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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches, not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today on our Wednesday quickie, we're
gonna be talking about mental health.

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Mental health in the lifestyle.

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I feel like there shouldn't be a quickie.

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No, it shouldn't be a quickie, but
frankly, we can do multiple quickies.

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We can, we can always bring
it up again, but okay.

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I don't know.

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I, I just felt like it was
something that's, uh, worth

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talking about because it's not
something that's talked about often.

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Oh, for sure.

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Especially as it applies
to the lifestyle for sure.

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It's not.

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Uh, and I I recently did, uh, some content
on that on my TikTok and I was like, you

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know what, what better to get into, yeah.

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Than mental health and lifestyle.

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It's something that
I've brought up before.

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And I don't think that people really
think about it until it affects them.

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Yeah.

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I think a lot of people keep it in.

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They don't wanna express how
they feel or what's happening

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in their brain or whatever.

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So yeah, I could see that they,
because they wanna be positive,

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especially in the lifestyle.

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You wanna be positive.

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You don't wanna bring any negative.

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F what people think would be negative,
and for me, I just don't wanna sound

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like a whiny bitch, you know what I mean?

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Like that's, basically what it comes
down to, that's the internal voice in me.

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Oh, me too.

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It's, I wanna say this, but I
don't wanna sound like a bitch.

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Now, we've attempted to do this
show before and we scrapped it

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because we did a whole show on this.

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And I remember stopping and I was like.

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I just feel like I'm just
complaining, like nonstop.

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Yeah.

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And I said I don't like the tone of
the show, but I think you weren't doing

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it on mental, you were doing it on
something on this way, but not like this.

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Nothing like this.

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Well, so this, this is a, a bit of
a different spin now I will tell you

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that there are a couple of different
situations that I have seen in talking

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with a lot of the different couples
that we talked to and a lot of the

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singles that we talked to that.

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I see often bringing depression to people.

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The first big situation that I've
seen often by couples is when one

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one partner isn't really into the
lifestyle as much as the other partner.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And oftentimes, yeah, I've seen that
we wanna be supportive of our partner

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if they're doing something, if they
want to enjoy something, whatever.

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I feel like I, I've been there.

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Yeah.

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I know you've been there.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And, uh, I, I see it a lot.

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We've been told this by a lot of couples.

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Yes.

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Where, one person just isn't as
excited about it or isn't enjoying

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it as much as the other person.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Um, and.

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It really sends people spiraling.

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It sends them into depression.

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It does.

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It does.

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Yeah.

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I could see that.

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I mean, you were a part
of that at one point.

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Yeah.

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How did, how did you feel like, well,
for example, when we were poly Yeah.

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You knew I enjoyed being poly.

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Yes.

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And you couldn't stand it.

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And for five years Yes.

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You played that role.

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I did.

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And I know you went through
a depression on that.

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Oh yeah.

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What was your, what's your question?

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How did I deal with it?

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Yeah, I mean, I didn't, you didn't,
I didn't, I didn't deal really?

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Yeah, I kept it in Yeah.

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The whole time until, until the very end.

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Pretty much.

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Yeah.

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Like, um, I didn't talk about it at
all, and if I did, I, it was brought

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up very negative to negatively and more
of a, um, a fight than anything else.

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It wasn't anything, I didn't bring
it up in a positive way, so, so

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I didn't really talk about it.

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So would you say that when you were.

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Were you depressed that entire
five years that we did it?

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Um, or Yeah.

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When was it something
that gradually got worse?

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No.

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When we started it, it kind of
happened in, in little fragments,

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in little sections, and it
just got worse from there.

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So I didn't, I felt like I was
always competing, which I was not.

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No.

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There was never competition.

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Yeah.

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But I always felt like I
was competing for time.

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I always felt like I was
competing for attention from

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you, which I wasn't even lacking.

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I just felt like I needed to be
more, I don't know, more aggressive.

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No, that's not even the right word.

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So what happened was you would
go out with somebody and I would.

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See how happy you would be and then
it would get into me that I didn't

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make you that happy, even though
I know I did made you more happy.

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Right.

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But then I didn't understand.

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So then that's when you start talking
about your self worth and you're like,

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if he really wants to be poly, then
I guess if I don't wanna lose him.

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It's kind of like you ever had someone
you that cheated on you or were, I dunno,

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if you were ever this person and you're
like, or maybe like your ex said you

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can go cheat on me, but stay with me.

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Oh yeah.

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That's pretty much how I was feeling.

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And then, then I would
think I'm not that person.

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So then I would detach myself from this
kind of disassociate, disassociate,

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there you go from this situation,
and then kind of go into myself and

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then just be like, oh, well, I mean.

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I never got to the point where

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let's do this, and it's
okay if I'm unhappy.

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I got to a point where it was
total opposite when I moved here.

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I was so depressed that I was
like I mean, I'm gonna tell him

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I don't wanna do this anymore.

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And if he wants to break up with me,
well then he's breaking up with me.

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I'll let him be happy.

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Yeah.

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I got to that point.

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Um, and then.

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When I told you about it, I still had
to do a lot of of work on myself, but

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I think I was pretty much depressed or
not happy throughout the whole time.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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Yeah, it wasn't for me, you know, and, and
I really don't like to discuss it all that

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much because I know where it puts you.

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Yeah.

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But I utilize it as a
good example because.

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That is a situation that
happens to a lot of couples.

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Yeah.

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Maybe not necessarily the poly situation.

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Yeah.

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But even like the lifestyle
situation or even the poly situation.

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I mean, that's the thing about
it where they kind of do it

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with and they just hold onto it.

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Oh yeah.

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And this depression takes over.

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It does.

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And before you know it, it
just becomes a way of life.

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Yeah.

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It's like you're gonna
wake up not feeling good.

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Yeah.

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And you're gonna go to
sleep not feeling good.

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And you're It's true.

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Gonna feel this way all day long.

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It's true.

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Yeah.

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No, people, they don't know where to,
they don't know how to communicate.

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And that's what, that was me.

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I didn't know how to tell you,
oh, we're not gonna do this now.

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As soon as, as soon as we had
the discussion and we decided we

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weren't gonna be poly anymore.

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Yeah.

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And you realized that that
was gonna work out better.

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How quickly did your.

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Depression disperse.

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Honestly.

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Yeah.

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After a couple of weeks.

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Nope.

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A couple of days of talking to
you and you're like, I'm fine.

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It's okay because I'm a pusher.

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It was fine.

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I wasn't, I I felt like a big
relief was just taken away.

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I sometimes your reactions aren't the
best, so I have to remember that too.

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So like I think we stopped everything.

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We stopped everything for like a week.

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No, it was longer.

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Nah, it was a couple weeks.

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The swinger part was longer.

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Yeah, no, it was a couple weeks.

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And I te and I tell you that because
I wanted to stop everything for.

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For a long time.

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Mm-hmm.

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And it was a couple weeks and
you came out and you were like,

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I don't wanna stop that part.

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And I was like, we literally
just stopped like, are you sure?

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Yeah.

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And you're like, no, I, I like,
I don't wanna stop that part.

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I just don't wanna be poly anymore.

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So I guess then is whenever I was
like, okay, well this is still fun.

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But yeah, it was a big
weight off my shoulders.

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'cause I was like, dang, I
really did not like that.

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Yeah, it's gone.

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Yeah.

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And, but like I said, that's a
really good example of what a lot

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of couples are dealing with now.

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I know that there's another situation
that people deal with in lifestyle

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and that is not feeling wanted.

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You've went through that.

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00:09:00,872 --> 00:09:02,282
I, so I have been through that.

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I know a lot of people that have, I
used to say it was a guy thing, but

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00:09:06,152 --> 00:09:07,532
it is not, no, it is not a guy thing.

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Uh, that was just ignorance on my part.

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Because women go through this as well.

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00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:11,312
Yes.

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00:09:11,372 --> 00:09:14,692
Uh, where they do not
feel wanted by people Yes.

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Uh, in the lifestyle.

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00:09:15,862 --> 00:09:15,952
Yes.

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And that's a hard feeling.

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That's hard.

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That's a hard, hard,
that's a hard feeling.

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It is.

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Because you can't say
it's a fact because most.

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Times.

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It's not a fact.

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Most times it's just a feeling that you
have and maybe the timing's not right,

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or there's people that aren't vocalizing
it or whatever the situation may be.

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It's usually incorrect.

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There's very few times that people
can walk around this lifestyle and

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straight up say, yeah, nobody wants me.

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That's the thing.

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00:09:46,747 --> 00:09:47,347
Yeah.

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00:09:47,777 --> 00:09:52,427
There's, it's a, it's such a vast
and large and diverse community.

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00:09:52,432 --> 00:09:52,802
Community.

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00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:53,837
It is, yeah.

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00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:56,027
That there's probably a, some,
there's a pot for every lid.

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00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:56,597
Yeah.

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00:09:56,937 --> 00:10:03,717
And also I think to add to that
is you have to be cool and common.

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00:10:03,717 --> 00:10:05,572
That's easier said than done, but Yeah.

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00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:08,577
There's always somebody for some,
there's always somebody for somebody.

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00:10:08,577 --> 00:10:08,637
Yeah.

251
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:13,257
Like there's, it's always and I feel
like you start like that for the

252
00:10:13,257 --> 00:10:14,757
most part, and then when you're.

253
00:10:15,177 --> 00:10:17,907
You don't have a lot of connections,
that's when it brings you down.

254
00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:22,987
But at what point did it fall through?

255
00:10:23,037 --> 00:10:25,977
Were you ever on top and
then you just decided Hmm.

256
00:10:26,157 --> 00:10:26,307
You know?

257
00:10:26,307 --> 00:10:26,957
Right, yeah.

258
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:32,447
And you know, I, I think, I
think it's tough for people who,

259
00:10:34,607 --> 00:10:39,932
this is gonna sound kind of weird, so I
have never really been the the hot guy.

260
00:10:40,702 --> 00:10:41,447
In my life.

261
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:45,317
And so I spent a lot of
time honing my personality.

262
00:10:45,467 --> 00:10:48,707
To, 'cause I said, you know, if I'm not
gonna win them over with my looks, I might

263
00:10:48,707 --> 00:10:50,237
as well win 'em over with my personality.

264
00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:55,267
I feel like there's a lot of people
who go into the lifestyle who have

265
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:59,407
always had the looks, but maybe
not the personality for sure.

266
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:04,167
And then they walk in and realize, oh,
it's not just purely based on my looks.

267
00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:05,847
I actually have to have substance here.

268
00:11:05,877 --> 00:11:06,267
Yes.

269
00:11:06,297 --> 00:11:06,657
Yeah.

270
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:06,987
Yeah.

271
00:11:07,257 --> 00:11:10,257
And, and that's kind of a hard
wake up call for a lot of people.

272
00:11:10,257 --> 00:11:10,467
Yeah.

273
00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:12,027
I always found that interesting.

274
00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:12,957
Yeah.

275
00:11:13,027 --> 00:11:16,777
I would, I think that's, I mean, our,
there's not a lot of women that are funny.

276
00:11:17,497 --> 00:11:17,917
No.

277
00:11:18,307 --> 00:11:18,607
Yeah.

278
00:11:18,607 --> 00:11:20,377
So I guess, wow.

279
00:11:20,527 --> 00:11:20,677
Yeah.

280
00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:21,907
That sucks for us guys.

281
00:11:23,797 --> 00:11:27,487
There's some funny women,
uh, you know, I, I think.

282
00:11:28,702 --> 00:11:32,252
W you and I, we, we go through
our cycles of depression.

283
00:11:33,102 --> 00:11:36,552
And it stems, it doesn't
stem from the lifestyle.

284
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:36,972
No.

285
00:11:36,972 --> 00:11:39,972
At, uh, but it doesn't help sometimes.

286
00:11:40,302 --> 00:11:42,882
Um, we are very, very
busy in the lifestyle.

287
00:11:42,887 --> 00:11:47,117
And the podcast kind of launches
that, but even if we didn't have it,

288
00:11:47,117 --> 00:11:49,547
we were going out once every weekend.

289
00:11:49,847 --> 00:11:49,937
Mm-hmm.

290
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:50,952
Or once every couple of weekends.

291
00:11:50,952 --> 00:11:51,312
Mm-hmm.

292
00:11:52,217 --> 00:11:55,187
It takes a lot of head space for you to.

293
00:11:56,097 --> 00:12:01,317
Be able to remember everything that
you gotta do and prepare for Yes.

294
00:12:01,317 --> 00:12:06,837
Different parties and, you know, some
days you just don't feel sexy and

295
00:12:06,837 --> 00:12:12,057
some days you're just going through
the motions and it's like, crap,

296
00:12:12,057 --> 00:12:16,437
man, I, I didn't buy anything for
this theme night that's coming up and

297
00:12:16,437 --> 00:12:19,497
we ain't got no money for this, and
how are we gonna pay for the club?

298
00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:21,527
Just all of that together.

299
00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:21,946
Is.

300
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:28,631
It lives in your head, rent free and
brings you down and you have to somehow

301
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:33,911
turn that switch off and go into
party mode, go into social mode and be

302
00:12:33,911 --> 00:12:36,071
like, Hey everybody, how's it going?

303
00:12:36,071 --> 00:12:37,361
I ain't got a care in the world.

304
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:38,831
I, yeah, that's me.

305
00:12:39,611 --> 00:12:39,971
That's me.

306
00:12:40,451 --> 00:12:41,921
Yeah, for sure.

307
00:12:41,921 --> 00:12:42,641
I don't know how you do it.

308
00:12:43,211 --> 00:12:43,781
You know?

309
00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:45,011
It's a talent boo.

310
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,181
It's a talent.

311
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:47,141
It's a talent.

312
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:47,206
Huh?

313
00:12:47,211 --> 00:12:48,101
It's a talent.

314
00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:49,081
I can do it.

315
00:12:49,081 --> 00:12:49,681
Can you?

316
00:12:49,711 --> 00:12:50,131
Yeah.

317
00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,121
I, you know, if I, I, I'm useless.

318
00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:57,281
I, you know, when I, when I
go through those battles Yeah.

319
00:12:57,581 --> 00:13:01,601
The, I always say that
the noise in my head Yeah.

320
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:02,921
Overtakes everything.

321
00:13:02,951 --> 00:13:03,041
Yeah.

322
00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:06,941
Like I can have these intrusive
thoughts that are so loud in my

323
00:13:06,941 --> 00:13:09,731
head that the person in front
of me could be having an entire

324
00:13:09,731 --> 00:13:12,101
conversation and I won't hear a word.

325
00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:13,181
Oh, for sure.

326
00:13:13,181 --> 00:13:14,081
What did you just say?

327
00:13:14,156 --> 00:13:14,276
He, yeah.

328
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:15,601
Yeah.

329
00:13:16,701 --> 00:13:17,721
You've seen me do it too.

330
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:18,476
Wait, were you talking right now?

331
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,556
Oh, she's so cute, isn't she?

332
00:13:19,556 --> 00:13:19,796
Yeah.

333
00:13:20,576 --> 00:13:21,686
I have to have something going for me.

334
00:13:21,776 --> 00:13:21,926
Yeah.

335
00:13:24,536 --> 00:13:25,706
Did we just talk about that?

336
00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:26,576
Yeah.

337
00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:27,236
Well, you're funny too.

338
00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:30,671
No, it's, um, you can get
lost in those thoughts.

339
00:13:30,671 --> 00:13:34,026
You can get lost in the, in
the baggage that you have.

340
00:13:34,676 --> 00:13:35,936
For whatever reason.

341
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:38,366
But like you said, it doesn't
always have to be lifestyle based.

342
00:13:38,366 --> 00:13:39,386
It could just be life.

343
00:13:39,416 --> 00:13:39,686
Yeah.

344
00:13:39,746 --> 00:13:40,796
Just life, period.

345
00:13:40,796 --> 00:13:44,846
So, but you know when, when life
happens, oh, it's hard to be lifestyle.

346
00:13:44,936 --> 00:13:45,476
It is.

347
00:13:45,696 --> 00:13:46,806
And that's the thing about it.

348
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:49,656
When life happens, we know a
lot of people that go, look,

349
00:13:49,656 --> 00:13:50,886
life is happening right now.

350
00:13:50,886 --> 00:13:51,726
I'm taking a break.

351
00:13:51,756 --> 00:13:52,086
Yeah.

352
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:56,196
This is the unfortunate thing for us, is
that we have a podcast in the lifestyle.

353
00:13:56,196 --> 00:13:56,316
It is.

354
00:13:56,466 --> 00:13:56,586
Yeah.

355
00:13:56,591 --> 00:13:56,761
So.

356
00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:01,191
Taking a break means taking a
break from easy as, yeah, this,

357
00:14:01,251 --> 00:14:04,011
it's not as easy as as people.

358
00:14:04,341 --> 00:14:06,561
God, did we ever take a break?

359
00:14:07,976 --> 00:14:11,121
Oh, oh, we did kind of right
when we were raising our kids.

360
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:11,211
Yeah.

361
00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:12,711
It was really, really slow.

362
00:14:12,711 --> 00:14:14,421
Yeah, we did for a good chunk of years.

363
00:14:14,451 --> 00:14:14,541
Yeah.

364
00:14:14,691 --> 00:14:19,041
I mean, we would get, we would
literally get out and play maybe once

365
00:14:19,101 --> 00:14:21,861
a year and maybe a few times if that.

366
00:14:22,226 --> 00:14:26,061
If one to three times a year, if
that, if that, like we didn't Yeah.

367
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:29,936
Like we didn't really do it very often,
so it was, we were busy raising kids.

368
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:30,296
Yeah.

369
00:14:30,296 --> 00:14:32,576
Really were, and life,
life was happening man.

370
00:14:32,996 --> 00:14:34,341
Uh, we had a lot life be happening.

371
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,606
We had a lot of stuff going on.

372
00:14:35,606 --> 00:14:36,296
Life be lifeing.

373
00:14:36,296 --> 00:14:36,716
Yeah.

374
00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:42,836
I think the only year that we did
not play at all was when the pandemic

375
00:14:42,836 --> 00:14:44,576
hit and everybody was on lockdown.

376
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:44,966
Yeah.

377
00:14:45,096 --> 00:14:45,316
But.

378
00:14:45,656 --> 00:14:49,436
I mean, we had just moved and there was
really, we didn't really know anybody.

379
00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:49,496
Yeah.

380
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,936
It was a whole new community.

381
00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:51,446
Yeah.

382
00:14:51,506 --> 00:14:51,866
I don't know.

383
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:57,686
It was just it, I felt myself
getting depressed in that time

384
00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:03,716
because I felt very unwanted.

385
00:15:04,676 --> 00:15:07,346
And really for a good
portion of our lifestyle.

386
00:15:07,346 --> 00:15:12,646
Up until recently I always felt
like I was not the attracted

387
00:15:12,646 --> 00:15:14,386
one or the attractive one.

388
00:15:14,661 --> 00:15:15,081
Mm-hmm.

389
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:15,521
In, in.

390
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,216
In between this couple.

391
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:20,761
And so, and that, and that brings, that
makes you de, that made you difference.

392
00:15:20,761 --> 00:15:21,566
That, that would bring me down.

393
00:15:21,566 --> 00:15:21,716
Yeah.

394
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:25,106
You know, that would make me kind
of not look forward to it so much.

395
00:15:25,106 --> 00:15:26,516
And it brought up a lot of Yeah.

396
00:15:26,576 --> 00:15:29,396
Triggering feelings from
high school of all times.

397
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:29,936
Yeah.

398
00:15:29,936 --> 00:15:31,556
I remember you talking about, oh my God.

399
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,416
And I'm, I'm very different from that.

400
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,156
I'm the.

401
00:15:34,261 --> 00:15:34,441
Yeah.

402
00:15:34,441 --> 00:15:35,611
Well, you're a bit confident.

403
00:15:35,791 --> 00:15:40,231
No, but like, if, if I'm the eh, I could
take it or leave it type of person.

404
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,041
So didn't Yeah, I know.

405
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:41,971
I wish I could have that.

406
00:15:41,971 --> 00:15:44,251
You know, didn't, it didn't, didn't,
it didn't ever bring me down.

407
00:15:44,251 --> 00:15:45,621
It's like, whatever.

408
00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:46,801
But that's hard too.

409
00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:47,401
That's incredible.

410
00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:51,181
You know, the lifestyle can be so
amazing, but if you, if you let it, it

411
00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:53,191
can also mess with your self-esteem.

412
00:15:53,521 --> 00:15:54,271
Like big time.

413
00:15:54,271 --> 00:15:54,361
Yes.

414
00:15:54,481 --> 00:15:59,101
And I, I've, I've, I think this is
probably one of the more relatable

415
00:15:59,101 --> 00:16:01,291
things that I've said to a lot
of people that listen, is that

416
00:16:01,531 --> 00:16:03,091
it can feel like high school.

417
00:16:03,331 --> 00:16:06,001
It can feel like high school
for a number of reasons.

418
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:06,151
Yes.

419
00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:09,301
Uh, sometimes it can feel like
high school because of the drama

420
00:16:09,851 --> 00:16:11,996
that, uh, ensues with people.

421
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:14,501
Sometimes people tend
to act like children.

422
00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:14,831
Yes.

423
00:16:14,831 --> 00:16:15,551
It is what it is.

424
00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:16,061
Yes.

425
00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:17,401
But also.

426
00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:23,191
For me, for people like myself who
struggled with their self-esteem in high

427
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:29,101
school and maybe body issues and all
those insecurities, if you managed to

428
00:16:29,761 --> 00:16:36,001
maybe lear, like for me, I managed to fake
it and kind of stuff all of that away.

429
00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:36,091
Mm-hmm.

430
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,201
In vanilla life.

431
00:16:37,301 --> 00:16:40,871
So that I can kind of go through
my life, but then it's like.

432
00:16:41,546 --> 00:16:44,696
The moment we're in the lifestyle, I'm
going, oh, this is all out in the open.

433
00:16:44,696 --> 00:16:44,756
Yeah.

434
00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:46,426
Like, I'm not feeling all that great.

435
00:16:46,426 --> 00:16:48,436
I'm not feeling very confident in myself.

436
00:16:48,936 --> 00:16:53,106
And that really just kind of wrecked
it because when you go to somebody that

437
00:16:53,106 --> 00:16:56,856
you're attracted to and you're like,
Hey I'd really like to get to know you.

438
00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:59,076
And they look at you and they
go, yeah, I don't think so.

439
00:16:59,076 --> 00:16:59,676
You're not my type.

440
00:16:59,676 --> 00:17:00,276
Bye.

441
00:17:00,276 --> 00:17:00,336
Yeah.

442
00:17:00,906 --> 00:17:04,086
Uh, well then yeah, that's
gonna wreck you just a tad.

443
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:04,581
Uh, yeah.

444
00:17:04,971 --> 00:17:05,261
Yeah.

445
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:05,981
I mean.

446
00:17:06,936 --> 00:17:07,956
If I would wreck anybody.

447
00:17:08,046 --> 00:17:11,436
Now, you've never really had that,
except for one time there was one guy who

448
00:17:11,436 --> 00:17:13,386
turned you down and you were like, what?

449
00:17:14,286 --> 00:17:19,656
Yeah, but it was like on one of those
apps and I just wasn't interested.

450
00:17:19,656 --> 00:17:22,306
And he was like, okay, you're fat.

451
00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:24,196
And I was like, what?

452
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,556
What did he just tell me?

453
00:17:27,996 --> 00:17:30,156
And he was just expressing himself like.

454
00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:32,121
You know, he doesn't want to be rejected.

455
00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:32,726
He didn't know how to cope.

456
00:17:32,731 --> 00:17:36,321
He didn't know how to cope, and
that's whatever it is what it is.

457
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:40,901
But I don't really let people's
actions or words do not really

458
00:17:40,901 --> 00:17:45,941
hurt my feelings except for
people that are real close to me.

459
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:50,291
So my kids can say something and,
oh my God, I could be torn apart.

460
00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:51,011
I know.

461
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:54,071
Um, you can tell me something and
I'll be like, oh my God, what?

462
00:17:54,371 --> 00:17:54,741
Um, but.

463
00:17:56,006 --> 00:18:00,666
But yeah, no, I don't let,
um, I am on social media.

464
00:18:01,086 --> 00:18:01,176
Yeah.

465
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,996
All of me totally is on social media.

466
00:18:04,056 --> 00:18:04,326
Yeah.

467
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,176
And I do not care.

468
00:18:07,596 --> 00:18:09,996
I get comments on there all the time.

469
00:18:09,996 --> 00:18:10,056
Yeah.

470
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,226
And some of 'em are not nice.

471
00:18:11,286 --> 00:18:11,646
Oh dude.

472
00:18:11,646 --> 00:18:14,346
I don't know how to do
it, but I don't care.

473
00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:16,491
I wish I could be like you.

474
00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:17,631
I'm, I'm happy.

475
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:21,201
So I don't get depressed
with what, how I look.

476
00:18:21,261 --> 00:18:25,701
I do personally, but not like the
lifestyle's gonna judge me because

477
00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:27,741
it's non, it's very non judgy.

478
00:18:28,071 --> 00:18:29,721
It's more of an internal me.

479
00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:34,771
Like I, I judge myself, but I don't really
get depressed with things like that.

480
00:18:35,551 --> 00:18:39,411
Oh, dude, you know, we, we
are very much on social media.

481
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,671
We're on every platform.

482
00:18:40,671 --> 00:18:40,731
Yeah.

483
00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:45,291
Our podcast is on every
platform and on every platform.

484
00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:47,826
Yeah, obviously comments can be made.

485
00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:48,336
Oh God.

486
00:18:48,846 --> 00:18:51,521
I get called, I get called grandma
sometimes and I'm like, okay, well dude,

487
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,916
I don't know how you do it because you
don't wanna pay me to be your grandma.

488
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:54,546
'cause I could do that.

489
00:18:54,546 --> 00:18:58,746
I, I don't get a lot of negative
comments on my socials, uh, or on

490
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,726
our YouTube, but we have gotten them.

491
00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:01,146
Yeah.

492
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:04,086
Uh, I've gotten negative
comments on my tiktoks.

493
00:19:04,116 --> 00:19:08,806
I've gotten negative comments on YouTube
occasionally or on our Facebook page.

494
00:19:09,751 --> 00:19:14,341
And it's been very few, but the
few times that it happens, man,

495
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:16,201
that sends me into a spiral.

496
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:16,711
Oh yeah.

497
00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:19,981
I'm like, why is this affecting me so bad?

498
00:19:19,981 --> 00:19:20,041
Yeah.

499
00:19:20,041 --> 00:19:20,971
And I'll tell you why.

500
00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:26,351
Because they're not, they're
it's very personal and it

501
00:19:26,351 --> 00:19:27,581
may not be personal for them.

502
00:19:27,581 --> 00:19:31,191
They may just be trolls, but it's
very personal for me because yeah.

503
00:19:31,811 --> 00:19:36,461
What we put out here as far as our
content, what would, this is our lives.

504
00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:36,551
Mm-hmm.

505
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,471
This is what we do.

506
00:19:38,471 --> 00:19:39,941
This is our relationship.

507
00:19:39,941 --> 00:19:41,801
This is our musings.

508
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,451
This is everything about us.

509
00:19:43,451 --> 00:19:47,951
So if they talk crap about the show or
if they talk crap about our content,

510
00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:50,081
they're in a sense talking crap about us.

511
00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:50,531
Now, why?

512
00:19:51,536 --> 00:19:53,126
Why that doesn't bother you at all?

513
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:56,826
Well, maybe that was the way that you
were raised was to not really give a crap.

514
00:19:57,466 --> 00:20:00,046
But I, yeah, I don't know why.

515
00:20:00,046 --> 00:20:01,276
It just Yeah.

516
00:20:01,276 --> 00:20:02,086
Stays with me.

517
00:20:02,186 --> 00:20:06,536
It does affect, well, I am also
more of a reactor, so you will.

518
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,386
Just let it leave it there
or delete it or whatever.

519
00:20:09,386 --> 00:20:11,066
And I am more of a, oh really?

520
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,206
You really wanna call me that?

521
00:20:12,206 --> 00:20:13,406
Oh, you really wanna say this?

522
00:20:13,916 --> 00:20:16,226
And I'll go find you and
I'll go do the same thing.

523
00:20:16,496 --> 00:20:16,796
Yeah.

524
00:20:16,856 --> 00:20:17,966
That's what I was taught.

525
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:20,996
Ah, if someone's gonna say
something to you or do something

526
00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:23,006
to you, you come at it.

527
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:24,971
A thousand more percent.

528
00:20:25,151 --> 00:20:25,541
Well see.

529
00:20:25,541 --> 00:20:26,771
And I'm not that person anymore.

530
00:20:26,771 --> 00:20:26,936
And you're very different.

531
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:28,781
So I used to be very confrontational.

532
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:29,111
Yeah.

533
00:20:29,111 --> 00:20:30,191
And I was a fighter.

534
00:20:30,251 --> 00:20:30,431
Yeah.

535
00:20:30,431 --> 00:20:32,381
And I was, I, I had a chip on my shoulder.

536
00:20:32,381 --> 00:20:32,441
Yeah.

537
00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:36,401
And I was ready, I was ready at any
whim to get into it with somebody.

538
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:37,541
I'm not that guy anymore.

539
00:20:37,601 --> 00:20:37,931
Yeah.

540
00:20:37,991 --> 00:20:38,981
You know, I'm a dad.

541
00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:39,616
I, I, I've, I've.

542
00:20:40,221 --> 00:20:43,281
Put all of that on the shelf,
and I really, really try not

543
00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:44,841
to be that person anymore.

544
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:47,571
And the moment you should try it,
it'll help your mental health.

545
00:20:47,571 --> 00:20:49,221
No, let me tell you something.

546
00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:52,821
It's actually very bad because
I've had those feelings.

547
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:53,031
Yeah.

548
00:20:53,031 --> 00:20:56,721
Depending on the comment, depending
on what's been said, depending on how

549
00:20:56,721 --> 00:21:02,631
I was treated, I've had those very
dark feelings come up where I feel

550
00:21:02,691 --> 00:21:04,641
like I'm gonna be that person again.

551
00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:06,921
Oh, and I have to pull back.

552
00:21:06,951 --> 00:21:07,581
And I have to go.

553
00:21:07,581 --> 00:21:08,991
I'm not that guy anymore.

554
00:21:09,761 --> 00:21:10,991
Okay, that makes sense.

555
00:21:10,991 --> 00:21:12,151
You know what I'm saying?

556
00:21:12,151 --> 00:21:12,161
Yeah.

557
00:21:12,161 --> 00:21:14,021
And I, and so I'm very scared
to become that person again.

558
00:21:14,021 --> 00:21:17,906
I, and I'm just, I've always been
like this I was never the skinny girl.

559
00:21:18,571 --> 00:21:20,191
I was never the pretty girl.

560
00:21:20,251 --> 00:21:20,371
Mm-hmm.

561
00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:23,821
I mean, now I look back and I'm like,
oh God, y'all were the ugly people.

562
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:29,321
But I mean, I was made fun of,
but from my family members.

563
00:21:29,351 --> 00:21:29,441
Yeah.

564
00:21:29,471 --> 00:21:31,511
Like my self-esteem was low.

565
00:21:31,511 --> 00:21:34,661
I was, you've always said, I've,
I've always told you that, that

566
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:38,201
I never thought I was pretty, but
don't tell 'em me that I'm ugly.

567
00:21:38,651 --> 00:21:39,881
Like that.

568
00:21:39,931 --> 00:21:42,361
That would've hurt my feelings younger.

569
00:21:42,781 --> 00:21:43,921
Now I don't care.

570
00:21:44,891 --> 00:21:49,001
Geez, my sister would tell
me I was fat and ugly.

571
00:21:49,481 --> 00:21:51,641
I think we both got
that from our families.

572
00:21:51,701 --> 00:21:51,821
Yeah.

573
00:21:51,821 --> 00:21:54,191
God, my first husband
would tell me I was ugly.

574
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:55,766
Oh, if y'all would've seen him.

575
00:21:56,531 --> 00:21:59,621
I didn't get that from my first
wife, but, uh, I mean, she just

576
00:21:59,621 --> 00:22:01,451
pretty much acted like I was ugly.

577
00:22:02,111 --> 00:22:05,921
She never actually said the words, so,
yeah, I mean, it is, it's hard, it's

578
00:22:05,921 --> 00:22:10,821
hard to keep that self-esteem and, and
to still be present in the lifestyle,

579
00:22:11,091 --> 00:22:16,221
especially when you're dealing with that,
because some people we just kind of like.

580
00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:18,906
You wanna be confident, right?

581
00:22:18,966 --> 00:22:19,026
Yeah.

582
00:22:19,116 --> 00:22:23,256
You wanna be that sexy, confident person,
but sometimes you just don't feel like it.

583
00:22:23,286 --> 00:22:23,706
Yeah.

584
00:22:23,796 --> 00:22:24,156
Yeah.

585
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:28,926
And you know what's even worse
is if you are feeling depressed.

586
00:22:28,956 --> 00:22:29,046
Mm-hmm.

587
00:22:29,496 --> 00:22:30,636
For whatever reason.

588
00:22:30,756 --> 00:22:33,276
And especially if it has
to do with the lifestyle.

589
00:22:33,456 --> 00:22:33,756
Yeah.

590
00:22:34,266 --> 00:22:38,976
It's, it makes it even harder to
feel compersion for your partner.

591
00:22:40,701 --> 00:22:43,161
It makes it harder to not feel jealous.

592
00:22:43,166 --> 00:22:43,671
Yes, yes.

593
00:22:43,671 --> 00:22:44,301
You know what I'm saying?

594
00:22:44,361 --> 00:22:44,541
Yes.

595
00:22:44,571 --> 00:22:46,161
Like those jealousy
feelings will come about.

596
00:22:46,161 --> 00:22:46,221
Yeah.

597
00:22:46,461 --> 00:22:49,011
Even more because of
the way you're feeling.

598
00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:49,551
For sure.

599
00:22:49,551 --> 00:22:50,871
Mine did and yeah.

600
00:22:50,991 --> 00:22:51,321
Yeah.

601
00:22:51,351 --> 00:22:53,811
And I, I think that's commonplace.

602
00:22:53,811 --> 00:22:53,871
Yeah.

603
00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:57,531
If you're going through that, it's
just gonna make things, uh, different.

604
00:22:57,621 --> 00:23:00,921
But I do know how to, is
it com compartmentalism?

605
00:23:02,346 --> 00:23:04,281
Compartmentalize, that word right there.

606
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,046
My emotions, how I'm feeling.

607
00:23:07,521 --> 00:23:07,581
Yeah.

608
00:23:08,061 --> 00:23:10,441
And every single little
thing I can do that.

609
00:23:10,441 --> 00:23:12,211
And none of it spills over.

610
00:23:12,571 --> 00:23:16,201
I only let it spill over if I'm just
like not in the mood to control it.

611
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:16,951
Oh wow.

612
00:23:17,161 --> 00:23:17,491
Yeah.

613
00:23:18,151 --> 00:23:18,841
That's interesting.

614
00:23:18,901 --> 00:23:20,161
It is, huh?

615
00:23:20,251 --> 00:23:22,291
I mean, I walked in and I had no energy.

616
00:23:22,531 --> 00:23:25,621
You had no energy and
now you have a little

617
00:23:27,661 --> 00:23:29,761
A little, that's right.

618
00:23:29,821 --> 00:23:30,691
I mean it is hard.

619
00:23:30,691 --> 00:23:33,481
So like come like just
your mental load period.

620
00:23:33,481 --> 00:23:36,541
You're always women, were
always dealing with jealousy.

621
00:23:36,571 --> 00:23:41,041
Yeah, we're always dealing with
comparison performance, anxiety.

622
00:23:41,041 --> 00:23:43,351
That's mainly for you
guys, but it's also for us.

623
00:23:43,351 --> 00:23:44,671
Like do women deal with
performance anxiety?

624
00:23:44,671 --> 00:23:50,431
Well, I used to always, even this
weekend I was like, oh man, performance

625
00:23:50,431 --> 00:23:56,371
anxiety so much that I was like,
not really performance anxiety.

626
00:23:57,331 --> 00:23:57,691
No.

627
00:23:57,781 --> 00:23:58,231
Yeah.

628
00:23:58,351 --> 00:23:59,731
Am I gonna get this guy?

629
00:23:59,731 --> 00:24:01,081
Is this guy really gonna want me?

630
00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:01,951
Oh, wow.

631
00:24:02,096 --> 00:24:02,936
I didn't know you deal with that.

632
00:24:02,936 --> 00:24:03,216
Yeah.

633
00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:04,121
I didn't think you cared.

634
00:24:04,961 --> 00:24:06,881
I don't so much.

635
00:24:07,121 --> 00:24:09,161
Actually, I don't, let's rewind that.

636
00:24:09,161 --> 00:24:09,851
I don't care.

637
00:24:10,421 --> 00:24:15,281
Um, I'm, I used to, I used to be worried,
oh, is he not getting hard 'cause of me?

638
00:24:15,381 --> 00:24:16,221
Is that because of me?

639
00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:17,146
And I would tell you, oh yeah.

640
00:24:17,146 --> 00:24:20,746
And then I finally realized that
it wasn't a me issue, right?

641
00:24:20,746 --> 00:24:22,456
It was more of a them issue.

642
00:24:22,756 --> 00:24:25,456
But this weekend I was like, oh my gosh.

643
00:24:25,996 --> 00:24:27,106
I don't wanna wet the bed.

644
00:24:27,406 --> 00:24:28,616
Ah, yeah, yeah.

645
00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:31,116
I did, but I didn't want to.

646
00:24:31,116 --> 00:24:35,436
I was like, and that always makes me
feel so embarrassed for some reason.

647
00:24:35,496 --> 00:24:35,616
Mm-hmm.

648
00:24:35,856 --> 00:24:37,656
Um, you know, it's a natural thing though.

649
00:24:37,716 --> 00:24:38,556
It is a natural thing.

650
00:24:38,646 --> 00:24:41,706
And, uh, you know, the, the tough
part for me this weekend, and I

651
00:24:41,706 --> 00:24:45,336
think I mentioned this to you when
we were on our way back home is it's

652
00:24:45,336 --> 00:24:47,916
tough to be in social settings where.

653
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,656
People know us for the podcast.

654
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:51,076
Mm-hmm.

655
00:24:51,082 --> 00:24:51,761
Uh, and content.

656
00:24:52,066 --> 00:24:52,306
Mm-hmm.

657
00:24:52,576 --> 00:24:54,496
Because we have to be on Yes.

658
00:24:54,496 --> 00:24:55,036
All the time.

659
00:24:55,186 --> 00:24:55,486
Yeah.

660
00:24:55,726 --> 00:25:02,996
And there's really not a time that
we can't be on the only time that

661
00:25:02,996 --> 00:25:07,406
we're not on that really when we have.

662
00:25:08,081 --> 00:25:12,341
Nothing on, like, we're here
at home, our phones are not on.

663
00:25:12,461 --> 00:25:12,701
Yeah.

664
00:25:12,701 --> 00:25:14,411
We're he we're hanging with our kids.

665
00:25:14,411 --> 00:25:14,471
Yeah.

666
00:25:14,501 --> 00:25:20,321
Like it's, it's basic, but the moment we
take a step outside or we're on a live or

667
00:25:20,321 --> 00:25:23,831
whatever, we feel like we have to be on.

668
00:25:24,911 --> 00:25:27,101
And that can be very mentally exhausting.

669
00:25:27,941 --> 00:25:28,661
Um, yes.

670
00:25:28,666 --> 00:25:30,791
Because, and, and I'm not saying
that we're different people.

671
00:25:30,841 --> 00:25:32,626
What you see is what you get.

672
00:25:33,451 --> 00:25:34,981
What you hear is what you get.

673
00:25:34,981 --> 00:25:36,241
This is us all the time.

674
00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:36,481
Yes.

675
00:25:36,631 --> 00:25:42,301
But what I mean by on is that
people expect us to be social.

676
00:25:42,301 --> 00:25:46,531
They expect us to talk to them,
they expect us to be welcoming

677
00:25:46,561 --> 00:25:47,791
because that's who we are.

678
00:25:47,941 --> 00:25:50,131
Man, there are some days where
I don't want talk to anybody.

679
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:53,131
There are some days where I
don't even wanna talk to you.

680
00:25:53,401 --> 00:25:55,501
There are some days where
I just wanna sit there.

681
00:25:55,861 --> 00:25:59,581
And just be, I mean, and I think if you
express that to people, they're fine.

682
00:25:59,581 --> 00:26:02,401
I mean, I told everybody
today, I'm not in the mood.

683
00:26:02,401 --> 00:26:03,421
You're gonna catch me.

684
00:26:03,421 --> 00:26:05,551
Debbie Downer, pissy Priscilla.

685
00:26:05,971 --> 00:26:06,241
Yeah.

686
00:26:06,301 --> 00:26:07,081
I don't wanna talk.

687
00:26:07,561 --> 00:26:07,891
Really?

688
00:26:07,951 --> 00:26:08,401
Yeah.

689
00:26:08,911 --> 00:26:09,781
I ain't talk to anybody.

690
00:26:09,781 --> 00:26:10,291
I was like, Hm.

691
00:26:10,381 --> 00:26:10,801
Sorry.

692
00:26:11,701 --> 00:26:12,781
Just 'cause you retired or what?

693
00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:13,711
Just tired.

694
00:26:13,711 --> 00:26:14,911
Lifeing not feeling it.

695
00:26:14,911 --> 00:26:15,001
Huh?

696
00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:15,606
Lifeing.

697
00:26:15,946 --> 00:26:16,166
Wow.

698
00:26:16,621 --> 00:26:23,011
But yeah, I mean it is you're
really good at always just being.

699
00:26:25,351 --> 00:26:26,191
Transparent.

700
00:26:27,511 --> 00:26:31,861
I've always had that ability to
just be 100% honest with people.

701
00:26:31,861 --> 00:26:31,921
Yeah.

702
00:26:31,921 --> 00:26:33,271
About what I'm feeling.

703
00:26:33,321 --> 00:26:33,331
Yeah.

704
00:26:33,441 --> 00:26:34,911
Because I'm an overthinker.

705
00:26:34,971 --> 00:26:35,361
Yeah.

706
00:26:35,421 --> 00:26:39,801
So when I, because I'm an
overthinker, when people act normal

707
00:26:40,371 --> 00:26:44,091
with their processing of emotions,
Uhhuh, I start overthinking it

708
00:26:44,091 --> 00:26:46,371
and I'm like, the problem is me.

709
00:26:46,851 --> 00:26:51,501
I don't want anybody to feel like whatever
I'm going through is their problem,

710
00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:55,941
so then I overexplain everything to
ensure that their feelings aren't hurt.

711
00:26:56,301 --> 00:26:57,411
The problem is me.

712
00:26:57,411 --> 00:26:58,281
You do do that a lot.

713
00:26:58,281 --> 00:26:58,431
Yeah.

714
00:26:58,461 --> 00:27:00,861
And so I'm, I'm very
transparent because of that.

715
00:27:00,861 --> 00:27:00,921
Yeah.

716
00:27:01,351 --> 00:27:02,101
It's a struggle.

717
00:27:02,101 --> 00:27:08,191
And you know, the reason why we're
talking about this now is, yeah, my

718
00:27:08,191 --> 00:27:12,211
wife and I, we, we had a wonderful
weekend, uh, this weekend in Houston

719
00:27:12,621 --> 00:27:18,021
where if you listen to our Sundays
show, you'll know everything about that.

720
00:27:18,141 --> 00:27:21,981
But we were at, uh, we were at a
couple of house parties this weekend

721
00:27:21,981 --> 00:27:24,471
in Houston and they were a great time.

722
00:27:25,161 --> 00:27:30,471
Uh, but when we were headed back home,
there was just something different

723
00:27:30,471 --> 00:27:36,021
about me and, and it's fair to say that
something different about me for the past.

724
00:27:36,201 --> 00:27:38,001
Few weeks, maybe more.

725
00:27:38,151 --> 00:27:38,541
Mm-hmm.

726
00:27:39,381 --> 00:27:45,981
Um, and I was too busy to really
look at it and think about it.

727
00:27:45,981 --> 00:27:54,681
And you know, it essentially I got laid
off in mid-August and instead of mourning

728
00:27:54,681 --> 00:27:59,726
my job or the loss of my job I got kind
of pissed off and I said, you know what?

729
00:28:00,876 --> 00:28:01,926
I'm gonna focus on the show.

730
00:28:01,931 --> 00:28:02,151
Mm-hmm.

731
00:28:02,271 --> 00:28:03,876
And I even told you that very same day.

732
00:28:03,876 --> 00:28:04,536
I said, you know what?

733
00:28:04,536 --> 00:28:06,366
I'm just gonna put all
my focus in on the show.

734
00:28:06,756 --> 00:28:08,316
I'm gonna make it as great as I can.

735
00:28:08,496 --> 00:28:09,816
And we're just gonna do this.

736
00:28:09,936 --> 00:28:10,146
Mm-hmm.

737
00:28:10,596 --> 00:28:12,036
And I didn't talk about it.

738
00:28:12,036 --> 00:28:15,366
I remember I had a lot of friends that
reached out to me and they messaged

739
00:28:15,366 --> 00:28:18,636
me, or they would call me and they'd
be like, look, I've been there before.

740
00:28:19,206 --> 00:28:20,886
If you need to talk, I'm here.

741
00:28:20,886 --> 00:28:22,236
And I'm like, I'm good guys.

742
00:28:22,266 --> 00:28:23,336
I'm everything is great.

743
00:28:23,546 --> 00:28:24,236
I'm great.

744
00:28:24,326 --> 00:28:25,226
Don't worry about it.

745
00:28:25,226 --> 00:28:25,376
Mm-hmm.

746
00:28:25,461 --> 00:28:27,241
Like, there is there's no problems here.

747
00:28:27,601 --> 00:28:29,161
I'm just focusing on the show.

748
00:28:29,226 --> 00:28:32,221
I, I, I, don't worry about me,
Argentina, 'cause I'm gonna

749
00:28:32,221 --> 00:28:33,361
get through this just fine.

750
00:28:33,841 --> 00:28:36,691
As soon as we reach the
level that we need to reach.

751
00:28:37,096 --> 00:28:38,086
Then I'll breathe.

752
00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:39,136
I'll come up for air.

753
00:28:39,646 --> 00:28:39,886
There you go.

754
00:28:39,886 --> 00:28:40,156
Yeah.

755
00:28:40,246 --> 00:28:43,426
And I obsessed about this show.

756
00:28:43,696 --> 00:28:43,816
Yes.

757
00:28:43,846 --> 00:28:44,806
And I still do.

758
00:28:45,246 --> 00:28:46,806
I throw myself into it.

759
00:28:46,816 --> 00:28:48,646
I'm constantly thinking about the show.

760
00:28:48,646 --> 00:28:50,566
Everything is show, show,
show, show, show, show, show.

761
00:28:50,836 --> 00:28:51,166
Yes.

762
00:28:51,226 --> 00:28:52,546
Um, I want it to be perfect.

763
00:28:52,546 --> 00:28:53,686
Everything has to go great.

764
00:28:54,946 --> 00:28:59,446
I've noticed that I have not been
having a very good time lately.

765
00:28:59,566 --> 00:28:59,836
Yes.

766
00:28:59,836 --> 00:29:00,676
In life.

767
00:29:00,766 --> 00:29:01,126
I've noticed.

768
00:29:01,126 --> 00:29:01,606
Period.

769
00:29:01,816 --> 00:29:02,266
Yes.

770
00:29:02,366 --> 00:29:04,496
I'm still smiling, I'm
still cracking jokes.

771
00:29:04,496 --> 00:29:11,396
I'm still being social as people expect me
to be, but I am just not feeling myself.

772
00:29:11,456 --> 00:29:17,756
Yes, and we were talking about it yet,
uh, Sunday was we were coming back and

773
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:23,236
uh, you know, I know that something's
wrong and you were like, you're depressed.

774
00:29:23,236 --> 00:29:25,201
And I'm like I am depressed.

775
00:29:25,201 --> 00:29:26,161
I think I am depressed.

776
00:29:26,161 --> 00:29:28,861
Like I'm, which is crazy 'cause
I'm on an antidepressant.

777
00:29:29,266 --> 00:29:29,326
Yeah.

778
00:29:30,196 --> 00:29:31,006
But yeah.

779
00:29:31,381 --> 00:29:33,721
I think it only covers the, they're
not, they're not miracle drugs.

780
00:29:33,721 --> 00:29:34,801
They're not miracle drugs.

781
00:29:34,801 --> 00:29:34,861
Yeah.

782
00:29:34,861 --> 00:29:37,951
Like you need a lot more for that,
but yeah, you definitely depressed.

783
00:29:38,001 --> 00:29:39,891
You know, it, it, it, it is what it is.

784
00:29:40,011 --> 00:29:45,621
But what I realized was my form of
depression, it's not that sad, crying

785
00:29:45,621 --> 00:29:47,091
in the dark kind of depression.

786
00:29:47,361 --> 00:29:52,101
My depression manifests
itself in, in, in humor.

787
00:29:52,311 --> 00:29:57,911
It manifests itself in overworking
and over obsessing about.

788
00:29:58,266 --> 00:30:01,266
This piece that I have in
front of me this show, right?

789
00:30:01,536 --> 00:30:01,836
Mm-hmm.

790
00:30:02,076 --> 00:30:05,626
And I really wanted to talk about
that because I'm like, you know.

791
00:30:06,461 --> 00:30:11,671
Damn that, once, once we had our
discussion, and once I realized you had

792
00:30:11,671 --> 00:30:16,711
seen it and I was seeing it, and I need to
figure out how to get back on my routines,

793
00:30:16,711 --> 00:30:22,441
and I need to figure out how to better
organize my time and how to take some time

794
00:30:22,441 --> 00:30:26,981
for myself and, and, and do all the things
that made me feel good again, right?

795
00:30:27,131 --> 00:30:31,991
And the more I process that, the.

796
00:30:34,211 --> 00:30:35,201
The better I feel.

797
00:30:35,471 --> 00:30:36,191
You know what I mean?

798
00:30:36,191 --> 00:30:36,581
That makes sense.

799
00:30:36,611 --> 00:30:36,791
Yeah.

800
00:30:36,796 --> 00:30:40,301
And, and, and I really, you know, I'm not
gonna lie, this show was really for me.

801
00:30:40,561 --> 00:30:42,841
It, it, it's, it's not even
for the people listening.

802
00:30:42,901 --> 00:30:44,911
I had to have my therapy session.

803
00:30:45,181 --> 00:30:46,231
We do this.

804
00:30:46,936 --> 00:30:49,786
And really this show is a form of therapy.

805
00:30:49,966 --> 00:30:53,086
We get to talk about all the things
that we're feeling and all of this,

806
00:30:53,356 --> 00:30:58,246
and frankly, everybody deals with
depression in different ways, and

807
00:30:58,246 --> 00:31:02,086
people have gotten depressed because of
what they're feeling in the lifestyle.

808
00:31:02,356 --> 00:31:06,526
Mine is dealing with the lifestyle,
but slightly different because mine is

809
00:31:06,526 --> 00:31:09,076
dealing with the lifestyle in this show.

810
00:31:09,256 --> 00:31:09,406
Mm-hmm.

811
00:31:09,646 --> 00:31:14,026
And the content that we produce and
just trying to stay very, very busy.

812
00:31:14,926 --> 00:31:19,456
But I do recognize that
there is a difference Yes.

813
00:31:19,456 --> 00:31:20,596
In me now.

814
00:31:20,601 --> 00:31:20,891
Yeah.

815
00:31:21,016 --> 00:31:21,226
Yeah.

816
00:31:21,256 --> 00:31:23,766
And the me that was around months ago.

817
00:31:23,856 --> 00:31:24,336
Yes.

818
00:31:24,396 --> 00:31:27,246
And so now I know how to fix
it and I'm working on it.

819
00:31:27,246 --> 00:31:27,456
That's good.

820
00:31:27,746 --> 00:31:32,886
And I'm, I'm really gonna try and,
and see this through, but I wanted

821
00:31:32,886 --> 00:31:37,446
everybody out there to know depression.

822
00:31:38,301 --> 00:31:39,741
And mental health.

823
00:31:39,741 --> 00:31:42,441
I've talked about anxiety
on this show a lot.

824
00:31:42,751 --> 00:31:47,641
I, I've been diagnosed with anxiety,
depression, and PTSD and I have it.

825
00:31:47,971 --> 00:31:49,051
It is what it is.

826
00:31:49,411 --> 00:31:51,841
We deal with life the best that we can.

827
00:31:52,301 --> 00:31:56,771
And it doesn't, it's not always
a solution to have pills.

828
00:31:57,041 --> 00:31:57,161
No.

829
00:31:57,211 --> 00:31:59,821
A lot of it is having to.

830
00:32:00,586 --> 00:32:01,726
Learn how to cope.

831
00:32:01,966 --> 00:32:02,176
Yeah.

832
00:32:02,326 --> 00:32:04,576
And having to learn how to navigate.

833
00:32:04,626 --> 00:32:07,986
And a lot of times people
don't know how to do that.

834
00:32:08,166 --> 00:32:10,386
Therapy is pricey.

835
00:32:11,046 --> 00:32:12,201
Um, it is, it is.

836
00:32:12,201 --> 00:32:13,056
It gets expensive.

837
00:32:13,086 --> 00:32:13,626
It is.

838
00:32:13,626 --> 00:32:15,156
Um, it is pricey.

839
00:32:15,456 --> 00:32:15,606
Yeah.

840
00:32:15,606 --> 00:32:20,016
But if you need it, there's
always a way to find it out there.

841
00:32:20,046 --> 00:32:20,676
There is.

842
00:32:20,676 --> 00:32:21,216
There is.

843
00:32:21,216 --> 00:32:23,556
And I really think that it's possible.

844
00:32:23,946 --> 00:32:28,446
Uh, but you know, I think people need to.

845
00:32:28,956 --> 00:32:30,096
Talk to their spouse more.

846
00:32:30,786 --> 00:32:31,056
Yes.

847
00:32:31,056 --> 00:32:35,016
And, and I know that we say, we say this
like literally we do almost every show.

848
00:32:35,046 --> 00:32:38,136
I mean, I don't talk to you about
everything I know, and that bothers me.

849
00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:41,946
It does bother you, but you don't, so
you don't know how to process some,

850
00:32:42,006 --> 00:32:45,906
some partners don't know how to process
other people, other partners weight.

851
00:32:47,226 --> 00:32:47,526
Yeah.

852
00:32:47,826 --> 00:32:51,936
It's just something like there
should be ways for you to discuss

853
00:32:51,936 --> 00:32:53,946
things, but some people just
don't know how to process that.

854
00:32:54,036 --> 00:32:55,596
Some people don't know how to process.

855
00:32:55,596 --> 00:32:56,736
Some people dunno how to cope.

856
00:32:56,976 --> 00:32:57,456
Yeah.

857
00:32:57,876 --> 00:33:00,696
And so, I mean, I think
you're doing really good.

858
00:33:00,696 --> 00:33:04,116
I think you've finally, you've
realized what was the problem and

859
00:33:04,116 --> 00:33:09,096
you've realized where you saw once it
was pointed out to you, you saw the

860
00:33:09,096 --> 00:33:12,786
difference like you saw and you're
like, oh yeah, yeah, maybe I am.

861
00:33:12,996 --> 00:33:15,156
And now you're making some changes.

862
00:33:15,216 --> 00:33:15,276
Yeah.

863
00:33:15,666 --> 00:33:15,906
Yeah.

864
00:33:16,056 --> 00:33:18,096
Which is going to be very helpful.

865
00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:24,516
Positive changes in your, in your
mind, because depression sucks.

866
00:33:24,606 --> 00:33:25,501
Depression sucks.

867
00:33:25,501 --> 00:33:26,436
Depression sucks.

868
00:33:26,441 --> 00:33:27,021
It's not fun.

869
00:33:27,021 --> 00:33:27,246
It's not fun.

870
00:33:27,516 --> 00:33:32,106
But I will tell you, for all of you
listening out there, who maybe can

871
00:33:32,106 --> 00:33:34,851
relate who maybe have felt this before.

872
00:33:35,841 --> 00:33:36,801
You're not weird.

873
00:33:36,861 --> 00:33:37,731
You're not broken.

874
00:33:37,851 --> 00:33:38,241
No.

875
00:33:38,241 --> 00:33:39,711
For needing emotional balance.

876
00:33:39,741 --> 00:33:40,671
It is a thing.

877
00:33:41,001 --> 00:33:41,901
Don't forget.

878
00:33:41,931 --> 00:33:45,081
'cause we are in this lifestyle,
mental health and sexual health.

879
00:33:45,111 --> 00:33:46,431
They are connected.

880
00:33:46,911 --> 00:33:47,031
Yes.

881
00:33:47,031 --> 00:33:49,461
So if your mental health
is not good, guess what?

882
00:33:49,911 --> 00:33:51,471
You're not gonna perform very well.

883
00:33:51,951 --> 00:33:52,491
Yeah, that's very true.

884
00:33:52,521 --> 00:33:55,551
I, if I'm distracted, if I have
a lot going on in the brain

885
00:33:55,551 --> 00:33:56,541
it's just not gonna happen.

886
00:33:56,541 --> 00:33:56,811
Yeah.

887
00:33:56,871 --> 00:33:59,631
And I don't care how many pills you
take it's just not gonna happen.

888
00:33:59,631 --> 00:33:59,991
Yeah.

889
00:33:59,991 --> 00:34:00,501
So.

890
00:34:01,311 --> 00:34:03,291
Keep that in mind, really.

891
00:34:03,341 --> 00:34:06,491
You know, remember what
you are dealing with.

892
00:34:06,491 --> 00:34:10,001
Your mental health matters, your
partner's mental health matters.

893
00:34:10,001 --> 00:34:14,651
It's important to recognize
signs and talk to somebody.

894
00:34:14,711 --> 00:34:14,861
Yes.

895
00:34:14,921 --> 00:34:17,531
And if you've got nobody to
talk to, well, guess what?

896
00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:20,681
Friends can be a free,
we have a confessional.

897
00:34:20,981 --> 00:34:21,941
We have a confessional.

898
00:34:22,406 --> 00:34:26,126
We do, if you go to our website,
you can put whatever you want there.

899
00:34:26,126 --> 00:34:26,756
And guess what?

900
00:34:26,756 --> 00:34:29,966
If you really, really, and absolutely
need somebody to talk to and you

901
00:34:29,966 --> 00:34:32,276
have nobody, you can reach out to me.

902
00:34:32,586 --> 00:34:37,176
I, I do make myself available to
anybody who needs that help, as do I.

903
00:34:37,476 --> 00:34:42,036
And, uh, you know, that's really the
chair that we ask you to pull up at our

904
00:34:42,036 --> 00:34:47,016
table Whenever you want to join us, you
come with your problems and we'll talk.

905
00:34:47,316 --> 00:34:49,926
And if you don't need anybody talking, you
just need somebody to listen, guess what?

906
00:34:49,926 --> 00:34:50,766
We can do that too.

907
00:34:50,886 --> 00:34:51,186
Yes.

908
00:34:51,516 --> 00:34:54,996
Uh, so I think this
was a great discussion.

909
00:34:54,996 --> 00:34:57,456
That definitely wraps
up this week's quickie.

910
00:34:58,086 --> 00:34:59,286
The main takeaway.

911
00:34:59,946 --> 00:35:02,466
Protect your peace as much
as you protect your parts.

912
00:35:02,526 --> 00:35:05,946
That's what I think the lifestyle can be
fun as hell, but only if you keep your

913
00:35:05,946 --> 00:35:08,571
mind in a good place when you're doing it.

914
00:35:08,571 --> 00:35:09,141
That's right.

915
00:35:09,171 --> 00:35:11,361
And if you wanna keep this
conversation going, you can find

916
00:35:11,361 --> 00:35:14,721
us at www.beyond-monogamy.com.

917
00:35:14,901 --> 00:35:17,541
And while you're there, check
out our events page, drop us a

918
00:35:17,541 --> 00:35:21,771
confession, or join our Patreon
for bonus behind the scenes extras.

919
00:35:21,981 --> 00:35:22,701
That's right.

920
00:35:22,701 --> 00:35:24,591
And you know, I'm still
working on the extra stuff.

921
00:35:24,591 --> 00:35:24,891
I don't know.

922
00:35:25,701 --> 00:35:26,001
Oh.

923
00:35:26,001 --> 00:35:26,901
So don't forget.

924
00:35:26,901 --> 00:35:29,661
We're streaming every Thursday
on full swap radio.com at 2:00 PM

925
00:35:29,991 --> 00:35:31,971
and 7:00 PM Central Standard Time.

926
00:35:32,361 --> 00:35:34,131
Follow us on all the socials.

927
00:35:34,161 --> 00:35:35,031
We got the Instagram.

928
00:35:35,526 --> 00:35:38,796
The Facebook, the TikTok, and we
actually have separate tiktoks so

929
00:35:38,796 --> 00:35:40,086
you can follow both of us separately.

930
00:35:40,626 --> 00:35:44,496
We have our X slash Twitter because
nobody knows what I mean when I say

931
00:35:44,646 --> 00:35:46,206
X. We have separate ones of those.

932
00:35:46,206 --> 00:35:50,346
We have separate ones of those as well,
and we have our Reddit and Discord

933
00:35:50,346 --> 00:35:51,666
communities that you can be a part of.

934
00:35:51,666 --> 00:35:52,956
We would love to see you.

935
00:35:52,956 --> 00:35:53,946
Please, please join.

936
00:35:53,946 --> 00:35:55,146
Yes and shoot us a message.

937
00:35:55,146 --> 00:35:56,046
We would love to hear from you.

938
00:35:56,346 --> 00:35:57,286
Also, we are.

939
00:35:57,766 --> 00:36:00,376
All the major platforms,
including YouTube.

940
00:36:00,376 --> 00:36:04,006
If you wanna see this beautiful mug
and this beautiful mug over here

941
00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:11,266
sitting next to me, remember you don't
have to be non-monogamous to enjoy a

942
00:36:11,266 --> 00:36:13,306
show that's right about non-monogamy.

943
00:36:13,306 --> 00:36:14,686
I feel, feel like I tell everybody that.

944
00:36:14,776 --> 00:36:16,846
And with that, thanks for listening.

945
00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:19,036
We will see you guys next week.

946
00:36:19,126 --> 00:36:20,476
Bye.