The Evolution of Pris: How 18 Months & An Open Mind Changed Everything

0:00 All right, y'all. Before we dive in, a quick heads-up This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated PG We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kinda stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kids So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice, and get comfy Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches. Not sex couches We're just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences, and sexy adventures in ethical non-monogamy. So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

0:47 I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And today we are doing something that we've never done before on this show. I'm turning the tables. Pris is in the hot seat today. Why? Today's episode is called The Evolution of Pris. And I have receipts, let me tell you that. That's right. That's right. See, when we first- Babe. I'm just telling you. When we first launched Beyond Monogamy, we recorded our very first episode ever, where Pris laid out exactly who she was, what she believed, what her rules were, what her hard limits were, and how she approached the lifestyle. And a lot has changed since then. It's been a year and a half officially this month.

1:28 Damn. I know. So today I'm gonna go back to episode one, pulling the tape, and we are gonna find out just how much this woman has grown, how much she's changed or completely flip-flopped on things she said out loud into a microphone. Ugh, you're so mean. Oh, this is fun. You're gonna love it. We're gonna have a great time. You're gonna eat a lot of your old words. Before we get into it, though, if you're brand new to Beyond Monogamy, welcome. We're so glad that you're here. Go ahead and hit that follow or subscribe button right now so you never miss an episode. You can find us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, YouTube, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Pandora, or at beyond-monogamy.com.

2:08 And if you want to get to know us a little bit better before we dive in, go back and listen to episode one, dropped a year and a half ago, because today's episode is essentially the sequel to that one. All right, sweetheart, are you ready for this one? I am. Okay. Yeah. Get ready. All right. Seat, buckle yourself in. All right. Go. Okay. So I wanna start at the very beginning. Who were you when we first hit record on this show? Because I think a lot of our listeners who have only known us for the last year or two may not realize how different you were back then. So let me take you back. Okay. In episode one, you were very clear that you got into this lifestyle almost entirely for one reason: women.

2:55 Yes. You straight up said, "I have a guy at home. I get dick at home all the time. Why do I wanna have sex with another guy?" Mm. You were not interested in men in this lifestyle at all beyond me. Mm-mm. So my first question is to you, how true is that today? I love, uh, I, I like men. Um, I'm a fan of both. I am definitely 100% bisexual. Yeah. Um, women are amazing. They're beautiful, they're sexy. But I no longer hate as many men. And how did this come about? Like, I mean, you were- Um- … you were pretty militant in episode one - Well and several episodes to follow.

3:35 To be in fact, let me tell you what happened. Um, we were tripping on some shrooms. Oh, yeah. And well, what had happened- What had happened was … was, um, I had, like, this really heavy weight on me. Uh-huh. And I think it was kinda dragging me down and making me hate everybody. Really? Yeah. And so, um, the shrooms helped. That was, uh, an eye-opening- Oh … experience for you. I know it was very spiritual for you. Guys, the shrooms, they helped. And let me tell you, it was, um, it was nice. Yeah. It was really good. So from that experience, what did that do exactly? That just kind of l- helped you let go of- Yeah, of that negative, um, frame, thought of… Like, it even tears me up because it's so, it was so impactful.

4:24 No kidding. Yeah. Wow. Um, I was so negative because I was like, "Man, men suck." Sorry, guys, a lot of y'all suck. Y'all do. Um, but I was, I was blaming the men… You know when you're in a bad relationship and you're like, "Oh, I'm used to it because all the men are like that," right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're in a bad relationship and you're like, "Oh, I'm used to it because all the women are like that." Yeah, it's easy to hate- It's, it, yeah … hate the opposite sex when you're in that. But you're so, you're so used to that kind of love that you're like, "Mm, it's okay." Right. So I got to a point in my life where I was like, "Fuck that. Nah. I, I don't, I don't need any kind of love from a man. If that's the way they're gonna be- Yeah … I don't need anything."

5:06 Yeah. Um, I have one man, and that's good enough for me. Yeah. And so we shroomed out. Yeah, we did. That was, that was something. I had these negative feelings, kind of like… Just kind of went out. I realize I cannot wait to be an empty nester. Yeah, that too. Um, I realize that I am living my best life right now, and this is just the beginning. Yeah. Um, I learned to not be so negative, but b- to be, still be honest. Like, I am straight up honest. Like, I, there's women and men that I just do not like, and that's just the way it is. Um, but I'm more mature about it. I don't have to associate myself with them. Um- And yeah, so I'm nicer.

5:47 Yeah. And I've met some … Being like that now, I have met some badass guys- Yeah … that I find sexy. Um, some I haven't slept with at all. Mm. Mm-hmm. Nor have I kissed. Um, there's some that, um, that are gonna always just stay friends, and that's okay. But they're excellent connections. They're excellent connections. Yeah. Um, and so I realized then that I totally am, I have to have some kind of connection with somebody. Yeah. It can't be… God, what did the… Somebody used a word and I was like, "Ooh, you used that so well." But she said it in our last quickie Superficial?

6:27 Superficial, you know? Mm-hmm. 'Cause I was very, I, you know, I was like, "Mm, mm, I, I don't care." Yeah. "I don't really even have to like you too much. I don't have to have some kind of connection." Um, I realize I do. Mm-hmm. And I now… Guys, I'm even, even more open to being super honest with men that I don't like. Well, that's funny that you're, where you're taking that turn because that actually leads me into my second question. Um- I called you out specifically on episode one, very lovingly, as being transactional. Like you were the Terminator, you know? Yeah. You had a mission, you went in, you got what you needed, and you were out. Yeah. So with what you're saying here, essentially, is it fair to say you are no longer classified as transactional?

7:11 I'm no longer classified as transactional. Wow. No. That is interesting. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like that. That's, that's cool. And I think because- That's cool … I dropped that is, is why I'm able to make more connections. You know, cynicism can hold you back sometimes, I will say that. It really can. It has protected us in many situations, but it can, uh, can definitely hold you back. Now, here's the thing. You also came out to me as bisexual for the very first time, before anyone else in your life even knew. Yes. I was the first person that you ever told that to, and now you're talking about it openly on a podcast that reaches over 70 countries. And hey, that is pretty- What? … impressive. That's right. Nice. Okay. How does that feel when you think about it? I love that.

7:52 I wish, um, I would have done it sooner. I hope this reaches a lot of younger people who feel that they have to hide it from their parents. You don't. You don't have to hide it. You live your life, love yourself- Live your truth be who you are, your truth. Your heart's gonna follow, you know, wherever you wanna go, and you can, you can hold back, but, you know, it's… Leave yourself open to that. I, I should have done that years ago. I even tell my kids, you know, uh, "We don't care if you're bisexual or gay or- Yeah, no, no … whatever. We don't care." No. You know? But that's, uh, you know, we have- But- … expelled everybody in our lives that would hold them to judgment … but it's so funny that they still will hold it… They won't come out because they're scared- Well, they have to us … society, you know?

8:44 Yeah. Yeah, but we have some in denial and, you know- Yeah … and it's like, stuff like that. So like- You know, it's still a very s- Live your- It's a scary thing … live your truth because it's, um, it's fun and it's so fulfilling. Yeah, you know, I, I will say I'm, I'm not bisexual, but I, I am very open, obviously, we have the podcast, very open about our lifestyle and what we do and where we've been, this and that. Uh, and I gotta say, it is nothing freer than being out in the open, you know? Yeah. S- nobody can use it against you if you- Yeah … y- you use it yourself, you know, as a badge. And I hope you have good support, 'cause I have amazing support, so. That's what it comes down to. Everybody's afraid of- Mm-hmm … who's gonna support them and who's not gonna support them, and I think once you rip that Band-Aid and you realize who's there for you and who's not, then it just makes it easier to navigate.

9:33 Yeah. All right. Let's talk rules and boundaries, because in episode one, you mentioned that when we first started out, we had a lot of rules, and we both laughed- Mm-hmm … about how silly some of them seemed looking back. Mm-hmm. Yes. Uh, I wanna revisit some of the ones that actually came up. The first one- The no sleepover rule. You were very firm about that, partially because of the kids, partially because of your poly experience where the women you dated got needy fast- Mm-hmm … and it was a hard boundary for you. Where does that rule stand right now in this moment? Um, right now in this moment it is Has that changed at all? It has. Yeah? I'm more of a, yeah, I, I'm open to the possibility.

10:14 Of the, of sleeping over? Yeah, of sleeping over. No shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Just depends. Wow. I did not- It depends … see that one going that way. Yeah. That was a different reaction than I expected. I thought for sure she was gonna say, "No, it's still- No … it still holds up." It's different, yeah. Huh. Yeah. Well, we will be talking more about that one while we're having sex later. Okay. No, I find that interesting. Yeah. So w- when did you… Like, has this something, has this been something that's popped up into your head before? No, you just asked me. Just right in this moment? Yeah. Just right in this moment. You're sitting back- I'm like, yeah … and you're thinking, "Hmm, I think-" Yeah … possibly you never know." You never know. Dig it. Dig it. Yeah. Uh, what about separate play?

10:54 Because that was a big one for you, and understandably so given your history. You were genuinely afraid of losing me. Yeah. There was that moment in your first play experience where I went a second round. Yes. And you were ready to end me. Yes. Uh, so, you know, you laugh now, but that was a real feeling. Yeah. Where does separate play sit today? Um- Is it still rare? Is it something that you've gotten more comfortable with? I'm, I'm more, I'm com- way more comfortable with it. Yeah. Um, it doesn't happen very often, but it can, you know. Um, I'm still sometimes hesitant. Mm-hmm. Just because I just don't trust people. Yeah. Um, and it's not that I don't trust you, it's you're a very sweet person, and you don't always see… You see life through rose-colored glasses.

11:43 Yeah. That's what I do. And I don't mind that. It's my thing. And I, and I love that about you, but then I have to, I have to for the sake of our marriage and our relationship, have to come on sometimes and be like, "All right, come back down." "Hi, I'm your wife." I'm no one. Um, it's been a while. It's, we've never had to do that- Yeah … any, like, any recent time. No, no, it's been a while. Um, it's been a while, but that's still very, um… I've made a lot of changes in my life- Yeah. Yeah … uh, that I guess you have not been used to. Yeah. And have yet to really figure out. And I don't push my boundaries. Like, things happens, things are said, I don't like s- you know, hold it against you or anything.

12:25 It's just like, "Fuck. Learn your lesson, dude." Um- Always have. Yeah. And I think that's where it's scary on the separate play because- Somebody may not- I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Oh, God. What, what is it that, that would make you go, "Ugh." Like, what… If, if I play separately- Uh-huh … sans you, you're not there- Yeah and it's me and this other person behind closed doors- Yeah … what is it exactly that is that nagging feeling that goes, "Ah, I just-" That you're gonna want it way more than you want me. Mm. Although I am- And that would happen behind closed doors? Although I am… Although, although I'm here in front of you, right? So you- Yeah … you get it all the time. Well, so but that, if that were to happen, that could happen in a full swap.

13:09 That can happen any time, yeah. That could happen at any time. Yeah. It… Behind closed doors doesn't really make a difference on that. Yeah. So what would it be behind closed doors that would… Is it just that association of- That association No, no shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. But I get it. Yeah. I get it to an extent. Uh, but you know as well as I know that that thought, that particular thought just doesn't really hold water. I mean- It's, it's kind of illogical … you don't know. I, I know. The… My thing is, is that if you associate that with him playing separately behind closed doors away from me- Yeah but you also know that I can have that feeling in front of you during a full swap with you present.

13:53 Yes. There's really no difference between the two settings. I think I'm, I'm there- What the hell … when I'm there- Uh … it's different because y- maybe you won't- ' Cause you can stay in my face? Yeah. And go, "Hey, look at me. Hello." Look who you- " Here I am" … look what you're going home with. That's right. Um, and then if I feel like you're just too giddy, I'll have to say something negative. To bring me back down? To bring me back down to- Some things- … fucking reality … some things don't change- Hey, I'm honest, man … from episode one. I know, I know. You know, I'm honest. I'm j- I am a jealous woman, guys. Oh, goodness. Like- So much so … it's… And it's not, it's not even, um, the wa- it's a feeling, so, like, I don't want him to have any other high- lovey feeling for anybody else.

14:39 Like, I am his world. I am the air that this man breathes. Oh, man. Right, baby? Absolutely. See? Like, he can't breathe without me. 100%, without even thinking. And so- Yeah … that's where I get scared. I get scared because I'm like, "No, motherfucker, you're gonna like the air over there 'cause it's all purified. Bitch ain't got no kids." I know. "She's all by herself. Maybe she got a dog." And it's like she's all independent, and I'm over here Ana Estrada, all- I think- I already have kids. I think you have to understand that… I don't, I don't know if you realize this, but I am not the biggest catch that you make me out to be. I mean, baby- Uh, so yeah, you could be jealous of me all day long- … but hey, I'm still… I have kids.

15:23 I'm an old-looking dude. You look younger than me, and you're not. No. You know, which is amazing. You've always looked younger than me. Um, you know, I, I got a friggin' podcast. What, what else do I have going for me, guys? There's really nothing. Really nothing. I mean, you never know, right? Times have changed because now there's sugar mamas. Oh, get it. So, like, I don't know. Get out of here with that. Um, and- The economy sucks. There ain't no sugar mamas. All sugar daddies. I mean, that's the only thing that I kinda get terr- or scared about on the separate play. But I mean, I, it- It's more or less an insecurity … it's an insecurity- Yeah … and it's my insecurity. Yeah. Um, and I talk to my husband about it, and if I'm okay with it, then it happens. If I'm not okay with it, sometimes he understands and sometimes he doesn't, but he still respects me, so.

16:03 I, you know, I have to accept- You respect me at least … even, even if it's illogical, I'll question the hell out of it. Mm-hmm. And I'll try to- Yeah … get you to see my logic in it, but in, at the end of the day, I just have to support you- Yeah whatever your thoughts are. And I will say that I am super… I'm way more s- more secure in myself than I was last year, um, because- You've had some separate play, and I've been okay with it I have. Yeah, it's gone better than before Um, up until recently, I didn't… I'm very question, question, question, question Yeah. No, I, I can- And … I can attest to that. Yeah Now you've come a long way And it's kind of like And it's not awkward. So there was a time- Yeah … where you would be like, "Oh, now, no, go ahead.

16:45 Do your thing." Yeah And then I would do it, and then you'd have, like, these long processing silences, and you didn't know how to act for a while until we had this long, drawn-out conversation. It, it's not been like that. No, and I'm, and to not, like, say it, uh, rudely, but I don't, I don't really care, 'cause if it's If it's, I, I, I guess I just don't care. I don't care, like in a care in the sense of you, you already know how to, you already know how to behave in our relationship. You already- Yeah … you know? A- and that's just another w- I don't know what other way to say it, but- No, you're right … you know, we both know how to act. Um, so yeah, I, I'm cool with it now. Like, it sounds like fun.

17:27 Yeah. Like, I was not really into friends with benefits. I was like, "Mm, I don't really want that." I do. I want to go out. Um, I don't want to have to pay for anything. I want to be treated like a queen. Yeah. Yeah. Um, take me out, you and your wife or just you, and let's go out and let's go, you know, men or female. Men, women, or couples, huh? I don't care. Yeah, like let's go out and have some fun and have some fun. You know what's crazy- Like, I'm so down for that … is you just dropped this so matter-of-factly on me- I did … yesterday. Yeah. Where you were like, yeah. Like first off, you mentioned it when we were having sex, and so I just assumed that that was just hot talk. Yeah. And then afterwards you were like, "So-" "Are you cool with that?" "… what we were talking about, are you cool with that?" And I was like, "Are you serious?" Yeah.

18:12 And you were like, "Yeah." And I was like, "Fuck yeah." Yeah. " I am cool with that. Like, by all means, cool." Like, we're down to be dated together. Yeah, I mean, obviously. But whatever. Like, and, and we're down to date, like single women and you're down, you know? Yeah. But it's sometimes that's hard because somebody's gonna like somebody more. Yeah, she's really looking for something that's equal, and that's hard to do. It's very hard. It's hard to do. And, and I know it's hard because I am, I don't wanna be hidden either. So like, I don't want, I'm not gonna, I'm not a side chick. I am too good to be a side chick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you side chicks. By all means, I am meant to bloom and- That means, uh, open … be in the sun. Open uh, yeah, so when it comes to you kind of seeking that out- Yeah … uh, we've always said it would be cool to find another couple that we can, we can be with equally.

19:01 I mean, I'm not into guys, but I can be besties with a guy easily. Yeah. You know, like- And you get along with a lot of people … uh, yeah, I do. Yeah. And, and so i- ideally it would be nice, and, and I mean this with nothing but respect, but honestly, the only thing that's really held us back on something like that was, has been you- Oh, yeah … in the past. For sure. Um, and it, it's hard for you- And it's- to connect with certain people. It is, because- But you've changed a lot … yeah, I have. Um- Our, our, our besties are a perfect example of that Yeah, yeah I like them both Yeah, it's true You know? And how rare is that? So rare Like rare So rare Um, I like them both. They're both super amazing people They don't, ugh, I don't know.

19:43 They're not over-intoxicated. Like, you know what I mean? Like, they don't- Yeah. They- Like, they know how to have a good time like we know how to have a good time. Right. Right. You know? Like, we're there for- It doesn't get over, overdone. Exactly. Good in the marriage, their relationship, their friendship. Um, and that's hard to find. It is hard to find. That's hard. If they were living closer, what we want would be a thing. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, you're probably right on that one. Yeah. Uh, unfortunately they do not live closer. I know. And they will not be living closer anytime soon. But, you know, I- So there are, there are things that stop these things so that's what I'm saying. Like, there are… Yeah. Yeah. And they're… And okay, so that's, that's one couple. But I haven't… I just got into this.

20:23 Right. Like, I just thought this, this mindset. Right. I just don't… Like I said, I don't wanna be a side chick. I, I want somebody who's in the lifestyle, who knows the rules, who is cool with stepping it up, you know? Would you ever entertain a long-distance relationship? Yeah. Really? I mean, I, yeah, I would. And if you wanna fly me to you, hello. Okay. Yeah, because apparently sleepovers are okay now. Um, you know, you're gonna fly us both. Um, 'cause my husband needs to make sure you're not a serial killer. I gotta be close by. And, you know, I wanna meet you. It's not gonna be a rando. I wanna meet you. I wanna, you know… I, I don't wanna, " Hi, let's go fuck." Nah.

21:06 You don't wanna be transactional. Mm, I don't wanna be transactional. Yeah. No. 'Cause we've already moved past that. I can do both. I can definitely do both. So I'm not gonna lie to you. I can do both. I can, in the spur of the moment, be like, "You're hot. Let's go to the back." Um, I can definitely do that. I have no problem doing that. Um, but I prefer right now, I don't know, a little bit of a, "Let's go have some drinks," although I don't drink. "Let's go have a smoke, and then maybe we can get a room." And then, you know. Yeah. Well, that sounds like- Yeah … it's gonna be an interesting, uh, an interesting second year- Yeah … in the podcast. You're gonna, you guys are gonna catch some interesting stories, I'm sure.

21:47 Now, here's the one that I really wanted to push up on, because at the very end of episode one, almost as a throwaway- Uh-huh you dropped something that kinda surprised me even then. You said that you were starting to think about playing solo with a couple- Yeah … without me, which was something that you had never entertained before. That was a brand-new thought for you, uh, when we recorded that episode. So we know, and if you've listened to the podcast before, that did happen. Yeah. Um, and I'm just kinda curious if you could recap your thoughts on it, like how it came about. W- uh, you know, was it a successful, uh, you know, opportunity? Did it set you up for wanting to do it again with somebody else?

22:29 Or, uh, you know, give us, give us the tea. Um, it was good. It was… I think it could've been more fun now that I've had orgies and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it could've been… It, it, yeah. It was, um- I remember the initial part. W- we were all at the, uh, we were all at the club. Yeah. And you and I were, uh, with, with a friend of ours at our couch. Yes. And the couple that you were interested and had been talking to, they were across the dance floor- Yes from us. And so you seemed very apprehensive. I remember- I was like, "I don't know" … it felt like dropping off my kid at daycare for the first time.

23:11 Yeah. Like, you just didn't wanna leave my side, and it really took a lot to, to have you go, "Hey, just go on ahead." Yeah. And the only way that I really could was telling our friend, "Hey, why don't you and I go to the back? Uh, and this way-" Yeah … you know, as to kind of make it easier for you. And so, yeah, and so I said, "Well, let's go." And so we went to the back. Um, and you were already back there. And it was, it was fun. Um, it was… I don't even remember how it started. I think it was her and I first, and then he jumped in, and then he finished with her. And it was pretty… It was okay. It was okay. It was okay. Yeah. I definitely like more girl-on-girl time.

23:53 Yeah. Um, and I like playing with couples as long as it's a girl-on-girl time- Mm … is okay. You know, like, let me enjoy this or no. Yeah. Um, and the woman has to be bisexual. I don't do the bi- The bi, yeah … bi situational situational. Mm-mm. Or just, uh, pretending to be bi for the sake- Yeah … of the husband. No. Yeah, no. I've heard of that. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you tell me a rule of yours is the one dick policy, nope, nah, 'cause your man controlling you, period. Um, so yeah, I mean, I, I liked it I liked it, but I'm, uh, but I'm sure if it happens again, it would be better. Yeah? Yeah.

24:34 Because I know- And, and why, why do you say that? Um, because I know how to say I want more girl and girl time. Oh, you're- You know? … you're more vocal now. Yeah, I'm more vocal. Gotcha. I can speak a little bit louder. I gotcha. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you know how to express what you want- Yes … and, and how to make that happen, and it's just- Yeah easier to be that aggressive person who says- Yes … "Hey, let's, let's do it this way." Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so. Dig it. Yeah. Dig it. I don't know. Uh, well, so you, you had your, uh, first experience with a couple without your husband there. Mm-hmm. Um, is it, is it, like- Is it your preference to have me there? Uh, like even just to watch, or, uh, is it kinda hot to explore this by yourself?

25:20 I think the next time I do it I, it would be hotter whether you're there or not. Um, that one I wish you would've been there. Uh-huh. ' Cause it probably, you probably would've made it hotter. Okay. Um, just watching me. Yeah. Um, but my next one is going to be extra hot, and I would rather you there to watch. That's fine. But if you can't, and if they just want me, and I'd be like, "Okay, but I'm gonna push record, just an FYI." Okay. So- Well, hey, you know you're not gonna hear any complaints from me on that one. I know. Uh, so yeah, I thought that was a pretty cool- Yeah … situation. Anybody who hasn't listened to the first episode- on that one, definitely gotta check that part out.

26:00 Hey, so we wanna talk about something that actually is kind of important before we move any further Yeah, ProDX Health, and here's why we love them They do at home testing. Like, you get a kit, you do it at home, you mail it back STIs, hormones, real stuff that you should really actually know about Yeah, and there's no waiting room, there's no awkward conversations, none of that You just get your results, and if you need next steps, they help you with that too Look, knowing what's going on with your body is just part of taking care of yourself and the people that you're with Very true. It really is. And ProDX Health makes it so easy, there's really no excuse not to That's right.

26:45 Use code BAOMONO at prodxhealth.com. That's 15% off year-round, even more during special events Link is in the show notes. Okay, now back to it Back to it Now, I wanna spend some time here, because I think this is probably the biggest evolution I've seen in you, and that's your relationship with men and the lifestyle. Mm-hmm. Because in episode one, you were pretty openly not interested, and not only were you not interested, but when men would reach out and be forward or aggressive, you said, and I quote, "I used to get really offended." You called it creepy. You blocked people. And now I've watched you have full conversations, give people second chances, even third chances, and even develop real friendships with men in this community that you absolutely would've written off back then.

27:36 So what has changed? Um, I still know when guys are being dicks. Yeah? I mean, I do. And I do still get… I still do block. Um, I still do, I still do all the things. Yeah, you still- Yeah … still doing everything the same? I vet them. I have to meet you a few times before I message you, and I'm very… I'm always usually the one that messages first sometimes. Yeah. Um… But you get a lot of messages in your inbox- Oh, man of people that haven't met you. Every day. Yeah? Every day. And how do, does, do any of them capture your attention- No … at all? No? None. Because you haven't met them in person. I haven't met them in person. Really? And it's like, "Oh, you're so hot," or "Oh, sexy." Yeah, I'm aware.

28:20 Thanks. Does it offend you as much as it used to? It doesn't of- You know, it doesn't offend me- As much because, because I think so little sometimes of men. Now, does that apply the same as… Uh, you know, we've had this conversation before, and it was always a thing where you would get dolled up. You would look fucking hot. Uh, you'd wear your little tank top with no bra, and of course your nipples are pierced, and then you go to H-E-B, and you go grocery shopping on a Sunday. And then all of these guys would be gawking at you, like literally staring at your breasts as you stand in front of them as if there's nothing else to you. Mm-hmm. And I remember every time you'd get a look, you would get pissed.

29:02 Yeah. And I'm talking, like, ready to throw hands pissed. Yeah. And I was always kind of thrown off by that because it's like, dude, you look hot. Yeah. You're dressed very hot. Uh, people are gonna stare. Mm-hmm. Like, it is what it is. Like, if I, if I wore, uh, really tight underwear out someplace, I would be very, very curious as to why nobody's looking at my crotch because that's kinda sticking out right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. So do you find… I know you still find yourself in that situation. I do. Does it still piss you off like that? It doesn't piss me off as much if it's done nicely. Like, I get it. I do go to H-E-B sometimes just for that. Not for that, but just 'cause… Actually, yeah, sometimes I intentionally do that- … just for the fuck of it.

29:47 Um, and I don't care 'cause I always have that resting bitch face. So you can look at me, but I'm always looking at you like, "Hmm, don't even think about it." Um, so… And if you have the balls to come up to me, even with the resting bitch face, and, like, try- Good job … then okay, amazing. You just won yourself the golden ticket. Because you just showed some balls. Yeah. Um- It's, yeah, uh, it doesn't creep me out as much anymore. No? I'm good with it. Now, do you think some of that was projection, like, because your approach with women is pretty bold and direct, maybe you had to sit with the fact that men being forward isn't always- Yeah … creepy? It's not a… Yeah. It's kind of the same energy- Yeah … that you're bringing?

30:27 It really is, 'cause- Because it's hard. It's hard having to be that person that's, that has to make the first move- Yeah … or that has to show interest. And with you with other women, you've realized you have to be that person. I do. Because a lot of women are not - Yeah … that person. So if you- It's hard … if you wanna set something up with a woman, you kinda have to play that part. Yeah, yeah. And you've felt creepy before with other women. I have, and I'm like, "Ugh, okay, fine." And I'm like, "This is how guys feel." I'm telling you, this is how guys feel, and we're labeled creepy most of the time. Y'all are creepy. And we're just trying to be forward. We're just trying to get our balls played with. That's all. Just, uh, tickle the pickles. So where do you stand on, uh, men today in the lifestyle, not just as play partners, but as friends and as part of our community, 'cause I feel like that's shifted a lot.

31:15 Um, I, I give them the benefit of the doubt on flirting and stuff like… Or not benefit of the doubt, but I give them a little bit of leeway because flirting is hard, and flirting- Yeah with me is hard. Um, but I hope that most of them are, are listening to this show and know that you don't have to try that hard with me. Like, let's just be cool. It's just, it's fun. Um, but when I know they're not trying too much- Mm-hmm … that's, that's nice. Yeah? Yeah. Like, I want you to try, um, because- Don't be a dickhead but don't be… Yeah, don't be a dickhead. Like, don't, don't send me pictures of your dick and think, like, I'm gonna be all oohing and aahing, 'cause I am not.

31:56 Um, things like, like let's have conversations, and so luckily that's what I've been getting, um, conversations and I, I… Conversations. Conversations. Conversations. We're gonna get through that word at some point. Conversations. And I love them. Um, and so they're, they're meaningful and they're… I feel like even if the sex isn't good, we're still gonna be friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Now, I wanna just get a little deeper here, because in episode one you were really vulnerable about some things that I think a lot of people in this lifestyle quietly carry, uh, but they never say out loud. You talked about your past.

32:37 Mm-hmm. Husband number one leaving you for someone else, husband number two making you feel shame- Mm-hmm … after you played. Mm-hmm. And how all of that baggage came into our relationship and into our lifestyle journey. Mm-hmm. You were genuinely afraid that the lifestyle was going to change how I felt about you, or take me away from you. How much of that fear still lives in you today, or has it gone away completely? I'm still a jealous person. Yeah. Um, I'm still very jealous of- Would you say as bad? I don't, I don't feel it was bad. No, not as bad. Um, I want to have my own journey in the lifestyle, and I think that's where I get it now, the, the friends with benefits thing.

33:19 Like, it's you as an individual with whomever. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I, I'm ready for that now. Like, I'm ready, like, "Oh, okay. That, that sounds kind of fun." Mm-hmm. "Let's, let's try that." Um, so… But I still get jealous over you spending time with people if that ever… You know? Like, it's- Yeah … it's still, it's, it's still a feeling, but I don't portray it. I don't let it consume me. And You are very transparent To the most part. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like, enough. It's enough. It's enough for me. Yeah. Um, but yeah. I forgot what the question was. Well, I mean, you answered. Oh, like jealousy. Yeah. Yeah. And the fear that lives in you- Yeah … that's still around.

34:00 Yeah, I mean, it's still there, but it's not as much, for sure. Yeah. It's not… It- I don't bring it up so often. I, I think I've expressed to you that we've built an entire life together. We've raised kids together, we have a, a home and cars and everything. Like, we've done together. Yeah. We have a podcast together. I mean, we are… It's always been our relationship, first and foremost, in my brain- Yeah … over anything else. And I think that you finally understand that, that I mean it when I say that. Yeah, and I… Yes, and I know you're not… I know no one is going to take you away from me. No. So- Nah. I don't care how- I'm, I'm way more secure- good the vagina is. Yeah, I'm way more secure in my relationship, so. That's wonderful.

34:41 That's a happy- So, yeah … a happy ending there. I just wanna ask you something that I think will resonate with a lot of our listeners, especially the ones who are earlier in their journey. Mm-hmm. The newbies. What did healing from that shame that you were given actually look like to you? Because it didn't just disappear. You did the work. Um, I remember when, you know, in the very, very beginning, you crying to me, feeling like it, that this was wrong, that we were- Yes … doing something wrong. Yeah. Um, and obviously you are flip-flopped to the other side there. Yeah. There's been some healing, there's been some things that, you know, you're, you're no longer completely disassociating, uh, and- No and getting out of your body whenever you have sexual experiences, like you did the first year- Yeah … that we did it.

35:26 Yeah. So, I mean, w- how, how did you heal from that? Like, what, what- You know, it- Where did we go from here? It took a lot of, of communication, because I've had to realize that it was me, it was my… They were my insecurities, not our insecurities. Mm. You weren't doing things on purpose to me to make me feel a certain way. Um, you weren't doing it maliciously. You weren't hurting me intentionally. Mm-hmm. So once you come to that, and then you kind of sit back and just be like, "Okay." Because I've been married to some assholes, like straight up assholes. I've been married to men who manipulated me.

36:07 I've been married to men who just straight up lied to me, and you're not one of those guys. No. And so that's where it's like, okay, I had to realize that. I had to realize that you weren't one of those guys. But that takes a lot too. Like, that takes a lot of maturity, I know, in your, in your head. And, and for men or for, you know, or women. So that, that's having a lot of conversations with you. And, you know, it's gotta be exhausting to be so- and distrusting Oh my God … and to feel so constantly just jealous and insecure about things.

36:47 Like, it's gotta be exhausting. It, it has be- I had to be okay with myself. Yeah. So, like, I know, um, I know that I'm having a, I know that I'm having a, a rough day. I don't wanna talk about the lifestyle. Right. Right. And you, you know, you'll see it in my face. I don't wanna talk about that. Yeah. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna have to, um- express to you, ugh, you know, the negative part. A- and so you realize that and it's so m- it makes it easier now, you know? There you go. I did, I did some work. You did. Uh, this is one of my favorites because it's about you becoming more fully you. Yeah. Uh, in episode one, you admitted something that I think surprised a lot of people.

37:30 You said you had basically no sexual confidence. No. You didn't get on top and ride. You weren't sure if you were good at it. And now, and I mean, y- you're not that person anymore, obviously. No. So I wanna talk about that arc from one place to the other. Where does your confidence sit today? Like- Um- … how did you get there? Uh, well, I, I'm having sex in front of people with the best person I know how to have sex with. Mm. Getting some good practice in. So, and I, yeah, and I know what you like, and so I really do it for you. But then if I see people around, it's like, okay, I get to be- It's hard to put on a show … I get to be a porn star- Yeah, yeah … you know, in my own head. So it's like, yeah.

38:11 Um, and I love my body. I w- I wish it was better, but I love my body. Yeah. I love my boobs. I love, you know, every inch of my body, I have no problem with. What's funny is, because it's like you said, we, we're exhibitionists, so it's hard to not have confidence in your body when you know you're putting on a show for people. And so that was always a hard thing for me because I don't find myself attractive. I don't think I'm a, uh, an attractive body. Yeah. Uh, and what kind of got me out of it was as we put on shows at, at house parties- Mm-hmm … and at clubs and wherever we go, um, we have had very hot couples that we both have agreed are, like, severely smoking hot come up to us and go, "Damn, that was hot." Yeah.

39:02 "That was a hot show you guys put on." Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. And we would both sit back and go, "Really?" Okay. For real? Yeah. Okay. And then, a- and so that's when I started realizing, okay, w- we are kinda hot, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Uh, and so that, that kind of helped when it came to the exhibitionism to kinda get out of my own head- Yeah on my body issues- Yeah … on my confidence issues. Yeah. Um, you, you kind of have moments of so confident you're cocky. Um, like your shit don't stink. And I, and I think personally- Only with certain people … that that is a coping mechanism. It is. It's like a defense mechanism.

39:42 Only, only around certain people, um, that I don't like. Yeah. And it's very rare. I mean- Yeah, I dig it … I don't ever see these people, and when I do it's like, please, don't even come in my face. Um, but it's very rare. Yeah, yeah. So yeah. I dig it, I dig it. Yeah. I understand that. Uh, y- I just always found that funny because, you know, I know you, I'm your best friend, we know each other very well. I know deep down inside you are humble and you, you do deal with your confidence issues. Of course. But you damn sure don't let people see it in, in- No … uh, in the club or wherever we're at. You let that confidence that you do have out in the front. Yes. So I dig that. I think that's pretty cool.

40:22 Yes. And you make it easier for me to exude confidence. Yeah. Oh, good. You kind of bring me out of my shell, which is what I need. You should be confident, baby. You sexy. Ah, thank you. Anyways, let's talk about the ADHD diagnosis. Uh- Wah. Yeah, because that changed a lot for you, especially socially. Pre-medication Pris had lost the social butterfly. Yes. You were anxious, you were not, uh, having a good time. Uh, you were relying on substances to loosen you up. Yes. Uh, you had the resting bitch face that made people think that you didn't like 'em. Post-medication, completely different person. Ah, well, maybe. I don't know. I w- I don't know if I would say- … completely different person, but a different person.

41:02 What's the biggest lifestyle related difference that you've noticed? Um, I- Since taking your meds. People don't bore me. Yeah? They catch your attention a bit more? Yeah. Um, yes. So you guys, if you know, if you listen to the show and he doesn't edit every single, "Oh, I forgot what I just said," or, "I forgot the question," um, it's because I haven't taken my meds today. And so my brain's everywhere. And if you are… I swear, I'm pretty sure I have some kind of autism. I mean I am a little bit- I mean, that's undiagnosed … I am very special. And yes. There you go. There you go. So yeah. Now, just for fun, back in episode one, I told everybody my secret for dealing with social anxiety.

41:47 Yes. The actor in a movie trick. Uh, do you have a trick, uh, something that helps you show up as Pris when you talk, uh, to other people at an event? Yes. Uh, because I know that for the longest time you've always said, "Well, I don't like to have conversations without you because you, you always lead the conversations- Yeah and I just kind of bounce off of you, and if you're not there, I don't think I know how to talk." Yeah. Um, w- what is it now? Um, somebody asked me this at the club, I think. Yeah, I think it was a club. Um, first of all, when y- Let me tell you how I show up all the time feeling like I wanna exude this confidence, right? I stand up straight and I just, like, take some deep breaths and I'm like, "Okay, you got this.

42:33 Don't fall. Be nice to people. Smile." Mm-hmm. " And, you know, just exude that, that I got this shit." Okay. Yeah, yeah. Um, and talk to people. So like I… Yeah, no, I can have conversations now for the most part with people, but sometimes I'm all over the place, and a lot of people don't understand that. Right. So- Right … um, I need you there sometimes to kind of pull me away. Gotcha. But yeah. Yeah. So there you go. Try to be Stella after she's gotten her groove back. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yes. You know, I wanna take a second before we close out because I think what today's episode really shows is something that we don't talk about enough in this community, and that is that this lifestyle is not a destination, it's a journey.

43:18 Mm-hmm. Uh, the person that Pris was in episode one, the rules she had, the fears she carried, the walls she put up, all of that made complete sense for who she was at that time and what she had been through. And the person sitting next to me now didn't just wake up evolved. She did the work, she communicated, she stayed open even when it was uncomfortable. We had fights and arguments about- Mm-hmm … this sort of stuff, and I think that's the part people don't see when they look at a couple who seems like they have it figured out. Nobody has it figured out, I promise you. Nope. We're all just choosing to keep growing. So if you are somewhere in your journey right now where things feel messy or uncertain or like you have more rules than you know what to do with, that's normal.

44:06 Keep talking. Keep being honest with yourself and your partner. You'd be amazed at who, at who you become on the other side of that conversation. Mm. All right, Pris, last question, sweetheart. Okay. And then we're gonna get out of here. I want your, uh, current opinion on polyamory as it applies to us. Um… Because everybody who, anybody- … who's ever listened to this podcast, who's ever seen any of your TikTok reels- Yeah … content, whatever. I am not a poly person. I do not, I don't label myself as poly. If, if there was a couple that wanted to date us, if there was a… I don't want Adam dating someone by himself unless I am dating someone.

44:52 By yourself? Yeah. Like if that's- Hmm … if that's- Like you want it, it, um- Yeah, I want it even … completely even Stevens. Yeah. So like that's, so that, that might be out, right? But we can definitely have friends with benefits. I don't really want labels like girlfriends or boyfriends or anything like- Yeah, you don't like the title exchange I don't like to title things, like no. No. Um, so yeah. Well now from a, from a, a you standpoint, so you're, you're talking about what you see for me. But what about from you? Mm-hmm. Could you see yourself being vulnerable with somebody other than me? Could you be, uh, able to express heartfelt feelings? Could you trust the way you do with me?

45:33 Could you be- I don't- … on that same emotional level- I don't think so … with somebody else? I think partly. Yeah. But not, not fully. No? No. Is it, it's just a matter of, you know, you just, you just- I don't trust a lot of people … don't know if you can trust anybody like that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. It takes a lot, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Now, would you need that sort of same level of trust for somebody that I was dating in the hypothetical situation? Yes. Yeah? Yeah. Wow, that's gotta be a tough one. Mm-hmm. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Um, now as it sits, as we talk about it, without labels, you're basically saying that you're just open. I'm just open. You're just open, living life.

46:14 Abierta . Going from there. You, you see what a year and a half has done, uh, in talking to therapists and talking to other people- Guys, our show helped us … in the lifestyle. Yeah, believe it or not, it's, it's our own therapy. So- Y'all heard the same stuff, like- I mean, if you go- yeah … back and listen to episode one and then you listen to this one, you're gonna hear two very, very different- Yes … lovely ladies here. Um, I, I find it interesting, and that's why I had to revisit it. Uh, now before you go, a few things. If you're not already a member of SDC, the world's largest lifestyle social network, go check them out at sdc.com and use our referral code 38236 to get started.

46:58 It is hands down one of the best communities in the lifestyle, and we're proud to partner with them. And also, if you're in the San Antonio area, we wanna see you. Beyond Monogamy is hosting an event at Club Eden San Antonio on June 20th. If you wanna come hang out with me and Pris that day, head over to Club Eden's website, grab your membership to the club, and come find us. We always have a couch. Mm-hmm. And we would love to meet you in person. And if you've ever been thinking about attending a lifestyle event and you've never been to Naughty N'awlins, put it on your calendar July 8th through the 12th in New Orleans. We will be there. We will actually have a booth, an exhibitor's table. You gotta come find us.

47:38 We're gonna have some stuff. We're gonna have some stuff. We're gonna have some stuff. We're gonna have some giveaways. Yes. It's gonna be really, really cool, and cool picture opportunities as well. That's right. Call me Mickey. If you wanna catch us live, we are on Full Swap Radio live every Thursday at 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central. Go to fullswapradio.com for more. And hey, if you have a story, a confession, or something that you've been dying to say but don't want a name attached to it- … we have an anonymous confessional feature right on our website at beyond-monogamy.com. Drop it there. We may just talk about it on a future episode. And if you wanna be a guest on the show, head to beyond-monogamy.com/guests/intake and fill out our intake form.

48:23 We'd love to have you. Mm-hmm. It's a really cool show to be on. Find us everywhere, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Pandora, and at beyond-monogamy.com. Follow us, rate us, share us with a friend who's curious about this lifestyle but doesn't know where to start. You never know whose life you might change. Mm-hmm. And with that, we appreciate you all joining us for another episode, and we will see you guys next week. Bye.