Navigating Emotional Connections in the Lifestyle

1
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,704
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

2
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,596
surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related subjects

3
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:31,516
in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we are not licensed

4
00:00:31,548 --> 00:00:34,940
marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared here is

5
00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:38,332
for entertainment and informational purposes only. If you are

6
00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:42,476
under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions about sex,

7
00:00:42,628 --> 00:00:46,492
relationships or mature language, we strongly recommend that you refrain from

8
00:00:46,516 --> 00:00:50,092
listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable with

9
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:53,640
this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

10
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:59,700
Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.

11
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:03,108
And I'm Priz. And today we're talking about emotional

12
00:01:03,204 --> 00:01:07,316
connection and navigating that whilst

13
00:01:07,428 --> 00:01:10,084
playing in the lifestyle. Oh,

14
00:01:10,212 --> 00:01:12,836
yeah. So I. I bring this up because, you know,

15
00:01:12,908 --> 00:01:16,516
we. We obviously, for those who haven't listened

16
00:01:16,548 --> 00:01:20,132
to past podcast episodes. What are you even doing? Are you listening to this one?

17
00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,276
You haven't listened to the past ones. You need to listen to the past ones

18
00:01:22,308 --> 00:01:26,242
first. Anyways, as we've said in past

19
00:01:26,426 --> 00:01:30,338
episodes, we have. We started

20
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:34,722
out very slowly in the journey for sexual

21
00:01:34,786 --> 00:01:38,226
conquests. Yes. And then eventually we worked our way

22
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,474
into the polyamorous lifestyle. So we

23
00:01:41,482 --> 00:01:45,506
went from having no feelings and just being

24
00:01:45,578 --> 00:01:49,586
conquests to too many motherfucking feelings, to lots of feelings

25
00:01:49,698 --> 00:01:53,106
and lots of connections and. And lots of blah, blah,

26
00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,830
blah, all of that mushy stuff.

27
00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:59,714
And then we did that for five years, and then we backed

28
00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:03,042
off of that completely and we went back to,

29
00:02:03,226 --> 00:02:07,042
I wouldn't say sexual conquest, but we started focusing more or

30
00:02:07,066 --> 00:02:10,930
less on friendships and sex. Yeah.

31
00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:14,150
Rather than romantic excursions.

32
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:17,964
Correct. Do mundo. Which is good. Obviously,

33
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,708
Polly is. Is not for us. Now, we were. We. We just had lunch today

34
00:02:21,764 --> 00:02:25,644
and we had a really good discussion regarding yours

35
00:02:25,692 --> 00:02:29,596
and my preferences and our perspectives about the lifestyle

36
00:02:29,628 --> 00:02:32,924
and whatnot. And, you know, it was like

37
00:02:32,932 --> 00:02:36,380
I was telling you I could absolutely be Paulie if you were not in my

38
00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:39,960
life. Right. If. If you and I had never met,

39
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,360
if we had never dated, if we had never married,

40
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,512
I feel like poly would have been perfect

41
00:02:48,576 --> 00:02:52,032
for me as it dates all the way back to, like,

42
00:02:52,056 --> 00:02:55,760
high school. Like, I've always had that feeling, like you

43
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,680
could be in love with several different people at once and you could date several

44
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:03,136
people at once, et cetera, et cetera. Like, you shouldn't have to lock

45
00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:06,400
yourself down to one person. Now, we were talking about it and you were

46
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,540
raised with very old school mentality of thinking.

47
00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:13,950
I was, but I also had, in high school and junior high,

48
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:17,262
I always had lots of boyfriends so you kind.

49
00:03:17,286 --> 00:03:21,290
Of lived a little bit poly back in high school. And I

50
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:25,166
cheated on all my boyfriends. See, now,

51
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:29,038
so that's the thing that gets me, because I've talked

52
00:03:29,054 --> 00:03:32,654
to people back in the day when we were poly back in our hometown,

53
00:03:32,702 --> 00:03:35,664
and a lot of people looked down on us for being Polygon,

54
00:03:35,742 --> 00:03:39,084
and they used to tell us stuff like, ugh, I can't. I don't even know

55
00:03:39,092 --> 00:03:43,164
how you can do that. But these same people that would say. That would cheat

56
00:03:43,212 --> 00:03:46,492
on their spouses, and. I just didn't understand the

57
00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:50,040
openness, because you don't. It's kind of like a. It's a secret.

58
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,756
Like, it's. It's cheating. It's doing it undercover.

59
00:03:53,788 --> 00:03:56,492
It's doing it under you. You want to do it now. Let me tell you.

60
00:03:56,516 --> 00:03:59,580
I have a. I have a cheating kink. I have a cheating kink.

61
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:03,628
So I understand the hotness that surrounds it. Like we're doing

62
00:04:03,684 --> 00:04:06,364
something that we shouldn't be doing, and this is kind of hot. And we got

63
00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:09,686
to keep this quiet and, you know, we gotta pretend

64
00:04:09,718 --> 00:04:13,014
like we're just friends until we get to the back room together and

65
00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:15,890
we go at it like animals. Yeah, that's hot.

66
00:04:16,270 --> 00:04:20,454
But to me, it's only hot with proper consent.

67
00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:23,190
You know what I mean? You don't want to be. You don't want me to

68
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,502
cheat on you. I like. I like the cheating concept.

69
00:04:26,646 --> 00:04:30,278
I like the cheating theory as a kink. Consented cheating.

70
00:04:30,374 --> 00:04:33,718
Yeah. But I don't like the actual cheating, and I'll tell you why. Because it's

71
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:37,374
un. Ethical. Yeah. And we're all about the ethics here. Yes, we're all

72
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:40,718
about the ethics. Wait, you're going on. I know. I'm. I'm rounding

73
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,742
about. Trust me. I'm going back. Okay. I'm going back there. I'm going back there.

74
00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:46,254
Don't worry, guys. I'm going back there. I've had a lot of coffee, by the

75
00:04:46,262 --> 00:04:49,902
way. Yeah, so what I'm. What I was getting at

76
00:04:49,926 --> 00:04:53,290
was, yes, we were poly for. For five years. We did that whole thing.

77
00:04:53,590 --> 00:04:56,862
And now at this junket in our life,

78
00:04:57,046 --> 00:05:00,622
this chapter in our journey, we are actually at more

79
00:05:00,646 --> 00:05:04,174
of a friends with benefits thing. There's no romantic

80
00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:06,440
excursions involved. Correct.

81
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:10,996
But you know it. We still are opening

82
00:05:11,028 --> 00:05:15,316
the door. There's emotional connections that are involved for

83
00:05:15,388 --> 00:05:17,560
both of us in different ways.

84
00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:21,960
What's an example of an emotional connection? An emotional connection

85
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:26,340
doesn't mean romantic, but an

86
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:30,400
emotional connection can be something like loving your friends.

87
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:35,310
Loving my friends. Loving your friends, that's just an emotional

88
00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:38,990
connection. Well, what is love? Baby, don't hurt

89
00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:42,930
me. Okay? Courtesy of Cataway.

90
00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:46,990
Love is an emotion. Oh, okay. That is an emotional

91
00:05:47,070 --> 00:05:50,622
connection. I gotcha. Now I am not one to throw around the

92
00:05:50,646 --> 00:05:53,918
love word unless I mean it. So if I tell somebody, hey, I love you,

93
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,994
I love them, I love them with my heart like I love them.

94
00:05:57,142 --> 00:06:00,630
It doesn't mean it's romantic, it just means that I love them.

95
00:06:01,170 --> 00:06:04,682
And so there is an emotional connection. Now for some in the

96
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:08,586
lifestyle, they're able to have that emotional connection

97
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:12,410
on a friendship basis and they can still keep

98
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:16,170
it a friendship basis and have sex with that

99
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:19,978
person and keep those emotions from

100
00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:23,450
turning into anything romantic. See, that's me. That is

101
00:06:23,490 --> 00:06:27,354
you. Yeah. I can keep it on a very friendly

102
00:06:27,402 --> 00:06:30,266
basis forever. Yeah,

103
00:06:30,378 --> 00:06:31,310
I don't,

104
00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:37,626
I don't, I don't know if I don't allow myself or I just don't.

105
00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:41,070
I don't get emotionally connected.

106
00:06:41,490 --> 00:06:44,842
I mean, you don't let yourself. I don't let myself. It's almost like

107
00:06:44,866 --> 00:06:48,122
there's something internal that just prevents it. Yeah. I have friends that I

108
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:51,564
love. I have a lot of friends that I love. If they were to leave

109
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:55,100
my life, I'd be sad about it. Sure, sure. Now those friends

110
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:58,972
that you love, do you have sex with them? No. Now would that change,

111
00:06:59,156 --> 00:07:02,620
like, would that change things? I don't think so. No.

112
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:06,092
I can keep that on a even keel. Now I know there's a lot

113
00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:09,836
of people out there and I'm. And by all means, I am not dogging

114
00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:13,532
it whatsoever because I think I could be potentially one of those people back

115
00:07:13,556 --> 00:07:17,278
in the day. I just don't let me. But there are people

116
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:20,846
out there who they have sex with, people that maybe

117
00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:24,430
they have emotional connection with, they're really

118
00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:28,542
strong friends with and they could easily turn it into

119
00:07:28,646 --> 00:07:31,970
a, a romantic situation

120
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,530
if they are poly minded. Understand?

121
00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:40,542
I think that can happen even if they're not poly minded. No, I think so

122
00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:44,530
too. But especially if they're poly minded. They may not be poly,

123
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:48,226
but they may kind of have it in their head like, oh,

124
00:07:48,258 --> 00:07:51,522
that's something interesting. That's a tough to start a relationship. Yeah,

125
00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:54,738
yeah. I mean, I know it happens.

126
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:58,642
I, I would really have to

127
00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:02,018
be comfortable in the situation to let

128
00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:05,538
that kind of happen. I mean, I've had friends that I've

129
00:08:05,554 --> 00:08:09,042
loved and they've gone away and I've actually had sex with them and

130
00:08:09,066 --> 00:08:11,914
it's like, oh, that's sad, but it's okay.

131
00:08:12,042 --> 00:08:15,270
Yeah, yeah. So I can be friends

132
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:19,110
and I can keep it on an even keel. Even if, like,

133
00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:24,490
I was, you know, I love my friends. Even if we had

134
00:08:24,530 --> 00:08:27,962
sex, like, it wouldn't matter to me. Yeah. Because sex is just an

135
00:08:27,986 --> 00:08:32,230
act. Yeah. Of fun. Yeah. Not an act of love.

136
00:08:32,530 --> 00:08:36,490
Correct. But you can have sex with somebody that you don't even

137
00:08:36,530 --> 00:08:39,670
really know very well. So you don't have to love

138
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:42,934
somebody to have sex. Correct. Right. Right. Yeah.

139
00:08:43,062 --> 00:08:45,734
And I don't have to love somebody to have sex. Don't get me wrong.

140
00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:49,222
But I do need some sort of connection to them. I need to feel like

141
00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:52,982
I like them at least. I do too. Yeah, I do too. I used

142
00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:56,294
to think I was really, really, really transactional. Yeah. Like I didn't even have to

143
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,590
know their name. Type of thing that's hot to do. Right,

144
00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:03,094
right. But I do need, I do want

145
00:09:03,182 --> 00:09:06,472
now a little bit of some type of connection with that. So.

146
00:09:06,566 --> 00:09:08,520
Yeah. So. Yeah.

147
00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:17,320
So emotional connection in the lifestyle,

148
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,560
it is common.

149
00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:25,492
People have it on different levels now.

150
00:09:25,676 --> 00:09:29,092
Something that we came across a few times and we see

151
00:09:29,116 --> 00:09:33,850
it often in the lifestyle. It's happened to,

152
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:37,258
to a lot of different people and it's happened to, to us,

153
00:09:37,314 --> 00:09:40,630
I think, possibly in the past, long time ago.

154
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,390
Well, tell me what it is when.

155
00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:49,002
You know, we're, you know, we're a couple with very specific

156
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:52,110
boundaries and specific dynamic.

157
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:57,870
We're very much not looking for any kind of romantic

158
00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:02,532
situation now, like I said with the preamble, you know, I, I have connections and

159
00:10:02,556 --> 00:10:06,148
stuff like that, but really we're looking for friends with benefits. We're not looking

160
00:10:06,204 --> 00:10:09,476
for a romance where I'm not looking for somebody to call my girlfriend,

161
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:12,320
that sort of thing. We're very specific on that.

162
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:17,204
But there are other couples out there who are open to the poly

163
00:10:17,252 --> 00:10:21,460
situationship and we

164
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,962
can easily become friends with these people and we can

165
00:10:24,986 --> 00:10:28,402
easily get real close to them and that sort of thing. But what happens

166
00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:32,834
in the event that it comes out that

167
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:36,150
they want, say, good example,

168
00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:40,082
you know, we, we end

169
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:43,170
up having a really, really great, you know, we have,

170
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:46,950
we have couples in our, in our circle, in our tight circle,

171
00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:50,570
and we're very, very close to them. We love them.

172
00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:54,506
There's great connection there. Our families know each other. Like we're,

173
00:10:54,538 --> 00:10:57,750
we're tight with, with our friends in that, in that way.

174
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:04,106
If one of those couples decides to say, hey,

175
00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:07,402
you know, this is something we've been talking about. We feel like we're already

176
00:11:07,586 --> 00:11:09,110
connected now.

177
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:14,458
Why not let's explore it romantically?

178
00:11:14,554 --> 00:11:18,474
What do you Think about that. What, what would your immediate initial

179
00:11:18,602 --> 00:11:22,138
reaction be? Stop it. You want my initial reaction? I would

180
00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:26,090
love your initial reaction to that. Yeah, no, no, it would

181
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:29,290
be like that. Like that kind of sounds kind of rude. You just asked

182
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:31,802
me you wanted my room. I know, but you don't gotta say it. Yeah.

183
00:11:31,866 --> 00:11:35,306
I'd be like, oh, no, we're not, we're not looking at that. Like,

184
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:39,770
I appreciate it and I

185
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:43,204
hope that you find what you are looking for, but that's not

186
00:11:43,322 --> 00:11:46,768
for us. Yeah. Now period with,

187
00:11:46,824 --> 00:11:50,832
with that. Because to

188
00:11:50,856 --> 00:11:54,432
me, the direct forward wave of, you know, I'm not, I'm not

189
00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:58,448
much for beating around the bush. If our

190
00:11:58,504 --> 00:12:02,540
dynamics don't mesh, which is something that we were talking about earlier today.

191
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,192
If we're with a couple and we're talking to

192
00:12:06,216 --> 00:12:10,106
them, excited about them, we like them a lot, and then we have the dynamic

193
00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:13,530
conversation and they say, well, we're not really looking

194
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:17,082
to just have sex. We're looking for a couple that we

195
00:12:17,106 --> 00:12:20,070
can date and have sex. And we're kind of solid on that.

196
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:23,642
So if we're going to have sex, we need to be kind

197
00:12:23,666 --> 00:12:25,950
of like an item. Yeah.

198
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,602
And in a situation like that, you would ask me what my reaction would be,

199
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:34,190
and my, my response would essentially be, well, I'm, I'm sorry,

200
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:38,724
that, that's a bummer. Yeah. But if our boundaries

201
00:12:38,852 --> 00:12:41,732
don't mesh, you know,

202
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:44,916
we, we can't have sex. Like, I mean, it's just that I, I, I,

203
00:12:44,988 --> 00:12:48,692
I just don't see us bending

204
00:12:48,756 --> 00:12:51,880
boundaries to have sex with somebody.

205
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,076
Because if we're bending boundaries, then we're looking to change

206
00:12:57,148 --> 00:13:01,060
our dynamic. That's the way I look at it. Yeah. There's no sometimes about

207
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:04,102
this. Yeah. There's no exception to the rule. I mean,

208
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:07,350
I would still like to be friends with them, you know. Yeah.

209
00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:10,038
As long as they can keep an open mind about it.

210
00:13:10,094 --> 00:13:12,790
And we're in the lifestyle.

211
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:16,370
Yeah. You know, I mean, people can become

212
00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:20,710
protective and jealous and stuff. So as long as they

213
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:24,530
understand that we don't want that and we want to

214
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:29,176
still be in the lifestyle and still be friends. Yeah. You know,

215
00:13:29,328 --> 00:13:32,920
if we can't have sex with them, that's okay. Yeah. You know, hopefully they can

216
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,008
find what they're looking for.

217
00:13:36,144 --> 00:13:39,672
Sure. Sure. I've seen it where it comes.

218
00:13:39,776 --> 00:13:44,660
I, I've seen it where it comes. Like really good friends and

219
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,584
they really want to, like, date each other. But one couple

220
00:13:48,632 --> 00:13:50,980
is just like, no, we're not, we're not doing that.

221
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,762
Friendships break apart all the time. And I

222
00:13:55,786 --> 00:13:58,802
think I, I saw somebody talk about that. They were saying,

223
00:13:58,826 --> 00:14:02,322
you know, sometimes. And it's not just in

224
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:05,698
regular boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend relationships, but also

225
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:09,710
in friendships where people

226
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:13,602
grow apart. You know, people just grow

227
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:17,794
apart. And it, we, we know it to be true in regular romantic

228
00:14:17,842 --> 00:14:21,510
relationships, especially people who started dating when they were young

229
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:25,526
and they stayed together for years. And eventually, you know, people mature

230
00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:28,998
at different levels. And some people want to stay on one level and

231
00:14:29,054 --> 00:14:33,030
other people want to keep moving forward in

232
00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:36,806
situations like that. People grow apart. And it's the same thing with friendships.

233
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:40,438
People grow apart. Yeah. Where we were at

234
00:14:40,494 --> 00:14:44,646
in our lifestyle journey at the beginning, we are not the same people

235
00:14:44,798 --> 00:14:47,964
now. No. I would say we've

236
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,572
changed a lot of our rules and boundaries.

237
00:14:50,716 --> 00:14:53,200
We've changed a lot of our perceptions,

238
00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:57,640
how we look at things, how we look at people, how we.

239
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:01,580
What we want out of this journey. And luckily for

240
00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:04,892
us, we're on the same page. Yeah. For the

241
00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:08,172
most part. For the most part. You know, there's, there's areas of.

242
00:15:08,276 --> 00:15:10,320
We agree to disagree. Yeah,

243
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:14,566
I guess you could say it that way. Yeah. There are areas

244
00:15:14,638 --> 00:15:17,430
where we're just on two different tracks. Yeah. You know.

245
00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:21,010
Yeah. And it's one of those things where,

246
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:25,170
luckily for me,

247
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:28,262
I don't feel like. And I was telling you this earlier, I don't feel like

248
00:15:28,286 --> 00:15:31,702
you're holding me back on anything. I feel like

249
00:15:31,726 --> 00:15:35,130
where we're at on this journey right now is perfect.

250
00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:38,250
You know, you're letting me enjoy,

251
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,112
um, this kind of.

252
00:15:42,136 --> 00:15:45,712
I, I get to emotional connections with others. I'm not dating

253
00:15:45,776 --> 00:15:48,540
anybody. It's not a romantic thing,

254
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,496
but I'm enjoying emotionally connecting and having

255
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,180
good friends I can also have sex with.

256
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,576
Right. And you're able to do the same thing. Yes. Yeah.

257
00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:01,744
And so that's pretty cool. You know, that's, that's a pretty neat part. And it,

258
00:16:01,832 --> 00:16:05,120
of course, when it comes down to it, if I can involve you

259
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,438
in any way, I prefer you be involved.

260
00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:12,758
Same. Yeah. Yeah. So even, even if it's just a matter of you watching

261
00:16:12,854 --> 00:16:16,182
or whatever, like if you can be. You're my

262
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:19,878
best friend. So if you can be involved in one way or another, then that's

263
00:16:19,894 --> 00:16:23,510
just great, you know, but it's one of those things where we

264
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,758
respect others. Privacies as well. It's, it's, it's,

265
00:16:26,854 --> 00:16:29,638
you know, a good example is the,

266
00:16:29,774 --> 00:16:32,604
you know, there's a. That couple that you were, you were kind of.

267
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,404
Yeah. Seeing. Yeah. And they are.

268
00:16:35,572 --> 00:16:39,116
Sexually. They are very into. It's just you.

269
00:16:39,188 --> 00:16:42,380
Right. You know, they're not entertaining other guys, which is fine.

270
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,120
Totally cool with that.

271
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,732
But with that, there was a time,

272
00:16:48,756 --> 00:16:52,172
if you were to reverse back, I don't know, five years, I would have been

273
00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:55,000
like, nah, we ain't doing that.

274
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:58,118
Even sooner than that. Probably. Yeah,

275
00:16:58,244 --> 00:17:01,922
probably. I mean, yeah. I think even, like a year ago, that was one

276
00:17:01,946 --> 00:17:05,474
of our boundaries. I was like, no. Well, I think mentally I was able to

277
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,754
let it go back then, but it was an even Stevens kind of

278
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:12,402
situation. Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, now I

279
00:17:12,426 --> 00:17:15,586
have a question. What happens? How does

280
00:17:15,658 --> 00:17:17,470
one navigate when.

281
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:23,150
So for you and I, okay, you are

282
00:17:23,940 --> 00:17:27,388
chatting it up with this girl, and she's all

283
00:17:27,444 --> 00:17:30,120
about it, and you,

284
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:34,800
sex. You know, we're still connecting,

285
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:41,520
and she wants you to be her boyfriend.

286
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:45,980
You know, if that were to ever happen. It's never happened before, but if it.

287
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:49,324
If it were to happen, it would be a simple conversation

288
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,460
of, I'm. I'm sorry, I can't do that. Like, I can't.

289
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,740
I can't excel to that. Yeah. And it's not even.

290
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:59,036
I can't, because I'm sure if I really, really, really wanted

291
00:17:59,068 --> 00:18:02,892
it and I really, really sat down and talked to you about it, you would

292
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:06,108
begrudgingly let me do my thing. But I think

293
00:18:06,164 --> 00:18:10,028
you would not like it at all. But you would let me because

294
00:18:10,084 --> 00:18:13,132
you know that I'm an individual. Yeah. But it's not

295
00:18:13,156 --> 00:18:16,806
what I want. Yes. I like how you add all that

296
00:18:16,908 --> 00:18:20,386
individual. No, I. I'm so

297
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:23,666
true. You know, I mean, it's true. I mean, that's. That's kind of our thing.

298
00:18:23,738 --> 00:18:27,330
Yeah. And that's when we stopped being poly. We had

299
00:18:27,370 --> 00:18:30,914
that discussion because it was like, what if I meet somebody

300
00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:34,242
that I want to explore that with? I think that's my major.

301
00:18:34,426 --> 00:18:38,194
That was my major fear. Insecurity. A major insecurity

302
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,042
of mine was, I. Still think you have it. Oh, for sure. We were just

303
00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:44,380
talking about it. We. I do probably

304
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:46,520
have that insecurity of,

305
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,772
ooh, he's gonna want to date someone, and we're gonna have that uncomfortable

306
00:18:51,836 --> 00:18:55,244
conversation. And I'm down for a lot of uncomfortable

307
00:18:55,292 --> 00:18:58,396
conversations, but that one just would probably break

308
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:01,900
my heart more than anything. Well, I think the poly thing

309
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:05,452
really left you with a lot of PTSD and trauma. Yeah. And what I was

310
00:19:05,476 --> 00:19:08,812
explaining to you last night was it left me with a lot of PTSD and

311
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:13,132
trauma, but in the opposite direction. Yeah. My reactions. Your reactions

312
00:19:13,196 --> 00:19:16,472
and things like, I'm. I feel like we're just getting past that

313
00:19:16,496 --> 00:19:19,640
hump. Yeah. And so, you know what I do.

314
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,620
Find funny and what everyone should listen is that you were so.

315
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,528
I do not want you to be dating anybody. Yeah. Like,

316
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:31,240
that's not. That's not our dynamic. Like, I just don't want that, and I

317
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,632
don't want to be dating anybody. But you told me earlier, you're like,

318
00:19:34,656 --> 00:19:37,912
well, if you wanted to date a girl, I would be okay with that.

319
00:19:38,016 --> 00:19:40,824
That's the only time I wouldn't ask for even Stevens. I'd be like, you know

320
00:19:40,832 --> 00:19:44,422
what if this girl is interested in you, sort of romantic thing.

321
00:19:44,526 --> 00:19:47,250
Yeah. By all means. You know, I could.

322
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:51,254
I would never. I probably would never. I can tell

323
00:19:51,262 --> 00:19:53,702
you, actually, I would never allow that. Why?

324
00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:58,530
My. My brain and my heart are

325
00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:02,966
very different, and it's like they just

326
00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:06,210
know to be a label to one person,

327
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:10,428
you know, like, I'm your wife. I don't

328
00:20:10,444 --> 00:20:13,916
mind. You'd still be my wife. Yeah, I know, but still,

329
00:20:13,988 --> 00:20:17,560
that wouldn't change anything. That's still something that I

330
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,880
could never. I can't get rid of that. Like,

331
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:26,092
yeah, like, that's a. That's for me. That's a label. And I just

332
00:20:26,116 --> 00:20:29,964
want that. I just want a label for you. Like, that's it. I couldn't

333
00:20:30,012 --> 00:20:33,684
be, like, I could be someone's friend. Like you said, friends with benefits,

334
00:20:33,772 --> 00:20:37,252
but that's. That's about it. And even that label

335
00:20:37,316 --> 00:20:40,548
sometimes gives me the cringes. I don't know why. Well,

336
00:20:40,604 --> 00:20:44,244
you. I. I understand. So I'll. I mean, I don't care for labels. Yeah.

337
00:20:44,292 --> 00:20:47,236
And we've talked about this before for. For. For people.

338
00:20:47,308 --> 00:20:50,692
They're just friends. Yeah. Like, we. We have friends that are. That are

339
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:54,260
poly. And it's like, you know, we've. We've talked about

340
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:57,844
this. It's like the only way that we would ever. That I would ever consider

341
00:20:57,932 --> 00:21:01,280
dating somebody again would be if

342
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,232
we were doing it together. Yeah. And we were dating another woman

343
00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:08,736
who. Had the same exact situation,

344
00:21:08,848 --> 00:21:12,880
kind of sort of. Or another couple where

345
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,272
we. We really can vibe with them and stuff like that.

346
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:19,840
But even then would be hard. But it wouldn't. It wouldn't be so much

347
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,344
hard. It would be. Let's not have labels. Don't give it

348
00:21:23,352 --> 00:21:26,736
a label. Because it's the label that turns things

349
00:21:26,808 --> 00:21:30,140
into a very solidified relation.

350
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:33,724
Like, we can have a relationship. We can do all of this stuff.

351
00:21:33,772 --> 00:21:37,116
We can go through the motions. But the moment you start referring to my.

352
00:21:37,188 --> 00:21:40,700
Me as your boyfriend, you start referring to my wife as

353
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:44,028
your girlfriend in a romantic way, then all of A sudden,

354
00:21:44,044 --> 00:21:47,580
there's a label there. Yeah. And things change. Things change.

355
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:50,200
Things get a little weird. You know what I mean?

356
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:55,052
And so that's. I think. I think a lot of it for you comes down

357
00:21:55,076 --> 00:21:58,510
to the labels for the labels. Yeah. Like,

358
00:21:59,370 --> 00:22:02,434
you belong to me. I don't want anybody to put a label on you.

359
00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:05,858
You are my husband. You are mine. Do you know what I mean? Like,

360
00:22:05,914 --> 00:22:08,706
they can play with you all day long, but when they say, oh,

361
00:22:08,738 --> 00:22:11,922
that's my boyfriend, I mean, I remember

362
00:22:11,986 --> 00:22:15,346
when we were poly and someone said, well, you know, I'm so glad

363
00:22:15,378 --> 00:22:17,550
that he's gonna be my boyfriend. And I was like,

364
00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:21,968
yeah. No, I didn't like it then. Yeah.

365
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:25,204
And I remember feeling this. Like I wanted to punch

366
00:22:25,252 --> 00:22:28,644
her from across the table. Cause I

367
00:22:28,652 --> 00:22:32,484
was like, how dare you? That's incredible. You know, but it's like

368
00:22:32,492 --> 00:22:35,920
that. So, like, that's my thing. Like, I don't want anybody to put

369
00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:40,036
a label. Yeah. Like, that's. I don't know. But, you know, we were talking

370
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,684
about it last night, and. And because I find you incredibly

371
00:22:43,732 --> 00:22:46,804
fascinating, you. You fascinate the hell out of me.

372
00:22:46,892 --> 00:22:49,988
Laugh at me. I don't laugh. Well, yeah, I do laugh at you. But this

373
00:22:50,044 --> 00:22:53,482
specifically, I don't know what it is, and I ask you

374
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:56,666
a lot of questions. We talk about it often. Yeah. And it's

375
00:22:56,698 --> 00:22:59,990
something that you don't understand. It's definitely something I don't understand.

376
00:23:00,530 --> 00:23:03,962
But we started kind of getting into the nitty gritty last night when we

377
00:23:03,986 --> 00:23:07,514
were talking about this. And I remember

378
00:23:07,562 --> 00:23:11,402
asking you, even right now, we have

379
00:23:11,426 --> 00:23:15,242
the ability to play separately and

380
00:23:15,266 --> 00:23:18,746
that sort of thing. And I remember very specifically telling

381
00:23:18,778 --> 00:23:22,536
you last night, well, how do you feel about that?

382
00:23:22,688 --> 00:23:25,720
And you were like, well, it really depends on the person. But, you know,

383
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,304
realistically, there's still certain. It comes in waves where I have these moments

384
00:23:29,352 --> 00:23:32,952
where I'm like, I don't want to share you. That's mine.

385
00:23:33,096 --> 00:23:36,700
I don't want you to play with my stuff. Yeah. You know? Yes.

386
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,608
And I just kind of sat back and I was thinking,

387
00:23:41,784 --> 00:23:45,032
why? Like, if. If I could just figure out the why, it would

388
00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:48,404
make more sense to me, you know? And so I'm like, there's.

389
00:23:48,452 --> 00:23:52,020
Obviously, there's a. What is it you're afraid of? What is the fear

390
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:56,036
there? What is the insecurity that you're battling deep

391
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:58,868
inside? Because I know that you trust me.

392
00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:03,400
Yes. And that's not the issue. And. But realistically,

393
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:07,236
that's all that matters, is you trust me.

394
00:24:07,388 --> 00:24:10,532
And it doesn't matter what anybody else does. And I remember you told

395
00:24:10,556 --> 00:24:13,800
me something like, I'm afraid they're gonna.

396
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:17,380
You're gonna fall in love with them and that you're gonna tell

397
00:24:17,420 --> 00:24:20,900
me I wanna date this person. Yeah. And that's when I thought

398
00:24:20,940 --> 00:24:24,372
I was like, okay, I've been shouting it for a while. Oh, yeah. And now.

399
00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:28,948
And I don't wanna date. And I honestly know that.

400
00:24:29,004 --> 00:24:31,840
And I told you yesterday. I was like, I totally understand.

401
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:35,732
One, you. You and I got into this marriage and we respect each

402
00:24:35,756 --> 00:24:39,734
other, are what we like, what we want. We can jump out of this

403
00:24:39,892 --> 00:24:43,346
lifestyle at any moment. Right. We can drop everything

404
00:24:43,418 --> 00:24:46,546
we're doing at any moment, no matter who decides it. Right.

405
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:50,898
No questions asked. Sure. Right. That's our thing. Yeah. And so

406
00:24:51,034 --> 00:24:54,754
I know all this, but for some reason it is a.

407
00:24:54,922 --> 00:24:58,750
I am selective on who I allow

408
00:24:59,690 --> 00:25:04,018
to cross the boundary that I have for

409
00:25:04,074 --> 00:25:07,388
us in my head. Yeah. Yeah.

410
00:25:07,484 --> 00:25:11,560
Like, it's very. It's this. A selective few.

411
00:25:11,940 --> 00:25:15,196
And it's not like,

412
00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:17,160
oh, I don't like that person.

413
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:21,404
It's. It's not even a. A liking type of

414
00:25:21,412 --> 00:25:25,320
situation because I like pretty much everybody. Sure. It's just a.

415
00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,876
Hold on, I'm not there yet. I haven't felt your vibes

416
00:25:30,908 --> 00:25:34,424
yet. I haven't. For a

417
00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:37,816
lack of better words, you haven't proven yourself to me.

418
00:25:37,968 --> 00:25:42,840
Maybe you've proven to my husband, but my husband is a sweet man.

419
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,440
I. I overlook a lot of stuff. Or I don't overlook. You don't overlook.

420
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,672
I kind of. You. You give everybody. I give

421
00:25:49,696 --> 00:25:53,064
everybody the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. For sure. And I do not. No,

422
00:25:53,152 --> 00:25:56,792
I am. Okay. They have to earn it with you. They do. And they have

423
00:25:56,816 --> 00:26:00,092
to earn it. So if you want to play with my toy, you have

424
00:26:00,116 --> 00:26:03,932
to. I have to know that you're going to be nice to my toy.

425
00:26:04,076 --> 00:26:07,180
True. With my toy. But you also have to like the owner of the toy.

426
00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:10,540
Right. Right. Do you know what I mean? That's true. It's. It's just. I mean,

427
00:26:10,660 --> 00:26:13,820
you know, it's. It's just that. That's just the way it is. But I

428
00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:17,772
know that you're not going to one fall in

429
00:26:17,796 --> 00:26:21,484
love with somebody the way you are in love with me.

430
00:26:21,652 --> 00:26:25,020
That's not going to happen. No. And I know you're not going anywhere.

431
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,450
Like, I really, truly know you and I have built a

432
00:26:28,490 --> 00:26:31,970
life and I. I'm pretty sure we're very

433
00:26:32,010 --> 00:26:35,490
happy with each other. Yeah. Like, I can honestly say that we are

434
00:26:35,530 --> 00:26:38,706
happy. Yeah. But something

435
00:26:38,778 --> 00:26:42,690
in my brain does. Just doesn't let

436
00:26:42,730 --> 00:26:46,818
me truly let

437
00:26:46,874 --> 00:26:50,338
go. So what I've. I've noticed is there's a

438
00:26:50,394 --> 00:26:54,094
bit of. In our conversations, when we talk about similar stuff to this,

439
00:26:54,282 --> 00:26:58,050
there's a. A reoccurring word that comes up

440
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:02,358
initially. Yes. Every single time that we talk about something

441
00:27:02,414 --> 00:27:05,702
similar to this. Yes. And it's the word control. Yes.

442
00:27:05,846 --> 00:27:08,822
I'm not going to be there to control it. Yeah. We were just talking about

443
00:27:08,846 --> 00:27:11,718
it. Yeah. And I'm going to bring that up in a little bit because I'm

444
00:27:11,734 --> 00:27:14,982
kind of curious for the podcast land how they

445
00:27:15,006 --> 00:27:18,742
feel about it. But I noticed that a lot

446
00:27:18,766 --> 00:27:22,478
of these feelings that you have revolve around,

447
00:27:22,534 --> 00:27:26,654
well, I'm not there to control the situation. Yes. And what I realize

448
00:27:26,702 --> 00:27:30,542
is most of the time when you are there, I don't control anything.

449
00:27:30,606 --> 00:27:33,998
There's nothing that you can control anyways. And there's nothing that you would do

450
00:27:34,134 --> 00:27:37,630
or you're not in. You're not in the middle of things. You're not causing any

451
00:27:37,670 --> 00:27:41,262
problems, but you feel like as long

452
00:27:41,286 --> 00:27:44,542
as I'm there to step in if I need to, that sort of thing,

453
00:27:44,566 --> 00:27:48,202
or to hear a certain thing, maybe he didn't hear this, or maybe. And it's

454
00:27:48,266 --> 00:27:51,658
never, ever, ever happened that I needed to do that. No. No.

455
00:27:51,714 --> 00:27:55,002
So I do not know. Yeah. Yeah. That's a weird one.

456
00:27:55,106 --> 00:27:58,394
That's a weird one. But I think. I think it. I mean, you are a

457
00:27:58,402 --> 00:28:01,630
controlling person, and I don't mean that in a negative way. No. Yeah.

458
00:28:02,210 --> 00:28:05,866
But like, in our household, I mean, you control the kitchen. You know,

459
00:28:05,938 --> 00:28:08,730
like, there's a lot of aspects that you don't want to. You don't want us

460
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:12,090
to step in. I think that's our family. Like. Yeah, she's head of the household.

461
00:28:12,170 --> 00:28:15,500
I don't control our.

462
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:21,248
I thought I controlled or I thought I had the controllingness or

463
00:28:21,304 --> 00:28:24,000
the control of the lifestyle.

464
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,340
Like, I thought I controlled you in the lifestyle,

465
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,200
and I don't control you in the lifestyle. But you

466
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,896
do a lot of things for me because of me,

467
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:38,624
because of my insecurities and my

468
00:28:38,792 --> 00:28:39,620
fear.

469
00:28:41,350 --> 00:28:44,478
So. And it's not the word controlling, but it is.

470
00:28:44,614 --> 00:28:48,334
It's you. You abide by the rules

471
00:28:48,382 --> 00:28:51,982
that I want and not. I don't even know how to say that

472
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:54,750
in a nice way. Like, you're cool about it. You know what I mean?

473
00:28:54,790 --> 00:28:58,510
Like, you have always said, hey, have sex with other people.

474
00:28:58,630 --> 00:29:02,286
Yeah. Like, it's the least I can do. And these rules

475
00:29:02,318 --> 00:29:06,300
and boundaries were super, super. Like, they were Pretty strict

476
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,536
and forced for many years. Yeah. Which kept

477
00:29:10,568 --> 00:29:13,560
us out of the playing field. Which kept us from doing a lot,

478
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,712
from growing. And then, you know, if something came up, you know, sometimes we would

479
00:29:16,736 --> 00:29:20,056
argue about it like it was a thing. I didn't know how to not react.

480
00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:23,384
Sure. And so. So, yeah, no, it's.

481
00:29:23,432 --> 00:29:26,696
It's. It is a word that comes up a lot is controlling.

482
00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:30,072
Yeah. And I know that it's about. And I know that I'm saying it,

483
00:29:30,096 --> 00:29:33,120
and it sounds so dumb because I have never had to

484
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,368
one step in other than for myself.

485
00:29:36,464 --> 00:29:40,784
When we were poly, there was a couple of situations

486
00:29:40,832 --> 00:29:44,560
where, you know, some women were very

487
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:48,224
overbearing and you felt like you had to step in and take care of

488
00:29:48,232 --> 00:29:51,712
it. Oh, for most. Yeah. Yeah. And it was more of a disrespect.

489
00:29:51,776 --> 00:29:55,020
Disrespect thing. I. I feel like a lot of your.

490
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,752
A lot of the. The trauma that you have now, like I said,

491
00:29:58,776 --> 00:30:02,032
it comes from the poly that we were there. And I think a lot

492
00:30:02,056 --> 00:30:04,900
of that just really soured you on the experiences.

493
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,232
But I think that PTSD or that

494
00:30:09,256 --> 00:30:13,008
trauma, I don't think it really has a place here in where we're at

495
00:30:13,064 --> 00:30:16,656
in this specific time. And so for me, when I hear.

496
00:30:16,728 --> 00:30:19,500
I hear you say there to control it, and then I'm going, well,

497
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,840
even still, like, I'm a big boy, you know,

498
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,354
and if I'm out with somebody and they're

499
00:30:27,482 --> 00:30:29,990
acting a certain way, they're trying to.

500
00:30:31,250 --> 00:30:34,522
When. When somebody's really, really on me.

501
00:30:34,626 --> 00:30:38,442
Yeah. I get uncomfortable. Like, I. I love physical touch.

502
00:30:38,506 --> 00:30:42,138
I love. I love somebody to be on me. But when it's taking

503
00:30:42,194 --> 00:30:45,850
a new kind of dynamic to it. Yeah. And it

504
00:30:45,890 --> 00:30:48,986
seems more romantic rather than physical affection.

505
00:30:49,098 --> 00:30:52,030
Yeah. I start getting a little uncomfortable.

506
00:30:52,940 --> 00:30:56,132
And it's not so much because I don't want it, but it's more. So if

507
00:30:56,156 --> 00:30:59,300
it's something that feels inappropriate

508
00:30:59,460 --> 00:31:03,300
that my wife were to see and be like, then I feel

509
00:31:03,420 --> 00:31:07,252
uncomfortable. Yeah. No matter if I'm out or not. So I

510
00:31:07,276 --> 00:31:10,756
know that. Yeah. And I know that even when I'm not with you.

511
00:31:10,828 --> 00:31:14,852
Yeah. You'll come and tell me. Oh, absolutely. Like, you come

512
00:31:14,876 --> 00:31:18,702
in like a little boy and you're like, honey, I have to tell

513
00:31:18,726 --> 00:31:22,190
you something. Well. Because I'd rather you hear whatever happened from

514
00:31:22,230 --> 00:31:25,982
me. Yeah. Because if I don't say anything and you find out about

515
00:31:26,006 --> 00:31:29,694
it, do you. Tell the other person that,

516
00:31:29,862 --> 00:31:33,230
what, this makes me feel uncomfortable? Or you

517
00:31:33,270 --> 00:31:37,038
just don't do that? Or you just make it. Well, so it's never really come

518
00:31:37,094 --> 00:31:40,670
up. No. In person, it's more so a

519
00:31:40,710 --> 00:31:44,828
hypothetical. But if it were

520
00:31:44,884 --> 00:31:47,760
to come up, I would probably,

521
00:31:48,100 --> 00:31:52,668
in a very nice way, say, I'm a little uncomfortable.

522
00:31:52,844 --> 00:31:56,492
You know, I would hope that they would

523
00:31:56,676 --> 00:32:00,188
be able to take that and go, I'm sorry. Which. Most of the people that.

524
00:32:00,244 --> 00:32:04,124
That I talk to are very respectful, and they're

525
00:32:04,172 --> 00:32:07,548
very good at reading the room, and they're respectful to you and that sort

526
00:32:07,564 --> 00:32:10,620
of thing. So if I were to say something even as light as that,

527
00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:13,950
as, oh, I'm. I'm a little uncomfortable, they would immediately back

528
00:32:13,990 --> 00:32:17,182
off and go, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to overstep or whatever. Yeah,

529
00:32:17,246 --> 00:32:20,766
yeah, they would. Yeah. They're so sweet. But I. I feel like that's also

530
00:32:20,838 --> 00:32:24,430
another thing that needs to be kept in mind is the people that I talk

531
00:32:24,470 --> 00:32:27,294
to, the people that we surround ourselves with,

532
00:32:27,462 --> 00:32:30,558
are genuinely good people. Yeah. For the most part.

533
00:32:30,614 --> 00:32:33,822
Oh, yeah. Everyone that I know. Yeah. That I've. That I've met,

534
00:32:33,926 --> 00:32:36,910
talked to, are super respectful.

535
00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:41,340
Yeah. And they understand.

536
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:45,792
A lot of them listen to the podcast, so they kind of know what

537
00:32:45,816 --> 00:32:49,232
kind of person I am and what kind of person you are. Yeah. And what

538
00:32:49,256 --> 00:32:52,720
they expect. Now, don't listen to the podcast. You at least tell

539
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,432
them. I. At least tell them I'm a

540
00:32:56,456 --> 00:33:00,496
little. I'm probably a little bit more open

541
00:33:00,568 --> 00:33:04,046
than you are just because I'm a woman,

542
00:33:04,208 --> 00:33:07,314
and I feel like I have to be. And you can be, and I

543
00:33:07,322 --> 00:33:10,562
have to set my boundaries very quickly off the

544
00:33:10,586 --> 00:33:14,386
bat. Right now, I'm trying not to do that

545
00:33:14,458 --> 00:33:20,150
so quickly because I understand there's

546
00:33:20,490 --> 00:33:24,386
certain people that need certain things, and I understand that things

547
00:33:24,458 --> 00:33:28,178
happen, and I can't go in there and be like, look, honey, whenever you're

548
00:33:28,194 --> 00:33:31,438
done having sex with this girl, I want you to turn your back,

549
00:33:31,494 --> 00:33:34,270
put your clothes on, peace out, and walk out the door.

550
00:33:34,350 --> 00:33:37,614
Yeah. You know, there are. There can't be as black and white.

551
00:33:37,702 --> 00:33:40,810
There are women that need that little.

552
00:33:41,590 --> 00:33:44,942
Little moment after. Little moment after. They don't want

553
00:33:44,966 --> 00:33:48,526
to feel like it's wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. I'm an okay feeling

554
00:33:48,558 --> 00:33:51,050
like the wham, bam, thank you, man. That's me.

555
00:33:51,590 --> 00:33:54,894
That might not be the other person. You know, and sometimes I

556
00:33:54,902 --> 00:33:57,400
do feel like, oh, my God, I'm sorry, a. Because I just did that.

557
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,968
But I came in for the. For a certain

558
00:34:01,024 --> 00:34:03,944
reason, and I do not get that kind of attachment. Yeah.

559
00:34:03,992 --> 00:34:07,480
And, you know, between the two of us, you are

560
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,384
the mo. More vocal person You. You basically speak our boundaries

561
00:34:11,432 --> 00:34:14,856
for us most of the time. And I let you. And the reason

562
00:34:14,928 --> 00:34:20,620
why is because. And this is going to sound horrible, but realistically,

563
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,327
people already think you're a bit. Yeah, like,

564
00:34:24,463 --> 00:34:28,231
with the. Might as well. Yeah, Like, I mean, you're already going

565
00:34:28,255 --> 00:34:31,623
to be vocal. Yeah, people are. And it's not just you. Most of

566
00:34:31,631 --> 00:34:34,983
the time, whenever you have a woman who is a strong personality

567
00:34:35,111 --> 00:34:38,551
and is vocal, even in the lifestyle,

568
00:34:38,615 --> 00:34:41,655
or a lot of people will sit back and go, man,

569
00:34:41,727 --> 00:34:44,791
she's. I like her. She's hot, but she's a little bit. Oh, man.

570
00:34:44,815 --> 00:34:47,719
I've had, you know, I've had people in the vanilla world tell me that because

571
00:34:47,759 --> 00:34:51,186
I'm so. I'm just so open and honest.

572
00:34:51,378 --> 00:34:54,882
I wasn't always open and honest. I was always the,

573
00:34:54,986 --> 00:34:58,130
okay, I'm gonna go home and I'll deal with this another time. Right. Or,

574
00:34:58,170 --> 00:35:00,590
man, I don't want to hurt people's feelings. Right.

575
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:05,346
But it's okay to hurt people's

576
00:35:05,378 --> 00:35:08,770
feelings. Like, I. Not even to hurt. Like, speak what you want, because your

577
00:35:08,810 --> 00:35:12,322
feelings are just as valid as their feelings. Well, see, and so. But I

578
00:35:12,346 --> 00:35:15,762
think that with that. So I. I let. I let you.

579
00:35:15,866 --> 00:35:19,140
You usually, as a couple, I let you be our

580
00:35:19,180 --> 00:35:22,724
spokesperson on a lot of stuff, especially strong boundaries

581
00:35:22,772 --> 00:35:25,972
and things like that, because it's. It's going to

582
00:35:25,996 --> 00:35:28,960
come out a little bit more stern from you. You're very direct,

583
00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:33,140
and I know you don't care. No, me personally,

584
00:35:33,220 --> 00:35:36,740
I don't like to hurt feelings. Yeah. And this and that. You know, I.

585
00:35:36,780 --> 00:35:40,116
I want to be sweet and stuff. And so I think, because I let you

586
00:35:40,188 --> 00:35:44,004
speak for us as a couple, I think that. You think

587
00:35:44,172 --> 00:35:47,748
that I'm afraid to vocalize my boundaries.

588
00:35:47,924 --> 00:35:51,460
I'm afraid to stop somebody

589
00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:55,380
if they're making me uncomfortable. But realistically, I have a voice, and I

590
00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:59,348
can. I feel in a situation

591
00:35:59,444 --> 00:36:03,588
like that I can speak up. But we've had situations happen.

592
00:36:03,724 --> 00:36:06,000
Have we? And you.

593
00:36:06,940 --> 00:36:09,990
Oh, well, maybe you didn't realize it. Yeah.

594
00:36:10,410 --> 00:36:13,570
Yeah. I don't know what you're referring to. Yeah, no,

595
00:36:13,610 --> 00:36:17,250
you didn't realize it. So we've had situations happen where I did not.

596
00:36:17,290 --> 00:36:20,418
Like a certain thing and it's happened.

597
00:36:20,594 --> 00:36:24,770
So. But. So see. But you probably didn't realize

598
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:28,098
I didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing is.

599
00:36:28,154 --> 00:36:32,098
Is if I knew. Yeah. I would speak up.

600
00:36:32,154 --> 00:36:35,876
Yeah. You know, situation. Like when we had. We had met this couple and

601
00:36:36,018 --> 00:36:39,472
you started kissing her and you were going to take her to the room and

602
00:36:39,496 --> 00:36:41,984
I was sitting on the couch, and I was. You were like, I'm going to

603
00:36:41,992 --> 00:36:45,136
go to the room. And I was like, oh, man. The face

604
00:36:45,208 --> 00:36:48,048
you made. Excuse me, was, where are you going?

605
00:36:48,104 --> 00:36:51,040
Why are you leaving me here? Situation. I was like, wait a second.

606
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:55,152
What's happening? Yeah. But now. So we. But that was the situation

607
00:36:55,216 --> 00:36:58,432
that we weren't prepared for. We didn't talk about ahead, and so. We talked about

608
00:36:58,456 --> 00:37:01,596
it. Now we know how it's going to be planned out and whatever. But it's

609
00:37:01,648 --> 00:37:04,724
very. There was another situation where we were with a couple,

610
00:37:04,852 --> 00:37:08,212
and you were in the room with him, and I went to a separate room

611
00:37:08,236 --> 00:37:12,000
with her, and the whole night she was kissing, and she was.

612
00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:15,220
I. She was marking me up, and I had no idea.

613
00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:19,284
Yes. And when we left, we got in the car, and you were like.

614
00:37:19,372 --> 00:37:22,004
We went to go eat. We went to go eat, and you saw. And you

615
00:37:22,012 --> 00:37:24,400
were like, she marked you up. What the.

616
00:37:24,860 --> 00:37:28,292
In that situation. That was another situation where I had no idea.

617
00:37:28,356 --> 00:37:31,366
If I knew. Yeah. I would have put a stop. Yeah.

618
00:37:31,478 --> 00:37:34,518
But I had no idea. Yeah. You know what I mean? Most of the time,

619
00:37:34,574 --> 00:37:38,598
if I know, then it's gonna make me uncomfortable

620
00:37:38,774 --> 00:37:42,182
because I know it's something you don't like. Yeah. And so I'll speak up,

621
00:37:42,286 --> 00:37:45,250
but I've never really had to do that. No.

622
00:37:45,870 --> 00:37:48,262
But I have a voice. I know how to. I know how to stop.

623
00:37:48,366 --> 00:37:50,854
Put a stop to this. You a big boy. Oh, like how you gonna do

624
00:37:50,862 --> 00:37:54,454
it? Right there. Hand up. The Hand up. Almost like the dare

625
00:37:54,502 --> 00:37:57,414
program. You put the hand up like that and you go. Stop right there.

626
00:37:57,502 --> 00:38:00,780
Okay. Don't go any further. That's right. This is.

627
00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:04,076
This is a no go zone. I love that. That's right.

628
00:38:04,148 --> 00:38:06,924
The no go zone. The no go zone. Yeah. I need to get one of

629
00:38:06,932 --> 00:38:10,556
those crossing guard stop signs. Consider it done. Handheld stop signs,

630
00:38:10,588 --> 00:38:14,140
Amazon. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, we'll put a stop sign

631
00:38:14,180 --> 00:38:17,468
with my face. It says, or no go. Or even

632
00:38:17,524 --> 00:38:21,644
better, we can get a paddle. And on one side of the paddle is red,

633
00:38:21,732 --> 00:38:25,084
and on the other side of the paddle is green. And anytime

634
00:38:25,132 --> 00:38:28,366
they're doing good, I'll hold up the green, and anytime they're

635
00:38:28,398 --> 00:38:31,982
doing bad, I'll flip that motherfucker. What if it's my face on the

636
00:38:32,006 --> 00:38:36,010
paddle and I go like this, and then when it's good, I go like this?

637
00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:38,970
I don't. I don't want your face associated with that,

638
00:38:40,070 --> 00:38:43,690
because that. Those faces that you're making right there,

639
00:38:44,070 --> 00:38:46,718
those are not going to make My wiener hard.

640
00:38:46,854 --> 00:38:47,890
It's okay.

641
00:38:50,950 --> 00:38:55,086
Okay. So what is this show about again? We're talking about it. It's about

642
00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:59,448
emotional connection. How to navigate it in. In the lifestyle,

643
00:38:59,544 --> 00:39:04,424
you know, and the different dynamics. Because we're talking about bumping

644
00:39:04,472 --> 00:39:07,704
uglies with two. With, you know, you've got two different couples.

645
00:39:07,752 --> 00:39:11,080
We're bumping uglies, and all of a sudden it be.

646
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:15,112
It gets elevated to a different emotional connection.

647
00:39:15,256 --> 00:39:19,352
How do you navigate that? And can you keep the friendships?

648
00:39:19,416 --> 00:39:23,320
Can it still survive? I think so, yeah.

649
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,496
Because let me tell you something. Why? Something I've just learned

650
00:39:26,528 --> 00:39:30,064
about you is you do not handle rejection very well.

651
00:39:30,232 --> 00:39:33,120
Honesty. I handle honesty.

652
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,960
You handle honesty. But you don't handle rejection. It's not the

653
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:41,136
rejection. I've seen you be rejected. Honestly. And honestly, you don't

654
00:39:41,168 --> 00:39:44,384
handle rejection. Look at me in the eyes. Look at me in the eyeballs.

655
00:39:44,432 --> 00:39:48,192
I'm looking at you in the eyeballs. People do have not rejected

656
00:39:48,256 --> 00:39:51,428
me in front of me. You can put that. Put that finger down, girl,

657
00:39:51,544 --> 00:39:53,920
like crazy. Be transparent.

658
00:39:55,460 --> 00:39:58,412
Be transparent. Yes. No, I agree.

659
00:39:58,516 --> 00:40:02,236
Be transparent. Be open. Be honest. Be straightforward with it. Yes.

660
00:40:02,348 --> 00:40:05,980
And I'm sure you will take it, but be for

661
00:40:06,020 --> 00:40:09,164
real here, girl. You don't like to be rejected. Nobody likes to

662
00:40:09,172 --> 00:40:12,620
be rejected. Of course, no one likes to be rejected. I don't like to

663
00:40:12,660 --> 00:40:16,492
not know that. Don't leave me on. If you do

664
00:40:16,516 --> 00:40:19,582
not like me right off the bat, you should just say,

665
00:40:19,686 --> 00:40:23,326
ooh, Pris. Yeah. You and I don't vibe. Because I'll

666
00:40:23,358 --> 00:40:26,654
tell you, if we don't vibe. I feel like you're

667
00:40:26,662 --> 00:40:29,678
getting worked up right now. I know. You did this unnecessary. Girl,

668
00:40:29,734 --> 00:40:33,294
it's unnecessary. You need to bring it down. I'm gonna drink some

669
00:40:33,302 --> 00:40:36,318
of that. Yeah, drink some of your red Bull. Rebel. Rebel.

670
00:40:36,414 --> 00:40:39,614
Rebel. You know, it's.

671
00:40:39,662 --> 00:40:43,118
It's more or less. It's just a fun

672
00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:46,008
discussion to me. Yeah.

673
00:40:46,104 --> 00:40:48,620
Because I. Obviously, it's a hypothetical.

674
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,832
We're trying to figure out how to. How to navigate those feelings. And realistically,

675
00:40:53,896 --> 00:40:57,432
you can only figure them out when you're in the moment. There's a

676
00:40:57,456 --> 00:41:01,064
lot of jealousies in the lifestyle.

677
00:41:01,192 --> 00:41:04,952
Oh, for sure. Among a lot of things. I am a jealous person.

678
00:41:05,056 --> 00:41:08,888
Well, you're jealous when it comes to me. Yes. But I'm not talking about

679
00:41:08,944 --> 00:41:12,152
spousal jealousy. Oh. I'm talking about friend

680
00:41:12,256 --> 00:41:16,120
jealousy. I'm talking about if I'm

681
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:20,328
emotionally attached to somebody and we

682
00:41:20,384 --> 00:41:24,168
play on a regular basis and then

683
00:41:24,304 --> 00:41:28,168
I see them taking an interest in somebody else and

684
00:41:28,224 --> 00:41:31,784
playing with Somebody else? Yeah, that's. You know,

685
00:41:31,952 --> 00:41:35,368
me personally, I don't have an issue with it, but I'm

686
00:41:35,384 --> 00:41:38,856
not a jealous person either. I'm not jealous in our relationship. I wonder

687
00:41:38,888 --> 00:41:42,054
how that would make me. Feel if you were,

688
00:41:42,222 --> 00:41:45,510
say, attached to somebody and

689
00:41:45,550 --> 00:41:48,694
you play with them on a regular basis. They're. They're not a.

690
00:41:48,782 --> 00:41:52,278
They're. They're your regular friends with benefits. You have a great time with this person.

691
00:41:52,334 --> 00:41:56,230
You have a wonderful time, and all

692
00:41:56,270 --> 00:41:59,510
of a sudden they go from being with you all the time

693
00:41:59,550 --> 00:42:01,974
and spending time with you and hitting you up all the time, you'll have a

694
00:42:01,982 --> 00:42:05,382
great time. To all of a sudden, they're contacting you less and

695
00:42:05,406 --> 00:42:08,784
less. It's kind of backing away. They're showing.

696
00:42:08,832 --> 00:42:12,112
And you're noticing that they're showing interest in somebody else, and that interest is

697
00:42:12,136 --> 00:42:15,552
going away. So it's not like the same. And then they just.

698
00:42:15,656 --> 00:42:19,020
Whenever. Right. So they're not showing you the same interest.

699
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:22,656
It's almost like, well, okay, I'm done with you. I'm moving on to the next.

700
00:42:22,728 --> 00:42:26,432
I would probably feel sad about that for a moment if they

701
00:42:26,456 --> 00:42:29,584
didn't, like, tell me, you know, like, not. They don't

702
00:42:29,592 --> 00:42:32,756
have to tell me. Right. So, like, if we had it, we were playing with

703
00:42:32,828 --> 00:42:36,164
constantly or whatever. Right. And we went to

704
00:42:36,172 --> 00:42:39,700
the club. Not with them, but we went to the club. Sure. And I saw

705
00:42:39,740 --> 00:42:43,156
them with another couple. I would at least let them,

706
00:42:43,228 --> 00:42:46,436
like, acknowledge them. I wouldn't ignore them, but I wouldn't.

707
00:42:46,548 --> 00:42:49,588
I wouldn't care. You know, that, for me, is a.

708
00:42:49,644 --> 00:42:53,680
Is a big thing that I had to kind of evaluate recently because

709
00:42:54,940 --> 00:42:58,406
we recently had an experience where we went

710
00:42:58,478 --> 00:43:01,782
to the club. We went out of town with. With a friend of ours.

711
00:43:01,926 --> 00:43:05,158
She stayed with us. We took her to the club with us. So it.

712
00:43:05,214 --> 00:43:08,182
We. We walked in as a. As a threesome,

713
00:43:08,246 --> 00:43:11,286
essentially. And what I had told her was, hey,

714
00:43:11,318 --> 00:43:14,582
look, you are not betrothed to us.

715
00:43:14,686 --> 00:43:17,862
You can go do your thing. You see people that you want to hang out

716
00:43:17,886 --> 00:43:21,398
with, you see, like, you don't have to. And I've been asked this before by

717
00:43:21,454 --> 00:43:24,880
somebody. They said, hey, as a.

718
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:28,112
As a single person, when I go into the club

719
00:43:28,216 --> 00:43:32,080
with a couple, am I expected to stay with them all

720
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,568
night? No. And I remember very specifically telling them.

721
00:43:35,704 --> 00:43:39,616
Yeah, I remember telling them very specifically. I was like, you don't have

722
00:43:39,688 --> 00:43:42,940
to stay with anybody, like,

723
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:47,040
if. You know. But realistically, you need to have that conversation ahead

724
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:51,104
of time. Yeah. You can't walk in and then go. Is uncomfortable.

725
00:43:51,152 --> 00:43:53,744
Should I stay by this person the whole night. Like, I don't know what to

726
00:43:53,752 --> 00:43:56,960
do. Yeah. If you would just have that conversation, if you would just

727
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,432
speak up, chances are this whole thing would get figured out, and nobody would

728
00:44:00,456 --> 00:44:04,096
be uncomfortable. But that situation specifically, I remember

729
00:44:04,128 --> 00:44:08,192
mulling it over in my head because, you know, we had this wonderful

730
00:44:08,256 --> 00:44:11,792
human being who was, you know, our. Our sidekick for the

731
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:15,088
night. Yeah. And we're used to doing our own thing, and all of a sudden,

732
00:44:15,104 --> 00:44:17,712
we had this other person. And I was a little bit worried about her because

733
00:44:17,736 --> 00:44:21,150
I was like, I don't want to leave her there by herself, you know,

734
00:44:21,190 --> 00:44:24,542
and she is kind of like our date. But you and I, we go to

735
00:44:24,566 --> 00:44:28,190
the back often, and we like to mingle,

736
00:44:28,270 --> 00:44:31,518
and we like to talk to others. And I didn't want her to feel left

737
00:44:31,574 --> 00:44:34,910
out, but I also didn't want her to, you know, feel like she

738
00:44:34,950 --> 00:44:38,590
had to stay with us at all times. And so that was a really

739
00:44:38,630 --> 00:44:42,206
hard thing because I was like, what if she

740
00:44:42,278 --> 00:44:45,502
sees us having sex with somebody else in the back?

741
00:44:45,606 --> 00:44:49,150
Then she's like, well, I'm right here. Why aren't y'all having sex

742
00:44:49,190 --> 00:44:52,030
with me? You know what I mean? Like, something like that. I didn't know how

743
00:44:52,070 --> 00:44:55,262
if there was gonna be jealousies and stuff. And there wasn't. It was just me

744
00:44:55,286 --> 00:44:58,750
overthinking. Yes. But it's one of those things. I'm like, man, I just.

745
00:44:58,790 --> 00:45:01,678
I want everybody to be happy. I want everybody to have a good time.

746
00:45:01,814 --> 00:45:05,774
And that's where I realized I can be emotionally connected

747
00:45:05,822 --> 00:45:09,342
to people. I can find them incredibly attractive. I can even

748
00:45:09,366 --> 00:45:12,958
play with them on a regular basis. And I fully support

749
00:45:13,094 --> 00:45:17,070
them having sex with others, because what are we doing in this lifestyle?

750
00:45:17,230 --> 00:45:21,102
We're here to have sex with others. I'm not here to

751
00:45:21,126 --> 00:45:24,686
get married to somebody else. I'm not here to date somebody

752
00:45:24,718 --> 00:45:28,366
else. I'm here to make friends, have sex, and chew bubble

753
00:45:28,398 --> 00:45:32,030
gum. Almost out of God. Yes. So that's what I

754
00:45:32,070 --> 00:45:35,530
want to do. I want. And. And if I. I want to have

755
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,312
sex with others, and I don't want somebody to come up to me

756
00:45:39,336 --> 00:45:42,752
and go, oh, well, that kind of. That kind of bothered me that I had

757
00:45:42,776 --> 00:45:45,072
to see you with somebody else. Like, you could have told me. And it's like,

758
00:45:45,096 --> 00:45:48,832
well, wait a second now. I ain't married to you. Yeah. I don't have to

759
00:45:48,856 --> 00:45:52,400
explain anything to you. Yeah. You know, luckily, that has not

760
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,120
happened to me. Yeah. But it's always in the back of my head, like,

761
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,320
is that Gonna happen? Is somebody gonna get it? Is it? I don't think

762
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,688
so. I don't think anybody. Is it on the back of your head? Oh,

763
00:46:00,704 --> 00:46:04,312
it jumps in there sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, ooh, you know, hopefully,

764
00:46:04,496 --> 00:46:07,752
you know, but me, personally, yeah, I thought about this. I was

765
00:46:07,776 --> 00:46:11,208
like, you know, there. You know,

766
00:46:11,264 --> 00:46:14,580
like, there's. There's somebody right now that I'm talking to. And,

767
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,424
you know, we'll flirt with each other and that sort of thing. We haven't played

768
00:46:18,512 --> 00:46:21,800
yet, but we'll flirt back and forth and this sort of thing.

769
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,920
And it's kind of like, yeah,

770
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,392
I'm flirting with you. But then she'll also be

771
00:46:28,416 --> 00:46:31,860
like, well, you know, I hope you're having your fun with others.

772
00:46:32,380 --> 00:46:35,892
And I'm like, well, I hope you're having your fun with others. Like, it's cool.

773
00:46:35,956 --> 00:46:38,852
Like, I'm not. Like, I'm not gonna be like, oh,

774
00:46:38,916 --> 00:46:41,988
God, I know she's out there having sex with somebody else. No,

775
00:46:42,044 --> 00:46:45,620
dude. Yeah, go get you some. By all means. Get that

776
00:46:45,660 --> 00:46:48,628
shit. I plan on hitting it, too, at some point. I'm just saying,

777
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:52,180
you know, I mean, let's. Let's just be open. Let's be honest about what we

778
00:46:52,220 --> 00:46:55,988
want. This is a sexual friendship, you know?

779
00:46:56,124 --> 00:46:59,444
Yeah. I don't have to feel jealousies in sexual

780
00:46:59,492 --> 00:47:03,444
friendships. No. And he's. I mean, you should be celebrating your friend's

781
00:47:03,492 --> 00:47:06,912
win. I don't know how, you know how you deal with so

782
00:47:06,936 --> 00:47:10,096
many messages. I don't know how I do.

783
00:47:10,168 --> 00:47:14,000
I mean, so many messages. I don't get that many. As your

784
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,232
wife, you're not just talking to one person. Like, you talk to everybody. You have

785
00:47:17,256 --> 00:47:20,144
a lot of women you talk to. I. And they're not all women, honey.

786
00:47:20,192 --> 00:47:23,376
I talk to them, too. I'm just. I'm talking. I'm just saying. I'm talking.

787
00:47:23,408 --> 00:47:26,480
I'm available to friends. I'm talking about, like,

788
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:30,240
women. You're talking about, like, you are having, like, a flirtation. You are having your

789
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,550
flirtatious conversations with a lot of women, but as your

790
00:47:33,590 --> 00:47:36,478
wife, I do not care. Yeah, no,

791
00:47:36,614 --> 00:47:40,206
I'm really not talking to that many women, but either way, more. Than me,

792
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:44,250
I guess. No. And so, yeah, you definitely have your.

793
00:47:44,950 --> 00:47:49,022
Your fun. You don't hold boundaries at all. Like, you don't hold a.

794
00:47:49,126 --> 00:47:52,750
You don't hold, like. Like they asked you. I hope you're having

795
00:47:52,790 --> 00:47:56,574
your fun. Oh, by all means. Yeah. This is. This is

796
00:47:56,662 --> 00:48:00,410
what it is. My honey boo boo is the person that is the.

797
00:48:00,890 --> 00:48:04,882
You have a lot of fun. I. I'm. I'm trying to enjoy myself.

798
00:48:04,946 --> 00:48:08,786
Yes. 2025 is the year of confident Adam, and confident

799
00:48:08,818 --> 00:48:12,770
Adam wants to enjoy himself. And confident wifey here says

800
00:48:12,810 --> 00:48:16,418
you should be enjoying yourself. That confident wifey is so sweet.

801
00:48:16,514 --> 00:48:19,746
Confident wifey says you should be enjoying yourself. And,

802
00:48:19,818 --> 00:48:23,666
you know, it's been a long time since I've

803
00:48:23,698 --> 00:48:27,170
been able to feel wanted by anybody other than you.

804
00:48:27,290 --> 00:48:30,956
And I love you. Never make me feel unwanted.

805
00:48:30,988 --> 00:48:34,540
And that's such a great feeling. But I want

806
00:48:34,580 --> 00:48:37,836
to say. And I don't know if it's an official kink,

807
00:48:38,028 --> 00:48:40,636
but it feels like it's a kink sometimes.

808
00:48:40,828 --> 00:48:44,172
Major turn on to feel wanted. And somebody told me that the other

809
00:48:44,196 --> 00:48:47,468
day. They were like, oh, well, everybody wants to feel wanted.

810
00:48:47,564 --> 00:48:50,844
Negative. You must not have met my wife. Yeah. My wife

811
00:48:50,892 --> 00:48:54,442
does not want to feel wanted. No. She doesn't care

812
00:48:54,636 --> 00:48:57,902
about that. She just wants to have her fun. If you want me in the

813
00:48:57,926 --> 00:49:01,022
moment. So I. You don't have to verbally tell me you

814
00:49:01,046 --> 00:49:04,398
want me. If you show an action, I can. I know it.

815
00:49:04,454 --> 00:49:07,598
And you don't have to constantly tell me that you want me. Right. Right.

816
00:49:07,654 --> 00:49:11,358
Like, if we have sex or if I.

817
00:49:11,414 --> 00:49:14,622
You know, we're gonna have fun. Right. You know,

818
00:49:14,646 --> 00:49:17,902
and if you don't want me, like, I'm not one of those. I'm not one

819
00:49:17,926 --> 00:49:21,528
of those people. No, you're not. And you're not a needy person

820
00:49:21,694 --> 00:49:24,996
with anybody but me. No, you're needy with me. Yeah. And that's cool

821
00:49:25,028 --> 00:49:29,252
because we're married. Yeah. But outside of that,

822
00:49:29,436 --> 00:49:33,332
like, I really feel like, for me,

823
00:49:33,516 --> 00:49:36,920
in order to be sexually aroused,

824
00:49:38,140 --> 00:49:41,588
that I have to have that want. Yeah. I have to feel that

825
00:49:41,644 --> 00:49:45,316
want. Yeah. I have to know that you're really wanting

826
00:49:45,348 --> 00:49:48,740
me. Now. Do I have to feel like only you have only eyes for me?

827
00:49:48,780 --> 00:49:52,050
No. No. You could be hanging on four or five

828
00:49:52,090 --> 00:49:55,938
different people and occasionally look over at me and give me those eyes, and I'll

829
00:49:55,954 --> 00:49:59,602
be like, oh, that chick wants me. And I'm digging it. You know what

830
00:49:59,626 --> 00:50:03,538
I mean? It doesn't take much for me, and. But I need

831
00:50:03,594 --> 00:50:06,466
that. Yeah. You know, I mean, I like that. Yeah.

832
00:50:06,498 --> 00:50:09,522
I don't. I don't need it, but I do like it. You had a few

833
00:50:09,546 --> 00:50:12,850
experiences where you enjoyed it. Like, especially if you don't ever

834
00:50:12,890 --> 00:50:16,018
say it to me, like, via text or messenger or whatever, but when we're

835
00:50:16,034 --> 00:50:19,664
getting it down, you're like, damn, I've been wanting you.

836
00:50:19,832 --> 00:50:23,488
Forget about it. You're gonna be moaning something that I like.

837
00:50:23,544 --> 00:50:27,328
Yeah, yeah. You know, but I didn't know I like that until

838
00:50:27,384 --> 00:50:31,296
I let myself like that. Yeah. And, you know, it's, It's. It's letting

839
00:50:31,328 --> 00:50:34,768
down a lot of walls in your. Yeah. In your head you're

840
00:50:34,784 --> 00:50:38,192
like, okay, but. I mean, in the lifestyle, you should be making different connections.

841
00:50:38,256 --> 00:50:42,000
Like, like be a little

842
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:45,354
beef. Go and fly to the little flowers. Yeah,

843
00:50:45,402 --> 00:50:48,714
that's. That's my, that's my friend's favorite analogy that

844
00:50:48,722 --> 00:50:52,202
I came up with was. I mean, we're, we're all. We're sexual bees. We're sexual,

845
00:50:52,266 --> 00:50:55,738
and we're going from flower to flower. We're enjoying ourselves, we're having our own.

846
00:50:55,794 --> 00:50:59,274
And that's how you should be experiences. You know, you shouldn't have any.

847
00:50:59,362 --> 00:51:02,858
I mean, maybe you as your, as your partner or you as

848
00:51:02,914 --> 00:51:06,586
personally just have certain boundaries. You know, you don't want to get emotionally

849
00:51:06,618 --> 00:51:11,722
attached or, you know, you don't want to do this. But go,

850
00:51:11,826 --> 00:51:15,514
go and do your thing, man. See, See what happens.

851
00:51:15,642 --> 00:51:19,066
You don't know what happens until you at least try it.

852
00:51:19,138 --> 00:51:21,834
And that's the thing is, is. And I, I think I have to for it

853
00:51:21,842 --> 00:51:26,510
because initially when we first started opening up with some of this journey,

854
00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:29,514
you were like, no, I don't want to do that. And I was like,

855
00:51:29,522 --> 00:51:31,706
well, why not? And you're like, because I don't like that. And I said,

856
00:51:31,778 --> 00:51:35,350
well, how do you know if you haven't tried it? And you were like,

857
00:51:35,670 --> 00:51:38,750
I guess you got a point there. So it's one of those things where,

858
00:51:38,790 --> 00:51:42,142
okay, open your mind, give it a try. If you really don't like it,

859
00:51:42,166 --> 00:51:45,454
then don't do it. But for sure, it's always good to keep an open mind.

860
00:51:45,542 --> 00:51:47,902
Now, one thing I do want to go back to because I did mention it

861
00:51:47,926 --> 00:51:52,142
in the show when we were, we were talking earlier today,

862
00:51:52,326 --> 00:51:56,030
and I had a real interesting question that popped into my head and

863
00:51:56,070 --> 00:51:59,370
something that I've been thinking about over time because

864
00:52:00,390 --> 00:52:04,124
I am a kisser. I love to kiss. I love to kiss.

865
00:52:04,252 --> 00:52:07,480
I really enjoy it. And you know, I like.

866
00:52:08,020 --> 00:52:11,404
For somebody that I'm interested in, I like to have that connection.

867
00:52:11,452 --> 00:52:15,276
I like to be able to kiss. It's very. It's like foreplay

868
00:52:15,308 --> 00:52:18,604
to the foreplay. You know, it's leading up to it. Even if we're not

869
00:52:18,612 --> 00:52:22,620
going to have sex that, that time, couple of makeout sessions over

870
00:52:22,660 --> 00:52:26,076
the span of a few weeks, forget it. You know, like, it's hot. I enjoy

871
00:52:26,108 --> 00:52:29,670
it. But a lot of times when

872
00:52:29,710 --> 00:52:32,614
we're whenever I'm in front of a woman that I walk out with or I

873
00:52:32,622 --> 00:52:35,862
want to kiss. You're there with me.

874
00:52:36,046 --> 00:52:39,622
We're together, like, all the time. And so it's one

875
00:52:39,646 --> 00:52:43,750
of those things where I'm like, okay, when I was younger

876
00:52:43,910 --> 00:52:48,134
and throughout my entire life, anytime I saw somebody kissing

877
00:52:48,182 --> 00:52:52,118
in public, anytime I saw a makeout session happening,

878
00:52:52,214 --> 00:52:55,456
I felt embarrassed and ashamed for looking.

879
00:52:55,528 --> 00:52:59,136
And I would turn away real fast, and I'd run away like, I. I shouldn't

880
00:52:59,168 --> 00:53:02,688
be here for this. It's almost. It's almost like walking in on somebody who's having

881
00:53:02,744 --> 00:53:06,380
sex. Like, it's just, oh, my gosh. Sorry. Sorry. And I walk away.

882
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:10,000
So I've had that feeling for so long, since I

883
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:13,936
was very little. Yeah. And even still,

884
00:53:14,008 --> 00:53:16,832
I want to say there's been, like, a couple times where we've been at,

885
00:53:16,856 --> 00:53:20,470
like, a. A meet and greet or an event,

886
00:53:20,770 --> 00:53:24,282
and some people will just come up to each other and just start making out

887
00:53:24,306 --> 00:53:27,642
in front of everybody, and I'm like, oh, let me look the other

888
00:53:27,666 --> 00:53:31,290
way. Sorry. I need to give them visual

889
00:53:31,450 --> 00:53:35,530
privacy. Yeah. You know, And. And so with all

890
00:53:35,570 --> 00:53:39,322
of that said, I. I have two choices in

891
00:53:39,346 --> 00:53:43,722
the. In that situation. Do I kiss them in front of you and

892
00:53:43,746 --> 00:53:46,686
do our thing, or do I tell you, hey,

893
00:53:46,718 --> 00:53:49,870
honey, I'm gonna take a walk with this girl right quick? I'll be wreck.

894
00:53:49,950 --> 00:53:53,854
You know? How do you feel whenever

895
00:53:53,902 --> 00:53:57,278
you're there in front of me and I start making

896
00:53:57,334 --> 00:54:02,254
out with another girl? Is it weird for you? Do you have situational.

897
00:54:02,382 --> 00:54:05,534
Situational. It's situational. I don't feel weird,

898
00:54:05,582 --> 00:54:08,090
but it's situational. Depending on the person.

899
00:54:10,870 --> 00:54:14,494
It depends on the person. I also bring it

900
00:54:14,502 --> 00:54:17,742
up not just for you, but also for. And that's why I'm saying it here

901
00:54:17,766 --> 00:54:21,182
on the podcast, because a

902
00:54:21,206 --> 00:54:25,130
lot of you out there are listening, and there's a lot of couples out there,

903
00:54:25,510 --> 00:54:29,054
and I really am curious. How do you feel

904
00:54:29,222 --> 00:54:32,830
standing next to your spouse and watching your spouse make

905
00:54:32,870 --> 00:54:36,398
out with somebody? It's just the three of y'all. I asked this because

906
00:54:36,454 --> 00:54:39,602
I had that experience not too long

907
00:54:39,626 --> 00:54:43,026
ago, and I was standing there with this couple,

908
00:54:43,138 --> 00:54:47,042
and we were having good conversation, and it was. It was

909
00:54:47,066 --> 00:54:50,882
a moment in time. I had an opportunity. I had to take up on it

910
00:54:50,906 --> 00:54:53,270
because I don't always have these opportunities,

911
00:54:53,690 --> 00:54:56,630
and the husband said it was cool,

912
00:54:56,970 --> 00:55:00,466
so her and I started making up while he was there.

913
00:55:00,618 --> 00:55:03,730
I didn't think about it at the time, but later on, I was like,

914
00:55:03,770 --> 00:55:06,642
man, you know, I heard for him I hope it wasn't weird. I mean,

915
00:55:06,666 --> 00:55:09,898
when you asked him. I don't know if it. I mean, I didn't

916
00:55:09,914 --> 00:55:12,266
ask him that. I mean, I asked him if it was okay, but I didn't

917
00:55:12,298 --> 00:55:14,858
ask him, like, if it made him feel awkward. Thing like that. I'm sure that's

918
00:55:14,874 --> 00:55:17,594
going to be a weird. But now you asked him, right? He's not going to

919
00:55:17,602 --> 00:55:21,002
say no. Isn't that weird? That's. Most people will not

920
00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:24,186
say no because you put them in the spot. Gosh, you think?

921
00:55:24,258 --> 00:55:28,106
Yeah. Really? I wouldn't. I'd be like, actually,

922
00:55:28,178 --> 00:55:31,834
no. I'd probably be yes or no, Right? No, you told. You've told people before.

923
00:55:31,922 --> 00:55:35,044
No. Yeah. You've told people like, mm,

924
00:55:35,092 --> 00:55:38,532
don't kiss him right now. Yeah. That sort of thing. Like, you've, you've straight up.

925
00:55:38,556 --> 00:55:42,388
You've said that before. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah. But I mean,

926
00:55:42,524 --> 00:55:45,940
is it an awkward thing? Are you okay? Like, whenever.

927
00:55:46,020 --> 00:55:49,172
Whenever I'm with you. So this is

928
00:55:49,196 --> 00:55:52,500
the funny thing about it. If you're making out with another woman.

929
00:55:52,620 --> 00:55:56,084
Yeah, I'm watching. Right. Oh, man, I'm watching.

930
00:55:56,132 --> 00:55:59,760
I'm probably filming. You know what I mean? Like, that's hot. I love watching that.

931
00:56:00,790 --> 00:56:03,130
If you're making out with another man,

932
00:56:03,990 --> 00:56:07,486
I feel the need to look away. Yeah. And give you some privacy. But that's

933
00:56:07,518 --> 00:56:11,294
your kink. I wouldn't say that.

934
00:56:11,462 --> 00:56:14,570
But your kink is for me to be with another man.

935
00:56:15,030 --> 00:56:18,318
Person. Person. Period. Woman, too.

936
00:56:18,374 --> 00:56:22,130
Yeah. Yeah. Like, it doesn't matter. Why would you look away if that's your kink?

937
00:56:22,710 --> 00:56:26,090
I would look away because. Because you don't know, like, you're like.

938
00:56:26,470 --> 00:56:29,582
Because I have always found that

939
00:56:29,606 --> 00:56:32,254
that was. That, that was like a private thing.

940
00:56:32,342 --> 00:56:36,222
Yeah. And I should give you visual privacy. How funny.

941
00:56:36,286 --> 00:56:39,438
No, you should watch. But if it's girl and girl I'm.

942
00:56:39,454 --> 00:56:42,654
Watching, you should watch either way. Well, it's not like I'm bothered by

943
00:56:42,662 --> 00:56:46,398
it. Yeah. Like, I like watching. You asked me if I was bothered by it.

944
00:56:46,454 --> 00:56:49,486
Yes. Yeah, Yeah, I would rather be there.

945
00:56:49,638 --> 00:56:52,862
Yeah. If I'm given, rather than me say, I'm going to take

946
00:56:52,886 --> 00:56:56,100
this person and we're going to go. I would rather be there. Yeah.

947
00:56:56,680 --> 00:57:00,420
I occasionally like to watch, but it is situational.

948
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,660
Like, it is person by person.

949
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:09,088
But yeah, I. I like to watch. And if I don't like to watch,

950
00:57:09,144 --> 00:57:11,780
I'll look the other way and be like, oh,

951
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:15,792
what is so and so doing over here? And, you know, that's always hard for

952
00:57:15,816 --> 00:57:19,984
me because. Because I view Kissing

953
00:57:20,032 --> 00:57:23,696
as such a. I didn't know that because you've done it. Private thing.

954
00:57:23,768 --> 00:57:27,264
You've done it so all the whole. This whole time. I didn't know that

955
00:57:27,272 --> 00:57:30,464
you felt that it was a private thing. Yeah, I do

956
00:57:30,472 --> 00:57:34,160
it in front of people for your sake. Because if

957
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,928
I take somebody off to the side, you're gonna be like, where are you going?

958
00:57:36,984 --> 00:57:39,264
What the fuck? What are you doing? Why did you leave me by myself?

959
00:57:39,392 --> 00:57:43,072
I don't like leaving you by yourself. I. I do it in front of everybody

960
00:57:43,216 --> 00:57:46,368
because I want me there. Oh, but you would other people. But that's a very

961
00:57:46,424 --> 00:57:49,680
private thing for me. But not giving you a blowjob or anything like that.

962
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:52,934
That's. That. I mean, more sexual. I'm trying

963
00:57:52,942 --> 00:57:56,390
to understand. Yeah, no, no, no. That. That's more sexual and that's a.

964
00:57:56,430 --> 00:58:00,150
That's a turn on. But the kid.

965
00:58:00,230 --> 00:58:03,450
The kiss is like, leading up to it and doing all this stuff.

966
00:58:03,790 --> 00:58:06,930
It's more intimate than.

967
00:58:07,870 --> 00:58:11,446
Than oral. It's more intimate than having sex.

968
00:58:11,518 --> 00:58:14,758
To me, the kiss is more intimate. It's not more

969
00:58:14,814 --> 00:58:18,362
romantic. Don't confuse the two. Put the knife away.

970
00:58:18,466 --> 00:58:22,362
Yeah, it's more intimate. It's a. It's. It's meant to

971
00:58:22,386 --> 00:58:26,122
be more like one on one kind of

972
00:58:26,146 --> 00:58:30,058
thing. That's funny because I think you just hit the nail.

973
00:58:30,154 --> 00:58:34,010
I think that is more romantic, the kissing.

974
00:58:34,170 --> 00:58:37,818
And. And if you're doing

975
00:58:37,874 --> 00:58:41,482
it and like, doing it privately,

976
00:58:41,546 --> 00:58:45,536
it's more Rome. It could lead to more romanticness

977
00:58:45,728 --> 00:58:49,060
and a certain type of intimacy.

978
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,944
See, I don't agree with that. Yeah, I mean, I agree with the fact that

979
00:58:52,952 --> 00:58:56,048
it can. Realistically, anything can lead to that.

980
00:58:56,104 --> 00:58:59,232
Yeah. I can take a girl out on a date for dinner and it could

981
00:58:59,256 --> 00:59:02,784
lead to that certain type of intimacy. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's what

982
00:59:02,792 --> 00:59:06,688
I'm saying. Like, when that's the thing is if that certain

983
00:59:06,744 --> 00:59:10,136
type of intimacy is not what I want, to me, I think. The whole

984
00:59:10,168 --> 00:59:13,928
part of it is, is having to do it away.

985
00:59:14,064 --> 00:59:17,256
I wonder if this is generational. Look, here's the difference.

986
00:59:17,288 --> 00:59:20,360
No, no, no, no. Check this out, check this out. Okay, go. Because you're Gen

987
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,768
X. Oh, my God, baby. I'm millennial, baby. All right.

988
00:59:23,824 --> 00:59:27,416
I'm born in 82, only by a year. I am a millennial. Whatevs.

989
00:59:27,448 --> 00:59:30,744
Go. Keep on. 1980 was the

990
00:59:30,752 --> 00:59:34,712
cutoff for Gen X. You are Gen X, baby. I am

991
00:59:34,736 --> 00:59:38,344
all millennial. Yes, you are. Okay, so we are generationally different.

992
00:59:38,432 --> 00:59:42,104
Okay. All right. Yes. With that being said, I wonder if

993
00:59:42,112 --> 00:59:45,700
this is A generational thing. Because the way I grew up,

994
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:50,408
you know. Yeah, I grew up through a good portion of the 80s, but I

995
00:59:50,464 --> 00:59:54,184
also grew up during a very good portion of the 90s, pretty much throughout

996
00:59:54,232 --> 00:59:56,840
all of the 90s was my childhood.

997
00:59:56,920 --> 01:00:00,632
Yeah. More so than the 80s. My memories and

998
01:00:00,656 --> 01:00:04,706
all that stuff. And I was an MTV child. And I remember very

999
01:00:04,778 --> 01:00:08,402
specifically back when MTV started sucking, and it was a bunch of

1000
01:00:08,426 --> 01:00:12,770
shows, you know, Real World, all that stuff. I remember

1001
01:00:12,850 --> 01:00:16,706
there were shows that would show

1002
01:00:16,858 --> 01:00:20,722
a bunch of these college women. They all go out and

1003
01:00:20,746 --> 01:00:24,430
they all go to these different clubs, and then they make out with their friends.

1004
01:00:24,730 --> 01:00:27,630
These are friends, guy friends,

1005
01:00:28,210 --> 01:00:31,242
girlfriends. And they would make out with them.

1006
01:00:31,426 --> 01:00:34,858
It wouldn't change their relationship. It wouldn't turn things romantic.

1007
01:00:34,954 --> 01:00:38,522
They would be out and they would just fucking be, like, making out

1008
01:00:38,546 --> 01:00:41,770
with them. And I thought

1009
01:00:41,810 --> 01:00:45,562
that was hot. I thought that the idea

1010
01:00:45,626 --> 01:00:49,402
of having a friend or friends that you can make out

1011
01:00:49,426 --> 01:00:53,394
with and still be friends with,

1012
01:00:53,522 --> 01:00:56,898
I thought that was a really great thought.

1013
01:00:57,034 --> 01:01:00,626
Yeah, I love it. I. And I kind of live that right now. Yeah,

1014
01:01:00,658 --> 01:01:04,034
but where is it generational we're talking about? Well, that's what I'm.

1015
01:01:04,082 --> 01:01:07,474
That's what I'm getting at. Okay. Is that your Gen X,

1016
01:01:07,642 --> 01:01:11,682
you're kind of old school mentality, and I'm millennial.

1017
01:01:11,746 --> 01:01:15,298
I'm kind of more. I'm so. I love kissing friends.

1018
01:01:15,354 --> 01:01:18,962
But what I'm saying is. Wait, you love kissing friends? Excuse me,

1019
01:01:18,986 --> 01:01:22,260
but that could lead into romantic stuff.

1020
01:01:22,340 --> 01:01:25,780
No, I will kiss my friend in front of you. I don't have to put

1021
01:01:25,820 --> 01:01:29,012
it away. That's what I mean. Well, obviously, I don't have to put it

1022
01:01:29,036 --> 01:01:32,100
away either, because I do it in front of you. But you're saying that you

1023
01:01:32,140 --> 01:01:34,980
found you didn't. That you do it for me. And I do.

1024
01:01:35,020 --> 01:01:38,132
Yeah. That you would rather be have it in a separate

1025
01:01:38,196 --> 01:01:42,068
area away from me. I mean, so not to.

1026
01:01:42,124 --> 01:01:45,424
Not to hide something. Oh. But just. Just because

1027
01:01:45,612 --> 01:01:48,660
it's, you know, I feel like it's a little private because.

1028
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:52,632
Because I'm gonna. You know, I'll tell you why. Okay. Here's why. Okay. Because as

1029
01:01:52,656 --> 01:01:56,648
I'm making out with this person and I'm enjoying the moment, my mind

1030
01:01:56,704 --> 01:01:59,816
is gonna be, what's my wife doing right now? Is she staring

1031
01:01:59,848 --> 01:02:02,872
at me? Because there have been times where I stopped kissing. Someone looked over at

1032
01:02:02,896 --> 01:02:05,736
you, and you're staring at me with a very not happy look.

1033
01:02:05,808 --> 01:02:09,400
Yeah. Or is she looking around and, like, is this an awkward

1034
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,728
moment for her? And then I. I Start overthinking it. And I'm like, okay,

1035
01:02:12,744 --> 01:02:16,362
I better stop this now. And I can't fully enjoy myself

1036
01:02:16,426 --> 01:02:18,150
because I'm worried about you.

1037
01:02:19,490 --> 01:02:22,986
Huh? Because you're

1038
01:02:23,018 --> 01:02:26,490
worried about me? Yeah. Because there have been

1039
01:02:26,530 --> 01:02:29,642
so many times where I've been making out with somebody and you're just sitting there

1040
01:02:29,666 --> 01:02:33,514
looking at me like, are you done? Can we go? Well, that's only

1041
01:02:33,602 --> 01:02:37,690
one person. And no, it's been with a few. Different people or maybe.

1042
01:02:37,850 --> 01:02:41,306
Yeah, no, it's not. Definitely not one person. I mean, it's happened several times

1043
01:02:41,378 --> 01:02:44,962
before. And so that's also. That's also the. But it hasn't.

1044
01:02:45,026 --> 01:02:49,682
Hasn't happened recently. It has. It hasn't even happened recently in

1045
01:02:49,706 --> 01:02:52,706
the way that I am thinking. No, no, no,

1046
01:02:52,778 --> 01:02:56,162
no. It hasn't happened recently at all. But it's something that you've done

1047
01:02:56,266 --> 01:02:59,538
enough to. Where it's held on to me. And I'm

1048
01:02:59,554 --> 01:03:03,362
sitting here going. And it's. It's kind of the same

1049
01:03:03,546 --> 01:03:07,138
feeling. Is it the. Is it the same feeling that you had when we would

1050
01:03:07,274 --> 01:03:10,904
play together and. I was worried about you and how you were reacting

1051
01:03:10,952 --> 01:03:14,136
and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. But how has that changed? Well,

1052
01:03:14,208 --> 01:03:18,040
you've shown me the confidence that it's.

1053
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:21,416
That it's all good, but also you're with somebody

1054
01:03:21,448 --> 01:03:24,712
else. Huh? You know what I mean? Right. So I don't have

1055
01:03:24,736 --> 01:03:28,168
to worry about you. I know that you're doing your thing. If I was having

1056
01:03:28,224 --> 01:03:32,632
sex with somebody and you're sitting there and

1057
01:03:32,656 --> 01:03:35,896
not involved, just kind of sitting there, well,

1058
01:03:36,048 --> 01:03:39,336
I'm to be wondering what you're doing. Sex.

1059
01:03:39,408 --> 01:03:42,780
Not so much. It's. It's the kissing.

1060
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:46,140
Because I know that you view that as romantic.

1061
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:50,700
I don't view it as romantic. No, not all kissing.

1062
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:55,032
You're. No, the specificness of it is. What you're saying is

1063
01:03:55,056 --> 01:03:58,952
what I find more romanticness of doing it

1064
01:03:58,976 --> 01:04:02,720
alone. Yes. So kissing alone is romantic?

1065
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:06,896
Kissing in front of people is not. And more intimate.

1066
01:04:07,088 --> 01:04:10,848
What does that mean? More? I don't know.

1067
01:04:10,984 --> 01:04:15,088
I don't know. But in my head, that's what it is.

1068
01:04:15,224 --> 01:04:18,900
Kissing alone is more intimate and romantic

1069
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:23,120
as opposed to kissing in front of me now?

1070
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:26,448
I don't care. I mean. I mean, how can. I mean, I feel like.

1071
01:04:26,504 --> 01:04:30,462
So how can you define that it's romantic for somebody else,

1072
01:04:30,526 --> 01:04:33,774
though? It's your view that that is. I got you.

1073
01:04:33,862 --> 01:04:37,198
It's my view. Okay. Yeah. So you're going to assume that.

1074
01:04:37,254 --> 01:04:40,590
That if I'm kissing somebody one on one in another room,

1075
01:04:40,630 --> 01:04:44,254
that it's romantic. That it's romantic and more like.

1076
01:04:44,342 --> 01:04:47,570
Or it leads the door open to romance.

1077
01:04:47,990 --> 01:04:51,662
Yeah. Like, ooh, I can't do this in front of my. My. In front

1078
01:04:51,686 --> 01:04:55,262
of my wife. This has to be. This has to be a you and

1079
01:04:55,286 --> 01:04:58,808
me moment, which then I feel might put a little bit

1080
01:04:58,864 --> 01:05:03,480
more feelings behind it as

1081
01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:07,304
opposed to why? I guess

1082
01:05:07,352 --> 01:05:10,632
because of that. Because you, you can't do.

1083
01:05:10,736 --> 01:05:14,152
What can't you do in front of me? Well, I just explained to you

1084
01:05:14,176 --> 01:05:17,432
the reasoning behind it. Because it's going to be awkward, I'm going to be

1085
01:05:17,456 --> 01:05:21,032
worried about you, that sort of thing. But in other words, now in front

1086
01:05:21,056 --> 01:05:24,392
of, like, with me there and that feeling has gone away.

1087
01:05:24,496 --> 01:05:27,902
Yeah. But when we have sex, like say in a threesome, I have sex

1088
01:05:27,926 --> 01:05:30,910
with threesome. Is there? Yeah. You're going to be involved.

1089
01:05:30,990 --> 01:05:34,862
Yeah. And even if you're not, you're. You're sitting there watching, it's still sexual because

1090
01:05:34,886 --> 01:05:38,366
chances are you're touching yourself and doing that whole thing while you're watching

1091
01:05:38,398 --> 01:05:42,446
us. Right. But kissing is different. If I'm making out with somebody

1092
01:05:42,478 --> 01:05:46,046
in front of you, you're just going to be sitting there, not talking to anybody,

1093
01:05:46,158 --> 01:05:49,118
not doing anything. You know what I mean?

1094
01:05:49,254 --> 01:05:52,090
Well, I don't think we've had that situation happen.

1095
01:05:53,090 --> 01:05:56,282
I mean, if you're kissing somebody and we're on a date, I usually go in

1096
01:05:56,306 --> 01:05:58,234
the car, I'll watch for a little bit, then I'll just go in the car

1097
01:05:58,242 --> 01:06:01,162
and leave you be. Well, what about the club? I mean, it happened even at

1098
01:06:01,186 --> 01:06:04,362
the club, like if it's happened if you're kissing. When we

1099
01:06:04,386 --> 01:06:07,642
first started going to the club. Yeah. When women would just grab you

1100
01:06:07,666 --> 01:06:11,082
as we were walking out. But now, like. But now we know the

1101
01:06:11,106 --> 01:06:14,170
people. It's like I just. I talked to somebody else because

1102
01:06:14,210 --> 01:06:16,906
there. Was a specific moment. Like this past weekend,

1103
01:06:17,098 --> 01:06:21,742
we were at. We were at the club and you

1104
01:06:21,766 --> 01:06:25,310
were sitting to my right, and there was a girl to my

1105
01:06:25,350 --> 01:06:28,670
left, and her. And I started making out just for a short period

1106
01:06:28,710 --> 01:06:33,310
of time. And in that short period of time, I cut it short because

1107
01:06:33,350 --> 01:06:36,490
I was thinking, she's gotta be feeling awkward right now.

1108
01:06:37,110 --> 01:06:40,558
No. And so I stopped. Not at all.

1109
01:06:40,614 --> 01:06:43,902
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, how funny. Yeah. Isn't that funny? But you're always in the back

1110
01:06:43,926 --> 01:06:47,210
of my head, though. But I'm not feeling awkward at all.

1111
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,664
Especially. Especially now.

1112
01:06:50,752 --> 01:06:54,088
Yeah. With the way I feel. No, not at all.

1113
01:06:54,144 --> 01:06:57,768
I can make myself useful. That's an interesting.

1114
01:06:57,864 --> 01:07:01,816
I can make myself useful. Interesting choice of phrasing. Yeah. You know, move her hair.

1115
01:07:02,008 --> 01:07:06,456
Oh, yeah. You know, or I can just, if I'm uncomfortable,

1116
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:09,672
I am okay with removing

1117
01:07:09,736 --> 01:07:12,952
myself. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm cool with

1118
01:07:12,976 --> 01:07:16,390
removing myself and doing self. I'm comfortable enough

1119
01:07:16,430 --> 01:07:18,010
to do that. Oh, okay.

1120
01:07:19,950 --> 01:07:23,734
I don't know how I feel about the whole, to be very honest.

1121
01:07:23,862 --> 01:07:27,810
The whole, doing it without me there.

1122
01:07:28,270 --> 01:07:31,570
What, the kissing? Yeah. Yeah. I, I don't know how I feel.

1123
01:07:31,870 --> 01:07:35,302
I'll have to look at that more. I just find it interesting that you view

1124
01:07:35,326 --> 01:07:38,598
it as romantic. I mean, it, I don't know, it's, I don't

1125
01:07:38,614 --> 01:07:41,886
associate. I, I, it's the two things. Yeah, no, I know.

1126
01:07:41,958 --> 01:07:45,566
Romance and intimacy. I don't know why, but yeah,

1127
01:07:45,678 --> 01:07:49,262
I. Mean, to me, in intimacy you can have

1128
01:07:49,286 --> 01:07:53,054
with friends, it doesn't mean romance.

1129
01:07:53,182 --> 01:07:56,650
And I totally agree with you

1130
01:07:56,950 --> 01:08:00,094
to a certain extent. Just like,

1131
01:08:00,262 --> 01:08:04,490
like a good example of intimacy. Okay. We were,

1132
01:08:04,790 --> 01:08:08,222
we had, we had some friends of ours, we went to somebody's house, this is

1133
01:08:08,246 --> 01:08:11,838
a good while back, and we were all on the couch and it was

1134
01:08:11,894 --> 01:08:15,282
me and you were to my left. And a good friend of ours, she was

1135
01:08:15,306 --> 01:08:18,242
to my right. And we were all really tired.

1136
01:08:18,386 --> 01:08:21,426
It was a long night. And you were warm and cuddly and. I was warm

1137
01:08:21,458 --> 01:08:25,442
and cuddlies. And so you, you cuddled over here on my left, she cuddled with

1138
01:08:25,466 --> 01:08:28,450
me on the right. We covered ourselves with a blanket and we literally sat there.

1139
01:08:28,490 --> 01:08:32,450
Now that was an intimate moment. It wasn't romantic,

1140
01:08:32,610 --> 01:08:34,390
but it was an intimate moment.

1141
01:08:35,370 --> 01:08:39,042
That's intimacy. It's kind of this little,

1142
01:08:39,146 --> 01:08:42,510
little moments that we share that are,

1143
01:08:42,890 --> 01:08:46,290
you know, very specific to, you know,

1144
01:08:46,410 --> 01:08:50,466
us. But it doesn't, it's not synonymous

1145
01:08:50,498 --> 01:08:54,338
with romance. It's, it's often looked

1146
01:08:54,434 --> 01:08:58,306
upon because it's usually included in romance. It's included

1147
01:08:58,338 --> 01:09:02,066
in one on one relationships, things like that.

1148
01:09:02,218 --> 01:09:06,121
So I can see why the two would be associated together all the

1149
01:09:06,145 --> 01:09:09,869
time. But to me, if I can separate,

1150
01:09:11,089 --> 01:09:14,681
if I can separate romance from sex and I can have

1151
01:09:14,705 --> 01:09:17,993
sex with somebody without feeling like I, I'm going to

1152
01:09:18,001 --> 01:09:21,241
fall in love with them, to me, I can separate romance

1153
01:09:21,305 --> 01:09:25,513
and intimacy and I can be intimate with somebody without

1154
01:09:25,681 --> 01:09:29,189
feeling romantic. You know what I mean?

1155
01:09:29,729 --> 01:09:32,233
So that's, that's always, you know, it's one of those things. I can, I can

1156
01:09:32,241 --> 01:09:35,749
just separate the two. But I think a lot of the

1157
01:09:35,789 --> 01:09:38,981
reason why we associate the two is the same way a lot

1158
01:09:39,005 --> 01:09:43,589
of people associate love and sex. It's how we're taught

1159
01:09:43,749 --> 01:09:47,249
as we grow up. Yeah. You know, it's just kind of. We're taught by the.

1160
01:09:47,549 --> 01:09:51,141
By school with movies and family and church and

1161
01:09:51,165 --> 01:09:54,901
all sorts of stuff. Everybody teaches the same thing. It's like, if you're gonna have

1162
01:09:54,925 --> 01:09:58,357
sex with them. Yeah. You can't have sex with somebody and not love them.

1163
01:09:58,413 --> 01:10:01,723
And then you reach a certain age and you realize, oh, yeah, yeah, I can.

1164
01:10:01,861 --> 01:10:04,816
Yeah, I can have sex with somebody and not love them all the time.

1165
01:10:04,888 --> 01:10:07,792
Yes, I can. I can pretend to love them just to have sex with them,

1166
01:10:07,816 --> 01:10:10,688
you know, and so, you know, people do that stuff all the time. Yeah.

1167
01:10:10,864 --> 01:10:14,496
So it's one of those things where we're taught something

1168
01:10:14,568 --> 01:10:18,096
and it's ingrained in us, and it's constant and constant and constant.

1169
01:10:18,128 --> 01:10:21,024
They nail it in your head and then you're going,

1170
01:10:21,112 --> 01:10:24,640
well, this is. This is how I feel. Yeah, it's like, is it

1171
01:10:24,680 --> 01:10:28,154
how you feel or is it how you were taught? You know

1172
01:10:28,162 --> 01:10:31,450
what I mean? Right? Yeah. Yeah. And so it's.

1173
01:10:31,530 --> 01:10:35,990
It's. It's almost like kind of breaking the barriers of that thought.

1174
01:10:36,290 --> 01:10:40,122
That whole thought process of this is not the

1175
01:10:40,146 --> 01:10:43,510
way I've been taught it was, you know.

1176
01:10:44,290 --> 01:10:47,482
Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting.

1177
01:10:47,546 --> 01:10:50,938
Anyways, I thought that was interesting. I. I really wanted

1178
01:10:50,954 --> 01:10:53,892
to. Before we ended the show, I wanted to hit that up because for those

1179
01:10:53,916 --> 01:10:57,492
of you listening out there, you know, do me a favor, if you can.

1180
01:10:57,676 --> 01:11:01,460
If you can reach out to us some way or another,

1181
01:11:01,580 --> 01:11:05,320
hit us up on. You know, if you go to our Facebook page,

1182
01:11:05,900 --> 01:11:09,764
you can actually find a way to call us.

1183
01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:13,092
You can leave us a voicemail. You can actually text us on that

1184
01:11:13,116 --> 01:11:16,932
same number. You can give us. Just let us

1185
01:11:16,956 --> 01:11:20,418
know what you think about that. Can. Can you separate the two? Can you.

1186
01:11:20,484 --> 01:11:24,470
Can you separate the two? The romance and the intimacy?

1187
01:11:24,550 --> 01:11:27,350
Can you. Can you have a makeout session,

1188
01:11:27,430 --> 01:11:31,382
one on one, and not have it be romantic?

1189
01:11:31,526 --> 01:11:35,670
And also from the other standpoint, which is as

1190
01:11:35,710 --> 01:11:39,590
a. As a partner, watching your. Your partner make

1191
01:11:39,630 --> 01:11:42,870
out with somebody, is it. Is it bothersome? Is it awkward? Is it something

1192
01:11:42,910 --> 01:11:46,800
that you're turned on by? You know what. What do you feel

1193
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:51,328
about that? Call us, leave us a voicemail. Let us know your experiences.

1194
01:11:51,424 --> 01:11:54,624
Text us even. You don't. You don't even have to. We don't have to hear

1195
01:11:54,632 --> 01:11:58,240
your voice. It can be completely anonymous. But I'm. I. This is something I'd really

1196
01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:01,600
like to hear your opinions about. You can reach us on

1197
01:12:01,640 --> 01:12:05,072
any of our social. We have TikTok, we have

1198
01:12:05,176 --> 01:12:08,640
Instagram, we have Facebook, we have our

1199
01:12:08,680 --> 01:12:12,674
email beyond monogamy for you. Mail.com. that's beyond

1200
01:12:12,722 --> 01:12:16,162
monogamy. Number four, letter u@gmail.com. and you can reach out

1201
01:12:16,186 --> 01:12:20,070
to us there or at the. The number that we have listed.

1202
01:12:20,490 --> 01:12:23,794
Yes. Do you want the number? That would be great if you want to.

1203
01:12:23,962 --> 01:12:27,202
Hold on. Keep talking. So, you know, realistically,

1204
01:12:27,266 --> 01:12:31,106
I just want to hear from our fan base out there, you guys,

1205
01:12:31,138 --> 01:12:33,570
y'all gotta talk to us, and especially the ones that are around the world,

1206
01:12:33,610 --> 01:12:37,442
because I'm curious, is this a regional

1207
01:12:37,506 --> 01:12:41,108
thing? I heard that our

1208
01:12:41,164 --> 01:12:45,300
neighbors in other countries and

1209
01:12:45,340 --> 01:12:49,440
across the pond maybe have different

1210
01:12:50,300 --> 01:12:53,604
perspectives on this sort of thing. You know,

1211
01:12:53,692 --> 01:12:57,396
sometimes, you know, the usa, we can. We can be a little prudish,

1212
01:12:57,428 --> 01:13:01,396
apparently. Just a bit. Just a bit. So beyond

1213
01:13:01,428 --> 01:13:07,262
monogamy, we have a phone number. It is 512-893-3869.

1214
01:13:07,366 --> 01:13:10,110
Oh, my gosh, that sounded sexy how you read that. And then we have our

1215
01:13:10,150 --> 01:13:14,222
email. Yes, it's beyond monogamy. The number four,

1216
01:13:14,406 --> 01:13:17,934
the letter umail. Com. Oh, my God,

1217
01:13:17,982 --> 01:13:21,550
you sound so sexy, you know that? Oh, and our TikTok is

1218
01:13:21,590 --> 01:13:25,310
beyond monogamy. Oh, is that it?

1219
01:13:25,350 --> 01:13:28,974
Is that all of it? Okay, yeah, I'm sorry,

1220
01:13:29,022 --> 01:13:31,874
but sugars. Solidly hot, man.

1221
01:13:32,042 --> 01:13:35,842
Solidly hot. Okay, so anyways, we're gonna. We're gonna wrap this up

1222
01:13:35,866 --> 01:13:39,202
because we went a little bit over. Anyways, thank you guys so much for

1223
01:13:39,226 --> 01:13:43,150
joining us. We appreciate you guys. We appreciate y'all listening. You really

1224
01:13:43,530 --> 01:13:46,962
keep us going, honestly, because like I said, I've quit the show maybe four or

1225
01:13:46,986 --> 01:13:50,738
five times. So you guys keep us going.

1226
01:13:50,794 --> 01:13:54,082
We appreciate everything you do. Thank you for showing the love and support and for

1227
01:13:54,106 --> 01:13:58,556
being our friends, for being our family and for being our lovers.

1228
01:13:58,668 --> 01:14:02,080
Woo. That's right, our prospective lovers.

1229
01:14:02,580 --> 01:14:05,800
And with that, we will see you guys next week.

1230
01:14:06,260 --> 01:14:07,120
Bye.