Facing Rejection: The Inevitable R-Word

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

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We explore topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,

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and related subjects in an open and candid manner.

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Please be advised that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists,

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discussions about sex, relationships or mature language,

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are of legal age and comfortable with this content, we invite you to settle

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in and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm

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Pris. And today we're talking about the big

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R word. Rejection. Rejection.

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Rejection. You know, I know that there are a

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lot of people in the community who don't care for me to

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use that word. They don't care for the rejection word because the

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theory is, is that if you're just going out and being

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friends with everybody, you can't get rejected. Right, Right. That should

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be the objective. But realistically, come on, man. There's more to it

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that everybody deals with rejection in one way or another.

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So no matter how you perceive it. Right. If you put yourself out there

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and it gets rejected,

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you've been rejected. Like it's, It's a rejection. Yeah. No matter how

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you slice it. Yeah. So I think that

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this is an important topic to talk about because it happens

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if you're in the lifestyle. It does. It does happen. Yeah.

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Yeah, it happens. Friend wise.

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You know, sometimes friends are just like, I don't want to be your friend anymore.

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Yeah, well, there's the friend zoning aspect of it because, you know, I've, I've heard

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both aspects of it, which is, well, you're too

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much of a friend. I can't. I can't have sex with you.

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You know what I mean? But then I've also been told from. People,

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well, oh, you've been told that you're too much. I've been told that. Yeah,

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I've been told that before. And. But I've also been told, well,

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I like to have sex with my friends, so I'd like to be a friend

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before we have sex. So there's, there's, there's. There's two different. It really

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just depends on the person. Yeah. But I've, I've had both.

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Yeah, for sure. I've, I have not. Oh,

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wait, I have been rejected once.

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That I can remember. Really? Just one? Well, then I can remember

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when they didn't like me and they liked you. Oh, that's a rejection.

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That Couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have done rejecting

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you. Well, you know, you've, you've had situations where you've put

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yourself out there and it, and it hasn't happened.

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Yeah, but now they didn't come out and straight up say, no, I'm not interested.

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Yeah, but they did everything that they could to

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avoid being alone with me. Right.

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And, and in and of itself is, is a bit of a rejection.

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Is it? I. So I don't think so. Why not? What is it then?

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Because I feel like a rejection would be open.

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There's like what you're talking about is more open

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ended. So like there's no I like coming

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out and straight out saying I'm rejecting you. That's what I feel a

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rejection is more like, oh yeah, no, I'm not interested. Like them

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verbally saying now if someone like

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our times just never line up,

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but we don't know our times don't line up. The situations that I'm talking about

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you, you've had where, where you've put yourself out to some

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women and not had it,

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not had anything come out of it. And in the fact that they just

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stopped messaging you or they just stopped talking to you. So I don't

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find that as a rejection. What do you call that? Just fizzling out.

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Fizzling out is a form of rejection. Is it? I mean if it.

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So if they're interested. So I think they will continue. So I

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think reject straight out, someone saying it.

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So you're saying, okay, if I don't. Have the balls

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to tell you. Yeah, if I don't have the balls to tell you, hey,

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I, I'm not interested. Yeah. And I go about it other ways.

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I avoid you, I, you know, stop talking to

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you, things like that. Oh, that is still a form of rejection. Yeah.

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If somebody's interested in you, they're going to make the time. They're going to make

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the time to talk to you, they're going to make the time to see you.

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Even if schedules are busy, they'll still make the

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time. Wow, then I suck. You've been rejected. Well,

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no, that I suck because then I, I just, if that's

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what you're saying, rejection is a form of.

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I've rejected a lot of people, but not, not actually for a

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rejection like that. Well, so mine is more intentional

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though. Yeah. Okay. So mine is not intentional. Intentional.

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Yeah, yeah. How do we know when it's intentional or not? You don't know.

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So if they don't come out and straight up say that they're not

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Interested? Yeah. Then you're left guessing.

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Wow. Yeah. Do you. Do you want

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to know? Would you rather be. Be ghosted

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or would you rather be told? I'm not

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interested. I'd rather be ghosted. You would rather be

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ghosted? I would rather be ghosted because I've been ghosted so many times

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throughout. Yeah. That I've learned to

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just kind of accept it as well.

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They don't get me. Like, sorry, guys, for sure.

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You don't get me in your life, then that's your. That's your problem. Yeah.

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And so if they ghost me, I don't have to know what

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the problem was. The problem could have been them. Yeah. Or the problem could have

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been me. Yeah. But I would rather not know. I know for

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me. Curiosity. Yeah. I want to know.

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And I really don't care if it's something that I'm just

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curious to know, but I really don't care what the outcome is. Like. Well,

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see, like. Like say the same thing. If somebody tells us straight

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up, I'm not interested in you that way, or I don't want to sleep

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with you. Yeah. I'm okay with that. I'm not going

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to delve into why. I don't want to know why. I would rather

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not know why. Yeah. Because it's going to be one of two things. Either the

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fault's going to lie with my partner. Right. They're not

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into my partner, which I love my partner. So if they're not into my partner,

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that's going to make me think twice anyways. Right. Or they're not into

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me, in which case that's gonna hurt my feelings probably, and it's gonna be kind

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of a rough time for me to get past

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that. So I would rather just not know.

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And just kind of let it. Just move on.

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Yeah. Yeah. Just move on. You know,

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that's fine. I don't know. You don't wanna sleep with me if. If you don't

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wanna sleep with me, it's because I'm either unattractive or

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I. I want to know, but don't tell me it's something that I

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said or did or the way I look. I mean, really,

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realistically, that when we're told

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something like that, you. You deal with that form of rejection, you really have to

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sit back and go, well, the problem's got to be made. At least that's

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the way I do it. Now. I come from a very traumatic background. I have

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trauma in my past. Yeah. So I deal with that

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whole. And does it stay with you? Second Guessing myself. It used

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to. It used to. It still kind of does.

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It stings a little bit, but I've gotten better at moving on past it.

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People have their preferences and see, this is where things get thick.

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Yeah. And this is where people have debates because there's

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a lot of people who say, well, it's not rejection. People have

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their own preferences and maybe you're just not their

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preference. And it's like. Yeah, I can see that. It's still

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rejection, though. What if. Yeah, because what if it started off as you,

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it was something, and then.

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It got rejection and something happened. Yeah, something happened.

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Whatever happened. Yeah. You see, it doesn't stay with me.

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No. You've always been able to just move on. I will tell

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somebody when I'm not interested and I say

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it in a very nice way. I think, well, so I'm gonna

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call you out on something here because you do hold

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on to it. I hold on to it. Yeah, I hold on to it.

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Who have not shown interest in you the way you have shown interest

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in them. And when that happens, you kind of take

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on this attitude of, well, fuck them. I'm. Yes. I'm not gonna.

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I'm not gonna talk to them. And you know what? You're not gonna talk to

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them either. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Like, so that, that's the me.

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It doesn't stay with me. And like, oh, I feel bad for myself. Yeah.

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Because. Oh, well, you just lost some pretty awesome person.

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Yeah. So I don't feel like it doesn't lower my

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self esteem. It doesn't lower what I think

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I'm worth. Yeah. At all. So. So it

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doesn't do that to me. I. I wish I could say it didn't do that

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for me. It's like, yeah. Oh, fuck you. Okay. Yeah.

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Bye. Yeah. And I do.

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I'm. I'm a grudge holder, but I know how

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to be cordial. Be cordial. Yeah. You'll never

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know. I'm. I'm real bad about. You know, I can be.

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I can be cordial. I can be friends with whomever,

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you know, knowing that I was rejected. But it's

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one of those things where I. I'm always going to overthink. I overthink

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everything. And so. Even now. Even now.

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Yeah. And you know, it's one of those things where you'll

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never get the full me.

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Like, you'll still be friends with them, but they'll never get the full you.

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Right. Actually, I've seen that happen when, when,

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When I feel like I've. I've been kind of put in that rejection

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phase. Yeah. I pull back. Yeah, I pull back. And I pull

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back pretty hefty. And so in situations like

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that, what I. I'm now overthinking.

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Every time I'm around that person, I'm overthinking, and I'm trying. I'm overthinking

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to the point to where I'm trying to play it cool and I'm trying to

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put my thoughts to the background.

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But the more you think about not thinking about it, you're thinking about

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it, and it's making it weird. Yeah. Right. So that's

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what ends up happening. And then it's just a weird situation that I just

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have to get out of. And lucky for me, I have adhd and I forget

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about shit. Oh, yeah. I know. This is. I'm like, so. Trust me, I am

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very jealous of the way that you. Yeah. My brain,

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you know, for me, I don't.

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I. I love the community. I love making friends.

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I love having sex. I love the freedom.

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But I really.

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I might. It might sting for a second, the rejection,

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but I really don't care.

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Yeah, well, you know, like, you have better confidence.

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Yeah. And I know that that takes a lot. It takes. It takes a lot

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because I wasn't always like this.

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I remember getting rejected,

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like, when we first started, like, being poly,

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and I. Would be like, you didn't take that very well. I did not take

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that very well because I was like, what? And I remember, like, being from a

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guy, and that's why I was like that. I am not dating men. Like,

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please, I'm gonna belittle them. I just

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don't want to do it. Yeah. And so after that.

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But I guess it. It's more for me, a woman. If a

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woman rejects me, that might sting a little.

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Why? That might sting a little because.

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Because it's easier for me to get men. Men are

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easier. So if a man rejects me, I'm like,

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okay, well, this was just really for fun.

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It was. I'm really not, like, you know what I mean? I might really like

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doing it for that I really want a girl. And if a girl were to

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reject me, I'd be like, oh, my God, what's wrong with

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me? And why. I don't. I don't know. Explain it to me. Like, I don't.

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Because I guess men are easier. I've always. Men are. Men are easier.

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Men are easier. And there's so many to obtain. Yeah, there you

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go. And for women, for me, I'm very selective. I'M very.

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If I'm really into the woman. If I'm into the woman and

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we have been chatting and all of a sudden it just goes

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away. I do get inside myself with that

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for a moment. I don't think you've ever been into a woman like that.

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No. It's probably been a very long time. If at all. If at

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all. I've never seen you into anybody like that. I was a tickle. Yeah.

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Like you've never been into anybody. I'm just saying, like, if that

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were to ever happen. Oh, so it's a hypothetical situation you're not talking about from

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past experience. Yeah, no, I don't think I've ever been. Yeah, no,

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sorry. I've never really seen you into that I've been into. Yeah. A girl

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that's been. That I've been into has never rejected me.

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I mean, you just said, like, rejection is like, when it just

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kind of fizzles. No, I mean, I've had that happen.

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Uhhuh. But you realize that that was rejection. I didn't care.

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Yeah, you didn't even know that that was rejection. I mean, I'm sorry. I wish

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everybody had my superpower and just didn't give a but.

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Yeah, no, that's definitely not me. Yeah. I mean,

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you are better. I've gotten better. Because I think, you know,

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your worth or you're getting there. I'm trying. I'm trying.

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You know, it's difficult, and I wonder if it. If it

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hurts people in the fact that, like, you, like, how many.

224
00:13:36,904 --> 00:13:40,720
How many people? The way you used to be, where it really would,

225
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,824
like, oh, it used. To tear me down for like a week.

226
00:13:43,912 --> 00:13:47,684
Yeah. And you would get, like, really inside yourself, especially when we

227
00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:51,076
were poly, and that would happen. So I wonder. It just feels

228
00:13:51,108 --> 00:13:54,960
very personal. Yeah. You know, it feels very personal. It's like,

229
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,484
no, I'm not interested. Worth it.

230
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:01,332
I'm. Yeah. And then it's like, well, you're not interested in me. So then I

231
00:14:01,356 --> 00:14:05,172
start picking myself apart, of course. And it's not just physical,

232
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:08,756
it's personality. Like, I'm picking myself apart. And I'm so glad you're

233
00:14:08,788 --> 00:14:12,324
not like that anymore. Well, I still pick myself apart, but.

234
00:14:12,412 --> 00:14:16,116
But it doesn't bring you down. No, I try not to let it depress me.

235
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,898
Yeah. Because realistically, I think right

236
00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:23,546
now, in this phase of my life, we've got

237
00:14:23,618 --> 00:14:26,986
so much going on. We've got, like, so much going on.

238
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:31,210
Yeah. We're constantly out. Almost every weekend. We're networking, we're meeting

239
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,538
with people. We're at events. We're doing stuff

240
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:37,674
non stop. Right. Our circle is very large.

241
00:14:37,762 --> 00:14:41,914
There's a lot of people that are constantly surrounding us. And frankly,

242
00:14:41,962 --> 00:14:45,552
we are so busy that. I'm tired. Yeah.

243
00:14:45,616 --> 00:14:49,280
I'm just exhausted. And you're. And because of that,

244
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,800
I'm kind of keeps your mind. Yeah. I'm so tired that

245
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,352
if I get rejected now, I'm just like, okay, whatever.

246
00:14:56,416 --> 00:14:59,632
Yeah. You know, I'm not gonna focus on it, and it'll stay with me for

247
00:14:59,656 --> 00:15:03,488
a little bit, but it's not gonna affect how I act.

248
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,800
Yeah. Just because I'm too tired to care right

249
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,144
now. Yeah. I am way too tired to care. No, I'm with you on

250
00:15:10,152 --> 00:15:13,180
that. I mean, that's good. I mean, I feel like that's good because it's not.

251
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:17,060
It used to really bog you down, and it doesn't anymore.

252
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:20,372
And I think that's kind of. I think that's good. You kind of grown from

253
00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:24,180
that and. Yeah. And we're. And we are very busy.

254
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:27,572
Yeah. But I wonder how many people, like, really don't know how to

255
00:15:27,596 --> 00:15:30,804
communicate. So, like, for me, if I'm not interested in somebody,

256
00:15:30,852 --> 00:15:34,040
I straight out tell them I'm. I'm just not interested.

257
00:15:34,540 --> 00:15:37,060
If they ask me why, I'll just be like, oh, well, you're just not my

258
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,702
cup of tea. Or I just didn't dig the vibe. But we

259
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:44,494
can still be friends. You know, I'm good with that.

260
00:15:44,662 --> 00:15:47,646
But I wonder how many people, like,

261
00:15:47,718 --> 00:15:51,502
really, like, it really hurts and it. Really, you know, you really mentally hear

262
00:15:51,526 --> 00:15:54,010
that. Well, I mean, for you to be told,

263
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:58,350
not really into you. But we can still be friends. Can you still

264
00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:01,630
be friends? I can't really. I'm just. So then

265
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,022
you're telling people that same line and you're expecting them to be

266
00:16:05,046 --> 00:16:08,390
friends. No, I'm really not. Oh. I'm really not.

267
00:16:08,430 --> 00:16:10,262
Like, if you don't want to be my friend, you don't have to be my

268
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:13,942
friend. But no, I. I'm. And maybe that's just the

269
00:16:13,966 --> 00:16:17,190
way I was raised. Just kind of get the cold shoulder. And then

270
00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:20,758
I'm like, all right. As good as I'm getting older,

271
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:24,150
I. I know that that comes into my head and

272
00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:28,102
I really push it away and I really try.

273
00:16:28,286 --> 00:16:31,366
So you can't. It just blows my mind. You can't be friends with somebody

274
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:35,216
if they don't. If they're not interested. Not a true friend, really.

275
00:16:35,288 --> 00:16:38,624
Like, if they reject me straight, I. Can be their friend.

276
00:16:38,712 --> 00:16:42,160
That's good. See how you can let you see that's.

277
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,740
But what happens is, is once, once that.

278
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,900
So it takes me bridging something in my head.

279
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,408
And once I make that bridge to go from,

280
00:16:53,464 --> 00:16:57,734
okay, this person does not find me sexually attractive or

281
00:16:57,872 --> 00:17:01,402
they're not interested in sleeping with me, once I realize

282
00:17:01,466 --> 00:17:05,066
that, and I realize there's no real going

283
00:17:05,138 --> 00:17:08,670
back from that, or that's a decision that they're making in that moment.

284
00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:13,226
If I put that in my own head that I'm

285
00:17:13,258 --> 00:17:16,426
now friend zoned or I'm their friend only. Yeah,

286
00:17:16,538 --> 00:17:19,930
there's no going back from that. So you're going to stay their

287
00:17:19,970 --> 00:17:23,258
friend, period. Even if they come up to me one day and they go,

288
00:17:23,314 --> 00:17:26,416
hey, you know, kind of feeling this, like, I think I'm maybe

289
00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:29,504
changing my mind on this. No,

290
00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:32,992
no. And you know, because you as a high schooler or when

291
00:17:33,016 --> 00:17:36,752
you were dating and like that, did that ever happen to you? There were women

292
00:17:36,776 --> 00:17:40,128
that would go back and forth. I did the back and forth and. It was

293
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,840
very roller coaster because I'd be up here thinking that,

294
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,600
that everything was, was going my way and then I'd be right back down

295
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,832
here again. And you know, you can only do that trip so many times,

296
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:54,248
right? So after a while it's just like,

297
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:57,544
okay, yeah, this, this is it. Yeah, the end of the life.

298
00:17:57,632 --> 00:18:00,760
I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't. I don't think I could.

299
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,808
I could probably be a friend to them, but I probably wouldn't be a

300
00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:07,640
good friend to them. How's that?

301
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,048
Like, eh, they'd just be somebody I'd be cordial with. But that's because they're

302
00:18:11,064 --> 00:18:15,016
not into you. Sexually, I guess because they rejected me

303
00:18:15,168 --> 00:18:18,152
in front of me. Like they straight out told. So you would rather they just

304
00:18:18,176 --> 00:18:20,580
ghost you? Yeah, ghost me, man.

305
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,560
You have a up way of thinking. I gotta tell you. That is not good.

306
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:29,972
Yeah, that's not. Well, obviously that is

307
00:18:29,996 --> 00:18:32,932
not good. But the way you do it isn't good either. But it works for

308
00:18:32,956 --> 00:18:36,356
you. The way I do it is good because I become friends to people.

309
00:18:36,428 --> 00:18:39,652
That's good. Like that's. I mean, I mean, I could be there. So you're saying

310
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:42,996
that you can't be a true friend to somebody if they don't find you sexually

311
00:18:43,028 --> 00:18:46,740
attractive? If I knew I wanted them and we had something going and

312
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:50,088
we were gonna do this, and then you all of a sudden tell me,

313
00:18:50,204 --> 00:18:52,860
yeah, no, I'm not into it after all.

314
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,832
Okay, okay. So if, if, if they didn't reject

315
00:18:56,896 --> 00:19:00,208
you at all. They just didn't give you any kind of answer.

316
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:03,872
Yeah. And just ignored the fact that you put

317
00:19:03,896 --> 00:19:07,488
yourself out there. Yes. You'd be okay. I'd be okay with that. That is

318
00:19:07,544 --> 00:19:11,552
weird, man. I mean, it is what it is. No, not really. That's. That's kind

319
00:19:11,576 --> 00:19:14,960
of an odd thing. It works for me. Does it? Yeah.

320
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,348
I mean, I don't. If someone rejected me, I don't

321
00:19:18,364 --> 00:19:21,676
know about it. I mean, I. I guess I kind of understand because it's.

322
00:19:21,708 --> 00:19:24,840
It's difficult to. To be around somebody that, you know,

323
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:29,228
has an issue with you. Yeah. One way or another. And is it an issue?

324
00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:32,684
Is it an issue? That's the thing is. I don't want to know.

325
00:19:32,852 --> 00:19:35,788
I don't want to know. I don't want to know. But I'm gonna assume it's

326
00:19:35,804 --> 00:19:40,044
an issue with me. Yeah. That's just the way it always is. So unless

327
00:19:40,092 --> 00:19:43,162
I'm told specifically it's not you,

328
00:19:43,346 --> 00:19:46,794
I'm gonna assume it's me. And even if I'm specifically told

329
00:19:46,882 --> 00:19:50,490
that it. It's not me, I'm still gonna be like, ah, they're just telling me

330
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:54,426
that it's me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I. I shoulder

331
00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:58,490
the responsibility. You're so scared. You can't say that because it's a different situation

332
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:02,170
for every single time. It's not you, babe. It's. It's not. This is not like

333
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:06,314
it's. It's only happened a couple times in my life. Like, this has happened often.

334
00:20:06,402 --> 00:20:09,338
I'm sure it happens all the time to people. We have been in this lifestyle

335
00:20:09,354 --> 00:20:12,638
for 13 years. I've been rejected a lot. I. Especially to

336
00:20:12,694 --> 00:20:16,382
men. I think that that ratio is probably

337
00:20:16,446 --> 00:20:19,610
very high. That percentage is very high.

338
00:20:19,990 --> 00:20:24,142
Women rejecting men as opposed to men rejecting

339
00:20:24,206 --> 00:20:27,934
women. I'm sure. Now, I wonder where it's at, Women rejecting

340
00:20:27,982 --> 00:20:31,770
women. I don't know. I think there's a lot of women that don't even

341
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:35,806
ask women. There's a lot of women that are too afraid to flirt

342
00:20:35,838 --> 00:20:38,682
with women. It happens so often.

343
00:20:38,806 --> 00:20:42,594
Yeah. That there's really a lot of women who reject themselves when it

344
00:20:42,602 --> 00:20:45,474
comes to other. Put themselves in the friends. Yeah. Because they don't even try.

345
00:20:45,562 --> 00:20:49,762
Yeah. You know what I mean? But. But there is a

346
00:20:49,786 --> 00:20:53,282
lot of women rejecting other women just because there's a lot of women who

347
00:20:53,306 --> 00:20:56,210
don't know how to talk to other women. So you put.

348
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:59,554
You may be open to women and put yourself out there to a woman,

349
00:20:59,722 --> 00:21:03,426
but then all of a sudden that woman doesn't

350
00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:06,760
Know how to reciprocate. Yeah. And so it comes

351
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,528
off as rejection. That's so true.

352
00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:13,016
Yeah. Yeah. Just because they don't know how to. Say it just blew

353
00:21:13,048 --> 00:21:16,456
my mind. Yeah. Huh. It's a broad perspective.

354
00:21:16,488 --> 00:21:20,088
It is very broad. Yeah. It's a broad. It's not just like one

355
00:21:20,144 --> 00:21:23,432
sided, like it's. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot to

356
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:27,400
it. That's. I mean, now could

357
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,856
you be friends with somebody? Say, is it still a rejection

358
00:21:30,888 --> 00:21:34,546
when it's like, is it still a hurtful rejection when it's

359
00:21:34,578 --> 00:21:37,730
a couple and say it's the, it's the man and the wife and the man

360
00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:41,266
says, look, dude, is it just as hurtful if the guy says,

361
00:21:41,338 --> 00:21:44,610
look dude, my wife is really into you,

362
00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:48,786
but I don't know if I really like your vibe. Is that

363
00:21:48,858 --> 00:21:52,710
still hurtful by the spouse? Yeah. Is that still a hurtful rejection?

364
00:21:53,130 --> 00:21:56,418
You know, it wouldn't be guide a guy. It wouldn't

365
00:21:56,434 --> 00:22:00,168
be hurtful. I would respect that. Yeah. But at the same

366
00:22:00,224 --> 00:22:03,592
time with that I would want to

367
00:22:03,616 --> 00:22:07,688
know, I would want to know details with that. I would specifically ask,

368
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:10,872
well, what is it that, that I, that I'm doing or what? You know,

369
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:14,504
like. Because that's a friendship. Because that's a dude to do. That's a

370
00:22:14,512 --> 00:22:17,320
dude to do that I'm not digging you.

371
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,584
Yeah. And it's like, okay, well this is not an open ended

372
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:24,328
thing. This is a very specific thing. There's something about

373
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:27,592
me that you're not digging and maybe it's a misunderstanding or maybe you

374
00:22:27,616 --> 00:22:31,130
just don't like me, but whatever it is, at least tell

375
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:34,602
me. So if it's something that's a misunderstanding or it's a something that

376
00:22:34,626 --> 00:22:37,626
I can fix, then I will do so.

377
00:22:37,778 --> 00:22:41,034
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I don't.

378
00:22:41,082 --> 00:22:44,714
I've never really had that as a matter of fact. How interesting

379
00:22:44,762 --> 00:22:48,506
though. What I have more so is the spouse.

380
00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:52,250
The husband normally really likes me probably more

381
00:22:52,290 --> 00:22:55,444
than the wife. Yeah, you are a cool dude,

382
00:22:55,492 --> 00:22:58,548
man. Yeah. And so normally like he's like,

383
00:22:58,684 --> 00:23:01,476
look, you'll like him. He's funny. Oh, you don't really understand.

384
00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:04,292
He's a fun guy. You should really have sex with him. And she's like,

385
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:07,560
no, I don't really find him attractive. But yeah, but he's cool.

386
00:23:08,380 --> 00:23:11,668
You should really have sex with him. I think you've told me that.

387
00:23:11,804 --> 00:23:15,044
I probably have. Let's just have sex with him. He's a

388
00:23:15,052 --> 00:23:18,276
nice guy. He's a nice guy. Yeah, but babe. Oh,

389
00:23:18,308 --> 00:23:21,700
he makes you Laugh offered to buy us a meal.

390
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,540
Oh, my God.

391
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,712
You know, I. It's. It's tough handling

392
00:23:29,776 --> 00:23:33,840
rejection. Like I said, when, when you come from a, A traumatic

393
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,536
background, when you don't really have

394
00:23:37,608 --> 00:23:41,200
high self esteem, high confidence, it's hard. It's harder.

395
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,800
It's hard for sure. It's hard not to pick yourself apart even

396
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,920
if you know that the issue is not with you.

397
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,816
It's hard. Yeah. And. And you know,

398
00:23:50,968 --> 00:23:54,448
you kind of pick yourself up and you move on.

399
00:23:54,584 --> 00:23:57,968
And I am doing my

400
00:23:58,024 --> 00:24:01,632
best to not let it affect me

401
00:24:01,736 --> 00:24:05,280
anymore like it used to. Yeah. You know, I remember

402
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:09,360
the first time that we got rejected and I

403
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,784
knew it was me because everybody

404
00:24:12,832 --> 00:24:16,750
wants the woman, but. So you say, but when the husband,

405
00:24:16,910 --> 00:24:20,782
when it's made, when, when you make sure that they know we're a

406
00:24:20,806 --> 00:24:24,558
package deal, all of a sudden they're not interested anymore,

407
00:24:24,734 --> 00:24:27,530
and then it's okay, well, then the issue is me.

408
00:24:27,990 --> 00:24:31,470
And I remember that, that bothered me for,

409
00:24:31,590 --> 00:24:35,370
for weeks. Yeah. And I thought, God, there is.

410
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:39,470
I must be like the ugliest dude in the world. Especially considering that

411
00:24:39,510 --> 00:24:42,792
particular couple. They weren't exactly great looking. You know,

412
00:24:42,896 --> 00:24:46,856
they weren't the most attractive people in the world. It was, that was back before

413
00:24:46,928 --> 00:24:50,136
we were really trying to make connections. We were really just trying to get our

414
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:52,744
experiences. And it's like,

415
00:24:52,912 --> 00:24:56,888
wow, that's. That's a real knee knocker, you know,

416
00:24:56,944 --> 00:24:59,992
that'll bring you down a few notches. Yeah. And of course, you know,

417
00:25:00,016 --> 00:25:03,864
I'm. I'm sitting there and I really just kind of go into a spin

418
00:25:03,912 --> 00:25:07,016
and I'm like, okay, this is because I'm not attractive

419
00:25:07,048 --> 00:25:10,338
enough to be in this lifestyle. And you know, you said earlier,

420
00:25:10,474 --> 00:25:13,810
like, the ghosting, that's, that's a certain kind

421
00:25:13,850 --> 00:25:17,058
of rejection, right? Yeah. Is it the same?

422
00:25:17,114 --> 00:25:20,242
And that's what people that you want to play with it. Does it work the

423
00:25:20,266 --> 00:25:24,670
same for you as a friend circle? So, like, you're friends with

424
00:25:25,210 --> 00:25:28,530
Jack and Jill and Jack and Jill decide, oh,

425
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,938
okay, we've been friends with them enough, now we're gonna

426
00:25:31,954 --> 00:25:35,490
go and hang out with somebody else. Is that a form of rejection for you?

427
00:25:35,530 --> 00:25:38,720
Is that a thing? I mean, I don't know. Your friend circles change.

428
00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:42,212
Yeah, they change. Like when we first started to where

429
00:25:42,236 --> 00:25:45,748
we're at now, our friend circles have changed. I don't. Dramatically. I don't think it's

430
00:25:45,764 --> 00:25:50,360
a rejection if, say, you run into them someplace

431
00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:54,132
and they say hi to you and they pick up in conversation every

432
00:25:54,156 --> 00:25:56,900
now and then. I don't Feel that's not a form of rejection. If you go

433
00:25:56,940 --> 00:26:00,276
from talking every single day and hanging out every

434
00:26:00,348 --> 00:26:04,062
single weekend to we talk once a month and

435
00:26:04,086 --> 00:26:07,970
we see each other once every couple of months, that's still a friendship.

436
00:26:08,310 --> 00:26:11,774
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, we have gotten very busy

437
00:26:11,822 --> 00:26:15,518
for a lot of the people that we used to talk to almost daily or

438
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:18,558
a lot of the people that we used to see almost weekly. Everybody has lives.

439
00:26:18,614 --> 00:26:21,742
Yeah, everybody has lives. Our lives have gotten busier,

440
00:26:21,886 --> 00:26:25,610
and realistically, we haven't cut anybody out.

441
00:26:25,990 --> 00:26:29,422
We still do our best to try and make time for people. Right. Even if

442
00:26:29,446 --> 00:26:32,578
it's once every couple of months. Yeah, we still go,

443
00:26:32,634 --> 00:26:35,490
okay, when can we put you guys in the calendar? We can go have brunch.

444
00:26:35,570 --> 00:26:38,098
We can go have a bite to eat or we'll see you at this event

445
00:26:38,154 --> 00:26:42,146
or whatever, you know, so that's kind of the.

446
00:26:42,298 --> 00:26:45,826
The thing. I don't view that as a rejection. I view that as,

447
00:26:45,898 --> 00:26:49,010
well. We just need to make some time. Right.

448
00:26:49,050 --> 00:26:52,482
And if you really like somebody, you're gonna make time for

449
00:26:52,506 --> 00:26:56,470
them. And that's my big thing. I've met couples

450
00:26:56,980 --> 00:27:00,636
and singles in this lifestyle where they'll act like they're

451
00:27:00,668 --> 00:27:03,836
into you, they'll, you know, express interest,

452
00:27:03,908 --> 00:27:07,772
that sort of thing. But then when you try to set stuff up,

453
00:27:07,956 --> 00:27:11,692
they, They'll. They'll avoid it. They'll avoid it like the plague.

454
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:15,404
And I ran into this a lot when I was poly, too. Especially when I

455
00:27:15,412 --> 00:27:19,292
was poly. It is. You know, you talk to em. You get

456
00:27:19,316 --> 00:27:22,380
on those apps where you swipe left or swipe right, you know, and you,

457
00:27:22,420 --> 00:27:26,270
you. You end up matching with them, and you end up having these conversations.

458
00:27:26,690 --> 00:27:30,186
And as you're having these conversations, you're thinking

459
00:27:30,218 --> 00:27:33,386
that there's a good vibe, and. And they're acting like there's a good vibe.

460
00:27:33,418 --> 00:27:36,682
And then all of a sudden, after a while, you're going, hey, so when

461
00:27:36,706 --> 00:27:39,610
are we gonna meet? When are we gonna hang out? And they do whatever they

462
00:27:39,650 --> 00:27:43,178
can to avoid it. Yeah, right. Then they're not

463
00:27:43,234 --> 00:27:46,682
really interested. Yeah, it's a. They're just leading you on,

464
00:27:46,786 --> 00:27:50,426
you know, it's not an interest. Right. If. If somebody's interested

465
00:27:50,458 --> 00:27:53,530
in you, they will make the time to spend with you. I mean,

466
00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:57,402
I'm interested in a lot of people, and I'm just freaking now. You can

467
00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,810
make time busy. I really make time. You could

468
00:28:00,850 --> 00:28:04,282
make time. And you and I both know you could make time. I could,

469
00:28:04,386 --> 00:28:08,122
yeah. It would cut into your family. That's the thing. Now see, but that's the

470
00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:11,722
thing is either we do it together or we

471
00:28:11,746 --> 00:28:14,266
don't. So there's people that want to hang out with you one on one.

472
00:28:14,338 --> 00:28:16,710
Yeah. And you have the time,

473
00:28:17,390 --> 00:28:20,630
you don't do it. That's your choice. I don't want to cut into

474
00:28:20,670 --> 00:28:24,534
my family time. That's your choice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's more important to me.

475
00:28:24,622 --> 00:28:28,246
Well, see, that's, but that's still your choice. Yeah. If you were really interested

476
00:28:28,278 --> 00:28:31,062
in hanging out with them, if you really wanted to spend time with them,

477
00:28:31,086 --> 00:28:34,198
you would. See, I, I know.

478
00:28:34,334 --> 00:28:37,734
Yes. Because I mean, I really do. But I'm like, so then you

479
00:28:37,742 --> 00:28:40,614
can. Do it on a weekend. But. So you see what I'm saying? Yeah.

480
00:28:40,662 --> 00:28:44,126
Like you're, you're utterly, you think of things. Very close

481
00:28:44,198 --> 00:28:47,774
minded sometimes. But realistically, you could make the time

482
00:28:47,862 --> 00:28:51,246
if you wanted to. You could say, oh, well, you know,

483
00:28:51,398 --> 00:28:54,654
Saturday, I'm going to meet so and so for lunch. Okay, cool,

484
00:28:54,702 --> 00:28:57,534
go do your thing. I'll be hanging out with the kids. Yeah. You know,

485
00:28:57,622 --> 00:29:01,406
but it's your choice. And so you can't really say that you're interested

486
00:29:01,438 --> 00:29:04,094
in hanging out with that person if you're not going to make the time to

487
00:29:04,102 --> 00:29:07,310
hang out with that person. All right. You know, my weekends just got busier.

488
00:29:07,390 --> 00:29:10,382
Hey, get, do it to it, man. If you really want to hang out with

489
00:29:10,406 --> 00:29:13,488
somebody, you're going to make the time for it. Yeah. And I'm a big believer

490
00:29:13,504 --> 00:29:17,180
in that. So I've, I've, anytime I've run into that where,

491
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,936
you know, it's, it's constant. Yeah. We, let's, let's get something planned.

492
00:29:21,968 --> 00:29:25,776
Let's get something planned. And then nothing ever gets planned.

493
00:29:25,968 --> 00:29:29,568
Then after a while I'm going, okay, well, I'm making some effort and I'm

494
00:29:29,584 --> 00:29:33,520
not getting the effort back. So this is a person who doesn't

495
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,558
obviously want to. Right. And then immediately I will back off.

496
00:29:37,744 --> 00:29:41,546
And we've had that happen. We've had that happen a few times and immediately

497
00:29:41,578 --> 00:29:44,938
I back off because I'm like, okay, this is like the third or fourth

498
00:29:44,954 --> 00:29:48,746
time I've tried to set something up and they're not reciprocating.

499
00:29:48,938 --> 00:29:52,042
Forget it. Yeah. You know, I'm, it's okay to just

500
00:29:52,066 --> 00:29:55,434
come out and say, I'm not interested. Yeah. You know what I mean?

501
00:29:55,522 --> 00:29:58,570
Be an adult. Be an adult about it. Just come out and say,

502
00:29:58,690 --> 00:30:01,962
you know, let's not, let's not waste anybody's time. Yeah.

503
00:30:02,106 --> 00:30:05,098
You know, if I, if I think that you want to hang out, Then I'm

504
00:30:05,114 --> 00:30:08,492
going to keep throwing it out there. Hey, let's get together. Yes, I know

505
00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:12,044
that you're busy, but let's get together. We can plan something out. Cool. Yeah.

506
00:30:12,172 --> 00:30:16,444
But if every single time I throw something out there, I'm told

507
00:30:16,532 --> 00:30:19,612
no, then I'm just gonna stop. Yeah.

508
00:30:19,756 --> 00:30:23,580
And then when enough time passes, if you come out there and

509
00:30:23,620 --> 00:30:27,276
you go, hey, I finally have time. Let's get together. I'll be like,

510
00:30:27,348 --> 00:30:31,052
yeah, no, I'm good. I'm busy. Yeah,

511
00:30:31,116 --> 00:30:34,966
sorry. I'm busy. Sorry. I know my worth.

512
00:30:35,158 --> 00:30:38,454
I know the kind of person that I am. I'm a

513
00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:41,942
good person. I'm a very good person. I'm a

514
00:30:41,966 --> 00:30:44,950
nice energy to be around. I'm funny.

515
00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:48,502
I know what I have to offer as far

516
00:30:48,526 --> 00:30:52,450
as friendships are concerned. And so if

517
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:57,930
somebody shows that kind of disinterest

518
00:30:58,430 --> 00:31:01,622
or, you know, anything like that, if I. If I catch wind of

519
00:31:01,646 --> 00:31:05,278
it immediately, and I'm gonna back off because you don't

520
00:31:05,294 --> 00:31:08,990
really deserve me. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's just

521
00:31:09,030 --> 00:31:11,982
kind of the way I look at it. Like, I'm. I'm gonna. I'm gonna pick

522
00:31:12,006 --> 00:31:14,718
up my ball and I'm gonna walk away. Yeah. You know what I mean?

523
00:31:14,854 --> 00:31:18,270
Yeah. It's just my thing. No, I feel that I'm the same.

524
00:31:18,310 --> 00:31:20,958
Way and maybe I shouldn't be like that. I don't know.

525
00:31:21,014 --> 00:31:24,446
I. My therapist maybe will answer some questions

526
00:31:24,478 --> 00:31:26,862
on that one. But, you know, I don't know if it's the right thing.

527
00:31:26,886 --> 00:31:29,902
I don't know if it's the right way. I mean. I mean, is my way

528
00:31:29,926 --> 00:31:32,638
the right way? You know, it works for you about it. It works for me.

529
00:31:32,694 --> 00:31:35,678
And that's just the way I am. I mean, I think everybody has different ways

530
00:31:35,694 --> 00:31:39,294
of handling rejection. Some people are very sensitive,

531
00:31:39,342 --> 00:31:43,150
like, incredibly sensitive to it. And others are even

532
00:31:43,190 --> 00:31:46,510
colder than you when it comes to it. Like, more. More standoffish about,

533
00:31:46,550 --> 00:31:49,854
like, they don't care. Like, okay, I've known. I've known a lot

534
00:31:49,862 --> 00:31:53,486
of guys that are very insensitive to

535
00:31:53,638 --> 00:31:56,542
being told no. Yeah. Like, it's like,

536
00:31:56,566 --> 00:31:59,916
oh, no. Okay, moving on. Let me talk to your friend over here.

537
00:31:59,988 --> 00:32:02,972
You know? Yes, you. Like, I've seen it a billion times. Like,

538
00:32:02,996 --> 00:32:06,460
a guy will go into a group of girls and literally work

539
00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:09,836
one by one and be told no, no, no. Okay,

540
00:32:09,868 --> 00:32:12,652
let me try this one. Okay, let me try this one. Until they're finally.

541
00:32:12,796 --> 00:32:16,124
My goodness. Yeah, yeah. It's the. The Alice

542
00:32:16,172 --> 00:32:19,948
Cooper syndrome. Alice Cooper once did an Interview where he said they,

543
00:32:20,004 --> 00:32:23,580
they always asked him how, how do you, like, he slept with a lot of

544
00:32:23,620 --> 00:32:27,612
women over the span of his career. And they

545
00:32:27,636 --> 00:32:29,884
were like, how did you do it? I mean, you're not a good looking guy.

546
00:32:29,932 --> 00:32:33,148
Like, if you've seen Alice Cooper, he's not a good looking guy.

547
00:32:33,324 --> 00:32:37,292
But he said his philosophy was the

548
00:32:37,316 --> 00:32:40,668
answer's always no unless you ask. And so he

549
00:32:40,724 --> 00:32:44,092
said, if I saw 10 women standing by the

550
00:32:44,116 --> 00:32:47,900
stage, I would make my way down that line of women and I would

551
00:32:47,940 --> 00:32:51,324
ask each and every one of them, one on one, do you want to

552
00:32:51,332 --> 00:32:54,104
come back to my place? Do you want to come back to my place?

553
00:32:54,192 --> 00:32:58,040
If every time the answer was no, there's going to be one in

554
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,752
that pile of 10 that's going to say yes. So you just

555
00:33:01,776 --> 00:33:05,096
keep asking until you find the one that says yes. That was the Alice

556
00:33:05,128 --> 00:33:09,048
Cooper thought about it. Yeah. And I remember hearing that

557
00:33:09,104 --> 00:33:12,472
interview with Alice Cooper and thinking, huh. I think

558
00:33:12,496 --> 00:33:14,776
I was in high school when I, when I heard that. I was like,

559
00:33:14,848 --> 00:33:18,296
that's interesting. Did you try it? No, I didn't have the balls

560
00:33:18,328 --> 00:33:21,338
to try. I, I, I don't handle rejection all that great.

561
00:33:21,394 --> 00:33:24,810
So I'm just like, I can't be told no 10 times and

562
00:33:24,850 --> 00:33:28,602
go, somebody's bound to say yes. No, I can't, I can't.

563
00:33:28,746 --> 00:33:32,490
I'm going to be overanalyzing the first no, and by the third no,

564
00:33:32,530 --> 00:33:35,786
I'm going to be like, jesus, I am horrible. Just,

565
00:33:35,938 --> 00:33:39,402
just hang it up, man. Hang it up. You're done. You just got

566
00:33:39,426 --> 00:33:43,162
told no three times. See you now, if you had

567
00:33:43,186 --> 00:33:46,986
10 women by the stage and you asked each of the, each of them,

568
00:33:47,058 --> 00:33:48,950
they'd be like, no.

569
00:33:50,770 --> 00:33:53,658
See, you give me more credit than what I actually have.

570
00:33:53,714 --> 00:33:57,226
I, you think that every woman wants me, baby. You.

571
00:33:57,298 --> 00:34:00,522
And let me tell you something. Yeah. You have to say that you're my wife.

572
00:34:00,586 --> 00:34:04,010
No, I mean, if you didn't think I was hot, then this would not

573
00:34:04,050 --> 00:34:07,530
work. But I genuinely think you're hot. Yes, because you're my

574
00:34:07,570 --> 00:34:10,931
wife. I mean, you're biased. Yeah, you thought I

575
00:34:10,955 --> 00:34:14,371
was hot when we were dating and then we got together and of course you

576
00:34:14,395 --> 00:34:16,675
still think I'm hot just the same way as I think you're hot. I am.

577
00:34:16,747 --> 00:34:20,563
You're the hottest woman in the world. But we're also married to each other.

578
00:34:20,651 --> 00:34:23,939
I better be the hottest woman in the world. So you seem to think that

579
00:34:23,979 --> 00:34:27,187
every woman in the lifestyle wants me and they think that I'm the hottest guy

580
00:34:27,203 --> 00:34:30,319
out there. And let me tell you something, if that was the case,

581
00:34:30,699 --> 00:34:34,051
I would be getting rejected way less. I would

582
00:34:34,075 --> 00:34:36,879
be friend zoned way less than I am.

583
00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:40,791
But that is not the case. And actually what

584
00:34:40,815 --> 00:34:44,087
I've noticed is there's a lot of

585
00:34:44,143 --> 00:34:47,751
times where we'll have messages with couples and

586
00:34:47,775 --> 00:34:50,967
it's a group message with a couple, so it's the two of us and another

587
00:34:51,023 --> 00:34:54,407
couple and things will seem like an even

588
00:34:54,463 --> 00:34:58,231
keel. Where it seems like maybe the woman is interested in

589
00:34:58,255 --> 00:35:01,591
me and the guy is interested in you. And it seems like something that

590
00:35:01,615 --> 00:35:05,578
will work. And then at some point the

591
00:35:05,634 --> 00:35:09,466
dynamic of it changes and before you know it, the woman is contacting

592
00:35:09,498 --> 00:35:12,762
me less and showing more interest in you. And that's when

593
00:35:12,786 --> 00:35:16,710
I start going, okay, this couple's more interested in her.

594
00:35:17,010 --> 00:35:20,586
Really? And I start backing off. And then I back off because

595
00:35:20,658 --> 00:35:24,186
I hate having conversations. I start backing off. So then I,

596
00:35:24,258 --> 00:35:27,226
I start, you know, I start interacting less.

597
00:35:27,298 --> 00:35:30,588
Yeah. If I don't, if I don't feel like the person's into

598
00:35:30,644 --> 00:35:34,332
me, I start interacting less. And even if you

599
00:35:34,356 --> 00:35:37,932
want a friendship with them. Yeah. Well, so understand if

600
00:35:37,956 --> 00:35:41,692
we're having a four, a four way group discussion, it's, it's for more

601
00:35:41,716 --> 00:35:44,636
than just a friend. It is. You know what I'm saying? Like if we're talking

602
00:35:44,668 --> 00:35:47,692
to another couple, we're doing so for a certain reason.

603
00:35:47,796 --> 00:35:51,516
Yeah. They've shown interest in us sexually. Yeah. Yeah. If they've

604
00:35:51,548 --> 00:35:55,580
just made it real clear that they're just for friends and that there's no sexual

605
00:35:55,660 --> 00:35:59,224
in at all, anything, then cool. I'll interact

606
00:35:59,272 --> 00:36:02,808
easily. Yeah. But there's not going to be any real flirtation. But we have friends

607
00:36:02,864 --> 00:36:06,264
that we're in group chats with that we, that there's

608
00:36:06,312 --> 00:36:10,136
no sexual, like flirtatious vibes

609
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:14,260
there. We have one, I think we have like three.

610
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,488
Maybe so. But you know, that's kind of cool though. Yeah. Not saying that it's

611
00:36:18,504 --> 00:36:21,384
wrong. I'm just saying like, maybe. So that's kind of, I mean, for the most

612
00:36:21,472 --> 00:36:24,972
part, when a, for the most part when

613
00:36:24,996 --> 00:36:28,604
a couple wants to set up a group chat, they're doing so for a reason.

614
00:36:28,692 --> 00:36:31,932
Yeah. They're not doing so because they want to talk to us together to be

615
00:36:31,956 --> 00:36:35,080
friends. Does that kind of rejection bother you?

616
00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:38,828
Because that's a form of rejection, you said. Yes, it does.

617
00:36:38,964 --> 00:36:42,972
If I feel. Because then it's actually worse in

618
00:36:42,996 --> 00:36:46,956
the fact that I initially thought that this

619
00:36:47,028 --> 00:36:50,582
person was into me and now I'm realizing that it was all

620
00:36:50,606 --> 00:36:53,690
a ruse so that they can get to know my wife.

621
00:36:54,350 --> 00:36:58,102
You know what I mean? So this is something that's done a

622
00:36:58,126 --> 00:37:01,750
lot in the lifestyle. It's something that I've run across a

623
00:37:01,790 --> 00:37:05,398
lot. Really? Yeah. It's not something you run across a lot.

624
00:37:05,454 --> 00:37:09,430
Well, yeah, because you're the one that people want. Everybody wants

625
00:37:09,510 --> 00:37:13,062
the girl in, in the couple. This is the

626
00:37:13,086 --> 00:37:16,582
way it goes when you're a couple in the lifestyle. Nine times out of ten,

627
00:37:16,606 --> 00:37:20,150
this is your philosophy. Yeah. Obviously nine

628
00:37:20,190 --> 00:37:23,490
times out of ten the couple is looking for

629
00:37:23,870 --> 00:37:27,046
another woman. But they're not, you know, they're.

630
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:31,206
They're looking for the four way swap. But realistically, the guy

631
00:37:31,398 --> 00:37:34,982
can be there or not be there and they're going to be just as

632
00:37:35,006 --> 00:37:38,294
excited. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because they're doing it for the experience

633
00:37:38,382 --> 00:37:41,784
with the woman. Most of the women in the lifestyle

634
00:37:41,902 --> 00:37:45,716
are bisexual and want to have that woman experience,

635
00:37:45,868 --> 00:37:49,844
but they know that finding a unicorn is difficult because that's why they're

636
00:37:49,892 --> 00:37:52,852
called unicorns. They're difficult to find. Right.

637
00:37:52,956 --> 00:37:56,036
You're looking for the single woman who's willing to join

638
00:37:56,068 --> 00:37:59,252
us in a threesome. Well, that's so hard to find. So let's just turn to

639
00:37:59,276 --> 00:38:02,756
another couple and find this girl who's really attractive

640
00:38:02,788 --> 00:38:06,132
and really seems to be into us and well, I can take or leave her.

641
00:38:06,156 --> 00:38:09,526
Dude, how many times have you said that I can take or leave

642
00:38:09,558 --> 00:38:12,250
her, dude, I'm really just doing it for her. Yeah.

643
00:38:12,670 --> 00:38:16,118
So if you've said it, I'm sure other people. How many people

644
00:38:16,174 --> 00:38:19,878
have said that about us? Yeah. And that's where my mind goes.

645
00:38:20,054 --> 00:38:24,022
And even if it's not like that, that's where my mind goes.

646
00:38:24,166 --> 00:38:27,798
I have, I have questioned genuine couples

647
00:38:27,974 --> 00:38:31,574
that have expressed interest in us. And I've sat with you and gone.

648
00:38:31,702 --> 00:38:34,966
I don't think they're interested in me. And you're like, yeah, they are. Like she's

649
00:38:34,998 --> 00:38:39,138
interested in you. And I'm like, no, she's not. Yeah, I'm oblivious sometimes.

650
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:43,282
Yeah, I know. Because you know, but like

651
00:38:43,306 --> 00:38:47,714
I said, the moment that I feel that I'm

652
00:38:47,762 --> 00:38:51,218
not wanted. Uhhuh. That's the moment I start backing off.

653
00:38:51,274 --> 00:38:54,690
Yeah. My interactions become less and it's like,

654
00:38:54,730 --> 00:38:58,466
hey, cool, if you're interested in my chick, by all means, don't waste my time.

655
00:38:58,618 --> 00:39:01,938
Express right up front. Yes. That that's

656
00:39:01,954 --> 00:39:05,432
what you're interested in. And guess what? I will exit that conversation

657
00:39:05,496 --> 00:39:08,900
and good luck. I hope you can make this work because.

658
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,900
Because I'm realistically the glue that's holding this together.

659
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,200
You know what I mean? Like, if you don't. If you're not into me,

660
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:19,784
and if you don't like me and you want to use me to

661
00:39:19,792 --> 00:39:22,904
get to her, well, guess what. You better

662
00:39:22,992 --> 00:39:27,048
pretend that you're interested in me, because if I get any inkling

663
00:39:27,224 --> 00:39:30,440
at all. Yeah. That you're not and that you're doing this

664
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:34,010
for her. Yeah. I'm gonna back off. Yeah. And the moment I back

665
00:39:34,050 --> 00:39:37,402
off and I start losing interest, guess who else loses interest so

666
00:39:37,426 --> 00:39:40,746
quickly? Yeah. And it's. I. I don't. So quickly. I don't pull that rip cord.

667
00:39:40,778 --> 00:39:43,226
I don't go up to you and go, hey, I'm losing interest, so you can't

668
00:39:43,258 --> 00:39:45,930
do this. No, what I do is I would. I've done this a few times.

669
00:39:45,970 --> 00:39:49,194
Yes. I've told you. I'm like, you know what? I'm. I'm good. You go ahead.

670
00:39:49,282 --> 00:39:52,746
And I'm like, you have. You have your conversation, or you'll contact me and you'll

671
00:39:52,778 --> 00:39:56,234
be like, hey, you know, the group message is going off. You haven't answered.

672
00:39:56,282 --> 00:39:59,046
And I'm like, I'm good. Yeah, you go ahead.

673
00:39:59,118 --> 00:40:02,726
Yeah. And I'm like. Like that. That conversation is. How long does that last?

674
00:40:02,878 --> 00:40:05,606
Doesn't last very long. I don't like talking.

675
00:40:05,718 --> 00:40:08,998
Yeah, Well, I mean. And that's all you. Yeah. You know, I like.

676
00:40:09,054 --> 00:40:11,942
Well, because I know you. What is that? And if that. If something, like,

677
00:40:11,966 --> 00:40:15,734
if you're saying, oh, no, you go ahead. I already know what. What the scenario

678
00:40:15,782 --> 00:40:18,950
is in your brain. Yeah. So I'm like, you know,

679
00:40:18,990 --> 00:40:22,374
most of the time when we have a couple that has reached out to you

680
00:40:22,462 --> 00:40:25,818
and said, yeah, maybe we can do a group chat.

681
00:40:25,914 --> 00:40:29,210
Yeah. That tells me that they're just

682
00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:32,698
interested in you. So you've reached out to me before and you've

683
00:40:32,714 --> 00:40:35,290
been like, oh, yeah, that's not fair. No, no, no, it is fair.

684
00:40:35,410 --> 00:40:38,554
So. Because I want you to think about every single

685
00:40:38,602 --> 00:40:42,074
time that you've told me, hey, this couple has reached out and they want to

686
00:40:42,082 --> 00:40:45,322
do a group chat. Yeah. How many times have they just

687
00:40:45,426 --> 00:40:48,906
shown interest in you? I don't know. How many?

688
00:40:48,978 --> 00:40:52,734
A lot. Every single time. Wow. Now, anytime a couple

689
00:40:52,782 --> 00:40:56,798
has contacted me and said, hey, can we set up a group chat?

690
00:40:56,974 --> 00:41:00,414
It's not been like that, where they're just interested in me. Oh, yeah. It's a

691
00:41:00,422 --> 00:41:03,870
legit group. Yeah. But anytime a couple reaches out

692
00:41:03,910 --> 00:41:07,646
to you and then you contact me and you go, hey, I'm setting

693
00:41:07,678 --> 00:41:10,942
up this group chat that's normally A red flag for me. And I'm like,

694
00:41:10,966 --> 00:41:14,462
okay, whatever. Yeah, I'm not really. I'm trying to get into the mix with

695
00:41:14,486 --> 00:41:17,740
you, too. Like, I'm trying to set them all up, but I guess. Okay,

696
00:41:17,820 --> 00:41:20,876
so that's the thing. Somebody will. A couple will reach out to you and they'll

697
00:41:20,908 --> 00:41:24,428
talk to you. And because you're so adamant about

698
00:41:24,564 --> 00:41:28,220
having this be all four of us, you tell

699
00:41:28,260 --> 00:41:32,108
people, okay, well, I can set up a group chat. It's normally your

700
00:41:32,164 --> 00:41:35,884
idea. Very rarely is it the couple's idea to set up a group chat with

701
00:41:35,892 --> 00:41:39,484
us. Why is that? Because they want you. They don't

702
00:41:39,612 --> 00:41:43,130
want me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And that's fine.

703
00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:46,686
That's okay. I can deal with it. Yeah. But don't

704
00:41:46,718 --> 00:41:49,902
waste my time. Yeah, that's my thing. Don't waste my time.

705
00:41:50,006 --> 00:41:54,170
If. And. And that's something. Hey, couples, any. If you're listening out there,

706
00:41:54,630 --> 00:41:58,450
don't waste time being vague.

707
00:41:58,950 --> 00:42:01,934
If you're interested in something, just say it.

708
00:42:02,022 --> 00:42:05,582
Yeah. Just come out right off the bat and say it. Say, this is

709
00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:09,710
our dynamic and this is what we're looking for. Yes. And right

710
00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:13,246
off the bat, if you say that within the first conversation,

711
00:42:13,438 --> 00:42:16,862
then neither one of us has to waste our time. If it's a click,

712
00:42:16,926 --> 00:42:20,382
if it's what we're looking for, then perfect. And if it's not, we can say,

713
00:42:20,406 --> 00:42:23,742
hey, you know what? That's not what we're looking for. So I'm sorry, this is

714
00:42:23,766 --> 00:42:27,102
not going to work. And then we can be done with it immediately, instead of

715
00:42:27,126 --> 00:42:30,974
the both of us getting involved in a group chat and the both of us

716
00:42:31,062 --> 00:42:34,830
really delving into this and getting to know somebody and putting all

717
00:42:34,870 --> 00:42:38,038
this time and effort into. Into something that's just going to fizzle out.

718
00:42:38,094 --> 00:42:41,238
Because it's not me that you're looking for.

719
00:42:41,294 --> 00:42:44,182
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or vice versa. I mean,

720
00:42:44,286 --> 00:42:47,542
come on, dude. You know. Stop it. Come on,

721
00:42:47,566 --> 00:42:50,694
dude. Vice versa. Come on, dude, let's not even go there.

722
00:42:50,782 --> 00:42:54,470
Because even straight women have gone, oh, well, I'm not into women,

723
00:42:54,510 --> 00:42:57,862
but I totally do you too. So it's like. It's not

724
00:42:57,886 --> 00:43:01,046
like you have women going, I'm sorry, but I don't find you attractive.

725
00:43:01,078 --> 00:43:04,886
I just want your husband. I'm sorry.

726
00:43:04,918 --> 00:43:08,562
I'm just being realistic, though. I am being realistic, and let me tell

727
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:12,130
you, I can back it up. Yeah. I can sit

728
00:43:12,170 --> 00:43:15,570
down and I can. I can get on. I can get on my Facebook and

729
00:43:15,610 --> 00:43:18,770
we can literally go through the list. I'M so glad it doesn't make

730
00:43:18,810 --> 00:43:22,002
you bitter and upset. No, no. I had

731
00:43:22,026 --> 00:43:25,346
to let it go. It used to. Yeah, it used to. Back in the day.

732
00:43:25,418 --> 00:43:28,850
It used to. I used to feel, as a matter of fact, like, back in

733
00:43:28,890 --> 00:43:32,962
our hometown, there are still people in the.

734
00:43:33,146 --> 00:43:37,624
In. In that group that are still around, that we still see that

735
00:43:37,712 --> 00:43:40,584
I have been rejected from,

736
00:43:40,752 --> 00:43:44,580
and I still have it. Like, I still hold it, and I'm like,

737
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,392
you know, I can be cordial with them. I could be nice with them when

738
00:43:48,416 --> 00:43:51,512
I run into them or if I talk to them. I mean, you know what

739
00:43:51,536 --> 00:43:54,740
I do? I respect when a lady tells you,

740
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,672
hey, I just want to be your friend. I don't want to. Like, this is

741
00:43:57,696 --> 00:44:00,728
not sexual. And you're like, okay, cool if I. Know that ahead of time.

742
00:44:00,784 --> 00:44:04,152
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think you've only, like, really honestly had

743
00:44:04,176 --> 00:44:07,512
that from one person who was 100, honest with you and was like,

744
00:44:07,536 --> 00:44:10,722
yeah, yeah, no, I'm not interested in sex with you, but I really want to

745
00:44:10,746 --> 00:44:13,058
be your friend. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure you had it a few times.

746
00:44:13,114 --> 00:44:16,706
It really doesn't. You know, I think there's a lot of people who are afraid

747
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,986
to hurt feelings, and so they have this conversation

748
00:44:20,018 --> 00:44:23,842
with somebody initially, and they're

749
00:44:23,906 --> 00:44:26,802
not physically attracted to them, but they don't want to be an asshole and go,

750
00:44:26,826 --> 00:44:29,954
I'm sorry, but I'm not physically attracted to you. Yeah.

751
00:44:30,082 --> 00:44:33,330
There's people that you feel like that about. You feel

752
00:44:33,370 --> 00:44:36,502
like that about. And you have not told them. No, because I know it's not

753
00:44:36,526 --> 00:44:39,942
going to go anywhere. Yeah. But I know that they want it

754
00:44:39,966 --> 00:44:43,430
to go somewhere. Oh. Do you understand what I'm saying? You should definitely tell me.

755
00:44:43,470 --> 00:44:47,574
I definitely tell them. Oh, we've had the talk. There is one specific

756
00:44:47,622 --> 00:44:50,326
person, as a matter of fact, that I told you about recently. Oh, yeah.

757
00:44:50,358 --> 00:44:53,494
And I'm like, if that's how you feel, you need to say, you need to

758
00:44:53,502 --> 00:44:57,206
stop wasting time. And you bring it up. Yeah. And. And while

759
00:44:57,278 --> 00:44:59,610
it does sound. It does sound negative,

760
00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:04,026
realistically, it's. It's a good example

761
00:45:04,138 --> 00:45:07,930
that people should be open. They should be up front.

762
00:45:08,050 --> 00:45:10,874
Yeah. Don't waste anybody's time,

763
00:45:10,962 --> 00:45:13,626
including yourself. Don't waste your time. Yeah.

764
00:45:13,738 --> 00:45:18,310
Because if you're not interested in me and I'm gonna continue trying,

765
00:45:19,090 --> 00:45:22,570
you're leading it on. Yeah. You're making me think

766
00:45:22,610 --> 00:45:26,122
I have a chance. Don't do that. You know?

767
00:45:26,226 --> 00:45:30,066
Yeah. Don't make somebody think they have a chance. And if.

768
00:45:30,138 --> 00:45:33,730
If you feel that maybe there Is a chance. Well, that's. That's something else.

769
00:45:33,810 --> 00:45:37,282
Yeah. You know, if maybe you're not fully interested, but then you're kind of like,

770
00:45:37,306 --> 00:45:40,978
well, there's something there. Maybe I should give them an opportunity then.

771
00:45:41,034 --> 00:45:44,354
That's different. You too. What? Could you tell a woman that

772
00:45:44,362 --> 00:45:48,258
you're not interested? Are you interested in every single woman?

773
00:45:48,394 --> 00:45:52,110
Every single woman has something to offer

774
00:45:52,810 --> 00:45:55,150
to at least get to know.

775
00:45:55,810 --> 00:45:59,434
So. I am attracted to personality over physical attraction.

776
00:45:59,482 --> 00:46:02,506
Okay. Personality sucks.

777
00:46:02,698 --> 00:46:06,026
Was great. Was great. And now

778
00:46:06,178 --> 00:46:10,010
their personality sucks. I would

779
00:46:10,050 --> 00:46:13,066
probably let it fizzle. And you wouldn't tell them?

780
00:46:13,218 --> 00:46:16,522
Well, if they're trying to have sex with me, yes, I would. But they are

781
00:46:16,546 --> 00:46:19,034
trying to have sex to you. Are you going to tell them? Yeah. No.

782
00:46:19,122 --> 00:46:22,612
Not interested anymore. Because I've never. For you.

783
00:46:22,796 --> 00:46:26,480
For you. You. You like the. The.

784
00:46:26,860 --> 00:46:30,820
The attention. I do. But even recently, I've had the situation.

785
00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:33,876
This is a. This is the new meat where I am saying no now.

786
00:46:33,948 --> 00:46:37,652
Yeah. So, yeah, where I had. I had one situation where

787
00:46:37,676 --> 00:46:41,748
somebody was very interested in me, and the situation

788
00:46:41,844 --> 00:46:46,074
changed. The personality changed. Something happened, and there was a disconnect.

789
00:46:46,252 --> 00:46:50,302
Something happened, and they all of a sudden didn't seem interested in me.

790
00:46:50,486 --> 00:46:54,302
And even after all of that, I was

791
00:46:54,326 --> 00:46:57,726
still propositioned, and my answer was no. My answer

792
00:46:57,758 --> 00:47:01,566
was no. Yeah. And because I,

793
00:47:01,638 --> 00:47:04,510
you know, I have to feel wanted, and I didn't feel wanted.

794
00:47:04,590 --> 00:47:07,646
Yeah. So my answer was no. Yeah. Look at you.

795
00:47:07,718 --> 00:47:11,422
And that might not have been the case in previous. That would

796
00:47:11,446 --> 00:47:15,006
not have been the case in previous years. I'm starting to find my value.

797
00:47:15,078 --> 00:47:18,176
I'm so. I'm realizing I am a good guy,

798
00:47:18,208 --> 00:47:21,600
and I do have a lot to offer, even if it's just a friendship with

799
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:25,184
benefits kind of thing. You know, if you want to be just friends, cool.

800
00:47:25,232 --> 00:47:28,192
Just say so, because I'm a. An amazing friend.

801
00:47:28,376 --> 00:47:31,760
But, you know, don't. Don't bring me to the

802
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,928
park and then tell me you're not gonna go play in the park.

803
00:47:34,984 --> 00:47:38,224
Yeah, I just wanted to bring you here. Now. You said.

804
00:47:38,392 --> 00:47:42,032
Are you again. Are you okay with

805
00:47:42,216 --> 00:47:46,232
rejecting people? Like, I rarely have to do

806
00:47:46,256 --> 00:47:50,520
it. Okay. Because most people that

807
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,820
are interested in me, I can find interest in.

808
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:58,488
You know what I'm saying? So even if somebody, say,

809
00:47:58,544 --> 00:48:02,584
physically is not fully attractive, if they're talking

810
00:48:02,632 --> 00:48:06,616
to me and they're expressing interest and I'm digging their personality,

811
00:48:06,808 --> 00:48:10,218
I can. I can have sex with them very easily. Very easily.

812
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:13,894
Mm. If there's no

813
00:48:13,982 --> 00:48:17,606
vibe, like, no personality vibe,

814
00:48:17,798 --> 00:48:21,222
then I'm not gonna be interested. Sexually you're so sweet.

815
00:48:21,366 --> 00:48:25,174
I don't. Yeah. I'm so different. I know.

816
00:48:25,262 --> 00:48:28,582
Yeah, I know. Yeah. That's why it hurts my feelings when

817
00:48:28,606 --> 00:48:32,610
you. When you act certain ways with people and I'm like, don't do that.

818
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:34,210
That hurts me.

819
00:48:37,970 --> 00:48:41,450
It's so. You're so bad. But. And this is why we have our

820
00:48:41,490 --> 00:48:44,826
talks, because you don't see things from this perspective.

821
00:48:44,938 --> 00:48:48,778
No. You see how you do things, and it's very, Well, I don't

822
00:48:48,794 --> 00:48:52,554
care. And this is me. And it's like, well, guess what?

823
00:48:52,642 --> 00:48:56,010
I do. The other person has feelings. I don't want to hurt feelings. And I

824
00:48:56,050 --> 00:48:59,114
say things very nicely to them. Yeah.

825
00:48:59,162 --> 00:49:03,016
Whether I'm rejecting you or not, I. Will straight out tell you you've

826
00:49:03,048 --> 00:49:06,264
gotten better. About that. Yes. Because before, I just. I was mean.

827
00:49:06,352 --> 00:49:09,768
I was just. I'd be like, yeah, no, I'm. We're not doing that.

828
00:49:09,824 --> 00:49:13,704
Yeah, you were not kind. No, I'm so. I've had my talks.

829
00:49:13,752 --> 00:49:16,504
Well, yeah, I had to. I had to tell you. I was like, nah,

830
00:49:16,552 --> 00:49:20,104
you gotta change that, man. That's some cold stuff you're doing. I mean,

831
00:49:20,192 --> 00:49:23,512
it's one thing to be forward, and it's another thing to just

832
00:49:23,536 --> 00:49:27,128
be mean. There are nice ways toward it.

833
00:49:27,264 --> 00:49:30,312
You know, if you're not interested in someone, then you tell them straight up.

834
00:49:30,336 --> 00:49:34,030
You're like, you know what? I just don't feel that

835
00:49:34,070 --> 00:49:37,890
there is a sexual attraction there. You're just not attractive.

836
00:49:38,390 --> 00:49:41,774
See, that's. That's the kind of stuff that I would hear. That's the

837
00:49:41,782 --> 00:49:45,486
kind of stuff I would hear. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, I. I could hear that.

838
00:49:45,558 --> 00:49:49,726
It's. I'm just not attractive. You're so attractive. I don't

839
00:49:49,758 --> 00:49:53,358
know. I don't know, man. I told you, the older

840
00:49:53,374 --> 00:49:56,702
you're getting, the more. Yeah. You're my wife,

841
00:49:56,766 --> 00:50:00,098
sweetheart. If you didn't believe that,

842
00:50:00,154 --> 00:50:02,866
you would not be my wife. You know what I'm saying?

843
00:50:02,938 --> 00:50:06,466
Yeah. So I get it. Like, I love you, and I think it's the sexiest

844
00:50:06,498 --> 00:50:10,098
thing, too. But if you were getting. I can't.

845
00:50:10,114 --> 00:50:13,954
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. If you were getting rejected by everybody in the lifestyle,

846
00:50:14,082 --> 00:50:17,426
and I'm like, well, the problem's not you because you're hot. Yeah.

847
00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:20,754
What are you gonna say? Well, yeah, but you do realize the.

848
00:50:20,762 --> 00:50:24,434
Problem is not you. You're not. Contraire,

849
00:50:24,482 --> 00:50:27,776
mon frere. I don't know about that. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty

850
00:50:27,808 --> 00:50:30,688
sure a lot of people. You're right. A lot of people do deal with different

851
00:50:30,744 --> 00:50:33,984
types of rejection. And I'm sure that it. It bothers

852
00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:37,360
them, but, you know, you gotta find it in you where it's just

853
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,040
like, oh, well, not everybody has the same

854
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,816
wants and same likes. That's true. And they really. And. And people

855
00:50:44,888 --> 00:50:49,392
should be more vocal about it and express

856
00:50:49,576 --> 00:50:52,936
to people if they really do not want

857
00:50:53,128 --> 00:50:56,648
to pursue it in any other way. I think it's good because we're

858
00:50:56,664 --> 00:51:00,648
in the lifestyle. I mean, friends are no friends. You're in it because you

859
00:51:00,704 --> 00:51:03,432
want to have some kind of sexual adventure. Right. I mean, what are we here

860
00:51:03,456 --> 00:51:07,180
for? I mean, that's what I'm thinking, right. If. If that's wrong.

861
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:11,352
So everybody that. That wants to be our friend, I assume

862
00:51:11,496 --> 00:51:14,776
that on the back end, maybe there's a sexual

863
00:51:14,888 --> 00:51:18,232
maybe. Right. And I mean, and you can. You kind of know which friends those

864
00:51:18,256 --> 00:51:21,648
are. Right. Because again, we have friends where it's like,

865
00:51:21,704 --> 00:51:25,232
no, yeah, it's. Nothing's gonna happen. And from

866
00:51:25,256 --> 00:51:28,832
both ends, like, we're not interested. They're not interested. We're just friends.

867
00:51:28,936 --> 00:51:32,752
Right. But we do have other people that are

868
00:51:32,776 --> 00:51:36,300
friends. And we're like, okay, we know this is gonna happen at some point.

869
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:40,176
Yeah. Let's just be. Is it. Is it gonna

870
00:51:40,208 --> 00:51:43,520
happen? Because in my head, it's already happened. Is this happening?

871
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,570
Yeah, yeah. No, tell me about it. You know,

872
00:51:47,030 --> 00:51:50,190
there's so many different types of rejection that like. Like, we.

873
00:51:50,230 --> 00:51:53,390
We broke down. But I was asked not too

874
00:51:53,430 --> 00:51:56,730
long ago about the club experience

875
00:51:57,590 --> 00:52:01,198
a friend of mine had. It was their first time at the club

876
00:52:01,334 --> 00:52:04,606
and they wanted to play. Yes, they wanted

877
00:52:04,638 --> 00:52:07,678
to play with. With us, as a matter of fact. And they

878
00:52:07,734 --> 00:52:11,230
had never been to the club and they didn't know what the protocol was and

879
00:52:11,270 --> 00:52:14,666
how to do it. Yeah. And so I very. I explained

880
00:52:14,698 --> 00:52:18,202
it very basically, which was, you know, if there's somebody you're interested in

881
00:52:18,226 --> 00:52:21,562
playing with, even if they're out there and you can see

882
00:52:21,586 --> 00:52:25,018
them and they're playing, obviously you need their consent. You can't

883
00:52:25,034 --> 00:52:28,730
just come up and talk and start touching them and stuff. But you can

884
00:52:28,770 --> 00:52:32,442
easily walk up to them and go, hey, we were wondering if we

885
00:52:32,466 --> 00:52:35,402
could play with you guys. Maybe not here, but if you guys want to get

886
00:52:35,426 --> 00:52:38,588
a, you know, find another bed or whatever. But yeah, and.

887
00:52:38,644 --> 00:52:42,348
And it has to be that direct. It does.

888
00:52:42,484 --> 00:52:45,916
Because we've been in situations where somebody wanted to play

889
00:52:45,988 --> 00:52:49,340
with us, but they weren't saying anything. They were just trying to make the

890
00:52:49,380 --> 00:52:52,668
eye contact. To make nonverbal cues.

891
00:52:52,764 --> 00:52:56,044
Yes. I don't take that. No. I think that somebody

892
00:52:56,092 --> 00:52:59,532
Just looking at me. Yeah. You know, they're enjoying the show. Yeah. I don't think

893
00:52:59,556 --> 00:53:02,460
that they're interested in playing. I don't. My mind doesn't go there.

894
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:06,500
Yeah. So realistically, you have

895
00:53:06,540 --> 00:53:09,972
to just go out there and say, okay, hey, look, I'm. I'm interested in

896
00:53:09,996 --> 00:53:12,612
playing with you guys. Is that something that you guys would be interested in?

897
00:53:12,636 --> 00:53:16,196
Because we can go play. Yeah. And, I mean, you're at the sex club they're

898
00:53:16,228 --> 00:53:19,364
playing. It should be as easy as that.

899
00:53:19,452 --> 00:53:23,252
Yes. But you also have to be prepared. If you put yourself

900
00:53:23,316 --> 00:53:26,580
out there like that, there's a chance that they're going to tell you no.

901
00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:30,316
Yes. Now, are you willing to deal with that

902
00:53:30,428 --> 00:53:33,868
rejection? Are you willing to put yourself out

903
00:53:33,924 --> 00:53:36,636
there to. And. And it's a 50. 50 shot.

904
00:53:36,748 --> 00:53:39,596
Yeah. It's either going to go your way or it's not.

905
00:53:39,748 --> 00:53:43,548
You know what I mean? Yes, either. So are you willing to take that

906
00:53:43,604 --> 00:53:46,972
shot? Because if it. If it's a no, you know, you just got

907
00:53:46,996 --> 00:53:50,780
rejected in front of everybody while my wife's dick is in my mouth.

908
00:53:50,940 --> 00:53:54,236
I have. I have seen a lot of different

909
00:53:54,308 --> 00:53:57,438
people at the clubs, and I've wanted to ask

910
00:53:57,494 --> 00:54:00,382
them. I'm such a chicken, though, because. Yeah.

911
00:54:00,526 --> 00:54:04,158
What happened to I just don't care? Well, where'd that chick.

912
00:54:04,254 --> 00:54:06,302
I don't know how to. I don't care. I don't know how to. I don't.

913
00:54:06,326 --> 00:54:08,798
They could. They could say whatever they want. They want to say, no, you.

914
00:54:08,854 --> 00:54:12,878
If it's a friend. And I already know their dynamic. Yeah. You know,

915
00:54:12,934 --> 00:54:15,370
but when it's a club, it's hard. You're like.

916
00:54:15,910 --> 00:54:19,710
So I. So it should be really. That should

917
00:54:19,750 --> 00:54:23,198
be easy. It should be that. And I've explained that to you before because there's

918
00:54:23,214 --> 00:54:25,766
been a person or two that you're interested in playing with, and it's like.

919
00:54:25,878 --> 00:54:28,582
I don't even know how to say this. I don't even. And it's like,

920
00:54:28,606 --> 00:54:32,422
just go up to them. Yeah. They're literally over there making out on the bed,

921
00:54:32,486 --> 00:54:35,702
touching each other. Why don't you just go over there and say, hey, I think

922
00:54:35,726 --> 00:54:39,238
you guys are hot, and I would love to play with you guys if y'all

923
00:54:39,254 --> 00:54:42,690
are interested. Yeah. It is that simple. I know. And if they do,

924
00:54:43,150 --> 00:54:46,374
then you go, how hot? Okay, that's fine. Well,

925
00:54:46,462 --> 00:54:49,190
and you can, like, rub your tits and go, okay, I'll see you later.

926
00:54:49,310 --> 00:54:52,342
Bye, and walk away. And that's it. Because you don't seem

927
00:54:52,366 --> 00:54:55,512
to care. If I didn't Care the way you did.

928
00:54:55,696 --> 00:54:58,984
I would be putting myself out there all the time. You know, there's tons of

929
00:54:58,992 --> 00:55:01,624
couples that will walk in the back and we'll be playing, and it's like,

930
00:55:01,632 --> 00:55:03,912
I see a couple across the way and I'm like, damn, I want to.

931
00:55:03,936 --> 00:55:07,192
I would love to play with them. Yeah. But I don't say anything. Yeah.

932
00:55:07,256 --> 00:55:10,392
Because no. Why? Because.

933
00:55:10,496 --> 00:55:14,360
No, because. No way. Because. No, because I know. Be like,

934
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:18,168
look, I like your girl and can I

935
00:55:18,224 --> 00:55:21,446
taste her? Is it that simple? Yes. If.

936
00:55:21,518 --> 00:55:25,334
I mean, it's different coming from a guy. Someone has asked me. It's different

937
00:55:25,422 --> 00:55:29,382
coming from a guy than it is from a girl. So don't even go there

938
00:55:29,406 --> 00:55:32,838
with that. And we all know. And everybody listening, and we all

939
00:55:32,894 --> 00:55:36,374
know it is different. It is different. It is. I'm sorry,

940
00:55:36,422 --> 00:55:40,022
but it is. Yeah. And, you know, these. The double standards.

941
00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:43,622
It is. It is what it is. It's the double standards. And so there's not

942
00:55:43,646 --> 00:55:46,980
really much you can do about it. But I find

943
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,824
that rejection is. Is. Is a big part of the lifestyle.

944
00:55:50,952 --> 00:55:54,060
I think for a lot of people who are new to the lifestyle,

945
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:58,472
this is an important topic to really brush up

946
00:55:58,496 --> 00:56:02,740
on and prepare yourself for. Because if you're going to start putting yourself out there,

947
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,152
at some point, you're going to get rejected. Right. And you have to know how

948
00:56:06,176 --> 00:56:09,800
you're going to cope with it. Yeah. You have to know how. Are you that

949
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:13,090
type of person? Some. Some of these new people that are coming into

950
00:56:13,130 --> 00:56:16,450
the. To the lifestyle have been married to each

951
00:56:16,490 --> 00:56:20,818
other for 20 years. They haven't been rejected

952
00:56:20,994 --> 00:56:24,930
for over two decades. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like just being

953
00:56:24,970 --> 00:56:28,258
out of the dating game for five years. Yeah. And getting

954
00:56:28,314 --> 00:56:32,210
back into, you know, being rejected will kind of mess

955
00:56:32,250 --> 00:56:35,810
you up. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you have to really sit

956
00:56:35,850 --> 00:56:38,780
back and go, okay, how am I gonna. How am I gonna handle this?

957
00:56:38,930 --> 00:56:42,056
Am I able to flip it on its side? Am I able to make myself

958
00:56:42,088 --> 00:56:45,784
feel better? You know, when. When I was a kid. When I. When I was

959
00:56:45,792 --> 00:56:49,160
a kid. When I was a high school kid, and I would go to the

960
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:52,712
different dances like homecoming and whatnot, and I would ask a girl to

961
00:56:52,736 --> 00:56:56,152
dance. If she told me no, I would go, okay, and I'd walk away and

962
00:56:56,176 --> 00:56:59,608
I'd think, oh, she's a lesbian. I would think that.

963
00:56:59,744 --> 00:57:03,320
And now I. I wouldn't actually think that, but I would think that in my

964
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:06,872
perception so that it would hurt my feelings. I've actually heard that now. I would

965
00:57:06,896 --> 00:57:10,084
never say that out loud. To them. Because that's. Just hold that out loud.

966
00:57:10,152 --> 00:57:13,852
Yeah, I'm sure you have. Now I, I would never say that to a person.

967
00:57:13,956 --> 00:57:17,404
Yeah. But I would make that distinction in my head so

968
00:57:17,412 --> 00:57:21,324
that it wouldn't hurt my feelings. Oh, and I can walk away

969
00:57:21,492 --> 00:57:24,556
now. I was also a kid. Okay. Yeah. So it's

970
00:57:24,588 --> 00:57:28,156
a very immature way of thinking, but it was also a way of padding

971
00:57:28,188 --> 00:57:31,900
my feelings to where I, I didn't have to feel it. That the

972
00:57:31,940 --> 00:57:35,068
issue was me. Oh, man, I'm so. There's so many people that still

973
00:57:35,124 --> 00:57:38,440
have that mentality. Oh, I know. Like they're in their own.

974
00:57:38,900 --> 00:57:42,364
Just heard it on one of our shows that we watch on the

975
00:57:42,372 --> 00:57:45,868
Sopranos. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh my

976
00:57:45,924 --> 00:57:49,564
goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and, and it's,

977
00:57:49,612 --> 00:57:52,764
it's. I don't think like that now, but I was in high school then.

978
00:57:52,932 --> 00:57:57,020
It, I was trying to figure out how to prevent

979
00:57:57,100 --> 00:58:00,524
myself from getting really feeling hurt. Yeah. From feeling hurt.

980
00:58:00,652 --> 00:58:04,286
Now I don't do that anymore. And so because of that I feel hurt.

981
00:58:04,468 --> 00:58:07,930
So whenever I'm rejected now, I'm like, oh, she's not a lesbian, she likes guys.

982
00:58:08,010 --> 00:58:11,722
Yeah. She just doesn't like me, you know? And I mean, I'm the

983
00:58:11,746 --> 00:58:15,610
problem. I'm like Taylor Swift. It's me because I

984
00:58:15,650 --> 00:58:19,882
like, I like both, but I do, I like women more

985
00:58:19,906 --> 00:58:23,510
than men. Now I would think

986
00:58:24,050 --> 00:58:27,962
because of your ideals that men are

987
00:58:28,146 --> 00:58:32,160
easier to obtain. I would figure if a man

988
00:58:32,620 --> 00:58:36,640
rejected you that you would not take it very well.

989
00:58:36,940 --> 00:58:40,836
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it wouldn't bother you. But I would think

990
00:58:40,908 --> 00:58:44,692
by that, by that kind of thinking, oh, well, men are easy to get.

991
00:58:44,796 --> 00:58:48,500
Well, if, if you try to attain a certain man and

992
00:58:48,540 --> 00:58:52,340
he looks at you and you throw, you throw your best cheese at him

993
00:58:52,460 --> 00:58:56,052
and he ain't having it, you're going to feel like the problem is

994
00:58:56,076 --> 00:58:59,668
you, you just got rejected by a guy. So then. Oh,

995
00:58:59,684 --> 00:59:03,540
you like guys. I would. See what I said. Oh my

996
00:59:03,580 --> 00:59:07,320
God, you are horrible. I mean, that's funny.

997
00:59:08,060 --> 00:59:11,460
Probably would still sting for sure.

998
00:59:11,580 --> 00:59:15,012
I think it would sting. Oh, if, if it were me in your situation.

999
00:59:15,076 --> 00:59:18,084
Yeah, no, it would. I think I'd be like, really? Because it's like, really?

1000
00:59:18,172 --> 00:59:21,732
Like, why? So I've had a situation where I

1001
00:59:21,756 --> 00:59:25,380
was reject and I, I don't think of myself as a, as a

1002
00:59:25,420 --> 00:59:29,344
very good looking guy. So I don't, I don't have very high self esteem.

1003
00:59:29,472 --> 00:59:32,800
But in this particular case, and this is going to sound horrible, I hate this

1004
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:36,620
story, but it's all honesty. In this particular case,

1005
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,832
the person that I was talking to was not very attractive

1006
00:59:40,976 --> 00:59:43,860
physically. Okay. Not a very attractive person physically.

1007
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:48,096
But I really was like, you know what? I don't.

1008
00:59:48,208 --> 00:59:51,504
I see personality. Personality. Correct. You know, and so I was like,

1009
00:59:51,512 --> 00:59:54,450
I'm gonna give her a chance. Yeah. And so I really put in some time

1010
00:59:54,490 --> 00:59:56,722
to get to know her. And I was like, you know, she's okay. She's not

1011
00:59:56,746 --> 00:59:59,150
so bad. She rejected me.

1012
01:00:00,010 --> 01:00:03,362
And I remember walking away going, I just

1013
01:00:03,386 --> 01:00:07,202
got rejected from somebody that I did not even find physically

1014
01:00:07,266 --> 01:00:11,602
attractive. Yeah. What does that say about me?

1015
01:00:11,786 --> 01:00:14,898
You know what I mean? Like, that one. That one wrecked.

1016
01:00:15,074 --> 01:00:18,482
That one wrecked me. That was not a good situation. Like,

1017
01:00:18,506 --> 01:00:21,604
I walked away going, what the. What just happened?

1018
01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:25,284
What the. You know, like, what just happened?

1019
01:00:25,332 --> 01:00:28,644
Like, I thought I was the one giving

1020
01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:32,708
the chance, and realistically, I was. That was not the case. Like, she looked

1021
01:00:32,724 --> 01:00:35,108
at me and she said, I, I see what you're doing there, and I don't

1022
01:00:35,124 --> 01:00:38,900
like it. You know what I mean? And I, I walked away,

1023
01:00:39,020 --> 01:00:42,308
like, just totally dejected. And I, I hate

1024
01:00:42,324 --> 01:00:46,850
that story because it makes me seem very shallow, but realistically,

1025
01:00:47,270 --> 01:00:51,454
that's what it was. I, I was like, oh, my God. Somebody didn't find attractive.

1026
01:00:51,502 --> 01:00:55,214
I don't give a who you are. We've always had a shallow moment.

1027
01:00:55,262 --> 01:00:58,974
Everybody has. Everybody has. Everybody. You might have them in your freaking closet.

1028
01:00:59,022 --> 01:01:02,302
You had them. Yeah. Like, this is

1029
01:01:02,326 --> 01:01:05,150
my best friend right here. Yeah. Yeah.

1030
01:01:05,230 --> 01:01:08,078
Am I shallow? Oh, absolutely.

1031
01:01:08,254 --> 01:01:12,208
Absolutely. I have to remind you at times to

1032
01:01:12,264 --> 01:01:15,504
bring it down a notch. You do? Yeah.

1033
01:01:15,552 --> 01:01:18,976
But that's just between me, you, and this podcast now, the podcast,

1034
01:01:19,008 --> 01:01:21,680
me and. You and everybody that listens, you know,

1035
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:25,968
realistically. And you're right. No matter how much

1036
01:01:26,024 --> 01:01:29,520
people will sit back and go, well, I'm personality based. Yeah.

1037
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:32,768
I don't base anything off of physical attraction. Well, guess what?

1038
01:01:32,904 --> 01:01:36,480
You have to be physically attracted to that person to even give

1039
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:40,182
them the time to talk to them. Yeah. To learn about the person I

1040
01:01:40,206 --> 01:01:44,246
am. I, I mean, shallow, whatever. I have got to be

1041
01:01:44,398 --> 01:01:48,294
phys. Something. Something physically attractive.

1042
01:01:48,422 --> 01:01:51,574
Yeah. Well, so for me, as I,

1043
01:01:51,662 --> 01:01:54,902
you know, I, I, There has to. It's like I, like, like you were saying,

1044
01:01:55,006 --> 01:01:58,454
there has to be something that draws you into them physically because

1045
01:01:58,542 --> 01:02:02,038
you can't walk by somebody and go, wow, look at her personality.

1046
01:02:02,134 --> 01:02:05,734
Exactly. No, you have to. Yeah. Something has to draw

1047
01:02:05,782 --> 01:02:09,520
you into them. Yes. In order for you to talk to them. Yes. In order

1048
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:12,880
to learn their personality is good. So no

1049
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:16,384
matter what you say everybody in the lifestyle has a

1050
01:02:16,392 --> 01:02:19,776
little bit of shallowness in them, that they're looking for a physical

1051
01:02:19,888 --> 01:02:23,632
attribute that will catch their attention enough for them to go in

1052
01:02:23,656 --> 01:02:27,020
there and go, I'd like to get to know you a little bit better.

1053
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,140
See, now I'm going to be going out to people and being like,

1054
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:33,860
hey, hi. I want to play with you. Like,

1055
01:02:33,900 --> 01:02:37,000
straight up. Like, straight up. And if they reject me, I'll be like, oh,

1056
01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:40,724
why? Oh, my God. Do me

1057
01:02:40,732 --> 01:02:43,844
a favor. If you do that, make sure I'm not around you. Because I don't

1058
01:02:43,852 --> 01:02:46,884
want to know the why. I want. Well, I want. Because you want to know

1059
01:02:46,892 --> 01:02:49,668
what the why is? They're gonna go, you see that guy standing next to you?

1060
01:02:49,724 --> 01:02:53,780
Stop it. That's why. Remember what I told you was sexy? Yes. What's sexy?

1061
01:02:53,860 --> 01:02:57,348
Confidence. That's right. And let me see your confidence. I don't.

1062
01:02:57,404 --> 01:03:00,900
I don't know. I can show you that. Who's the hottest in this

1063
01:03:00,940 --> 01:03:04,904
room? You. In the room. You. Between me

1064
01:03:04,912 --> 01:03:07,848
and you, you're the hottest one. You're hot. No,

1065
01:03:07,984 --> 01:03:11,288
you stop it. All right, I'm gonna give you some sex.

1066
01:03:11,344 --> 01:03:14,712
All right, guys, listen. I'm not rejecting you.

1067
01:03:14,816 --> 01:03:18,376
No, we're just shutting down the show right now. Yeah. Because we have passed

1068
01:03:18,408 --> 01:03:22,232
an hour. And as much as I love you guys, I am not gonna talk

1069
01:03:22,256 --> 01:03:25,560
to you when I could be having sex. So before we go,

1070
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:28,696
I just want to do a special shout out to my lovely partner in crime

1071
01:03:28,728 --> 01:03:32,650
and my wife here, who turns the big four seven

1072
01:03:32,770 --> 01:03:37,194
on Saturday. You're listening to this on Sunday. So that means that Yesterday

1073
01:03:37,322 --> 01:03:40,714
she turned 47. Yes. And we will be celebrating

1074
01:03:40,762 --> 01:03:44,554
her birthday at a prominent club. Yes.

1075
01:03:44,682 --> 01:03:48,506
At a prominent. If you were. If you were there. I had a good time.

1076
01:03:48,658 --> 01:03:51,786
Yeah. Yeah. Don't reject me. Don't believe the height.

1077
01:03:51,818 --> 01:03:55,098
Thanks for not rejecting me. That's right. But if you're listening to this on Sunday,

1078
01:03:55,154 --> 01:03:59,030
which is when this is going to drop, just know that our lovely co

1079
01:03:59,070 --> 01:04:03,878
host Pris here is now officially

1080
01:04:04,054 --> 01:04:07,190
past her birthday. Yeah. And she'll be celebrating it the rest of the month,

1081
01:04:07,230 --> 01:04:11,222
I'm sure. Yes. But I Just send your good vibes. Send your good messages if

1082
01:04:11,246 --> 01:04:13,926
you ever get a chance. If you talk to her, just tell her happy birthday

1083
01:04:13,958 --> 01:04:17,094
because she is the most special gal around.

1084
01:04:17,262 --> 01:04:20,550
And with that, I will say, I hope

1085
01:04:20,590 --> 01:04:23,580
to see you guys next week. Bye.