🧠 Mental Health & The Lifestyle: The Part Nobody Talks About (But EVERYONE Feels)

A Beyond Monogamy with Adam & Pris Blog

Let’s talk about something sexy. And by “sexy,” I mean absolutely NOT sexy at all: mental health.

Yeah… I know. But stick with me, because this is one of those topics that seriously needs a seat at the lifestyle table—right between “What’s the theme night?” and “Are you guys soft swap or full?”

Today we’re diving deep into the parts of non-monogamy most people avoid because it’s messy and real and doesn’t come with glitter or nipple pasties. Spoiler alert: messy and real are kind of our specialty.

So buckle up, grab a drink, and let’s talk about the kind of mental health stuff that shows up between the club lights and the bedroom… and sometimes right in the middle of a foursome.

😬 “My Depression Has a Smile On” — Yep, That’s Me

Let me kick this off by being brutally honest:

My depression doesn’t look like the movie version. You know the one—sad music, can’t get out of bed, staring out a rainy window like a Victorian widow.

Nah. Mine is more like:

• Smile on my face
• Jokes loaded
• Hyperactive productivity
• 47 tasks in the air
• “I’m fine, guys. Seriously. I’M FIIIIINE.”

But behind that smile? A whole hurricane of intrusive thoughts, pressure, perfectionism, and a brain that won’t shut up even when I’m supposed to be social, sexy, or just… human.

Fun fact: Smiling depression is a real thing. Not fun fact: I didn’t see it in myself until Pris said, “Hey babe… you good? Because you don’t seem good.”

Turns out: I was not good.

I’d been pouring every drop of energy into our podcast after losing my job in August. I didn’t mourn it. I didn’t process it. I just went, “Okay cool, time to grind,” and shoved all those feelings into the attic of my brain.

Shockingly, that didn’t work long-term. (Insert Pikachu surprised face.)

💔 When Mental Health Crashes Into the Lifestyle

Here’s the thing people rarely say out loud:

“Non-monogamy doesn’t fix mental health… it amplifies whatever’s already there.”

You can be confident and connected one week… and then suddenly feel spiraled because someone didn’t flirt back, or because your partner had an amazing night and you didn’t, or because you felt invisible at an event.

Some of the most common lifestyle-related mental health triggers include:

• Feeling unwanted at events or in clubs
• Comparison spirals (“Do we stack up?”)
• Jealousy in low mental moments
• Pressure to ‘perform’ socially and sexually
• One partner being more into it than the other

Pris dealt with depression for years during our poly era because she wanted to make me happy even though poly wasn’t her thing. She didn’t speak up until she was drowning.

If your partner finally admits they’re struggling? LISTEN. STOP. REASSESS.

🤡 When Humor Turns Into a Mask

A lot of funny people are also deeply anxious or depressed. Humor is the adult version of hiding behind the couch during hide-and-seek.

I crack jokes because it makes people comfortable… but also because on some days, the noise in my head is so loud I can’t hear anything around me.

If you've ever been at a lifestyle event full of sexy people and still felt disconnected?

• You’re not broken.
• You’re not alone.
• You’re not weird.

You’re just overwhelmed. It happens to ALL of us.

🔥 The Lifestyle Is Fun — But It’s Not Therapy

Non-monogamy can be:

• confidence-boosting,
• exciting,
• liberating,
• connecting.

But it won’t do your emotional work for you.

Sexy dopamine hits are amazing… but they wear off. The real growth happens in communication, honesty, vulnerability, therapy if accessible, and checking in with yourself.

💡 SEO-Approved Fact Bombs

• 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience a mental health condition each year
• Rejection activates the same brain pathways as physical pain
• Performance anxiety impacts both men AND women
• Couples in ENM who communicate report stronger emotional bonds
• But couples who avoid hard conversations crash harder

So yeah—your emotional reactions are literally backed by neuroscience.

💬 What We Want You to Know

If you’re struggling with:

• jealousy,
• feeling invisible,
• performance anxiety,
• comparison spirals,
• body insecurity,
• pressure to be “sexy” when you don’t feel it,
• or depression hiding under the surface…

You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re human.

Protect your peace as much as you protect your parts.

✨ Want to Keep the Conversation Going?

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