Overcoming The Negatives: Lessons from Beyond Monogamy

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related subjects

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in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we are not licensed

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marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared here is for

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entertainment and informational purposes only. If you are

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under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions about sex,

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relationships, or mature language, we strongly recommend that you

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refrain from listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable

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with this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris. And today we're talking about the negatives

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of the lifestyle. You know, just. Just from a newbies standpoint

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or for. For somebody who's interested in the lifestyle and they're going, hey,

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okay, I see all the fun stuff. You know, I see all

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the. The. The amazing recruiter type

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stuff that you have here. I see the brochures and all the good stuff here.

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What's the bad sides? And so I put some stuff together.

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I did a little bit of research. I didn't have to do too much research

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because we've experienced them, but, you know,

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I put some stuff together, and we're just gonna go through the list. Okay.

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And I'm curious about your thoughts on these

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different things. My thoughts? Your specific thoughts.

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The negative one. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

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Yeah. Because you and I, we tend to be opposing sometimes.

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Yeah. But then there's other times where we agree. So let's see

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what. Let's see what we got here. Okay. The first thing, of course,

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is, you know, the.

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The first thing is really probably something that we've dealt with

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the most out of the entire time that we've been in the lifestyle,

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and that's jealousy and emotional strain. Okay. I think that's

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the first thing. I think that's probably the biggest. Yeah, it's probably the

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biggest thing that people deal with in the lifestyle.

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Yeah. Yeah. And as far as you're concerned, I mean,

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this is probably the funnest part of our journey.

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And we've been in this for 13, going on 14 years. Yes.

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And we finally have attained this

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area or this arena where we don't.

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I mean, I've never really had a whole lot of jealousy, but I've always

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had to really navigate this. Knowing you're jealous.

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Yes. And it's been a difficult journey to do.

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Yeah. So in the beginning, I was really jealous. I didn't want to

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share you. I didn't, or I would nitpick.

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Everything. If I knew you were talking to somebody,

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I would get inside myself, like,

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what is he talking to her for? Why isn't he talking to me?

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Or, oh, he doesn't kiss me like that. Or he doesn't have sex,

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like, with me like that. Or he doesn't come that fast with me. You know,

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a lot of little insecurities that. It took a

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long time. Well, you know, and. And realistically,

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those kind of thoughts are natural. Yes. Especially if you're

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in a married relationship. Yeah.

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I would get inside myself.

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Yeah. Which would then not make anything fun. So you.

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You would feel insecure about yourself because of what I was doing with

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others. Yeah. And I'd be like, no.

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Yeah. Yeah. And that was really before we had a real good communication

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level. And so you weren't really communicating that.

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And so you'd kind of hold into it kind of festively. Yeah, I didn't want

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to ruin it. Yeah. I didn't want to ruin it or stop it for you.

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That's tough, man. Yeah, that is tough. I. It was all about you.

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Like, I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to, like, you know,

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stop you. I wanted you to enjoy yourself. And then

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I just. I don't know, I even got into the point where

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my morals. Your morals? Oh, we shouldn't be doing

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this. Is so. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah.

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That entire breakdown. Yeah. No. Jealousy and insecurity. Yeah. I would think

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someone's gonna come and take you from me.

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And I think that even got worse when we were poly.

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Well, and to be fair, when we were poly, you were going through menopause.

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Yeah. So. Yeah. Hormones. And so, like, when I moved

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here and also myself here, that. That even got

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worse. The jealousy and the insecurities. Like, I would drive to Corpus.

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Yeah. I was so jealous and insecure that when I knew

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you had somebody at the house, like, in the living room, and we had

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that camera. Yeah. I would go into the camera just to see you.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was uncomfortable.

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It would never be a good uncomfortable. It would be. And it'd be like,

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why do you even do that to yourself? Yeah. I remember you telling me you.

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You'd be like, I don't know why I'm doing that. I don't even know why

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I would sn. Snoop onto your phone. Yeah. To see

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things. How funny. Like, I would.

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Because I was so insecure. It was almost like a self satisfaction.

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Yeah. Like, and I would get so, like, oh, my God. My stomach would

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hurt. And I'd be like, I would just feel so bad for myself.

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Yeah. Because I was like, man, I am not good enough. And we

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go through that. We go through those feelings. Right? Like, yeah. It just depends how

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you take it. But for me, it was, man,

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okay, we're gonna do this, but I must not be good.

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I must not be good enough. That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean,

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I, I, I, I say that's so crazy, but realistically, that's natural.

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Yeah. And there's a lot of people that are listening that have probably gone through

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that, if not still go through that. And it's in it. Like I said,

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it's natural. The way I am is not

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naturally how most people are. Right.

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There's not a like there. Jealousy is a common thing, and, and people seem to

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really try and knock it away. Well, jealousy doesn't exist.

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You know, you should really be happy for. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Okay. Sure. Let's be realistic. Yeah. We are a

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society raised by a society that

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touts moral. Yeah. You know,

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rules. I mean, I get jealous for the littlest things. Yeah. You know,

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I get jealous when my kids do something

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and they're not doing it with me. Yeah. You know, we share, we share

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custody. So it's like you're naturally jealous. You know, I'm just a naturally jealous

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person. A very. Is envious the same as jealousy,

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you know? Yeah. In, in, in a form like, I. Don'T wish to

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be anybody else. I love me. I love me now. Like,

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I am just all about

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me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm pretty, I'm okay now. But yeah,

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it was definitely something that I struggled with for a very long time.

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I think two things happened that helped knock you out of that jealousy,

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and one of them was you finally realized

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that I have no interest in ever leaving you and

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I would never do anything to hurt you. What hit me first was

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I. I realized my worth. Yeah.

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Yeah. So I realized what I

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was worth. And I was like, well, I mean, to be very honest,

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I love you to death, but we're in

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this because we want to be life partners together. Do you know what I mean?

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Like, we don't need this. Yeah. You can survive by yourself,

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and I can survive by myself. Like, this is our partnership. So I

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think once I realized that this was that

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you and I were a team that didn't want to be separated.

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Like, we are a solid foundation,

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it became easier to listen

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and allow you to be transparent without me

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having to react. I get you. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like,

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that's a long explanation, but that's the only explanation I could give, so it

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makes it easier. And so, like, the jealousies and insecurities are

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very small and really ridiculous. I mean,

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I've told you some of them. Yeah, they are absolutely ridiculous.

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But nevertheless. Well, I mean, it really depends on the person

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deciding. Is it ridiculous? It's ridiculous. Like, what was the last

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one that you had?

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So I do not like to know.

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I know who you chat with. Right? Yeah.

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I have no. I have no qualm with whom

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you chat with. Sure.

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My stupid little thing is, I hate

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when someone mentions or, like,

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has an inside joke with you, and it's like, on social media, and I can

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see. And it's like, adam, you're so funny. Remember when you told

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me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Or remember when we were chatting about, blah,

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blah, blah, blah, blah? No, I only let one person.

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I could. I don't care about that one person.

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But everybody else, I'm like, it irks you.

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It. Like when someone says, oh, yeah,

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I chat with your husband. Yeah, I know.

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Jesus. You know, those are my little. My little insecure.

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I know they're dumb. Or if you don't leave a comment under

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my pictures. Oh, my gosh, all the time, and. You leave a comment

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under somebody else's, or if you just give me a heart and no comment,

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I will. I will text you and I'll be like, oh, what?

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Oh, did your fingers break? Well, see, and with that. So I've had this

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question before, and I don't know how this works. Oh, I already know.

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I know exactly. I don't know how this works outside of.

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But I remember, you know, it's one of those things

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where we're, you know, we're constantly posting on these. These Facebook groups, these swinger

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Facebook groups. Yeah. And it's like putting yourself out there as an

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ad. You know, it's peacocking in a way.

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Everybody puts their picture out there and they put their funny little

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caption or whatever. They're. They're. They're catching people's attention.

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I understood. Yeah. Yeah. And so I always think,

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well, if I put a comment on every single picture

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that she puts down there, am I blocking her?

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Yeah. So I knew you were going to think that. You know, I don't.

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No, no, no, no, no.

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Like, am I. Am I preventing somebody? Every picture

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you have, and I comment. That'S not totally

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true. For the most part. If I catch up, I mean, I can go

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back, because my stuff that that's not in your algorithm, because you're

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not in. You're not in my. Okay, so we're trying to be in. Each other's

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algorithm, trying to screw up our relationship. I know, but anyway,

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when I post a picture, if you do not comment on it,

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I will text you. Yeah, I know. I know. So, yeah,

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I get those texts. I get little silly. I get silly. Little. It's a little

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silly. It's a little silly. But. But that's about

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it. And I mean, a lot of communication, a lot

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of discussion, it's. It does get better. It gets easier.

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As long as y'all are willing to understand each other's wants,

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you can actually, you know, make it through it. Yeah.

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Yeah. Well, you know, I, I. Going on to the next

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subject matter because we've really touched up on jealousies before, and I

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think we're pretty open about that. One thing that I've

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noticed that happens to couples in the lifestyle

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is what is referred to as mismatched interest.

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A couple can go into this lifestyle thinking it's

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just, hey, we're going to go in there, we're going to play with another couple,

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and this is going to be fun. But everybody has their own little kinks,

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their own little desires, things that

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they want out of this that maybe don't mesh

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up with their partner's same desires and

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kinks and that sort of thing. Okay, So I know that there are couples

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out there. One may be really, really into bdsm,

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the other one may not. One may really, really be poly.

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The other may not. You know, these mismatched

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interests can cause problems,

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for sure. I can see that. Yeah, I can see that. Because, you know,

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you're talking about one person being in one world, the other person being in the

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other, and, you know, it. It. You have a

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whole different networking arena.

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Over there right now. Are they supportive?

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Like, so, like, for you and I. Right? You and I.

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I. I mean, I'm sure we have different interests. We just haven't maybe explored them

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all. I don't know. Yeah, there's a lot that we haven't explored. A lot.

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But there are things that I. I want to try and that you do not

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want to try. Is there? I think so. Because I was like, I want.

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I want to try. Like, you. Oh, you want to. You want to do,

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like, the dominating, like the. Yeah. Spanking and. Yeah. And so

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you're not. You're not really into. I don't. Yeah, I'm not into being dominated.

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Now. Would you allow me to try that on You.

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I would. I would be open to the experience with you. Yeah, sure.

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So you see, like, that would be nice.

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So, like, when it's something are. Like when a couple

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maybe goes through it and they just don't want to support each other. Yeah.

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That's probably where it gets really difficult. Yeah. You know, I'm willing

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to try whatever if it interests you. Yeah. You know?

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You know, but that's the hard part. I have a friend who is not.

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She's a female with a male, and she

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has no interest in seeing her male partner

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be with another male. Okay. Like, that's his kink. Yeah.

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She's just not. She's. She's like, nope, that's something that he does

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by himself. They just realize that, though. And that would.

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That would be a good example of mismatched interests. Yeah.

225
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:39,242
Yeah. But can it work still? Absolutely. Yeah.

226
00:13:39,306 --> 00:13:43,530
It just takes some doing and communication. Lots of communication.

227
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:47,232
Lots of communication. It's. It's really, really tough because if

228
00:13:47,256 --> 00:13:50,336
you don't communicate that, man, it gets crazy.

229
00:13:50,528 --> 00:13:54,768
Crazy. You know, another. The. Another problem with

230
00:13:54,824 --> 00:13:58,592
being in the lifestyle is the

231
00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:02,768
social stigma of being a swinger,

232
00:14:02,944 --> 00:14:06,096
especially, you know, one. Being an outed swinger.

233
00:14:06,128 --> 00:14:09,376
As we know, we're out. You know, we don't really hide it. We don't shove

234
00:14:09,408 --> 00:14:12,912
it in people's faces, but we don't. We don't hide it either. If it comes

235
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:16,456
across, somebody says, hey, is this something you do? Yeah, it is.

236
00:14:16,528 --> 00:14:20,376
You want to ask more questions, I'll answer. You don't, don't. You know,

237
00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:24,536
but there's a lot of people out there who try to keep discreet,

238
00:14:24,728 --> 00:14:28,760
and it's almost like a. A major anxiety

239
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,960
or paranoia that these people, they want

240
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,136
to enjoy themselves, but at the same time, they can't fully enjoy themselves

241
00:14:36,328 --> 00:14:39,672
because of if they get found out. And why is

242
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:42,584
that an issue? Well, because chances are, if they get found out, they're going to

243
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:46,214
get judged like a mofo. You know, they're going

244
00:14:46,222 --> 00:14:49,334
to be judged by their church group. They're going to be judged by their choir

245
00:14:49,382 --> 00:14:53,190
group, their family, their friends. The. The judgment will be passed around like

246
00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:58,330
bread at a table at a Texas roadhouse. And realistically,

247
00:14:58,910 --> 00:15:03,446
if we were an accepting society of whatever,

248
00:15:03,558 --> 00:15:07,050
you know, it's like there's people out there who look down upon

249
00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:11,230
people in our community for the sheer fact that they just don't agree

250
00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:14,670
with it. Oh, yeah. These are the same people that have sex maybe once a

251
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:17,950
month, if that. Maybe once a year. Yeah. I mean,

252
00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:21,342
it's. It's hard and you are going to come across that

253
00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:24,542
if you, if you're, if you

254
00:15:24,566 --> 00:15:28,958
do not discuss that with anybody and you're not. What is the opposite of outed

255
00:15:29,134 --> 00:15:32,638
in it? In the closet. In the closet. You know, if you haven't come out,

256
00:15:32,694 --> 00:15:36,530
period, then it's, it's, it's a hard.

257
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:40,854
We didn't have to go through that. For a few years. We kept it discreet.

258
00:15:40,902 --> 00:15:43,686
We did keep it discreet, but friends knew,

259
00:15:43,798 --> 00:15:47,782
family didn't know. We're very bad about keeping

260
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:51,158
things. Yeah. I think family came to find out when I

261
00:15:51,214 --> 00:15:55,110
came out that I was bi. Yeah. And then you released that information.

262
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:58,790
Yeah. And then I think it just came out. I. Well,

263
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:02,318
you know, what really happened was you, you came out as bi and you said,

264
00:16:02,374 --> 00:16:06,206
I'm tired of trying to hide my lifestyle.

265
00:16:06,318 --> 00:16:10,238
Yeah. You know, it's. And it's exhausting. It's exhausting walking that

266
00:16:10,294 --> 00:16:14,446
line and going, ugh, I gotta make sure and watch what I say.

267
00:16:14,518 --> 00:16:17,662
I gotta make sure and watch what I post. Because if the

268
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:20,878
wrong person finds out, forget it. Everybody's gonna know my sex

269
00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:24,126
life. And it's like, who cares? And we've gone through that,

270
00:16:24,198 --> 00:16:27,214
dude, who cares? And we've gone through that and it's gotten ugly.

271
00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:31,330
But it, it's, it is something that you can navigate through.

272
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,334
You know, best thing is to keep all your, your friends

273
00:16:35,422 --> 00:16:39,250
private. Create another. So, you know, another social media

274
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:44,054
identity. Keep your friends private. Keep everything separate

275
00:16:44,102 --> 00:16:46,774
if, you know, if you don't want to get outed and that's how you want

276
00:16:46,782 --> 00:16:50,246
to live. And most of your friends will, I mean, your friends will respect

277
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:53,398
that. We have, we have lots of friends that we know their

278
00:16:53,454 --> 00:16:56,482
kids. And when we see him at the store, it's like,

279
00:16:56,586 --> 00:17:00,146
hi. Yeah, you know, there's, it's, it's a matter of respect. You don't

280
00:17:00,178 --> 00:17:03,650
just walk up to them and go, you know, grab their package. And I think

281
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,866
that's some preconceived notions that people have. I think so that

282
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:10,242
because we're so free and open that we're just going

283
00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:13,330
to walk up to somebody. Like, if I see a woman that I know

284
00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:16,002
from the lifestyle out in public, I'm just going to walk up to her and

285
00:17:16,026 --> 00:17:20,050
stick my tongue down her throat. That's not how most

286
00:17:20,090 --> 00:17:23,650
of us operate. Now, I will say most of us because there are special few.

287
00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:27,328
And I say special as in they just don't have any social

288
00:17:27,384 --> 00:17:30,576
cues. Yeah. And they just do what they're

289
00:17:30,608 --> 00:17:33,888
going to do. For sure. Yeah. There are a few bad Apples out there that

290
00:17:33,944 --> 00:17:37,584
spoil it for the bunch. But realistically, the majority

291
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:41,248
of people are not like that in the lifestyle. They have respect.

292
00:17:41,304 --> 00:17:44,992
They have discretion. They do. And I think that's, that's the important

293
00:17:45,096 --> 00:17:48,240
thing is to have discretion. Even if you're out,

294
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,680
you should have discretion for the people you play with because you

295
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,108
don't know what exactly their discretion level

296
00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:58,420
is. And, and discretion amongst the community too. So,

297
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:01,588
like some people, I mean, you shouldn't

298
00:18:01,684 --> 00:18:04,420
talk about who you sleep with. You shouldn't. And you know,

299
00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:08,708
realistically what the, the problem that I see is is

300
00:18:08,764 --> 00:18:12,436
like, especially in these Facebook groups and things like that, if you have

301
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:16,132
maybe an ex or there's some sort of drama or

302
00:18:16,156 --> 00:18:20,292
whatever, there's been situations where people have screenshotted

303
00:18:20,356 --> 00:18:24,254
stuff from groups and shown people outside of the community,

304
00:18:24,452 --> 00:18:27,690
shown them, you know, shown people at their work, shown people

305
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:31,210
in their family. Like, it's horrible. Horrible. And we've seen this more than once.

306
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:34,218
It's come up. It has been an issue. Yes.

307
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,630
And it's like, it's. Nobody's right to out anybody.

308
00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:41,514
It's. It's only up to that one person if they want to be outed.

309
00:18:41,562 --> 00:18:44,890
And some people just have no respect for the rules.

310
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,818
Oh my gosh, it's ridiculous.

311
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:52,280
So, you know, that that is definitely the tough one is social stigma.

312
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:56,172
Now, one thing that I don't feel is talked about enough and really should be

313
00:18:56,196 --> 00:19:00,652
talked about more is the risk of STIs,

314
00:19:00,796 --> 00:19:04,520
you know, really, like if you have one,

315
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:09,212
just not even if you have one, just an open, healthy discussion

316
00:19:09,276 --> 00:19:12,540
about them. Yeah. Now, I will say I've been seeing a wave of

317
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:16,188
people posting pictures of them, you know, with their little

318
00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:19,932
bandage on their arm, saying that they, they've been tested. I think that's great.

319
00:19:20,116 --> 00:19:23,532
I think people should test as often as they can, especially if

320
00:19:23,556 --> 00:19:26,972
you play as often as you do. And of

321
00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:30,140
course, you know, be safe. You know, everybody has

322
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:33,420
their kinks. And obviously if there's people that you trust that you can play

323
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:37,052
with without a condom and everybody's safe and

324
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:40,892
you know, everybody, hey, that's between you and the people you

325
00:19:40,916 --> 00:19:44,652
play with. Yeah. But remember, you have to keep

326
00:19:44,676 --> 00:19:48,356
this community safe. So you're also responsible for what

327
00:19:48,468 --> 00:19:51,748
get spread around this community. If you're involved

328
00:19:51,844 --> 00:19:55,668
and be open. Like if you have herpes

329
00:19:55,764 --> 00:19:58,932
and you have a flare up, be open about it. Be open about it.

330
00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:01,540
You know, I mean, and you know, you should be able to be open about

331
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:04,600
it without any kind of judgment. Now, unfortunately,

332
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:08,276
this is something that another Another facet

333
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,924
of, of people like to throw around judgment and shame.

334
00:20:12,052 --> 00:20:16,060
Yeah. And you know, because of that, they openly judge and

335
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:19,420
shame people who have STIs and

336
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:22,716
make them feel like crap. And it's like, well, wait a second now,

337
00:20:22,868 --> 00:20:26,748
this could easily happen to you. Yeah. And why

338
00:20:26,804 --> 00:20:30,092
is there, you know, judgment and shame like this? This is

339
00:20:30,116 --> 00:20:33,164
an open minded community. There should be

340
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:36,780
no judgment and shame, especially regarding a health issue like

341
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:40,172
that. You know, there's, there's precautions.

342
00:20:40,316 --> 00:20:44,446
Normally the person who has the affliction will be able to

343
00:20:44,518 --> 00:20:48,190
explain what the best route to take is if

344
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:51,502
you want to play and that sort of thing. And they're normally pretty open and

345
00:20:51,526 --> 00:20:55,182
honest about things. Yeah. You know. Yeah. So I just don't feel

346
00:20:55,206 --> 00:20:58,302
like the, the shaming is necessary. And you know,

347
00:20:58,326 --> 00:21:01,886
if you're getting into the lifestyle, you do have to understand that there are

348
00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:05,038
risks attached with it. There are, you know, this,

349
00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:09,180
we try to keep this community safe, but at the same time, things happen.

350
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,632
Somebody steps in, somebody does their thing, something gets caught.

351
00:21:13,696 --> 00:21:17,328
It is what it is and you have to be

352
00:21:17,384 --> 00:21:20,944
prepared for that. But it does help to take precautions.

353
00:21:20,992 --> 00:21:24,112
It does help to test often. It does help to be safe, that sort of

354
00:21:24,136 --> 00:21:27,776
thing. But it also helps to just be communicative.

355
00:21:27,888 --> 00:21:32,192
Yes. And talk about it and remove any kind of stigma

356
00:21:32,336 --> 00:21:35,820
from it. You know, I think that has to happen quite a bit.

357
00:21:36,570 --> 00:21:39,810
Yeah. I've never, I mean, we've never, we've never

358
00:21:39,850 --> 00:21:44,030
had a scare. No. And we've never played with anybody who had a,

359
00:21:44,490 --> 00:21:48,162
any kind of infection. So, you know, we get tested

360
00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:51,842
anytime after we play. Yeah. And so it is, it is.

361
00:21:52,026 --> 00:21:55,602
You got to keep it, keep the community safe. You got to keep the community

362
00:21:55,706 --> 00:21:59,506
safe. You know, and there's, there's a lot of different

363
00:21:59,658 --> 00:22:02,508
ways to do that. And you know, there's a,

364
00:22:02,564 --> 00:22:06,092
there's places out there that will test you for free.

365
00:22:06,276 --> 00:22:08,796
You know, you don't always have to have money. If you have a doctor,

366
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,932
hey, cool, you can go see that regular doctor and test. But yeah, there are

367
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:15,228
clinics out there that will test you for free. There are websites

368
00:22:15,244 --> 00:22:18,972
out there that will give you free condoms, even female condoms. That's right.

369
00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:22,924
That's right. Yeah. You know, there's, there's a lot of different resources out there

370
00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:26,156
to help you protect the community.

371
00:22:26,228 --> 00:22:29,482
And it's important that you turn to those resources if you need to.

372
00:22:29,676 --> 00:22:33,678
So, you know, STIs. There's just not enough talk about it,

373
00:22:33,814 --> 00:22:37,570
I think. No, there definitely is not. There's more when you're

374
00:22:38,070 --> 00:22:41,582
man, there's. There's really. The only time I ever hear

375
00:22:41,606 --> 00:22:45,410
it is if someone shares that they've gotten.

376
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:48,974
Gotten tested. Yeah. But. Yeah. And realistically,

377
00:22:49,022 --> 00:22:53,090
there's just not a whole lot of conversation about it. There's more conversation

378
00:22:53,670 --> 00:22:57,304
about, you know, bad.

379
00:22:57,392 --> 00:23:00,968
You know, red flags. Yeah. And things like that. Like a lot of bad

380
00:23:01,024 --> 00:23:04,744
stuff, but nobody really talks about that portion. And, you know, realistically,

381
00:23:04,792 --> 00:23:08,180
we should be having that conversation. It's just an important conversation to have.

382
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,072
It is. It is an important conversation, especially if. You'Re about

383
00:23:12,096 --> 00:23:15,560
to play, you know, and so it's always fun to like. Our thing

384
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,648
is, you know, we'll. We'll talk about it. We'll start setting stuff up.

385
00:23:18,704 --> 00:23:21,836
Logistically, we'll get there, and then as we're setting stuff up,

386
00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:25,572
it'll normally come up and be like, okay, have we had the condom talk yet?

387
00:23:25,676 --> 00:23:29,172
Yeah. And it's like, no, okay, let's talk about this and

388
00:23:29,196 --> 00:23:33,012
have a conversation. We've been in the middle of that. Yeah. Yeah. Now,

389
00:23:33,036 --> 00:23:37,092
I will say one of the. One of the negatives to the lifestyle for me

390
00:23:37,196 --> 00:23:40,980
personally is time and energy. Time and

391
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:44,836
energy. I'm sitting here right now talking to you about

392
00:23:44,908 --> 00:23:47,400
time and energy. I'm exhausted.

393
00:23:47,830 --> 00:23:51,518
Oh, yeah. This has been so. And I say exhausted, but, you know,

394
00:23:51,654 --> 00:23:55,470
this is the third weekend that I have been home.

395
00:23:55,590 --> 00:23:59,102
We haven't gone out. No. Over the past three weekends.

396
00:23:59,166 --> 00:24:02,878
Now, we had plans this weekend, but there was some foul weather that came through,

397
00:24:02,934 --> 00:24:06,254
and so our Friday night plans got canceled, unfortunately,

398
00:24:06,302 --> 00:24:10,126
because of that weather. And also our plans during the day on Saturday

399
00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:14,094
got canceled. Now, easily. We were talking about going to the

400
00:24:14,182 --> 00:24:17,980
club tonight to go play, and it's something

401
00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:21,340
that's still on the table. Of course, it's getting later and

402
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:24,540
the club is over an hour away. So.

403
00:24:24,580 --> 00:24:28,412
Yes, as we finish up, you know, the podcast, I still

404
00:24:28,436 --> 00:24:32,284
gotta edit it, and then we still gotta get dressed and pack a bag

405
00:24:32,412 --> 00:24:35,660
and we gotta drive out there. And, I mean,

406
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:39,884
logistically, we could do it, but that's all time

407
00:24:39,972 --> 00:24:43,400
and energy that it's gonna be taking from us now.

408
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,620
We could easily tell somebody, hey, why don't you come over to the house?

409
00:24:46,660 --> 00:24:49,932
We'll sneak in, we'll have fun, and then you can leave,

410
00:24:49,996 --> 00:24:53,420
you know, and we're here at the house. Things are nice. That's. That's all good.

411
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:57,244
We don't have to drive anywhere. But it just depends on how. How bad do

412
00:24:57,252 --> 00:25:00,412
you want to play? How bad do you like? Is it worth it?

413
00:25:00,516 --> 00:25:04,332
Is it worth it? You say that as I'm yawning. Yeah, you just. It is

414
00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:07,938
time and energy. We are some busy people and

415
00:25:08,124 --> 00:25:11,610
you should make some time for yourself.

416
00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:15,302
Yeah, yeah. You know, and that's, that's the thing about it is you and I,

417
00:25:15,326 --> 00:25:18,678
we've been go, go, go at almost every single weekend,

418
00:25:18,854 --> 00:25:22,358
especially since this week. Yeah. We have, we have

419
00:25:22,414 --> 00:25:26,070
big things happening in a few weeks and it's like, oh, my goodness gracious.

420
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:29,286
Yeah. And, you know, it's, it's been, it's been a lot of crazy times

421
00:25:29,358 --> 00:25:33,158
for us since the new year started. It's been like almost every

422
00:25:33,214 --> 00:25:36,610
weekend we've been going out. And the thing about it is, is you

423
00:25:36,650 --> 00:25:40,178
can't just call up somebody or message them and

424
00:25:40,234 --> 00:25:43,522
say, hey, let's have sex. You have to put in

425
00:25:43,546 --> 00:25:46,770
the time to get to know them. You have to put in the time and

426
00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:51,106
energy to maybe set up a dinner. A lot of these people don't

427
00:25:51,138 --> 00:25:54,642
want to have sex with a stranger. And I'm the same way.

428
00:25:54,826 --> 00:25:58,178
So then you've got to set up dates. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

429
00:25:58,234 --> 00:26:01,480
Yeah. Time and energy. Time and energy. You just,

430
00:26:01,570 --> 00:26:05,080
you gotta squeeze it in there if you really want to make it happen.

431
00:26:05,540 --> 00:26:08,652
Yeah, you've mentioned that before. He's like you. If you really want to do

432
00:26:08,676 --> 00:26:12,172
it, you'll find the time. You'll find a way. It is, it is

433
00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:15,276
exhausting. It is tiring, you know, especially for us. We have,

434
00:26:15,348 --> 00:26:19,132
we have kids, man. You know, and we've got full time jobs, we got a

435
00:26:19,156 --> 00:26:22,284
side business. Like, we've got all of this stuff, plus the podcast.

436
00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:25,644
I mean, my goodness, you need to stop yawning. I know. Because you're going to

437
00:26:25,652 --> 00:26:29,110
put me to sleep. I'm drinking water. Oh, please. Well, we just had sex.

438
00:26:29,260 --> 00:26:31,510
Yeah. Of course we had to get in. The mood for recording.

439
00:26:33,210 --> 00:26:35,986
I mean, we took an afternoon nap. Of course we had to have sex.

440
00:26:36,058 --> 00:26:40,178
And now we're getting into the record. So it's like, yeah, I know you're tired.

441
00:26:40,354 --> 00:26:43,682
Which I think would mean that we're not going to the club tonight. Is that

442
00:26:43,706 --> 00:26:47,234
a fair assessment? I can perk up. There's Red Bull. Oh, boy,

443
00:26:47,282 --> 00:26:50,962
you changed your tone real fast. That's the

444
00:26:50,986 --> 00:26:54,194
vagina talking. That's right. That's the vagina talking.

445
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:57,014
Yeah. You know, time and energy, really. I,

446
00:26:57,102 --> 00:27:00,550
The, I will admit, I, I've been getting

447
00:27:00,590 --> 00:27:04,006
a little burned out. Just a little bit. Yeah, just a little bit.

448
00:27:04,158 --> 00:27:07,542
I, I'm feeling good. Don't get me wrong. It's. This is

449
00:27:07,566 --> 00:27:11,174
a different kind of tired. Because previous

450
00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:13,734
times I've been like, man, I just don't want to go out. I just want

451
00:27:13,742 --> 00:27:17,222
to stay. Oh, for sure. This is more of, you know,

452
00:27:17,406 --> 00:27:21,222
we haven't done this in a while. We haven't spent all day on

453
00:27:21,246 --> 00:27:25,046
the couch just vegging out. We slept

454
00:27:25,078 --> 00:27:28,614
in this morning, which I never do. No, I put you to sleep

455
00:27:28,662 --> 00:27:31,510
twice. Oh, man. And that's because we had sex twice, too.

456
00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:35,782
Yeah. Knocked out every single time. Each time, man. Yeah, I was vagina drunk.

457
00:27:35,846 --> 00:27:39,222
That's right. And you put me out and. Yeah, I slept in.

458
00:27:39,246 --> 00:27:43,410
And I never sleep. Never. That needs to happen. And you know,

459
00:27:43,790 --> 00:27:47,142
probably a couple years back, I would

460
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:50,376
have been so anxiety laden.

461
00:27:50,488 --> 00:27:54,024
Probably last year. Oh, yeah. I would have been so anxiety laden. I would have

462
00:27:54,032 --> 00:27:57,816
been up early. I would have been like, let's. Let's get our day started

463
00:27:57,888 --> 00:28:00,792
because we're going out tonight. We got this, we got that. Like, I would have

464
00:28:00,816 --> 00:28:04,456
been very tense. Yeah, not so much anymore.

465
00:28:04,568 --> 00:28:08,920
Not so much anymore. But also I really had no problem

466
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,568
saying, hey, let's just stay in. Let's just take it easy. Yeah,

467
00:28:12,664 --> 00:28:15,096
the bad weather helped too, you know, because it's one of those things. Oh,

468
00:28:15,128 --> 00:28:18,056
for sure. We went in, we got food, and we're like, okay,

469
00:28:18,088 --> 00:28:21,572
we're staying in. Yeah, it was almost like a hibernation. You got your coffee.

470
00:28:21,716 --> 00:28:25,160
Oh, gotta have my coffee. Gotta have my coffee.

471
00:28:25,820 --> 00:28:29,604
So, yeah, that's. That's one of the. The big aspects

472
00:28:29,652 --> 00:28:32,900
for me, and that's why we're here today. Another thing

473
00:28:32,940 --> 00:28:36,836
that's come up, drama and disrespect. Now, if you're new coming

474
00:28:36,908 --> 00:28:40,356
into the lifestyle, everything seems

475
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:43,956
beautiful. Right on the outside looking in, you're like, oh,

476
00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:48,210
my gosh, I'm just walking up to the doors of Disneyland.

477
00:28:48,290 --> 00:28:51,570
We're gonna have some rides, man. Oh, no. And it.

478
00:28:51,690 --> 00:28:54,818
It's not like that. It's not like that. You know, believe it or not,

479
00:28:54,954 --> 00:28:59,090
you can sit there and say that you're not about drama at all.

480
00:28:59,210 --> 00:29:02,802
It will find its way to you at some point because there's

481
00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:06,354
so many different personalities. There is. I mean, you can avoid it,

482
00:29:06,442 --> 00:29:10,002
but sometimes you. Sometimes you can avoid. You just cannot.

483
00:29:10,146 --> 00:29:13,490
I know. I keep yawning. Stop yawning. I can't help it. Goodness.

484
00:29:13,570 --> 00:29:16,258
Sometimes you can't. I know. Sometimes you can't avoid it.

485
00:29:16,314 --> 00:29:19,652
It's. It's in your face.

486
00:29:19,756 --> 00:29:23,540
But it is something that you can try

487
00:29:23,580 --> 00:29:26,724
to. Try to ignore.

488
00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:30,132
Try to ignore, try to ignore. You know, there are. There are things that you

489
00:29:30,156 --> 00:29:34,436
can do not Necessarily to prevent it. But there

490
00:29:34,588 --> 00:29:38,004
you have to learn to walk away from it. Yeah. You have to learn

491
00:29:38,052 --> 00:29:41,156
to recognize red flags. Yes. And go,

492
00:29:41,228 --> 00:29:44,676
nope, I'm not going to be a part of this now.

493
00:29:44,748 --> 00:29:48,036
Because there's a lot of people in the lifestyle who want acceptance

494
00:29:48,068 --> 00:29:51,136
from bigger groups or want to be,

495
00:29:51,288 --> 00:29:54,832
you know, in a, in a group where maybe they feel

496
00:29:54,856 --> 00:29:58,528
like there's popular people or whatever. When you have people

497
00:29:58,584 --> 00:30:02,032
who are yearning to be accepted in a group of people.

498
00:30:02,136 --> 00:30:05,152
Yes. They tend to not shy

499
00:30:05,216 --> 00:30:08,368
away from drama, even if internally they want to.

500
00:30:08,424 --> 00:30:11,664
Yeah. And it's just because they, they don't want to

501
00:30:11,672 --> 00:30:14,882
miss out. Yeah. They don't want to miss out on stuff. And so they're there

502
00:30:14,976 --> 00:30:18,190
before you know it. They get involved in something or they get pushed into a.

503
00:30:18,310 --> 00:30:21,582
A side by side. You just never know what's going

504
00:30:21,606 --> 00:30:24,574
to come up. I mean, I've had my name dragged through the mud a couple

505
00:30:24,622 --> 00:30:27,918
times and I ain't done nothing. You know what I mean?

506
00:30:28,054 --> 00:30:30,750
I ain't done nothing. Yeah, I'm a nice dude.

507
00:30:30,830 --> 00:30:33,870
Same. But you know, there's just, it's just one of those things

508
00:30:33,910 --> 00:30:37,710
that, you know. Yeah. People decide to open their mouth, they decide to say

509
00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:41,032
something, they decide to bring it in and it's like, it wasn't necessary area.

510
00:30:41,136 --> 00:30:43,864
You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to do that. There's a lot

511
00:30:43,872 --> 00:30:47,608
of disrespect. That's the drama end of it. But the disrespect portion

512
00:30:47,624 --> 00:30:51,140
of it, we've talked about it in the past. As far as

513
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,080
disrespect to partners. Yeah. I mean, we've seen

514
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,020
it. It's happened. We have seen it.

515
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,864
It's. It has been in our faces. It's been in

516
00:31:01,872 --> 00:31:04,824
our faces. We've seen it happen to others.

517
00:31:04,992 --> 00:31:08,498
Yeah. It's happened to us. And you know,

518
00:31:08,634 --> 00:31:12,562
that's the deal, is that not everybody was raised

519
00:31:12,626 --> 00:31:16,194
the same way. And that's something that I always have to remind

520
00:31:16,242 --> 00:31:19,794
you when you get upset about something, I'm like, well, not everybody was raised

521
00:31:19,842 --> 00:31:23,070
the same way. Now I'm not creating excuses for anybody. By all means,

522
00:31:23,370 --> 00:31:26,390
if somebody does something wrong and they break the rules,

523
00:31:26,730 --> 00:31:30,050
they should be told. And this is something that does

524
00:31:30,090 --> 00:31:33,442
not happen enough in the lifestyle. When somebody breaks the

525
00:31:33,466 --> 00:31:37,366
rules, when somebody pushes boundaries, when somebody does something wrong,

526
00:31:37,538 --> 00:31:41,390
oftentimes people are scared to confront, people are scared to

527
00:31:41,430 --> 00:31:44,650
speak up. You know, it's because you don't want to be like the.

528
00:31:45,190 --> 00:31:48,942
Yeah, yeah. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable. And that's the thing, is if

529
00:31:48,966 --> 00:31:52,334
it. Makes you feel any way other than what you like. Yeah.

530
00:31:52,382 --> 00:31:56,110
Tell them. This community is supposed to be looking out for each other here,

531
00:31:56,150 --> 00:32:00,254
you know, and, and when something bad happens, nobody wants to speak up about it.

532
00:32:00,422 --> 00:32:03,310
And I think that people there are predators everywhere.

533
00:32:03,390 --> 00:32:06,854
Yeah. And, you know, if, if somebody does something that doesn't

534
00:32:06,902 --> 00:32:10,934
make you feel comfortable, you need to speak it up, because if you don't,

535
00:32:11,062 --> 00:32:14,102
they're not gonna know. Yeah. You know, I know. I would

536
00:32:14,126 --> 00:32:17,222
appreciate it if somebody, if I was, say, maybe I was touching

537
00:32:17,286 --> 00:32:20,838
somebody thinking that it was okay, like we were flirting or whatever,

538
00:32:20,854 --> 00:32:24,406
and maybe I started touching her on, you know, on her arm or whatever.

539
00:32:24,518 --> 00:32:28,022
If it was making her uncomfortable and she didn't speak up,

540
00:32:28,046 --> 00:32:31,640
I wouldn't know it. I would think that it's okay. Yeah. But if she

541
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,552
stopped me and said, hey, I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make me feel very

542
00:32:34,576 --> 00:32:37,736
comfortable, I would be like, I'm so sorry. I. I won't

543
00:32:37,768 --> 00:32:40,312
do that, you know, and I would respect that.

544
00:32:40,416 --> 00:32:43,976
Now, not everybody would feel that way. Maybe somebody would get upset.

545
00:32:44,008 --> 00:32:46,232
And I think that's why a lot of people don't want to say anything.

546
00:32:46,296 --> 00:32:49,656
Nobody wants to rock the boat. Yeah, but rock

547
00:32:49,688 --> 00:32:53,400
the boat, man. Rocket rock that. Because, you know, if you

548
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:58,260
are uncomfortable, if you're feeling unsafe, then you are not

549
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,072
doing too well and you need to speak up. You know, that's, that's the way

550
00:33:02,096 --> 00:33:04,776
I figure about the whole thing. No, yeah, you're right.

551
00:33:04,928 --> 00:33:08,728
You know, it's important to speak up. Don't, don't let drama get you and don't

552
00:33:08,744 --> 00:33:12,184
let the disrespect get you. Yes. We were talking the

553
00:33:12,192 --> 00:33:16,460
other day about neediness, emotional attachment,

554
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,792
you know, and this is for couples, this is for singles.

555
00:33:20,856 --> 00:33:24,734
I mean, you're going to find that not everybody

556
00:33:24,782 --> 00:33:28,334
in the lifestyle is able to, I guess,

557
00:33:28,382 --> 00:33:32,010
separate sex from love.

558
00:33:32,630 --> 00:33:35,678
That could be a negative. Yeah. I was like, how could that be a negative?

559
00:33:35,694 --> 00:33:39,758
That could be a negative. You know, so, you know, an emotional attachment.

560
00:33:39,854 --> 00:33:42,730
I get attached. I get attached to my people.

561
00:33:43,030 --> 00:33:46,926
Now. I don't get attached. If I have sex with somebody, I don't get attached.

562
00:33:47,038 --> 00:33:50,334
I get attached personality wise, so I can become friends with somebody. I get

563
00:33:50,342 --> 00:33:53,372
real attached, and I get, you know, excited to, to hang around them and talk

564
00:33:53,396 --> 00:33:56,940
to them, that sort of thing. That's how I get attached. Yes. But I can

565
00:33:56,980 --> 00:34:01,404
have sex with somebody and not have any kind of emotional attachment

566
00:34:01,532 --> 00:34:04,908
involved. Same. That's because I'm able to separate.

567
00:34:05,004 --> 00:34:08,940
Yeah. Sex from even if you. What if you see them

568
00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:12,092
all the time and you have sex with them all the time, that you see

569
00:34:12,116 --> 00:34:15,532
them. What, what about it would. That you

570
00:34:15,556 --> 00:34:19,190
think that would grow? No, no, no. I can, I can

571
00:34:19,230 --> 00:34:22,950
keep, I can keep that separate. Yeah. Sex is sex. Love is

572
00:34:22,990 --> 00:34:26,486
love. Romantic love, I should say. You know, to me there's,

573
00:34:26,518 --> 00:34:29,990
there's a big difference. I can, I can have sex

574
00:34:30,030 --> 00:34:32,982
with somebody every single day and be their, their best friend.

575
00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:36,918
Yeah. And never will it become

576
00:34:37,054 --> 00:34:40,246
what we have. Right. You know what I mean? Because it's just,

577
00:34:40,398 --> 00:34:43,290
it's just a friendship with sex. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

578
00:34:43,699 --> 00:34:47,819
It's mentally making that distinction now if every day

579
00:34:47,859 --> 00:34:51,083
I have sex with this person and while we're having sex I'm

580
00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:54,555
whispering that I love them and like that. Yeah, that's a different

581
00:34:54,627 --> 00:34:58,203
tangent. That's not having sex. That's making love. You know what I mean?

582
00:34:58,291 --> 00:35:01,963
That's, that's taking a jump. People get certain connections.

583
00:35:02,011 --> 00:35:05,035
Right. But yeah. Emotional.

584
00:35:05,147 --> 00:35:08,679
Yeah. Attachment. Yeah, that's it. And that's a rough one because

585
00:35:09,070 --> 00:35:12,182
what comes out of it is neediness. And you and I

586
00:35:12,206 --> 00:35:15,302
were talking about this the other day, which is, you know,

587
00:35:15,326 --> 00:35:18,630
there are people in the lifestyle who will. Will get a little

588
00:35:18,670 --> 00:35:22,374
needy, they'll get a little attached, they'll want

589
00:35:22,542 --> 00:35:26,742
your attention. And we've both run into this before in

590
00:35:26,766 --> 00:35:30,610
a negative way. Unfortunately. We've both run into this before where

591
00:35:30,910 --> 00:35:34,410
somebody digs your energy, they dig your vibe,

592
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:38,072
and they want to be consumed. They want

593
00:35:38,096 --> 00:35:41,960
to consume the hell out of it. Yes. And I. And it's the biggest

594
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,184
form of flattery. I think it's one of the sweetest things for somebody to

595
00:35:46,352 --> 00:35:49,912
express that they want to talk to me every single day because they like my

596
00:35:49,936 --> 00:35:53,448
energy, they like my vibe. Yeah. Or the same thing with you, that they just

597
00:35:53,504 --> 00:35:56,728
enjoy the presence that you are. So they want to talk to you every single

598
00:35:56,744 --> 00:36:00,394
day. And that's great. Yeah. And I don't mind entertaining that,

599
00:36:00,552 --> 00:36:05,014
but sometimes the vibe is not fully there

600
00:36:05,182 --> 00:36:08,838
and there's some force interactions going on

601
00:36:08,894 --> 00:36:12,102
and then you realize this attachment is really just kind

602
00:36:12,126 --> 00:36:15,766
of one way. Yes. It's a one way kind of situation.

603
00:36:15,878 --> 00:36:18,838
And I'm not feeling the same way this person is feeling.

604
00:36:18,934 --> 00:36:23,126
And this is becoming more of a neediness thing

605
00:36:23,278 --> 00:36:27,926
now. Does it have to be neediness, like romanticness?

606
00:36:28,038 --> 00:36:31,638
No, it could be any kind of neediness. Any kind of neediness. Yeah.

607
00:36:31,814 --> 00:36:35,254
I, you know, I have had, you know, when we were poly,

608
00:36:35,302 --> 00:36:38,598
I used to have a lot of girls who would utilize me

609
00:36:38,654 --> 00:36:41,574
more for picking them up,

610
00:36:41,742 --> 00:36:45,478
you know, as far as they've had a bad day or

611
00:36:45,534 --> 00:36:49,126
they've had, you know, bad experiences, or maybe they're

612
00:36:49,158 --> 00:36:52,102
just not getting the attention that they wanted to get from the people that they

613
00:36:52,126 --> 00:36:54,918
wanted to get it from. And they knew that they could turn to me,

614
00:36:54,974 --> 00:36:58,072
and I would give them that attention. And it's just one

615
00:36:58,096 --> 00:37:02,152
of those things where you just. They. They're gonna attach

616
00:37:02,216 --> 00:37:06,168
to emotionally, and. And it's not something that you're really

617
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,992
digging. And it can cause problems in relationships, too. I mean,

618
00:37:10,016 --> 00:37:13,288
we've seen it. I mean, when that would happen, I would remember. I would.

619
00:37:13,344 --> 00:37:16,888
I would be like, all right, you're. You're doing too much. Like,

620
00:37:16,944 --> 00:37:20,792
these people are just wanting your. Oh, I'm. Thank you

621
00:37:20,816 --> 00:37:24,520
for calling me beautiful. Your attention. Yeah. You know, and then they would disappear.

622
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,300
And they would disappear. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like,

623
00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:31,040
bummer. Yeah, it was a bummer. Yeah. But, you know,

624
00:37:31,580 --> 00:37:36,276
it happens. People. It does happen. You know, people will get attached.

625
00:37:36,468 --> 00:37:40,292
You know, we've. We've seen it with friends. We've seen it in

626
00:37:40,316 --> 00:37:44,356
our own lives where somebody will start interacting

627
00:37:44,388 --> 00:37:47,440
with somebody else. And the.

628
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:51,364
I. You know, it's. It's referred to as nre new relationship

629
00:37:51,412 --> 00:37:54,692
energy. Oh, yeah. And it doesn't even matter if it's a

630
00:37:54,716 --> 00:37:58,820
romantic relationship, even if it's just a friendship, if it's a sexual

631
00:37:58,900 --> 00:38:02,804
relationship, if it's new, you're gonna get excited

632
00:38:02,852 --> 00:38:06,900
about it. It's. It's new. Yeah. It's like your shiny new toy.

633
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:10,388
Yeah. This. This experience, this person that you talk.

634
00:38:10,444 --> 00:38:13,732
To, I don't think I've ever experienced that. I don't think I've ever seen

635
00:38:13,756 --> 00:38:17,220
you experience that. There was one girl that you

636
00:38:17,260 --> 00:38:20,612
were interested in, and she was interested in you. And this was when

637
00:38:20,636 --> 00:38:24,382
we first started becoming Polly, and y'all were kind

638
00:38:24,406 --> 00:38:27,822
of talking, and you still weren't comfortable with

639
00:38:27,846 --> 00:38:31,214
the idea of dating women. It was still kind of. Oh, was that the girl

640
00:38:31,302 --> 00:38:34,250
from the. Y'all used to work together.

641
00:38:34,710 --> 00:38:38,094
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So with her,

642
00:38:38,182 --> 00:38:41,822
you kind of were excited. I remember seeing. It was first.

643
00:38:41,926 --> 00:38:45,614
It was first, and you had this excitement, and it seemed kind of interesting.

644
00:38:45,662 --> 00:38:48,846
And she would flirt with you, and you'd kind of get a little giddy,

645
00:38:48,878 --> 00:38:52,312
but you looked uncomfortable, and there was interest there,

646
00:38:52,336 --> 00:38:55,704
but you held yourself back a lot because you just weren't

647
00:38:55,752 --> 00:38:59,704
ready. Yes. And I, I. I remember

648
00:38:59,752 --> 00:39:03,320
that specifically. Yeah. For you, that was. I,

649
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:07,192
I want to say you were emotionally attached in that specific

650
00:39:07,256 --> 00:39:10,808
one because you were upset when it didn't work out.

651
00:39:10,944 --> 00:39:14,312
Yeah. Like, you actually were a little upset about that. You were

652
00:39:14,336 --> 00:39:17,362
like, man, you know, I really liked her. Like, she was nice.

653
00:39:17,426 --> 00:39:20,834
And I just. I. I feel like I kind of. That one up. Yeah.

654
00:39:20,962 --> 00:39:24,590
You know, I. I think that's really the only one that I've ever seen you

655
00:39:24,890 --> 00:39:27,986
after that, emotionally. Yeah, I'm.

656
00:39:28,018 --> 00:39:32,066
And, you know, I. I don't. I get emotionally attached

657
00:39:32,098 --> 00:39:34,350
to some people, but not.

658
00:39:34,810 --> 00:39:38,210
I. I'm just not built like that. You're not built like that?

659
00:39:38,330 --> 00:39:41,362
No, I'm not. Not cold.

660
00:39:41,426 --> 00:39:44,514
But I just. So, I mean, thinking back, it's been 13,

661
00:39:44,602 --> 00:39:46,990
almost 14 years now. There hasn't been.

662
00:39:48,150 --> 00:39:52,110
We've spent time with. Sexually that you felt

663
00:39:52,190 --> 00:39:55,838
any kind of attachment to. No. Really? Wow.

664
00:39:56,014 --> 00:39:59,422
Wow. No. Well, you know, with me,

665
00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:02,734
I was gonna say I. Right. Yeah. I mean, I've. I've.

666
00:40:02,782 --> 00:40:05,678
I've had sex with friends. There's that friendship.

667
00:40:05,774 --> 00:40:09,406
Yeah. But nothing where I've been. Like, no, don't go.

668
00:40:09,558 --> 00:40:12,734
Yeah. I'd be like, no, you know where the door is.

669
00:40:12,742 --> 00:40:15,598
Right. I have to walk you out, do I? Yeah. I gotta call you in.

670
00:40:15,654 --> 00:40:19,042
I mean, I think that's the way our friends are. So. Yeah. Yeah. No.

671
00:40:19,146 --> 00:40:22,690
No attachment. Yeah. But I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure.

672
00:40:22,730 --> 00:40:25,778
Especially, like, new people, you know, exists. It exists.

673
00:40:25,874 --> 00:40:29,250
And especially, you know, like you said, a new couple coming

674
00:40:29,290 --> 00:40:32,834
in, if this is not something they've previously

675
00:40:32,882 --> 00:40:36,562
talked about, say they're high school sweethearts,

676
00:40:36,626 --> 00:40:39,762
because they do exist in this community. There are people who are

677
00:40:39,786 --> 00:40:43,314
high school sweethearts who discover this lifestyle years later.

678
00:40:43,482 --> 00:40:47,684
And, you know, you've never had somebody

679
00:40:47,732 --> 00:40:51,252
of the opposite sex show interest in you because you've been dating.

680
00:40:51,396 --> 00:40:55,220
You haven't been dating for 20 years. You've been with the same person for

681
00:40:55,260 --> 00:40:58,836
20 years. And let's face facts. When you're. When you're married

682
00:40:59,028 --> 00:41:02,004
to the same person for a long amount of time, that sort of thing,

683
00:41:02,092 --> 00:41:05,684
you know, it doesn't stay fresh like it was when you were first dating.

684
00:41:05,812 --> 00:41:09,412
Like, it, it goes. You. You kind of sink into this routine

685
00:41:09,556 --> 00:41:13,596
and it, it doesn't become stagnant. But sometimes it becomes stagnant. It does.

686
00:41:13,748 --> 00:41:16,876
Yeah. People try and find ways of keeping it fresh.

687
00:41:17,068 --> 00:41:20,892
Well, if you haven't been flirted with in so

688
00:41:20,916 --> 00:41:24,476
many years and you haven't had somebody

689
00:41:24,508 --> 00:41:28,080
of the opposite sex who maybe you find attractive,

690
00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:32,060
all of a sudden showing interest in you and you. You never had that

691
00:41:32,100 --> 00:41:35,852
before, it can make you feel very confused. Oh, yeah. And confused.

692
00:41:35,866 --> 00:41:39,864
Afflicted. And. Yeah. Because you'll be like, oh, man. All of a

693
00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,616
sudden it's something you're thinking about all the time. Yeah. All of a sudden it's

694
00:41:42,648 --> 00:41:46,072
like there's. It's distracting in your mind. You're not working.

695
00:41:46,176 --> 00:41:49,416
You know, there's all sorts of stuff, just crazy thoughts

696
00:41:49,448 --> 00:41:53,160
happening and. And it can get somebody very confused. And that confusion

697
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,568
can really lead into problems if you're not talking to your. Spouse,

698
00:41:56,664 --> 00:42:00,568
if you're married, if you're partnered. And then you really have to ask yourself,

699
00:42:00,664 --> 00:42:03,992
what is it that I'm getting from this new person that I'm not getting from

700
00:42:04,016 --> 00:42:07,836
my own relationship? Because that's just a whole Pandora's box that you.

701
00:42:07,968 --> 00:42:11,508
Oh, my goodness. It's something. I don't know what you're talking about.

702
00:42:11,564 --> 00:42:14,180
It is something. We don't want to open that. We don't want to open that

703
00:42:14,220 --> 00:42:16,520
box. No, ma'am. No, ma'am.

704
00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:20,788
That is not for me. Now, you know, I will say that there was something

705
00:42:20,844 --> 00:42:24,324
that I had to deal with or I had to learn how to deal with

706
00:42:24,492 --> 00:42:27,700
when we first came into the lifestyle. What was that,

707
00:42:27,740 --> 00:42:32,180
sir? Uneven experiences. Uneven experiences.

708
00:42:32,260 --> 00:42:36,652
Yeah. Yeah. That's something that we had to really figure out because when

709
00:42:36,676 --> 00:42:39,804
we played for the first several years of the lifestyle,

710
00:42:39,852 --> 00:42:43,212
I think it was fair to say that you were taking one for

711
00:42:43,236 --> 00:42:47,644
the team almost every time. So that I could get my experiences.

712
00:42:47,772 --> 00:42:51,868
Yes. Because, A, you were very selective.

713
00:42:52,044 --> 00:42:55,548
Now that's our new term. You were very selective.

714
00:42:55,644 --> 00:42:58,764
I am. And I think for a long

715
00:42:58,852 --> 00:43:02,870
time you were seeking out

716
00:43:02,990 --> 00:43:06,278
something that didn't really exist in the lifestyle, which was this, like,

717
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:10,006
penthouse letters, kind of built up, sexy,

718
00:43:10,118 --> 00:43:13,974
incredibly perfect person to play with. They don't exist there,

719
00:43:14,062 --> 00:43:18,678
you know, and so that was always. No, I wanted somebody that

720
00:43:18,734 --> 00:43:22,102
looked like me. Well, I mean, I would love

721
00:43:22,126 --> 00:43:25,158
somebody that looks like. You know what I mean? I wanted somebody who.

722
00:43:25,294 --> 00:43:28,150
Who I was. I was looking physically,

723
00:43:28,310 --> 00:43:31,970
Physically like. I wanted a lot of things. I wanted a certain.

724
00:43:32,750 --> 00:43:36,118
I wanted a curvy Latina is what I wanted.

725
00:43:36,214 --> 00:43:40,006
Yeah. And you and I have

726
00:43:40,078 --> 00:43:43,862
different. Hey, I love curvy Latinos. Oh, no, I know that. But all

727
00:43:43,886 --> 00:43:47,170
day. Oh, I know that. But I also like.

728
00:43:47,550 --> 00:43:50,838
I like variety. Skinny. I like thicker

729
00:43:50,854 --> 00:43:54,390
than a snicker. I like. You know, I like all body types.

730
00:43:54,470 --> 00:43:58,006
I like all. But in the beginning, that's all I wanted was.

731
00:43:58,078 --> 00:44:01,826
Yeah, you were very specific on what you. And so hard to seek

732
00:44:01,858 --> 00:44:05,138
out. Hard to find. It was hard to find. Yeah. And so because

733
00:44:05,194 --> 00:44:08,690
you were. You were very selective and you

734
00:44:08,730 --> 00:44:12,162
wanted to make sure That I had my experiences. A lot of times you would

735
00:44:12,186 --> 00:44:14,850
take one for the team so that we could, we could play and have this

736
00:44:14,890 --> 00:44:18,514
experience. Yes, I did. And oftentimes my experiences

737
00:44:18,562 --> 00:44:22,546
were great because it's hard to be a bad lay

738
00:44:22,738 --> 00:44:26,306
when you're a woman. I mean, it's possible, don't get me wrong. I mean,

739
00:44:26,378 --> 00:44:29,138
but it's really difficult. I mean, all you got to do is open your legs

740
00:44:29,154 --> 00:44:32,460
and get on the bet. I'll do the rest. You know what I mean?

741
00:44:32,580 --> 00:44:35,340
Now, yes, it is possible to be a bad lay. And if you're a bad

742
00:44:35,380 --> 00:44:38,940
lay, you really have to ask yourself why, because that's a difficult

743
00:44:39,020 --> 00:44:41,724
thing that you're doing there. It's almost like you're going out of your way to

744
00:44:41,732 --> 00:44:45,212
be a bad lay. Don't do that. Just change it up a little

745
00:44:45,236 --> 00:44:48,492
bit. Don't do that anyways. Don't do that anyways.

746
00:44:48,636 --> 00:44:51,852
So, yeah, it's difficult for a woman to be a bad lay. So most of

747
00:44:51,876 --> 00:44:55,372
my experiences were top notch. Yeah, I finished. Yeah,

748
00:44:55,436 --> 00:44:58,910
it was great. You did? Yeah. And. And I normally had a good experience with

749
00:44:58,950 --> 00:45:02,158
a woman. Yes, normally. And I,

750
00:45:02,214 --> 00:45:06,110
I, I want to say a good portion of our lifestyle experiences. You would come

751
00:45:06,150 --> 00:45:10,158
out of it unfulfilled. Yes. And the only

752
00:45:10,214 --> 00:45:13,966
way that you would be fulfilled is after, when everybody

753
00:45:13,998 --> 00:45:17,742
would leave and you and I would have sex over and over again. Yes.

754
00:45:17,886 --> 00:45:20,686
You know, because there's that. I mean, some of the women,

755
00:45:20,838 --> 00:45:24,376
they were okay, but. Yeah.

756
00:45:24,568 --> 00:45:27,976
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You know,

757
00:45:28,048 --> 00:45:31,144
a good portion of your experiences were not good experiences for

758
00:45:31,152 --> 00:45:35,288
you. And that's because a lot of times the guys would not work

759
00:45:35,344 --> 00:45:39,140
properly or they would finish too early

760
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,872
or it just wasn't fulfilling enough. A lot of it

761
00:45:42,896 --> 00:45:46,440
was selfishness, realistically. And, you know, a lot of

762
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,656
these guys. And this is why I don't trust a guy who refers

763
00:45:49,688 --> 00:45:53,122
to himself as a bull. A lot of these single guys who would

764
00:45:53,146 --> 00:45:56,610
refer to themselves as bulls would come in and they

765
00:45:56,650 --> 00:46:00,402
would just come in and think because of their dick size that they

766
00:46:00,426 --> 00:46:03,874
could fulfill you. And realistically, they didn't know how to.

767
00:46:04,042 --> 00:46:07,682
No. And, you know, as they would come real fast and

768
00:46:07,706 --> 00:46:11,410
would be like, oh, well, sorry, I'm done, and they would leave just.

769
00:46:11,450 --> 00:46:14,562
Yeah, they just bang away. Yeah. Yeah. And it.

770
00:46:14,666 --> 00:46:18,162
Because what they know is what they've seen in porn and that, that they think

771
00:46:18,186 --> 00:46:20,732
that that's the way to go. Unrealistic,

772
00:46:20,876 --> 00:46:24,236
Unrealistic, Unrealistic. But anyways, what I'm

773
00:46:24,268 --> 00:46:27,564
getting at is uneven experiences is essentially what

774
00:46:27,572 --> 00:46:31,132
I'm Getting at. We have had uneven experiences. There have been

775
00:46:31,156 --> 00:46:35,436
uneven experiences with. With me, because I like watching

776
00:46:35,468 --> 00:46:38,364
you have sex, but at the same time, I want to have sex too,

777
00:46:38,452 --> 00:46:42,588
you know, and there's been times where we've been with a couple where

778
00:46:42,644 --> 00:46:46,318
I'm thinking the girls into me, and realistically the girls into

779
00:46:46,374 --> 00:46:49,582
you, and the guy is into you. And then I'm just kind of sitting there

780
00:46:49,606 --> 00:46:52,302
going, oh, this is good for you.

781
00:46:52,406 --> 00:46:56,158
That's happened. It's happened early on. Early on. It. It hasn't happened

782
00:46:56,174 --> 00:46:59,102
lately. I was like, it happened. It's been. It's been. It's been some years.

783
00:46:59,206 --> 00:47:03,502
Wow. But I remember early on that that would happen. And I remember

784
00:47:03,566 --> 00:47:06,942
feeling like I was getting cheated of my experiences. It was

785
00:47:06,966 --> 00:47:10,334
uneven, you know, And I remember feeling real frustrated

786
00:47:10,382 --> 00:47:13,102
about that. Yeah, of course, we didn't really talk about it because we didn't talk

787
00:47:13,126 --> 00:47:16,352
about stuff like that. I know, right? Yeah, it's amazing. There was

788
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:20,620
a lot of stuff that I used to hold in, and it would

789
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,960
manifest itself in other silly little

790
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,672
arguments. We would get into it over some stupid shit.

791
00:47:28,736 --> 00:47:31,600
And why? Because I was holding it in. Silly man.

792
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,072
And trying. Because when it came to the lifestyle, I didn't want to make a

793
00:47:35,096 --> 00:47:38,672
big deal about stuff because then I was afraid you would go, oh, well,

794
00:47:38,696 --> 00:47:42,202
forget it. Let's just not do this. And I was like, no, I.

795
00:47:42,306 --> 00:47:45,962
I want to fudge bitches. Bitches want

796
00:47:45,986 --> 00:47:48,874
to fudge me. You know, I wanted to have fun. I wanted to have a

797
00:47:48,882 --> 00:47:51,754
good time. And I was afraid that you would take it all away. Yeah.

798
00:47:51,802 --> 00:47:55,754
If I complained about something. And so I held a lot in.

799
00:47:55,922 --> 00:47:59,818
And then, of course, as I'm holding it in, you would do

800
00:47:59,874 --> 00:48:03,418
something and I would jump your shit about it. Yeah. And it's like,

801
00:48:03,474 --> 00:48:07,322
why are you acting this way? It's like, well, because I'm unhealthily

802
00:48:07,386 --> 00:48:10,560
holding shit in and I should really be talking to you about it,

803
00:48:10,730 --> 00:48:13,572
you know? And so now I've got silly man. Well, I've got it down now.

804
00:48:13,596 --> 00:48:16,660
It's different now. I got it down now. Brown cow.

805
00:48:16,740 --> 00:48:20,036
Oh, my gosh, you're so cute. I swear, that was.

806
00:48:20,108 --> 00:48:23,172
That was the cutest little thing that you just did there. So, you know,

807
00:48:23,196 --> 00:48:26,628
uneven experiences. I. I feel like it's prevalent. I feel like if you're

808
00:48:26,644 --> 00:48:30,132
a couple jumping into it, you need to prepare yourself for the

809
00:48:30,156 --> 00:48:34,180
fact that there is. Are uneven experiences, especially if your wife is bi.

810
00:48:34,340 --> 00:48:37,486
If your wife is bi. And the couple that you're

811
00:48:37,518 --> 00:48:40,850
turning in, the couple that you're going to play with is bi,

812
00:48:41,190 --> 00:48:45,102
then chances are, if you're a straight male, there may

813
00:48:45,126 --> 00:48:49,450
be a time where it's going to be a little uneven. And that's because

814
00:48:49,990 --> 00:48:53,374
she. It's the girl coming in. The nature of the beast, man. It's the

815
00:48:53,382 --> 00:48:57,102
nature of the beast. And that's something that you have to be okay with in

816
00:48:57,126 --> 00:49:01,250
the moment. So if you don't prepare yourself mentally for it and then it happens,

817
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:05,352
you're either going to react in the moment and make yourself look

818
00:49:05,376 --> 00:49:09,384
like a fool, or you're going to hold it in and it's

819
00:49:09,432 --> 00:49:13,144
going to manifest itself into some angriness, and it's not going to be

820
00:49:13,152 --> 00:49:16,700
a good situation. Prepare yourself for that situation.

821
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,660
Now, something that I had touched up on a little bit earlier on.

822
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:25,032
Burnout. Oh, my goodness. Burnout. Now we

823
00:49:25,056 --> 00:49:28,964
have some friends that are just like, man, I'm taking a break. Yeah, I'm exhausted.

824
00:49:29,012 --> 00:49:32,228
Oh, yeah. People have boxed away from the lifestyle.

825
00:49:32,324 --> 00:49:35,492
Yeah. Yeah. And it can be a lot. You know, it can be a lot

826
00:49:35,516 --> 00:49:39,044
because you're not just. It's not just a weekend of sex.

827
00:49:39,212 --> 00:49:42,436
There are feelings attached. There are emotions attached.

828
00:49:42,468 --> 00:49:46,756
There's uncomfortable feelings. There's talks. You know, there's all sorts of bags.

829
00:49:46,868 --> 00:49:50,516
And there's a lot of friendships, like, and a lot of groups

830
00:49:50,548 --> 00:49:54,622
and a lot of social. Social stuff. And it

831
00:49:54,646 --> 00:49:57,774
can really mentally exhaust you. It can. It can.

832
00:49:57,862 --> 00:50:01,370
And it's very healthy for you to take a break. It will tell you

833
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:05,022
married. Take some time. Focus on

834
00:50:05,046 --> 00:50:09,118
your spouse. Focus on your spouse. Reconnect. I feel like

835
00:50:09,174 --> 00:50:12,622
if you're always going out, reconnect with that, with your

836
00:50:12,646 --> 00:50:15,838
spouse. You know, this is a lifestyle.

837
00:50:15,934 --> 00:50:19,294
Yes. But, you know, your relationship

838
00:50:19,342 --> 00:50:22,692
comes first. Always. I think your relationship should always

839
00:50:22,716 --> 00:50:26,308
come. I mean, with us, if you're in. The lifestyle and your relationship doesn't come

840
00:50:26,364 --> 00:50:30,276
first, then you may want to think

841
00:50:30,428 --> 00:50:33,508
about either the lifestyle or rethink your

842
00:50:33,564 --> 00:50:36,740
relationship. Yeah. You know, where are your priorities? Yeah.

843
00:50:36,820 --> 00:50:40,260
You have to have a strong relationship if you're going to come into this as

844
00:50:40,300 --> 00:50:44,420
a couple. Yeah. And now I'm not. I'm not preaching

845
00:50:44,580 --> 00:50:47,866
or anything like that. I mean, we have our ups

846
00:50:47,898 --> 00:50:51,290
and downs. We're a regular couple. Yeah. And things come

847
00:50:51,330 --> 00:50:54,762
up and we've talked about it and we've worked through it, and it's hard.

848
00:50:54,946 --> 00:50:59,002
There are uncomfortable feelings attached to this, this lifestyle,

849
00:50:59,146 --> 00:51:02,794
and if you're not prepared for them, they'll. They'll wreck you. Yeah.

850
00:51:02,842 --> 00:51:06,058
You know. Yeah. So, you know, it's just one of those things.

851
00:51:06,114 --> 00:51:09,610
We know because we've been through it, and we

852
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:13,430
know that it's doable. We know that it's workable, but you

853
00:51:13,470 --> 00:51:18,410
really have to be mentally and emotionally

854
00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:22,570
mature. Yeah. So do the reconnection.

855
00:51:23,310 --> 00:51:26,406
You know, if you're going out all the time and you're playing a lot.

856
00:51:26,558 --> 00:51:29,910
Yeah. Reconnect. Because. Take some time.

857
00:51:29,950 --> 00:51:32,758
Because. Yes. A burnout is a real thing. Like.

858
00:51:32,814 --> 00:51:36,486
Yeah. Show your spouse that. That they are still your number one.

859
00:51:36,558 --> 00:51:40,010
Yeah. Show your partner that they are still the number

860
00:51:40,050 --> 00:51:44,234
one person that you prefer. Yeah. Because you're

861
00:51:44,282 --> 00:51:47,530
out there, you're enjoying your time with others. You still have

862
00:51:47,570 --> 00:51:51,194
to show that you're very much interested in the person you're with.

863
00:51:51,282 --> 00:51:55,002
Yeah. You know, we all want to feel wanted. Yeah. We all

864
00:51:55,026 --> 00:51:58,510
want to feel valued. And especially in our primary relationship

865
00:51:58,850 --> 00:52:02,378
now, the more you go, go, go, the more you're

866
00:52:02,394 --> 00:52:05,834
going to get tired, the more it'll lead to burnout. And we've known a

867
00:52:05,842 --> 00:52:09,448
lot of people who have stepped back from the lifestyle for months or even

868
00:52:09,504 --> 00:52:12,860
years to recollect,

869
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,856
kind of reinvigorate themselves and feel okay about

870
00:52:17,008 --> 00:52:20,312
getting back in. And some people do it for the sake that they just have

871
00:52:20,336 --> 00:52:24,360
a lot going on and they just don't have time. There are

872
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,736
people that are afraid to step back from the lifestyle because they're

873
00:52:27,768 --> 00:52:31,576
afraid that their community will forget about them. And I'm here to tell

874
00:52:31,648 --> 00:52:35,240
you that that will absolutely happen, and you

875
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,760
have to be okay with that. Let's face facts. This is

876
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:42,500
a very large community of a lot of people.

877
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:46,392
And if you feel like you're very important to the

878
00:52:46,416 --> 00:52:50,088
community, know that you are very important to the community. But also

879
00:52:50,144 --> 00:52:52,820
know that if you take a step back from the community,

880
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:56,440
your small group of friends that you're really close

881
00:52:56,480 --> 00:53:00,520
to may stay in contact with you, but the community will

882
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:03,778
continue to move on. The community will

883
00:53:03,834 --> 00:53:07,298
continue to do their thing, because that's what we're all here for.

884
00:53:07,354 --> 00:53:10,978
Yeah. You know, it's. It's not going to live and die by whether

885
00:53:11,034 --> 00:53:14,850
you're taking a break or not. So be okay

886
00:53:15,010 --> 00:53:18,178
with taking a break. And don't worry about

887
00:53:18,234 --> 00:53:21,570
whether people are going to remember you or not, because when you step back into

888
00:53:21,610 --> 00:53:24,434
it, they're going to people, people that come up to you and they're going to

889
00:53:24,442 --> 00:53:27,650
go, hey, I haven't seen you in a long time, man.

890
00:53:27,690 --> 00:53:31,122
Let's hang out, you know? And then, bam, you're right back in the middle of

891
00:53:31,146 --> 00:53:35,138
it again. It's not that difficult. That's right. To take a Break

892
00:53:35,274 --> 00:53:39,186
and. And just know that if you have to take a step

893
00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:41,870
back from the lifestyle for whatever reason,

894
00:53:42,410 --> 00:53:45,970
just know that there are people that

895
00:53:46,010 --> 00:53:49,154
maybe you value as really, really good friends.

896
00:53:49,322 --> 00:53:52,594
They may not see you in the same way. And you're going to realize

897
00:53:52,642 --> 00:53:56,562
that. You're going to realize that when you step back from the lifestyle,

898
00:53:56,626 --> 00:53:59,568
maybe these people that you valued as really, really close friends,

899
00:53:59,714 --> 00:54:02,852
they may not have valued you as that close of a friend, and they may

900
00:54:02,876 --> 00:54:06,180
drop off and you're gonna have to find that out

901
00:54:06,220 --> 00:54:10,080
the hard way. Yes. And it happens, man. You know what I mean?

902
00:54:10,780 --> 00:54:14,708
It's kind of like being best friends with your co worker.

903
00:54:14,884 --> 00:54:19,028
That's your co worker. And when you quit or get fired.

904
00:54:19,124 --> 00:54:22,164
They quit and get fired. You're probably gonna have a

905
00:54:22,172 --> 00:54:25,492
couple conversations afterwards and then you're never gonna talk to them

906
00:54:25,516 --> 00:54:28,954
again because life goes on. You know what I

907
00:54:28,962 --> 00:54:32,122
mean? Yeah. There's some people out there that you stay friends with no matter what,

908
00:54:32,146 --> 00:54:36,470
and there's other people out there that if you leave that. That particular little area,

909
00:54:36,850 --> 00:54:39,754
you're going to get forgotten about. And that's just the way it is.

910
00:54:39,922 --> 00:54:43,370
So don't let that shape the fact that you're going to take a break.

911
00:54:43,410 --> 00:54:47,210
Take a break. Take a break. It's okay. It's okay to

912
00:54:47,250 --> 00:54:50,730
not go to every event. It's okay. It's okay to stay

913
00:54:50,770 --> 00:54:53,790
home for three weekends in a row.

914
00:54:55,670 --> 00:54:58,750
Is it? I don't know. I think so. I kind of feel like going out,

915
00:54:58,790 --> 00:55:01,918
but it's. It's getting late. I don't know. I think I want to stay home.

916
00:55:01,974 --> 00:55:05,262
Okay. Anyways, my last one on the

917
00:55:05,286 --> 00:55:08,622
list, because that was nine right there and I have rounded this one

918
00:55:08,646 --> 00:55:11,934
to the 10. Okay. Okay. This is the number 10. This is going to

919
00:55:11,942 --> 00:55:14,542
be. This is my most interesting one. I like this one.

920
00:55:14,726 --> 00:55:18,250
Difficulty returning to vanilla sex.

921
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:23,064
So you get out of the swingers. You stop becoming. You stop.

922
00:55:23,232 --> 00:55:26,648
I will give you a good example. This is. This is the.

923
00:55:26,704 --> 00:55:30,440
This is the best example for me. Okay. Tell me when we

924
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,832
have sex. Right now. Yes. You know how to make

925
00:55:33,856 --> 00:55:37,224
me come fast? Yes. How do you make me come fast? I'm not gonna tell

926
00:55:37,232 --> 00:55:40,712
you tell everybody, but yes, I know how. Well. And that's what we're gonna talk

927
00:55:40,736 --> 00:55:44,712
about. Okay. So we. I can tell you something.

928
00:55:44,816 --> 00:55:48,104
You're gonna tell me dirty stories. You're gonna tell me stuff

929
00:55:48,152 --> 00:55:51,806
about how you're gonna get by somebody or you've

930
00:55:51,838 --> 00:55:55,262
got a date with somebody and he's gonna. You and this and that.

931
00:55:55,286 --> 00:55:58,814
Like there's A lot of. It's a lot of the high hot wife

932
00:55:58,862 --> 00:56:02,430
scenarios. It's a lot of you playing by yourself, which is

933
00:56:02,470 --> 00:56:06,078
a lot of my. That's hot for me. Yeah.

934
00:56:06,174 --> 00:56:09,742
Knowing that my wife is out there, I have that, that whole cheating kink.

935
00:56:09,806 --> 00:56:13,598
So. Knowing that my wife is out there fooling around, doing this and that and

936
00:56:13,654 --> 00:56:17,002
coming back and telling me, forget it. I'm. I'm. I'm done. Yes.

937
00:56:17,066 --> 00:56:21,386
Stick a fork in me. I'm done. Yeah. And. And so that,

938
00:56:21,458 --> 00:56:25,066
you know, is. Is how to get me off. And that's how it's

939
00:56:25,098 --> 00:56:28,346
been for a long time. Right. And it's okay because we're

940
00:56:28,378 --> 00:56:31,706
swingers. Yeah. So it's okay to have this conversation.

941
00:56:31,738 --> 00:56:35,002
It's okay to talk about this person and that person. We've had those

942
00:56:35,106 --> 00:56:37,674
experiences and we know them and they're in the spank bank and they're in the

943
00:56:37,682 --> 00:56:41,648
memories and we know them. Right. But if we go and

944
00:56:41,704 --> 00:56:45,220
we decide, okay, we're not going to do this anymore,

945
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,540
can we go back to having monogamous,

946
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:53,760
non lifestyle, non kink type sex?

947
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:57,792
Just vanilla sex, Just me

948
00:56:57,896 --> 00:57:00,980
and you and no talking. No talking,

949
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:05,060
Just grunting. Just a bunch of, hey, hey, hey.

950
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,620
Oh my gosh, am I having sex with a dolphin?

951
00:57:11,580 --> 00:57:14,964
And no. So I remember

952
00:57:15,092 --> 00:57:19,780
we, we referred to it earlier in the episode where you had that

953
00:57:19,900 --> 00:57:24,068
little moment of moral breakdown,

954
00:57:24,244 --> 00:57:28,244
like, what are we doing? This is wrong. I can't do this.

955
00:57:28,412 --> 00:57:32,132
And me wanting to be the supportive husband, I said, okay, let's,

956
00:57:32,196 --> 00:57:35,732
let's stop. We're done. We're not going to do this anymore. Yeah. And you were

957
00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:39,072
like, no, you can't. And I was like, I can. And you were like,

958
00:57:39,096 --> 00:57:42,080
no, you're gonna resent me. You really can't. I don't think that you can.

959
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:45,600
You can't have regular sex with me because we always talk about it.

960
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,272
No, no, no. And I was like, I can have regular sex with you.

961
00:57:48,296 --> 00:57:51,904
That's fine. And so we did. We began having

962
00:57:51,992 --> 00:57:55,472
regular vanilla sex. But I knew you were thinking about. It and that's what you

963
00:57:55,496 --> 00:57:58,384
would say. You're like, I know you're thinking about it. I'm like, what the fuck,

964
00:57:58,432 --> 00:58:01,824
dude? Can't we just have sex? Like, why does it have to be like

965
00:58:01,832 --> 00:58:05,520
that? And so eventually you were like,

966
00:58:05,980 --> 00:58:09,172
like a day later you were like, okay, we're, we're going to get back in.

967
00:58:09,196 --> 00:58:11,972
I want to get back into this. And I was like, wait, what? Yeah.

968
00:58:12,036 --> 00:58:15,092
And you were like, no, this is something that we both enjoy.

969
00:58:15,156 --> 00:58:19,092
And okay, fine. So we do this and

970
00:58:19,116 --> 00:58:22,532
it's fun, it's enjoyable. Now, you and I have talked about

971
00:58:22,636 --> 00:58:26,004
one day we're going to hang it up. Oh, yeah,

972
00:58:26,052 --> 00:58:28,420
we're going to hang it up. We're going to call it quits as far as

973
00:58:28,460 --> 00:58:31,716
the lifestyle is concerned. We don't want to be that, no offense

974
00:58:31,748 --> 00:58:34,212
to older couples out there. We don't want to be the older couple that's out

975
00:58:34,236 --> 00:58:37,492
there, you know, amongst the sea of 30 and

976
00:58:37,516 --> 00:58:39,716
40 year olds. I don't want to be a 6 year old person going,

977
00:58:39,788 --> 00:58:43,460
okay, who can I get? You know, it's just not for me. Yeah,

978
00:58:43,540 --> 00:58:46,564
now it works for some people and good for them. That's awesome. Yeah. Like I

979
00:58:46,572 --> 00:58:49,572
said, I'm not dogging them. No. But for me,

980
00:58:49,756 --> 00:58:53,280
once I plan, once I reach that age, I better.

981
00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:56,436
You know, the only cat I'm looking to pet is going to be an actual

982
00:58:56,468 --> 00:58:59,316
cat. I mean, I don't know, Godfather, that's what we say.

983
00:58:59,388 --> 00:59:03,084
Because we have certain plans that we just want to. We're not

984
00:59:03,092 --> 00:59:06,332
going to be staying put now. But I have thought about, you know,

985
00:59:06,356 --> 00:59:09,740
if we are that age and we are still playing, most likely still

986
00:59:09,780 --> 00:59:12,956
find people that age. Well, most likely it's not going to be.

987
00:59:13,108 --> 00:59:17,212
We're looking for new people. Most likely we'll have a circle of friends that

988
00:59:17,236 --> 00:59:20,268
we have gotten older with. Yes. And we still play with.

989
00:59:20,324 --> 00:59:23,996
Yes. That's what I want. And that's most likely what we'll have, like cocoon.

990
00:59:24,108 --> 00:59:27,350
I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be going to the club, you know,

991
00:59:27,390 --> 00:59:31,334
and, and going, okay, let's. Oh, look at her. She's. She looks hot.

992
00:59:31,422 --> 00:59:34,822
And then somebody goes, well, she's 25. I mean, we're, we're in

993
00:59:34,846 --> 00:59:38,518
our 40s and going to the club sometimes for me it's

994
00:59:38,534 --> 00:59:42,342
like, oh my God, this music's so loud. There's too

995
00:59:42,366 --> 00:59:46,038
many people here, so I. Can'T have a conversation in here.

996
00:59:46,094 --> 00:59:49,798
Yeah. So I mean, that, that might be with.

997
00:59:49,854 --> 00:59:52,998
Because of my age. I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's because of your age.

998
00:59:53,054 --> 00:59:55,600
I'm sure too. But yeah, it's.

999
00:59:56,980 --> 01:00:00,492
Huh. What was the question? It wasn't a

1000
01:00:00,516 --> 01:00:03,932
question. It was more of the difficulty returning to vanilla.

1001
01:00:03,996 --> 01:00:06,588
Oh, yeah. No, we couldn't. Yeah. You don't think so?

1002
01:00:06,644 --> 01:00:10,252
No. You don't think so. We would probably still play no matter how

1003
01:00:10,276 --> 01:00:14,124
old we got. I think so. Just, it's just less,

1004
01:00:14,292 --> 01:00:17,500
Less on the market. You stick with what you know. Yeah. Or who

1005
01:00:17,540 --> 01:00:20,892
you know. Yeah. Because, I mean, I don't want to put an age limit on

1006
01:00:20,916 --> 01:00:24,558
it. I may be super horny in my 60s.

1007
01:00:24,734 --> 01:00:28,686
That's interesting. You know, and. And you probably will be,

1008
01:00:28,758 --> 01:00:32,014
you know, and you get. If I'm dry, you just give me that, girl.

1009
01:00:32,102 --> 01:00:35,182
Now, let me ask you this. And God forbid anything happen to me, but if

1010
01:00:35,206 --> 01:00:38,942
I die, are you going to stay in the lifestyle if you

1011
01:00:38,966 --> 01:00:42,590
die? Yeah. Would you stay in the lifestyle? Probably not.

1012
01:00:42,710 --> 01:00:46,254
Really? Yeah. I mean, probably not.

1013
01:00:46,342 --> 01:00:49,800
No. Just. Because I'd probably just spend time

1014
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:53,540
with my. I don't know. I mean, a woman's got needs.

1015
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:56,940
Yeah. But you know how I feel. I. I got toys.

1016
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:01,000
Yeah. Yeah. Woman's got needs, though, you know, I mean,

1017
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:04,104
realistically. Yeah. I don't know. Probably not.

1018
01:01:04,192 --> 01:01:07,512
No. No, you wouldn't stay in the lifestyle. No, no.

1019
01:01:07,616 --> 01:01:11,192
Interesting. You wouldn't either. No, I would not. No, I couldn't at

1020
01:01:11,216 --> 01:01:14,306
all. I couldn't. I really couldn't. Yeah. My world would end.

1021
01:01:14,378 --> 01:01:17,922
Yeah. Yeah, same. I would be done. Same. Yeah. But you know,

1022
01:01:17,946 --> 01:01:20,674
you'd have permission to do so. Yeah. You do not. From beyond the grave.

1023
01:01:20,722 --> 01:01:23,554
You do not have permission. Well, what? You don't know?

1024
01:01:23,722 --> 01:01:27,202
I'm just kidding. Dang, girl. Maybe I want you to haunt me all my life.

1025
01:01:27,306 --> 01:01:30,722
I will haunt you. Yeah. That face, that's gonna haunt me, because that was a

1026
01:01:30,746 --> 01:01:32,914
scary phase right there. That face right there is going to be what's on the

1027
01:01:32,922 --> 01:01:35,506
head of your dick when you look down at it and you want to fuck

1028
01:01:35,538 --> 01:01:38,910
somebody else on me. This face, Just hearing you say that.

1029
01:01:39,590 --> 01:01:42,846
You do not have permission. When I die. Oh,

1030
01:01:42,878 --> 01:01:45,966
my gosh. To. Well, you can go and have sex with anybody,

1031
01:01:45,998 --> 01:01:48,850
but, like, it has to be transactional.

1032
01:01:49,270 --> 01:01:52,930
Yeah. No emotion, no emotions, no passion. Nope.

1033
01:01:53,270 --> 01:01:57,134
Nope. And if you do show them any passion, your dick's not gonna work.

1034
01:01:57,302 --> 01:02:00,510
Oh, my gosh. Okay,

1035
01:02:00,670 --> 01:02:03,390
that's. That's disturbing.

1036
01:02:03,550 --> 01:02:07,488
That's disturbing. But, hey, whatever. That's. That's jealousy.

1037
01:02:07,584 --> 01:02:11,140
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at that. From beyond the grave.

1038
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:15,280
That's incredible. You are supernatural. That is not natural,

1039
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:18,736
just supernatural. Anyways, that was fun.

1040
01:02:18,808 --> 01:02:22,704
That was. That was interesting. They were negative, but it doesn't have to be negative.

1041
01:02:22,752 --> 01:02:26,400
It's just an open conversation realistically for people who

1042
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:30,906
are exploring this lifestyle, are starting to get into it.

1043
01:02:31,088 --> 01:02:34,646
You kind of got to be prepared. Yeah. You got to be prepared

1044
01:02:34,678 --> 01:02:36,410
for what's out there. And there's.

1045
01:02:37,710 --> 01:02:41,158
There's a lot of things that we're learning still about each other,

1046
01:02:41,214 --> 01:02:44,646
and we're learning about the community and we're

1047
01:02:44,678 --> 01:02:48,006
learning with other people. Yeah. So.

1048
01:02:48,078 --> 01:02:51,462
Yeah. And changes. Regional. Changes,

1049
01:02:51,526 --> 01:02:55,622
regional. You know, there's so many different people,

1050
01:02:55,806 --> 01:02:59,872
so many different kind of personalities that two years ago, I didn't think

1051
01:02:59,896 --> 01:03:03,696
that I would be where I'm at right now. Yeah. Because I only like certain

1052
01:03:03,768 --> 01:03:06,912
people. Right. And I'm

1053
01:03:07,056 --> 01:03:11,600
so open to different types

1054
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,624
and stuff that it's. It's nice.

1055
01:03:14,752 --> 01:03:17,664
Yeah, it's. It really is. Yeah. I dig that.

1056
01:03:17,752 --> 01:03:21,008
Yeah. Well, you know, with that, I think we're gonna

1057
01:03:21,024 --> 01:03:24,720
go ahead and wrap this one up. Okay. But this was a really fun

1058
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,990
conversation. I'm glad that we were able to get through it. With that,

1059
01:03:28,030 --> 01:03:30,982
I do want to say a big thank you to all our listeners out there.

1060
01:03:31,006 --> 01:03:34,758
I know we have a lot of people all over the world, which is

1061
01:03:34,814 --> 01:03:38,918
incredible. If you're listening, we ask if you can,

1062
01:03:39,054 --> 01:03:43,078
if it's something that you're okay with. We would love,

1063
01:03:43,214 --> 01:03:46,214
love, love, love for you to share this podcast

1064
01:03:46,262 --> 01:03:50,130
with the people in your community, wherever you're at.

1065
01:03:50,990 --> 01:03:55,090
Spread the love, man. If you like this show, help us

1066
01:03:55,130 --> 01:03:58,818
grow. Yeah. Help us expand where we can.

1067
01:03:58,954 --> 01:04:02,530
If you know somebody who can maybe get some good information

1068
01:04:02,650 --> 01:04:06,066
from us. If you know somebody who may just find us entertaining,

1069
01:04:06,258 --> 01:04:10,018
then share. Share Beyond Monogamy with

1070
01:04:10,074 --> 01:04:13,714
Adam and Chris, because we will have your back just the

1071
01:04:13,722 --> 01:04:17,346
same as you have ours. And we really appreciate you guys listening.

1072
01:04:17,458 --> 01:04:20,188
There's a lot of ways that you can get a hold of us. We.

1073
01:04:20,244 --> 01:04:23,756
We really would love to hear from you. We love to hear your experiences.

1074
01:04:23,788 --> 01:04:27,212
We'd love to hear your stories. And if it's okay to talk about

1075
01:04:27,396 --> 01:04:30,556
on the show, please let us know.

1076
01:04:30,708 --> 01:04:34,300
We. We can only talk so much about ourselves. We want

1077
01:04:34,340 --> 01:04:37,500
your point of view, too, so feel free to email us. You can

1078
01:04:37,540 --> 01:04:41,100
email us at beyond monogamy for you, mail.com.

1079
01:04:41,140 --> 01:04:43,516
that's beyond monogamy number four letter,

1080
01:04:43,548 --> 01:04:46,868
umail.com. and our lovely wife here,

1081
01:04:46,924 --> 01:04:50,644
she. She has the information on the rest of the social media. You know,

1082
01:04:50,652 --> 01:04:54,420
I didn't write them all down, of course, but you can find us

1083
01:04:54,460 --> 01:04:57,828
on Facebook. I could have said that.

1084
01:04:57,884 --> 01:05:01,716
Beyond Monogamy podcast. I'm horrible at this.

1085
01:05:01,868 --> 01:05:04,836
Lord. I'll have it in the transcripts.

1086
01:05:05,028 --> 01:05:07,908
In the transcripts. You'll have it in the transcripts. No, I won't.

1087
01:05:08,004 --> 01:05:10,964
No, you have to say it to have it in the transcripts. Okay. You'll have

1088
01:05:10,972 --> 01:05:13,850
it in the post. There we go. Hopefully she'll have it in the post.

1089
01:05:13,970 --> 01:05:17,610
So you can find us on Facebook. Beyond Monogamy with

1090
01:05:17,650 --> 01:05:20,730
Adam and Chris. Beyond monogamy podcast on Facebook.

1091
01:05:20,850 --> 01:05:23,978
Beyond monogamy on Instagram. We are on

1092
01:05:24,034 --> 01:05:27,418
Tick Tock as well, and we do have a phone number.

1093
01:05:27,474 --> 01:05:30,794
Unfortunately, I don't remember it right now because I'm not prepared

1094
01:05:30,842 --> 01:05:34,778
for it. It doesn't even matter. You have our email. Okay, that's good enough,

1095
01:05:34,834 --> 01:05:37,722
guys. I mean, come on. Come on. How many different ways do you need to

1096
01:05:37,746 --> 01:05:41,432
contact. Yes. Anyways, the point is, we want to hear

1097
01:05:41,456 --> 01:05:45,416
from you, and so we appreciate your time, we appreciate you

1098
01:05:45,488 --> 01:05:48,920
joining us this week, and, you know, we will

1099
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:50,632
see you next week.