Feb. 22, 2025
Swinging: Strengthening Bonds or Breaking Them?
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In this episode, Adam and Pris delve into the intricate dynamics of swinging and marriage. They reflect on their 13-year journey, emphasizing the importance of entering the lifestyle with the right intentions. The hosts share personal anecdotes, highlighting how their adventures in swinging have bolstered communication and intimacy rather than serving as a band-aid for marital issues. They caution against using swinging to repair damaged relationships and stress the need for a solid ethical foundation. Their experiences underline the potential of swinging to enrich a strong, communicative partnership but acknowledge it isn't a universal solution for marital woes.
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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics
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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related
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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised
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that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the
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content shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes
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only. If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not
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to engage with discussions about sex, relationships,
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or mature language, we strongly recommend that you refrain from listening further.
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However, if you are of legal age and comfortable with this content,
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we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.
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I'm Adam. And I'm Frizz. And today we're
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talking about something very specific. It's in regards
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to swinging and merit.
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Yeah. You know, the. The. The two in relationship to
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each other. I'm trying to figure out if it strengthens
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or weakens a relationship. Now, I know that we've.
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We've talked about people jumping into this for all the wrong
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reasons, and we've heard of people saying that
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they try to do this because they
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thought it would save their marriage. Yes.
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Which is always advised against. Yes.
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Situations like that obviously are not.
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Are not good. No. Yeah. I mean, you shouldn't.
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You shouldn't jump into anything that's going to.
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You shouldn't jump into anything sex wise,
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relationship wise with anybody else until
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you've strengthened your marriage. Right.
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But now. Well, now that's the tough part, because you know what?
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You and I jumped into this. Yeah. In the beginning of
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our relationship. Yeah. And. And you were
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not really certain about it. No,
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I was not with swinging.
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I loved you. Well, I love you
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a lot. And I love you more than
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I love you more than I loved my previous partners.
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Okay. And so sharing.
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Well, the first one, I didn't share on purpose.
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That was all. That was all him. The second one,
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we went into this, right. And it was like, okay, cool, whatever.
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But the you. When you and I started,
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I was like, dude, I don't want to lose him. I really like him
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because I thought you were gonna leave
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me find something better. Yeah.
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But one, I was thinking,
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okay, well, we're gonna do swinging because he wants to try different things,
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man. What if he likes it and I don't want to
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do it anymore? I'm going to probably stay in it because
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I want to make him happy. And so I had a lot of conflicting
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thoughts. And, you know, I.
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I'm surprised by that because when we started throughout this,
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at the beginning, I felt like you were more
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excited about it than I was in getting these
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experiences. Like you, you really of grabbed me by the hand and
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you were like, come on, we're doing this because I. Wanted you to try them.
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Okay. Yeah. And I like girls.
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True, true, true. So, yeah,
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no, I wanted you to try it and you'd never tried it. And I was
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like, well, who else would try this with, but with me, Right? Safe person,
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safe space. Yeah, sure. And so we did. We tried a lot
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of different things. Did we
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have some hiccups? Most definitely.
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Yeah. We've had, we've had our moments. We went into swinging for
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fun experiences. Not to spice
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up our marriage. Right. Not to
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fix something that was missing, that had nothing to
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do with it. So it's,
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it was just, okay, well, I'm, I'm going to try this and I'm going
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to, I'm going to see if, if he likes it or anything.
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So once I realized that you did like it, I was like,
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okay, well this is a, this is cool. This is something that we can do.
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So I don't know, don't go in it with,
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you know, bad intentions. Okay. That's the
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one thing that if you do, forget it.
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And we didn't do that. We went, we jumped in, but we jumped
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in with, we're gonna try this. And we,
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we've been in it for 13 years. Thirteen years. Yeah.
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But those 13 years, it was off
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and on, you know, like, we didn't.
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Yeah. It wasn't like every weekend. Well.
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And we would step away for a while. Right. Do you know what I mean?
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So, like, we would step away, we would come back, we would step away.
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And not for any reasons other than life.
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Life. We had some times where I felt,
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I was, I felt super insecure. Things were happening and
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I was like, I don't really, I don't like this. I didn't know how to
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express myself. Yeah. I felt like
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it was just going in a different, A different. I wanted it to go this
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way and it was going that way and not for malicious reasons. It was
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just different, different. So we would step away.
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So we didn't get in it to strengthen our marriage. We didn't get it
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in it to fix anything. You know, it was definitely.
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It was a rock. It was one of those, those just
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dirty, rough looking rocks, you know, going into
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it. Yeah. And then as we went through the journey
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and we kind of smoothed out certain things and we kind of listened
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to each other on a few different things and came together on a few different
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things and to the point to where we're at now, I,
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I feel like, we've relatively perfected
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what it is we want to get out of this life. I. I would
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agree. Yeah. I think we're there. Our communication
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is better. As people notice, we don't always agree
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with everything. You and I understand
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what we want. Right. And so it works for
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us. Yeah. We know. We know what the goal is. We know what the goal
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is. We put each other first.
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Correct. You know, maybe when we first started, that wasn't
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the case. Yeah. Things have a lot of selfishness.
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We've both grown. Yeah. There was a lot of selfishness,
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insecurities, a lot of jealousy,
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a lot of rules, a lot of. Yeah.
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A lot of hesitation. Yeah. And now we're
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here and there's a couple
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of rules, couple of boundaries.
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Yeah. We are still learning what we don't want,
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what we don't like what we want,
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what we like. You know, like, it's. It is definitely a very good learning
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experience. And I don't know, I think that it's strengthened
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us and it's taught us how to communicate better. It doesn't
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happen for everybody. It doesn't. It doesn't. Because I
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feel. Feel like people just
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in general don't know how to communicate. Like, it's not something
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that you're born with. Not everybody has it naturally.
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Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm a reactor. I'm not really a communicator.
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Right. And now I'm a communicator and
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not so much a reactor. Yeah. I hear you.
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I hear so. Yeah. So. But I have. We have heard many,
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many a story where. Oh, well, you know,
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we were. We were going to break up because
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he cheated or he. I cheated and now we're
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here. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that a few times.
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Can it fix your marriage?
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I'm not going to say it won't. I mean, I. So we. We have seen
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it successfully. I. Yeah. Work for
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certain people who, for some reason, that was
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what. Was able to kind of bring them together. Yeah. You know,
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I mean, kept them together. Yeah. Because it's.
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Don't go in it if. Oh,
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well, you cheated, I cheated, and we
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both want other people or our sex is just not the same,
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you know, and you go in it. I think that's the wrong thought.
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Yeah. You know, there's. I mean, that is. I. That wouldn't
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work for us, but it. Wouldn'T work for us. Now for some people,
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it does. Yeah. You know, it. Everybody's in this
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for different reasons, and nobody can really say who's doing
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right and who's doing Wrong. Very true. But realistically,
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you know, there should be a. A. A relatively ethical
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goal in mind. Yeah. You know.
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Yeah, yeah, there should be some sort of ethical goal.
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So if you're going into it for, you know,
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saving your marriage, while it may seem like a.
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A good idea, it's not necessarily
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an ethical goal because you're getting into it to
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try and repair your marriage when
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you don't maybe know what the actual problem is.
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Oh, yeah. Like, you haven't really discussed it. Like, what is it now?
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Now, if that's what the problem is,
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like, if it's the spouse wants to explore
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certain kinks or wants to play around with others or whatever,
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well, then, by all means, yes, the lifestyle is
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the answer to save your marriage. But in a lot
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of cases that I've seen, there's been a situation where somebody has cheated.
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And the other one says, well, I want to get.
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I want to get mine. Yeah, not necessarily. Yeah, not necessarily payback,
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but kind of like I want to even the score a little bit. And so
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they decide, you know, the. The couple decides,
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okay, we'll do this. And it. It doesn't normally
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turn out very well. No, no, it doesn't.
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I have a question that just popped in my head.
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Do you think in your first marriage,
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do you think swinging would have
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fixed that, or do you
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think your marriage was already
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in a place where it couldn't
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be fixed? Because I know you didn't. You. You. It wasn't a
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cheating type of thing. It was just pretty much a falling out of love
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thing. Right. Well, so we did. We for the first
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year had a sex life
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like what you and I have about the equivalent of it in
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that we. We did it often several times a day.
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And I don't even think it was for the full year,
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but maybe the first nine months or so. And then she got
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pregnant. Oh, okay. Okay. And then.
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And then that's when it kind of. And then things started changing from there.
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After she got pregnant the first time, we did not have
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sex again for several years.
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And then the next time that we had sex, she got pregnant
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again, and then I was gone three months later.
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Yeah. So, yeah, it's.
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It. I don't want to. I think because of the.
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Our lack of sex, if we had gone into
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swinging, it wouldn't have been a good idea for
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us. Right. Because she wasn't even mentally prepared for something
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like that. Like. Well, I think it would have just crushed me to see her
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enjoy having sex with other people when she wouldn't have
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sex with Me. Oh, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's what
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would bother me. Yeah. It wouldn't be so much. Oh, well, she's having
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sex with other people, but it would be more. So she's enjoying
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having sex with other people. She doesn't enjoy it. And she must not enjoy it
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with me because she doesn't have sex with me. Yeah. You know what I mean?
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So. Yeah, I don't. I don't think that that would have
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worked out well for us.
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Yeah, I. My first marriage,
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I was so young. Definitely wouldn't have worked. Oh,
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yeah. I was a complete. Jealous.
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Right. Really. I mean, mind you, he didn't.
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He didn't help that. Right. I mean, to this
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day, we'll still be like, I'm so sorry, but whatever.
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Didn't help that. And I was a different
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person. I was very young, very naive, so swinging definitely
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would not have helped. And the second
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one, we did it. We did swinging.
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But he. I'm not sure why.
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I'm not sure what he did it for. Like, what was
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the purpose of it. Now, who. Who brought that up?
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I want to say both of
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us. How did that even come up? I don't understand.
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Well, you know, I want
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to say we were out of our apartment, and we were
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just kind of figuring out maybe
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we were talking. I don't remember. Maybe we were talking, and then
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all of a sudden we found a website. And we're like,
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oh, my God, let's get on this website. What is this? Because I'd never
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experienced that. I'd never really seen porn.
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Okay. And so I remember him showing me, like,
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oh, look, you can see these web girls. And I'm like,
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what is that? You know, I'd only seen. I'd only seen strippers
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at strip clubs, so I didn't really know that too much about,
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like, porn and stuff. Sure. And so I think we
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went to a website. We found it. He posted pictures of me and
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him, and people started reaching
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out. And I had never been.
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I had only been with a few people and only been in long
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relationships. Sure. So I didn't know other people
235
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would actually find me attractive. And so
236
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they did. And I was like. And I could play with girls. Okay.
237
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:02,090
Which was great. But then it got
238
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thrown in my face, and so swinging was
239
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not for us now. What do you mean? If I
240
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was with a girl, he'd be like, you're such a lesbian.
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If I was with the guy. I mean, mind you, he's there. If I
242
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was with a guy. Oh, you're such A slut just shaming
243
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me to my core.
244
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And so I didn't want to do it. Maybe that was his
245
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kink, you know, it wasn't. Maybe he got onto that.
246
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:34,662
It would have been cool, but he was always drunk and so, like, swinging for
247
00:15:34,686 --> 00:15:38,262
us was not fun. Now I was going to do swinging. Once I
248
00:15:38,286 --> 00:15:42,090
left him, I was. I was thinking about joining
249
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,424
being a unicorn. Really? Yeah. I had left him a
250
00:15:46,432 --> 00:15:49,736
few times, so I was like, ooh, I'm gonna be.
251
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:52,808
I didn't. There wasn't a name for it. If there was, I didn't know.
252
00:15:52,944 --> 00:15:56,456
But I remember going to Adult Friend Finders and making myself
253
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a little profile. And he hacked into
254
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,704
my email and found it and made. Cause the scene shamed me.
255
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,008
And then I felt bad. I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm
256
00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:09,418
doing this. And so swinging wouldn't
257
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:14,154
have been for us. That wouldn't have saved anything. And then that's
258
00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:17,770
what took me so long to do it with you was I
259
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,498
had a lot of trauma, a lot of bad scenarios
260
00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:25,190
that had taken place prior to you that I was like,
261
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:29,670
swinging is just gonna Fuck this. Like, something's gonna happen here.
262
00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:33,130
He's going to find somebody and be like,
263
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:37,250
peace, dude. I remember very specifically,
264
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:41,102
it was some morning, and I don't remember where we
265
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:44,622
were going, but I was waiting for you to get dressed so
266
00:16:44,646 --> 00:16:48,446
that we could go. And you were sitting at your vanity and
267
00:16:48,518 --> 00:16:52,158
you were just crying. And I was like,
268
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:55,726
what is wrong? And you were like, I just feel like we're
269
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not. We're. We're doing something wrong. It just feels. Because we
270
00:16:59,526 --> 00:17:02,450
went back into. We went back into the religion,
271
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,516
remember? Yeah, we were at the church. We had started bringing
272
00:17:06,548 --> 00:17:10,036
the kids. Well, I was never in the religion. I was just there.
273
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:13,204
I was there with you guys. Well, no, remember you had made a path
274
00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:16,932
that you were going to join the choir if you got. Yeah, so. So we
275
00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:20,500
went back. Yeah, we went back because I was never in. I was never in
276
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,020
church until I got with you. Right. So we
277
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:28,590
started becoming more involved in the church and. And all
278
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:32,238
this good stuff. And it was fun because I'd never had that.
279
00:17:32,374 --> 00:17:36,158
And so I was like, oh, my God. Morally, I feel. I feel horrible.
280
00:17:36,334 --> 00:17:39,678
Yeah, I should be devoted to you. We should be in this
281
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:43,530
together. Like, I feel. I feel bad.
282
00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:47,502
I got over that. That lasted a day. It lasted
283
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:51,166
a day. And I told you. I was like, okay, that's fine. We're done.
284
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:55,050
Yeah, I don't have to do this. And that lasted A day.
285
00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:59,062
And then after that day, you were like, yeah, yeah, I. I think
286
00:17:59,086 --> 00:18:02,742
I'm good. Yeah. I think I'm okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, talking to you,
287
00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:06,230
discussing things with you, always helps because you're like, you're looking
288
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:09,798
at this wrong. Well, I mean, you know, nobody can really
289
00:18:09,854 --> 00:18:13,094
make that decision for you. Can't live my whole life and then go to.
290
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:16,454
I mean, I guess I could live a whole life and then go to confession
291
00:18:16,502 --> 00:18:20,118
and confess my wholeness by.
292
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:23,410
Hopefully by that time, everybody will already know. There you go.
293
00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:28,154
But, yeah, no, you should not go into swinging
294
00:18:28,202 --> 00:18:31,722
any kind of lifestyle at all if it's
295
00:18:31,786 --> 00:18:35,190
rocky. You know, my. My thing is, is if.
296
00:18:35,570 --> 00:18:39,034
If your marriage is rocky, you should
297
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,778
really concentrate on that. And I'm not. And I'm not saying that in a judgmental
298
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:46,790
way at all because, you know, I mean, it's. It's easier said than done.
299
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:51,232
It is. You know what I mean? Like, it is. And is it
300
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:55,264
all about the sex. When you do it, when you get into the
301
00:18:55,272 --> 00:18:58,864
lifestyle? So there's. Because I've
302
00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:02,432
seen actually more on the other end of
303
00:19:02,456 --> 00:19:06,608
the spectrum where it's more of the intimacies that
304
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:10,320
are yearned for. Yeah. Rather than the
305
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:13,728
sex. Like, the sex is automatic. So it's like, oh, yeah,
306
00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:17,050
we're going to have sex, but where I. I can't really
307
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,250
let you into this, but I. I kind of crave this. You know,
308
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,418
I wanna. I wanna get some cuddles or I wanna get.
309
00:19:23,554 --> 00:19:27,002
I wanna, you know, do this or whatever. You know, it's like there's intimacies that
310
00:19:27,026 --> 00:19:30,698
are craved by a lot of people. That's true.
311
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:34,202
Yeah. And I also saw that some
312
00:19:34,226 --> 00:19:38,430
people get into it when they have a medical condition.
313
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:44,964
Really? Yeah. So, like, I. I read that she
314
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:48,708
has a medical condition where she can't really have
315
00:19:48,764 --> 00:19:52,580
sex. Yeah. Like, she has a back problem.
316
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,640
Okay. And she has.
317
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:59,412
Is it a bad. It's a medical condition. Like, she has a back issue.
318
00:19:59,596 --> 00:20:04,212
She can't really lay on her back too much, and a lot of pressure hurts.
319
00:20:04,356 --> 00:20:08,068
And so they're swingers. But it's primarily for
320
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:12,032
him to. Because he has a. You know, he still
321
00:20:12,056 --> 00:20:15,920
has a sex drive. Right. They're older, you know,
322
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,744
and they've been in. They've been in. They've been swinging for
323
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:23,600
a while, and it's mainly for him because he
324
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,216
can't. He has a sex drive and she cannot perform.
325
00:20:27,368 --> 00:20:31,072
Yeah. And so he. He does his thing. She's sometimes
326
00:20:31,136 --> 00:20:34,560
there and sometimes she's not. Wow.
327
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,510
Yeah. But that's what they. That's what they got into.
328
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:40,934
Swinging. That's interesting. Yeah. Wow. And I
329
00:20:40,942 --> 00:20:44,662
was like, oh, that's kind of cool. You know, that's some strong right
330
00:20:44,686 --> 00:20:47,270
there. You know what we were talking about?
331
00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:51,110
What? Why does. Why does
332
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,454
a single person get into the lifestyle?
333
00:20:54,502 --> 00:20:58,390
Get into the lifestyle? Well, so more specifically, why does
334
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:02,220
a single person in the lifestyle look for other singles
335
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:05,452
people? What is that about? I mean, I'm not single,
336
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:08,476
so, I mean. And I'm not judging in any way.
337
00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:12,748
Oh, yeah, me neither. Curiosity. Yeah. Because that's just basically dating.
338
00:21:12,844 --> 00:21:16,844
Yeah. Isn't it? I mean, it's just dating. I don't know. Because when you're a
339
00:21:16,852 --> 00:21:20,252
single person, lifestyle or not, you can do
340
00:21:20,276 --> 00:21:23,180
whatever you want. I mean, you don't. You don't have any. Well, the single people
341
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:27,048
that I know only really go with
342
00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:29,780
one person couples. Oh,
343
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,600
really? Yeah. I mean, I think they play with the
344
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,424
female alone sometimes. Only because that's the couple's
345
00:21:37,472 --> 00:21:41,168
dynamic sometimes. But yeah. Oh.
346
00:21:41,184 --> 00:21:43,952
I mean, I guess they do play with some of the single ladies in the
347
00:21:43,976 --> 00:21:47,696
single whatever. But yeah, mainly couples.
348
00:21:47,888 --> 00:21:51,040
Huh. Interesting. Yeah. You know,
349
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:55,360
I was just wondering. I mean, I guess just
350
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,168
to be a part of the community would be. Reasonable variety, but there's
351
00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:02,860
variety when you're dating second. You don't have to guess. I mean,
352
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,976
if you're just a single person. Yeah. If you're just a single person.
353
00:22:07,128 --> 00:22:10,352
Yeah. And you're looking for all of this, you might as well be a part
354
00:22:10,376 --> 00:22:13,920
of that lifestyle because then you can find it a lot easier. Yeah,
355
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,872
I guess that would make sense. That makes sense. Way to
356
00:22:17,896 --> 00:22:21,564
go, singles. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I just put together a puzzle.
357
00:22:21,612 --> 00:22:24,124
You did? Because we've been talking about this. Yeah. And I couldn't figure it out.
358
00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:27,420
We were like, what? Why? Yeah, yeah. Thought process.
359
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:30,764
Curiosity. Curiosity. It's an interesting question.
360
00:22:30,852 --> 00:22:34,268
Yeah. Because I don't know if. If I was.
361
00:22:34,324 --> 00:22:37,724
If I was single, I don't think I would be in the lifestyle
362
00:22:37,772 --> 00:22:41,548
myself. I don't think I'd be in it. No, No, I don't think.
363
00:22:41,604 --> 00:22:44,754
I think I would because dating sucks, man.
364
00:22:44,892 --> 00:22:48,210
Yeah. You see, I would be. I would be a unicorn and be like,
365
00:22:48,590 --> 00:22:52,294
who wants to take me out? Well, see, I think it's easier for a
366
00:22:52,302 --> 00:22:55,830
woman. I think it's easier for a woman than it is
367
00:22:55,870 --> 00:22:59,334
for a guy in the single aspect of the lifestyle.
368
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:02,518
Now, I could be wrong. Isn't it funny that it's easier for a woman
369
00:23:02,574 --> 00:23:05,330
in these sexual aspects of this.
370
00:23:05,710 --> 00:23:09,574
Of anything that has to do with sex. But it's not easier
371
00:23:09,702 --> 00:23:13,614
for a woman outside of sex stuff. What do you mean?
372
00:23:13,782 --> 00:23:17,502
Just life in general. Oh, yeah, right. Like this is
373
00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:21,966
easy. Yeah. For a woman, swinging hands
374
00:23:21,998 --> 00:23:22,570
down.
375
00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:27,966
Easy. Yeah. Unless you want a girl,
376
00:23:28,038 --> 00:23:31,806
because then I don't know how to do that. So obviously it's
377
00:23:31,838 --> 00:23:35,070
not easy. I got that. I got that. I'll help.
378
00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:39,374
I'll help you out. All right. Your wingman. Oh, you were my wingman and
379
00:23:39,462 --> 00:23:42,836
then you decided to date me. That's right.
380
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:47,028
And then I took away your wingman. You're such a cutie.
381
00:23:47,124 --> 00:23:50,212
Stop it. Anyway, yeah, you know,
382
00:23:50,236 --> 00:23:54,308
I'm. I'm. I will say that I think that
383
00:23:54,364 --> 00:23:58,228
being a part of this lifestyle has. Has strengthened our marriage.
384
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:01,652
Yes. I would say we. I want to
385
00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:05,360
say that you have made it
386
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,316
better and easier. Yeah.
387
00:24:09,428 --> 00:24:13,124
Yes. How's that? Well, Mr. Adam used to be very self
388
00:24:13,172 --> 00:24:16,260
centered when it came to swinging. You know,
389
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:19,220
negative. Well, you. I mean, you were. We talked about it.
390
00:24:19,260 --> 00:24:22,724
You kind of were. And I was very insecure. Yeah. Yeah.
391
00:24:22,772 --> 00:24:26,132
And those two things did not match. Yeah. You know what
392
00:24:26,156 --> 00:24:29,780
I mean? Yeah. Those are some tough times. Yeah. And so you
393
00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:33,092
are very transparent. I try to
394
00:24:33,116 --> 00:24:36,720
be as. As much as possible. You are very transparent with me.
395
00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:39,850
We have really good communication.
396
00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:44,246
We. We agree to disagree on some things.
397
00:24:44,398 --> 00:24:47,494
Yeah. Yeah. We don't always agree. So. Yeah,
398
00:24:47,542 --> 00:24:51,750
I think it has definitely strengthened our
399
00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:56,054
thought process and how we go about our sex life.
400
00:24:56,222 --> 00:24:59,350
Sure. You know, because we could take
401
00:24:59,390 --> 00:25:02,938
swinging out of this completely and
402
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:06,162
we'd still be rocking the bed. Like. Yeah.
403
00:25:06,306 --> 00:25:10,306
We've always had a very healthy sex life for each. And people
404
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:13,410
think, oh, man, they've been it for a long time and, oh, man, they've been
405
00:25:13,450 --> 00:25:16,030
playing for a long time. No,
406
00:25:16,330 --> 00:25:19,026
not really. Well, yeah, I mean,
407
00:25:19,098 --> 00:25:22,402
collectively, we had our experiences,
408
00:25:22,466 --> 00:25:25,762
but we weren't, you know, hitting it up every weekend. We were.
409
00:25:25,866 --> 00:25:28,962
We were actually very sparse for several years. Years.
410
00:25:29,066 --> 00:25:32,726
Yeah. So it's. It's fun now.
411
00:25:32,878 --> 00:25:35,730
I think this is the most active we've ever been.
412
00:25:36,030 --> 00:25:38,690
Yeah. Yeah. Which.
413
00:25:39,150 --> 00:25:42,422
Yeah. Hey, cool. It's. It's a
414
00:25:42,446 --> 00:25:47,210
different experience, but it definitely has strengthened our. Our relationship
415
00:25:48,430 --> 00:25:51,478
and everything. I mean, you know, it.
416
00:25:51,534 --> 00:25:54,246
It's definitely helped my communication.
417
00:25:54,358 --> 00:25:58,188
Yeah. I thought I had good communication and I
418
00:25:58,244 --> 00:26:01,580
did not. It's helped me
419
00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:05,980
learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations and uncomfortable
420
00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:09,996
conversations. Yeah, those were always difficulties.
421
00:26:10,108 --> 00:26:13,660
Yeah. I was a classic avoider, so I
422
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:17,120
would do anything to avoid the uncomfortable
423
00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:21,644
conversation. Yeah. I just didn't want to have that uncomfortable feeling.
424
00:26:21,692 --> 00:26:25,092
I didn't want to have the uncomfortable conversation. Yeah. And so I do
425
00:26:25,116 --> 00:26:29,156
whatever I could to avoid it. Well, if that meant not being
426
00:26:29,228 --> 00:26:32,276
forthcoming with something or that meant, you know,
427
00:26:32,348 --> 00:26:35,764
holding back on something, then so be it. Yeah.
428
00:26:35,812 --> 00:26:39,908
All I knew was I wasn't lying to you. Yes. I just wasn't sharing.
429
00:26:40,004 --> 00:26:43,716
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that's
430
00:26:43,748 --> 00:26:47,380
where you and I started. And I, I think we had the
431
00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:51,068
conversation of whether or not I. An omission is a lie.
432
00:26:51,164 --> 00:26:54,492
Yes. And I think. I think you and
433
00:26:54,516 --> 00:26:57,948
I finally, we came to an agreement that an omission is a
434
00:26:58,004 --> 00:27:01,756
form of lying. Yes. And while it's not
435
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:05,692
as malicious as a blatant lie, it is on the,
436
00:27:05,876 --> 00:27:09,660
on the scale you want to be. You want to be transparent.
437
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:13,000
Right? Right. Because it is uncomfortable. I mean,
438
00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:17,974
who lifestyle or not, sometimes you're
439
00:27:18,022 --> 00:27:22,166
not in the right mood or you're not in the right headspace.
440
00:27:22,358 --> 00:27:24,810
Last thing you want to hear is, oh,
441
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:28,330
so and so sent me a video and ooh,
442
00:27:28,670 --> 00:27:31,910
I stroked it. You know what I mean? Like, it's.
443
00:27:31,990 --> 00:27:35,174
They're uncomfortable conversations. Now, I'm okay
444
00:27:35,222 --> 00:27:38,342
with the way you come about it, the way
445
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:42,060
you tell me, the way you explain, express it to me,
446
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,568
or just your forthcoming. Just,
447
00:27:45,624 --> 00:27:48,672
Just your transparency makes the lifestyles so much
448
00:27:48,696 --> 00:27:52,660
easier. Well, I will tell you, I rejected a lot of it in the beginning
449
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,980
because it. I felt like I was.
450
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,048
I felt like I was having to be
451
00:28:00,104 --> 00:28:03,440
like a child. You know what I mean? You mentioned that, but now
452
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,596
I was going to ask you something because you had mentioned that we were talking
453
00:28:06,628 --> 00:28:10,360
about something and you said that being married.
454
00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:14,436
Don't you think that being married gives you
455
00:28:14,508 --> 00:28:18,960
the, the, Your, Your partner's opportunity to,
456
00:28:19,820 --> 00:28:22,948
to be. That you should be, like, open to
457
00:28:23,004 --> 00:28:27,364
that kind of feeling? Because it's not really being a child.
458
00:28:27,532 --> 00:28:30,868
It's just trying to dig stuff out of you. Well,
459
00:28:30,924 --> 00:28:33,840
so I, I agree to an extent. Yes.
460
00:28:34,740 --> 00:28:37,200
I think when you're in a relationship.
461
00:28:37,620 --> 00:28:40,940
It'S like get swinging out of it. Yeah. Like. Well,
462
00:28:41,060 --> 00:28:44,796
in anything, realistically, when you're in a relationship,
463
00:28:44,988 --> 00:28:48,892
there's going to be give and take. There's always negotiation.
464
00:28:48,956 --> 00:28:52,924
There's always give and take. Right. And what
465
00:28:53,012 --> 00:28:55,400
I, I viewed things as,
466
00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:59,260
well, because of my past years in,
467
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:02,140
in an abusive childhood. Right.
468
00:29:02,260 --> 00:29:05,532
Yeah. You know, with, with all of that shit. You know,
469
00:29:05,556 --> 00:29:09,452
it's one of those things where you just kind of view things very negatively.
470
00:29:09,596 --> 00:29:12,396
And so at the very beginning, that's the way I would view it is that,
471
00:29:12,468 --> 00:29:15,932
well, you're, you're treating me like I'm Your. I'm your kid. You don't tell me
472
00:29:15,956 --> 00:29:19,420
what to do. Yeah. You know, that sort of. Yes. And it was very.
473
00:29:19,540 --> 00:29:23,228
It was very negative. Yeah. And then as we went on and we
474
00:29:23,364 --> 00:29:27,066
talked more and we figured each other out more, I started
475
00:29:27,138 --> 00:29:31,130
realizing that the little bit that you were asking for
476
00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:34,698
was not a lot. Right. You know what I mean? Right.
477
00:29:34,754 --> 00:29:38,330
Yeah. And it. You weren't asking for anything that I
478
00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:42,586
wasn't already asking from you. Right. For myself.
479
00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:45,082
Yeah. It was the same respect.
480
00:29:45,266 --> 00:29:48,890
Yeah. And I don't know, a light switch kind of went off in
481
00:29:48,930 --> 00:29:52,578
my head, and I said, you know, this is silly. I don't
482
00:29:52,594 --> 00:29:55,682
know why I'm. I'm. I'm fighting rejecting. Yeah. And, you know,
483
00:29:55,706 --> 00:29:58,818
and a lot of it was just, you know, past traumas and like that.
484
00:29:58,874 --> 00:30:02,322
Yeah. We both had our own little trust issues that we had to
485
00:30:02,346 --> 00:30:05,858
deal with. Not from each other, but just from past
486
00:30:05,914 --> 00:30:09,298
relationships. Yeah. And I mean, and it.
487
00:30:09,354 --> 00:30:13,042
Yeah. No, it took us kind of real. Really kind
488
00:30:13,066 --> 00:30:16,130
of leaning on each other and going, I'm trusting you here.
489
00:30:16,250 --> 00:30:19,318
Yes. Don't fail me. Yes. And that's
490
00:30:19,334 --> 00:30:24,118
what. And we have yet to fail each other. And we're very understanding,
491
00:30:24,294 --> 00:30:28,150
you and I, about mistakes.
492
00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:31,846
Yes. I. You know, I've. I've said before that there's
493
00:30:31,878 --> 00:30:34,850
not a single thing, except for one thing,
494
00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:39,382
that I couldn't forgive in our relationship.
495
00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:43,270
Yeah. Yeah. The only thing that I couldn't forgive and could not
496
00:30:43,310 --> 00:30:46,450
go back to is if, like, I heard,
497
00:30:46,790 --> 00:30:49,838
like, proof of you talking crap about
498
00:30:49,894 --> 00:30:53,662
me to somebody else. Yeah. Like, that, to me, is unforgivable. Yeah.
499
00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:56,846
You know, but outside of that, I mean,
500
00:30:56,918 --> 00:30:59,890
anything. Yeah. Realistically,
501
00:31:00,390 --> 00:31:03,902
we could. We could work it out. Yeah. You know. Yeah. That's what.
502
00:31:03,926 --> 00:31:07,662
That's how I feel. And I think, like. Like, new people that come into the
503
00:31:07,686 --> 00:31:11,086
lifestyle. I know we've discussed this before, but it's
504
00:31:11,118 --> 00:31:14,950
like, when you're new, have those
505
00:31:14,990 --> 00:31:16,730
uncomfortable conversations,
506
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:20,886
have those boundaries,
507
00:31:20,998 --> 00:31:24,182
have your rules, things come up.
508
00:31:24,366 --> 00:31:27,650
You never know if you like them. Be open.
509
00:31:28,030 --> 00:31:32,730
Be open. Yeah. Be open and, you know, understand your spouse
510
00:31:33,070 --> 00:31:36,278
and their feelings towards this, because just
511
00:31:36,334 --> 00:31:40,024
as uncomfortable as you are in certain situations,
512
00:31:40,222 --> 00:31:43,556
they're having the same kind of insecurities you are.
513
00:31:43,628 --> 00:31:46,740
Yes. And sometimes they're having more. Yeah. I mean,
514
00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:50,564
like, I don't want to bring up conversations sometimes because I'm like,
515
00:31:50,652 --> 00:31:53,764
yeah, I know your reaction, and vice versa.
516
00:31:53,812 --> 00:31:58,000
Right. But, like, new people, be open.
517
00:31:58,860 --> 00:32:02,532
Adam and I have always been open
518
00:32:02,636 --> 00:32:06,760
in our communication, whether it's communicating
519
00:32:07,270 --> 00:32:10,590
you on your phone with whomever or me
520
00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:14,494
on my phone with whomever. We always have that openness
521
00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:17,790
where it's like, the access is there.
522
00:32:17,910 --> 00:32:21,182
Yeah. And that could be just for your peace of mind.
523
00:32:21,286 --> 00:32:24,010
Right, right, right. Just for your peace of mind.
524
00:32:24,390 --> 00:32:28,286
It's. It's very nice to know that it's
525
00:32:28,318 --> 00:32:32,478
very secure that nothing is going wrong.
526
00:32:32,574 --> 00:32:35,860
Nothing's. Nothing's being said that
527
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:40,380
shouldn't be said. You know, Nothing inappropriate. Nothing inappropriate.
528
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,712
And so, like. Yeah. Like, new people that are. That are in the
529
00:32:44,736 --> 00:32:48,020
lifestyle. If you have that issue already,
530
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,424
talk it out before you jump into the swinging. Oh, man. Yeah,
531
00:32:52,472 --> 00:32:56,088
because that's. That's not gonna. That's not gonna make it. Yeah. And, like, if you
532
00:32:56,144 --> 00:32:59,272
share a profile, that's great. You're gonna have it, but, like, Adam and I do
533
00:32:59,296 --> 00:33:02,232
not. You and I do not share a profile. And we were against that from
534
00:33:02,256 --> 00:33:05,432
the. Start, and it's just not our thing. No, no. You made it
535
00:33:05,456 --> 00:33:09,112
real clear. Like, you didn't like my.
536
00:33:09,296 --> 00:33:12,504
What I would do on my Facebook and the people I talked to and that
537
00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:16,008
sort of thing. Yeah. But you were like, no, this is your
538
00:33:16,064 --> 00:33:19,640
thing. I don't want to take that away from you. Yeah. There's no point.
539
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,840
You know, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know.
540
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,488
It's just. It's not our thing. Right. But. But we have.
541
00:33:26,624 --> 00:33:30,140
We have the access. Yeah. Which is, you know,
542
00:33:30,180 --> 00:33:33,612
you grab my phone and you take pictures or you. Which could be comforting for
543
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:36,972
some people. Right. And I don't have to worry now. You know,
544
00:33:36,996 --> 00:33:39,612
if I ask for your phone and you refuse to give it to me,
545
00:33:39,636 --> 00:33:42,524
then I'm going to be like, what the hell's going on? You know what I
546
00:33:42,532 --> 00:33:45,484
mean? Or I'm sure if I act a little shady about it, you're going to
547
00:33:45,492 --> 00:33:48,524
be like, okay, now I want to. Now I want to see your phone.
548
00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:52,060
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sort of thing is understandable,
549
00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:55,468
but it just took me a little while to kind of reach
550
00:33:55,524 --> 00:33:58,690
that point. Yeah. Where I realized,
551
00:33:58,770 --> 00:34:01,874
oh, this is not. I mean, just about me.
552
00:34:01,962 --> 00:34:05,410
You've never been in a relationship like this. No. No, no, no.
553
00:34:05,450 --> 00:34:08,482
You know, first. This is a first. And I have to say, this is a
554
00:34:08,506 --> 00:34:12,210
first for me. Yeah. Like, this is deep,
555
00:34:12,290 --> 00:34:16,226
true love. And now we're opening
556
00:34:16,258 --> 00:34:19,410
it up. Yeah. You know, so it's like. But,
557
00:34:19,450 --> 00:34:24,154
you know, a lot of the big base work of it was
558
00:34:24,242 --> 00:34:27,430
learning how to talk to each other,
559
00:34:27,730 --> 00:34:31,210
without. Which we're still learning. Without yelling.
560
00:34:31,290 --> 00:34:35,050
Yes. You know, without reacting. Yes. We still have
561
00:34:35,090 --> 00:34:38,154
our days yes. Where we're passionate.
562
00:34:38,282 --> 00:34:41,498
Yeah. It'll get. It'll get a little. It'll get a little loud.
563
00:34:41,594 --> 00:34:44,458
Yeah. Yeah. Things get a little heated. Yeah.
564
00:34:44,554 --> 00:34:47,810
But for the most part, we. We can work
565
00:34:47,850 --> 00:34:51,110
it out very easily. Yes. Be forgiving.
566
00:34:51,770 --> 00:34:55,666
You're. If you're new to this and you're married and you're new to it,
567
00:34:55,818 --> 00:34:59,890
be very forgiving. Like, talk it out. Because we
568
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:03,266
truly love each other. Right. I mean. Yeah.
569
00:35:03,298 --> 00:35:07,042
I mean, really, what's. What's your biggest value? Having sex with
570
00:35:07,066 --> 00:35:09,750
strangers or your relationship? Yeah.
571
00:35:10,490 --> 00:35:14,092
If I have to choose between my relationship or. Or the
572
00:35:14,116 --> 00:35:17,532
lifestyle. I love this community and I love the friends that I've made
573
00:35:17,556 --> 00:35:21,000
in it, and I love everything that. That it's done for me.
574
00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:24,972
But I would walk away in two seconds if I knew it
575
00:35:24,996 --> 00:35:28,476
was affecting our relationship. Yeah. Because you
576
00:35:28,548 --> 00:35:32,600
are my number one priority. And going into this sort of thing,
577
00:35:32,900 --> 00:35:36,508
I have to always keep that in my head that you are always my number
578
00:35:36,564 --> 00:35:39,932
one priority. You're doing a good job about it. I. I do
579
00:35:39,956 --> 00:35:43,260
my best. Yeah. I do my best. I try not to get too myself.
580
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:46,972
You are not self centered Adam anymore. Oh, thank you.
581
00:35:47,156 --> 00:35:50,540
No, you're very. You have grown and
582
00:35:50,580 --> 00:35:53,708
I've grown, and I think it's working out for us.
583
00:35:53,764 --> 00:35:57,260
We're getting there. We're getting down the line. You know, I think that we're still
584
00:35:57,300 --> 00:36:00,540
learning a whole lot because we're getting put
585
00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:03,212
in different situations. Yes.
586
00:36:03,276 --> 00:36:07,404
Now. Yes. And we're having different experiences
587
00:36:07,452 --> 00:36:10,330
that we hadn't previously had. Yeah.
588
00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:13,942
I don't know. I just feel like the. The page is turned and we're in
589
00:36:13,966 --> 00:36:17,590
a different chapter, and right now we're just kind of going for
590
00:36:17,630 --> 00:36:22,758
the ride. Yes. And it's a lot less anxious.
591
00:36:22,854 --> 00:36:26,918
It's a lot less organized. It's just a little bit more free and
592
00:36:26,974 --> 00:36:29,686
wild. Yes. That's the way it feels to me.
593
00:36:29,838 --> 00:36:32,890
Yeah. That's what I always wanted. Honestly,
594
00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:36,490
this entire time, this was kind of what I wanted.
595
00:36:36,910 --> 00:36:40,262
But I didn't feel like you were very open to it. I felt like you
596
00:36:40,286 --> 00:36:44,230
were very closed off. Things were. Things were a little bit harder. I hold my
597
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:46,998
cards very close to my chest. Yeah,
598
00:36:47,174 --> 00:36:51,270
I still do. Yeah. But that's just. That's me. I still
599
00:36:51,310 --> 00:36:55,290
do and I still am. I'm very. I don't trust everybody.
600
00:36:55,630 --> 00:37:00,290
Yeah. That's just me, though. That's just the way I am. But I trust you.
601
00:37:00,750 --> 00:37:04,632
Thank goodness. Yeah, I trust you. But we had to have a few conversations
602
00:37:04,696 --> 00:37:08,120
about. Oh, yeah. Because I remember there was so God. Last year, I think,
603
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,060
like, I. I had to trust you if this was going to work,
604
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,032
I had to make sure that I am very trusting that you are always going
605
00:37:15,056 --> 00:37:18,600
to keep that your head on your shoulders is
606
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,640
going to think about me before your head between your legs.
607
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:24,260
Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, for sure.
608
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,690
And so that's where the trusting comes in. And that's what makes it easier
609
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,382
again. You have made it very easy to be in the lifestyle
610
00:37:33,446 --> 00:37:37,142
because you commute. You're not the old Adam.
611
00:37:37,286 --> 00:37:40,950
Yeah. No. Well, you know, I. I want to make this as an
612
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:44,054
enjoyable of a ride as it can be. And I'm not
613
00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:47,170
the old Priscilla. No. So it's very.
614
00:37:48,510 --> 00:37:51,766
It was. It was early when we first started. Like, this is.
615
00:37:51,838 --> 00:37:55,142
This is. Ain't nobody nobody this up.
616
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:58,286
But. But us. No. And we always said that. We've always said that.
617
00:37:58,438 --> 00:38:01,710
And I trust you and I think this
618
00:38:01,750 --> 00:38:04,958
lifestyle is so much fun to do it with. My best friend.
619
00:38:05,094 --> 00:38:08,734
Yeah. For sure. You know, like. Sure. And we,
620
00:38:08,902 --> 00:38:13,822
we have those really uncomfortable conversations
621
00:38:13,966 --> 00:38:17,102
and I swear we have one almost every week.
622
00:38:17,206 --> 00:38:20,430
That's what we do. Because we're still learning. Yeah.
623
00:38:20,510 --> 00:38:24,250
You know, now if there had been
624
00:38:24,790 --> 00:38:28,846
infidelity in the past between
625
00:38:28,918 --> 00:38:31,758
us, like. You and I being unfaithful to each other.
626
00:38:31,814 --> 00:38:35,326
Yeah. Do you think that the
627
00:38:35,398 --> 00:38:38,810
lifestyle would have worked out as well as it's going now?
628
00:38:39,510 --> 00:38:43,970
No. Who did the infidelity?
629
00:38:44,310 --> 00:38:47,560
Either or. No. Yeah.
630
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:51,848
No. Not at all. No Trust issues.
631
00:38:51,984 --> 00:38:55,400
Very much trust issues. And I can.
632
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,100
For. I can. I have forgiven a cheater.
633
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,420
But I was younger
634
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,576
and I was a little bit. Didn't think I could. I was. I wasn't
635
00:39:07,608 --> 00:39:11,656
worthy of anything. You didn't know your worth. I didn't know my worth.
636
00:39:11,848 --> 00:39:14,430
No. For sure. It would not have.
637
00:39:14,810 --> 00:39:18,130
I can forgive it, but I would not have been a swinger.
638
00:39:18,210 --> 00:39:21,470
No. I wouldn't have been in the lifestyle at all.
639
00:39:22,170 --> 00:39:25,234
Interesting. Yeah. And honestly,
640
00:39:25,282 --> 00:39:29,202
we. I could. I forgive it, you know.
641
00:39:29,306 --> 00:39:32,962
You know, situational. Yeah, it really is. That really
642
00:39:32,986 --> 00:39:36,354
is situational. How long did it last and what happened?
643
00:39:36,402 --> 00:39:38,990
And there's a lot of scenarios. Right.
644
00:39:39,290 --> 00:39:43,762
But no, if, if, if you cheated
645
00:39:43,826 --> 00:39:47,314
before going into. Into the lifestyle. No, we wouldn't have
646
00:39:47,322 --> 00:39:51,830
gone into the lifestyle. If you cheat while we're in the lifestyle.
647
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,650
Menos. I wouldn't. You know that.
648
00:39:55,770 --> 00:39:59,202
And that's going to be a topic for another day. But cheating in the lifestyle
649
00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:02,130
just doesn't make sense to me at all.
650
00:40:02,250 --> 00:40:05,938
No. Like, what are you doing, man? That's definitely. That's definitely one we're
651
00:40:05,954 --> 00:40:09,634
gonna save. But. But, yeah, it's. No, I don't think so.
652
00:40:09,802 --> 00:40:13,234
If there was infidelity ever in our 14
653
00:40:13,322 --> 00:40:15,510
year marriage.
654
00:40:15,930 --> 00:40:18,866
No. No, I couldn't.
655
00:40:18,978 --> 00:40:22,030
Yeah. Could you? You know,
656
00:40:22,410 --> 00:40:25,602
I think it would be a trust issue because I'm a very.
657
00:40:25,626 --> 00:40:28,270
Different person than you. You are a different person.
658
00:40:28,810 --> 00:40:32,444
I am more forgiving when
659
00:40:32,452 --> 00:40:36,280
it comes. I think it would hurt your. I think it would hurt you
660
00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:39,436
more. It would hurt more.
661
00:40:39,508 --> 00:40:42,652
Yeah. Yeah. But like, you would never be able. Yeah,
662
00:40:42,716 --> 00:40:45,388
I don't think you'd be ever. I don't think it would be hard to.
663
00:40:45,524 --> 00:40:48,040
It would be hard to trust for sure.
664
00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:51,964
Because I already kind of had trust
665
00:40:52,012 --> 00:40:55,320
issues going into the relationship to begin with,
666
00:40:56,420 --> 00:41:00,210
just from my previous years, you know,
667
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:04,130
I'd spent years being cheated on just about every relationship I was
668
00:41:04,170 --> 00:41:07,858
in. Did you have that with me when. We first got together?
669
00:41:07,994 --> 00:41:11,362
Huh? I had thoughts that would pop in and
670
00:41:11,386 --> 00:41:14,370
out. You did? I did. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know,
671
00:41:14,410 --> 00:41:17,698
I did. Well, you know, I. I brought things up. I mean, there was that
672
00:41:17,754 --> 00:41:21,458
situation where you called your ex after
673
00:41:21,514 --> 00:41:24,738
a night of drinking. Boy, that was a. That was a conversation. Oh,
674
00:41:24,754 --> 00:41:27,540
that's. There was. So mind you, everybody,
675
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,296
my. My first ex is a very
676
00:41:31,368 --> 00:41:34,720
cool guy that likes Adam. He does
677
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,256
not. He will tolerate me because I still hang
678
00:41:38,288 --> 00:41:42,032
out with the fam. Bam. But he likes. But this
679
00:41:42,056 --> 00:41:45,888
was during a time when we had just. And he was like my best friend
680
00:41:45,944 --> 00:41:49,328
at that time. He was the person you would talk. Yeah, because. Yeah.
681
00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:52,464
And I remember calling him. Yeah. That made you feel. Oh,
682
00:41:52,512 --> 00:41:56,120
man, that one kicked me in the ass for. For a good while.
683
00:41:56,580 --> 00:42:01,244
And I remember feeling very inferior
684
00:42:01,372 --> 00:42:05,308
about you and your ex's
685
00:42:05,404 --> 00:42:08,652
relationship. I guess for the first. Gosh.
686
00:42:08,716 --> 00:42:12,156
The first couple of years we were together because.
687
00:42:12,308 --> 00:42:16,140
Primarily because everything that you would talk about had
688
00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:19,974
something to do with him. With him. Yeah. And so anything
689
00:42:20,022 --> 00:42:23,062
that came up, you know. Oh, I love, you know,
690
00:42:23,086 --> 00:42:26,486
Puerto Rico. I love Puerto Rican food, all that stuff. Because they were Puerto
691
00:42:26,518 --> 00:42:30,150
Rican. Yeah. You know, and. And. And, like, just it seemed like
692
00:42:30,190 --> 00:42:33,286
everything that you. You would talk about the house that y'all own together,
693
00:42:33,358 --> 00:42:37,398
like, there was all sorts of stuff. And I just was. I would feel
694
00:42:37,454 --> 00:42:41,542
very. I would go very into myself and I would get very insecure about
695
00:42:41,566 --> 00:42:44,294
that. I mean, I get it. I mean, no, I. I wouldn't. I didn't feel
696
00:42:44,302 --> 00:42:47,220
like that about you and your exes, but you and your friends. Friends that you
697
00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:50,500
had. Yeah, they were all girls and I. I feel like that
698
00:42:50,540 --> 00:42:53,828
a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, you. You did mention that.
699
00:42:53,884 --> 00:42:57,572
Yeah, yeah. No, I. I think the first
700
00:42:57,756 --> 00:43:01,044
couple of years were more internal
701
00:43:01,092 --> 00:43:04,612
battles of insecurities. But I
702
00:43:04,636 --> 00:43:08,160
remember you specifically telling me one time
703
00:43:08,540 --> 00:43:12,260
you said something like, oh, no, no, no, it wasn't bad.
704
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:16,140
I mean, we were. We were kind of having a heated argument,
705
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,512
and I remember you said something like,
706
00:43:19,696 --> 00:43:23,368
have I ever given you a reason to. To think
707
00:43:23,424 --> 00:43:26,792
like that? Right. And I. I don't know
708
00:43:26,816 --> 00:43:29,816
why, but when you said that, it stopped me in my tracks. And I remember
709
00:43:29,848 --> 00:43:33,272
thinking, she's never ever given me a reason to
710
00:43:33,296 --> 00:43:36,664
think like that. Yeah. And I've said that. I mean,
711
00:43:36,672 --> 00:43:40,104
I think we still have those conversations, and I'm like, have I ever.
712
00:43:40,192 --> 00:43:43,320
Yeah. And I. And I've. And I've still said that to
713
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,764
myself throughout the years when things have come up in.
714
00:43:46,912 --> 00:43:49,972
Because obviously, you know, I have a very askew
715
00:43:50,036 --> 00:43:53,380
way of thinking, and my head, you know,
716
00:43:53,420 --> 00:43:56,980
I tend to get some. Some pretty jacked thoughts that are
717
00:43:57,020 --> 00:44:00,516
unrealistic. You're a weirdo. I don't think very highly
718
00:44:00,548 --> 00:44:04,324
of myself sometimes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that. That causes
719
00:44:04,372 --> 00:44:08,436
you to think, oh, well, people don't like me or this or that. You know,
720
00:44:08,588 --> 00:44:11,220
you get unrealistic thoughts in your head.
721
00:44:11,260 --> 00:44:14,662
Yeah. And so I was always kind of
722
00:44:14,686 --> 00:44:18,086
lucky that you were able to ground me when I. When I have those
723
00:44:18,158 --> 00:44:21,734
thoughts. Yeah. But. Yeah. Yeah. So you
724
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:24,278
see, you do that now to me. Yeah.
725
00:44:24,374 --> 00:44:27,206
Yeah. Before you didn't,
726
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:30,774
but now I'm telling you, like, you make it so much nicer.
727
00:44:30,902 --> 00:44:34,278
Oh, that's nice. Yeah. You're very. I mean, you were always about me, and I'm
728
00:44:34,294 --> 00:44:38,326
not. I'm not trying to, like, say, oh, you weren't, but now you're very
729
00:44:38,398 --> 00:44:42,480
much. Is it attuned to my feelings
730
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:46,496
that that would be. Yeah, I think that sounds correct. Like, you. You really
731
00:44:46,568 --> 00:44:50,336
know when I'm feeling a certain way. What you'll re.
732
00:44:50,488 --> 00:44:53,712
I can see you when you know that I'm having a bad moment.
733
00:44:53,776 --> 00:44:57,740
I can see you replaying everything that we
734
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,660
talked about, everything that you said,
735
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:06,624
everything that could have been
736
00:45:06,712 --> 00:45:10,224
that triggered me. I can see you doing it, and you do it
737
00:45:10,232 --> 00:45:13,728
in a matter of, like, minutes. Like, I will just be walking
738
00:45:13,744 --> 00:45:17,312
through the door, and you know that I'm pissed because you can see it on
739
00:45:17,336 --> 00:45:19,980
my face, and you're like,
740
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,240
whoa, what did I do? And I can see you, like,
741
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,380
just going through everything.
742
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:31,466
Then you'll figure it out and you'll
743
00:45:31,498 --> 00:45:35,338
come to me and you will
744
00:45:35,394 --> 00:45:39,242
love bomb me, because I. I allow that, and I
745
00:45:39,266 --> 00:45:42,698
love it. When you do it, you love bomb me. And then you're like,
746
00:45:42,754 --> 00:45:46,522
I'm sorry I made you mad. And I'm sure this is what made you mad.
747
00:45:46,666 --> 00:45:50,074
Yeah. And you'll figure it out, and I'll be like, okay, yeah,
748
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:53,082
but let me explain to you and then we'll talk about it. And so you
749
00:45:53,106 --> 00:45:56,490
have made it very nice. Back in the day,
750
00:45:56,530 --> 00:45:59,316
it was, it was not that easy for me to talk to you about it.
751
00:45:59,418 --> 00:46:02,832
Well, you know, I, I was very reactive. Well, all I knew was, was what
752
00:46:02,856 --> 00:46:06,448
I saw from my parents. My parents fought all the time. Yeah. They didn't have
753
00:46:06,504 --> 00:46:09,936
open conversations like we do. Yeah. And so
754
00:46:10,008 --> 00:46:13,552
both of my parents were very reactive. And that's what you, that's what,
755
00:46:13,576 --> 00:46:16,848
you know, that's what you grow up. Yeah. Yeah. And it really
756
00:46:16,904 --> 00:46:21,152
took me going against the grain to be the opposite.
757
00:46:21,216 --> 00:46:24,496
Open. Yeah. And it takes a lot of practice. This is not,
758
00:46:24,568 --> 00:46:28,246
this is not an easy thing to do. No, we practice
759
00:46:28,278 --> 00:46:31,766
it every day. Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't always work.
760
00:46:31,838 --> 00:46:34,982
And it doesn't always work because sometimes we're just
761
00:46:35,006 --> 00:46:38,438
not in the mood. No. Sometimes we're just not having it, you know?
762
00:46:38,494 --> 00:46:41,606
Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes it's just a day. It's just a day. And it's like,
763
00:46:41,678 --> 00:46:44,614
I don't want to hear about it. Luckily for us,
764
00:46:44,782 --> 00:46:48,230
we balance in the fact that if one of us is having a day,
765
00:46:48,270 --> 00:46:50,810
the other one is extra patient. Yes.
766
00:46:51,230 --> 00:46:54,908
And we both been there. Yes. You know, where one of us is having
767
00:46:54,964 --> 00:46:58,540
a day, the other one has to be extra patient. And we've always been able
768
00:46:58,580 --> 00:47:01,932
to kind of pick up the slack and then come in the next day and
769
00:47:01,956 --> 00:47:05,388
go, okay, so now that we're past that,
770
00:47:05,524 --> 00:47:08,860
let's. Let me tell you. Yeah. Let me tell you about how
771
00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:12,156
that made me feel. Yes. You know, like, you have to.
772
00:47:12,228 --> 00:47:14,920
And, you know, there's, there's a whole community.
773
00:47:15,540 --> 00:47:19,052
There's people you can talk to and
774
00:47:19,076 --> 00:47:23,082
they can help you figure out a way to talk to your partner.
775
00:47:23,226 --> 00:47:26,154
Because some people just don't know how to have that communication. Right.
776
00:47:26,242 --> 00:47:30,474
Yeah. So there are, like, if you have a,
777
00:47:30,642 --> 00:47:33,898
you have a problem or something, like find somebody. There's,
778
00:47:34,074 --> 00:47:37,770
there's a whole community that has probably
779
00:47:37,850 --> 00:47:41,482
been in your situation. There's, you know, and they
780
00:47:41,506 --> 00:47:44,890
can help you. Yeah. And they can guide you. You don't have to tell them
781
00:47:44,930 --> 00:47:47,530
everything. But, you know,
782
00:47:47,830 --> 00:47:51,214
there's people I know. That I, I, I used to experience
783
00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:55,070
a lot of shame whenever I would try and have conversations,
784
00:47:55,230 --> 00:47:58,798
especially sexually related conversations,
785
00:47:58,894 --> 00:48:03,050
that sort of thing. And I really had to learn how to
786
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:07,726
expel that shame from the conversations. Because if you have shame
787
00:48:07,838 --> 00:48:10,942
feeling with it, you're not going to want to talk about it. Like,
788
00:48:10,966 --> 00:48:14,364
what do you mean? Like, for example, an open
789
00:48:14,452 --> 00:48:16,720
conversation about masturbation.
790
00:48:17,700 --> 00:48:21,196
Not everybody can openly face to face
791
00:48:21,268 --> 00:48:25,356
talk to somebody about how often they masturbate without
792
00:48:25,428 --> 00:48:29,400
experiencing some sort of shame. Because a lot of people
793
00:48:29,860 --> 00:48:33,660
have felt shame when it comes to that sort of thing and they don't feel
794
00:48:33,700 --> 00:48:36,972
comfortable speaking about certain things. Yes.
795
00:48:37,036 --> 00:48:40,352
Because we were always taught not to
796
00:48:40,376 --> 00:48:43,600
touch ourselves. Well, like when, when you and I were together.
797
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:47,008
Yeah. I mean, years down the line. I.
798
00:48:47,064 --> 00:48:51,024
It took me a long time to feel comfortable even
799
00:48:51,112 --> 00:48:53,792
doing that in front. Of you, on the bed next to me. Yeah,
800
00:48:53,856 --> 00:48:57,328
yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was one of those things
801
00:48:57,384 --> 00:49:00,512
where I was not to be around you unless we
802
00:49:00,536 --> 00:49:04,192
were about to have sex. Yeah. Like, that was a very private.
803
00:49:04,296 --> 00:49:07,470
You do not share that moment. Huh.
804
00:49:07,550 --> 00:49:11,118
Because it's a. It was a shameful thing, huh?
805
00:49:11,214 --> 00:49:14,590
Yeah. Yeah. That is very interesting. Yeah.
806
00:49:14,670 --> 00:49:18,090
And so, because, I mean, I know it was difficult to talk about,
807
00:49:19,270 --> 00:49:23,358
but now, and I have a lot of people tell us that, that they,
808
00:49:23,414 --> 00:49:27,358
they like the podcast because we talk very openly about
809
00:49:27,414 --> 00:49:31,038
a lot of things that most people don't talk openly about.
810
00:49:31,174 --> 00:49:35,120
The funny thing is, is that we would talk this openly
811
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,704
around anybody. Yes. It's not just the podcast.
812
00:49:38,752 --> 00:49:42,064
This is just the way we are. The reason we're like this
813
00:49:42,152 --> 00:49:45,776
and the reason why I'm like this specifically is
814
00:49:45,848 --> 00:49:49,632
because it's a bit of an extreme. It's one
815
00:49:49,656 --> 00:49:53,136
of those things where if I take something
816
00:49:53,288 --> 00:49:56,336
and I openly talk about it,
817
00:49:56,488 --> 00:50:00,220
I'm kind of owning it. And if I'm owning it,
818
00:50:00,590 --> 00:50:03,650
then it's unapologetically me.
819
00:50:04,110 --> 00:50:08,422
Okay. Right. So I can openly look
820
00:50:08,446 --> 00:50:11,574
at somebody who's at the table next to me and be like, yeah,
821
00:50:11,622 --> 00:50:15,350
you know, I'm. I'll be honest with you. I. I masturbate probably anywhere from four
822
00:50:15,390 --> 00:50:19,174
to eight times a day. You usually tell people. Yeah, well, you know, it's a
823
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:22,662
good conversation starter. Sometimes I just want
824
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:25,804
your order, sir. Just. Do you want the fajitas or not?
825
00:50:25,942 --> 00:50:29,104
You know, but the thing is, is that I am
826
00:50:29,192 --> 00:50:33,472
overly open and honest. I am overly into
827
00:50:33,576 --> 00:50:37,552
sharing very intimate and shame
828
00:50:37,696 --> 00:50:41,312
feeling type of stuff. Right. Because I'm kind
829
00:50:41,336 --> 00:50:44,960
of owning it and I'm. I'm making it mine.
830
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,096
Yeah. And doing that with everything.
831
00:50:48,248 --> 00:50:51,952
It makes it a lot easier to just be open to any kind
832
00:50:51,976 --> 00:50:55,190
of discussion. Yeah, it makes it very easy. Yeah, that makes
833
00:50:55,230 --> 00:50:58,870
sense. Yeah. Yeah. So I can talk about anything at any
834
00:50:58,910 --> 00:51:02,070
time with anybody because I don't feel that shame anymore.
835
00:51:02,150 --> 00:51:05,350
Yeah. Because I just openly talk about everything. Yeah,
836
00:51:05,430 --> 00:51:08,886
that's very true. You do. Yeah. And I'm. I'm tired of feeling shamed
837
00:51:08,918 --> 00:51:12,454
about stuff. Good. Yeah. I'm not digging. You shouldn't be shamed.
838
00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:16,294
I shouldn't. I shouldn't. And your spouse shouldn't shame you.
839
00:51:16,382 --> 00:51:20,508
That's right. So marriage and swinging.
840
00:51:20,684 --> 00:51:24,652
Do not shame your spouse, because say you're
841
00:51:24,716 --> 00:51:28,060
in. Say your spouse decides that they
842
00:51:28,100 --> 00:51:30,440
want to try and be with the same sex.
843
00:51:30,740 --> 00:51:34,364
Yeah. First time. Didn't know they liked it.
844
00:51:34,532 --> 00:51:37,980
Don't shame them. No, man. You know, it's hard enough coming
845
00:51:38,020 --> 00:51:42,320
up with that kind of conclusion and. And realizing
846
00:51:42,820 --> 00:51:45,708
if it. If. And how it could change your whole entire life,
847
00:51:45,764 --> 00:51:49,102
you know? Right. That's. That. I'm sure it's stressful and you
848
00:51:49,126 --> 00:51:53,102
want to have a good support system. You know, I. I will say
849
00:51:53,286 --> 00:51:57,310
you and I, we. We dealt with the shaming. You used to
850
00:51:57,350 --> 00:52:00,702
kind of react a certain way whenever I would tell you
851
00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:04,078
I would be interested in somebody, and you would be like,
852
00:52:04,134 --> 00:52:07,530
really? Her? And I'd be like,
853
00:52:07,830 --> 00:52:10,770
yeah, I. I find her attractive.
854
00:52:11,830 --> 00:52:14,490
Okay. I guess. And I'm like,
855
00:52:14,610 --> 00:52:17,946
really? Like, don't. Don't make me feel bad for finding
856
00:52:17,978 --> 00:52:21,082
somebody trying to. I think we had that conversation before. You don't do it anymore.
857
00:52:21,146 --> 00:52:24,682
No. This is a long time ago. Yeah, but. But I remember
858
00:52:24,746 --> 00:52:27,674
having that conversation with you, and it was like,
859
00:52:27,842 --> 00:52:31,242
you know, don't. Don't shame me for liking what
860
00:52:31,266 --> 00:52:34,762
I like. You know? And then that's when you kind of realize after
861
00:52:34,786 --> 00:52:38,282
we had that conversation, it was like, oh, yeah, I. I guess I understand what
862
00:52:38,306 --> 00:52:40,980
you mean. Yeah, I get it.
863
00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:44,692
Okay. Yeah, that was.
864
00:52:44,796 --> 00:52:48,132
You know, And. And I think we all kind of do it at one point
865
00:52:48,156 --> 00:52:51,284
or another. Yeah. I try not to shame you.
866
00:52:51,372 --> 00:52:52,960
No, you don't.
867
00:52:55,020 --> 00:52:58,644
Nothing with the swings. No, no, no. Now it's about washing dishes.
868
00:52:58,692 --> 00:53:01,812
Yeah. You ate all my Cadbury eggs. Oh, my gosh.
869
00:53:01,876 --> 00:53:06,174
There's four. There's still four. Yeah. No, I mean,
870
00:53:06,372 --> 00:53:09,870
God, marriage and swinging is definitely.
871
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:14,090
I think even if you weren't married and you were in a very deep
872
00:53:14,170 --> 00:53:17,990
relationship and you went into swinging. Fun times.
873
00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:22,282
Absolutely. If you're. If you're with the right person and you have
874
00:53:22,306 --> 00:53:25,642
a solid foundation. Yeah. I think it's.
875
00:53:25,706 --> 00:53:28,922
It's. It's a great time. Yeah. And I also think that
876
00:53:28,946 --> 00:53:33,280
it's a learning experience. It just. It's all about perception.
877
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,980
Yes. You Know everything that we've been through,
878
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:40,544
from the. The quickest interaction to the
879
00:53:40,632 --> 00:53:44,880
longest relationship that we've had with people in the lifestyle,
880
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,820
everything has been a learning experience.
881
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:52,080
And how do you figure people should bring it up to their
882
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,880
spouse if they really want to try this? You know,
883
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:58,272
honestly, it. It depends on the person. Huh. It really depends on
884
00:53:58,296 --> 00:54:02,000
who they're with, how their relationship is, how open they are with
885
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,178
each other. There's no other way to handle
886
00:54:05,194 --> 00:54:08,778
it than to just be honest and say, look, this is
887
00:54:08,834 --> 00:54:12,330
something I really want to. And as a
888
00:54:12,370 --> 00:54:15,610
woman, if my man were to tell me,
889
00:54:15,650 --> 00:54:18,030
oh, I want to do I want to try swinging?
890
00:54:18,610 --> 00:54:22,346
You're gonna feel insecure because the world has told us that our men are supposed
891
00:54:22,378 --> 00:54:25,818
to just want us. You're gonna feel insecure, you're gonna
892
00:54:25,834 --> 00:54:29,110
feel jealous. You're gonna feel less than.
893
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,830
I think most women are probably gonna feel like that.
894
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,950
But how would a man feel if.
895
00:54:36,650 --> 00:54:39,266
If I were just like. Say we were new, and I'd be like,
896
00:54:39,418 --> 00:54:43,138
so I really wanna try swinging. I.
897
00:54:43,194 --> 00:54:46,310
I think, you know, I wanna. I wanna.
898
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:50,386
I think it really depends on how you go about bringing
899
00:54:50,418 --> 00:54:54,338
it up. Mm. If you say that you want to
900
00:54:54,394 --> 00:54:58,048
try it together. Yeah. As a couple.
901
00:54:58,144 --> 00:55:01,200
Yes. That you want to have these experiences together.
902
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,656
Yes. Then it seems less about you.
903
00:55:04,808 --> 00:55:07,568
So use the right. More about us. Use the right words.
904
00:55:07,664 --> 00:55:11,440
Right. If I tell you, well, I really want to.
905
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:14,976
I want to have these experiences where I want to sleep with other people.
906
00:55:15,048 --> 00:55:18,064
I want to have a threesome, then. You'Re going to be like. You're going to
907
00:55:18,072 --> 00:55:21,742
be like, what the hell? You want to sleep with other people. Yeah. But what
908
00:55:21,766 --> 00:55:25,838
if I change it? And I say, well, I really have always wanted to experience
909
00:55:25,974 --> 00:55:29,390
what it's like to have sex with other people.
910
00:55:29,510 --> 00:55:33,358
And I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming
911
00:55:33,414 --> 00:55:36,622
with me and maybe experiencing this with me, you know,
912
00:55:36,646 --> 00:55:40,062
and let's. It takes a few conversations. Yeah. It takes a while.
913
00:55:40,166 --> 00:55:43,662
Like, read the room. Yeah. It takes a while. And,
914
00:55:43,686 --> 00:55:47,470
you know, it may not always work out. Yeah. You know, it may
915
00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:50,736
not always work out for the best. I hope it does for you guys.
916
00:55:50,928 --> 00:55:54,000
You know, I think it's different for everybody, realistically.
917
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,480
Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
918
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:59,856
it's. It's a fun
919
00:55:59,928 --> 00:56:03,420
space. It. You know, when it's done right,
920
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:07,136
it is really fun. Yeah.
921
00:56:07,328 --> 00:56:10,832
I think that there are different things that come up that
922
00:56:10,936 --> 00:56:14,080
make it less fun at times. Yeah.
923
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:18,190
But, you know, those are. Those are topics for another show.
924
00:56:18,730 --> 00:56:22,290
But, yeah. You know, for the most part, if you're doing it
925
00:56:22,330 --> 00:56:25,410
right. Yeah. You should be having fun
926
00:56:25,530 --> 00:56:28,578
from head to toe, like the whole way. Yeah.
927
00:56:28,674 --> 00:56:32,082
Yeah. So I think all in
928
00:56:32,106 --> 00:56:35,330
all, marriage and swinging, is it doable?
929
00:56:35,410 --> 00:56:39,026
Is it. Is it possible? I think it
930
00:56:39,098 --> 00:56:42,470
definitely is. Well, you heard it here. Yeah. Folks,
931
00:56:42,550 --> 00:56:46,502
she says it is. And with that, we are going
932
00:56:46,526 --> 00:56:50,182
to say thank you very much for joining us this week. I appreciate you
933
00:56:50,206 --> 00:56:52,918
guys tuning in. You guys are marvelous.
934
00:56:53,094 --> 00:56:56,982
Those of you who have reached out, those of you who have contacted us
935
00:56:57,006 --> 00:57:01,062
and given us your feedback, we appreciate every little bit
936
00:57:01,086 --> 00:57:05,222
of it because, man, we love you guys. We really do. And with that,
937
00:57:05,326 --> 00:57:08,630
we will see you guys next week. Bye.
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,704
This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics
2
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,116
surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related
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00:00:27,188 --> 00:00:30,364
subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised
4
00:00:30,412 --> 00:00:33,692
that we are not licensed marriage or sex therapists, and the
5
00:00:33,716 --> 00:00:37,036
content shared here is for entertainment and informational purposes
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00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:40,172
only. If you are under 18 years of age or prefer not
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to engage with discussions about sex, relationships,
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00:00:43,468 --> 00:00:47,516
or mature language, we strongly recommend that you refrain from listening further.
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However, if you are of legal age and comfortable with this content,
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we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.
12
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:02,964
I'm Adam. And I'm Frizz. And today we're
13
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talking about something very specific. It's in regards
14
00:01:06,916 --> 00:01:09,720
to swinging and merit.
15
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:14,580
Yeah. You know, the. The. The two in relationship to
16
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:18,660
each other. I'm trying to figure out if it strengthens
17
00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:22,314
or weakens a relationship. Now, I know that we've.
18
00:01:22,362 --> 00:01:25,882
We've talked about people jumping into this for all the wrong
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00:01:25,946 --> 00:01:29,290
reasons, and we've heard of people saying that
20
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:33,098
they try to do this because they
21
00:01:33,154 --> 00:01:36,202
thought it would save their marriage. Yes.
22
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:39,390
Which is always advised against. Yes.
23
00:01:40,130 --> 00:01:44,106
Situations like that obviously are not.
24
00:01:44,258 --> 00:01:47,408
Are not good. No. Yeah. I mean, you shouldn't.
25
00:01:47,504 --> 00:01:50,300
You shouldn't jump into anything that's going to.
26
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,304
You shouldn't jump into anything sex wise,
27
00:01:54,352 --> 00:01:57,808
relationship wise with anybody else until
28
00:01:57,864 --> 00:02:00,512
you've strengthened your marriage. Right.
29
00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:04,128
But now. Well, now that's the tough part, because you know what?
30
00:02:04,184 --> 00:02:07,872
You and I jumped into this. Yeah. In the beginning of
31
00:02:07,896 --> 00:02:11,616
our relationship. Yeah. And. And you were
32
00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:14,642
not really certain about it. No,
33
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:17,750
I was not with swinging.
34
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:22,082
I loved you. Well, I love you
35
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:26,030
a lot. And I love you more than
36
00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:31,026
I love you more than I loved my previous partners.
37
00:02:31,138 --> 00:02:33,830
Okay. And so sharing.
38
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:37,938
Well, the first one, I didn't share on purpose.
39
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:41,922
That was all. That was all him. The second one,
40
00:02:41,946 --> 00:02:45,190
we went into this, right. And it was like, okay, cool, whatever.
41
00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:50,094
But the you. When you and I started,
42
00:02:50,262 --> 00:02:53,854
I was like, dude, I don't want to lose him. I really like him
43
00:02:53,942 --> 00:02:58,174
because I thought you were gonna leave
44
00:02:58,222 --> 00:03:00,814
me find something better. Yeah.
45
00:03:00,942 --> 00:03:04,414
But one, I was thinking,
46
00:03:04,462 --> 00:03:08,170
okay, well, we're gonna do swinging because he wants to try different things,
47
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:12,024
man. What if he likes it and I don't want to
48
00:03:12,032 --> 00:03:15,560
do it anymore? I'm going to probably stay in it because
49
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,420
I want to make him happy. And so I had a lot of conflicting
50
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,904
thoughts. And, you know, I.
51
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:26,920
I'm surprised by that because when we started throughout this,
52
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,784
at the beginning, I felt like you were more
53
00:03:31,872 --> 00:03:35,640
excited about it than I was in getting these
54
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:39,220
experiences. Like you, you really of grabbed me by the hand and
55
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,388
you were like, come on, we're doing this because I. Wanted you to try them.
56
00:03:42,444 --> 00:03:45,588
Okay. Yeah. And I like girls.
57
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,044
True, true, true. So, yeah,
58
00:03:49,092 --> 00:03:52,052
no, I wanted you to try it and you'd never tried it. And I was
59
00:03:52,076 --> 00:03:55,940
like, well, who else would try this with, but with me, Right? Safe person,
60
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:59,492
safe space. Yeah, sure. And so we did. We tried a lot
61
00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:03,200
of different things. Did we
62
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:07,838
have some hiccups? Most definitely.
63
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:12,046
Yeah. We've had, we've had our moments. We went into swinging for
64
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:16,062
fun experiences. Not to spice
65
00:04:16,126 --> 00:04:19,290
up our marriage. Right. Not to
66
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:24,094
fix something that was missing, that had nothing to
67
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:27,390
do with it. So it's,
68
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:31,172
it was just, okay, well, I'm, I'm going to try this and I'm going
69
00:04:31,196 --> 00:04:34,788
to, I'm going to see if, if he likes it or anything.
70
00:04:34,884 --> 00:04:37,892
So once I realized that you did like it, I was like,
71
00:04:37,916 --> 00:04:41,920
okay, well this is a, this is cool. This is something that we can do.
72
00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:46,160
So I don't know, don't go in it with,
73
00:04:46,860 --> 00:04:50,132
you know, bad intentions. Okay. That's the
74
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:53,860
one thing that if you do, forget it.
75
00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:57,108
And we didn't do that. We went, we jumped in, but we jumped
76
00:04:57,124 --> 00:05:00,942
in with, we're gonna try this. And we,
77
00:05:01,046 --> 00:05:04,142
we've been in it for 13 years. Thirteen years. Yeah.
78
00:05:04,206 --> 00:05:08,590
But those 13 years, it was off
79
00:05:08,630 --> 00:05:11,598
and on, you know, like, we didn't.
80
00:05:11,774 --> 00:05:14,750
Yeah. It wasn't like every weekend. Well.
81
00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:18,190
And we would step away for a while. Right. Do you know what I mean?
82
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:21,998
So, like, we would step away, we would come back, we would step away.
83
00:05:22,134 --> 00:05:25,732
And not for any reasons other than life.
84
00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:29,476
Life. We had some times where I felt,
85
00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:33,220
I was, I felt super insecure. Things were happening and
86
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:35,972
I was like, I don't really, I don't like this. I didn't know how to
87
00:05:35,996 --> 00:05:40,080
express myself. Yeah. I felt like
88
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:43,892
it was just going in a different, A different. I wanted it to go this
89
00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:47,332
way and it was going that way and not for malicious reasons. It was
90
00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:49,840
just different, different. So we would step away.
91
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:54,046
So we didn't get in it to strengthen our marriage. We didn't get it
92
00:05:54,118 --> 00:05:58,130
in it to fix anything. You know, it was definitely.
93
00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:02,254
It was a rock. It was one of those, those just
94
00:06:02,342 --> 00:06:06,478
dirty, rough looking rocks, you know, going into
95
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,966
it. Yeah. And then as we went through the journey
96
00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:14,206
and we kind of smoothed out certain things and we kind of listened
97
00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:17,598
to each other on a few different things and came together on a few different
98
00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:20,578
things and to the point to where we're at now, I,
99
00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:24,630
I feel like, we've relatively perfected
100
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,930
what it is we want to get out of this life. I. I would
101
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:32,322
agree. Yeah. I think we're there. Our communication
102
00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:36,034
is better. As people notice, we don't always agree
103
00:06:36,122 --> 00:06:40,226
with everything. You and I understand
104
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what we want. Right. And so it works for
105
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us. Yeah. We know. We know what the goal is. We know what the goal
106
00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:51,400
is. We put each other first.
107
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,876
Correct. You know, maybe when we first started, that wasn't
108
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the case. Yeah. Things have a lot of selfishness.
109
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We've both grown. Yeah. There was a lot of selfishness,
110
00:07:01,804 --> 00:07:04,880
insecurities, a lot of jealousy,
111
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a lot of rules, a lot of. Yeah.
112
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A lot of hesitation. Yeah. And now we're
113
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here and there's a couple
114
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of rules, couple of boundaries.
115
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Yeah. We are still learning what we don't want,
116
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what we don't like what we want,
117
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what we like. You know, like, it's. It is definitely a very good learning
118
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experience. And I don't know, I think that it's strengthened
119
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us and it's taught us how to communicate better. It doesn't
120
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happen for everybody. It doesn't. It doesn't. Because I
121
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feel. Feel like people just
122
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in general don't know how to communicate. Like, it's not something
123
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that you're born with. Not everybody has it naturally.
124
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Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm a reactor. I'm not really a communicator.
125
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Right. And now I'm a communicator and
126
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not so much a reactor. Yeah. I hear you.
127
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I hear so. Yeah. So. But I have. We have heard many,
128
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many a story where. Oh, well, you know,
129
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we were. We were going to break up because
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he cheated or he. I cheated and now we're
131
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here. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that a few times.
132
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Can it fix your marriage?
133
00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:28,820
I'm not going to say it won't. I mean, I. So we. We have seen
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it successfully. I. Yeah. Work for
135
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,350
certain people who, for some reason, that was
136
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what. Was able to kind of bring them together. Yeah. You know,
137
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I mean, kept them together. Yeah. Because it's.
138
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Don't go in it if. Oh,
139
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well, you cheated, I cheated, and we
140
00:08:50,646 --> 00:08:54,250
both want other people or our sex is just not the same,
141
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you know, and you go in it. I think that's the wrong thought.
142
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Yeah. You know, there's. I mean, that is. I. That wouldn't
143
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:06,440
work for us, but it. Wouldn'T work for us. Now for some people,
144
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it does. Yeah. You know, it. Everybody's in this
145
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,160
for different reasons, and nobody can really say who's doing
146
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right and who's doing Wrong. Very true. But realistically,
147
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you know, there should be a. A. A relatively ethical
148
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goal in mind. Yeah. You know.
149
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Yeah, yeah, there should be some sort of ethical goal.
150
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:35,044
So if you're going into it for, you know,
151
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saving your marriage, while it may seem like a.
152
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A good idea, it's not necessarily
153
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an ethical goal because you're getting into it to
154
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try and repair your marriage when
155
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you don't maybe know what the actual problem is.
156
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Oh, yeah. Like, you haven't really discussed it. Like, what is it now?
157
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,890
Now, if that's what the problem is,
158
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like, if it's the spouse wants to explore
159
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certain kinks or wants to play around with others or whatever,
160
00:10:11,118 --> 00:10:14,670
well, then, by all means, yes, the lifestyle is
161
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the answer to save your marriage. But in a lot
162
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of cases that I've seen, there's been a situation where somebody has cheated.
163
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And the other one says, well, I want to get.
164
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I want to get mine. Yeah, not necessarily. Yeah, not necessarily payback,
165
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but kind of like I want to even the score a little bit. And so
166
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they decide, you know, the. The couple decides,
167
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okay, we'll do this. And it. It doesn't normally
168
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turn out very well. No, no, it doesn't.
169
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I have a question that just popped in my head.
170
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Do you think in your first marriage,
171
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do you think swinging would have
172
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fixed that, or do you
173
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think your marriage was already
174
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in a place where it couldn't
175
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be fixed? Because I know you didn't. You. You. It wasn't a
176
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:15,016
cheating type of thing. It was just pretty much a falling out of love
177
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thing. Right. Well, so we did. We for the first
178
00:11:19,036 --> 00:11:22,692
year had a sex life
179
00:11:22,796 --> 00:11:27,220
like what you and I have about the equivalent of it in
180
00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:30,400
that we. We did it often several times a day.
181
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:33,920
And I don't even think it was for the full year,
182
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:38,292
but maybe the first nine months or so. And then she got
183
00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:41,892
pregnant. Oh, okay. Okay. And then.
184
00:11:41,996 --> 00:11:45,208
And then that's when it kind of. And then things started changing from there.
185
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:49,088
After she got pregnant the first time, we did not have
186
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sex again for several years.
187
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,744
And then the next time that we had sex, she got pregnant
188
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again, and then I was gone three months later.
189
00:12:01,528 --> 00:12:04,656
Yeah. So, yeah, it's.
190
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:08,720
It. I don't want to. I think because of the.
191
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,442
Our lack of sex, if we had gone into
192
00:12:12,546 --> 00:12:16,442
swinging, it wouldn't have been a good idea for
193
00:12:16,466 --> 00:12:19,898
us. Right. Because she wasn't even mentally prepared for something
194
00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:23,338
like that. Like. Well, I think it would have just crushed me to see her
195
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:27,578
enjoy having sex with other people when she wouldn't have
196
00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:30,890
sex with Me. Oh, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's what
197
00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:34,426
would bother me. Yeah. It wouldn't be so much. Oh, well, she's having
198
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sex with other people, but it would be more. So she's enjoying
199
00:12:38,206 --> 00:12:41,582
having sex with other people. She doesn't enjoy it. And she must not enjoy it
200
00:12:41,606 --> 00:12:44,366
with me because she doesn't have sex with me. Yeah. You know what I mean?
201
00:12:44,518 --> 00:12:48,490
So. Yeah, I don't. I don't think that that would have
202
00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:51,598
worked out well for us.
203
00:12:51,734 --> 00:12:55,534
Yeah, I. My first marriage,
204
00:12:55,582 --> 00:12:59,118
I was so young. Definitely wouldn't have worked. Oh,
205
00:12:59,134 --> 00:13:02,290
yeah. I was a complete. Jealous.
206
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:05,840
Right. Really. I mean, mind you, he didn't.
207
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:10,540
He didn't help that. Right. I mean, to this
208
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,676
day, we'll still be like, I'm so sorry, but whatever.
209
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:17,436
Didn't help that. And I was a different
210
00:13:17,508 --> 00:13:21,440
person. I was very young, very naive, so swinging definitely
211
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would not have helped. And the second
212
00:13:25,332 --> 00:13:28,380
one, we did it. We did swinging.
213
00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:31,630
But he. I'm not sure why.
214
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:35,730
I'm not sure what he did it for. Like, what was
215
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:39,630
the purpose of it. Now, who. Who brought that up?
216
00:13:42,170 --> 00:13:45,682
I want to say both of
217
00:13:45,706 --> 00:13:48,642
us. How did that even come up? I don't understand.
218
00:13:48,746 --> 00:13:52,210
Well, you know, I want
219
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,900
to say we were out of our apartment, and we were
220
00:13:55,940 --> 00:14:00,316
just kind of figuring out maybe
221
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:03,516
we were talking. I don't remember. Maybe we were talking, and then
222
00:14:03,588 --> 00:14:06,620
all of a sudden we found a website. And we're like,
223
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oh, my God, let's get on this website. What is this? Because I'd never
224
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:13,308
experienced that. I'd never really seen porn.
225
00:14:13,484 --> 00:14:16,540
Okay. And so I remember him showing me, like,
226
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:19,820
oh, look, you can see these web girls. And I'm like,
227
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,796
what is that? You know, I'd only seen. I'd only seen strippers
228
00:14:23,908 --> 00:14:27,668
at strip clubs, so I didn't really know that too much about,
229
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:31,460
like, porn and stuff. Sure. And so I think we
230
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:35,428
went to a website. We found it. He posted pictures of me and
231
00:14:35,484 --> 00:14:38,884
him, and people started reaching
232
00:14:38,932 --> 00:14:42,400
out. And I had never been.
233
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:46,772
I had only been with a few people and only been in long
234
00:14:46,876 --> 00:14:50,586
relationships. Sure. So I didn't know other people
235
00:14:50,658 --> 00:14:53,990
would actually find me attractive. And so
236
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:58,270
they did. And I was like. And I could play with girls. Okay.
237
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:02,090
Which was great. But then it got
238
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:05,994
thrown in my face, and so swinging was
239
00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:09,594
not for us now. What do you mean? If I
240
00:15:09,602 --> 00:15:12,906
was with a girl, he'd be like, you're such a lesbian.
241
00:15:13,098 --> 00:15:17,094
If I was with the guy. I mean, mind you, he's there. If I
242
00:15:17,102 --> 00:15:20,854
was with a guy. Oh, you're such A slut just shaming
243
00:15:20,902 --> 00:15:22,410
me to my core.
244
00:15:23,870 --> 00:15:27,398
And so I didn't want to do it. Maybe that was his
245
00:15:27,454 --> 00:15:31,430
kink, you know, it wasn't. Maybe he got onto that.
246
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:34,662
It would have been cool, but he was always drunk and so, like, swinging for
247
00:15:34,686 --> 00:15:38,262
us was not fun. Now I was going to do swinging. Once I
248
00:15:38,286 --> 00:15:42,090
left him, I was. I was thinking about joining
249
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,424
being a unicorn. Really? Yeah. I had left him a
250
00:15:46,432 --> 00:15:49,736
few times, so I was like, ooh, I'm gonna be.
251
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:52,808
I didn't. There wasn't a name for it. If there was, I didn't know.
252
00:15:52,944 --> 00:15:56,456
But I remember going to Adult Friend Finders and making myself
253
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:59,960
a little profile. And he hacked into
254
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,704
my email and found it and made. Cause the scene shamed me.
255
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,008
And then I felt bad. I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm
256
00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:09,418
doing this. And so swinging wouldn't
257
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:14,154
have been for us. That wouldn't have saved anything. And then that's
258
00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:17,770
what took me so long to do it with you was I
259
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,498
had a lot of trauma, a lot of bad scenarios
260
00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:25,190
that had taken place prior to you that I was like,
261
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:29,670
swinging is just gonna Fuck this. Like, something's gonna happen here.
262
00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:33,130
He's going to find somebody and be like,
263
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:37,250
peace, dude. I remember very specifically,
264
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:41,102
it was some morning, and I don't remember where we
265
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:44,622
were going, but I was waiting for you to get dressed so
266
00:16:44,646 --> 00:16:48,446
that we could go. And you were sitting at your vanity and
267
00:16:48,518 --> 00:16:52,158
you were just crying. And I was like,
268
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:55,726
what is wrong? And you were like, I just feel like we're
269
00:16:55,758 --> 00:16:59,502
not. We're. We're doing something wrong. It just feels. Because we
270
00:16:59,526 --> 00:17:02,450
went back into. We went back into the religion,
271
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,516
remember? Yeah, we were at the church. We had started bringing
272
00:17:06,548 --> 00:17:10,036
the kids. Well, I was never in the religion. I was just there.
273
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:13,204
I was there with you guys. Well, no, remember you had made a path
274
00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:16,932
that you were going to join the choir if you got. Yeah, so. So we
275
00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:20,500
went back. Yeah, we went back because I was never in. I was never in
276
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,020
church until I got with you. Right. So we
277
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:28,590
started becoming more involved in the church and. And all
278
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:32,238
this good stuff. And it was fun because I'd never had that.
279
00:17:32,374 --> 00:17:36,158
And so I was like, oh, my God. Morally, I feel. I feel horrible.
280
00:17:36,334 --> 00:17:39,678
Yeah, I should be devoted to you. We should be in this
281
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:43,530
together. Like, I feel. I feel bad.
282
00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:47,502
I got over that. That lasted a day. It lasted
283
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:51,166
a day. And I told you. I was like, okay, that's fine. We're done.
284
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:55,050
Yeah, I don't have to do this. And that lasted A day.
285
00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:59,062
And then after that day, you were like, yeah, yeah, I. I think
286
00:17:59,086 --> 00:18:02,742
I'm good. Yeah. I think I'm okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, talking to you,
287
00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:06,230
discussing things with you, always helps because you're like, you're looking
288
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:09,798
at this wrong. Well, I mean, you know, nobody can really
289
00:18:09,854 --> 00:18:13,094
make that decision for you. Can't live my whole life and then go to.
290
00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:16,454
I mean, I guess I could live a whole life and then go to confession
291
00:18:16,502 --> 00:18:20,118
and confess my wholeness by.
292
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:23,410
Hopefully by that time, everybody will already know. There you go.
293
00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:28,154
But, yeah, no, you should not go into swinging
294
00:18:28,202 --> 00:18:31,722
any kind of lifestyle at all if it's
295
00:18:31,786 --> 00:18:35,190
rocky. You know, my. My thing is, is if.
296
00:18:35,570 --> 00:18:39,034
If your marriage is rocky, you should
297
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,778
really concentrate on that. And I'm not. And I'm not saying that in a judgmental
298
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:46,790
way at all because, you know, I mean, it's. It's easier said than done.
299
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:51,232
It is. You know what I mean? Like, it is. And is it
300
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:55,264
all about the sex. When you do it, when you get into the
301
00:18:55,272 --> 00:18:58,864
lifestyle? So there's. Because I've
302
00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:02,432
seen actually more on the other end of
303
00:19:02,456 --> 00:19:06,608
the spectrum where it's more of the intimacies that
304
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:10,320
are yearned for. Yeah. Rather than the
305
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:13,728
sex. Like, the sex is automatic. So it's like, oh, yeah,
306
00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:17,050
we're going to have sex, but where I. I can't really
307
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,250
let you into this, but I. I kind of crave this. You know,
308
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:23,418
I wanna. I wanna get some cuddles or I wanna get.
309
00:19:23,554 --> 00:19:27,002
I wanna, you know, do this or whatever. You know, it's like there's intimacies that
310
00:19:27,026 --> 00:19:30,698
are craved by a lot of people. That's true.
311
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:34,202
Yeah. And I also saw that some
312
00:19:34,226 --> 00:19:38,430
people get into it when they have a medical condition.
313
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:44,964
Really? Yeah. So, like, I. I read that she
314
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:48,708
has a medical condition where she can't really have
315
00:19:48,764 --> 00:19:52,580
sex. Yeah. Like, she has a back problem.
316
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,640
Okay. And she has.
317
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:59,412
Is it a bad. It's a medical condition. Like, she has a back issue.
318
00:19:59,596 --> 00:20:04,212
She can't really lay on her back too much, and a lot of pressure hurts.
319
00:20:04,356 --> 00:20:08,068
And so they're swingers. But it's primarily for
320
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:12,032
him to. Because he has a. You know, he still
321
00:20:12,056 --> 00:20:15,920
has a sex drive. Right. They're older, you know,
322
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,744
and they've been in. They've been in. They've been swinging for
323
00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:23,600
a while, and it's mainly for him because he
324
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,216
can't. He has a sex drive and she cannot perform.
325
00:20:27,368 --> 00:20:31,072
Yeah. And so he. He does his thing. She's sometimes
326
00:20:31,136 --> 00:20:34,560
there and sometimes she's not. Wow.
327
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,510
Yeah. But that's what they. That's what they got into.
328
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:40,934
Swinging. That's interesting. Yeah. Wow. And I
329
00:20:40,942 --> 00:20:44,662
was like, oh, that's kind of cool. You know, that's some strong right
330
00:20:44,686 --> 00:20:47,270
there. You know what we were talking about?
331
00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:51,110
What? Why does. Why does
332
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,454
a single person get into the lifestyle?
333
00:20:54,502 --> 00:20:58,390
Get into the lifestyle? Well, so more specifically, why does
334
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:02,220
a single person in the lifestyle look for other singles
335
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:05,452
people? What is that about? I mean, I'm not single,
336
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:08,476
so, I mean. And I'm not judging in any way.
337
00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:12,748
Oh, yeah, me neither. Curiosity. Yeah. Because that's just basically dating.
338
00:21:12,844 --> 00:21:16,844
Yeah. Isn't it? I mean, it's just dating. I don't know. Because when you're a
339
00:21:16,852 --> 00:21:20,252
single person, lifestyle or not, you can do
340
00:21:20,276 --> 00:21:23,180
whatever you want. I mean, you don't. You don't have any. Well, the single people
341
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:27,048
that I know only really go with
342
00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:29,780
one person couples. Oh,
343
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,600
really? Yeah. I mean, I think they play with the
344
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,424
female alone sometimes. Only because that's the couple's
345
00:21:37,472 --> 00:21:41,168
dynamic sometimes. But yeah. Oh.
346
00:21:41,184 --> 00:21:43,952
I mean, I guess they do play with some of the single ladies in the
347
00:21:43,976 --> 00:21:47,696
single whatever. But yeah, mainly couples.
348
00:21:47,888 --> 00:21:51,040
Huh. Interesting. Yeah. You know,
349
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:55,360
I was just wondering. I mean, I guess just
350
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,168
to be a part of the community would be. Reasonable variety, but there's
351
00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:02,860
variety when you're dating second. You don't have to guess. I mean,
352
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,976
if you're just a single person. Yeah. If you're just a single person.
353
00:22:07,128 --> 00:22:10,352
Yeah. And you're looking for all of this, you might as well be a part
354
00:22:10,376 --> 00:22:13,920
of that lifestyle because then you can find it a lot easier. Yeah,
355
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,872
I guess that would make sense. That makes sense. Way to
356
00:22:17,896 --> 00:22:21,564
go, singles. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I just put together a puzzle.
357
00:22:21,612 --> 00:22:24,124
You did? Because we've been talking about this. Yeah. And I couldn't figure it out.
358
00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:27,420
We were like, what? Why? Yeah, yeah. Thought process.
359
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:30,764
Curiosity. Curiosity. It's an interesting question.
360
00:22:30,852 --> 00:22:34,268
Yeah. Because I don't know if. If I was.
361
00:22:34,324 --> 00:22:37,724
If I was single, I don't think I would be in the lifestyle
362
00:22:37,772 --> 00:22:41,548
myself. I don't think I'd be in it. No, No, I don't think.
363
00:22:41,604 --> 00:22:44,754
I think I would because dating sucks, man.
364
00:22:44,892 --> 00:22:48,210
Yeah. You see, I would be. I would be a unicorn and be like,
365
00:22:48,590 --> 00:22:52,294
who wants to take me out? Well, see, I think it's easier for a
366
00:22:52,302 --> 00:22:55,830
woman. I think it's easier for a woman than it is
367
00:22:55,870 --> 00:22:59,334
for a guy in the single aspect of the lifestyle.
368
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:02,518
Now, I could be wrong. Isn't it funny that it's easier for a woman
369
00:23:02,574 --> 00:23:05,330
in these sexual aspects of this.
370
00:23:05,710 --> 00:23:09,574
Of anything that has to do with sex. But it's not easier
371
00:23:09,702 --> 00:23:13,614
for a woman outside of sex stuff. What do you mean?
372
00:23:13,782 --> 00:23:17,502
Just life in general. Oh, yeah, right. Like this is
373
00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:21,966
easy. Yeah. For a woman, swinging hands
374
00:23:21,998 --> 00:23:22,570
down.
375
00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:27,966
Easy. Yeah. Unless you want a girl,
376
00:23:28,038 --> 00:23:31,806
because then I don't know how to do that. So obviously it's
377
00:23:31,838 --> 00:23:35,070
not easy. I got that. I got that. I'll help.
378
00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:39,374
I'll help you out. All right. Your wingman. Oh, you were my wingman and
379
00:23:39,462 --> 00:23:42,836
then you decided to date me. That's right.
380
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:47,028
And then I took away your wingman. You're such a cutie.
381
00:23:47,124 --> 00:23:50,212
Stop it. Anyway, yeah, you know,
382
00:23:50,236 --> 00:23:54,308
I'm. I'm. I will say that I think that
383
00:23:54,364 --> 00:23:58,228
being a part of this lifestyle has. Has strengthened our marriage.
384
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:01,652
Yes. I would say we. I want to
385
00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:05,360
say that you have made it
386
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,316
better and easier. Yeah.
387
00:24:09,428 --> 00:24:13,124
Yes. How's that? Well, Mr. Adam used to be very self
388
00:24:13,172 --> 00:24:16,260
centered when it came to swinging. You know,
389
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:19,220
negative. Well, you. I mean, you were. We talked about it.
390
00:24:19,260 --> 00:24:22,724
You kind of were. And I was very insecure. Yeah. Yeah.
391
00:24:22,772 --> 00:24:26,132
And those two things did not match. Yeah. You know what
392
00:24:26,156 --> 00:24:29,780
I mean? Yeah. Those are some tough times. Yeah. And so you
393
00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:33,092
are very transparent. I try to
394
00:24:33,116 --> 00:24:36,720
be as. As much as possible. You are very transparent with me.
395
00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:39,850
We have really good communication.
396
00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:44,246
We. We agree to disagree on some things.
397
00:24:44,398 --> 00:24:47,494
Yeah. Yeah. We don't always agree. So. Yeah,
398
00:24:47,542 --> 00:24:51,750
I think it has definitely strengthened our
399
00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:56,054
thought process and how we go about our sex life.
400
00:24:56,222 --> 00:24:59,350
Sure. You know, because we could take
401
00:24:59,390 --> 00:25:02,938
swinging out of this completely and
402
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:06,162
we'd still be rocking the bed. Like. Yeah.
403
00:25:06,306 --> 00:25:10,306
We've always had a very healthy sex life for each. And people
404
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:13,410
think, oh, man, they've been it for a long time and, oh, man, they've been
405
00:25:13,450 --> 00:25:16,030
playing for a long time. No,
406
00:25:16,330 --> 00:25:19,026
not really. Well, yeah, I mean,
407
00:25:19,098 --> 00:25:22,402
collectively, we had our experiences,
408
00:25:22,466 --> 00:25:25,762
but we weren't, you know, hitting it up every weekend. We were.
409
00:25:25,866 --> 00:25:28,962
We were actually very sparse for several years. Years.
410
00:25:29,066 --> 00:25:32,726
Yeah. So it's. It's fun now.
411
00:25:32,878 --> 00:25:35,730
I think this is the most active we've ever been.
412
00:25:36,030 --> 00:25:38,690
Yeah. Yeah. Which.
413
00:25:39,150 --> 00:25:42,422
Yeah. Hey, cool. It's. It's a
414
00:25:42,446 --> 00:25:47,210
different experience, but it definitely has strengthened our. Our relationship
415
00:25:48,430 --> 00:25:51,478
and everything. I mean, you know, it.
416
00:25:51,534 --> 00:25:54,246
It's definitely helped my communication.
417
00:25:54,358 --> 00:25:58,188
Yeah. I thought I had good communication and I
418
00:25:58,244 --> 00:26:01,580
did not. It's helped me
419
00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:05,980
learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations and uncomfortable
420
00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:09,996
conversations. Yeah, those were always difficulties.
421
00:26:10,108 --> 00:26:13,660
Yeah. I was a classic avoider, so I
422
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:17,120
would do anything to avoid the uncomfortable
423
00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:21,644
conversation. Yeah. I just didn't want to have that uncomfortable feeling.
424
00:26:21,692 --> 00:26:25,092
I didn't want to have the uncomfortable conversation. Yeah. And so I do
425
00:26:25,116 --> 00:26:29,156
whatever I could to avoid it. Well, if that meant not being
426
00:26:29,228 --> 00:26:32,276
forthcoming with something or that meant, you know,
427
00:26:32,348 --> 00:26:35,764
holding back on something, then so be it. Yeah.
428
00:26:35,812 --> 00:26:39,908
All I knew was I wasn't lying to you. Yes. I just wasn't sharing.
429
00:26:40,004 --> 00:26:43,716
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that's
430
00:26:43,748 --> 00:26:47,380
where you and I started. And I, I think we had the
431
00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:51,068
conversation of whether or not I. An omission is a lie.
432
00:26:51,164 --> 00:26:54,492
Yes. And I think. I think you and
433
00:26:54,516 --> 00:26:57,948
I finally, we came to an agreement that an omission is a
434
00:26:58,004 --> 00:27:01,756
form of lying. Yes. And while it's not
435
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:05,692
as malicious as a blatant lie, it is on the,
436
00:27:05,876 --> 00:27:09,660
on the scale you want to be. You want to be transparent.
437
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:13,000
Right? Right. Because it is uncomfortable. I mean,
438
00:27:13,940 --> 00:27:17,974
who lifestyle or not, sometimes you're
439
00:27:18,022 --> 00:27:22,166
not in the right mood or you're not in the right headspace.
440
00:27:22,358 --> 00:27:24,810
Last thing you want to hear is, oh,
441
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:28,330
so and so sent me a video and ooh,
442
00:27:28,670 --> 00:27:31,910
I stroked it. You know what I mean? Like, it's.
443
00:27:31,990 --> 00:27:35,174
They're uncomfortable conversations. Now, I'm okay
444
00:27:35,222 --> 00:27:38,342
with the way you come about it, the way
445
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:42,060
you tell me, the way you explain, express it to me,
446
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,568
or just your forthcoming. Just,
447
00:27:45,624 --> 00:27:48,672
Just your transparency makes the lifestyles so much
448
00:27:48,696 --> 00:27:52,660
easier. Well, I will tell you, I rejected a lot of it in the beginning
449
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,980
because it. I felt like I was.
450
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,048
I felt like I was having to be
451
00:28:00,104 --> 00:28:03,440
like a child. You know what I mean? You mentioned that, but now
452
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,596
I was going to ask you something because you had mentioned that we were talking
453
00:28:06,628 --> 00:28:10,360
about something and you said that being married.
454
00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:14,436
Don't you think that being married gives you
455
00:28:14,508 --> 00:28:18,960
the, the, Your, Your partner's opportunity to,
456
00:28:19,820 --> 00:28:22,948
to be. That you should be, like, open to
457
00:28:23,004 --> 00:28:27,364
that kind of feeling? Because it's not really being a child.
458
00:28:27,532 --> 00:28:30,868
It's just trying to dig stuff out of you. Well,
459
00:28:30,924 --> 00:28:33,840
so I, I agree to an extent. Yes.
460
00:28:34,740 --> 00:28:37,200
I think when you're in a relationship.
461
00:28:37,620 --> 00:28:40,940
It'S like get swinging out of it. Yeah. Like. Well,
462
00:28:41,060 --> 00:28:44,796
in anything, realistically, when you're in a relationship,
463
00:28:44,988 --> 00:28:48,892
there's going to be give and take. There's always negotiation.
464
00:28:48,956 --> 00:28:52,924
There's always give and take. Right. And what
465
00:28:53,012 --> 00:28:55,400
I, I viewed things as,
466
00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:59,260
well, because of my past years in,
467
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:02,140
in an abusive childhood. Right.
468
00:29:02,260 --> 00:29:05,532
Yeah. You know, with, with all of that shit. You know,
469
00:29:05,556 --> 00:29:09,452
it's one of those things where you just kind of view things very negatively.
470
00:29:09,596 --> 00:29:12,396
And so at the very beginning, that's the way I would view it is that,
471
00:29:12,468 --> 00:29:15,932
well, you're, you're treating me like I'm Your. I'm your kid. You don't tell me
472
00:29:15,956 --> 00:29:19,420
what to do. Yeah. You know, that sort of. Yes. And it was very.
473
00:29:19,540 --> 00:29:23,228
It was very negative. Yeah. And then as we went on and we
474
00:29:23,364 --> 00:29:27,066
talked more and we figured each other out more, I started
475
00:29:27,138 --> 00:29:31,130
realizing that the little bit that you were asking for
476
00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:34,698
was not a lot. Right. You know what I mean? Right.
477
00:29:34,754 --> 00:29:38,330
Yeah. And it. You weren't asking for anything that I
478
00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:42,586
wasn't already asking from you. Right. For myself.
479
00:29:42,698 --> 00:29:45,082
Yeah. It was the same respect.
480
00:29:45,266 --> 00:29:48,890
Yeah. And I don't know, a light switch kind of went off in
481
00:29:48,930 --> 00:29:52,578
my head, and I said, you know, this is silly. I don't
482
00:29:52,594 --> 00:29:55,682
know why I'm. I'm. I'm fighting rejecting. Yeah. And, you know,
483
00:29:55,706 --> 00:29:58,818
and a lot of it was just, you know, past traumas and like that.
484
00:29:58,874 --> 00:30:02,322
Yeah. We both had our own little trust issues that we had to
485
00:30:02,346 --> 00:30:05,858
deal with. Not from each other, but just from past
486
00:30:05,914 --> 00:30:09,298
relationships. Yeah. And I mean, and it.
487
00:30:09,354 --> 00:30:13,042
Yeah. No, it took us kind of real. Really kind
488
00:30:13,066 --> 00:30:16,130
of leaning on each other and going, I'm trusting you here.
489
00:30:16,250 --> 00:30:19,318
Yes. Don't fail me. Yes. And that's
490
00:30:19,334 --> 00:30:24,118
what. And we have yet to fail each other. And we're very understanding,
491
00:30:24,294 --> 00:30:28,150
you and I, about mistakes.
492
00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:31,846
Yes. I. You know, I've. I've said before that there's
493
00:30:31,878 --> 00:30:34,850
not a single thing, except for one thing,
494
00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:39,382
that I couldn't forgive in our relationship.
495
00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:43,270
Yeah. Yeah. The only thing that I couldn't forgive and could not
496
00:30:43,310 --> 00:30:46,450
go back to is if, like, I heard,
497
00:30:46,790 --> 00:30:49,838
like, proof of you talking crap about
498
00:30:49,894 --> 00:30:53,662
me to somebody else. Yeah. Like, that, to me, is unforgivable. Yeah.
499
00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:56,846
You know, but outside of that, I mean,
500
00:30:56,918 --> 00:30:59,890
anything. Yeah. Realistically,
501
00:31:00,390 --> 00:31:03,902
we could. We could work it out. Yeah. You know. Yeah. That's what.
502
00:31:03,926 --> 00:31:07,662
That's how I feel. And I think, like. Like, new people that come into the
503
00:31:07,686 --> 00:31:11,086
lifestyle. I know we've discussed this before, but it's
504
00:31:11,118 --> 00:31:14,950
like, when you're new, have those
505
00:31:14,990 --> 00:31:16,730
uncomfortable conversations,
506
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:20,886
have those boundaries,
507
00:31:20,998 --> 00:31:24,182
have your rules, things come up.
508
00:31:24,366 --> 00:31:27,650
You never know if you like them. Be open.
509
00:31:28,030 --> 00:31:32,730
Be open. Yeah. Be open and, you know, understand your spouse
510
00:31:33,070 --> 00:31:36,278
and their feelings towards this, because just
511
00:31:36,334 --> 00:31:40,024
as uncomfortable as you are in certain situations,
512
00:31:40,222 --> 00:31:43,556
they're having the same kind of insecurities you are.
513
00:31:43,628 --> 00:31:46,740
Yes. And sometimes they're having more. Yeah. I mean,
514
00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:50,564
like, I don't want to bring up conversations sometimes because I'm like,
515
00:31:50,652 --> 00:31:53,764
yeah, I know your reaction, and vice versa.
516
00:31:53,812 --> 00:31:58,000
Right. But, like, new people, be open.
517
00:31:58,860 --> 00:32:02,532
Adam and I have always been open
518
00:32:02,636 --> 00:32:06,760
in our communication, whether it's communicating
519
00:32:07,270 --> 00:32:10,590
you on your phone with whomever or me
520
00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:14,494
on my phone with whomever. We always have that openness
521
00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:17,790
where it's like, the access is there.
522
00:32:17,910 --> 00:32:21,182
Yeah. And that could be just for your peace of mind.
523
00:32:21,286 --> 00:32:24,010
Right, right, right. Just for your peace of mind.
524
00:32:24,390 --> 00:32:28,286
It's. It's very nice to know that it's
525
00:32:28,318 --> 00:32:32,478
very secure that nothing is going wrong.
526
00:32:32,574 --> 00:32:35,860
Nothing's. Nothing's being said that
527
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:40,380
shouldn't be said. You know, Nothing inappropriate. Nothing inappropriate.
528
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,712
And so, like. Yeah. Like, new people that are. That are in the
529
00:32:44,736 --> 00:32:48,020
lifestyle. If you have that issue already,
530
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,424
talk it out before you jump into the swinging. Oh, man. Yeah,
531
00:32:52,472 --> 00:32:56,088
because that's. That's not gonna. That's not gonna make it. Yeah. And, like, if you
532
00:32:56,144 --> 00:32:59,272
share a profile, that's great. You're gonna have it, but, like, Adam and I do
533
00:32:59,296 --> 00:33:02,232
not. You and I do not share a profile. And we were against that from
534
00:33:02,256 --> 00:33:05,432
the. Start, and it's just not our thing. No, no. You made it
535
00:33:05,456 --> 00:33:09,112
real clear. Like, you didn't like my.
536
00:33:09,296 --> 00:33:12,504
What I would do on my Facebook and the people I talked to and that
537
00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:16,008
sort of thing. Yeah. But you were like, no, this is your
538
00:33:16,064 --> 00:33:19,640
thing. I don't want to take that away from you. Yeah. There's no point.
539
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,840
You know, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know.
540
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,488
It's just. It's not our thing. Right. But. But we have.
541
00:33:26,624 --> 00:33:30,140
We have the access. Yeah. Which is, you know,
542
00:33:30,180 --> 00:33:33,612
you grab my phone and you take pictures or you. Which could be comforting for
543
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:36,972
some people. Right. And I don't have to worry now. You know,
544
00:33:36,996 --> 00:33:39,612
if I ask for your phone and you refuse to give it to me,
545
00:33:39,636 --> 00:33:42,524
then I'm going to be like, what the hell's going on? You know what I
546
00:33:42,532 --> 00:33:45,484
mean? Or I'm sure if I act a little shady about it, you're going to
547
00:33:45,492 --> 00:33:48,524
be like, okay, now I want to. Now I want to see your phone.
548
00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:52,060
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sort of thing is understandable,
549
00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:55,468
but it just took me a little while to kind of reach
550
00:33:55,524 --> 00:33:58,690
that point. Yeah. Where I realized,
551
00:33:58,770 --> 00:34:01,874
oh, this is not. I mean, just about me.
552
00:34:01,962 --> 00:34:05,410
You've never been in a relationship like this. No. No, no, no.
553
00:34:05,450 --> 00:34:08,482
You know, first. This is a first. And I have to say, this is a
554
00:34:08,506 --> 00:34:12,210
first for me. Yeah. Like, this is deep,
555
00:34:12,290 --> 00:34:16,226
true love. And now we're opening
556
00:34:16,258 --> 00:34:19,410
it up. Yeah. You know, so it's like. But,
557
00:34:19,450 --> 00:34:24,154
you know, a lot of the big base work of it was
558
00:34:24,242 --> 00:34:27,430
learning how to talk to each other,
559
00:34:27,730 --> 00:34:31,210
without. Which we're still learning. Without yelling.
560
00:34:31,290 --> 00:34:35,050
Yes. You know, without reacting. Yes. We still have
561
00:34:35,090 --> 00:34:38,154
our days yes. Where we're passionate.
562
00:34:38,282 --> 00:34:41,498
Yeah. It'll get. It'll get a little. It'll get a little loud.
563
00:34:41,594 --> 00:34:44,458
Yeah. Yeah. Things get a little heated. Yeah.
564
00:34:44,554 --> 00:34:47,810
But for the most part, we. We can work
565
00:34:47,850 --> 00:34:51,110
it out very easily. Yes. Be forgiving.
566
00:34:51,770 --> 00:34:55,666
You're. If you're new to this and you're married and you're new to it,
567
00:34:55,818 --> 00:34:59,890
be very forgiving. Like, talk it out. Because we
568
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:03,266
truly love each other. Right. I mean. Yeah.
569
00:35:03,298 --> 00:35:07,042
I mean, really, what's. What's your biggest value? Having sex with
570
00:35:07,066 --> 00:35:09,750
strangers or your relationship? Yeah.
571
00:35:10,490 --> 00:35:14,092
If I have to choose between my relationship or. Or the
572
00:35:14,116 --> 00:35:17,532
lifestyle. I love this community and I love the friends that I've made
573
00:35:17,556 --> 00:35:21,000
in it, and I love everything that. That it's done for me.
574
00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:24,972
But I would walk away in two seconds if I knew it
575
00:35:24,996 --> 00:35:28,476
was affecting our relationship. Yeah. Because you
576
00:35:28,548 --> 00:35:32,600
are my number one priority. And going into this sort of thing,
577
00:35:32,900 --> 00:35:36,508
I have to always keep that in my head that you are always my number
578
00:35:36,564 --> 00:35:39,932
one priority. You're doing a good job about it. I. I do
579
00:35:39,956 --> 00:35:43,260
my best. Yeah. I do my best. I try not to get too myself.
580
00:35:43,340 --> 00:35:46,972
You are not self centered Adam anymore. Oh, thank you.
581
00:35:47,156 --> 00:35:50,540
No, you're very. You have grown and
582
00:35:50,580 --> 00:35:53,708
I've grown, and I think it's working out for us.
583
00:35:53,764 --> 00:35:57,260
We're getting there. We're getting down the line. You know, I think that we're still
584
00:35:57,300 --> 00:36:00,540
learning a whole lot because we're getting put
585
00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:03,212
in different situations. Yes.
586
00:36:03,276 --> 00:36:07,404
Now. Yes. And we're having different experiences
587
00:36:07,452 --> 00:36:10,330
that we hadn't previously had. Yeah.
588
00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:13,942
I don't know. I just feel like the. The page is turned and we're in
589
00:36:13,966 --> 00:36:17,590
a different chapter, and right now we're just kind of going for
590
00:36:17,630 --> 00:36:22,758
the ride. Yes. And it's a lot less anxious.
591
00:36:22,854 --> 00:36:26,918
It's a lot less organized. It's just a little bit more free and
592
00:36:26,974 --> 00:36:29,686
wild. Yes. That's the way it feels to me.
593
00:36:29,838 --> 00:36:32,890
Yeah. That's what I always wanted. Honestly,
594
00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:36,490
this entire time, this was kind of what I wanted.
595
00:36:36,910 --> 00:36:40,262
But I didn't feel like you were very open to it. I felt like you
596
00:36:40,286 --> 00:36:44,230
were very closed off. Things were. Things were a little bit harder. I hold my
597
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:46,998
cards very close to my chest. Yeah,
598
00:36:47,174 --> 00:36:51,270
I still do. Yeah. But that's just. That's me. I still
599
00:36:51,310 --> 00:36:55,290
do and I still am. I'm very. I don't trust everybody.
600
00:36:55,630 --> 00:37:00,290
Yeah. That's just me, though. That's just the way I am. But I trust you.
601
00:37:00,750 --> 00:37:04,632
Thank goodness. Yeah, I trust you. But we had to have a few conversations
602
00:37:04,696 --> 00:37:08,120
about. Oh, yeah. Because I remember there was so God. Last year, I think,
603
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,060
like, I. I had to trust you if this was going to work,
604
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,032
I had to make sure that I am very trusting that you are always going
605
00:37:15,056 --> 00:37:18,600
to keep that your head on your shoulders is
606
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,640
going to think about me before your head between your legs.
607
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:24,260
Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, for sure.
608
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,690
And so that's where the trusting comes in. And that's what makes it easier
609
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,382
again. You have made it very easy to be in the lifestyle
610
00:37:33,446 --> 00:37:37,142
because you commute. You're not the old Adam.
611
00:37:37,286 --> 00:37:40,950
Yeah. No. Well, you know, I. I want to make this as an
612
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:44,054
enjoyable of a ride as it can be. And I'm not
613
00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:47,170
the old Priscilla. No. So it's very.
614
00:37:48,510 --> 00:37:51,766
It was. It was early when we first started. Like, this is.
615
00:37:51,838 --> 00:37:55,142
This is. Ain't nobody nobody this up.
616
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:58,286
But. But us. No. And we always said that. We've always said that.
617
00:37:58,438 --> 00:38:01,710
And I trust you and I think this
618
00:38:01,750 --> 00:38:04,958
lifestyle is so much fun to do it with. My best friend.
619
00:38:05,094 --> 00:38:08,734
Yeah. For sure. You know, like. Sure. And we,
620
00:38:08,902 --> 00:38:13,822
we have those really uncomfortable conversations
621
00:38:13,966 --> 00:38:17,102
and I swear we have one almost every week.
622
00:38:17,206 --> 00:38:20,430
That's what we do. Because we're still learning. Yeah.
623
00:38:20,510 --> 00:38:24,250
You know, now if there had been
624
00:38:24,790 --> 00:38:28,846
infidelity in the past between
625
00:38:28,918 --> 00:38:31,758
us, like. You and I being unfaithful to each other.
626
00:38:31,814 --> 00:38:35,326
Yeah. Do you think that the
627
00:38:35,398 --> 00:38:38,810
lifestyle would have worked out as well as it's going now?
628
00:38:39,510 --> 00:38:43,970
No. Who did the infidelity?
629
00:38:44,310 --> 00:38:47,560
Either or. No. Yeah.
630
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:51,848
No. Not at all. No Trust issues.
631
00:38:51,984 --> 00:38:55,400
Very much trust issues. And I can.
632
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,100
For. I can. I have forgiven a cheater.
633
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,420
But I was younger
634
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,576
and I was a little bit. Didn't think I could. I was. I wasn't
635
00:39:07,608 --> 00:39:11,656
worthy of anything. You didn't know your worth. I didn't know my worth.
636
00:39:11,848 --> 00:39:14,430
No. For sure. It would not have.
637
00:39:14,810 --> 00:39:18,130
I can forgive it, but I would not have been a swinger.
638
00:39:18,210 --> 00:39:21,470
No. I wouldn't have been in the lifestyle at all.
639
00:39:22,170 --> 00:39:25,234
Interesting. Yeah. And honestly,
640
00:39:25,282 --> 00:39:29,202
we. I could. I forgive it, you know.
641
00:39:29,306 --> 00:39:32,962
You know, situational. Yeah, it really is. That really
642
00:39:32,986 --> 00:39:36,354
is situational. How long did it last and what happened?
643
00:39:36,402 --> 00:39:38,990
And there's a lot of scenarios. Right.
644
00:39:39,290 --> 00:39:43,762
But no, if, if, if you cheated
645
00:39:43,826 --> 00:39:47,314
before going into. Into the lifestyle. No, we wouldn't have
646
00:39:47,322 --> 00:39:51,830
gone into the lifestyle. If you cheat while we're in the lifestyle.
647
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,650
Menos. I wouldn't. You know that.
648
00:39:55,770 --> 00:39:59,202
And that's going to be a topic for another day. But cheating in the lifestyle
649
00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:02,130
just doesn't make sense to me at all.
650
00:40:02,250 --> 00:40:05,938
No. Like, what are you doing, man? That's definitely. That's definitely one we're
651
00:40:05,954 --> 00:40:09,634
gonna save. But. But, yeah, it's. No, I don't think so.
652
00:40:09,802 --> 00:40:13,234
If there was infidelity ever in our 14
653
00:40:13,322 --> 00:40:15,510
year marriage.
654
00:40:15,930 --> 00:40:18,866
No. No, I couldn't.
655
00:40:18,978 --> 00:40:22,030
Yeah. Could you? You know,
656
00:40:22,410 --> 00:40:25,602
I think it would be a trust issue because I'm a very.
657
00:40:25,626 --> 00:40:28,270
Different person than you. You are a different person.
658
00:40:28,810 --> 00:40:32,444
I am more forgiving when
659
00:40:32,452 --> 00:40:36,280
it comes. I think it would hurt your. I think it would hurt you
660
00:40:36,820 --> 00:40:39,436
more. It would hurt more.
661
00:40:39,508 --> 00:40:42,652
Yeah. Yeah. But like, you would never be able. Yeah,
662
00:40:42,716 --> 00:40:45,388
I don't think you'd be ever. I don't think it would be hard to.
663
00:40:45,524 --> 00:40:48,040
It would be hard to trust for sure.
664
00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:51,964
Because I already kind of had trust
665
00:40:52,012 --> 00:40:55,320
issues going into the relationship to begin with,
666
00:40:56,420 --> 00:41:00,210
just from my previous years, you know,
667
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:04,130
I'd spent years being cheated on just about every relationship I was
668
00:41:04,170 --> 00:41:07,858
in. Did you have that with me when. We first got together?
669
00:41:07,994 --> 00:41:11,362
Huh? I had thoughts that would pop in and
670
00:41:11,386 --> 00:41:14,370
out. You did? I did. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know,
671
00:41:14,410 --> 00:41:17,698
I did. Well, you know, I. I brought things up. I mean, there was that
672
00:41:17,754 --> 00:41:21,458
situation where you called your ex after
673
00:41:21,514 --> 00:41:24,738
a night of drinking. Boy, that was a. That was a conversation. Oh,
674
00:41:24,754 --> 00:41:27,540
that's. There was. So mind you, everybody,
675
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,296
my. My first ex is a very
676
00:41:31,368 --> 00:41:34,720
cool guy that likes Adam. He does
677
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,256
not. He will tolerate me because I still hang
678
00:41:38,288 --> 00:41:42,032
out with the fam. Bam. But he likes. But this
679
00:41:42,056 --> 00:41:45,888
was during a time when we had just. And he was like my best friend
680
00:41:45,944 --> 00:41:49,328
at that time. He was the person you would talk. Yeah, because. Yeah.
681
00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:52,464
And I remember calling him. Yeah. That made you feel. Oh,
682
00:41:52,512 --> 00:41:56,120
man, that one kicked me in the ass for. For a good while.
683
00:41:56,580 --> 00:42:01,244
And I remember feeling very inferior
684
00:42:01,372 --> 00:42:05,308
about you and your ex's
685
00:42:05,404 --> 00:42:08,652
relationship. I guess for the first. Gosh.
686
00:42:08,716 --> 00:42:12,156
The first couple of years we were together because.
687
00:42:12,308 --> 00:42:16,140
Primarily because everything that you would talk about had
688
00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:19,974
something to do with him. With him. Yeah. And so anything
689
00:42:20,022 --> 00:42:23,062
that came up, you know. Oh, I love, you know,
690
00:42:23,086 --> 00:42:26,486
Puerto Rico. I love Puerto Rican food, all that stuff. Because they were Puerto
691
00:42:26,518 --> 00:42:30,150
Rican. Yeah. You know, and. And. And, like, just it seemed like
692
00:42:30,190 --> 00:42:33,286
everything that you. You would talk about the house that y'all own together,
693
00:42:33,358 --> 00:42:37,398
like, there was all sorts of stuff. And I just was. I would feel
694
00:42:37,454 --> 00:42:41,542
very. I would go very into myself and I would get very insecure about
695
00:42:41,566 --> 00:42:44,294
that. I mean, I get it. I mean, no, I. I wouldn't. I didn't feel
696
00:42:44,302 --> 00:42:47,220
like that about you and your exes, but you and your friends. Friends that you
697
00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:50,500
had. Yeah, they were all girls and I. I feel like that
698
00:42:50,540 --> 00:42:53,828
a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, you. You did mention that.
699
00:42:53,884 --> 00:42:57,572
Yeah, yeah. No, I. I think the first
700
00:42:57,756 --> 00:43:01,044
couple of years were more internal
701
00:43:01,092 --> 00:43:04,612
battles of insecurities. But I
702
00:43:04,636 --> 00:43:08,160
remember you specifically telling me one time
703
00:43:08,540 --> 00:43:12,260
you said something like, oh, no, no, no, it wasn't bad.
704
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:16,140
I mean, we were. We were kind of having a heated argument,
705
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,512
and I remember you said something like,
706
00:43:19,696 --> 00:43:23,368
have I ever given you a reason to. To think
707
00:43:23,424 --> 00:43:26,792
like that? Right. And I. I don't know
708
00:43:26,816 --> 00:43:29,816
why, but when you said that, it stopped me in my tracks. And I remember
709
00:43:29,848 --> 00:43:33,272
thinking, she's never ever given me a reason to
710
00:43:33,296 --> 00:43:36,664
think like that. Yeah. And I've said that. I mean,
711
00:43:36,672 --> 00:43:40,104
I think we still have those conversations, and I'm like, have I ever.
712
00:43:40,192 --> 00:43:43,320
Yeah. And I. And I've. And I've still said that to
713
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,764
myself throughout the years when things have come up in.
714
00:43:46,912 --> 00:43:49,972
Because obviously, you know, I have a very askew
715
00:43:50,036 --> 00:43:53,380
way of thinking, and my head, you know,
716
00:43:53,420 --> 00:43:56,980
I tend to get some. Some pretty jacked thoughts that are
717
00:43:57,020 --> 00:44:00,516
unrealistic. You're a weirdo. I don't think very highly
718
00:44:00,548 --> 00:44:04,324
of myself sometimes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so that. That causes
719
00:44:04,372 --> 00:44:08,436
you to think, oh, well, people don't like me or this or that. You know,
720
00:44:08,588 --> 00:44:11,220
you get unrealistic thoughts in your head.
721
00:44:11,260 --> 00:44:14,662
Yeah. And so I was always kind of
722
00:44:14,686 --> 00:44:18,086
lucky that you were able to ground me when I. When I have those
723
00:44:18,158 --> 00:44:21,734
thoughts. Yeah. But. Yeah. Yeah. So you
724
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:24,278
see, you do that now to me. Yeah.
725
00:44:24,374 --> 00:44:27,206
Yeah. Before you didn't,
726
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:30,774
but now I'm telling you, like, you make it so much nicer.
727
00:44:30,902 --> 00:44:34,278
Oh, that's nice. Yeah. You're very. I mean, you were always about me, and I'm
728
00:44:34,294 --> 00:44:38,326
not. I'm not trying to, like, say, oh, you weren't, but now you're very
729
00:44:38,398 --> 00:44:42,480
much. Is it attuned to my feelings
730
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:46,496
that that would be. Yeah, I think that sounds correct. Like, you. You really
731
00:44:46,568 --> 00:44:50,336
know when I'm feeling a certain way. What you'll re.
732
00:44:50,488 --> 00:44:53,712
I can see you when you know that I'm having a bad moment.
733
00:44:53,776 --> 00:44:57,740
I can see you replaying everything that we
734
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,660
talked about, everything that you said,
735
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:06,624
everything that could have been
736
00:45:06,712 --> 00:45:10,224
that triggered me. I can see you doing it, and you do it
737
00:45:10,232 --> 00:45:13,728
in a matter of, like, minutes. Like, I will just be walking
738
00:45:13,744 --> 00:45:17,312
through the door, and you know that I'm pissed because you can see it on
739
00:45:17,336 --> 00:45:19,980
my face, and you're like,
740
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,240
whoa, what did I do? And I can see you, like,
741
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,380
just going through everything.
742
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:31,466
Then you'll figure it out and you'll
743
00:45:31,498 --> 00:45:35,338
come to me and you will
744
00:45:35,394 --> 00:45:39,242
love bomb me, because I. I allow that, and I
745
00:45:39,266 --> 00:45:42,698
love it. When you do it, you love bomb me. And then you're like,
746
00:45:42,754 --> 00:45:46,522
I'm sorry I made you mad. And I'm sure this is what made you mad.
747
00:45:46,666 --> 00:45:50,074
Yeah. And you'll figure it out, and I'll be like, okay, yeah,
748
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:53,082
but let me explain to you and then we'll talk about it. And so you
749
00:45:53,106 --> 00:45:56,490
have made it very nice. Back in the day,
750
00:45:56,530 --> 00:45:59,316
it was, it was not that easy for me to talk to you about it.
751
00:45:59,418 --> 00:46:02,832
Well, you know, I, I was very reactive. Well, all I knew was, was what
752
00:46:02,856 --> 00:46:06,448
I saw from my parents. My parents fought all the time. Yeah. They didn't have
753
00:46:06,504 --> 00:46:09,936
open conversations like we do. Yeah. And so
754
00:46:10,008 --> 00:46:13,552
both of my parents were very reactive. And that's what you, that's what,
755
00:46:13,576 --> 00:46:16,848
you know, that's what you grow up. Yeah. Yeah. And it really
756
00:46:16,904 --> 00:46:21,152
took me going against the grain to be the opposite.
757
00:46:21,216 --> 00:46:24,496
Open. Yeah. And it takes a lot of practice. This is not,
758
00:46:24,568 --> 00:46:28,246
this is not an easy thing to do. No, we practice
759
00:46:28,278 --> 00:46:31,766
it every day. Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't always work.
760
00:46:31,838 --> 00:46:34,982
And it doesn't always work because sometimes we're just
761
00:46:35,006 --> 00:46:38,438
not in the mood. No. Sometimes we're just not having it, you know?
762
00:46:38,494 --> 00:46:41,606
Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes it's just a day. It's just a day. And it's like,
763
00:46:41,678 --> 00:46:44,614
I don't want to hear about it. Luckily for us,
764
00:46:44,782 --> 00:46:48,230
we balance in the fact that if one of us is having a day,
765
00:46:48,270 --> 00:46:50,810
the other one is extra patient. Yes.
766
00:46:51,230 --> 00:46:54,908
And we both been there. Yes. You know, where one of us is having
767
00:46:54,964 --> 00:46:58,540
a day, the other one has to be extra patient. And we've always been able
768
00:46:58,580 --> 00:47:01,932
to kind of pick up the slack and then come in the next day and
769
00:47:01,956 --> 00:47:05,388
go, okay, so now that we're past that,
770
00:47:05,524 --> 00:47:08,860
let's. Let me tell you. Yeah. Let me tell you about how
771
00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:12,156
that made me feel. Yes. You know, like, you have to.
772
00:47:12,228 --> 00:47:14,920
And, you know, there's, there's a whole community.
773
00:47:15,540 --> 00:47:19,052
There's people you can talk to and
774
00:47:19,076 --> 00:47:23,082
they can help you figure out a way to talk to your partner.
775
00:47:23,226 --> 00:47:26,154
Because some people just don't know how to have that communication. Right.
776
00:47:26,242 --> 00:47:30,474
Yeah. So there are, like, if you have a,
777
00:47:30,642 --> 00:47:33,898
you have a problem or something, like find somebody. There's,
778
00:47:34,074 --> 00:47:37,770
there's a whole community that has probably
779
00:47:37,850 --> 00:47:41,482
been in your situation. There's, you know, and they
780
00:47:41,506 --> 00:47:44,890
can help you. Yeah. And they can guide you. You don't have to tell them
781
00:47:44,930 --> 00:47:47,530
everything. But, you know,
782
00:47:47,830 --> 00:47:51,214
there's people I know. That I, I, I used to experience
783
00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:55,070
a lot of shame whenever I would try and have conversations,
784
00:47:55,230 --> 00:47:58,798
especially sexually related conversations,
785
00:47:58,894 --> 00:48:03,050
that sort of thing. And I really had to learn how to
786
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:07,726
expel that shame from the conversations. Because if you have shame
787
00:48:07,838 --> 00:48:10,942
feeling with it, you're not going to want to talk about it. Like,
788
00:48:10,966 --> 00:48:14,364
what do you mean? Like, for example, an open
789
00:48:14,452 --> 00:48:16,720
conversation about masturbation.
790
00:48:17,700 --> 00:48:21,196
Not everybody can openly face to face
791
00:48:21,268 --> 00:48:25,356
talk to somebody about how often they masturbate without
792
00:48:25,428 --> 00:48:29,400
experiencing some sort of shame. Because a lot of people
793
00:48:29,860 --> 00:48:33,660
have felt shame when it comes to that sort of thing and they don't feel
794
00:48:33,700 --> 00:48:36,972
comfortable speaking about certain things. Yes.
795
00:48:37,036 --> 00:48:40,352
Because we were always taught not to
796
00:48:40,376 --> 00:48:43,600
touch ourselves. Well, like when, when you and I were together.
797
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:47,008
Yeah. I mean, years down the line. I.
798
00:48:47,064 --> 00:48:51,024
It took me a long time to feel comfortable even
799
00:48:51,112 --> 00:48:53,792
doing that in front. Of you, on the bed next to me. Yeah,
800
00:48:53,856 --> 00:48:57,328
yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was one of those things
801
00:48:57,384 --> 00:49:00,512
where I was not to be around you unless we
802
00:49:00,536 --> 00:49:04,192
were about to have sex. Yeah. Like, that was a very private.
803
00:49:04,296 --> 00:49:07,470
You do not share that moment. Huh.
804
00:49:07,550 --> 00:49:11,118
Because it's a. It was a shameful thing, huh?
805
00:49:11,214 --> 00:49:14,590
Yeah. Yeah. That is very interesting. Yeah.
806
00:49:14,670 --> 00:49:18,090
And so, because, I mean, I know it was difficult to talk about,
807
00:49:19,270 --> 00:49:23,358
but now, and I have a lot of people tell us that, that they,
808
00:49:23,414 --> 00:49:27,358
they like the podcast because we talk very openly about
809
00:49:27,414 --> 00:49:31,038
a lot of things that most people don't talk openly about.
810
00:49:31,174 --> 00:49:35,120
The funny thing is, is that we would talk this openly
811
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,704
around anybody. Yes. It's not just the podcast.
812
00:49:38,752 --> 00:49:42,064
This is just the way we are. The reason we're like this
813
00:49:42,152 --> 00:49:45,776
and the reason why I'm like this specifically is
814
00:49:45,848 --> 00:49:49,632
because it's a bit of an extreme. It's one
815
00:49:49,656 --> 00:49:53,136
of those things where if I take something
816
00:49:53,288 --> 00:49:56,336
and I openly talk about it,
817
00:49:56,488 --> 00:50:00,220
I'm kind of owning it. And if I'm owning it,
818
00:50:00,590 --> 00:50:03,650
then it's unapologetically me.
819
00:50:04,110 --> 00:50:08,422
Okay. Right. So I can openly look
820
00:50:08,446 --> 00:50:11,574
at somebody who's at the table next to me and be like, yeah,
821
00:50:11,622 --> 00:50:15,350
you know, I'm. I'll be honest with you. I. I masturbate probably anywhere from four
822
00:50:15,390 --> 00:50:19,174
to eight times a day. You usually tell people. Yeah, well, you know, it's a
823
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:22,662
good conversation starter. Sometimes I just want
824
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:25,804
your order, sir. Just. Do you want the fajitas or not?
825
00:50:25,942 --> 00:50:29,104
You know, but the thing is, is that I am
826
00:50:29,192 --> 00:50:33,472
overly open and honest. I am overly into
827
00:50:33,576 --> 00:50:37,552
sharing very intimate and shame
828
00:50:37,696 --> 00:50:41,312
feeling type of stuff. Right. Because I'm kind
829
00:50:41,336 --> 00:50:44,960
of owning it and I'm. I'm making it mine.
830
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,096
Yeah. And doing that with everything.
831
00:50:48,248 --> 00:50:51,952
It makes it a lot easier to just be open to any kind
832
00:50:51,976 --> 00:50:55,190
of discussion. Yeah, it makes it very easy. Yeah, that makes
833
00:50:55,230 --> 00:50:58,870
sense. Yeah. Yeah. So I can talk about anything at any
834
00:50:58,910 --> 00:51:02,070
time with anybody because I don't feel that shame anymore.
835
00:51:02,150 --> 00:51:05,350
Yeah. Because I just openly talk about everything. Yeah,
836
00:51:05,430 --> 00:51:08,886
that's very true. You do. Yeah. And I'm. I'm tired of feeling shamed
837
00:51:08,918 --> 00:51:12,454
about stuff. Good. Yeah. I'm not digging. You shouldn't be shamed.
838
00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:16,294
I shouldn't. I shouldn't. And your spouse shouldn't shame you.
839
00:51:16,382 --> 00:51:20,508
That's right. So marriage and swinging.
840
00:51:20,684 --> 00:51:24,652
Do not shame your spouse, because say you're
841
00:51:24,716 --> 00:51:28,060
in. Say your spouse decides that they
842
00:51:28,100 --> 00:51:30,440
want to try and be with the same sex.
843
00:51:30,740 --> 00:51:34,364
Yeah. First time. Didn't know they liked it.
844
00:51:34,532 --> 00:51:37,980
Don't shame them. No, man. You know, it's hard enough coming
845
00:51:38,020 --> 00:51:42,320
up with that kind of conclusion and. And realizing
846
00:51:42,820 --> 00:51:45,708
if it. If. And how it could change your whole entire life,
847
00:51:45,764 --> 00:51:49,102
you know? Right. That's. That. I'm sure it's stressful and you
848
00:51:49,126 --> 00:51:53,102
want to have a good support system. You know, I. I will say
849
00:51:53,286 --> 00:51:57,310
you and I, we. We dealt with the shaming. You used to
850
00:51:57,350 --> 00:52:00,702
kind of react a certain way whenever I would tell you
851
00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:04,078
I would be interested in somebody, and you would be like,
852
00:52:04,134 --> 00:52:07,530
really? Her? And I'd be like,
853
00:52:07,830 --> 00:52:10,770
yeah, I. I find her attractive.
854
00:52:11,830 --> 00:52:14,490
Okay. I guess. And I'm like,
855
00:52:14,610 --> 00:52:17,946
really? Like, don't. Don't make me feel bad for finding
856
00:52:17,978 --> 00:52:21,082
somebody trying to. I think we had that conversation before. You don't do it anymore.
857
00:52:21,146 --> 00:52:24,682
No. This is a long time ago. Yeah, but. But I remember
858
00:52:24,746 --> 00:52:27,674
having that conversation with you, and it was like,
859
00:52:27,842 --> 00:52:31,242
you know, don't. Don't shame me for liking what
860
00:52:31,266 --> 00:52:34,762
I like. You know? And then that's when you kind of realize after
861
00:52:34,786 --> 00:52:38,282
we had that conversation, it was like, oh, yeah, I. I guess I understand what
862
00:52:38,306 --> 00:52:40,980
you mean. Yeah, I get it.
863
00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:44,692
Okay. Yeah, that was.
864
00:52:44,796 --> 00:52:48,132
You know, And. And I think we all kind of do it at one point
865
00:52:48,156 --> 00:52:51,284
or another. Yeah. I try not to shame you.
866
00:52:51,372 --> 00:52:52,960
No, you don't.
867
00:52:55,020 --> 00:52:58,644
Nothing with the swings. No, no, no. Now it's about washing dishes.
868
00:52:58,692 --> 00:53:01,812
Yeah. You ate all my Cadbury eggs. Oh, my gosh.
869
00:53:01,876 --> 00:53:06,174
There's four. There's still four. Yeah. No, I mean,
870
00:53:06,372 --> 00:53:09,870
God, marriage and swinging is definitely.
871
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:14,090
I think even if you weren't married and you were in a very deep
872
00:53:14,170 --> 00:53:17,990
relationship and you went into swinging. Fun times.
873
00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:22,282
Absolutely. If you're. If you're with the right person and you have
874
00:53:22,306 --> 00:53:25,642
a solid foundation. Yeah. I think it's.
875
00:53:25,706 --> 00:53:28,922
It's. It's a great time. Yeah. And I also think that
876
00:53:28,946 --> 00:53:33,280
it's a learning experience. It just. It's all about perception.
877
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:35,980
Yes. You Know everything that we've been through,
878
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:40,544
from the. The quickest interaction to the
879
00:53:40,632 --> 00:53:44,880
longest relationship that we've had with people in the lifestyle,
880
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,820
everything has been a learning experience.
881
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:52,080
And how do you figure people should bring it up to their
882
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,880
spouse if they really want to try this? You know,
883
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:58,272
honestly, it. It depends on the person. Huh. It really depends on
884
00:53:58,296 --> 00:54:02,000
who they're with, how their relationship is, how open they are with
885
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,178
each other. There's no other way to handle
886
00:54:05,194 --> 00:54:08,778
it than to just be honest and say, look, this is
887
00:54:08,834 --> 00:54:12,330
something I really want to. And as a
888
00:54:12,370 --> 00:54:15,610
woman, if my man were to tell me,
889
00:54:15,650 --> 00:54:18,030
oh, I want to do I want to try swinging?
890
00:54:18,610 --> 00:54:22,346
You're gonna feel insecure because the world has told us that our men are supposed
891
00:54:22,378 --> 00:54:25,818
to just want us. You're gonna feel insecure, you're gonna
892
00:54:25,834 --> 00:54:29,110
feel jealous. You're gonna feel less than.
893
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,830
I think most women are probably gonna feel like that.
894
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,950
But how would a man feel if.
895
00:54:36,650 --> 00:54:39,266
If I were just like. Say we were new, and I'd be like,
896
00:54:39,418 --> 00:54:43,138
so I really wanna try swinging. I.
897
00:54:43,194 --> 00:54:46,310
I think, you know, I wanna. I wanna.
898
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:50,386
I think it really depends on how you go about bringing
899
00:54:50,418 --> 00:54:54,338
it up. Mm. If you say that you want to
900
00:54:54,394 --> 00:54:58,048
try it together. Yeah. As a couple.
901
00:54:58,144 --> 00:55:01,200
Yes. That you want to have these experiences together.
902
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,656
Yes. Then it seems less about you.
903
00:55:04,808 --> 00:55:07,568
So use the right. More about us. Use the right words.
904
00:55:07,664 --> 00:55:11,440
Right. If I tell you, well, I really want to.
905
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:14,976
I want to have these experiences where I want to sleep with other people.
906
00:55:15,048 --> 00:55:18,064
I want to have a threesome, then. You'Re going to be like. You're going to
907
00:55:18,072 --> 00:55:21,742
be like, what the hell? You want to sleep with other people. Yeah. But what
908
00:55:21,766 --> 00:55:25,838
if I change it? And I say, well, I really have always wanted to experience
909
00:55:25,974 --> 00:55:29,390
what it's like to have sex with other people.
910
00:55:29,510 --> 00:55:33,358
And I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming
911
00:55:33,414 --> 00:55:36,622
with me and maybe experiencing this with me, you know,
912
00:55:36,646 --> 00:55:40,062
and let's. It takes a few conversations. Yeah. It takes a while.
913
00:55:40,166 --> 00:55:43,662
Like, read the room. Yeah. It takes a while. And,
914
00:55:43,686 --> 00:55:47,470
you know, it may not always work out. Yeah. You know, it may
915
00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:50,736
not always work out for the best. I hope it does for you guys.
916
00:55:50,928 --> 00:55:54,000
You know, I think it's different for everybody, realistically.
917
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,480
Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
918
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:59,856
it's. It's a fun
919
00:55:59,928 --> 00:56:03,420
space. It. You know, when it's done right,
920
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:07,136
it is really fun. Yeah.
921
00:56:07,328 --> 00:56:10,832
I think that there are different things that come up that
922
00:56:10,936 --> 00:56:14,080
make it less fun at times. Yeah.
923
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:18,190
But, you know, those are. Those are topics for another show.
924
00:56:18,730 --> 00:56:22,290
But, yeah. You know, for the most part, if you're doing it
925
00:56:22,330 --> 00:56:25,410
right. Yeah. You should be having fun
926
00:56:25,530 --> 00:56:28,578
from head to toe, like the whole way. Yeah.
927
00:56:28,674 --> 00:56:32,082
Yeah. So I think all in
928
00:56:32,106 --> 00:56:35,330
all, marriage and swinging, is it doable?
929
00:56:35,410 --> 00:56:39,026
Is it. Is it possible? I think it
930
00:56:39,098 --> 00:56:42,470
definitely is. Well, you heard it here. Yeah. Folks,
931
00:56:42,550 --> 00:56:46,502
she says it is. And with that, we are going
932
00:56:46,526 --> 00:56:50,182
to say thank you very much for joining us this week. I appreciate you
933
00:56:50,206 --> 00:56:52,918
guys tuning in. You guys are marvelous.
934
00:56:53,094 --> 00:56:56,982
Those of you who have reached out, those of you who have contacted us
935
00:56:57,006 --> 00:57:01,062
and given us your feedback, we appreciate every little bit
936
00:57:01,086 --> 00:57:05,222
of it because, man, we love you guys. We really do. And with that,
937
00:57:05,326 --> 00:57:08,630
we will see you guys next week. Bye.