Myrina & Tristan of The Accidental Swingers on Jealousy, Aging, and Naughty Nawlins

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All right, y'all.

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Before we dive in, a quick heads up

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This show is raw, real,
and definitely not rated PG

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We're talking about adult themes,
sexual content, and the kinda stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through
your speakers at work or around your kids

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice, and get comfy

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Oh, and just so we're clear,
we are not licensed therapists,

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counselors, or sex couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches.

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Not sex couches

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We're just a couple of people sharing
our lives, experiences, and sexy

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adventures in ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris, and oh my gosh,
I am so pumped for tonight.

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Yeah, she's been talking about
it since we booked it, so tonight

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we've got two guests who I think a
lot of you are already gonna know.

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And if you don't, that's about to change.

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Myrina and Tristan from The Accidental
Swingers podcast are joining us, and I

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just gotta say that name again, ' cause
that name gets me every single time.

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Yeah, because it's so real.

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It is so real.

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Mm-hmm.

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Because nobody in this lifestyle
has polished, intentional

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origin stories like these.

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Mm-hmm.

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It's always messy and funny
and a little bit chaotic, and

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somehow you always end up here.

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That sound familiar to you?

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A little.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I'd say so.

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So we're gonna get into their story,
how the podcast came together,

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and what they've built and what
they've learned along the way.

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And then, and this is the part I've been
looking forward to, Myrina is also one of

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the key people behind Naughty N'Awlins.

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So if you're not familiar with
that one, that's one of the largest

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lifestyle events in this entire country
happening every year in New Orleans.

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New Orleans, a lifestyle in one episode?

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Okay, I can do this.

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Yeah, you got this.

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Yeah, I got this.

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Yeah, she's just fine.

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We're gonna get into all of that, but
real quick before we bring them in,

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if you're brand new here, welcome.

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Everything Beyond Monogamy
lives at beyond-monogamy.com.

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Every episode, guest bios, our
events tab, all of it is right there.

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You guys know the drill.

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And while you're there, the confessional
is still sitting right there waiting

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for you, completely anonymous,
and it is genuinely one of our

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favorite parts of doing this show.

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We read every single one.

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Nothing is too out there, I promise.

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Yeah, nothing at all.

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Do us a favor.

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Also hit subscribe, drop a five-star
review wherever you're listening,

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and share this one, because you
already know somebody in your life

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who needs to hear this conversation.

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Mm-hmm.

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All right, Myrina, Tristan,
welcome to Beyond Monogamy.

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We are really glad you guys are here.

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Welcome, guys.

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Well, thanks for having us.

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Hi, guys.

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Thanks so much for having us.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, we're thrilled to be here finally.

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Finally.

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Finally,

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yes.

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I knew we would get there.

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I knew we would get there.

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So, uh, you know, we're gonna jump
right in because I, I really was

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looking forward to talking to you guys.

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Like I said, y'all were the, the
first podcast I ever listened

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to- Mm-hmm … when I was first
looking into this whole thing.

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Um, and I, I really wanna kinda give
our listeners the opportunity, what's

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behind the name Accidental Swingers?

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You wanna tell the story?

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Yeah, absolutely.

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Well, it, it truly was an accident,
and, um, we, uh, we had neighbors

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in our neighborhood that we had been
friendly with for a few years, um, on

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a, just a social level, driveway drinks
and just hanging out and so forth.

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And they invited us out to dinner, uh,
one night, and we went to dinner and,

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um, it got a little sexy towards the
end of the, of the, the dinner date.

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We, we wound up at a dance club in, uh,
a small town near where we live called

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Dunedin, and, uh, it wo- you know, we
were dancing and, and flirting, and it

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just got a little, little more colorful
than we had ever really, uh, an- you know,

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experienced with any other couple before.

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Nothing happened that night, but
we, it kinda made us think a little

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bit that, you know, wow, these are
really fun people, and let's, you

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know, hang out with them again.

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And they evidently thought the same, and
so they invited us out for another dinner

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date a couple weeks after, which we, which
got a little bit sexier and, uh, there may

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have been some alcohol involved, and we
wound up- … um, at another dance club.

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And at this dance club, which
was, uh, a small Latin dance

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club in, uh, downtown St.

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Petersburg, um, we wound up just really,
really grinding, dancing, really sexy.

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I'm a very inept dancer, but it didn't
really matter at that point because we

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were just kinda grinding on each other.

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And, uh, we wound up, um, riding home
in our Uber, the four of us, and on

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that Uber ride, at some point we all
started making out, and I started making

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out with the wife and, you know, the,
the, the other wife and, uh, Myrina

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was making out with the other husband.

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And it progressed that way for
about the next 40 minutes as we were

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driving home, uh, in the Uber, and at
one point the Uber, the Uber driver

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asked if everything was okay back
there- … 'cause it got really quiet.

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And so, uh, e- everything was quite okay.

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Um, and- Yeah … yeah, it
was, it was a lot of fun.

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And again, nothing happened that night
with this couple, but that then really

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cemented, um, our, you know, interest in,
in figuring out what this was all about.

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Now- A couple weeks later we
did have an actual play date

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with that particular couple.

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Okay.

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So they w- were they swingers already?

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They were, and- Okay … we think
that they thought that we were too.

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Either that or they, they just thought
we wouldn't be good candidates.

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I'm not… We're st- we're
still not exactly certain.

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We know eventually we told
them that we were- Yeah … not

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experienced- Right, right … in
this lifestyle, and so, um, yeah.

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So, and, and of course you can hear all
about this on the podcast, but- Yes … if

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you really wanna hear the full origin
story, there's a lot, there's a lot of

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twists and turns that go with it, of
course, because that's the way it goes.

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Yeah.

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But, but yeah, so they had,
yeah, they had, um, not told

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us that they were swingers.

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We didn't

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know.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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And so it was a little con- it was
confusing as to why there's this very free

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sexual energy- Mm-hmm … that normally
you don't experience with married couples.

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Yeah.

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And so, uh, so that,
that piqued our interest.

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That piqued our interest, and so we
decided to, like you said, like we,

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we decided to go for it and have, have
a play date with them, and that's how

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we kind of learned everything and,
and jumped off the cliff with them.

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And it was, uh, not great,
and it was a big mess.

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And, um, uh, you know, the accidental
part really stuck, because this was

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not something that we were looking for.

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We weren't looking to change-
Oh … our marriage dynamic at all.

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This, it totally was an accident.

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And so that's why we decided to stick with
the name, because it really was, I mean,

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as you said, no- nobody… Well, not a
lot of people, uh, tend to move into this

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lifestyle fully planning everything out.

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There are a lot of stories where it's
that one time in the hot tub or they

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were on vacation or whatever happened,
and then the interest got piqued.

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And so for us, that's how it was
too, and it was just happened

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to be neighbors down the street.

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But it was not something that we thought
we would ever get into, and so it really

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was an accident, and we decided to roll
with that and, and, uh, and own it.

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Yeah.

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Well, yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
that was a pretty hot story.

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Right?

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That… I'm just saying.

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I was like, "Holy shit, this
is, this is getting steamy.

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We just got started. Oh, man."

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Uh.

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Yeah, you have to listen to
the actual whole piece of it.

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Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna be
like, uh, uh, shortening a lot of

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this for you guys- There you go.

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Yes … Cliff noting a lot of this.

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That's right.

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But you, but you can hear it all Yes.

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All

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of this.

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Now, at what point, uh, did y'all start
docu- or decided to start documenting

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this- Yeah … uh, in, in podcast form?

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Like, how did this even come
about as far as podcast?

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Uh, we s- well, I think it was
actually before, even before that

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first play date That I-- So I was, at
the ti- at the time I was listening

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to a podcast called Swinger Diaries,
which is no longer available.

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Um, and their, their format was
they would basically do like a dear

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diary, audio diary sort of thing that
they would- Oh … report, you know,

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about what their experiences were.

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I loved that idea for us just as I'm
kind of a historian and I love to, you

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know, like I have very copious notes
in my iPhone about everything that I do

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and I'm just kind of a nerd that way.

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And so I said to Myrina, "Let's, let's
just talk about this." At, you know,

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'cause by this point, you know, we, we
knew that we were gonna have this date

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like three weeks hence and so we started
actually listening to podcasts at that

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point, which is how I came to, you
know, be listening to Swinger Diaries.

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I have about an hour commute each
way every morning and so, uh, I

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did a lot of podcast listening.

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And, um, so, uh, bef- so before we even
got going on this, I said, "Let's," um,

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we were having all these conversations and
there was a lot of really momentous stuff

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happening in our relationship I could see
and I could feel in, in the conversation.

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The depth of the conversations that
we were having, the vulnerability

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that we were exposing each other
to, um, was really important and I,

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I wanted to remember all of this.

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And so, um, I suggested that we take
out our iPhones and just record and

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hit record and on our, uh, audio notes.

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And that's how that started.

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And two years, probably two years later
when we started talking about having

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a podcast, we had this huge library
of all this stuff that we had done.

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Oh, cool.

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And so that was gonna be the,
the scaffolding that we could

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build our podcast around.

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And which is exactly what we, what we did.

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I, and I don't know that if everybody,
if, if you haven't listened to our

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podcast you may not be familiar because
our podcast is very different from,

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from most people's because of, of this
piece of, of the way that we did it.

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And so what happens is we, you hear
us talking about going to the event or

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coming home from the event or going on
a date or going to parties or coming

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back from those parties, and you hear
us talking about those things in real

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time because you're listening to the
recording that we did when we were on

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the way to the party or on the way home.

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And then what we did is, um, so
this is a couple of years ago.

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Mm-hmm.

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So, and of course we weren't recording
this for anybody else but ourselves.

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Mm-hmm.

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So I had to learn how to edit everything
'cause you're looking at our editor.

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You know, here we go.

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Talking about that earlier.

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Uh, I had to learn how to do all of that.

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And so that's why some of it is
as, you know, it was on our phones.

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We were in the car.

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We weren't-

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Yeah

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…
gonna have other people listen
to this, but it's really raw.

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And so then we play, uh, the snippet
of whatever the conversation was and

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then we talk about it in real time.

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So it may have been a couple years ago
and we went to this event and we got in

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a fight or it didn't go well or whatever
happened or it was great, um, all of

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those things, and then on the way home we
talk about how that went and then in the

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podcast then we even talk about it now.

229
00:11:06,904 --> 00:11:10,024
So now you're getting- a few years later
down the road where we're a little bit

230
00:11:10,064 --> 00:11:14,244
more smart, a little bit savvier, a
little bit more educated in our journey,

231
00:11:14,764 --> 00:11:16,094
and we can talk about those things.

232
00:11:16,124 --> 00:11:20,304
Like, "Holy cow, that's how that
was now or then, and how would we

233
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:23,004
do that differently now?" And maybe
we wouldn't, and things like that.

234
00:11:23,084 --> 00:11:27,764
So it's really, um, it's really a unique
thing because we accidentally started

235
00:11:27,784 --> 00:11:31,204
recording ourselves and then had all
this- … material for folks to listen to.

236
00:11:31,314 --> 00:11:33,324
And it's, it's, um, it's such a gift.

237
00:11:33,364 --> 00:11:37,924
Like, we really are so honored that
people enjoy listening to it because

238
00:11:37,984 --> 00:11:41,204
it's like you're in the car with us,
and it can get pretty uncomfortable.

239
00:11:41,444 --> 00:11:43,564
Um, and sometimes even we
go back and listen to it.

240
00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:47,404
We're like, "Oh, yeah, that was not a
good night." "I'm so sorry that that

241
00:11:47,464 --> 00:11:49,344
happened," or, "I'm sorry that I did that.

242
00:11:49,354 --> 00:11:52,384
That wasn't supposed to be that
way." And, um, but we really felt

243
00:11:52,424 --> 00:11:57,004
it was important for people to hear
that you can fuck it up and- Oh,

244
00:11:57,004 --> 00:11:58,404
yeah … you can come back from that.

245
00:11:58,444 --> 00:12:02,414
And not only, um, you come back from it,
but be better about it, and talk about

246
00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:03,724
it- Right … and still talk about it.

247
00:12:03,784 --> 00:12:06,804
And then that's the vulnerability and
the communication that increases and

248
00:12:06,864 --> 00:12:08,693
gets bigger and better and stronger.

249
00:12:08,693 --> 00:12:12,824
So, um, so that's why our podcast- Yeah
… is a little bit different than, than most.

250
00:12:12,924 --> 00:12:15,924
And it's often the cringe-worthy stuff
that is the most important for others to

251
00:12:16,004 --> 00:12:20,064
hear, and- It is … you know, we can, we
can say, "Yeah, don't do that," or, you

252
00:12:20,104 --> 00:12:23,304
know, or, or just be aware that you're
probably still gonna make this mistake,

253
00:12:23,364 --> 00:12:24,844
but at least know when it's happening.

254
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:29,084
And- Yeah … and, uh, if you can't stop
it, just know, know what's going on.

255
00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:32,964
In the… And I feel like in the
lifestyle, we need to have that

256
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,814
kind of, communication, right?

257
00:12:34,894 --> 00:12:37,944
I know a lot of people are
like, every lifestyler says

258
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:41,034
communication, communication,
communication, and it's like, yeah,

259
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,254
no, we really set the bar high.

260
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:49,164
Like, we talk about all the uncomfortable
situations, all the good situations,

261
00:12:49,284 --> 00:12:50,944
what could we have done differently.

262
00:12:51,764 --> 00:12:57,685
And I feel like everybody, lifestyle or
not, should have that kind o raw material.

263
00:12:58,185 --> 00:12:58,384
You know?

264
00:12:58,485 --> 00:13:01,985
We like to learn- Mm-hmm … things,
like, like we're in school, right?

265
00:13:02,165 --> 00:13:05,905
So when they listen to stuff like that, I
feel like they get educated, and they can

266
00:13:05,945 --> 00:13:07,405
even bring it into their own relationship.

267
00:13:07,505 --> 00:13:09,385
Doesn't have to be a
lifestyle relationship.

268
00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:09,705
Yeah,

269
00:13:09,866 --> 00:13:09,905
yeah.

270
00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:12,866
And I feel like when they listen to
podcasts like yours, like Accidental

271
00:13:12,945 --> 00:13:16,285
Swingers, it's more, "Holy shit.

272
00:13:16,366 --> 00:13:16,985
Wow, what?

273
00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:18,305
Okay, what's gonna happen?

274
00:13:18,645 --> 00:13:19,925
Ooh, you know, what's next?

275
00:13:20,025 --> 00:13:21,685
And how did they get through that?

276
00:13:21,745 --> 00:13:24,985
And wow, they're still together?"
You know, things like that I think

277
00:13:25,025 --> 00:13:30,665
is very good for the community and
for just regular people in general.

278
00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:34,406
Well, plus seeing a real-life
couple- Yes … navigate their

279
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:41,785
relationship through this sort of
life is in and of itself important.

280
00:13:41,886 --> 00:13:42,105
Yes.

281
00:13:42,245 --> 00:13:42,485
You know?

282
00:13:42,525 --> 00:13:46,165
And that's something that we get,
we get contacted with a lot is, you

283
00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:51,565
know, people learn how to interact
with each other from what they hear on

284
00:13:51,645 --> 00:13:54,085
podcasts like, like yours and like ours.

285
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:54,585
Mm-hmm.

286
00:13:54,725 --> 00:13:58,105
Um, and, and I think that's, that's
why it's got such an important place

287
00:13:58,726 --> 00:14:03,605
I am curious about your opinion-
on, on one thing, though, 'cause I

288
00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:05,545
haven't listened to a lot of them.

289
00:14:05,605 --> 00:14:11,525
Uh, but I like a lot of how y'all operate-
Mm-hmm … and what, how you think.

290
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:15,165
And, and I'm really curious about
your opinions on, on jealousy

291
00:14:15,226 --> 00:14:16,927
when it comes to the lifestyle.

292
00:14:17,031 --> 00:14:20,571
It's, it's always a,
uh, a hot topic and, um,

293
00:14:21,071 --> 00:14:27,151
Early, early on, um, I we both experienced
jealousy from our own direction.

294
00:14:27,571 --> 00:14:27,761
Mm-hmm.

295
00:14:27,921 --> 00:14:32,871
Um, early, early on, Myrina start,
basically, well, had a boyfriend

296
00:14:32,931 --> 00:14:38,991
early and started developing feelings
that we, we kind of anticipated

297
00:14:39,031 --> 00:14:41,871
were going to happen for both of us
because we're, you know, we're both

298
00:14:41,911 --> 00:14:44,151
very, you know, emotional people.

299
00:14:44,191 --> 00:14:46,711
And as soon as we started this, we
realized, you know, we're not gonna

300
00:14:46,751 --> 00:14:51,031
be able to do this, um, you know,
without developing feelings for people.

301
00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:55,610
And you hear a lot, people will
say that they're, um, sexually

302
00:14:55,671 --> 00:14:57,751
non-monogamous but emotionally monogamous.

303
00:14:57,811 --> 00:15:00,071
Well, we kinda figured that
wasn't gonna work for us.

304
00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:05,031
And so when it did happen for her
first, um, I, you know, I said,

305
00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:07,371
"This is what's happening," and
she's like, "Nah, I don't think so."

306
00:15:07,411 --> 00:15:12,101
And I said, "Yeah, I, I think so."
And, and so that spurred a lot of

307
00:15:12,131 --> 00:15:17,671
conversation for us, and, uh, we were
able to sidestep a lot of the jealousy.

308
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:22,080
I was able to sidestep a lot of the
jealousy just by, uh, the level of

309
00:15:22,091 --> 00:15:27,711
communication that we, that was ongoing
with us, where she reassured me, and

310
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,751
in, in a meaningful way reassured
me that, "This is, this is okay.

311
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:35,911
Yes, I do, I am having feelings for
this man, and, and but that doesn't in

312
00:15:35,951 --> 00:15:42,731
any way devalue my relationship with
you." And then not much longer, later,

313
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:47,351
I found my own girlfriend, and so we, we
didn't enter the lifestyle thinking we

314
00:15:47,371 --> 00:15:51,231
were gonna be polyamorous, and it really
at that point I don't think we were.

315
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:51,301
Mm.

316
00:15:51,331 --> 00:15:54,291
We are now, but that's a whole
completely different story.

317
00:15:55,131 --> 00:16:00,881
But when I started developing feelings
for, uh, for my girlfriend, we had

318
00:16:00,891 --> 00:16:04,211
the same conversation over again just
in, you know, in the other direction.

319
00:16:04,991 --> 00:16:10,031
And I had, um, probably done a lot
more thinking about it because, uh,

320
00:16:10,051 --> 00:16:14,201
you know, I, because it happened
for her first, and so I was exposed

321
00:16:14,231 --> 00:16:15,711
to that earlier than she was.

322
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:20,581
And, and so, but it was, you know, it
was the same basic paradigm, just a

323
00:16:20,611 --> 00:16:22,731
little bit, you know, just flipped.

324
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:28,151
Uh, so we dealt with it with ourselves
relatively early, which I think is

325
00:16:28,231 --> 00:16:31,791
a real blessing that we were able to
kinda get over that hurdle within the

326
00:16:31,811 --> 00:16:33,091
first couple of months in the lifestyle.

327
00:16:33,241 --> 00:16:36,751
I, and I honestly wanna even say,
um, you may not even remember this,

328
00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:40,431
but after our very first play date,
so again, this is non, this is, the

329
00:16:40,451 --> 00:16:42,291
world was not about podcasting for us.

330
00:16:42,351 --> 00:16:45,211
The world was about
experiencing the lifestyle.

331
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,871
So after our very first play date, I
remember in the car, and it's probably

332
00:16:48,931 --> 00:16:53,001
on the recording somewhere, where I said,
"I don't think we should do this because

333
00:16:53,171 --> 00:16:57,551
I can't do this without having feelings
for other people." Mm. I'm just too much

334
00:16:57,631 --> 00:17:03,021
of an emotional person, and I want, uh,
if I want to have sex with someone, I

335
00:17:03,031 --> 00:17:06,881
sure would like to have feelings about
them because that's how I'm wired.

336
00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:12,391
And so anonymous sex to me was not very
exciting, and so it was all about the

337
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:16,931
r- once we really got into it and, and
realized, oh crap, that's not what,

338
00:17:17,051 --> 00:17:22,159
we're not into, like, just anonymous
fun, um- What do we do about that?

339
00:17:22,189 --> 00:17:23,339
And I, we even said, "You know what?

340
00:17:23,399 --> 00:17:26,359
We'll stop right now," after the first
failed play date, and said, "If we

341
00:17:26,459 --> 00:17:29,778
can't do this without emotions, and
if either one of us are not okay with

342
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:33,879
that, then we need to stop," because
we hadn't really done anything.

343
00:17:33,939 --> 00:17:35,459
So we both said, "No, well you know what?

344
00:17:35,499 --> 00:17:36,319
We're okay with that.

345
00:17:36,339 --> 00:17:37,649
Well, of course we're gonna have emotions.

346
00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:42,299
We're both very loving, caring,
touchy-feely people, so that makes sense.

347
00:17:42,899 --> 00:17:46,779
So we better make sure that we communicate
a lot about it." And that's how early

348
00:17:46,879 --> 00:17:51,079
on we caught that that was gonna be our
MO- Wow … and that we needed to be

349
00:17:51,139 --> 00:17:55,579
even extra, extra pushing it, pushing
that boundary of making sure we're

350
00:17:55,599 --> 00:17:59,879
communicating, because we knew we were
stepping into emotional territory.

351
00:18:00,349 --> 00:18:00,549
Mm-hmm.

352
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:05,769
And so… And it was, and I think it was
harder for me than it was for you- Mm

353
00:18:05,779 --> 00:18:09,889
… because, for Tristan, just because, like
you said, I was the one that kinda had

354
00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:17,699
the boyfriend first, and so when it came
down to him with a girlfriend, um, I was

355
00:18:17,739 --> 00:18:21,719
like, "Well, I'm supposed to be the only
person, you know, I'm your dream girl."

356
00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,519
"That's what you said," you know?

357
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:24,949
And you are.

358
00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:26,349
I've heard that one before.

359
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:26,849
And yes.

360
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:32,059
And so I, in all of that, and in that
very real moment, because that is truly

361
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:36,209
how I felt, but it was also okay and
pretty shallow of me to think that

362
00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:40,639
how do you not have love for other
people just because you're married

363
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:44,279
to your most beautiful dream girl,
doesn't mean that there aren't most

364
00:18:44,319 --> 00:18:46,319
other beautiful dream girls out there.

365
00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:49,819
And, um, and so through this whole
process, that's how a lot of it came.

366
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:54,099
So this was not like we started,
there was no jealousy, yay, move on.

367
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:55,779
It's, it, there's still moments.

368
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,999
Mm. There still will be times
where something might happen

369
00:18:58,079 --> 00:18:59,659
where it's like, oh really?

370
00:18:59,799 --> 00:19:03,559
Like, you know, I m- I might get a little
jealous or the hair might get ruffled

371
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:04,719
on the back of my neck or something.

372
00:19:04,779 --> 00:19:09,489
But, but the difference is now that
normally I know it's my reaction and

373
00:19:09,619 --> 00:19:12,249
I need to own that, and usually half
the time I don't even tell him about

374
00:19:12,279 --> 00:19:14,039
it 'cause it's, it's not his issue.

375
00:19:14,079 --> 00:19:18,919
It's my issue- Mm-hmm … to him and
the person or whatever's going on.

376
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:23,089
And if I have a problem with the
issue, then I need to say to him,

377
00:19:23,369 --> 00:19:27,959
"Hey, I'm not so sure when XYZ happens
how I feel about that," and you

378
00:19:27,979 --> 00:19:29,159
know, "And can we talk about that?"

379
00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:34,639
Not, "You did XYZ with her, and wh-
and why is that bad?" So it's learning

380
00:19:34,699 --> 00:19:37,799
a lot of- Mm … those kind of
communication skills, those techniques.

381
00:19:37,839 --> 00:19:41,768
I'm not mad at him, I'm mad, like
that reaction or what does that

382
00:19:41,819 --> 00:19:44,839
go or how does that feel, and
really kinda digging into that.

383
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:49,128
And I think we really Also grew
a lot in stopping and taking

384
00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:51,148
a breath and pausing- Mm-hmm

385
00:19:51,349 --> 00:19:55,728
um, before we lashed out at our partner
about what was wrong, what they did wrong,

386
00:19:55,888 --> 00:19:59,329
'cause sometimes it's not what they did
wrong, it's just how you feel about it.

387
00:19:59,789 --> 00:20:02,668
And so it's like, but I gave him
permission to kiss anybody he wanted,

388
00:20:02,789 --> 00:20:06,788
so I can't go back and say, "Well,
everybody except her." That's not okay.

389
00:20:07,228 --> 00:20:09,949
So, and if it was everybody
except her, then I need to have

390
00:20:09,988 --> 00:20:11,768
a reason as to why, you know?

391
00:20:12,268 --> 00:20:15,868
And then he, we have a con- a relationship
where he can say, "That's, but that's my

392
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:19,448
choice." And so, you know, that's okay
too, then we'll talk about that as well.

393
00:20:19,649 --> 00:20:19,949
Mm-hmm.

394
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:21,408
So yes, there's jealousy.

395
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,008
There's always been some of that.

396
00:20:23,028 --> 00:20:24,629
There will always be some of that.

397
00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:29,208
Um, and there are lots of tools
and techniques to help with that

398
00:20:29,309 --> 00:20:30,428
for folks that are out there.

399
00:20:30,469 --> 00:20:31,448
It's going to happen.

400
00:20:31,508 --> 00:20:34,328
Don't pretend that it won't,
because you're human and you

401
00:20:34,368 --> 00:20:35,528
love the person that you're with.

402
00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:36,108
Yeah.

403
00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:40,129
I was gonna point out- Yes … that,
um, we had both at, at that point read

404
00:20:40,248 --> 00:20:43,708
The Ethical Slut, and so it's… I mean,
we're pretty smart people, but we didn't

405
00:20:43,728 --> 00:20:45,288
come up with all this shit on our own.

406
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:45,338
Yeah.

407
00:20:45,428 --> 00:20:47,888
We had, we, we had a framework
and a guidebook, which was…

408
00:20:48,388 --> 00:20:48,669
I love

409
00:20:48,728 --> 00:20:49,068
that book.

410
00:20:49,128 --> 00:20:51,608
And so that was very,
very important for us.

411
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:57,848
Yeah, it's, and so it- Had we not had
that y- as a, as a tool, you know,

412
00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:02,308
we may still have arrived at the same
place, but it, it r- rapidly accelerated

413
00:21:02,408 --> 00:21:04,387
our ability to, to get through it.

414
00:21:04,887 --> 00:21:05,277
That's good.

415
00:21:05,357 --> 00:21:07,137
I'm, I, I talk about
jealousy all the time.

416
00:21:07,187 --> 00:21:07,197
Yes.

417
00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:10,747
I'm a very, very jealous, territorial-

418
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:11,797
Oh,

419
00:21:11,817 --> 00:21:12,517
totally … poly person.

420
00:21:12,577 --> 00:21:14,577
Like- Absolutely … and I,
and that's just, that's just me

421
00:21:14,637 --> 00:21:15,817
with anybody that's in my life.

422
00:21:15,897 --> 00:21:17,597
I'm, I'm like that with my children.

423
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,717
I'm, um, like that with my husband.

424
00:21:20,837 --> 00:21:24,457
I- It's exhausting … that's,
that's just the way, I don't know.

425
00:21:24,497 --> 00:21:25,857
It's just in my, in my head.

426
00:21:26,297 --> 00:21:32,107
And I know, uh, now, now in the years that
I'm, I'm at and the situations that we've

427
00:21:32,137 --> 00:21:37,937
been through, I, I'm not… I own it,
and I'm not as jealous as I used to be.

428
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:40,986
Like, I was very, um,
extremely territorial.

429
00:21:41,077 --> 00:21:44,497
Like, "How dare you kiss somebody
else?" And like you said, um, "I am

430
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,757
the only beautiful woman in your life.

431
00:21:46,817 --> 00:21:48,717
How dare you call somebody
else beautiful?" Like,

432
00:21:49,157 --> 00:21:50,537
that's, those are my words.

433
00:21:51,057 --> 00:21:56,096
Um, I mean, I've come to finally realize,
like, it's, it's, it's okay, you know?

434
00:21:56,596 --> 00:21:58,397
For me, it's like they're just words.

435
00:21:58,457 --> 00:22:01,317
Like, it's, it's… He's
just, he's a sweet person.

436
00:22:01,937 --> 00:22:04,617
Um, and so I try not to think
too much about it, but for sure,

437
00:22:04,717 --> 00:22:06,957
jealousy has come up many times.

438
00:22:06,997 --> 00:22:11,257
And I'm not a jealous person at all,
so, uh, you know, I can sit there

439
00:22:11,317 --> 00:22:15,757
and, and see her do all sorts of
stuff and be, like, rooting her on.

440
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,987
I'm like, "Heck yeah. Good for you. Get,
get that shit." You know what I mean?

441
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:23,237
Like, I, I, I, I'm glad that you're
having a good experience because,

442
00:22:23,297 --> 00:22:26,497
you know, it's, it's not often that
you can find a good experience.

443
00:22:26,547 --> 00:22:26,557
Yeah.

444
00:22:26,557 --> 00:22:29,557
So when you have one, it's like,
great, continue on with it.

445
00:22:30,177 --> 00:22:36,757
Um, but I've had to learn how to navigate
what she is feeling through all of this.

446
00:22:36,797 --> 00:22:36,807
Mm-hmm.

447
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:40,377
You know, because we are complete
opposites when it comes to jealousy.

448
00:22:40,597 --> 00:22:40,777
Yeah.

449
00:22:40,937 --> 00:22:41,097
I- It's

450
00:22:41,137 --> 00:22:41,787
just so mismatched

451
00:22:41,797 --> 00:22:46,387
…
I used to think I didn't need an, uh, an
emotional, or an emotional attraction,

452
00:22:46,457 --> 00:22:47,457
I guess, or something like that.

453
00:22:47,497 --> 00:22:51,217
Like, I used to be, I used to
think, "Oh, I can be transactional."

454
00:22:51,397 --> 00:22:52,927
I know now it, that I don't.

455
00:22:53,057 --> 00:22:54,217
I can't be transactional.

456
00:22:54,337 --> 00:22:56,397
I have to at least talk to them.

457
00:22:56,437 --> 00:22:59,337
It could be as little as 30 minutes,
but I do have to at least have some

458
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:00,717
kind of connection with somebody.

459
00:23:01,317 --> 00:23:05,257
Um, but beforehand it was just like, "Eh,
whatever," and I used to just blow it off.

460
00:23:05,337 --> 00:23:06,477
And I get it now.

461
00:23:06,957 --> 00:23:08,266
I, I understand it now.

462
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:12,817
I understand where he's coming
from now because it's… I, I

463
00:23:12,877 --> 00:23:15,807
guess with the podcast and talking
to people like yourselves, I get

464
00:23:15,857 --> 00:23:20,957
to learn a little bit more and
learn how to navigate that better.

465
00:23:21,017 --> 00:23:22,117
So thank you for your stuff.

466
00:23:22,237 --> 00:23:23,957
I mean, that's, that was very well put.

467
00:23:24,457 --> 00:23:24,867
And, and yeah.

468
00:23:25,367 --> 00:23:26,247
Well, you're welcome.

469
00:23:26,287 --> 00:23:29,656
And, and I think that's so, that's the
biggest piece, uh, uh, for both of us.

470
00:23:29,727 --> 00:23:32,737
Or not the, the biggest piece, but
we talk about it often, is that we've

471
00:23:32,787 --> 00:23:35,607
both had to learn how to take a pause.

472
00:23:35,647 --> 00:23:35,727
Mm-hmm.

473
00:23:35,827 --> 00:23:41,367
And, um, and sometimes there's even
times where we have said, "I have

474
00:23:41,407 --> 00:23:43,787
something I need to talk to you
about I'm not ready to talk about

475
00:23:43,817 --> 00:23:46,797
it yet, but I'm gonna get to it.

476
00:23:47,277 --> 00:23:47,377
Yes.

477
00:23:47,407 --> 00:23:50,077
And if I don't ever get to it, it'll
be okay, because that just means

478
00:23:50,157 --> 00:23:51,397
I solved the problem, you know?

479
00:23:51,437 --> 00:23:51,497
Yes.

480
00:23:51,517 --> 00:23:53,937
And I mean, we've e- I've
even had those conversations.

481
00:23:53,957 --> 00:23:57,076
It's like, and then eventually something
may come up and I go, "Remember that

482
00:23:57,117 --> 00:24:01,917
conversation I didn't quite have with
you? Well, what happened was, um, I

483
00:24:02,077 --> 00:24:07,837
felt, you know, hurt when this happened,
and so I just need to tell you that

484
00:24:07,897 --> 00:24:09,597
now because that may trigger again."

485
00:24:09,877 --> 00:24:12,337
If it's, maybe it's the same
person or w- I'm don't even know.

486
00:24:12,377 --> 00:24:13,497
I'm, I'm just making something up.

487
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:14,237
Yeah, yeah.

488
00:24:14,297 --> 00:24:18,217
But, but we've learned so much that
your, your knee-jerk reaction when

489
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:21,517
you're angry at your spouse or your
partner is to fight back, right?

490
00:24:21,617 --> 00:24:24,217
We wanna fight w- you're wrong or
whatever it is, or you said you would

491
00:24:24,257 --> 00:24:26,697
never do the things, or even you
said you would take out the trash

492
00:24:26,717 --> 00:24:27,677
and you didn't, and it's a fight.

493
00:24:27,717 --> 00:24:33,277
Whatever that is, we've just learned to
stop and, and give that a moment, and

494
00:24:33,917 --> 00:24:36,077
understand where it is for yourself.

495
00:24:36,087 --> 00:24:37,577
For, because that's
really what it was for me.

496
00:24:37,617 --> 00:24:41,437
It's like, it's 90% of the time it's
my reaction and my- Uh-huh … emotion

497
00:24:41,457 --> 00:24:45,037
to- Uh-huh … what's going on, and
how do I tell him that in a way that

498
00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:49,037
doesn't make him defensive, because
that doesn't help anything, right?

499
00:24:49,477 --> 00:24:49,487
Yeah.

500
00:24:49,537 --> 00:24:52,727
So if I can come to him and say, "Hey,
listen, I had a problem with this,

501
00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:55,177
and I know you didn't mean to hurt me,
and it, I know you didn't mean to hurt

502
00:24:55,217 --> 00:24:59,457
my feelings. You probably didn't even
notice, but, you know, when you said

503
00:24:59,517 --> 00:25:03,757
this and you took her by the hand and you
walked right off, I felt really alone."

504
00:25:03,797 --> 00:25:05,457
Or I don't even know what,
you know, something like that.

505
00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:08,297
But to be able to put it in a
way, again, taking it off of him.

506
00:25:08,437 --> 00:25:12,517
It wasn't, "You did this wrong." It's,
"When this happened, I felt this."

507
00:25:12,957 --> 00:25:17,217
And those techniques of empathetic
listening and communication and the

508
00:25:17,277 --> 00:25:19,377
Oreo sandwich that are, everybody's
like, "That's such bullshit."

509
00:25:19,457 --> 00:25:20,077
They totally work.

510
00:25:20,577 --> 00:25:22,217
Because it is truly true.

511
00:25:22,257 --> 00:25:24,677
That it was, it's- Mm-hmm … it's
our emotions and our feelings, and

512
00:25:24,797 --> 00:25:28,237
so, and how do we honor… And so
now it's just honoring that, and it's

513
00:25:28,277 --> 00:25:29,977
like, "Well, you can feel that way.

514
00:25:30,057 --> 00:25:32,777
You're absolutely
allowed to feel that way.

515
00:25:32,837 --> 00:25:35,357
It doesn't mean I have
to change what I'm doing.

516
00:25:35,397 --> 00:25:37,117
We have made an agreement."

517
00:25:37,157 --> 00:25:38,937
And then, and then we talk
about that a little bit more.

518
00:25:39,017 --> 00:25:41,987
So there's just, it just opens
up a lot of communication.

519
00:25:41,997 --> 00:25:43,676
But it's a lot, it's a skill.

520
00:25:43,717 --> 00:25:48,017
It's a skill to learn how to stop and
take that breath and go, "Why am I mad?"

521
00:25:48,587 --> 00:25:53,307
Okay, real quick before we get back
into it, we gotta talk about sdc.com.

522
00:25:53,687 --> 00:25:54,147
Oh, yes.

523
00:25:54,307 --> 00:25:57,448
Okay, so if you don't know SDC,
it's basically the largest online

524
00:25:57,508 --> 00:25:59,207
community for open-minded adults.

525
00:25:59,388 --> 00:26:04,127
Which if you're listening to this show
right now, I feel like you probably

526
00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:05,827
already know if that's your scene.

527
00:26:06,268 --> 00:26:06,428
Yeah.

528
00:26:06,547 --> 00:26:08,387
It's your people all in one place.

529
00:26:08,827 --> 00:26:10,867
Just make a profile and go explore.

530
00:26:11,287 --> 00:26:15,147
No weirdness, no judgment, just
a ton of like-minded humans

531
00:26:15,428 --> 00:26:16,887
living their lives, just like us.

532
00:26:17,167 --> 00:26:18,848
Honestly, it's kinda
fun just to poke around.

533
00:26:19,147 --> 00:26:19,928
Yeah, it really is.

534
00:26:20,207 --> 00:26:22,347
Go sign up at sdc.com.

535
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:25,087
Use code 38236.

536
00:26:25,388 --> 00:26:26,667
Link's in the show notes.

537
00:26:26,827 --> 00:26:27,008
Okay.

538
00:26:27,387 --> 00:26:28,368
Now back to what we were saying.

539
00:26:28,708 --> 00:26:28,967
Yes

540
00:26:29,304 --> 00:26:33,664
Now, did you find that, uh,
having the podcast actually

541
00:26:33,724 --> 00:26:35,424
helped you in that growth?

542
00:26:35,924 --> 00:26:36,564
That's a good question

543
00:26:36,605 --> 00:26:38,504
That's a great question that
we've never been asked before.

544
00:26:38,565 --> 00:26:44,245
I think the answer has to be yes, because
we're, I mean, we're naturally, you know,

545
00:26:44,464 --> 00:26:49,804
introspective people to begin with, but
the, the podcast really crystallizes that.

546
00:26:50,164 --> 00:26:55,104
And, and we talk to so many people now,
and so many people come up to us and,

547
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:59,384
and, and talk to us and, and we get so
many more different perspectives than

548
00:26:59,444 --> 00:27:01,325
we did when it was just the two of us.

549
00:27:02,144 --> 00:27:05,344
So, um, and that in itself
is very, very helpful.

550
00:27:05,384 --> 00:27:09,484
And just, you know, just the, the amount
of exposure that we have to, to the

551
00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:16,444
lifestyle and to, um, you know, all of
the various relationship dynamics that,

552
00:27:16,584 --> 00:27:19,704
that we come across in the lifestyle and
all the, the thousands of people that we

553
00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:22,264
meet, it, it, it can only help us to be

554
00:27:22,325 --> 00:27:22,564
better.

555
00:27:22,564 --> 00:27:23,165
Mm-hmm.

556
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:23,544
Mm-hmm.

557
00:27:23,825 --> 00:27:24,004
Yeah.

558
00:27:24,504 --> 00:27:25,143
That's cool.

559
00:27:25,223 --> 00:27:25,503
Yeah.

560
00:27:25,664 --> 00:27:27,863
I mean, that's what's helped us gr-
I mean, at least that's helped me

561
00:27:27,963 --> 00:27:31,763
grow, um, the show for sure, just
learning and talking to people.

562
00:27:31,903 --> 00:27:34,123
I was just so exhausted to do the show.

563
00:27:34,703 --> 00:27:40,643
So I was like, "I'm just gonna get through
the show and then, uh, she can learn from

564
00:27:40,723 --> 00:27:44,503
everybody that we talk to and she can just
fill me in later 'cause I'm exhausted."

565
00:27:44,903 --> 00:27:45,543
You know what I mean?

566
00:27:46,003 --> 00:27:49,023
Uh, so but, you know,
you guys know about that.

567
00:27:49,363 --> 00:27:51,903
It, it, it is, it is
work putting on the show.

568
00:27:51,943 --> 00:27:55,063
Now, are, are you guys
still doing the podcast?

569
00:27:55,563 --> 00:27:56,222
We are.

570
00:27:56,362 --> 00:27:59,482
So this is, you know, this is part
of the, of the world and it's part of

571
00:27:59,582 --> 00:28:06,802
life, and our podcast was a hobby, uh,
and it is a hobby that we chose to, um,

572
00:28:07,282 --> 00:28:09,162
to talk to people about our journey.

573
00:28:09,722 --> 00:28:15,103
And, um, a couple of years ago, so I'm of
a certain age, of middle age that women

574
00:28:15,183 --> 00:28:17,882
will hit, and, uh, so I started- So am I

575
00:28:17,902 --> 00:28:19,442
having all the issues, man.

576
00:28:19,562 --> 00:28:21,702
Well, it fucking sucks.

577
00:28:22,163 --> 00:28:22,782
Oh, girl.

578
00:28:22,782 --> 00:28:23,682
And excuse my language about that.

579
00:28:23,742 --> 00:28:24,962
Yes, it does.

580
00:28:25,462 --> 00:28:30,443
Yes, it does So, um, so about, I don't
know, maybe even like three years ago,

581
00:28:30,603 --> 00:28:33,783
I don't know, I looked at Tristan and
I said, we hadn't done an episode in,

582
00:28:33,843 --> 00:28:39,563
in a while, and I said, "I'm, I'm so
sorry, but I don't even enjoy sitting

583
00:28:39,583 --> 00:28:43,103
across the table and looking at you
right now, so I don't ima- can't even

584
00:28:43,123 --> 00:28:47,283
imagine talking about going off and
having sex with people I don't know."

585
00:28:47,403 --> 00:28:51,543
And, you know, and so it, we, I hit
a, a bit of a roadblock, and so we,

586
00:28:51,743 --> 00:28:55,653
we paused for a bit, and then we did
an episode about that because I said,

587
00:28:55,673 --> 00:28:59,183
"You know what? If I'm feeling like
this, how are other wom- women that

588
00:28:59,203 --> 00:29:01,903
are in the lifestyle feeling about
this?" So we did an episode about

589
00:29:01,943 --> 00:29:05,403
that, and that was probably, probably
actually now three years ago by the

590
00:29:05,463 --> 00:29:07,143
time you get up, two or three years ago.

591
00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:07,822
Yeah.

592
00:29:07,863 --> 00:29:13,203
And, um, and so we talked about the fact
that I was going through menopause, and

593
00:29:13,703 --> 00:29:18,213
pre-menopause, and all the pauses, and
all the things, and all the stuff, and

594
00:29:18,603 --> 00:29:21,803
things that everybody else was doing was
helping them but it wasn't helping me.

595
00:29:21,863 --> 00:29:26,173
And, um, and so I had to do a lot
more, and I've started to do a lot

596
00:29:26,283 --> 00:29:27,763
more exploration in other things.

597
00:29:28,123 --> 00:29:33,363
So, um, to make a long story longer, we
still do some episodes and talk about

598
00:29:33,403 --> 00:29:35,863
when we go to events and different
things that are new and different.

599
00:29:36,403 --> 00:29:38,563
We did do a couple more story episodes.

600
00:29:38,603 --> 00:29:41,843
We call those the, the recorded ones
with the recor- the raw recording,

601
00:29:41,903 --> 00:29:43,343
we call those our story episodes.

602
00:29:43,963 --> 00:29:45,383
Um, we've done a couple more of those.

603
00:29:45,423 --> 00:29:48,343
We have a few more of
those, um, still even left.

604
00:29:48,883 --> 00:29:52,283
Um, but the world is changing, and our
lives are changing, and our bodies are

605
00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:56,933
changing, and our dynamics are changing,
and where we were six years ago is not

606
00:29:56,963 --> 00:30:01,443
where we are today, and so we're gonna
keep on talking about this in the podcast.

607
00:30:01,563 --> 00:30:05,383
And like, uh, aging, how
does this change things?

608
00:30:05,403 --> 00:30:05,583
Yes.

609
00:30:05,763 --> 00:30:11,013
I'm really unhappy that I did not know
that, you know, eight years ago I was

610
00:30:11,043 --> 00:30:16,203
not multi-orgasmic and I was not allowed
to squirt because I didn't know that I

611
00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:18,643
could, and I just didn't know anything
about it, and just those things, and

612
00:30:18,723 --> 00:30:21,243
I would shut my body down 'cause you-
Mm-hmm … would get one orgasm and

613
00:30:21,283 --> 00:30:22,303
that was all you could get, you know?

614
00:30:22,823 --> 00:30:25,323
And then when I joined the lifestyle
and figured out not only could I have

615
00:30:25,343 --> 00:30:28,843
multiple partners, I could have multiple
orgasms, I could have, I could squirt,

616
00:30:28,883 --> 00:30:31,493
I could do all these things, and
then three years ago to get all that

617
00:30:31,503 --> 00:30:33,583
shut down was not acceptable to me.

618
00:30:34,323 --> 00:30:35,342
I'm still- Oh, yeah … quite angry.

619
00:30:35,763 --> 00:30:37,483
And, um, but my whole body has changed.

620
00:30:37,683 --> 00:30:37,863
Yeah.

621
00:30:38,363 --> 00:30:44,023
So, um, so we've put some things on, on
hold a little bit, and now that I'm coming

622
00:30:44,043 --> 00:30:48,263
kind of out of that fog, um, we're going
to start talking about what that looks

623
00:30:48,323 --> 00:30:54,323
like and how we've balanced an incredibly
tough time in our lives and, um, and how

624
00:30:54,363 --> 00:30:58,643
we will continue to balance incredibly
tough times moving forward because, um,

625
00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:00,583
we have aging, well I have aging parents.

626
00:31:00,643 --> 00:31:03,043
My mother, my father's passed
but my mother has Alzheimer's,

627
00:31:03,683 --> 00:31:06,923
and I'm her caregiver and she
lives close by, not in our house.

628
00:31:07,443 --> 00:31:09,203
But, um, so there's life.

629
00:31:09,303 --> 00:31:11,733
Just life- Mm-hmm … gets in
the way of- Mm-hmm … sex.

630
00:31:12,363 --> 00:31:15,723
And so, um, but we decided that
we're gonna continue on and talk

631
00:31:15,763 --> 00:31:21,003
about the life parts because, um,
we all need that community together.

632
00:31:21,083 --> 00:31:25,273
And- Absolutely … folks that are- I love
that … non-monogamous Or our community.

633
00:31:25,323 --> 00:31:27,633
So that's what we're gonna keep
talking about it and keep pressing

634
00:31:27,713 --> 00:31:29,933
on, and it may get less sexy.

635
00:31:30,433 --> 00:31:33,213
I was just about to say that,
um, it's not like, you know, we

636
00:31:33,273 --> 00:31:34,813
don't have sexy stories to tell.

637
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:35,313
Oh, we do.

638
00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:35,363
We,

639
00:31:35,363 --> 00:31:35,633
we,

640
00:31:35,703 --> 00:31:36,713
we absolutely do.

641
00:31:36,723 --> 00:31:36,733
Yeah.

642
00:31:36,733 --> 00:31:36,743
Yeah.

643
00:31:36,743 --> 00:31:40,293
It's just, uh, it, they just,
they, they don't come along

644
00:31:40,333 --> 00:31:41,413
as quickly as they used to.

645
00:31:42,113 --> 00:31:45,333
Oh, guys, let me tell you, I went
through p- I went through menopause.

646
00:31:45,373 --> 00:31:46,053
I'm 48.

647
00:31:46,153 --> 00:31:51,133
I went through menopause when I moved
300 miles away from my family, my

648
00:31:51,313 --> 00:31:55,053
kids, and my husband, and we were poly.

649
00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:56,053
We were poly.

650
00:31:56,133 --> 00:31:59,433
Which, full, full disclosure,
I did not like poly.

651
00:31:59,553 --> 00:32:00,853
I am not a poly person.

652
00:32:01,053 --> 00:32:01,553
It's not- I enjoyed

653
00:32:01,573 --> 00:32:01,613
it

654
00:32:01,713 --> 00:32:02,633
…
it is not for me.

655
00:32:03,473 --> 00:32:04,313
I did it for him.

656
00:32:04,973 --> 00:32:06,273
I tried it for five years.

657
00:32:06,353 --> 00:32:07,293
It was good.

658
00:32:07,333 --> 00:32:11,933
But when I was in menopause, away
from them, I was like, "Fuck this

659
00:32:11,993 --> 00:32:14,853
shit," and I was like, "I don't
know what's going on with me."

660
00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:16,453
So I feel you.

661
00:32:16,573 --> 00:32:17,393
I totally understand.

662
00:32:17,473 --> 00:32:20,733
Life is, um, life is funny like that, and-

663
00:32:21,333 --> 00:32:21,873
Oh, man … yeah.

664
00:32:21,893 --> 00:32:21,953
We're

665
00:32:21,993 --> 00:32:22,043
almost

666
00:32:22,043 --> 00:32:22,083
out of it, though.

667
00:32:22,083 --> 00:32:22,213
There,

668
00:32:22,353 --> 00:32:22,493
there

669
00:32:22,593 --> 00:32:25,873
couldn't have been a better time
for us to be poly than when you

670
00:32:25,893 --> 00:32:26,963
were going through menopause.

671
00:32:26,993 --> 00:32:27,253
I know.

672
00:32:27,303 --> 00:32:27,353
It was so much fun.

673
00:32:27,353 --> 00:32:30,393
And if we had known about it ahead
of time, I would've been like, "Let's

674
00:32:30,413 --> 00:32:32,392
put a, let's put the brakes on that.

675
00:32:32,453 --> 00:32:34,053
Like, that's not a good
idea at all." It was

676
00:32:34,123 --> 00:32:34,953
so much fun.

677
00:32:35,143 --> 00:32:35,373
Yeah.

678
00:32:35,393 --> 00:32:36,553
That was, that was a rough time.

679
00:32:36,593 --> 00:32:36,833
But it's

680
00:32:36,873 --> 00:32:39,393
a different… I'm a different sta-
I'm in a different stage in my life.

681
00:32:39,533 --> 00:32:43,333
I'm, um, the fog has slowly cleared.

682
00:32:43,853 --> 00:32:45,693
Um, I'm a little spicier.

683
00:32:45,913 --> 00:32:46,813
I know what I want.

684
00:32:46,873 --> 00:32:47,813
I know what I like.

685
00:32:48,493 --> 00:32:53,033
Um, I know how to navigate our
relationship a little bit better

686
00:32:53,093 --> 00:32:56,273
and communicate better, and I don't
know if that has to do with just

687
00:32:56,353 --> 00:32:58,373
kind of slowing down or whatever.

688
00:32:58,453 --> 00:33:03,933
But, um, yeah, no, I, I totally…
Life, life is, it's a bitch.

689
00:33:04,433 --> 00:33:08,703
And, and I, and we've, in talking to some
other folks in the lifestyle that, that

690
00:33:08,733 --> 00:33:13,783
we all know and, and we don't hear a lot
of people continuing on the conversation

691
00:33:13,813 --> 00:33:15,173
when the fun, sexy part goes away.

692
00:33:15,663 --> 00:33:15,673
Yeah.

693
00:33:15,733 --> 00:33:19,593
And, uh, and we all, uh, I plan, I
always, I always tell Tristan, I'm,

694
00:33:19,813 --> 00:33:23,213
I may not have sex with strangers for
the rest of my life, but I will be

695
00:33:23,293 --> 00:33:24,403
a swinger for the rest of my life.

696
00:33:24,493 --> 00:33:27,113
I will be in the lifestyle for the rest
of my life, whatever that looks like.

697
00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:27,183
Mm-hmm.

698
00:33:27,183 --> 00:33:33,403
Because that, the atmosphere and the
friendships and the community that

699
00:33:33,433 --> 00:33:34,893
there is that are lifestyle folks.

700
00:33:35,033 --> 00:33:39,553
So whether or not you're having sex with
whoever that means, whatever swinging

701
00:33:39,593 --> 00:33:43,793
means to you, um, to me it just means
being with those folks, with the people

702
00:33:43,833 --> 00:33:48,453
that are, that are also enjoying their
authenticity, and that's what I wanna be

703
00:33:48,513 --> 00:33:52,153
around with when I continue, as I grow
older and, and we move through this.

704
00:33:52,193 --> 00:33:55,833
So I'm like, I'm just gonna keep talking
about these things because there are a

705
00:33:55,873 --> 00:33:59,403
bunch of us out there that are s- each
other's community, and we're- Mm-hmm

706
00:33:59,403 --> 00:34:03,073
… just gonna need each other more as we
move forward in, in our aging community.

707
00:34:03,093 --> 00:34:04,562
How, what are these
things that we deal with?

708
00:34:04,633 --> 00:34:05,113
I don't know.

709
00:34:05,173 --> 00:34:06,453
I don't know the stuff that's coming up.

710
00:34:06,513 --> 00:34:10,753
I don't know with like, you know,
vaginal, is, dryness and all that stuff.

711
00:34:10,833 --> 00:34:12,913
I don't know quite yet
what all of that is.

712
00:34:13,013 --> 00:34:13,523
I know some of it.

713
00:34:13,623 --> 00:34:16,553
But like there's a lot that's
coming down the road, and there's

714
00:34:16,633 --> 00:34:17,773
so much information out there.

715
00:34:17,873 --> 00:34:20,593
I forget what I was doing the other
day, and someone said, "Oh, well have

716
00:34:20,653 --> 00:34:22,173
you heard about the blah blah blah?"

717
00:34:22,233 --> 00:34:25,903
And I'm like, "No, and how come
I have not heard about this?"

718
00:34:25,943 --> 00:34:27,953
And now I can't remember what it
was 'cause my brain fog is there.

719
00:34:28,493 --> 00:34:30,833
But, um, but it was something
like why are we all talking about

720
00:34:30,883 --> 00:34:32,283
whatever piece of equipment this was?

721
00:34:32,313 --> 00:34:35,223
And I'm like, that's why I'm gonna be
starting to talk about these things.

722
00:34:35,253 --> 00:34:35,263
Yes.

723
00:34:35,263 --> 00:34:35,273
Yeah.

724
00:34:35,273 --> 00:34:37,353
And Pris, you guys should too,
all of us should be talking

725
00:34:37,423 --> 00:34:37,493
about

726
00:34:37,563 --> 00:34:37,633
these things.

727
00:34:37,633 --> 00:34:37,643
Oh,

728
00:34:37,643 --> 00:34:37,943
same.

729
00:34:38,043 --> 00:34:38,223
Yeah.

730
00:34:38,283 --> 00:34:38,293
Yeah.

731
00:34:38,323 --> 00:34:42,083
I've been wanting to get a platform
of just women or even couples that

732
00:34:42,123 --> 00:34:47,423
are going through this and, and wanna
talk about it because, yeah, I mean,

733
00:34:47,523 --> 00:34:51,723
aging affects us women, but aging
also affects men, and I feel like men

734
00:34:51,803 --> 00:34:54,823
are so embarrassed to talk about it.

735
00:34:54,883 --> 00:34:58,263
And in my cl- in, in my culture,
when my mom went through

736
00:34:58,303 --> 00:34:59,983
menopause, we didn't talk about it.

737
00:35:00,603 --> 00:35:02,043
Like, we did not talk about it.

738
00:35:02,063 --> 00:35:07,303
Like, that is something you just do not
discuss, and like it's a, a taboo subject.

739
00:35:07,503 --> 00:35:10,243
Like, when my mom, my mom
is going through, my mom has

740
00:35:10,283 --> 00:35:11,623
dementia, so I can't ask her.

741
00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:14,752
But when I remember asking her about
that and be like, "Wow, you're going,

742
00:35:14,943 --> 00:35:16,063
uh, you went through menopause."

743
00:35:16,153 --> 00:35:18,203
She goes, "I never went through
that." Well, of course you did.

744
00:35:18,803 --> 00:35:19,503
We felt it.

745
00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:19,983
You didn't.

746
00:35:20,303 --> 00:35:21,502
But we didn't discuss that.

747
00:35:21,643 --> 00:35:23,223
That was nothing to be s- discussed.

748
00:35:23,303 --> 00:35:27,333
And now- Really … I feel
like It needs to be discussed.

749
00:35:27,353 --> 00:35:31,393
There's so many women who are…
There's so many women in the lifestyle

750
00:35:31,403 --> 00:35:32,243
that are gonna go through this.

751
00:35:32,673 --> 00:35:33,353
They need to be prepared.

752
00:35:33,362 --> 00:35:33,372
And

753
00:35:33,373 --> 00:35:35,053
there's many that we've
met that are in denial.

754
00:35:35,173 --> 00:35:40,213
In denial, and it's like, no, like,
you're like that because of this.

755
00:35:40,293 --> 00:35:42,163
Like, go che- get checked out.

756
00:35:42,233 --> 00:35:44,953
But yeah, no, it does need to
be discussed- Yeah … on both

757
00:35:45,033 --> 00:35:47,733
what women go through and what
men go through in age, for sure.

758
00:35:48,613 --> 00:35:49,553
Yeah.

759
00:35:49,613 --> 00:35:50,413
Yeah, that's always tough.

760
00:35:50,533 --> 00:35:50,693
And

761
00:35:50,853 --> 00:35:51,063
I think

762
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:55,773
we've had, uh, I had more men reach out
to me, or not more men, but, uh, as many

763
00:35:55,833 --> 00:35:59,993
men than women reach out to me when we
did that very first episode when I said,

764
00:36:00,103 --> 00:36:02,113
"I just am not having fun anymore."

765
00:36:02,123 --> 00:36:02,133
Mm-hmm.

766
00:36:02,133 --> 00:36:04,383
"And this right now just sucks,
and it's, it's gonna go away,

767
00:36:04,433 --> 00:36:05,793
and it's gonna…" Whatever.

768
00:36:05,893 --> 00:36:09,582
And, uh, apparently in just talking about
it, the men were like, "Oh, thank God."

769
00:36:09,593 --> 00:36:12,413
And the women too, it's like, "Thank
you 'cause he's not… Now he believes

770
00:36:12,453 --> 00:36:15,433
that there's somebody else that is like,
not, not just making this shit up."

771
00:36:15,493 --> 00:36:18,783
It's like, I don't know why all of
a sudden I was a happy three seconds

772
00:36:18,813 --> 00:36:21,333
ago, and I turned around and saw your
face, and I want to rip it apart.

773
00:36:21,493 --> 00:36:22,773
I don't know why that is, you know?

774
00:36:22,803 --> 00:36:25,793
And- Yeah … and so talking
about those things, like, it,

775
00:36:26,023 --> 00:36:27,073
it, it's, it's gonna happen.

776
00:36:27,153 --> 00:36:27,573
It's there.

777
00:36:27,693 --> 00:36:27,853
So-

778
00:36:28,193 --> 00:36:30,712
let's be the community that we are
and help each other through it.

779
00:36:31,433 --> 00:36:36,393
I've actually had discussions with
husbands in the local community about,

780
00:36:36,833 --> 00:36:41,593
you know, what their role needs to
be because their spouse is going

781
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:46,193
through menopause and, and, you know,
just what you can expect and how

782
00:36:46,253 --> 00:36:48,373
you just, you need to navigate that.

783
00:36:48,933 --> 00:36:52,263
Um, because a lot of guys
don't even know what it is-

784
00:36:52,633 --> 00:36:52,743
Mm-hmm

785
00:36:52,813 --> 00:36:55,983
much less know how to navigate it.

786
00:36:56,033 --> 00:36:56,213
Mm-hmm.

787
00:36:56,473 --> 00:37:01,173
Um, and navigating life is hard enough
as it is, but to navigate your spouse

788
00:37:01,233 --> 00:37:05,173
who's going through something that neither
one of you know what it is, uh, is even

789
00:37:05,213 --> 00:37:06,553
more difficult- Mm-hmm … you know?

790
00:37:06,633 --> 00:37:06,643
Right.

791
00:37:06,643 --> 00:37:10,303
Uh, so it's, i- it's definitely
helps to talk about it nonstop.

792
00:37:10,563 --> 00:37:15,743
Going from that, I, I really, I,
I was curious how did, how did you

793
00:37:15,773 --> 00:37:16,883
get involved with Naughty Nawlins?

794
00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:20,232
How, how, how, where's…
connect the dots for me.

795
00:37:20,732 --> 00:37:24,032
Uh, well, that's, it's actually
not hard to connect those dots.

796
00:37:24,112 --> 00:37:29,032
If you listen to our, if you listen to
our podcast, um, Naughty New Orleans, so

797
00:37:29,173 --> 00:37:34,972
we got into the lifestyle in February or
March, depending on who you listen to, uh,

798
00:37:35,012 --> 00:37:37,392
who has the correct swingerversary date.

799
00:37:37,432 --> 00:37:39,633
But of, of whatever year that was.

800
00:37:39,793 --> 00:37:40,672
2018. 2018.

801
00:37:40,772 --> 00:37:43,352
I could see he's the numbers guy
too, and I'm like, what year was it?

802
00:37:43,392 --> 00:37:43,892
Yeah.

803
00:37:43,952 --> 00:37:46,405
So, um I don't know numbers either.

804
00:37:46,685 --> 00:37:51,725
So, uh, but, um, so that was 2018,
and then we had been listening

805
00:37:51,785 --> 00:37:54,905
to The Joneses podcast, and they
were talking about this event that

806
00:37:54,925 --> 00:37:56,045
they went to, Naughty New Orleans.

807
00:37:56,565 --> 00:38:00,635
And so it was, like, three months away,
and we thought, "Do we go to this thing?"

808
00:38:00,845 --> 00:38:03,285
And we were like, "No, we
don't know anything." We

809
00:38:03,585 --> 00:38:05,545
hadn't even been on a date yet.

810
00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:08,465
And, uh, and then we thought, "You know
what? We're gonna have… We, we are

811
00:38:08,485 --> 00:38:11,985
gonna have FOMO if we… We're gonna
have the fear of missing out if we don't

812
00:38:12,025 --> 00:38:14,855
go. We're gonna be, for a year, we're
gonna be like, 'Damn it, we should've

813
00:38:14,865 --> 00:38:16,765
gone to that Naughty New Orleans thing.'"

814
00:38:17,505 --> 00:38:18,865
So we decided to go.

815
00:38:19,205 --> 00:38:22,145
Three months into the lifestyle, and we
decided to go to Naughty New Orleans.

816
00:38:22,225 --> 00:38:24,794
Now, I appreciate what you said,
that it's one of the largest

817
00:38:24,794 --> 00:38:26,225
swinging events in the country.

818
00:38:26,755 --> 00:38:30,715
I would dare to say it's probably
the largest swinger takeover event in

819
00:38:30,745 --> 00:38:34,485
the world, because we do over, it'll
be over 4,000 people this year- Wow

820
00:38:34,485 --> 00:38:38,205
um, for a five-day, four-night event.

821
00:38:38,785 --> 00:38:39,585
So it's huge.

822
00:38:40,205 --> 00:38:44,245
Um, and so when we went, it wasn't
quite that big, but, uh, but it

823
00:38:44,285 --> 00:38:48,445
was big, and for new, brand-new
swingers, boy, was it a lot.

824
00:38:48,945 --> 00:38:51,305
And we're obviously so
thrilled that we went.

825
00:38:51,525 --> 00:38:54,965
We… You have to listen to
the… It's a three-part episode.

826
00:38:55,405 --> 00:38:55,475
Okay.

827
00:38:55,485 --> 00:38:57,765
If you listen to our
episodes, our podcast, it's

828
00:38:57,805 --> 00:38:59,095
episodes eight, nine, and 10.

829
00:38:59,205 --> 00:39:02,625
It took so long to, to… Well,
this is all the recordings.

830
00:39:02,665 --> 00:39:06,745
Don't forget, this was before we weren't-
… recording this for you guys to listen to.

831
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:07,805
This was for us.

832
00:39:08,225 --> 00:39:12,115
So I'm literally the… I apo- I apologize
now, 'cause I always get yelled at for it.

833
00:39:12,145 --> 00:39:16,765
I was eating chicken at 4:00 a.m.
in the morning at the Astor Hotel,

834
00:39:16,845 --> 00:39:19,085
and I fall asleep, actually,
during, while I'm talking.

835
00:39:19,145 --> 00:39:20,925
But it was so important- Oh, my
gosh … for him that he hear

836
00:39:20,965 --> 00:39:22,805
that- … because it truly happened.

837
00:39:23,325 --> 00:39:27,865
And people still email and say, "She eats
when she's talking," and I'm like, "I

838
00:39:27,965 --> 00:39:31,125
said I'm gonna be eating." "I wasn't…
This wasn't for… This, I, you're

839
00:39:31,185 --> 00:39:37,385
welcome." But anyways, um, so the event,
we went, and it was amazing, and we

840
00:39:37,445 --> 00:39:40,725
had an off-the-charts chain of a time.

841
00:39:40,805 --> 00:39:42,305
Listen to the episodes.

842
00:39:42,405 --> 00:39:43,905
We didn't know shit.

843
00:39:44,045 --> 00:39:47,185
We tried to make sure we
met people before we went.

844
00:39:47,245 --> 00:39:49,805
I'll tell you how we
do that in the episode.

845
00:39:49,905 --> 00:39:52,065
Um, actually, we're getting ready,
and I'll tell about the end, too.

846
00:39:52,105 --> 00:39:53,975
You guys can join us this
year if you wanna come, too.

847
00:39:53,985 --> 00:39:56,525
If anybody's coming, we'll tell
you how to meet up with us to make

848
00:39:56,565 --> 00:39:58,545
sure that you don't show up alone.

849
00:39:58,645 --> 00:40:01,015
Uh, we don't want anybody to
show up to Naughty New Orleans by

850
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:02,745
themselves if they don't ever want to.

851
00:40:02,805 --> 00:40:05,325
That's how I made sure that we
didn't that very first year.

852
00:40:05,825 --> 00:40:10,545
And so, um, so we met, we put some things
into place to meet people before we went.

853
00:40:11,105 --> 00:40:14,755
Uh, and then we went, and we
blew every rule that we had

854
00:40:14,905 --> 00:40:16,145
accidentally out of the water.

855
00:40:16,225 --> 00:40:16,375
Yep.

856
00:40:16,605 --> 00:40:21,765
We learned trial by fire about
what boundaries and guidelines are.

857
00:40:22,285 --> 00:40:27,285
And we learned everything on the fly,
and it was just an amazing, wonderful

858
00:40:27,385 --> 00:40:30,045
time, and we just had an absolute blast.

859
00:40:30,665 --> 00:40:35,105
So we were like, "This event is, is
off the charts." And so we went again

860
00:40:35,145 --> 00:40:38,392
the next year And, uh, that was 2019.

861
00:40:38,892 --> 00:40:41,112
2020, COVID came, as we all remember.

862
00:40:41,753 --> 00:40:41,763
Mm-hmm.

863
00:40:41,813 --> 00:40:49,432
And, uh, now by 2021, our podcast had
started and, uh, and I was actually

864
00:40:49,492 --> 00:40:54,472
working with other creators because
my vanilla job in COVID ended and I

865
00:40:54,552 --> 00:40:57,072
was looking for something to do, and
I had this podcast thing I was doing.

866
00:40:57,212 --> 00:41:00,792
So I looked to do other things, and
I actually work now with creators.

867
00:41:01,472 --> 00:41:07,312
And so, um, so we had, um, had
a little bit of a, of a time off

868
00:41:07,372 --> 00:41:10,033
and I was doing stuff with events,
and I've always worked in events.

869
00:41:10,072 --> 00:41:13,272
I've always planned events for companies
and groups and organizations and things.

870
00:41:13,893 --> 00:41:18,232
So when Naughty 2021 was coming
around, um, I thought, "I'm

871
00:41:18,272 --> 00:41:22,792
gonna volunteer to help them with
their education." It's what I do.

872
00:41:22,873 --> 00:41:24,353
So it's, it's easy for me.

873
00:41:24,412 --> 00:41:28,512
It's an easy lift, and I know a
bunch of folks and I know about

874
00:41:28,592 --> 00:41:31,853
running events, and I know about
bringing in speakers to run events.

875
00:41:31,892 --> 00:41:36,912
So I reached out to Bob Hannaford and,
and Tess, and I said, "Do you need any

876
00:41:36,952 --> 00:41:39,772
help with this?" And he said, "Actually,
I could use a little bit of help with

877
00:41:39,812 --> 00:41:43,933
this." And I said, "Great." And so I
worked with, um, Bob that first year,

878
00:41:44,052 --> 00:41:47,172
and then they hired me on after that,
and I've been with them ever since.

879
00:41:47,713 --> 00:41:50,853
So it truly was just from reaching
out 'cause it was something I wanted

880
00:41:50,893 --> 00:41:54,012
to do and wanted to be involved with
this organization 'cause it was the

881
00:41:54,073 --> 00:41:56,972
first lifestyle event that we went
to, and it has such a place in our

882
00:41:57,012 --> 00:41:59,532
hearts and, um, and it always will.

883
00:41:59,612 --> 00:42:00,832
It's been phenomenal.

884
00:42:00,872 --> 00:42:04,352
So, uh, that's how we got… That's
how I became… I'm the Naughty

885
00:42:04,452 --> 00:42:06,932
headmistress because- Headmistress
… I handle all the education.

886
00:42:07,182 --> 00:42:07,422
Headmistress.

887
00:42:08,002 --> 00:42:08,482
The Naughty headmistress.

888
00:42:08,982 --> 00:42:10,041
The Naughty headmis- I can't wait.

889
00:42:10,221 --> 00:42:14,501
I, um, I'm really looking
forward to to this event.

890
00:42:14,942 --> 00:42:19,201
I was kind of scared because, uh, we're
not big drinkers, and everybody's like,

891
00:42:19,241 --> 00:42:22,842
"It's gonna be a party," like, you
know, " Up all night, and it's gonna

892
00:42:22,861 --> 00:42:28,141
be super loud." And I was like, "That
doesn't sound fun to me at all." Like, no.

893
00:42:28,801 --> 00:42:32,541
And I was talking to other people,
like, um, Lacey and Dan from Swing

894
00:42:32,621 --> 00:42:37,361
Nation, and they're like, "No, it's-
it's- it's- there's sections, and you're

895
00:42:37,381 --> 00:42:39,742
gonna have so much fun, and you're
gonna get to meet so many people."

896
00:42:40,181 --> 00:42:43,801
I'm looking forward to just meeting
people and just talking because I love-

897
00:42:44,341 --> 00:42:45,421
Oh, man … chatting.

898
00:42:45,502 --> 00:42:45,542
Yeah.

899
00:42:45,542 --> 00:42:45,721
I- Like,

900
00:42:45,822 --> 00:42:46,682
I'm better in person

901
00:42:46,801 --> 00:42:47,162
with people- I don't know

902
00:42:47,261 --> 00:42:47,541
…
so

903
00:42:47,721 --> 00:42:49,342
So I, I'm- I'm excited.

904
00:42:49,381 --> 00:42:50,781
I'm excited to be a part of it.

905
00:42:50,842 --> 00:42:52,561
I'm- I'm excited to- to be there.

906
00:42:52,621 --> 00:42:54,721
We're gonna have a, an
exhibitor booth out there.

907
00:42:55,221 --> 00:42:57,081
Uh, and so we're excited
to be a part of that.

908
00:42:57,541 --> 00:43:00,421
Uh, but I am also, uh,
a- an anxious person.

909
00:43:00,522 --> 00:43:06,401
I actually have, uh, social anxiety
and, uh, you know, crowds, eh, you know.

910
00:43:06,441 --> 00:43:08,301
But, uh, you know, we are who we are.

911
00:43:08,342 --> 00:43:13,581
We do what we do, and so, you know, we-
we get placed in situations where we

912
00:43:13,621 --> 00:43:16,281
get put in crowds, and we have to- I do
that a lot … socialize with people.

913
00:43:16,801 --> 00:43:18,621
Uh, so I think I'll be okay.

914
00:43:19,182 --> 00:43:22,661
Um, but yeah, just thinking
about when- when you said, you

915
00:43:22,682 --> 00:43:25,222
know, 4,000 peop- 4,000 people.

916
00:43:25,641 --> 00:43:26,131
4,000 people.

917
00:43:26,161 --> 00:43:26,361
That's

918
00:43:26,441 --> 00:43:27,161
a lot of people.

919
00:43:27,201 --> 00:43:28,261
That's a lot of people.

920
00:43:28,722 --> 00:43:29,841
My goodness, that's a lot of

921
00:43:29,841 --> 00:43:29,861
people.

922
00:43:29,902 --> 00:43:32,682
And I'm assuming, I mean, everything
is, everything's organized, right?

923
00:43:32,722 --> 00:43:33,781
There's l- there's speakers.

924
00:43:33,841 --> 00:43:35,121
I saw that there's gonna be speakers.

925
00:43:35,141 --> 00:43:36,222
There's a parade.

926
00:43:36,241 --> 00:43:38,542
There's all kinds of things
that are gonna be going on.

927
00:43:38,601 --> 00:43:41,801
So I'm- I'm looking
forward to all the themes.

928
00:43:42,401 --> 00:43:44,381
I know I always talk
about I don't like themes.

929
00:43:44,761 --> 00:43:44,841
Yeah.

930
00:43:44,961 --> 00:43:47,841
But I'm excited about these themes.

931
00:43:47,961 --> 00:43:48,181
Yeah?

932
00:43:48,301 --> 00:43:48,981
I'm just telling you that.

933
00:43:49,021 --> 00:43:50,701
We're gonna spend a good
little penny on that,

934
00:43:50,901 --> 00:43:51,600
so Oh, boy.

935
00:43:51,641 --> 00:43:52,280
Oh, boy.

936
00:43:52,289 --> 00:43:56,109
I think the thing that we loved about
Naughty, and just to give you a little

937
00:43:56,149 --> 00:44:00,069
bit of rest about your anxiety, you don't
have to dress in theme, first of all.

938
00:44:00,089 --> 00:44:02,909
If you don't want to, you don't have
to, and there are many that do not.

939
00:44:03,449 --> 00:44:07,889
Uh, there are many that go way above and
beyond what I would ever do, and I am

940
00:44:07,929 --> 00:44:09,769
the middle-of-the-road theme kinda girl.

941
00:44:09,819 --> 00:44:10,939
I'm kinda like the way I cook.

942
00:44:10,999 --> 00:44:12,939
If it takes more than five
ingredients, including the

943
00:44:12,959 --> 00:44:14,799
spices, I'm not gonna cook it.

944
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:18,718
So if it's like, if it takes more than
three to four things to put together the

945
00:44:18,759 --> 00:44:20,599
outfit, I probably am not gonna wear it.

946
00:44:20,639 --> 00:44:22,659
I'm just not… I, just too
high maintenance for me.

947
00:44:23,099 --> 00:44:25,919
So don't- Right … feel like
you have to do all the things is

948
00:44:25,959 --> 00:44:27,239
kind of what I'm trying to say.

949
00:44:27,599 --> 00:44:32,489
The other thing, too, is, um, actually in,
I think it's next week or the week after,

950
00:44:32,979 --> 00:44:37,769
um, but you can go back and look at last
couple of years, but every year we do

951
00:44:37,899 --> 00:44:40,479
a Naughty guide to Naughty New Orleans.

952
00:44:40,939 --> 00:44:45,149
And we do a live stream on YouTube,
and so folks can come on, we talk, and

953
00:44:45,179 --> 00:44:49,999
we have Kendra, who's the director of
operations, is there, and we talk about

954
00:44:50,039 --> 00:44:51,919
kind of the logistics of the event.

955
00:44:51,959 --> 00:44:54,339
We talk about, um, what to expect.

956
00:44:54,379 --> 00:44:58,599
We talk about how it runs so that
those of you who are a little anxious

957
00:44:58,639 --> 00:45:01,719
and a little bit nervous, you'll
have a lay of the land before you go.

958
00:45:01,759 --> 00:45:03,319
And then we take questions live.

959
00:45:03,819 --> 00:45:06,379
So y- people can ask us their
questions right then and there.

960
00:45:06,419 --> 00:45:06,429
That's

961
00:45:06,429 --> 00:45:06,739
great.

962
00:45:07,039 --> 00:45:08,399
And, uh, we'll be announcing that.

963
00:45:08,479 --> 00:45:10,699
I can actually… Uh, let me look
it up on my phone and I'll tell

964
00:45:10,739 --> 00:45:11,759
you right when it's gonna be.

965
00:45:11,819 --> 00:45:12,059
Do that.

966
00:45:12,099 --> 00:45:13,179
But, uh, we'll be doing that.

967
00:45:13,199 --> 00:45:16,539
But we do have the ones from the last two
or three years are on our YouTube channel.

968
00:45:16,549 --> 00:45:18,829
So if you go to ac- to YouTube
and just look up Accidental

969
00:45:18,899 --> 00:45:20,209
Swingers, we look like this.

970
00:45:20,709 --> 00:45:21,109
That's us.

971
00:45:21,609 --> 00:45:23,359
So, uh, but yeah, and we'll be doing that-

972
00:45:23,709 --> 00:45:25,749
Actually, I, I no longer have
a beard, so- Oh, that's true.

973
00:45:25,829 --> 00:45:27,389
Tristan shaved … uh, we, we
don't look exactly like this.

974
00:45:27,429 --> 00:45:27,439
Oh.

975
00:45:27,449 --> 00:45:28,489
That's true.

976
00:45:28,599 --> 00:45:28,609
Okay.

977
00:45:28,629 --> 00:45:28,759
We don't.

978
00:45:28,789 --> 00:45:29,509
No beard.

979
00:45:29,549 --> 00:45:29,629
He

980
00:45:29,669 --> 00:45:30,169
doesn't.

981
00:45:30,509 --> 00:45:30,569
All right.

982
00:45:30,569 --> 00:45:35,829
I'm, I, I will tell you s- I also,
I also, um, uh, battle with social

983
00:45:35,889 --> 00:45:39,789
anxiety and always have, and it,
it doesn't make for easy swinging.

984
00:45:39,869 --> 00:45:42,409
But, um, but- Yeah … I,
I, I'm working with it.

985
00:45:42,919 --> 00:45:42,979
All

986
00:45:43,009 --> 00:45:43,039
right.

987
00:45:43,069 --> 00:45:46,399
But I will tell you that the beauty
of an event this large is that, and

988
00:45:46,569 --> 00:45:50,549
th- this also, um, Pris goes to your,
your concern, that it, with a, with an

989
00:45:50,589 --> 00:45:54,009
event this large there is so much that
you can do and so many options and so

990
00:45:54,109 --> 00:45:57,989
many, uh, you know, just there's so much
available that you can really ch- we, we

991
00:45:58,069 --> 00:45:59,229
like to say choose your own adventure.

992
00:45:59,269 --> 00:45:59,298
Mm-hmm.

993
00:45:59,298 --> 00:46:04,069
And so, uh, y- you can do… You c-
you can make it look what your event

994
00:46:04,129 --> 00:46:06,029
look whatever way you want it to look.

995
00:46:06,129 --> 00:46:11,369
And y- and with all of those options, it's
easy to find something that, you know, a

996
00:46:11,429 --> 00:46:12,988
path that y- that makes you comfortable.

997
00:46:13,488 --> 00:46:13,598
I'm

998
00:46:13,628 --> 00:46:14,187
excited.

999
00:46:14,198 --> 00:46:16,758
And I don't wanna go into it
too much because you, you can

1000
00:46:16,768 --> 00:46:18,188
definitely join us on that YouTube.

1001
00:46:18,288 --> 00:46:23,458
the other thing I was gonna tell you
guys, so if you, um, if you want to join

1002
00:46:23,528 --> 00:46:28,348
us, so we… I'm getting, I gotta do
it, but we, every year we have opened

1003
00:46:28,388 --> 00:46:32,188
up a Discord group for any of our
listeners that are going to Naughty.

1004
00:46:32,788 --> 00:46:35,688
And so that's how we, people
can kinda meet each other.

1005
00:46:36,108 --> 00:46:40,388
So we open up a Discord group, and
there may be, I don't know, 20, 40

1006
00:46:40,948 --> 00:46:44,188
couples in there that are all going to
Naughty, and everybody starts chatting.

1007
00:46:44,688 --> 00:46:48,348
And, um, and so that's kinda how
you meet folks before you even go.

1008
00:46:48,408 --> 00:46:51,888
And our little groups tend
to get really, um, friendly.

1009
00:46:51,988 --> 00:46:54,138
They know e- I mean, they tend to get
to know each other really, really well,

1010
00:46:54,648 --> 00:46:58,208
and they'll do dinner reservations
together and all sorts of things.

1011
00:46:58,328 --> 00:47:02,468
And so there's tons of hints
and, um, resources and stuff

1012
00:47:02,568 --> 00:47:04,248
in our, in our Discord group.

1013
00:47:04,668 --> 00:47:07,768
I would happily add you guys if you
would like, and you are more than welcome

1014
00:47:07,828 --> 00:47:10,458
to bring anybody from your community
that would like to do it, because it

1015
00:47:10,488 --> 00:47:14,428
is not an easy thing to set up, and
we're a few weeks out from the event.

1016
00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:14,468
Yeah.

1017
00:47:14,488 --> 00:47:18,078
So if you don't wanna do something like
that this year and you want to have

1018
00:47:18,108 --> 00:47:21,488
community, you're more than welcome
to let your folks know, and I'll give

1019
00:47:21,548 --> 00:47:23,428
you the link for the Discord group.

1020
00:47:23,528 --> 00:47:28,228
Um- Okay … the only thing that we ask is
that there are a few, just a few rules and

1021
00:47:28,308 --> 00:47:32,378
guidelines, and obviously we don't do any
political stuff, no hate speech, nothing

1022
00:47:32,468 --> 00:47:34,988
that could be shameful by accident even.

1023
00:47:35,128 --> 00:47:37,308
I just delete that if it's
something that someone says like,

1024
00:47:37,408 --> 00:47:39,908
"Ew, you would do that?" Then we
just delete that 'cause we don't-

1025
00:47:39,948 --> 00:47:40,308
Yeah

1026
00:47:40,348 --> 00:47:41,988
…
we wouldn't wanna
accidentally shame somebody.

1027
00:47:42,608 --> 00:47:46,288
Um, but then, uh, and then we just
don't, we post naked pictures, but

1028
00:47:46,368 --> 00:47:49,978
only in the spicy chat group- Okay
… because I never wanted someone…

1029
00:47:50,698 --> 00:47:53,938
I, that was what mortified me, was
when I was a brand new newbie and I was

1030
00:47:53,948 --> 00:47:57,528
invited to this group and I, we went
online, and it was all these pictures

1031
00:47:57,548 --> 00:48:02,408
of people fucking and pussies everywhere
and I'm like, "These people, I don't,

1032
00:48:02,488 --> 00:48:04,968
who are they?" "I don't know what they're
doing." If your mind's not ready for it.

1033
00:48:05,018 --> 00:48:06,468
"Oh my God," you know?

1034
00:48:06,668 --> 00:48:06,908
Yeah.

1035
00:48:07,488 --> 00:48:10,548
We could talk about this for two hours,
so, and walk you through all of it.

1036
00:48:10,608 --> 00:48:12,648
So definitely go check out
the old videos or join us.

1037
00:48:12,708 --> 00:48:14,948
It's gonna be Tuesday, June 2nd.

1038
00:48:14,988 --> 00:48:17,758
So I don't know when you're gonna air
this one, but, anybody who wants to join

1039
00:48:17,798 --> 00:48:18,958
us, we'll hope to see you on Tuesday.

1040
00:48:19,018 --> 00:48:20,438
But yeah, we'll talk all about it.

1041
00:48:20,478 --> 00:48:23,848
But I think the other two, the other
thing too, Pris, is that, um, as

1042
00:48:23,858 --> 00:48:26,758
Tristan said, with 4,000 people, we…

1043
00:48:27,218 --> 00:48:28,458
There's so, there is so much.

1044
00:48:28,618 --> 00:48:33,018
There is everything from the, the, the,
the parties are the parties, absolutely.

1045
00:48:33,508 --> 00:48:33,518
Mm-hmm.

1046
00:48:33,558 --> 00:48:34,448
Will there be drinking?

1047
00:48:34,738 --> 00:48:35,238
Absolutely.

1048
00:48:35,298 --> 00:48:37,098
Will there be a ton of
people not drinking?

1049
00:48:37,218 --> 00:48:37,978
Absolutely.

1050
00:48:38,308 --> 00:48:38,318
Okay.

1051
00:48:38,318 --> 00:48:39,558
They're just there for the parties.

1052
00:48:39,598 --> 00:48:43,118
They're just there to dance and have
a good time, and doing whatever.

1053
00:48:43,238 --> 00:48:46,398
Um, it's just, it's, it's
just an amazing time.

1054
00:48:46,718 --> 00:48:50,078
But there's everything from if the
parties is not your scene, there is the

1055
00:48:50,138 --> 00:48:53,458
piano bar that's open in the evening
instead of the big dance boom, boom,

1056
00:48:53,538 --> 00:48:54,978
boom parties, there's the piano bar.

1057
00:48:55,178 --> 00:48:58,718
Or there's, um, there's always
some kind of crafting or meet and

1058
00:48:58,778 --> 00:49:01,398
greet going on, and there's, of
course, the playrooms are open.

1059
00:49:01,458 --> 00:49:05,658
But there's just, there's probably
at least a dozen different activities

1060
00:49:05,718 --> 00:49:07,858
going on at any one given time.

1061
00:49:07,918 --> 00:49:08,498
I'm not kidding.

1062
00:49:08,798 --> 00:49:09,838
And multiple hotels too.

1063
00:49:09,898 --> 00:49:10,198
Yeah.

1064
00:49:10,258 --> 00:49:13,098
So, you know, and, and each
hotel kinda has its own vibe.

1065
00:49:13,298 --> 00:49:13,378
Yeah.

1066
00:49:13,498 --> 00:49:13,677
Okay.

1067
00:49:13,698 --> 00:49:16,618
So there's, there's plenty to do,
and you don't have to feel like

1068
00:49:16,738 --> 00:49:19,918
having to be at the, at the center
of the party if that is not your jam.

1069
00:49:20,338 --> 00:49:21,238
You don't have to do that.

1070
00:49:21,318 --> 00:49:25,438
We have friends that, uh, they're,
they're early birds, and they, they

1071
00:49:25,458 --> 00:49:30,018
plan all of their orgies during the
day, and nobody even sees them at night.

1072
00:49:30,318 --> 00:49:32,748
Like, I think they go to bed
probably at 9:00, and like-

1073
00:49:32,778 --> 00:49:33,768
That is my- … but they are up-

1074
00:49:34,298 --> 00:49:34,638
Yes

1075
00:49:34,678 --> 00:49:36,478
…
having a lot of sex all day long.

1076
00:49:37,138 --> 00:49:37,258
Yep.

1077
00:49:37,558 --> 00:49:37,738
That's me right there.

1078
00:49:37,738 --> 00:49:41,998
Afternoon orgies every year, and,
uh, it… I think that's a good idea.

1079
00:49:42,028 --> 00:49:42,068
That's a great idea.

1080
00:49:42,068 --> 00:49:44,698
Well, you're in luck 'cause we
have a lot of those scheduled for

1081
00:49:44,718 --> 00:49:46,118
Naughty New Orleans this year.

1082
00:49:46,508 --> 00:49:48,058
There'll be a lot of fun stuff happening.

1083
00:49:48,978 --> 00:49:49,338
I love it.

1084
00:49:49,378 --> 00:49:50,318
That's gonna be so much fun.

1085
00:49:50,398 --> 00:49:50,998
I can't wait.

1086
00:49:51,058 --> 00:49:51,458
I can't wait.

1087
00:49:51,618 --> 00:49:51,858
Yeah.

1088
00:49:51,958 --> 00:49:54,798
No, we're, we're really, really
excited, and we're happy to

1089
00:49:54,878 --> 00:49:56,118
be a part of it this year.

1090
00:49:56,238 --> 00:49:57,608
I think that's, that's probably-

1091
00:49:57,798 --> 00:49:58,098
Mm-hmm

1092
00:49:58,198 --> 00:50:01,358
…
we were already talking about
getting, to go out there.

1093
00:50:01,798 --> 00:50:06,448
But to be able to, do a show out there
as well, and, and, and, uh, experience

1094
00:50:06,508 --> 00:50:08,518
it kind of, uh, from fresh eyes.

1095
00:50:09,108 --> 00:50:10,728
Um, we've heard so much about it.

1096
00:50:10,748 --> 00:50:14,008
There's so many people that are,, for
lack of a better word, addicted to it.

1097
00:50:14,628 --> 00:50:19,107
Um, and so we are ready to get
addicted to this one as well.

1098
00:50:19,188 --> 00:50:20,668
I think it's- Yeah … it's
pretty exciting.

1099
00:50:20,708 --> 00:50:20,857
Mm-hmm.

1100
00:50:21,238 --> 00:50:24,028
Myrina and Tristan, genuinely thank you.

1101
00:50:24,248 --> 00:50:27,258
We appreciate you coming
out to, come talk to us.

1102
00:50:27,728 --> 00:50:30,088
This is exactly the kind of
conversation that this community

1103
00:50:30,168 --> 00:50:32,207
needed, and you brought it tonight.

1104
00:50:32,248 --> 00:50:33,208
We appreciate that.

1105
00:50:33,368 --> 00:50:33,708
All of it.

1106
00:50:33,808 --> 00:50:34,168
I love it.

1107
00:50:34,408 --> 00:50:35,108
So many notes.

1108
00:50:35,188 --> 00:50:39,208
I have… I, I'm gonna take so many
notes, and I may or may not be looking

1109
00:50:39,408 --> 00:50:42,888
up flights to New Orleans right now,
'cause I know we're gonna be there anyway.

1110
00:50:43,168 --> 00:50:43,868
Yeah, she's kidding.

1111
00:50:44,178 --> 00:50:45,888
We're, we're gonna, we're
gonna pay the gas prices.

1112
00:50:45,928 --> 00:50:46,448
We're driving.

1113
00:50:46,528 --> 00:50:47,168
Yeah, we're driving.

1114
00:50:47,668 --> 00:50:47,688
We're driving.

1115
00:50:47,698 --> 00:50:47,927
All right.

1116
00:50:47,998 --> 00:50:51,268
Well, if you wanna find Myrina,
and Tristan, go check out the

1117
00:50:51,288 --> 00:50:54,568
Accidental Swingers podcast
wherever you get your podcasts.

1118
00:50:55,148 --> 00:50:57,508
Uh, find them, follow them, subscribe.

1119
00:50:57,648 --> 00:50:59,188
They are the real deal.

1120
00:50:59,428 --> 00:50:59,668
Yes.

1121
00:50:59,768 --> 00:51:04,118
And their information is also gonna be in
our show notes, so you can find everything

1122
00:51:04,188 --> 00:51:06,148
Accidental Swingers there as well.

1123
00:51:06,168 --> 00:51:10,528
And for Naughty New Orleans, head
over to naughtyneworleans2026.com.

1124
00:51:10,818 --> 00:51:16,508
The 2026 event runs July 8th through
the 12th in New Orleans, and if you have

1125
00:51:16,548 --> 00:51:20,178
been on the fence about going, it's,
it's time to flip to the other side.

1126
00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:21,838
Yeah, it's such a big lifestyle event.

1127
00:51:21,878 --> 00:51:22,198
Yeah.

1128
00:51:22,238 --> 00:51:24,408
That's a lot of people- Oh … and
it's gonna be so much fun, 'cause you-

1129
00:51:24,518 --> 00:51:25,258
Absolutely … know we know how to party.

1130
00:51:25,738 --> 00:51:26,508
We know how to party.

1131
00:51:26,598 --> 00:51:28,898
That link is gonna be in the
show notes, so, uh, you don't

1132
00:51:28,938 --> 00:51:29,838
have to remember a thing.

1133
00:51:30,218 --> 00:51:30,558
Yes.

1134
00:51:30,638 --> 00:51:31,818
So go and look it up tonight.

1135
00:51:32,118 --> 00:51:32,758
Tonight.

1136
00:51:33,218 --> 00:51:33,438
All right.

1137
00:51:33,518 --> 00:51:36,158
Thank you guys for tuning in to
another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

1138
00:51:36,258 --> 00:51:40,098
While you're out there, stop by
beyond-monogamy.com, every episode we've

1139
00:51:40,158 --> 00:51:44,758
ever dropped, video clips, guest bios, our
blog, our merch, our full events calendar,

1140
00:51:44,858 --> 00:51:46,728
all sitting right there waiting for you.

1141
00:51:47,068 --> 00:51:49,918
And of course, the Beyond Monogamy
Confessional, fully anonymous.

1142
00:51:49,928 --> 00:51:49,938
Yeah.

1143
00:51:49,958 --> 00:51:51,298
We read every single one.

1144
00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:53,138
There's nothing too wild, trust me.

1145
00:51:53,178 --> 00:51:54,118
We've heard them all.

1146
00:51:54,158 --> 00:51:56,958
Whatever is on your mind about
the lifestyle, whatever question

1147
00:51:56,998 --> 00:52:01,078
you're afraid to say out loud,
drop it in beyond-monogamy.com.

1148
00:52:01,198 --> 00:52:01,698
Yeah.

1149
00:52:01,818 --> 00:52:02,378
Look at that.

1150
00:52:03,298 --> 00:52:03,818
You're good.

1151
00:52:04,398 --> 00:52:07,078
That's right, and hit that
subscribe button on Spotify,

1152
00:52:07,198 --> 00:52:08,498
Apple Podcasts, YouTube.

1153
00:52:08,618 --> 00:52:11,438
Wherever you're listening right
now, leave us a five-star review,

1154
00:52:11,518 --> 00:52:12,838
because you know you love us.

1155
00:52:13,158 --> 00:52:13,188
Yes.

1156
00:52:13,188 --> 00:52:13,938
You know you love us.

1157
00:52:14,698 --> 00:52:19,558
And with that, we appreciate you guys
listening to us for another week.

1158
00:52:19,938 --> 00:52:20,058
Yes.

1159
00:52:20,178 --> 00:52:22,018
And we will see you guys next week.

1160
00:52:22,298 --> 00:52:22,878
Bye.