May 18, 2025
Beyond Monogamy: Cracking the Code of Swinger Hierarchies

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In this episode of Beyond Monogamy, Adam and Pris delve into the concept of an inherent hierarchy within the swinger community, often referred to as 'tiers.' They question whether such a structure truly exists or if it's a perception rooted in individual insecurities. The hosts recount their own experiences as newcomers who felt intimidated by seemingly popular community members, only to later realize that attraction is subjective. Through a candid discussion, the episode serves as a reminder that self-worth and attraction can evolve, emphasizing the importance of shedding hierarchical notions and embracing genuine connections.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
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We explore topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,
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and related subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be
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advised that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared
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here is for entertainment and informational purposes only. If you
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are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions about
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sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly recommend that
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you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable
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with this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.
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And I'm Pris. And today we're going to stir the
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pot a little bit. I gotta say, this may be a somewhat
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controversial topic that we're going to be talking about, and those of you who
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are listening, you may disagree with us, you may agree with us. Like I said,
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this is a controversial topic. What is the topic today? The topics
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is. Wait, I'm gonna ask you. What is the topic today?
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Thank you for asking. I feel like you just took an interest in me.
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The topic today, okay, is the upgrade
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dilemma. Is there an inherent hierarchy
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in the swinger community? Now, what does that mean exactly?
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What that means, or essentially what
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this topic is asking is when. When they say
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a hierarchy in the swinger community.
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Yeah. We've referred to it before as the tiers.
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The different tiers. I got you. So, you know, when we first
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got into the different groups and the communities, there were,
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you know, different people that we perceived to
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be in different tiers. If we were
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to almost high schoolish. Okay. You remember going to high school and there was
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just different tiers of people. I don't want to say classes. I got you.
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It's not class, but different tiers. You've got people who
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are considered more popular than most. Yeah. Prettier. You've.
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You. Well, so that's the thing. That's the thing is what makes.
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What makes these people considered to be an
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upgrade? And I use that term upgrade very
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loosely, but what I mean by that term is when
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we as newbies get into the lifestyle,
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a lot of the new people are doing
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so for sexual conquests. I mean, let's be realistic.
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There's not a whole lot of people who are new to the lifestyle
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who go in and go, man, I just really want to be friends with everybody.
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That's not really the case. If somebody finds out that this community even
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exists, they're going to be like, man, I want to join and I want to
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have sex with all the hot People, you know what I mean? Because these are
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the people that I think are hot and those are the people that I want
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to have sex with. Yeah. Obviously nobody goes into the community going, man,
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I, I really hope I find somebody that's not very attractive
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that I can have sex with. Okay. So that's why they say, like,
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you. Know what I'm saying, I got you. Like a newer car. Right, Right.
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Okay, go ahead. It's not an upgrade as far as your spouse is concerned.
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So it's not like, oh, I'm, I'm gonna have sex with somebody who's better
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or hotter than my spouse. That's not what we're saying. No, most definitely not.
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We're saying an upgrade as in, you know what we used to tell each
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other all the time? We need to raise the bar. Right. We don't want to
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go for less than what we feel we can achieve.
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Exactly. Right. Because I feel like especially people like me
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and you, we have very low self esteem. Right. Right. So like when,
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when we were poly, you always went for like I would.
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Say the little hurt bird, the, the broken. Little broken. The broken lady, you know?
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Yeah. And I would go for like the more mischievous,
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the more hood or something. Right. You know? Right. So, yeah, I gotcha.
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We aimed low because we felt
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it was, it matched. Easier to attain. Yes. We didn't have to
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put so much work into it. Right. But now that's, that's dating,
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sexually speaking. We didn't raise the bar immediately
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either. When we first came in as newbies. We also did not
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have large amounts of, of confidence. No.
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And so because of that, we saw very
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attractive people or what we thought immediately were attractive people, and we didn't even
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try to talk to them because we didn't feel like we were on that level.
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Right. And we did that for several years. Yeah. We actually did that
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for most of our journey. Yeah. And it wasn't until probably
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the last few years that we kind of broke that and
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we said, okay, yeah, I. Don'T, I don't, I don't think there's such a thing.
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I don't think that there's a tier system. But I think that the problem with
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this is that a lot of us go
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into the lifestyle thinking that there is a
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tier. Right. Yeah. And if you guys are listening right now,
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it may sound obnoxious, it may sound
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like, I can't believe you actually believe this. But let's, let's face facts.
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Everybody that's new that comes in and sees
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the groups or that anything like that even the community,
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you're gonna see some sort of weird hierarchy
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where there seems to be more popular people at the top
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of the scale who get invited to more things, et cetera, et cetera. And it
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appears that there's, you know, and it just goes down from there. Right?
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Yeah. While it does appear like
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that. Yeah. I really, really and truly do not believe that it, it is a
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thing. No, I, I, I agree. We, we used to believe that. No,
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I don't think there's, there is such a thing now.
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It did take me getting my own insecurities
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and understanding my self worth to
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know that there was not a hierarchy.
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Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, so that, yeah, I. Created that in myself.
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Right. And I do think that we all do that. And whether people admit
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it out loud or not, I think every one of us
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kind of sits back and goes, oh man, I'm not on that person's
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level. Yeah. Or maybe that, I mean if you've.
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Never thought that, wow, good for you. But yeah, you know, nobody wants
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to be that, that overly cocky person who says I'm sorry but you
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are not on my level. You know what I mean? But I think attractiveness is
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attractiveness. Like I am attractive to personality,
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but I'm also attractive to looks. Like you have to be.
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Right. Attractive. There has to be some sort of attraction.
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I mean, it is what it is. But people see things differently,
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right? Exactly. So what you see is attractive in somebody. I may
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see something different or, or I may see somebody attractive because of
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something that you don't see. Yes. And it really varies from person to person.
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But I think realistically
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we have to figure out what you would define
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as an upgrade. Do we define an upgrade as somebody
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who is physically hotter? Do we define an
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upgrade as somebody who's just got a friggin top
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notch personality? Like they just, they can make you laugh and all this stuff.
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Like they're just enjoyable company, you know? Does, is it, is it
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experience? Is it somebody who's been really, really experienced with the
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lifestyle? Is, is that what's considered an upgrade? You know what I mean?
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Varies for person to person. Yeah, yeah. I mean it's, it's really
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hard to tell. What, what would you consider? I think it's whatever your insecurity is.
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You'Re gonna, I suppose, I suppose, you.
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Know, so like for me, I would really hate for you to be
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with somebody who is absolutely over the top
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intellectual. Really? Because I'd be like, see, that's my insecurity.
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Because I don't think. Yeah, Because I don't think I am that smart.
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You're crazy, girl. I mean, I know I'm smart. Of course you're smart. But I
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wouldn't be with you if you weren't smart. Honestly. But you know what I mean,
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like, so that. And like for you,
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humor, humor. If anybody was like,
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funnier than you. No, no. You know,
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you are allowed to be with a woman who's funnier than
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me, but by that argument, she better want to be with me, too.
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Like, this better be a sharing thing. You know what I mean?
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She's going to put on a fucking comedy show for both of us and then
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we're going to wax that ass. Okay? You know what I'm saying? That's the only
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possible time. But okay, so back to the.
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That's how. But. And so that's what we mean. Yeah, yeah.
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So that would be for me, that would be you upgrading if you get with
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somebody who's absolutely an intellectual. And so because of
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that, that is my deflection. Well, that's an upgrade from you
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as far as you're concerned. Right? But yeah, what would
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an upgrade as far as I'm concerned? I don't know. Well,
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that's the thing about it is, you know, I don't. I mean, I don't.
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Your wife and I don't know that I'm. I just look at. Well, I'm not
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looking at upgrading from you. Okay? That's. That's where you're getting confused. I'm not looking
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to upgrade from the spouse. You're looking to upgrade. I know sometimes.
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See, that's the problem with the word upgrade is that you're
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looking at it as an in person, as I am trying to upgrade from you.
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That's not what I'm saying. Okay. What I'm saying is, is when we go into
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the lifestyle, we don't want to have sex with people that
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we find less attractive. Right. Do you understand what I'm saying?
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And so the question is, what makes that person less attractive
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in our eyes? Is it a physical beauty? Is it a personality thing?
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Is it experience? What makes us go for something that's.
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That, That's a higher level than what we think of. You know
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what I mean? Yes. I don't know if I'm using the right word. No,
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no, no, no, no. You are, you are. I was just. I went into one
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subject and I came around to this. Yeah, yeah. It's.
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It's us as a couple or it's. It's individual as an individual. Yeah. Going into
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the lifestyle as a new person. I'm not talking as an experienced person,
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because an experienced person knows that this has evolved,
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that this has changed. At least most of you should know that. Yeah.
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That we are, you know, more or less evolving around friendship
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and things like that. But I'm talking about from a new person standpoint
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who's just in it. Go in. Yeah, they. They first go in. And let's face
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facts. Like I said, we've said it ourselves. We've walked in. We're like, okay,
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there's these people up here. Yeah.
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And those people we really feel might be
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unattainable. Yeah, we feel like they might be unattainable. Why do we feel that
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way? Well, maybe because they're really popular. Maybe because it
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seems like they're very much in demand. Maybe they're invited
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to all the stuff. You know, everybody's talking about them. They seem like they've been
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involved in the community for a very long time.
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People seem to like them. So for you, what was. What would be yours?
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Like what? I think mine's a combination of things. Mine's a combination
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of things. It's not really just one thing. Yeah. So when we first
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started, it was physical attraction.
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What. What's what I viewed somebody who was
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on a top tier was physical beauty. Were they hot?
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Right. And what I started realizing was a lot of these people that
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I. I initially saw as extremely physically
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attractive, the more time I spent with them, the more I realized,
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nah, they're pretty average.
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Right. And. Which is cool. I mean, that's a. That's a good thing.
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Because mentally, as a new person, you walk in, you put people on
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pedestals, and they don't belong there. Yes. And most of the time, if you tell
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these people that you're putting them on a pedestal, they'll look at you and go,
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don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Please don't do that. Yeah,
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I'm just a regular person. Yes. You know what I mean? And so that's why,
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you know, realistically, we try not to have these
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kinds of thoughts. But as a new person coming in, it's going to be thought
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of. Oh, yeah. As a new person who comes into the different groups and the
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different communities, that's. That's something they're going to see. Now, like I
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said, initially, it was physical attraction.
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Somebody who was maybe going to the gym quite a bit,
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you know, maybe somebody who showed off a lot of
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cleavage, you know, or whatever. You know, one way or another, whether it's a guy
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or whether it's girl, you know, it was a physical attraction.
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Yeah. Then as time went on, I realized
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that I liked personality more than physical
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attraction. And then it became a personality thing and
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I was real big into personality and that's what made a
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top tier person for me was if they could be both physically attractive
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and have a badass personality. That's incredible. Right?
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Yeah. So then I realized, wait, you know,
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if. If they're physically attractive and
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they have a badass personality, chances are they're going to be really, really popular.
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Okay. In, in the groups. And then I really have to ask
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myself, is that a part of it too? I think it is. I think that
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them being popular, them being good looking and them having a great personality,
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I think, forget it. That's top tier. Yeah.
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Right. Right. Yeah. So then what happens is I
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meet these people. Okay. Right. And as I said,
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you see this physical beauty and you think, wow, they're incredible. And then you get
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closer to them and, and you sit and talk to them and then you realize,
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oh, what was I building up? They're just average. That's okay. Yeah. You know,
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it's not so bad. It's not so intimidating. Right. So then you get to talking
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to them and you think, man, they're going to blow me out of the water
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with their conversation. Then you realize, oh, they're kind of socially
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awkward and I don't think that they know how to keep a conversation
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going. So maybe their personality is
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pretty average. Yeah. And then you sit back and you kind of watch them kind
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of linger around and look for a spot
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to talk to somebody. And then you realize, oh, maybe they're
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not that popular. Maybe this imaginary
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pedestal that I put them on. Yeah. Was completely wrong.
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And so that's the reason why we know now as experienced
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people, that this hierarchy does not actually
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exist. It does not. You create it yourself. We all create it.
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Every one of us and everybody that's listening right now.
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We all create this, this imaginary
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hierarchy in our own head. Yeah. And whoever's on that top tier
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is who we think in our own brains is unattainable.
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Yeah. And it could vary from person to person. What I think is unattainable,
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you don't think is unattainable? For me, I have friends that I
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almost had a conversation with a friend of mine and she, she said, who do
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you think is unattainable? And I started listing. Yeah. And she was like, no,
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dude, no. You could totally get that. I tell you all the time. I know.
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So I Don't. I don't know what happened in my head or
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what. Maybe it was just me understanding my.
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My self worth. I guess that
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unattainable thing kind of went out my head. Yeah, well, you know, I still have
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it in my head. Yeah. But it's getting less and less. Yeah. Because I'm.
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I'm realizing the unattainable people that I think are unattainable,
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I start, like, hanging around them and then I'm like, you know what? I don't
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want to attain them either. I don't want to attain them. Or maybe they.
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They might be a little bit easier to attain than I thought. Oh, my God.
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Didn't have to work on that. No, I mean, I.
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Yeah, no, I don't. I don't. I don't have that anymore.
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I used to. I will bring up something different here. And this is fun.
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This is fun, guys. Oh, my God. This is going to be fun.
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Okay, so. No, no, no, no. This is. This is good. This is good.
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So kind of going back to that, because we're talking about what.
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What would be somebody that you would consider
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a quote unquote, upgrade that you would want to. You would
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want to basically go after and try and have sex with or whatever the hell.
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Okay. I have had this discussion with you before.
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We have an established podcast. People seem to know us in the community.
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We are known, right? Yeah.
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We got to play with a couple once,
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and the woman had
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made a remark like, oh, I finally get to
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see if what I've been hearing on the podcast was true. Oh,
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yeah. Yeah. And so while I don't feel
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like we are on the top tier ever, as far
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as looks, as far as personality, as far as any of that. Personality sucks.
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Oh, bruh. Like, you guys don't even know. I got good hair.
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She has amazing hair, though. As far as
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all that's concerned. We. We are not. We are not celebrities
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by any means, but we have been referred to in the community as such,
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which drives us batty. Anyways,
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we have had people seek us out because we have a problem.
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Yeah. Literally. Does he go that long
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sexually? Yes, definitely sexually. People will legitimately reach
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out to us because they want to have sex with the people that they heard
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on the podcast. Yes. And you. That's. That's one of the. The things
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where it's like, is. Is that an upgrade?
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Like, is that. Is that something that you would consider? Oh,
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that's somebody that. That I would try and aim for a higher tier of somebody
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who has a podcast. I mean, like, I said we by no means feel
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like we are above anybody at all. We're just Average Joe's. Yeah. And.
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And Jane's. And we go out there to meet
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and greets, and we meet up with people just the same way as you guys
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do. And we do all the same thing that you guys do. The only difference
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is that we talk about it on a mic, you know,
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so there's really no difference between us. But there are people out there who
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put us on that top tier. And why? Because we talk into a microphone.
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Because people know who we are in that. In that. Dude, we're the socially awkward
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people, bruh. Like, I can. I can talk about this all day if
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you put a microphone in front of me. But don't. Don't sit in front of
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me. Let's not talk, you know, unless you have a coffee
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or something. I'm just not interested. So, you know, that. That was something that I
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found interesting because we've
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had. We've had it come up more than once where people have seeked
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us out sexually just because we have a podcast.
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Oh, yeah. And hey, Bucket, I mean, if this podcast helps get
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me laid, I'm not. I'm not complaining. Do you want to have sex with me?
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That's fine. If you want to have sex with me because of the podcast,
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that too is fine. But, you know, at least make me
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feel like I'm one. There's something wrong with you. You have no idea.
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Something wrong, actually. The doctor might know. I don't know.
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So, yeah, that was something that I always felt like, you know, it was one
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of those things. Is it. Is it a status thing in the community? Sometimes people
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go for that. It's not always based on looks.
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You know what I mean? Yeah. Some people have a different
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hierarchy in their own heads, individually. Yeah,
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Ye. Yeah. And it just. It's not always based on looks. And it
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just kind of goes to show you, sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.
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So I always found that kind of interesting. Now, are some couples or
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individuals more sought after in the community?
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Like. Oh, yeah. As far as exploring the dynamics of desirability
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and selection, you know, it's.
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It's probably safe to say that we've. We've seen that there
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are certain couples out there that are. Are on the.
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They're on the checklist for more people. Yes. Yeah,
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most. Like, there's a lot more people that go, I would like that. I would
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like there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll settle for this. Who's next
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to Me, But I would like that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, everybody goes to
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the restaurant and, you know, you go to Texas Roadhouse and you
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walk and you're like, oh, man, I can't wait to get a steak. And then
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you see all those steaks off to the side and the beautiful shelving,
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and it's like, should I pick out a steak? And then you see the prices.
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It's like, I would like that. But when we sit down, I'm just gonna order
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a pork chop. Yeah, I'm good with the pork. No,
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most definitely. There are a lot of couples
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and individuals that people are like, yeah,
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I'd like to try that. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know,
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I think a big portion of the issue that people have
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is they don't want to come off as shallow.
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They don't want to admit that they want somebody that's physically
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attractive. As an. As an adult, you have to understand that
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physical attraction is important. It is. It is important.
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You're not trying. But there's more to it. There's more to it. There's a lot
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of different physical attraction stuff. Like. Right. There's a list of things.
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Right. You know, but it has. There has to be physical
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attraction. There has to be something now, something. That attracts
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you to this person. How we see physical attraction is different from. That's what I
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mean. Yeah. Like, I'm not just saying they have to be pretty because it.
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I think every woman is pretty now. There are some people that. That only
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see it that way. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, yeah, I only want a woman
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with big boobs and she has to have a big button, a little waist,
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and she's got a. You know, we've had people go,
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we want somebody who hits the gym at least five to six times. Oh,
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they need to weigh less than this. You know, stuff like that. Like, they're very,
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very, very. And you have a right to if you want to be
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that. Course, if that's. If you want to be that selective, that's. That is what
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it is. Of course it's going to be slim picking. Slim. You're going to really
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have to work on that. We like tacos. You know, I personally,
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I'm a big buffet fan. That's right. And I like the variety. Yes, you do.
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I do. I do. I am not. I am not a very selective person.
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Person. So, you know that I. I always found that kind of
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interesting. There are some couples that are just more sought after
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and individuals as well. Now I'm kind of curious of about
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the physical Appearance and. And body image aspect
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of it. Okay. And. And the reason why I bring that up is because
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I have body image issues. Yes. I am kind
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of insecure about my body. Yeah, you are. I'm getting better.
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Yeah, I'm getting better. I'm sorry. But, you know, I know that confidence
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is sexy, and 2025 is the year of confident,
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Adam. Yes. And, you know, the shirt's coming off a bit more,
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but. But I just had, you know, I.
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I've lost a lot of weight. Yeah. And, you know, I just don't feel
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like I'm that hot. And, you know,
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it's hard because, you know, you have. This is a community
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that's built off of profiles and pictures
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and videos. Yeah. And how can I be seen?
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Whether it be on social media, whether it be on a website. Anyway, you can
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be seen. Whatever it is, you have to get
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seen. Now, I saw once,
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I saw a sexual podcaster. Okay.
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Do one of their shows, and what they were talking about
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was essentially how.
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Gosh, it's. It's really hard to explain it, but basically,
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as far as. As the. The whole body image
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goes, they really didn't
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feel like body was as important as
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we make it seem like. But they did say that
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when it comes to your profiles, you know, on these sex websites
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and stuff like that you can be the hottest person in the world and if
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you don't have good pictures to represent that,
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you will not get picked up or
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noticed. Yeah. Or you will get passed over more. Yeah. It.
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And that you can actually take somebody who's maybe not considered that attractive
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and you can do really good pictures and it'll raise them
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up. It does. You know, and I have seen that. Yeah.
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So a lot of women. I mean, I. I actually,
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I've been seeing a lot of men, too, but a lot of women use.
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When they're on social media, they're using filters
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and. And, you know, we have angles now.
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Like, we know how to, you know, we know how to make ourselves look really
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good in pictures. You know, there's also. AI now,
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like, there. There's a lot of. Of things
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like that that. Yeah. Can make you look. I mean,
393
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honestly, babe, I've seen women on
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social media, and then when I meet them in person, it's the worst. It's the
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worst. Why. Why do you do the filters? Well, I mean, I know why people
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do the filters. I'm not going to take that away from them. No, I understand.
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These filters make you feel more secure
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about how you're portraying yourself. The problem is Is that unless you plan
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on never meeting these people, you are misrepresenting yourself.
400
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And let me tell you something. You, as a person, without the
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filters, you're attractive. Yes, you're attractive. People will find you attractive
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without the filters, But I know a lot of people who
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sit back and go, man, that's a total misrepresentation. And to me,
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that's a form of lying. And even. Even though I find
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you attractive, I cannot go with somebody who misrepresents themselves
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like that. You know, I mean, we've seen it. Yeah, we've seen it. We've seen
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it. You know, for me, it's less of a big deal. I have
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seen. I've seen it to where you can tell. They use a
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little light Snapchat filler filter, you know,
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where it removes, like, the. The little wrinkles and stuff.
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I like my laugh. I've seen it all the way to
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where every picture they have is a puppy dog Snapchat
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filter. Oh, this drives me nuts. I remember you dated a
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00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,340
girl. That's all she ever did. I know. And then, you know,
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you can also. I. I had a guy tell me one time,
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he was just so, so shallow,
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and he used to tell me all the time, he would say,
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if I look at a girl's pictures and I notice that all
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of them are from a very, very high elevation,
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then I know that she's a larger woman, and I'm not interested.
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Oh, because they pick it up, I guess. Yeah. Yes. And I said,
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you know, I don't. I don't know if that's a fair examination. I know
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that there's a lot of women out there with bodies that vary, and they
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all kind of do that high. Yeah. It's whatever they're comfortable
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with. Right, right. Because some people think that they have a double chin. Some people
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feel like they have to hide certain things. Whatever. I totally get it. Yes.
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Whatever makes you feel sexy. Whatever makes you feel better. Just understand that if you
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go too far with it, to the point to where you're unrecognizable,
429
00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:00,110
it is a misrepresentation. Yeah. I mean,
430
00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:03,540
that is what it is. You don't have puppy dog ears. I know.
431
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,460
Last I checked, every time you open your mouth. Freckles.
432
00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,860
That's right. Those freckles aren't real.
433
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I don't think that's real at all. No.
434
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Yeah. I mean, that. That does happen. And it is something
435
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that a lot of people use for their.
436
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For themselves. Yeah. You know, I've struggled with body image,
437
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and I. I'VE I've compared myself to a lot of other
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guys in the lifestyle. The big problem that
439
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I had going into the lifestyle was I assumed everybody,
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every guy, was rocking a six pack and an eight inch.
441
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:43,140
That was just hard all the time. Yeah. What I didn't realize was
442
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:47,420
that was just a misrepresentation in porn. But real
443
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,780
life, it is not like, is not like that. No,
444
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:54,380
real life is actually quite normal.
445
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,570
You, you will see a lot of guys with a big belly and
446
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:01,890
you'll. See a lot of big boys. You'll see a lot of guys who maybe
447
00:29:02,390 --> 00:29:05,970
aren't rocking a very large dick, but you know what, they know how to use
448
00:29:06,470 --> 00:29:09,770
it. You know what I'm saying? But this is what real life is like.
449
00:29:10,010 --> 00:29:13,770
And that's not the, you know, that's, you know, you take the
450
00:29:14,270 --> 00:29:17,690
one person that's in the room who's all jacked and friggin
451
00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:21,490
muscular and that's the person I look at and I go, I don't stand a
452
00:29:21,990 --> 00:29:24,410
chance against this guy. Oh yeah, I've heard you say that. I've said that before
453
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:28,030
so many times. I got, I got no, I get no opportunities here. I,
454
00:29:28,530 --> 00:29:32,270
I, I used to, you know, be the person like, oh my God, they got
455
00:29:32,770 --> 00:29:35,830
their body done. Nope, I'm not even going to do that.
456
00:29:35,910 --> 00:29:39,350
Yeah, I do not even care anymore. Yeah,
457
00:29:39,850 --> 00:29:43,870
a lot, a lot has changed. I have, I've realized that comparing myself
458
00:29:44,370 --> 00:29:47,270
to others is not a very good idea.
459
00:29:47,510 --> 00:29:50,950
Yeah. Because essentially it removes you
460
00:29:51,670 --> 00:29:55,250
from the running of trying to have fun
461
00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:59,650
with others. You know, nobody finds that sexy. No, it's not sexy to
462
00:29:59,890 --> 00:30:03,490
be not confident in yourself. Now. Do you,
463
00:30:03,730 --> 00:30:07,090
how do you feel? Do you ever feel like it's you're being passed over?
464
00:30:07,730 --> 00:30:10,850
I have felt that before. Yeah, I have felt that before.
465
00:30:11,970 --> 00:30:14,730
I feel like that's a toxic way of thinking.
466
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:19,170
Unfortunately, I have had those thoughts before. Oh yeah. But that's
467
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:23,690
the, I guess the struggles that I had with depression
468
00:30:24,190 --> 00:30:27,810
and anxiety. I feel like that kind of added to the, the lack
469
00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:31,010
of confidence that I had in myself for a long time. And so, yeah,
470
00:30:31,510 --> 00:30:34,809
I, I felt like there were times where, hey, you know, if you
471
00:30:35,309 --> 00:30:39,330
put me right next to the most muscular guy at the beach and
472
00:30:39,830 --> 00:30:43,450
you tell the, the chickadees, hey, you get to choose
473
00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:47,600
one or the other. Yeah. And both of them will sleep with you, but whichever
474
00:30:48,100 --> 00:30:50,920
one you want, that's the one you're going to go over to. I, I,
475
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:55,040
I have a feeling I'll probably get chosen less. And that's just
476
00:30:55,540 --> 00:30:59,360
because let's face facts. All of us are shallow
477
00:30:59,860 --> 00:31:03,600
a little bit. All of us see a
478
00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:07,160
good looking body and we're like, oh, man, nope.
479
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,560
The things I would do to that body if
480
00:31:11,060 --> 00:31:14,450
you just give me three minutes and I'll be two and a half. Stop giving
481
00:31:14,950 --> 00:31:18,410
yourself more time. I want to cuddle for at least 30 seconds
482
00:31:18,570 --> 00:31:21,930
before my wife walks into the room and tells me, get your
483
00:31:22,430 --> 00:31:25,490
ass off of her. I really feel
484
00:31:25,990 --> 00:31:28,890
like all of us, every one of us has done that. And I don't care
485
00:31:29,290 --> 00:31:32,730
who says what, you cannot tell me.
486
00:31:33,370 --> 00:31:36,530
I understand you may be into personality and all that good stuff, but you cannot
487
00:31:37,030 --> 00:31:40,560
tell me that a pretty girl who was very stacked like
488
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:44,280
a brick house walked in front of you and you didn't go, damn. Or a
489
00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:48,000
very, very jacked handsome dude walked by and you didn't
490
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:51,760
go, oh, look at them shoulders, you know, or whatever. You know what I mean?
491
00:31:52,260 --> 00:31:55,720
Like, it just. It, we, we all do it.
492
00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:59,400
Yeah, we all do it. And so. But yeah,
493
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:03,080
no, it's okay to admit it. Yeah. Just don't be an asshole about it and
494
00:32:03,580 --> 00:32:06,460
be like, well, I don't do fat chicks. What the fuck? It was a guy
495
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,140
that was walking around with a shirt that says, I don't do fat chicks.
496
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,260
And the dude was fat. Oh, that's rude. I know.
497
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,380
He's at Walmart. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's classic.
498
00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:22,060
Classic. I mean, oh my. That's a shitty
499
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,460
dude. Well, hey, it is what it is. What are you going to do?
500
00:32:26,660 --> 00:32:29,900
See, now, see that, that right
501
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,170
there was shallow. That, that was a little judgmental. Yes.
502
00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:37,570
Yeah. Which is fine. I think, I think that's totally fine.
503
00:32:38,070 --> 00:32:42,450
But yeah, no, I've, I have, I maybe felt a little passed over a
504
00:32:42,950 --> 00:32:46,449
time or two. Have you? Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm like,
505
00:32:46,949 --> 00:32:49,850
oh man, I thought that guy was really hot. They really want him, but I
506
00:32:50,350 --> 00:32:53,770
don't think I'm his type. Now, was that you
507
00:32:54,270 --> 00:32:57,050
removing yourself from that? Oh, probably. No,
508
00:32:57,130 --> 00:33:00,410
I. Or did you try and fail?
509
00:33:01,210 --> 00:33:03,530
No, I never tried. There you go.
510
00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:07,970
I think, I think the, the whole being passed over thing is you have to
511
00:33:08,470 --> 00:33:10,810
have tempted and been turned down,
512
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:15,250
which I have. And you've noticed that they've
513
00:33:15,750 --> 00:33:19,210
gone for somebody else. I have not attempted and I've had. That happen a few
514
00:33:19,710 --> 00:33:23,290
times. I have attempted. Huh. Been turned
515
00:33:23,790 --> 00:33:27,530
down and then watched as that person went for the next
516
00:33:27,610 --> 00:33:30,810
person and I sat back and gone,
517
00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:34,810
well, that's funny. I think
518
00:33:35,310 --> 00:33:38,930
I just got passed over and I think it's probably because my ass
519
00:33:39,430 --> 00:33:43,090
don't look Good in these jeans. No, I never attempted. Well, see,
520
00:33:43,590 --> 00:33:46,730
that's the problem. Yeah. You know, like they Michael Jordan says,
521
00:33:47,230 --> 00:33:49,770
you know, you miss 100 of the shots you don't take.
522
00:33:49,850 --> 00:33:52,950
I'm pretty sure. Yeah, that's right. I'm too scared.
523
00:33:53,450 --> 00:33:55,790
Well, you gotta. You gotta get out there. You gotta do these things. I don't
524
00:33:56,290 --> 00:33:59,750
want to be passed over. I'm just tired of having body issues, and I'm getting
525
00:34:00,250 --> 00:34:04,070
better. But like I said, I lost a lot of weight. So back when
526
00:34:04,570 --> 00:34:08,110
I used to be very, very, very, very, very, very, very overweight, I would
527
00:34:08,610 --> 00:34:12,150
look in the mirror and just be disgusted with what I saw. Now that I've
528
00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:16,070
lost weight, I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted
529
00:34:16,570 --> 00:34:19,700
with what I see. And the primary reason is because of body dysmorphia.
530
00:34:20,330 --> 00:34:23,330
Like, I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, look at that. Like,
531
00:34:23,830 --> 00:34:25,970
I'm shaping up. And then I look in the mirror again. I'm like, oh,
532
00:34:26,470 --> 00:34:29,970
my God, you are so. Like, why aren't you losing
533
00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:33,330
this way? And you. You constantly tell me all the time. You're constantly reassuring me.
534
00:34:33,830 --> 00:34:37,010
You're like, no, you're looking really good. Blah, blah, blah. Body dysmorphia, man.
535
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:41,290
I didn't have body dysmorphia when I was fat because my body was dysmorph.
536
00:34:43,370 --> 00:34:47,010
But now I've lost weight and I've got body dysmorphia.
537
00:34:47,510 --> 00:34:50,810
It's a horrible thing. And body image, you know, as a guy who's lost weight
538
00:34:51,310 --> 00:34:54,690
and is still trying to lose weight and trying to look good for the ladies.
539
00:34:55,410 --> 00:34:58,890
I go out there and I kind of get a little insecure from time
540
00:34:59,390 --> 00:35:02,530
to time because I'm, like, good in this, you know? Am I.
541
00:35:02,770 --> 00:35:05,970
Should I suck it in? I don't suck it in, by the way. But I.
542
00:35:06,470 --> 00:35:09,330
I think I have a. I think I have a Spanx in my closet still.
543
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:12,600
I haven't worn it in. In a couple of years. Yeah.
544
00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:15,520
But I have a Spanx in there in case I ever feel like I need
545
00:35:16,020 --> 00:35:19,480
to tighten it up. Feel just. Just tight. Just feel tighter.
546
00:35:19,980 --> 00:35:22,760
I have a faja. Yeah, you have a faja that you've worn twice. Yeah.
547
00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:26,360
But then you started getting anxiety every time you put it on. It's so tight.
548
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,960
Yeah, yeah. I had to. I had to stuff you in there.
549
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,480
Like, I have to put. Shove my hand in there and shove. Shove your.
550
00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:36,440
Your. Your butt.
551
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:43,820
It's in the front. It's all. But you're
552
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,900
my little. This is what you're my little Joe.
553
00:35:49,820 --> 00:35:53,500
Yeah, you like that? That was funny. That's right. That's called foreplay right
554
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,380
there, babies. So we got to get away from the physical
555
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,900
appearance one, because that's. I could spend all day on that one.
556
00:36:00,780 --> 00:36:03,500
Experience and credibility. Now, this one.
557
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,750
This one I feel like we can check a box off of.
558
00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:11,390
Okay. Because I don't. I don't know. There's people out there that would disagree and
559
00:36:11,890 --> 00:36:15,350
think that we're physically attractive. I think you're incredibly hot. I think
560
00:36:15,850 --> 00:36:18,430
you're the hottest woman I've ever met. But outside of that, I do not feel
561
00:36:18,930 --> 00:36:22,470
like I'm on your level. But whatever. We're married, so it doesn't matter. It's legal
562
00:36:22,790 --> 00:36:25,270
that we are on the same level. But.
563
00:36:26,630 --> 00:36:31,150
But I think what gives
564
00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:36,110
us appeal to people is our experience in
565
00:36:36,610 --> 00:36:39,950
the lifestyle. Yes. And our credibility. Yes. And like I
566
00:36:40,450 --> 00:36:42,870
said, the podcast people. Think that we have a lot of experience.
567
00:36:43,350 --> 00:36:46,510
Well, we do have a lot of experience. I think. I think we cut ourselves
568
00:36:47,010 --> 00:36:50,550
back a bit. We don't have as much experience as some people.
569
00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:54,790
I mean, damn. Like, I know some people that they just. They've done
570
00:36:55,290 --> 00:36:58,980
it. Oh, no, it's so crazy. And they've done it all a
571
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,660
couple of times, and they're like, oh, man. You know, I've done this and
572
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,780
I've done that. I'm like, damn, man. And you're four years younger
573
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,100
than me. Oh, you're gonna break a hip in four years. No.
574
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:14,420
So I. I feel like we. We are pretty experienced.
575
00:37:14,740 --> 00:37:18,540
We have been doing this for a while, and we've waxed
576
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,540
and waned as far as how many times a
577
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,690
year we've done it. Our body count can be high, but also
578
00:37:27,190 --> 00:37:30,530
our years in the lifestyle is high. Yeah. And I
579
00:37:31,030 --> 00:37:33,410
mean, what's the point of being lifestyle if we're not booking, you know what I
580
00:37:33,910 --> 00:37:37,210
mean? I might as well. You think our numbers in the lifestyle are high?
581
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,570
Oh, hell's yeah, girl. Really? We've had some
582
00:37:41,070 --> 00:37:44,530
years where we were banging it out often. We've had some years where we
583
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:48,210
weren't. There was a lot of years where we were raising
584
00:37:48,710 --> 00:37:52,020
kids, but there was a lot of years where we had weekends without
585
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:55,740
kids. You know what I mean? And we tried to take advantage of
586
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:59,460
every single time that we could. Yeah. I think we have a pretty high body
587
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,900
count. Really? As a couple. Yeah. Huh.
588
00:38:03,220 --> 00:38:05,780
What's high? I don't know.
589
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:10,780
Yeah. Actually, you know what? That's very philosophical
590
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,540
of you. What is a high body? What is a high body? Well, it really
591
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,180
depends on. On what it is to your relation of the years that you've been
592
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,330
in. If we've only been in two years and we've slept with 167
593
00:38:22,830 --> 00:38:25,930
people, oh my God, that's a high count. If we've been in 14
594
00:38:26,010 --> 00:38:28,970
years and we've slept with maybe, I don't know,
595
00:38:29,370 --> 00:38:32,730
25 to 50, I don't even think it's that much.
596
00:38:34,490 --> 00:38:38,170
It's definitely not 50. I don't think we're at 50. No.
597
00:38:38,570 --> 00:38:41,330
I don't know. I don't know the numbers. I'm just saying I just feel like,
598
00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:44,570
I feel like we have a relatively. High body, I think, and.
599
00:38:45,390 --> 00:38:49,630
No, I mean, you're right. And, and, and experience for
600
00:38:50,130 --> 00:38:53,310
sure. We've had a lot of different experiences. We've had a lot of
601
00:38:53,810 --> 00:38:57,710
different situations, from the fun to the comical
602
00:38:57,870 --> 00:39:01,430
and the uncomfortable. Yes. We've been around it all
603
00:39:01,930 --> 00:39:05,470
and we've been around all the different personalities. That's very true. We have dealt with
604
00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:09,670
the really, really loud mouthed, rude type people
605
00:39:10,170 --> 00:39:13,710
who don't feel like they're saying anything wrong. We've dealt with the really,
606
00:39:14,210 --> 00:39:18,030
really kind and quiet people who are so new that
607
00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:22,270
they don't know how to talk to other people just yet and everything in
608
00:39:22,770 --> 00:39:26,630
between. We've had run ins with all sorts of people
609
00:39:27,190 --> 00:39:31,030
in different communities and I feel like we are pretty
610
00:39:31,530 --> 00:39:34,750
experienced. No, you're right. You're right. When it comes to all that, I was
611
00:39:35,250 --> 00:39:38,270
just thinking, yeah, it seems like. A lot of the people now, I'm not saying
612
00:39:38,770 --> 00:39:41,430
everybody, but it seems like a lot of the people that we've been talking to
613
00:39:41,930 --> 00:39:44,700
as of lately have been in the lifestyle for three years.
614
00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:49,060
That's the magic number right now. Right after everybody started swinging
615
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,980
after Covid. After Covid, like Covid, just everybody up and
616
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,020
they said, okay, we have to be on lockdown for a year. Guess what?
617
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,940
We're going to be swingers when we come out of this. Yeah, we're gonna.
618
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,580
Everybody. So yolo. I don't know how many different couples I've
619
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,620
spoken to where they've told me, well, we've been in for about three years,
620
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:10,810
so we're still new. But we're. But we're not new. But we're still new,
621
00:40:11,310 --> 00:40:14,450
dude. They have more experience than we do. Negative. Some of
622
00:40:14,950 --> 00:40:18,050
them do. Yeah, some of them have. We were talking to somebody and they're like,
623
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:22,450
man, I've done all this and y' all haven't. We're like, no, I mean,
624
00:40:22,950 --> 00:40:26,370
damn, take it easy. We do have jobs
625
00:40:26,850 --> 00:40:31,090
and a business and a podcast and kids and kids and
626
00:40:31,590 --> 00:40:34,970
dogs. I think, I think us having experiences,
627
00:40:35,470 --> 00:40:39,400
I think. Well, so this is something that I've come across when we
628
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:43,960
talk to newer people, and this is not by means everybody,
629
00:40:44,460 --> 00:40:48,960
but a lot of the newer people are still learning how to communicate
630
00:40:49,460 --> 00:40:52,600
with each other. They're still learning how to communicate with other people.
631
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,640
They maybe just aren't there yet to feel
632
00:40:57,140 --> 00:41:00,600
confident enough to tell their. The people that they're interested in. That they're
633
00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:04,500
interested in. Yeah. You know, those are the people that are like too scared to
634
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,780
tag their crush on. On their favorite Facebook post or whatever. You know, it's like,
635
00:41:09,260 --> 00:41:12,140
I'm just too scared. I don't want to get rejected. They're too new. Yeah.
636
00:41:12,620 --> 00:41:16,220
You know what I mean? And so a lot
637
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:20,700
of people who have been in a few years, you know, they're still
638
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,620
trying to figure that out. And it takes some time.
639
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:29,330
Yeah, it takes that experience. It takes trying to navigate
640
00:41:29,830 --> 00:41:33,850
the different personalities and figuring out that maybe how they're going to respond
641
00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:36,610
isn't going to be the end of the world. You know what I mean?
642
00:41:37,110 --> 00:41:40,810
Yes. And so that I, I feel like that was a major
643
00:41:41,310 --> 00:41:44,450
issue and still is a major issue for newer people. And that's where you and
644
00:41:44,950 --> 00:41:49,090
I have always been good for newer people in
645
00:41:49,590 --> 00:41:52,850
that we are so laid back because we're
646
00:41:53,350 --> 00:41:56,340
so experienced. We're not pushy people. No,
647
00:41:56,900 --> 00:42:00,260
we're out to just be friends. Hey, you know what? We can talk about our
648
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,100
experiences. We can tell you guys what we've
649
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,180
been through. We don't ever tell people how they should live their life,
650
00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:13,140
how they should lifestyle, but we always tell them our experiences
651
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,660
so that maybe they can learn from our experiences.
652
00:42:17,460 --> 00:42:20,510
And some do. Yeah.
653
00:42:21,010 --> 00:42:23,950
A lot of people really appreciate the, the advice because.
654
00:42:24,670 --> 00:42:27,870
Yeah. I mean, been there and then
655
00:42:28,030 --> 00:42:32,190
a lot. Some, some of these newer people feel like, you know what, they're experienced.
656
00:42:32,750 --> 00:42:36,990
We don't have to worry about a situation arising
657
00:42:37,490 --> 00:42:41,630
where feelings will come up. We don't have to worry about some crazy situation
658
00:42:41,710 --> 00:42:45,430
or whatever that that would happen if we messed around with somebody
659
00:42:45,930 --> 00:42:49,570
new. Still, I think somebody not too long ago asked me that because they
660
00:42:50,070 --> 00:42:53,330
were new and I mean like brand new to the lifestyle.
661
00:42:53,650 --> 00:42:57,090
And they had asked, well, do you think it's better that we go for
662
00:42:57,250 --> 00:43:00,690
new people or should we go for more experienced
663
00:43:01,190 --> 00:43:04,210
people? And that's when I kind of voiced, well,
664
00:43:04,710 --> 00:43:07,850
my experiences. I would think you being brand
665
00:43:08,350 --> 00:43:11,410
new, you would want to go for somebody who's experienced. Yeah.
666
00:43:11,490 --> 00:43:14,610
Because you want to learn the ropes and you want to learn the right way.
667
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:18,830
A mentor. Yeah. If you go into it and you hook up with, with nothing
668
00:43:19,330 --> 00:43:22,550
but brand new people, then you're going to have a
669
00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:25,870
lot of harder issues. Not to say that maybe it won't work out,
670
00:43:26,370 --> 00:43:29,750
but it'll be a bit more difficult to navigate because you have somebody
671
00:43:30,250 --> 00:43:33,310
else who's still learning. It's the blind leading the blind, essentially.
672
00:43:33,470 --> 00:43:37,110
It's difficult to do. And so that
673
00:43:37,610 --> 00:43:40,630
was my answer for that. You know, if you're, if you're new, I think you'd
674
00:43:41,130 --> 00:43:46,110
want to seek out somebody with more experience so that you can at least learn
675
00:43:46,610 --> 00:43:49,790
from some of their stories, learn from their experiences. And I
676
00:43:50,290 --> 00:43:52,270
mean, when we came in. Maybe a better experience for you. Yeah. When we came
677
00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:56,190
into the, to the lifestyle, we had somebody who had been in it
678
00:43:56,690 --> 00:44:00,510
for years. Yes. And he kind of guided us and kind of helped us.
679
00:44:00,670 --> 00:44:04,830
Totally kind of showed us the ropes and then we
680
00:44:05,330 --> 00:44:08,990
kind of took it from there and figured out how to navigate it
681
00:44:09,490 --> 00:44:13,300
on our own. Yeah. So that was, I mean, so we did
682
00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:17,740
want to seek out somebody. Well, actually, they sought us out because
683
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:21,140
we were just. We would have totally been the blind leading the blind.
684
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,220
Yeah. Because we were like, totally, totally. We, we didn't
685
00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,860
know what the hell. Yeah. No. And I, I was never in the lifestyle as
686
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,820
deep as I am now. This is true. This is true. You weren't as involved.
687
00:44:32,900 --> 00:44:35,940
No. As you are now. You know,
688
00:44:36,810 --> 00:44:40,050
I feel like this topic leads
689
00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:44,090
me into the, the idea of exclusivity
690
00:44:44,570 --> 00:44:48,330
versus inclusivity. I, I think you remember
691
00:44:48,830 --> 00:44:52,130
me telling you when we decided we were going to start getting more involved in
692
00:44:52,630 --> 00:44:55,930
the community, the idea here was I
693
00:44:56,430 --> 00:45:00,170
wanted to create a space around US that
694
00:45:00,670 --> 00:45:04,070
was 100% inclusive. Yeah. Because I didn't
695
00:45:04,570 --> 00:45:10,790
like the idea that there was exclusive situations
696
00:45:11,290 --> 00:45:14,110
out there. I don't know what happened there. Exclusivity. I don't like it.
697
00:45:14,610 --> 00:45:19,710
Okay. And I, I think we had talked about it before because sometimes
698
00:45:20,210 --> 00:45:23,790
it seems like there is exclusivity. It seems like there are cliques
699
00:45:24,110 --> 00:45:27,270
that will not let others in. And a lot
700
00:45:27,770 --> 00:45:30,990
of times it's viewed incorrectly from the people who are on the outside
701
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,800
looking in. Yes. Because they're too afraid to try and
702
00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:38,760
enter that. Or maybe they mistook a face
703
00:45:39,260 --> 00:45:41,680
or a comment and just felt unwelcomed.
704
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:46,160
Situations like that. A lot of times clicks don't
705
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:50,080
exist, but a lot of times they do. Yeah.
706
00:45:50,580 --> 00:45:53,760
I mean, and it can be a tear situation. It can.
707
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,080
Yeah. Like it can be a tear
708
00:45:57,580 --> 00:46:00,720
situation. The beautiful people hang with the beautiful people.
709
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,280
Yeah. Now, and I've said this before, the beautiful people
710
00:46:05,780 --> 00:46:09,400
hang with the beautiful people. And. And so this is. This is the
711
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:14,000
mentality of thinking that a lot of us have. You know, you see
712
00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:18,280
somebody, you see a couple or an individual who's extremely
713
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:22,000
attractive. Well, who are. Who are
714
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:25,880
they gonna be around? Most likely. Most likely they're gonna be around
715
00:46:26,690 --> 00:46:29,810
a lot of beautiful people because the beautiful people are going to say,
716
00:46:29,890 --> 00:46:33,970
let's invite more beautiful people. Yeah. And if you do not feel
717
00:46:34,530 --> 00:46:38,170
like you are on their level, that's it. Then you're
718
00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:42,290
going to feel like you don't belong in that exclusive club
719
00:46:42,850 --> 00:46:47,010
now. Oh, man, I've been there a lot. Of times these,
720
00:46:47,090 --> 00:46:51,490
quote, unquote, beautiful people are not
721
00:46:52,460 --> 00:46:55,580
exclusive. They are actually very inclusive.
722
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:59,740
But people are so insecure that they
723
00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:04,020
don't feel like they belong there. And so then the reactions are
724
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:08,179
different. Sometimes people are like, oh, well, I'm good. I don't belong here. And they
725
00:47:08,679 --> 00:47:12,300
go and find their own tribe. Yeah. Other people feel
726
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,380
very defensive about it, and then they take off and they start just hating
727
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:20,210
on these people. Right. I've seen it happen before where they're like, ugh, I.
728
00:47:20,710 --> 00:47:23,130
I can't stand those people. They're so snobby. And it's like, well, have you ever
729
00:47:23,630 --> 00:47:26,850
hung out with them? No, but I just feel like they are. Yeah. You know
730
00:47:27,350 --> 00:47:30,050
what I mean? Like, you don't know, you know. Yeah. You make assumptions without even.
731
00:47:31,250 --> 00:47:34,850
And there's been times where we've been like, well, we are not
732
00:47:35,010 --> 00:47:38,410
a part of the beautiful people's club. That's why we're not invited to
733
00:47:38,910 --> 00:47:41,650
that one. You know what I mean? And that's okay, you know, once you can
734
00:47:42,150 --> 00:47:44,610
sit back and you kind of joke about it. But realistically,
735
00:47:45,410 --> 00:47:49,090
the, you know, it's. It comes down to a matter of exclusivity
736
00:47:49,590 --> 00:47:52,770
versus inclusivity. And I don't care
737
00:47:53,250 --> 00:47:56,850
how attractive physically or
738
00:47:57,410 --> 00:48:00,930
unattractive physically, somebody thinks they are,
739
00:48:01,650 --> 00:48:05,050
there's always a chair at our table for them. Yes, there is.
740
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:09,010
You know what I mean? All the time. We are very inclusive.
741
00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:12,580
If you come at us with, like, unethical behavior.
742
00:48:12,900 --> 00:48:16,700
If you come at us, you know, and you lie and you act
743
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,940
a certain way, well, that's where we'll choose not to hang around
744
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,180
you. But as far as everybody else is concerned, we welcome all
745
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:29,140
different types of personalities and all different looks.
746
00:48:29,380 --> 00:48:33,060
You know, frankly, me, I'm like I said, I'm not selective. I like
747
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,100
different people for different reasons. Yeah. And, you know, we're. That's just the
748
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,170
kind of people that. That I, I think our community is. Is really good.
749
00:48:41,670 --> 00:48:45,170
So, yes, it kind of helps that we surround ourselves with the same
750
00:48:45,670 --> 00:48:49,570
kind of like minded people. I agree. You know, I agree. Which helps.
751
00:48:49,890 --> 00:48:52,770
Absolutely. And it makes everything easier. It does.
752
00:48:54,370 --> 00:48:57,490
So you can feel inclusive when you
753
00:48:57,990 --> 00:49:01,410
come around with us. That's right. You should always feel included. You know,
754
00:49:01,910 --> 00:49:05,620
I've been reached out to by people inviting
755
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:09,580
us to different events that happen throughout the state.
756
00:49:10,220 --> 00:49:14,420
And, you know, it's like, hey, you think that you guys can try and schedule
757
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,460
a time to come to a meet and greet and y' all can come with
758
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,100
us and we can introduce you and do this and do that, and you know
759
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,900
that that sounds like a lot of fun. It also sounds like it's very exhausting.
760
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,820
And I'll tell you why. Because you and I,
761
00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:32,270
at every meet and greet, at every event we
762
00:49:32,770 --> 00:49:36,310
attend, we walk around and we shake
763
00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:40,590
everybody's hands like we're frigging politicians. We introduce ourselves to
764
00:49:41,090 --> 00:49:44,670
everybody. Yeah. And literally, we'll walk up to somebody,
765
00:49:45,170 --> 00:49:48,390
we'll introduce ourselves, we'll look at them for a minute, make a little joke or
766
00:49:48,890 --> 00:49:50,910
something and be like, okay, well, we're going to keep on moving along. We'll see
767
00:49:51,410 --> 00:49:54,870
you guys later. You know, and we try to at least introduce ourselves to everybody.
768
00:49:55,370 --> 00:49:58,600
And then by the time we're done, we find a wall to lean back
769
00:49:59,100 --> 00:50:02,600
against and we're done. And we're done. And people choose to come up to us
770
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,360
or they choose not to. Whatevs. We will
771
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,440
have a conversation with them. But we are always inclusive. And I've told people,
772
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,720
if you see us at the club,
773
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,320
if you see us at an event, whatever,
774
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,000
at a, At a lifestyle event,
775
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:24,970
preferably, yes, feel free to come and say hello to us. Yes, if you
776
00:50:25,470 --> 00:50:29,050
see us at HB shopping with our kids, don't. Don't come to us.
777
00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:32,810
Don't do that. Don't do that. Because that I said hi.
778
00:50:33,290 --> 00:50:37,050
No, I know, but you know, I'm saying, like, just, yeah,
779
00:50:37,130 --> 00:50:40,570
just kind of regular friend. Be, Be, be regular.
780
00:50:40,890 --> 00:50:43,970
Yeah. Don't come up to us in front of our kids and be like,
781
00:50:44,470 --> 00:50:48,290
hey, so I was sucking dick the other night and I was listening to your
782
00:50:48,790 --> 00:50:52,480
podcast and, and I immediately thought how, hey, Adam would really love to
783
00:50:52,980 --> 00:50:56,160
hear this while we're standing in the chicken aisle. Don't do that, because my kid's
784
00:50:56,660 --> 00:50:59,320
listening and I don't need that. You know what I mean? But, you know,
785
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,840
we can have Tact who? You can say hello, but, you know, let's leave it
786
00:51:03,340 --> 00:51:06,840
at that. Let's not go there. So, yeah, we, we are.
787
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,480
We, we do try our best to be inclusive as possible. Now, I guarantee
788
00:51:10,980 --> 00:51:14,760
you there are people out there who maybe think that we're not inclusive.
789
00:51:15,170 --> 00:51:18,290
And I'm sure people have looked at us and gone, they have a click.
790
00:51:18,530 --> 00:51:22,530
Nope. Hey, I, we can say no, but we can't
791
00:51:23,030 --> 00:51:26,210
control what other people think or feel. Yeah. You know, I mean,
792
00:51:26,930 --> 00:51:28,690
we don't. But okay.
793
00:51:31,730 --> 00:51:35,410
It's all good. It's all good. I mean, people are going
794
00:51:35,910 --> 00:51:37,690
to think what they ever. Whatever they want to think. I mean, it's the same
795
00:51:38,190 --> 00:51:41,890
thing with getting passed over. Exactly. I mean, sometimes it, you know,
796
00:51:42,390 --> 00:51:45,330
I could easily look and go, well, I just got passed over.
797
00:51:45,830 --> 00:51:48,410
Yeah. And it's not really like that. Exactly. It might not be like that.
798
00:51:48,910 --> 00:51:52,130
Right. You know, it might just be a different, A different vibe. Different vibe,
799
00:51:52,630 --> 00:51:56,330
man. You know, not everybody vibes with you the way
800
00:51:56,830 --> 00:52:00,130
you think you vibe with them. Yes. I've had people
801
00:52:00,370 --> 00:52:04,290
who felt a sexual vibe with me immediately,
802
00:52:04,930 --> 00:52:08,160
and I never felt it with that. And I'm
803
00:52:08,660 --> 00:52:12,600
sorry, but I can't force it. No. Because Adam Jr.
804
00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:16,200
Don't work that way. No, he does not. No. He likes to get to know
805
00:52:16,700 --> 00:52:20,240
you. He likes to vibe with you. And if he doesn't vibe
806
00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:24,280
with you, then he doesn't do that. Well, poor Adam junior.
807
00:52:24,780 --> 00:52:28,440
Poor Adam junior That's right, the penisaurus
808
00:52:28,940 --> 00:52:32,360
rex. No, I mean, you have to feel that inclusive. You have to feel that
809
00:52:32,860 --> 00:52:36,590
want. You have to feel all that goodness. Yeah. So I totally
810
00:52:37,090 --> 00:52:41,350
understand. And especially when people are a certain type,
811
00:52:41,510 --> 00:52:45,270
certain type, certain kind of way that kind of draws you
812
00:52:45,770 --> 00:52:49,390
to them. Totally. So it's not, it's not inclusivity. It's just,
813
00:52:49,890 --> 00:52:53,030
you know, everybody, you, you kind of find your own people.
814
00:52:53,190 --> 00:52:56,950
You do, you do. I, I, I feel
815
00:52:57,450 --> 00:53:00,670
like this particular topic is one that people
816
00:53:01,170 --> 00:53:05,110
are afraid to talk about because it's hard to talk
817
00:53:05,610 --> 00:53:09,270
about without sounding shallow
818
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:13,390
or cocky. Yes. Or arrogant. Or arrogant.
819
00:53:13,470 --> 00:53:16,510
Yeah. You know, I mean, nobody wants snobby. Yeah. Nobody wants to
820
00:53:17,010 --> 00:53:20,590
be viewed that way in the community. I certainly don't. And I really try
821
00:53:21,090 --> 00:53:24,910
to be as inclusive as possible, but realistically, we all create this
822
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:28,750
hierarchy in our head within ourselves. Within ourselves.
823
00:53:29,150 --> 00:53:32,430
We all see it one way or another. You know, you walk into a community,
824
00:53:33,070 --> 00:53:36,990
there's always going to be people that you see often, and you
825
00:53:37,490 --> 00:53:39,950
associate them with being at a top level.
826
00:53:40,750 --> 00:53:44,430
And I don't know what makes us do that. And is
827
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:49,029
it intentional or is it just, is it just something that
828
00:53:49,529 --> 00:53:52,750
we naturally do as humans? Yeah, you know what I mean? I think, honestly I,
829
00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:56,670
like I said, I think it's something that we naturally do because we are
830
00:53:57,170 --> 00:54:01,110
so insecure about certain things. So it's like you don't want to talk
831
00:54:01,610 --> 00:54:04,510
to the person that, that has the bigger boobs, or you don't want to talk
832
00:54:05,010 --> 00:54:07,230
to the person that's skinnier. You don't want to talk to the person, the guy
833
00:54:07,730 --> 00:54:11,110
who's really hot, because you just don't think that you're on their level or whatever.
834
00:54:11,610 --> 00:54:15,670
And I've, I've heard you say that. Where somebody that we
835
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:19,710
both thought was extremely attractive, a very,
836
00:54:20,210 --> 00:54:24,270
extremely attractive guy in the lifestyle and I
837
00:54:24,770 --> 00:54:28,680
mean, the guy looks like a superhero. Like he's even. I'm like, geez, can I
838
00:54:29,180 --> 00:54:31,880
be gay for this man? Because I, I mean, he's, he's a very good looking
839
00:54:32,380 --> 00:54:35,760
guy. Yes. And he has shown
840
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:40,360
interest in person. He's shown interest in you, and you've sat
841
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,240
back and gone, what, what, why, why is he doing that?
842
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,520
I'm, I'm not on his level. Why is, have you seen the women that he's
843
00:54:48,020 --> 00:54:49,680
going for? What does he do? He makes me so nervous.
844
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:55,350
Yes. Yeah, yeah. And, but that's you putting
845
00:54:55,850 --> 00:54:59,510
him on a pedestal, right? Because he has physical attractiveness.
846
00:54:59,910 --> 00:55:03,030
But that's the only one I get in myself. Other than that, I mean,
847
00:55:03,190 --> 00:55:06,950
I could get him. Realistically, we don't, we don't know
848
00:55:07,030 --> 00:55:10,550
him that well, you know, and, and you don't know where the cracks are.
849
00:55:11,190 --> 00:55:14,430
He's an average guy. And I guarantee you, if you, if you made
850
00:55:14,930 --> 00:55:16,870
it, if you talk to him and you tell him, hey, why are you talking
851
00:55:17,370 --> 00:55:20,950
to me? Because you know what, man? You could be banging all the solid chicks
852
00:55:21,450 --> 00:55:23,440
here, and you know what he would tell you? He'd be like, I'm just an
853
00:55:23,940 --> 00:55:27,640
average guy and you're an average girl. Let's go. Bang it out. Let's go.
854
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:32,080
Hey, you wanna maybe just
855
00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:36,120
take it easy there, all right? He's not here right now. People need to know
856
00:55:36,620 --> 00:55:40,360
what we're talking about. Now I'm curious, is this a regional thing
857
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,840
now? What I mean by that is we've got a lot of listeners that are
858
00:55:44,340 --> 00:55:48,120
outside of the US and in different countries. I don't
859
00:55:48,620 --> 00:55:52,440
know, is this just a us thing or is this a
860
00:55:52,940 --> 00:55:57,040
human thing? Do we all do this? Do. Are you guys in
861
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,600
foreign communities,
862
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:04,160
of swinging communities? Are, do you see this
863
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,879
issue? And if you do, then we
864
00:56:08,379 --> 00:56:11,720
know it's a. It's just a human issue. We all do this. Or is it
865
00:56:12,220 --> 00:56:15,680
a regional issue? Is it. Is it the US has more insecurities?
866
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:19,130
Because I knew a lot of that. I. I want to say I read that
867
00:56:19,630 --> 00:56:22,970
in the French community, this. The swinging community in France,
868
00:56:23,690 --> 00:56:27,530
it's a lot less. You know, it's. It's like
869
00:56:28,030 --> 00:56:31,290
everybody's on the same level, and everybody just kind of floats to everybody else and
870
00:56:31,790 --> 00:56:35,610
this and that, and it's just everybody's confident and everybody. Same thing. I don't
871
00:56:36,110 --> 00:56:38,530
know if that's a European thing. I don't know. But, you know, for those of
872
00:56:39,030 --> 00:56:42,050
us that are across the pond there, if you wouldn't mind shooting us a message,
873
00:56:42,550 --> 00:56:46,750
shooting us a. Some sort of confirmation, I'd really like to know,
874
00:56:47,310 --> 00:56:50,350
because we have nothing to compare it to. All we know is what we know
875
00:56:50,510 --> 00:56:53,950
here. And I know that we in this region
876
00:56:54,110 --> 00:56:56,190
are incredibly insecure.
877
00:56:57,310 --> 00:57:00,870
Incredibly insecure. And I would like to think that
878
00:57:01,370 --> 00:57:04,910
there are regions out there that are not insecure and that everybody just gets along
879
00:57:05,070 --> 00:57:07,870
and they all just have sex and everybody has a good time.
880
00:57:08,030 --> 00:57:11,330
Oh, my boobs. I know. In a perfect world.
881
00:57:12,210 --> 00:57:15,090
Just a perfect world. Well, you know, I. I feel like this was a really
882
00:57:15,590 --> 00:57:17,890
good topic to talk about. I really enjoyed this.
883
00:57:18,530 --> 00:57:21,890
We are going to be discussing things that maybe
884
00:57:22,390 --> 00:57:25,369
are a little bit more controversial. You know, it's stuff that needs to be talked
885
00:57:25,869 --> 00:57:28,690
about. We need to talk about it. Yes, we need to talk about it.
886
00:57:28,770 --> 00:57:32,410
And so that's what we're doing. And so I hope you guys really enjoyed
887
00:57:32,910 --> 00:57:36,460
the show. I really enjoyed time with my boo bear over
888
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,380
here doing what we do. Yeah, we love having you guys
889
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:45,100
join us, and I'm pretty sure that you guys are enjoying
890
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,220
a little bit of fun time yourselves this weekend.
891
00:57:48,780 --> 00:57:52,340
Just know that as you listen to this podcast,
892
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,620
we are really, really, really, really, really exhausted because
893
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,260
we're doing a lot of family stuff. We have graduations. We have kids that are
894
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:04,650
going on into high school. You know, just all sorts of stuff. We are
895
00:58:05,530 --> 00:58:09,130
just pulled thin left and right. And with that,
896
00:58:09,450 --> 00:58:13,130
just know we are not ever going to forget you guys, because we are constantly
897
00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:16,530
making the shows, even if we have to wait till the last minute to do
898
00:58:17,030 --> 00:58:19,689
it. Yes. Thank you so much for joining us on the show today,
899
00:58:19,850 --> 00:58:23,370
and we will see you guys next week. Bye,
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00:58:30,660 --> 00:58:46,180
Sam.
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,400
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
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We explore topics surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships,
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and related subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be
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advised that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the content shared
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here is for entertainment and informational purposes only. If you
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are under 18 years of age or prefer not to engage with discussions about
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sex, relationships or mature language, we strongly recommend that
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you refrain from listening further. However, if you are of legal age and comfortable
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with this content, we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam.
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And I'm Pris. And today we're going to stir the
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pot a little bit. I gotta say, this may be a somewhat
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controversial topic that we're going to be talking about, and those of you who
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are listening, you may disagree with us, you may agree with us. Like I said,
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this is a controversial topic. What is the topic today? The topics
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is. Wait, I'm gonna ask you. What is the topic today?
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Thank you for asking. I feel like you just took an interest in me.
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The topic today, okay, is the upgrade
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dilemma. Is there an inherent hierarchy
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in the swinger community? Now, what does that mean exactly?
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What that means, or essentially what
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this topic is asking is when. When they say
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a hierarchy in the swinger community.
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Yeah. We've referred to it before as the tiers.
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The different tiers. I got you. So, you know, when we first
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got into the different groups and the communities, there were,
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you know, different people that we perceived to
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be in different tiers. If we were
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to almost high schoolish. Okay. You remember going to high school and there was
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just different tiers of people. I don't want to say classes. I got you.
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It's not class, but different tiers. You've got people who
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are considered more popular than most. Yeah. Prettier. You've.
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You. Well, so that's the thing. That's the thing is what makes.
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What makes these people considered to be an
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upgrade? And I use that term upgrade very
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loosely, but what I mean by that term is when
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we as newbies get into the lifestyle,
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a lot of the new people are doing
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so for sexual conquests. I mean, let's be realistic.
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There's not a whole lot of people who are new to the lifestyle
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who go in and go, man, I just really want to be friends with everybody.
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That's not really the case. If somebody finds out that this community even
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exists, they're going to be like, man, I want to join and I want to
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have sex with all the hot People, you know what I mean? Because these are
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the people that I think are hot and those are the people that I want
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to have sex with. Yeah. Obviously nobody goes into the community going, man,
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I, I really hope I find somebody that's not very attractive
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that I can have sex with. Okay. So that's why they say, like,
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you. Know what I'm saying, I got you. Like a newer car. Right, Right.
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Okay, go ahead. It's not an upgrade as far as your spouse is concerned.
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So it's not like, oh, I'm, I'm gonna have sex with somebody who's better
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or hotter than my spouse. That's not what we're saying. No, most definitely not.
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We're saying an upgrade as in, you know what we used to tell each
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other all the time? We need to raise the bar. Right. We don't want to
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go for less than what we feel we can achieve.
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Exactly. Right. Because I feel like especially people like me
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and you, we have very low self esteem. Right. Right. So like when,
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when we were poly, you always went for like I would.
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Say the little hurt bird, the, the broken. Little broken. The broken lady, you know?
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Yeah. And I would go for like the more mischievous,
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the more hood or something. Right. You know? Right. So, yeah, I gotcha.
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We aimed low because we felt
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it was, it matched. Easier to attain. Yes. We didn't have to
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put so much work into it. Right. But now that's, that's dating,
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sexually speaking. We didn't raise the bar immediately
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either. When we first came in as newbies. We also did not
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have large amounts of, of confidence. No.
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And so because of that, we saw very
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attractive people or what we thought immediately were attractive people, and we didn't even
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try to talk to them because we didn't feel like we were on that level.
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Right. And we did that for several years. Yeah. We actually did that
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for most of our journey. Yeah. And it wasn't until probably
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the last few years that we kind of broke that and
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we said, okay, yeah, I. Don'T, I don't, I don't think there's such a thing.
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I don't think that there's a tier system. But I think that the problem with
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this is that a lot of us go
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into the lifestyle thinking that there is a
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tier. Right. Yeah. And if you guys are listening right now,
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it may sound obnoxious, it may sound
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like, I can't believe you actually believe this. But let's, let's face facts.
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Everybody that's new that comes in and sees
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the groups or that anything like that even the community,
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you're gonna see some sort of weird hierarchy
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where there seems to be more popular people at the top
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of the scale who get invited to more things, et cetera, et cetera. And it
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appears that there's, you know, and it just goes down from there. Right?
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Yeah. While it does appear like
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that. Yeah. I really, really and truly do not believe that it, it is a
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thing. No, I, I, I agree. We, we used to believe that. No,
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I don't think there's, there is such a thing now.
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It did take me getting my own insecurities
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and understanding my self worth to
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know that there was not a hierarchy.
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Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, so that, yeah, I. Created that in myself.
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Right. And I do think that we all do that. And whether people admit
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it out loud or not, I think every one of us
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kind of sits back and goes, oh man, I'm not on that person's
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level. Yeah. Or maybe that, I mean if you've.
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Never thought that, wow, good for you. But yeah, you know, nobody wants
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to be that, that overly cocky person who says I'm sorry but you
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are not on my level. You know what I mean? But I think attractiveness is
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attractiveness. Like I am attractive to personality,
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but I'm also attractive to looks. Like you have to be.
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Right. Attractive. There has to be some sort of attraction.
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I mean, it is what it is. But people see things differently,
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right? Exactly. So what you see is attractive in somebody. I may
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see something different or, or I may see somebody attractive because of
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something that you don't see. Yes. And it really varies from person to person.
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But I think realistically
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we have to figure out what you would define
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as an upgrade. Do we define an upgrade as somebody
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who is physically hotter? Do we define an
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upgrade as somebody who's just got a friggin top
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notch personality? Like they just, they can make you laugh and all this stuff.
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Like they're just enjoyable company, you know? Does, is it, is it
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experience? Is it somebody who's been really, really experienced with the
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lifestyle? Is, is that what's considered an upgrade? You know what I mean?
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Varies for person to person. Yeah, yeah. I mean it's, it's really
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hard to tell. What, what would you consider? I think it's whatever your insecurity is.
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You'Re gonna, I suppose, I suppose, you.
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Know, so like for me, I would really hate for you to be
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with somebody who is absolutely over the top
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intellectual. Really? Because I'd be like, see, that's my insecurity.
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Because I don't think. Yeah, Because I don't think I am that smart.
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You're crazy, girl. I mean, I know I'm smart. Of course you're smart. But I
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wouldn't be with you if you weren't smart. Honestly. But you know what I mean,
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like, so that. And like for you,
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humor, humor. If anybody was like,
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funnier than you. No, no. You know,
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you are allowed to be with a woman who's funnier than
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me, but by that argument, she better want to be with me, too.
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Like, this better be a sharing thing. You know what I mean?
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She's going to put on a fucking comedy show for both of us and then
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we're going to wax that ass. Okay? You know what I'm saying? That's the only
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possible time. But okay, so back to the.
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That's how. But. And so that's what we mean. Yeah, yeah.
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So that would be for me, that would be you upgrading if you get with
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somebody who's absolutely an intellectual. And so because of
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that, that is my deflection. Well, that's an upgrade from you
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as far as you're concerned. Right? But yeah, what would
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an upgrade as far as I'm concerned? I don't know. Well,
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that's the thing about it is, you know, I don't. I mean, I don't.
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Your wife and I don't know that I'm. I just look at. Well, I'm not
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looking at upgrading from you. Okay? That's. That's where you're getting confused. I'm not looking
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to upgrade from the spouse. You're looking to upgrade. I know sometimes.
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See, that's the problem with the word upgrade is that you're
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looking at it as an in person, as I am trying to upgrade from you.
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That's not what I'm saying. Okay. What I'm saying is, is when we go into
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the lifestyle, we don't want to have sex with people that
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we find less attractive. Right. Do you understand what I'm saying?
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And so the question is, what makes that person less attractive
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in our eyes? Is it a physical beauty? Is it a personality thing?
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Is it experience? What makes us go for something that's.
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That, That's a higher level than what we think of. You know
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what I mean? Yes. I don't know if I'm using the right word. No,
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no, no, no, no. You are, you are. I was just. I went into one
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subject and I came around to this. Yeah, yeah. It's.
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It's us as a couple or it's. It's individual as an individual. Yeah. Going into
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the lifestyle as a new person. I'm not talking as an experienced person,
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because an experienced person knows that this has evolved,
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that this has changed. At least most of you should know that. Yeah.
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That we are, you know, more or less evolving around friendship
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and things like that. But I'm talking about from a new person standpoint
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who's just in it. Go in. Yeah, they. They first go in. And let's face
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facts. Like I said, we've said it ourselves. We've walked in. We're like, okay,
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there's these people up here. Yeah.
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And those people we really feel might be
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unattainable. Yeah, we feel like they might be unattainable. Why do we feel that
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way? Well, maybe because they're really popular. Maybe because it
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seems like they're very much in demand. Maybe they're invited
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to all the stuff. You know, everybody's talking about them. They seem like they've been
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involved in the community for a very long time.
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People seem to like them. So for you, what was. What would be yours?
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Like what? I think mine's a combination of things. Mine's a combination
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of things. It's not really just one thing. Yeah. So when we first
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started, it was physical attraction.
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What. What's what I viewed somebody who was
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on a top tier was physical beauty. Were they hot?
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Right. And what I started realizing was a lot of these people that
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I. I initially saw as extremely physically
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attractive, the more time I spent with them, the more I realized,
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nah, they're pretty average.
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Right. And. Which is cool. I mean, that's a. That's a good thing.
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Because mentally, as a new person, you walk in, you put people on
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pedestals, and they don't belong there. Yes. And most of the time, if you tell
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these people that you're putting them on a pedestal, they'll look at you and go,
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don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Please don't do that. Yeah,
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I'm just a regular person. Yes. You know what I mean? And so that's why,
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you know, realistically, we try not to have these
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kinds of thoughts. But as a new person coming in, it's going to be thought
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of. Oh, yeah. As a new person who comes into the different groups and the
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different communities, that's. That's something they're going to see. Now, like I
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said, initially, it was physical attraction.
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Somebody who was maybe going to the gym quite a bit,
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you know, maybe somebody who showed off a lot of
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cleavage, you know, or whatever. You know, one way or another, whether it's a guy
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or whether it's girl, you know, it was a physical attraction.
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Yeah. Then as time went on, I realized
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that I liked personality more than physical
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attraction. And then it became a personality thing and
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I was real big into personality and that's what made a
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top tier person for me was if they could be both physically attractive
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and have a badass personality. That's incredible. Right?
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Yeah. So then I realized, wait, you know,
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if. If they're physically attractive and
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they have a badass personality, chances are they're going to be really, really popular.
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Okay. In, in the groups. And then I really have to ask
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myself, is that a part of it too? I think it is. I think that
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them being popular, them being good looking and them having a great personality,
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I think, forget it. That's top tier. Yeah.
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Right. Right. Yeah. So then what happens is I
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meet these people. Okay. Right. And as I said,
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you see this physical beauty and you think, wow, they're incredible. And then you get
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closer to them and, and you sit and talk to them and then you realize,
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oh, what was I building up? They're just average. That's okay. Yeah. You know,
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it's not so bad. It's not so intimidating. Right. So then you get to talking
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to them and you think, man, they're going to blow me out of the water
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with their conversation. Then you realize, oh, they're kind of socially
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awkward and I don't think that they know how to keep a conversation
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going. So maybe their personality is
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pretty average. Yeah. And then you sit back and you kind of watch them kind
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of linger around and look for a spot
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to talk to somebody. And then you realize, oh, maybe they're
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not that popular. Maybe this imaginary
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pedestal that I put them on. Yeah. Was completely wrong.
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And so that's the reason why we know now as experienced
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people, that this hierarchy does not actually
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exist. It does not. You create it yourself. We all create it.
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Every one of us and everybody that's listening right now.
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We all create this, this imaginary
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hierarchy in our own head. Yeah. And whoever's on that top tier
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is who we think in our own brains is unattainable.
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Yeah. And it could vary from person to person. What I think is unattainable,
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you don't think is unattainable? For me, I have friends that I
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almost had a conversation with a friend of mine and she, she said, who do
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you think is unattainable? And I started listing. Yeah. And she was like, no,
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dude, no. You could totally get that. I tell you all the time. I know.
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So I Don't. I don't know what happened in my head or
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what. Maybe it was just me understanding my.
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My self worth. I guess that
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unattainable thing kind of went out my head. Yeah, well, you know, I still have
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it in my head. Yeah. But it's getting less and less. Yeah. Because I'm.
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I'm realizing the unattainable people that I think are unattainable,
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I start, like, hanging around them and then I'm like, you know what? I don't
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want to attain them either. I don't want to attain them. Or maybe they.
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They might be a little bit easier to attain than I thought. Oh, my God.
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Didn't have to work on that. No, I mean, I.
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Yeah, no, I don't. I don't. I don't have that anymore.
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I used to. I will bring up something different here. And this is fun.
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This is fun, guys. Oh, my God. This is going to be fun.
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Okay, so. No, no, no, no. This is. This is good. This is good.
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So kind of going back to that, because we're talking about what.
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What would be somebody that you would consider
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a quote unquote, upgrade that you would want to. You would
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want to basically go after and try and have sex with or whatever the hell.
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Okay. I have had this discussion with you before.
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We have an established podcast. People seem to know us in the community.
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We are known, right? Yeah.
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We got to play with a couple once,
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and the woman had
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made a remark like, oh, I finally get to
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see if what I've been hearing on the podcast was true. Oh,
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yeah. Yeah. And so while I don't feel
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like we are on the top tier ever, as far
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as looks, as far as personality, as far as any of that. Personality sucks.
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Oh, bruh. Like, you guys don't even know. I got good hair.
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She has amazing hair, though. As far as
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all that's concerned. We. We are not. We are not celebrities
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by any means, but we have been referred to in the community as such,
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which drives us batty. Anyways,
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we have had people seek us out because we have a problem.
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Yeah. Literally. Does he go that long
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sexually? Yes, definitely sexually. People will legitimately reach
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out to us because they want to have sex with the people that they heard
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on the podcast. Yes. And you. That's. That's one of the. The things
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where it's like, is. Is that an upgrade?
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Like, is that. Is that something that you would consider? Oh,
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that's somebody that. That I would try and aim for a higher tier of somebody
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who has a podcast. I mean, like, I said we by no means feel
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like we are above anybody at all. We're just Average Joe's. Yeah. And.
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And Jane's. And we go out there to meet
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and greets, and we meet up with people just the same way as you guys
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do. And we do all the same thing that you guys do. The only difference
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is that we talk about it on a mic, you know,
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so there's really no difference between us. But there are people out there who
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put us on that top tier. And why? Because we talk into a microphone.
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Because people know who we are in that. In that. Dude, we're the socially awkward
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people, bruh. Like, I can. I can talk about this all day if
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you put a microphone in front of me. But don't. Don't sit in front of
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me. Let's not talk, you know, unless you have a coffee
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or something. I'm just not interested. So, you know, that. That was something that I
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found interesting because we've
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had. We've had it come up more than once where people have seeked
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us out sexually just because we have a podcast.
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Oh, yeah. And hey, Bucket, I mean, if this podcast helps get
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me laid, I'm not. I'm not complaining. Do you want to have sex with me?
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That's fine. If you want to have sex with me because of the podcast,
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that too is fine. But, you know, at least make me
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feel like I'm one. There's something wrong with you. You have no idea.
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Something wrong, actually. The doctor might know. I don't know.
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So, yeah, that was something that I always felt like, you know, it was one
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of those things. Is it. Is it a status thing in the community? Sometimes people
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go for that. It's not always based on looks.
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You know what I mean? Yeah. Some people have a different
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hierarchy in their own heads, individually. Yeah,
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Ye. Yeah. And it just. It's not always based on looks. And it
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just kind of goes to show you, sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.
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So I always found that kind of interesting. Now, are some couples or
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individuals more sought after in the community?
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Like. Oh, yeah. As far as exploring the dynamics of desirability
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and selection, you know, it's.
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It's probably safe to say that we've. We've seen that there
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are certain couples out there that are. Are on the.
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They're on the checklist for more people. Yes. Yeah,
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most. Like, there's a lot more people that go, I would like that. I would
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like there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll settle for this. Who's next
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to Me, But I would like that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, everybody goes to
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the restaurant and, you know, you go to Texas Roadhouse and you
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walk and you're like, oh, man, I can't wait to get a steak. And then
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you see all those steaks off to the side and the beautiful shelving,
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and it's like, should I pick out a steak? And then you see the prices.
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It's like, I would like that. But when we sit down, I'm just gonna order
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a pork chop. Yeah, I'm good with the pork. No,
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most definitely. There are a lot of couples
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and individuals that people are like, yeah,
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I'd like to try that. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know,
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I think a big portion of the issue that people have
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is they don't want to come off as shallow.
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They don't want to admit that they want somebody that's physically
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attractive. As an. As an adult, you have to understand that
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physical attraction is important. It is. It is important.
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You're not trying. But there's more to it. There's more to it. There's a lot
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of different physical attraction stuff. Like. Right. There's a list of things.
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Right. You know, but it has. There has to be physical
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attraction. There has to be something now, something. That attracts
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you to this person. How we see physical attraction is different from. That's what I
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mean. Yeah. Like, I'm not just saying they have to be pretty because it.
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I think every woman is pretty now. There are some people that. That only
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see it that way. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, yeah, I only want a woman
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with big boobs and she has to have a big button, a little waist,
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and she's got a. You know, we've had people go,
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we want somebody who hits the gym at least five to six times. Oh,
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they need to weigh less than this. You know, stuff like that. Like, they're very,
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very, very. And you have a right to if you want to be
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that. Course, if that's. If you want to be that selective, that's. That is what
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it is. Of course it's going to be slim picking. Slim. You're going to really
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have to work on that. We like tacos. You know, I personally,
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I'm a big buffet fan. That's right. And I like the variety. Yes, you do.
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I do. I do. I am not. I am not a very selective person.
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Person. So, you know that I. I always found that kind of
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interesting. There are some couples that are just more sought after
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and individuals as well. Now I'm kind of curious of about
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the physical Appearance and. And body image aspect
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of it. Okay. And. And the reason why I bring that up is because
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I have body image issues. Yes. I am kind
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of insecure about my body. Yeah, you are. I'm getting better.
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Yeah, I'm getting better. I'm sorry. But, you know, I know that confidence
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is sexy, and 2025 is the year of confident,
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Adam. Yes. And, you know, the shirt's coming off a bit more,
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but. But I just had, you know, I.
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I've lost a lot of weight. Yeah. And, you know, I just don't feel
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like I'm that hot. And, you know,
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it's hard because, you know, you have. This is a community
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that's built off of profiles and pictures
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and videos. Yeah. And how can I be seen?
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Whether it be on social media, whether it be on a website. Anyway, you can
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be seen. Whatever it is, you have to get
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seen. Now, I saw once,
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I saw a sexual podcaster. Okay.
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Do one of their shows, and what they were talking about
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was essentially how.
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Gosh, it's. It's really hard to explain it, but basically,
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as far as. As the. The whole body image
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goes, they really didn't
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feel like body was as important as
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we make it seem like. But they did say that
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when it comes to your profiles, you know, on these sex websites
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and stuff like that you can be the hottest person in the world and if
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you don't have good pictures to represent that,
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you will not get picked up or
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noticed. Yeah. Or you will get passed over more. Yeah. It.
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And that you can actually take somebody who's maybe not considered that attractive
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and you can do really good pictures and it'll raise them
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up. It does. You know, and I have seen that. Yeah.
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So a lot of women. I mean, I. I actually,
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I've been seeing a lot of men, too, but a lot of women use.
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When they're on social media, they're using filters
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and. And, you know, we have angles now.
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Like, we know how to, you know, we know how to make ourselves look really
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good in pictures. You know, there's also. AI now,
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like, there. There's a lot of. Of things
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like that that. Yeah. Can make you look. I mean,
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honestly, babe, I've seen women on
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social media, and then when I meet them in person, it's the worst. It's the
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worst. Why. Why do you do the filters? Well, I mean, I know why people
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do the filters. I'm not going to take that away from them. No, I understand.
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These filters make you feel more secure
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about how you're portraying yourself. The problem is Is that unless you plan
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on never meeting these people, you are misrepresenting yourself.
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And let me tell you something. You, as a person, without the
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filters, you're attractive. Yes, you're attractive. People will find you attractive
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without the filters, But I know a lot of people who
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sit back and go, man, that's a total misrepresentation. And to me,
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that's a form of lying. And even. Even though I find
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you attractive, I cannot go with somebody who misrepresents themselves
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like that. You know, I mean, we've seen it. Yeah, we've seen it. We've seen
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it. You know, for me, it's less of a big deal. I have
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seen. I've seen it to where you can tell. They use a
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little light Snapchat filler filter, you know,
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where it removes, like, the. The little wrinkles and stuff.
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I like my laugh. I've seen it all the way to
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where every picture they have is a puppy dog Snapchat
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filter. Oh, this drives me nuts. I remember you dated a
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girl. That's all she ever did. I know. And then, you know,
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you can also. I. I had a guy tell me one time,
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he was just so, so shallow,
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and he used to tell me all the time, he would say,
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if I look at a girl's pictures and I notice that all
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of them are from a very, very high elevation,
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then I know that she's a larger woman, and I'm not interested.
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Oh, because they pick it up, I guess. Yeah. Yes. And I said,
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you know, I don't. I don't know if that's a fair examination. I know
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that there's a lot of women out there with bodies that vary, and they
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all kind of do that high. Yeah. It's whatever they're comfortable
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with. Right, right. Because some people think that they have a double chin. Some people
426
00:27:45,610 --> 00:27:49,110
feel like they have to hide certain things. Whatever. I totally get it. Yes.
427
00:27:49,610 --> 00:27:53,110
Whatever makes you feel sexy. Whatever makes you feel better. Just understand that if you
428
00:27:53,610 --> 00:27:56,510
go too far with it, to the point to where you're unrecognizable,
429
00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:00,110
it is a misrepresentation. Yeah. I mean,
430
00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:03,540
that is what it is. You don't have puppy dog ears. I know.
431
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,460
Last I checked, every time you open your mouth. Freckles.
432
00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,860
That's right. Those freckles aren't real.
433
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,220
I don't think that's real at all. No.
434
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:16,980
Yeah. I mean, that. That does happen. And it is something
435
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:20,020
that a lot of people use for their.
436
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:24,260
For themselves. Yeah. You know, I've struggled with body image,
437
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,940
and I. I'VE I've compared myself to a lot of other
438
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,580
guys in the lifestyle. The big problem that
439
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,740
I had going into the lifestyle was I assumed everybody,
440
00:28:35,820 --> 00:28:39,340
every guy, was rocking a six pack and an eight inch.
441
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:43,140
That was just hard all the time. Yeah. What I didn't realize was
442
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:47,420
that was just a misrepresentation in porn. But real
443
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,780
life, it is not like, is not like that. No,
444
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:54,380
real life is actually quite normal.
445
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,570
You, you will see a lot of guys with a big belly and
446
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:01,890
you'll. See a lot of big boys. You'll see a lot of guys who maybe
447
00:29:02,390 --> 00:29:05,970
aren't rocking a very large dick, but you know what, they know how to use
448
00:29:06,470 --> 00:29:09,770
it. You know what I'm saying? But this is what real life is like.
449
00:29:10,010 --> 00:29:13,770
And that's not the, you know, that's, you know, you take the
450
00:29:14,270 --> 00:29:17,690
one person that's in the room who's all jacked and friggin
451
00:29:18,190 --> 00:29:21,490
muscular and that's the person I look at and I go, I don't stand a
452
00:29:21,990 --> 00:29:24,410
chance against this guy. Oh yeah, I've heard you say that. I've said that before
453
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:28,030
so many times. I got, I got no, I get no opportunities here. I,
454
00:29:28,530 --> 00:29:32,270
I, I used to, you know, be the person like, oh my God, they got
455
00:29:32,770 --> 00:29:35,830
their body done. Nope, I'm not even going to do that.
456
00:29:35,910 --> 00:29:39,350
Yeah, I do not even care anymore. Yeah,
457
00:29:39,850 --> 00:29:43,870
a lot, a lot has changed. I have, I've realized that comparing myself
458
00:29:44,370 --> 00:29:47,270
to others is not a very good idea.
459
00:29:47,510 --> 00:29:50,950
Yeah. Because essentially it removes you
460
00:29:51,670 --> 00:29:55,250
from the running of trying to have fun
461
00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:59,650
with others. You know, nobody finds that sexy. No, it's not sexy to
462
00:29:59,890 --> 00:30:03,490
be not confident in yourself. Now. Do you,
463
00:30:03,730 --> 00:30:07,090
how do you feel? Do you ever feel like it's you're being passed over?
464
00:30:07,730 --> 00:30:10,850
I have felt that before. Yeah, I have felt that before.
465
00:30:11,970 --> 00:30:14,730
I feel like that's a toxic way of thinking.
466
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:19,170
Unfortunately, I have had those thoughts before. Oh yeah. But that's
467
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:23,690
the, I guess the struggles that I had with depression
468
00:30:24,190 --> 00:30:27,810
and anxiety. I feel like that kind of added to the, the lack
469
00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:31,010
of confidence that I had in myself for a long time. And so, yeah,
470
00:30:31,510 --> 00:30:34,809
I, I felt like there were times where, hey, you know, if you
471
00:30:35,309 --> 00:30:39,330
put me right next to the most muscular guy at the beach and
472
00:30:39,830 --> 00:30:43,450
you tell the, the chickadees, hey, you get to choose
473
00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:47,600
one or the other. Yeah. And both of them will sleep with you, but whichever
474
00:30:48,100 --> 00:30:50,920
one you want, that's the one you're going to go over to. I, I,
475
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:55,040
I have a feeling I'll probably get chosen less. And that's just
476
00:30:55,540 --> 00:30:59,360
because let's face facts. All of us are shallow
477
00:30:59,860 --> 00:31:03,600
a little bit. All of us see a
478
00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:07,160
good looking body and we're like, oh, man, nope.
479
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,560
The things I would do to that body if
480
00:31:11,060 --> 00:31:14,450
you just give me three minutes and I'll be two and a half. Stop giving
481
00:31:14,950 --> 00:31:18,410
yourself more time. I want to cuddle for at least 30 seconds
482
00:31:18,570 --> 00:31:21,930
before my wife walks into the room and tells me, get your
483
00:31:22,430 --> 00:31:25,490
ass off of her. I really feel
484
00:31:25,990 --> 00:31:28,890
like all of us, every one of us has done that. And I don't care
485
00:31:29,290 --> 00:31:32,730
who says what, you cannot tell me.
486
00:31:33,370 --> 00:31:36,530
I understand you may be into personality and all that good stuff, but you cannot
487
00:31:37,030 --> 00:31:40,560
tell me that a pretty girl who was very stacked like
488
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:44,280
a brick house walked in front of you and you didn't go, damn. Or a
489
00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:48,000
very, very jacked handsome dude walked by and you didn't
490
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:51,760
go, oh, look at them shoulders, you know, or whatever. You know what I mean?
491
00:31:52,260 --> 00:31:55,720
Like, it just. It, we, we all do it.
492
00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:59,400
Yeah, we all do it. And so. But yeah,
493
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:03,080
no, it's okay to admit it. Yeah. Just don't be an asshole about it and
494
00:32:03,580 --> 00:32:06,460
be like, well, I don't do fat chicks. What the fuck? It was a guy
495
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,140
that was walking around with a shirt that says, I don't do fat chicks.
496
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,260
And the dude was fat. Oh, that's rude. I know.
497
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,380
He's at Walmart. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's classic.
498
00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:22,060
Classic. I mean, oh my. That's a shitty
499
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,460
dude. Well, hey, it is what it is. What are you going to do?
500
00:32:26,660 --> 00:32:29,900
See, now, see that, that right
501
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,170
there was shallow. That, that was a little judgmental. Yes.
502
00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:37,570
Yeah. Which is fine. I think, I think that's totally fine.
503
00:32:38,070 --> 00:32:42,450
But yeah, no, I've, I have, I maybe felt a little passed over a
504
00:32:42,950 --> 00:32:46,449
time or two. Have you? Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm like,
505
00:32:46,949 --> 00:32:49,850
oh man, I thought that guy was really hot. They really want him, but I
506
00:32:50,350 --> 00:32:53,770
don't think I'm his type. Now, was that you
507
00:32:54,270 --> 00:32:57,050
removing yourself from that? Oh, probably. No,
508
00:32:57,130 --> 00:33:00,410
I. Or did you try and fail?
509
00:33:01,210 --> 00:33:03,530
No, I never tried. There you go.
510
00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:07,970
I think, I think the, the whole being passed over thing is you have to
511
00:33:08,470 --> 00:33:10,810
have tempted and been turned down,
512
00:33:11,530 --> 00:33:15,250
which I have. And you've noticed that they've
513
00:33:15,750 --> 00:33:19,210
gone for somebody else. I have not attempted and I've had. That happen a few
514
00:33:19,710 --> 00:33:23,290
times. I have attempted. Huh. Been turned
515
00:33:23,790 --> 00:33:27,530
down and then watched as that person went for the next
516
00:33:27,610 --> 00:33:30,810
person and I sat back and gone,
517
00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:34,810
well, that's funny. I think
518
00:33:35,310 --> 00:33:38,930
I just got passed over and I think it's probably because my ass
519
00:33:39,430 --> 00:33:43,090
don't look Good in these jeans. No, I never attempted. Well, see,
520
00:33:43,590 --> 00:33:46,730
that's the problem. Yeah. You know, like they Michael Jordan says,
521
00:33:47,230 --> 00:33:49,770
you know, you miss 100 of the shots you don't take.
522
00:33:49,850 --> 00:33:52,950
I'm pretty sure. Yeah, that's right. I'm too scared.
523
00:33:53,450 --> 00:33:55,790
Well, you gotta. You gotta get out there. You gotta do these things. I don't
524
00:33:56,290 --> 00:33:59,750
want to be passed over. I'm just tired of having body issues, and I'm getting
525
00:34:00,250 --> 00:34:04,070
better. But like I said, I lost a lot of weight. So back when
526
00:34:04,570 --> 00:34:08,110
I used to be very, very, very, very, very, very, very overweight, I would
527
00:34:08,610 --> 00:34:12,150
look in the mirror and just be disgusted with what I saw. Now that I've
528
00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:16,070
lost weight, I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted
529
00:34:16,570 --> 00:34:19,700
with what I see. And the primary reason is because of body dysmorphia.
530
00:34:20,330 --> 00:34:23,330
Like, I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, look at that. Like,
531
00:34:23,830 --> 00:34:25,970
I'm shaping up. And then I look in the mirror again. I'm like, oh,
532
00:34:26,470 --> 00:34:29,970
my God, you are so. Like, why aren't you losing
533
00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:33,330
this way? And you. You constantly tell me all the time. You're constantly reassuring me.
534
00:34:33,830 --> 00:34:37,010
You're like, no, you're looking really good. Blah, blah, blah. Body dysmorphia, man.
535
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:41,290
I didn't have body dysmorphia when I was fat because my body was dysmorph.
536
00:34:43,370 --> 00:34:47,010
But now I've lost weight and I've got body dysmorphia.
537
00:34:47,510 --> 00:34:50,810
It's a horrible thing. And body image, you know, as a guy who's lost weight
538
00:34:51,310 --> 00:34:54,690
and is still trying to lose weight and trying to look good for the ladies.
539
00:34:55,410 --> 00:34:58,890
I go out there and I kind of get a little insecure from time
540
00:34:59,390 --> 00:35:02,530
to time because I'm, like, good in this, you know? Am I.
541
00:35:02,770 --> 00:35:05,970
Should I suck it in? I don't suck it in, by the way. But I.
542
00:35:06,470 --> 00:35:09,330
I think I have a. I think I have a Spanx in my closet still.
543
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:12,600
I haven't worn it in. In a couple of years. Yeah.
544
00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:15,520
But I have a Spanx in there in case I ever feel like I need
545
00:35:16,020 --> 00:35:19,480
to tighten it up. Feel just. Just tight. Just feel tighter.
546
00:35:19,980 --> 00:35:22,760
I have a faja. Yeah, you have a faja that you've worn twice. Yeah.
547
00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:26,360
But then you started getting anxiety every time you put it on. It's so tight.
548
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,960
Yeah, yeah. I had to. I had to stuff you in there.
549
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,480
Like, I have to put. Shove my hand in there and shove. Shove your.
550
00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:36,440
Your. Your butt.
551
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:43,820
It's in the front. It's all. But you're
552
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,900
my little. This is what you're my little Joe.
553
00:35:49,820 --> 00:35:53,500
Yeah, you like that? That was funny. That's right. That's called foreplay right
554
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,380
there, babies. So we got to get away from the physical
555
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,900
appearance one, because that's. I could spend all day on that one.
556
00:36:00,780 --> 00:36:03,500
Experience and credibility. Now, this one.
557
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,750
This one I feel like we can check a box off of.
558
00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:11,390
Okay. Because I don't. I don't know. There's people out there that would disagree and
559
00:36:11,890 --> 00:36:15,350
think that we're physically attractive. I think you're incredibly hot. I think
560
00:36:15,850 --> 00:36:18,430
you're the hottest woman I've ever met. But outside of that, I do not feel
561
00:36:18,930 --> 00:36:22,470
like I'm on your level. But whatever. We're married, so it doesn't matter. It's legal
562
00:36:22,790 --> 00:36:25,270
that we are on the same level. But.
563
00:36:26,630 --> 00:36:31,150
But I think what gives
564
00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:36,110
us appeal to people is our experience in
565
00:36:36,610 --> 00:36:39,950
the lifestyle. Yes. And our credibility. Yes. And like I
566
00:36:40,450 --> 00:36:42,870
said, the podcast people. Think that we have a lot of experience.
567
00:36:43,350 --> 00:36:46,510
Well, we do have a lot of experience. I think. I think we cut ourselves
568
00:36:47,010 --> 00:36:50,550
back a bit. We don't have as much experience as some people.
569
00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:54,790
I mean, damn. Like, I know some people that they just. They've done
570
00:36:55,290 --> 00:36:58,980
it. Oh, no, it's so crazy. And they've done it all a
571
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,660
couple of times, and they're like, oh, man. You know, I've done this and
572
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,780
I've done that. I'm like, damn, man. And you're four years younger
573
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,100
than me. Oh, you're gonna break a hip in four years. No.
574
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:14,420
So I. I feel like we. We are pretty experienced.
575
00:37:14,740 --> 00:37:18,540
We have been doing this for a while, and we've waxed
576
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,540
and waned as far as how many times a
577
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,690
year we've done it. Our body count can be high, but also
578
00:37:27,190 --> 00:37:30,530
our years in the lifestyle is high. Yeah. And I
579
00:37:31,030 --> 00:37:33,410
mean, what's the point of being lifestyle if we're not booking, you know what I
580
00:37:33,910 --> 00:37:37,210
mean? I might as well. You think our numbers in the lifestyle are high?
581
00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,570
Oh, hell's yeah, girl. Really? We've had some
582
00:37:41,070 --> 00:37:44,530
years where we were banging it out often. We've had some years where we
583
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:48,210
weren't. There was a lot of years where we were raising
584
00:37:48,710 --> 00:37:52,020
kids, but there was a lot of years where we had weekends without
585
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:55,740
kids. You know what I mean? And we tried to take advantage of
586
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:59,460
every single time that we could. Yeah. I think we have a pretty high body
587
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:02,900
count. Really? As a couple. Yeah. Huh.
588
00:38:03,220 --> 00:38:05,780
What's high? I don't know.
589
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:10,780
Yeah. Actually, you know what? That's very philosophical
590
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,540
of you. What is a high body? What is a high body? Well, it really
591
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,180
depends on. On what it is to your relation of the years that you've been
592
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,330
in. If we've only been in two years and we've slept with 167
593
00:38:22,830 --> 00:38:25,930
people, oh my God, that's a high count. If we've been in 14
594
00:38:26,010 --> 00:38:28,970
years and we've slept with maybe, I don't know,
595
00:38:29,370 --> 00:38:32,730
25 to 50, I don't even think it's that much.
596
00:38:34,490 --> 00:38:38,170
It's definitely not 50. I don't think we're at 50. No.
597
00:38:38,570 --> 00:38:41,330
I don't know. I don't know the numbers. I'm just saying I just feel like,
598
00:38:41,830 --> 00:38:44,570
I feel like we have a relatively. High body, I think, and.
599
00:38:45,390 --> 00:38:49,630
No, I mean, you're right. And, and, and experience for
600
00:38:50,130 --> 00:38:53,310
sure. We've had a lot of different experiences. We've had a lot of
601
00:38:53,810 --> 00:38:57,710
different situations, from the fun to the comical
602
00:38:57,870 --> 00:39:01,430
and the uncomfortable. Yes. We've been around it all
603
00:39:01,930 --> 00:39:05,470
and we've been around all the different personalities. That's very true. We have dealt with
604
00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:09,670
the really, really loud mouthed, rude type people
605
00:39:10,170 --> 00:39:13,710
who don't feel like they're saying anything wrong. We've dealt with the really,
606
00:39:14,210 --> 00:39:18,030
really kind and quiet people who are so new that
607
00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:22,270
they don't know how to talk to other people just yet and everything in
608
00:39:22,770 --> 00:39:26,630
between. We've had run ins with all sorts of people
609
00:39:27,190 --> 00:39:31,030
in different communities and I feel like we are pretty
610
00:39:31,530 --> 00:39:34,750
experienced. No, you're right. You're right. When it comes to all that, I was
611
00:39:35,250 --> 00:39:38,270
just thinking, yeah, it seems like. A lot of the people now, I'm not saying
612
00:39:38,770 --> 00:39:41,430
everybody, but it seems like a lot of the people that we've been talking to
613
00:39:41,930 --> 00:39:44,700
as of lately have been in the lifestyle for three years.
614
00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:49,060
That's the magic number right now. Right after everybody started swinging
615
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,980
after Covid. After Covid, like Covid, just everybody up and
616
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,020
they said, okay, we have to be on lockdown for a year. Guess what?
617
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,940
We're going to be swingers when we come out of this. Yeah, we're gonna.
618
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:03,580
Everybody. So yolo. I don't know how many different couples I've
619
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,620
spoken to where they've told me, well, we've been in for about three years,
620
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:10,810
so we're still new. But we're. But we're not new. But we're still new,
621
00:40:11,310 --> 00:40:14,450
dude. They have more experience than we do. Negative. Some of
622
00:40:14,950 --> 00:40:18,050
them do. Yeah, some of them have. We were talking to somebody and they're like,
623
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:22,450
man, I've done all this and y' all haven't. We're like, no, I mean,
624
00:40:22,950 --> 00:40:26,370
damn, take it easy. We do have jobs
625
00:40:26,850 --> 00:40:31,090
and a business and a podcast and kids and kids and
626
00:40:31,590 --> 00:40:34,970
dogs. I think, I think us having experiences,
627
00:40:35,470 --> 00:40:39,400
I think. Well, so this is something that I've come across when we
628
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:43,960
talk to newer people, and this is not by means everybody,
629
00:40:44,460 --> 00:40:48,960
but a lot of the newer people are still learning how to communicate
630
00:40:49,460 --> 00:40:52,600
with each other. They're still learning how to communicate with other people.
631
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,640
They maybe just aren't there yet to feel
632
00:40:57,140 --> 00:41:00,600
confident enough to tell their. The people that they're interested in. That they're
633
00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:04,500
interested in. Yeah. You know, those are the people that are like too scared to
634
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,780
tag their crush on. On their favorite Facebook post or whatever. You know, it's like,
635
00:41:09,260 --> 00:41:12,140
I'm just too scared. I don't want to get rejected. They're too new. Yeah.
636
00:41:12,620 --> 00:41:16,220
You know what I mean? And so a lot
637
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:20,700
of people who have been in a few years, you know, they're still
638
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,620
trying to figure that out. And it takes some time.
639
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:29,330
Yeah, it takes that experience. It takes trying to navigate
640
00:41:29,830 --> 00:41:33,850
the different personalities and figuring out that maybe how they're going to respond
641
00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:36,610
isn't going to be the end of the world. You know what I mean?
642
00:41:37,110 --> 00:41:40,810
Yes. And so that I, I feel like that was a major
643
00:41:41,310 --> 00:41:44,450
issue and still is a major issue for newer people. And that's where you and
644
00:41:44,950 --> 00:41:49,090
I have always been good for newer people in
645
00:41:49,590 --> 00:41:52,850
that we are so laid back because we're
646
00:41:53,350 --> 00:41:56,340
so experienced. We're not pushy people. No,
647
00:41:56,900 --> 00:42:00,260
we're out to just be friends. Hey, you know what? We can talk about our
648
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,100
experiences. We can tell you guys what we've
649
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,180
been through. We don't ever tell people how they should live their life,
650
00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:13,140
how they should lifestyle, but we always tell them our experiences
651
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,660
so that maybe they can learn from our experiences.
652
00:42:17,460 --> 00:42:20,510
And some do. Yeah.
653
00:42:21,010 --> 00:42:23,950
A lot of people really appreciate the, the advice because.
654
00:42:24,670 --> 00:42:27,870
Yeah. I mean, been there and then
655
00:42:28,030 --> 00:42:32,190
a lot. Some, some of these newer people feel like, you know what, they're experienced.
656
00:42:32,750 --> 00:42:36,990
We don't have to worry about a situation arising
657
00:42:37,490 --> 00:42:41,630
where feelings will come up. We don't have to worry about some crazy situation
658
00:42:41,710 --> 00:42:45,430
or whatever that that would happen if we messed around with somebody
659
00:42:45,930 --> 00:42:49,570
new. Still, I think somebody not too long ago asked me that because they
660
00:42:50,070 --> 00:42:53,330
were new and I mean like brand new to the lifestyle.
661
00:42:53,650 --> 00:42:57,090
And they had asked, well, do you think it's better that we go for
662
00:42:57,250 --> 00:43:00,690
new people or should we go for more experienced
663
00:43:01,190 --> 00:43:04,210
people? And that's when I kind of voiced, well,
664
00:43:04,710 --> 00:43:07,850
my experiences. I would think you being brand
665
00:43:08,350 --> 00:43:11,410
new, you would want to go for somebody who's experienced. Yeah.
666
00:43:11,490 --> 00:43:14,610
Because you want to learn the ropes and you want to learn the right way.
667
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:18,830
A mentor. Yeah. If you go into it and you hook up with, with nothing
668
00:43:19,330 --> 00:43:22,550
but brand new people, then you're going to have a
669
00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:25,870
lot of harder issues. Not to say that maybe it won't work out,
670
00:43:26,370 --> 00:43:29,750
but it'll be a bit more difficult to navigate because you have somebody
671
00:43:30,250 --> 00:43:33,310
else who's still learning. It's the blind leading the blind, essentially.
672
00:43:33,470 --> 00:43:37,110
It's difficult to do. And so that
673
00:43:37,610 --> 00:43:40,630
was my answer for that. You know, if you're, if you're new, I think you'd
674
00:43:41,130 --> 00:43:46,110
want to seek out somebody with more experience so that you can at least learn
675
00:43:46,610 --> 00:43:49,790
from some of their stories, learn from their experiences. And I
676
00:43:50,290 --> 00:43:52,270
mean, when we came in. Maybe a better experience for you. Yeah. When we came
677
00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:56,190
into the, to the lifestyle, we had somebody who had been in it
678
00:43:56,690 --> 00:44:00,510
for years. Yes. And he kind of guided us and kind of helped us.
679
00:44:00,670 --> 00:44:04,830
Totally kind of showed us the ropes and then we
680
00:44:05,330 --> 00:44:08,990
kind of took it from there and figured out how to navigate it
681
00:44:09,490 --> 00:44:13,300
on our own. Yeah. So that was, I mean, so we did
682
00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:17,740
want to seek out somebody. Well, actually, they sought us out because
683
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:21,140
we were just. We would have totally been the blind leading the blind.
684
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,220
Yeah. Because we were like, totally, totally. We, we didn't
685
00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,860
know what the hell. Yeah. No. And I, I was never in the lifestyle as
686
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,820
deep as I am now. This is true. This is true. You weren't as involved.
687
00:44:32,900 --> 00:44:35,940
No. As you are now. You know,
688
00:44:36,810 --> 00:44:40,050
I feel like this topic leads
689
00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:44,090
me into the, the idea of exclusivity
690
00:44:44,570 --> 00:44:48,330
versus inclusivity. I, I think you remember
691
00:44:48,830 --> 00:44:52,130
me telling you when we decided we were going to start getting more involved in
692
00:44:52,630 --> 00:44:55,930
the community, the idea here was I
693
00:44:56,430 --> 00:45:00,170
wanted to create a space around US that
694
00:45:00,670 --> 00:45:04,070
was 100% inclusive. Yeah. Because I didn't
695
00:45:04,570 --> 00:45:10,790
like the idea that there was exclusive situations
696
00:45:11,290 --> 00:45:14,110
out there. I don't know what happened there. Exclusivity. I don't like it.
697
00:45:14,610 --> 00:45:19,710
Okay. And I, I think we had talked about it before because sometimes
698
00:45:20,210 --> 00:45:23,790
it seems like there is exclusivity. It seems like there are cliques
699
00:45:24,110 --> 00:45:27,270
that will not let others in. And a lot
700
00:45:27,770 --> 00:45:30,990
of times it's viewed incorrectly from the people who are on the outside
701
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,800
looking in. Yes. Because they're too afraid to try and
702
00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:38,760
enter that. Or maybe they mistook a face
703
00:45:39,260 --> 00:45:41,680
or a comment and just felt unwelcomed.
704
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:46,160
Situations like that. A lot of times clicks don't
705
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:50,080
exist, but a lot of times they do. Yeah.
706
00:45:50,580 --> 00:45:53,760
I mean, and it can be a tear situation. It can.
707
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,080
Yeah. Like it can be a tear
708
00:45:57,580 --> 00:46:00,720
situation. The beautiful people hang with the beautiful people.
709
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,280
Yeah. Now, and I've said this before, the beautiful people
710
00:46:05,780 --> 00:46:09,400
hang with the beautiful people. And. And so this is. This is the
711
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:14,000
mentality of thinking that a lot of us have. You know, you see
712
00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:18,280
somebody, you see a couple or an individual who's extremely
713
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:22,000
attractive. Well, who are. Who are
714
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:25,880
they gonna be around? Most likely. Most likely they're gonna be around
715
00:46:26,690 --> 00:46:29,810
a lot of beautiful people because the beautiful people are going to say,
716
00:46:29,890 --> 00:46:33,970
let's invite more beautiful people. Yeah. And if you do not feel
717
00:46:34,530 --> 00:46:38,170
like you are on their level, that's it. Then you're
718
00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:42,290
going to feel like you don't belong in that exclusive club
719
00:46:42,850 --> 00:46:47,010
now. Oh, man, I've been there a lot. Of times these,
720
00:46:47,090 --> 00:46:51,490
quote, unquote, beautiful people are not
721
00:46:52,460 --> 00:46:55,580
exclusive. They are actually very inclusive.
722
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:59,740
But people are so insecure that they
723
00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:04,020
don't feel like they belong there. And so then the reactions are
724
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:08,179
different. Sometimes people are like, oh, well, I'm good. I don't belong here. And they
725
00:47:08,679 --> 00:47:12,300
go and find their own tribe. Yeah. Other people feel
726
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:16,380
very defensive about it, and then they take off and they start just hating
727
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:20,210
on these people. Right. I've seen it happen before where they're like, ugh, I.
728
00:47:20,710 --> 00:47:23,130
I can't stand those people. They're so snobby. And it's like, well, have you ever
729
00:47:23,630 --> 00:47:26,850
hung out with them? No, but I just feel like they are. Yeah. You know
730
00:47:27,350 --> 00:47:30,050
what I mean? Like, you don't know, you know. Yeah. You make assumptions without even.
731
00:47:31,250 --> 00:47:34,850
And there's been times where we've been like, well, we are not
732
00:47:35,010 --> 00:47:38,410
a part of the beautiful people's club. That's why we're not invited to
733
00:47:38,910 --> 00:47:41,650
that one. You know what I mean? And that's okay, you know, once you can
734
00:47:42,150 --> 00:47:44,610
sit back and you kind of joke about it. But realistically,
735
00:47:45,410 --> 00:47:49,090
the, you know, it's. It comes down to a matter of exclusivity
736
00:47:49,590 --> 00:47:52,770
versus inclusivity. And I don't care
737
00:47:53,250 --> 00:47:56,850
how attractive physically or
738
00:47:57,410 --> 00:48:00,930
unattractive physically, somebody thinks they are,
739
00:48:01,650 --> 00:48:05,050
there's always a chair at our table for them. Yes, there is.
740
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:09,010
You know what I mean? All the time. We are very inclusive.
741
00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:12,580
If you come at us with, like, unethical behavior.
742
00:48:12,900 --> 00:48:16,700
If you come at us, you know, and you lie and you act
743
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,940
a certain way, well, that's where we'll choose not to hang around
744
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,180
you. But as far as everybody else is concerned, we welcome all
745
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:29,140
different types of personalities and all different looks.
746
00:48:29,380 --> 00:48:33,060
You know, frankly, me, I'm like I said, I'm not selective. I like
747
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,100
different people for different reasons. Yeah. And, you know, we're. That's just the
748
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,170
kind of people that. That I, I think our community is. Is really good.
749
00:48:41,670 --> 00:48:45,170
So, yes, it kind of helps that we surround ourselves with the same
750
00:48:45,670 --> 00:48:49,570
kind of like minded people. I agree. You know, I agree. Which helps.
751
00:48:49,890 --> 00:48:52,770
Absolutely. And it makes everything easier. It does.
752
00:48:54,370 --> 00:48:57,490
So you can feel inclusive when you
753
00:48:57,990 --> 00:49:01,410
come around with us. That's right. You should always feel included. You know,
754
00:49:01,910 --> 00:49:05,620
I've been reached out to by people inviting
755
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:09,580
us to different events that happen throughout the state.
756
00:49:10,220 --> 00:49:14,420
And, you know, it's like, hey, you think that you guys can try and schedule
757
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,460
a time to come to a meet and greet and y' all can come with
758
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,100
us and we can introduce you and do this and do that, and you know
759
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,900
that that sounds like a lot of fun. It also sounds like it's very exhausting.
760
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,820
And I'll tell you why. Because you and I,
761
00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:32,270
at every meet and greet, at every event we
762
00:49:32,770 --> 00:49:36,310
attend, we walk around and we shake
763
00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:40,590
everybody's hands like we're frigging politicians. We introduce ourselves to
764
00:49:41,090 --> 00:49:44,670
everybody. Yeah. And literally, we'll walk up to somebody,
765
00:49:45,170 --> 00:49:48,390
we'll introduce ourselves, we'll look at them for a minute, make a little joke or
766
00:49:48,890 --> 00:49:50,910
something and be like, okay, well, we're going to keep on moving along. We'll see
767
00:49:51,410 --> 00:49:54,870
you guys later. You know, and we try to at least introduce ourselves to everybody.
768
00:49:55,370 --> 00:49:58,600
And then by the time we're done, we find a wall to lean back
769
00:49:59,100 --> 00:50:02,600
against and we're done. And we're done. And people choose to come up to us
770
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,360
or they choose not to. Whatevs. We will
771
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,440
have a conversation with them. But we are always inclusive. And I've told people,
772
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,720
if you see us at the club,
773
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,320
if you see us at an event, whatever,
774
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,000
at a, At a lifestyle event,
775
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:24,970
preferably, yes, feel free to come and say hello to us. Yes, if you
776
00:50:25,470 --> 00:50:29,050
see us at HB shopping with our kids, don't. Don't come to us.
777
00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:32,810
Don't do that. Don't do that. Because that I said hi.
778
00:50:33,290 --> 00:50:37,050
No, I know, but you know, I'm saying, like, just, yeah,
779
00:50:37,130 --> 00:50:40,570
just kind of regular friend. Be, Be, be regular.
780
00:50:40,890 --> 00:50:43,970
Yeah. Don't come up to us in front of our kids and be like,
781
00:50:44,470 --> 00:50:48,290
hey, so I was sucking dick the other night and I was listening to your
782
00:50:48,790 --> 00:50:52,480
podcast and, and I immediately thought how, hey, Adam would really love to
783
00:50:52,980 --> 00:50:56,160
hear this while we're standing in the chicken aisle. Don't do that, because my kid's
784
00:50:56,660 --> 00:50:59,320
listening and I don't need that. You know what I mean? But, you know,
785
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,840
we can have Tact who? You can say hello, but, you know, let's leave it
786
00:51:03,340 --> 00:51:06,840
at that. Let's not go there. So, yeah, we, we are.
787
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,480
We, we do try our best to be inclusive as possible. Now, I guarantee
788
00:51:10,980 --> 00:51:14,760
you there are people out there who maybe think that we're not inclusive.
789
00:51:15,170 --> 00:51:18,290
And I'm sure people have looked at us and gone, they have a click.
790
00:51:18,530 --> 00:51:22,530
Nope. Hey, I, we can say no, but we can't
791
00:51:23,030 --> 00:51:26,210
control what other people think or feel. Yeah. You know, I mean,
792
00:51:26,930 --> 00:51:28,690
we don't. But okay.
793
00:51:31,730 --> 00:51:35,410
It's all good. It's all good. I mean, people are going
794
00:51:35,910 --> 00:51:37,690
to think what they ever. Whatever they want to think. I mean, it's the same
795
00:51:38,190 --> 00:51:41,890
thing with getting passed over. Exactly. I mean, sometimes it, you know,
796
00:51:42,390 --> 00:51:45,330
I could easily look and go, well, I just got passed over.
797
00:51:45,830 --> 00:51:48,410
Yeah. And it's not really like that. Exactly. It might not be like that.
798
00:51:48,910 --> 00:51:52,130
Right. You know, it might just be a different, A different vibe. Different vibe,
799
00:51:52,630 --> 00:51:56,330
man. You know, not everybody vibes with you the way
800
00:51:56,830 --> 00:52:00,130
you think you vibe with them. Yes. I've had people
801
00:52:00,370 --> 00:52:04,290
who felt a sexual vibe with me immediately,
802
00:52:04,930 --> 00:52:08,160
and I never felt it with that. And I'm
803
00:52:08,660 --> 00:52:12,600
sorry, but I can't force it. No. Because Adam Jr.
804
00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:16,200
Don't work that way. No, he does not. No. He likes to get to know
805
00:52:16,700 --> 00:52:20,240
you. He likes to vibe with you. And if he doesn't vibe
806
00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:24,280
with you, then he doesn't do that. Well, poor Adam junior.
807
00:52:24,780 --> 00:52:28,440
Poor Adam junior That's right, the penisaurus
808
00:52:28,940 --> 00:52:32,360
rex. No, I mean, you have to feel that inclusive. You have to feel that
809
00:52:32,860 --> 00:52:36,590
want. You have to feel all that goodness. Yeah. So I totally
810
00:52:37,090 --> 00:52:41,350
understand. And especially when people are a certain type,
811
00:52:41,510 --> 00:52:45,270
certain type, certain kind of way that kind of draws you
812
00:52:45,770 --> 00:52:49,390
to them. Totally. So it's not, it's not inclusivity. It's just,
813
00:52:49,890 --> 00:52:53,030
you know, everybody, you, you kind of find your own people.
814
00:52:53,190 --> 00:52:56,950
You do, you do. I, I, I feel
815
00:52:57,450 --> 00:53:00,670
like this particular topic is one that people
816
00:53:01,170 --> 00:53:05,110
are afraid to talk about because it's hard to talk
817
00:53:05,610 --> 00:53:09,270
about without sounding shallow
818
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:13,390
or cocky. Yes. Or arrogant. Or arrogant.
819
00:53:13,470 --> 00:53:16,510
Yeah. You know, I mean, nobody wants snobby. Yeah. Nobody wants to
820
00:53:17,010 --> 00:53:20,590
be viewed that way in the community. I certainly don't. And I really try
821
00:53:21,090 --> 00:53:24,910
to be as inclusive as possible, but realistically, we all create this
822
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:28,750
hierarchy in our head within ourselves. Within ourselves.
823
00:53:29,150 --> 00:53:32,430
We all see it one way or another. You know, you walk into a community,
824
00:53:33,070 --> 00:53:36,990
there's always going to be people that you see often, and you
825
00:53:37,490 --> 00:53:39,950
associate them with being at a top level.
826
00:53:40,750 --> 00:53:44,430
And I don't know what makes us do that. And is
827
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:49,029
it intentional or is it just, is it just something that
828
00:53:49,529 --> 00:53:52,750
we naturally do as humans? Yeah, you know what I mean? I think, honestly I,
829
00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:56,670
like I said, I think it's something that we naturally do because we are
830
00:53:57,170 --> 00:54:01,110
so insecure about certain things. So it's like you don't want to talk
831
00:54:01,610 --> 00:54:04,510
to the person that, that has the bigger boobs, or you don't want to talk
832
00:54:05,010 --> 00:54:07,230
to the person that's skinnier. You don't want to talk to the person, the guy
833
00:54:07,730 --> 00:54:11,110
who's really hot, because you just don't think that you're on their level or whatever.
834
00:54:11,610 --> 00:54:15,670
And I've, I've heard you say that. Where somebody that we
835
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:19,710
both thought was extremely attractive, a very,
836
00:54:20,210 --> 00:54:24,270
extremely attractive guy in the lifestyle and I
837
00:54:24,770 --> 00:54:28,680
mean, the guy looks like a superhero. Like he's even. I'm like, geez, can I
838
00:54:29,180 --> 00:54:31,880
be gay for this man? Because I, I mean, he's, he's a very good looking
839
00:54:32,380 --> 00:54:35,760
guy. Yes. And he has shown
840
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:40,360
interest in person. He's shown interest in you, and you've sat
841
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,240
back and gone, what, what, why, why is he doing that?
842
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,520
I'm, I'm not on his level. Why is, have you seen the women that he's
843
00:54:48,020 --> 00:54:49,680
going for? What does he do? He makes me so nervous.
844
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:55,350
Yes. Yeah, yeah. And, but that's you putting
845
00:54:55,850 --> 00:54:59,510
him on a pedestal, right? Because he has physical attractiveness.
846
00:54:59,910 --> 00:55:03,030
But that's the only one I get in myself. Other than that, I mean,
847
00:55:03,190 --> 00:55:06,950
I could get him. Realistically, we don't, we don't know
848
00:55:07,030 --> 00:55:10,550
him that well, you know, and, and you don't know where the cracks are.
849
00:55:11,190 --> 00:55:14,430
He's an average guy. And I guarantee you, if you, if you made
850
00:55:14,930 --> 00:55:16,870
it, if you talk to him and you tell him, hey, why are you talking
851
00:55:17,370 --> 00:55:20,950
to me? Because you know what, man? You could be banging all the solid chicks
852
00:55:21,450 --> 00:55:23,440
here, and you know what he would tell you? He'd be like, I'm just an
853
00:55:23,940 --> 00:55:27,640
average guy and you're an average girl. Let's go. Bang it out. Let's go.
854
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:32,080
Hey, you wanna maybe just
855
00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:36,120
take it easy there, all right? He's not here right now. People need to know
856
00:55:36,620 --> 00:55:40,360
what we're talking about. Now I'm curious, is this a regional thing
857
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,840
now? What I mean by that is we've got a lot of listeners that are
858
00:55:44,340 --> 00:55:48,120
outside of the US and in different countries. I don't
859
00:55:48,620 --> 00:55:52,440
know, is this just a us thing or is this a
860
00:55:52,940 --> 00:55:57,040
human thing? Do we all do this? Do. Are you guys in
861
00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,600
foreign communities,
862
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:04,160
of swinging communities? Are, do you see this
863
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:07,879
issue? And if you do, then we
864
00:56:08,379 --> 00:56:11,720
know it's a. It's just a human issue. We all do this. Or is it
865
00:56:12,220 --> 00:56:15,680
a regional issue? Is it. Is it the US has more insecurities?
866
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:19,130
Because I knew a lot of that. I. I want to say I read that
867
00:56:19,630 --> 00:56:22,970
in the French community, this. The swinging community in France,
868
00:56:23,690 --> 00:56:27,530
it's a lot less. You know, it's. It's like
869
00:56:28,030 --> 00:56:31,290
everybody's on the same level, and everybody just kind of floats to everybody else and
870
00:56:31,790 --> 00:56:35,610
this and that, and it's just everybody's confident and everybody. Same thing. I don't
871
00:56:36,110 --> 00:56:38,530
know if that's a European thing. I don't know. But, you know, for those of
872
00:56:39,030 --> 00:56:42,050
us that are across the pond there, if you wouldn't mind shooting us a message,
873
00:56:42,550 --> 00:56:46,750
shooting us a. Some sort of confirmation, I'd really like to know,
874
00:56:47,310 --> 00:56:50,350
because we have nothing to compare it to. All we know is what we know
875
00:56:50,510 --> 00:56:53,950
here. And I know that we in this region
876
00:56:54,110 --> 00:56:56,190
are incredibly insecure.
877
00:56:57,310 --> 00:57:00,870
Incredibly insecure. And I would like to think that
878
00:57:01,370 --> 00:57:04,910
there are regions out there that are not insecure and that everybody just gets along
879
00:57:05,070 --> 00:57:07,870
and they all just have sex and everybody has a good time.
880
00:57:08,030 --> 00:57:11,330
Oh, my boobs. I know. In a perfect world.
881
00:57:12,210 --> 00:57:15,090
Just a perfect world. Well, you know, I. I feel like this was a really
882
00:57:15,590 --> 00:57:17,890
good topic to talk about. I really enjoyed this.
883
00:57:18,530 --> 00:57:21,890
We are going to be discussing things that maybe
884
00:57:22,390 --> 00:57:25,369
are a little bit more controversial. You know, it's stuff that needs to be talked
885
00:57:25,869 --> 00:57:28,690
about. We need to talk about it. Yes, we need to talk about it.
886
00:57:28,770 --> 00:57:32,410
And so that's what we're doing. And so I hope you guys really enjoyed
887
00:57:32,910 --> 00:57:36,460
the show. I really enjoyed time with my boo bear over
888
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,380
here doing what we do. Yeah, we love having you guys
889
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:45,100
join us, and I'm pretty sure that you guys are enjoying
890
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,220
a little bit of fun time yourselves this weekend.
891
00:57:48,780 --> 00:57:52,340
Just know that as you listen to this podcast,
892
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,620
we are really, really, really, really, really exhausted because
893
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,260
we're doing a lot of family stuff. We have graduations. We have kids that are
894
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:04,650
going on into high school. You know, just all sorts of stuff. We are
895
00:58:05,530 --> 00:58:09,130
just pulled thin left and right. And with that,
896
00:58:09,450 --> 00:58:13,130
just know we are not ever going to forget you guys, because we are constantly
897
00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:16,530
making the shows, even if we have to wait till the last minute to do
898
00:58:17,030 --> 00:58:19,689
it. Yes. Thank you so much for joining us on the show today,
899
00:58:19,850 --> 00:58:23,370
and we will see you guys next week. Bye,
900
00:58:30,660 --> 00:58:46,180
Sam.