QUICKIE: When Four Doesn't Connect: Uneven Attraction in Couples

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that

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we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content

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shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes only.

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If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions

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about sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly recommend

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that you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of

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legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle in and

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enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris. And today on our Wednesday quickie,

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we're going to be answering a question or going over a

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question a friend sent me. Okay. All right. Okay.

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So it's a bit of a. It might be a

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little bit long, but it is. Let's see

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what she sent. She said,

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have you done an episode on only one person is attracted

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to the other couple where the wife is attracted to the male,

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but the husband is not attracted to the female part? So I guess

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so it's almost a playoff of the four way connection that we did an episode

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off of, but we didn't really focus on. We didn't focus on specifics. We were

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focusing on the actual four way connection and successful

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parts of it, but we really didn't go down the aisle of if

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there's not a four way connection and kind of what ensues.

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It's funny because we found ourselves in this situation

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before. Yes. And the person who

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asked that question, obviously they put it only in. In one direction,

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which is, you know, if the. If the woman is.

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Is if the woman is attracted to. Like, the male,

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there's a couple and only the girl wants to be with both of us,

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and the male isn't attracted to any of us. Right, right. And of course it

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goes both ways because it could the other way as well.

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We've actually been in this situation a few times.

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A few times. Outgoing in the fact where, you know,

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I'm. I am less picky than you.

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Yes. As far as. As. I think we're going to use a new word.

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Selective. Oh, I like that. Okay. Less selective.

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You are less selective. Because picky sounds so snobby.

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It does a little bit. Yeah. And I don't mind. It has negative connotations.

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I don't mind wearing the snobby hat sometimes, but I don't want to wear it

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here. Yeah, no, I dig it. I dig it. No, you're right. And. And that.

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That does have negative sounds to it. But selective.

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I am selective. You are more selective than I am. Yes.

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When it comes to that kind of connection,

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Especially when it comes to sexual. Obviously we can be friends with anybody, of course.

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But when it comes to sexual it, There has

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to be a physical attraction, and not everybody is attracted

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to. To each other. And. And it's the same thing

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for us. We have had several different couples that we've

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met up with, we've become friends with, and I've been completely

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down, and you've been like, not for me.

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Yes. And in situations like that previous

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in the past when we've only played as a

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couple. Correct. That would pretty much say no.

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Sorry, guys. We like you guys as friends, but we cannot

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play yes. No matter how interested I am.

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Yes. Then one day we. You and I, we had a

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long talk about this, and you had told me that

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you felt horrible because you felt like you were holding

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me back from having my experiences, even though you weren't

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into it. And obviously nobody wants to take one for the team. Right. So that's

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where we started getting into more of the idea of possibly every now

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and then separate play. Yeah. Which in that situation

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makes sense. Yeah, for sure. Because, I mean,

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it's. It's. I mean, if you're. If that's your rule and that's your.

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That's your dynamic, then that's. That's great. But for us,

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we've had that situ. We've had that happen, and we kind of have to like,

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all right, it's been like that for so many years. You've been like, okay,

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fine, you don't have to.

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We don't have to play. And I feel like I hold you back.

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Yeah, I get that. And, you know, because. Because I'm so selective.

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So. And. But, you know, just. Just for the record,

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we have had one couple in our history,

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maybe, maybe two, but I think just one

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that you were vibing with that I. I wasn't. I wasn't

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into. Yeah. Which was a surprise because that rarely happens.

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Rarely happens. I'm a pretty. A pretty easy guy, but I'm so fan

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of. Of. I'm such a. An Adam follower that once

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you said that, I was like, oh, forget it. I don't know. You're right,

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babe. I do the same thing with you. I know. Yeah. I do the same

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thing with you. So as soon as you tell me something, I'm just like,

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oh, yeah. And I mean,

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it happens. You know? It does. You're not. I am not

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attracted to everybody. And it's

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just. You you find an attraction in almost everybody.

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Almost everybody. Just because you look, you're.

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You're not shallow. Your wife

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is shallow. You know, it's, it's. It's just

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a way of. Of how you and I differently perceive

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things and. I'm just kidding. I'm not shallow. No, you're not shallow. You really aren't.

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But it's, it's the way we both perceive things.

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Yeah. I, I look at personality first over

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physical attraction. And of course, I'm not gonna check out

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somebody's personality unless I'm first attracted to it. Right.

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So there's always got to be some sort of physical attraction. But I

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am. There's little things that I'm attracted to that

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catch my attention. You know, the smile, the eyes, things like that. And it's like,

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it doesn't take much for me to go, okay, you know what? I need to

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get to know this person. Yeah. And then as soon as I get to know

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him, I'm like, no problem. I'll have sex with

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them. Yeah. I mean. And so, like, in this situation,

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they approached the situation, and I guess the

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gentleman was not attracted to the couple,

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but the wife was. And the wife,

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they don't, they don't play like that. They play only together.

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Sure. And so, I mean, that happens. You just

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gotta move on. Either be their friends or move on.

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Is that your. Would that be your. Is that. Is that

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what you would tell them? If they're, if they're asking, yeah, what do we

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do about this? Yeah. I would be like, well, they don't pay separate. If they

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don't play separately. Oh, well, you. It's one loss.

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It's their rules. It's their rules. It's their boundaries.

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You can't really do anything about it. Yeah. You know, a realistic

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evolve. People do evolve on their own time. Like, hold it there,

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because, you know, you never know. And, you know, realistically,

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look at us. That's all you can do. You can just be there. Yeah.

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You can be there. You can be their friends and hope that things change.

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Yeah. But. And it's a bummer. There are people out there that

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they tend to try their hardest

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to convince. Yes. And I think that that is

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a very toxic thing to do. Yes.

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You don't try to convince people to break their

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boundaries. Yes. And I think that there are a lot of people

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that do that. Is there? I think so. I think so. Little suggestions

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here and there. Little comments here and there. They're like, I'll be your friend,

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and then they'll throw out little things here and there. I've seen it. It hasn't

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happened towards me, but I've seen it. I'm oblivious to it then.

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Well, I just don't think that people say the wrong thing in front of you

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as often as they can because. Because you'll call them out.

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Well, people call me out. That's okay.

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Yeah. Well, I mean, for me, I mean. What would

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you tell them? Well, that's what I was going to get into. Yeah.

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Because that specific, that. That's a very specific situation

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that, that we've been in several times before.

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Realistically, for somebody who's new to the lifestyle,

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that is something that I would tell them that they need to keep in mind

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and expect it. Because this happens a

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lot. Yeah. You know, you can meet

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a couple as a couple and the connection will be

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there and you can think that everything is going

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great and all it takes is one person to go.

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I don't feel it. And if their dynamic

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is we play together or we don't play at all, then they're

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not going to play. If one person's really having it

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and the other person's not, it's just not going to happen. So with that,

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you have to be prepared for the. No,

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you have to be prepared for the turndown.

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And if you're turned down, what do you do? Are you going to gracefully

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take it and go, well, we can still be friends, we can still hang out.

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Or are you going to go, okay, well, forget you guys. You know,

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obviously you don't find my husband attractive or whatever it

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is. I mean, I used to get like that. You used to get like that?

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Pretty recently I get very grudge.

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Holdy. I hold a grudge. You do hold

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a girl. Like, it takes me a bit. I am a little. I'm getting older

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now, so I get it. I understand.

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I myself am not everyone's cup of tea.

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Yeah. You know, men seem to like me.

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Okay. Most,

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Most women, Most.

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Sometimes. I don't know. It just depends. I think it does.

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Yeah. It just depends. But yeah, I'm not everyone's cup of tea. So I know

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that whenever we meet somebody, I'm like, they may not

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like me because I'm so me.

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What, what is you? I don't know. Sometimes I, I am

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very matter of, like, I stand by my,

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my, My thoughts and my opinions

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and my beliefs. And sometimes people will take.

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When they say something to me and I say something back to them, they take

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it as if I'm being rude or,

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I don't know, I Don't know. I can't even explain it. Just some

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people just don't. And that's okay. But it's.

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It's a strong female personality. Yeah. And not everybody

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takes. Yeah. And some men just don't. Don't get that. Yeah. But yeah,

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that's okay. I get it. You know, I'm. I'm not everybody's

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cup of tea. No. You know, I'm not liked by everybody.

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There are people out there who think I'm a douchebag.

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Somehow or another,

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it's come up a few times from a few different people. There's.

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There's people out there who think I'm a pushover or complete

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just. Yeah. You know, not a strong guy. Yeah. Because I don't

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ooze machismo. Yeah. You know, and so for different

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reasons or others, you know, I'm just. I'm not that person.

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And you're gonna find that. You're gonna find that people and attraction

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is. Is big for some people. Like you.

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Some people just want you to have that rock and body

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and whatever. Vice versa. Right.

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Yeah. They don't. They're not attracted

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to you. They're not attracted to you. You know, I read

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a post not too long ago and I forget who posted it,

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but it was basically this, this entire diatribe.

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It was a. It was a long post about how they

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were kind of reflecting on their journey in

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the lifestyle. This couple, they are very

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fit. They're very, very well put together. And they were

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together a long time. They. They found each other in

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the fitness arena. Okay. You know, and so they're very

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well put together. And when they got into the lifestyle,

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they only wanted to find people like themselves.

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I've seen that. Only wanted to find the incredibly fit person.

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Yeah. The Ken and Barbie. The Ken and Barbie,

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they're really well put together because that's what they were. Right. And they

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wanted their equivalent. And they didn't care about

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personality. They just wanted their physical attraction.

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Cool. Hey, you know, you guys are hot. That's. You should

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be able to find something on your level. Yeah.

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The reflection in the post, though, was almost

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a realization that because they were

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searching for people purely off of physical attraction,

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they were finding real.

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Yeah, they were finding real because they weren't looking at personality,

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they were looking at physical attraction only.

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And that's all. Like they, they. They found the top

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cream of the crop time type of people, and there was

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no connection. Yeah. There was nothing there. It was

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shallowness. It was empty. They could not

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find what they were looking For. Because they were only looking at physical attraction.

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Right. So then they began kind

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of opening the doors a little bit to,

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okay, maybe we don't need anybody as physically perfect.

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Yeah. As what we initially were looking for.

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And they started aiming more towards interpersonal

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type of characteristics. That's smart. Things that they liked.

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Yeah. And they ended up a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. And they ended

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up being able to find couples

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that they could relate to and connect and connect and enjoy.

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And of course, as they got to know each other better and as they got

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to like each other's personality, their physical attractiveness

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came up more as far as they were concerned. It's funny how our

231
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:16,044
mind does that. That's funny because that has happened.

232
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:19,708
Yeah. To. To. I would say us,

233
00:14:19,764 --> 00:14:22,732
but it's mainly. It's probably just me. Yeah.

234
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,600
Yeah. Back in the day.

235
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:28,316
Yeah. Friends or friends. And I was like,

236
00:14:28,388 --> 00:14:32,380
no, I, I, you know, I don't think the attraction's not there. Attraction's not there.

237
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:35,270
But we were friends, friends, friends. And then all of a sudden,

238
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:38,466
oh, yeah, they became beautiful.

239
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:42,610
You know, I'm very honest with people.

240
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:46,258
So if there's not an attraction there or if I tell,

241
00:14:46,314 --> 00:14:49,250
you know, I usually tell them, well, can we. Can we talk a little bit

242
00:14:49,290 --> 00:14:52,578
more? Because I'm not feeling the vibe, but maybe

243
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:56,178
the vibe is there and I'm just ignoring it or, you know, whatever.

244
00:14:56,274 --> 00:14:59,682
Yeah, there's nice ways to say it. There are nice ways to

245
00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:03,292
say it. But be prepared because it does happen in the lifestyle.

246
00:15:03,356 --> 00:15:06,956
It does. You know, the, the worst part is, you know, there are nice ways

247
00:15:06,988 --> 00:15:10,780
to say it, but most people, if they don't know

248
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:14,364
how to say it nicely, just ghost you.

249
00:15:14,532 --> 00:15:18,108
Yeah, they just ghost you. And, and some people

250
00:15:18,164 --> 00:15:21,560
are really okay with that. Like, that's kind of their.

251
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:25,772
Their thing, you know, they just don't know how to have that conversation,

252
00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:29,718
and so they ghost people. And that's

253
00:15:29,814 --> 00:15:33,222
probably one of the hardest things to deal

254
00:15:33,246 --> 00:15:36,450
with, because at least if you are told,

255
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:40,374
hey, you know, I'm sorry, but the vibe isn't there.

256
00:15:40,462 --> 00:15:43,782
The attraction's not there. But I'd like to be your friend.

257
00:15:43,886 --> 00:15:47,062
And who knows what the future holds? Maybe something can change.

258
00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:50,662
You just never know. I think that's

259
00:15:50,726 --> 00:15:54,366
a little bit easier now. One thing that I'm

260
00:15:54,398 --> 00:15:58,046
curious about that a good friend of mine brought up

261
00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:01,886
is, like, what I just said, where they say,

262
00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:05,326
you know what? The vibe isn't there. I'm just not attracted

263
00:16:05,358 --> 00:16:08,942
to you. I don't think that you're not an

264
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:13,022
attractive person, but you're not my kind of

265
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:16,766
vibe, but you tell them. But I'd

266
00:16:16,798 --> 00:16:19,822
like to keep you as a friend and hey, you just never know what could

267
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:23,554
happen in the future now, something like that. Would that be considered

268
00:16:23,602 --> 00:16:26,514
leading on? I think so.

269
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:30,450
Really? Because what the hell is going to change? Hey, you never

270
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,730
know. Nah, that's leading on. You think I wouldn't. I would just. My.

271
00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:37,042
It would fizzle for me if. If you're friends with somebody and

272
00:16:37,066 --> 00:16:39,810
the more you get to know them and things like that, you don't think that

273
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:40,830
things can change.

274
00:16:43,690 --> 00:16:47,374
It's not at the pace I would like it to. Probably not. Not at

275
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:51,210
the pace even. So you. What, you. You want to happen quick? I'm very quick.

276
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,910
You're not in it for the long haul? No. You're such

277
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:58,638
a good person. I like friends. That's why we balance. I like people.

278
00:16:58,774 --> 00:17:02,190
I like to. To have friends in myself. If you notice,

279
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:05,518
I am friends with everybody. Yeah. But I

280
00:17:05,574 --> 00:17:09,262
keep who I want very close to me.

281
00:17:09,366 --> 00:17:12,750
Yeah. Okay. I've always been like that. Really. I've all

282
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:16,398
I can have a big group of friends, but there's only

283
00:17:16,454 --> 00:17:19,982
certain friends that I'm going to keep very close to me. So the

284
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,574
people that you keep close to you, those are the people that you want to

285
00:17:22,582 --> 00:17:25,422
play with? Yeah. Okay.

286
00:17:25,486 --> 00:17:29,422
Yeah. Yeah. For the most part. I don't know.

287
00:17:29,606 --> 00:17:32,970
No, I don't think that's true. Really? I don't think so.

288
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:36,382
I don't think so. I mean, I could be wrong, but I mean, I know

289
00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:39,294
you pretty well. Yeah. And I know our group.

290
00:17:39,382 --> 00:17:43,130
I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think so.

291
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:47,390
Okay. Well, if I didn't, they would know.

292
00:17:47,510 --> 00:17:50,862
But it's never come up. It's never come up. That's the funny thing

293
00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:54,030
about our group of friends. We never really talk about it.

294
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:57,662
Yeah. We don't talk about it because it's just friends. It's friends.

295
00:17:57,766 --> 00:18:01,294
And if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn't,

296
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:04,650
it doesn't. There. There are people that I want to keep.

297
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,440
I would rather them not tell me if they don't have sex with me ever.

298
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,136
Really? Like, just keep it to yourself, bitches. Yeah,

299
00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:15,816
I just. I keep them. Those are my people. They're my friends.

300
00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:19,064
Yeah. So. Yeah. I wouldn't care if they wanted to have sex or not have

301
00:18:19,072 --> 00:18:23,080
sex with me. That. That's where it gets difficult, though, because if

302
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,632
you don't know, if they don't. Tell you, that's a you thing. Yeah. No,

303
00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:29,272
no, no, no. I mean, like, I know how you are. Yeah. Yeah. If you

304
00:18:29,296 --> 00:18:32,698
don't know. Yeah. Then, like, I've seen you. You.

305
00:18:32,754 --> 00:18:35,082
You'll flirt sexually. Yeah.

306
00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:38,750
And it won't be there. It'll fall flat.

307
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:42,922
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So you'll, like, say certain things to kind

308
00:18:42,946 --> 00:18:46,266
of get the ball rolling just to kind of show that you're interested sexually

309
00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:50,122
and maybe they're not interested. Yeah. And it will fall flat. Yeah.

310
00:18:50,186 --> 00:18:53,150
And it's like, well, okay, maybe.

311
00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:57,498
Maybe that didn't work. Yeah. And I just kind of. If I like them.

312
00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:00,688
Yeah. I'll just be like, what? Ofs. Yeah. You know? But I'm

313
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:03,920
also like that with a lot of people. Are you? I'm a very

314
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,568
flirty person. Really? Yeah. You don't

315
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:10,864
think I'm a flirty person? No, not anymore. Dude, you used to be.

316
00:19:11,032 --> 00:19:14,176
When we first got together, you were incredibly flirty. Yeah,

317
00:19:14,288 --> 00:19:17,552
I remember. I'm flirty. No, stop it. We used

318
00:19:17,576 --> 00:19:21,536
to go to the bar. I would meet you at the bar. Alcohol.

319
00:19:21,648 --> 00:19:25,008
Yeah. And now alcohol's not involved. And you straight up told me

320
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,382
the other day you were like, back then, I used to

321
00:19:28,406 --> 00:19:31,342
drink. And, yeah, I used to get a lot of free drinks because guys would

322
00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:35,470
flirt and I would flirt back, blah, blah, blah. Now you're

323
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:39,170
just starting to try and figure out how to flirt.

324
00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:42,590
But you. You. You. No,

325
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:45,614
you're not a flirty person. As a matter of fact,

326
00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:48,638
you said the other day that you think that that's part of the reason why

327
00:19:48,694 --> 00:19:52,118
people aren't really. Because I'm not digging your vibe

328
00:19:52,254 --> 00:19:56,070
because you're not flirty. I'm very forward. I'm not. I'm forward, but not.

329
00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:59,366
It's not always flirty. It's like, yo, I like you. I do

330
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:02,694
want to fuck. It seems like a lot of people want that.

331
00:20:02,862 --> 00:20:06,246
Overly flirty, very. Ha, ha, ha. Giggle,

332
00:20:06,278 --> 00:20:09,974
giggle. I. I'm just not. It's not. That's not you.

333
00:20:10,062 --> 00:20:14,150
That. That was one of the things that I really loved about you when we

334
00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:18,118
first started dating and I used to tell my friends about was she

335
00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:21,052
is beautiful, like,

336
00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:24,460
amazingly hot, but she's got the

337
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:28,172
personality of a dude. Like, we can sit

338
00:20:28,196 --> 00:20:31,692
there and watch sports and laugh and joke and.

339
00:20:31,876 --> 00:20:35,004
And just have this jovial best friend,

340
00:20:35,172 --> 00:20:37,500
you know, bro kind of moment.

341
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:40,812
And she's freaking hot. She's wearing a

342
00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:43,756
dress and her little shoes and everything.

343
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:48,154
And like, I want a banger, you know? It's like, she's incredible.

344
00:20:48,282 --> 00:20:52,042
And so that was one of the biggest things about you

345
00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:56,138
that I liked was that you were not that girl. Yeah. Like you. You are

346
00:20:56,194 --> 00:20:59,706
still with me. Like, you, you hang on me. And you're very girly

347
00:20:59,738 --> 00:21:03,050
with me. Yeah. But that's not

348
00:21:03,090 --> 00:21:06,550
in your personality. Yeah. No, I'm not a very.

349
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:10,122
I'm just not a very flirty person. You're not an

350
00:21:10,146 --> 00:21:12,938
attention seeker. I'm not an attention seeker. Yeah.

351
00:21:13,034 --> 00:21:16,416
So. And. And it's like, it's not that it's a bad thing.

352
00:21:16,488 --> 00:21:19,824
I'm just not. I'm just not that person. Yeah.

353
00:21:19,872 --> 00:21:22,752
You know, I don't need. I don't need the attention.

354
00:21:22,896 --> 00:21:25,312
I mean, every now and then I do, and I'm like,

355
00:21:25,336 --> 00:21:29,056
hello. Every now and then I'm like, hello, no one likes

356
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:32,576
me. Pictures. Yeah. Yeah. But other than that. Yeah,

357
00:21:32,608 --> 00:21:35,840
no, I'm not like that. See, I'm the complete opposite. I'm a total attention.

358
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,778
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I am in it. I. I love. So this attention.

359
00:21:39,944 --> 00:21:43,370
So this is where you and I. Because you,

360
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:46,686
you didn't really have a lot of attention growing up.

361
00:21:46,758 --> 00:21:50,302
Oh, yeah. You didn't have a lot of. Like, you always went after the

362
00:21:50,326 --> 00:21:53,662
girls and you. The girls never really went after you. No, it was, it was

363
00:21:53,686 --> 00:21:57,102
always that you're. I look at you like a brother. And I'm not

364
00:21:57,206 --> 00:22:00,810
being. I, I didn't have that. Yeah. Problem. That issue.

365
00:22:01,110 --> 00:22:04,094
If I wanted to be with the guy, I just try to be with the

366
00:22:04,102 --> 00:22:07,436
guy. Yeah. So I don't, I don't look for dark

367
00:22:07,468 --> 00:22:10,732
differences. Yeah. I don't look for that. I don't need that.

368
00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:13,292
That's just me. I mean, but I am trying to be a little flirtier with

369
00:22:13,316 --> 00:22:16,300
the people that I'm interested in. And I'm trying to be more active and trying

370
00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:19,612
to get out there. But question now, because we're still on the same subject.

371
00:22:19,676 --> 00:22:23,196
I know that we go. What do you say?

372
00:22:23,268 --> 00:22:26,892
Okay. The couple's already told you that they're probably not going

373
00:22:26,916 --> 00:22:29,916
to play because the wife doesn't. Or the man doesn't.

374
00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:32,992
Isn't attracted. Whatever. Do you still stay friends with them?

375
00:22:33,176 --> 00:22:35,500
Do you think our friends should stay friends with them?

376
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:40,128
So what you're saying is if the two

377
00:22:40,184 --> 00:22:42,820
couples are not vibing. Yes.

378
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:47,152
And. Or one is vibing with the. The other couple,

379
00:22:47,216 --> 00:22:50,660
but the other one is not. And they only play together. Yes.

380
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,192
And so they still want to be friends? Sex isn't going to happen.

381
00:22:54,296 --> 00:22:57,538
But they still want to be friends. Yes. Do you stay friends with them?

382
00:22:57,584 --> 00:23:01,022
Yes. That's what you're asking? Yeah. And if you do, do you still continue to

383
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:05,086
flirt if they flirt back? Well, so that's the tough part.

384
00:23:05,158 --> 00:23:08,334
Do you continue to flirt? Well, I think as far as

385
00:23:08,342 --> 00:23:12,542
I'm concerned, yeah. Even if they don't want to play,

386
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:15,998
I want to stay friends with them because I'm into the connection. Right.

387
00:23:16,134 --> 00:23:19,502
I like being friends with. With a lot of these. These different people. You know,

388
00:23:19,526 --> 00:23:23,806
I like making those connections. Now, is it. Can you still flirt? So that depends

389
00:23:23,838 --> 00:23:27,234
on the people, and that's kind of something that needs to be brought

390
00:23:27,282 --> 00:23:30,306
up in the conversation.

391
00:23:30,498 --> 00:23:33,426
Is it still cool to flirt with you? Yeah, like,

392
00:23:33,498 --> 00:23:36,818
you know, I. I had a situation that was similar

393
00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:39,666
to that where it was like,

394
00:23:39,738 --> 00:23:42,882
well, you know, they. They straight up told me, hey,

395
00:23:42,946 --> 00:23:46,786
I'm not. It's unfortunate, but it's just not gonna

396
00:23:46,818 --> 00:23:49,954
happen sexually between us. And I was like, okay,

397
00:23:50,082 --> 00:23:53,212
that's fine. Mm. And she said, well, I still

398
00:23:53,236 --> 00:23:56,972
want to be friends. Okay, yeah, that's fine.

399
00:23:57,116 --> 00:24:00,364
And then she said, but I. I want to be flirty. Friends want to

400
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:03,932
be able to flirt still. Okay, I can do

401
00:24:03,956 --> 00:24:07,996
that. But the communication was there on it, you see.

402
00:24:08,148 --> 00:24:11,564
Had that not been discussed? No,

403
00:24:11,732 --> 00:24:15,160
I wouldn't. You know, when I'm. When I'm turned down

404
00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:19,778
sexually like that, I tend to go

405
00:24:19,914 --> 00:24:22,738
extreme friend zone. Yeah.

406
00:24:22,834 --> 00:24:26,594
You go from being sweetheart to being bruh. Yeah.

407
00:24:26,642 --> 00:24:29,986
Or dude. You know what I mean? Like, it's just.

408
00:24:30,058 --> 00:24:34,498
It's. It's to keep me on an even keel to where I don't.

409
00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:38,802
I don't accidentally push the envelope. I don't disrespect

410
00:24:38,866 --> 00:24:42,232
your boundary, that sort of thing. I have to go extreme.

411
00:24:42,426 --> 00:24:45,880
I have to be the extreme only friend,

412
00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:49,564
because I can't. I can't get.

413
00:24:49,652 --> 00:24:53,420
I can't flirt with that little area. There because I'm very different

414
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:56,440
than you. Yeah. Yeah. Why is that? Yeah. How's that?

415
00:24:57,140 --> 00:25:01,084
It would be a fizzly friendship. It would be

416
00:25:01,092 --> 00:25:03,932
a fizzly. I mean, I'd still be your friend, but I wouldn't. There would be

417
00:25:03,956 --> 00:25:07,548
no flirtiness there. Okay. Now, so that's. If you

418
00:25:07,604 --> 00:25:11,168
get turned down. Yeah, but what if you. You turn them down?

419
00:25:11,304 --> 00:25:14,672
Do you keep them as friends or do you let that fizzle out

420
00:25:14,696 --> 00:25:17,968
as well? That's really up to them. But would you stay

421
00:25:18,024 --> 00:25:21,696
friends with them? Yeah. Yeah. So that wouldn't

422
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:25,168
fizzle out. That wouldn't fizzle out because they're not. They're not turning

423
00:25:25,184 --> 00:25:29,312
you down. Yeah. If they were okay with that and they wouldn't be embarrassed

424
00:25:29,376 --> 00:25:32,624
about it or something, I would ask them, do you still want to be friends.

425
00:25:32,712 --> 00:25:36,202
Like, do you still want to? You know, because we don't have to.

426
00:25:36,306 --> 00:25:39,290
Right. You know, because I don't want to hurt your feelings or whatever.

427
00:25:39,450 --> 00:25:42,234
Or if you see me flirting with somebody else. I'm not flirting with you.

428
00:25:42,322 --> 00:25:45,450
Right. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I mean,

429
00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:48,730
communication, right? Period. Yeah.

430
00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:52,522
Communicate. I mean, that's what it comes down to. Around. Around the

431
00:25:52,546 --> 00:25:55,978
entire thing. And that's the problem, is there's a lot of people that don't

432
00:25:55,994 --> 00:25:59,706
know how to communicate with the people that they're interested

433
00:25:59,738 --> 00:26:03,230
in. And there's a lot of assumptions that are

434
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:05,810
made. There's a lot of overthinking.

435
00:26:06,230 --> 00:26:09,982
And, I mean, people just walk away from situations

436
00:26:10,046 --> 00:26:13,806
because of what they had in their head. They assumed

437
00:26:13,838 --> 00:26:18,014
the situation. Yeah. And they never actually discussed it.

438
00:26:18,182 --> 00:26:21,614
And it's like, had you just said. Something, probably would have

439
00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:24,350
been taken care. Probably would have been taken care of pretty quick.

440
00:26:24,390 --> 00:26:28,516
Yeah. So, you know, it's just kind of funny how all of that works.

441
00:26:28,678 --> 00:26:32,040
But it really comes down to open communication. You know, if you just

442
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,592
put yourself out there and you throw it all out there on the ground and

443
00:26:35,616 --> 00:26:38,520
you're open about it, there's no real question.

444
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,704
Yeah. And, you know, stick to your guns if you.

445
00:26:41,872 --> 00:26:45,784
If. If you don't want to play with somebody, because whatever

446
00:26:45,832 --> 00:26:49,352
reason, you don't have to. Yeah. And realistically, that's what it

447
00:26:49,376 --> 00:26:53,112
comes down to. These particular friends, I would let

448
00:26:53,136 --> 00:26:56,656
them know, hey, you know, it's. It. It's a sucky

449
00:26:56,688 --> 00:26:59,780
situation. But realistically,

450
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,792
this is their boundary, and you

451
00:27:03,816 --> 00:27:07,568
got to respect that. Yes. And that's just the way it is

452
00:27:07,704 --> 00:27:11,232
now, what's happening between that couple, it could

453
00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:14,704
be on the up and up, or it could be a bad situation where,

454
00:27:14,872 --> 00:27:18,528
you know, they know that they have the veto power over each other,

455
00:27:18,664 --> 00:27:22,234
and maybe the guy just wants to expel

456
00:27:22,282 --> 00:27:25,850
that. Yeah. You know, I've. I've known some couples where the guy

457
00:27:25,930 --> 00:27:29,818
will. If. If he's digging the girl and everything looks

458
00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:32,234
good, then he'll go ahead and say, okay, let's play.

459
00:27:32,402 --> 00:27:36,282
But if it's less about him, then he'll

460
00:27:36,346 --> 00:27:39,434
say no. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's almost like a selfish

461
00:27:39,482 --> 00:27:42,922
thing. Yeah. It happens. It does. And some

462
00:27:42,946 --> 00:27:46,306
people are okay with it. Some people are not. Some. Sometimes it comes out.

463
00:27:46,418 --> 00:27:49,682
Yeah. But, you know, and I don't know why, but it always reminds me of

464
00:27:49,706 --> 00:27:53,618
the. The OPP in

465
00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:57,490
poly. OPP is one penis policy.

466
00:27:57,610 --> 00:28:01,730
Do you remember that? Yes. When we were poly. That was very controversial.

467
00:28:01,810 --> 00:28:05,990
Yeah. Because there Were people out there who would have this established

468
00:28:06,650 --> 00:28:10,994
rule about only. Only one. One penis.

469
00:28:11,122 --> 00:28:14,918
So the man would tell his wife, you can date

470
00:28:15,094 --> 00:28:18,854
all the women you want, but you cannot have. I'm the only penis. You get

471
00:28:18,862 --> 00:28:22,582
to have one penis policy. And it just seems

472
00:28:22,646 --> 00:28:27,050
very limiting. I mean, but if that's their dynamic,

473
00:28:27,550 --> 00:28:30,806
while most in the lifestyle or in the poly

474
00:28:30,838 --> 00:28:34,646
lifestyle would feel like that's a toxic and dynamic.

475
00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:37,370
Weird dynamic or a toxic dynamic,

476
00:28:38,190 --> 00:28:41,650
that's their boundary, that's their boundaries. Somebody to say it's

477
00:28:41,810 --> 00:28:44,930
like, realistically, that's what works for them. And. And,

478
00:28:45,050 --> 00:28:48,226
you know, just because it's something that's not up your alley,

479
00:28:48,258 --> 00:28:51,858
it's. It's the way it works for them. You just gotta accept

480
00:28:51,914 --> 00:28:56,630
it. Yes. You can kiss everybody. You can only have my vagina.

481
00:28:56,970 --> 00:29:00,290
You can kiss everyone. Kiss everybody. I can kiss everybody.

482
00:29:00,370 --> 00:29:04,002
Can only have my vagina, but I. Can only have your vagina. Where am I

483
00:29:04,026 --> 00:29:07,360
gonna. What am I gonna have with the vagina? A side of corn.

484
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,900
Yes. Okay, good to know.

485
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,620
That's great. Your vagina and a side of corn.

486
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,620
How wonderful. I like that. Yeah. No, to our friends.

487
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,696
Sorry. Yeah, sorry. You know, it's.

488
00:29:21,728 --> 00:29:25,024
It's a sucky situation, but you definitely got to

489
00:29:25,032 --> 00:29:28,272
respect that boundary and just pick up

490
00:29:28,296 --> 00:29:32,086
your ball and keep moving. Now, if it were me, if they're valued,

491
00:29:32,198 --> 00:29:35,494
if they're nice, if you like them, stay their friend.

492
00:29:35,582 --> 00:29:39,654
Yeah. And you never know what'll happen. Yeah. But if they're

493
00:29:39,702 --> 00:29:43,526
just a regular connection that you've just made and you're not that close to them,

494
00:29:43,678 --> 00:29:46,598
doesn't interest you. Let it go. Let it go.

495
00:29:46,654 --> 00:29:50,454
Let it go. So, yeah, that was. That was an interesting conversation.

496
00:29:50,502 --> 00:29:54,326
I found that a very interesting question. I appreciate

497
00:29:54,358 --> 00:29:58,234
it for our friends that threw that out there and. Yeah, we appreciate that.

498
00:29:58,322 --> 00:30:01,994
And for all of you listening out there, we appreciate you listening,

499
00:30:02,122 --> 00:30:06,186
we appreciate you tuning in, we appreciate you downloading and listening

500
00:30:06,218 --> 00:30:08,986
and just becoming a part of our little,

501
00:30:09,138 --> 00:30:13,530
Little show here. We have been getting more interaction

502
00:30:13,610 --> 00:30:16,474
with our. Our listeners,

503
00:30:16,522 --> 00:30:20,458
which I think is great. We've. We've had questions come in

504
00:30:20,514 --> 00:30:23,850
and we've had letters that have come in, and. And we will be

505
00:30:23,890 --> 00:30:26,870
sharing that on future episodes.

506
00:30:27,290 --> 00:30:30,610
So I. I'm real excited about that, you know, and. And if you're interested in.

507
00:30:30,650 --> 00:30:34,370
In interacting with us, if you're interested in talking with us,

508
00:30:34,410 --> 00:30:37,762
if you have maybe experiences you want to share, if you have questions you

509
00:30:37,786 --> 00:30:41,550
want to share, if there's episode ideas, anything like that,

510
00:30:41,850 --> 00:30:45,170
we ask that you reach out to us in One

511
00:30:45,210 --> 00:30:48,658
of our many ways. First and foremost, we have our email,

512
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:52,950
which is beyond monogamy. 4umail.com that's beyond

513
00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:58,538
monogamy. The number four, the letter umail.com

514
00:30:58,674 --> 00:31:02,110
and, and you can shoot us an email from there. And the lovely

515
00:31:02,450 --> 00:31:05,818
lady over here has all of our socials.

516
00:31:05,914 --> 00:31:09,786
I do. So we actually have a phone number that you can call and

517
00:31:09,938 --> 00:31:17,402
leave Messages. It is 512-893-3869.

518
00:31:17,586 --> 00:31:21,114
And you can call there, leave a message, let us know if there's a

519
00:31:21,202 --> 00:31:24,892
topic that you want us to talk about. We also have Instagram.

520
00:31:24,956 --> 00:31:28,508
It's beyond underscore monogamy, the number 4

521
00:31:28,564 --> 00:31:32,940
and the letter U. What else do we have? We have TikTok.

522
00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:37,228
We have a TikTok. We have a TikTok. The tickety talk is beyond

523
00:31:37,324 --> 00:31:40,600
underscore monogamy. Underscore life two.

524
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:44,476
Yeah, so you see that we've got our, our. We've got lots of ways

525
00:31:44,508 --> 00:31:47,516
for you to contact us between the email, between the,

526
00:31:47,588 --> 00:31:50,080
the, the phone call and a voicemail,

527
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,800
and our socials, you know, our Facebook, our Instagram,

528
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,064
our Snap and our. Yeah,

529
00:31:58,192 --> 00:32:01,344
and our TikTok. And we love to hear from you guys. Like, give us suggestions

530
00:32:01,392 --> 00:32:04,592
or any. Anything that pops up in your little world that we

531
00:32:04,616 --> 00:32:08,320
haven't covered this. These are just our experiences.

532
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,900
Yeah, we'd like to hear about your experiences.

533
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,416
Absolutely. You know, yeah, we, we definitely want to hear from you.

534
00:32:14,488 --> 00:32:18,274
And, you know, before we go, I just want to say a special thank

535
00:32:18,322 --> 00:32:22,466
you to those who listen here

536
00:32:22,538 --> 00:32:26,194
domestically, but especially those who listen globally.

537
00:32:26,322 --> 00:32:29,986
We've noticed that there are many of you out there across the pond in UK

538
00:32:30,058 --> 00:32:34,130
and some of the other countries out there, and we just want

539
00:32:34,170 --> 00:32:38,178
to say welcome, we're glad that you're joining us and

540
00:32:38,234 --> 00:32:41,362
everybody here in the United States, we love that

541
00:32:41,386 --> 00:32:45,106
you guys tune in. We appreciate you all and

542
00:32:45,258 --> 00:32:48,018
we will be seeing you next week.

543
00:32:48,154 --> 00:32:48,950
Bye.