Swinger 101: Rules, Boundaries, Jealousy & How to Start Safely
If you’ve ever typed “How does swinging actually work?” into Google and immediately regretted it — congrats, this episode is for you.
This week’s Wednesday Quickie is officially Swinger 101, and it’s basically us answering the questions everyone is thinking… but nobody wants to ask out loud.
And yes — we said “101” because if you’re brand new, this lifestyle can feel like showing up to a college class halfway through the semester with no syllabus and way too many acronyms.
So let’s start at the beginning.
Swinging is a branch of ethical non-monogamy that’s primarily sexual. It’s not polyamory. It’s not “we’re emotionally dating everyone.” It’s not automatically wife-swapping. And no — you don’t have to be married.
As Pris put it perfectly (after I threw her on the spot):
“It’s sexual. It’s casual. And it’s not romantic dating.”
That alone clears up about 40% of newbie confusion.
We also tackled one of the biggest fears people have — jealousy. Not the dramatic, table-flipping kind. The quiet, uncomfortable, “why am I feeling this way?” kind.
Pris said something that really matters:
“Jealousy isn’t bad. It’s just a feeling. You deal with it.”
And that’s the key. Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
Another big one? Saying no.
I’ll be honest — it took me almost 15 years in the lifestyle to really find my no. Not because I didn’t have one… but because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
“I’ve had sex with people just because I didn’t want to say no.”
Yeah. Growth is uncomfortable sometimes.
The truth is, most people actually respect honesty way more than awkward yeses. And the more you practice it, the easier it gets.
We also talked clubs, apps, verification, STI testing, condoms, discretion, careers, family, and why swinging doesn’t ruin relationships — poor communication does.
If you’re thinking about swinging to “fix” your marriage, this episode is your sign to pause.
If you’re curious, nervous, excited, scared, and still very into your partner — welcome. You’re exactly who this episode is for.
And if you still have questions? Drop them anonymously in the Beyond Monogamy Confessional at www.beyond-monogamy.com.
We’ll see you in Swinger 102 😉
Co-host
Adam is the bald, bearded, caffeine-fueled voice behind Beyond Monogamy — a guy who never expected to become a spokesperson for ethical non-monogamy… but here we are. After more than a decade navigating the lifestyle with his wife and co-host Pris, he’s learned a ton about communication, boundaries, jealousy (yep, he has it too), and what it really takes to build a relationship that feels like home and adventure at the same time.
Whether he’s diving into deep relationship conversations, calling out the myths the lifestyle loves to cling to, or just hyping up couples to choose their joy unapologetically, Adam brings honesty, humor, and tattoo-level commitment to every episode. If you’ve ever thought, “Is it just us?”, he’s the guy handing you a coffee and saying, “Nah — welcome to the club.”
Beyond Monogamy is his way of making sure nobody has to explore this world alone. Because love gets bigger when community gets louder.
📍 Based in Texas
☕ Early-morning gym rat
🎙 Podcast host, connection-builder, lifestyle storyteller
💭 Motto: “We don’t break rules — we make better ones.”
Judged for Ethical Non-Monogamy? How to Handle Critics, Bullies & Moral Authority
