QUICKIE: Why Discretion & Judgment Matter in Non-Monogamy

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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We explore topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,

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and related subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised

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that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared

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here is for entertainment and informational purposes only. If you are under

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18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions about sex,

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relationships, or mature language, we strongly recommend that you refrain

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from listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable with

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this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm

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Pris. And, you know, I had. Actually,

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I was gonna do a whole different topic today, and then something

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happened that I just had to talk about, and so

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I said, you know what? I'm just gonna talk about this. Wait, did you tell

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me what we're talking about? I did. Okay, go. Matter of fact, I even even

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sent it to you earlier. You know, I got up. I did a post.

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A Facebook post yesterday about some

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big changes that are coming our way as far as this podcast. You know,

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we just added a website. Yes. Which is www.beyond-monogamy.com.

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and I was very excited about that and a few other changes to

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come. You worked really hard on that. I did. I did. Thank you for.

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Thank you for taking the time. Well, thank you. And. And getting all that

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situated. You know, it. It was. It was a doozy, but we got

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it up and running and live. And I was very

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excited to announce this. And sometime throughout

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the night or early morning,

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somebody on my Facebook who I regarded as an old

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friend or an old acquaintance. Well, an old acquaintance.

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I always felt like. I thought maybe she was a friend, but I guess not.

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Just decided to leave a very simple comment.

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What was that comment? It was an emoji. Huh. Of the vomit.

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The vomit. The vomit emoji.

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Because she was disgusted by the

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fact that we have a swinger sex.

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But she didn't say that. She just put that. And that's what you're gathering.

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I mean, there. There really is no other way to look into it. I would

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gather the same thing. It's not like a. Like she. She hit the wrong emoji.

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And this. This wasn't. This didn't just happen. This thing sat for hours before

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I finally saw it. So I did not see that. Yeah, well, so I got.

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I went in there and I deleted it and immediately blocked

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that person, which is. You know, it happens.

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Yeah. And, you know, I don't see it as often anymore because a lot of

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the people that I have on my Facebook, it's more controlled.

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It's primarily a lot of lifestyle people. Yeah, you started weeding out

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the people. That I really did. And there's. There are. Don't get me wrong,

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there are still a lot of vanillas on my page. People from my

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past, people from school, whether that be middle

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school, high school, college, you know, past jobs,

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even when I used to go to church. You know,

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there are still people on. On my Facebook and

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they know. I mean, we're all adults here. And that's kind of

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the way I look at it, because I'm not. I'm not explicit

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on my Facebook. I make it clear that we have this

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spicy podcast and, well, we don't. Hide that we're swingers.

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We don't hide that we're swingers. But, you know, what I'm saying is I'm not

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putting out, you know, foul language type

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posts and talking about, you know, this and that. I don't do that.

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You know, I use my Facebook for, you know, just fun comedic purposes memes,

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things like that. So I'm not you. You know, I just utilize it maybe

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every now and then to let people know that an episode drops or, Or.

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I tag you on there. You know, things like that. You know, but realistically,

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the people on there know what we do,

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but I don't talk about it explicitly so as

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not to be offensive. That's very sweet of you.

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Well, you know, I. I don't. I don't like when people

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push things on me, and I'm not trying to push anything on anybody.

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But when we started this podcast,

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I noticed that there were a lot of people from my past who

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could be considered a vanilla who ended up

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inquiring and listening to the podcast and learning some things and

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just that alone. I mean, just because you listen to the podcast doesn't mean you're

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a swinger. And just because you're posting something doesn't mean you're pushing your.

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Your thoughts on somebody. Like, I'm very. I post everything.

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Oh, yeah, no, I know. I post everything. You're very bold with your post.

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And if, I guess if no one likes it, they can just remove themselves.

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But I'm glad that you removed that person. Oh, yeah, because you're not

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a reactor. No, no, no. I am a real. I. I tend to sit

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back and, and process for a minute, and then I was like, okay, you know

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what? Forget this. Peace out. And then I proceeded to do a post

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afterwards about how, you know, it. It's okay.

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If you don't agree with me, we can still

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be friends. And I have people on my Facebook that.

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I guarantee you they see my lifestyle and they. Because we're not. We're not discreet

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about it. And I guarantee you, they don't agree with it. And I guarantee you,

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maybe it makes them feel uncomfortable or whatever, but you know what they did?

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They either unfollowed me or they just don't say anything.

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And you know what? Cool. Are good friends from where

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we live. I'm sure they know. And. Yeah, they know.

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They've. We have never talked about it. No. And we don't bring it up.

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We don't throw it in their faces. Exactly. They've never listened to the podcast.

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It's. It's one of those things where some people just. It doesn't

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bother them, but there's other people out there that they feel like they are the

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moral authority over life,

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and not just their life, but everybody's period.

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And they feel like if you do something that they

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don't agree with, it's their job to

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let you know it. To let you know that they don't agree.

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And, I mean, there's. Yeah. And that's why people keep the

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lifestyle to themselves. Exactly. That's what they make. And that's what I'm getting

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at, because I was talking to somebody

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the other day, somebody I.

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I just friended them on. On Facebook, and they reached out to me and they

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said, hey, by the way, this profile is my vanilla page.

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So I just wanted to let you know that just in case, you know,

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you know, there's. It's sensitive. We're discreet.

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Yeah, no problem. I mean, even if that wasn't communicated

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to me, I don't do not stuff like that. Yeah. I don't do stuff like

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that. Yeah. I treat everybody's page as if it's. It's under the microscope,

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you know? Yes. But I. I thought how funny that

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that even has to be said, because we

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have to be. You know, everybody feels the need to be discreet

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in some point or another in their lifestyle because of

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different reasons. And it all comes down to the

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judgment of what happens when they find out.

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Yeah. Because it's considered immoral. It's very. Yeah.

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The immoral. Or it's also people that don't

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even understand what morals are, because there's

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just a lot of people that don't understand what that word means. Or ethics.

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Or ethics. Like, they don't understand what that means. They'll just shame you.

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Sure. Like, just plain out shame you sure.

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And that's why they keep it in. And I think that's why

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I don't. I'm not discreet about it.

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You go the opposite way, you're ready to fight. I'm.

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I'm more of a advocate. Yeah.

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For the freedom. For the freedom.

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I preach to our kids that they don't have to have just one

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boyfriend, one girlfriend, like, do what you want.

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Have fun how you want. Yeah. You know, I, I really try to make

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it realistic in the fact that we don't have to abide by

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society. Exactly. And what you want. Yeah.

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They don't agree. There's a lot of people that just don't agree. Because I

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feel, I like to be an advocate because I feel like this, this community

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really does make you feel confident

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it can. We did. We did a show on that. Like, it's a confidence thing.

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And I'll be damned if I'm not. If I'm not going to

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be a supporter of that. Right. Especially for women.

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I mean, for, for men also, but like, you know,

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women who just don't feel pretty. Right. So. Yeah, no, I don't,

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I don't hide it from anybody. But now I'm going to tell everybody. But if

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I mention the podcast, they always ask me, what is it about? I went to

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the doctor today and I was like, oh, ethical non monogamy, which. We're swingers.

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Yeah. Yeah. Our bro Eastas at Dutch Bros. Now they know us. Yeah.

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Like they, they have the podcast. It's a business information. Yeah. I'm sorry. And if.

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If lucky that I love this type of job,

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you know, lifestyle. And we have a podcast on it.

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Of course I'm promoting.

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Yeah. Yeah. I don't keep it secret. No. And,

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well, you know, that's, that's a whole different aspect of it.

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Yeah. Yeah. But most people feel like they have to keep things

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under wraps and, and, and for different reasons.

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I remember feeling like I couldn't talk about it to

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my, to my family. I couldn't bring it up to my parents.

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You know, this is not the kind of open conversation that

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I would have with a lot of my old friends.

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Initially, when we, when we first started in the lifestyle, I felt

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kind of ashamed that we did it. Yeah.

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Yeah. Did you feel that? Did it,

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did it bother you? No, it didn't bother me that we actually did

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it. I just felt like I was shame, like I

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would experience shame about it. Like if I talk to people about it,

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you know, especially the, the word swinger I just felt was really cringe.

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Yeah. And people are so quick to talk crap.

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So, like, I've seen, you know, you. You get on.

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On Facebook or Instagram or any of these social media things,

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platforms, and, you know,

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as you find these different memes and, and stuff like that that

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they always go into, or you'll see like, an anonymous post on

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a regular group that says, oh, I'm. I'm thinking about sharing

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my wife with somebody or whatever, you know, and then you'll see comments

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on their derogatory comments calling this person a

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cuck in a negative way. You know, oh, you're just being a cuck. Oh,

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you just, you just, you just like to see other men, your wife,

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and, and. But they, they say it in such a negative way, and they all

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kind of, you know, just jump onto this person. It's like

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real disrespectful. Wine was when the,

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When I would tell women and they'd be like, and your husband

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lets you. Like, he's okay with watching you have

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sex with another man. Like, really?

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Yeah. The judgment that you. Is he gay?

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Oh, yeah. I've been. I've been asked that before. Are you gay because you like

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to see it? I'm like, what? What?

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Yeah. No, there's. There's a. I mean, it's one thing

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to have misconceptions, but, you know, you know that there's judgment involved in that

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so much. And here's the part that I really, really have issues with,

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because we're in this because of the. The freedom

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of it all, and it's out in the open.

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It's actually strengthened our marriage because

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it's taught us how to communicate better with each other, and it's

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taught us how to better handle each other. Not just in the lifestyle, but with

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everything. Yes. I feel like we.

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This kind of lifestyle, you tackle almost every

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single thing that could go wrong in a marriage.

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Yeah. Or in a relationship. You pretty much

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will touch base with it at some point in this lifestyle.

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Most likely. Yeah. At least 90% of stuff.

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Yeah. So. Yeah. So definitely has.

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Has made us a better couple. You learn. It's also

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helped us individually to learn how to talk to others

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and learn how to, I don't know, be a part of

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the community and be less introverted. Yes. You know?

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Yeah. For sure. So I'm thankful for all of

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those aspects of it. But then you have the

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other side. Who are the monogamous people,

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the judgmental monogamous people? Not all of them.

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I'm just talking about the judgmental ones a lot.

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Oftentimes they're riddled with all sorts of infidelities.

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Oh, you know, there's all sorts of skeletons

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in their closet. And I guarantee the person who made that comment probably

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has either some sort of skeleton

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in their closet or there's a frigidness there that

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adds to the. The skeleton and the other person's closet or whatever it

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is. There is something going on there. And that judgment

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that came out, it didn't come out for any

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other reason except that there is something that happened to

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that person that made them say, I'm gonna judge this.

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And not only am I gonna judge this, it's not gonna be silent when I

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judge it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah. To where they know. Oh, yeah. That I

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judge it. Oh, yeah. For sure. Which you have to be really, really.

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It's one thing to be judgmental. It's another thing to really

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just. I want this person to see my

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disapproval. That's incredible to me. And, you know,

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there's probably. For the past decade, there's just this

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large amount of people who feel like it's okay to

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say whatever it is that they want to say to people. It doesn't matter how

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it gets delivered. Oh, for sure. They don't care. No, no. And it's

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00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:10,730
almost become a. Almost a social disability.

227
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:14,570
Like they can't read the room, but even if they could, they wouldn't care.

228
00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:18,620
Yeah. I just don't get down for that now. I was

229
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:22,500
telling a friend of mine today at lunch, I said, you know, I'm a good

230
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:26,340
dude. I'm a good guy. And I. I have

231
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,300
the sense to be able to sit back and go, I'm a good guy.

232
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,860
I treat everybody with respect. They don't have to earn

233
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,780
it with me. I give it automatically until they do something

234
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,300
to show me that they don't deserve it. I treat everybody

235
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:47,090
the same. And I really go out of my way to be able to foster

236
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:51,690
some sort of relationship with everybody that I meet. So I know that I'm

237
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:55,250
a good dude, and I do a lot of. Work on that,

238
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:59,810
you know, to be a nice person. Yeah. You know, we try to

239
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:03,770
be better people. We really do. And everyone does get the respect. And you're

240
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:07,570
right. Once they don't deserve it, it's gone.

241
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:10,950
You know, you are a little nicer than I am. I'm.

242
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:14,230
Yeah, you are. You're really nice.

243
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:17,750
You're not reactive. That's one thing I'm working on. But yeah.

244
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:21,830
Yeah, I. I do tend to think about when. When I have issues

245
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:25,950
with other people. I Always think, what is it that's

246
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:29,910
going on in their life right now that's making them act like that,

247
00:16:30,630 --> 00:16:34,190
you know? Or what is it from their past that's making them act like that?

248
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:38,180
And a lot of times that's the reason why I'm so easy going

249
00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:41,540
and I'm so like, okay, whatever. I'm not going to, I'm not

250
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:46,020
going to make a thing out of this. Yeah. But this

251
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:49,620
thing that came up today just really irked me because, you know,

252
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,700
frankly, it was a post celebrating a personal win.

253
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,580
Of course. Personal and professional win. Yeah. And it

254
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,380
was a judgmental comment, which was unnecessary, you know, and it,

255
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:05,090
and it kind of set me off course and, but it, it really,

256
00:17:05,170 --> 00:17:08,530
really had me thinking. This is the kind

257
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:13,210
of crap that keeps us all trying to

258
00:17:13,710 --> 00:17:17,290
be discreet in the closet. In the closet. Yeah. And this is the same

259
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:21,650
kind of judgment that, you know, our, our lovely

260
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:25,650
LGBTQ peeps struggle with.

261
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:29,420
Oh, my goodness. They can't come out. You know,

262
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,820
one of the biggest things that I've heard in this lifestyle is that

263
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,140
there are a lot of bisexual men. You wouldn't know it

264
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,940
because most of them are closeted. They don't want to come out and say,

265
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:45,700
even in this lifestyle, even in the safety of this community,

266
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,820
a lot of them don't want to come out and say, yeah,

267
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:54,380
this, this is me. I'm bisexual. Because of the, the judgment

268
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,020
that they could get from their own community. That's the one that kills me

269
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,120
the most because, I mean, we, we already get judgment. We're lifestyle.

270
00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:06,440
It's, it's society. We were raised that way. Most of us

271
00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:10,600
were raised frowning our nose at things like that.

272
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,520
Yeah. You know, I was told, don't even

273
00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:17,840
think about being with the girl. Yeah. Yeah. I will throw

274
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:21,800
you out of this house. Yeah. Well, you came from an old school Mexican

275
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,640
household. Yeah. Don't, don't date outside of your race.

276
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,520
Yeah. A friend just said that, and she's

277
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:34,120
not even Mexican. And I seriously only thought. Yeah, I only thought

278
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:37,480
that Mexican families did that. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no.

279
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,840
And I was flabbergasted when she

280
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:44,320
said that. But, yeah, that's why you keep it in. Because your family is going

281
00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:48,920
to judge you. Yep. Your kids may judge you. Yeah. You know,

282
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,600
and we're so, so scared to be judged.

283
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,580
So scared to be judged. Like, I'm more scared to be judged on my

284
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,500
cooking and baking than I am my lifestyle. You know, I, I, I will

285
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,660
say that since we have outed ourselves many years back,

286
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:09,700
I breathe a lot easier Because I, you know, being discreet

287
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,420
was so hard to do. So we. You did it just

288
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,820
as a swinger. Yeah, I had to do it as a swinger

289
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:22,980
and a freaking bisexual. Yeah, I had to.

290
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,460
I didn't have to. I mean, I had to for myself, but I kept

291
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,660
it in for a long time because people judged. And then what happened when

292
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,500
I did? People judged. Oh, yeah. And that's.

293
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,820
I mean, that is a. Something that people have to deal

294
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,900
with. I don't even talk to my family because of it. Yeah. You know.

295
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,820
Yeah. Just judgment. Oh. And all of them got cheated on.

296
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,840
And all of them got cheated on. And that's the thing that kills me.

297
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,960
You know, there are marriages out there where the

298
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:58,920
spouses will look the other way. They know that the cheating is happening,

299
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,879
but maybe they're in a good financial position, but they don't want

300
00:20:03,379 --> 00:20:07,040
that. That lifestyle to end. So they, they just deal with the cheating and they're

301
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,240
miserable. They're in a miserable marriage. And the way I view it

302
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:15,250
is, is the judgment comes a lot of times from

303
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:19,930
a point of jealousy because they see how happy

304
00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:24,010
you are. They see how you're enjoying and doing what you want to do,

305
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:27,850
and they don't have that ability. So then they, they thumb their nose

306
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:31,730
and they go. I don't think that's right. So. Yeah, I think

307
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:35,970
that's gross. Yeah, that's gross that you do that. Yeah. You sleep with other

308
00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:40,100
people. My goodness. That's disgusting. Oh, it's. And what?

309
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,100
Oh, you. You eat another girl out. Oh, man.

310
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,020
Oh, my goodness. No. Yeah. No, that is so grossing.

311
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:51,940
Yeah. No, and, and, but it's

312
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:55,860
not disgusting to sit in a relationship

313
00:20:57,140 --> 00:21:00,100
where you, you, you're cheating on each other or when you.

314
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,540
Or, or not even. Like, you just go in there with like an insecurity,

315
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:07,040
like period. Your. You know, like you're with your spouse and you're

316
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:11,520
just feeling super insecure. Oh my gosh. God forbid your

317
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,640
spouse or something looks at another girl. You're losing your.

318
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,320
Yeah. You know, and vice versa. Right. You know, oh,

319
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,080
I thought this guy was handsome. And there you go. So. Yeah,

320
00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:26,040
no, it's a. That's why people keep it in. And they don't want to share

321
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:30,160
with others. Yeah. So a lot of times it, it's, it's jealousy.

322
00:21:30,650 --> 00:21:34,370
Other times it comes from old school mentality

323
00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:38,490
of where we raise. Yeah. Like your, your household's a good example of that.

324
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:42,970
Other times it's religion and, and how. We're raised

325
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:47,010
in a religion. I know that. You know, we have A. We have a friend

326
00:21:47,510 --> 00:21:51,370
who was raised in a religious cult, and. And because of that,

327
00:21:51,690 --> 00:21:55,410
has different views on sex or had different

328
00:21:55,910 --> 00:21:59,160
views on sexual. We. We had hell. I was in the

329
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:03,200
seminary. Yeah. You know, I was in the Catholic seminary to be a

330
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:07,600
priest. And most people don't. They're. They're thrown off by

331
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:11,600
that. And it's like, well, you really went the opposite way, didn't you?

332
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:15,240
And it was like, well, you know, there's nothing that could

333
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:19,000
get me less involved in a religion than being

334
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,050
in training for a figurehead in a religion. Yeah.

335
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:26,170
You know what I mean? Yeah. You see and hear a lot of really foul,

336
00:22:26,670 --> 00:22:29,690
Horrible, horrible. And I didn't want to be a part of that, and I walked

337
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:34,010
away from it. Yeah. And so. But. But being raised

338
00:22:34,810 --> 00:22:38,730
in the church, whether it be Catholic, whether it be whatever,

339
00:22:39,770 --> 00:22:43,250
you know, it's frowned upon a lot of times. Yeah.

340
00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:46,410
Yeah, it is. And, you know, I didn't want to go back to church.

341
00:22:46,910 --> 00:22:50,600
And then we went back because you wanted to. Yes. And then

342
00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:54,280
you came out as bisexual, and then you said, I can't be here anymore.

343
00:22:54,780 --> 00:22:58,560
I couldn't. No, I can't. I couldn't be there anymore. It was

344
00:22:59,060 --> 00:23:02,280
just. It was too much. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I do think it is possible,

345
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,040
and I want to make this very clear, I do think it's possible

346
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,680
to be able to take part in this lifestyle

347
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,800
and be involved in religion. For sure.

348
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:18,050
There are certain religions that, you know, this. This isn't an

349
00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:22,610
issue. And there are people who maybe don't subscribe

350
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:27,170
to an actual organized religion, and instead they're just spiritual

351
00:23:27,330 --> 00:23:30,770
and they do their thing. So, you know, I mean, I have

352
00:23:30,850 --> 00:23:34,450
friends in this lifestyle who are preachers,

353
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:38,810
so it does exist. It is possible. But what

354
00:23:39,310 --> 00:23:43,530
I'm saying is a lot of us were raised in certain religions that it

355
00:23:44,030 --> 00:23:47,130
was something that it was. It was a commandment. You know

356
00:23:47,630 --> 00:23:50,330
what I mean? Yeah. Like, you don't covet your neighbor's wife. You know what I

357
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:54,090
mean? And it came up and. Is that what that means? That's what that

358
00:23:54,590 --> 00:23:57,970
means. I didn't know what. That's what. That's what that meant. Yeah. You don't covet

359
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:01,770
thy neighbor's wife. Wow. Yeah. No. Didn't know that. Yeah.

360
00:24:02,270 --> 00:24:06,170
Adultery is. And then, of course, you know, that famous mug shot that

361
00:24:06,670 --> 00:24:09,840
I love so much of Frank Sinatra when he was a kid, that. That was

362
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:13,120
taken because he was arrested for adultery.

363
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,200
Are you serious? Oh, yeah. Back then, adultery was.

364
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,640
It was against the law. Yeah. And so a lot of the you

365
00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:26,720
know, I, I think I may have mentioned once before that the, the swinging

366
00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:31,200
really started after World War I when a lot of the soldiers came home.

367
00:24:31,700 --> 00:24:35,540
That's right. They came back home from, from, you know,

368
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:39,340
overseas and overseas kind of.

369
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,220
They were very, you know, in England and all that. They were very loosey goosey

370
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,380
with their, their sex life. So when they came back, they started having these

371
00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:50,020
parties and they started hanging out and, you know,

372
00:24:50,420 --> 00:24:53,540
wife swapping and stuff. It really started with the military back.

373
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,580
Okay. But yeah, that's little, little tips.

374
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,370
Thank you. Little nerding it out there. Yeah, I know. Very sexy. But, but back

375
00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:05,450
then they were, they were taking a real chance because

376
00:25:05,950 --> 00:25:09,690
for a very long time, adultery was on

377
00:25:10,190 --> 00:25:12,410
the books as a valid law that you can get arrested for.

378
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:16,250
I think it's still listed as

379
00:25:16,750 --> 00:25:20,650
against the law in several states. Oh. But it's

380
00:25:21,150 --> 00:25:24,770
not really enforced, but I heard it could

381
00:25:25,270 --> 00:25:28,300
be. Well, we're going to find out. I don't know. I don't know. So I'm

382
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,380
gonna do some research on that. But, you know, there's, there's really just

383
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,700
a, a lot of different things at play when it comes to

384
00:25:36,940 --> 00:25:40,740
why we've looked at this in

385
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,940
such a weird way. Now I know that the

386
00:25:45,180 --> 00:25:49,100
swinging community has gotten larger and larger over the

387
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,460
years, and I think that's really cool.

388
00:25:53,190 --> 00:25:56,590
I think it's become more mainstream. I hate to say

389
00:25:57,090 --> 00:26:00,950
that, but it has, it has. And you know, it has be, I think

390
00:26:01,030 --> 00:26:04,790
because of the LGBTQ community.

391
00:26:05,110 --> 00:26:08,710
I think so as well. But also because of social media. Yeah.

392
00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:12,350
So before social media and

393
00:26:12,850 --> 00:26:16,790
even before the Internet, you know, it was a lot harder to connect with people

394
00:26:17,270 --> 00:26:21,080
in that, in that way. And then, of course, the Internet made

395
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:24,720
it a lot easier to connect with people wherever and find out.

396
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,920
And then social media brought it to the

397
00:26:29,420 --> 00:26:33,040
more mainstream forefront of

398
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,440
30 and 40 year olds. And, you know, especially after,

399
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,160
once everybody was on lockdown for Covid,

400
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,480
everybody was on social media and somebody decided to start up

401
00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:48,180
Swing Talk or whatever, you know, where it's TikTok, but it's the swingers

402
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,100
and they're doing little tiktoks and whatnot. And then all of a sudden people are

403
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,540
going, oh, what's that? Yeah. Oh, look, she's hot. What? What? She has sex

404
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,100
with other people. What's that? Hey, let's give this a try. Yeah. And I think

405
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,780
a lot of the younger generations too, are more open minded, which is awesome.

406
00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:07,620
And less, less into the societal

407
00:27:08,180 --> 00:27:11,780
norms. Yeah. So that's cool. You know, good for them. Good for

408
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:16,010
Them for being able to be open minded. Yeah. A lot more than, Than our

409
00:27:16,510 --> 00:27:19,930
generation. Oh, my gosh. And way more than the generation before us. Yeah,

410
00:27:20,010 --> 00:27:23,610
I, I swear sometimes a lot of times

411
00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:28,090
it was like fighting a battle to feel normal,

412
00:27:28,970 --> 00:27:32,930
wanting to be a part of this lifestyle. Yeah. And I'll

413
00:27:33,430 --> 00:27:37,290
take it even further. It's. It's one thing to, as a guy

414
00:27:37,450 --> 00:27:41,290
to talk to a bunch of vanilla guys and they'll

415
00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:44,490
be like, oh, oh, so your wife lets you. Other women.

416
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:47,370
Yeah. Oh, wow, man. That sounds great. Oh, cool.

417
00:27:48,170 --> 00:27:50,930
You used to get a lot of, damn, you're lucky. Yeah.

418
00:27:51,430 --> 00:27:54,970
Yeah. But then I'd be like, well, I like to watch her with

419
00:27:55,470 --> 00:27:58,890
other men. And that's when the tone changes. And then it's like,

420
00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:04,050
oh, so, so what, you're gay? Because that's up,

421
00:28:04,550 --> 00:28:08,130
man. You like to watch her, you know, other men

422
00:28:08,630 --> 00:28:11,810
and do you like, touch them? And you can just hear the,

423
00:28:12,210 --> 00:28:16,010
the judgment and the voice. It's like all of a sudden it's, I'm not lucky

424
00:28:16,510 --> 00:28:19,290
anymore. Now it's like, what the is wrong with you? My first husband would have

425
00:28:19,790 --> 00:28:23,410
loved this lifestyle. He would have loved this lifestyle. He was too insecure

426
00:28:23,910 --> 00:28:27,290
for this lifestyle. He was. Yeah. Because he made me feel like I was the

427
00:28:27,790 --> 00:28:31,290
ugly one. Yeah. He. He. There's no way he could. He was too insecure for

428
00:28:31,790 --> 00:28:35,410
this lifestyle, as a matter of fact, and made me insecure when we,

429
00:28:36,060 --> 00:28:39,020
we talked about it openly in front of him. Yeah.

430
00:28:39,580 --> 00:28:42,980
And he was like, really? You. You do that?

431
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,180
And I was like, yeah, yeah. And he was like, oh. And he wasn't judging,

432
00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:51,060
but he was like, like, you could tell. He was just like,

433
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,940
weirded out by it. Yeah. He just couldn't fathom it. Yeah.

434
00:28:55,260 --> 00:28:59,740
And hey, you know, it's not for everybody. And we

435
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,410
do. We have all our insecurities. Everybody has insecurities, but it's

436
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:07,970
how we handle them. You know, it just,

437
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:11,810
it. I feel like the. The experience in the lifestyle

438
00:29:12,310 --> 00:29:16,330
is way more positive for a lot of people than

439
00:29:16,830 --> 00:29:20,370
the vanilla lifestyle now. Not to say it's the opposite. I guarantee you there's

440
00:29:20,870 --> 00:29:24,170
people who had such horrible experiences in the lifestyle.

441
00:29:24,670 --> 00:29:28,170
Of course. And have left and never will look back.

442
00:29:28,670 --> 00:29:32,740
Yeah. But I, I just feel like many

443
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,780
of us have cracked the code. Like, we figured it out.

444
00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:40,220
Yes. We figured out how to have our cake and eat it too. Yes.

445
00:29:40,460 --> 00:29:44,620
And I think that I, I will. Say that you have

446
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,500
definitely found it. I figured it out. You figured it

447
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,540
out. I think I got it. Patience. It. It took some time and lots of

448
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,420
lots of love. Lots of love. Lots of love. Like,

449
00:29:56,390 --> 00:29:59,550
I am deeply in love with you and you

450
00:30:00,050 --> 00:30:02,990
are deeply in love with me, and. Yeah, you gotta have a solid relationship.

451
00:30:03,490 --> 00:30:06,950
Got you. If you're gonna do this with your, with your. No cracks Jack.

452
00:30:07,190 --> 00:30:11,030
No, no cracks Jack. No whatsoever. You know,

453
00:30:11,110 --> 00:30:14,310
you, you have to have a solid foundation. It is not for the

454
00:30:14,810 --> 00:30:18,350
weak of heart. No. But I can tell you that if you can do

455
00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:23,160
it, you know, there's work involved. But if you can do it, it is well

456
00:30:23,660 --> 00:30:26,400
worth the reward of it all. It is,

457
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,040
it is very rewarding. Very empowering. Yeah. Very,

458
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,280
very beautiful. Yeah. I gotta say, it is very beautiful to

459
00:30:35,780 --> 00:30:39,640
see that people who have gotten as

460
00:30:40,140 --> 00:30:44,200
far as they've gotten in the lifestyle is amazing. Whether you've

461
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:47,970
only done it for a month, you tried it, it was your thing.

462
00:30:48,370 --> 00:30:51,610
And maybe it isn't. Maybe it's not you're gonna pursue it. Maybe you only wanna

463
00:30:52,110 --> 00:30:55,170
do a little bit of it. Good for you. Yeah.

464
00:30:55,670 --> 00:30:59,050
You know? Yeah. I think it's always good whenever people learn how to

465
00:30:59,550 --> 00:31:03,210
grow, when their relationship grows. Yeah. And it gets

466
00:31:03,710 --> 00:31:07,210
stronger. Yeah, I find that. So I think that's cool because it's. So heartbreaking when

467
00:31:07,710 --> 00:31:10,810
it doesn't. Oh, I know. It's the worst when you see him break it off.

468
00:31:11,310 --> 00:31:15,000
Yeah. Odd man. Yeah. But, you know, I, I, I,

469
00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:18,280
I really, I, I struggled to,

470
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,120
you know, I was bothered by this situation that came up and it just got

471
00:31:22,620 --> 00:31:26,000
me thinking, just why, why do we have to have the discretion?

472
00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:29,640
Well, it all comes down to people who feel like they're better than us.

473
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,080
People that feel that they can, you know,

474
00:31:33,580 --> 00:31:37,120
express their opinions and, and, and maybe they're

475
00:31:37,620 --> 00:31:41,330
right and so they should tell others that they're right and that

476
00:31:41,830 --> 00:31:45,370
they're wrong. You know? So, yeah, it just,

477
00:31:45,870 --> 00:31:50,090
it, I, I kind of dealt with it this morning and

478
00:31:50,590 --> 00:31:52,690
I let it go. There you go. I let it go. This is your,

479
00:31:53,190 --> 00:31:55,930
this is your therapy? This is my therapy right here, guys. And so, you know,

480
00:31:56,430 --> 00:32:00,130
that's, that's the big thing about it, is that this is my therapy.

481
00:32:00,690 --> 00:32:04,010
So, you know, a lot of you contact us and you're like, wow,

482
00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:08,140
you know, you, you really have helped us in our relationship,

483
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,740
or you helped us in, in the lifestyle and this sort of thing. Well,

484
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,620
you know what? You guys are helping me because I get to talk about this

485
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,540
openly. I get to get this off my chest. And if there's anything

486
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,100
we get to learn, it's, it's that we should all be able to openly speak

487
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:27,100
about what's what's bugging us or, you know, whatever happened

488
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,500
and just be able to tell us. And that's what this community's for. We do

489
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,720
it. We do it for each other. And I think that's really cool. So with

490
00:32:35,220 --> 00:32:38,440
that, this has been a great show. I really appreciate every one of you guys

491
00:32:38,940 --> 00:32:42,600
listening. Yeah. This is. I'm sorry that you. I'm sorry that somebody made my baby

492
00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:45,960
feel bad. Oh, that's okay. I'm good now. I got some good.

493
00:32:46,460 --> 00:32:49,120
I got a good show out of it, you know. Yeah. So it really worked

494
00:32:49,620 --> 00:32:53,440
out. And, and so I, I hope I was able to bring a little bit

495
00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:57,320
of. Of knowledge to everybody's soul. And.

496
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,880
Oh, and before I go. Yes. Don't forget. Big announcement.

497
00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:05,300
I think I said it earlier in the podcast, but yeah. Have a new website

498
00:33:06,020 --> 00:33:10,580
of which we upload all of our podcast

499
00:33:10,660 --> 00:33:14,420
episodes. Yeah. They also have our

500
00:33:14,820 --> 00:33:18,260
links to all our, all our social medias. You can get a hold of

501
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,340
us. Yeah. There's either one of us you can get. You can contact us.

502
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,300
And then there's also a little side button where you can leave us a

503
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,220
voicemail, which is cool. That's a really cool thing that they

504
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,060
added there. There's a lot of cool things. A lot of cool things. Yeah.

505
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:40,510
So if you go to our website, which is www.Beyond-monogamy.com,

506
00:33:41,470 --> 00:33:46,310
that's www.Beyond-monogamy

507
00:33:46,810 --> 00:33:49,550
dot com. If you go to that website and just explore,

508
00:33:49,950 --> 00:33:53,550
check it out. I'm. I've also started. I've added a blog there

509
00:33:54,050 --> 00:33:56,910
to, to go with every episode. And then on top of that,

510
00:33:57,150 --> 00:34:00,790
it's going to be housing some big changes that

511
00:34:01,290 --> 00:34:04,990
we have coming along. We're. We're going to be incorporating some, some video at

512
00:34:05,490 --> 00:34:09,150
some point, and we're going to be including some guests at some point as well.

513
00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:13,190
So we've got some very big changes coming along that will

514
00:34:13,690 --> 00:34:16,270
probably be starting in the next few weeks.

515
00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:20,150
Now, I will say that we have, if you heard our last

516
00:34:20,650 --> 00:34:24,150
podcast, we are going to be attending the Port Aransas beach

517
00:34:24,650 --> 00:34:28,449
takeover and we're probably going to take about

518
00:34:28,949 --> 00:34:32,889
a week off from recording just

519
00:34:33,389 --> 00:34:36,769
so that we can get everything squared away with our second season,

520
00:34:37,269 --> 00:34:40,449
which we'll be starting, and we'll have our

521
00:34:40,949 --> 00:34:44,529
new changes right after that. So there's a lot of big things coming and a

522
00:34:45,029 --> 00:34:48,729
lot of things still in the works, but I'd love for you to keep

523
00:34:49,229 --> 00:34:52,169
track of them. Yeah, we'll be updating you guys. Support it.

524
00:34:52,510 --> 00:34:55,790
Support it. We appreciate all this Share it with the. The community.

525
00:34:55,870 --> 00:34:59,350
Share it with your friends. Remind your vanilla friends that maybe are

526
00:34:59,850 --> 00:35:03,950
peaked and like podcasts that just because they're listening doesn't mean that they're a swinger.

527
00:35:04,270 --> 00:35:07,870
It's okay. It's okay to support others if you like pineapples.

528
00:35:08,370 --> 00:35:11,950
Doesn't mean you're a swinger. Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah. You know, I. I actually.

529
00:35:12,030 --> 00:35:15,510
I listened to a podcast about whiskey, and I don't really

530
00:35:16,010 --> 00:35:19,200
care for whiskey. There you go. But it was interesting. So it's one of those

531
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:23,680
things where we really appreciate you guys helping us out and spreading

532
00:35:24,180 --> 00:35:27,320
the love. And with that, we're going to say good night, and we will

533
00:35:27,820 --> 00:35:28,600
see you next week.