S1 E22 Discovering Deeper Connections: Beyond Casual Encounters

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore

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topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised

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that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared

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here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions

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about sex, relationships, or mature language, we strongly

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recommend that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of legal

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age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in and

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enjoy the show. Hello, and welcome

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to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris.

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And, you know, as we sit here

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and start another beautiful Sunday episode,

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it is currently Saturday night. It is.

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And we are recording a little bit late because

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we just got done playing.

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I'm just saying, we just got done playing. Normally we just get done having sex

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with each other, but we just.

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We just got done having a little bit of fun. Yeah. So we are going

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to talk about, like, our journey and how it's going. Yeah. You know where we're

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at right now. Because from the start of this podcast to now

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has been a. Has been quite a journey for us.

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Totally. So everybody's been asking,

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how was your date? My date.

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How does your date with this wonderful couple?

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Yeah, it was really nice.

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I'm kind of still on the excitement part of it.

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Are you really? I am. And I texted them today because

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they asked. They asked what we. What we drink at Dutch Bros.

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And so he got.

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He got exactly what you got. Okay. And what you get. And he said

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it was delicious. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I know how to make a drink.

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She got something different. She got something different.

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But so we. They. They texted

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me how. How our day was going, whatever,

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and I told him. I was like, dude, I don't know what it is

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about them, but attraction.

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They got you on the hook. I'm allowing myself to be

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relaxed and okay with the feelings that I am feeling.

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That's good. You know, this is the. Really the first time

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that you've ever gone out without me and actually had a

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good experience. You weren't texting me the whole time.

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You were like, I. We've. We've done this before. I mean, we were

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poly for five years and. And. And you went out on dates.

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Yeah. And you would text me the entire time and. And it

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would be a lot of negative stuff, and it was never a good situation.

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And it was like, I want you here. I wish you were here.

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I don't like this. And this is A

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verse. So I, I guess let's paint a little

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picture for everybody. By all means. So it was

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this Friday. I was making my way to

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drop off kiddos, met them. I was already like 45

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minutes late because of traffic.

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Because they live. We live far from each other. Yeah. And we

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met at this burger place, and it was really,

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it was really cool. I sat across from them,

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we chatted a little bit, because I chat

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with them, but I actually, she's busy. You know,

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she homeschools her kiddos, and so I mainly just talked

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to him. Yeah. And it's never, it's never been like,

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you know, when you chat with somebody and, you know they're interested

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and, and it's all like. Sometimes it's kind of like just all sexual.

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Yeah. Like, it's just like from the beginning to the end.

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Yeah. This is on a different level.

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Totally on a different level. Like, you're getting to know them as

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people and vice versa. Yeah. And everybody knows. I don't.

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I'm not a very big chatter online. Yeah.

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So it's sporadic. It's very,

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very normal. Very normal conversation.

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And so when I met them, I was like,

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I had already met them before, of course. Right. They came to

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one of our little meet and greets not too long ago, and I chatted

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their ear off. And so here I get there 45 minutes

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late. Super feel bad. Right.

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I start talking. The waitress doesn't ever come because.

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Because I'm chatting so much. And she finally gets there.

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She gets our order. But it was really nice just to get to know them.

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Yeah. But I'm gonna tell you that it was so funny because we were in

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this table for four, and it's them too. And then it's

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me across from her and there's nobody

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next to me. But as we're talking, I'm talking about you,

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and we're literally looking at the empty chair as if I'm

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there, as if you're there. And, like, we keep pointing that way, like, as if

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you're there, which is so funny. And we were all laughing because we

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were all doing it. Yeah. Super chill

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conversation. So that's the interesting thing

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about it, because previous to this, you never really for,

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for everybody who's listening, she's never really let herself

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enjoy herself. Right. And somebody

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else, always very standoffish. So I, I, I mentioned this

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to somebody today, and they said, well,

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why, why is she, why was she in the lifestyle if she wasn't enjoying

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herself? And I said, well, I think she did it primarily for

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me. And for experiences with other women.

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Initially. Yes. Yeah. So I joined the. Yeah.

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I mean, so the lifestyle with you

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was so that you can get some experiences

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in and. Yes. For women. For me. Yeah.

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And that's all pretty much how it's always kind of been.

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And it's been sporadic.

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I'm not standoffish. I just wasn't interested in playing

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with men. Yeah. Period. Well. And you know,

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realistically, you were a man hater. I don't

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really see that so much from you as much anymore. I don't.

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Because the man. So the men

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that I'm talking to or the men that have come into our lives aren't

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obnoxious. Yeah. And where we grew up,

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it was a lot of obnoxious men that.

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Yeah. Acted like their didn't smell. Yeah. We ran. It doesn't

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work for me. Yeah. I do not. I am a. I'm not a.

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I'm a man hater. You can. But you know what? It is. But it's not.

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You're a machismo man. Yes. There you go. I think

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guys that are like me, which are pretty laidback and. And respectful

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and things like that. Yeah. You take too very well if

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you're. Obnoxious or if I see

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them get drinking too much and get obnoxious,

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forget it. I'm not even. And that's just my. That's my preference. I mean,

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I can be picky and choosy. Sure.

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These people, very freaking nice. Yeah. So I'm trying

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not. And it's not unlikely. They got me on the hook. I'm not here to

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be anybody's girlfriend. I. That's. You know.

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But they are so nice and I guess me

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letting myself be open to

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just this. A deeper connection. A deeper connection.

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Just freaking cool. Like. Like I told him. I was like, I don't know

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what it is about y'all, but I'm. I'm attracted to them.

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Yeah. I'm attracted to their energy. Okay. To.

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They are just like us in relationship wise.

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Really. Like, he is all about her and she is all

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about him. And all she's requesting is for me to be very respectful,

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which is. Girl, what you do. I told her, I said, you got nothing to

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worry about. I am a very respectful person. Yeah.

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Because I expect that from other women. Sure. When it comes to

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you, you know. So now we have like a little

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group. Now we have a group text going. So now

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I get to talk to both of them. Sure.

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I'm digging it. You're liking this. I'm digging the.

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I'm you know, I was able to hold a conversation. Well,

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you know, you can hold a conversation. You have this insecurity that you

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can't do it without me, and you are perfectly capable.

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Because some people just don't know how to continue. Because I need somebody

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to kind of talk and I'll follow

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along or, you know. And so we talked about

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everything. We talked about our kids, we talked about her, our life.

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Yeah. Just everything. Now, I know that you would never be somebody's

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girlfriend, but would you be somebody's

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friends with benefits?

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Yeah. I mean, because to be somebody's friends with benefits,

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and there may be people out there who disagree with me, but to have a

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friends with benefits situation,

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it's not transactional. This is not somebody that you don't

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know their name and you're just going to have sex with. This is somebody that

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you actually hang out with on personal time

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as friends. And then hook up occasionally. And hook up occasionally.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean,

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I have no problem with that. Yeah, it's.

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Yeah, I think that's cool. I. You know, that's the dynamic that I.

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I seem to enjoy, you know, the friends with benefits aspect of it,

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because I get my connection. Right. You know what I mean? I still

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get my connection. I need my connection. Yeah. I was talking

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to someone today about my need for a

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connection, and she had asked me, she said,

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well, have you always known that you needed that connection?

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And I. I didn't. Nobody ever asked me that. That's interesting. But when

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we first started in the lifestyle, I didn't

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need. I didn't feel like I needed that connection. I didn't even realize I needed

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that connection. And her question was,

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did you have trouble, you know, getting hard or anything like that? Because right

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now, if I don't have that connection, I do. I struggle.

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Back then. Oh, yeah, I struggled, but I didn't know it was

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because of that. The connection. Yeah. So back then, I struggled.

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Like, we, We. I remember there was. There was one time we were playing with

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two other couples in our. In our room, and this

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was early on, and I could

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not get hard and I could not stay hard. And I feel like

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that whole evening was really just a struggle.

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And that seemed to be that.

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Those were, like, my experiences early on. There was several different times where

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I just was. It was a struggle for me, and I

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didn't realize it, but it wasn't

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until we became poly that I realized, oh, I need a connection.

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I need a solidified connection in order

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to feel turned on.

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I need to know that they want me. I need to feel that.

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Because if it's transactional, it does nothing for me.

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Yeah. So somebody also asked.

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What did they ask us? She kind of. I was telling her

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that that connection you have. Right.

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You didn't know about it. I didn't know that I needed

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to chill out in order to feel and

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get to that where you're at. Yeah, the connection part.

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Yeah. And they also asked, like, somebody asked

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me, what made you, like, start. Start this?

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Like, what. Why. Why are you going out with people

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without Adam? Like, what's up? Sure.

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And I told her. I was like, well,

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you know, I'm the one who's hold. Held us back. And it's not

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like I did it intentionally. I just. It was

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just a sex thing. Do you know what I mean? Like,

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okay, like, we find somebody to have sex with. Great, let's do this.

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And so I've always been the one to be like, nah, we're not doing

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that. Yeah. Or no, we're not doing this. Yeah.

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And you're always cool with it. I. Yeah. And I remember

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having that talk with you where I was like, you know,

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there's a lot of stuff that I want to experience. There's a lot of stuff

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that I want to do, and I don't get to do it.

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Because you're not down for it. Right. And I think that was kind

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of a. A big conversation for you because you never

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really realized that. And I remember you sitting back

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going, I didn't realize I was holding it back.

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Experiences. We. You and I don't go

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about things diff. We go about things very differently.

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Well, we're two very different people. Two very different. We have different likes.

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We are. And you're very emotional.

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Yeah, a very emotional. I get emotionally attached.

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Emotionally attached. I don't. No, I don't get emotionally

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attached. But I figured,

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okay, well, I guess if, you know, we try different things,

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see where we're at, see if we like them.

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So far, so good. I mean, I don't have any

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complaints now. I don't know if this is going to be like this,

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like, forever. Right. Like, this is. Well,

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so this is a here and now. This is. This is my thing. And this

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is one of the reasons why I'm big into friendships,

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because I'm big into.

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You know, I think when we. When we started in the journey and

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we started going through the lifestyle, throughout the years,

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we were always wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. We.

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We had our experience, like, we would go out with a couple once or twice

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and then we would all decide the vibe was there and we would have sex.

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And then once we had sex, that was it. We had our experience.

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Okay, see you guys later. Maybe we'll. We'll contact you guys again

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someday. Right. You know, and that was the revolving door.

234
00:14:30,052 --> 00:14:33,636
We never had people that we really saw with any regularity.

235
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:37,156
Right. And realistically, we're getting older.

236
00:14:37,268 --> 00:14:40,724
We're in our 40s. We're, you know,

237
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:44,676
we're not always going to be in this position.

238
00:14:44,828 --> 00:14:47,460
At some point, we're going to be older. We're going to be the old people

239
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,716
in the group, and we're going to be like, yeah, this is. This is not.

240
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:54,012
You know, we can't keep seeking out somebody new.

241
00:14:54,116 --> 00:14:57,948
Right. So while we're in our 40s, I figure we

242
00:14:58,004 --> 00:15:01,948
find those connections of the people that we really like.

243
00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:05,772
You make friends with them, you have sex with

244
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:10,092
them, you enjoy the sex. You become regular with the sex

245
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:14,380
to where you can enjoy their company, you can fool around with regularity.

246
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:18,096
And these are your people. This is your tribe.

247
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:22,000
You know, and it doesn't. You guys all get so comfortable with

248
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,680
each other that it's a comfort thing after

249
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,080
a while. It is like, you know what? I'm not going to deal with these

250
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,344
new people because I know that this could work or not work.

251
00:15:31,512 --> 00:15:34,672
I know that this works. I'm going to stay, you know, let me call them

252
00:15:34,696 --> 00:15:38,192
up. Let me hang out. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. So that's.

253
00:15:38,256 --> 00:15:41,846
That's really what I've always wanted, is just to a group

254
00:15:41,918 --> 00:15:45,126
of friends that we really,

255
00:15:45,198 --> 00:15:48,902
really like to be around. Yeah. And really enjoy their company.

256
00:15:49,086 --> 00:15:52,214
And guess what? We also like to have sex with them. Yeah.

257
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,830
And that's all we really need. And it doesn't have to be weird.

258
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:59,014
You can be friends and have sex and it doesn't have to

259
00:15:59,022 --> 00:16:02,486
be weird. Exactly. You know. Yeah. It doesn't make things

260
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:05,798
romantic. Now, I understand that some people are like that.

261
00:16:05,854 --> 00:16:09,650
Some people will. If they connect with you too strong,

262
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:15,206
they may not want to interject sexual

263
00:16:15,398 --> 00:16:19,238
interaction because that might pile on,

264
00:16:19,374 --> 00:16:22,950
you know, a different. A different kind of emotion. A different emotion. Yeah.

265
00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:26,022
Yeah, yeah. And it could get, I mean, weird. That's.

266
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:29,382
And that's fine, you know. Yeah. It's to each their

267
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,966
own. To each their own. Yeah. This is a new little chapter,

268
00:16:33,078 --> 00:16:36,454
and. I'm very proud of where you are right now because I

269
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:39,990
never thought I'd see you here. Yeah. So far, so good. I have no

270
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:42,850
complaints. Yeah. Digging it.

271
00:16:43,230 --> 00:16:47,062
And we'll see where this goes. We'll see where

272
00:16:47,086 --> 00:16:51,254
this goes. It's a. It's an interesting situation. Now, is it.

273
00:16:51,422 --> 00:16:55,382
Is this something that you're going to entertain with others as well,

274
00:16:55,566 --> 00:16:59,190
or. I don't know. You know, are you gonna. You're just gonna keep yourself

275
00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:02,714
open to new experiences. I'm gonna keep myself open to new experiences.

276
00:17:02,742 --> 00:17:06,430
Experiences and see where it kind of.

277
00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:10,338
Where it kind of goes. Because I've said it a thousand times.

278
00:17:10,394 --> 00:17:13,330
You don't know what you like until it happens. Right. Exactly.

279
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:17,330
And I did not know. I went in. I went in with a positive

280
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:20,930
attitude, and I was like, all right, well,

281
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:24,830
I already like the conversation when we all met.

282
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:28,950
We'll see how this goes. Yeah. Super freaking chill.

283
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:33,240
They walked me to my car. We hugged goodbye.

284
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,440
We're, you know, like,

285
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:39,476
super friendly. Yeah. Which I dug.

286
00:17:39,668 --> 00:17:42,932
Now, was there any, like, kissing? Nothing.

287
00:17:43,076 --> 00:17:46,932
Really? Nothing? Wow. Yeah. No. No one went

288
00:17:46,956 --> 00:17:48,040
in for a kiss.

289
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:53,828
Very respectful. Now, here's my thing,

290
00:17:53,884 --> 00:17:57,470
though, and this is what I'm curious about, because I dig

291
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:01,294
the very respectful thing. But the hard part with very respectful

292
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:04,650
is if you don't have somebody who is, like,

293
00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:07,130
good at getting things started,

294
00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:11,726
then you've got three people who are all sitting back being respectful,

295
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,278
and nobody ever makes them. Well, you know, I can. I can do that.

296
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:18,730
Yeah. Yeah. And they are.

297
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,752
He's like me. Where. He's like, cool, we can do this now.

298
00:18:23,856 --> 00:18:27,320
Yeah. And she is more like me. Like you.

299
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:30,296
Where she wants to. I mean, by all means.

300
00:18:30,368 --> 00:18:33,752
When you are going to have sex with somebody, I want to know who it

301
00:18:33,776 --> 00:18:37,240
is. Yeah. I'm a very territorial person.

302
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:41,192
Yeah. She seems like she's the same way. That makes sense.

303
00:18:41,256 --> 00:18:44,552
And so she wants to make sure that I am

304
00:18:44,576 --> 00:18:48,016
a good person. Right. And. And that I'm not here to Sabbath.

305
00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:51,712
I'm. I mean, I'm assuming this is what. And if I'm putting myself

306
00:18:51,776 --> 00:18:55,488
in that same kind of situation as a woman, I want to make sure

307
00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:59,472
that it's not some crazy woman coming into the tomorrow.

308
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:03,460
To my home. Sure. You know what I mean? To my relationship

309
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:08,700
or somebody who's out to, like, sabotage or

310
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,928
be that kind of person. Right. And I am a very. I'm very transparent

311
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:17,354
when it comes to that. I'm not here to take away anybody's

312
00:19:17,402 --> 00:19:21,162
man. Right. And I'm not here to take away anybody's

313
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:24,710
woman. I'm here to have fun. I'm here to have an experience.

314
00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:28,810
I love you. Ain't nobody gonna mess this

315
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:32,522
up. And. And vice versa. I'm not here to mess up Anybody's marriage

316
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:36,506
or relationship. So I think, no, the idea here is just to have fun.

317
00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:40,058
It's all it is. Having a good conversation and having some

318
00:19:40,114 --> 00:19:43,434
fun. Yeah. And I know we all want to have sex,

319
00:19:43,522 --> 00:19:46,618
and I'm sure that's going to come up at some point, you know. Right.

320
00:19:46,674 --> 00:19:49,962
But yeah, no, super respectful. Walked me to my car,

321
00:19:50,146 --> 00:19:53,962
gave me a hug. It was really nice to be, you know, to chitchat.

322
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:57,130
Yeah. And we left. That's cool. And I

323
00:19:57,170 --> 00:20:00,950
dug that because. Been in situations where

324
00:20:01,970 --> 00:20:05,594
the guy is ready and the woman isn't. Do you know what

325
00:20:05,602 --> 00:20:09,578
I mean? Or we've had that situation where you're ready

326
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:13,210
and I am not. Right. So it. It was

327
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:15,590
really cool to be on the other side.

328
00:20:15,970 --> 00:20:19,946
And I couldn't have found a better couple

329
00:20:20,058 --> 00:20:23,190
because the girl, the woman is.

330
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:27,610
We're on that same page. Sure, sure. You know, although I'm more like

331
00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:31,210
him where I'm like, we could do this now. Yeah. I respect that

332
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:35,204
she is the way she is because I totally get it.

333
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:39,524
Yeah, I am totally. I totally understand that now.

334
00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:42,800
So you went on your date and I.

335
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:46,292
I am turned on by this. Now, normally.

336
00:20:46,436 --> 00:20:50,596
Now normally, when, when you go on

337
00:20:50,668 --> 00:20:54,612
dates, which I say that like it happens often, but back in

338
00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:58,052
the day when we were poly and you

339
00:20:58,076 --> 00:21:01,972
would go on dates, something happens in my brain.

340
00:21:02,116 --> 00:21:06,036
I. So I get an uncomfortable feeling deep down inside because it's

341
00:21:06,068 --> 00:21:09,700
a. It's an unnatural feeling. Obviously. Yes. So my wife is

342
00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:13,492
going out by herself with somebody, Especially this

343
00:21:13,516 --> 00:21:16,276
situation where I don't really know them.

344
00:21:16,428 --> 00:21:19,972
I know, I know I've interacted with them, but I don't know them.

345
00:21:20,076 --> 00:21:22,916
No. Very well. No. And so, yeah,

346
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:26,212
it's. It can be an uncomfortable situation.

347
00:21:26,356 --> 00:21:29,950
And so I. I specifically had

348
00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:32,890
this moment. I came to the bed and it was.

349
00:21:33,430 --> 00:21:36,958
Gosh, must have been about 9:00 and you still

350
00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:39,650
were having dinner. Yes.

351
00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:44,750
And 9:00's my bedtime. So I'm laying in bed and

352
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:48,382
I'm essentially sitting there with this uncomfortable

353
00:21:48,446 --> 00:21:51,998
feeling. Now, this uncomfortable feeling can go

354
00:21:52,054 --> 00:21:55,000
one way or another. If I let it,

355
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,932
I can. I can go negative with it.

356
00:21:58,036 --> 00:22:01,660
Right. And so I can easily get upset and be like, well, she's not

357
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:05,180
here yet, blah, blah, blah. And like, I can make it. I can make

358
00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:09,360
it go uncomfortable. I can make it go negative. But instead

359
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:13,356
what I started doing was I started edging myself,

360
00:22:13,548 --> 00:22:16,748
you know, and so I started laying here in the bed and I just.

361
00:22:16,804 --> 00:22:20,294
I got myself hard because I. I got hard at the thought because I'm Like,

362
00:22:20,412 --> 00:22:23,762
I don't know what she's doing. I know that the restaurant closes at 9,

363
00:22:23,866 --> 00:22:27,010
and she's still there. And it's 9. 9:15 now,

364
00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:30,562
and I haven't heard anything. And so what do

365
00:22:30,586 --> 00:22:33,842
I do? I pull up your location, and I'm looking at your location,

366
00:22:33,906 --> 00:22:38,310
your little dot there. Still at the same spot. Yeah. And I'm envisioning

367
00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:42,834
sexual stuff. You know what I mean? Right? I mean, yeah, because you have no

368
00:22:42,842 --> 00:22:46,034
idea. No, I have no idea what's going on. And so I'm envisioning all of

369
00:22:46,042 --> 00:22:48,722
this stuff while she. She could be doing this, she could be doing that.

370
00:22:48,746 --> 00:22:51,694
It's a lot of the unknown. And so, of course, I'm.

371
00:22:51,742 --> 00:22:55,070
I'm. I'm laying there and I'm. I'm just making myself hard,

372
00:22:55,110 --> 00:22:58,638
and I'm just getting turned on. And I'm like, I'm gonna wait until she gets

373
00:22:58,654 --> 00:23:01,646
home. I'm not gonna come yet. I'm gonna wait. Yeah. You know,

374
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:06,238
and you eventually called me afterwards,

375
00:23:06,334 --> 00:23:09,534
and you were on your way home, and you were like, yeah, you know,

376
00:23:09,702 --> 00:23:13,086
they are a lot of fun. This is good time. Blah, blah, blah.

377
00:23:13,198 --> 00:23:16,926
We didn't do anything, though. And so I wasn't let down.

378
00:23:16,998 --> 00:23:20,272
But I was like, okay, well, nothing happened. But you.

379
00:23:20,456 --> 00:23:23,008
You found out that I was laying in bed edging, and you. Oh, I knew

380
00:23:23,024 --> 00:23:26,000
what you were doing. Yeah. You were like, I know. You keep that dick hard.

381
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,064
I'll be right there. Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit. And I was

382
00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:30,928
like, okay, I could do. Oh, I did a little teasing. Yeah, you did.

383
00:23:31,064 --> 00:23:33,648
I was like, wait, I may make a pit. A pit stop. Hold on.

384
00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:37,392
Yeah. Yeah. No, it was. I knew exactly what you were

385
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:41,392
doing. Yeah. And. But that's what I've always done. Always. And you

386
00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:44,992
and I. Two different levels on that. Yeah. Which is so

387
00:23:45,016 --> 00:23:48,640
funny because I. I was just talking about you last

388
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,096
night when you were telling me that. That I understand

389
00:23:52,248 --> 00:23:55,488
that uncomfortable feeling that you got, but, man,

390
00:23:55,544 --> 00:23:58,960
is it hard for mine to go the. The pot the hot way.

391
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,832
It's very rare. And it's just now happening that

392
00:24:02,856 --> 00:24:05,968
it goes the hot way because for me,

393
00:24:06,024 --> 00:24:09,632
it goes the. Sometimes the. The jealous

394
00:24:09,696 --> 00:24:12,890
way. Yeah. I don't understand that because

395
00:24:12,930 --> 00:24:16,106
you're not losing me. Oh, dude. So what is there to be jealous

396
00:24:16,138 --> 00:24:19,658
about? You literally get me several times a day. No freaking re.

397
00:24:19,794 --> 00:24:22,874
No reason. It's just. You just don't want to

398
00:24:22,882 --> 00:24:28,070
share your husband. Yeah. So I have to, like, stop and

399
00:24:28,850 --> 00:24:32,282
just talk myself, and it's very fast. Like,

400
00:24:32,306 --> 00:24:35,130
I can literally now. I can do it in a matter of,

401
00:24:35,170 --> 00:24:38,586
like, seconds. I'm like, well, now.

402
00:24:38,738 --> 00:24:42,438
So I'm curious. So before you left. Because you.

403
00:24:42,494 --> 00:24:45,734
You left for a party today, and we'll get into that in

404
00:24:45,742 --> 00:24:47,490
a little bit. But before you left,

405
00:24:48,510 --> 00:24:51,942
I knew I was gonna be solo today.

406
00:24:52,126 --> 00:24:55,158
And I told you, I was like, well, I'm gonna look to see if there's

407
00:24:55,174 --> 00:24:58,854
somebody I can get with today. Maybe not necessarily sexual.

408
00:24:58,902 --> 00:25:02,278
Maybe sexual, I don't know. But I've got nothing going on,

409
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:06,182
so I'm gonna see what's going on, you know? And I set

410
00:25:06,206 --> 00:25:09,050
up a date with somebody today,

411
00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:12,894
and we went. We went and met at the coffee shop,

412
00:25:12,942 --> 00:25:16,382
and we hung out for several hours, and we had lunch and that sort of

413
00:25:16,406 --> 00:25:20,510
thing. Now I'm curious. How did you deal

414
00:25:20,550 --> 00:25:23,130
with that? Like, how. How was that for you?

415
00:25:24,230 --> 00:25:27,214
You know? They can't hear you. I know.

416
00:25:27,302 --> 00:25:30,142
Yeah. Yeah, it was fine.

417
00:25:30,286 --> 00:25:33,582
Was it? Yeah, it was fine. It was fine because you were just shaking your

418
00:25:33,606 --> 00:25:36,540
head side to side a minute ago. It was fine. Yeah.

419
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:40,252
Yeah, I know who you went with. Yeah, Yeah, I was.

420
00:25:40,356 --> 00:25:44,204
There was nothing. Nothing out of it. I mean, we just

421
00:25:44,372 --> 00:25:47,820
got together, we hung out, we ate lunch. Yeah.

422
00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:51,532
Had. So that's what. That's what I want to explore.

423
00:25:51,596 --> 00:25:55,228
Is that. So you were good going on your date, but you were not

424
00:25:55,284 --> 00:25:58,520
as good with me going on mine? No. Why?

425
00:26:00,030 --> 00:26:03,622
Hell if I know. I can't even explain it

426
00:26:03,646 --> 00:26:07,126
to you. See, that doesn't make sense. Yeah, I know the person you went with.

427
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:11,094
Yeah, she was very. She waited for me to respond.

428
00:26:11,222 --> 00:26:14,902
Yeah. Have no problem with it. I really don't have a

429
00:26:14,926 --> 00:26:18,470
problem with it, but it doesn't give me

430
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:21,526
the excitement that it gives you.

431
00:26:21,678 --> 00:26:25,094
Well, I mean, I'm. I don't. It doesn't need to give you the excitement,

432
00:26:25,142 --> 00:26:28,528
but my thing is, is why have an issue

433
00:26:28,584 --> 00:26:31,680
with it? Oh, I don't know. Like, what's the issue?

434
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,536
You weren't even in the same town. You were over an hour away.

435
00:26:35,688 --> 00:26:39,152
And I think you probably would have been happier if I

436
00:26:39,176 --> 00:26:42,112
had just sat on the couch and not gone and done anything. Like you would

437
00:26:42,136 --> 00:26:46,208
have been fine with that. Oh, no, I. I really didn't. Didn't mind

438
00:26:46,344 --> 00:26:50,160
you going, but I. I don't. I don't know

439
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,860
why those. Those feelings come out. Like,

440
00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:56,726
I don't know, and I cannot explain it to you.

441
00:26:56,798 --> 00:27:00,710
Yeah, that's something I. I don't understand. I don't understand

442
00:27:00,830 --> 00:27:02,690
them. Yeah. It's just.

443
00:27:06,110 --> 00:27:09,810
I don't know, and I'd rather you not be home.

444
00:27:10,350 --> 00:27:14,022
So then there's no right answer. There's really not. Like you would

445
00:27:14,046 --> 00:27:16,534
like for me to go out because you know that that's what I want to

446
00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:19,930
do, but you don't want me to go out because you don't like it.

447
00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:23,870
No. So I think that that's. No, I don't mind

448
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:27,598
you going out, and I don't mind you going out with this person

449
00:27:27,654 --> 00:27:31,150
that you. That you met up with. Yeah. I feel like I have to be

450
00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:33,930
mentally prepared for it. Do you?

451
00:27:34,470 --> 00:27:38,142
Yeah. Well, I mean, when. When you left, I told

452
00:27:38,166 --> 00:27:40,430
you that I was gonna. Oh, I have no problem with this. I'm just saying,

453
00:27:40,470 --> 00:27:44,354
like, in general, I have to be mentally prepared for, like, how far ahead?

454
00:27:44,502 --> 00:27:48,602
Well, at least a day. A day?

455
00:27:48,706 --> 00:27:52,074
Yeah. I had it. So, like, spontaneous stuff like this that I had.

456
00:27:52,082 --> 00:27:55,226
No, I understood it. Yeah. But, like, if I know you're gonna

457
00:27:55,258 --> 00:27:59,066
do something or go somewhere, I. I want a day. Like, I can't

458
00:27:59,098 --> 00:28:02,634
just pop it. Pop and be like, okay, cool.

459
00:28:02,762 --> 00:28:06,110
You know, I can, but it's not going to be genuine.

460
00:28:06,530 --> 00:28:08,746
Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna have. I'm gonna tell you.

461
00:28:08,818 --> 00:28:11,572
Sure. If you have something pop up automatically,

462
00:28:11,746 --> 00:28:15,376
like, I only have, like an hour notice, I'm gonna be fine

463
00:28:15,408 --> 00:28:18,944
with it. But if you're asking me do I like it, No,

464
00:28:19,032 --> 00:28:22,080
I do not like it. You know, and that's. But that's the part I really

465
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:26,016
want to explore is what is it about it

466
00:28:26,088 --> 00:28:29,540
that you don't like? I guess the controlling. Maybe.

467
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,664
I guess the controllingness in me. Honestly. The controllingness.

468
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:37,636
The controllingness. Like, I'm not there to control situations. I'm not there to.

469
00:28:37,768 --> 00:28:40,988
But even if you were there, you wouldn't control the situation. I don't know.

470
00:28:41,124 --> 00:28:44,796
Like, I'm. I mean, I'm. I'm your husband. I'm not your child. So obviously

471
00:28:44,828 --> 00:28:48,492
you don't. You don't control me and what I do. So even when

472
00:28:48,516 --> 00:28:52,092
you're there, you don't control the situation. We're both autonomous.

473
00:28:52,156 --> 00:28:55,484
Yeah, but I'm there. It's different. How's it

474
00:28:55,492 --> 00:28:58,668
different? It's a different. In my head, different because you're there. I will

475
00:28:58,724 --> 00:29:02,732
act differently if you're there as opposed to if you're not there.

476
00:29:02,836 --> 00:29:06,890
I think so. Really? Yeah. Yeah, but it doesn't. Like I.

477
00:29:06,930 --> 00:29:09,914
Like I said, it doesn't. It's not something I'm going to be like, oh,

478
00:29:09,962 --> 00:29:13,546
don't. Don't do that. No, I'm not going to be That I don't do that.

479
00:29:13,698 --> 00:29:17,098
Yeah, but. Well, I mean, it wouldn't be fair because you're going to.

480
00:29:17,154 --> 00:29:21,114
Yeah, but you asked me. Yeah, but we've discussed this.

481
00:29:21,202 --> 00:29:24,634
I don't have the same kinks as you. Yeah, I know that.

482
00:29:24,722 --> 00:29:27,962
Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't have the same. It's. It's the

483
00:29:27,986 --> 00:29:31,590
respect. We've had this discussion before, said that if

484
00:29:31,630 --> 00:29:34,454
you were gonna do this, that you would still give me the same response.

485
00:29:34,582 --> 00:29:38,310
And I do, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around what

486
00:29:38,350 --> 00:29:42,086
the issue is. Because if I was going out there and having sex with somebody,

487
00:29:42,118 --> 00:29:45,830
you would have an issue with it. Like, you would if I

488
00:29:45,870 --> 00:29:49,366
just went out with somebody for. Just to meet them

489
00:29:49,438 --> 00:29:53,062
and hang out with them. It's. I. I don't know what

490
00:29:53,086 --> 00:29:56,450
it is, but you asked me if I liked it.

491
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,216
No, I asked you if you had a problem with it. Oh, no problem.

492
00:29:59,288 --> 00:30:03,296
Yeah. No, I don't have a problem with it. I'm going to.

493
00:30:03,448 --> 00:30:07,120
You. You. You are your person. You're gonna. If you want to do something,

494
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,288
you're gonna do it. Yeah. You're very respectful. You ask me,

495
00:30:10,344 --> 00:30:13,180
you do whatever the process is,

496
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,280
but I don't have the same feelings you have

497
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,688
when it comes vice versa. And I don't think I'm

498
00:30:20,704 --> 00:30:24,160
ever gonna have those excited feelings. I try. Well, see,

499
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,892
you just saying that has sealed the deal for that, because you were like,

500
00:30:27,916 --> 00:30:30,484
well, I'm. I'm trying to feel that. But then you're like, I don't think I'm

501
00:30:30,492 --> 00:30:34,068
ever gonna have. No. Like, I don't think you speak in. In.

502
00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:37,796
In. So complete. So I don't.

503
00:30:37,988 --> 00:30:41,812
No. Okay. I understand the feelings that

504
00:30:41,836 --> 00:30:45,588
you have, and I know how you get excited about me doing

505
00:30:45,644 --> 00:30:49,508
it. Right. I like you happy.

506
00:30:49,604 --> 00:30:53,358
And so it takes me that. I'll rephrase.

507
00:30:53,454 --> 00:30:56,654
It takes me a bit to get the feeling

508
00:30:56,702 --> 00:30:59,870
of excitement that you get. It just

509
00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:02,814
takes me a bit. So, like, you went out today, Right.

510
00:31:02,982 --> 00:31:05,854
I had no problem with it. I was at the party.

511
00:31:05,942 --> 00:31:09,454
I had to answer really quick. I got my phone, and I answered, and I

512
00:31:09,462 --> 00:31:13,294
was like, sure. I re. I respect her. She respects

513
00:31:13,342 --> 00:31:17,284
me. She understands you. And I.

514
00:31:17,422 --> 00:31:20,600
Yeah, no problem. Because I know her.

515
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,992
I don't have a problem with that. Right. You know that there's. That. Was I

516
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:27,720
excited? Ooh, what is he doing? What? No, I would

517
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,696
figure you wouldn't be excited. You don't get into that the way I do.

518
00:31:30,768 --> 00:31:35,192
Yes. So that's the only thing, like, I don't have that same feeling.

519
00:31:35,336 --> 00:31:39,160
I'm trying to get there or I'm trying to. I don't even need

520
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,200
you excited. I just want you to be okay with it.

521
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:46,310
Like, I feel uncomfortable feelings from you or

522
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:50,170
like, when I see you sometimes a little bit of

523
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:53,354
attitude will come out in your voice when you're talking to me,

524
00:31:53,522 --> 00:31:56,810
and I'm like, okay. She didn't. She didn't care for

525
00:31:56,850 --> 00:32:00,394
the fact that I was out today. You felt that? Yeah. Yeah,

526
00:32:00,442 --> 00:32:04,186
totally. Really? Yeah. Talking to you on the phone or you'd

527
00:32:04,218 --> 00:32:07,354
be spacing out or just like, you know, when you were at the

528
00:32:07,362 --> 00:32:10,682
house, it wasn't major. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't anything where

529
00:32:10,706 --> 00:32:14,334
we would fight or anything like that. Yeah. But when I haven't

530
00:32:14,382 --> 00:32:17,902
seen you for several hours throughout the day. Yeah. The first thing you

531
00:32:17,926 --> 00:32:21,710
do when you come through the door is you're very loving and all over me

532
00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:24,862
and you're kissing me and all that stuff. Today I

533
00:32:24,886 --> 00:32:28,270
hadn't seen you for several hours. You walked through and you were just like,

534
00:32:28,310 --> 00:32:31,810
hey, how's it going? Like, you were low energy. You weren't.

535
00:32:32,150 --> 00:32:35,582
Oh, I think I was just low energy. So I think you get. You weren't.

536
00:32:35,646 --> 00:32:38,896
I wasn't. Because you picked it up later. I wasn't.

537
00:32:38,998 --> 00:32:42,604
I wasn't upset about you going out. I had no feelings towards

538
00:32:42,652 --> 00:32:46,460
you going out at all today. No. At all.

539
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:49,148
I knew we were going to see that person again. Yeah.

540
00:32:49,244 --> 00:32:52,732
No. And that was. My thing was like, it wasn't

541
00:32:52,796 --> 00:32:56,268
major, but it was noticeable where I was like, oh, well, she's.

542
00:32:56,444 --> 00:32:59,276
She's kind of got. And that's why I brought it up now because.

543
00:32:59,428 --> 00:33:03,132
No, your tone was different. You, even when you're

544
00:33:03,196 --> 00:33:07,062
exceptionally tired, will come up to me and be very loving

545
00:33:07,126 --> 00:33:10,342
towards me and that sort of thing. You weren't. Yeah. And you literally

546
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:13,830
were gone for several hours for a long time out of town.

547
00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:17,970
No. And if I did that, that's just my mind because I was.

548
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:21,810
Had no feeling toward it at all.

549
00:33:22,670 --> 00:33:25,654
At all. Yeah.

550
00:33:25,782 --> 00:33:29,190
No. Tired. Tired from what?

551
00:33:29,310 --> 00:33:32,790
From driving. From going. Yeah, that. And then going to the grocery store.

552
00:33:32,870 --> 00:33:36,208
Oh, man, forget it. But. No, I had no feeling. And.

553
00:33:36,374 --> 00:33:39,164
But. But going back to. I don't get the.

554
00:33:39,332 --> 00:33:42,956
Ooh. The excited. The excited. What is he doing?

555
00:33:43,108 --> 00:33:46,924
I don't do. I don't get that. And I'm trying to.

556
00:33:47,092 --> 00:33:50,840
I'm not trying to train myself to get there. I'm trying to

557
00:33:51,620 --> 00:33:54,880
not get to the. Ugh.

558
00:33:55,380 --> 00:33:59,020
He couldn't just stay home. Yeah. He couldn't Just sit there

559
00:33:59,060 --> 00:34:02,588
and wait like we discussed. No, I don't get.

560
00:34:02,644 --> 00:34:05,786
I. I don't. I'm not there, so. No,

561
00:34:05,858 --> 00:34:08,310
I had no feelings for it at all. No.

562
00:34:09,250 --> 00:34:13,018
No. Oh, that's interesting. Oh, you ate without

563
00:34:13,074 --> 00:34:16,602
me. Maybe that was it. Yeah. Cause I hadn't eaten that. When you

564
00:34:16,626 --> 00:34:20,026
had attitude with. Yes. You had asked me. You were like, well, are you hungry?

565
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:23,194
And I was like, no, I. I already ate. Yeah, I hadn't eaten. And I

566
00:34:23,202 --> 00:34:27,130
was like, oh, okay. That's what it was. I hadn't eaten.

567
00:34:27,210 --> 00:34:29,802
I mean, I ate at the party a little bit, but. So then you did

568
00:34:29,826 --> 00:34:32,842
eat. That's not what I wanted to eat. I wanted to pick you up

569
00:34:32,866 --> 00:34:35,949
and I wanted to go eat something, so you should have. But vocalized that early

570
00:34:35,989 --> 00:34:40,125
on. I thought it was. So you were gone. You left

571
00:34:40,197 --> 00:34:43,449
here at. At like a little bit before 11.

572
00:34:43,749 --> 00:34:47,549
You didn't get home till almost 4. No. That was

573
00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:51,005
so freaking long. I'm not gonna not eat during that time

574
00:34:51,077 --> 00:34:54,269
because you wanted to eat with me. Like,

575
00:34:54,309 --> 00:34:57,709
that's just not cool. So obviously I was gonna eat.

576
00:34:57,869 --> 00:35:00,877
You know, I wasn't gonna not eat. And I didn't know what you were.

577
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:03,581
I think that's what it was, that I was just hungry. Well, you should have

578
00:35:03,605 --> 00:35:06,384
eat. I was hanging and I told you. I was like, stop and get something.

579
00:35:06,472 --> 00:35:10,224
No, I'm fine. And it's like, well, why? Why. Why do that?

580
00:35:10,312 --> 00:35:13,728
Because. But see, but you have to understand, when you

581
00:35:13,784 --> 00:35:16,980
do that, it makes me feel guilty.

582
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,848
Your reactions always do

583
00:35:20,904 --> 00:35:24,064
something to me. They do. They do.

584
00:35:24,232 --> 00:35:27,424
And because I have a lot of trauma from your reactions

585
00:35:27,472 --> 00:35:31,264
from when we were poly, when I'm trying to do something new

586
00:35:31,352 --> 00:35:35,196
like this today, you're under the microscope.

587
00:35:35,388 --> 00:35:39,212
I am watching every move. I'm listening to

588
00:35:39,316 --> 00:35:42,732
every word you say. I'm paying attention to see if you're acting

589
00:35:42,796 --> 00:35:46,444
normal or if you're putting on a facade. I'm.

590
00:35:46,492 --> 00:35:50,892
I'm watching everything to see if you're genuinely reacting

591
00:35:50,956 --> 00:35:53,708
to what I did today or not. Yeah.

592
00:35:53,884 --> 00:35:57,180
And I mean, you. You didn't.

593
00:35:57,340 --> 00:36:00,946
You didn't fail. You didn't fail me because I got.

594
00:36:01,018 --> 00:36:04,050
I got that reaction out of you. I was like, great. So this is.

595
00:36:04,090 --> 00:36:07,682
This is going to be an issue now? No. No issue with you going

596
00:36:07,786 --> 00:36:11,314
out, but. You had an issue with me eating without you. But even if

597
00:36:11,322 --> 00:36:15,250
you were with our kids and you ate without me,

598
00:36:15,370 --> 00:36:18,258
it would have been an issue. It wouldn't have. Because I've done that before,

599
00:36:18,314 --> 00:36:22,242
and that hasn't been an issue. Well, I Was hungry. Well, you should

600
00:36:22,266 --> 00:36:25,762
have eaten. Yeah, I'm aware of that now. That's not a difficulty.

601
00:36:25,826 --> 00:36:29,234
But you asked me and I'm telling you it was. No, I understand that it

602
00:36:29,242 --> 00:36:33,038
was probably because of that. Cuz I was hungry. But it wasn't because were out

603
00:36:33,174 --> 00:36:36,622
at all. Well, I mean, you could have vocalized that

604
00:36:36,646 --> 00:36:41,022
if you wanted me to not eat until. Which is another portion of your controllingness.

605
00:36:41,086 --> 00:36:44,670
I don't think I cared until I was hungry and I

606
00:36:44,710 --> 00:36:47,790
was halfway here and I was like, oh, do you want to go eat something?

607
00:36:47,830 --> 00:36:51,966
And you're like, no, I already ate. I was like, oh, okay. Well, it wasn't

608
00:36:51,998 --> 00:36:55,950
that sweet how you said it. Oh, no, I said, oh, via text.

609
00:36:56,110 --> 00:36:59,350
Yeah, I said, wasn't that sweet? The O wasn't on

610
00:36:59,390 --> 00:37:02,742
text. Wasn't sweet. No, because I told you, I said go,

611
00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:06,390
go, go eat something. And it's like, no, no, it's fine. No,

612
00:37:06,510 --> 00:37:09,430
it's like, great. And then I went to the grocery store. Yeah.

613
00:37:09,510 --> 00:37:13,130
But anyway, don't roll your eyes at me. Obviously,

614
00:37:13,470 --> 00:37:16,870
there. There's a reason why I'm discussing it. This is not

615
00:37:16,910 --> 00:37:20,262
something new. There's a reason why I bring it up because

616
00:37:20,366 --> 00:37:24,262
you have major issues on the norm. I mean,

617
00:37:24,286 --> 00:37:27,958
you're coming off of them and you're getting better. But you know,

618
00:37:28,014 --> 00:37:31,158
I. I don't know why you make that face at me. Oh,

619
00:37:31,174 --> 00:37:34,422
I'm just making a face. You make a face at me every time. I'm just.

620
00:37:34,526 --> 00:37:37,510
You know, that's the thing about it is you can. You can sit here and

621
00:37:37,550 --> 00:37:41,446
say how you're feeling about stuff, but sometimes I say what I'm

622
00:37:41,478 --> 00:37:44,886
feeling about stuff. And I can tell you're not. You're not taking

623
00:37:44,958 --> 00:37:48,950
to it very well. And it's. You have to understand that we

624
00:37:48,990 --> 00:37:52,246
have always done what you wanted in this lifestyle. Yes.

625
00:37:52,358 --> 00:37:56,102
And now we're. You're trying to open yourself up so that I

626
00:37:56,126 --> 00:37:59,442
can experience stuff. But your reactions

627
00:37:59,506 --> 00:38:01,750
aren't always nice.

628
00:38:02,170 --> 00:38:05,378
And I understand that you're trying to fix things and stuff like that,

629
00:38:05,434 --> 00:38:09,202
but I mean, you have to understand that you're not the only one with trauma

630
00:38:09,266 --> 00:38:13,394
from the poly experience that we had. I have trauma from our poly

631
00:38:13,442 --> 00:38:16,002
experience because of how you acted during it.

632
00:38:16,106 --> 00:38:20,162
Right. So now we're doing this different thing where we're doing separate

633
00:38:20,226 --> 00:38:24,086
stuff. And I'm so happy that you had a great experience because.

634
00:38:24,138 --> 00:38:27,694
Because I think that's fantastic. But I would like

635
00:38:27,862 --> 00:38:31,886
that same support towards me,

636
00:38:32,038 --> 00:38:35,950
you know, without attitude or without any

637
00:38:35,990 --> 00:38:39,518
kind of guilty feelings or anything like that, like, that.

638
00:38:39,574 --> 00:38:43,070
That's. That's never any fun, you know? Right. And I.

639
00:38:43,110 --> 00:38:46,814
It. It kind of triggers my trauma because then I'm like, she's got a

640
00:38:46,822 --> 00:38:50,664
problem with it, you know? Nope. We're gonna end up fighting about it. No,

641
00:38:50,752 --> 00:38:53,832
you know, like, that's. That's where I. I expected.

642
00:38:53,936 --> 00:38:57,768
Because you're. You're still very. I think you associate everything with

643
00:38:57,824 --> 00:38:58,900
poly still.

644
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,700
No, you said that the other day. I don't think so.

645
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:08,360
No, you said that the other day. Not, Not. Not things

646
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,140
like this anymore. No, no,

647
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,336
no. I know. So not going out separately. You don't. You don't associate

648
00:39:15,368 --> 00:39:18,862
that with poly anymore. I'm really trying not to associate

649
00:39:18,926 --> 00:39:22,734
those two things anymore. Like, I'm so over the poly

650
00:39:22,782 --> 00:39:26,410
feelings because it just pisses me off.

651
00:39:26,710 --> 00:39:30,126
Because it pisses you off? Just pisses me off. So I try to get those,

652
00:39:30,198 --> 00:39:33,422
like, out of my head. Yeah. Because it. Just. Because it

653
00:39:33,446 --> 00:39:36,782
puts a negative. It puts you in a negative space. It puts me in a

654
00:39:36,806 --> 00:39:40,590
very negative space where it's like, it's not even fun to even

655
00:39:40,710 --> 00:39:42,970
do things because I'm like, ugh,

656
00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:46,354
poly. Poly. And it's not.

657
00:39:46,442 --> 00:39:49,970
I'm. I'm really trying. Really trying to, like, not talk about or

658
00:39:50,010 --> 00:39:53,714
deal. Not. Not talk about it. But have those same feelings

659
00:39:53,762 --> 00:39:57,698
I had when we were poly. Yeah. Because it does. It pisses

660
00:39:57,714 --> 00:40:00,402
me off. It's like that again,

661
00:40:00,586 --> 00:40:04,190
those feelings. No. Yeah. Because it's not the same thing.

662
00:40:05,130 --> 00:40:08,894
No, no, it's not. It's the same thing. And we're in difference spot

663
00:40:08,942 --> 00:40:11,982
now. We're in a different place. And I'm a different person.

664
00:40:12,086 --> 00:40:15,262
Yeah. Than when we were poly. If I don't. You're a different person. Since we

665
00:40:15,286 --> 00:40:18,330
started the podcast, if I. Don'T like something, I don't like it.

666
00:40:18,630 --> 00:40:22,222
And I can try to explain it to you and

667
00:40:22,326 --> 00:40:25,902
explain it to everybody, but it's like, I just don't like it. I. There's no

668
00:40:26,086 --> 00:40:29,210
reason for it other than I just don't like it.

669
00:40:30,070 --> 00:40:32,490
But, I mean, it seems to be working.

670
00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:34,780
Yeah, it's.

671
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,456
It's a different. A different area. A different

672
00:40:40,528 --> 00:40:43,912
area that we're in and a different thought

673
00:40:44,016 --> 00:40:47,176
process. I guess you can say it is something different.

674
00:40:47,248 --> 00:40:50,408
Like, not a lot of people can do it. No. Yeah.

675
00:40:50,504 --> 00:40:55,080
No, not a lot of people can do it. So. Yeah, that. I think that's.

676
00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:58,424
That's really one of the. The interesting aspects of all

677
00:40:58,432 --> 00:41:02,154
of this, because we have. I. I find it really,

678
00:41:02,242 --> 00:41:05,642
really fun. Reach this point in

679
00:41:05,746 --> 00:41:09,306
look to play separately. Not everybody's

680
00:41:09,338 --> 00:41:13,098
looking for a couple. You mean, not everybody is not

681
00:41:13,154 --> 00:41:15,914
like both of us, but, like, want to be with both. Yeah.

682
00:41:15,962 --> 00:41:19,530
Sexually. Okay. Yeah. So not everybody is. Is into the

683
00:41:19,570 --> 00:41:22,810
couple scene. And some people are

684
00:41:22,850 --> 00:41:26,314
just wanting you or some people are just wanting me, you know, that sort of

685
00:41:26,322 --> 00:41:29,566
thing. And we may be into

686
00:41:29,638 --> 00:41:32,890
that, but at the same time, we're going to stop and go,

687
00:41:33,270 --> 00:41:36,750
sorry, but I. I would really love to, but I can't because

688
00:41:36,870 --> 00:41:40,030
we only play together. And I think

689
00:41:40,070 --> 00:41:44,770
we've always held each other back because of that. Now you have opportunities to enjoy

690
00:41:46,230 --> 00:41:50,110
sexually different experiences, and that won't hold

691
00:41:50,150 --> 00:41:52,980
us back, either one of us, which is kind of cool. Yeah.

692
00:41:53,110 --> 00:41:57,048
So we're not doing this all the time. Obviously. This is not

693
00:41:57,184 --> 00:42:00,504
our new dynamic where we're just going out and,

694
00:42:00,592 --> 00:42:04,408
and playing separately all the time. This is just a little

695
00:42:04,464 --> 00:42:07,912
something added for the times, you know, every now

696
00:42:07,936 --> 00:42:11,688
and then where, you know, there's a couple that's only interested

697
00:42:11,704 --> 00:42:15,400
in you or this or that, you know, whatever. Right, right, right. We have

698
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,552
that option. We have that ability. You know,

699
00:42:18,576 --> 00:42:22,298
the couple that, that sees you, they're. They're an attractive couple.

700
00:42:22,474 --> 00:42:25,882
Honestly, I'm bummed that I can't be a part of it, because that would be

701
00:42:25,906 --> 00:42:29,482
fun. Yeah. But I'm happy for you to have

702
00:42:29,506 --> 00:42:32,522
that experience because I don't want to hold you back from that. That could be

703
00:42:32,546 --> 00:42:36,426
a lot of fun. And they seem like really nice people. Yeah. And so I

704
00:42:36,498 --> 00:42:39,722
like that we're. We're doing that for each other just to

705
00:42:39,746 --> 00:42:42,506
have that. Those experiences and stuff.

706
00:42:42,538 --> 00:42:45,642
Yeah. So that's cool. Now you went

707
00:42:45,746 --> 00:42:49,380
to. To a fun little party today

708
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,824
that I thought was interesting. Now I remember the first time I.

709
00:42:54,912 --> 00:42:58,568
I've heard of these parties. I was.

710
00:42:58,624 --> 00:43:02,056
I must have been in my late teens or something like that, and.

711
00:43:02,128 --> 00:43:05,704
And somebody handed a. A little card to somebody.

712
00:43:05,752 --> 00:43:09,096
A friend of mine. I was already out of high school. I was older,

713
00:43:09,128 --> 00:43:13,030
but it. It was a little card and it was for a women's only kind

714
00:43:13,070 --> 00:43:16,678
of get together. And I remember asking what it was,

715
00:43:16,734 --> 00:43:19,174
and some girl was like, oh, it's a fun party. And I was like,

716
00:43:19,182 --> 00:43:22,694
I don't know what that means. She's like, it. We basically just

717
00:43:22,862 --> 00:43:26,086
show off new sex toys and

718
00:43:26,158 --> 00:43:29,174
women decide whether they want to buy them or not. And I was like,

719
00:43:29,182 --> 00:43:32,370
oh, so it's like a. It's like a Tupperware party, but for

720
00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:35,206
sex toys? Pretty much. Essentially, yeah.

721
00:43:35,318 --> 00:43:38,614
So I don't know why they don't have this sort of thing for guys.

722
00:43:38,662 --> 00:43:42,520
Guys have sex toys too, you know. So 1.

723
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:45,352
I don't ever go to these things because I'm not.

724
00:43:45,536 --> 00:43:48,380
I don't like social gatherings.

725
00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:53,752
I don't like social gatherings where they're gonna sell something.

726
00:43:53,856 --> 00:43:57,672
Okay. Yeah, don't like that. So I didn't. I don't care if this

727
00:43:57,696 --> 00:44:01,000
was. It's like a timeshare. It doesn't. Right. But I.

728
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,100
Porting a friend and it was

729
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,860
the girl, the lady who showed us everything.

730
00:44:08,260 --> 00:44:11,916
Super. Not out all the toys, but it's

731
00:44:11,948 --> 00:44:16,348
from everything. It's from. They have face cleansers,

732
00:44:16,524 --> 00:44:20,636
they have body wash stuff. Like it's not only

733
00:44:20,708 --> 00:44:24,600
sex toys. And then it goes into like the lubes and

734
00:44:25,220 --> 00:44:29,308
toys. And somebody asked, do you ever do a party

735
00:44:29,364 --> 00:44:34,038
where it's the male and the female? And she

736
00:44:34,094 --> 00:44:37,478
said she did it before, but it didn't end up the way the

737
00:44:37,534 --> 00:44:41,462
hosts thought it was. Now I personally would not want males

738
00:44:41,526 --> 00:44:45,286
there. No? No. Why? Because these

739
00:44:45,358 --> 00:44:48,950
toys are for you and your partner, but they're mainly for

740
00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:52,342
women. Yeah. Like if

741
00:44:52,366 --> 00:44:56,182
you just look at them all, there's. I mean, I bought a toy and you

742
00:44:56,206 --> 00:44:59,154
and I used it. Yes, we did.

743
00:44:59,262 --> 00:45:03,162
But that's because I bought it specifically for you and

744
00:45:03,186 --> 00:45:06,282
I to use it. I got you. You know what I mean? But it's a

745
00:45:06,306 --> 00:45:10,090
solo by myself too. Right, right. So there's

746
00:45:10,170 --> 00:45:12,430
some stuff for couples,

747
00:45:13,010 --> 00:45:16,778
but for a man to be there, I think I would

748
00:45:16,834 --> 00:45:20,250
look at it differently. Now that's interesting

749
00:45:20,410 --> 00:45:24,250
because I And I. This is a different world

750
00:45:24,290 --> 00:45:27,322
for me. I obviously as a guy, I don't have any sex toys. I know

751
00:45:27,346 --> 00:45:29,310
that there are sex toys for guys.

752
00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:33,508
Never been my thing, but I know that they exist.

753
00:45:33,604 --> 00:45:36,900
I know that there's not as many for guys either. I know that there's a

754
00:45:36,940 --> 00:45:40,068
lot for women, all different types, suckers,

755
00:45:40,164 --> 00:45:43,988
all sorts of stuff. So there's a. But when you

756
00:45:44,044 --> 00:45:47,748
go. When a woman goes. Not you necessarily, but when a woman

757
00:45:47,804 --> 00:45:50,916
goes to get a sex toy, do they

758
00:45:50,988 --> 00:45:54,004
involve their partner or spouse on the norm?

759
00:45:54,052 --> 00:45:57,740
Is that a thing that you would know

760
00:45:57,780 --> 00:46:01,388
of? I mean, obviously you and I talk about it. We're very open

761
00:46:01,444 --> 00:46:06,236
about it and we've gone. All the toys I have though you

762
00:46:06,308 --> 00:46:09,372
were not around when I got them. Yeah, we got them

763
00:46:09,396 --> 00:46:12,700
from Walmart. Well, the little purple bullet in Walmart. Yeah. But like my

764
00:46:12,740 --> 00:46:16,092
rose. The rose. I will. The rose. Yeah. I bought it for

765
00:46:16,116 --> 00:46:18,080
myself for my birthday. Yeah.

766
00:46:19,060 --> 00:46:22,108
And so Rose is pretty much a self person. Like it's not.

767
00:46:22,164 --> 00:46:25,468
But like your dildos and stuff. I mean, we bought Together. We bought

768
00:46:25,484 --> 00:46:28,872
together. Yeah, but like, I forgot about those. Yeah, but like,

769
00:46:28,896 --> 00:46:31,580
any, like, the vibrators or stuff like that. Yeah,

770
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:38,648
I don't. I don't usually think

771
00:46:38,704 --> 00:46:42,376
if you're going to like them, so I don't know think that,

772
00:46:42,448 --> 00:46:45,896
like, when I buy the little bullets and stuff, it's not

773
00:46:45,968 --> 00:46:49,176
for your pleasure, but it is

774
00:46:49,248 --> 00:46:52,184
for. To enhance our pleasure.

775
00:46:52,232 --> 00:46:56,078
Yeah. See, that's the thing, is. Because you don't masturbate a whole

776
00:46:56,094 --> 00:46:59,310
lot. No. And when

777
00:46:59,350 --> 00:47:03,038
you do, I mean, you. You have toys, but it's not

778
00:47:03,094 --> 00:47:06,462
really, I guess, because it takes so much time for you to do

779
00:47:06,486 --> 00:47:09,966
it. It's like a whole. Well, yeah. So it's

780
00:47:09,998 --> 00:47:13,534
not as. As quick and easy as it can be for me. Right.

781
00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:16,782
For you. Like, you have to get there. You have to get to do all

782
00:47:16,806 --> 00:47:20,702
this stuff. So I have all of these toys,

783
00:47:20,766 --> 00:47:24,336
but realistically, you primarily use them when we're together.

784
00:47:24,478 --> 00:47:28,380
Yes. Rather than on your own. Or if I'm, like, by myself,

785
00:47:28,540 --> 00:47:32,636
which is not. Which is not very often. Like, if I'm. If it's

786
00:47:32,668 --> 00:47:36,124
a late start for me and you've already gone to work or whatever.

787
00:47:36,252 --> 00:47:40,188
Yeah. I'll come lay down. Friday. Friday morning,

788
00:47:40,244 --> 00:47:44,200
I was by myself. Yeah. You had already left. I laid down,

789
00:47:44,740 --> 00:47:48,204
I watched a little porn, and I masturbated,

790
00:47:48,252 --> 00:47:51,690
and it took me less than five minutes.

791
00:47:52,190 --> 00:47:55,926
Wow. Yeah. So if I'm in the right mind and I'm

792
00:47:55,958 --> 00:47:58,970
relaxed and I'm not rushing myself. Yeah.

793
00:47:59,550 --> 00:48:04,614
I can do this. Yeah. But I'm

794
00:48:04,662 --> 00:48:08,134
lazy. So I'm like, no, I'm not

795
00:48:08,222 --> 00:48:12,806
too lazy to masturbate. I am too lazy to. So I don't have the sexual

796
00:48:12,918 --> 00:48:16,852
desire to masturbate

797
00:48:16,916 --> 00:48:20,388
all the time. I mean, I have sex with you on a daily.

798
00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:24,960
Yeah. You make me come. Yeah. If I don't come,

799
00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:29,284
then I'm fine with it because my pleasure is pleasing you,

800
00:48:29,452 --> 00:48:32,948
so I'm okay with it. But Friday we were done. You were.

801
00:48:33,004 --> 00:48:36,388
You had already made me come, like, three times. You went to

802
00:48:36,444 --> 00:48:39,652
work, and I was like, oh, man,

803
00:48:39,836 --> 00:48:42,944
I could really go for another round. And so

804
00:48:42,952 --> 00:48:46,352
I masturbated. Yeah. And it was great. Now,

805
00:48:46,376 --> 00:48:49,900
was it right away after I left or was it after a while?

806
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,808
Like, had you already come down from when we had sex?

807
00:48:53,944 --> 00:48:57,552
It was. I was right away after you left. Yeah. You left.

808
00:48:57,656 --> 00:49:01,344
You. Yeah, you left. And I

809
00:49:01,352 --> 00:49:04,816
was like, okay. I cleaned up the kitchen. Took me like, five minutes,

810
00:49:04,848 --> 00:49:07,740
and I came and I laid down. Yeah. And I was like.

811
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,820
And see? So, like, I don't know what it is About.

812
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:16,032
Because women can come

813
00:49:16,136 --> 00:49:19,184
and be in the mood and keep going and that sort of thing.

814
00:49:19,272 --> 00:49:22,560
I guess it's not as for men. But it's not all. It's not every

815
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,856
woman. No, it's not every woman, but I have that ability.

816
00:49:25,968 --> 00:49:27,860
And so, like, for example,

817
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:33,866
you know, we. We had fun with somebody. And it's

818
00:49:33,898 --> 00:49:38,442
funny because I can finish, I'll come and

819
00:49:38,466 --> 00:49:41,802
then I'll stop and I'll. Of course I'll take the

820
00:49:41,826 --> 00:49:45,610
condom off and do that whole thing, but I'm still hard

821
00:49:45,730 --> 00:49:49,002
and I'm still turned on and I'm still ready for more.

822
00:49:49,106 --> 00:49:52,470
And so then I'll put on another condom and we'll go at it some more.

823
00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:56,874
We were laying. We were all done. Like, we've had a few rounds. We were

824
00:49:56,882 --> 00:50:00,644
all done laying in the bed and I was still hard and I was still.

825
00:50:00,812 --> 00:50:04,996
Yeah. Jacking off there. Yeah. And so when you guys started getting dressed,

826
00:50:05,028 --> 00:50:08,772
I just called her over and I. I had her lay down next to me

827
00:50:08,796 --> 00:50:11,476
naked, and I just jacked her until I came.

828
00:50:11,548 --> 00:50:15,444
Yeah. Now I was.

829
00:50:15,532 --> 00:50:18,480
I don't know what it is about once you come,

830
00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:23,780
being able to get back into it again. Like,

831
00:50:23,820 --> 00:50:27,664
that's hot. I like, if too much time passes for me, then I'm going to

832
00:50:27,672 --> 00:50:31,776
be like, okay, I'm done. I can't. Yeah. But if I. If it's just

833
00:50:31,848 --> 00:50:34,960
enough time, just a few minutes or whatever, a little

834
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,620
bit, I can get back into it. So, like, after she left

835
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,840
and then you were like, do you think other round. Can we have sex?

836
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,760
Yeah, we can have sex. Let's do this, you know. Yes. It wasn't that

837
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,960
long after. Yeah. Like, we had. Just had. I mean, I can get you to.

838
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,808
No matter what. Yeah. But other people. I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah.

839
00:50:51,824 --> 00:50:54,806
It takes you a while. It takes me a bit. So, yeah, I.

840
00:50:54,878 --> 00:50:56,690
When I've been with other women,

841
00:50:58,190 --> 00:51:01,462
they, you know, I'll finish and they'll be like,

842
00:51:01,486 --> 00:51:05,238
oh, you know. Do you want to have another round right away?

843
00:51:05,374 --> 00:51:08,470
Absolutely. I can deliver. But if they put too

844
00:51:08,510 --> 00:51:11,990
much time in between rounds, I don't.

845
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:15,622
I don't know if I'm like, it's a mental thing for me. It has to

846
00:51:15,646 --> 00:51:18,886
stay in the forefront of my mind because otherwise if I, like, okay,

847
00:51:18,918 --> 00:51:22,624
I'm done. I just retired. Yeah. You know, then it's going

848
00:51:22,632 --> 00:51:26,288
to be hard to get hard again. Right. You know, it's a weird,

849
00:51:26,384 --> 00:51:29,632
weird problem to have. I don't know. I can't explain the way I am.

850
00:51:29,656 --> 00:51:33,216
I am so. No, especially if you come in me, I'm. If you leave

851
00:51:33,248 --> 00:51:36,704
me alone, I'm good to. To. I can masturbate.

852
00:51:36,832 --> 00:51:40,816
Yeah. And sometimes you do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which ends up turning me on.

853
00:51:40,888 --> 00:51:44,192
So I love to masturbate. I just don't ever have to. And I know I

854
00:51:44,216 --> 00:51:47,632
said I'm lazy. Well. Because I have to go get my toy and

855
00:51:47,656 --> 00:51:50,992
I have to go put. Buy good porn. Right. And stuff like that.

856
00:51:51,096 --> 00:51:55,300
So I. I love to masturbate.

857
00:51:55,720 --> 00:51:58,848
I just, you know, I hardly ever see you do it.

858
00:51:58,904 --> 00:52:02,432
I don't. I just don't do it. So, like, I guess you don't really

859
00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:06,320
have to because we have a good sex life. Yeah. So, like, we were done.

860
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,320
You were gone. I was like, oh, my God. Quiet house right

861
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,562
now. I'm gonna lock my door. I'm gonna lay down on

862
00:52:13,586 --> 00:52:17,802
my nice, cold bed, and I'm going to do this, and then I'll shower.

863
00:52:17,946 --> 00:52:20,938
Yeah. So it was. It was nice.

864
00:52:21,034 --> 00:52:23,658
It put me in the right mood. I needed to be in to go.

865
00:52:23,714 --> 00:52:24,630
Oil change,

866
00:52:26,610 --> 00:52:30,602
so. So, yes, I went to a party and I bought toys, and I bought

867
00:52:30,666 --> 00:52:33,754
an amazing toy. It's a different one.

868
00:52:33,842 --> 00:52:37,786
It is so cool. So. So you're digging the sucker portion

869
00:52:37,818 --> 00:52:41,494
of it now. Is this, like, a new thing? So it was a sucker

870
00:52:41,542 --> 00:52:45,318
portion, but it's also the insert one. And so

871
00:52:45,454 --> 00:52:48,250
this one doesn't suck as much as a rose. Okay.

872
00:52:49,630 --> 00:52:53,814
Honestly has no comparison to the rose, really. But it does do

873
00:52:53,902 --> 00:52:56,970
something. It's like, I don't know. It was cool.

874
00:52:57,710 --> 00:53:00,998
It was hot. And of course, I'm using it while I'm watching y'all, so it's,

875
00:53:01,014 --> 00:53:04,598
like, even hotter. Yeah, that was pretty hot that you were sitting back using.

876
00:53:04,654 --> 00:53:08,174
Oh, I could have just used that and been like, I'm gonna go watch tv.

877
00:53:08,302 --> 00:53:12,014
Really? You would have just left us here and gonna

878
00:53:12,062 --> 00:53:15,502
watch tv. I'm gonna go watch tv. That's so weird. I would want to be

879
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:18,478
there and. And listen or watch or whatever, because it was.

880
00:53:18,534 --> 00:53:23,534
It made me feel like it was good orgasm.

881
00:53:23,582 --> 00:53:27,070
I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. Well, then you came to the bed.

882
00:53:27,150 --> 00:53:29,902
And I came to the bed, and. I was like, oh, yeah. You had some

883
00:53:29,926 --> 00:53:32,356
really good orgasms. I did. Yeah.

884
00:53:32,518 --> 00:53:35,944
Excellent. Oh, yeah. No, that was fun. That was. That was.

885
00:53:36,032 --> 00:53:39,432
We had a good several rounds. We did. Yeah. It was

886
00:53:39,456 --> 00:53:43,620
nice. Yeah. I want to say we had sex for, like, two hours.

887
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:48,712
Yeah. It's not bad. It's not my personal best, but it's

888
00:53:48,736 --> 00:53:52,008
not bad. No. It's not your personal best, huh?

889
00:53:52,104 --> 00:53:55,592
No, no. I've. No, you and I, we've had some, We've had

890
00:53:55,616 --> 00:53:58,952
some weekends, man. Like weekends long. Yeah. Sex, like.

891
00:53:58,976 --> 00:54:02,664
Yeah. Just non stop. Yeah, that, those, those were some interesting.

892
00:54:02,712 --> 00:54:05,672
I don't know how the hell I didn't lose more weight doing that. That's a

893
00:54:05,696 --> 00:54:09,000
major cardio. Yeah. You were doing some cardio today. I had to get.

894
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:12,760
I was fan. Yeah. I was sweating, man. I was like, you need

895
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:16,104
a towel? Oh, dude, I got you some water.

896
00:54:16,192 --> 00:54:19,960
Got some good ab work in there. Yeah, you did good. Yeah. We didn't break

897
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,814
the bed, which is nice too. No. Sturdy. Yes, it is.

898
00:54:23,912 --> 00:54:27,386
But I got to take care of that. Squeaking. I don't know what that's,

899
00:54:27,418 --> 00:54:31,146
that's a. Eh, doesn't bother me. No, it depends

900
00:54:31,178 --> 00:54:34,202
on what end we're in. And if the kids are around, we just put

901
00:54:34,226 --> 00:54:37,626
the music on and. That's true. If they can hear the bell squeaking.

902
00:54:37,738 --> 00:54:39,790
Sorry. Walk away from our door.

903
00:54:42,450 --> 00:54:45,978
So do. So when, when this all took place today,

904
00:54:46,034 --> 00:54:49,360
you genuinely like watching me with her?

905
00:54:49,530 --> 00:54:52,964
I did, yeah. Yeah, I did.

906
00:54:53,132 --> 00:54:56,500
It was nice. Is it the same kind

907
00:54:56,540 --> 00:54:59,572
of when I like watching you with somebody? Like,

908
00:54:59,596 --> 00:55:03,396
is it that because I like watching you? It's because it's

909
00:55:03,428 --> 00:55:06,612
like my wife is a porn star and then I'm like, oh, man, I know

910
00:55:06,636 --> 00:55:10,260
exactly what she's doing. Like, that shit's good right there. Yeah. Is that.

911
00:55:10,300 --> 00:55:12,564
Yeah. Like, do you do that? Because I was telling, I was like, dude,

912
00:55:12,612 --> 00:55:15,276
wait till he. That's on your bag. You won't like that.

913
00:55:15,468 --> 00:55:18,396
Yeah, no, it was, it. I didn't have any,

914
00:55:18,468 --> 00:55:22,572
like, problems. If I would have had a problem. I have no problem vocalizing

915
00:55:22,636 --> 00:55:25,852
that. Yeah. And you're just having too much sex.

916
00:55:26,036 --> 00:55:29,484
No, it was hot. Oh, okay. Yeah, she was hot.

917
00:55:29,572 --> 00:55:32,444
Yeah, she was hot. So I,

918
00:55:32,612 --> 00:55:36,200
I enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah, I enjoyed it.

919
00:55:36,740 --> 00:55:40,172
Yeah. That was, that was a fun. Yeah. Definitely capped off our

920
00:55:40,196 --> 00:55:42,764
night. That was a fun night. And then it was like, oh, man, we have

921
00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:46,604
to record. But it was a busy weekend. We had

922
00:55:46,612 --> 00:55:49,660
a lot going on. So. Yes. We weren't able to do it sooner, but this

923
00:55:49,700 --> 00:55:52,876
works out, you know, because we're gonna, we're gonna

924
00:55:52,988 --> 00:55:57,004
finish up this recording at some point. We're gonna veg out

925
00:55:57,092 --> 00:56:00,892
on some whataburger. And then we have to prep everything.

926
00:56:00,996 --> 00:56:04,956
For, for our Easter. Yes. Because our Easter barbecue.

927
00:56:04,988 --> 00:56:08,510
Listen to this. It's going to be Easter. Yeah. Yeah, it will be Easter

928
00:56:08,590 --> 00:56:11,902
and I will be BBQing. Yes.

929
00:56:12,046 --> 00:56:15,950
All day. Yes. Yeah. But you know, I, I,

930
00:56:15,990 --> 00:56:19,690
I, I would say that I'm looking forward to

931
00:56:20,870 --> 00:56:24,222
having more experiences with you. I, I, I think

932
00:56:24,246 --> 00:56:28,250
I, I told you this the other day. I like.

933
00:56:28,630 --> 00:56:32,478
And it's definitely my preference to

934
00:56:32,534 --> 00:56:35,884
play with you, then separate from you.

935
00:56:36,052 --> 00:56:39,308
Yes. I would prefer it be us together same,

936
00:56:39,364 --> 00:56:43,164
then separately same. But I am okay

937
00:56:43,212 --> 00:56:47,100
with you playing separately. I just

938
00:56:47,140 --> 00:56:50,540
don't want it to be an all thing for us.

939
00:56:50,660 --> 00:56:54,012
You know what I mean? Like, it's our, if it's our preference for us to

940
00:56:54,036 --> 00:56:57,628
play together, it's. Then we should always play together. Right. It's so

941
00:56:57,684 --> 00:57:00,436
funny. What? It's so this,

942
00:57:00,508 --> 00:57:03,972
this, this part that we're in now is so

943
00:57:03,996 --> 00:57:07,748
funny because I have always been the one to say things

944
00:57:07,804 --> 00:57:11,844
like that. Yeah. Because you have always wanted to be the one to

945
00:57:12,012 --> 00:57:14,560
venture out.

946
00:57:14,860 --> 00:57:18,116
Huh? Like. Well, and I'm

947
00:57:18,148 --> 00:57:21,700
saying, I'm saying it for your benefit. Yeah. Because,

948
00:57:21,820 --> 00:57:24,868
but it's funny because, you know, I'm always, I am, I am one to venture

949
00:57:24,884 --> 00:57:28,234
out. You are one. I'm one to, to gain new experiences.

950
00:57:28,282 --> 00:57:31,530
Yeah. And you know, get involved in all sorts of stuff. Here you say that

951
00:57:31,570 --> 00:57:34,842
is kind of, it's funny because it's, I'm, I'm just. Saying it because,

952
00:57:34,946 --> 00:57:37,242
you know, I want to make sure that you and I are on the same

953
00:57:37,266 --> 00:57:41,190
page. That obviously you don't have to worry about that from me.

954
00:57:41,570 --> 00:57:45,594
And I'm saying it out loud because obviously

955
00:57:45,722 --> 00:57:48,762
I don't have to worry about it from you. Yeah. I want us to be

956
00:57:48,786 --> 00:57:52,458
able to do this and enjoy this. But if

957
00:57:52,514 --> 00:57:56,170
there comes a time where all of a sudden we notice we're doing separate

958
00:57:56,250 --> 00:57:59,976
more. Yeah. And we're doing other less. I don't think that ever happened.

959
00:58:00,008 --> 00:58:02,888
I don't think so either, but it's worth bringing up. Yeah. I don't think that'll

960
00:58:02,904 --> 00:58:06,552
ever happen to. Where, you know, if we notice that. Okay, this is happening

961
00:58:06,616 --> 00:58:09,688
way more is, you know,

962
00:58:09,824 --> 00:58:13,464
obviously we need to reconnect. Now. What my absolute favorite

963
00:58:13,512 --> 00:58:18,168
part about us playing separately. And I,

964
00:58:18,304 --> 00:58:21,240
I like having sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy having sex.

965
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,820
And especially if it's somebody that I'm going to play with separately,

966
00:58:24,150 --> 00:58:27,278
it's gotta be somebody that I like that I'm really in

967
00:58:27,334 --> 00:58:30,846
that I'll enjoy being play separately. Because if it's not,

968
00:58:30,918 --> 00:58:34,222
then all I'm gonna be thinking about is you and it's not gonna work

969
00:58:34,246 --> 00:58:37,806
out very well. But you know,

970
00:58:37,878 --> 00:58:41,422
my, my big thing is anybody that I

971
00:58:41,446 --> 00:58:45,278
would play separately with, I would have

972
00:58:45,334 --> 00:58:48,542
to, you know, really enjoy them as

973
00:58:48,566 --> 00:58:51,848
a person because it would be. It would be a struggle, you know, I wouldn't

974
00:58:51,864 --> 00:58:55,380
be able to. To. To do that. And I don't really.

975
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,100
I feel like if it was like a regular thing all the time,

976
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,500
I don't think I would enjoy it. No,

977
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,376
you probably wouldn't. I wouldn't think so. No. Because it's

978
00:59:08,408 --> 00:59:11,912
like. It's kind of like a little treat. Yeah. You know,

979
00:59:11,936 --> 00:59:14,260
it's like. And honest. Yeah. And,

980
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:18,136
like. I mean, I know you're just mentioning to mention it, but I really don't

981
00:59:18,168 --> 00:59:21,722
think that thing like, that would ever happen just because. Oh, I don't think

982
00:59:21,746 --> 00:59:24,954
so either. Yeah, we've been. We've already done it.

983
00:59:25,042 --> 00:59:28,426
We've already done the poly thing. We've already done the separate thing.

984
00:59:28,498 --> 00:59:31,722
We've already done all of this, like, together. I. It's.

985
00:59:31,786 --> 00:59:35,146
I really do. I like. But I like

986
00:59:35,218 --> 00:59:38,874
us together because you have made

987
00:59:38,962 --> 00:59:41,710
changes and made it easier.

988
00:59:42,290 --> 00:59:45,942
So, like, it's easier now for me to enjoy myself

989
00:59:46,006 --> 00:59:49,926
when we're all together because I'm not so worried

990
00:59:49,958 --> 00:59:53,302
about you. You're gonna do your thing, and if it

991
00:59:53,326 --> 00:59:57,622
doesn't work out for you, then you're gonna come and join us. Yeah, but you

992
00:59:57,646 --> 01:00:00,870
used to put a stop to me doing stuff. Yeah. And now it's like,

993
01:00:00,910 --> 01:00:04,294
no, now I just. Yeah, things are. Now I just put a stop to whatever

994
01:00:04,342 --> 01:00:07,638
he thinks he's gonna do. He go try to do it by himself. I'm gonna

995
01:00:07,654 --> 01:00:11,046
go back to my husband, woman and be like, we're just gonna do this.

996
01:00:11,118 --> 01:00:14,716
And so now. Yeah, I mean, you've made it so pleasant now

997
01:00:14,868 --> 01:00:18,668
that I really do enjoy and prefer

998
01:00:18,844 --> 01:00:21,080
it to be both of us together.

999
01:00:22,980 --> 01:00:27,804
But I will say that because I find the whole separate

1000
01:00:27,852 --> 01:00:30,780
thing hot on occasion, it is kind of like,

1001
01:00:30,820 --> 01:00:34,220
I'd like to send you off to go do your thing and then

1002
01:00:34,260 --> 01:00:37,692
come back. And my absolute favorite part

1003
01:00:37,716 --> 01:00:41,568
of this, and this is what I was leading up to, is not

1004
01:00:41,624 --> 01:00:45,232
so much the act itself, but the reclaiming

1005
01:00:45,296 --> 01:00:48,560
process afterwards and the reconnection. And the reconnection.

1006
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,080
Because, man, like, even after

1007
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:56,180
your little date, even though nothing happened afterwards sexually,

1008
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:00,432
you came home, we had incredible sex, for one

1009
01:01:00,456 --> 01:01:04,880
thing. We have a great sex life, but this was really, really good sex and

1010
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,160
just being able to cuddle. And I don't know what it is,

1011
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:12,110
but when we're away from each other and we're with other people,

1012
01:01:12,490 --> 01:01:16,002
we tend. When we finally get back together, we really zone in on

1013
01:01:16,026 --> 01:01:19,778
each other. And it's just kind of nice,

1014
01:01:19,954 --> 01:01:23,346
you know, because we are very serious about

1015
01:01:23,418 --> 01:01:26,898
each Other. But it's just that

1016
01:01:26,954 --> 01:01:30,450
reconnection process. We've just always been good at that. And.

1017
01:01:30,490 --> 01:01:33,790
Yeah, that is probably the best part of.

1018
01:01:34,100 --> 01:01:37,580
Of the whole thing. Yeah. You know, that probably part is being able to

1019
01:01:37,620 --> 01:01:40,668
come back to each other and reconnect and.

1020
01:01:40,724 --> 01:01:44,316
Great. And talk about it all. Yeah. And, yeah,

1021
01:01:44,348 --> 01:01:48,012
that's. That's the enjoyable part. Yeah. But, yeah. Make no

1022
01:01:48,036 --> 01:01:51,452
bones about it. I do. If we can play as a couple,

1023
01:01:51,596 --> 01:01:54,972
I would much rather play as a couple. Yeah, same. Yeah,

1024
01:01:55,036 --> 01:01:58,796
it's. It's just more fun, you know. I agree. Even if we're just watching

1025
01:01:58,828 --> 01:02:02,274
each other. Yeah. You know, like, you saw what happened tonight.

1026
01:02:02,322 --> 01:02:06,002
Like, we took turns sitting there and watching each other. Yeah. And she even took

1027
01:02:06,026 --> 01:02:09,490
a turn and sat there and watched us. Like. Like, you know,

1028
01:02:09,530 --> 01:02:13,250
it's one of those things. It was really. And. And that's. It's just.

1029
01:02:13,370 --> 01:02:16,226
It's nicer with you than without you. Yeah.

1030
01:02:16,258 --> 01:02:19,106
That's my opinion. That's what I think.

1031
01:02:19,258 --> 01:02:22,930
That's how I feel about that. Anyways, we're going to go ahead and wrap up

1032
01:02:22,970 --> 01:02:26,114
here because, you know, it's getting late and I think we have whataburger waiting for

1033
01:02:26,122 --> 01:02:29,910
us. I am hungry, man. So we're gonna eat.

1034
01:02:30,250 --> 01:02:33,762
But I do want to say a special thank you to all of you

1035
01:02:33,786 --> 01:02:36,690
who are listening out there in podcast land.

1036
01:02:36,810 --> 01:02:40,030
We appreciate you guys being part of our

1037
01:02:40,490 --> 01:02:44,002
podcast. You know, we get a lot of people who reach out

1038
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:48,050
to us and they send us messages.

1039
01:02:48,130 --> 01:02:51,714
Lots of love, lots of support. And, you know,

1040
01:02:51,802 --> 01:02:54,710
it's y'all who keep us going. Realistically,

1041
01:02:55,380 --> 01:02:58,988
it's y'all who who have us excited to do this every

1042
01:02:59,044 --> 01:03:02,044
week. So I just want to express that. I just want to tell you guys,

1043
01:03:02,092 --> 01:03:06,076
thank you very much for that. You know, we are splayed

1044
01:03:06,108 --> 01:03:08,860
all over the place. I. I hate to say it, but if you guys were

1045
01:03:08,900 --> 01:03:12,000
at following us at one point on TikTok,

1046
01:03:13,060 --> 01:03:16,620
our TikTok was shut down and

1047
01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:20,012
we are not able to recover it, unfortunately. So we had

1048
01:03:20,036 --> 01:03:23,168
to start up a new TikTok. Now you are

1049
01:03:23,224 --> 01:03:26,384
able to reach us at our email, which is

1050
01:03:26,472 --> 01:03:30,304
beyond monogamy for you@gmail.com. that's beyond

1051
01:03:30,352 --> 01:03:32,656
monogamy number four letter,

1052
01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:36,320
umail.com. and then of course, you can reach us on

1053
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:40,448
our Facebook Beyond Monogamy with Adam and Chris and

1054
01:03:40,584 --> 01:03:44,304
some of our. And our Instagram as well. But, Arnouke,

1055
01:03:44,352 --> 01:03:47,778
do you have that, Mason? I do. It's at Beyond

1056
01:03:47,944 --> 01:03:51,566
Do Monogamy. And you'll see a picture of us.

1057
01:03:51,718 --> 01:03:55,326
Nice nice. But I would ask that if you can

1058
01:03:55,398 --> 01:03:58,574
go out there and if you have a tik tok jump

1059
01:03:58,622 --> 01:04:01,854
on there and you know I do have one request for all of

1060
01:04:01,862 --> 01:04:05,930
you listening. I, I, I would like if you can, if you can

1061
01:04:07,270 --> 01:04:11,422
if you know all a part of this huge community

1062
01:04:11,606 --> 01:04:16,300
of ethical, non monogamous, non and

1063
01:04:16,340 --> 01:04:18,920
are you have friends who are in this community.

1064
01:04:19,620 --> 01:04:23,068
Spread the word. Help us out, help us grow because

1065
01:04:23,124 --> 01:04:26,988
you're in on the ground man. And you know we're,

1066
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:30,668
we're gonna, we're gonna do our best to expand this and we need your

1067
01:04:30,724 --> 01:04:34,508
help. We do. You know we really enjoy doing the joy

1068
01:04:34,684 --> 01:04:38,108
being able to entertain you guys and have these conversations. We're gonna start

1069
01:04:38,164 --> 01:04:41,820
taking on guests at some point and things are gonna take a

1070
01:04:41,860 --> 01:04:45,356
turn but we would really appreciate it that if you like our

1071
01:04:45,428 --> 01:04:48,940
cast, if you really enjoy it, help us spread the word

1072
01:04:49,020 --> 01:04:53,020
because we could really use your yes. Yeah. So anyways with that we really

1073
01:04:53,060 --> 01:04:56,652
appreciate you guys tuning in and you know what we will see you guys

1074
01:04:56,796 --> 01:04:58,280
next week by.