QUICKIE: We Skipped Consent at a Lifestyle Club (And Pris Owns It)

0:07 Alright y'all, before we dive in, a quick heads up. This show is raw, real, and definitely not rated pg. We're talking about adult themes, sexual content, and the kind of stuff you probably don't want blasting through your speakers at work or around your kits. So grab some headphones, pour your drink of choice and get comfy. Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not licensed therapists, counselors, or sex. Couches. Sex coaches. Sex coaches, not sex couches or just a couple of people sharing our lives, experiences and sexy adventures. An ethical non-monogamy.

0:47 So with that, pull up a chair and enjoy the show. And. Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy. I'm Adam. And I'm Pris. And on today's quickie, we're talking about something that actually happened to us recently. At a lifestyle club. Yeah, you totally went Full chaos agent for like four minutes. I did. I fully did, and I'm owning it today, guys. Yes, it's It's all. It's all coming out. It's all coming out. But before we get into it, everything that you need from us lives@wwwon-monomy.com. Don't forget about it. Episodes, blogs, our events tap, and our 100% anonymous confessional. If you've got your own chaotic lifestyle moment that you need to get off your chest, and if you're listening on Spotify or Apple Podcast, drop us a review.

1:34 It genuinely helps more people find the show, which I think is amazing. Now, Pris, tell the people what happened this weekend. What happened? What happened? We were doing so great. I was the person that I tell y'all to stay away from. Yeah. Set the scene. Okay. We're sitting on the couch. At the club and we're in the back at the area where the BDSM stuff takes over, takes on, and our friend was getting some little slappy slappy thing done. So we were sitting there and Adam and I were chatting. We were like, Hey, so and so, is hot man. And I was like, yeah, they're both hot. And I was like, does she like girls?

2:15 And he's like, I think so. And I said, okay. I said, I think so, but I don't know. I don't know. But I did say, I said a couple times throughout the night I said, I would really like to play with her. Yeah. And you were like, Hmm, okay. Something to think about. Yeah. And so, Aw, um, we're talking and then we decided we're gonna go back to our couch. And so we get up and the couple that we were talking about is right there in the hallway. So I say, hi. Hey. Um, do you like women? She's like, yeah, I'm bisexual. And I said, okay, we should make this happen. And I was kind of holding her hand like this. And so it, I kind of, I guess she moved and I was still holding her hand.

2:56 Mm. And so we were talking, and then I was like, all right, I guess we're doing this now. And so I went into a cubby. Now everything is making so much sense. I think she was walking that way to go to the bathroom. So I look at her husband and I was like, do you have condoms? And like, do you have 'em on you? And he's like, yeah. And then so we go to the cubby, or I call it a cubby. It's just a room. It's a little, it's a play area. Play area, yeah. And it has a little curtain thing. Curtain. And so I sit down on the bed and it's her and him, and then Adam's over here, and Adam's like, what's going on? And I was like, I was like, wait, what's what? What's happening? We're doing this right now. And then, and she's like, yeah, we're getting into this. I like, oh, okay. Never really talked to these people before I on the bed. And I look at her and I was like, what are y'all's boundaries?

3:37 What y'all's rules? And she goes, and lemme go to the bath. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. When she said that I had this gut feeling of pump your brakes, Pris and I look got up and I said, I am so sorry. You go do your thing. This is happening way too fast. Go do your thing. We'll discuss this later. Well, so I don't know if you remember exactly how you said it, but it was really, the imagery was hilarious because I was next to you, between you and the wall, and you were closer to her. You were sitting on the bed. Yeah, she was standing up and then I stood up. Up and immediately it's almost like there was a switch that went off in your head. Yeah. When she said she had to go to the bathroom and she asked her husband if yes, if he would go with her.

4:19 You stood up, you grabbed her arm and you said, this was a mistake. This was a mistake. And her face was like. What, what's going on? No, I didn't say this was a mistake, but it was. But Well, those were, that was your words initially because you couldn't figure out how to say what you were trying to say. I said, I'm so sorry that this was just Yeah. And then you started getting into it, and that's when she was like, oh, no, no, it's, it's okay. Yeah. And then so they left, they left to go use the restroom. Yeah. And then we stayed. We stayed because we were like, we're here. There's a bed we're gonna play. Right. Let's have sex. And then I looked at Adam and I was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't even like talk to you about this. Like, this spontaneous shit is not mine. It's not my thing. Like I was really trying to be like, Ooh, spontaneous.

5:01 Let's, we know them. Let's just do this. No, because nobody else can think in your, nobody else is in your brain to say, oh, okay Pris, we're all gonna do this. And so we do our thing, we walk out, we're done. Right? We walk out. And we, we come, we see her. And I said, I am so sorry about that, that, and she's like, it's okay. We just like to talk to people ahead of time. And I said, so do we. So do we. Yeah. I said, that was just me being like, sexy, spontaneous press, which is not, not something. And she goes, I, I'm sorry. I just didn't, I didn't know how to say no. And I said, girl, you just say no.

5:41 But I saw it in her face like, this is not a good idea. I need to get out. And she, she looked a little scared. Yeah. And so I, I read the room quickly and I fixed it really fast. You did? Yeah, I did. And I apologized to her because that's not Well, so we've, it's, we've talked about the spontaneous thing that's, and we have had spontaneous That's primarily for you. Yeah. To have your own spontaneous fun. Like it's, yeah. But we had spontaneous fun, but yeah, we have like, we've had orgies in the back. Yeah. But they're with people that we've. Talk to and played with and that sort of thing. I mean, or that we just know by like social media, do you know what I mean? Like we don't really know them. My birthday party, we, there was a few people there that we had.

6:23 Yeah, yeah. But I mean, and that was still spontaneous. We had talked to them throughout the night because they were at your birthday party dinner and all that stuff. There wasn't randos, you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, anyway, you know what we mean. So it's, it was really eye-opening, not eye-opening, but like I really wanted to be spontaneous and have that little sexy thrill. Yeah. No. Mm-hmm. So let me tell you, no, you did everything right to a certain point and then it went downhill. And, and what I mean is you had an amazing approach. I wish more people approached others the way that you approached her initially, because when we, we were walking and you stopped her and you looked right at her.

7:07 Yeah. We both said hi to them. Yeah. And you looked at her, you kind of grabbed her by the hand and you said, are you bisexual? Like, are are you into girls? Yeah. Are you into women? And she said, yeah, I'm bisexual. And so that right there, boom. That cut. Yeah. Cut easily. And so then you expressed interest for both of us, and it's like, yeah, we should do this. Yeah, we should. That was perfect to just stop right there and, and had you said, okay, well hey, let's do like a let's Facebook friend each other. And I was really trying to do the group message thing. Yeah. And that would've been the perfect way. Perfect. Right there. Perfecto. And then, you know, we could have talked to them throughout the night and if something ended up happening throughout the night, that would've worked. Uh, but.

7:48 It went off the deep end from there. Oh yeah. He kind of made this right hand turn. Yeah, for sure. It just went crashing down and I know where I made my mistakes and I'm very glad that nothing happened. Yeah. I'm really, I think that could have well, I mean, that could have messed up a friendship. I mean, sure. These people are, are potential friends. I read that energy in that room so quickly and I was like, yeah, no. Yeah. But she had said, I guess when you were apologizing, she had said that she didn't know how to say no, or she was struggling to say no. Yeah. She was like, I didn't, she was like. I didn't know how to say no. And I was like, you just say no. You just say crazy woman. Get outta my face.

8:29 But this is a good point though. It's a very good point. It's hard in the fact that how many people struggle to say no, and how many times do they feel pressured to do things that they don't wanna do. So if she needed to go to the bathroom or not, that was perfect. That was a good exit. Great exit. Yeah. Kudos to you. Yeah. Got out of the room from the crazy woman. Yeah. Good job. I mean, it sucks that, that she was the crazy woman, but I was. Uh, but yeah, I mean, that was a really good tactic. There are ways to get out of things if you cannot say no in the moment and you feel pressured, don't ever do anything that you feel pressured with. Yeah. Because then you're gonna be stuck with an experience that, because may not be good. Yeah. It, you know, it could have been a different scenario.

9:12 It, we could have. Gotten to a certain point and she still didn't know how to say no. And I would've been like, what the fuck just happened? I mean, it's, it's, I mean, when you think about it, no consent was ever given. None. Yeah. None. I'm telling you people, I was really trying to be spontaneous like it is no, like none. No. The conversation did not happen. And it's, I'm glad that it stopped and I felt really bad for it because I was like, that's not the kind of people we are. Me, myself, I am spontaneous, but by myself. Yeah. And that meaning that if I see somebody I like and I go and I talk to them, that's fine.

9:55 That's a me thing. It's not an everybody thing. And. I know like different scenarios like this have happened to other people and they've accepted it. Like they went along with it and they liked it and they were, they were all good. But not everybody is a spontaneous person. No. And you know, I mean, being that we hadn't really ever talked to them, I mean, for all they know they wouldn't have liked me as a person or Yeah. It's, you know, or whatever, like, whatever. There could have been reasons why this thing wouldn't have happened. Exactly. And yet there we were all in the cubby, just kind of like, it's, and it happened in seconds, so it was very fast. It was very fast.

10:36 So thank goodness for that. I, I messaged him the next day or, or the next, no. I think Monday I messaged him and I was like, Hey again, I am super sorry. We should get together, have a dinner. This doesn't have to be anything else. And I apologize for being so, predatory. Like, I was just like, no, you know, it's a, it's a good example in the fact that mistakes happen, man. Yeah. I mean, we're all human. Yeah. Mistakes happen. But I felt bad. I felt bad. Things like that will never happen again. And that's 'cause I'm a sober bird. Well, you know, it, it, it brings up the point of enthusiastic consent.

11:19 Yes. I just did. I just did, uh, some content on that on TikTok not too long ago. There's a big difference between enthusiasm Yes. And enthusiastic consent. Yes. Uh, what we got was enthusiasm, but there was no consent. None. And so that's, that's really something that you have to recognize right off the bat. Mm-hmm. Let me tell you, you know, if things hadn't gotten figured out, there could have been some bad accusations thrown around. Yeah, for sure. You know what I, what I mean? So what's really awesome is that you realized it without anybody else having to bring it up. Like you Yeah. You realized and you were like, oh shit, this is not right. Yeah. Um, you know, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

12:00 No. This happens to a lot of people. Like I said, you're human. We're all human. You know, I got, we get swept up in the moment. I sure did. I got swept up in the moment. I was like, Ooh, okay. Yay. One, I don't ever go up to women and ask 'em if they're bisexual, like she got excited. That's my thing I don't ever do because I don't know why. I always, I'm curious if they're bisexual. And I'm getting. I'm getting a little loosey goosey, you know, I'm trying to, trying to go with the flow. Trying to go with the flow, not be so, yeah. Trying to loosen up. Yeah. So, you know, in my head all the time. Yeah. But that really just started, you've really tried to kind of let the reins go and just kind of float around.

12:40 Yes. Uh, so, and then also, you know, you run into a lot of women who either say that you're interested in that say that they're bi situational. Yeah. So I think you got really excited when she said she was bisexual and what she gave you a flirty smile. It's like, oh yeah let's do this now. Which, I mean, for most guys would be like, okay, let's go. Uh, but it's just, uh, it's, it's a bit different when you're dealing with women, you know, there's, there's a safety concern there. There's a safety aspect. Yeah. So it, I'm glad that you didn't make a big deal about it. No, I mean, I wasn't upset about it. I'm, I'm glad that you figured it out. I. I had mentioned in the moment, I was like, oh, you didn't talk to me about that at all.

13:21 Yeah. Yeah. Like, didn't talk, talk about that. Okay. We, I apologize to everybody and I apologize to Adam. And I was like, alright. But you know, like I said, we all make mistakes, man. And, you know, uh, we absolutely are not perfect people by any means. Just like the people that you're talking to. Yeah. And the people that you're hoping to be in this community. We're all not perfect. We're all trying to do things as best as we can. Mm-hmm. Have a good time doing it. Mm-hmm. And ensure that everybody around us stays safe in this community. And sometimes things happen. Yeah. But it's important to take accountability. Yes. Accountability is everything.

14:01 Yes. Own it. You know, my newbies build a pre-approach, ritual, something that you can at least say. Hey, um, if I'm gonna go up to this, these couple right here, and you're gonna be next to me and I'm gonna ask a question, you make sure that I just kind of walk away from that situation that we don't end up in another little area. Okay. Had he known, had he been in the conversation, I think it would've been fine, but we, that would just happen so fast. I'm, I'm really curious about I was very impressed with the excuse of going to the bathroom. Yeah. I thought that was smooth. I think she did have to read the bathroom if she probably did have to go to the bathroom. But either way it's worth noting, you know, a lot of people knew or experienced don't have that ease of saying no.

14:49 Yeah. It is a difficulty for a lot of people and because it's, it's embarrassing. It, it can be. 'cause you don't want to be the vibe killer. Yeah. You don't wanna be the person mean I was already embarrassed. Yeah. Uh, and I honestly, I think. That accountability and you saying you're sorry. I thought that was actually pretty hot, honestly. And I think a lot of people would say the same thing. 'cause it's not something you see often. Yeah. Uh, there's a lot of people that we've seen commit certain acts and offenses. Yes. And then they wanna pretend like it didn't happen and don't wanna apologize for it. And they'll blame alcohol or they'll blame other substances. Yeah. Uh, they'll blame a spouse or a friend.

15:30 They'll blame all sorts. But never take actual accountability. Never take accountability. I think taking accountability is so sexy, man, because it's like, you know what? You just admitted, Hey, I'm, I'm fucking human. I fucked up and I'm not gonna make that mistake again. No. You know what I mean? No. Um, and I just ever, but what are some other creative ways in your opinion, sweetheart that you could get outta something like that? That I was just thinking about that today or the other day. 'cause I was like, you know. The bathroom thing. Like if we're in the middle of something, I'd be like, Ooh, I need to go to the bathroom, honey, can you come with me? Yeah. That was pretty tough. Yeah. I always have my Apple watch on, so my next one would be, Ooh, honey, one of the kids is calling. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that is one.

16:12 Or man, I'm not feeling too good. I mean, that's kind of a, I don't know. That would work. Those are some, those are some good ones. Because I need to learn. I, I know I say that I'm good at that, but we've had episodes or scenarios where I was like, ding, I nearly need to know. I really need to learn how to be a little louder to, to let you know, to inform you that I'm not feeling the vibe. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, I mean, I usually tell you, but there's parts, back in the beginning, there's times where I'm like, I'm not feeling the vibe. Yeah. And you're making out with the girl. Yeah.

16:52 And it's like, damn. And that would suck. Damn. I really should say something. So I didn't know how to, to do it. Well, luckily now you're at that point where you, with our dynamic, you would basically say, you guys Go ahead. I can dip out. Yeah. Peace. I'm not feeling it. Yeah. But sometimes it's, that's hard too. Yeah. Because there's a man there. Yeah. And he's expecting something. Oh, which is men. God, that's horrible. Do not expect anything. But there are men who, if the woman is making out with you, they expect something from me. Wow. Yeah. Which that's a sad truth. That is. It is. Luckily, the people that we surround ourselves with are not like that.

17:37 But there's people still like that in the clubs. Yeah, we still like that in, in the circles. Yeah. You know, it, it's to varying degrees, you know, it's, a lot of people would like to say that it's, it's newer people. Uh, no, but it's really, it's not, no, it's, I have not, and I know people say this, that they don't really like to deal with newbies. I have not had any issue with a newbie person, have we? No. No. You know, the new people that have ever been in our circle normally have a strong relationship, a strong base. And honestly, they, they usually listen to our podcast.

18:18 But, but even before our podcast, yeah, no, we, we never really had too much trouble with newer people. There were issues with newer people adhering to boundaries. Yes. That's a thing. That is a thing. There, you know, there that's. Something that hasn't been solidified. I'm sure that there's a lot of new people that we've been around that maybe hadn't found their, no. Gosh. Yeah. That makes me kind of think. Yeah. There's a lot of people that we've been around that I always felt like we got enthusiastic consent. Yeah. I mean, I've always asked everybody. I'm a, I'm an asker. Sure. This time was the only time I really didn't, this was me being spontaneous.

18:58 Yeah. So, so does that mean that, uh, the spontaneity it's gone bug is dead? I, yeah. It's gonna be a very rare thing if I ever do that again. Like, I would be like, honey, I'm gonna go up to this couple right here. Are you down? Okay. And if you say yes, I'll be like, okay, cool. Because I'm gonna, now with that being said, does, is this gonna prevent you from approaching women? No, You'll still be able to approach women. Yeah. I like, that was fun because that was good. That was fun. Yeah. That was really sharp. You know, even if she would've been like, yeah, and I don't play, I play alone, then she really would've said, I'd, let's go over here. Let's, let's go. That would've been real spontaneous, real fast.

19:39 It's Gimme an hour. Gimme an hour. Let's take a signup sheet. That's right. There. I told them that we needed to have you know, like Bridger or like back in the, I'm just saying bridger the little cards so they can dance with you. They used to wear like little cards on their little wrist. A little rubber band. I'm gonna have it like that for whenever we wanna be like, who's next? I'm just kidding. I don't have a lot of solicitors people. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You know, the funniest thing is, we were having sex in the middle beds this past weekend. Yes. And some guy came up to me and I don't know who it was. Gave you a high five. Gave me a high five. Yeah. Which I don't mind, it doesn't bother me. People always freak out about that. He was like, Hey, what's up? Yeah. Hey, I, I, I, I always wanna say hi to you.

20:20 And I was like, oh, okay. Cool. Well, this is the, the opportune time. I'm not going anywhere apparently. Yeah. But, uh, I find it so funny that when people interact with us when we're having sex Yeah. Publicly like that. Yeah. And not even in a sexual kind of way. Yeah. We have our friend, it's literally we have our friend fun interactions who just came and just lay down next to Adam and we're, she was just talking to us. She was just telling us random facts. You know, I gotta tell you, I was disappointed there because you were going down on me. I'm laying there on the bed. You're going down on me. I am very hard. And your mouth is right there. She's. Looking fucking sexy as hell.

21:01 She jumps into the bed right next to me and is basically in my arm. My hand is on her ass. Yeah. I thought something was gonna ha I was like, yes. Is this finally happening? Fuck no. None of it happened. She's freaking talking. Oh my God. She's the most randomist. Something about, I don't even remember why Adam and Eve, whatever, why we have to bear children and something. I was like, wow, that's a really good, that's some really good information. I can't remember what it was. It was such a really good, it was such a donor thing, just randomy things. But yeah, I don't even know why we, why did we talk about that? Well, because I was talking about the interactions when we're in the center bed. Oh, they're so weird. And you know, the, a lot of them aren't really sexual.

21:41 Yeah. I was really hoping that one was gonna be sexual. It did not get sexual. No. At all. No. And, uh, she likes to rough your feathers though, dude. Man. She's. She knows what she's doing. She does. Of course. She knows what she's doing. I'm never gonna get it. She's a sweetheart though. I'm never getting it. I know it. I know it. And she's always gonna fuck with me. I'm never getting it. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's, you know, that's what, but that's something to, we like to play in the middle beds. What I've noticed sometimes is when we talk to somebody and we're like, oh yeah, we, let's all go to the back and play. Cool. A lot of them will say, but I don't, I don't like playing in the middle beds. Oh. I get guys that tell me that. I'm like, we we're not asking you to play in the middle beds.

22:23 Yeah. I actually tell somebody, I was like, oh, we don't play with anybody in the middle beds. Unless they decide to come up there and they decide. Yeah, we, but if we agree to play with somebody, it's automatically assumed we're behind closed doors. Yeah. We don't do that with everybody. Like, yeah, I don't think I would like walking in to the back and seeing you with somebody in the middle beds. Well, I mean. If that happened, I'd be like, it would be because you already knew. Yeah, it was coming. I'd tap you on the shoulder, honey, right here. That's kind of, that's kind of a weird boundary to have. Yeah. Because yeah, don't have public sex with people in the, the club. Go hide yourself. You can have to hide yourself just on the middle bed.

23:04 That's weird. Oh, so not not our bed. No, not the middles at all. You're saying, oh, none of the middle beds. God, you're weird. I can't take your shit sometimes, man, that's fucking weird, bro. I don't even know that. But ask me. I don't, they or tell me. I don't do the group thing. I was like, you don't have to, you don't have to do the group thing. Nobody's asking you to do a group thing. I was like, you have to do the group thing you don't have to do. I said, and I always tell 'em I don't play in the middle with anybody, but I don't, I said, unless we're doing like a, a big old, you know, a group thing. Yeah. But no. Yeah. See what you're missing out on when you don't go to the club, especially the club that we go to. My crazy is, but you're gonna have an opportunity, I'll tell you that. Yes, you are. You'll have an opportunity.

23:44 We'll get into that in just a little bit. Mm-hmm. But with that, we do wanna say thank you to that couple, wherever you are, for being gracious and understanding. Yes. And for everyone listening, mistakes happen, man. They must they happen. Yes. What defines you in this lifestyle is how you handle them in the moment and after. Yeah. And I handled it. Yeah. Eventually. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was trying to be as fast as I could with it, so Yeah. I really wanted to apologize. You did a good job. Yeah, you did. Thank you. Uh, she handled it eventually, but it she did handle it for sure. Couple things before we go. First, if you are not already listening to us on full swap radio.com, we do have two shows every Thursday at 2:00 PM Central and 7:00 PM Central.

24:30 So come hang out with us there and cavalcade of adult podcasts. Yeah, and we have a Live Beyond Monogamy event coming up. We want you there guys. We want to see you there. Yeah, it's June 20th. The Club Eden in San Antonio starts at 9:00 PM You do have to have a membership. Log on, you'll have more information about it later. Come meet us in person, hang out with the community, and yes, we promise I will be there hurting anyone Pris will ask. Oh and yes, I promise that I will ask before hurting anyone anywhere. Promise. Oh, that's hilarious, man. I freaking love that. Oh man. Gut check.

25:10 That was a good one. Yes. Yeah, we're, so, we're working on that one. All the details for that event and any other events that we have, can be found at our events tab@wwwon-monogamy.com. And while you are there, subscribe. Subscribe, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. And if you are on Spotify, an Apple podcast and geezer and all those other ones, dude, leave us a review, guys. Leave us a review. Leave us a review. It takes 30 seconds. It don't cost you a thing, I promise. We're not asking you for a cup of coffee, although, hey, there's an ability to put, uh, Tobias Coffee. Yes, there is at www beyond monogamy com.

25:51 With that, thank you so much for joining us and as always, we will see you guys next week. Bye.