Susan Bratton on Expanded Orgasms, Sexual Biohacking, and the STI Testing Protocol Every Lifestyle Couple Needs

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam,

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and I'm Pris.

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Okay.

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So today we have someone on the show who
I've been genuinely excited about, and

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if you've spent any time in the world
of sexuality, intimacy, or relationship

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content, you already know her name.

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She is the, uh, intimacy expert
to literally millions of people.

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She's a sexual biohacker, a bestselling
author, the founder of Personal

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Life Media, and she has made it
her life's mission to help couples

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and really anyone have better, more
connected, more satisfying sex lives.

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Uh, so.

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Please welcome to Beyond
Monogamy, Susan Bratton.

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Welcome.

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Hi, Pris.

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Hi Adam.

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I've been looking forward, I really been
looking forward to talking to you too.

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Um, I think I got sick when we were
supposed to be filming the last, you

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know, we were supposed to do our episode.

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I I was so sick and so
we're finally together.

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Yay.

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Yeah.

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I love to talk to E-N-M-C-N-M,
poly Lifestyle, swinger,

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pineapple People of all kinds.

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Um,

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we are, we are,

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we are thrilled.

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All the

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above.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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Everything you can fit into there.

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I think for a lot of people who go
through the experience of anything

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kind of non-monogamy, that, that
isn't cheating, um, that they probably

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often go through different experiences
over the arc of their love life.

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Um, because I, I mean, I've
gone to tons of sex parties.

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You could, you know.

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I've been, I've been in all sorts
of non-monogamous configurations.

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As you mature, as you change, as you
learn, as you experience, um, your needs

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change and you want to have, sometimes
you have more energy, sometimes you

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have less energy, sometimes shit's going
on and you can't do what you wanna do.

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You know what I mean?

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It's like,

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yeah.

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To me, one of the things I wanted to
talk to you guys about this anyway,

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so I'll just bring it up right now,
and that is that Tim and I, my husband

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of 34 years, and I, um, we had some
really good mentors and our mentors

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just said, well, we just call it open.

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We're just like open to whatever
happens as we go through life.

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Yeah.

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We like, thought, we just thought,
you know what, open is not a bad word.

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You know,

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Susan's all encompasses.

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So that's pretty much where we are.

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Yeah.

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In our, in our journey.

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'cause initially we, we came in
with this very strict mentality.

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You know, most new people who, who don't
really know, kind of have this, well, I,

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I've got a ton of rules, and, and this
is how we're supposed to be doing things.

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Sure.

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And then as you navigate it's mm-hmm.

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Now we're just open

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and Yeah.

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And as you screw up and you have to
do reparations and as you learn Yeah.

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What you really want, and as you learn
the rules that you, the boundaries

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you created weren't actually the
ones that made you feel safe.

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And

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gosh, you know, we could
count on so many hands.

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Yeah.

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How many times we've had that?

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You

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said changing.

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I am, I'm, I am definitely there.

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I started very, Nope,
we're not doing that.

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Yeah.

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Nope, we're not, we're not touching that.

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Nope.

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Yeah.

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Don't put your mouth there.

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The el we have always been like that,

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the elusive

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draw of control that
you actually never have.

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Yes.

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The intoxicating desire for control.

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Yes,

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exactly.

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You know, I've always been very, um,
hippie mentality, you know, it's like love

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is love and let's, let's all get together.

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Let's, and I've always
had to be like, Nope.

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And she's always the one kind of pulling
me back, going, ah, hang on a second.

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Now, Susan, I, I know who you are.

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Uh, but for my, uh, our
listener base, yeah.

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Just for those who who don't know,
um, I'm kind of curious, how did

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you end up here, uh, you know, in,
in the position that you are in?

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What position would that, would that be?

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Well, right now she's just sitting

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as far as, well, yeah, I'm, that's,
let's talk about positions for a second.

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You know, as, as far as,
as becoming the, the.

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Intimacy expert to millions.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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You know what, what was that turning
point career that that brought you there?

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Yeah, yeah.

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Gotcha.

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I wasn't sure if we were
talking about career or, or

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just regular old lifey stuff.

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Yeah.

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So I, my husband Tim and I have
been together for 34 years and

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when we, about 20, 25 years
ago, we really had hit a wall.

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I think it was our 11th
anniversary, and I'd been avoiding

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him for sex for many years.

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I never had an orgasm from intercourse
and I got tired of being a dumping

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ground for his ejaculations.

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I mean, you know, like,

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I love that.

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What the fuck?

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Right?

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Yeah.

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I mean,

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yeah.

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And like all women in my culture,
I grew up in a patriarchy,

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religiously, repressed, sexually
assaulted, shame-based, no sexual

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literacy, no nothing but horror.

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Yeah.

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And um, when I met my husband, I
was like, Ooh, he's a nice guy.

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He has a great dick.

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I love him.

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He's super smart and he's really
nice to me, which was great.

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And he still is.

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And his dick is even better than
ever and he's 62 years old, so.

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Um, well that's amazing.

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I

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love that.

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Yeah.

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Know we're gonna go the
distance old mom and dad.

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Yeah.

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Um, I, uh, we just didn't
know what we were doing.

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It was just the blind leading
the blind behind closed doors.

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And so.

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We did some therapy and that was,
it helped with some stuff like, you

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know, a lot of the trauma and all of
those things that I'd been through.

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But, um, it was really, you know, we
live in the San Francisco Bay area.

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Where are you guys from?

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Texas.

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Yeah, we're in

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Austin,

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Texas.

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Oh, in Austin.

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That's right.

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I, I actually knew that at the end of the
day for, it's the end of the day for me.

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It's

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okay.

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And you, uh, yeah, we, we, we did the
therapy stuff and we did some personal

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growth stuff, but what really helped,
'cause we live in the Bay Area, is,

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uh, we went to some sex workshops and.

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Pretty much just instantly
changed everything.

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Someone told us what to do,
we did it and it worked.

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And we're like, oh my God.

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I started having orgasms and then I
wanted to dem my G-spot and then I

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wanted to learn female ejaculation.

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And then he wanted to
learn male multiple orgasm.

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And then we wanted to try a lot
of sex toys and sex position.

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Then we wanted to fuck some mother people.

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Right?

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Like once you get good, like our,
it just reignited our relationship.

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Yeah.

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Like we always loved each other, so
we didn't know what we were doing.

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And um, about that time, oh, so of course
we started asking our friends if they

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wanted to like have threesomes and stuff,
and they're like, Ew, you're disgusting.

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You know, how dare you by that thought.

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And we were like,

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okay, sorry.

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Oops, sorry.

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That's a good dick.

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You're missing out on some good dick.

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So one of our friends said to us.

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You guys, you can't just fuck the muggles.

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They don't know what they're doing.

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It's not gonna work.

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You have to get into the, you know,
going on shirt C community, you gotta

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get into the conscious community and
there's a group and we'll invite you in.

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Well, we invited us, sit and
we're likes, here's our people.

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This is nice.

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You know, everybody's fucking, everybody.

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It really looks good.

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It's great.

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They're really bright and
intelligent and interesting.

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And then we got into other
communities and then we got invited

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to sex parties and all that.

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So it was just really, really
mind blowing, expanding.

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Fabulous.

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And we've done, like I said, every
kind of permutation from, you

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know, just long relationships.

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Kitchen table, poly long, like nine
years is one of my, that's my long

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relationship that I've been in.

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And, um.

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We've also done just a night, a
weekend, you know, that kind of thing.

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But there's been one hallmark that
really has been a, a non-negotiable

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that I still know is the smartest
thing we've ever done to navigate Poly.

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And I'll come back to that because
that's where you, the question you

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asked was, how'd you get where you are?

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How'd you get to be the
intimacy expert to millions?

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It was going through all those experiences
and going, sex is so easy to teach

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and people can learn it so easily.

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And if they do it, it works.

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And then they're happy.

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I wanna teach people how to have hot
sex, and I don't wanna be a therapist.

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I don't wanna listen to pe.

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I don't wanna work by the hour.

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I'm a scale oriented person.

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I don't want to sit in a
room and listen to trauma.

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I'm not a trauma healer, and that's
what a lot of the whole, you know,

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I run a business mastermind for
experts, educators, ologists Kin,

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and BDSM people, therapists, et
cetera, in the sexuality niche, and.

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We run a business master.

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I run a business mastermind because we,
there's almost a hundred of us and we

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collaborate a lot because we're constantly
shadow band, constantly censored.

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It's very hard, I'm sure,
for us to get our work out.

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As a matter of fact, I joke that my,
the, the story of my life will be

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called Segs, S-E-G-G-S, you know?

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Right?

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Yes.

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And it's only getting worse, but that's
when I began dedicating my life to

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learning how to be great in bed, how
to have super hot sex, how to write 'em

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down like recipes and teach people how
to come, how to get off, how to touch

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sores, how to be a great communicator,
how to just have a fantastic sex life.

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And I honestly think I'm very
unique in the world because there

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are people who do kink tantra.

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BDSM teaching.

245
00:11:01,838 --> 00:11:06,758
There are therapists, there are trauma
healers, there are pussy empowerment

246
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:09,638
people, but there really are not.

247
00:11:10,238 --> 00:11:16,148
I mean, like, I'm not sure that, I think
I might be very unique in that what I

248
00:11:16,148 --> 00:11:24,098
teach are hot sex techniques, sex skills,
and I teach them with a particular

249
00:11:24,098 --> 00:11:27,458
flavor, and I call it heart connected.

250
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:32,018
Conscious, passionate, love making.

251
00:11:32,978 --> 00:11:36,848
So heart connected is what it sounds like.

252
00:11:37,358 --> 00:11:42,908
You're there, you're present, you're
in love because Polly is love Many.

253
00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:47,948
And your heart is a muscle and it
can really expand and be strong.

254
00:11:47,948 --> 00:11:53,558
And my love abilities in my
sixties now are just so good.

255
00:11:53,558 --> 00:11:54,998
And my, I had a hard heart.

256
00:11:55,328 --> 00:11:58,088
I was a hard hearted woman for
a lot of my life, from all the

257
00:11:58,238 --> 00:11:59,798
bullshit that has happened to me.

258
00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:03,788
And I'm not different, you know,
like everybody, everybody's

259
00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:05,678
had bullshit happen to them.

260
00:12:05,738 --> 00:12:05,918
Yeah,

261
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,498
we're protecting ourselves
and, you know, all this stuff.

262
00:12:08,503 --> 00:12:11,768
But, but now I'm, I'm really,
really good at loving.

263
00:12:11,768 --> 00:12:12,548
So that's great.

264
00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:16,118
So I like that kind of very loving sex.

265
00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:19,388
And, um, I want it to be passionate.

266
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:23,618
I want you to fucking ignite
when you're in bed together.

267
00:12:23,798 --> 00:12:26,828
I just want it to be like, I didn't
even think I was gonna be able to

268
00:12:26,828 --> 00:12:30,908
be turned on and now I'm so fucking
turned on with you right now.

269
00:12:30,908 --> 00:12:32,078
I can't even believe it.

270
00:12:32,108 --> 00:12:34,688
Like, that's what I'm interested
in helping people get to.

271
00:12:35,408 --> 00:12:38,528
And I want it to be love making.

272
00:12:38,768 --> 00:12:40,958
I don't want it to be performative.

273
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,048
I don't want it to look like pornography.

274
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,878
I want you to be as slutty as you want.

275
00:12:45,938 --> 00:12:49,658
I want you to be ruthlessly sexually,
self-expressed, but I don't want

276
00:12:49,658 --> 00:12:52,178
you to take your cues from other
people in the way they do things.

277
00:12:52,178 --> 00:12:55,118
I want it to come from
within you in every moment.

278
00:12:55,688 --> 00:13:00,068
And so this is what I've worked on for
decades, is essentially just learning this

279
00:13:00,098 --> 00:13:06,128
myself and then writing down the steps so
that other people could have what I have.

280
00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:09,998
And it keeps getting better, you guys.

281
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,068
I mean, wow.

282
00:13:12,068 --> 00:13:14,018
Is my sex life satisfying right now?

283
00:13:14,048 --> 00:13:14,468
Holy.

284
00:13:14,498 --> 00:13:14,618
So

285
00:13:14,618 --> 00:13:15,188
you're you're

286
00:13:15,188 --> 00:13:17,588
pretty much, uh, I come like, so Well,

287
00:13:17,858 --> 00:13:19,658
you're, you're Betty Cocker, essentially.

288
00:13:19,658 --> 00:13:19,838
I mean,

289
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:25,588
Betty Cocker, they call me the
queen of pen and an orgasm knot.

290
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:27,178
But I'll take Betty Cocker too.

291
00:13:27,678 --> 00:13:29,778
I started saying that you
write down these recipes

292
00:13:29,778 --> 00:13:30,408
and give,

293
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:30,468
I'm

294
00:13:30,468 --> 00:13:30,708
seal it out.

295
00:13:31,338 --> 00:13:32,298
So good.

296
00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:33,198
Betty Cocker.

297
00:13:33,198 --> 00:13:33,918
I love it.

298
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:37,478
You know, I, I found something
interesting that, that you had mentioned.

299
00:13:37,478 --> 00:13:43,898
So, at, at what age was it that you
started, uh, looking more into poly?

300
00:13:43,898 --> 00:13:46,778
That, that, that, that
transition started taking effect?

301
00:13:47,408 --> 00:13:49,358
42. 43. 44. Somewhere right in there.

302
00:13:50,048 --> 00:13:50,378
Yeah.

303
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:50,438
Yeah.

304
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:50,903
How, how about two

305
00:13:50,903 --> 00:13:51,543
decades ago,

306
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:54,128
how was the transition for you?

307
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:55,688
Was it, was it, was it difficult?

308
00:13:55,688 --> 00:13:56,708
Was it easy?

309
00:13:57,208 --> 00:14:01,308
Yes and yes all the time through the
whole thing for the last two decades.

310
00:14:01,338 --> 00:14:03,498
It's always difficult
and it's always easy.

311
00:14:03,588 --> 00:14:04,788
It's always both,

312
00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:05,838
I feel like.

313
00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:05,848
Yeah.

314
00:14:05,848 --> 00:14:08,358
And I feel like if you have the right
partner to do that with, and y'all

315
00:14:08,358 --> 00:14:10,278
are both communicating, it's great.

316
00:14:10,908 --> 00:14:12,168
Quick little intro.

317
00:14:12,438 --> 00:14:17,238
We, we were poly for five years
and I absolutely hated it.

318
00:14:18,228 --> 00:14:19,278
I did not like it.

319
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:19,308
I enjoyed it.

320
00:14:19,638 --> 00:14:22,818
Um, it was, we were not on the same page.

321
00:14:22,908 --> 00:14:22,968
Yeah.

322
00:14:23,508 --> 00:14:26,628
Um, I wasn't interested in
relationships like that.

323
00:14:27,108 --> 00:14:30,048
He's my third husband and I've
never dated anybody besides that.

324
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:30,798
Like I've, I've.

325
00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:34,893
Dated, got married, dated, got
married, dated, got married.

326
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:40,083
Um, so it was very difficult
for me and I just, I couldn't

327
00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:43,023
find the right center for that.

328
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,123
And so I just said, now
we're not doing this.

329
00:14:45,633 --> 00:14:48,603
But now that was what, five years

330
00:14:48,603 --> 00:14:48,693
ago?

331
00:14:48,693 --> 00:14:50,358
It was 2021 when we stopped.

332
00:14:50,358 --> 00:14:50,638
Yeah.

333
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:56,393
Now I'm in a different era in my life
that I, we get to talk to lots of people,

334
00:14:56,393 --> 00:14:57,833
you know, we have lots of mentors.

335
00:14:57,833 --> 00:15:00,713
So I get, I get bits and
pieces from everybody.

336
00:15:01,223 --> 00:15:02,543
I'm in menopause.

337
00:15:02,663 --> 00:15:07,943
I'm 40, you know, it's like
my, my sexual want is very

338
00:15:07,943 --> 00:15:09,863
different than it was last year.

339
00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:12,203
Like that's how fast it's going.

340
00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:13,133
Um, but.

341
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:16,903
Relationship wise, you know,
I just say, um, you can have

342
00:15:16,903 --> 00:15:18,068
friends with benefits and that's,

343
00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:19,663
that was our compromise because

344
00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:21,133
don't call it the key word.

345
00:15:21,223 --> 00:15:25,903
I really, I, I, I liked it was
pretty much my idea to do Paul.

346
00:15:26,353 --> 00:15:28,843
Uh, and that was something that
we had talked about for a while

347
00:15:28,843 --> 00:15:30,193
before we actually made the jump.

348
00:15:30,193 --> 00:15:33,403
We were already in the lifestyle
and I said, you know, I've got

349
00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:34,873
a lot of love to give, man.

350
00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:36,733
Like, I love everybody.

351
00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:39,493
And I just really wanted
to see what this was like.

352
00:15:39,493 --> 00:15:43,333
Plus she was bisexual and she had
never had a relationship with a woman.

353
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:46,543
And I was like, you know, we, let's knock
a few birds with a couple of stones here.

354
00:15:46,543 --> 00:15:46,603
Yeah.

355
00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:48,553
And see how this goes.

356
00:15:48,973 --> 00:15:55,123
Um, my, I enjoyed it because I got
to connect with people and that was

357
00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:56,773
my, I love connecting with people.

358
00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:58,213
It's the reason why I have this podcast.

359
00:15:58,303 --> 00:16:01,308
I get to connect with wonderful
people like yourself, but.

360
00:16:01,808 --> 00:16:04,748
The bummer about it was, and and
she'll, she'll straight up admit it.

361
00:16:04,958 --> 00:16:06,488
She, she made it miserable for me.

362
00:16:07,268 --> 00:16:07,298
Oh.

363
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:07,328
I was horrible.

364
00:16:07,328 --> 00:16:09,788
And she was, I, I don't like this,
so I'm gonna make this hard for you.

365
00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:10,328
I did.

366
00:16:10,418 --> 00:16:10,988
Um, I

367
00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:11,313
did.

368
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:11,553
And,

369
00:16:11,558 --> 00:16:12,668
and it was, it was tough.

370
00:16:12,668 --> 00:16:13,808
It was a tough five years.

371
00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:14,018
Today

372
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:14,873
I make everything hard.

373
00:16:15,313 --> 00:16:16,868
I mean, I can't, I can't

374
00:16:16,868 --> 00:16:17,138
help

375
00:16:17,138 --> 00:16:17,408
it.

376
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,098
That's true There.

377
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:18,158
I

378
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:18,993
can't help it

379
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:20,113
lying there.

380
00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:21,908
I make everything including Cox.

381
00:16:21,908 --> 00:16:22,118
That's right.

382
00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:22,628
That's

383
00:16:22,628 --> 00:16:23,078
right.

384
00:16:23,258 --> 00:16:24,368
She's very good at it.

385
00:16:25,298 --> 00:16:26,018
Two thumbs up.

386
00:16:26,738 --> 00:16:26,978
Maybe three.

387
00:16:26,978 --> 00:16:27,068
Now.

388
00:16:27,308 --> 00:16:32,138
Was your saying that was your
husband on the same page?

389
00:16:32,138 --> 00:16:35,948
Like were y'all always like, I feel
like Adam is always like six steps

390
00:16:35,948 --> 00:16:38,408
ahead of me where I have to be
like, hold on, I'm not there yet.

391
00:16:38,858 --> 00:16:39,608
Calm down.

392
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:44,168
Um, were y'all always on the same like
page and I mean, I know communication, but

393
00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:49,448
I feel like one is always, um, what's that
word that we use for, what do I call you?

394
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:50,558
Hypersexual than the other.

395
00:16:51,058 --> 00:16:56,398
I would say that there are, were all,
all, we've had so many permutations.

396
00:16:56,898 --> 00:17:00,128
Our relational expression.

397
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:07,148
I love the sound like a Californian
or what Jesus, the shit that comes

398
00:17:07,148 --> 00:17:11,708
outta my mouth when I'm with people
I can talk to, um, without, you know,

399
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:13,418
filtering or having to be perfect.

400
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:13,748
You,

401
00:17:13,748 --> 00:17:15,368
I don't have to say segs here we're good.

402
00:17:15,428 --> 00:17:16,568
Exactly.

403
00:17:17,018 --> 00:17:22,898
Um, there were times when,
uh, one of us was, wanted

404
00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:23,858
different things than the other.

405
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:29,558
There were times when the other person's
relationship was stressful for the other.

406
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:35,348
There were times when we were all
feeling super happy and aligned.

407
00:17:35,798 --> 00:17:39,788
Uh, there's been e
everything has happened.

408
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:45,033
Like, so all the, you can't be in
relationship with all these different

409
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:50,223
people over 20 years and not have Oh,
the good, the bad and the ugly happen.

410
00:17:50,523 --> 00:17:53,703
Um, but, but one of the
things about Tim and I is.

411
00:17:54,663 --> 00:17:58,713
We have this funny thing, so our last
name is Bratton, B-R-A-T-T-O-N, Bratton.

412
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:02,913
And we have a daughter, she's 29 Taylor,
and she's well aware of our poly, she's

413
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:04,683
been well aware of it since day one.

414
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:04,743
Yeah.

415
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:09,333
And um, she, we didn't say much.

416
00:18:09,363 --> 00:18:13,533
I think she was like 21 when she said,
mom, are you and dad an open relationship?

417
00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:16,863
And I said, yeah, we're, and
she goes, yeah, I thought so.

418
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:17,498
And that was it.

419
00:18:17,743 --> 00:18:19,413
Like she doesn't give a shit, you know?

420
00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:19,593
Yeah.

421
00:18:19,623 --> 00:18:21,213
She just ha she just
loves her mom and dad.

422
00:18:21,288 --> 00:18:21,578
Yeah.

423
00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:21,723
Yeah.

424
00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:22,413
We're happy.

425
00:18:22,473 --> 00:18:25,893
But we, this thing in our family,
and we call this little saying, we

426
00:18:25,893 --> 00:18:28,983
call it Bratten, family prevails.

427
00:18:29,523 --> 00:18:33,723
And whenever the odds are
against us, we just try really

428
00:18:33,723 --> 00:18:35,223
fucking hard to fix things.

429
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:38,013
We, we, we work through things.

430
00:18:38,013 --> 00:18:43,083
We face our fears, we face our foibles,
we face our imperfections, we talk it out.

431
00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:47,903
Come together and try our
damnedest to go for things.

432
00:18:48,263 --> 00:18:51,953
And that's our mentality and our
relationship and it's our mentality and

433
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:57,533
our family relationship as well where
we just, Hey, this is what life is.

434
00:18:57,653 --> 00:19:02,033
If you can't work through stuff like,
you know, so in it to win it, lifetime

435
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:10,223
partners deal with what is reality based
relationship conversations, total honesty,

436
00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:14,773
uh, bitter with a sweet, you know, like

437
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:15,028
Yeah, yeah.

438
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:15,043
All

439
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:15,953
that stuff.

440
00:19:16,218 --> 00:19:17,433
That's how, it's

441
00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:18,623
what it takes.

442
00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:22,248
And, you know, for, for us, with,
with the poly situation, you know,

443
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:25,668
she, she hated it so much when she
finally came out with it and she was

444
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:26,898
like, I don't wanna do this anymore.

445
00:19:27,348 --> 00:19:30,018
Um, it's always been my policy is.

446
00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:33,288
If one of us says we have a
problem and we don't wanna do this

447
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:34,968
anymore, we walk away from it.

448
00:19:35,148 --> 00:19:37,068
You know, our relationship's
always the priority.

449
00:19:37,728 --> 00:19:41,328
Uh, and so I was able to put that
on the back end, that want for poly.

450
00:19:41,328 --> 00:19:44,508
I, I just put it back and I said,
but what's the compromise here?

451
00:19:44,508 --> 00:19:46,698
Because I need that connection.

452
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:49,998
I need to feel that in order
to even get sexually aroused.

453
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:50,358
Yeah.

454
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:55,308
And so the compromise was basically
the friends with benefits, uh,

455
00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:57,108
situation where I can pursue that.

456
00:19:57,108 --> 00:20:02,178
I can connect with other people either
as a couple or one-on-one, and I

457
00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:05,183
can have regular, ongoing, uh, fun.

458
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:05,583
Mm-hmm.

459
00:20:05,748 --> 00:20:07,368
You know, that, that whole way.

460
00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:07,458
Yeah.

461
00:20:07,788 --> 00:20:10,878
And so that's, that's worked
for me and I think that that

462
00:20:10,878 --> 00:20:12,648
works relatively well for us.

463
00:20:12,888 --> 00:20:13,008
Yeah.

464
00:20:13,068 --> 00:20:17,228
Um, but yeah, I, I, I, I, you
know, we've talked about it.

465
00:20:17,228 --> 00:20:21,068
I said, you know, Polly would be,
that would be a fun thing to try.

466
00:20:21,518 --> 00:20:22,418
And it would, it would be great.

467
00:20:22,418 --> 00:20:26,078
But I'm a very territorial.

468
00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:29,843
Very jealous woman, even in the lifestyle.

469
00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:34,763
I just am, I'm a very, um, controlling,
I'm a very controlling person and I'm

470
00:20:34,763 --> 00:20:36,563
very controlling with my relationship.

471
00:20:36,953 --> 00:20:39,623
Um, I'm submissive in the bed and I
always tell everybody that I'm submissive

472
00:20:39,623 --> 00:20:43,463
to him in the bed, but outside of the
bed, I am not, like, it's very hard.

473
00:20:43,463 --> 00:20:49,593
Like we are, we're great, we're a great
team, but I am the controlling one

474
00:20:50,043 --> 00:20:51,153
and I'm the easygoing one.

475
00:20:51,573 --> 00:20:51,663
Mm-hmm.

476
00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:54,303
So I'm just like, Hey, you know
what, it, it between the two

477
00:20:54,303 --> 00:20:55,803
of us, I can go with the flow.

478
00:20:56,073 --> 00:20:56,133
Yeah.

479
00:20:56,133 --> 00:20:59,943
This is, this means more to you
than it does to me, so go for it.

480
00:21:00,003 --> 00:21:01,203
You know, I'll follow your lead.

481
00:21:01,713 --> 00:21:06,273
And one of the things that when Pris,
when you're talking and you say, you make

482
00:21:06,273 --> 00:21:10,833
these declarative statements about who
you are and the way you are, my mind, when

483
00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:16,733
you're, when you finish that sentence, my
mind goes right now because wherever you

484
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,413
are isn't not where you're gonna be in.

485
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:23,138
A year in five years and 10 years, you
know, we, we run through a life of sexual

486
00:21:23,138 --> 00:21:25,598
maturation and relationship maturation.

487
00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:34,358
And you may well feel like your kind
of base state is, um, submissive in

488
00:21:34,358 --> 00:21:40,118
the bedroom until you get to the point
where you start to get a level of sexual

489
00:21:40,118 --> 00:21:48,278
confidence and enough skills that you also
want to, to be the one who is in control.

490
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,168
And you enjoy that.

491
00:21:50,468 --> 00:21:55,958
And then over time as you do
that, you become kind of, you can

492
00:21:55,958 --> 00:22:00,728
switch back and forth and that
that switch moves very easily.

493
00:22:01,238 --> 00:22:07,988
And then you kind of can move into a
flow state where there is no surrender,

494
00:22:07,988 --> 00:22:10,598
submissive dominant in control.

495
00:22:10,598 --> 00:22:15,878
It's, um, much more fluid and dynamic and.

496
00:22:15,953 --> 00:22:17,843
Uh, very flow.

497
00:22:18,653 --> 00:22:22,643
And then it seems to me like I, and
I've looked over the arc, the arc of

498
00:22:22,643 --> 00:22:24,923
many people's lives with regard to this.

499
00:22:24,923 --> 00:22:26,963
This is what's nice about being old.

500
00:22:27,683 --> 00:22:31,463
Um, you have some wisdom and some
perspective and some experience,

501
00:22:31,463 --> 00:22:35,273
and I think you move from being
switchy to being in a flow state.

502
00:22:35,873 --> 00:22:42,583
And then you can become, you
can get to places of ecstatic

503
00:22:42,643 --> 00:22:44,923
co-creative bliss together.

504
00:22:45,253 --> 00:22:48,043
Like that seems like it comes next.

505
00:22:48,703 --> 00:22:56,493
And then you can get beyond that to
connecting to and choose your word here,

506
00:22:56,583 --> 00:23:02,133
God, source, consciousness, Gaia, whatever
you might wanna do, you, you know,

507
00:23:02,633 --> 00:23:07,363
intimacy into connection to who we are.

508
00:23:08,338 --> 00:23:09,238
The universe.

509
00:23:09,928 --> 00:23:11,698
I don't know what's beyond that.

510
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:12,148
That's

511
00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:12,478
right.

512
00:23:12,508 --> 00:23:15,298
The level that I've
achieved now, I don't know.

513
00:23:15,298 --> 00:23:20,728
I wanna know what's past that and
I'm waiting to find out patiently.

514
00:23:21,208 --> 00:23:27,588
Um, so right now you wanna be surrendered
in the bedroom, but you won't forever.

515
00:23:28,218 --> 00:23:28,968
That's just where you are now.

516
00:23:29,003 --> 00:23:29,203
Yeah.

517
00:23:29,383 --> 00:23:34,488
And you might feel controlling
now, but you won't be forever.

518
00:23:34,698 --> 00:23:35,208
Very true.

519
00:23:35,208 --> 00:23:37,488
'cause I was way more
controlling I last week.

520
00:23:37,493 --> 00:23:38,268
Yeah, last week.

521
00:23:38,268 --> 00:23:38,868
Last week.

522
00:23:38,868 --> 00:23:38,958
As

523
00:23:38,958 --> 00:23:39,348
opposed

524
00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:42,043
to, she's literally my
point to say makes changes.

525
00:23:42,043 --> 00:23:42,373
There you

526
00:23:42,648 --> 00:23:42,978
go.

527
00:23:43,338 --> 00:23:43,498
You, you're not.

528
00:23:43,833 --> 00:23:50,198
It's very, it's, um, it is, it's a
And our libidos don't match sometimes.

529
00:23:50,198 --> 00:23:50,498
Right.

530
00:23:50,498 --> 00:23:56,558
Because I am very, um, with menopause, I
do go through my little waves of sometimes

531
00:23:56,558 --> 00:23:58,358
I'm, I'm in the mood, sometimes I'm not.

532
00:23:58,628 --> 00:24:01,718
So when I say like submissive,
it's, if I'm not in the mood, I'm

533
00:24:01,718 --> 00:24:03,138
still gonna give it up, you know?

534
00:24:03,998 --> 00:24:06,278
Because his libido is
way higher than mine.

535
00:24:06,698 --> 00:24:11,248
Um, I tr I'm, I'm getting
better at it, but it is kind

536
00:24:11,248 --> 00:24:12,748
of, that's our little thing.

537
00:24:12,748 --> 00:24:14,548
Like we just, I don't know.

538
00:24:14,668 --> 00:24:15,448
Like, I don't even know how to say it.

539
00:24:15,448 --> 00:24:15,628
Like,

540
00:24:16,348 --> 00:24:16,768
yeah, yeah.

541
00:24:16,768 --> 00:24:23,518
I mean, I, I can, I can go,
I can come a lot in one day.

542
00:24:23,578 --> 00:24:23,638
Yeah.

543
00:24:24,328 --> 00:24:29,398
Um, and so in, in a given day, on
average, we have sex about four

544
00:24:29,398 --> 00:24:33,508
times a day, twice in the morning,
twice in the afternoon or evening.

545
00:24:33,508 --> 00:24:34,588
And that's during the week.

546
00:24:34,828 --> 00:24:38,548
If it's on the weekend, which especially
now with the podcast and going to

547
00:24:38,548 --> 00:24:42,448
events and all, and the clubs and
everything, we're constantly having sex.

548
00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:43,768
So that's very fulfilled.

549
00:24:44,008 --> 00:24:46,738
But on top of all that,
I masturbate a lot.

550
00:24:46,738 --> 00:24:46,798
Yeah.

551
00:24:47,158 --> 00:24:48,868
Like eight to 10 times a day.

552
00:24:49,348 --> 00:24:52,678
Uh, sometimes more, sometimes
less, but that's average.

553
00:24:53,188 --> 00:24:55,888
Um, and I've always been like that.

554
00:24:56,248 --> 00:25:00,448
And the older I get,
that's not changed at all.

555
00:25:00,448 --> 00:25:00,658
Like.

556
00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:02,788
Seems to pretty much stay the same.

557
00:25:02,993 --> 00:25:06,808
I, I would've figured being as saturated
in the lifestyle because of the podcast

558
00:25:06,808 --> 00:25:09,808
and because of everything that we do,
I would've been like, it's like working

559
00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:11,668
at a pizza place when you love pizza.

560
00:25:11,998 --> 00:25:13,618
Uh, I think I'm gonna
take a break from it.

561
00:25:13,918 --> 00:25:14,128
Mm-hmm.

562
00:25:14,128 --> 00:25:16,978
That has yet to happen, and,
and we're working on ourselves.

563
00:25:16,978 --> 00:25:18,298
But I do like what you mentioned.

564
00:25:18,298 --> 00:25:20,398
It's like you have to find that place.

565
00:25:20,398 --> 00:25:20,728
Right.

566
00:25:20,758 --> 00:25:25,438
That I will say it's, it's
not boring in the bedroom.

567
00:25:25,438 --> 00:25:28,708
It's just, it could probably be better.

568
00:25:29,158 --> 00:25:30,928
It could probably be more exciting.

569
00:25:31,198 --> 00:25:32,158
I only have three moves

570
00:25:32,158 --> 00:25:33,928
because I don't, you're right.

571
00:25:33,928 --> 00:25:34,978
Like, I don't know.

572
00:25:34,978 --> 00:25:39,738
Very, I don't know how to find
that inner orgasm, that inner,

573
00:25:39,738 --> 00:25:41,748
like I am in my head all the time.

574
00:25:41,748 --> 00:25:41,808
Yeah.

575
00:25:41,808 --> 00:25:45,438
With mass, I have massive A DH, D. So if
I hear something, I'm already, I'm gone.

576
00:25:45,678 --> 00:25:47,928
If he's talking too much, I'm lost it.

577
00:25:48,468 --> 00:25:48,948
Um.

578
00:25:49,448 --> 00:25:49,838
Yeah.

579
00:25:49,838 --> 00:25:51,998
So I guess, is that what you teach people?

580
00:25:51,998 --> 00:25:56,168
Is that how you, you try to get
people to match at least their,

581
00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:57,608
I don't know what they want.

582
00:25:57,698 --> 00:25:59,408
Would that, would that be
a part of the biohacking?

583
00:25:59,408 --> 00:25:59,738
Yeah.

584
00:25:59,738 --> 00:26:00,698
Is that the biohacking?

585
00:26:00,698 --> 00:26:01,808
Because I wanna know what that is.

586
00:26:02,308 --> 00:26:06,328
You know, it's funny, I have started
to move away from the term bi sexual

587
00:26:06,328 --> 00:26:11,098
biohacking because I feel like it's
somewhat gotten co-opted by people

588
00:26:11,098 --> 00:26:12,928
who don't actually believe in science.

589
00:26:13,325 --> 00:26:18,635
Biohacking is essentially a
combination of sexual regenerative

590
00:26:18,635 --> 00:26:23,225
therapy all the way through to, um.

591
00:26:23,725 --> 00:26:28,135
Optimization of your genital
systems and your orgasmic capacity.

592
00:26:28,635 --> 00:26:35,325
So as people age, often men experience
a loss of firmness and ejaculatory.

593
00:26:35,325 --> 00:26:38,805
Fortitude and vol, seminal volume.

594
00:26:39,345 --> 00:26:44,625
And women experience a shrinking of
their clitoral and labial structures,

595
00:26:44,625 --> 00:26:52,425
the atrophy of their vaginal tissue, a
lowering of lubrication, um, incontinence.

596
00:26:52,425 --> 00:26:55,545
Both male and female bodies have a lot,
you know, can suffer from incontinence.

597
00:26:55,545 --> 00:27:00,225
Men can have prostate issues, um,
women can have, you know, atrophied

598
00:27:00,225 --> 00:27:03,795
clitoral structures which make
it difficult to achieve orgasm.

599
00:27:04,215 --> 00:27:08,745
Um, and so all these things can be
repaired and brought back to life.

600
00:27:08,745 --> 00:27:09,075
And even.

601
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,700
Be taken to the next level of
optimization through things like

602
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:19,210
nitric oxide supplementation, hormone
therapy, vacuum erection devices, uh,

603
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:26,680
acoustic wave treatments, red light
therapies, um, stem cells, uh, exosomes,

604
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,410
platelet rich plasma injections.

605
00:27:29,410 --> 00:27:34,180
I mean, there's just a, there's red
light photobiomodulation lasers.

606
00:27:34,180 --> 00:27:40,500
There's a lot of things that are kind of
at the intersection of longevity therapies

607
00:27:40,590 --> 00:27:47,280
and regenerative reparation types of
modalities that can keep you having

608
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:54,480
sex a lot longer and for every 10 years
that you can continue to have great sex.

609
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,030
And I really wanna call
it orgasmic intimacy, not

610
00:27:57,030 --> 00:27:58,650
necessarily just penetrative sex.

611
00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:02,490
As long as you can keep
having orgasmic intimacy.

612
00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:06,485
Every 10 years, you add a
couple of years onto your health

613
00:28:06,485 --> 00:28:08,315
span and your happiness span.

614
00:28:08,345 --> 00:28:10,355
I call that extending your sex span.

615
00:28:11,045 --> 00:28:16,435
And so we're built to have great
sex that gets better, improved

616
00:28:16,435 --> 00:28:18,595
orgasms till the day we die.

617
00:28:18,835 --> 00:28:23,220
We can have great sex until we're a
hundred years old, and it's just that

618
00:28:23,220 --> 00:28:29,570
we have fucked up food supply, a lot
of chemicals in our water, and yes, you

619
00:28:29,570 --> 00:28:31,850
know, all, all that we're sedentary.

620
00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:34,070
You know, there's a lot of things
that are working against us in

621
00:28:34,070 --> 00:28:40,370
our, in our culture today that do
tend to create problems for people.

622
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,450
But that is one of the things that I,
that I teach a lot, are all of these

623
00:28:44,450 --> 00:28:46,730
kind of intimate wellness treatments.

624
00:28:46,730 --> 00:28:49,610
Because if you wanna have good sex
that keeps getting better, there

625
00:28:49,610 --> 00:28:51,500
are three things to focus on.

626
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,470
One is intimate wellness.

627
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,650
And that really starts with, remember
at the beginning I said there's one

628
00:28:56,650 --> 00:29:02,260
thing that I've never given up on that
is a boundary and a practice in my

629
00:29:02,590 --> 00:29:08,860
consensual non-monogamous lifestyle,
uh, that I've never wavered from.

630
00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:14,490
And that is regular and
complete STI testing.

631
00:29:14,990 --> 00:29:22,790
And um, I am actually the chief
advocacy officer of Pro DX Health.

632
00:29:23,450 --> 00:29:28,670
They are the main testing
company for the adult industry.

633
00:29:28,910 --> 00:29:33,770
They are the main testing company
for Poly Swinger lifestyle.

634
00:29:33,770 --> 00:29:37,100
And they are also a mass market
direct to consumer brand.

635
00:29:37,790 --> 00:29:40,940
And they do at home STI test kits.

636
00:29:40,940 --> 00:29:43,640
So you get the test kits,
they send them to your house.

637
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,230
I'll have some send to
you if you'd like me to

638
00:29:45,230 --> 00:29:45,950
just Yes.

639
00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:46,070
Great.

640
00:29:46,070 --> 00:29:47,510
I just saw something like that.

641
00:29:47,510 --> 00:29:48,230
That's amazing.

642
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,630
There's some really crappy ones out there.

643
00:29:50,630 --> 00:29:52,910
So that's why I like Pro DX Health.

644
00:29:52,910 --> 00:29:55,580
I'm saying their name again on your
show because they're really good.

645
00:29:56,060 --> 00:30:02,270
And, um, like for example, the
tests that they send, you don't

646
00:30:02,270 --> 00:30:04,820
have to go to a Quest or a LabCorp.

647
00:30:04,820 --> 00:30:07,190
You don't have to get a
blood draw, no needles, no.

648
00:30:07,250 --> 00:30:09,860
You just put this little thing,
this little tasso collector on

649
00:30:09,860 --> 00:30:12,050
your arm, it collects the sample.

650
00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:17,420
You send it back, you get the results on
your phone, one piece of one quote unquote

651
00:30:17,420 --> 00:30:19,160
screen, not a piece of paper anymore.

652
00:30:19,580 --> 00:30:24,830
And, um, you can share it easily with
your lovers and all that kind of stuff.

653
00:30:24,830 --> 00:30:30,740
And they test for even some things
that most labs never test for, like

654
00:30:30,770 --> 00:30:36,260
Mycoplasma Genitalium, which is
having a big resurgence right now.

655
00:30:36,260 --> 00:30:40,940
And the problem with Mgen
is that it's slow growing.

656
00:30:41,450 --> 00:30:44,660
So if you're with multiple partners,
you won't know who gave it to you and.

657
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,060
It is antibiotic resistant,
certain strains of it.

658
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:51,070
So you must test it correctly.

659
00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:55,300
And if you have to take the
antibiotic for the antibiotic

660
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:59,650
resistant strain of mgen, it's called
Mxi Floy, which is a funny thing.

661
00:31:00,150 --> 00:31:02,820
It can cause tendon ruptures.

662
00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:06,870
Like you can break your
Achilles tendon from taking that

663
00:31:06,930 --> 00:31:07,020
What

664
00:31:07,380 --> 00:31:08,280
antibiotic.

665
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:08,340
Wow.

666
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,290
So you do not wanna get that shit.

667
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:11,370
No way.

668
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:18,690
And so one of the things that we've
always done is we've, if someone wants

669
00:31:18,690 --> 00:31:23,000
to be sexually active in our poly
with one of us, both of us, three

670
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,630
of us, whatever it might be, in any
configuration, I'm currently in a

671
00:31:26,630 --> 00:31:31,610
relationship right now with my husband,
my boyfriend of five years, and myself.

672
00:31:31,610 --> 00:31:33,200
There's just the three of us right now.

673
00:31:33,770 --> 00:31:36,530
They're both straight, but
we have a lot of threesomes.

674
00:31:36,530 --> 00:31:38,600
I like threesomes with two men.

675
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,580
I like to get done super well.

676
00:31:41,315 --> 00:31:42,965
And so I love that.

677
00:31:43,385 --> 00:31:46,020
Oh God, it is so nice for me, Susan.

678
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:46,700
You know,

679
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:47,340
forget it.

680
00:31:47,495 --> 00:31:49,775
Lemme tell you now you're
gonna be in the Spain bank.

681
00:31:50,375 --> 00:31:54,605
You're, you're, you're a sex expert
and you are mega hot, which I, I'm

682
00:31:54,605 --> 00:31:58,475
sorry, but I think that's, that those
two should really go hand in hand.

683
00:31:58,475 --> 00:32:00,725
Like, I would love to
learn so much from you.

684
00:32:00,725 --> 00:32:01,355
So I'm digging this,

685
00:32:01,825 --> 00:32:02,335
i'm so glad.

686
00:32:02,335 --> 00:32:02,815
Thank you.

687
00:32:02,815 --> 00:32:05,095
I, I mean, how could a
sex expert not be hot?

688
00:32:05,095 --> 00:32:06,205
You like agreed.

689
00:32:06,415 --> 00:32:08,935
I don't think you're like a good
sex expert if you're not hot.

690
00:32:09,205 --> 00:32:11,605
But the hot, I mean, I
is so many things that

691
00:32:11,605 --> 00:32:14,005
Dr. Ruth was wonderful,
but she did not have what

692
00:32:14,005 --> 00:32:14,080
you had.

693
00:32:14,455 --> 00:32:16,045
She was definitely a pussy dryer.

694
00:32:16,645 --> 00:32:19,135
So, but she was right for her time.

695
00:32:19,135 --> 00:32:21,895
She made it more safe, you
know, she did, she said she did.

696
00:32:21,895 --> 00:32:22,795
She's a doctor and all that stuff.

697
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:23,000
Got Hey.

698
00:32:23,020 --> 00:32:23,515
She, she said what

699
00:32:23,515 --> 00:32:24,775
people didn't wanna say

700
00:32:24,940 --> 00:32:25,240
she did.

701
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,015
I mean, she, she talked about things
that people did not wanna talk about.

702
00:32:28,345 --> 00:32:29,155
Exactly.

703
00:32:29,335 --> 00:32:29,455
Yeah.

704
00:32:29,455 --> 00:32:30,445
We're so, we're so lucky.

705
00:32:30,445 --> 00:32:34,615
We have podcasts now like yours
that are so much more helpful.

706
00:32:35,575 --> 00:32:36,235
Um,

707
00:32:36,265 --> 00:32:36,535
back to

708
00:32:36,535 --> 00:32:36,655
the

709
00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:37,225
threesomes.

710
00:32:37,615 --> 00:32:38,305
It is.

711
00:32:38,305 --> 00:32:38,455
Yeah.

712
00:32:38,455 --> 00:32:41,965
We can go back to the, but I just do
wanna say that one of the things we do

713
00:32:41,965 --> 00:32:47,785
is we ask people to be abstinent from
other partners, or if they're with

714
00:32:47,785 --> 00:32:50,155
partners, those partners get tested too.

715
00:32:50,545 --> 00:32:56,455
And that those partners have no other
partners besides whoever's been tested in.

716
00:32:57,025 --> 00:33:00,325
So, um, for 90 days before.

717
00:33:00,865 --> 00:33:01,435
Wow.

718
00:33:01,555 --> 00:33:02,755
I love that.

719
00:33:03,050 --> 00:33:03,895
That is amazing.

720
00:33:03,895 --> 00:33:07,915
That's how careful we are because I'm
not that interested in fucking around.

721
00:33:08,335 --> 00:33:15,445
I like long-term sex with people
that gets hotter and hotter and I, as

722
00:33:15,445 --> 00:33:18,865
long as I don't put my mouth on their
genitals or have genital, genital

723
00:33:18,895 --> 00:33:23,035
genital to genital contact, I can still
have hot sex for 90 days with them.

724
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:28,090
And then that gives them a chance
and you a chance to go the distance,

725
00:33:28,090 --> 00:33:31,840
see if you like them, see if you
show up together, see how it goes,

726
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:33,610
see if you're willing to wait.

727
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:34,625
That's such a great role, et cetera.

728
00:33:34,660 --> 00:33:39,070
And there have been times when I've made
some, you know, like I've been like,

729
00:33:39,070 --> 00:33:43,780
all right, I'll, I'll do a 30 day, but
then I gotta get tested 60 days after

730
00:33:43,780 --> 00:33:46,000
that and another 30 days after that.

731
00:33:46,030 --> 00:33:52,660
Because the incubation period of a lot
of STIs is longer than 30 days, right?

732
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,210
It's 60 days, some 90 days.

733
00:33:55,510 --> 00:34:00,880
So it just requires more testing
and it opens up potential for

734
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:02,080
getting something I don't wanna get.

735
00:34:02,590 --> 00:34:08,595
And I don't wanna get anything else
because over the decades I've had, I,

736
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:13,140
I was given herpes two, I already had
herpes one from my mother kissing me.

737
00:34:13,140 --> 00:34:19,215
I have herpes two from a. Boyfriend who
cheated on me before I was non-monogamous.

738
00:34:19,575 --> 00:34:25,365
I've gotten chlamydia, I've
gotten gonorrhea, um, I've gotten

739
00:34:25,365 --> 00:34:31,485
genital herpes, and this is long
before we had, uh, HPV shots, HPV

740
00:34:31,485 --> 00:34:33,645
vaccinations, which are fantastic.

741
00:34:34,065 --> 00:34:36,795
There's over 49 kinds of HPV now.

742
00:34:36,795 --> 00:34:38,205
I think they've accounted 49.

743
00:34:38,565 --> 00:34:40,755
I mean, so there's just
a lot of stuff out there.

744
00:34:40,755 --> 00:34:44,085
And the problem that I have
with it all personally is that.

745
00:34:44,730 --> 00:34:48,270
It adds up over the years, you know?

746
00:34:48,270 --> 00:34:49,380
So now what do I have?

747
00:34:49,380 --> 00:34:52,410
HSV one and HSV two, that's what I have.

748
00:34:52,410 --> 00:34:54,150
And I'll have them for
the rest of my life.

749
00:34:54,180 --> 00:34:59,790
And frankly, they create a higher
likelihood of Alzheimer's or dementia.

750
00:35:00,180 --> 00:35:04,950
They can create trigeminal
neuralgia and other neuropathies.

751
00:35:05,220 --> 00:35:09,720
So there's long-term downstream
effects to this bullshit that I just

752
00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:12,420
wanna minimize at all possible costs.

753
00:35:12,420 --> 00:35:13,920
Which is why you can tell why.

754
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,250
You can tell why I'm the chief advocacy
officer of an SDI testing company.

755
00:35:17,550 --> 00:35:19,380
'cause I know Yeah.

756
00:35:19,380 --> 00:35:20,880
What, what the problems are.

757
00:35:20,940 --> 00:35:28,730
And so I think this is something that's
very, very important in my poly and um, I

758
00:35:28,730 --> 00:35:33,650
just, I just think that's something where
I think people are woefully uneducated

759
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:38,300
even though we have such shitty.

760
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,150
Sex education.

761
00:35:40,150 --> 00:35:44,380
One of the things we do have is
this kind of like, you know, don't,

762
00:35:44,410 --> 00:35:49,120
you'll get STIs, but not enough
real, real world advice about how to

763
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:51,940
have good testing strategies for it.

764
00:35:52,570 --> 00:35:56,320
So I think that's the most important
thing, is to understand how to test,

765
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:01,630
when to test, what to test for frequency
of testing, how to manage what I

766
00:36:01,630 --> 00:36:05,380
call a fluid bonded group of lovers.

767
00:36:05,380 --> 00:36:06,580
We call it fluid bonded.

768
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:09,640
Where, and another word we, another
phrase we use is screened in.

769
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:10,720
We're screened in.

770
00:36:10,990 --> 00:36:14,440
So my partners, we're all screened
in together, we're fluid bonded.

771
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,990
We don't have to use condoms,
we can have unprotected sex.

772
00:36:16,990 --> 00:36:21,580
We're, because we all know that we're
not gonna be giving each other anything.

773
00:36:21,820 --> 00:36:26,530
And that's the level of safety and
security that I bring to my own relation,

774
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,970
you know, non consensual, non-monogamous
relationship management structure.

775
00:36:31,855 --> 00:36:34,375
That's a great agreement to have built in.

776
00:36:34,435 --> 00:36:34,705
Like, and

777
00:36:34,705 --> 00:36:35,130
because you know a

778
00:36:35,230 --> 00:36:36,450
lot, you have your own community that you

779
00:36:36,455 --> 00:36:36,775
Yeah.

780
00:36:36,775 --> 00:36:40,285
And a lot of people are embarrassed to
even talk about, like, yes, we have,

781
00:36:40,285 --> 00:36:42,585
we know people that have VHSV two.

782
00:36:42,585 --> 00:36:44,175
And, and yeah.

783
00:36:44,175 --> 00:36:49,815
And it's not like I was scared about it
when I first, first, first learned about

784
00:36:49,815 --> 00:36:54,945
it and I had to really like read and
educate myself and I was like, oh, wow.

785
00:36:55,485 --> 00:36:55,665
Yeah.

786
00:36:55,725 --> 00:36:56,295
Can imagine.

787
00:36:56,295 --> 00:36:59,480
There's so many people who
do not discuss it at all.

788
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,415
And I, I'm actually glad to, to
have you on Susan, because I,

789
00:37:03,255 --> 00:37:06,735
this whole conversation leads
into my, I, I want to do a show

790
00:37:06,735 --> 00:37:10,215
that's purely on just that, on TI.

791
00:37:10,485 --> 00:37:10,575
Mm-hmm.

792
00:37:10,575 --> 00:37:10,725
Yeah.

793
00:37:10,725 --> 00:37:11,935
Uh, STIs that are, that, that.

794
00:37:12,495 --> 00:37:18,210
You know, there's a lot of, uh, ignorance
regarding what's out there and Yeah.

795
00:37:18,285 --> 00:37:20,385
And how treatments and,
and things like that.

796
00:37:20,595 --> 00:37:22,995
So that's a whole nother
show that I want to dip into.

797
00:37:22,995 --> 00:37:23,115
Great.

798
00:37:23,445 --> 00:37:26,215
Uh, that maybe we could, we
could have you back on for Yes,

799
00:37:26,215 --> 00:37:27,570
he's, well, what we should do is have Dr.

800
00:37:27,570 --> 00:37:28,610
Randy Klink come on.

801
00:37:28,610 --> 00:37:28,810
Yes.

802
00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:33,195
Dr. Randy k He's, he's the founder
and creator of Prote X Health.

803
00:37:33,225 --> 00:37:39,135
He is the world's leading viral
viral expert on STIs right now.

804
00:37:39,555 --> 00:37:41,745
So, and he's wonderful.

805
00:37:42,245 --> 00:37:42,545
Is training.

806
00:37:43,445 --> 00:37:44,590
Incredible guy.

807
00:37:45,575 --> 00:37:48,990
So, yeah, I'll connect you guys
with, that'd be great, Dr. K Andy,

808
00:37:49,115 --> 00:37:49,925
that would be great.

809
00:37:49,925 --> 00:37:51,845
I, I would love to do
a whole show on that.

810
00:37:52,115 --> 00:37:54,755
Um, I would talk more about it here,
but I don't wanna take away from you,

811
00:37:55,205 --> 00:37:59,705
but, uh, I, I, the knowledge that
you just dropped there, because that,

812
00:37:59,705 --> 00:38:02,705
that's, I think that is so, uh, amazing.

813
00:38:03,185 --> 00:38:04,115
Uh, as far as.

814
00:38:04,745 --> 00:38:07,475
The fact that it's not just
something that you are telling

815
00:38:07,475 --> 00:38:09,575
other people, you are living this.

816
00:38:09,605 --> 00:38:10,025
Yeah.

817
00:38:10,085 --> 00:38:10,805
You know what I mean?

818
00:38:11,275 --> 00:38:15,625
We noticed that there are people
who are considered experts in this

819
00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:18,565
sort of field who don't live it.

820
00:38:18,565 --> 00:38:19,345
Mm-hmm.

821
00:38:19,445 --> 00:38:23,975
They, they know it as far as these
are the case studies, or this is what

822
00:38:23,975 --> 00:38:28,265
I read and this and that, but they
really, they don't live it anymore.

823
00:38:28,295 --> 00:38:28,355
Yeah.

824
00:38:28,655 --> 00:38:31,655
And, uh, so it's, it's really
nice to see that you Yeah.

825
00:38:31,655 --> 00:38:32,795
I mean, you're practicing it.

826
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:33,755
You're in, you're in the trenches.

827
00:38:33,755 --> 00:38:33,995
Yeah.

828
00:38:33,995 --> 00:38:34,805
That's amazing.

829
00:38:34,985 --> 00:38:38,495
Do you find it hard, I know that you have
your long-term partners, but did you find

830
00:38:38,495 --> 00:38:46,565
it hard getting, like, being so open about
it and finding partners to, to play with?

831
00:38:47,065 --> 00:38:52,345
And I think, um, one thing is that
I don't actually talk about my, my

832
00:38:52,345 --> 00:38:54,655
poly or open relationship very much.

833
00:38:54,655 --> 00:38:56,425
I'm always happy to talk about it.

834
00:38:56,425 --> 00:39:02,185
And I love to come on e and m
shows so I can really talk to my,

835
00:39:02,305 --> 00:39:04,405
my people, like minded people.

836
00:39:04,405 --> 00:39:04,465
Yeah.

837
00:39:04,765 --> 00:39:08,725
But I don't talk much about it to
the MOGs, to the straight, yeah.

838
00:39:09,175 --> 00:39:15,745
The straights because um, then they feel
like I'm trying to be prescriptive for

839
00:39:15,745 --> 00:39:19,915
them and then they don't like me and then
they judge me and they call me a slut

840
00:39:20,005 --> 00:39:21,985
and a Hart and a Jezebel Andwhatever.

841
00:39:22,220 --> 00:39:22,420
Yes.

842
00:39:22,705 --> 00:39:25,615
We are thinking very, all that stuff.

843
00:39:25,615 --> 00:39:27,115
And I'm like, you know, I just.

844
00:39:27,925 --> 00:39:32,065
I have a real compassionate heart for
people and I don't want to trigger anyone.

845
00:39:32,065 --> 00:39:39,415
So it's a pleasure to be able to talk to
the two of you in such a straightforward

846
00:39:39,415 --> 00:39:42,655
way because it's a big part of my life.

847
00:39:42,655 --> 00:39:43,075
And

848
00:39:43,165 --> 00:39:43,435
yeah,

849
00:39:43,465 --> 00:39:44,395
the joy that I have.

850
00:39:44,695 --> 00:39:49,285
I recently had a boyfriend for
about, I'm say, three or four months.

851
00:39:49,285 --> 00:39:53,125
He screened in, he hadn't been with
anybody for like eight months beforehand

852
00:39:53,125 --> 00:39:54,595
and I was like, oh, this is good.

853
00:39:54,595 --> 00:39:54,895
We got away.

854
00:39:54,895 --> 00:39:55,075
Perfect.

855
00:39:55,575 --> 00:39:59,775
And it was funny because I was at
a health event and I had met him.

856
00:40:00,045 --> 00:40:03,735
I had met him uh, the year before I'd
spoken at this health health event

857
00:40:04,215 --> 00:40:09,405
and we kind of had a little spark
and um, he gave me a hug goodbye.

858
00:40:09,435 --> 00:40:11,745
And my body remembered that hug.

859
00:40:12,435 --> 00:40:15,315
And when I went back to that event,
I was like, I wonder if that guy

860
00:40:15,315 --> 00:40:16,785
that gave me the hug will be here.

861
00:40:17,385 --> 00:40:19,995
And sure enough, he shows
right up in my field.

862
00:40:20,355 --> 00:40:20,535
Nice.

863
00:40:20,595 --> 00:40:26,025
And, um, ended up having dinner
with him and really liked him.

864
00:40:26,205 --> 00:40:33,165
And at the end of the event, I'm, I, I
was carrying my, my bag of thi things

865
00:40:33,165 --> 00:40:38,055
that I show on on the stage, sex toys
I like and, you know, all this stuff.

866
00:40:38,055 --> 00:40:40,875
And I had a couple of the
STI test kits in my bag.

867
00:40:40,875 --> 00:40:44,045
'cause I always talk about STIs
because it's a big part of longevity.

868
00:40:44,045 --> 00:40:46,025
Gotta, if you wanna live a long
time, you can't get a bunch of

869
00:40:46,265 --> 00:40:48,035
viruses and bacterias, you know.

870
00:40:48,535 --> 00:40:54,205
And I, and I was, I just said to
him, I am very interested in pursuing

871
00:40:54,205 --> 00:40:56,395
some intimate experiences with you.

872
00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,845
And he goes, me too.

873
00:41:00,345 --> 00:41:06,185
And I said, I have an STI kit here and
I would like you to take this STI kit.

874
00:41:06,590 --> 00:41:10,580
And if you send me the results
and uh, you ask me out, I'd

875
00:41:10,580 --> 00:41:11,480
like to have a date with you.

876
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:18,500
And we had quite a few dates over
the series of four months and it was

877
00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:24,640
really fun to be with someone who was
24 years younger than I. And he had,

878
00:41:24,940 --> 00:41:28,180
he had, interestingly, he had pretty
good stamina and you know, he had a,

879
00:41:28,330 --> 00:41:30,190
oh my God, he had a fantastic dick.

880
00:41:30,490 --> 00:41:35,110
I mean, I didn't even, had I known his
dick was that good, I'd have called him

881
00:41:35,350 --> 00:41:39,970
right after the first time he gave me a
hug because he had like a much, that's

882
00:41:39,970 --> 00:41:40,150
why

883
00:41:40,155 --> 00:41:40,495
his hug

884
00:41:40,495 --> 00:41:40,895
was so good.

885
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,075
Nice surprise.

886
00:41:42,225 --> 00:41:45,790
When he took of his clothes and
got an erection, I was like,

887
00:41:45,790 --> 00:41:48,550
girl, you got a sixth cents.

888
00:41:48,910 --> 00:41:50,530
Because I'm definitely a size queen.

889
00:41:50,530 --> 00:41:55,090
I'm a giant woman with a giant vagina that
likes to be completely filled up with cop.

890
00:41:55,630 --> 00:41:59,890
So I, um, I ended up having
a really good time with him.

891
00:42:00,390 --> 00:42:05,610
And it was fun to see what someone
in their forties knew and didn't know

892
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:06,900
and, you know, that kind of stuff.

893
00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:09,660
And, you know, just to be with
somebody fresh and different.

894
00:42:09,660 --> 00:42:14,070
And, um, my daddies who are in their
sixties, you know, my boyfriend and

895
00:42:14,070 --> 00:42:17,120
my husband, they, I own my sexuality.

896
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:20,630
They don't, and I was like, I wanna, I
wanna have experiences with this guy.

897
00:42:20,630 --> 00:42:23,030
And they're like, okay, enjoy
yourself as long as you do

898
00:42:23,030 --> 00:42:24,380
your s st i testing, you know?

899
00:42:24,380 --> 00:42:24,770
Great.

900
00:42:25,310 --> 00:42:29,300
And I encourage my partners to
have those same experiences.

901
00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:31,670
So what's good for the goose
is good for the gander, no

902
00:42:31,670 --> 00:42:33,050
problem at all with any of that.

903
00:42:33,050 --> 00:42:37,010
When people come, when people swim by
and they're interested, if they can

904
00:42:37,010 --> 00:42:41,840
fluid bond in, I want them to have those
experiences for however long they last.

905
00:42:42,650 --> 00:42:49,520
But if it doesn't, if I don't like
the person I am still, I, I feel

906
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:54,950
like I, I, everybody has ultimate
veto power in the relationship where.

907
00:42:55,685 --> 00:43:01,265
If one of the partners is with someone
that isn't good to them or is hoodwinking

908
00:43:01,265 --> 00:43:06,965
them or is dangerous in some way, or
is not trustworthy or whatever, the

909
00:43:06,965 --> 00:43:09,845
others get to say, no, not this one.

910
00:43:10,445 --> 00:43:10,775
Right.

911
00:43:10,775 --> 00:43:15,695
So we do, we do have, you know,
right of refusal in our relationship,

912
00:43:15,875 --> 00:43:17,645
which not all poly people do.

913
00:43:18,425 --> 00:43:20,855
Poly people, I say a lot of
people, they consider it toxic.

914
00:43:20,855 --> 00:43:22,295
It is so frowned upon.

915
00:43:22,295 --> 00:43:24,095
I, I posted something about that.

916
00:43:24,095 --> 00:43:24,935
I was like, I have veto.

917
00:43:24,935 --> 00:43:26,045
I can tell my husband no.

918
00:43:26,075 --> 00:43:26,165
Yes.

919
00:43:26,165 --> 00:43:27,005
I don't like that person.

920
00:43:27,005 --> 00:43:27,545
I'm sorry.

921
00:43:27,905 --> 00:43:28,025
Yeah.

922
00:43:28,025 --> 00:43:29,555
And they're like, well,
you can't tell him.

923
00:43:29,795 --> 00:43:31,895
But I can, I do.

924
00:43:31,895 --> 00:43:32,910
Because that's, that's,

925
00:43:32,910 --> 00:43:32,930
that's our

926
00:43:33,270 --> 00:43:33,550
agreement.

927
00:43:33,550 --> 00:43:34,150
That's our agreement.

928
00:43:34,290 --> 00:43:39,095
You know, I mean, for, for people to
label, you know, our, our way as toxic.

929
00:43:39,095 --> 00:43:40,835
It's like, well that's, come on.

930
00:43:40,955 --> 00:43:42,605
You know, this is what works
for, it's our, A works for us.

931
00:43:43,025 --> 00:43:43,355
Yes,

932
00:43:43,415 --> 00:43:43,985
exactly.

933
00:43:44,525 --> 00:43:47,615
That's, that's interesting because the.

934
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:53,570
NREI mean, new relationship energy really
kind of blocks you from seeing a lot

935
00:43:53,570 --> 00:43:55,550
of things that other people will see.

936
00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:55,640
Mm-hmm.

937
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,810
And that's one thing that we agreed on
when we were Polly, was I was that person

938
00:43:59,810 --> 00:44:03,680
that I would get involved with someone
and I would see nothing but green flags,

939
00:44:04,010 --> 00:44:06,290
and I didn't know the color red at all.

940
00:44:06,830 --> 00:44:11,660
And she would, I, I would always have her
meet whoever my partner was at that time.

941
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:17,240
And sh at first when we were
first navigating Polly, she would

942
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:20,570
just straight out say, uh, yeah,
that bitch ain't no good for you.

943
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:21,050
Yep.

944
00:44:21,140 --> 00:44:24,500
And, and I would tell her,
I'd say, you know, you're just

945
00:44:24,530 --> 00:44:26,240
being the protective wife.

946
00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:31,250
Like you're, I, I know that you're not
into poly, and so I feel like you're kind

947
00:44:31,250 --> 00:44:33,260
of sabotaging this by telling me this.

948
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:37,430
And then as time went on, I
started realizing she's right.

949
00:44:37,460 --> 00:44:39,530
Like every time she's voiced that opinion,

950
00:44:40,190 --> 00:44:41,240
she's got a good sense of it.

951
00:44:41,660 --> 00:44:42,470
She does.

952
00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:47,000
And so I would sit down and I would really
start looking without the rose colored

953
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,670
glasses at what she was referring to.

954
00:44:50,210 --> 00:44:54,050
And I was going, okay, so it's
not her being the jealous wife.

955
00:44:54,140 --> 00:44:54,380
Yeah.

956
00:44:54,590 --> 00:44:56,600
It's her actually looking out for me.

957
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:57,050
Good job,

958
00:44:57,050 --> 00:44:57,170
Pris.

959
00:44:57,170 --> 00:45:02,390
And once I realized that, then I started
recognizing red flags a lot sooner.

960
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:02,690
Yeah.

961
00:45:02,780 --> 00:45:06,410
Uh, which I apply to us now, and
the friends with benefits and

962
00:45:06,410 --> 00:45:09,440
everything, like, and that was,
that was a great lesson learned.

963
00:45:09,470 --> 00:45:09,770
Yeah.

964
00:45:09,890 --> 00:45:12,020
Is to listen to my wife.

965
00:45:12,590 --> 00:45:12,800
Yeah.

966
00:45:12,890 --> 00:45:13,070
Yeah.

967
00:45:13,070 --> 00:45:15,680
And I'm the, I'm the
real, I'm, I'm cynical.

968
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:17,060
I don't, I don't trust anybody

969
00:45:17,210 --> 00:45:18,110
and I trust everybody

970
00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:18,755
and I love everybody.

971
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,980
I'm trying to let that go, but I'm
like, Hmm, no, I'll just kind of leave

972
00:45:21,980 --> 00:45:23,720
it in my pocket every time I need it.

973
00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:28,010
Um, but yeah, it's, it's, uh,
the flowy part of it is very,

974
00:45:28,190 --> 00:45:29,810
I value her opinion.

975
00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:31,250
So like, even, even.

976
00:45:31,670 --> 00:45:35,420
In the past couple days, there's,
there's somebody on, uh, you know,

977
00:45:35,420 --> 00:45:39,410
we're on that, uh, app three fund, and
there's somebody that I'm talking to

978
00:45:39,410 --> 00:45:41,660
right now that I'm looking to possibly,

979
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:43,960
I think at this point in my life, I'm

980
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,460
trying to not be the controlling person.

981
00:45:45,460 --> 00:45:45,670
Yeah.

982
00:45:45,670 --> 00:45:47,320
So she's trying to relinquish that.

983
00:45:47,380 --> 00:45:51,550
But me personally, I,
I want that approval.

984
00:45:51,580 --> 00:45:55,030
I wanna know that she sees everything.

985
00:45:55,030 --> 00:45:55,690
Okay.

986
00:45:56,105 --> 00:45:58,540
And, and she's, she's
like, okay, you know what?

987
00:45:58,540 --> 00:46:02,620
I don't see any problems with this because
she has a really great success about that.

988
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:03,100
Yeah.

989
00:46:03,106 --> 00:46:07,150
That's, um, so I've learned to trust,
uh, trust her opinions, and, and

990
00:46:07,150 --> 00:46:08,890
that's been a, a great lesson learned.

991
00:46:08,950 --> 00:46:09,160
Yeah.

992
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:09,760
Yeah, it has.

993
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,480
Now, Susan, I'm, I'm curious about
something, because I did a little

994
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,700
bit of research, uh, beforehand.

995
00:46:16,150 --> 00:46:18,910
There was some things
that had stuck out to me.

996
00:46:18,915 --> 00:46:18,955
Mm-hmm.

997
00:46:19,175 --> 00:46:19,395
Um.

998
00:46:20,305 --> 00:46:21,895
The expanded orgasm.

999
00:46:21,955 --> 00:46:22,465
Yeah.

1000
00:46:22,735 --> 00:46:24,715
Can can you, can you tell us about that?

1001
00:46:25,015 --> 00:46:25,645
Yeah, sure.

1002
00:46:26,145 --> 00:46:31,395
Uh, expanded orgasm is a lineage that I
carry on from my mentor, Dr. Patty Taylor.

1003
00:46:32,115 --> 00:46:37,755
She was a part of the Moore University
Moorehouse, um, school of clit stroking

1004
00:46:37,755 --> 00:46:44,025
with Susie and Victor Barranco, Ray Vetter
Linein here in Marin in the seventies.

1005
00:46:44,925 --> 00:46:52,745
And, uh, she basically created
an online program that captured

1006
00:46:53,245 --> 00:46:56,785
the five strokes of the clitoral
stroking technique of expanded

1007
00:46:56,785 --> 00:47:01,725
orgasm, and wrote a, a little book.

1008
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:04,980
That has 21 erotic play dates.

1009
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,390
They're called sandbox dates.

1010
00:47:06,390 --> 00:47:10,740
That's her terminology that couples
can use so they can learn the basic

1011
00:47:10,740 --> 00:47:16,110
strokes and then they can do these
different play dates in any order to

1012
00:47:16,230 --> 00:47:21,930
bolster their skills together, both
in having an expanded orgasm practice

1013
00:47:21,930 --> 00:47:29,010
as well as just generally being great
lovers together and expanded orgasms.

1014
00:47:29,010 --> 00:47:35,790
If you think about one orgasm, the orgasm
that we in America think about really

1015
00:47:35,790 --> 00:47:43,710
came from the masters in the work of
Masters and Johnson, where they looked

1016
00:47:43,710 --> 00:47:49,380
at orgasm with the kind of like climbing
up to the climax and then dropping

1017
00:47:49,380 --> 00:47:51,300
off the cliff, the refractory period.

1018
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:57,870
That is the the look and feel
of a male ejaculatory orgasm.

1019
00:47:58,290 --> 00:48:03,600
And men can have full body energy
orgasms without ejaculation.

1020
00:48:04,230 --> 00:48:08,190
They've just conflated
ejaculation with orgasm.

1021
00:48:08,190 --> 00:48:11,340
And that's what you see in porn and that's
what you see in movies and television.

1022
00:48:11,340 --> 00:48:12,990
So that's what you think an orgasm is.

1023
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,070
More and more men are beginning to
understand, men who follow Daoist

1024
00:48:17,070 --> 00:48:21,540
practices and things like that are
beginning to understand that they can

1025
00:48:21,540 --> 00:48:25,950
become massively multiorgasmic and
that they can come in over 20 different

1026
00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:31,710
ways, just like the female bodied of
us, the ho homo, sapien, the, the human.

1027
00:48:32,460 --> 00:48:36,060
Um, we have unlimited orgasmic capacity.

1028
00:48:36,060 --> 00:48:39,960
We can come from locations,
erogenous zones on our body.

1029
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:44,250
We can come from techniques such
as an expanded orgasm practice.

1030
00:48:44,310 --> 00:48:46,740
Um, erotic hypnosis is another one.

1031
00:48:46,740 --> 00:48:48,330
Female ejaculation is another one.

1032
00:48:48,900 --> 00:48:52,860
And we can come from pleasure,
toys, tools, et cetera.

1033
00:48:52,860 --> 00:48:53,940
It could be anything from.

1034
00:48:54,690 --> 00:49:04,010
Eim candle wax, kink, tantra, bondage, you
know, latex sex, toys, floggers, whatever.

1035
00:49:04,010 --> 00:49:05,930
You know, those are objects of desire.

1036
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,480
And so we're massively orgasmic.

1037
00:49:08,540 --> 00:49:14,150
And what most people think about orgasm
is just the little sneezy type of thing.

1038
00:49:14,150 --> 00:49:16,100
You know, the one and done right?

1039
00:49:16,790 --> 00:49:19,700
Like a lot of women will say, oh,
I can't come from intercourse.

1040
00:49:19,700 --> 00:49:26,180
I can only come from, you know, oral,
or I can only come from intercourse,

1041
00:49:26,180 --> 00:49:29,120
or I can only come from clit strokes,
or I can only come from a vibrator.

1042
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,620
I can only come from my air stimulator.

1043
00:49:30,620 --> 00:49:32,210
I can only come with a finger up my ass.

1044
00:49:32,210 --> 00:49:32,840
I can only go.

1045
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:38,470
And my answer to that is yet, like you
just haven't learned the new pathways.

1046
00:49:38,470 --> 00:49:42,970
And so expanded orgasm, it
takes that kind of one and done

1047
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,490
moment and it goes beyond that.

1048
00:49:45,490 --> 00:49:49,270
It go, you go from there
to becoming multi-orgasmic.

1049
00:49:49,270 --> 00:49:50,740
I can come two or three times.

1050
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:53,940
Can become, you can start
to have extended orgasms.

1051
00:49:53,970 --> 00:49:58,800
Oh, I can go into an orgasmic climax
and I can actually take that moment

1052
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,630
of time and and, and stretch it out.

1053
00:50:00,630 --> 00:50:04,050
So I can come like cu for
have a real long come.

1054
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:09,810
Okay, now I can, I can take each one
of those long combs and I can stack

1055
00:50:09,810 --> 00:50:11,550
them and make them more intense.

1056
00:50:11,550 --> 00:50:13,290
And that's what expanded orgasms are.

1057
00:50:13,710 --> 00:50:18,660
It's a clitoral stroking practice that's
very light touch right on the clitoris.

1058
00:50:18,690 --> 00:50:22,830
It's had many names, the
butterfly effect extended massive

1059
00:50:22,830 --> 00:50:25,140
orgasm orgasmic meditation.

1060
00:50:25,140 --> 00:50:27,690
There's a lot of people
who have versions of it.

1061
00:50:28,170 --> 00:50:31,170
Dr. Pat's version of expanded
orgasm is the classic.

1062
00:50:31,650 --> 00:50:37,520
Couple based clitoral stroking practice
that allows her partner to take her

1063
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:43,670
into ecstatic states of orgasmic bliss
and intensity that go on and on and on.

1064
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,750
She could come for hours, but
you don't wanna come that long

1065
00:50:47,750 --> 00:50:51,440
'cause you get tired and you get
fucked brain for hours afterward.

1066
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:55,430
And you need to take a drink of water
and eat something and take a rest, right?

1067
00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:57,920
But we can come for hours and
hours and hours and hours.

1068
00:50:58,310 --> 00:51:00,650
So that's what expanded orgasm is.

1069
00:51:00,650 --> 00:51:03,020
It's a clitoral stroking
practice that couples do.

1070
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,380
And Tim and I have done it for decades.

1071
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,720
We have a date tomorrow for that.

1072
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:08,830
For us to do that.

1073
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:12,070
I put them on the calendars
'cause we're both busy running

1074
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:13,570
multiple businesses, et cetera.

1075
00:51:13,690 --> 00:51:16,960
And so, um, that's what
expanded orgasm is.

1076
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:22,210
If you want to learn more about it, you
can go to expand her orgasm tonight.

1077
00:51:23,170 --> 00:51:25,990
Com, there's free reports there.

1078
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,440
Touching for rapture, the
power of Peaking, which is a

1079
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:35,350
very interesting technique for
increasing the intensity of orgasm.

1080
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:38,350
That's so simple, but no one teaches it.

1081
00:51:38,350 --> 00:51:39,280
It's very interesting.

1082
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:40,270
I give it away for free.

1083
00:51:40,780 --> 00:51:42,665
And what is, I'm orgasm.

1084
00:51:42,665 --> 00:51:42,755
I'm excited.

1085
00:51:42,755 --> 00:51:46,120
Yeah, so you can, the program
is there, but there's also some

1086
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:50,500
free books, so, um, that, that
gets you started on it at least.

1087
00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:51,040
Okay.

1088
00:51:51,210 --> 00:51:51,270
We're,

1089
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:53,640
we're down to get started, I'll tell you

1090
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:53,730
that.

1091
00:51:53,730 --> 00:51:53,820
Good.

1092
00:51:54,070 --> 00:51:57,990
I outside of that, what are you
working on right now where, you know,

1093
00:51:58,230 --> 00:52:00,390
what's, what's coming up for you?

1094
00:52:00,420 --> 00:52:00,840
What's in your

1095
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:01,350
world?

1096
00:52:01,350 --> 00:52:01,680
Yeah,

1097
00:52:01,710 --> 00:52:01,980
yeah.

1098
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:04,950
I'm, um, I'm doing some speaking.

1099
00:52:04,950 --> 00:52:07,860
I've been speaking around the
world recently and so I'm headed

1100
00:52:07,860 --> 00:52:10,530
out to a Spain and Barcelona.

1101
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:16,580
I'm going to speak at Sex Tech Berlin
on how to come really well and, um.

1102
00:52:17,205 --> 00:52:21,395
I just finished a new book
called The alchemy of Intimacy.

1103
00:52:21,395 --> 00:52:23,705
It's at 10 intimacy.com.

1104
00:52:24,065 --> 00:52:28,595
It's a book about how to get through
anything together, and it has

1105
00:52:28,595 --> 00:52:31,835
the 10 rules of our relationship
that's helped us do that.

1106
00:52:31,835 --> 00:52:33,815
It's really good for poly people.

1107
00:52:34,305 --> 00:52:38,865
And it also has a guide that has 20
questions you guys can use to talk to

1108
00:52:38,865 --> 00:52:43,065
each other about all kinds of things
to make your relationship stronger.

1109
00:52:43,065 --> 00:52:47,955
So it's kind of one of my wise lady latest
things I've done 10 intimacy.com, the

1110
00:52:47,955 --> 00:52:49,995
numbers or the letters I bought both URLs.

1111
00:52:50,715 --> 00:52:53,235
And, um, what else am I doing?

1112
00:52:53,355 --> 00:52:55,785
Uh, I'm updating my penis pumping guide.

1113
00:52:55,935 --> 00:53:01,815
Um, I'm working with, uh, a new pump
in addition to the pump that I've

1114
00:53:01,905 --> 00:53:07,635
always recommended that's doing some
interesting new things for, um, penis

1115
00:53:07,635 --> 00:53:10,245
enlargement, but also reversing atrophy.

1116
00:53:10,245 --> 00:53:11,835
So I'm, I'm busy with that.

1117
00:53:12,405 --> 00:53:13,365
And, um.

1118
00:53:13,860 --> 00:53:16,650
I write my sub stacks,
I write my newsletters.

1119
00:53:16,740 --> 00:53:23,580
Um, just, you know, I've got a million
things to say right now, so it never stops

1120
00:53:23,580 --> 00:53:24,210
with me.

1121
00:53:25,020 --> 00:53:25,080
Yeah.

1122
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:25,170
I'm

1123
00:53:25,170 --> 00:53:26,700
excited to be following all of that.

1124
00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:27,630
It's gonna be so much fun.

1125
00:53:27,630 --> 00:53:28,140
I can't wait.

1126
00:53:28,830 --> 00:53:29,100
Absolutely.

1127
00:53:29,100 --> 00:53:30,870
So with that, we're gonna
go ahead and sign you off.

1128
00:53:30,870 --> 00:53:31,170
Susan.

1129
00:53:31,170 --> 00:53:34,220
This has been genuinely one of
those conversations where I keep

1130
00:53:34,220 --> 00:53:36,860
thinking, why didn't someone
teach us this stuff years ago?

1131
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,100
The work you're doing is so
important and I think our listeners

1132
00:53:40,100 --> 00:53:43,730
are walking away from this one
with a lot of real homework to do.

1133
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:43,910
Yeah.

1134
00:53:43,910 --> 00:53:44,600
They're the good kind.

1135
00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:44,930
Yeah.

1136
00:53:44,990 --> 00:53:46,670
Uh, so thank you so much for being here.

1137
00:53:46,670 --> 00:53:47,630
We appreciate it.

1138
00:53:47,830 --> 00:53:48,850
You are amazing.

1139
00:53:48,850 --> 00:53:49,210
Susan.

1140
00:53:49,270 --> 00:53:49,675
Thank, thank you you, Susan.

1141
00:53:49,675 --> 00:53:50,675
This is so much, much

1142
00:53:50,675 --> 00:53:50,835
here.

1143
00:53:51,215 --> 00:53:58,295
And hey, if this episode hit different for
you, do us a favor, share it, send it to

1144
00:53:58,295 --> 00:54:02,255
a partner, send it to a friend, somebody
in your life who needs to hear this.

1145
00:54:02,825 --> 00:54:05,780
That's how we grow and that's
how Susan's message gets

1146
00:54:05,780 --> 00:54:07,925
further than it would otherwise.

1147
00:54:08,225 --> 00:54:09,245
You can find everything.

1148
00:54:09,245 --> 00:54:13,505
This episode, Susan's Info, and all
of our other episode's, blogs, events,

1149
00:54:13,505 --> 00:54:18,745
merch in our anonymous confessional, all
of it lives at www.beyond-monogamy.com.

1150
00:54:21,665 --> 00:54:24,815
Yeah, and if you haven't left
us a review yet, now's the time.

1151
00:54:24,815 --> 00:54:29,135
Spotify, apple Podcast, wherever
you listen, takes 30 seconds

1152
00:54:29,525 --> 00:54:30,905
and it means the world to us.

1153
00:54:30,905 --> 00:54:31,235
It really does.

1154
00:54:31,235 --> 00:54:31,325
We'll

1155
00:54:31,325 --> 00:54:31,835
review

1156
00:54:31,980 --> 00:54:32,220
people.

1157
00:54:32,370 --> 00:54:33,335
Yeah, we love you.

1158
00:54:33,605 --> 00:54:34,535
You love us.

1159
00:54:34,985 --> 00:54:36,155
Let's benefit each other.

1160
00:54:36,245 --> 00:54:36,635
Yes.

1161
00:54:36,875 --> 00:54:39,575
And with that, thank you
guys so much for listening.

1162
00:54:39,575 --> 00:54:40,715
We really appreciate it.

1163
00:54:40,715 --> 00:54:42,365
And we will see you guys next week.

1164
00:54:43,085 --> 00:54:43,145
Bye.