Swinger 101: Rules, Boundaries, Jealousy & How to Start Safely

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches, not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Welcome to another episode
of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today on our Wednesday Quick, he
was about to take a deep breath and

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I was, I was about to announce it.

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I'm sorry.

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Today on our Wednesday quickie.

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We're gonna be discussing Swinger 101.

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And this is really for our
newbies, so our seasoned swingers.

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This is gonna be a little
rudimentary for you.

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So,

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our seasoned chicken swingers, our

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seasoned chicken swingers,
that's, oh, I like that.

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That's

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right.

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Well, you know, you don't have to turn it
off if you're experienced, maybe there's

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some stuff that you're gonna learn.

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Yeah.

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But for our new people that are out
there, they're, they're listening, they're

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trying to get some question answered.

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I have put together a long
list of questions and we're

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gonna hit up some of these.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So with that, welcome to Swinger
101 with Beyond Monogamy.

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I like that.

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Now, what is swinging sweetheart?

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What is swinging?

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Well, it's I guess it's when you
swap, I dunno, what is swinging?

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When you swap, when
you're certain lifestyles.

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So it's,

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It's basically a branch
of ethical non-monogamy.

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Oh, okay.

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Why did you make me answer that?

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Well, I was expecting
a bit more than that.

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Okay.

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Ask me again.

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No, no, no.

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It's okay.

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I think we've moved on.

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Okay.

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Go.

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Essentially, it's a branch of
ethical, non-monogamy, but it focuses

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more on the sexual side of things.

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Yeah.

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Uh, it's not strictly, wife
swapping is not you know, because

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it's, it's not just couples.

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Right.

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Um, and it's not just.

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Your basic regular man,
wife, couples, right?

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Like there's so many different dynamics.

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Yeah.

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So it, it covers all sexual
aspects, all kink aspects.

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Okay.

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Um, and essentially it's
a, it's a gratification.

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It that's a bit more on the sexual side
and it's a form of ethical non-monogamy.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Now, for us specifically,
we like to have sex.

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So that's the portion
that we, uh, we enjoy.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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How about that?

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Thank you

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for that.

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You're welcome.

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Now is swinging the same thing
as open relationships or poly?

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No.

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No,

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it is not.

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No.

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Um, like he said, it is all sexual based.

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It's, primarily sexually based.

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So swinging obviously is.

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Fully sexual and kink based.

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Mm-hmm.

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Open relationships is more
so no labels whatsoever.

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It's just a couple that's basically saying
we are open to whatever comes along.

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It could be romantic, it could be
sexual, it could be anything in between.

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It's just open and there there's
no real definition for them.

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And then poly is strictly romantic.

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Uh, that's, that's really where
polyamory means many relationships.

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Mm-hmm.

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Uh, many loves.

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So, uh, you know, you can, you
can definitely define it however

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you like, but those three are very
specifically different Now, do

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you have to be married to swing?

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No.

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No, you do not.

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No.

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You can be single.

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You can be.

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You can be poly and swing.

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Yeah.

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You know, we know you can be in an open
relationship and swing like that has

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nothing to do with either of those two.

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But yeah, you definitely
do not have to be married.

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Now, I have heard this question several
times before, uh, in a lot of Facebook

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groups and a lot of new people who come
in, they, they seem to, mix up this gray

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area and I get asked this question a lot.

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Do most swingers date
or is it more casual?

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Sweetheart?

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Do do swingers date?

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No.

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No, they do not.

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She threw

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that out there real quick.

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No, they do not guess where

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she's sitting on that one.

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They don't date.

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You can go on a date,

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you can go on a date, but, but
as far as a romantic date, no.

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It's not really a romantic date.

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Now, there are couple dates.

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Yeah, there's couple dates where two

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couples or more go out and they mm-hmm.

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You know, meet each other, maybe hang out.

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Those are.

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Casual dates, they're not romantic dates.

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And this is where people
kind of get into semantics.

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What is a date?

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Is a date romantic?

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Is a date just hanging out with people?

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Right.

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I mean, it really depends
on what your definition is.

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But if you're looking at as far as
dating, as being romantic, no, no.

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A lot of people don't do that.

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Now, there are some that do.

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But for the most part, it's just casual.

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Yeah.

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There are some that do.

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Yep.

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It's just casual.

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Yeah.

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Says, how do we even start this
conversation with our partner?

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Okay.

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How do you start the
conversation with your partner?

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Depends on your partner.

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Depends on your partner.

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That is something, I mean,

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It really depends on your situation
and how y'all communicate.

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Um, for us the conversation.

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Flowed relatively easy because
she started it by telling me she

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was in the lifestyle previous.

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Mm-hmm.

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And got into her sex capades with me.

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And it was just easy for me
to, I tell you to bring it up.

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Yeah.

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I can tell you how not to, don't
ever start it in an argument.

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Yeah.

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No, no, no, no.

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Don't use it.

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Can't be any bad feelings.

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Bad feelings.

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Don't do that.

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Timing is everything.

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Timing

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is the absolute end.

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You can have several
conversations about it.

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Yes.

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It doesn't just

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have to be one, it's never
one you, in the lifestyle.

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You never stop having conversations.

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No.

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Obviously.

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I mean, we have this podcast that's
all we do is have conversations.

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Yeah.

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And it, it's really, it's, it's scary to
have that conversation, especially if you

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know that your spouse can be scary, uh,
at times with their reactions or whatnot.

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Uh, you know, it's.

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It's a good point to, to let
out and be able to say, Hey,

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you know, I'm feeling this.

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Yeah.

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And I, I'm curious about this.

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Yeah.

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And it has nothing to do with you or us.

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It's just something I wanna try.

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Yeah.

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Or entertain and y'all can talk about

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it and talk about it.

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So.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Absolute.

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I just, y'all are adults.

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So

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now what if one of us is
more into it than the other?

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It also depends on your relationship.

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And does, is it okay, if y'all are talking
about it and hey, you can go ahead and try

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the lifestyle, I am really not into it.

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I'm really not feeling it.

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And situations like that have
happened and, and have, I've seen

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'em because the guy just didn't
have the sexual drive anymore.

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Yeah.

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I've actually seen it where the woman
has a disease and is unable to have sex.

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Yeah.

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And her husband is, is in the lifestyle.

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So, can it work?

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Yeah.

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So

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I've, yeah.

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I've seen it successfully work.

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I've seen it

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also not work.

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So

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That's true too.

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It's a,

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again, it just starts with
a lot of communication.

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And that's the number one thing.

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And I, I'm sure you're gonna hear
over and over again in the show, hear

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communication is the number one thing.

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Yeah.

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And so if you're talking about
every single thing out there.

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Makes it a lot easier.

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Yeah.

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Uh, now what boundaries should
couples talk about first?

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I think on what, how you want
to approach the lifestyle.

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Do you guys want to meet up with couples?

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Do you want to go to meet and greets?

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Do you wanna just jump in the club?

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Um, when you do that, then you'll figure
out what boundaries that's, that's really

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a. Once you've reached that point and
your boundary could be anything, I mean

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you should talk about those beforehand,

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So is like a good one.

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So when you talk about your, what
you're hoping to get out of it.

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Yeah.

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And that's where that's gonna help
you find what your boundaries are.

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Yeah.

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Essentially.

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Is that what you're saying?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's pretty smart.

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Yeah.

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I

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mean, have to

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agree.

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I mean that's really like when you
have the talk with your spouse.

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Know what you want to get out of it.

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Yeah.

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What are you looking to get out of it?

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Yeah.

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Are you looking to get a
sense of community out of it?

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Are you looking to get
experiences out of it?

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Exactly.

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Uh, you

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know, 'cause there's a big
difference between the two.

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Mm-hmm.

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And if so, what kind of experiences

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Yeah.

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Are is it purely sexual?

265
00:08:37,864 --> 00:08:39,154
Is it kink related?

266
00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:42,964
Is there something you want to explore,
uh, you know, with more people?

267
00:08:43,084 --> 00:08:43,414
Yeah.

268
00:08:43,504 --> 00:08:46,114
Uh, or is it something you
wanna explore with your partner?

269
00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:48,574
You know, it's like there's
so many different avenues

270
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:49,389
and there's, and, and.

271
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:52,654
I mean, if you already have
already talked about that, then

272
00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:54,094
figure out your boundaries.

273
00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:57,824
I've, we've had people that have
boundaries of like, no, no group,

274
00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:59,744
no chats, unless it's a group chat.

275
00:08:59,774 --> 00:08:59,894
Yeah.

276
00:08:59,899 --> 00:09:00,459
You know?

277
00:09:00,819 --> 00:09:02,019
Now, could that be a rule?

278
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,939
What's the difference between
a rule and a boundary?

279
00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:09,394
We had a guest once say
that a, that a boundary.

280
00:09:09,694 --> 00:09:13,814
Well, if I remember it, it was something
to the effect of, it's, it's not a

281
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:17,054
boundary unless it's something you're
willing to leave the relationship over.

282
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,104
Yeah.

283
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:22,034
So if it's something that you're
willing to end that relationship

284
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:24,464
over, if it's broken, then.

285
00:09:24,554 --> 00:09:26,744
Makes sense, sense, it would
be considered a boundary.

286
00:09:26,864 --> 00:09:30,704
Now, I have always been asked, what's the
difference between rules and boundaries?

287
00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:32,474
And I know that's a big one.

288
00:09:32,909 --> 00:09:34,229
It's really semantics.

289
00:09:34,259 --> 00:09:37,349
People will oftentimes think,
think it's the same thing.

290
00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:42,629
I was told once before that
rules are not meant to be broken.

291
00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:43,919
Those are like solid.

292
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:44,699
These are in place.

293
00:09:44,699 --> 00:09:44,789
Mm-hmm.

294
00:09:45,029 --> 00:09:46,499
These will never change.

295
00:09:46,529 --> 00:09:46,619
Mm-hmm.

296
00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:49,379
And boundaries are more flexible.

297
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:51,239
You can bend them a little bit.

298
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:55,919
They almost like you can move the goalpost
a little bit further every now and then.

299
00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:56,009
Yeah.

300
00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:57,299
As you get more comfortable.

301
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:57,569
Yeah.

302
00:09:57,929 --> 00:10:01,659
A good example of a boundary
would be no kissing, right?

303
00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:01,779
Mm-hmm.

304
00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:07,269
But as you grow in the lifestyle, that
boundary gets pushed away because, but

305
00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:08,859
I mean, it couldn't that be
the same thing as a rule.

306
00:10:09,219 --> 00:10:10,299
You Well, so, uh,

307
00:10:10,629 --> 00:10:15,594
for us a good example of this
would be for us a boundary was we

308
00:10:15,594 --> 00:10:18,354
don't we don't play separately.

309
00:10:18,594 --> 00:10:19,944
Well, that changed as we grew.

310
00:10:20,064 --> 00:10:20,214
Mm-hmm.

311
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:20,574
Right.

312
00:10:21,384 --> 00:10:25,274
But a rule for us is no secrets.

313
00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:26,114
Yes.

314
00:10:26,354 --> 00:10:26,954
You know what I'm saying?

315
00:10:26,954 --> 00:10:27,014
Yeah.

316
00:10:27,014 --> 00:10:28,454
Like there's no changing that.

317
00:10:28,484 --> 00:10:28,814
Yeah.

318
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,494
Full transparency.

319
00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:30,764
Yeah.

320
00:10:30,824 --> 00:10:32,024
There's no changing that.

321
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,854
That is a rule that's never to be broken.

322
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:35,064
Okay.

323
00:10:35,124 --> 00:10:35,694
You know what I mean?

324
00:10:35,754 --> 00:10:35,934
Yeah.

325
00:10:35,964 --> 00:10:40,734
So to me, uh, and and to, to people that
I've spoken to about it, that's pretty

326
00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:42,294
much been the defining bit about it.

327
00:10:42,624 --> 00:10:44,934
But I know people use
them interchangeably.

328
00:10:45,624 --> 00:10:47,904
Now I'm kind of curious because
this is really something that,

329
00:10:48,054 --> 00:10:49,734
that I feel you can speak a lot on.

330
00:10:50,454 --> 00:10:55,644
A lot of new people are scared
about the lifestyle because of

331
00:10:55,704 --> 00:10:58,194
jealous feelings and jealousy.

332
00:10:58,194 --> 00:10:59,484
How am I gonna handle this?

333
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,184
How is my spouse gonna handle this?

334
00:11:01,184 --> 00:11:02,624
Or my partner gonna handle this?

335
00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:02,864
Mm-hmm.

336
00:11:03,104 --> 00:11:04,574
We are very jealous people.

337
00:11:04,574 --> 00:11:05,504
Or she's jealous.

338
00:11:05,504 --> 00:11:05,514
Mm-hmm.

339
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:06,434
Or he's jealous.

340
00:11:06,854 --> 00:11:09,074
How is this going to come to fruition?

341
00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:10,964
How do you deal with
jealousy when it comes up?

342
00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:13,274
So jealousy isn't a bad thing.

343
00:11:13,694 --> 00:11:18,944
The tone behind it is always so
judgmental, but jealousy is just

344
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:22,904
a feeling like happiness is, it's
just something you deal with.

345
00:11:22,994 --> 00:11:27,734
I am still, I am a very
jealous person now.

346
00:11:27,764 --> 00:11:29,504
I am not green with envy.

347
00:11:29,504 --> 00:11:32,144
I do not envy anybody else.

348
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:37,484
I just get jealous of certain
things and that was a big problem

349
00:11:37,484 --> 00:11:41,204
in the beginning for us because I
didn't know how to express myself.

350
00:11:41,654 --> 00:11:41,834
I could.

351
00:11:42,509 --> 00:11:43,739
I still get jealous.

352
00:11:44,219 --> 00:11:44,459
Yeah.

353
00:11:44,489 --> 00:11:49,859
And the only way that I can ever like tell
him I is, I tell him, I tell him, Hey, you

354
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:52,109
did this and it made me feel like this.

355
00:11:52,349 --> 00:11:55,669
Now he doesn't always accept that.

356
00:11:55,939 --> 00:11:59,899
Like he doesn't always like,
oh, I'm so sorry honey.

357
00:12:00,799 --> 00:12:02,479
I'm sorry that you didn't like that.

358
00:12:02,509 --> 00:12:04,759
No, it's not always like that.

359
00:12:05,179 --> 00:12:07,669
It's, we have a very long discussion.

360
00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:08,479
Yeah.

361
00:12:08,479 --> 00:12:12,979
You know, oftentimes we have to come to
the root of why you're feeling that way.

362
00:12:12,979 --> 00:12:13,339
Yeah.

363
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:16,669
Uh, you know, so I'm a big
believer in, okay I understand

364
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,509
that you're feeling that way.

365
00:12:18,424 --> 00:12:19,534
Why are you feeling that way?

366
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:19,864
Yeah.

367
00:12:19,924 --> 00:12:23,554
And unless you can give me a
reason, if it's just, I don't know.

368
00:12:23,794 --> 00:12:24,154
Yeah.

369
00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:26,404
Well then we need to talk about
this until we get it figured out.

370
00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:26,704
Mine was

371
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:27,694
always, I don't know.

372
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:27,784
Yeah.

373
00:12:27,844 --> 00:12:30,544
Because I didn't know how
to face my own insecurities.

374
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:33,994
But now my jealousies
are just really silly.

375
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:36,209
I think they're silly.

376
00:12:36,269 --> 00:12:38,459
So if I think they're silly,
you can call 'em silly baby.

377
00:12:38,669 --> 00:12:42,059
Well, and you know, normally whenever
you communicate that with me, you

378
00:12:42,059 --> 00:12:43,619
normally say that right off the bat.

379
00:12:43,619 --> 00:12:47,729
You're like, so I'm dealing with something
right now and I think it's really silly.

380
00:12:47,729 --> 00:12:51,299
It's really not a big deal, but I'm just
gonna tell you about it so I can move past

381
00:12:51,299 --> 00:12:51,359
it.

382
00:12:51,359 --> 00:12:52,679
I kind don't even know what it is.

383
00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,949
And I was like, it's really silly,
but I, I, this is what you gotta do.

384
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,599
And he was fine with it.

385
00:12:57,599 --> 00:12:58,529
He was like, okay.

386
00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:01,574
And then I started laughing, but
I was like, but even though I'm

387
00:13:01,574 --> 00:13:03,014
laughing, like you still, it's okay.

388
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:03,794
You still have to do it.

389
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:04,874
Okay.

390
00:13:05,374 --> 00:13:09,604
Now, you know, one of the things that,
that we're often asked about, uh, is,

391
00:13:09,634 --> 00:13:11,434
is revolves around a lot of consent.

392
00:13:11,434 --> 00:13:11,524
Mm-hmm.

393
00:13:11,764 --> 00:13:13,654
It revolves around safety and comfort.

394
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:14,134
Yeah.

395
00:13:14,164 --> 00:13:20,274
Um, some of the questions that I've seen,
and, and while it may seem silly to us,

396
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:25,344
we have to remember that it's not silly
to somebody who's new to the lifestyle.

397
00:13:25,349 --> 00:13:25,379
Mm-hmm.

398
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:32,544
One question I saw once on a Reddit was,
are we allowed to say no at any time?

399
00:13:33,474 --> 00:13:34,074
Absolutely.

400
00:13:34,464 --> 00:13:36,714
You do not do anything
you do not want to do.

401
00:13:37,214 --> 00:13:38,054
No, nobody.

402
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:38,654
And nobody is.

403
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:41,564
You are your own person and you are.

404
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:41,924
Yeah.

405
00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:42,584
Yeah.

406
00:13:42,794 --> 00:13:43,994
You can say no anytime,

407
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:47,294
any time, there's a lot of
people who enter the lifestyle

408
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,544
and they do nothing but watch.

409
00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:50,114
Yeah.

410
00:13:50,114 --> 00:13:50,294
You know,

411
00:13:50,294 --> 00:13:51,674
you go at your own pace.

412
00:13:51,854 --> 00:13:51,974
Mm-hmm.

413
00:13:52,254 --> 00:13:55,284
If you feel comfortable with
something, then go for it.

414
00:13:55,374 --> 00:13:55,434
Yeah.

415
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:58,764
But if you're not comfortable, and
if you're not 100% comfortable Yeah.

416
00:13:59,064 --> 00:13:59,609
Then say no.

417
00:13:59,609 --> 00:13:59,929
Mm-hmm.

418
00:14:00,054 --> 00:14:01,374
And feel okay with that.

419
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:05,304
And if the people that you're talking
to have a problem with you saying

420
00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:07,464
no, then those aren't your people

421
00:14:07,964 --> 00:14:09,044
and it's time to move on.

422
00:14:09,074 --> 00:14:09,674
That's right.

423
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:10,244
You know what I mean?

424
00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:11,249
All right, honey,

425
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:14,519
how do you turn someone down
without being awkward or rude?

426
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:15,139
Ugh.

427
00:14:15,319 --> 00:14:15,709
That's what he

428
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:16,009
does.

429
00:14:16,009 --> 00:14:17,239
I would get this question.

430
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:17,959
Yes.

431
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:18,259
Yeah.

432
00:14:18,319 --> 00:14:20,239
Be I'm fully transparent.

433
00:14:20,269 --> 00:14:20,599
Yes.

434
00:14:20,629 --> 00:14:21,889
So I, I struggle.

435
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:25,009
I struggle because I don't
like to, uh, hurt feelings.

436
00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:25,369
Yes.

437
00:14:25,669 --> 00:14:30,379
I have been known to have sex
with somebody purely because I

438
00:14:30,499 --> 00:14:32,209
just didn't wanna turn them down.

439
00:14:32,209 --> 00:14:33,204
I didn't want to hurt feelings.

440
00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:33,444
Mm-hmm.

441
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:34,789
I know that sounds horrible.

442
00:14:34,889 --> 00:14:37,049
But I've gotten better at finding my no.

443
00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:37,799
Yes.

444
00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:40,259
And I have expressed it.

445
00:14:40,649 --> 00:14:44,429
I've said it before, just
not as often as I should.

446
00:14:44,999 --> 00:14:50,054
And so I will say obviously, hey,
almost 15 years in the lifestyle,

447
00:14:50,294 --> 00:14:54,344
and I'm barely finding my no,
so obviously it's hard to do.

448
00:14:54,824 --> 00:14:57,224
Uh, it depends on how
you feel about things.

449
00:14:57,224 --> 00:14:58,754
It depends on how comfortable you are.

450
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:02,504
There's no easy way to say no to people.

451
00:15:02,504 --> 00:15:05,534
But what I'm starting to realize
is when you're fully transparent

452
00:15:05,534 --> 00:15:10,194
and you, you're just genuinely
honest and you don't say it ugly.

453
00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:13,104
Most people when you
say no, will understand.

454
00:15:13,404 --> 00:15:13,674
Yeah.

455
00:15:13,804 --> 00:15:14,854
And it won't be bad.

456
00:15:14,854 --> 00:15:14,914
Yeah.

457
00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:17,914
And that's, that's why I'm starting
to find my no more is because I've

458
00:15:17,914 --> 00:15:22,264
seen it every time I've used it and
I've had to say no, it's been okay.

459
00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:22,744
Yeah.

460
00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:23,914
And I'm like, oh, okay.

461
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:25,249
I can do this.

462
00:15:25,429 --> 00:15:25,994
There you go.

463
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,019
There you go.

464
00:15:27,289 --> 00:15:27,619
I like

465
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:27,829
that.

466
00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:28,219
Yeah.

467
00:15:28,549 --> 00:15:28,999
Now I have

468
00:15:28,999 --> 00:15:29,749
no problem.

469
00:15:29,839 --> 00:15:31,039
Yeah, no, we, we know that.

470
00:15:31,909 --> 00:15:32,869
We're all very aware.

471
00:15:33,739 --> 00:15:34,579
We're aware.

472
00:15:35,029 --> 00:15:36,114
Hey, of your ability to say now.

473
00:15:36,114 --> 00:15:41,339
Hey, now I'm curious as far as your
concerned, what is your opinion on this?

474
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:44,459
The differences between
soft swap and full swap?

475
00:15:44,459 --> 00:15:44,704
What is it?

476
00:15:45,704 --> 00:15:46,634
What is Soft swap?

477
00:15:46,934 --> 00:15:48,734
One is boring and one is more fun.

478
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:49,694
Hey, five candy.

479
00:15:50,264 --> 00:15:52,214
There's some people that just live by soft

480
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:52,249
swap.

481
00:15:52,259 --> 00:15:52,379
Okay.

482
00:15:52,979 --> 00:15:56,549
Um, soft is only maybe touching.

483
00:15:57,099 --> 00:16:00,789
It could be anywhere from touching,
like petting each other, making

484
00:16:00,789 --> 00:16:04,059
out with each other, with the
other couple or the other person.

485
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:05,529
Be oral.

486
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:09,199
It just really depends on what
you want the soft part to be.

487
00:16:09,699 --> 00:16:11,259
Yeah, it's everything but penetrative.

488
00:16:11,259 --> 00:16:11,739
Yeah.

489
00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:13,979
And full swap is the big, it's everything.

490
00:16:14,699 --> 00:16:15,899
Every, yeah.

491
00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:16,289
Yeah.

492
00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:17,789
So soft swap is hence the word.

493
00:16:17,789 --> 00:16:20,669
Full everything, but penetrative sex.

494
00:16:20,699 --> 00:16:21,089
Yeah.

495
00:16:21,089 --> 00:16:21,099
Yeah.

496
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:21,574
There you go.

497
00:16:21,624 --> 00:16:21,974
Hence

498
00:16:21,974 --> 00:16:22,264
the word full.

499
00:16:22,264 --> 00:16:22,319
Hence the word.

500
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:23,639
That's right.

501
00:16:24,139 --> 00:16:25,039
Okay, honey.

502
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:28,009
Do you have to play the
first night you go to a club?

503
00:16:28,159 --> 00:16:28,399
No.

504
00:16:28,699 --> 00:16:28,969
No.

505
00:16:28,969 --> 00:16:31,729
As a matter of fact, you
don't have to do anything.

506
00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:33,079
You don't have to play at all.

507
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:33,139
No.

508
00:16:33,139 --> 00:16:36,379
When we went to the club the very first
time, which was a couple years ago.

509
00:16:36,879 --> 00:16:38,469
We did not play with others.

510
00:16:38,469 --> 00:16:41,979
As a matter of fact, most times
when we go to the club, most times

511
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:44,559
we don't always play with others.

512
00:16:44,559 --> 00:16:45,489
We play with each other.

513
00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:49,229
We're exhibitionists, we like to be
watched, and so we like to put on

514
00:16:49,229 --> 00:16:52,379
a show and we're always together.

515
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,529
We're always with each other, and
that's what we utilize the club for.

516
00:16:55,529 --> 00:16:57,934
And the first time we went to the
club, that's exactly what we did.

517
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:58,294
Mm-hmm.

518
00:16:58,439 --> 00:17:03,009
We went into an area that we could be
scoped out at you know, out in the open.

519
00:17:03,594 --> 00:17:04,734
And we did our thing.

520
00:17:04,884 --> 00:17:05,184
Mm-hmm.

521
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:05,634
And

522
00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:07,884
unfortunately, the club
was dead that night.

523
00:17:07,974 --> 00:17:08,669
That was so fun.

524
00:17:08,669 --> 00:17:10,854
There was nobody watching,
but we still had a great time.

525
00:17:10,884 --> 00:17:11,094
Yeah.

526
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,374
Uh, because the beds were comfortable.

527
00:17:13,644 --> 00:17:14,384
There you go.

528
00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:17,174
Alright honey, because I
don't have this problem.

529
00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:20,614
Sorry, people, how do you
handle nerves the first time?

530
00:17:21,064 --> 00:17:25,444
So let's say, how do you just handle
nerves, period, club, playing, whatever.

531
00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:27,069
I, I, I can tell you that, uh.

532
00:17:28,029 --> 00:17:30,099
Obviously you're asking me
this because I have a lot of

533
00:17:30,099 --> 00:17:31,509
nerves, I have a lot of anxiety.

534
00:17:31,569 --> 00:17:31,659
Mm-hmm.

535
00:17:31,989 --> 00:17:34,234
Uh, that's something that you
don't really deal with like I do.

536
00:17:34,234 --> 00:17:34,554
Mm-hmm.

537
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:39,014
I don't have a lot of anxiety, but
loud noises trigger me and so I get,

538
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:41,289
oh man, I get anxious and angry.

539
00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:41,739
Yeah.

540
00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:42,459
Yeah.

541
00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:43,509
It becomes, I very

542
00:17:43,734 --> 00:17:43,934
frustrated.

543
00:17:44,634 --> 00:17:45,294
Yeah, you wouldn't like,

544
00:17:45,894 --> 00:17:47,064
but I don't have, I don't have those,

545
00:17:47,064 --> 00:17:48,354
no, she doesn't have anxieties.

546
00:17:48,354 --> 00:17:55,254
I, so I do whenever it comes down to it's
time to finally meet somebody for play.

547
00:17:55,494 --> 00:17:58,024
I used to get really nervous.

548
00:17:58,054 --> 00:17:58,144
Mm-hmm.

549
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:03,594
I'm talking like full body shakes,
like even up to the point to where we

550
00:18:03,594 --> 00:18:05,454
get there that I just want to cancel.

551
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:05,634
Mm-hmm.

552
00:18:05,964 --> 00:18:07,734
Um, it's very nerve wracking.

553
00:18:08,244 --> 00:18:10,794
But then what I started
realizing was most of the time.

554
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,244
The people that we would go meet with,
or the people that we were gonna go

555
00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:15,439
play with for the first time mm-hmm.

556
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,114
Were just as nervous as I was.

557
00:18:18,324 --> 00:18:18,444
Mm-hmm.

558
00:18:18,684 --> 00:18:21,714
Literally, you are the only
one who's never nervous in

559
00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:23,274
every single situation I know.

560
00:18:23,544 --> 00:18:27,444
So most times when you are about to
play with somebody for the first time,

561
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,184
they're just as nervous as you are.

562
00:18:29,454 --> 00:18:34,314
And so if you can openly talk about
it and own it, yeah, it makes it a lot

563
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,724
easier for those nerves to go away.

564
00:18:36,024 --> 00:18:36,984
And that's my secret.

565
00:18:37,794 --> 00:18:40,524
So when we meet up with people that
I'm really nervous and playing with.

566
00:18:41,024 --> 00:18:43,784
Sometimes, every now and then they'll
be like, oh, you're shaking or whatever.

567
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:45,644
Like, well, I'm really nervous.

568
00:18:45,944 --> 00:18:48,524
Like I'm, I was looking forward
to this and I'm just nervous And

569
00:18:48,824 --> 00:18:52,064
saying that out loud and having that
discussion with the person you're

570
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,194
about to play with, I don't know.

571
00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:56,114
It's almost like it, it
just kind of goes away.

572
00:18:56,324 --> 00:18:56,744
I gotcha.

573
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:57,194
Gets better.

574
00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:57,494
Yeah.

575
00:18:57,644 --> 00:18:57,824
Yeah.

576
00:18:57,824 --> 00:18:58,124
Yeah.

577
00:18:58,184 --> 00:18:58,694
I like that.

578
00:18:58,699 --> 00:18:58,769
Yeah.

579
00:18:59,504 --> 00:19:03,164
Now, what if one partner
wants to stop mid experience?

580
00:19:03,464 --> 00:19:05,684
You stop mid experience you.

581
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:12,264
Should always have a safe
word or a gesture of some sort

582
00:19:12,264 --> 00:19:16,374
to, to abruptly interrupt the
interactions that are happening.

583
00:19:17,124 --> 00:19:18,204
So yeah.

584
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:21,024
That's okay to say no mid stop experience.

585
00:19:21,024 --> 00:19:21,084
Yeah.

586
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:21,474
Well, you know,

587
00:19:21,474 --> 00:19:25,314
I've always expected it it, I don't
think it's ever really happened.

588
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:25,374
No.

589
00:19:25,404 --> 00:19:25,494
Mm-hmm.

590
00:19:25,954 --> 00:19:28,894
But yeah, I've, I've always
expected something to happen.

591
00:19:28,924 --> 00:19:30,214
Like that's, that sounds like.

592
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,524
My worst nightmare, um, because

593
00:19:32,524 --> 00:19:33,304
he is married to me.

594
00:19:33,454 --> 00:19:37,864
Because then, because you're married to
me, one, I don't, I don't wanna have to

595
00:19:37,864 --> 00:19:42,094
have a confrontation or I don't wanna
get into a fight with somebody, period.

596
00:19:42,364 --> 00:19:44,704
But I definitely don't wanna
do it when I'm naked and balls

597
00:19:44,704 --> 00:19:45,544
deep, you know what I mean?

598
00:19:45,544 --> 00:19:45,604
Yeah.

599
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:50,134
So it's one of those things where
it's just a, it's a scary notion.

600
00:19:50,284 --> 00:19:51,334
It's never happened.

601
00:19:51,334 --> 00:19:53,194
It's never, it's of those things
that plays up in your head.

602
00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:53,494
Yeah.

603
00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:54,784
Like it could be a horrible thing.

604
00:19:54,874 --> 00:19:55,114
Yeah.

605
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:56,344
But it really doesn't happen.

606
00:19:56,584 --> 00:19:56,914
Yeah.

607
00:19:56,974 --> 00:19:58,984
Now, speaking of clubs.

608
00:19:59,884 --> 00:20:04,594
What actually happens at a swinger's
club for people who have never been?

609
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:06,814
Oh man, people dance.

610
00:20:06,904 --> 00:20:10,724
It's, there's very loungey
couches on the ones we go to.

611
00:20:10,754 --> 00:20:14,314
They, they all just hang out.

612
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,844
They're on the dance floor dancing.

613
00:20:15,844 --> 00:20:18,574
They're eating, they're just chatting.

614
00:20:18,574 --> 00:20:20,554
They're going from
table to talk to people.

615
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:24,234
It's a really big fun event in the front.

616
00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:28,194
And then of course in the back
there's rooms you can play.

617
00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:30,174
You can walk by and watch.

618
00:20:30,534 --> 00:20:32,364
There's B DSM areas.

619
00:20:32,369 --> 00:20:32,409
Yeah.

620
00:20:33,054 --> 00:20:33,294
Yeah.

621
00:20:33,794 --> 00:20:37,514
There's a lot going on,
even on the slow nights.

622
00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:38,024
Like yeah,

623
00:20:38,024 --> 00:20:40,964
you can really be like
overstimulated sometimes.

624
00:20:40,964 --> 00:20:41,024
You

625
00:20:41,024 --> 00:20:41,924
definitely can

626
00:20:41,924 --> 00:20:43,124
because there's just so much going on.

627
00:20:43,124 --> 00:20:43,184
Um,

628
00:20:43,484 --> 00:20:44,864
we're people watchers?

629
00:20:44,864 --> 00:20:44,924
Yeah.

630
00:20:44,924 --> 00:20:48,614
So we love to sit on our, and everyone
always tells us, you know, you

631
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,084
can come say hi, blah, blah, blah.

632
00:20:50,594 --> 00:20:54,584
We get to the club and we sit and
we people watch, you know, most of

633
00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:58,214
them are our friends and we love the
outfits that people come up with.

634
00:20:58,229 --> 00:20:58,449
And.

635
00:20:58,919 --> 00:21:00,239
I don't know.

636
00:21:00,239 --> 00:21:01,679
It's just fun to people watch.

637
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,149
It is fun to people watch.

638
00:21:03,324 --> 00:21:09,109
I, I have always enjoyed it, but I,
I will say that what people don't

639
00:21:09,139 --> 00:21:12,889
expect, and this was one of my fears,
the most, what I thought of, and it

640
00:21:12,889 --> 00:21:16,699
wasn't really a fear, but it's what
this misconception that a lot of people

641
00:21:16,699 --> 00:21:20,869
have is that you're gonna walk into a
club and it's like an eyes wide shut

642
00:21:20,899 --> 00:21:25,969
experience where I wish you walk in and
everybody's just having sex everywhere.

643
00:21:26,059 --> 00:21:27,164
I've never seen that movie,
and that's not the case.

644
00:21:28,114 --> 00:21:29,074
Well, we're gonna have to watch it now.

645
00:21:29,494 --> 00:21:29,614
Oh,

646
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,069
it's, it's, it's okay.

647
00:21:31,069 --> 00:21:31,234
Okay.

648
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,714
Um, but that's kind of what you expect.

649
00:21:34,714 --> 00:21:38,254
You expect, basically, you're
walking into a big club of orgy.

650
00:21:38,374 --> 00:21:38,584
Yeah.

651
00:21:38,644 --> 00:21:44,494
And I will break that misconception
because a lot of times you go in there,

652
00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:48,874
people are dancing, people are drinking,
they're talking with other people.

653
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:50,104
Socializing.

654
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:50,719
Socializing.

655
00:21:50,854 --> 00:21:51,034
That's

656
00:21:51,034 --> 00:21:51,784
the word I wanted

657
00:21:51,934 --> 00:21:53,074
realistically.

658
00:21:53,659 --> 00:21:57,169
Nobody is having sex unless
Adam and Pris are there.

659
00:21:57,319 --> 00:22:01,529
We're the only ones that really go and
get down in the back before midnight.

660
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,864
And then come 1130 or midnight,
then people have been drinking

661
00:22:04,864 --> 00:22:06,094
and they do all that stuff.

662
00:22:06,094 --> 00:22:10,774
Then they kind of make their way to
the back towards the early hours of

663
00:22:10,774 --> 00:22:12,424
the night if they decide to play.

664
00:22:12,524 --> 00:22:14,504
Now, obviously it's not
all out in the open.

665
00:22:14,504 --> 00:22:15,979
You can have it out in the open mm-hmm.

666
00:22:16,059 --> 00:22:17,054
If you want like us.

667
00:22:17,174 --> 00:22:20,804
But all these clubs always
have play areas that.

668
00:22:21,179 --> 00:22:24,299
You can close a curtain or you
can close a door, you can have

669
00:22:24,299 --> 00:22:25,684
full privacy if you want it.

670
00:22:25,684 --> 00:22:26,004
Mm-hmm.

671
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:28,724
You can have some privacy mm-hmm.

672
00:22:28,809 --> 00:22:33,709
Where people can't come in, they can only
see you can have some privacy where it's,

673
00:22:33,829 --> 00:22:35,869
you know, you can invite some people in.

674
00:22:36,559 --> 00:22:38,629
Uh, or like I said, you can
just be out in the open.

675
00:22:39,199 --> 00:22:41,474
Uh, so that's one thing to, to consider.

676
00:22:41,654 --> 00:22:42,834
But remember.

677
00:22:43,334 --> 00:22:45,674
Phones are rarely allowed.

678
00:22:46,034 --> 00:22:46,214
Yeah.

679
00:22:46,244 --> 00:22:49,004
So people think that they can
go in there and, and, and you

680
00:22:49,004 --> 00:22:50,234
know, you can film whatever.

681
00:22:50,624 --> 00:22:56,644
If you type Swinger Club in any
porn search, you will rarely

682
00:22:56,644 --> 00:23:01,639
find any kind of video that has
been taken at a swinger's club.

683
00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:02,029
Yeah.

684
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,319
Because they watch those things.

685
00:23:04,319 --> 00:23:04,439
They do.

686
00:23:04,594 --> 00:23:05,884
They're, they're really, really watching.

687
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:06,044
Yeah.

688
00:23:06,044 --> 00:23:08,489
They're watching to make sure that
nobody has got their phones out.

689
00:23:08,489 --> 00:23:08,549
Yeah.

690
00:23:08,549 --> 00:23:09,964
Nobody's, you know, some, and

691
00:23:09,969 --> 00:23:14,639
some clubs you can have it like in,
on your table and in the dance area.

692
00:23:14,699 --> 00:23:14,939
Yeah.

693
00:23:14,999 --> 00:23:17,279
But there's other clubs where
you can't even have it out.

694
00:23:17,339 --> 00:23:17,579
Yeah.

695
00:23:17,579 --> 00:23:20,879
Like you have to step out of
the club and into the little pay

696
00:23:20,879 --> 00:23:22,619
area to, to be on your phone.

697
00:23:22,619 --> 00:23:22,859
So

698
00:23:22,889 --> 00:23:23,249
Yeah.

699
00:23:23,399 --> 00:23:24,029
It's very, they,

700
00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:25,229
they protect your, your.

701
00:23:25,729 --> 00:23:26,179
Privacy.

702
00:23:26,179 --> 00:23:27,499
They protect your privacy.

703
00:23:27,499 --> 00:23:29,084
They protect the privacy
of others, you know?

704
00:23:29,084 --> 00:23:29,324
Mm-hmm.

705
00:23:29,404 --> 00:23:30,769
You want a place that's safe.

706
00:23:30,769 --> 00:23:33,769
So I've seen people complain
about, oh, well, they won't

707
00:23:33,769 --> 00:23:34,879
let me have my phones out.

708
00:23:34,879 --> 00:23:40,459
Well, you know, I understand that
that is a, I don't know it's a bother.

709
00:23:40,699 --> 00:23:41,059
Mm-hmm.

710
00:23:41,299 --> 00:23:41,419
It's a

711
00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:41,989
nuisance.

712
00:23:41,989 --> 00:23:41,999
Mm-hmm.

713
00:23:42,469 --> 00:23:44,989
Maybe you want to take pictures with
your friends and stuff like that.

714
00:23:44,994 --> 00:23:45,014
Mm-hmm.

715
00:23:45,154 --> 00:23:46,969
But it is a safety thing.

716
00:23:47,419 --> 00:23:50,959
And the moment that you would
be in a situation where.

717
00:23:51,844 --> 00:23:53,554
If you're discreet, you could be outed.

718
00:23:53,554 --> 00:23:57,534
You can understand and appreciate
that is a safety concern.

719
00:23:57,594 --> 00:23:57,684
Yeah.

720
00:23:57,714 --> 00:24:00,204
You don't wanna end up
on somebody else's film.

721
00:24:00,624 --> 00:24:00,864
Yes.

722
00:24:00,864 --> 00:24:00,954
And

723
00:24:00,954 --> 00:24:01,524
get outed.

724
00:24:01,704 --> 00:24:02,454
You know what I mean?

725
00:24:02,724 --> 00:24:03,354
Very true.

726
00:24:03,384 --> 00:24:03,654
Yeah.

727
00:24:03,654 --> 00:24:04,134
Very true.

728
00:24:04,314 --> 00:24:04,584
Yeah.

729
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:08,304
Now, how would you approach another
couple that you're interested in?

730
00:24:08,764 --> 00:24:12,574
So honestly, if we saw a
couple there and you said, Hey.

731
00:24:13,074 --> 00:24:13,364
Them?

732
00:24:13,364 --> 00:24:13,764
Mm-hmm.

733
00:24:13,765 --> 00:24:13,775
About,

734
00:24:13,999 --> 00:24:16,969
I would just take your hand, let's
go, let's go introduce ourselves and

735
00:24:16,969 --> 00:24:18,439
be like, hi, you know, blah, blah.

736
00:24:18,939 --> 00:24:22,089
Do you mind if we sit here
because we think you're fine.

737
00:24:22,089 --> 00:24:24,339
Very sexy and we wanna play.

738
00:24:24,344 --> 00:24:24,524
Yeah.

739
00:24:24,879 --> 00:24:25,059
Yeah.

740
00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:25,479
So

741
00:24:25,479 --> 00:24:28,599
I mean, I'm, I can be real
cutesy when I wanna be.

742
00:24:28,899 --> 00:24:29,229
Yeah.

743
00:24:29,229 --> 00:24:33,339
You know, I really rely on her
because I kind of go into my shell.

744
00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:33,849
Yeah.

745
00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:33,969
And

746
00:24:33,969 --> 00:24:35,619
I'm like, man, I don't
want to talk to anybody.

747
00:24:35,624 --> 00:24:37,049
And once, okay, then
she pulls me out there.

748
00:24:37,049 --> 00:24:37,359
Then boom.

749
00:24:37,419 --> 00:24:37,794
Yeah.

750
00:24:37,794 --> 00:24:37,929
Yeah.

751
00:24:37,929 --> 00:24:39,429
And then we start having a conversation.

752
00:24:39,949 --> 00:24:41,239
Previously, but a lot, lot of them are

753
00:24:41,239 --> 00:24:42,559
friends anyway.

754
00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:43,609
So it's not the new people.

755
00:24:43,609 --> 00:24:43,909
No, no, no.

756
00:24:43,909 --> 00:24:45,979
But I'm saying like the ones
that, there's a lot are that

757
00:24:45,979 --> 00:24:47,119
are there, that are friends.

758
00:24:47,179 --> 00:24:47,239
Yeah.

759
00:24:47,239 --> 00:24:48,109
So it's like, eh, just go.

760
00:24:48,109 --> 00:24:51,499
And so you, you really have
to just be comfortable.

761
00:24:51,529 --> 00:24:56,329
Except the occasional No thank you.

762
00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:56,749
Yeah.

763
00:24:56,749 --> 00:24:57,739
They may not be ready.

764
00:24:57,739 --> 00:24:59,389
They may need liquid courage.

765
00:24:59,389 --> 00:25:01,129
A lot of people just are different.

766
00:25:01,129 --> 00:25:01,519
Yeah.

767
00:25:01,579 --> 00:25:05,599
So yeah, just be accepting of
whatever answer they give you.

768
00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:06,889
Yeah, for sure.

769
00:25:06,979 --> 00:25:08,029
Yeah, for sure.

770
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:09,049
Now, you know.

771
00:25:09,924 --> 00:25:11,534
That's the club experience.

772
00:25:11,534 --> 00:25:11,624
Mm-hmm.

773
00:25:11,864 --> 00:25:15,704
And that was something that we were
lucky enough to, to have even though

774
00:25:15,704 --> 00:25:17,324
it was just a couple years ago.

775
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:21,644
But one thing that we've really always
been immersed in since we started

776
00:25:22,094 --> 00:25:24,314
were the apps and the different sites.

777
00:25:24,734 --> 00:25:25,154
Oh yeah.

778
00:25:25,154 --> 00:25:27,014
Involved in finding our community.

779
00:25:27,074 --> 00:25:27,314
Yeah.

780
00:25:27,344 --> 00:25:29,414
Now we struggled initially mm-hmm.

781
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:31,154
To find our community.

782
00:25:31,154 --> 00:25:31,544
Mm-hmm.

783
00:25:31,569 --> 00:25:31,789
Uh,

784
00:25:31,994 --> 00:25:34,814
in our original hometown, it was
just difficult because it was,

785
00:25:34,844 --> 00:25:36,674
we were on different websites.

786
00:25:36,674 --> 00:25:36,734
Yeah.

787
00:25:36,764 --> 00:25:39,764
Like adult friend finder
and swing lifestyle.

788
00:25:39,794 --> 00:25:39,884
Mm-hmm.

789
00:25:40,154 --> 00:25:41,504
And there, which are still around.

790
00:25:41,944 --> 00:25:44,794
But unfortunately what
we dealt with those were.

791
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:46,909
There was a lot of fake accounts, a lot.

792
00:25:46,909 --> 00:25:47,854
There was a lot of bot accounts.

793
00:25:47,854 --> 00:25:48,974
Lot I mean, and there's a lot of Yeah.

794
00:25:49,194 --> 00:25:50,894
And that's, and that's everywhere kind.

795
00:25:50,894 --> 00:25:53,959
And those kind of, on those apps
especially, you're gonna find that.

796
00:25:53,964 --> 00:25:54,174
Yeah.

797
00:25:54,289 --> 00:25:54,499
Yeah.

798
00:25:54,499 --> 00:25:57,979
And you are, and, and that's something
that you have to be prepared for mm-hmm.

799
00:25:58,219 --> 00:26:01,999
Is that you don't know
exactly who you're talking to.

800
00:26:02,499 --> 00:26:05,799
Sometimes people ask for
verification and rightfully so.

801
00:26:05,919 --> 00:26:06,219
Yeah.

802
00:26:06,549 --> 00:26:08,079
What would a verification be?

803
00:26:08,079 --> 00:26:08,559
Gimme an example.

804
00:26:08,559 --> 00:26:08,769
So I

805
00:26:08,769 --> 00:26:10,059
ask for verification.

806
00:26:10,089 --> 00:26:13,689
Um, if you message me, I want
you to hold a piece of paper with

807
00:26:13,689 --> 00:26:15,699
today's date on and take a picture.

808
00:26:15,969 --> 00:26:18,549
You can do a video or whatever,
but I wanna make sure that

809
00:26:19,449 --> 00:26:20,889
today's date is on there.

810
00:26:21,294 --> 00:26:21,584
Yeah.

811
00:26:21,609 --> 00:26:24,189
Um, because that's just,

812
00:26:24,339 --> 00:26:25,389
there's people scamming.

813
00:26:25,479 --> 00:26:27,969
I have done that so many times.

814
00:26:27,969 --> 00:26:30,729
I've only had one person.

815
00:26:31,104 --> 00:26:31,794
Be honest.

816
00:26:32,154 --> 00:26:32,544
Really.

817
00:26:32,844 --> 00:26:35,454
So just imagine I get
messages all day long.

818
00:26:35,459 --> 00:26:35,489
Yeah.

819
00:26:35,574 --> 00:26:35,784
Yeah.

820
00:26:35,814 --> 00:26:36,234
One person,

821
00:26:36,234 --> 00:26:38,064
you know, there's, when it comes to women

822
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:38,454
mm-hmm.

823
00:26:38,694 --> 00:26:41,784
There's a lot of of men
pretending to be couples Oh yeah.

824
00:26:42,144 --> 00:26:44,409
Pretending to be women and
I'm so that can wrong person

825
00:26:44,549 --> 00:26:46,104
can try and get your pictures.

826
00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:46,114
Yeah.

827
00:26:46,579 --> 00:26:48,949
Or maybe try and get a
little bit of sex talk.

828
00:26:48,949 --> 00:26:49,069
Mm-hmm.

829
00:26:49,309 --> 00:26:50,209
Whatever gets 'em off.

830
00:26:50,299 --> 00:26:50,899
You know what I mean?

831
00:26:51,079 --> 00:26:51,319
No.

832
00:26:51,349 --> 00:26:51,589
Uh,

833
00:26:51,589 --> 00:26:54,769
and so they, they try to do a lot
of that stuff and then they'll also

834
00:26:54,769 --> 00:26:56,839
message the husband, I've been messaged

835
00:26:56,989 --> 00:26:57,079
mm-hmm.

836
00:26:57,319 --> 00:26:58,879
By a lot of fake accounts.

837
00:26:58,999 --> 00:26:59,089
Mm-hmm.

838
00:26:59,329 --> 00:27:01,189
You know, let's talk about our wives.

839
00:27:01,189 --> 00:27:02,299
Let's trade pictures.

840
00:27:02,299 --> 00:27:03,589
Nah, bro, I don't do that.

841
00:27:03,589 --> 00:27:03,709
That's

842
00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:07,279
how you can tell the fake
profiles from the actual people.

843
00:27:07,284 --> 00:27:07,544
Yeah.

844
00:27:07,639 --> 00:27:07,909
Yeah.

845
00:27:07,909 --> 00:27:11,779
Now there are a couple of
different, websites Yes.

846
00:27:11,779 --> 00:27:13,849
And apps that do verification.

847
00:27:13,879 --> 00:27:14,089
Yes.

848
00:27:14,179 --> 00:27:18,139
Now our big ones are, um,
our favorites are sdc.

849
00:27:18,229 --> 00:27:18,319
Mm-hmm.

850
00:27:18,619 --> 00:27:20,959
Uh, SDC does great verification.

851
00:27:20,959 --> 00:27:21,109
They do.

852
00:27:21,134 --> 00:27:22,069
Of of their people.

853
00:27:22,069 --> 00:27:24,709
There's, and they have
an amazing community.

854
00:27:24,714 --> 00:27:27,439
I, I think they're probably one of
the better communities out there.

855
00:27:27,439 --> 00:27:27,449
Mm-hmm.

856
00:27:27,554 --> 00:27:28,414
Um, and, and.

857
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:29,724
I love SDC.

858
00:27:29,724 --> 00:27:29,844
Me too.

859
00:27:30,054 --> 00:27:33,574
Now, as far as apps are concerned, 3Fun.

860
00:27:33,764 --> 00:27:35,004
3Fun is a good one Does?

861
00:27:35,094 --> 00:27:35,184
Mm-hmm.

862
00:27:35,424 --> 00:27:35,574
And

863
00:27:35,574 --> 00:27:36,894
they have verification.

864
00:27:36,924 --> 00:27:37,014
Mm-hmm.

865
00:27:37,314 --> 00:27:40,554
Where you have to take a picture a
certain way, like you have to do a

866
00:27:40,554 --> 00:27:42,174
thumbs up with your partner or whatever.

867
00:27:42,179 --> 00:27:42,189
Yeah.

868
00:27:42,189 --> 00:27:42,749
Like it's kind of funny.

869
00:27:42,859 --> 00:27:43,149
Yeah.

870
00:27:43,924 --> 00:27:46,569
You don't have to verify,
but it gives you that option.

871
00:27:46,569 --> 00:27:46,889
Mm-hmm.

872
00:27:46,969 --> 00:27:50,524
So that you can see the people that
you're talking to if they're verified Yes.

873
00:27:50,974 --> 00:27:51,244
That's matters.

874
00:27:51,244 --> 00:27:52,084
So you can have conversations,

875
00:27:52,084 --> 00:27:53,074
I think, and to message them.

876
00:27:53,074 --> 00:27:53,134
Yeah.

877
00:27:53,194 --> 00:27:54,394
So you have to be verified.

878
00:27:54,394 --> 00:27:56,014
So yeah, those are some good ones.

879
00:27:56,104 --> 00:27:56,404
Yeah.

880
00:27:56,464 --> 00:27:56,734
Yeah.

881
00:27:56,734 --> 00:27:57,964
Those are definitely our favorite.

882
00:27:57,964 --> 00:27:58,559
And we have tried.

883
00:27:59,394 --> 00:27:59,994
A lot.

884
00:28:00,264 --> 00:28:00,354
Yes.

885
00:28:00,354 --> 00:28:02,424
We tried apps when we were poly.

886
00:28:02,424 --> 00:28:02,514
Mm-hmm.

887
00:28:02,754 --> 00:28:06,564
There are, uh, you know, OkCupid,
Bumble, and of course everybody does

888
00:28:06,564 --> 00:28:10,254
Tinder and all those things where
you're looking for romantic exchanges,

889
00:28:10,524 --> 00:28:12,574
but then you've got stuff like 3Fun.

890
00:28:12,954 --> 00:28:16,314
Uh, you've got I think there's
a, there's one called three-Way.

891
00:28:16,314 --> 00:28:20,544
There's uh, there's one called Unicorn
Landing that's specifically for unicorns.

892
00:28:20,664 --> 00:28:21,054
Oh, yeah.

893
00:28:21,144 --> 00:28:22,344
Uh, which is pretty cool.

894
00:28:22,684 --> 00:28:25,114
There's, there's just all
sorts of different kinds.

895
00:28:25,144 --> 00:28:25,234
Mm-hmm.

896
00:28:25,424 --> 00:28:26,794
And it depends on which one you wanna.

897
00:28:27,294 --> 00:28:28,194
Go for now.

898
00:28:28,194 --> 00:28:32,154
Us personally, our most
success came from Facebook.

899
00:28:32,304 --> 00:28:36,304
One because you know, I'm a cheap
bastard and Facebook is free.

900
00:28:36,934 --> 00:28:37,954
Uh, but two,

901
00:28:38,014 --> 00:28:38,674
this is true.

902
00:28:39,334 --> 00:28:41,524
The communities on
Facebook are pretty large.

903
00:28:41,524 --> 00:28:43,144
The, the Facebook groups out there.

904
00:28:43,144 --> 00:28:45,844
Now, the problem is, is that
you have to get invited.

905
00:28:45,964 --> 00:28:47,014
To a Facebook group?

906
00:28:47,134 --> 00:28:47,224
Yes.

907
00:28:47,374 --> 00:28:48,244
Because they're private.

908
00:28:48,409 --> 00:28:48,629
Yes.

909
00:28:48,724 --> 00:28:51,664
So if you're just, I just
started this Facebook page and

910
00:28:51,664 --> 00:28:52,924
I'm gonna go look for groups.

911
00:28:53,134 --> 00:28:53,404
Yeah.

912
00:28:53,404 --> 00:28:54,484
It's gonna be a little difficult.

913
00:28:54,514 --> 00:28:54,814
It is.

914
00:28:54,814 --> 00:28:55,714
It's, that's very hard.

915
00:28:55,714 --> 00:28:56,349
'cause they're private, so.

916
00:28:56,379 --> 00:28:56,669
Yeah.

917
00:28:56,674 --> 00:29:00,094
So your best bet is there are some
public groups that you can get into

918
00:29:00,484 --> 00:29:05,974
and you can explore the public groups
and hope that somebody will eventually

919
00:29:05,974 --> 00:29:07,714
invite you to a private group.

920
00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:07,804
Mm-hmm.

921
00:29:08,674 --> 00:29:09,814
Uh, speaking of groups.

922
00:29:10,354 --> 00:29:13,354
You may be seeing a Beyond
Monogamy Facebook group soon.

923
00:29:13,684 --> 00:29:14,314
Yes.

924
00:29:14,344 --> 00:29:17,224
And that all you gotta do is hit us up.

925
00:29:17,944 --> 00:29:18,544
I'll get you in there.

926
00:29:18,574 --> 00:29:19,744
There will be verification.

927
00:29:19,834 --> 00:29:20,074
Yes.

928
00:29:20,574 --> 00:29:26,214
Now another big realm of questioning
that I've gotten is, is regarding health.

929
00:29:26,829 --> 00:29:27,189
Okay.

930
00:29:27,189 --> 00:29:29,589
Sexual transmitted diseases.

931
00:29:29,709 --> 00:29:29,739
Okay.

932
00:29:30,069 --> 00:29:30,339
Yes.

933
00:29:30,439 --> 00:29:34,429
So how do STI conversations
usually happen?

934
00:29:34,429 --> 00:29:37,989
Like I, is it easy for you to
talk about this with other people?

935
00:29:38,199 --> 00:29:41,109
Yes, and it's, and it's never
been hard for people to ask us.

936
00:29:41,609 --> 00:29:41,879
Yeah.

937
00:29:41,969 --> 00:29:47,069
Um, if you, if you want to know,
if they regularly test, ask,

938
00:29:47,084 --> 00:29:47,614
just ask.

939
00:29:47,614 --> 00:29:47,699
Just ask.

940
00:29:47,999 --> 00:29:48,599
Ask them if

941
00:29:48,599 --> 00:29:52,379
you want to have them get tested before
they, you sleep with them, ask them too.

942
00:29:52,589 --> 00:29:55,529
I know people that ask
to see your test results.

943
00:29:55,534 --> 00:29:55,694
Yeah.

944
00:29:55,874 --> 00:29:57,534
And the they do before you guys even.

945
00:29:57,689 --> 00:29:58,049
Yeah.

946
00:29:58,049 --> 00:29:59,009
Don't come up with this.

947
00:29:59,249 --> 00:30:00,179
Oh, it's a hipaa.

948
00:30:00,574 --> 00:30:01,024
A HIPAA thing.

949
00:30:01,754 --> 00:30:01,974
No.

950
00:30:02,244 --> 00:30:02,534
Yeah.

951
00:30:02,579 --> 00:30:02,999
If you're gonna

952
00:30:02,999 --> 00:30:04,769
be in here, you're gonna go test.

953
00:30:04,989 --> 00:30:05,499
That's right.

954
00:30:05,589 --> 00:30:05,979
Period.

955
00:30:06,129 --> 00:30:06,849
It's just the way it is.

956
00:30:06,849 --> 00:30:07,479
So, yeah.

957
00:30:07,479 --> 00:30:09,219
Now, how often do swingers test?

958
00:30:09,219 --> 00:30:14,459
Now I, I, I know this varies depending
on, on who you talk to, but the

959
00:30:14,459 --> 00:30:18,749
Swinger community actually tests
way more than the vanilla way more.

960
00:30:18,799 --> 00:30:22,094
And that's, that's something that if you
listen to some of our episodes mm-hmm.

961
00:30:22,174 --> 00:30:23,214
I believe Jaime Gamma.

962
00:30:24,144 --> 00:30:27,024
One of our guests had touched
up on is that, you know, in the

963
00:30:27,024 --> 00:30:29,609
vanilla world, nobody's really
testing, nobody is testing.

964
00:30:29,724 --> 00:30:32,814
And they use a condom for a little
while when they're single, but

965
00:30:32,814 --> 00:30:36,024
then they get into a relationship
where they stop using a condom.

966
00:30:36,024 --> 00:30:36,114
Mm-hmm.

967
00:30:36,114 --> 00:30:38,664
And they stay with that person for
a couple years, and then they go out

968
00:30:38,664 --> 00:30:41,424
and then they go do their thing again.

969
00:30:41,524 --> 00:30:42,514
You don't know what you're spreading.

970
00:30:43,054 --> 00:30:43,714
You don't, you know what I mean?

971
00:30:43,714 --> 00:30:45,304
And these people aren't testing.

972
00:30:45,394 --> 00:30:45,574
Yeah.

973
00:30:45,604 --> 00:30:46,954
Now, in this community.

974
00:30:47,584 --> 00:30:49,409
We do active testing.

975
00:30:49,409 --> 00:30:49,809
Mm-hmm.

976
00:30:49,889 --> 00:30:51,094
And we preach for it often.

977
00:30:51,584 --> 00:30:54,614
And most times condoms are expected.

978
00:30:54,764 --> 00:30:55,244
Oh yeah.

979
00:30:55,344 --> 00:30:58,104
Now I say most times because
some people have certain kinks.

980
00:30:58,134 --> 00:30:58,434
Yeah.

981
00:30:58,434 --> 00:31:00,564
Some people are closer
than others, you know,

982
00:31:00,684 --> 00:31:01,974
and that's, that's fine.

983
00:31:01,974 --> 00:31:03,814
But it's, it's whatever you want it to be.

984
00:31:03,814 --> 00:31:07,809
But testing is way, way more regular.

985
00:31:08,139 --> 00:31:10,439
Now you can catch something.

986
00:31:10,979 --> 00:31:11,159
Yeah.

987
00:31:11,219 --> 00:31:13,289
I catch coughs all the time.

988
00:31:13,709 --> 00:31:16,409
Yeah, every time we go out, you
guys, I, you, you and a friend

989
00:31:16,409 --> 00:31:17,579
of ours all get strep throat.

990
00:31:17,579 --> 00:31:17,969
So, um,

991
00:31:18,569 --> 00:31:23,039
stuff like that is, is what you're gonna
actually see more common, like Oh, the,

992
00:31:23,144 --> 00:31:25,109
the common cold because of, of Yeah.

993
00:31:25,289 --> 00:31:27,019
You know, honestly, I've, or the

994
00:31:27,019 --> 00:31:28,069
flu, oh my gosh.

995
00:31:28,669 --> 00:31:29,479
So, understand.

996
00:31:30,289 --> 00:31:33,649
We wanna have lots of
partners, so we are very safe.

997
00:31:34,069 --> 00:31:34,339
Yeah.

998
00:31:34,339 --> 00:31:35,599
You really have to, if you mess up one

999
00:31:35,599 --> 00:31:38,599
partner, you just mess up up one
partner for like thousands of people.

1000
00:31:38,599 --> 00:31:39,169
'cause you don't know.

1001
00:31:39,379 --> 00:31:39,619
Yeah.

1002
00:31:39,829 --> 00:31:40,099
Yeah.

1003
00:31:40,099 --> 00:31:43,239
So we really do try to
keep this community safe.

1004
00:31:43,269 --> 00:31:43,329
Yeah.

1005
00:31:43,329 --> 00:31:46,359
And I feel like most of the
people in this community Yeah.

1006
00:31:46,389 --> 00:31:47,174
Who are serious about it.

1007
00:31:48,159 --> 00:31:48,819
They do the same.

1008
00:31:48,879 --> 00:31:49,239
Yeah.

1009
00:31:49,239 --> 00:31:50,499
And don't, like, don't be scared.

1010
00:31:50,499 --> 00:31:55,389
Like if you want to, if you want,
I'm, I always seem to be the person

1011
00:31:55,449 --> 00:31:57,219
to bring up the condom conversation.

1012
00:31:57,669 --> 00:32:00,749
Like I don't, I think a lot of
people they feel awkward about it

1013
00:32:00,754 --> 00:32:01,804
or they don't wanna talk about it.

1014
00:32:01,804 --> 00:32:01,844
Yeah.

1015
00:32:01,844 --> 00:32:02,219
And don't be

1016
00:32:02,219 --> 00:32:02,549
like,

1017
00:32:02,849 --> 00:32:04,964
no, you have to really talk abouts.

1018
00:32:04,969 --> 00:32:05,279
They need

1019
00:32:05,279 --> 00:32:06,989
to be used, they need to be worn.

1020
00:32:06,989 --> 00:32:08,159
It's a safety thing.

1021
00:32:08,159 --> 00:32:10,979
Like do not be embarrassed about it.

1022
00:32:11,339 --> 00:32:13,919
And if you don't like
to wear them, say that.

1023
00:32:14,419 --> 00:32:15,589
Figure something out.

1024
00:32:15,859 --> 00:32:16,099
Yeah.

1025
00:32:16,249 --> 00:32:21,509
You know, like, and to my seasoned
swingers out there, when somebody

1026
00:32:21,509 --> 00:32:25,729
tells you that they don't play
with condoms, don't be judgmental.

1027
00:32:25,729 --> 00:32:26,509
Don't shame,

1028
00:32:26,509 --> 00:32:27,319
don't shame 'em.

1029
00:32:27,409 --> 00:32:28,234
That is their preference.

1030
00:32:28,239 --> 00:32:28,579
That's their,

1031
00:32:28,729 --> 00:32:29,869
that's their preference.

1032
00:32:29,869 --> 00:32:29,879
Yeah.

1033
00:32:29,879 --> 00:32:30,739
That's their thing.

1034
00:32:31,129 --> 00:32:33,349
And because it's not for you.

1035
00:32:33,404 --> 00:32:34,034
Don't shame.

1036
00:32:34,064 --> 00:32:34,124
Yeah.

1037
00:32:34,124 --> 00:32:35,174
I mean you don't have to do it.

1038
00:32:35,264 --> 00:32:35,774
Exactly.

1039
00:32:35,774 --> 00:32:38,234
You know, don't make anybody
feel worse than they already are.

1040
00:32:38,234 --> 00:32:42,044
'cause I guarantee you, by them saying
that to you, they already felt a

1041
00:32:42,044 --> 00:32:45,194
little bit of shame just having to say
it because they're expect everybody

1042
00:32:45,194 --> 00:32:47,564
has their own kinks.

1043
00:32:47,714 --> 00:32:48,074
Yeah.

1044
00:32:48,224 --> 00:32:49,844
And or not even kinks.

1045
00:32:49,844 --> 00:32:53,029
Everybody has their own
rules and that's one of 'em.

1046
00:32:53,089 --> 00:32:53,309
So

1047
00:32:53,744 --> 00:32:54,434
Yes.

1048
00:32:54,494 --> 00:32:55,064
Yes.

1049
00:32:55,604 --> 00:32:58,484
Can swinging affect jobs,
friendships, or family?

1050
00:32:59,444 --> 00:32:59,984
Yes.

1051
00:33:00,794 --> 00:33:01,754
Yes it can.

1052
00:33:01,844 --> 00:33:02,204
Um.

1053
00:33:02,704 --> 00:33:05,399
I think I got all of judgment when
I came out bisexual wasn't really

1054
00:33:05,399 --> 00:33:07,859
the swinging, and then I just
think I told, I think people just

1055
00:33:07,859 --> 00:33:08,969
figured it out when they asked me.

1056
00:33:08,969 --> 00:33:11,399
So if you ask me, are my, am I a swinger?

1057
00:33:11,399 --> 00:33:13,399
I'm gonna be very honest with you yes.

1058
00:33:13,499 --> 00:33:14,959
You can, yeah.

1059
00:33:14,959 --> 00:33:15,919
I lost a lot of friends.

1060
00:33:15,949 --> 00:33:16,279
Yeah.

1061
00:33:16,279 --> 00:33:20,529
Well, you know, we did an episode
and we had an attorney on and.

1062
00:33:21,259 --> 00:33:25,429
We basically got into that, jonathan
Lane, he, he basically discussed,

1063
00:33:25,429 --> 00:33:26,659
what the repercussions are.

1064
00:33:26,869 --> 00:33:28,789
Most of us live in at will states.

1065
00:33:28,819 --> 00:33:28,909
Mm-hmm.

1066
00:33:29,209 --> 00:33:34,654
Uh, and work for at will employers who
can let you go for any reason at all.

1067
00:33:34,654 --> 00:33:35,014
Mm-hmm.

1068
00:33:35,119 --> 00:33:37,759
And not tell you what that reason is.

1069
00:33:37,879 --> 00:33:37,939
Yeah.

1070
00:33:37,939 --> 00:33:41,689
Um, and so all it takes
is for you to be outed.

1071
00:33:42,019 --> 00:33:42,169
Mm-hmm.

1072
00:33:42,409 --> 00:33:46,759
And there goes your opportunity as
a, at a really good job if you're

1073
00:33:46,759 --> 00:33:51,574
having custody issues and you're
judge knows about it, it could, it

1074
00:33:51,574 --> 00:33:53,404
could be brought up in a certain way.

1075
00:33:53,434 --> 00:33:53,524
Mm-hmm.

1076
00:33:53,524 --> 00:33:57,604
So, yeah, there's a lot of
reasons why people are discreet

1077
00:33:57,994 --> 00:33:58,954
about this sort of thing.

1078
00:33:59,764 --> 00:34:00,004
Yeah.

1079
00:34:00,004 --> 00:34:00,064
Yeah.

1080
00:34:00,814 --> 00:34:03,474
Does swinging ruin relationships?

1081
00:34:03,564 --> 00:34:04,044
Yes,

1082
00:34:04,284 --> 00:34:04,914
it can.

1083
00:34:04,914 --> 00:34:06,084
It can, it can

1084
00:34:06,084 --> 00:34:07,134
communication people.

1085
00:34:07,344 --> 00:34:07,464
Yeah.

1086
00:34:07,464 --> 00:34:08,034
Communication.

1087
00:34:08,034 --> 00:34:08,784
Communication.

1088
00:34:08,934 --> 00:34:09,174
Yeah.

1089
00:34:09,444 --> 00:34:12,834
But in the same way that
swinging can ruin relationships.

1090
00:34:13,334 --> 00:34:15,069
You can ruin your own
vanilla relationship.

1091
00:34:15,104 --> 00:34:15,554
It doesn't have to.

1092
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:16,874
I mean, realistically exactly.

1093
00:34:16,974 --> 00:34:19,224
I know a lot of people who are cheaters

1094
00:34:19,614 --> 00:34:20,094
Yes.

1095
00:34:20,094 --> 00:34:21,174
In the vanilla world.

1096
00:34:21,174 --> 00:34:21,444
Yes.

1097
00:34:21,474 --> 00:34:22,614
And they're okay with this.

1098
00:34:22,614 --> 00:34:23,364
And liars.

1099
00:34:23,364 --> 00:34:25,464
And liars, and they're okay with this.

1100
00:34:25,944 --> 00:34:29,154
Um, they don't mind not
having communication.

1101
00:34:29,244 --> 00:34:29,514
Yeah.

1102
00:34:30,144 --> 00:34:30,384
Yeah.

1103
00:34:30,384 --> 00:34:34,104
So yes it, it can ruin relationships.

1104
00:34:34,914 --> 00:34:37,554
Now, what do you think are
the biggest beginner mistakes?

1105
00:34:38,004 --> 00:34:39,084
Ooh, jumping in.

1106
00:34:40,059 --> 00:34:40,659
Too soon.

1107
00:34:40,869 --> 00:34:41,259
Yeah.

1108
00:34:41,349 --> 00:34:42,309
Eager beavers.

1109
00:34:42,489 --> 00:34:43,239
Eager beavers.

1110
00:34:43,479 --> 00:34:44,529
Eager beavers.

1111
00:34:44,649 --> 00:34:46,449
When you're an eager beaver, forget it.

1112
00:34:47,439 --> 00:34:47,709
Yeah.

1113
00:34:47,709 --> 00:34:50,349
You know, I, I, I, I'd
have to agree with that.

1114
00:34:50,349 --> 00:34:55,599
I think jumping into a situation
that you're not prepared for.

1115
00:34:55,989 --> 00:34:56,109
Yes.

1116
00:34:56,139 --> 00:35:00,729
Um, maybe just kind of half-assed,
you know, saying yes when deep

1117
00:35:00,729 --> 00:35:02,499
down you really wanted to say no.

1118
00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:02,889
Yes.

1119
00:35:03,189 --> 00:35:05,644
Uh, those can help really
screw up your, yeah.

1120
00:35:06,549 --> 00:35:06,909
Fun.

1121
00:35:07,149 --> 00:35:07,359
Yeah.

1122
00:35:07,359 --> 00:35:07,449
It's

1123
00:35:07,449 --> 00:35:08,259
not a good idea.

1124
00:35:08,649 --> 00:35:12,099
So what makes a couple
successful in the lifestyle?

1125
00:35:12,729 --> 00:35:13,449
What do you think?

1126
00:35:13,839 --> 00:35:17,799
I think when they have a good
relation, a solid foundation already.

1127
00:35:17,799 --> 00:35:17,889
Mm-hmm.

1128
00:35:17,889 --> 00:35:23,289
When they have a good relationship and
now you get the communication started.

1129
00:35:23,289 --> 00:35:25,119
We weren't always good communicators.

1130
00:35:25,119 --> 00:35:25,179
No.

1131
00:35:25,209 --> 00:35:25,564
In the beginning.

1132
00:35:25,809 --> 00:35:25,869
Yeah.

1133
00:35:26,079 --> 00:35:26,529
It takes time.

1134
00:35:26,529 --> 00:35:30,339
Um, and this was just in
just regular relationships.

1135
00:35:30,339 --> 00:35:33,039
Before this, we weren't in good,
we weren't good communicators.

1136
00:35:33,939 --> 00:35:35,654
So if you want to do this lifestyle.

1137
00:35:36,279 --> 00:35:38,439
You have to be a good co communicator.

1138
00:35:38,529 --> 00:35:40,119
You have to be understanding.

1139
00:35:40,269 --> 00:35:40,479
Yeah.

1140
00:35:40,809 --> 00:35:46,749
You cannot go into the mentality
of you're doing it to fix your

1141
00:35:46,749 --> 00:35:48,489
marriage because that's not,

1142
00:35:48,519 --> 00:35:49,779
oh, that's the

1143
00:35:49,779 --> 00:35:50,259
worst.

1144
00:35:50,259 --> 00:35:50,619
That's the worst.

1145
00:35:50,619 --> 00:35:50,919
Um, that

1146
00:35:50,919 --> 00:35:51,579
is the worst.

1147
00:35:51,729 --> 00:35:53,259
So I think a successful.

1148
00:35:54,249 --> 00:35:58,089
Couple in the lifestyle is just
somebody who really has that good solid

1149
00:35:58,089 --> 00:36:00,219
foundation and has a good conversations,

1150
00:36:00,429 --> 00:36:01,749
communication all the way.

1151
00:36:01,754 --> 00:36:01,844
Mm-hmm.

1152
00:36:01,929 --> 00:36:03,039
Communication all the way.

1153
00:36:03,309 --> 00:36:06,729
Well, I, you know, I couldn't agree more,
and I think you've said it right there.

1154
00:36:06,729 --> 00:36:09,349
And with that I, I don't think
there's anything left to say

1155
00:36:09,349 --> 00:36:10,759
for our new people out there.

1156
00:36:10,759 --> 00:36:12,709
I hope you took a lot away from this.

1157
00:36:12,709 --> 00:36:13,339
I know that we.

1158
00:36:13,884 --> 00:36:15,564
We skipped over a lot of questions.

1159
00:36:15,569 --> 00:36:15,959
We did actually.

1160
00:36:15,959 --> 00:36:16,119
We did.

1161
00:36:16,119 --> 00:36:18,504
We really tried to answer the
ones that we get the most.

1162
00:36:18,624 --> 00:36:18,714
Mm-hmm.

1163
00:36:19,044 --> 00:36:23,544
And we can revisit this another day,
but if you want to know more, you want.

1164
00:36:24,244 --> 00:36:28,234
If you're interested in knowing more, you
can always hit up both of our tiktoks.

1165
00:36:28,264 --> 00:36:28,354
Mm-hmm.

1166
00:36:28,574 --> 00:36:31,484
Because we, we push out
content like that all the time.

1167
00:36:31,604 --> 00:36:31,754
Yeah.

1168
00:36:31,844 --> 00:36:33,884
Uh, and obviously we do shows like this.

1169
00:36:33,944 --> 00:36:34,034
Yeah.

1170
00:36:34,064 --> 00:36:35,414
So, always follow us.

1171
00:36:35,414 --> 00:36:39,674
Let us know how you like
this conversation, or what

1172
00:36:39,674 --> 00:36:40,634
questions you may have.

1173
00:36:40,634 --> 00:36:43,424
You know, there is one place that
you can direct those conversations.

1174
00:36:43,924 --> 00:36:44,734
Where is that?

1175
00:36:44,884 --> 00:36:50,404
The Beyond Monogamy Confessional,
which is 100% anonymous now.

1176
00:36:50,404 --> 00:36:52,474
Do you know where you can
find that confessional?

1177
00:36:53,074 --> 00:36:53,314
Where

1178
00:36:53,314 --> 00:36:53,674
can I

1179
00:36:53,674 --> 00:36:54,184
find that

1180
00:36:54,184 --> 00:36:54,994
confessional?

1181
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:56,464
Well, I'm glad you asked.

1182
00:36:56,704 --> 00:37:02,644
It's at our website,
www.beyond-monogamy.com and.

1183
00:37:03,034 --> 00:37:08,104
Not only is our Beyond monogamy, 100%
anonymous confessional available to

1184
00:37:08,254 --> 00:37:11,644
anybody who wants to take part in
it, where you can leave your stories

1185
00:37:11,644 --> 00:37:14,014
and your questions and just tell
us what you think about anything.

1186
00:37:14,944 --> 00:37:19,594
But you can also find all of our
episodes there, all of our video

1187
00:37:19,594 --> 00:37:23,464
clips, all of our blogs, and.

1188
00:37:23,964 --> 00:37:27,804
Pretty much all of our merch, all
of our events, like wherever we're

1189
00:37:27,804 --> 00:37:33,054
gonna be at, you have a way to find
everything and anything beyond monogamy.

1190
00:37:33,264 --> 00:37:34,104
Wow.

1191
00:37:34,104 --> 00:37:34,114
Yeah.

1192
00:37:34,409 --> 00:37:34,699
Okay.

1193
00:37:34,699 --> 00:37:34,709
Yeah.

1194
00:37:34,974 --> 00:37:35,154
At

1195
00:37:35,154 --> 00:37:38,214
www.beyond-monogamy.com.

1196
00:37:38,574 --> 00:37:39,114
Okay.

1197
00:37:39,114 --> 00:37:39,564
That's right.

1198
00:37:39,654 --> 00:37:40,314
Thank you.

1199
00:37:40,314 --> 00:37:41,184
You're very welcome.

1200
00:37:41,784 --> 00:37:42,654
You're very welcome.

1201
00:37:42,894 --> 00:37:45,564
And so, yeah, be sure
and go check that out.

1202
00:37:46,314 --> 00:37:50,274
The other thing also, you may
be hearing us on here, or not

1203
00:37:50,274 --> 00:37:51,459
Uhhuh, but we are also on.

1204
00:37:51,999 --> 00:37:58,799
Fullswapradio.com when we are on
full swamp radio.com every Thursday.

1205
00:37:58,804 --> 00:37:59,024
Mm-hmm.

1206
00:37:59,204 --> 00:38:01,739
At 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM
Central Standard Time.

1207
00:38:02,609 --> 00:38:03,149
I like that.

1208
00:38:04,019 --> 00:38:04,229
Yeah.

1209
00:38:04,229 --> 00:38:04,289
Yeah.

1210
00:38:04,789 --> 00:38:05,449
So there you go.

1211
00:38:05,659 --> 00:38:07,429
So every 2:00 PM 7:00 PM.

1212
00:38:07,954 --> 00:38:09,034
Thursdays, yes.

1213
00:38:09,034 --> 00:38:12,619
Full swap radio along with
a bevy of other adult.

1214
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,344
So adult show podcasters
show us some love there.

1215
00:38:14,344 --> 00:38:14,614
Absolutely.

1216
00:38:14,614 --> 00:38:15,484
And remember,

1217
00:38:15,544 --> 00:38:21,064
again, you can find all these episodes
and all of our merch and all of our

1218
00:38:21,064 --> 00:38:24,934
socials on www.beyond-monogamy.com.

1219
00:38:25,174 --> 00:38:26,284
So please go over there.

1220
00:38:26,909 --> 00:38:29,879
This gentleman here, he really
created a nice little website.

1221
00:38:29,879 --> 00:38:30,089
I'm very

1222
00:38:30,089 --> 00:38:30,539
proud of it.

1223
00:38:30,539 --> 00:38:30,629
Go

1224
00:38:30,629 --> 00:38:31,049
leave a

1225
00:38:31,049 --> 00:38:33,269
confessional, go support
your community members.

1226
00:38:33,299 --> 00:38:33,989
'cause we're all one of the go.

1227
00:38:33,989 --> 00:38:34,499
Do that.

1228
00:38:34,499 --> 00:38:35,489
Go have some fun.

1229
00:38:35,609 --> 00:38:35,729
Yeah.

1230
00:38:35,729 --> 00:38:39,089
And, and you know, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna grovel,

1231
00:38:39,629 --> 00:38:41,339
I'm gonna beg just for a minute.

1232
00:38:41,699 --> 00:38:47,209
If you can't look at this, turn away,
but I'm gonna reach out to every member

1233
00:38:47,419 --> 00:38:53,299
of our community, every person listening
to this show or watching us on YouTube.

1234
00:38:53,799 --> 00:38:54,089
It's.

1235
00:38:54,529 --> 00:38:59,779
It doesn't take long for you to
give us a review at really anywhere

1236
00:39:00,259 --> 00:39:05,299
that you listen to us, whether
it be Apple Podcasts, Spotify.

1237
00:39:05,489 --> 00:39:05,529
Mm-hmm.

1238
00:39:05,544 --> 00:39:08,684
Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Pandora.

1239
00:39:09,509 --> 00:39:10,829
Yeah, I we're, we're on all of them.

1240
00:39:10,889 --> 00:39:16,589
Or YouTube, uh, or even on our
website, www.beyond-monogamy.com.

1241
00:39:16,589 --> 00:39:18,449
You can actually review our show.

1242
00:39:18,599 --> 00:39:19,104
Yes, you can.

1243
00:39:19,289 --> 00:39:19,589
Yes.

1244
00:39:19,589 --> 00:39:23,449
So, while I'm being silly and whatnot,
realistically, I would really,

1245
00:39:23,449 --> 00:39:26,629
really appreciate it if you could
take two seconds outta your day,

1246
00:39:27,319 --> 00:39:30,079
head to one of those platforms and
give us a review, because it really

1247
00:39:30,079 --> 00:39:31,759
helps us grow in this community.

1248
00:39:31,819 --> 00:39:32,029
Yes.

1249
00:39:32,029 --> 00:39:36,799
Helps us grow in this space and
we'll love you forever for it.

1250
00:39:36,949 --> 00:39:37,429
Yes.

1251
00:39:37,489 --> 00:39:37,729
Yeah.

1252
00:39:38,329 --> 00:39:41,269
And uh, with that, we really
appreciate you guys listening.

1253
00:39:41,629 --> 00:39:42,979
We will see you guys next week.

1254
00:39:43,789 --> 00:39:43,939
Bye.