QUICKIE: Swingers Stuck in a Vanilla Setting

1
00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:07,968
All right, y'all.

2
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:12,360
Before we dive in, a quick
heads-up This show is raw, real,

3
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,010
and definitely not rated PG.

4
00:00:14,297 --> 00:00:19,067
We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

5
00:00:19,067 --> 00:00:23,397
probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kids.

6
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:27,549
So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy.

7
00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:32,339
Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

8
00:00:32,339 --> 00:00:35,269
counselors, or sex couches.

9
00:00:35,959 --> 00:00:37,149
Sex coaches.

10
00:00:37,399 --> 00:00:38,239
Sex coaches.

11
00:00:38,309 --> 00:00:39,379
Not sex couches.

12
00:00:40,318 --> 00:00:43,638
We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

13
00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:46,568
adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

14
00:00:46,858 --> 00:00:50,021
So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

15
00:00:51,332 --> 00:00:53,672
Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

16
00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:54,212
I'm Adam.

17
00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:54,922
And I'm Pris.

18
00:00:54,982 --> 00:01:00,722
And today we're talking about
something very specific that maybe

19
00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:06,922
some of you, and I'm, I'm gonna likely
guess most of you, have experienced.

20
00:01:07,722 --> 00:01:14,512
Have you ever been involved in the
lifestyle nonstop, so much so that

21
00:01:14,512 --> 00:01:21,012
you end up in a vanilla setting with
vanilla people and not known what to do?

22
00:01:22,338 --> 00:01:25,538
Yes I, you know, it, we don't
have this come up very often.

23
00:01:25,908 --> 00:01:29,048
I wanna say in the past couple
of years, we've been in vanilla

24
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:32,778
settings around a bunch of vanilla
people a small handful of times.

25
00:01:32,798 --> 00:01:33,818
A small handful.

26
00:01:33,858 --> 00:01:37,658
But- Yeah … it came up this
weekend in the fact that we spent a

27
00:01:37,658 --> 00:01:42,998
lot of time around a lot of vanilla
people in a lot of vanilla settings.

28
00:01:43,018 --> 00:01:43,448
Yes.

29
00:01:43,788 --> 00:01:48,178
And it, it was, it was
different, to say the least.

30
00:01:48,668 --> 00:01:50,848
I remember that sort of thing differently.

31
00:01:51,338 --> 00:01:51,908
Yeah.

32
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:59,208
We don't, I don't think we were very
aware of our surroundings and how

33
00:01:59,208 --> 00:02:03,458
we acted- Yeah, y- … before really
being- 'Cause … part of the lifestyle.

34
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:07,658
Yeah I guess we didn't, we've always
been very affectionate to each other,

35
00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:09,988
and we're always all over each other.

36
00:02:10,558 --> 00:02:14,528
But we've had to, like, tame it down.

37
00:02:14,648 --> 00:02:15,898
And we never have to do that.

38
00:02:15,908 --> 00:02:16,378
Yeah.

39
00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:19,918
So that was really different for us-
Yeah … to, to have to tame ourselves

40
00:02:19,918 --> 00:02:21,278
down, to kinda censor ourselves.

41
00:02:21,338 --> 00:02:28,448
Like, I don't know how to
behave in a vanilla setting with

42
00:02:28,758 --> 00:02:30,428
non-vanilla people around me.

43
00:02:30,848 --> 00:02:35,528
You know, conversationally,
I'm so used to speaking freely.

44
00:02:35,548 --> 00:02:40,908
And- Yes … that free speak has
really worked out in the lifestyle

45
00:02:40,908 --> 00:02:42,538
setting and when you have a podcast.

46
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:47,788
But when you're, say, I don't know,
talking to people at work who don't

47
00:02:47,808 --> 00:02:52,458
know- … that you're in the lifestyle,
you know, I find myself often in

48
00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:54,748
conversation with people at work.

49
00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:56,158
And you wanna bring up something?

50
00:02:56,188 --> 00:03:00,558
And there are things that will tie into
the podcast, or there's things that will

51
00:03:00,558 --> 00:03:04,748
tie into certain guests, or things that
will tie into the, the community itself,

52
00:03:05,398 --> 00:03:07,838
that I would normally bring up and say.

53
00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:08,458
Yeah.

54
00:03:08,918 --> 00:03:12,688
That I've had to catch myself and
go, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Yeah.

55
00:03:12,908 --> 00:03:14,198
"Don't say that." Yeah.

56
00:03:15,398 --> 00:03:19,818
I'm pretty open about, like, at,
especially, like, at work and stuff.

57
00:03:19,818 --> 00:03:21,318
But not everybody knows.

58
00:03:21,328 --> 00:03:22,238
Y- you are right.

59
00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:25,778
Like, it's hard to… Yeah But
you are more of a talker anyway.

60
00:03:25,818 --> 00:03:26,268
Mm, yeah.

61
00:03:26,278 --> 00:03:27,568
I'm more of a blurter.

62
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:30,018
So, like, I don't care who knows.

63
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,698
You're very quiet about it.

64
00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:35,968
Well- But I can't even imagine
if all this shit is going through

65
00:03:35,968 --> 00:03:37,878
your head, and you're like,
"These are all vanilla people."

66
00:03:38,358 --> 00:03:39,638
You know, it's- What am I supposed to say?

67
00:03:39,698 --> 00:03:44,628
It, it makes me nervous
on a couple of, of points.

68
00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:49,178
Because, you know, for
one thing, judgment.

69
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:54,048
I mean, we've, we've established that
there's major judgment in the lifestyle.

70
00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:54,448
Yes.

71
00:03:54,498 --> 00:03:56,908
But there's 20 times more
outside of the lifestyle.

72
00:03:56,908 --> 00:03:57,268
Yes.

73
00:03:57,308 --> 00:04:04,314
So The moment you start talking about
your sex life, you're gonna get one of

74
00:04:04,364 --> 00:04:06,664
two responses from somebody who's vanilla.

75
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:06,914
Mm-hmm.

76
00:04:06,924 --> 00:04:10,144
They're either gonna perk up
their ears and go, "Ooh, really?

77
00:04:10,374 --> 00:04:13,854
Tell me more." That person might
be interested in the lifestyle.

78
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:14,094
Yes.

79
00:04:14,704 --> 00:04:19,964
Or the other reaction is gonna be,
"Ugh, gross. You guys do that?"

80
00:04:20,014 --> 00:04:24,024
And that person more than likely
has skeletons in their closet and,

81
00:04:24,024 --> 00:04:25,474
and doesn't like to talk about it.

82
00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,544
And those are the people
that you get judgment from.

83
00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:28,364
Usually.

84
00:04:29,024 --> 00:04:30,544
Those are the people
you get judgment from.

85
00:04:30,544 --> 00:04:30,814
I mean, let's be real.

86
00:04:30,814 --> 00:04:31,094
Yeah.

87
00:04:31,094 --> 00:04:36,194
I mean, I had vanilla friends that
would love to listen to all the

88
00:04:36,194 --> 00:04:39,574
stories that I had, and then would
be like, "That's so cool. I could

89
00:04:39,574 --> 00:04:40,314
never do that." I could never do that.

90
00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:41,584
I could never do that.

91
00:04:41,584 --> 00:04:44,844
I don't know how many times I've heard
people say, "I could never do that."

92
00:04:44,844 --> 00:04:45,284
I could never do that.

93
00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:49,364
And then one day they- They doin'
it … they do it, but they do it

94
00:04:49,364 --> 00:04:51,164
unethically and they end up divorced.

95
00:04:51,174 --> 00:04:51,524
Yes.

96
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,024
Because they cheated.

97
00:04:54,554 --> 00:04:54,654
They did it.

98
00:04:54,654 --> 00:04:54,664
Yeah.

99
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:59,474
But yeah, no, I, um… We don't
have a lot of vanilla friends, so

100
00:04:59,774 --> 00:05:03,280
having very little vanilla friends.

101
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:08,450
We, you know, we talk about our lifestyle
all the time because the only friends

102
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,290
we really have are lifestyle-er friends.

103
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:14,630
But when we go into a vanilla setting
with lifestyle-er friends, and

104
00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:19,690
then there's other vanilla people
around us, like in the group, we

105
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,870
don't talk about the lifestyle.

106
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:22,810
No.

107
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,820
It stays in the back pocket.

108
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:26,330
Yeah.

109
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:27,960
We'll discuss it afterwards.

110
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:32,190
Nobody knows that all four of us are gonna
go back to the hotel and have some fun.

111
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:32,230
Mm-hmm.

112
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:36,010
It's a very, like, weird setting.

113
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:39,090
And we know how to behave.

114
00:05:40,430 --> 00:05:43,390
Well, kind of, in a way, a little bit.

115
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,610
I mean, I'll give you an example.

116
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:51,310
We were at a bar Saturday
night, and we were sit- I was

117
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,850
sitting at a cocktail table.

118
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:53,850
We had friends around.

119
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:58,810
My wife was standing next to me, and I
had my arm around her, around her waist.

120
00:05:59,510 --> 00:06:00,640
She's wearing a dress.

121
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,500
She doesn't wear panties,
and she's smoking hot.

122
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:08,900
So you add all those things
together, and I'm on autopilot.

123
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:13,020
My first response is I've
got my arm around her.

124
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:17,500
I'm kind of rubbing her, her hip,
and then my hand goes a little bit

125
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,660
lower, and then I'm cupping her ass.

126
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:23,130
And then my hand goes a little
lower, and I'm kind of rubbing

127
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:25,640
her, the, the back thigh area-

128
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:26,760
right below her buttock.

129
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:27,450
And then I'm just relaxing.

130
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:30,360
And then before you know it,
my hand's going up her dress,

131
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,340
and it's doing a lot more.

132
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,460
And I'm doing this without realizing.

133
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:36,830
Yeah.

134
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,200
And you brought it to my attention
that I was doing it, and you were

135
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,580
like, "Uh, hello, inappropriate."
"We're in a vanilla setting."

136
00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:47,370
And I was like, "Ooh, sorry,
sorry, sorry," and I stopped, but

137
00:06:47,370 --> 00:06:49,040
I kept my arm around your waist.

138
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:49,430
Yeah.

139
00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:50,870
And then I move.

140
00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:54,420
And then, like, five minutes
later, I'm doing it again.

141
00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:57,410
And you're like, "Hey, stop it.

142
00:06:58,170 --> 00:07:02,740
We're in a vanilla setting." And I was
like, "Shit, I am so sorry." I had to

143
00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,770
remove my hand from you completely.

144
00:07:04,770 --> 00:07:05,110
Yeah.

145
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,790
Put my hands in my lap or put
them on the table and just

146
00:07:07,790 --> 00:07:09,710
say, "You can touch me." Yes.

147
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,220
"But I'm gonna stay here." Yeah.

148
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,540
Like, I'm not gonna touch anybody else.

149
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,210
I mean, that is hard because even
the people that we're with, like,

150
00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:17,970
we usually are very touchy feely.

151
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:18,310
Mm-hmm.

152
00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:21,440
And we had to all just behave.

153
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:22,620
We had to behave.

154
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:22,960
Yeah.

155
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:29,610
Now I… You know, do you find as
a woman in the lifestyle, when you

156
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:35,498
go to a vanilla setting, do you
find yourself- Being flirty at all?

157
00:07:36,718 --> 00:07:37,288
Sometimes.

158
00:07:37,288 --> 00:07:39,528
And, and catching yourself going-
Yeah … I shouldn't be flirting.

159
00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:40,538
But I like doing that.

160
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:41,048
Really?

161
00:07:41,058 --> 00:07:41,218
Yeah.

162
00:07:41,218 --> 00:07:42,088
In a vanilla setting?

163
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:42,928
Yeah, that doesn't matter to me.

164
00:07:43,218 --> 00:07:47,128
So I haven't had confidence
previous to 2025.

165
00:07:47,218 --> 00:07:51,248
If you guys have listened to the podcast,
2025 was the year of confident Adam.

166
00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:51,628
What?

167
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,568
And I faked it till I made it.

168
00:07:53,608 --> 00:07:54,328
Say that again.

169
00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:58,388
2025. 2025 was the year of confident Adam.

170
00:07:58,738 --> 00:08:03,058
Started January 1st, 2025, and
it went downhill from there.

171
00:08:03,338 --> 00:08:08,818
And I have, I, I'm pretty
confident in my abilities to

172
00:08:09,278 --> 00:08:11,368
converse with other people- Mm-hmm

173
00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:13,168
to flirt with ladies.

174
00:08:13,238 --> 00:08:17,488
I'm not confident that it'll work, but
I'm confident that I can do it and feel

175
00:08:17,488 --> 00:08:19,488
less awkward about it, that sort of thing.

176
00:08:19,548 --> 00:08:24,658
What I realized is, yes, I am
confident in the lifestyle setting,

177
00:08:25,578 --> 00:08:27,268
not so much in the vanilla setting.

178
00:08:27,788 --> 00:08:33,768
And I did catch myself several times
tr- trying not to flirt with women- Mm

179
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:37,448
because it's second nature when
we're out at vanilla settings.

180
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:38,338
Yeah.

181
00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:45,068
It's like I see someone attractive, this
is the lifestyle we're in, and it's okay.

182
00:08:45,078 --> 00:08:45,098
Yeah.

183
00:08:45,678 --> 00:08:48,908
I can go up to somebody and I can have
conversation with them and I can go,

184
00:08:49,298 --> 00:08:51,418
"Damn, girl, you look good." Mm-hmm.

185
00:08:51,678 --> 00:08:54,998
If I did that on Saturday,
I would've walked out with

186
00:08:54,998 --> 00:08:56,478
a black eye or two or three.

187
00:08:57,098 --> 00:09:03,658
So that's really the conflict, and that's
where I, I start overthinking everything,

188
00:09:04,148 --> 00:09:08,438
and I'm like, "Should I even be looking
in this girl's direction?" Yeah, yeah.

189
00:09:08,508 --> 00:09:10,438
Is her dude gonna talk shit?

190
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:15,068
Because he's putting back, you know,
drink after drink after drink, and

191
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:18,448
we all know that al- alcohol is a
depressant, and it's easy to get

192
00:09:18,468 --> 00:09:19,688
angry when you've been drinking.

193
00:09:19,688 --> 00:09:21,628
It's easy to start drama
when you're drinking.

194
00:09:21,918 --> 00:09:21,938
Yeah.

195
00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:28,118
And, you know, I couldn't even look at
the women that were around be- for too

196
00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:32,668
long because if I did, I was afraid
that somebody was gonna call me out.

197
00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:33,168
Yeah.

198
00:09:33,278 --> 00:09:34,008
You know what I mean?

199
00:09:34,018 --> 00:09:36,928
And what am I supposed to do when
some guy's about to beat the shit

200
00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:38,468
out of me for staring at his woman?

201
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:38,868
Yeah.

202
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,628
I go, "Hey, sorry, man. I didn't
mean to. We're swingers." Oh, that's

203
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:43,758
not gonna help anything, you know?

204
00:09:43,778 --> 00:09:44,778
I mean, it is.

205
00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:50,368
It's hard to, to to keep your, your,
your beautiful dirty mind of yours-

206
00:09:50,418 --> 00:09:52,068
Oh, my God … inside of your head.

207
00:09:52,088 --> 00:09:58,088
I, I, I… You know, we all know that all
I do is think about sex 100% of the time.

208
00:09:58,168 --> 00:09:58,448
Yes.

209
00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:02,058
That is even worse when
I'm in a vanilla setting.

210
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:03,588
I can't even imagine.

211
00:10:04,148 --> 00:10:05,008
It's, it's tough.

212
00:10:05,258 --> 00:10:05,918
It's tough.

213
00:10:06,298 --> 00:10:14,138
Because there's so many attractive women,
and I'm sitting there and, and here's the

214
00:10:14,138 --> 00:10:16,038
funny thing that I kept thinking about.

215
00:10:16,228 --> 00:10:19,708
When we were at the bar specifically-
Mm-hmm … I'm sitting there next to you.

216
00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:21,008
You're smoking hot.

217
00:10:21,138 --> 00:10:21,158
Mm-hmm.

218
00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:26,158
And we're next to each other, and a
girl walks by and I'm just like, "Damn."

219
00:10:26,378 --> 00:10:31,028
I see that and I'm like, "Damn." And
another girl is walking towards me, and

220
00:10:31,188 --> 00:10:35,228
I'm looking at her, and I'm… I find
her attractive, and then she looks at

221
00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:38,278
me, and we lock eyes for a brief second.

222
00:10:38,748 --> 00:10:44,136
And as soon as that happens, I look
away And all I'm thinking is, "She's

223
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:49,336
probably judging me because she caught
me checking her out," and she's like,

224
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:50,646
"What the fuck are you looking at me for?

225
00:10:50,646 --> 00:10:53,476
You got, you got a woman right there,
you fucking cheating motherfucker."

226
00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:56,956
You know? Yeah. And so immediately
I'm like- Yeah … "You know what?

227
00:10:57,176 --> 00:10:59,016
I can't look at anybody." Yeah.

228
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:00,286
"I can't look at anybody." Yeah.

229
00:11:00,346 --> 00:11:03,666
I st- I, I found a TV to look at,
and I just kept my eyes there.

230
00:11:04,106 --> 00:11:06,586
And then, of course, I couldn't touch
you, so I had my hands in my lap.

231
00:11:06,626 --> 00:11:11,156
I looked like I was a, a kid in time
out because I was just sitting there

232
00:11:11,156 --> 00:11:15,096
with my hands in my lap at a cocktail
table just looking up at the TV,

233
00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:17,006
watching whatever fight was showing.

234
00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:17,376
Yeah.

235
00:11:17,456 --> 00:11:22,606
And I'm between you and a woman of whom
I've played with and am very sexually

236
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,246
attracted to, and I wanna touch her.

237
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:26,246
You can't.

238
00:11:26,596 --> 00:11:29,266
I wanna touch her, but
that's her place of business.

239
00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:29,636
Yeah.

240
00:11:29,686 --> 00:11:30,896
And I can't.

241
00:11:31,076 --> 00:11:31,336
Yeah.

242
00:11:31,396 --> 00:11:35,186
And even if she said I could, I don't
know if I would be comfortable with it.

243
00:11:35,186 --> 00:11:35,546
Yeah.

244
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:38,516
Uh, so, you know, I don't know.

245
00:11:38,526 --> 00:11:41,536
One of the first things that
we… One of the first couples

246
00:11:42,086 --> 00:11:43,886
that we ever saw in the wild.

247
00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:45,526
You remember?

248
00:11:45,886 --> 00:11:48,116
We were at a bar downtown in our hometown.

249
00:11:48,176 --> 00:11:48,686
Mm-hmm.

250
00:11:49,086 --> 00:11:55,656
And we were there actually with a
girl who we were kind of attempting

251
00:11:55,666 --> 00:11:58,966
to- Yeah … see if we wanted to
date, 'cause we had just become poly.

252
00:11:58,976 --> 00:11:58,996
Yeah.

253
00:11:59,376 --> 00:12:01,826
And there was a c- there was
two couples in front of us.

254
00:12:02,336 --> 00:12:02,356
Yeah.

255
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:05,686
So there was these two couples,
and I'd seen the first couple

256
00:12:05,686 --> 00:12:08,386
get there together, you know?

257
00:12:08,806 --> 00:12:09,926
Then I'd see these…

258
00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:13,676
Then I saw these other two people
get there who were a couple, and

259
00:12:13,676 --> 00:12:18,676
then I saw everybody say hi, and then
the first wife went with the second

260
00:12:18,676 --> 00:12:21,686
husband, and the other wife went
with the other husband, and they were

261
00:12:21,686 --> 00:12:24,976
just all kissing and touching, and
I was like, "." And she nudged me.

262
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:25,306
"They're swing-" Yeah.

263
00:12:25,316 --> 00:12:26,976
We… I was like, "They're swingers."

264
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,816
"Hey, look, these people in front of
us are swingers." And he's like, "How

265
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:33,906
do you know?" I was like, "No." And
I'm like, "They are," and I asked them.

266
00:12:34,456 --> 00:12:34,906
Yeah.

267
00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:36,646
You just straight up went
up to them and asked them.

268
00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:38,466
I was like, "Are y'all swingers?"
And they're like, "Yeah."

269
00:12:38,586 --> 00:12:39,796
They gave us their card.

270
00:12:40,146 --> 00:12:42,426
To this day, they are
still really good friends.

271
00:12:42,446 --> 00:12:43,226
Yeah, they are.

272
00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:44,166
Great friends.

273
00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:46,396
They're s- They're… They,
they gave us a swingers card.

274
00:12:46,396 --> 00:12:46,876
Yeah.

275
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:51,096
But yeah, they… We are still friends
with them, but that was the first time

276
00:12:51,096 --> 00:12:55,916
that we had ever been out- Yes … in
a public vanilla setting- Yes … and

277
00:12:55,916 --> 00:13:00,996
seen this- That … switcheroo, because
you had one couple here on the left.

278
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:01,026
Yeah.

279
00:13:01,036 --> 00:13:04,266
One couple on the right, and then before
you know it, the women had switched.

280
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:08,136
I was like, "Hell yeah." And they
were still all over, and I was… And

281
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,846
when you pointed that out, I was like,
"No," I didn't believe it, and then

282
00:13:10,846 --> 00:13:14,236
when they switched, I was like, "Oh,
okay." I was like, "That's his wife.

283
00:13:14,236 --> 00:13:15,286
That's her husband."

284
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:16,556
Interesting.

285
00:13:16,616 --> 00:13:18,016
Interesting turn of events.

286
00:13:18,386 --> 00:13:20,276
Now, they didn't give a fuck.

287
00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:21,196
No.

288
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:28,020
It… I think… So if we were with people
who didn't care- Who were open Yeah.

289
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:29,840
Maybe it'd be different It'd be different.

290
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,550
Like when we go to s- when we go to
San Antonio, we're all like, whatever.

291
00:13:33,550 --> 00:13:34,430
Like, we don't all care.

292
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:35,640
That's true.

293
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:35,880
That's true.

294
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,310
You know?

295
00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:38,040
It's, I think it's the setting.

296
00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:41,190
And it's als- yeah, it's
also the level of discretion.

297
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:41,310
It was the setting.

298
00:13:41,310 --> 00:13:41,680
Yeah.

299
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:42,380
Yeah.

300
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:42,450
Um.

301
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:45,790
But I mean, we've gone to
vanilla places with other people.

302
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:50,478
I mean, we've had social
events at vanilla places.

303
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,738
Well, you know, the hard part is this.

304
00:13:52,738 --> 00:13:55,578
I, I've never been a fan of clubs.

305
00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:56,378
Yeah.

306
00:13:56,428 --> 00:13:56,778
Ever.

307
00:13:57,288 --> 00:13:59,308
Like, even when I was in my 20s.

308
00:13:59,368 --> 00:13:59,528
Mm-hmm.

309
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:00,348
I didn't like clubs.

310
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:02,488
I liked bars, but I was a drinker.

311
00:14:02,838 --> 00:14:06,278
And it was a laid back kind
of environment, you know?

312
00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,848
You could have conversation
with people, things like that.

313
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:12,298
But clubs tend to be really,
really loud- Mm-hmm … with music.

314
00:14:12,308 --> 00:14:12,418
Mm-hmm.

315
00:14:12,868 --> 00:14:14,968
And you can't really have
good conversation in there.

316
00:14:15,318 --> 00:14:19,518
Which is fine, because in clubs
you can go to the dance floor.

317
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,178
You don't need to really
have conversation.

318
00:14:21,178 --> 00:14:21,548
You're, yeah.

319
00:14:21,848 --> 00:14:22,658
You have your drinks.

320
00:14:22,708 --> 00:14:22,938
Yeah.

321
00:14:22,938 --> 00:14:25,538
You dance, and you scream and
shout and have a good time.

322
00:14:25,838 --> 00:14:28,848
The place we went to on Saturday,
is that a bar or is that a club?

323
00:14:29,608 --> 00:14:30,328
I think it's both.

324
00:14:30,648 --> 00:14:30,948
Okay.

325
00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,058
'Cause I didn't know it
was on the other side.

326
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:32,158
Okay.

327
00:14:32,168 --> 00:14:33,198
I, I think it was both.

328
00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:33,538
Okay.

329
00:14:33,558 --> 00:14:40,428
But nonetheless, what I realize
is, is that I, I just don't, I

330
00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:41,898
don't care for the club setting.

331
00:14:41,898 --> 00:14:42,928
I never really have.

332
00:14:43,678 --> 00:14:48,288
And I know that when we first started
going to the club in the lifestyle,

333
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,728
before we even went to the club in the
lifestyle, I remember sitting there

334
00:14:50,728 --> 00:14:52,858
going, "Why would I wanna go to the club?"

335
00:14:53,358 --> 00:14:53,508
Yeah.

336
00:14:53,508 --> 00:14:55,628
I don't like… I didn't like
clubs when I was younger.

337
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,598
I didn't like vanilla clubs.

338
00:14:56,598 --> 00:14:58,508
Why the hell would I wanna
go to a lifestyle club except

339
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:00,708
for to see people naked?

340
00:15:00,718 --> 00:15:01,868
What's the point, you know?

341
00:15:01,878 --> 00:15:01,898
Mm-hmm.

342
00:15:01,908 --> 00:15:04,908
Well, I love the lifestyle
club, and there's a reason why.

343
00:15:05,358 --> 00:15:06,868
A, the music's not too loud.

344
00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:08,448
You can still have conversation.

345
00:15:08,498 --> 00:15:08,928
Yeah.

346
00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:12,068
And, and C, when you get bored-
Just go have sex … you go to

347
00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:14,018
the back and you fuck, you know?

348
00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:14,048
Yeah.

349
00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:15,238
I mean, that's what it comes down to.

350
00:15:15,278 --> 00:15:16,338
I, it, agree.

351
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:19,348
And we have, we have sex a
lot when we're at the club-

352
00:15:19,358 --> 00:15:19,928
Yeah … throughout the night.

353
00:15:20,008 --> 00:15:26,308
That was a big, that was a big
tribulation for me, being at a vanilla

354
00:15:26,308 --> 00:15:30,728
club, not being able to look where
I wanted to look, not being able to

355
00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:32,828
flirt with who I wanted to flirt with.

356
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:37,918
But also, when I got bored,
I couldn't go have sex.

357
00:15:37,918 --> 00:15:38,378
Yeah.

358
00:15:38,608 --> 00:15:41,108
So I was just stuck there,
just sitting there, you know?

359
00:15:41,118 --> 00:15:41,338
Yeah.

360
00:15:41,338 --> 00:15:45,878
We were like… I mean, I was even
telling our friends, I was like, "Where?

361
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,278
Do we go to the back?" Like- Yeah.

362
00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:50,688
I couldn't even- I, I mean, I
couldn't even properly people watch.

363
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:50,928
Yeah.

364
00:15:50,968 --> 00:15:53,428
And that's, that's the
hard part, too, you know?

365
00:15:53,428 --> 00:15:57,118
It's like a- at, at not just the
bar, just at any of the settings-

366
00:15:57,118 --> 00:15:58,328
Mm-hmm … that we were in.

367
00:15:58,378 --> 00:15:58,708
Yeah.

368
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,568
At any of the vanilla
settings that we were in.

369
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:00,798
Yeah.

370
00:16:00,798 --> 00:16:05,858
I could not properly people watch-
Yeah … without feeling like

371
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,178
I was going to get confronted.

372
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:08,658
Yeah.

373
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,068
You know?

374
00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:13,008
And you're not really a gawker, but
just any type of view, like e- just

375
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:15,618
glancing sometimes will, you know.

376
00:16:15,698 --> 00:16:16,668
Yeah.

377
00:16:16,668 --> 00:16:17,038
Yeah.

378
00:16:17,038 --> 00:16:19,998
Well, like I've always said, you
know, that, that alcohol can, can

379
00:16:19,998 --> 00:16:21,698
really spurn some angry feelings.

380
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:25,858
Especially if they've, if the
couple has had past indiscretions.

381
00:16:25,858 --> 00:16:26,278
Yeah.

382
00:16:26,578 --> 00:16:30,158
Uh, it's easy for somebody to go, "Hey,
why are you looking at my chick?" Mm-hmm.

383
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:30,488
You know?

384
00:16:30,488 --> 00:16:31,968
Or, or, "Hey, you know,
why are you doing this?"

385
00:16:31,978 --> 00:16:31,998
Yeah.

386
00:16:32,008 --> 00:16:32,178
"Why are you doing that?" For sure.

387
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:32,858
You know?

388
00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:36,886
Especially where we come from,
people tend to be… A, a little

389
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:39,706
pop off-ish sometimes Just a little?

390
00:16:39,816 --> 00:16:46,246
Just a little bit Just a little bit But
yeah, I mean, it, it is hard to, to be in

391
00:16:46,246 --> 00:16:51,196
a vanilla setting when you're … when the
rest of your life is usually lifestyle,

392
00:16:51,646 --> 00:16:55,696
and then you get to a place where you're
like, you just have to be, you have

393
00:16:55,706 --> 00:17:03,446
to be on your best behavior and not
attempt to cause, not cause a scene,

394
00:17:03,446 --> 00:17:12,312
but get too overly Sexual When did it
become such a bad thing to be sexual?

395
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:14,222
I don't think it's a bad thing.

396
00:17:14,272 --> 00:17:16,462
I think some people feel like- No, I
mean, I know you don't think it's a bad

397
00:17:16,462 --> 00:17:20,012
thing … I think some people feel like
it's inappropriate, like take it to

398
00:17:20,012 --> 00:17:22,722
your room or do it behind closed doors.

399
00:17:23,362 --> 00:17:26,992
That could be more of
maybe there's kids around.

400
00:17:27,152 --> 00:17:27,172
Ugh.

401
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:30,812
But actually even if there isn't-
Even at a bar, though, like- Yeah

402
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,982
you know, th- this is the
part that drove me nuts.

403
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:34,842
And, and you know what?

404
00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,942
I'm going on a rant here, so come with me.

405
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,012
Here's my problem, okay?

406
00:17:40,122 --> 00:17:47,852
You have these people who will judge
you sexually i- i- if you want more

407
00:17:48,012 --> 00:17:51,282
than one person or if you wanna
have a threesome or this or that.

408
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:51,542
Mm-hmm.

409
00:17:51,552 --> 00:17:55,352
These experiences, they look at you and
they go, "Ugh, I could never do that.

410
00:17:55,362 --> 00:17:55,852
That's gross.

411
00:17:55,862 --> 00:17:56,892
You're sharing your man?

412
00:17:56,932 --> 00:18:00,192
Are you kidding me?" Or, "No, you're,
you're having sex with multiple people?

413
00:18:00,202 --> 00:18:03,742
Gross," you know? "You're a slut,
you're a whore," whatever. But then

414
00:18:03,742 --> 00:18:10,582
those same people will go to a bar,
get drunk, and then go up to their

415
00:18:10,582 --> 00:18:12,592
friend and go, "Ooh, I'm so drunk.

416
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:17,032
Let's make out." And then they'll
end up having a threesome at night

417
00:18:18,152 --> 00:18:23,642
in a drunken bender and afterwards
pretend like it didn't happen- Mm-hmm

418
00:18:23,652 --> 00:18:25,062
because they're too good for that.

419
00:18:25,132 --> 00:18:25,622
Mm-hmm.

420
00:18:26,052 --> 00:18:28,672
And it's, it's, it's internal lies.

421
00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:29,722
It's lies.

422
00:18:29,912 --> 00:18:33,402
They're lying to themselves
about the experiences that

423
00:18:33,402 --> 00:18:34,722
they like and they wanna do.

424
00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:35,332
Why?

425
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:37,262
Because, I don't know, whatever.

426
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:40,322
They have whatever feelings about it.

427
00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:44,722
But it takes them getting drunk
to experience this side of it.

428
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:44,922
Oh.

429
00:18:44,922 --> 00:18:47,492
And they en- and some people do it a lot.

430
00:18:47,882 --> 00:18:48,172
Yeah.

431
00:18:48,832 --> 00:18:51,722
I had a lot of my first experiences drunk.

432
00:18:51,942 --> 00:18:52,402
Yeah?

433
00:18:52,612 --> 00:18:53,162
Yes.

434
00:18:54,372 --> 00:18:54,922
You know?

435
00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,992
And that's, I don't know.

436
00:18:56,992 --> 00:19:00,972
Those are the same people that tend
to, you know, go, "Oh my God." Yeah.

437
00:19:01,022 --> 00:19:03,172
"I could never do that."
Bitch, you done it.

438
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:04,742
Are you fucking kidding me?

439
00:19:04,772 --> 00:19:05,742
You could never do it.

440
00:19:05,902 --> 00:19:07,102
You did it last Tuesday.

441
00:19:07,382 --> 00:19:08,712
And who goes out on Tuesdays?

442
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:09,562
Drunks.

443
00:19:10,452 --> 00:19:13,122
Sorry if you're going out tomorrow
night- … or Tuesday night.

444
00:19:13,722 --> 00:19:14,712
You might not be a drunk.

445
00:19:14,712 --> 00:19:15,262
I'm just saying.

446
00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:16,932
This is a part of my rant, though.

447
00:19:17,132 --> 00:19:21,682
I mean, realistically speaking, people
are so quick to judge and then they have

448
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,682
these, these skeletons in their closet.

449
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:30,382
And, you know, if maybe they were
more accepting, then maybe us being

450
00:19:30,382 --> 00:19:34,842
in a vanilla setting being sexual
with each other, and I'm not saying

451
00:19:34,852 --> 00:19:39,232
having sex, but being sexually
affectionate and touchy-feely- Mm-hmm

452
00:19:39,242 --> 00:19:43,102
and making out, maybe that
wouldn't weird people out so much.

453
00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:47,974
Maybe Maybe Just maybe.

454
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:50,944
It wouldn't wor- it
weird people out so much.

455
00:19:50,944 --> 00:19:57,564
But I think that there are also people
out there who are single and lonely.

456
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,434
Yeah, yeah.

457
00:19:58,494 --> 00:20:02,334
And then they see something like that
going on in a vil- vanilla setting, and

458
00:20:02,654 --> 00:20:09,802
either it'll spurn a jealousy and they
hate on that- Mm-hmm They'll think that

459
00:20:09,802 --> 00:20:11,912
it's okay to go, "Hey, you know what?

460
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:14,232
Can I touch her too?" Yeah.

461
00:20:14,232 --> 00:20:14,872
Can I touch her too?

462
00:20:15,002 --> 00:20:15,362
Yeah.

463
00:20:15,732 --> 00:20:16,822
Oh my gosh.

464
00:20:17,152 --> 00:20:17,522
Yeah.

465
00:20:17,612 --> 00:20:18,652
No, you're right on that.

466
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:19,982
That's such a dangerous question.

467
00:20:20,142 --> 00:20:25,142
I mean, we just need to, we need
to, we need to create some kind of,

468
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:28,772
like, game for us to play while we're
there in vanilla settings sometimes.

469
00:20:29,672 --> 00:20:30,212
Maybe.

470
00:20:30,212 --> 00:20:34,892
I think we need to figure out how
to better operate ourselves in a

471
00:20:34,892 --> 00:20:38,872
vanilla setting, because we have not
been discreet in so long- It's hard

472
00:20:38,872 --> 00:20:42,972
that we forgot how to act when
we're around people that we can't

473
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,302
talk about this openly with.

474
00:20:44,662 --> 00:20:46,952
Like, we're like, "Uh…" What do we say?

475
00:20:46,972 --> 00:20:48,002
How do we say it?

476
00:20:48,362 --> 00:20:52,382
Now, I, I, I do wanna spin this
in a totally different direction

477
00:20:52,382 --> 00:20:53,682
as we're wrapping up here.

478
00:20:53,995 --> 00:20:56,095
Baby, can we talk about lube for a second?

479
00:20:56,935 --> 00:20:57,875
Like, really talk about it.

480
00:20:58,455 --> 00:21:01,295
She's been waiting all week-
I have … to say this line.

481
00:21:01,315 --> 00:21:01,595
I have.

482
00:21:02,725 --> 00:21:05,825
It's because in the lifestyle,
lube isn't just a nice-to-have,

483
00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:07,245
it's basically part of the packing.

484
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,585
Yeah, right up there with
the good sheets and the

485
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:11,395
don't-forget-it-at-the-hotel toy bag.

486
00:21:12,195 --> 00:21:12,875
Exactly.

487
00:21:12,895 --> 00:21:14,465
And that's why we like Sliquid.

488
00:21:14,735 --> 00:21:18,195
Made in the US, clean ingredients,
nothing weird going on in that

489
00:21:18,195 --> 00:21:21,715
bottle, which matters when you're
using it with more than one partner

490
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,355
more than once over a long weekend.

491
00:21:24,515 --> 00:21:27,155
They've got water-based,
silicone, organic.

492
00:21:27,255 --> 00:21:30,125
So whether it's a quiet night
in or a full takeover weekend,

493
00:21:30,125 --> 00:21:31,225
there's a formula that keeps up.

494
00:21:31,755 --> 00:21:32,055
Yeah.

495
00:21:32,095 --> 00:21:38,135
And the water-based line's toy safe,
which if you ever had a toy night get

496
00:21:38,185 --> 00:21:40,255
complicated, you know that that matters.

497
00:21:40,325 --> 00:21:40,605
Yeah.

498
00:21:40,715 --> 00:21:41,315
It's smooth.

499
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:44,805
It lasts through however
long the night decides to go.

500
00:21:45,075 --> 00:21:47,055
Seriously, no need to, like, reapply it.

501
00:21:47,465 --> 00:21:48,045
It's awesome.

502
00:21:48,225 --> 00:21:51,765
And it's genuinely earned a
permanent spot in our bag.

503
00:21:51,775 --> 00:21:53,375
Yeah, like our actual travel bag.

504
00:21:53,375 --> 00:21:53,550
Yes.

505
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:54,385
Not a euphemism.

506
00:21:54,595 --> 00:21:54,725
Yes.

507
00:21:55,295 --> 00:21:56,835
15% off Sliquid.

508
00:21:57,075 --> 00:21:58,765
Links in the show notes.

509
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:02,005
So pack it in, use it, and
you can thank us later.

510
00:22:02,185 --> 00:22:02,485
That's right.

511
00:22:02,877 --> 00:22:08,127
We recently had the conversation on
the way back home about objectifying

512
00:22:08,137 --> 00:22:10,867
women and, and in the lifestyle.

513
00:22:11,317 --> 00:22:19,267
I've, I've heard people who are not in the
lifestyle refer to the swinger community

514
00:22:19,307 --> 00:22:24,767
as being full of men who objectify women.

515
00:22:24,777 --> 00:22:27,377
And, and they're wrong,
but they're also not wrong.

516
00:22:28,467 --> 00:22:28,837
Yeah.

517
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:28,867
No.

518
00:22:28,937 --> 00:22:33,427
I've s- I've seen a lot- I am… Yeah
… of, of husbands objectifying their wives-

519
00:22:33,427 --> 00:22:34,397
I have… Yes … for the sake of others.

520
00:22:34,407 --> 00:22:38,787
Like, I am… I see it,
I hear it all the time.

521
00:22:38,787 --> 00:22:45,657
And in the lifestyle, yeah, it's
a big, it's a big, big thing.

522
00:22:45,737 --> 00:22:47,087
I'm not gonna even say it's a red flag.

523
00:22:47,087 --> 00:22:48,247
It's just a big thing.

524
00:22:48,247 --> 00:22:52,297
A lot of men in the lifestyle
objectify their women.

525
00:22:52,917 --> 00:22:56,167
Now, do their women know
that they're doing this?

526
00:22:56,657 --> 00:22:58,717
I wanna say maybe about 50%.

527
00:22:59,427 --> 00:23:00,267
I wanna say half.

528
00:23:00,597 --> 00:23:00,927
Possibly.

529
00:23:00,927 --> 00:23:01,207
Maybe half.

530
00:23:01,477 --> 00:23:01,657
Possibly.

531
00:23:01,657 --> 00:23:05,057
I know that if my husband is pos-
posting something about me and kind

532
00:23:05,057 --> 00:23:10,707
of, I don't know, sexually objectifying
me, but in a very s- in a certain way,

533
00:23:10,887 --> 00:23:12,327
he and I have already discussed that.

534
00:23:12,667 --> 00:23:12,887
Yeah.

535
00:23:13,027 --> 00:23:14,907
And that's why I'm saying it's 50/50.

536
00:23:14,907 --> 00:23:21,827
But when it's a lot of the… Man,
I can't even explring, explain what,

537
00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:25,237
what kind of objectifation- Oh, I've-
Objectification So I can tell you,

538
00:23:25,547 --> 00:23:31,037
I've had husbands who I have never
met before reach out to me online.

539
00:23:31,317 --> 00:23:31,597
Yeah.

540
00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:36,857
And send me nude pictures of their wives
or videos of their wives going down on

541
00:23:36,857 --> 00:23:41,197
other men or on them or whatever, and
just immediately go, "Yeah, you like that?

542
00:23:41,697 --> 00:23:42,187
Here you go.

543
00:23:42,347 --> 00:23:43,227
You wanna see my wife?

544
00:23:43,267 --> 00:23:45,417
You wanna see that?"
To a complete stranger.

545
00:23:45,427 --> 00:23:45,617
Mm-hmm.

546
00:23:45,627 --> 00:23:49,887
Now, that may be your kink, but
I mean- That's objectification,

547
00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,377
people … objectifying your wife there.

548
00:23:51,377 --> 00:23:53,077
That is not okay.

549
00:23:53,077 --> 00:23:53,667
And does she know about it?

550
00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:53,967
Yeah.

551
00:23:54,207 --> 00:23:54,816
Oh, I ask them.

552
00:23:54,816 --> 00:23:55,538
Is she okay with it?

553
00:23:55,538 --> 00:23:57,097
I'm like, "Does your wife
know you're doing that?"

554
00:23:57,107 --> 00:24:00,037
"Well, of course she knows."
I mean, does she know, though?

555
00:24:01,193 --> 00:24:03,843
I'm, uh, 'cause I'm- I mean,
like for, for example- … in the

556
00:24:03,843 --> 00:24:06,663
beginning … like you, you brought
up with us, y- you were too busy

557
00:24:06,983 --> 00:24:08,513
when we first started as swingers.

558
00:24:08,513 --> 00:24:08,823
Yeah.

559
00:24:08,823 --> 00:24:10,953
You were, you were too busy to
take part in conversations, so you

560
00:24:10,953 --> 00:24:13,883
were like, "Yeah, you can share
this, and you can share that.

561
00:24:13,883 --> 00:24:15,093
It's totally cool," you know?

562
00:24:15,093 --> 00:24:17,583
And, and, you know, we would
always talk about it beforehand.

563
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:17,963
Yeah.

564
00:24:18,543 --> 00:24:22,673
But at the same time, after a while
we were like, "You know what? We're

565
00:24:22,673 --> 00:24:26,583
not sharing anything- Yeah … unless
we've met them first- Yeah … in

566
00:24:26,583 --> 00:24:30,303
person. And then maybe." I'm
super… I'm just paranoid like that.

567
00:24:30,783 --> 00:24:33,813
But yeah, there's a lot
of, there's a lot of that.

568
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:37,353
Now, there's not a whole lot of
women who objectify their men.

569
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:38,523
No.

570
00:24:38,873 --> 00:24:43,503
Have you ever seen that before in the
lifestyle, women objectifying their men?

571
00:24:43,543 --> 00:24:43,993
No.

572
00:24:44,373 --> 00:24:44,843
No.

573
00:24:45,153 --> 00:24:47,793
I mean, sometimes you talk
about me like I'm just a dildo.

574
00:24:48,413 --> 00:24:49,383
I mean, you are.

575
00:24:50,173 --> 00:24:50,473
See?

576
00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:51,683
Objectifying.

577
00:24:52,673 --> 00:24:53,913
And how do I feel about that?

578
00:24:54,223 --> 00:24:57,293
Well, I would be offended except for the
fact that we're probably gonna go have

579
00:24:57,293 --> 00:25:03,333
sex here in a minute, and I'm gonna come,
and it's gonna be good, and we're gonna

580
00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:04,853
forget we even had this conversation.

581
00:25:04,863 --> 00:25:04,933
That's right.

582
00:25:04,933 --> 00:25:07,873
So obviously I'm not gonna hold
onto it, 'cause if I held onto

583
00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:09,613
it, probably wouldn't have sex.

584
00:25:09,773 --> 00:25:10,073
Yeah.

585
00:25:10,073 --> 00:25:15,191
No, I don't Yeah, there's some
women that might do it, but

586
00:25:15,221 --> 00:25:16,641
I don't really pay attention.

587
00:25:16,901 --> 00:25:17,971
It is more the men.

588
00:25:18,011 --> 00:25:19,611
Sorry, guys, it's a lot of y'all.

589
00:25:19,621 --> 00:25:20,371
Y'all do that.

590
00:25:20,451 --> 00:25:25,861
A lot of men do that, in and out of
the lifestyle, so do better Yeah,

591
00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:29,111
I don't think I've ever seen women
really objectify men, and I've

592
00:25:29,121 --> 00:25:33,421
never seen, like, women with other
women objectifying other women.

593
00:25:33,881 --> 00:25:34,351
No.

594
00:25:35,761 --> 00:25:36,141
No.

595
00:25:36,281 --> 00:25:37,581
I haven't seen that before.

596
00:25:37,581 --> 00:25:37,601
Mm-mm.

597
00:25:38,691 --> 00:25:39,571
That's interesting.

598
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:39,891
Yeah.

599
00:25:39,891 --> 00:25:40,671
But I bet you it exists.

600
00:25:40,711 --> 00:25:41,601
I'm sure it does.

601
00:25:41,721 --> 00:25:42,531
Sure it exists.

602
00:25:42,571 --> 00:25:43,191
I'm sure.

603
00:25:43,511 --> 00:25:46,851
But obviously- You'll find them in the
vanilla settings … but s- so with that

604
00:25:46,861 --> 00:25:52,701
being said, do you feel like when it
comes to the lifestyle that men are more

605
00:25:52,711 --> 00:25:58,401
prominent in ruling or women are more
prominent in ruling in this community?

606
00:25:58,731 --> 00:26:01,301
Do women call the shots more or do men?

607
00:26:02,221 --> 00:26:08,991
I think, honestly, I think the
men call the shots more for a

608
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,931
younger generation of women.

609
00:26:11,301 --> 00:26:11,611
Yeah?

610
00:26:11,961 --> 00:26:15,011
And the… Actually, I'm not
even gonna say that because

611
00:26:15,971 --> 00:26:17,181
I think it's just like life.

612
00:26:17,211 --> 00:26:21,621
It's 50/50 because I see a lot of
women who just kind of sit back

613
00:26:21,631 --> 00:26:22,991
and let their man take control.

614
00:26:23,131 --> 00:26:23,261
Mm-hmm.

615
00:26:23,291 --> 00:26:27,631
And then I see a lot of women take
control and the man just kind of sit back.

616
00:26:27,641 --> 00:26:27,661
Yeah.

617
00:26:28,121 --> 00:26:29,511
It just really depends.

618
00:26:29,521 --> 00:26:32,661
Like, I am not a sit back kind of woman.

619
00:26:33,651 --> 00:26:40,061
A lot of my friends are not, so it just
really depends on what kind of person…

620
00:26:40,161 --> 00:26:42,891
And now I can see them a mile, like,
I can see them when they're coming.

621
00:26:42,891 --> 00:26:45,991
I'm like, "Nah, you're that kind of
guy." And do you think that a lot of

622
00:26:46,001 --> 00:26:50,761
the ones where the men are calling the
shots are, are they newer you think?

623
00:26:50,771 --> 00:26:51,271
Yes.

624
00:26:51,681 --> 00:26:55,411
'Cause I've noticed that the pe-
the women or the couples that have

625
00:26:55,411 --> 00:26:58,869
been in the community a while, those
women seem to call the shots more.

626
00:26:58,869 --> 00:27:03,391
They're, they're either newer or they do
not know, or they're, they're either newer

627
00:27:03,391 --> 00:27:05,541
or they're still iffy about the lifestyle.

628
00:27:05,981 --> 00:27:07,901
Yeah, it's still kind of-
Yeah … still kind of early.

629
00:27:07,901 --> 00:27:11,181
So, like, they might be in it for a
while and, but they've never played,

630
00:27:11,561 --> 00:27:15,391
or they only do it sporadically
and they're like, "Mm." Hmm.

631
00:27:16,201 --> 00:27:16,661
Yeah.

632
00:27:17,411 --> 00:27:17,891
That's interesting.

633
00:27:17,891 --> 00:27:18,401
Yeah.

634
00:27:18,401 --> 00:27:20,031
Yeah, that is interesting.

635
00:27:20,391 --> 00:27:23,391
Just some things to think about, you
know, because they always talk about

636
00:27:23,421 --> 00:27:30,691
porn and how porn objectifies women,
but the argument there is that porn,

637
00:27:31,091 --> 00:27:35,121
it would appear that it's objectifying
women, but really women call the shots.

638
00:27:35,141 --> 00:27:38,531
We're the ones who… If, if I'm
the one directing it, I'm the one

639
00:27:38,541 --> 00:27:43,409
doing it, I'm the one selling it,
I'm the one do- it's all me There's

640
00:27:43,409 --> 00:27:44,739
no way a man's gonna objectify.

641
00:27:44,749 --> 00:27:48,209
There's… You can't say that because
if I'm the one who's the boss and

642
00:27:48,219 --> 00:27:51,942
I'm the one doing what I wanna do-
And choosing who you wanna play with

643
00:27:51,942 --> 00:27:54,879
and choosing who I wanna play with and
choosing every single little thing,

644
00:27:54,879 --> 00:27:56,499
then no, there's nobody objectifying.

645
00:27:56,529 --> 00:28:00,324
I'm, I'm doing what pleases- You're
objectifying yourself … I'm doing

646
00:28:00,324 --> 00:28:00,919
what pleases me- … you know?

647
00:28:00,989 --> 00:28:01,339
So.

648
00:28:01,339 --> 00:28:01,559
Yeah.

649
00:28:01,559 --> 00:28:01,989
Yeah.

650
00:28:02,049 --> 00:28:02,379
Yeah.

651
00:28:02,689 --> 00:28:03,289
I get that.

652
00:28:03,829 --> 00:28:04,079
Yeah.

653
00:28:04,089 --> 00:28:04,119
Okay.

654
00:28:04,749 --> 00:28:09,599
Well, you know, I think that this
was a really good conversation.

655
00:28:09,609 --> 00:28:09,669
I do too.

656
00:28:09,669 --> 00:28:10,509
And you know what?

657
00:28:11,249 --> 00:28:12,599
That's a wrap on today's episode.

658
00:28:12,799 --> 00:28:13,149
All right.

659
00:28:13,399 --> 00:28:13,649
Yeah.

660
00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:17,929
But before we let you go, if you enjoyed
this one, you know the, the drill.

661
00:28:18,039 --> 00:28:19,099
Hit that like button.

662
00:28:19,109 --> 00:28:21,249
It genuinely helps more than you'd think.

663
00:28:21,459 --> 00:28:25,359
And if you haven't already, subscribe to
the show so you never miss an episode.

664
00:28:25,539 --> 00:28:28,479
New ones drop every week, and
we've got a lot more coming.

665
00:28:28,829 --> 00:28:32,439
Yeah, and if something that we talked
about today hit home for you, share it.

666
00:28:33,029 --> 00:28:33,709
Please.

667
00:28:34,009 --> 00:28:37,859
Send it to a friend, a partner, someone
in your community who needs to hear it.

668
00:28:38,069 --> 00:28:40,979
That's honestly how the show
grows, one share at a time.

669
00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:44,519
That's right, and if you got 60
seconds, leave us a five-star review

670
00:28:44,669 --> 00:28:48,889
wherever you're listening, Apple
Podcast, Spotify, wherever you found us.

671
00:28:49,119 --> 00:28:51,969
It feeds the algorithm, and it
helps new listeners find the show.

672
00:28:52,089 --> 00:28:55,609
Yeah, and for all things Beyond
Monogamy, you know where to go.

673
00:28:55,939 --> 00:28:59,049
Head over to our website,
beyond-monogamy.com.

674
00:28:59,419 --> 00:29:04,239
That's your hub for every past episode,
audio and video, companion blogs

675
00:29:04,259 --> 00:29:09,829
for each one, our merch, and contact
info for guests and our sponsors.

676
00:29:09,909 --> 00:29:10,209
Yes.

677
00:29:10,259 --> 00:29:14,219
It's also where you can reach us directly
by email, by voicemail, or through

678
00:29:14,219 --> 00:29:15,599
our Beyond Monogamy confessional.

679
00:29:15,899 --> 00:29:20,459
That's 100% my favorite and
also 100% anonymous, and you

680
00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:21,769
can speak freely on there.

681
00:29:21,959 --> 00:29:25,979
Get something off your chest, ask a
question, tell a story, whatever you need.

682
00:29:26,289 --> 00:29:29,389
There's no way to track it back to
you, and we might just talk about it

683
00:29:29,389 --> 00:29:32,669
live on a future episode, especially
if you heard our last Sunday one.

684
00:29:33,219 --> 00:29:34,059
Obviously, it's true.

685
00:29:34,459 --> 00:29:36,189
And don't forget to
check out the Events tab.

686
00:29:36,199 --> 00:29:38,419
That's where you'll find
every upcoming chance to run

687
00:29:38,419 --> 00:29:40,389
into Adam and Pris in person.

688
00:29:40,409 --> 00:29:40,979
That's right.

689
00:29:41,009 --> 00:29:45,079
I have personally worked on it, and
we're still adding more as we go

690
00:29:45,079 --> 00:29:46,519
along, so always scope that out.

691
00:29:46,899 --> 00:29:49,689
And with that being said, we thank
you all for joining us for another

692
00:29:49,719 --> 00:29:53,409
episode of Beyond Monogamy, and
we will see you guys next week.

693
00:29:54,399 --> 00:29:54,769
Bye.