Polyamory, Jealousy, and Boundaries: Making Non-Monogamy Make Sense with Polyphilia

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches, not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today we're hanging out
with someone who makes polyamory

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make sense in bite-size.

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Memeable brilliance.

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Leanne Yau, the educator
behind Poly Philia

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Leanne's British Award-winning sex
and relationships educator and trainee

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psychosexual therapist, who's been
openly non-monogamous since 2016.

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Their work blends humor, heartfelt
honesty, and seriously practical

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advice for building healthy and
non-monogamous relationships.

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You've probably seen Paraphilia blog on
Instagram and YouTube as a matter of fact.

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I know you guys have.

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Yes, because we've talked about it.

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Yes.

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Massive community smart resources,
and those save this for later

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explainers that we all screenshot.

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Leanne also offers.

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Peer support for folks navigating
jealousy and metamor dynamics,

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communication breakdowns, and
more real tools for real people.

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Absolutely.

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So welcome to Beyond Monogamy, Leanne.

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Welcome.

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You're welcome.

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Oh, thank you so much.

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That was nice.

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Yeah.

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You know, we, we are, um, you know,
like, like I was saying earlier

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and I hate to say this, but I am
very excited to talk to you mm-hmm.

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Just for the sheer fact that I've
been following you for some time now.

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Our community here in Texas
knows about you very well.

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Yeah.

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And, and you know, you, your
wonderful memes have spread

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throughout the groups that we are
in, on Facebook and on Instagram.

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And so yeah, it, we're just
excited to have you here.

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I am.

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I'm very it, we, um, I have a group
of women that it's, it's only women.

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And, um, it's a big, it's a
very large Facebook group.

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You popped up in there and I was
like, oh my goodness, this is amazing.

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We're gonna have her on.

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So everybody was excited.

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Um, so yeah, I'm, I'm super, yeah,

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It's, this is really fun.

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It is fun.

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Now, I, I, I do, before we go any further,
you know, 'cause I have, of course I

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have questions, but, uh, what I'd like
to start off with is how you came to the.

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To the non-monogamous lifestyle?

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Like what brought you here?

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How did you, what's your story,

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yeah.

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Um, my story, uh, like I said,
you know, began like in like 2016,

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like around then I was a teenager.

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I was kind of 17, 18.

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Um, and I, yeah, this is gonna be
a classic as the long distance to

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non-monogamy pipeline, like me and my
partner, we were at the time kind of

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going long distance and then it just
became a really practical conversation,

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you know, it was just like, okay,
well, we're not gonna be seeing each

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other for long stretches of time.

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We don't wanna break up, uh, we
don't wanna cheat on each other,

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but also we're horny ass teenagers
and there's gonna be a lot of needs

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that we won't be able to meet.

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And we don't wanna resent each other
for that when we could just, open

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it up and at that point in time.

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Neither of us knew that
this was a whole thing.

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Like, I, I think, I think at the
time we were both just like, wow,

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we are such geniuses for coming up
with this thing that no one else.

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I, I think I called it an open
relationship without even realizing

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that open relationship was the
term that someone else, like

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other people were already using.

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And yeah, I think it just went from there.

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I mean, that relationship
didn't end up working out.

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But yeah, I've been I've not really
looked back since then and I started

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practicing polyamory specifically around,
I wanna say like 20, 20 18, 20 19.

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So yeah, like, not, not too soon after.

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Um, but yeah, like similar to you
guys, I started out in like general

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non-monogamy, open relationships,
you know, kind of sexually open,

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but not necessarily romantically.

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And then over time I just, I was just
like, yeah, well, you know, what the hell?

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You know.

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Um, so, so yeah.

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Yeah, that, that kind of
leads to where I am now.

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And I've been as on my page,
uh, I've been running that.

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For five years now.

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Yeah.

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Like the fifth on a bus
repost quite recently.

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So yeah, it's been, it's been five years.

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Wow.

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It's been a crazy, it's
a crazy fucking ride.

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That's, yeah.

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That's, that's definitely big.

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You know,

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I do, um, admire at a very young
age that you realize you wanted

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to not break up with your partner,
but kind of like still expand that.

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Mm-hmm.

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That's, that's a really
good, I mean, like, I didn't

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even think about that at 18.

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I was monogamous, getting married
to a male, so it was, uh, I, I

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didn't have that thought, you know.

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At 18, yeah, yeah.

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18. Wow.

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Yeah, I got married, um,

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I was only 14.

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Definitely.

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Yeah.

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He was only 14 when, but not, I
didn't marry him, but we were not

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together.

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No, no, no.

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Okay.

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I was, I was

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friends.

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I was actually best friends
with her little sister.

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We went to school together.

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Yeah.

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So I'm

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four years older, but yeah, I got
married at 18, knew that I was bisexual

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and that I only wanted women, but the
way I was raised, it wasn't a thing.

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Yeah.

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Got married at 18, got divorced
with him at, I wanna say 24.

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Yeah.

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Got remarried less than a year later.

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Oh my God.

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Yeah.

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Um, ended with that
one, seven years later.

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And then

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I'm lucky number three.

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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But I think this one's gonna stick.

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I'm pretty sure that this was,

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sorry.

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That's why I'm glad we're lucky,

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as

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they say.

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Yeah.

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At that age, I did not, I didn't
think about and I cheated on

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my partner, my first partner.

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I didn't even think about that,
like opening up a relationship and

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that's, so I really admire that.

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That's really, well, it, it takes a,

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a large.

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Amount of emotional intelligence
it does that a lot of younger

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people, I think are starting to
normalize and figure out, but mm-hmm.

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Older generations like us.

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Yeah.

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We did not have that.

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Like we were not, no,

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that must have a blueprint for it at
the time, but it's, it's funny that you

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mentioned that because, you know, I. I
think like a lot of people, you know,

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come to terms with kind of the idea of
non-monogamy because like, like they

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might have had, I guess what is called
like a wandering eye or whatever, having

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multiple crushes on people, et cetera,
and then being like, wait, I don't have

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to lie about all this kind of stuff.

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Whereas I kind of came at it
from like, I, I, I wasn't.

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I wasn't cheating, but I, but what
made me realize that I wanted to be

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non-monogamous was being cheated on.

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So prior to that open relationship that
I had, I had one monogamous relationship.

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Still to date, my only
monogamous relationship.

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I don't foresee myself adding
more to that anytime soon.

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Um, but in, but in that
monogamous relationship, um, I,

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I was cheated on my boyfriend.

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He like, was secretly sleeping with like
a boy, like in our year at school, and

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I had no idea for like a couple months.

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And he did confess to me.

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I didn't like find out, but
obviously I was really upset.

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But I think I was more upset about the
fact that he didn't trust me enough to

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have a conversation with me about like,
him wanting to sleep with this guy.

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Then, the actual act of it.

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And I think when I made that distinction
and then realized that wasn't how other

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people perceived the whole situation.

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Mm-hmm.

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You know, um, that was when I was
like, oh, well maybe I think about

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relationships a little bit differently.

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And, you know, there's a whole fucking
debate in the community about whether

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it's an orientation or a choice.

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And I think it can be either, like for
me it was definitely an orientation

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though, because, you know, even before
I knew that non-monogamy was a thing, I

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was already acting very non monogamously.

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I was thinking about relationships
in a very, uh, I guess kind

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of non-traditional way.

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You know, even the one monogamous
relationship I had, like, wasn't very,

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wasn't very monogamous and not, not
just because of that whole thing, but

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also because, you know, prior to that,
like I already knew he was bi, we

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were like checking out guys together.

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It was a whole thing.

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Mm-hmm.

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I didn't even know I was bi then.

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I knew I was non-monogamous
before I knew I was bi.

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That came like a couple years later.

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Um, but even then, you know, it was just
like, yeah, this is the normal thing that

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people in monogamous relationships do.

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Right?

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It's like, no.

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So yeah.

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Yeah.

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Like, I think, I think, you

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know, it was always in the cards for me.

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That's awesome.

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That, yeah.

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That's really interesting.

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It's, um, yeah.

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No, that's all I was gonna say.

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Sorry, my brain went,

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she's stoned.

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Sorry.

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You know.

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Now, now you had said that, uh,
your you found out you were bi or

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you kind of realized that you were
bi and then you realized you were

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non-monogamous like shortly thereafter.

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No, it was the other way around.

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Oh, was it the other way around?

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I, I'm so monogamous

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first and then later on.

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Bye.

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Non

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monogamous first then.

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Bye.

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Yeah.

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Uh, so that's a lot to those
are two very heavy things to

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unpack for somebody so young.

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Like how did it affect you?

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Like, were you okay?

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Was it just one of those things where it
just fit naturally or was that something

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that you really had to sit and have
lots of internal conversations about?

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It's interesting because
I grew up in Hong Kong.

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Mm-hmm.

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So I've been in the UK
for about 10 years now.

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But, but like prior to that, I
grew up in Hong Kong and I didn't

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move to the UK until I was at 16.

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And.

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Uh, you know, Hong Kong's a pretty,
I don't know if you've ever been, but

244
00:09:23,254 --> 00:09:27,184
it's like a very kind of metropolitan
place, like quite international, you

245
00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:30,304
know, obviously has a long history
like with the British and everything.

246
00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:34,124
But ultimately still extremely
conservative, um, as a, as

247
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:35,414
a, as a place to grow up in.

248
00:09:35,864 --> 00:09:38,804
And like, my parents are like
extremely conservative, right?

249
00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:42,314
I was gonna ask, yeah, he's
first kiss, you know, like

250
00:09:42,314 --> 00:09:44,054
my mom's like Catholic yeah.

251
00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:44,924
It was a whole thing.

252
00:09:45,054 --> 00:09:50,064
But I think I was saved by the fact
that like, in my teenage years, like

253
00:09:50,064 --> 00:09:53,954
I was on Tumblr, like every other
kind of quit teenage back then.

254
00:09:54,174 --> 00:09:57,264
And I, yeah, and I was exposed to a lot
of like LGBT media and like, you know,

255
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,464
I was reading a lot of fan fiction.

256
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:01,964
And so, you know, like even though
I. Could not kind talk about that.

257
00:10:01,964 --> 00:10:06,134
In my day-to-day life, like I could
escape online and like online was the

258
00:10:06,134 --> 00:10:09,814
place where you know, I could be kind
of open about exploration and, you know,

259
00:10:10,094 --> 00:10:13,204
read like lots of different read about
lots of different kinks, you know, like,

260
00:10:13,204 --> 00:10:16,789
and some people could argue I probably
was exposed to that shit way too young.

261
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:21,004
Um, but, um, but you know, like I
think it was a safe haven for me.

262
00:10:21,094 --> 00:10:25,974
And you know, like the blog is long
defunct, but like before I, you

263
00:10:25,974 --> 00:10:28,764
know, started running this Instagram,
like when I was like 15, like I had

264
00:10:28,764 --> 00:10:30,324
like 20,000 followers on Tumblr.

265
00:10:30,774 --> 00:10:31,174
Um, wow.

266
00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:33,624
So, you know, I was, I was in there.

267
00:10:34,124 --> 00:10:39,344
So when it came to kind of exploring my
sexuality, relationship, orientation,

268
00:10:39,344 --> 00:10:45,614
whatever, I think it, it wasn't as
earth shaking of a realization as I

269
00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:48,434
think it would've been if I hadn't been
exposed to all of that stuff online.

270
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:49,184
Mm. Um,

271
00:10:49,394 --> 00:10:51,974
I think I'd given myself like the
normalization and the self-acceptance

272
00:10:51,974 --> 00:10:53,924
that I needed to, you know,
kind of come to terms with it.

273
00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:55,874
And I never really formally came out.

274
00:10:56,204 --> 00:10:57,134
To the world.

275
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,924
Like I, I mean, I came out to my
family and that's like a whole thing.

276
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:03,734
But I was at university and I
didn't tell people I was bisexual.

277
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:07,064
I just started acting bisexually
and I just let people figure it

278
00:11:07,064 --> 00:11:09,119
out, acting bisexually,

279
00:11:09,619 --> 00:11:11,119
you know, like, you know,

280
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:12,834
oh my God, what

281
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:13,274
does that mean?

282
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,939
Um, big point and new term, big parties.

283
00:11:16,939 --> 00:11:20,899
There'd be big parties and I'd be like,
okay, I've got six friends of benefits.

284
00:11:20,899 --> 00:11:22,819
I'm gonna invite all
of them to this party.

285
00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:23,514
I'm gonna mix Yeah.

286
00:11:23,864 --> 00:11:26,154
Them, you know, um, and yeah.

287
00:11:26,154 --> 00:11:27,144
And it's gonna be a nice time.

288
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,574
And if people are confused,
if people judge, that's their

289
00:11:29,574 --> 00:11:30,864
business, it's not my problem.

290
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:31,554
I love that.

291
00:11:31,554 --> 00:11:31,884
That's

292
00:11:31,884 --> 00:11:32,214
Yeah.

293
00:11:32,214 --> 00:11:33,084
That's their problem.

294
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:34,074
That's not your problem.

295
00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:34,854
Yeah.

296
00:11:34,854 --> 00:11:35,314
Yeah, yeah.

297
00:11:35,314 --> 00:11:37,974
And, um, you know, my, my
parents like were scandalized.

298
00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:39,384
They are still scandalized.

299
00:11:39,454 --> 00:11:43,744
But like, I think they, they've quieted,
they've quieted down a little bit

300
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:47,594
now that I've managed to, navigate a
career, like with this whole thing.

301
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:48,014
Yeah.

302
00:11:48,014 --> 00:11:50,474
And especially now that I'm training
to be a therapist that's like, ah, yes.

303
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:50,684
Okay.

304
00:11:50,684 --> 00:11:53,234
That's something we can
tell, we can justify.

305
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,149
That's not the Yeah.

306
00:11:54,154 --> 00:11:54,494
Yeah.

307
00:11:54,494 --> 00:11:57,644
That's a professional sounding career
that, you know, we can tell our

308
00:11:57,644 --> 00:12:02,294
people about rather than just someone
who somehow makes money from videos

309
00:12:02,294 --> 00:12:05,174
on the internet, which I think is
just something they just don't, they

310
00:12:05,174 --> 00:12:06,704
just fundamentally don't understand.

311
00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:07,154
Yeah.

312
00:12:07,274 --> 00:12:11,794
Um, the context for this as well is
that, you know, I I was supposed to

313
00:12:11,794 --> 00:12:13,294
go into a career of corporate law.

314
00:12:13,584 --> 00:12:13,644
Wow.

315
00:12:13,644 --> 00:12:16,584
Like I studied, I studied
law at Oxford University, you

316
00:12:16,584 --> 00:12:17,334
know, it was a whole thing.

317
00:12:17,474 --> 00:12:21,764
And I, you know, I finished, I did finish
my degree, but like, while I was still

318
00:12:21,764 --> 00:12:25,544
at university, you know, like I started
like running my page and things like that,

319
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,564
and then just took off in a whole other
direction and I was like, you know what?

320
00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:31,044
Fuck corporate law, I'm not gonna do that.

321
00:12:31,494 --> 00:12:34,584
Um, which yeah, my parents are very
upset about, but I think they've calmed

322
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:36,159
down now, so I think they're doing well.

323
00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:36,759
That's a very long

324
00:12:36,759 --> 00:12:36,959
answer.

325
00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:37,599
Yeah.

326
00:12:37,604 --> 00:12:40,104
I mean, well, it's great that
you get to do what you love.

327
00:12:40,164 --> 00:12:40,284
Yeah.

328
00:12:40,284 --> 00:12:42,894
I mean, that's, it's not work
if you're doing what you love.

329
00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:43,479
Exactly.

330
00:12:43,479 --> 00:12:43,489
Yeah.

331
00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:44,214
But,

332
00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:49,704
you know, you, you lead into something
really great there because it poly flia.

333
00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:49,854
Yeah.

334
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:55,164
I mean, this one, how did you even
get to that point where you started

335
00:12:55,164 --> 00:12:57,024
that, like, where did it come from?

336
00:12:57,024 --> 00:12:57,654
Where did this, where it stopped being

337
00:12:57,654 --> 00:12:59,844
fun and it was actually,
now you're just, yeah.

338
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,094
And then all of a sudden
it, it takes off like.

339
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:03,999
How was this thing born?

340
00:13:04,119 --> 00:13:04,479
Really?

341
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:08,199
I mean, it was led by my audience
really, because I started my page

342
00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:12,159
as like a, uh, like so I was doing
a master's in law at that point in

343
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,719
time, and it was boring as shit.

344
00:13:13,839 --> 00:13:17,809
And I, I started my page in like
November, 2020 because I was just like,

345
00:13:17,809 --> 00:13:19,609
please, like save me from this hell.

346
00:13:19,939 --> 00:13:23,479
Um, and so I, you know, it was an
outlet for me to just be like silly

347
00:13:23,539 --> 00:13:27,799
and make memes and, you know, and
then, yeah, and then like the memes

348
00:13:27,799 --> 00:13:31,059
took off and I was like, okay I
guess this is what the people want.

349
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:32,229
I'll continue doing that.

350
00:13:32,799 --> 00:13:35,649
You know, I didn't go into it thinking
I'm gonna make a career out of this.

351
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:35,829
Right?

352
00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:38,469
I was like, I'm gonna do this on the
side and have some fun, you know?

353
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:42,379
And I guess just like slave away at
this, job that I'm not having fun at.

354
00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:43,609
And.

355
00:13:43,984 --> 00:13:47,844
I guess basically over time, like people
started being like, we really wanna hear

356
00:13:47,844 --> 00:13:49,584
kind of more educational stuff from you.

357
00:13:49,584 --> 00:13:53,204
We wanna see kind of slightly more long
form stuff, like, I want wanna hear more

358
00:13:53,204 --> 00:13:57,154
about your story and you know, kind of
what tips you've got and things like that.

359
00:13:57,154 --> 00:13:59,194
And so I was like, okay, well I'll
start doing a bit more of that.

360
00:13:59,224 --> 00:14:02,434
And then people were like, Hey, I'd
really love to like pick your brain.

361
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:04,294
I'd really like to kind
of talk to you personally.

362
00:14:04,294 --> 00:14:05,494
Do you offer that as a service?

363
00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:08,254
And I was like, I guess I could, you
know, I can, I can, I can do that.

364
00:14:08,254 --> 00:14:08,314
Yeah.

365
00:14:08,794 --> 00:14:11,404
And then so, you know, and then
people were like, oh, like I,

366
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,514
we'd love more exclusive content.

367
00:14:12,694 --> 00:14:13,684
Like, please start a Patreon.

368
00:14:13,684 --> 00:14:14,404
So I did that.

369
00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:17,044
You know, so it's all
been led by my audience.

370
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:17,619
You know?

371
00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:18,549
Yeah.

372
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:18,569
That's awesome.

373
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:20,829
Um, like I just went where like
people were asking, I was like, yeah,

374
00:14:20,829 --> 00:14:21,979
I feel I could probably do that.

375
00:14:21,979 --> 00:14:24,009
So, and now, now it's a whole thing.

376
00:14:24,009 --> 00:14:27,429
And now it's, honestly, it's, it's
due to my audience that I have

377
00:14:27,429 --> 00:14:28,899
this massive career change, right?

378
00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:31,979
Because like, not just, like all the
opportunities I've gotten to like,

379
00:14:32,249 --> 00:14:35,729
do workshops and speak at festivals
and be interviewed on the radio and,

380
00:14:36,089 --> 00:14:39,789
like, and, and speak and just, yeah,
talk to all kinds of amazing people,

381
00:14:39,789 --> 00:14:43,569
but also, you know, to start training
as a therapist because I realized

382
00:14:43,569 --> 00:14:45,519
that I enjoyed talking to people.

383
00:14:45,909 --> 00:14:50,349
Um, and, you know, really kind of sharing
that like kind of intimacy, like people

384
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:53,529
and like hearing their stories, hearing
their perspectives, you know, trying

385
00:14:53,529 --> 00:14:54,879
to kind of support them, et cetera.

386
00:14:55,209 --> 00:14:57,519
Holding that space for
them, being that refuge.

387
00:14:57,799 --> 00:15:01,159
You know, like if they didn't really
have any people in their life who like,

388
00:15:01,159 --> 00:15:05,369
got it right that made me go like,
okay, like maybe this is my calling,

389
00:15:05,429 --> 00:15:08,369
you know, maybe I'm start, I should
start taking this more seriously.

390
00:15:08,729 --> 00:15:10,859
Um, so no, basically it
was a complete accident.

391
00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:15,839
And yeah, I, I never thought my
wildest dreams, yeah, I, you know,

392
00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:19,139
do like what I'm doing now and
obviously, like, I think it was also

393
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:20,159
the right place, the right time.

394
00:15:20,264 --> 00:15:24,404
Because, you know, I started my
page in 2020, in 20 21, 20 22.

395
00:15:24,404 --> 00:15:27,254
Like everyone and their mother wanted to
open their relationship post lockdown.

396
00:15:27,254 --> 00:15:29,489
Right, um, for a variety of reasons.

397
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,709
It was like, it was just the zeitgeist.

398
00:15:31,754 --> 00:15:35,294
And you know, and my page was like
growing like astronomically fast.

399
00:15:35,294 --> 00:15:36,404
I was, I couldn't believe it.

400
00:15:36,884 --> 00:15:39,134
Um, so I, I got, I mean, I, I worked hard.

401
00:15:39,224 --> 00:15:42,644
I won't deny that, but, um, I
think I also got really lucky.

402
00:15:43,044 --> 00:15:47,154
I think if I'd started doing what
I was doing then, like now, I

403
00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:50,844
don't think it would've taken off
like anywhere, like near as much.

404
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:51,264
Yeah.

405
00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:54,479
And yeah, I mean there are lots of
other people doing what I'm doing

406
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,579
now, whereas like back in 2020, I
think there were like, maybe like.

407
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:58,049
Four of us.

408
00:15:58,054 --> 00:15:58,214
Mm-hmm.

409
00:15:58,314 --> 00:16:01,769
And may, maybe only one of us, like, uh,
in terms of social media, obviously the

410
00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:05,819
plenty of educators existed before then on
like blogs and stuff, but like in terms of

411
00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:10,139
the social media wave, like I was the only
one who was kind of taking it seriously.

412
00:16:10,229 --> 00:16:10,289
Yeah.

413
00:16:10,529 --> 00:16:13,019
In terms of posting every
day and stuff like that.

414
00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:15,339
So, but all that's changed
now, which is great.

415
00:16:15,339 --> 00:16:18,999
You know, now I have like, something
akin to colleagues, which is really nice.

416
00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:20,094
Yeah.

417
00:16:20,124 --> 00:16:20,394
Yeah.

418
00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:25,054
And you know, you, you've inspired a
lot of people to jump into this sort

419
00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:26,684
of thing which is really, really cool.

420
00:16:26,714 --> 00:16:27,104
Yeah.

421
00:16:27,104 --> 00:16:27,434
And, you know,

422
00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:30,314
your, your memes alone are educational.

423
00:16:30,374 --> 00:16:30,464
Mm-hmm.

424
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:35,324
I mean, they get passed around like
swinger and poly trading cards,

425
00:16:35,824 --> 00:16:40,004
which I think is incredible because
I was, as a kid, I used to collect

426
00:16:40,004 --> 00:16:43,269
Marvel cards and you should make
little cards now and Facebook cards.

427
00:16:43,649 --> 00:16:44,029
Oh my god.

428
00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:47,784
And these things, I mean, they
seriously get, people share 'em on

429
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:50,934
their different Facebooks and it's
like, here, look at this here, you

430
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:51,984
know, you're going through a hard time.

431
00:16:51,984 --> 00:16:52,674
Check this out.

432
00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:56,364
You know, and I'm saying, and
so it's, it's really, it's not

433
00:16:56,364 --> 00:17:00,624
just what you know, but it's how
you are framing it for everybody

434
00:17:00,924 --> 00:17:03,354
that's really making a difference.

435
00:17:03,654 --> 00:17:07,584
I do gotta ask because from a a
content creator's perspective,

436
00:17:07,584 --> 00:17:10,104
I know how exhausting it is.

437
00:17:10,104 --> 00:17:11,394
I know how Yeah.

438
00:17:11,394 --> 00:17:15,924
Um, the gray zones where it,
you can't think of what next.

439
00:17:16,374 --> 00:17:20,324
Do you, is that ever been anything
of a struggle for you or is it been

440
00:17:20,324 --> 00:17:21,854
just something that's come naturally?

441
00:17:21,854 --> 00:17:23,984
You always seem to have
something in your arsenal.

442
00:17:24,484 --> 00:17:29,314
I do have like an ideas folder that
I always kind of turn to if I, you

443
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:32,734
know, can't think of what I wanna
make on a specific day, but honestly

444
00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:36,424
I just kind of jump on trends,
like, you know, like social media

445
00:17:36,424 --> 00:17:37,684
moves at a million miles an hour.

446
00:17:37,684 --> 00:17:39,844
And I think that's is exciting about it.

447
00:17:39,844 --> 00:17:42,124
It is exhausting sometimes,
but also exciting.

448
00:17:42,514 --> 00:17:48,284
Um, and and yeah, like, I think, I
mean, I've always been like, I've

449
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,574
always been a creative person.

450
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,984
So, you know, like, I mean, I think it
comes with like the A DH, adhd, like

451
00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:55,634
my mind is just all over the place.

452
00:17:56,024 --> 00:18:01,464
And so, yeah, like I, I'll just, you know,
see something, I'll think of something,

453
00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:03,084
I'll do it like right then and there.

454
00:18:03,234 --> 00:18:06,264
My work schedule's extremely
chaotic 'cause of that.

455
00:18:06,744 --> 00:18:07,974
Um, so.

456
00:18:08,559 --> 00:18:12,159
No, I guess I don't really struggle,
uh, with, with it that much.

457
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,679
And I think it also helps that a
lot of the content I make is quite

458
00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:20,209
short form, so the gratification,
like it is like a real motivator if

459
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:23,449
you're asking me to write like a long
term project, like absolutely not.

460
00:18:23,539 --> 00:18:28,179
You know, I've, I've, I, you know,
like fun fact I actually signed a book

461
00:18:28,179 --> 00:18:33,999
deal back in 2021, but I terminated the
contract last year because it took me four

462
00:18:33,999 --> 00:18:37,809
years to write like, I don't know, 2000
words and I was just like, this is just.

463
00:18:37,994 --> 00:18:38,654
Depressing.

464
00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:42,619
Like, I'm not and um, yeah, I
just, you know, I, I need I,

465
00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:45,889
I really, I think social media
works quite well for me, you know?

466
00:18:45,889 --> 00:18:45,899
Yeah.

467
00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:47,329
It's kind of what I grew up with.

468
00:18:47,329 --> 00:18:48,889
Like it's what I'm familiar with.

469
00:18:48,889 --> 00:18:52,159
It's like, I like the audience
interaction, you know, it just works

470
00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:55,464
much better for me, um, than just kind
of doing my own thing, enslaving away

471
00:18:55,544 --> 00:18:56,829
at like a project for years and years.

472
00:18:57,289 --> 00:18:59,359
I still hope to do, like,
write a book someday, but,

473
00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:00,939
that's like way down the line.

474
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:01,514
Yeah.

475
00:19:01,904 --> 00:19:02,194
Yeah.

476
00:19:02,889 --> 00:19:05,319
Well, you know, with your busy
schedule and everything that you're

477
00:19:05,319 --> 00:19:11,004
doing, do you have time to, to have
other relationships or is it Yeah.

478
00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:11,124
Yeah.

479
00:19:11,779 --> 00:19:12,834
Yeah, that's good.

480
00:19:12,834 --> 00:19:13,044
Yeah, I

481
00:19:13,044 --> 00:19:16,189
mean, you know, like my job is
chaotic, but it's also very flexible.

482
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:19,714
I mean, I can work from anywhere I
work from my phone you know, oh yeah.

483
00:19:19,719 --> 00:19:23,969
Like, and so, so, you know, I,
I kind of like, I kind of work

484
00:19:23,969 --> 00:19:27,039
24 7, but throughout the day I'm
also kind of doing other stuff.

485
00:19:27,039 --> 00:19:30,729
I kind of jump between different tasks,
you know, it like, it really depends on

486
00:19:30,729 --> 00:19:33,239
kind of my motivation on any given day.

487
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,099
I know that's not how some
content creators do it.

488
00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:37,739
Some people like block out specific
kind of work schedules for themselves.

489
00:19:38,339 --> 00:19:38,759
I tried.

490
00:19:38,759 --> 00:19:40,319
That doesn't work for my brain.

491
00:19:40,349 --> 00:19:42,719
My brain just goes where
it wants to go, you know?

492
00:19:43,019 --> 00:19:45,389
So I wake up and I'm like, what
do I feel called to do today?

493
00:19:45,389 --> 00:19:48,569
And I eventually just end up
procrastinating on enough things

494
00:19:48,569 --> 00:19:49,559
that I get everything done.

495
00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:53,009
Because I always have three, at least
three things that I could be doing.

496
00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:56,249
And like I am always avoiding
something by doing something else,

497
00:19:56,249 --> 00:19:57,929
and it just keeps swapping around.

498
00:19:58,349 --> 00:20:00,359
And so I, I, yeah, it works for me.

499
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:05,029
I, I end up being quite productive,
but in terms of my kind of how I fit

500
00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:08,149
kind of dating and relationships around
that, I mean, I can work around other

501
00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:09,359
people's schedules because mm-hmm.

502
00:20:09,594 --> 00:20:10,644
I decide my hours.

503
00:20:11,064 --> 00:20:14,364
Um, so, yeah, like it hasn't
really been an issue for me.

504
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:17,384
You know, like if someone's working a
nine to five, I'm like, cool, you know,

505
00:20:17,434 --> 00:20:20,764
let's kind of walk around that someone's
working night shifts, that's fine.

506
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:22,974
You know, someone goes
self employed like me.

507
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:26,004
Even better, you know, we can hang out
in the daytime, we can do whatever, you

508
00:20:26,004 --> 00:20:30,289
know, so, yeah, like it's, it's a real
blessing, you know, because, uh, I, I

509
00:20:30,294 --> 00:20:33,464
can imagine like if I was working a nine
to five and like all my partners were

510
00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:36,494
also working nine to fives and we all
had to share the same like weekends and

511
00:20:36,494 --> 00:20:38,804
evenings, it'd be a fucking nightmare.

512
00:20:39,319 --> 00:20:39,609
Yeah.

513
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:40,369
That would be crazy.

514
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:40,649
Yeah.

515
00:20:40,789 --> 00:20:41,289
Oh my gosh.

516
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:41,729
Yeah.

517
00:20:41,869 --> 00:20:45,434
So, um, you know, like, you know,
people manage it, but you know, it's

518
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:49,594
just having that flexibility really
like counts for so much and, you

519
00:20:49,594 --> 00:20:53,074
know, it all feels like I can always
learn from like the relationships

520
00:20:53,074 --> 00:20:56,194
that I'm in and, the molecules I'm
in and the people like around me.

521
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:59,254
I always have so many interesting
conversations that like, yeah.

522
00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:03,894
Like work and play and, life, you
know, they all blend together for me.

523
00:21:03,984 --> 00:21:05,704
Um, and I quite like it that way.

524
00:21:06,204 --> 00:21:06,534
Yeah.

525
00:21:06,594 --> 00:21:11,084
You know, I, I will say when we started
our podcast it, it, I went through all

526
00:21:11,084 --> 00:21:16,424
our topics fairly quickly in the fir well,
because we dropped two episodes a week.

527
00:21:16,424 --> 00:21:21,044
So we have an hour long episode on Sundays
and a 30 minute episode on, on Wednesdays.

528
00:21:21,104 --> 00:21:21,194
Mm-hmm.

529
00:21:21,434 --> 00:21:27,014
And so I ran through these topics and
I sat back after a few weeks and I was

530
00:21:27,014 --> 00:21:28,604
like, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

531
00:21:28,604 --> 00:21:28,694
Mm-hmm.

532
00:21:29,144 --> 00:21:32,924
And by this time, things were
picking up for us and we were

533
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:34,814
getting invited to a lot more stuff.

534
00:21:35,114 --> 00:21:35,234
Mm-hmm.

535
00:21:35,234 --> 00:21:39,909
And we were in more situations and just
being around people, things just pop up

536
00:21:39,909 --> 00:21:41,654
naturally started bringing things up.

537
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:42,944
Yeah, exactly.

538
00:21:43,304 --> 00:21:45,464
Now I don't really struggle so much.

539
00:21:45,469 --> 00:21:50,444
And, and somebody was, uh, we, we just
did a show with another podcaster and they

540
00:21:50,444 --> 00:21:52,604
said, you guys drop two episodes a week.

541
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:53,444
I don't know how you do it.

542
00:21:53,444 --> 00:21:55,094
Like, how are you staying fresh?

543
00:21:55,094 --> 00:21:55,424
And I'm like.

544
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:57,899
It's literally what's around us.

545
00:21:57,929 --> 00:21:58,019
Mm-hmm.

546
00:21:58,259 --> 00:21:59,584
It's the people that we're talking to.

547
00:21:59,584 --> 00:21:59,944
Mm-hmm.

548
00:22:00,134 --> 00:22:01,264
Like, something comes

549
00:22:01,284 --> 00:22:01,504
up.

550
00:22:01,924 --> 00:22:03,419
No, I relate to that so much.

551
00:22:03,419 --> 00:22:06,359
It's like, you know, I'm continually
inspired by the people around me and

552
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,779
I'm very grateful to the people around
me that they let me just Yap about

553
00:22:09,779 --> 00:22:11,519
the bullshit that we each talk about.

554
00:22:12,019 --> 00:22:13,224
Because like, yeah.

555
00:22:13,224 --> 00:22:16,454
I have to be very careful with
the people that I choose to,

556
00:22:16,514 --> 00:22:17,654
you know, spend my time with.

557
00:22:17,654 --> 00:22:21,044
Because some of them are like, they can
be quite concerned for their privacy.

558
00:22:21,104 --> 00:22:21,284
Right.

559
00:22:21,284 --> 00:22:21,554
You know?

560
00:22:21,969 --> 00:22:22,319
Right.

561
00:22:22,319 --> 00:22:25,514
Um, and you know, like others, like,
even if they're anonymized and stuff like

562
00:22:25,514 --> 00:22:29,434
that might feel kind of some type of way,
uh, like about me you know, essentially

563
00:22:29,434 --> 00:22:30,829
monetizing my personal life, you know?

564
00:22:30,989 --> 00:22:31,884
'cause that's let's be real.

565
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:33,354
That is one doing Exactly.

566
00:22:33,469 --> 00:22:35,704
Um, so, you know, it's.

567
00:22:35,714 --> 00:22:35,774
Yeah.

568
00:22:36,644 --> 00:22:40,604
So I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm so grateful
to people who like, let me do that.

569
00:22:40,604 --> 00:22:43,574
And some of them are even like, oh, like,
you know, let's, let's talk about this.

570
00:22:43,574 --> 00:22:46,994
And, you know, maybe, maybe like, you can
write like a, you can make a meme about

571
00:22:46,994 --> 00:22:50,774
it or something like that, and I can like
tell my friends, like, that's awesome.

572
00:22:50,889 --> 00:22:51,239
Right.

573
00:22:51,309 --> 00:22:51,799
Awesome.

574
00:22:52,334 --> 00:22:52,424
I

575
00:22:52,424 --> 00:22:53,054
like that.

576
00:22:53,204 --> 00:22:53,774
Yeah.

577
00:22:53,774 --> 00:22:53,784
Yeah.

578
00:22:54,074 --> 00:22:57,054
So being that, you have a lot of
people around you and stuff like

579
00:22:57,054 --> 00:23:01,244
that, what are the three myths
that you see the most Myths?

580
00:23:01,244 --> 00:23:01,934
About?

581
00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:03,319
About poly?

582
00:23:03,679 --> 00:23:03,979
About

583
00:23:03,979 --> 00:23:04,639
polyamory?

584
00:23:04,644 --> 00:23:04,904
Yeah.

585
00:23:04,939 --> 00:23:05,239
Yeah.

586
00:23:05,329 --> 00:23:06,769
Or non-monogamy period.

587
00:23:06,769 --> 00:23:07,069
Yeah.

588
00:23:07,399 --> 00:23:08,569
I mean there are so many.

589
00:23:08,829 --> 00:23:12,459
I think like it's also an age thing
as well, like, I think, 'cause I

590
00:23:12,459 --> 00:23:14,649
started non-monogamy relatively young.

591
00:23:15,039 --> 00:23:15,129
Mm-hmm.

592
00:23:15,399 --> 00:23:19,209
Um, and you know, in my early
twenties I definitely got a

593
00:23:19,209 --> 00:23:20,889
lot of like, oh, well, you.

594
00:23:21,554 --> 00:23:24,074
You're still young, you are,
you know, you're messing around.

595
00:23:24,074 --> 00:23:26,144
You'll, you know, you don't
know what true love is like.

596
00:23:26,144 --> 00:23:26,504
Yeah.

597
00:23:26,504 --> 00:23:29,684
And you know, you'll find someone who
will like, kind of radically change

598
00:23:29,684 --> 00:23:31,274
your perspective on love and marriage.

599
00:23:31,274 --> 00:23:32,414
And I'm like, Hmm, okay.

600
00:23:32,914 --> 00:23:33,419
Sounds fake.

601
00:23:33,649 --> 00:23:33,939
Okay.

602
00:23:34,319 --> 00:23:38,579
A and as I'm getting, I guess closer to
my, I mean, I'm still young, but like,

603
00:23:38,609 --> 00:23:43,019
I'm 27, but like as I'm getting closer
to my thirties, I'm getting more people

604
00:23:43,019 --> 00:23:46,649
kind of shifting towards like, wait,
like why haven't you, like, why aren't

605
00:23:46,649 --> 00:23:50,789
you doing the things that most people
would be doing at your age in terms of

606
00:23:50,789 --> 00:23:53,309
like thinking about settling down in
the traditional way and all of that.

607
00:23:53,309 --> 00:23:55,949
Like, you're still doing this
thing that we totally thought

608
00:23:55,949 --> 00:23:57,269
would be a phase like 10 years ago.

609
00:23:57,809 --> 00:23:58,799
So, so yeah.

610
00:23:58,799 --> 00:24:01,999
I, I think the, probably the biggest
thing is just the temporary nature of it.

611
00:24:01,999 --> 00:24:07,669
Like, and I think also like a projection
of, immaturity, um, of like a lack

612
00:24:07,669 --> 00:24:11,469
of responsibility, you know, like
around like a self-centeredness, and

613
00:24:11,469 --> 00:24:15,389
yeah, just like kind of contemporary
nature, like of the whole thing, yeah.

614
00:24:15,394 --> 00:24:16,804
Um, and yeah.

615
00:24:16,809 --> 00:24:16,989
About that.

616
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:17,829
I never thought about that,

617
00:24:18,129 --> 00:24:18,709
but that's, yeah, I

618
00:24:18,709 --> 00:24:19,909
don't, that was very interesting.

619
00:24:19,909 --> 00:24:20,029
Yeah.

620
00:24:20,029 --> 00:24:21,634
I've never That's a thought
about that Great way to

621
00:24:21,634 --> 00:24:24,214
frame it because I, I, I never
would've thought about that, but

622
00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:25,534
you, you're absolutely right.

623
00:24:25,534 --> 00:24:27,874
We've had that come up several
different times mm-hmm.

624
00:24:28,114 --> 00:24:30,454
Where people have framed it in that way.

625
00:24:30,814 --> 00:24:33,514
Uh, and, and it's like, oh, well,
you know, this is not gonna last.

626
00:24:33,514 --> 00:24:36,074
Like this is it's, it's
a burned out phase.

627
00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:39,764
You guys are gonna come back to the
dark side at some point, you know?

628
00:24:40,094 --> 00:24:40,814
Yeah, yeah.

629
00:24:40,814 --> 00:24:44,114
And it's, and it's like, it's not
even, uh, like even with like little

630
00:24:44,114 --> 00:24:46,664
relationship shifts as well, like, you
know, obviously there was like, yeah.

631
00:24:46,664 --> 00:24:49,154
Being, being non-monogamous and,
you know, doing all of that.

632
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:49,924
And but.

633
00:24:50,494 --> 00:24:54,554
Like a couple months ago, and I talked
about this on my Patreon in detail me and

634
00:24:54,554 --> 00:24:59,414
my partner of three and a half years you
know, we'd been living together for like

635
00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:01,344
two years, you know, out of that time.

636
00:25:01,764 --> 00:25:04,304
Um, we decided to go long distance.

637
00:25:04,354 --> 00:25:07,404
Mainly because, you know, job market
being what it is, um, he works in

638
00:25:07,404 --> 00:25:10,974
a very niche field and so he had
to like look outside of where we

639
00:25:10,974 --> 00:25:12,744
live for like a job in his field.

640
00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:16,044
And so he ended up moving somewhere that's
about like a two hour train journey away.

641
00:25:16,504 --> 00:25:19,414
And that meant, you know, no longer
being nesting partners and you

642
00:25:19,414 --> 00:25:22,354
know, kind of living separately and,
you know, visiting each other, uh,

643
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:23,914
on a regular basis kind of thing.

644
00:25:24,544 --> 00:25:29,554
And, I think like, my, my family
were supportive but also confused.

645
00:25:29,554 --> 00:25:33,424
And I think my mom like was really
anxious about like this being

646
00:25:33,424 --> 00:25:34,684
like the beginning of the end.

647
00:25:35,014 --> 00:25:35,764
And I was like.

648
00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:37,969
What do you think we've been,
you know, like, like our

649
00:25:37,969 --> 00:25:39,619
relationship is so flexible.

650
00:25:39,859 --> 00:25:40,129
Yeah.

651
00:25:40,129 --> 00:25:42,919
You know, like, we, like, it's, it's
extremely, like that's the really

652
00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:43,969
nice thing about non-monogamy.

653
00:25:43,969 --> 00:25:47,629
It's so flexible and accommodating for
all kinds of different changes, which

654
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:51,019
is not to say like, like any change
can be survived or anything like that,

655
00:25:51,019 --> 00:25:53,569
but like, this isn't, like, not a big
deal in the grand scheme of things.

656
00:25:54,049 --> 00:25:54,139
Mm-hmm.

657
00:25:54,379 --> 00:25:58,159
Um, and you know, four months later
things are going stro stronger.

658
00:25:58,279 --> 00:26:01,639
I think I would argue actually, because,
you know, we each have our own space.

659
00:26:01,639 --> 00:26:04,169
Like, my partner's more of an
introvert, so like now he's like fully

660
00:26:04,169 --> 00:26:06,244
recharged, like when we freaking now.

661
00:26:06,759 --> 00:26:09,579
Whereas before, like, you know, I
think he'd just be like tolerating

662
00:26:09,579 --> 00:26:11,739
my, like, just a DHD rambles.

663
00:26:12,244 --> 00:26:15,804
Um, but like, and, uh, but, but
yeah, you know, even kind of little

664
00:26:15,804 --> 00:26:17,784
changes like that, people would be
like, oh, this isn't gonna last.

665
00:26:17,784 --> 00:26:19,644
You know, because you're not
following this traditional path

666
00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:20,664
and, you know, why would you.

667
00:26:21,309 --> 00:26:24,729
Do all that and build such a, you know,
quote unquote serious relationship

668
00:26:24,729 --> 00:26:27,099
and then go backwards, right?

669
00:26:27,339 --> 00:26:27,399
Yeah.

670
00:26:27,399 --> 00:26:29,829
By, by like not living together anymore.

671
00:26:29,829 --> 00:26:33,189
And we're like, well, I mean, this is
a new, this is, this is, this isn't

672
00:26:33,189 --> 00:26:34,959
even like a step forward or backward.

673
00:26:34,959 --> 00:26:36,849
It's just like, this is what it is.

674
00:26:36,849 --> 00:26:37,689
Like Yeah.

675
00:26:37,689 --> 00:26:38,499
You know, what am I gonna do?

676
00:26:38,499 --> 00:26:41,439
Like, haven't been unemployed, like,
you know, and, and not feeling like a

677
00:26:41,439 --> 00:26:42,909
sense of purpose, like in, in my home.

678
00:26:42,909 --> 00:26:43,779
Like, no, that would suck.

679
00:26:43,809 --> 00:26:44,229
You know?

680
00:26:44,229 --> 00:26:45,699
So it, yeah.

681
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:49,179
But I think basically what I'm trying
to say is like any departure from

682
00:26:49,179 --> 00:26:52,149
the, you know, not just monogamy, but
also just the general relationship

683
00:26:52,149 --> 00:26:53,949
escalator, like really freaks people out.

684
00:26:53,949 --> 00:26:56,319
Like I think even if me and my
partner had been in a monogamous

685
00:26:56,319 --> 00:26:59,379
relationship, like people would still
be freaking out at this decision.

686
00:26:59,769 --> 00:27:00,249
Um, yeah.

687
00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:01,319
Wow.

688
00:27:01,349 --> 00:27:02,219
That is true.

689
00:27:02,429 --> 00:27:03,844
Now, Leanne, I, so I, I've.

690
00:27:04,584 --> 00:27:07,784
There's a, a topic that I've been
wanting to talk to you about.

691
00:27:07,784 --> 00:27:09,944
'cause I, I love your insight on things.

692
00:27:10,484 --> 00:27:12,764
It's big for me, jealousy.

693
00:27:13,364 --> 00:27:13,454
Mm-hmm.

694
00:27:14,144 --> 00:27:18,404
For me, jealousy, I think
is villainized oftentimes.

695
00:27:18,584 --> 00:27:18,674
Mm-hmm.

696
00:27:18,674 --> 00:27:22,034
The, the term is got a very,
very negative connotation.

697
00:27:22,304 --> 00:27:26,224
People feel like they
cannot have jealousy.

698
00:27:26,254 --> 00:27:30,664
Uh, like, especially when we became Polly,
that that was thrown around a lot, where

699
00:27:30,664 --> 00:27:33,124
it's like, oh gosh, you, you feel jealous.

700
00:27:33,124 --> 00:27:34,504
You should not be feeling jealous.

701
00:27:34,509 --> 00:27:34,849
Mm-hmm.

702
00:27:34,849 --> 00:27:36,364
You can't be in this.

703
00:27:36,484 --> 00:27:36,784
Yeah.

704
00:27:36,784 --> 00:27:37,144
And you're,

705
00:27:37,644 --> 00:27:38,094
yeah.

706
00:27:38,094 --> 00:27:41,424
And, you know, I just I never
agreed with that and I feel like

707
00:27:41,424 --> 00:27:43,284
jealousy is actually a, a very.

708
00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:47,269
It's a common feeling and, and you
just kind of gotta know how to tame it.

709
00:27:47,269 --> 00:27:48,529
You gotta know how to cope with it.

710
00:27:48,529 --> 00:27:50,149
You gotta know how to navigate through it.

711
00:27:50,149 --> 00:27:50,209
Yeah.

712
00:27:51,029 --> 00:27:53,369
And, and so that's always been my belief.

713
00:27:53,399 --> 00:27:58,199
I, I wanna say I saw something that
you had posted once that kind of echoed

714
00:27:58,199 --> 00:28:01,409
that, and so I was really curious
what are your thoughts about jealousy?

715
00:28:01,529 --> 00:28:01,619
Mm-hmm.

716
00:28:01,619 --> 00:28:04,169
I've written so much stuff
about jealousy over the years.

717
00:28:04,169 --> 00:28:06,779
Like I'm sure if you searched on
my Twitter, like poly flia blog

718
00:28:06,779 --> 00:28:09,659
jealousy, there'll be like, I don't
know, like 50 tweets about it.

719
00:28:10,159 --> 00:28:11,449
Yes, I agree with you.

720
00:28:11,629 --> 00:28:13,464
And I think that also.

721
00:28:14,099 --> 00:28:16,949
Like firstly, jealousy can
be so many different things.

722
00:28:16,979 --> 00:28:19,529
So it's like, you know, just
being like jealousy is bad overall

723
00:28:19,529 --> 00:28:21,029
is just like, that's unhelpful.

724
00:28:21,029 --> 00:28:23,309
And also like a wild generalization.

725
00:28:23,839 --> 00:28:27,229
I think possessiveness is bad, you
know, which obviously absolutely

726
00:28:27,229 --> 00:28:28,549
can be a component of jealousy.

727
00:28:28,554 --> 00:28:28,714
Mm-hmm.

728
00:28:28,794 --> 00:28:31,219
But like a lot of the time people
are jealous for reasons that have

729
00:28:31,219 --> 00:28:32,359
nothing to do with possessiveness.

730
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,159
And I think people don't
talk about that enough.

731
00:28:34,849 --> 00:28:38,759
I think also if you demonize jealousy,
it means people are less likely to talk

732
00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,469
about it, and I think that's worse.

733
00:28:40,499 --> 00:28:46,389
I think, you know, so much of, so much
like just like mental health conditions

734
00:28:46,389 --> 00:28:49,659
and, you know, trauma and whatever, like
comes from people like repressing shit.

735
00:28:49,824 --> 00:28:50,174
Right?

736
00:28:50,179 --> 00:28:50,349
Right.

737
00:28:50,649 --> 00:28:54,219
And like, not being able to feel like
authentic in themselves, you know?

738
00:28:54,639 --> 00:28:58,269
And so like, what are we doing in a
community that is about like openness

739
00:28:58,269 --> 00:29:01,419
and authentic and authenticity and
living your best life or whatever.

740
00:29:01,989 --> 00:29:05,409
Being like, oh, but these bad things are
something that you should keep inside

741
00:29:05,409 --> 00:29:06,489
and you can never show it to the world.

742
00:29:06,489 --> 00:29:08,529
And if you show it to the world and
you're a bad person you know, we're

743
00:29:08,529 --> 00:29:10,119
just replicating the same bullshit.

744
00:29:10,149 --> 00:29:10,239
Mm-hmm.

745
00:29:10,479 --> 00:29:15,939
Um, so I you know, like, like I've
been, or like on the receiving end of

746
00:29:15,939 --> 00:29:19,419
someone who was had like, may maybe
was expressing their jealousy in a

747
00:29:19,419 --> 00:29:21,129
more toxic way than they should have.

748
00:29:21,729 --> 00:29:22,629
And that's scary.

749
00:29:22,659 --> 00:29:25,149
And I think like a lot of
people have experienced that.

750
00:29:25,629 --> 00:29:30,709
But, ultimately it's like that person
still needs like a space to talk things

751
00:29:30,709 --> 00:29:34,309
through and to like bring it out into the
light so they can interrogate it and, you

752
00:29:34,309 --> 00:29:37,039
know, think about why they're feeling that
way and think about where it comes from or

753
00:29:37,039 --> 00:29:38,479
what's causing it or whatever, you know?

754
00:29:39,139 --> 00:29:44,479
And, you know, sometimes I think it's, I
think it's a real struggle for polyamorous

755
00:29:44,479 --> 00:29:48,529
people to hold space for a jealous partner
because I think it makes them feel shame.

756
00:29:49,429 --> 00:29:53,059
Um, you know, because if your partner's
jealous, then you are like, oh shit,

757
00:29:53,089 --> 00:29:56,989
I'm doing something that is hurting
my partner and that makes me feel bad.

758
00:29:57,259 --> 00:30:00,049
And so instead of dealing with
that, I'm gonna tell them to,

759
00:30:00,109 --> 00:30:03,259
you know, shut the hell up so
that I don't feel bad, you know?

760
00:30:03,264 --> 00:30:03,294
Right.

761
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:08,639
Um, and it's, that's really selfish, and I
know this because I used to act that way.

762
00:30:09,319 --> 00:30:13,079
You know, like I've been someone
who, like in my first ever like, open

763
00:30:13,079 --> 00:30:16,229
relationship, like the one that didn't
work out, like there were many reasons

764
00:30:16,229 --> 00:30:19,559
why it didn't work out, but like, one
of one of the reasons was like I was

765
00:30:19,559 --> 00:30:22,799
less jealous than my partner and I
didn't know how the fuck to handle it.

766
00:30:23,439 --> 00:30:25,389
Because like I was like, oh
yeah, you're sleeping with other

767
00:30:25,389 --> 00:30:26,859
people, we're having a nice time.

768
00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:28,179
I don't, like, yeah.

769
00:30:28,209 --> 00:30:29,499
Like I, I'm, I'm having a nice time.

770
00:30:29,499 --> 00:30:30,909
I'm not bothered by this at all.

771
00:30:31,269 --> 00:30:31,389
Yeah.

772
00:30:31,419 --> 00:30:31,749
Um,

773
00:30:31,749 --> 00:30:33,639
but like the moment I slept
with someone else, my partner

774
00:30:33,639 --> 00:30:35,049
like lost his god damn mind.

775
00:30:35,589 --> 00:30:38,979
And I was just like, and I was, you
know, I, I cringe kinda looking back,

776
00:30:38,979 --> 00:30:41,169
but I was like, so un unempathetic.

777
00:30:41,349 --> 00:30:45,309
Because, you know, I was kind of more
concerned with like, well, fair is fair.

778
00:30:45,309 --> 00:30:46,809
You know, like you
slept with other people.

779
00:30:46,809 --> 00:30:48,369
Now I get to do that as well.

780
00:30:48,369 --> 00:30:52,849
Like obviously, you know, not
recognizing that yeah, on paper, sure.

781
00:30:52,849 --> 00:30:53,869
You know, that's the deal.

782
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:57,994
But like, in reality,
like, like being okay.

783
00:30:58,924 --> 00:31:03,274
With, you know, sleeping with multiple
people is very different from like letting

784
00:31:03,274 --> 00:31:06,069
your partner or like, you know, being okay
with your partner kind of doing the same.

785
00:31:06,069 --> 00:31:06,429
Mm-hmm.

786
00:31:06,509 --> 00:31:08,824
And that's like a whole emotional
process that like, doesn't just,

787
00:31:08,874 --> 00:31:10,764
click overnight for some people.

788
00:31:11,184 --> 00:31:15,064
And so, yeah, I think, I think, I was
really kind of focused on myself and

789
00:31:15,064 --> 00:31:18,094
focused on like, the fairness of the
situation as opposed to going like,

790
00:31:18,094 --> 00:31:19,674
whoa, like, what's going on here?

791
00:31:19,674 --> 00:31:22,104
You know, like what kind of fears
are coming up, acknowledging that

792
00:31:22,104 --> 00:31:24,804
we had different upbringings and,
you know, my partner was much more

793
00:31:24,804 --> 00:31:26,394
insecurely attached than I was.

794
00:31:26,754 --> 00:31:29,904
Um, and so obviously it would
affect him in a very different way.

795
00:31:30,524 --> 00:31:33,644
And as I progress further on my
therapy training as well, like,

796
00:31:33,644 --> 00:31:36,224
it's kind of like, yeah, like
none of this is one size fits all.

797
00:31:36,224 --> 00:31:39,674
Like over the years, you know, I counted
recently, like I've spoken to over

798
00:31:39,674 --> 00:31:41,874
like a thousand clients over the years.

799
00:31:42,324 --> 00:31:48,304
And every single time a jealousy
related situation comes up, which

800
00:31:48,304 --> 00:31:50,764
I would say is about maybe like
a third of my clients, right?

801
00:31:50,974 --> 00:31:51,094
Mm-hmm.

802
00:31:51,334 --> 00:31:53,574
Um, it's always for a different reason.

803
00:31:54,264 --> 00:31:56,484
Like, you know, there are some
overall themes and the kind of

804
00:31:56,484 --> 00:31:59,664
nuances, but the nuances of it are
always really different, and like the

805
00:31:59,664 --> 00:32:01,194
stories behind it are very different.

806
00:32:01,544 --> 00:32:06,569
Being like jealousy bad and you're
a bad person is just like, it is

807
00:32:06,569 --> 00:32:09,869
shutting off like a, a wealth of
conversation that we could be having.

808
00:32:10,289 --> 00:32:10,589
Yeah.

809
00:32:10,589 --> 00:32:15,499
It's like that that Frankenstein jealousy
bad, you know, that whole you and, and

810
00:32:15,949 --> 00:32:19,519
that's the way, but, and, and I don't
know if, if you were raised this way,

811
00:32:19,519 --> 00:32:20,719
but that's the way we were raised.

812
00:32:20,719 --> 00:32:20,779
Yeah.

813
00:32:20,779 --> 00:32:25,609
You know, we, we were raised in, in
very very common Hispanic households.

814
00:32:25,669 --> 00:32:25,729
Yeah.

815
00:32:26,029 --> 00:32:26,419
And

816
00:32:26,419 --> 00:32:29,019
that was just our
upbringing was, you know.

817
00:32:29,519 --> 00:32:34,169
You stay in a, in an unhappy
marriage and you cheat on each other.

818
00:32:34,169 --> 00:32:35,399
And that's just the way it's done.

819
00:32:35,459 --> 00:32:36,569
And we don't talk about it.

820
00:32:36,719 --> 00:32:37,409
And jealousy.

821
00:32:37,409 --> 00:32:38,974
So like, I, and we're jealous, you know?

822
00:32:38,974 --> 00:32:39,214
Yeah.

823
00:32:39,214 --> 00:32:40,709
He is not a very jealous person.

824
00:32:40,709 --> 00:32:45,299
I am a very, I'm, I'm not very,
I'm, I'm a jealous person and

825
00:32:45,299 --> 00:32:46,679
it's for different reasons.

826
00:32:47,249 --> 00:32:53,689
Um, now that I'm older, I'm 47, so now
that I'm older, I can actually process

827
00:32:53,689 --> 00:32:55,969
and be like, okay, why am I jealous?

828
00:32:56,209 --> 00:32:56,299
Mm-hmm.

829
00:32:56,574 --> 00:32:59,179
What's, what's making me become jealous?

830
00:32:59,569 --> 00:33:02,089
Um, what is, you know,
what, what is he saying?

831
00:33:02,089 --> 00:33:02,929
What is he doing?

832
00:33:02,929 --> 00:33:05,299
Or what are, what is the
other person saying to him?

833
00:33:05,639 --> 00:33:05,729
Mm-hmm.

834
00:33:05,774 --> 00:33:09,839
And he, it, it was very hard because I
was like, how could you not be jealous?

835
00:33:09,839 --> 00:33:10,619
Do you not love me?

836
00:33:10,619 --> 00:33:12,419
Like, you're never jealous.

837
00:33:12,819 --> 00:33:14,199
And it was something that's,

838
00:33:14,699 --> 00:33:15,029
yeah.

839
00:33:15,029 --> 00:33:17,114
And it was something completely
different from my aunt.

840
00:33:17,114 --> 00:33:17,669
I didn't feel Val,

841
00:33:17,669 --> 00:33:20,279
like, I felt un like,
oh, he didn't love me.

842
00:33:20,279 --> 00:33:22,349
He doesn't love me enough
because he is not jealous.

843
00:33:22,349 --> 00:33:24,474
Like he's okay if someone just like.

844
00:33:25,349 --> 00:33:27,299
Sleeps with me or, or whatever.

845
00:33:27,299 --> 00:33:30,179
He's, he just, and so
I had to process that

846
00:33:30,689 --> 00:33:30,779
mm-hmm.

847
00:33:31,019 --> 00:33:31,079
For

848
00:33:31,079 --> 00:33:32,159
many years.

849
00:33:32,519 --> 00:33:36,449
And I always say, this guy has put
in a lot of work in that department.

850
00:33:36,599 --> 00:33:41,939
So I am where I am because
I follow people like you.

851
00:33:41,969 --> 00:33:43,979
You know, you are, yeah.

852
00:33:44,009 --> 00:33:49,999
I mean, you're younger, but your maturity
level is probably where I'm at now.

853
00:33:49,999 --> 00:33:54,079
And it took me this many years
to get to where, you know, yeah.

854
00:33:54,079 --> 00:33:54,319
I about that.

855
00:33:54,979 --> 00:33:57,999
But, well, I mean, Lisa, what you're
like, what you're talking, I mean, the

856
00:33:57,999 --> 00:34:02,904
way you break it down it's easy for me to
understand and I, oh, I appreciate that.

857
00:34:03,304 --> 00:34:04,179
H ADHD and all that stuff.

858
00:34:04,179 --> 00:34:06,879
And you kind of break it
down in a very simple way.

859
00:34:07,239 --> 00:34:11,019
That really helps I think a
lot of people because of the

860
00:34:11,019 --> 00:34:13,149
way, the way you present it.

861
00:34:13,539 --> 00:34:13,959
Yeah.

862
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:15,249
Oh, I, I appreciate that.

863
00:34:15,249 --> 00:34:19,109
I do try and, make my content as
accessible because like the, the,

864
00:34:19,109 --> 00:34:22,109
like, I, the worst thing is when
like, people use overly complicated

865
00:34:22,109 --> 00:34:24,359
language to, and it's like, you're not
trying to educate, you're just trying

866
00:34:24,359 --> 00:34:28,709
to sound smart and be like, wow, you
sound like a smart, educated person.

867
00:34:28,709 --> 00:34:29,969
I don't understand what
the fuck you're saying.

868
00:34:29,969 --> 00:34:34,379
You know, like, and um, you know,
and I think that's where my, my legal

869
00:34:34,379 --> 00:34:37,619
training came in handy here because,
you know, like all I did at Oxford

870
00:34:37,619 --> 00:34:40,939
was present arguments in as succinct
and concise way as possible, yeah.

871
00:34:41,859 --> 00:34:45,419
You know, I'm not, I'm not practicing law
like at all, but the training definitely

872
00:34:45,419 --> 00:34:47,069
helped in kind of how I write my content.

873
00:34:47,069 --> 00:34:48,419
So, did you say Oxford?

874
00:34:49,049 --> 00:34:49,289
Yeah.

875
00:34:49,789 --> 00:34:51,199
And that's why your
parents are mad at you.

876
00:34:51,699 --> 00:34:51,969
Yeah.

877
00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:53,739
The mom just came out in her, the

878
00:34:53,739 --> 00:34:53,919
mom?

879
00:34:54,419 --> 00:34:54,899
Yeah.

880
00:34:54,929 --> 00:34:55,169
Yeah.

881
00:34:55,169 --> 00:34:57,269
Like Oxford, Lowell to this.

882
00:34:57,329 --> 00:34:58,169
Can you imagine?

883
00:34:58,469 --> 00:34:59,639
I mean, my Chinese parents,

884
00:35:00,139 --> 00:35:00,439
right?

885
00:35:00,439 --> 00:35:05,279
We have, we have five kids and, and two
of them are, are college age and Yeah.

886
00:35:05,279 --> 00:35:07,199
So that's, the mom just came out.

887
00:35:07,349 --> 00:35:07,889
Sorry.

888
00:35:08,389 --> 00:35:08,749
Yeah.

889
00:35:08,754 --> 00:35:09,924
You can imagine the disappointment.

890
00:35:10,084 --> 00:35:10,684
I mean, I,

891
00:35:11,584 --> 00:35:12,164
you can imagine.

892
00:35:12,529 --> 00:35:14,419
She can imagine that's what just happened.

893
00:35:14,569 --> 00:35:15,499
She just imagined it.

894
00:35:15,979 --> 00:35:16,249
I'm so sorry.

895
00:35:16,749 --> 00:35:16,969
Oh

896
00:35:17,649 --> 00:35:17,689
goodness.

897
00:35:17,689 --> 00:35:18,274
I mean, good for you.

898
00:35:18,809 --> 00:35:19,889
I love you so much you.

899
00:35:20,389 --> 00:35:25,849
You, I don't know you personally, but
you're, um, very intelligent and so as

900
00:35:25,849 --> 00:35:28,919
a mom I'm proud of you, so thank you.

901
00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:29,479
That means a lot.

902
00:35:29,499 --> 00:35:30,024
So good for you.

903
00:35:30,524 --> 00:35:31,844
You know, you, you really are.

904
00:35:31,844 --> 00:35:32,984
You're doing amazing.

905
00:35:32,984 --> 00:35:35,684
And, and, uh, you know, it's, it's.

906
00:35:36,119 --> 00:35:40,709
You're on, on a freight train level,
you know, you're just, you're just going

907
00:35:40,709 --> 00:35:46,229
through and you're in a, a, a great time
right now because I feel like non-monogamy

908
00:35:46,229 --> 00:35:48,359
is really becoming more mainstream.

909
00:35:48,419 --> 00:35:49,499
Yeah, definitely.

910
00:35:49,499 --> 00:35:49,529
Uh,

911
00:35:49,779 --> 00:35:51,999
It's becoming more acceptable, I think.

912
00:35:51,999 --> 00:35:52,269
Uh,

913
00:35:52,539 --> 00:35:52,899
yeah.

914
00:35:52,959 --> 00:35:53,259
Even the,

915
00:35:53,759 --> 00:35:54,429
there you go.

916
00:35:54,929 --> 00:36:00,694
You know, I think CNN did a story not too
long ago about polyamory becoming more

917
00:36:01,054 --> 00:36:04,994
accepted you know, amongst the young kids.

918
00:36:04,994 --> 00:36:05,744
They said, you know?

919
00:36:06,344 --> 00:36:06,464
Mm-hmm.

920
00:36:06,464 --> 00:36:06,474
Yeah.

921
00:36:06,474 --> 00:36:06,484
Mm-hmm.

922
00:36:06,484 --> 00:36:06,674
And I'm

923
00:36:06,674 --> 00:36:08,594
like, man, if you only knew, you know,

924
00:36:09,284 --> 00:36:09,764
I mean, yeah.

925
00:36:09,764 --> 00:36:13,734
No, that's the amazing part because
even people like our ages are like

926
00:36:13,734 --> 00:36:19,044
still learning from like the younger
generation, like your ages, right?

927
00:36:19,044 --> 00:36:22,644
It's like, wow, they
really got their shit down.

928
00:36:22,914 --> 00:36:23,184
Yeah.

929
00:36:23,184 --> 00:36:27,084
And you know what's really cool is
because we're both in our forties, I'm 43.

930
00:36:27,084 --> 00:36:27,144
Yeah.

931
00:36:27,144 --> 00:36:28,824
She's 47, and.

932
00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:32,514
We have kids who are in their teens.

933
00:36:32,514 --> 00:36:36,954
Our youngest are 14, and then
we've got 18, 19, and 25.

934
00:36:36,954 --> 00:36:38,574
Like we've got five kids total.

935
00:36:38,664 --> 00:36:38,904
Yeah.

936
00:36:38,964 --> 00:36:44,634
And we were always worried that as we
gain popularity and that sort of thing,

937
00:36:44,994 --> 00:36:49,104
it would come back to their friends,
or somebody would find us on social

938
00:36:49,104 --> 00:36:53,124
media and they would spread in school
and they would get bullied or whatever.

939
00:36:53,484 --> 00:36:53,574
Mm-hmm.

940
00:36:53,574 --> 00:36:55,284
It's not the case at all.

941
00:36:55,284 --> 00:36:59,574
As a matter of fact, the friends
found out and they all think it's

942
00:36:59,574 --> 00:37:03,324
really cool because everybody
knows about non-monogamy.

943
00:37:03,339 --> 00:37:03,629
Yeah.

944
00:37:03,684 --> 00:37:07,014
And they think that it's not only cool
that we're non monogamous, but that

945
00:37:07,014 --> 00:37:11,424
it's cool that we have a podcast that's
doing successful, uh, talking about it.

946
00:37:11,429 --> 00:37:11,669
Yeah.

947
00:37:11,674 --> 00:37:11,844
Yeah.

948
00:37:11,904 --> 00:37:12,264
And these

949
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:13,884
are high school kids, you know?

950
00:37:13,889 --> 00:37:14,399
Yeah.

951
00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:19,289
Um, our college age kids
completely understand non-monogamy.

952
00:37:19,289 --> 00:37:23,839
And our daughter our youngest daughter
is so supportive of it that she actually.

953
00:37:24,559 --> 00:37:27,289
Is gonna be a guest on the
show sometime next month.

954
00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:28,159
Oh, that's cute.

955
00:37:28,159 --> 00:37:28,489
And because

956
00:37:28,489 --> 00:37:33,379
she wants to talk about, you know, how
it's, how it is having parents who are

957
00:37:33,379 --> 00:37:34,849
non-monogamous and that sort of thing.

958
00:37:34,909 --> 00:37:35,299
Yeah.

959
00:37:35,299 --> 00:37:35,309
Yeah.

960
00:37:35,309 --> 00:37:36,859
That's very much the voice.

961
00:37:36,919 --> 00:37:39,589
You know, you have very valuable
voice out to the conversation.

962
00:37:40,189 --> 00:37:40,789
Yeah.

963
00:37:41,089 --> 00:37:41,509
They don't

964
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:41,929
practice.

965
00:37:42,169 --> 00:37:45,079
They don't practice it, but they don't
practice it, but they do know that

966
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:47,024
they have the option they
knew, they have the option.

967
00:37:47,024 --> 00:37:47,304
They know.

968
00:37:47,324 --> 00:37:47,744
Mm-hmm.

969
00:37:47,884 --> 00:37:48,379
And they know

970
00:37:48,379 --> 00:37:56,119
that it's, it's a, it's abled body
position of ours to do what we do.

971
00:37:56,119 --> 00:37:58,099
I mean, we have a great relationship.

972
00:37:58,129 --> 00:38:00,949
They, and they know they've, they've
called us relationship goals.

973
00:38:01,609 --> 00:38:01,669
Oh.

974
00:38:01,729 --> 00:38:03,679
Which is, which is cool
to hear from your kids.

975
00:38:03,684 --> 00:38:03,804
Yeah.

976
00:38:03,804 --> 00:38:04,844
That is really good.

977
00:38:04,864 --> 00:38:09,199
But also they know that we're doing
this as non-monogamous, you know?

978
00:38:09,199 --> 00:38:09,289
Mm-hmm.

979
00:38:09,394 --> 00:38:09,684
Yeah.

980
00:38:10,474 --> 00:38:11,074
So well having

981
00:38:11,089 --> 00:38:13,174
five kids like, yeah.

982
00:38:13,174 --> 00:38:13,234
You

983
00:38:13,379 --> 00:38:13,459
know?

984
00:38:13,654 --> 00:38:13,804
Yeah.

985
00:38:14,554 --> 00:38:15,634
You have no idea.

986
00:38:15,634 --> 00:38:16,594
We're we're tired, Leanne.

987
00:38:16,594 --> 00:38:17,074
We're tired.

988
00:38:17,574 --> 00:38:17,794
Um,

989
00:38:18,069 --> 00:38:18,729
we're just tired.

990
00:38:18,829 --> 00:38:20,239
They're really good kids.

991
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,339
So they are, they did not turn out.

992
00:38:22,999 --> 00:38:24,529
I was a very bad teenager.

993
00:38:24,859 --> 00:38:26,029
Very rebellious.

994
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:26,659
I was a,

995
00:38:26,659 --> 00:38:27,799
I was a little bit of a trouble.

996
00:38:27,799 --> 00:38:28,159
Yeah.

997
00:38:28,159 --> 00:38:29,989
And so our kids, thank goodness.

998
00:38:30,099 --> 00:38:31,989
Even though we're a
blended family, so mm-hmm.

999
00:38:32,169 --> 00:38:33,639
I came with two, he came with three.

1000
00:38:33,749 --> 00:38:36,539
We've raised the little ones
since they were infants together.

1001
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:36,839
Yeah.

1002
00:38:37,019 --> 00:38:40,989
And so it's it's nice
because they are good kids.

1003
00:38:41,049 --> 00:38:41,079
Aw.

1004
00:38:41,869 --> 00:38:44,839
It's an open communication
household Communication.

1005
00:38:44,839 --> 00:38:45,289
Yeah.

1006
00:38:45,289 --> 00:38:45,349
Um,

1007
00:38:45,349 --> 00:38:49,039
they feel safe enough to come and talk
to us about anything that comes up

1008
00:38:49,834 --> 00:38:50,894
is, but it's exhausting.

1009
00:38:51,229 --> 00:38:51,559
It is.

1010
00:38:51,559 --> 00:38:51,769
It,

1011
00:38:51,769 --> 00:38:53,089
it's mentally exhausting.

1012
00:38:53,094 --> 00:38:53,509
It's, it's,

1013
00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:57,649
uh, because, you know, as parents
we have to be the, the guiding

1014
00:38:57,649 --> 00:38:59,869
rock for our kids to, so to speak.

1015
00:38:59,869 --> 00:39:02,419
But at the same time,
you don't wanna overstep.

1016
00:39:02,539 --> 00:39:04,589
And we were helicopter
parents for several years.

1017
00:39:04,589 --> 00:39:04,854
Yeah.

1018
00:39:04,999 --> 00:39:06,849
I mean, I homeschooled them for a while.

1019
00:39:07,029 --> 00:39:07,479
Wow.

1020
00:39:07,479 --> 00:39:07,539
Um,

1021
00:39:07,839 --> 00:39:08,259
yeah.

1022
00:39:08,259 --> 00:39:11,809
You know, um, like I,
I we had a big hand in.

1023
00:39:12,604 --> 00:39:13,684
Who they're becoming.

1024
00:39:13,804 --> 00:39:13,954
Yeah.

1025
00:39:13,954 --> 00:39:14,104
Mm-hmm.

1026
00:39:14,344 --> 00:39:14,554
But

1027
00:39:14,554 --> 00:39:19,114
now they're older and it brings on a
whole nother set of challenges because

1028
00:39:19,114 --> 00:39:21,604
it's like, now we have to step back.

1029
00:39:21,874 --> 00:39:22,084
Yeah.

1030
00:39:22,084 --> 00:39:22,804
Mm-hmm.

1031
00:39:22,805 --> 00:39:25,624
And we have to let them, you know,
we'll give them advice, but we have

1032
00:39:25,624 --> 00:39:27,124
to let them make their own mistakes.

1033
00:39:27,184 --> 00:39:28,714
And that's the hardest thing.

1034
00:39:29,074 --> 00:39:29,134
Yeah.

1035
00:39:29,134 --> 00:39:29,464
To watch,

1036
00:39:29,914 --> 00:39:31,954
especially relationship advice.

1037
00:39:31,954 --> 00:39:38,444
Like, I can't I can't tell my, I mean,
I, I always laugh at the story that I

1038
00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:41,144
was in school, but I always had different
boyfriends in different high schools.

1039
00:39:41,144 --> 00:39:42,524
Like, that's just the way I was.

1040
00:39:42,524 --> 00:39:46,724
And I, for me, it was just cheating,
you know, like, oh, oops, one saw me

1041
00:39:46,724 --> 00:39:49,574
at the mall with the other one and
all right, that one's gonna break up.

1042
00:39:49,994 --> 00:39:52,334
Um, and so I always tell them that story.

1043
00:39:52,334 --> 00:39:55,394
And I was like, even in
kindergarten, I had two boyfriends.

1044
00:39:55,754 --> 00:39:58,874
I was sitting there and I had one on
one side and one on the other side

1045
00:39:58,874 --> 00:40:00,704
watching whatever cartoon was on.

1046
00:40:00,764 --> 00:40:06,194
And I've always been that
way, but it was always a bad.

1047
00:40:06,659 --> 00:40:07,799
Thing, you know, like

1048
00:40:08,669 --> 00:40:12,234
Yeah, you always, like, you were always
told like that was not a good thing.

1049
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:12,509
Yeah.

1050
00:40:12,674 --> 00:40:16,214
No, we just try, I think especially as
a, especially as a woman as well, oh

1051
00:40:16,214 --> 00:40:18,464
God, the shame that comes behind it.

1052
00:40:18,464 --> 00:40:22,364
It's a, you're, you're
a slut, you're a whore.

1053
00:40:22,364 --> 00:40:26,234
And it's like, wow, okay, well then
I guess this is not a good thing.

1054
00:40:26,734 --> 00:40:27,664
Sorry guys.

1055
00:40:28,504 --> 00:40:28,714
Yeah.

1056
00:40:29,524 --> 00:40:33,604
But yeah, no, it is, um,
it's very, very cool.

1057
00:40:34,294 --> 00:40:37,414
The age that you are and the age
that we are, and it's like, wow,

1058
00:40:37,414 --> 00:40:39,844
we can, I, I see your point.

1059
00:40:40,264 --> 00:40:43,444
You know, and it's like, okay,
that, that makes a lot more sense.

1060
00:40:43,444 --> 00:40:44,614
I think just the.

1061
00:40:45,114 --> 00:40:46,344
It doesn't have to be an age difference.

1062
00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:48,419
I'm just saying like, it's just
an education thing type of thing.

1063
00:40:48,419 --> 00:40:48,594
It's a new way

1064
00:40:48,594 --> 00:40:49,044
of thinking.

1065
00:40:49,044 --> 00:40:49,074
A

1066
00:40:49,074 --> 00:40:49,884
new way of thinking.

1067
00:40:49,884 --> 00:40:50,484
There you go.

1068
00:40:50,544 --> 00:40:50,784
Yeah.

1069
00:40:50,784 --> 00:40:51,084
It's a new way

1070
00:40:51,084 --> 00:40:51,444
of thinking.

1071
00:40:51,444 --> 00:40:54,534
'cause especially for, for
us, the way we grew up.

1072
00:40:54,714 --> 00:40:54,864
Yeah.

1073
00:40:54,864 --> 00:40:57,564
It's a lot of stuff that
we, uh, we had to unlearn

1074
00:40:58,464 --> 00:40:58,554
Mm. Yeah.

1075
00:40:58,554 --> 00:40:58,944
In order

1076
00:40:58,944 --> 00:41:00,684
to, to enjoy this.

1077
00:41:00,864 --> 00:41:01,314
Yeah.

1078
00:41:01,344 --> 00:41:03,414
This whole lifestyle of non-monogamy,

1079
00:41:03,594 --> 00:41:07,404
because I could not come out
as bi when I was that age.

1080
00:41:07,404 --> 00:41:08,449
So, yeah.

1081
00:41:08,669 --> 00:41:09,209
At awe.

1082
00:41:09,709 --> 00:41:09,919
That's cool.

1083
00:41:09,919 --> 00:41:10,369
I love that.

1084
00:41:10,609 --> 00:41:11,029
Yeah.

1085
00:41:11,249 --> 00:41:16,339
Now I'm curious about, uh, so I've,
I've heard this and I don't really know

1086
00:41:16,339 --> 00:41:20,129
how I feel about it, but I've heard
this opinion before about boundaries.

1087
00:41:20,639 --> 00:41:20,729
Mm-hmm.

1088
00:41:20,969 --> 00:41:27,199
Um, where a person with a
lot of boundaries is equal

1089
00:41:27,199 --> 00:41:30,289
to tons of insecurities.

1090
00:41:30,724 --> 00:41:31,414
Mm.

1091
00:41:31,864 --> 00:41:33,844
And I, I don't know if
you've heard that before.

1092
00:41:33,844 --> 00:41:36,524
I've seen it thrown around before and I

1093
00:41:36,884 --> 00:41:38,024
I've heard versions of that.

1094
00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:38,714
Yeah.

1095
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,504
And, and, and I'm just kind
of, I'm curious what your, what

1096
00:41:41,504 --> 00:41:43,214
your thoughts are are on that.

1097
00:41:43,634 --> 00:41:44,174
Okay.

1098
00:41:44,994 --> 00:41:47,604
I think it's less about
the number of boundaries.

1099
00:41:47,604 --> 00:41:52,074
I think it's more about how the
boundaries are enforced, because I

1100
00:41:52,074 --> 00:41:54,254
think there are, how do I put this?

1101
00:41:54,254 --> 00:41:56,594
I think there are different,
there are like different

1102
00:41:56,594 --> 00:41:57,854
types of boundaries, I guess.

1103
00:41:57,854 --> 00:42:00,404
Like, you know, there are some that are
like, okay, this is an absolute deal

1104
00:42:00,404 --> 00:42:02,054
breaker, I won't be around for this.

1105
00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:06,234
And then there's some, some boundaries
that are like, this is like not the

1106
00:42:06,234 --> 00:42:09,594
comfiest situation for me, but like I can
tolerate it or I can tolerate it for a

1107
00:42:09,594 --> 00:42:11,004
certain period of time, and then I'm out.

1108
00:42:11,004 --> 00:42:11,304
You know?

1109
00:42:11,884 --> 00:42:15,004
And then there are boundaries that are
like, well, this is kind of dependent on

1110
00:42:15,004 --> 00:42:16,864
the person or dependent on the situation.

1111
00:42:16,864 --> 00:42:18,814
Like, with these conditions
met, then I can do it.

1112
00:42:18,814 --> 00:42:19,804
If not, then no.

1113
00:42:20,304 --> 00:42:22,464
Yeah, like, I think, I think
boundaries are necessary.

1114
00:42:22,854 --> 00:42:26,424
I think boundaries are necessary to have
like a functional kind of healthy life

1115
00:42:26,424 --> 00:42:28,314
and to relate well with other people.

1116
00:42:29,154 --> 00:42:32,934
I don't think having a lot of boundaries
is a bad thing, but I think having really

1117
00:42:32,934 --> 00:42:34,914
overly strict boundaries is a bad thing.

1118
00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:35,124
Mm.

1119
00:42:35,524 --> 00:42:38,554
Because like if you, if you have, if
you're like, you've disrespected my

1120
00:42:38,554 --> 00:42:41,224
boundary and I'm gonna cut you off,
uh, 'cause you know, and I'm, I'm not

1121
00:42:41,224 --> 00:42:44,964
gonna talk to you on whatever, like,
then it's like, okay, well sure, I can

1122
00:42:44,964 --> 00:42:48,614
see how that's you know, a way of like
protecting yourself, but then it also

1123
00:42:48,614 --> 00:42:53,964
means that you don't take as many risks
and therefore open yourself up to less

1124
00:42:53,964 --> 00:42:56,124
kind of opportunity for connection.

1125
00:42:56,124 --> 00:42:59,824
So I think it's like a,
it's, it's a kind of two-way.

1126
00:43:00,724 --> 00:43:01,244
Thing, okay.

1127
00:43:01,374 --> 00:43:06,264
So, and I, but I also think that if you
have too few boundaries, like sure, you

1128
00:43:06,264 --> 00:43:10,704
know, you kind of really show up in a
very vulnerable way for a lot of people,

1129
00:43:10,704 --> 00:43:14,244
but you also run the risk of getting
taken advantage of or like, people

1130
00:43:14,244 --> 00:43:17,334
just kind of stepping all over you,
you know, you being a people pleaser,

1131
00:43:17,424 --> 00:43:19,284
not like advocating for yourself.

1132
00:43:20,154 --> 00:43:25,874
So yeah, as for the piece around
like insecurity, I'm not really

1133
00:43:25,874 --> 00:43:27,254
seeing the relation there.

1134
00:43:27,534 --> 00:43:32,744
Because you know, surely if you were
an insecure, if you were an insecure

1135
00:43:32,744 --> 00:43:36,764
person, you know, and you were, you
really wanted to be loved, you didn't

1136
00:43:36,764 --> 00:43:39,554
wanna be abandoned, you know, you
could also go the other way and say

1137
00:43:39,554 --> 00:43:42,464
like, well then I can't have boundaries
because if I have boundaries, then

1138
00:43:42,464 --> 00:43:45,554
people will leave me, and then that'll
contribute to even further insecurity.

1139
00:43:46,154 --> 00:43:50,074
So, so I don't, I think you can go either
way with that, you know, like there are

1140
00:43:50,074 --> 00:43:52,564
people with a lot of insecurities who.

1141
00:43:53,064 --> 00:43:56,904
Have no boundaries, and then you can
also have people who are very secure,

1142
00:43:56,964 --> 00:43:59,844
who have a lot of boundaries and
kind of hold them very confidently.

1143
00:44:00,344 --> 00:44:01,094
That's interesting.

1144
00:44:01,174 --> 00:44:01,324
Yeah.

1145
00:44:01,324 --> 00:44:04,614
You know, I, I, I think that's
actually a really great way of putting

1146
00:44:04,614 --> 00:44:07,914
it because I saw that and I really
didn't know how I felt about that.

1147
00:44:07,914 --> 00:44:11,764
I was like I don't really agree with
it, but there's almost a little bit of

1148
00:44:11,854 --> 00:44:15,004
truth to it when you say it the way that
you said it, you know, if, if mm-hmm.

1149
00:44:15,464 --> 00:44:16,544
It's how they.

1150
00:44:17,324 --> 00:44:19,754
You know, how, how strong
of a boundary it is.

1151
00:44:19,754 --> 00:44:21,074
Like what exactly is it?

1152
00:44:21,104 --> 00:44:23,414
You know what, I guess it really depends.

1153
00:44:23,654 --> 00:44:23,954
Yeah.

1154
00:44:23,954 --> 00:44:24,284
Mm-hmm.

1155
00:44:24,734 --> 00:44:26,834
It depends on the person,
depends on the context.

1156
00:44:27,044 --> 00:44:27,434
Yeah.

1157
00:44:27,434 --> 00:44:30,334
You know, and yeah, like
we, we're not robots, right?

1158
00:44:30,334 --> 00:44:33,634
Like we, we might have these rules and
values for ourselves, but like, I think

1159
00:44:33,634 --> 00:44:38,494
most people don't apply them in every
single instance strictly to like every

1160
00:44:38,494 --> 00:44:40,359
single person, you know, like, yeah.

1161
00:44:40,804 --> 00:44:41,044
Yeah.

1162
00:44:41,044 --> 00:44:44,734
People, people bend and compromise
sometimes, and I think that's okay as

1163
00:44:44,734 --> 00:44:47,954
long as you don't do it too much, and
end up losing yourself in the process.

1164
00:44:48,109 --> 00:44:48,399
Yeah.

1165
00:44:48,459 --> 00:44:52,634
So, yeah, I don't think there's a
relation between kind of the amount

1166
00:44:52,634 --> 00:44:55,994
of boundaries you have and the
amount of, security that you have.

1167
00:44:55,994 --> 00:45:00,134
Yeah, and also like what, even, like what
even do people mean when they say secure?

1168
00:45:00,224 --> 00:45:00,644
You know?

1169
00:45:00,914 --> 00:45:00,974
Yeah.

1170
00:45:00,974 --> 00:45:03,194
Like there's kind of so many different
directions we can go with that.

1171
00:45:03,194 --> 00:45:06,074
And like boundaries is like, okay,
are we talking boundaries in terms of

1172
00:45:06,074 --> 00:45:08,054
like deal breakers and relationships?

1173
00:45:08,054 --> 00:45:10,184
Are we talking boundaries in
terms of like how you wanna be

1174
00:45:10,724 --> 00:45:12,314
of kind of treated by family?

1175
00:45:12,374 --> 00:45:14,984
Are we talking boundaries in terms of
like the types of things that you're

1176
00:45:14,984 --> 00:45:17,294
looking for in a new partner, you know?

1177
00:45:18,164 --> 00:45:18,224
Yeah.

1178
00:45:18,644 --> 00:45:22,154
So yeah, there's so many it's such
a broad statement, like, and that's

1179
00:45:22,154 --> 00:45:22,994
the thing about the internet.

1180
00:45:22,994 --> 00:45:26,234
It's like people will throw out these
massive, broad statements just to like.

1181
00:45:26,834 --> 00:45:27,839
Get people mad and comment

1182
00:45:28,339 --> 00:45:28,874
and Yeah.

1183
00:45:28,874 --> 00:45:29,624
And get clicks.

1184
00:45:29,714 --> 00:45:29,864
Yeah.

1185
00:45:29,864 --> 00:45:30,074
So

1186
00:45:30,074 --> 00:45:33,254
as a, as a creator, do you have
anything that you don't like?

1187
00:45:33,254 --> 00:45:35,954
What's off limits or what's
your boundary to share online?

1188
00:45:36,044 --> 00:45:36,314
Yeah.

1189
00:45:36,314 --> 00:45:39,359
Because we're, as podcasters
for us, I mean mm-hmm.

1190
00:45:39,899 --> 00:45:43,164
Our entire life is out on the show.

1191
00:45:43,344 --> 00:45:43,554
Yeah.

1192
00:45:43,554 --> 00:45:43,564
Yeah.

1193
00:45:43,564 --> 00:45:46,464
And it's not just us talking to people.

1194
00:45:46,464 --> 00:45:49,064
This is, this is our actual relationship.

1195
00:45:49,064 --> 00:45:50,684
This is what we go through daily.

1196
00:45:50,744 --> 00:45:50,804
Yeah.

1197
00:45:51,284 --> 00:45:54,464
So everything that we put into
this show it, this is our baby.

1198
00:45:55,214 --> 00:45:55,334
Mm-hmm.

1199
00:45:55,574 --> 00:45:55,634
Yeah.

1200
00:45:55,904 --> 00:45:56,369
And so it,

1201
00:45:56,399 --> 00:46:02,054
it's our 100% personal life
and we don't really hold back.

1202
00:46:02,364 --> 00:46:06,984
And so I, I, you know, in as a
content creator whose personal

1203
00:46:06,984 --> 00:46:09,894
life is relatively out mm-hmm.

1204
00:46:10,314 --> 00:46:13,744
Is there, is there a line that you
just go, okay that's staying over here?

1205
00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:14,224
Yeah.

1206
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:18,104
I, I have built more professional
boundaries over the years.

1207
00:46:18,604 --> 00:46:18,814
That's good.

1208
00:46:18,904 --> 00:46:23,534
I think like when I started, I was just
like, having a silly goofy time and

1209
00:46:23,534 --> 00:46:27,224
just posting whatever, you know, I,
it was like my personal diary, right?

1210
00:46:27,224 --> 00:46:28,784
Like I was, posting whatever.

1211
00:46:28,884 --> 00:46:32,394
But I think as my audience grew, I
think I had a responsibility to the

1212
00:46:32,394 --> 00:46:36,159
people around me to not just, be
talking shit like on the internet.

1213
00:46:36,744 --> 00:46:38,934
You know, especially if I was like
going through a rough time with a

1214
00:46:38,934 --> 00:46:42,084
partner or, you know, there was like
a breakup in the molecule or whatever,

1215
00:46:42,084 --> 00:46:43,414
you know, I had to be sensitive to that.

1216
00:46:44,049 --> 00:46:47,469
Because like, people knew me and
like most of my audience are in the

1217
00:46:47,469 --> 00:46:50,949
US with people who will like never
meet the partner, the partners that I

1218
00:46:50,949 --> 00:46:52,629
engage with, like in my, in real life.

1219
00:46:53,049 --> 00:46:56,109
But there's still plenty of
people in the UK who do know me.

1220
00:46:56,379 --> 00:47:00,939
And so, like if not for myself, like
I had to be cautious like about the

1221
00:47:00,939 --> 00:47:02,739
people I was like involving myself with.

1222
00:47:02,739 --> 00:47:03,009
Mm. Okay.

1223
00:47:03,339 --> 00:47:05,199
So yeah.

1224
00:47:05,199 --> 00:47:09,369
Um, you know, like I think I, I
very rarely talk about my personal

1225
00:47:09,369 --> 00:47:11,229
life on my public page anymore.

1226
00:47:11,229 --> 00:47:12,519
I haven't done for years.

1227
00:47:12,879 --> 00:47:16,389
But on my Patreon, that's kind
of where I talk a little bit

1228
00:47:16,389 --> 00:47:17,499
more about my personal life.

1229
00:47:17,499 --> 00:47:21,879
And even then now, like I still,
there's still a bit of a. Like a filter.

1230
00:47:21,909 --> 00:47:24,009
Like it used to be like, here's
what's happening in the next

1231
00:47:24,009 --> 00:47:25,059
episode of the Leann show.

1232
00:47:25,389 --> 00:47:28,329
And now, um, like on my Patreon,
it's like, this thing happened in

1233
00:47:28,329 --> 00:47:30,819
my life recently and it's inspired
me to talk about this topic more

1234
00:47:30,819 --> 00:47:34,089
generally, and here's kind of some
information that can help you with that.

1235
00:47:34,089 --> 00:47:37,639
You know, like for example, like I
had kind of two partners meet each

1236
00:47:37,639 --> 00:47:40,459
other for the first time, you know,
so I made a video about like how

1237
00:47:40,459 --> 00:47:44,059
to like navigate meeting your meta
more, or being the person introducing

1238
00:47:44,059 --> 00:47:45,319
kind of two partners to each other.

1239
00:47:45,319 --> 00:47:48,319
And that was like a general thing, but
like inspired by something that had

1240
00:47:48,319 --> 00:47:49,669
actually happened in my life, right?

1241
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:53,329
Um, whereas before I'd just be like,
oh my God, this has been going on,

1242
00:47:53,329 --> 00:47:54,679
that has been going on yesterday.

1243
00:47:54,679 --> 00:47:56,479
I went to this place today, I could.

1244
00:47:56,839 --> 00:47:58,279
And it was just like, sure.

1245
00:47:58,279 --> 00:47:59,449
I mean that's, that's tea.

1246
00:47:59,729 --> 00:48:03,249
But am I providing value to
my audience in the same way?

1247
00:48:03,249 --> 00:48:03,759
You know?

1248
00:48:04,059 --> 00:48:08,489
And yeah, so I, I think I, my approach
has radically changed over the years.

1249
00:48:08,489 --> 00:48:10,619
Like I still talk about my
personal life on Patreon, one of

1250
00:48:10,619 --> 00:48:14,069
my most popular posts this year.

1251
00:48:14,489 --> 00:48:19,489
Was like basically a tell about,
like a gang bang that I organized.

1252
00:48:20,209 --> 00:48:22,109
For myself back like in the summer.

1253
00:48:22,319 --> 00:48:22,469
Yeah.

1254
00:48:22,619 --> 00:48:25,319
And I had so many new
signups, I was just like, wow.

1255
00:48:26,104 --> 00:48:28,149
Really sell, I'm not mad about it.

1256
00:48:28,149 --> 00:48:28,449
Yeah.

1257
00:48:28,449 --> 00:48:31,719
Like, but like it was, no, it was, it
was really funny that that was just

1258
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,029
my top performing post of the year
and I was like I hope you guys stick

1259
00:48:34,029 --> 00:48:35,469
around for the educational contest.

1260
00:48:35,679 --> 00:48:35,919
Wow.

1261
00:48:36,419 --> 00:48:39,654
Not, you know, there's
caring about me getting Yeah.

1262
00:48:39,654 --> 00:48:40,664
Like, yeah.

1263
00:48:40,664 --> 00:48:43,274
But you know, I, I'm very open about
that kind of stuff as well because

1264
00:48:43,274 --> 00:48:46,064
people don't talk about sex and I
can't talk about sex on Instagram

1265
00:48:46,064 --> 00:48:47,549
'cause they, down my, yeah, yeah.

1266
00:48:47,554 --> 00:48:50,824
Um, so, you know, like Patreons
where all like the like less

1267
00:48:50,824 --> 00:48:52,444
safer work stuff goes, you know?

1268
00:48:52,444 --> 00:48:52,804
Gotcha.

1269
00:48:53,194 --> 00:48:56,644
Yeah so like yes and no, you know,
like I, I have, I have boundaries,

1270
00:48:56,644 --> 00:48:59,494
but I probably have kind of l
like less than the average person.

1271
00:48:59,994 --> 00:49:03,684
Um, like I'll be, i'll, I'll be like
going into intricacies of like, wow,

1272
00:49:03,684 --> 00:49:06,474
here are the things that they don't
tell you in porn about what it's like

1273
00:49:06,474 --> 00:49:07,794
to get triple penetrated, you know?

1274
00:49:08,124 --> 00:49:09,384
Um, yeah.

1275
00:49:09,384 --> 00:49:13,409
And it'll be like you won't get that
information anywhere else, you know?

1276
00:49:13,909 --> 00:49:15,009
So, um, yeah.

1277
00:49:15,189 --> 00:49:16,609
So subscribe my Patreon people.

1278
00:49:17,109 --> 00:49:17,399
Yeah.

1279
00:49:17,399 --> 00:49:17,559
Yes.

1280
00:49:17,729 --> 00:49:18,079
Right.

1281
00:49:18,424 --> 00:49:21,634
Oh my God, that was awesome.

1282
00:49:21,634 --> 00:49:25,434
I love that dude, so Leanne, thank you.

1283
00:49:25,959 --> 00:49:31,059
Very much, uh, your work makes complicated
stuff feel doable and your humor keeps

1284
00:49:31,059 --> 00:49:32,979
people at the table long enough to learn.

1285
00:49:33,969 --> 00:49:37,369
Oh, and if you're not already
following, hit up Poly Philia Blog

1286
00:49:37,369 --> 00:49:39,069
and Poly Philia YouTube channel.

1287
00:49:39,069 --> 00:49:44,019
We've dropped all the links and
her Patreon in our show notes plus

1288
00:49:44,019 --> 00:49:46,839
info leann's peer support offerings
if you want one-on-one help.

1289
00:49:47,349 --> 00:49:50,799
And for all things beyond monogamy
episodes, upcoming events, and our

1290
00:49:50,799 --> 00:49:55,479
Beyond Monogamy Confessional, where you
can anonymously share wild stories or

1291
00:49:55,479 --> 00:49:59,439
questions head to beyond monogamy.com.

1292
00:49:59,739 --> 00:50:01,419
We also stream every Thursday.

1293
00:50:01,779 --> 00:50:05,379
At 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central
on full swap radio.com.

1294
00:50:05,379 --> 00:50:06,609
Come hang out with us there too.

1295
00:50:06,909 --> 00:50:10,329
And if this conversation has helped
you, the most impactful thing that

1296
00:50:10,329 --> 00:50:14,019
you can do is follow, subscribe,
leave a quick review and share this

1297
00:50:14,019 --> 00:50:15,909
episode with one person who needs it.

1298
00:50:15,909 --> 00:50:17,709
I guarantee you, you know more than one.

1299
00:50:18,519 --> 00:50:19,239
It's free.

1300
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:22,059
It takes 30 seconds, and
it seriously helps more

1301
00:50:22,059 --> 00:50:23,589
open-minded folks find the show.

1302
00:50:23,919 --> 00:50:28,119
With that, thanks for listening everyone,
and we will see you guys next week.

1303
00:50:28,179 --> 00:50:28,569
Bye