and taking advantage of

491
00:29:59,373 --> 00:30:03,293
them, then they're going to have a bad experience. And it may not

492
00:30:03,309 --> 00:30:06,685
only ruin them, but they may continue on the tradition

493
00:30:06,765 --> 00:30:10,545
of ruining others. I feel like if you're going into a lifestyle,

494
00:30:11,365 --> 00:30:15,389
do your homework, do your homework, do your homework. You know,

495
00:30:15,437 --> 00:30:18,185
do your research. Do your research. You know,

496
00:30:18,805 --> 00:30:21,997
you're going to have moments because you're new. You're going to have moments

497
00:30:22,061 --> 00:30:26,137
of, like Adam had mentioned, if your spouse loves

498
00:30:26,161 --> 00:30:29,641
it or if you don't. Now, there's also the

499
00:30:29,673 --> 00:30:33,001
uncomfortable feeling. The uncomfortable feeling.

500
00:30:33,153 --> 00:30:36,737
Say you've found the couple and this is your

501
00:30:36,801 --> 00:30:40,521
first time. You're about to, you're about to swap because

502
00:30:40,553 --> 00:30:43,673
you decided you're going to do full swap. Yes. You're in the same room.

503
00:30:43,809 --> 00:30:46,913
There's an uncomfortable feeling. There is. Because this

504
00:30:46,929 --> 00:30:51,195
is new. That's. And so it's, it's not just this,

505
00:30:51,775 --> 00:30:54,999
this weird feeling in the pit of your

506
00:30:55,047 --> 00:30:59,275
stomach that there's no going back from this.

507
00:30:59,655 --> 00:31:02,991
Especially if it's your first time and you see your

508
00:31:03,063 --> 00:31:06,511
spouse getting touchy feely with somebody

509
00:31:06,703 --> 00:31:09,735
and clothes are starting to come off and it's like,

510
00:31:09,895 --> 00:31:13,455
you know, at some point there's going to be

511
00:31:13,495 --> 00:31:16,887
some sort of penetration happening and there is no going

512
00:31:16,951 --> 00:31:20,151
back from that. That's an image that will never be erased from your

513
00:31:20,183 --> 00:31:22,505
mind. Yes. And how will you take it?

514
00:31:23,645 --> 00:31:27,021
Now, I've noticed that that uncomfortable feeling is

515
00:31:27,093 --> 00:31:30,381
normal. That is a normal feeling that almost

516
00:31:30,493 --> 00:31:33,245
everybody gets. Not just the first time,

517
00:31:33,325 --> 00:31:36,981
but actually, I still get it. Yeah, you do. And it's been 13

518
00:31:37,093 --> 00:31:40,165
years. Yeah. And it's not a bad feeling.

519
00:31:40,285 --> 00:31:43,925
I always said it's an uncomfortable feeling, but a good uncomfortable

520
00:31:43,965 --> 00:31:47,045
Feeling. Yeah. You've mentioned that a few times. That you kind of like it.

521
00:31:47,085 --> 00:31:50,577
Like, it's like a, it's, it's. Yeah. So I'll

522
00:31:50,601 --> 00:31:53,753
give you an example. There was once we had a. We had

523
00:31:53,769 --> 00:31:57,433
a couple over to, to hang out with us. We ate a

524
00:31:57,449 --> 00:32:00,857
little bit of dinner. We sat on the couch and watched

525
00:32:00,881 --> 00:32:04,353
a movie. Yes. And I was on a single

526
00:32:04,409 --> 00:32:08,345
chair. You were next to him on the couch. Yeah. And then his spouse

527
00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:12,089
was next to him as well, on the other side. And honestly,

528
00:32:12,217 --> 00:32:16,067
I was shaking. Yeah. I was shaking the entire time because I

529
00:32:16,091 --> 00:32:19,587
kept hearing some movement.

530
00:32:19,691 --> 00:32:22,995
I kept hearing some rubbing and some. And then I started hearing

531
00:32:23,035 --> 00:32:26,563
kissing. Yeah. And I was like, oh. And I looked over

532
00:32:26,659 --> 00:32:29,651
and y'all were making out and his hands were all over you.

533
00:32:29,803 --> 00:32:33,067
And I was shaking the entire time. And it wasn't a bad shaking.

534
00:32:33,131 --> 00:32:37,043
I was very turned on. But it was a very uncomfortable.

535
00:32:37,139 --> 00:32:39,947
Oh, here it comes. Yeah. Thing. Yeah.

536
00:32:40,051 --> 00:32:43,729
And that was just a couple years. Ago, you know, so for newbies, that's,

537
00:32:43,867 --> 00:32:47,597
that's gonna happen. That will happen. Talk about it. You can either get

538
00:32:47,661 --> 00:32:51,317
used to that uncomfortable feeling and make

539
00:32:51,341 --> 00:32:54,445
it great. Yeah. Or it's going to be a bad,

540
00:32:54,485 --> 00:32:58,157
uncomfortable feeling. And this probably is not for you.

541
00:32:58,261 --> 00:33:02,077
Yes. You know, I mean, I get it when you play with

542
00:33:02,101 --> 00:33:05,309
somebody without me there, I get that feeling, like,

543
00:33:05,357 --> 00:33:09,245
ugh. But I'm learning to be like, oh, okay, this is

544
00:33:09,285 --> 00:33:13,061
not bad. So it's, it's called compersion. Compersion is when

545
00:33:13,093 --> 00:33:17,295
you're, you're happy for your spouse in

546
00:33:17,755 --> 00:33:20,891
what they're enjoying. Okay. So that was

547
00:33:20,923 --> 00:33:24,163
something I learned when I, when we were Polly, was. A lot of these

548
00:33:24,219 --> 00:33:27,731
partners have compersion for their partners. Okay. You don't

549
00:33:27,763 --> 00:33:30,939
have jealousy. Well, normally jealousy issues are,

550
00:33:31,027 --> 00:33:34,955
are normal. So you know that your spouse or your partner

551
00:33:35,035 --> 00:33:37,723
is getting excited about somebody else.

552
00:33:37,779 --> 00:33:41,251
Yeah. And realistically, the sour grapes in you is like,

553
00:33:41,283 --> 00:33:44,283
g, I don't want them to be excited about this other person. I want them

554
00:33:44,299 --> 00:33:47,947
to be excited about me. But you kind of go past that and you're like,

555
00:33:47,971 --> 00:33:51,379
you know what? They've met somebody that's fulfilling this

556
00:33:51,427 --> 00:33:54,723
for them. I'm happy for them. Yeah. That is compersion.

557
00:33:54,779 --> 00:33:58,011
Okay. I don't have it all the time. You don't. You rarely have. Yeah.

558
00:33:58,043 --> 00:34:01,291
As a matter of fact, I, I don't think you've been happy for me in

559
00:34:01,323 --> 00:34:04,755
quite some time. I, I,

560
00:34:04,795 --> 00:34:08,205
I think for the most part, it's sour grapes. Yes. All the time.

561
00:34:08,285 --> 00:34:11,917
Yeah. How about that? That's okay. That's okay, because I have

562
00:34:11,941 --> 00:34:15,333
conversion for you, and I have enough for you to be. Thank you.

563
00:34:15,429 --> 00:34:18,437
To be enough for both of us. I love that. Yeah. And I'll be.

564
00:34:18,461 --> 00:34:21,229
I'll have conversion for me, too. I'll be like, well, I get to enjoy these.

565
00:34:21,277 --> 00:34:24,685
I'm sure others will have conversion for you. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I can.

566
00:34:24,725 --> 00:34:28,501
I can get a. A fan following that. That can just be conversion

567
00:34:28,533 --> 00:34:32,369
for Adam. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. So compersion,

568
00:34:32,417 --> 00:34:36,241
ladies and gentlemen, it is a thing. Try and support

569
00:34:36,313 --> 00:34:40,217
your spouse. You know, it's that same mentality of thinking where

570
00:34:40,401 --> 00:34:44,097
if your partner makes more money than you, it's not something that you

571
00:34:44,121 --> 00:34:47,737
should get jealous about. It's something you should be happy about, because the two

572
00:34:47,761 --> 00:34:51,297
of y'all are a unit, and you should be happy and supportive of

573
00:34:51,321 --> 00:34:54,961
your spouse. Well, it's the same thing sexually. Okay. If you're

574
00:34:55,113 --> 00:34:58,777
supportive of them 100%, then you're going to support them as far as what

575
00:34:58,801 --> 00:35:02,657
their fantasies are and what their sexual desires and wants are and fulfilling

576
00:35:02,681 --> 00:35:05,811
that. And you should be happy,

577
00:35:05,963 --> 00:35:09,555
even if it doesn't mean that you get

578
00:35:09,715 --> 00:35:12,335
what you get. Okay. Yeah.

579
00:35:12,955 --> 00:35:16,483
Stepping off of my soapbox. There you go. My Persian soapbox.

580
00:35:16,539 --> 00:35:18,895
There. All right, honey. So let's see.

581
00:35:19,395 --> 00:35:22,975
How does a new person find a community?

582
00:35:23,395 --> 00:35:26,755
Where. Where do I go? That's. You know,

583
00:35:26,795 --> 00:35:30,675
that's enough. There's a. There's such a number of different ways to. To link

584
00:35:30,715 --> 00:35:34,233
up. Now, when we first started, I took my cues

585
00:35:34,289 --> 00:35:37,921
from you. And you had experience with adult

586
00:35:37,993 --> 00:35:41,721
sites, right? Yeah, websites. So adultfriendfinder.com and

587
00:35:41,753 --> 00:35:44,977
swinglifestyle.com, they were both the prominent ones

588
00:35:45,001 --> 00:35:49,073
at that time, because we're talking 13 years ago. Those were the prominent websites.

589
00:35:49,129 --> 00:35:52,689
Those were really the happening ones. And so we started

590
00:35:52,737 --> 00:35:56,225
up free. A free profile page there,

591
00:35:56,265 --> 00:35:59,537
and we kind of started getting messaged by people,

592
00:35:59,721 --> 00:36:03,177
and then from there, we got invited to a house party, and that's

593
00:36:03,201 --> 00:36:06,505
where we were able to make some connections and Facebook friends.

594
00:36:06,665 --> 00:36:10,129
And then they invited us into Facebook groups, and that's really how we.

595
00:36:10,177 --> 00:36:13,513
You know, it was a networking thing. We went from one to another to another.

596
00:36:13,569 --> 00:36:17,365
Yeah. And got. And a lot of these Facebook groups now have

597
00:36:17,905 --> 00:36:22,105
chats going on. Yeah. So. So they utilize Discord and Telegram

598
00:36:22,185 --> 00:36:25,049
and Kick. Kick is still being used. Yeah. Telegram.

599
00:36:25,097 --> 00:36:27,959
WhatsApp. Right, right. There's a lot of different.

600
00:36:28,087 --> 00:36:31,967
Other units within the groups that you can just. You can still continue

601
00:36:32,151 --> 00:36:35,815
to chit chat. Yeah. And grow from there. So. Yeah, we've.

602
00:36:35,855 --> 00:36:39,567
We've pretty much done all the different ways there are to

603
00:36:39,591 --> 00:36:42,407
do it. So I know I, I wrote a few of them down. You know,

604
00:36:42,431 --> 00:36:45,687
there's, there's websites like Adult Friend, Finder.com Swing

605
00:36:45,751 --> 00:36:49,415
Lifestyle, and I think the big one right now is sdc. We have not tried

606
00:36:49,455 --> 00:36:53,135
sdc, but to be honest with you, I'm kind of sour on having

607
00:36:53,175 --> 00:36:56,831
to pay for every single way of meeting people

608
00:36:56,863 --> 00:36:59,927
in the lifestyle. Yeah. And which is definitely why Facebook

609
00:36:59,991 --> 00:37:03,383
groups are my. Are my thing. Yes. Because I am

610
00:37:03,439 --> 00:37:07,023
cheap. I'm sorry, ladies, but if you want me to spend on you,

611
00:37:07,079 --> 00:37:09,991
it ain't happening because this guy is cheap. Yeah.

612
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:13,351
And I don't like paying to

613
00:37:13,463 --> 00:37:17,055
meet other people. It's kind of ridiculous. So I haven't tried it yet.

614
00:37:17,095 --> 00:37:20,407
Maybe we will. Who knows? There is the kink world,

615
00:37:20,591 --> 00:37:24,465
where if you're into kink, FetLife, I believe

616
00:37:24,545 --> 00:37:28,137
is the name of the website that you can actually start

617
00:37:28,161 --> 00:37:31,881
up a profile and meet people through for like kink specific.

618
00:37:31,953 --> 00:37:36,577
For kink. Like Dominatrix. Correct. I mean, they have areas

619
00:37:36,641 --> 00:37:40,281
for everybody. You know, people who like wax, people who

620
00:37:40,313 --> 00:37:43,897
like Fireplay. Okay. That is your spot.

621
00:37:44,001 --> 00:37:48,001
That's from. From what I'm told. I want to say that because we're not very

622
00:37:48,033 --> 00:37:52,051
much in the kink community. I want to say we started up a fetlife profile,

623
00:37:52,123 --> 00:37:55,627
but we didn't. It didn't last past a day. Okay. Just because we

624
00:37:55,651 --> 00:37:59,695
are pretty vanilla in the kink life. Yeah, yeah. There's also

625
00:38:00,155 --> 00:38:03,499
apps. There are apps. Yeah, we, we did

626
00:38:03,547 --> 00:38:06,731
some apps especially during poly. Right.

627
00:38:06,763 --> 00:38:09,963
We did one. Well, so those were more dating apps,

628
00:38:10,019 --> 00:38:13,579
but like sex specific apps. We did scope

629
00:38:13,627 --> 00:38:17,925
out when, when the pandemic hit. So we tried three Fun and

630
00:38:17,965 --> 00:38:21,637
we tried field. And I know a big one too is Ashley Madison.

631
00:38:21,701 --> 00:38:25,189
Although I, I personally wouldn't touch anything with Ashley Madison after that big

632
00:38:25,237 --> 00:38:28,997
data breach. Yeah. Just because, you know, if you're looking to keep discretion,

633
00:38:29,061 --> 00:38:31,305
they've already had a major, major breach.

634
00:38:31,765 --> 00:38:35,565
But yeah, you know, those are sex specific apps that you can create

635
00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:39,141
a profile and you can write specifically

636
00:38:39,213 --> 00:38:42,749
what you're looking for. Okay. Now when we were poly, we did have,

637
00:38:42,837 --> 00:38:45,985
we did take part in some dating apps.

638
00:38:46,325 --> 00:38:50,825
I think one of the, you know. Someone just told me that they're.

639
00:38:51,725 --> 00:38:55,453
Geez. I. Maybe it's. Tinder now has an area for ethical

640
00:38:55,509 --> 00:38:59,021
non monogamy. Really? Like you can push this button and.

641
00:38:59,093 --> 00:39:02,277
Well, it's about time. Yeah. Because we were. Tinder was

642
00:39:02,301 --> 00:39:06,053
the big one back then. And we got into Bumble because

643
00:39:06,109 --> 00:39:09,269
Bumble seemed to be a good one. I found a lot

644
00:39:09,277 --> 00:39:13,063
of people on a lot of women on Bumble. I really liked OkCupid.

645
00:39:13,149 --> 00:39:17,155
Yeah. OK. Cupid was great for ethical non monogamy dating

646
00:39:17,275 --> 00:39:21,291
because you can put. If you're a couple, you can have a

647
00:39:21,323 --> 00:39:25,083
single profile attached to a couple profile and

648
00:39:25,139 --> 00:39:28,843
you can have the options to have it sexual or to

649
00:39:28,859 --> 00:39:32,371
have it as a dating. Is POF still around? Plenty of

650
00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:35,707
Fish is. That was Booty Call. That was so. That was

651
00:39:35,731 --> 00:39:39,375
funny. They always said that that Plenty of Fish was more of a booty call

652
00:39:39,675 --> 00:39:42,843
type of dating app. If that's the case,

653
00:39:43,019 --> 00:39:46,963
I was not good at it because I did not get any booty from

654
00:39:47,019 --> 00:39:50,715
Plenty of Fish. Now you remember, I don't know if you remember this, the old

655
00:39:50,795 --> 00:39:53,135
days when we first started in this.

656
00:39:53,835 --> 00:39:57,615
The Craigslist casual encounters

657
00:39:58,035 --> 00:40:01,203
was a thing. I think that's a thing still. No, they had to get rid

658
00:40:01,219 --> 00:40:04,395
of their casual encounters after a certain law passed because

659
00:40:04,515 --> 00:40:07,827
they also had to get rid of Back Page. Remember Back Page? Well, I didn't

660
00:40:07,851 --> 00:40:11,009
know because there was. A lot of prostitution in Back Page.

661
00:40:11,057 --> 00:40:14,473
So when they got rid of that, we. I knew so many people that told

662
00:40:14,489 --> 00:40:17,633
me about Back Page when I was a bartender. Yeah. And you were a bartender

663
00:40:17,649 --> 00:40:21,233
at a strip club. Yeah, well, no, the other place. Oh, oh. And they would

664
00:40:21,289 --> 00:40:23,993
tell me about Back Page and they were like, yeah, I just dropped off a

665
00:40:24,009 --> 00:40:27,313
girlfriend and I was like, what is that? And I remember asking you and

666
00:40:27,329 --> 00:40:30,825
you're like, yeah, it's. It's like, it's. It's. Yeah, I mean, it's essentially it's

667
00:40:30,865 --> 00:40:34,441
the Back page, which is like a classified page where you can,

668
00:40:34,553 --> 00:40:38,099
you know. But I remember back in the day when,

669
00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:41,451
you know, you'd get hot and heavy and we would be like,

670
00:40:41,483 --> 00:40:44,779
hey, you know, maybe we could have somebody. We can, yeah. Have somebody

671
00:40:44,827 --> 00:40:48,067
come and visit us. Yeah, just a quick wham, bam, thank you,

672
00:40:48,091 --> 00:40:52,147
ma'am kind of situation. And you could go to Craigslist

673
00:40:52,211 --> 00:40:55,539
Casual Encounters and whatever it is you're looking for,

674
00:40:55,667 --> 00:40:59,075
you know, couple for male or couple for female or whatever. Yeah.

675
00:40:59,115 --> 00:41:02,387
And you put your ad out there. Yeah. And then you just start fielding through

676
00:41:02,411 --> 00:41:05,985
it. And that is so dangerous. It is. Looking back on it,

677
00:41:06,025 --> 00:41:09,145
it is quite dangerous. Dangerous. And, you know, it's.

678
00:41:09,185 --> 00:41:12,689
It's a. I always had this scary notion in the back of my head

679
00:41:12,737 --> 00:41:16,497
that, you know, if somebody says, hey, yeah, go ahead, and you guys come

680
00:41:16,521 --> 00:41:19,593
to me and then, you know, you can walk into their house and as soon

681
00:41:19,609 --> 00:41:23,505
as you do Three guys with baseball bats knock you out, tie you up,

682
00:41:23,545 --> 00:41:27,137
and take you. Okay. Let's not delve into that dark little. Circle because

683
00:41:27,201 --> 00:41:30,597
that's called over. Thank you. That is by Adam.

684
00:41:30,661 --> 00:41:33,677
Thank you. You can also attend meet and greets.

685
00:41:33,781 --> 00:41:36,477
You can attend meet and greets. You got to be normally a part of a

686
00:41:36,501 --> 00:41:39,965
group for that. Yes. But even word of mouth, some people

687
00:41:40,005 --> 00:41:43,053
who are in groups tend to tell their friends, hey, look, if you're interested,

688
00:41:43,149 --> 00:41:46,509
this is the place to go. Yeah. And a lot of times you can

689
00:41:46,557 --> 00:41:50,405
have a better connection with somebody in person than you can online.

690
00:41:50,525 --> 00:41:54,093
Right. I think you're. You're. You can attest to that because you.

691
00:41:54,229 --> 00:41:57,453
I have better in person. Yes. I am way better in person. I. We have

692
00:41:57,469 --> 00:42:01,443
a lot of group chats going on with different friends, and I'm

693
00:42:01,499 --> 00:42:04,715
not a chatter. No, no, You.

694
00:42:04,835 --> 00:42:08,347
When it comes to online messages, you've never really been much

695
00:42:08,411 --> 00:42:12,099
for taking part in that, but in person, you are incredible.

696
00:42:12,147 --> 00:42:15,219
I am. I can talk your ear off. Yeah. Yeah,

697
00:42:15,387 --> 00:42:19,195
that definitely works out. Yeah. Now, I can tell you that one avenue

698
00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:22,979
of a place where you can kind of expand your network

699
00:42:23,107 --> 00:42:27,145
in the lifestyle is sex clubs. I actually

700
00:42:27,185 --> 00:42:30,145
had a friend of mine. I've had a few friends of mine let me know

701
00:42:30,185 --> 00:42:33,969
that they got their start by just

702
00:42:34,137 --> 00:42:37,801
getting curious and going into a sex club. That's right. And they've

703
00:42:37,873 --> 00:42:41,417
met people there and, you know,

704
00:42:41,521 --> 00:42:45,225
exchange numbers or exchange social medias, and that

705
00:42:45,265 --> 00:42:49,305
kind of opened them into a whole new world. So that really, I mean,

706
00:42:49,345 --> 00:42:52,531
if you want to just see what it's all

707
00:42:52,563 --> 00:42:56,075
about. It is expensive. I'm not going to lie. Sex clubs are

708
00:42:56,115 --> 00:42:59,875
not cheap. No, they're. We live an hour away and. And for us,

709
00:42:59,915 --> 00:43:03,499
it's the room. And it's. It's. It's about

710
00:43:03,547 --> 00:43:06,435
as. As much of a cost as a hotel room. Yeah.

711
00:43:06,515 --> 00:43:10,195
Maybe slightly less. But is it

712
00:43:10,235 --> 00:43:14,083
worth it? Absolutely. Yeah. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be very honest with you. It is

713
00:43:14,139 --> 00:43:17,573
absolutely worth it. The vibe in these places are

714
00:43:17,629 --> 00:43:19,945
great. It's very accepting.

715
00:43:20,445 --> 00:43:24,013
Everybody is very accepting of everybody that's in there.

716
00:43:24,069 --> 00:43:27,765
Everybody's respectful. You normally have a really good staff

717
00:43:27,885 --> 00:43:31,277
who's looking out for your safety. Yes. Which is great.

718
00:43:31,461 --> 00:43:34,709
And the basic layout for most sex

719
00:43:34,757 --> 00:43:38,669
clubs is this. You walk in, you sign a waiver, you pay

720
00:43:38,717 --> 00:43:42,985
this large amount to get in, but once you're in,

721
00:43:43,485 --> 00:43:46,637
you can find a place to sit. Most of

722
00:43:46,661 --> 00:43:49,917
these places, at least here in Texas, are byob,

723
00:43:50,061 --> 00:43:53,469
so you can bring in your own alcohol and you

724
00:43:53,517 --> 00:43:57,109
buy their setups and you can drink

725
00:43:57,237 --> 00:44:00,445
and basically just meet people around you.

726
00:44:00,485 --> 00:44:03,901
You introduce yourselves to them. There's a dance floor that you

727
00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:07,613
can dance on normally. They normally have

728
00:44:07,669 --> 00:44:11,025
food there in case you get hungry. Yeah. But they

729
00:44:11,065 --> 00:44:14,521
don't normally sell alcohol. It's been my experience. Normally you have to bring

730
00:44:14,553 --> 00:44:17,561
your own alcohol. Right, right. So you can bring ice chests.

731
00:44:17,633 --> 00:44:21,545
Yeah. Places they normally have a good detail. There's areas where they're closed

732
00:44:21,585 --> 00:44:25,705
rooms. Yeah. So the playrooms are do vary

733
00:44:25,825 --> 00:44:29,513
but I. They normally have a wing of. Of areas

734
00:44:29,609 --> 00:44:33,305
that are closed off, you know, maybe by a. A drape

735
00:44:33,465 --> 00:44:36,313
of some sort. And you can either have it open or closed. Yeah, you can

736
00:44:36,329 --> 00:44:39,961
have it open or closed. Beds usually in the center or play area.

737
00:44:40,033 --> 00:44:43,773
Play area that you can be feud and you can even invite

738
00:44:43,829 --> 00:44:47,837
people to join. And then there's some normally other rooms

739
00:44:47,901 --> 00:44:50,985
where you can close the door but people can watch.

740
00:44:51,285 --> 00:44:54,813
And some places even have like bondage rooms.

741
00:44:54,869 --> 00:44:58,861
Yes. Where you can explore different kinks and

742
00:44:58,933 --> 00:45:02,885
you know, bondage and things like that. And a lot of these places have

743
00:45:02,965 --> 00:45:06,445
porn on or porn rooms where you can watch porn and start

744
00:45:06,485 --> 00:45:10,277
to kind of get the mood set and play. So a lot of these places

745
00:45:10,421 --> 00:45:13,745
are set up like that. And so when you think about it,

746
00:45:14,165 --> 00:45:18,545
you're basically paying hotel prices for

747
00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:22,893
hotel fun. Yeah. Because there's lockers, there's tubes, there's towels.

748
00:45:22,949 --> 00:45:26,245
There's really everything you need. The, everything you need people there are.

749
00:45:26,325 --> 00:45:29,573
Are there to take care of you. And you know, you get to

750
00:45:29,629 --> 00:45:33,157
network and you get to play and it's just a lot of fun.

751
00:45:33,221 --> 00:45:36,317
Yeah. So I really, I went

752
00:45:36,341 --> 00:45:39,795
into it, the club experience this past year was our first

753
00:45:39,875 --> 00:45:43,619
experience and I really went in kind of pessimistic.

754
00:45:43,787 --> 00:45:47,139
I wasn't looking forward to it. I'm not a club guy. I'm more of

755
00:45:47,147 --> 00:45:50,491
a low key guy. Yeah. And clubs just did not seem to.

756
00:45:50,523 --> 00:45:53,979
Fit the bill we like. But we did. It was an instant

757
00:45:54,067 --> 00:45:58,059
addiction because of how sweet and inviting everybody

758
00:45:58,107 --> 00:46:01,363
is. Yeah. And because we get to really explore our kinks of

759
00:46:01,419 --> 00:46:04,677
exhibitionism and voyeurism. So we get to watch

760
00:46:04,741 --> 00:46:08,533
people have sex and we get to have people watching us have sex. So if

761
00:46:08,549 --> 00:46:11,901
you're new to the lifestyle, that's a great place to

762
00:46:11,933 --> 00:46:15,757
start. It is, it is. It can be a little overwhelming sometimes,

763
00:46:15,861 --> 00:46:18,301
especially if you have anxiety about big crowds.

764
00:46:18,413 --> 00:46:22,117
Yeah. But if you can just get past that

765
00:46:22,181 --> 00:46:25,701
and live in the moment, I guarantee you you will not be

766
00:46:25,733 --> 00:46:28,637
disappointed. It really is a very,

767
00:46:28,701 --> 00:46:32,069
very major vibe. Probably one of my favorite things to do now.

768
00:46:32,117 --> 00:46:35,795
Yeah. House parties are fun too, but if you're new,

769
00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:40,147
it might be difficult for you to get into the house party scene.

770
00:46:40,291 --> 00:46:43,427
We've been doing this for 13 years and we've been invited to

771
00:46:43,451 --> 00:46:46,691
a total of four house parties. And realistically,

772
00:46:46,763 --> 00:46:50,563
two of them were this year. The other two were literally over

773
00:46:50,619 --> 00:46:54,099
10 years ago. Yeah. It is difficult to get invited to house

774
00:46:54,147 --> 00:46:58,131
parties. I just hate to say it. Unless you have friends who

775
00:46:58,163 --> 00:47:01,811
throw parties on. On average, often. Yeah. Or you

776
00:47:01,843 --> 00:47:04,885
have, you know, you're in that circle. Yeah. You're going to get invited to a

777
00:47:05,385 --> 00:47:08,545
lot of house parties. I'm just going to throw this out there to our friends.

778
00:47:09,325 --> 00:47:12,685
If you're looking for people to get things started

779
00:47:12,765 --> 00:47:16,485
sexually at a house party and you just want

780
00:47:16,525 --> 00:47:19,917
that sexual vibe or you want people who will just get down to

781
00:47:19,941 --> 00:47:23,293
it. That's us. That is us. That's us. We do that

782
00:47:23,349 --> 00:47:26,893
and we, we are charming personalities. We'll have fun, but we'll also

783
00:47:26,949 --> 00:47:30,757
get the night going. Yes. So if you're looking for somebody

784
00:47:30,821 --> 00:47:34,525
to spice up your house party, I'm going to throw that advertisement

785
00:47:34,565 --> 00:47:37,797
out there. We are great people to add. So you should really

786
00:47:37,821 --> 00:47:41,429
be hitting us up. But also hit us up like a couple weeks in advance

787
00:47:41,477 --> 00:47:45,077
because we do have kids and it is planning.

788
00:47:45,221 --> 00:47:48,669
So we want to also touch base on

789
00:47:48,797 --> 00:47:51,725
do's and don'ts for those new people. So, yeah.

790
00:47:51,765 --> 00:47:55,085
When it comes to meeting. So the scenario here

791
00:47:55,125 --> 00:47:58,697
is really, you're new in the lifestyle and you

792
00:47:58,761 --> 00:48:01,905
just set up a meeting with another couple.

793
00:48:01,985 --> 00:48:05,465
Good first impression. First impressions are everything. Yes.

794
00:48:05,585 --> 00:48:09,393
And if your first impression goes wrong, chances are a second mate will not happen.

795
00:48:09,489 --> 00:48:12,961
So arrive early, arrive early. So do

796
00:48:13,033 --> 00:48:16,745
arrive early on time or early or on time. Yeah.

797
00:48:16,825 --> 00:48:20,177
Try not to be late if you're going to be late. Communicate that.

798
00:48:20,281 --> 00:48:23,877
Communicate that. Absolutely. Yeah. Do not forget to communicate

799
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:27,197
with the other couple confirming the meeting is still on and

800
00:48:27,221 --> 00:48:30,605
that you're on the way. Yeah. Time and time again we've been sitting there waiting

801
00:48:30,645 --> 00:48:35,045
for somebody to arrive and hadn't heard from anybody and

802
00:48:35,085 --> 00:48:39,133
all of a sudden it's 10 minutes past and we're going, are they showing up?

803
00:48:39,229 --> 00:48:42,789
Yeah. And then 20 minutes past, we're about to eat some

804
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:46,397
meals and they walk in and go, hey, sorry, guys, I ran

805
00:48:46,421 --> 00:48:50,109
into some traffic. Well, it's nothing a quick text couldn't.

806
00:48:50,157 --> 00:48:53,629
I mean, it takes seconds. Just my time is valuable.

807
00:48:53,797 --> 00:48:57,197
Nobody likes to feel like they're being ignored or ghosted,

808
00:48:57,301 --> 00:49:00,757
so that's a big one. Hygiene, hygiene. Do make

809
00:49:00,781 --> 00:49:03,525
sure that Your hygiene is on point.

810
00:49:03,605 --> 00:49:07,821
Do not come from work, working outside in construction,

811
00:49:07,933 --> 00:49:11,149
and then come and meet. For dinner because you want

812
00:49:11,157 --> 00:49:13,705
to be on your. Your best cleanliness.

813
00:49:14,045 --> 00:49:16,733
Yeah, you want. You want to shower, you want to smell good, you want to

814
00:49:16,749 --> 00:49:20,209
brush your teeth. Dental hygiene is big deodorant.

815
00:49:20,257 --> 00:49:23,729
The whole nine. Be dressed to. Not necessarily

816
00:49:23,777 --> 00:49:27,121
formal, but be dressed to impress. You know, there's 3,000 germs in your

817
00:49:27,153 --> 00:49:30,353
mouth if you don't brush your teeth. Oh, man, that. You went there

818
00:49:30,369 --> 00:49:33,289
with that. Sorry, I just had to say thank. You so much for that.

819
00:49:33,457 --> 00:49:36,713
So that's a big one. Do not assume that everyone is

820
00:49:36,729 --> 00:49:40,569
a hugger or a kisser or a kisser because that's.

821
00:49:40,617 --> 00:49:43,665
That, you know, that's a big one that I had to explore on my own.

822
00:49:43,705 --> 00:49:48,029
I am a hugger. I like to hug people and vanilla

823
00:49:48,077 --> 00:49:51,749
friends. It's never been an issue, but when I got into

824
00:49:51,797 --> 00:49:55,477
the lifestyle, I found out that not everybody likes to be touched

825
00:49:55,501 --> 00:49:59,669
in that manner, especially if they're. They're first meeting you. And so you

826
00:49:59,717 --> 00:50:02,373
really have to kind of consent and be like, hey, I'm a hugger. Is it

827
00:50:02,389 --> 00:50:05,813
okay, you know, that sort of thing if you like to kiss people on

828
00:50:05,829 --> 00:50:09,685
the cheeks? You know, some. Sometimes it's. It's automatic.

829
00:50:09,765 --> 00:50:12,841
People do it, but, you know, it's kind of hard

830
00:50:12,873 --> 00:50:15,433
to ask for consent on that. Hey, I'm a hugger and I like to kiss

831
00:50:15,449 --> 00:50:17,977
you on the cheek. You know, sometimes you just got to go with it.

832
00:50:18,001 --> 00:50:20,657
But it doesn't hurt to over communicate that.

833
00:50:20,761 --> 00:50:24,505
Acknowledge both parties. Oh, husband and wife. Acknowledge both parties.

834
00:50:24,545 --> 00:50:28,321
You saying hi to the husband and the wife is next. Please acknowledge

835
00:50:28,353 --> 00:50:32,209
the wife. Show respect and acknowledgement, because respect for.

836
00:50:32,257 --> 00:50:35,353
Us, respect and acknowledgment is everything.

837
00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:38,665
Is everything. It's gold. This is my king right here.

838
00:50:39,165 --> 00:50:42,821
You know, you have to say hi to him. And, you know,

839
00:50:42,853 --> 00:50:46,477
I, I will say I'm not, I'm not bothered by it. No, I know

840
00:50:46,501 --> 00:50:49,861
how big you are on respect. And I will say that there's been one or

841
00:50:49,933 --> 00:50:53,945
once or twice that I have felt slighted and disrespected,

842
00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:56,877
but not to the point to where I've gone. Yeah, I don't think you should

843
00:50:56,901 --> 00:51:01,265
talk to him. But what they don't realize is that the moment they see that,

844
00:51:01,605 --> 00:51:04,989
that, that, that you see that. Excuse me. The moment you see that,

845
00:51:05,157 --> 00:51:09,237
you've lost interest. I have. And you know, if somebody disrespects

846
00:51:09,381 --> 00:51:13,173
my wife, even if she's not around to see it,

847
00:51:13,349 --> 00:51:17,053
it's A complete turnoff. Show that respect, show that acknowledgement,

848
00:51:17,109 --> 00:51:19,797
because it really is everything. Yeah.

849
00:51:19,981 --> 00:51:23,385
Also, don't be pushy. Don't be pushy.

850
00:51:23,925 --> 00:51:27,705
Don't discuss religion, don't discuss politics.

851
00:51:28,495 --> 00:51:32,423
Right. Open, leave it open. Leave that communication just

852
00:51:32,519 --> 00:51:35,599
open and talk about the food you're about to eat.

853
00:51:35,687 --> 00:51:38,715
Right. Let's not discuss divisive

854
00:51:39,135 --> 00:51:43,191
scenarios. Let's not talk about extreme topics.

855
00:51:43,343 --> 00:51:46,951
Nobody wants to hear about your politics. And if we do

856
00:51:46,983 --> 00:51:50,271
want to hear about your politics, there's a different forum for it. You know,

857
00:51:50,303 --> 00:51:53,935
we're all here to enjoy ourselves. And because there are

858
00:51:53,975 --> 00:51:57,629
so many different personalities and so many different backgrounds, maybe just

859
00:51:57,677 --> 00:52:01,005
stay away from the discussion of politics or religion.

860
00:52:01,125 --> 00:52:05,341
Keep it positive and happy and, and talk about really fun

861
00:52:05,413 --> 00:52:09,125
things and there's always something to talk about. Yeah. Like there's,

862
00:52:09,245 --> 00:52:12,781
there's a lot of, a lot of good things that you can talk

863
00:52:12,813 --> 00:52:16,053
about and have a good conversation. Yes.

864
00:52:16,109 --> 00:52:19,421
Doesn't have to be negative stuff. Yeah. Well, you're popping all over the

865
00:52:19,453 --> 00:52:23,205
list here, let me tell you. I'm sorry, but you do want to show

866
00:52:23,245 --> 00:52:27,277
an interest in the people you are meeting as people and

867
00:52:27,341 --> 00:52:30,189
not just sexual beings. You know,

868
00:52:30,237 --> 00:52:34,445
every. I, I understand that we're all in this for sex. I get it.

869
00:52:34,605 --> 00:52:37,701
But the moment you lead in with,

870
00:52:37,893 --> 00:52:41,421
hey, you have great tits, or the moment

871
00:52:41,533 --> 00:52:45,185
you realize that every conversation is sexual based,

872
00:52:45,645 --> 00:52:48,845
it kind of is a turn off for most people.

873
00:52:48,965 --> 00:52:52,287
Yeah. There's more to me than, than a

874
00:52:52,311 --> 00:52:55,679
penis. Is there? I don't know

875
00:52:55,727 --> 00:52:59,679
anymore after you questioned it. But yeah, I, I am a,

876
00:52:59,807 --> 00:53:03,575
I am a very deep and multi sided person.

877
00:53:03,655 --> 00:53:07,263
Okay. I have multiple sides of me. Do you? I do,

878
00:53:07,359 --> 00:53:10,623
I do. Look at this. This is one side, look at

879
00:53:10,639 --> 00:53:13,151
this other. This is, I mean, I get you. I am more than a pair

880
00:53:13,183 --> 00:53:15,871
of boobs. Are you?

881
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:20,187
Yes. So, you know, have the conversation with my face and

882
00:53:20,211 --> 00:53:23,811
not my cleavage. Well, sometimes your cleavage is making better faces

883
00:53:23,843 --> 00:53:27,227
than your face. That is so true. Because your face

884
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:30,755
is making a face. Like this at every, at every table.

885
00:53:30,835 --> 00:53:34,515
That's right. Hey, here you go. Talk to these guys. My eyes are down

886
00:53:34,555 --> 00:53:37,571
here. Yeah. You know,

887
00:53:37,763 --> 00:53:41,387
realistically though, these are people that you are trying to link up

888
00:53:41,411 --> 00:53:44,843
with. Let's treat them as such. You know, I think that's a

889
00:53:44,859 --> 00:53:48,413
big one. As mentioned previously, do not get

890
00:53:48,469 --> 00:53:52,013
pushy sexually and you know,

891
00:53:52,069 --> 00:53:55,317
don't have expectations of play. Just because you're meeting up with people,

892
00:53:55,381 --> 00:53:59,053
that doesn't mean that you're going to play with them. This, you know, some people

893
00:53:59,189 --> 00:54:02,421
don't ever Play on the first date. Some people don't play till after

894
00:54:02,453 --> 00:54:06,445
the third date. So just don't expect anything.

895
00:54:06,565 --> 00:54:09,629
Yes, that is for sure. When you're going to meet somebody,

896
00:54:09,677 --> 00:54:13,515
don't expect them to pay. That's a big one. That's a big one. You know,

897
00:54:13,555 --> 00:54:16,867
we. I'm. I am cheap. I'm.

898
00:54:16,891 --> 00:54:20,059
I'm a. Well, when we go out with a couple, we usually split the bills.

899
00:54:20,107 --> 00:54:23,603
We'll split the bill. I will tell you that if I pay for the entire

900
00:54:23,699 --> 00:54:26,203
meal, I really like you.

901
00:54:26,379 --> 00:54:30,507
Yes, it is way more than a sexual attraction,

902
00:54:30,611 --> 00:54:34,251
but most likely it is. And I really like. And we do

903
00:54:34,283 --> 00:54:37,931
have friends that if we go visit them, they pay. If they come visit us,

904
00:54:38,003 --> 00:54:40,923
we pay. Yeah. And back and forth, like, do the back and forth thing.

905
00:54:40,979 --> 00:54:44,211
It's okay. There's people that don't have a lot of money

906
00:54:44,283 --> 00:54:47,923
and be mindful of that. So. Right. Don't. Don't. You know, if you're going to

907
00:54:47,939 --> 00:54:51,251
ask somebody out, if you're going to say, hey, why don't you guys meet me

908
00:54:51,283 --> 00:54:54,795
for dinner? And that person says, well, you know, money's a little

909
00:54:54,835 --> 00:54:57,691
tight right now. If you still want to meet up with them,

910
00:54:57,723 --> 00:55:01,267
offer to pay. And if you don't, then say, okay, well, let me know

911
00:55:01,291 --> 00:55:04,259
when money's not tight and we can schedule something then, you know,

912
00:55:04,387 --> 00:55:07,781
cheaper or, you know, don't try and bring somebody into the fold

913
00:55:07,813 --> 00:55:10,309
and then go, hey, you're going to. You're going to have to pay for me.

914
00:55:10,397 --> 00:55:14,105
Now, this also is for singles out there.

915
00:55:14,645 --> 00:55:17,317
If a couple has reached out to you and said, hey, why don't you meet

916
00:55:17,341 --> 00:55:20,785
us for dinner? Do not expect them to pay for you.

917
00:55:21,285 --> 00:55:25,077
If you agree for now, they may. Normally, it's.

918
00:55:25,141 --> 00:55:28,533
It's in my policy that if we ask for a single lady

919
00:55:28,589 --> 00:55:31,957
to meet us for dinner. Poor man. Yeah. You know, I don't know why I'm

920
00:55:31,981 --> 00:55:35,135
going to be weird about this, but I'm not paying for a man. Sorry,

921
00:55:35,175 --> 00:55:37,663
guys, but if you're a single man that's going to meet with us, I'm not

922
00:55:37,679 --> 00:55:40,959
going to pay for you. Oh, my God. Sorry, bruh. I'll pay for you.

923
00:55:41,007 --> 00:55:44,063
Don't worry. Sorry, bruh, that's just not gonna happen. I'll pay for you,

924
00:55:44,079 --> 00:55:47,143
okay? Oh, my gosh. I don't know about that.

925
00:55:47,199 --> 00:55:50,951
Anyways, singles, do not expect to have

926
00:55:50,983 --> 00:55:54,383
anybody pay for you because, you know, you just never know. Always, always take care

927
00:55:54,399 --> 00:55:57,715
of yourself. You know, be like Beyonce. Be an independent woman. There you go.

928
00:55:59,095 --> 00:56:02,751
I like that. Yeah. Yes. Do not expect the

929
00:56:02,783 --> 00:56:06,423
vibe to be immediate. Yes. Now this is a big one.

930
00:56:06,479 --> 00:56:09,831
I feel like that hits hard for us. That one. That one. That one does.

931
00:56:09,983 --> 00:56:12,475
Because for me,

932
00:56:12,855 --> 00:56:16,151
we are many likes. My vibe because I'm such a

933
00:56:16,183 --> 00:56:20,367
very happy person. That doesn't even sound like me. Comes the

934
00:56:20,431 --> 00:56:23,455
wife. You mean Darth? Yes.

935
00:56:23,535 --> 00:56:27,801
Darth Vader. Yeah. No. So we are

936
00:56:27,873 --> 00:56:31,897
different people, obviously. Yes. We handle things differently.

937
00:56:32,001 --> 00:56:34,769
And you are less trusting than I am.

938
00:56:34,857 --> 00:56:38,193
Yeah. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not gonna lie. It. It's. It's the

939
00:56:38,209 --> 00:56:41,065
way it always has been. And I put a sweater over that sleeve. Yeah.

940
00:56:41,105 --> 00:56:44,881
You. You have like a lot of layers underneath that cold,

941
00:56:44,953 --> 00:56:48,005
cold heart. I, I'm. It's.

942
00:56:48,305 --> 00:56:50,977
I guess you can say I don't, I don't. It's not that I don't trust

943
00:56:51,041 --> 00:56:54,259
anybody. I just am aware of my

944
00:56:54,307 --> 00:56:57,915
surroundings and who I invite into our little

945
00:56:57,955 --> 00:57:01,267
bubble. That's fair. And I feel like you're very protective of

946
00:57:01,291 --> 00:57:04,347
us. I get that. I have been a little bit open minded

947
00:57:04,411 --> 00:57:07,771
now this past year. Yeah. I'm more

948
00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:12,091
apt to meeting people and understanding

949
00:57:12,163 --> 00:57:15,643
different aspects and layers of these people.

950
00:57:15,739 --> 00:57:19,203
Well. So I think it's fair to say that

951
00:57:19,259 --> 00:57:23,181
we have been able to open up your mind by showing

952
00:57:23,213 --> 00:57:26,557
you that you can't judge people off of their. The first time.

953
00:57:26,621 --> 00:57:30,117
Yes. We have met people for the first time and

954
00:57:30,141 --> 00:57:34,221
maybe it's been a bad impression and it could be for any number of reasons,

955
00:57:34,253 --> 00:57:37,629
but oftentimes you just don't get the

956
00:57:37,677 --> 00:57:41,197
full person the first time around. Yes. And with more

957
00:57:41,261 --> 00:57:44,637
conversation and more opportunity, you're either they're

958
00:57:44,661 --> 00:57:48,099
going to be the same, in which case you know that there's no vibe,

959
00:57:48,237 --> 00:57:52,055
or they're gonna loosen up a little bit and you're gonna be able

960
00:57:52,095 --> 00:57:56,035
to get to know them better. And in that situation

961
00:57:56,615 --> 00:58:00,303
you really get to kind of grow with them as far

962
00:58:00,319 --> 00:58:03,535
as friendship is concerned. Yes. You really get to know them. There were.

963
00:58:03,575 --> 00:58:06,903
There are people who are really good friends of ours who

964
00:58:07,039 --> 00:58:10,911
you initially did not want to continue talking

965
00:58:10,943 --> 00:58:14,455
to. Yes. And they're now really, really tight with us.

966
00:58:14,495 --> 00:58:17,827
Yeah. So you just never know. You just never know who it is

967
00:58:17,851 --> 00:58:21,267
you're talking to. Give them a chance. I know it sounds like

968
00:58:21,291 --> 00:58:24,451
a lot, but if you're really looking for friendship,

969
00:58:24,483 --> 00:58:27,771
if you're really looking to make this community yours,

970
00:58:27,963 --> 00:58:30,643
you know, give them an opportunity. Give them an opportunity.

971
00:58:30,779 --> 00:58:33,603
Also communicate your intentions.

972
00:58:33,779 --> 00:58:37,215
So just communicate what you want, what you're looking for,

973
00:58:37,595 --> 00:58:41,283
and be open and honest with them. Absolutely. You know,

974
00:58:41,339 --> 00:58:45,235
people are on different wavelengths. Is your intention

975
00:58:45,535 --> 00:58:49,079
strictly sexual? Yeah. Or are you looking for a friend?

976
00:58:49,247 --> 00:58:53,343
Are you looking for just a friend with no sexual benefits

977
00:58:53,519 --> 00:58:56,799
or are you looking for a friend with benefits? Yeah. You know,

978
00:58:56,847 --> 00:59:00,183
because there's people that don't like to communicate all the time. They just want

979
00:59:00,199 --> 00:59:02,991
to meet you at a meet and greet and if the vibe is there,

980
00:59:03,023 --> 00:59:06,791
they're going to take you back to wherever their, their house or whatever.

981
00:59:06,903 --> 00:59:10,235
Right. But if the vibe is not there. I, I don't,

982
00:59:10,275 --> 00:59:13,803
you know, I try to communicate our intentions with people ahead of

983
00:59:13,819 --> 00:59:17,491
time. Yeah. Just in the fact that you know everybody.

984
00:59:17,603 --> 00:59:21,523
I offer friendship for everybody. But if I'm interested in them, I will

985
00:59:21,579 --> 00:59:24,923
drop that at some point and be like, hey, I'm just throwing this out

986
00:59:24,939 --> 00:59:28,803
there. We're interested sexually, so if

987
00:59:28,899 --> 00:59:31,483
that ever comes up, great. You know,

988
00:59:31,619 --> 00:59:35,355
but if that never comes up, at least they know what our

989
00:59:35,395 --> 00:59:38,621
intentions are in that. So, you know, it's always

990
00:59:38,653 --> 00:59:41,933
good to throw that out there. But time and time again we have people that

991
00:59:42,069 --> 00:59:45,389
will meet with us and they'll express friendship,

992
00:59:45,517 --> 00:59:48,933
but they never actually express their intent

993
00:59:49,069 --> 00:59:52,645
as far as what they want from us, if at all. Sexually.

994
00:59:52,765 --> 00:59:56,829
Yes. And that normally will get you a one

995
00:59:56,877 --> 01:00:00,501
way ticket to the friend zone. Yes. Yeah. So done

996
01:00:00,533 --> 01:00:03,845
that a few times. That's right. So if you, if you are interested,

997
01:00:03,925 --> 01:00:07,065
express that interest. It's such, it's such a big thing now.

998
01:00:07,405 --> 01:00:11,373
You went, you met these people and you.

999
01:00:11,549 --> 01:00:15,525
Something just, you didn't like something, be an adult and communicate

1000
01:00:15,565 --> 01:00:18,589
that. Do not ghost them.

1001
01:00:18,717 --> 01:00:21,229
Oh man. Ghosting is the worst.

1002
01:00:21,317 --> 01:00:24,781
I. We've had people like Adam mentioned that

1003
01:00:24,893 --> 01:00:28,741
we just didn't vibe with. And I will be the one he doesn't like to

1004
01:00:28,773 --> 01:00:32,817
always tell the person that. And I don't mind being the person to tell a

1005
01:00:32,841 --> 01:00:37,113
couple or a single person that our vibe just wasn't there and

1006
01:00:37,129 --> 01:00:40,577
we're just not going to play. But good luck. You don't have to ghost them.

1007
01:00:40,641 --> 01:00:43,525
You're going to see them. Our community is big.

1008
01:00:44,145 --> 01:00:46,325
Everybody knows everybody. Yeah.

1009
01:00:46,745 --> 01:00:50,641
So it's big, but we all keep it very tight. So if you

1010
01:00:50,753 --> 01:00:54,193
ghosted somebody, it's somebody's. Going to find out. You're going

1011
01:00:54,209 --> 01:00:57,979
to get labeled. Unfortunately, once you're labeled, it is

1012
01:00:58,027 --> 01:01:01,427
what it is. Kind of carries on. It does just like

1013
01:01:01,451 --> 01:01:04,803
it does in the vanilla world. You know, once you're like, that's it. But you

1014
01:01:04,819 --> 01:01:08,459
know, ghosting does a lot of trauma

1015
01:01:08,547 --> 01:01:12,371
to people, believe it or not, because it, it's not, you're not

1016
01:01:12,403 --> 01:01:15,835
just leaving easily what you're

1017
01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:19,283
doing is you're leaving people who are already feeling heavy duty

1018
01:01:19,339 --> 01:01:22,931
insecurities in a very insecure lifestyle.

1019
01:01:23,123 --> 01:01:26,827
You're making them feel like they did something wrong or maybe they're less than.

1020
01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:30,923
Yeah. Those are hard feelings to carry. Yeah. And we've all. So I'm

1021
01:01:30,939 --> 01:01:35,055
not gonna lie to you. We have all done the ghosting thing for whatever reason.

1022
01:01:35,395 --> 01:01:38,931
But I get it. Grow up. I do. I get it. Like, I understand.

1023
01:01:39,003 --> 01:01:42,251
I'm a major people pleaser. Yeah. And so I don't

1024
01:01:42,283 --> 01:01:46,139
want to make anybody feel bad. Yeah. And to have that uncomfortable conversation

1025
01:01:46,187 --> 01:01:49,827
with somebody and be like, hey, look, I just don't feel. Feel like this is

1026
01:01:49,851 --> 01:01:52,963
going to work out. Yes. Or maybe this vibe is off.

1027
01:01:53,139 --> 01:01:56,867
You're not, you're not going to get along with everybody. No. You are not everybody's

1028
01:01:56,891 --> 01:02:00,179
cup of tea. Yeah. It's because you liked one person

1029
01:02:00,227 --> 01:02:04,575
in the couple, you didn't like the other person in the couple. Most likely,

1030
01:02:04,955 --> 01:02:08,275
if you tell them that, you're not probably not going to play with them again.

1031
01:02:08,315 --> 01:02:11,811
But. Or play with them, period. But at least you've laid

1032
01:02:11,843 --> 01:02:15,179
it out. You know, hey, I liked you, but I didn't really care for your

1033
01:02:15,227 --> 01:02:19,087
wife's vibe. Or we've had that. Or I

1034
01:02:19,111 --> 01:02:22,439
like your wife, but I don't really care for your vibe. I mean, we've never

1035
01:02:22,487 --> 01:02:25,639
had that. We've had. I don't think it's ever been said before,

1036
01:02:25,687 --> 01:02:29,127
but we've had that. But you know what I mean? Like, be open. Don't ghost

1037
01:02:29,191 --> 01:02:32,359
them. Yeah. Don't ghost them. That. Have some respect.

1038
01:02:32,487 --> 01:02:36,591
I think it's important to treat everybody with respect,

1039
01:02:36,743 --> 01:02:40,711
lifestyle or not. Have some respect for your fellow persons.

1040
01:02:40,743 --> 01:02:44,885
Yeah. That's. That's the big thing. So we have really done

1041
01:02:44,925 --> 01:02:48,949
our best to hit up on what you need to

1042
01:02:48,997 --> 01:02:52,389
know. If you're interested in the lifestyle, if you're interested in

1043
01:02:52,437 --> 01:02:56,189
starting out. I hope that we were able to answer some questions. If you have

1044
01:02:56,237 --> 01:03:00,685
more questions, you can reach us on our email at

1045
01:03:00,805 --> 01:03:04,789
beyond monogamy4u. That's beyond monogamy number

1046
01:03:04,837 --> 01:03:08,789
four letter u gmail dot com, feel free to

1047
01:03:08,917 --> 01:03:12,803
email us or send us a message on Facebook or any of our platforms.

1048
01:03:12,949 --> 01:03:15,879
If you have any questions that you want read out on the air or just

1049
01:03:15,927 --> 01:03:19,711
an opinion that you'd like. Interested in voicing at

1050
01:03:19,743 --> 01:03:22,823
this point. I would really like to take a moment and just say thank you

1051
01:03:22,879 --> 01:03:26,471
once again to our community. For those of you who are supporting

1052
01:03:26,503 --> 01:03:30,495
us, for all of you who are helping us grow we

1053
01:03:30,535 --> 01:03:33,879
are. We, we're doing what we love.

1054
01:03:34,007 --> 01:03:37,023
This is what we love. And if any of you were to come up to

1055
01:03:37,039 --> 01:03:40,247
us and have a conversation with us, this is exactly how it would go.

1056
01:03:40,311 --> 01:03:43,693
Yes, this is what we love doing and we love bringing you

1057
01:03:43,749 --> 01:03:47,693
into our home and having you be a part of our conversations

1058
01:03:47,789 --> 01:03:51,061
and having you be a part of our friends circle. So just

1059
01:03:51,093 --> 01:03:54,421
a heartfelt thank you on behalf of the both of us right

1060
01:03:54,453 --> 01:03:57,725
before we sign off. Please continue to follow us.

1061
01:03:57,765 --> 01:04:01,237
We're going to have a lot more content coming up. A lot of

1062
01:04:01,261 --> 01:04:04,693
big changes and a lot of big changes for 2025.

1063
01:04:04,789 --> 01:04:08,181
So if, if you want in on the ground floor, you're in the right place.

1064
01:04:08,253 --> 01:04:12,197
Yes. With that being said, thank you so much for joining us for another

1065
01:04:12,261 --> 01:04:15,469
week of beyond monogamy. I'm Adam and I'm Press.

1066
01:04:15,597 --> 01:04:16,621
We'll see you next week.