HSV in the Lifestyle: Breaking the Herpes Stigma with Courtney Brame

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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Okay.

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We are going there today, full scent.

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We're talking about herpes, HSV
one, HSV two, the whole damn thing.

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And before anybody closes the app, stay
with us because this conversation is

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way more important than you think it is,
especially if you're in the lifestyle.

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Because let's be real, in a community
where it's skin to skin contact

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it's basically the whole point.

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This is not something we get to skip over.

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And here's the thing, herpes is one
of the most common STIs in the world.

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Like statistically, a huge
chunk of people already have

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it and they don't even know it.

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And yet it somehow carries more
shame and stigma than almost anything

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else out there, that disconnect.

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That's what we're talking
about in today's episode.

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And we have the perfect guest
to break all of this down with

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us.

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That's right.

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Our guest today was diagnosed with
genital HS V two back in 2013,

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and instead of hiding from it.

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He eventually turned that
experience into a full on movement.

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He is the founder of something positive
for positive people, also known as

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S-P-F-P-P, A 501(C)3 nonprofit,
a podcast with over 350 episodes,

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support groups, one-on-one, peer
support, yoga therapy, and advocacy

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work that has literally saved lives.

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His surveys have shown that 36% of
people experienced suicidal thoughts

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after herpes diagnosis, and he
decided that that was unacceptable.

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So he built a community to change it.

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He is also a 500 hour certified yoga
teacher, a co-author of a book on

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sex education, and one of the few men
of color leading this conversation.

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At a national level.

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That's a mouthful, I gotta tell you.

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Mm-hmm.

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Please welcome Courtney Brame to the show.

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Yes.

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Welcome Courtney.

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Yes.

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Hi.

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Hi.

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I know that was a lot.

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I gotta say that's more than
what I think I gave y'all.

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I sitting there, I was like, wait, what?

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Man,

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I did my

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research.

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So I found you, Courtney, I found you on.

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We're gonna delve in how we had this
conversation in the morning, but

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we had a conversation that morning
and we were talking about this.

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I went on in online, I Googled it.

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You were the first person that
came up and I listened to your,

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your first, or what was that show?

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Zero you said.

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And Episode zero baby.

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Yeah, episode zero.

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And I was like, yeah,
he broke it down for me.

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I thought it was amazing.

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And she, she immediately

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sent it, immediate,
immediately texted him.

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I was like, oh my God, listen to this guy.

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Yeah.

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So we got real excited
to have you on the show.

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We're seriously very glad you're here.

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Yeah.

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Before we dive in, if anybody out
there is listening and this topic hits

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close to home, whether you are newly
diagnosed, you've been carrying this

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for years, or you are just trying to
figure this out on how to navigate

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this in the lifestyle, stick around.

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'cause this one is for you.

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And as always, everything we do lives
at beyond-monogamy.com, you know it, you

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know, it episodes, blogs, our events tab,
and our anonymous confessional, if you've

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got something to get off your chest.

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Okay, Courtney, let's get into this.

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Okay.

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Alright.

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Yes, I'm, I'm, like I
said, I'm glad you're here.

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I know I did my research.

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I know Pris listens to your podcast.

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Uh, but for our listeners out there,
walk us through your story essentially.

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I mean, how, how did we get here?

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Oh man.

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So I've been actually writing
and trying so hard to give this

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a beginning, middle, and end.

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But if I were to give it a beginning,
I would say that it started probably

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with my middle school sex education,
where I learned that if somebody had

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an SCI, you would smell it, you would
see it, or it would be too hard,

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be too painful to have sex with it.

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I take that into consideration
as I'm navigating the sex world.

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And growing up, my mom was always
like, don't you get nobody pregnant?

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Because the thing with her was,
uh, she had gotten pregnant

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with me at 17, happy at 18.

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Mm-hmm.

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So very young parents.

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So that was the thing that they really
drilled into my head as I was growing up.

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And when I became sexually active,
that was the voice plan in my head.

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Don't you get nobody pregnant?

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Don't you get nobody pregnant?

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Yeah.

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And so my concern was more about condom
use and birth control with partners than

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STIs because I'll look like before I, I
always would go down on a woman first and

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be like, okay, looks like we're good here.

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And I would do the smell test.

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Oh yeah.

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And that was like my sneaky
way of figuring out whether

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or not they had any STIs.

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Herpes doesn't work that way.

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And I'm learning that a lot, or I've
learned since then that a lot of

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other STIs don't work that way either.

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Like one of the most common symptoms
of an St I is no symptom at all.

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So I was duped into believing that there
was no need for a conversation or any

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communication about sexual health because
you would A, to be able to smell it.

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B, you'd be able to see it, or C, the
other person would have such pain that

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they wouldn't wanna have sex at all.

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Mm-hmm.

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And that just made sense to me.

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So I navigate those.

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Years of high school, college,
uh, and made it out of college.

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And it was one day that I just
woke up at my grandmother's house.

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So I moved in with my grandmother after
college and I was in her spare bedroom.

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I was working and just like
getting life started after college.

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I wake up on a Saturday morning, Saturday
morning, and I'm feverish, I'm cold and

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I'm like making my way to the restroom.

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I get to the bathroom and I pull out
my penis like I normally do when I pee.

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And I felt an abrasion
up against my finger.

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And the abrasion felt like if
you were to rub the pat of your

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finger across a head of broccoli.

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And I looked and I saw like this
lesion of white cluster of blisters.

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And I was like, what the fuck?

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And my grandmother was
like, Corey, you okay?

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She came knocking on the door and I said,
no, we gotta go to the doctor right now.

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So my mom takes me to an urgent care.

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I was in St. Louis, Missouri, and I'm
there and the doctor just comes out

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and he tells me, yep, that's herpes.

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Uh, he prescribes me the Valtrex, he
gives me a pamphlet that shows me how many

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people have herpes, and they treated me
for chlamydia and gonorrhea in the event

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that I had been exposed to those as well.

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So I go on about my business
and I'm not sure what to think.

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I hadn't had a lot of sexual partners
and I didn't know much about herpes,

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but I just kind of assumed that
maybe this was something that I got

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from the last person I had sex with.

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So I reached out to my most
recent partner and I just asked.

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I was like, Hey, do you have herpes?

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No.

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The other two people, no.

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Okay.

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Well, I was kind.

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I didn't wanna be known as a dude
that was giving people herpes.

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Right.

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So it wasn't like a,
did you give me herpes?

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It was, do you have it?

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Because that would probably
mean that I gave it to you.

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Mm-hmm.

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And that was the way that I was
thinking about it at the time.

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So I had more of a sense of relief
that no one, that, at least that I

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had asked, that I had recently been
in sexual contact with, had herpes.

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And so with that said, like
there was no finger to point

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at anybody except for myself.

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Mm-hmm.

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So in that moment, like I think that
if I knew who gave it to me, there

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might've been a lot of blame, a lot
of, how could you do this to me?

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Like, you owe me an explanation.

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But I was just kind of left
with a phew, alright, now what?

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Yeah.

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And from there.

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I, uh, just Googled, like
I didn't Google herpes.

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I know better than that.

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So I googled like how to, uh,
minimize herpes outbreaks.

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And I saw that there
were three main things.

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One was nutrition, one was exercise,
and the other one was stress management.

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So I already worked
out, but I had stopped.

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I played college sports and
when I got done, I was done.

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And honestly, I think that part of that
is the reason that maybe I'd had herpes

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for a while and I made a significant
lifestyle change, which was just like

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a reduction in physical activity.

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I wasn't with my grandmother who's
from the south, so we were frying

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everything and we'd eat out over
the course of the weekends, right?

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So I wasn't eating well
and I wasn't working out.

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And I would say my stress was
managed, but eh, at that point, I'm

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24, 25 years old, I'm living with
my grandmother and I work a job.

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That to me, I thought, you know,
full-time job, I'd be able to go and

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get a house, get married, had kids.

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That was not the case.

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I'm already Oh, for three in terms of
managing what living with herpes should

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be like, which is, you know, the exercise,
nutrition, and then the stress management.

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Mm-hmm.

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So shortly after I started to see a
nutritionist, I started taking yoga

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classes and I got back into the gym.

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So I make those three lifestyle
adjustments and over the next four

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years, I think, yeah, it was those
first four years of my diagnosis that

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I just navigated things by getting
in and out of relationships with

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people who had already known me.

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Um, and then it was really towards
the end of those relationships,

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like when I ran out of repeats.

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Mm-hmm.

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I was like, oh shit, I
gotta deal with this now.

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So I didn't really have to deal with my
herpes diagnosis until 2016, I wanna say.

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Oh wow.

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So those first four years were just like.

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Getting back with exes and realizing
like, Hey, this actually is not a good

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thing to be doing for either of us.

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Mm-hmm.

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And then just going through the trials
and errors of dating and discussing it

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and figuring out what did and didn't work.

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And it was 2017 where, no, I'm
sorry, it was 2016 where I started

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to find, like the support groups.

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I started to learn that there were
online communities, there were

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dating sites for people with herpes.

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And I met someone on one of these
apps and literally like just

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disrupted all of my previous beliefs
about dating, relationships, sex.

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And this was somebody who
I changed my sex life.

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Like, I, we can go more
into that if we want to, but

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Yeah.

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It was then that I got to see like, oh.

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I don't have to do things the way
that I thought I had to do because

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I adopted this belief that because I
have herpes, it's going to be a lot

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more difficult for me to find someone.

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I never thought to myself, no one's
ever gonna have sex with me again.

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That never crossed my mind.

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Mm-hmm.

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Because I know like people get
herpes, so obviously having so

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obviously spread somehow having sex.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Exactly.

238
00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:32,375
Yeah.

239
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:36,580
So, uh, all of these things
happen and eventually.

240
00:11:37,135 --> 00:11:40,705
What I learned was that there were
people who had herpes, um, that

241
00:11:40,705 --> 00:11:43,585
struggled with suicide ideation
and people would post about it.

242
00:11:43,585 --> 00:11:47,175
They'd say whatever they said in the
chat rooms, the forums, the posts.

243
00:11:47,535 --> 00:11:49,995
And there are two specific situations.

244
00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:53,625
The short version of it is
in one of the support groups.

245
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,625
There was a young man who had
threatened suicide and he had

246
00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:58,095
posted it in the support group.

247
00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:00,645
And I reached out to the admins 'cause
I saw it, and I just asked, Hey,

248
00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:01,670
hey, what y'all doing about this?

249
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:02,230
Mm-hmm.

250
00:12:02,315 --> 00:12:03,315
And I didn't like their answer.

251
00:12:03,315 --> 00:12:04,395
Their answers weren't.

252
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:09,030
Like proactive enough to me, everything
was, oh, well, I'm waiting to hear

253
00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:12,720
back from, and it was like, dude,
he, he might not have time for that.

254
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:13,290
Wow.

255
00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:17,900
So I remember just, I reached out I
scrolled through his Facebook page

256
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:21,560
and you can see like there was a
distinct point where he stopped playing

257
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,500
the guitar because he was posting
videos playing the guitar, right?

258
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:24,590
Mm-hmm.

259
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:28,635
So I just asked him about it, and we got
into some conversation about the guitar.

260
00:12:29,135 --> 00:12:29,555
Mm-hmm.

261
00:12:29,635 --> 00:12:32,150
And I was like, oh, you know, have
you considered like playing again?

262
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,070
Like, why, why'd you
stop in the first place?

263
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:37,340
So not even much of anything
about herpes, right?

264
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:37,610
Like

265
00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:37,940
Right.

266
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:38,150
Yeah.

267
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,035
He was more about him sad.

268
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:40,440
Yeah.

269
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:46,470
And I don't know what, I don't know what
he's doing now, but at that point in time,

270
00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:48,180
that was before I started the podcast.

271
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:52,410
But I got to see just the power of
being present with somebody, right?

272
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:53,010
Mm-hmm.

273
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:53,425
Mm-hmm.

274
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:58,470
And validating his identity outside
of his sexuality, his diagnosis.

275
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:03,060
And I remember after that conversation
I had seen that he had posted a,

276
00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:04,920
a video of him playing a guitar.

277
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,360
And I was like, oh, okay, cool.

278
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:07,770
Like I, he don't need me no more.

279
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:07,830
Yeah.

280
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,290
And I cannot remember his name.

281
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,090
I can't remember the timeframe.

282
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:14,310
I just know that it
was before the podcast.

283
00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:18,105
So I don't know where he
is now, what he's doing.

284
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:18,385
Wow.

285
00:13:18,605 --> 00:13:18,945
But I know

286
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:20,425
he's a core memory, that experience.

287
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:20,945
Yeah.

288
00:13:20,945 --> 00:13:21,145
Yeah.

289
00:13:21,205 --> 00:13:21,625
That's

290
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:21,825
a, yeah.

291
00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:22,385
Core memory.

292
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,425
He's a core memory for sure.

293
00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:25,135
And, um, I love that.

294
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:29,245
There was one more situation that
was similar, uh, with someone who,

295
00:13:29,305 --> 00:13:33,635
it was a woman, a black woman who
she was in a relationship, she had

296
00:13:33,815 --> 00:13:35,735
connected with me over the dating site.

297
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:36,035
Mm-hmm.

298
00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:41,335
And she was like, Hey I just wanna, I have
a boyfriend who I was diagnosed with this.

299
00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:42,535
I don't have symptoms.

300
00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:44,485
They just gave me the test.

301
00:13:44,485 --> 00:13:48,955
I tested positive and I just want to
be prepared for if and when he gets it.

302
00:13:49,315 --> 00:13:51,265
So she and I had become friends and

303
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:51,355
mm-hmm.

304
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:55,945
The thing about her situation is that
she told me what he said when she came

305
00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:58,255
back to him and said, Hey, I have herpes.

306
00:13:58,675 --> 00:14:01,165
And he was like, well baby,
if you got it, we got it.

307
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:02,800
Best response you can get.

308
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,000
Right.

309
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:03,640
Oh wow.

310
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:07,680
She was still so anxious about it.

311
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,610
And I remember one day that she told
me that she too wanted to kill herself.

312
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:15,690
And to me, I was just like mind
blown because the first situation,

313
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,665
it was like, okay I'm single.

314
00:14:17,665 --> 00:14:18,805
I don't have anybody.

315
00:14:18,895 --> 00:14:20,245
No one's gonna wanna be with me.

316
00:14:20,515 --> 00:14:22,645
And in her case it's, I'm
in a relationship, this

317
00:14:22,645 --> 00:14:23,965
person does wanna be with me.

318
00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:25,375
I got the best response ever.

319
00:14:25,645 --> 00:14:29,065
And yet she still was
having no suicidal thoughts.

320
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:33,595
And so that's when I began to just
question like, well damn, if it's not

321
00:14:33,955 --> 00:14:39,835
being in a relationship that resolves
the issue of people thinking that they're

322
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,785
never gonna be in a relationship mm-hmm.

323
00:14:42,025 --> 00:14:43,315
Because of their herpes diagnosis.

324
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:44,010
Then what else?

325
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:49,045
And it was at that point that I started
to just get curious and I started to ask

326
00:14:49,045 --> 00:14:53,305
if anyone in the support groups would
be interested in having an anonymously

327
00:14:53,305 --> 00:14:57,565
recorded conversation about their
experience with herpes And Oh wow.

328
00:14:57,565 --> 00:15:02,065
That was the birth of the something
positive for Positive People Podcast.

329
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:02,200
Wow.

330
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:03,940
That's amazing.

331
00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:06,700
That is, you've touched
so many, so many topics

332
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:06,910
that great.

333
00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:10,755
Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, that was
probably the most brief explanation.

334
00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:12,010
That is amazing.

335
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,990
I mean, I already, I, I already need
some of that because, um, I do wanna,

336
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:19,220
you, you touched on a lot of things,
but the first one I wanna say the

337
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:25,490
reason we we brought you was we were
having a conversation about it just

338
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:29,030
because we noticed in groups and stuff
that people were asking about it.

339
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:35,220
We were having a conversation
about it and I was so.

340
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:42,800
Rude and just now I can say I was super
ignorant, like very much ignorant about,

341
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:48,020
well, we come from an, an old school,
uh, we're we're both Mexican households.

342
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:48,110
Yeah.

343
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:51,730
You know, and, and there's,
there's this negative stigma

344
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:51,845
mm-hmm.

345
00:15:52,055 --> 00:15:58,570
About STIs in general, but then
herpes, you know, is for life.

346
00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:01,600
And so that's all you
hear is the scare tactics.

347
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:01,780
Yeah.

348
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:04,120
That, that are thrown
at you every single day.

349
00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:08,440
And I told her, I was like, you
know, we need to educate ourselves

350
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,910
and really kind of figure this

351
00:16:09,910 --> 00:16:09,970
out.

352
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:10,300
Yeah.

353
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:13,120
But I literally was there
and I was like, oh my God.

354
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,400
I would, if I ever got it, forget it.

355
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,570
I would be so sad.

356
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,560
And you and my tone was pretty much, yeah.

357
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,960
No, I wouldn't be able to live like, no.

358
00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:23,110
Like

359
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:24,085
it would be a death

360
00:16:24,285 --> 00:16:24,365
sentence.

361
00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:25,630
It would be the end of my life.

362
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,900
And then we were talking, you know, we're
brushing our teeth and he's telling me

363
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:30,040
he is like, that's just the way it is.

364
00:16:30,130 --> 00:16:30,670
That's the way it is.

365
00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:31,990
Like, there's so much to it now.

366
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:34,110
Like, you really need to educate yourself.

367
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,060
And I was like, okay.

368
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,330
So I hopped on and
that's where I found you.

369
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,280
Can we just talk, wait a minute.

370
00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:41,995
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

371
00:16:42,055 --> 00:16:44,220
So you, you, you took his advice?

372
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:44,940
Yes.

373
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,230
Oh my God.

374
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,210
This is be, this is beautiful

375
00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:48,300
bet.

376
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,565
So there's, so we do trust each other

377
00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:51,075
at some point.

378
00:16:51,075 --> 00:16:51,135
Yeah.

379
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,240
And I was like, okay.

380
00:16:52,335 --> 00:16:53,895
He's really intelligent.

381
00:16:54,855 --> 00:16:55,005
I'm,

382
00:16:55,005 --> 00:16:55,280
I'm a very, very,

383
00:16:55,285 --> 00:16:55,485
very,

384
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:56,895
so I'm a very positive person

385
00:16:56,895 --> 00:16:57,045
and

386
00:16:57,045 --> 00:17:00,135
he's very, I love, love
and I love everybody.

387
00:17:00,195 --> 00:17:00,495
And

388
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,605
you learn a lot,

389
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:01,815
like

390
00:17:01,815 --> 00:17:02,235
you're,

391
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,825
I, I figure there's, there's three
to four sides to every story.

392
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:06,885
Yeah.

393
00:17:07,065 --> 00:17:11,265
And you just gotta read, you gotta
educate yourself about everything before

394
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,605
you just make up your mind on something.

395
00:17:13,755 --> 00:17:16,095
So I, we do that often where
we just make up our minds.

396
00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:16,305
Yeah.

397
00:17:16,305 --> 00:17:18,945
And I took it as advice
and I was like, holy crap.

398
00:17:19,575 --> 00:17:20,235
Wow.

399
00:17:20,295 --> 00:17:20,835
Okay.

400
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:22,355
This is different.

401
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,255
And I just kept listening.

402
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:27,655
And then I started, you know, following
and I was telling him about it.

403
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,535
I was like, wow, did you know that?

404
00:17:30,535 --> 00:17:32,095
There's so many.

405
00:17:32,155 --> 00:17:34,675
Did you know that we wouldn't
even know if we have it?

406
00:17:34,675 --> 00:17:36,445
And I was like, crap.

407
00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:37,585
That's a lot of stuff.

408
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:41,425
And I'm still very scared.

409
00:17:41,455 --> 00:17:44,125
Gared, we're in the lifestyle, you know?

410
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:44,935
Yeah.

411
00:17:44,935 --> 00:17:45,745
We have, we use condoms,

412
00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:46,645
many sexual partners.

413
00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:47,065
Yeah.

414
00:17:47,155 --> 00:17:50,385
And we have friends that have this.

415
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,955
And it's so frowned upon.

416
00:17:52,985 --> 00:17:57,790
It's so people wanna shun
them and I'm like, wow.

417
00:17:58,030 --> 00:18:00,900
If they only knew we could all have it.

418
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:05,220
Like we're here in this big old pool
of beds all messing around wearing

419
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:08,760
condoms, but you're not wearing condom.

420
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:10,440
Like no one's wearing a dental dam.

421
00:18:11,165 --> 00:18:11,485
You know,

422
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:15,030
you know, and that's the
thing about it is, is the

423
00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:18,000
conversation about your fantasies.

424
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:18,090
Mm-hmm.

425
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,040
And what you want to do to somebody.

426
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,130
And this, and that is very
normalized in this lifestyle.

427
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:23,490
Yeah.

428
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,750
But the moment we start having
the real uncomfortable talks

429
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,570
about the possibilities of STIs.

430
00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:30,930
Mm-hmm.

431
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,415
And, and this and that.

432
00:18:32,485 --> 00:18:33,815
It's it, things change.

433
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:36,155
There's a, all of a sudden
it's a, it's a darker cloud and

434
00:18:36,155 --> 00:18:38,495
people don't wanna talk about, but because
we're not educated, we're thinking sores.

435
00:18:38,495 --> 00:18:40,265
You know, you said a, you said lesions.

436
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:43,345
That's, I think that, and I think
that they're gonna be there forever.

437
00:18:43,845 --> 00:18:44,865
Who wants to see that?

438
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,045
But yeah, it's not, it's
not really the case.

439
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:47,875
No.

440
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:48,805
And that's what I thought.

441
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,875
I, I believe that for myself too.

442
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:54,355
Again, going back to the start of this
being my middle school sex education.

443
00:18:54,355 --> 00:18:54,415
Yeah.

444
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:55,315
Right.

445
00:18:55,315 --> 00:18:57,955
Like, you're gonna see it, you're
gonna feel it, it's gonna hurt.

446
00:18:57,955 --> 00:18:58,705
You're gonna smell it.

447
00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:01,475
And that was not the case for me.

448
00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:05,045
And when it went away and looked like
nothing happened, I was like, oh.

449
00:19:05,735 --> 00:19:06,215
That's it.

450
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:06,965
Yeah.

451
00:19:06,965 --> 00:19:10,085
So I was uncomfortable
for three, four days.

452
00:19:10,085 --> 00:19:11,165
I had the medication.

453
00:19:11,165 --> 00:19:14,885
I had to take two pills a day, uh,
six hours apart for three days.

454
00:19:15,215 --> 00:19:17,915
And before I knew it, it looked
like nothing had happened.

455
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:23,195
And I know that that's not the experience
that most or many people have, but those

456
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:27,515
were my experiences and I try and speak
to that because I think a lot of people

457
00:19:27,515 --> 00:19:33,005
expect to hear from the loudest voice
in the room rather than the most common

458
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,490
voice in the room, or that mm-hmm.

459
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,095
Voice that may not even be present.

460
00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:39,335
I believe that most people
who have herpes are okay.

461
00:19:39,755 --> 00:19:40,745
I hear from the.

462
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:44,785
Percentage of people who are
not okay, and these are the

463
00:19:44,785 --> 00:19:46,165
complaints that I hear, right?

464
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,345
I think that most people who have
herpes are in their relationship.

465
00:19:49,345 --> 00:19:53,335
They don't have a reason to talk about
it because they're not dating to tell

466
00:19:53,335 --> 00:19:57,775
other people, and maybe it's managed well
enough to where if they are having any

467
00:19:57,775 --> 00:20:01,075
symptoms, they're able to just manage
them because those are really the only

468
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,885
two times that it has to come up in your
life when you have to tell a new partner.

469
00:20:04,885 --> 00:20:06,265
And if you have physical symptoms.

470
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:06,865
Yeah.

471
00:20:07,195 --> 00:20:10,225
Now tell us the difference
between, there's hs.

472
00:20:10,255 --> 00:20:10,915
It's hs.

473
00:20:10,915 --> 00:20:12,145
V one and two.

474
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:12,745
One and two, right?

475
00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:13,015
Yeah.

476
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:13,120
Yeah.

477
00:20:13,135 --> 00:20:13,885
What are the difference?

478
00:20:13,885 --> 00:20:16,405
I know you can only get
once a certain way and.

479
00:20:16,905 --> 00:20:17,625
That's not true.

480
00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:19,365
So you can get both the same way.

481
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:19,845
Right.

482
00:20:19,905 --> 00:20:20,205
Okay.

483
00:20:20,265 --> 00:20:22,845
Um, I did an interview with Dr.

484
00:20:22,845 --> 00:20:26,025
David Bruel, uh, I think
it was episode 49 Okay.

485
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,335
Of the podcast, if you
wanna listen to that.

486
00:20:28,605 --> 00:20:32,175
And I asked him, I was like, what's the
difference between HSV one and HSV two?

487
00:20:32,715 --> 00:20:38,745
I think that having this conversation
with him really changed my relationship to

488
00:20:38,745 --> 00:20:44,625
herpes because I used to look at it like,
oh, I've got the one that nobody can see.

489
00:20:45,255 --> 00:20:45,555
Right.

490
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:45,615
Yeah.

491
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,375
So it's not like I have to
worry about people seeing it.

492
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,855
And then for other people it's
like, oh, I've got the good one.

493
00:20:51,855 --> 00:20:53,565
I don't have the one
that's on my genitals.

494
00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:55,245
This is the one that everybody has.

495
00:20:55,635 --> 00:20:55,725
Mm-hmm.

496
00:20:55,965 --> 00:20:59,415
So there's already these two
separate belief patterns around

497
00:20:59,415 --> 00:21:02,385
herpes as just those two options.

498
00:21:02,625 --> 00:21:04,725
His response to me when I asked
him, what's the difference

499
00:21:04,725 --> 00:21:06,255
between HSV one and HSV two?

500
00:21:06,255 --> 00:21:10,245
He said, Courtney, he said,
both viruses present the same.

501
00:21:10,605 --> 00:21:13,395
They behave the same, they
treated with the same medication.

502
00:21:13,895 --> 00:21:18,725
Only difference is that nobody
wants to associate kids with an STD.

503
00:21:19,355 --> 00:21:25,265
So when we get code sores, like yes, we
get herpes, like it's still strand one,

504
00:21:25,265 --> 00:21:31,055
strand two, but you can have either type
in either location, so it's not HSV one

505
00:21:31,055 --> 00:21:33,995
is only oral, HSV two is only genital.

506
00:21:33,995 --> 00:21:35,915
They can in fact be interchangeable.

507
00:21:35,915 --> 00:21:36,035
Mm-hmm.

508
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:40,895
While HSV two is more common,
genitally and HSV one is more common

509
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,995
orally, they can still transfer.

510
00:21:43,325 --> 00:21:47,765
And I believe it was about four years
ago where we were seeing a rise of

511
00:21:47,795 --> 00:21:51,815
HSV one cases genitally, and it's
like, well dove, of course we are.

512
00:21:51,815 --> 00:21:54,965
If cold sores are so common and
people are putting their mouths

513
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,845
on genitals, of course we're gonna
see that because Of course, yeah.

514
00:21:57,845 --> 00:22:01,775
It's passed on from Sens
skin to skin contact.

515
00:22:02,045 --> 00:22:02,345
Yeah.

516
00:22:02,375 --> 00:22:02,765
So.

517
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,410
When I got that, I started to learn
too that a lot of doctors were

518
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:10,340
diagnosing herpes, visually, just
saying based on location, what it was.

519
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:11,810
Oh, it's up here, it's just type one.

520
00:22:11,870 --> 00:22:12,560
Oh, it's down there.

521
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,460
That one's type two.

522
00:22:13,820 --> 00:22:13,910
Mm-hmm.

523
00:22:13,910 --> 00:22:17,180
But not giving people the
swabs and the diagnoses.

524
00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:20,660
So people will come away thinking,
this is the type that I have,

525
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:22,910
and that may not be the case.

526
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:23,890
That's,

527
00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:24,750
wow,

528
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,350
that's, it's, it's, it's so weird.

529
00:22:27,410 --> 00:22:31,580
And then you said that they don't
wanna associate it with kids because

530
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,260
I, and that's what I kept hearing.

531
00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:35,210
I kept hearing, oh, I got it from my mom.

532
00:22:35,780 --> 00:22:36,980
I got it from my mom.

533
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,180
I just, me one.

534
00:22:38,185 --> 00:22:38,720
And I'm like, mm-hmm.

535
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,600
My kid, my mom kissed me and I'm like how
do they know they got it from their mom?

536
00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:44,600
What?

537
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,070
Is there something between that

538
00:22:46,610 --> 00:22:48,740
typically if they get cold sores, right?

539
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:49,250
Like if you know,

540
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:49,810
oh,

541
00:22:49,810 --> 00:22:49,820
okay.

542
00:22:50,140 --> 00:22:51,940
That family members get cold source.

543
00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:53,830
'cause a lot of people don't
know that cold source are her.

544
00:22:54,145 --> 00:22:57,220
Yeah, we just think about it
like, oh, it's a fever blister.

545
00:22:57,220 --> 00:22:59,365
It's a culture, sorry, fever
buster or, oh, when, when this

546
00:22:59,365 --> 00:23:01,345
happens, I just, I have a bump.

547
00:23:01,645 --> 00:23:03,775
No one's calling it what it is, right?

548
00:23:03,775 --> 00:23:03,865
Mm-hmm.

549
00:23:03,865 --> 00:23:08,755
It's a herpes outbreak, but you're
not gonna say to your 13-year-old

550
00:23:08,755 --> 00:23:11,545
knees, oh, I can't kiss you right
now, I'm having an herpes outbreak.

551
00:23:11,575 --> 00:23:14,245
No, you're gonna give them a kiss,
because that's what you do, right?

552
00:23:14,275 --> 00:23:14,545
Yeah.

553
00:23:14,635 --> 00:23:17,395
And especially in like black and
brown households, like growing

554
00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:18,655
up, this is how we show affection.

555
00:23:18,655 --> 00:23:22,855
Ain't nobody worried about the cold sort
thing, but if you come back and you're

556
00:23:22,855 --> 00:23:27,955
like, oh my God, I have that thing
on your lips, is now on my partner's

557
00:23:27,955 --> 00:23:33,595
genitals because it was on my lips and
I put my lips on my partner's genitals.

558
00:23:33,595 --> 00:23:33,685
Mm-hmm.

559
00:23:33,925 --> 00:23:37,135
No one's making these connections
because one, it's a weird thing

560
00:23:37,135 --> 00:23:38,650
to say, and then two, it's,

561
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:38,970
yeah,

562
00:23:39,110 --> 00:23:43,370
it, it's, what reason do you have to have
that conversation in these households?

563
00:23:43,370 --> 00:23:43,380
Yeah.

564
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:44,295
Where are you gonna go with that?

565
00:23:44,295 --> 00:23:44,655
Yeah.

566
00:23:45,155 --> 00:23:46,475
It's kind of a, not a good.

567
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:48,890
A good way to start the
Thanksgiving dinner.

568
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,155
You know,

569
00:23:50,155 --> 00:23:55,520
that's, you know, my, my little sister
always had cold sores growing up.

570
00:23:56,030 --> 00:24:00,380
Like, I remember her like four years old
and having a mouthful of blisters and

571
00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:04,880
she would get outbreaks and outbreaks
and outbreaks and, I don't know, we would

572
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,710
just call 'em fever blisters forever.

573
00:24:07,220 --> 00:24:10,520
And now I can look back and I'm like, wow.

574
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,550
That's, that's, that's what it was.

575
00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:13,360
And any,

576
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:14,495
who's gonna tell that kid?

577
00:24:14,805 --> 00:24:15,095
Yeah.

578
00:24:15,225 --> 00:24:17,890
Who's gonna tell that kid,
Hey, you got herpes, right?

579
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:22,120
And even growing up, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you
get in the middle school, high school.

580
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:22,630
Ew.

581
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:23,260
You got herpes.

582
00:24:23,290 --> 00:24:24,370
Like, kids are cruel.

583
00:24:24,490 --> 00:24:24,670
Oh,

584
00:24:24,675 --> 00:24:24,695
kids,

585
00:24:24,935 --> 00:24:25,935
kids are assholes.

586
00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:26,615
Kids, yeah.

587
00:24:26,620 --> 00:24:28,000
Forget, don't be nice.

588
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,470
I have lots of kids.

589
00:24:29,470 --> 00:24:29,560
I know.

590
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,390
They're little assholes.

591
00:24:31,390 --> 00:24:31,630
Yes.

592
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:32,310
Yeah.

593
00:24:32,310 --> 00:24:34,350
And they're honest,
they're straight up honest.

594
00:24:34,350 --> 00:24:36,300
And they'll just blurt it on your face.

595
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,920
And, that's the, that's
the stigma I had behind it.

596
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,560
I was like, if you can smell it.

597
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,480
I mean, that's what we were taught in

598
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:43,690
school.

599
00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:43,750
Yeah.

600
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:45,220
Or if you can see it then Yeah.

601
00:24:45,310 --> 00:24:45,685
Or you know.

602
00:24:45,850 --> 00:24:46,030
Yeah.

603
00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:48,730
Our background was, was pretty
similar to yours 'cause we had

604
00:24:48,730 --> 00:24:49,810
to go through the same classes.

605
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,020
Yeah.

606
00:24:50,470 --> 00:24:54,850
Uh, I don't know what they have as
far as education wise on this now.

607
00:24:55,390 --> 00:24:58,540
Uh, our kids get their education from us.

608
00:24:58,540 --> 00:24:59,740
Like we, we pretty much,

609
00:25:00,010 --> 00:25:00,520
pretty much,

610
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:04,570
I mean, we do the parent thing, you
know, and we, we tell 'em, you know,

611
00:25:04,570 --> 00:25:05,890
you gotta be safe, this sort of thing.

612
00:25:05,950 --> 00:25:06,220
Yeah.

613
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:12,060
But it's definitely something that,
uh, what I'm curious about Courtney,

614
00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:16,730
and this is the part that I've
heard other people talk about and

615
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:19,640
it's the, the mental portion of it.

616
00:25:19,645 --> 00:25:19,735
Mm-hmm.

617
00:25:19,925 --> 00:25:20,510
When you've mm-hmm.

618
00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:24,260
Found out how did it affect you mentally?

619
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,370
How is it that people that you've
talked to, how, how is it, I, I mean

620
00:25:28,370 --> 00:25:34,050
obviously suicidal ideation comes
out in this for some people but all

621
00:25:34,050 --> 00:25:35,820
around, I mean, how did it affect you?

622
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:42,645
My diagnosis affected me in the
sense of that the it probably

623
00:25:42,645 --> 00:25:45,105
affected me in a good way because

624
00:25:45,195 --> 00:25:45,255
yeah,

625
00:25:45,755 --> 00:25:50,555
I thought that I was gonna have five
kids, be married, have a house, two cars.

626
00:25:50,615 --> 00:25:53,165
'cause my dad, when he was.

627
00:25:53,665 --> 00:25:53,785
Four.

628
00:25:53,785 --> 00:25:53,875
Mm-hmm.

629
00:25:54,325 --> 00:25:55,345
I think he was 24.

630
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:55,555
How old?

631
00:25:55,615 --> 00:25:56,935
My brothers, he had three kids.

632
00:25:57,475 --> 00:25:57,775
Right.

633
00:25:57,775 --> 00:26:01,285
He had me and, or no, he had
two because I think my, uh, he,

634
00:26:01,465 --> 00:26:02,605
it was just my other brother.

635
00:26:03,295 --> 00:26:06,565
But looking at myself now,
like, I can't imagine.

636
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:11,515
I probably have been divorced by now,
the five kids, you know, I'd have been

637
00:26:11,515 --> 00:26:13,075
like, all right, y'all long, y'all long.

638
00:26:13,285 --> 00:26:16,705
And I don't know where the youngest
two would've been, but when my dad

639
00:26:16,705 --> 00:26:20,035
was 37, he had me and 18, 19-year-old.

640
00:26:20,545 --> 00:26:23,845
And then he had my two
younger brothers, 12 and 13.

641
00:26:24,385 --> 00:26:27,325
I can't imagine he had a
house, a mortgage, two cars,

642
00:26:27,325 --> 00:26:28,675
a wife to take care of a lot.

643
00:26:28,790 --> 00:26:29,010
Lot

644
00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:29,695
of stress, I'm sure.

645
00:26:29,695 --> 00:26:30,085
Yeah.

646
00:26:30,310 --> 00:26:31,490
And that was it.

647
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:31,890
Yeah.

648
00:26:31,895 --> 00:26:36,625
And I look at my life now and I'm
like, yo, had I not gotten herpes,

649
00:26:36,625 --> 00:26:40,585
I think that I would've been on that
trajectory because having herpes sent

650
00:26:40,585 --> 00:26:45,355
me off of the trajectory that I was
on for a number of different reasons.

651
00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:49,825
But I think one of the main
ones being that now, the kind of

652
00:26:49,825 --> 00:26:54,235
relationships that I was getting into
that really didn't align with me,

653
00:26:54,295 --> 00:26:55,915
I wasn't able to get into anymore.

654
00:26:56,485 --> 00:26:58,075
I needed to be with more.

655
00:26:58,645 --> 00:27:01,765
Open-minded, communicative people.

656
00:27:02,065 --> 00:27:02,545
That

657
00:27:02,545 --> 00:27:04,405
emotionally intelligent kind of

658
00:27:04,435 --> 00:27:04,585
people.

659
00:27:04,585 --> 00:27:05,795
Yeah, yeah,

660
00:27:05,910 --> 00:27:06,200
yeah,

661
00:27:06,205 --> 00:27:06,715
yeah.

662
00:27:06,715 --> 00:27:10,375
Like not the, this is the trajectory.

663
00:27:10,405 --> 00:27:11,635
'cause I'm, I'm from the Midwest.

664
00:27:11,635 --> 00:27:12,895
I'm from St. Louis, Missouri.

665
00:27:13,345 --> 00:27:15,085
And that's just kind of what you do.

666
00:27:15,085 --> 00:27:19,855
You marry your high school, the college
sweetheart, and you live in the place

667
00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:21,655
where you grew up close to your family.

668
00:27:21,685 --> 00:27:24,295
And that's not something that.

669
00:27:24,850 --> 00:27:27,880
After I got herpes, it was like,
oh, my life can look like this.

670
00:27:28,030 --> 00:27:29,170
My life can look like this.

671
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:30,370
My life can look like this.

672
00:27:30,730 --> 00:27:33,640
And I became open to all of
these different experiences.

673
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:38,260
So I, I, I think that while many
people when diagnosed, they feel like

674
00:27:38,260 --> 00:27:39,970
something was taken away from them.

675
00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:44,440
But I'm a firm believer in like
the laws of equivalent exchange.

676
00:27:44,470 --> 00:27:49,510
Nothing's taken from you without the
space being there for something else to

677
00:27:49,510 --> 00:27:54,850
be received that's more fitting for who
you're, and so I like that even looking

678
00:27:54,850 --> 00:27:59,440
at the monogamy values, like trying to
be in relationships and partnerships

679
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:04,810
with people that aligned with me and my
values when the values that I was entering

680
00:28:04,810 --> 00:28:09,970
relationships under didn't align, made
space for me to, as the person that I

681
00:28:09,970 --> 00:28:14,980
am learning about these new alternative
lifestyles and relationship structures

682
00:28:14,980 --> 00:28:21,480
where a herpes diagnosis and discussion is
a lot more received well received, right?

683
00:28:21,810 --> 00:28:23,250
That began to.

684
00:28:23,385 --> 00:28:27,915
I give the, for this exploration to
learn this new environment and testing

685
00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:30,375
ground that I had for being who I'm,

686
00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:34,775
you know, I, I, this is the
fascinating part that I, I wanted

687
00:28:34,775 --> 00:28:37,205
to discuss with you, uh, because.

688
00:28:37,705 --> 00:28:42,445
Our situation obviously is, is, uh, is
a bit different, is d because we're, uh,

689
00:28:42,505 --> 00:28:42,975
are you, are you,

690
00:28:42,975 --> 00:28:43,735
we're open.

691
00:28:43,790 --> 00:28:45,445
Well, are you in an open relationship?

692
00:28:46,405 --> 00:28:48,295
Uh, so this is, oh, long story.

693
00:28:48,355 --> 00:28:54,105
Uh, so in short, I'm not in a, I'm not in
a relationship, so I'm, I've been, yeah.

694
00:28:54,105 --> 00:28:56,025
Like I, we don't use those words, right?

695
00:28:56,115 --> 00:28:56,475
Yeah.

696
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:56,560
Yeah.

697
00:28:57,060 --> 00:29:01,440
What y'all said earlier about like being,
uh, labelist, like there's a fluidity.

698
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:01,450
Yeah.

699
00:29:01,590 --> 00:29:01,860
Yeah.

700
00:29:01,860 --> 00:29:03,785
There's like a fluidity
that I'm, the would say

701
00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:04,320
the, I'm not gonna lie

702
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,660
to you, I, she's the, the label as
far as I go, it's like, you know what?

703
00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:08,250
We take situations as they come.

704
00:29:08,255 --> 00:29:08,525
Yeah.

705
00:29:08,820 --> 00:29:09,390
Yeah.

706
00:29:09,390 --> 00:29:12,630
But the thing is like labels help you
with connecting with other people.

707
00:29:12,635 --> 00:29:12,685
Right.

708
00:29:12,685 --> 00:29:12,925
They do.

709
00:29:13,020 --> 00:29:15,900
Like, so you offer the label
and people are like, oh yeah.

710
00:29:15,930 --> 00:29:17,130
Like I'm in that ballpark.

711
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,270
But what I found in my experience
is that some of the labels have been

712
00:29:21,270 --> 00:29:26,370
misconstrued because my non-monogamy
may not look like your non-monogamy.

713
00:29:26,460 --> 00:29:26,760
Oh, yeah.

714
00:29:26,820 --> 00:29:26,970
Right.

715
00:29:26,970 --> 00:29:27,900
Someone's monogamy.

716
00:29:27,925 --> 00:29:28,165
Yeah.

717
00:29:28,170 --> 00:29:29,820
Not looking like someone else's.

718
00:29:29,820 --> 00:29:34,950
And we use these terms to like lock
things in, and I've been identified

719
00:29:34,950 --> 00:29:36,540
and labeled as polyamorous.

720
00:29:36,540 --> 00:29:38,940
And then I was like, okay,
well I guess I'm polyamorous.

721
00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:41,010
And then I tried that and
it did not work for me.

722
00:29:41,010 --> 00:29:41,040
Okay.

723
00:29:41,730 --> 00:29:45,900
And I recognized I just had a lot
of free time during that window.

724
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:47,550
A lot of things were going on.

725
00:29:47,550 --> 00:29:51,360
And then when I started to get
more grounded, it was like.

726
00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:58,660
What was being required of me was in
fact much more emotional and physical

727
00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:04,270
availability than what I was available
for now that I was like grounded again.

728
00:30:04,330 --> 00:30:07,330
So you're getting a very
grounded version of me.

729
00:30:07,830 --> 00:30:07,860
I

730
00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:08,160
like

731
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:08,340
that.

732
00:30:08,340 --> 00:30:09,690
I'm trying to be grounded.

733
00:30:10,190 --> 00:30:11,450
A round Valentine's Day.

734
00:30:11,450 --> 00:30:14,600
I think Valentine's Day, uh,
around that time was when I was

735
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,520
like, ah, something ain't right.

736
00:30:17,020 --> 00:30:17,290
Yeah.

737
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,840
You know, the, and these
things happen because there's

738
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,700
no, everybody has their way.

739
00:30:22,540 --> 00:30:22,660
Mm-hmm.

740
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:22,920
You know?

741
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:22,930
Mm-hmm.

742
00:30:23,060 --> 00:30:26,760
So we're all under this umbrella,
but everybody does that thing and you

743
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,140
know, there's no wrong way to do it.

744
00:30:28,140 --> 00:30:29,490
It's whatever works for you.

745
00:30:29,940 --> 00:30:30,450
Um, yeah.

746
00:30:30,450 --> 00:30:35,040
For us and, and the community
that we're currently immersed

747
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,630
in is more sexual based.

748
00:30:37,630 --> 00:30:38,860
It's more swinger based.

749
00:30:38,970 --> 00:30:38,980
Mm-hmm.

750
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:44,600
And the thought of this, you know, a
lot of our listeners have these same.

751
00:30:45,545 --> 00:30:50,895
I guess fears or thoughts as we, you
know, we, we think with our horny brain

752
00:30:50,895 --> 00:30:56,445
in moments of, this is hot and I wanna
get down, and the last thing that we

753
00:30:56,445 --> 00:31:00,615
think about before we're about to get
down is, does this girl have herpes?

754
00:31:00,825 --> 00:31:04,035
Because if I thought that
before I got started, I would

755
00:31:04,035 --> 00:31:05,265
not be able to get started.

756
00:31:05,325 --> 00:31:06,015
You know what I mean?

757
00:31:06,015 --> 00:31:10,845
Like, I, I have anxiety, so it's like
I'm gonna set that switch off, forget it.

758
00:31:10,845 --> 00:31:11,655
I might as well leave.

759
00:31:11,655 --> 00:31:12,315
It's so horrible.

760
00:31:12,315 --> 00:31:13,170
Like, we ignore it.

761
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:13,770
Like we

762
00:31:13,770 --> 00:31:14,250
just ignore it.

763
00:31:14,295 --> 00:31:17,145
It's, and so that's why, and that's
really why I wanted to talk about.

764
00:31:17,645 --> 00:31:20,075
I, I assume everybody has it.

765
00:31:20,105 --> 00:31:22,895
I look at people crazy if they
tell me they don't have it.

766
00:31:23,030 --> 00:31:23,390
I thought that

767
00:31:23,390 --> 00:31:23,720
today, and

768
00:31:24,005 --> 00:31:24,335
yeah,

769
00:31:24,425 --> 00:31:29,435
more often than not, I get in trouble
because I have to have this conversation

770
00:31:29,435 --> 00:31:32,435
a lot earlier than I'm ready to,
because people ask, what do you do?

771
00:31:32,825 --> 00:31:35,645
I'm at a point where I'm starting to think
about just saying I'm a yoga teacher,

772
00:31:35,705 --> 00:31:37,595
and we, we take it from there, right?

773
00:31:38,045 --> 00:31:42,935
But what has happened to me more
times than I can count is that someone

774
00:31:42,935 --> 00:31:47,405
will say that they also have it,
and then I kind of become like more

775
00:31:47,405 --> 00:31:50,705
of a therapist than someone who's
like, you know, we're getting to know

776
00:31:50,705 --> 00:31:52,025
each other on a date or whatever.

777
00:31:52,025 --> 00:31:53,265
And I get turned off.

778
00:31:53,475 --> 00:31:54,645
I get turned off because.

779
00:31:55,050 --> 00:32:00,630
Like that's a very hard line for me
because if I start to, you know, hear

780
00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:05,550
from you as someone who's struggling
with your herpes diagnosis, I now, I

781
00:32:05,550 --> 00:32:09,135
can't date you because I'm not struggling
with my herpes diagnosis dynamic.

782
00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:09,335
Yeah.

783
00:32:09,365 --> 00:32:09,655
Yeah.

784
00:32:10,380 --> 00:32:13,500
And so whoever it is that I'm with, like
I've been with people who don't have

785
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:18,530
herpes, I've been with people who have
herpes and are okay with their diagnosis.

786
00:32:18,530 --> 00:32:21,410
But I've also, I've been there
before where I've been with someone

787
00:32:21,410 --> 00:32:26,200
who is not okay with it, and I'm
like their crutch so to speak.

788
00:32:26,260 --> 00:32:29,710
It's like, oh, well if I'm not
gonna be with you, like, uh, we,

789
00:32:29,710 --> 00:32:32,320
we have to work out because I don't
wanna go back out there and date.

790
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,420
I don't wanna have to have this
conversation again with people.

791
00:32:34,420 --> 00:32:34,450
Oh.

792
00:32:34,660 --> 00:32:38,410
And that's what I started to like,
kind of see happening as well.

793
00:32:38,830 --> 00:32:45,010
And so like I have a very, like, hard
screen for making sure that people are

794
00:32:45,010 --> 00:32:48,340
at like an emotionally decent place.

795
00:32:48,345 --> 00:32:48,725
Mm-hmm.

796
00:32:48,825 --> 00:32:51,800
Um, if they do have herpes, to
be able to move forward with me.

797
00:32:52,585 --> 00:32:53,065
Wow.

798
00:32:53,635 --> 00:32:54,175
That's awesome.

799
00:32:54,235 --> 00:32:55,100
Give a little paper
that sounds exhausting.

800
00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:55,110
Paper.

801
00:32:55,110 --> 00:32:56,515
Be like, can you please fill this out?

802
00:32:57,015 --> 00:32:58,185
That sounds exhausting.

803
00:32:58,385 --> 00:32:58,545
I mean,

804
00:32:58,545 --> 00:32:58,865
you're

805
00:32:58,865 --> 00:33:00,865
gonna have, I have to do the
Google form, man, because, uh,

806
00:33:01,265 --> 00:33:02,530
I don't have that kind of time.

807
00:33:02,530 --> 00:33:02,890
Yeah.

808
00:33:02,896 --> 00:33:05,800
Hey, I vet, I vet people we talk to.

809
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,740
So that's you.

810
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:08,700
Why not?

811
00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:09,600
Why not?

812
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:10,565
You have to, you have to.

813
00:33:10,650 --> 00:33:16,410
You have, if you have this and you wanna
be a very transparent person with your

814
00:33:16,410 --> 00:33:21,960
partners, you have to, you have to kind
of find your way to, to bring it up.

815
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:22,620
That's

816
00:33:22,745 --> 00:33:26,265
what I, and we've had couples
talk to us and, and tell us Yeah.

817
00:33:26,265 --> 00:33:28,265
You know, and, and, and break us the news.

818
00:33:28,565 --> 00:33:30,485
And it's never anything that's right away.

819
00:33:30,725 --> 00:33:30,935
Mm-hmm.

820
00:33:30,995 --> 00:33:33,455
Uh, it's always something
where you can tell they're.

821
00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:36,620
They need to build up trust with us first.

822
00:33:36,620 --> 00:33:36,900
Mm-hmm.

823
00:33:36,985 --> 00:33:40,715
They need to feel like it's a safe
space, and it normally takes a bit,

824
00:33:41,195 --> 00:33:44,675
but then after that bit, they're like,
Hey, so there's something that we

825
00:33:44,675 --> 00:33:46,625
wanna share with you guys, you know?

826
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:46,715
Oh,

827
00:33:46,715 --> 00:33:47,555
that's how they say it.

828
00:33:47,555 --> 00:33:47,975
No,

829
00:33:47,980 --> 00:33:48,220
usually.

830
00:33:48,290 --> 00:33:48,980
Yeah, usually.

831
00:33:49,130 --> 00:33:49,420
Yeah.

832
00:33:50,105 --> 00:33:50,555
Okay.

833
00:33:50,555 --> 00:33:50,855
Yeah.

834
00:33:50,975 --> 00:33:51,245
All right.

835
00:33:51,245 --> 00:33:55,295
So, and this is why we're so glad
you're here, because how Enlighten us.

836
00:33:55,295 --> 00:33:55,595
Please

837
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:55,980
enlighten us

838
00:33:55,980 --> 00:33:57,425
because how, how should this be going?

839
00:33:57,495 --> 00:34:01,155
And they usually ended with, look,
don't make a decision now think

840
00:34:01,155 --> 00:34:03,255
about it, and then come back to us.

841
00:34:03,260 --> 00:34:03,280
Yeah.

842
00:34:03,285 --> 00:34:05,235
Like, let us know this is a deal breaker

843
00:34:05,655 --> 00:34:06,975
and this has ha this has happened

844
00:34:06,975 --> 00:34:07,335
several times.

845
00:34:07,335 --> 00:34:10,555
And then I'm gonna tell you
what I what I said after that.

846
00:34:10,645 --> 00:34:14,785
And then, but I want you to tell us
like, well, how should we, you like us?

847
00:34:15,310 --> 00:34:17,860
We're here and we're like,
yeah, Courtney, we're down.

848
00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:18,520
What's up?

849
00:34:19,020 --> 00:34:19,230
Alright, so

850
00:34:19,230 --> 00:34:19,380
what you

851
00:34:19,380 --> 00:34:22,710
gotta tell us, and it can be, and,
and that's the thing too, like it

852
00:34:22,710 --> 00:34:24,450
can be a fun, playful thing, right?

853
00:34:24,450 --> 00:34:24,510
Yeah.

854
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,530
Like people say, have the
conversation before close come off.

855
00:34:28,530 --> 00:34:33,030
Like, I think that anytime that
you have the conversation is the

856
00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:36,780
right time to have the conversation
because it's all situational, right?

857
00:34:36,780 --> 00:34:36,870
Mm-hmm.

858
00:34:37,110 --> 00:34:43,290
So in the context of an ideal scenario
for me is, okay, let's say we are on

859
00:34:43,290 --> 00:34:47,250
a date and you know, we're talking,
things are going well, banter's good.

860
00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:48,660
Uh, we're getting a check.

861
00:34:48,660 --> 00:34:52,020
It's like, oh, hey, well, while we wait
on a check it looks like, you know,

862
00:34:52,020 --> 00:34:53,670
this is the direction things are headed.

863
00:34:53,670 --> 00:34:54,570
Am I reading it right?

864
00:34:54,570 --> 00:34:55,560
Am I reading it wrong?

865
00:34:55,620 --> 00:34:56,460
Oh, okay, great.

866
00:34:56,460 --> 00:34:59,670
So before we, you know, get back
and things get too hot and heavy,

867
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,800
I care about my sexual health.

868
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,600
I care about the sexual
health of my partners.

869
00:35:03,630 --> 00:35:05,610
Are y'all good to talk about that now?

870
00:35:06,525 --> 00:35:07,725
Yes or no, right?

871
00:35:07,905 --> 00:35:08,745
Hopefully yes.

872
00:35:09,245 --> 00:35:12,275
I don't know what would happen if
somebody said no, actually I'm not.

873
00:35:12,275 --> 00:35:12,905
Let's be, I'm not

874
00:35:12,905 --> 00:35:13,685
ready for that yet.

875
00:35:13,685 --> 00:35:14,345
Lemme go grab a

876
00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:14,645
drink.

877
00:35:14,945 --> 00:35:15,455
Yes, we're, yeah.

878
00:35:16,025 --> 00:35:17,825
Lemme go smoke a smoke a nice

879
00:35:17,825 --> 00:35:18,155
little bowl.

880
00:35:18,155 --> 00:35:18,335
Okay.

881
00:35:18,835 --> 00:35:19,195
So, yes.

882
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:19,710
Yes.

883
00:35:19,710 --> 00:35:20,190
We are ready?

884
00:35:20,195 --> 00:35:20,355
Yeah,

885
00:35:20,445 --> 00:35:20,875
we're ready.

886
00:35:21,270 --> 00:35:21,570
All right.

887
00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:25,650
So, um, I was last tested
actually last Wednesday.

888
00:35:25,770 --> 00:35:28,020
Um, I got the results back this morning.

889
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:29,200
Uh, what about you?

890
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,400
When's the last time you were tested?

891
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,110
Oh man.

892
00:35:32,530 --> 00:35:33,820
Oh, you asking us last week?

893
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:34,740
Sorry.

894
00:35:34,740 --> 00:35:37,380
And then, so, and there's
two ways to go about this.

895
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:40,590
You can like, break it out
like this if the people aren't

896
00:35:40,590 --> 00:35:42,930
really receptive to it, right?

897
00:35:42,930 --> 00:35:43,020
Mm-hmm.

898
00:35:43,050 --> 00:35:46,860
Then you can chunk it like this, where
you make it more of an interactive and

899
00:35:46,860 --> 00:35:50,670
involved conversation because I wanna
know that you're okay to talk about it.

900
00:35:51,570 --> 00:35:51,660
Mm-hmm.

901
00:35:51,661 --> 00:35:54,480
I wanna know when you were tested, I
wanna know what you were tested for,

902
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:55,920
what was negative, what was positive?

903
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,740
Because when I ask those kinds of
questions, you give me a little

904
00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:02,070
bit more of an understanding
of your own sexual health.

905
00:36:02,070 --> 00:36:02,100
Oh.

906
00:36:02,610 --> 00:36:06,480
So when I have the conversation,
it's just asking are you in

907
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:07,470
a place to talk about it all?

908
00:36:07,710 --> 00:36:08,070
Cool.

909
00:36:08,430 --> 00:36:09,540
Uh, last was tested.

910
00:36:09,690 --> 00:36:10,830
Oh, last Wednesday.

911
00:36:11,230 --> 00:36:12,610
I got my results back today.

912
00:36:12,820 --> 00:36:17,830
Uh, I tested for chlamydia, gonorrhea,
syphilis, all the hepatitis is HIV.

913
00:36:18,190 --> 00:36:19,390
Uh, those came back negative.

914
00:36:19,660 --> 00:36:20,200
Herpes.

915
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:21,640
I test positive for that.

916
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:22,480
What about you?

917
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:24,310
That's how I have it.

918
00:36:24,730 --> 00:36:27,760
But for someone who's like,
I liked how you dropped that.

919
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:31,360
That was real good because what
you hit up all the heavy hitters.

920
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:31,420
Yeah.

921
00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:32,740
And you were like, that

922
00:36:32,740 --> 00:36:33,610
shit was negative.

923
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:34,210
That's

924
00:36:35,140 --> 00:36:35,470
perfect's too.

925
00:36:35,710 --> 00:36:37,150
But what about you?

926
00:36:37,650 --> 00:36:38,520
That was real good.

927
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:38,530
I

928
00:36:38,535 --> 00:36:39,210
that I mean it.

929
00:36:39,210 --> 00:36:39,905
That's, that's good.

930
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,160
That's straightforward.

931
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:41,370
Yeah.

932
00:36:41,370 --> 00:36:41,520
It's

933
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,395
very, very straightforward.

934
00:36:42,395 --> 00:36:46,050
You know, when you, A lot of people
in the lifestyle don't even talk about

935
00:36:46,050 --> 00:36:48,030
getting tested as often as we should.

936
00:36:48,030 --> 00:36:50,580
It's starting to come up more and
more it to more, but it's just.

937
00:36:51,030 --> 00:36:51,570
Not enough.

938
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:51,750
Yeah.

939
00:36:51,780 --> 00:36:52,290
Here's,

940
00:36:52,290 --> 00:36:52,440
yeah.

941
00:36:52,470 --> 00:36:53,640
Here's my understanding.

942
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,720
So in the lifestyle, I think that
it's assumed that no one's gonna

943
00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:59,190
bring anything to the party.

944
00:36:59,490 --> 00:36:59,820
Yes.

945
00:36:59,950 --> 00:37:00,250
Yeah.

946
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:01,750
Like there is that assumption.

947
00:37:01,990 --> 00:37:02,110
Yes.

948
00:37:02,110 --> 00:37:07,150
And it makes logical sense, but also
you don't know what you don't know.

949
00:37:07,205 --> 00:37:07,535
Right.

950
00:37:07,535 --> 00:37:12,755
So the responsible thing, of course,
is to, knowing that you're going into

951
00:37:12,815 --> 00:37:15,245
a play party setting, be tested before.

952
00:37:15,275 --> 00:37:15,365
Mm-hmm.

953
00:37:15,605 --> 00:37:18,245
And you would think that you don't
have to have that conversation,

954
00:37:18,245 --> 00:37:21,365
but it really is a conversation
that everyone should be having.

955
00:37:21,635 --> 00:37:24,605
Just because you're going to a play
party doesn't mean you don't have

956
00:37:24,605 --> 00:37:26,555
an entire life outside of that.

957
00:37:27,035 --> 00:37:27,485
Right.

958
00:37:27,485 --> 00:37:30,485
And there's a lot of ways
that things are transmitted.

959
00:37:30,485 --> 00:37:32,135
We talk about skin to skin contact.

960
00:37:32,135 --> 00:37:34,265
We talk about, uh, the fluid exchange.

961
00:37:34,265 --> 00:37:34,595
Right.

962
00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:36,005
Condoms and no condoms.

963
00:37:36,005 --> 00:37:39,665
There are still the possibilities
of herpes being passed on.

964
00:37:39,965 --> 00:37:43,775
Uh, depending on like cuts and,
and blood or whatever types of

965
00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:45,665
things that people have going on.

966
00:37:45,665 --> 00:37:46,715
You can get those things.

967
00:37:46,925 --> 00:37:48,455
And we don't even talk about like.

968
00:37:48,955 --> 00:37:50,740
Strep throat or getting a cold.

969
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:51,360
So yeah,

970
00:37:51,630 --> 00:37:58,410
let me explain to you something, and
this all kind of like happened earlier,

971
00:37:58,470 --> 00:37:59,970
this today I think, or yesterday.

972
00:38:00,870 --> 00:38:03,390
I have gotten strep throat, I don't know

973
00:38:04,140 --> 00:38:04,230
how

974
00:38:04,230 --> 00:38:07,350
many, since November or
October of last year.

975
00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:09,720
Three times already.

976
00:38:10,530 --> 00:38:11,520
Three times.

977
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:12,155
And I'm like, don't see,

978
00:38:12,155 --> 00:38:12,795
this is why I be, I

979
00:38:12,795 --> 00:38:13,395
don't be kissing

980
00:38:13,395 --> 00:38:13,915
people like that.

981
00:38:14,195 --> 00:38:14,395
Yeah.

982
00:38:14,435 --> 00:38:14,715
I don't.

983
00:38:14,715 --> 00:38:16,075
Um, and, and so that's what I'm saying.

984
00:38:16,140 --> 00:38:19,530
I actually am a person who doesn't.

985
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:20,220
Oh, I kiss.

986
00:38:20,220 --> 00:38:20,580
Everybody

987
00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:21,030
kiss a lot.

988
00:38:21,530 --> 00:38:21,980
Well, all right.

989
00:38:21,980 --> 00:38:23,735
So maybe, maybe you got the, the, uh, he

990
00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:24,015
kisses

991
00:38:24,015 --> 00:38:24,135
a lot

992
00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:25,550
and that's, you got your immune system.

993
00:38:25,730 --> 00:38:27,590
I have, I have a very
strong immune system.

994
00:38:27,590 --> 00:38:27,600
Yeah.

995
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,785
He's got a very strong, and she's
very, got a lower, he got his STR

996
00:38:29,785 --> 00:38:32,600
throat like two weeks ago for the
first time in his whole life that

997
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,160
I've ever been with him for 15 years.

998
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:35,330
Never gotten it.

999
00:38:35,870 --> 00:38:39,890
So I have gotten it three
times and it had me kind of

1000
00:38:39,890 --> 00:38:42,860
thinking today, I was like, wow.

1001
00:38:42,950 --> 00:38:43,730
I don't think.

1002
00:38:44,230 --> 00:38:44,560
That.

1003
00:38:45,250 --> 00:38:46,150
What if it's that?

1004
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,450
Because I actually do
not say what it's, yeah.

1005
00:38:49,570 --> 00:38:51,340
What if it's, what if it's herpes?

1006
00:38:51,550 --> 00:38:52,780
And I was like, wow.

1007
00:38:53,350 --> 00:38:56,290
I mean, it could be, and then
you said it earlier, you're

1008
00:38:56,290 --> 00:38:57,850
like, I assume everyone has it.

1009
00:38:58,330 --> 00:39:03,670
I, with all the conversations I've had
all month long, I think everybody has it.

1010
00:39:04,170 --> 00:39:04,770
Everybody has it.

1011
00:39:04,775 --> 00:39:06,295
I mean, gave it to him
and he gave it to me.

1012
00:39:06,795 --> 00:39:07,765
Like, seriously, I don't,

1013
00:39:08,190 --> 00:39:09,210
I have a good immune system.

1014
00:39:09,210 --> 00:39:13,330
I'm not, I'm not of the camp
of yeah, everybody has it.

1015
00:39:13,330 --> 00:39:16,030
Like I, you won't hear me say
that like, oh, everybody has it.

1016
00:39:16,090 --> 00:39:19,810
But there's one time, and this
was like a fun, playful story.

1017
00:39:19,890 --> 00:39:24,220
I was at a skating rink and I met someone
and we made eyes and I talked to her.

1018
00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:24,900
I was like, Hey, I'm Courtney.

1019
00:39:25,050 --> 00:39:29,730
We started talking for a bit and
shooting shit and eventually she was

1020
00:39:29,730 --> 00:39:31,410
like, you don't wanna go home with me.

1021
00:39:31,410 --> 00:39:31,980
I was like, why?

1022
00:39:31,980 --> 00:39:33,300
She was like, because I have herpes.

1023
00:39:33,630 --> 00:39:35,915
And it took everything in me not to like.

1024
00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:38,580
Break my straight face.

1025
00:39:38,820 --> 00:39:39,030
Yeah.

1026
00:39:39,030 --> 00:39:41,310
And I just looked at her and I
go, doesn't everybody have it?

1027
00:39:41,850 --> 00:39:44,340
And so we continue tonight,
we're having a good time.

1028
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:44,520
Awesome.

1029
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:49,260
And we end up, like we hooked up and
I think we had hooked up a few times

1030
00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:50,970
before I ended up eventually telling her.

1031
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,690
'cause I was just like, oh my gosh,
she has no idea who I am or what I do.

1032
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,460
This is magical.

1033
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,090
Like you never ever have this experience.

1034
00:40:00,270 --> 00:40:00,330
Yeah.

1035
00:40:00,420 --> 00:40:01,710
So it was just like.

1036
00:40:02,025 --> 00:40:06,525
A magical space, magical between
them not knowing who I am or

1037
00:40:06,525 --> 00:40:08,055
what I do, and then finding out.

1038
00:40:08,055 --> 00:40:09,075
And she was like, you asshole.

1039
00:40:09,075 --> 00:40:09,765
Why didn't you tell me?

1040
00:40:09,765 --> 00:40:10,875
You had me thinking all this time.

1041
00:40:10,875 --> 00:40:11,260
The big reveal.

1042
00:40:11,850 --> 00:40:12,140
Yeah.

1043
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,460
But it was just so fun.

1044
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:18,645
And it's fun when you operate from
that place because it lets, yeah, it

1045
00:40:18,645 --> 00:40:22,425
allows, like going out and socializing
and meeting people and going through

1046
00:40:22,425 --> 00:40:25,725
the dating process to be a lot less
stressful because you're not thinking,

1047
00:40:25,935 --> 00:40:27,165
when am I gonna tell this person?

1048
00:40:27,165 --> 00:40:29,355
It's more like, oh, when are you,
when's this person gonna tell me

1049
00:40:29,355 --> 00:40:30,345
whether or not they have herpes?

1050
00:40:30,775 --> 00:40:30,835
Yeah.

1051
00:40:31,255 --> 00:40:35,965
And more often than not, I don't know
if it's like a law of attraction mindset

1052
00:40:35,965 --> 00:40:40,645
thing or whatever, but I've had way more
people tell me that they have herpes.

1053
00:40:40,885 --> 00:40:44,050
Then I've had people tell
me, Nope, I don't want I, I

1054
00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:45,760
don't want put myself at risk.

1055
00:40:46,030 --> 00:40:49,590
There have been people who
have HS V type one who have not

1056
00:40:49,590 --> 00:40:51,510
wanted to have, uh, with me.

1057
00:40:51,845 --> 00:40:55,055
Because I've had HSV type two,
which I have type one and type two.

1058
00:40:55,350 --> 00:40:55,360
But,

1059
00:40:55,595 --> 00:40:59,405
I've had people that didn't wanna
have sex with me moving forward.

1060
00:40:59,405 --> 00:41:02,405
And what one of the frustrating
things was, I remember there was

1061
00:41:02,405 --> 00:41:05,675
someone who reached out to me
after we had dated and she told me

1062
00:41:05,675 --> 00:41:08,975
like, oh hey, like we can date now.

1063
00:41:08,975 --> 00:41:13,235
Because her boyfriend ended up meeting
somebody with herpes and now it was okay.

1064
00:41:13,235 --> 00:41:15,370
Or her husband, I'm sorry,
her husband had met someone

1065
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:16,090
that herpes.

1066
00:41:16,090 --> 00:41:16,715
Sorry, it's not anymore.

1067
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:17,650
Yeah.

1068
00:41:17,730 --> 00:41:18,730
I was like, ah, I'm good,

1069
00:41:18,950 --> 00:41:19,250
I'm good.

1070
00:41:20,170 --> 00:41:20,290
I

1071
00:41:20,790 --> 00:41:21,460
can't take a walk

1072
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:21,860
now.

1073
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:23,425
And so I got it.

1074
00:41:23,425 --> 00:41:27,810
You said so we spoke, I dunno if we
spoke to somebody or we interviewed

1075
00:41:27,810 --> 00:41:32,870
somebody but only had relationships
with people who had herpes.

1076
00:41:32,870 --> 00:41:33,050
Yeah.

1077
00:41:33,050 --> 00:41:33,925
Susan Bratton.

1078
00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:34,220
Yeah.

1079
00:41:34,220 --> 00:41:35,720
So like her partners all have it.

1080
00:41:35,990 --> 00:41:40,800
You mentioned that you date people
that don't have it and that do have it.

1081
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:40,810
Mm-hmm.

1082
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:42,750
And that everyone's good with it, but.

1083
00:41:43,690 --> 00:41:46,690
Do you, you also mentioned that
you have like a, is there a date

1084
00:41:46,690 --> 00:41:48,370
site, a sighting or like a little

1085
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:49,720
There is.

1086
00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:51,740
I'm not going to, I don't fuck with them.

1087
00:41:51,890 --> 00:41:52,130
They don't

1088
00:41:52,185 --> 00:41:52,585
fuck with

1089
00:41:52,585 --> 00:41:52,705
me.

1090
00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:52,790
Okay.

1091
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:53,420
So

1092
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:54,460
is a

1093
00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:55,180
dating site

1094
00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:56,960
Oh no, that's, if

1095
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:57,850
look for it, you'll find it.

1096
00:41:57,855 --> 00:41:58,145
Okay.

1097
00:41:58,645 --> 00:42:02,305
I'm, I'm sure it's a very
specific SEO that they put in.

1098
00:42:02,365 --> 00:42:02,905
Yeah.

1099
00:42:02,905 --> 00:42:04,375
I'm sure it's to find

1100
00:42:04,825 --> 00:42:08,625
whatever, but I mean, I think
people should really, um, I don't

1101
00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,385
know, even like telling you now,
when I was telling you about my

1102
00:42:11,385 --> 00:42:12,765
STR though, I couldn't even say it.

1103
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:13,120
I was like,

1104
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,585
uh, yeah, well, I mean, you, you really
struggle with that sort of thing.

1105
00:42:15,585 --> 00:42:20,835
I, I, so I, I really want to pick
your brain here for a sec, Courtney.

1106
00:42:21,265 --> 00:42:26,755
In that, as somebody, you know, talking
to our listeners especially who are in

1107
00:42:26,755 --> 00:42:32,335
the lifestyle and say, I, I know we have
friends that are listening who do have it.

1108
00:42:32,335 --> 00:42:32,345
Mm-hmm.

1109
00:42:32,410 --> 00:42:32,610
You

1110
00:42:32,785 --> 00:42:33,415
know what I'm saying?

1111
00:42:33,745 --> 00:42:34,495
But they're.

1112
00:42:34,915 --> 00:42:39,385
Not certain how they can navigate the
lifestyle, how this can work for 'em.

1113
00:42:39,805 --> 00:42:41,845
What kind of advice can you give them?

1114
00:42:42,685 --> 00:42:48,295
Listen, I have been in relationships
where I've not worn condoms with

1115
00:42:48,295 --> 00:42:50,095
the person consensually, of course.

1116
00:42:50,515 --> 00:42:55,175
Um, but the thing about it is I
think that the safest sex that

1117
00:42:55,175 --> 00:42:57,875
we can have is communicative sex.

1118
00:42:58,415 --> 00:42:58,445
Mm.

1119
00:42:58,475 --> 00:43:03,575
So when we talk about safe or safer sex
practices, we're talking about condom use,

1120
00:43:03,575 --> 00:43:05,585
wearing antiviral, or using antivirals.

1121
00:43:05,795 --> 00:43:09,035
The reality is there is no way
to eliminate the risk of passing

1122
00:43:09,035 --> 00:43:10,835
herpes on or contracting herpes.

1123
00:43:10,835 --> 00:43:14,225
There is nothing you can do to
completely eliminate the risk.

1124
00:43:14,385 --> 00:43:14,745
Okay.

1125
00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:15,360
Okay.

1126
00:43:15,365 --> 00:43:19,425
So I give that information, whoever
it is that I'm fucking, they have to

1127
00:43:19,425 --> 00:43:21,165
like me more than they don't want hurt.

1128
00:43:21,885 --> 00:43:24,825
And that's the attitude that
you have to have about this.

1129
00:43:24,825 --> 00:43:28,335
And you have to trust the other
person to, or people to make

1130
00:43:28,335 --> 00:43:29,895
that decision for themselves.

1131
00:43:30,105 --> 00:43:31,245
Here's the information.

1132
00:43:31,635 --> 00:43:32,595
I'm giving it to you.

1133
00:43:32,595 --> 00:43:36,345
You make the decision,
and that's all we got.

1134
00:43:36,345 --> 00:43:38,535
If you have questions, I'm
happy to answer those questions.

1135
00:43:38,535 --> 00:43:40,155
I'm not gonna go and do
the research for you.

1136
00:43:40,155 --> 00:43:44,145
I don't even talk about transmission
rates and statistics because there is

1137
00:43:44,145 --> 00:43:47,955
no statistic that exists that a person
who's asking for that wants to see.

1138
00:43:48,615 --> 00:43:51,945
Like if you take antivirals
and you wear condoms mm-hmm.

1139
00:43:52,365 --> 00:43:55,455
And you don't stick it all the
way in, like, then maybe the

1140
00:43:55,455 --> 00:43:57,525
transmission rate goes down to 4%.

1141
00:43:57,525 --> 00:43:58,635
What does 4% mean?

1142
00:43:59,535 --> 00:44:03,375
Does that mean four out of every
100 strokes I might get herpes.

1143
00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:03,850
And that sounds

1144
00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:04,850
miserable too.

1145
00:44:04,850 --> 00:44:05,570
Like every 100.

1146
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:05,930
Yeah.

1147
00:44:06,105 --> 00:44:06,135
I

1148
00:44:06,135 --> 00:44:08,295
would rather get herpes
than do all that shit.

1149
00:44:08,505 --> 00:44:09,525
Like that sounds horrible.

1150
00:44:09,525 --> 00:44:09,885
Exactly.

1151
00:44:10,065 --> 00:44:10,695
You know what I mean?

1152
00:44:10,695 --> 00:44:12,855
Like I and I can only stick half of it in.

1153
00:44:12,855 --> 00:44:14,325
No man, come on here

1154
00:44:14,325 --> 00:44:14,595
with that.

1155
00:44:14,595 --> 00:44:14,925
No.

1156
00:44:14,925 --> 00:44:17,025
And nobody, nobody wants that.

1157
00:44:17,025 --> 00:44:17,325
And

1158
00:44:17,325 --> 00:44:17,535
no,

1159
00:44:17,685 --> 00:44:21,645
I think that a lot of times, like for
your listeners who might be struggling

1160
00:44:21,645 --> 00:44:22,730
with herpes themselves mm-hmm.

1161
00:44:22,875 --> 00:44:27,375
Like limiting themselves to, I
guess in the sex positive settings,

1162
00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:29,505
kink settings and the lifestyle.

1163
00:44:29,505 --> 00:44:29,805
Right.

1164
00:44:30,075 --> 00:44:33,585
So much of our identities can be
interconnected with our sexuality

1165
00:44:33,585 --> 00:44:37,755
to where when we do receive this
diagnosis, it's not that we have.

1166
00:44:38,190 --> 00:44:38,790
Herpes.

1167
00:44:38,790 --> 00:44:43,080
It's, I'm herpes now and nobody's
gonna, nobody wants herpes.

1168
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:47,040
But that doesn't mean that nobody
wants you, as you were 30 seconds

1169
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:50,610
before you had an inkling of
possibly having this diagnosis.

1170
00:44:50,610 --> 00:44:53,190
So, like I use the analogy of a circle.

1171
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,380
A circle has 360 degrees.

1172
00:44:56,280 --> 00:45:00,840
Humans are whole people with
at least 360 degrees to us.

1173
00:45:01,110 --> 00:45:03,390
And one of those is a herpes diagnosis.

1174
00:45:03,750 --> 00:45:09,570
So reminding yourself, reminding these
people that there are 359 other aspects of

1175
00:45:09,570 --> 00:45:13,590
themselves that are not getting attention
because all of our awareness and attention

1176
00:45:13,590 --> 00:45:16,890
is going to the fact that we have
herpes, because that's where we placed

1177
00:45:16,890 --> 00:45:19,260
the most of the weight of our awareness.

1178
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,410
Yeah, man, I frigging love you, Courtney.

1179
00:45:21,410 --> 00:45:22,460
You're so good at this.

1180
00:45:22,625 --> 00:45:23,435
That is amazing.

1181
00:45:23,990 --> 00:45:26,695
Yeah, no, I mean, I, I just got,

1182
00:45:27,055 --> 00:45:27,280
uh, no

1183
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:28,200
educated really well.

1184
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:28,600
Yeah.

1185
00:45:28,605 --> 00:45:32,180
No, I mean, and you
know, and I, I, I don't.

1186
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:36,100
I don't want to say anything bad
about the way you're thinking.

1187
00:45:36,370 --> 00:45:36,430
Yeah.

1188
00:45:36,430 --> 00:45:39,310
The way you think is very old school.

1189
00:45:39,485 --> 00:45:44,450
Old school, and it, it's a way a lot of
people hold it and it's because of, of the

1190
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:47,390
lack of normalization, of talking about

1191
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:47,780
Yeah.

1192
00:45:47,870 --> 00:45:48,440
This,

1193
00:45:48,500 --> 00:45:48,800
yeah.

1194
00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:51,090
It's so, there's always shame.

1195
00:45:51,090 --> 00:45:51,180
Yes.

1196
00:45:51,180 --> 00:45:52,080
You know, that sort of thing.

1197
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:52,170
Mm-hmm.

1198
00:45:52,170 --> 00:45:53,160
It's just really difficult.

1199
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,910
It's difficult to have that conversation.

1200
00:45:54,910 --> 00:45:59,470
So I think it's great, uh, that people
like you exist that can bring it to the

1201
00:45:59,470 --> 00:46:02,530
forefront and really talk about it easily.

1202
00:46:03,220 --> 00:46:03,310
Yes.

1203
00:46:03,310 --> 00:46:03,460
For sure.

1204
00:46:03,460 --> 00:46:06,230
Now, I, I do want to touch up,
before we start wrapping up here,

1205
00:46:06,830 --> 00:46:09,800
I want to talk about this yoga man.

1206
00:46:10,730 --> 00:46:13,490
Like, tell me about the yoga.

1207
00:46:13,490 --> 00:46:14,780
I mean, you made all those changes

1208
00:46:14,780 --> 00:46:19,160
because I'm, I, I'm assuming that
that's a part of your lifestyle now

1209
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:23,120
that keeps you healthy and keeps
you on the, the even path there.

1210
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:23,210
Yeah.

1211
00:46:23,710 --> 00:46:24,430
Yes.

1212
00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:28,760
Um, when I got diagnosed I didn't
even realize this until I don't

1213
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,900
remember what I was doing, but I was
like, oh, actually a big part of my

1214
00:46:32,900 --> 00:46:34,880
journey was in fact getting into yoga.

1215
00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:38,840
So when I got my diagnosis and
then I started to take the yoga

1216
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:42,200
classes, I eventually was approached
by a teacher to teach classes.

1217
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,760
She was like, you should
become a yoga teacher.

1218
00:46:44,060 --> 00:46:48,320
And this was like 2019 and when I
signed up for it, I had gotten a

1219
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,930
scholarship and 2020 had happened.

1220
00:46:50,930 --> 00:46:52,790
So it was a lot easier for me.

1221
00:46:52,790 --> 00:46:55,760
I don't do well with like
classes and memorizing things.

1222
00:46:55,860 --> 00:46:55,890
Mm-hmm.

1223
00:46:55,975 --> 00:47:00,385
And so when we were able to, I hope
my yoga teacher's not listening to

1224
00:47:00,385 --> 00:47:03,895
this, uh, I was easily able to do
the assignments because I had all of

1225
00:47:03,895 --> 00:47:07,105
the stuff pulled up and a lot of it
was just like, remember how to tell

1226
00:47:07,105 --> 00:47:08,845
someone how to get into this pose.

1227
00:47:09,175 --> 00:47:12,925
But it was after the 200 hour that
I was like, all I learned was how

1228
00:47:12,925 --> 00:47:14,515
to tell people how to stretch.

1229
00:47:14,815 --> 00:47:18,745
And for me, I had gotten so
much more out of yoga than that.

1230
00:47:18,985 --> 00:47:20,825
And so I went into another.

1231
00:47:21,185 --> 00:47:24,095
Class that was like about
the emotional piece.

1232
00:47:24,275 --> 00:47:27,785
I learned about the energetics
and how essentially.

1233
00:47:28,285 --> 00:47:33,145
Everything is really about
recalibration to neutrality, right?

1234
00:47:33,145 --> 00:47:36,955
So something positive for positive
people is like, yeah, this is a positive

1235
00:47:37,075 --> 00:47:43,655
thing in the sense that it's present,
it is the antithesis to negativity.

1236
00:47:43,955 --> 00:47:47,015
But the reality is, I'm just
getting people to a baseline, right?

1237
00:47:47,015 --> 00:47:51,745
Like people start out so negatively and
immersed into the negativity of their

1238
00:47:51,745 --> 00:47:53,515
diagnosis and they're just like lost.

1239
00:47:53,515 --> 00:47:58,525
So this is really serving as a lighthouse
essentially, to bring people in to

1240
00:47:58,525 --> 00:48:02,245
be able to get to a neutral baseline
with this, because that's really

1241
00:48:02,245 --> 00:48:04,105
what yoga has been about for me.

1242
00:48:04,405 --> 00:48:07,105
It's not been about, oh,
become a positive person.

1243
00:48:07,105 --> 00:48:11,365
No, it's actually not letting
my herpes diagnosis generate

1244
00:48:11,395 --> 00:48:13,405
any sort of an emotional charge.

1245
00:48:13,615 --> 00:48:15,835
So when I talk about it,
it's very matter of fact.

1246
00:48:15,955 --> 00:48:17,275
It's very, hey.

1247
00:48:17,565 --> 00:48:18,345
This is me.

1248
00:48:18,555 --> 00:48:19,455
This is who I am.

1249
00:48:19,645 --> 00:48:21,805
This is how I date, this
is what I'm looking for.

1250
00:48:22,525 --> 00:48:24,385
These are things that
you should know about me.

1251
00:48:24,865 --> 00:48:27,835
And the fact that I have herpes is
one of those things that you should

1252
00:48:27,835 --> 00:48:31,435
know about me, along with the fact
that I'm open about it, which I think

1253
00:48:31,435 --> 00:48:34,975
more people have had an issue with
in my relationship history than the

1254
00:48:34,975 --> 00:48:36,415
fact that I actually have herpes.

1255
00:48:36,415 --> 00:48:40,705
And that's because of that shame of,
oh, damn, I'm with the herpes guy.

1256
00:48:40,795 --> 00:48:42,085
Like, this is the thing that he does.

1257
00:48:42,085 --> 00:48:44,935
Hey, can you not tell my
parents what you do for work?

1258
00:48:44,935 --> 00:48:47,205
And I'm like, all like, yeah.

1259
00:48:47,705 --> 00:48:48,155
Yeah.

1260
00:48:48,155 --> 00:48:53,615
So the yoga, yeah, the yoga has
been something very useful to

1261
00:48:54,215 --> 00:48:59,165
bringing the nervous system into a
consistent parasympathetic state.

1262
00:48:59,665 --> 00:49:00,475
Right on.

1263
00:49:00,535 --> 00:49:01,375
We need to do yoga.

1264
00:49:01,465 --> 00:49:01,945
Yeah.

1265
00:49:02,030 --> 00:49:05,870
I, I'm, I, you know, I'm horrible
at stretching, but I, I gotta do it.

1266
00:49:05,870 --> 00:49:05,880
Yeah.

1267
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:06,770
Yoga, I gotta do it.

1268
00:49:06,770 --> 00:49:07,490
I don't know what it is.

1269
00:49:07,490 --> 00:49:10,850
I'm like a one of those chubby pandas,
man, you know, there's only so many

1270
00:49:10,850 --> 00:49:13,880
ways I can bend and then before you
know it, I'm just like falling asleep.

1271
00:49:14,030 --> 00:49:14,330
Yeah.

1272
00:49:14,330 --> 00:49:17,210
And that's, and that's, I did, so
you know what the yoga we did was

1273
00:49:17,210 --> 00:49:21,470
restored of yoga, and I heard that
this love that other yogas that I need

1274
00:49:21,470 --> 00:49:25,310
to look into because that was just,
uh, man, that was something else.

1275
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:30,740
Now, before we let you go the, uh,
something positive for positive people,

1276
00:49:30,740 --> 00:49:35,120
S-P-F-P-P, what's next for S-P-F-P-P?

1277
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,120
What, what do you have coming up?

1278
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:37,750
Do you have anything?

1279
00:49:37,750 --> 00:49:39,910
You, you, uh, anything special happening?

1280
00:49:40,410 --> 00:49:41,910
Actually, yeah.

1281
00:49:41,970 --> 00:49:46,260
Uh, one of the big things that's happening
is that we are doing these role play

1282
00:49:46,260 --> 00:49:51,570
scenarios where people are in various
situations talking about sex and sexual

1283
00:49:51,570 --> 00:49:54,360
health and discussing the herpes status.

1284
00:49:54,690 --> 00:49:58,680
Um, I just put that up on the website
and on my social media as well to

1285
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,200
where you can see, um, on a first day.

1286
00:50:02,015 --> 00:50:04,205
The same way that I just showed y'all.

1287
00:50:04,205 --> 00:50:04,265
Wow.

1288
00:50:04,685 --> 00:50:06,815
Or talked to y'all about
how to go about it.

1289
00:50:07,145 --> 00:50:10,955
Yeah, I'm on a first date and just like
discussing this so that people can not

1290
00:50:10,955 --> 00:50:13,925
only hear me talk about, Hey, here's
what you say, here's how you do it.

1291
00:50:13,925 --> 00:50:17,765
But for people to see it done so that
maybe they can put themselves in the

1292
00:50:17,765 --> 00:50:19,835
shoes of the people that are there.

1293
00:50:20,105 --> 00:50:22,775
And it's a variety of situations.

1294
00:50:22,775 --> 00:50:25,385
While something positive for
positive people focuses on

1295
00:50:25,385 --> 00:50:29,285
herpes, there's also conversations
around relationship intentions.

1296
00:50:29,285 --> 00:50:33,135
One of the videos was I'm on a first date
and I ask her what she's looking for.

1297
00:50:33,135 --> 00:50:35,925
She says, I'm polyamorous,
here's how I do polyamory.

1298
00:50:35,925 --> 00:50:37,455
And I'm like, well, I'm non-monogamous.

1299
00:50:37,455 --> 00:50:38,145
And she's like, wait.

1300
00:50:38,205 --> 00:50:40,905
Usually when people say
that they're cheating.

1301
00:50:41,185 --> 00:50:44,245
Or whatever, and I was like,
no, no, no, not like that.

1302
00:50:44,245 --> 00:50:48,325
So we gotta see like a real back
and forth conversation about this.

1303
00:50:48,625 --> 00:50:51,895
So I think that's probably one
of the bigger things that we're

1304
00:50:52,495 --> 00:50:53,755
putting out there right now.

1305
00:50:53,755 --> 00:50:55,045
And it's always something.

1306
00:50:55,045 --> 00:50:57,295
We have, uh, various virtual events.

1307
00:50:57,325 --> 00:51:01,345
Um, we have support groups that meet
on Mondays, one for women, one for men.

1308
00:51:01,675 --> 00:51:05,035
If there are five Mondays in
a month, that's for everybody.

1309
00:51:05,365 --> 00:51:09,325
Um, we're constantly taking
survey responses for people's

1310
00:51:09,325 --> 00:51:11,155
experiences living with herpes.

1311
00:51:11,155 --> 00:51:16,375
If you have like 15 to 20 minutes to
take that, um, the yoga therapy, I'll be

1312
00:51:16,375 --> 00:51:22,345
a fully certified yoga therapist at the
end of the year, assuming that I can find

1313
00:51:22,345 --> 00:51:26,485
like an internship and be able to get
these 50 hours in and now pass my test.

1314
00:51:27,025 --> 00:51:30,265
Yeah, there, there's lots
of awesome, lots of things.

1315
00:51:30,265 --> 00:51:31,975
And I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but

1316
00:51:32,155 --> 00:51:33,745
can they find all this on your website?

1317
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:34,660
Yep.

1318
00:51:34,900 --> 00:51:35,080
Perfect.

1319
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:36,130
Everything's on website.

1320
00:51:36,130 --> 00:51:36,310
We're gonna

1321
00:51:36,310 --> 00:51:36,580
mention that

1322
00:51:36,580 --> 00:51:39,610
www spf org.

1323
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:40,390
Awesome.

1324
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:41,110
Awesome.

1325
00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:45,340
Courtney, this conversation was
exactly what our community needed.

1326
00:51:45,370 --> 00:51:45,460
Mm-hmm.

1327
00:51:45,700 --> 00:51:46,300
Real talk.

1328
00:51:46,300 --> 00:51:48,670
No shame, just facts and humanity.

1329
00:51:49,030 --> 00:51:51,610
We really appreciate you
coming on and, and doing this.

1330
00:51:51,700 --> 00:51:51,820
Yeah.

1331
00:51:51,820 --> 00:51:52,450
Thank you so much.

1332
00:51:52,450 --> 00:51:53,800
You're doing incredible work.

1333
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:54,520
Yeah.

1334
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:58,360
If anything you heard today resonated
with you, whether you're positive,

1335
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:02,320
whether you're, whether you've been
avoiding getting tested, whether you've

1336
00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:07,090
just been carrying shame about something
that you didn't even need to be ashamed

1337
00:52:07,090 --> 00:52:09,580
of, go check out Courtney's work.

1338
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:13,720
His podcast is called Something
Positive for Positive People,

1339
00:52:14,020 --> 00:52:15,640
and you can find it everywhere.

1340
00:52:15,730 --> 00:52:19,870
You listen to podcasts, just the same
as you can find ours, his website.

1341
00:52:20,245 --> 00:52:23,275
S sp fpp.org.

1342
00:52:23,275 --> 00:52:28,135
That's S sp fpp.org, and it's
got support groups, one-on-one

1343
00:52:28,135 --> 00:52:30,205
calls, resources, all of it.

1344
00:52:30,715 --> 00:52:33,055
Go find your people
because they are there,

1345
00:52:33,295 --> 00:52:35,425
and at this episode,
hit different for you.

1346
00:52:35,425 --> 00:52:36,715
You already know what to do.

1347
00:52:37,165 --> 00:52:41,155
Come hang out with us at Beyond,
oh wait, did I say that right?

1348
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:41,750
Yeah, you did.

1349
00:52:42,130 --> 00:52:42,550
Beyond.

1350
00:52:42,550 --> 00:52:44,630
You're doing good monogamy.com.

1351
00:52:44,850 --> 00:52:48,550
That's your one stop shop for
every episode we've ever done.

1352
00:52:48,690 --> 00:52:53,335
Our videos, clips, blogs, our event tab,
and our anonymous confessional where you

1353
00:52:53,335 --> 00:52:57,055
can send us your stories and questions
without putting your name on anything.

1354
00:52:57,265 --> 00:53:02,785
Yeah, we're also streaming every
Thursday twice on bull swap radio.com

1355
00:53:02,785 --> 00:53:04,585
at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

1356
00:53:04,975 --> 00:53:06,445
Come hang out say what's up.

1357
00:53:06,475 --> 00:53:07,825
We love seeing you guys in there.

1358
00:53:08,065 --> 00:53:09,955
And you know, guys, if you're
not already following us, you

1359
00:53:09,955 --> 00:53:11,155
gotta hit that subscribe button.

1360
00:53:11,155 --> 00:53:12,925
Leave us a review, tell a friend.

1361
00:53:13,345 --> 00:53:15,595
Word of mouth is literally
how we grow this.

1362
00:53:16,405 --> 00:53:16,795
Yeah.

1363
00:53:17,035 --> 00:53:21,865
And we're so grateful for every single
one of you who shares this with somebody.

1364
00:53:21,985 --> 00:53:22,135
Yeah.

1365
00:53:22,165 --> 00:53:25,615
With that, we thank you guys for
listening and we will see you next week.

1366
00:53:25,765 --> 00:53:25,975
Bye.