Polyamory Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated (Even When Feelings Are)

Polyamory Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated (Even When Feelings Are)

Some guests come on the show and immediately make you feel smarter just by listening. Leanne Yau—aka Polyphilia—is one of those people.

This episode felt less like an interview and more like one of those conversations where halfway through you stop and think, “Wait… why did no one explain it like this before?”

Leanne has a gift for turning big, messy, emotionally loaded topics—jealousy, boundaries, insecurity—into something that actually feels doable. And she does it without judgment, guru vibes, or pretending emotions magically disappear just because you’re non-monogamous.

“Jealousy isn’t the problem. The problem is pretending it doesn’t exist.”

Jealousy Isn’t a Failure—It’s Information

One of the most refreshing parts of this conversation was how openly we talked about jealousy. Not as some shameful monster you need to suppress—but as a signal.

Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re “bad at poly.” It doesn’t mean you’re broken. And it definitely doesn’t mean you don’t belong in non-monogamy.

Sometimes jealousy is about insecurity. Sometimes it’s about unmet needs. Sometimes it’s about fear of abandonment. And sometimes—it’s just your nervous system asking for reassurance.

“If you demonize jealousy, people stop talking about it—and that’s where things actually get unhealthy.”

Boundaries Aren’t About Control

Another mic-drop moment? Boundaries.

Leanne breaks down why having boundaries doesn’t automatically mean you’re insecure—and why having zero boundaries isn’t a flex either. It’s not about how many boundaries you have. It’s about how rigid they are, how they’re enforced, and whether they’re rooted in self-respect or fear.

That distinction alone is worth listening to this episode twice.

Non-Monogamy Is Flexible—That’s the Point

Living together. Living apart. Long-distance. Nesting partners. No nesting partners.

One of the myths Leanne absolutely destroys is the idea that relationships have to follow a straight line—or they’re “failing.” Non-monogamy allows relationships to evolve without automatically labeling change as a breakup.

That flexibility? That’s not a weakness. That’s the feature.

Why This Episode Matters

This conversation isn’t just for polyamorous people. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt like traditional relationship rules didn’t quite fit—but didn’t have the language to explain why.

It’s funny. It’s validating. And it’s one of those episodes that makes you feel less alone in your own head.

So send this to the friend who’s “just curious.” Or the couple who keeps whispering about opening things up. Or the person who swears they’re not jealous—while clearly being jealous.

We promise: it’ll start better conversations.