Instant Gratification in Sex: Why Finishing Fast Isn’t a Failure

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches, not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And today on our Wednesday
quickie, we are gonna be talking

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about instant gratification.

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Oh yeah.

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What does that mean?

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What does that, let me explain to you.

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Tell me.

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I don't.

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Huh?

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I mean, I have the

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idea, but I can explain it so I
can, I will break it down for you.

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Okay.

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Go.

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So this past weekend Oh yeah.

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This past weekend we were
about to leave the club Yes.

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And our beautiful friend, and there
was a friend of ours who was there

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and I basically told her before we
left, I was like, Hey, I would really

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like to have sex with you sometime.

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Yes.

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Just like that.

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Just plain and simple.

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He did.

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And you know, she kind of laughed and she
said, well, here's the only thing is that.

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I can't be Oh, going a long period
of time the way you do with your

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wife and that sort of thing.

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I'm into instant gratification.

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I like my guy to be able to finish quick.

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Yes.

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Uh, because that's what
I, that's what I enjoy.

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Now when we're at the club, she doesn't
realize, but we do that on purpose.

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She, Priscilla edges me.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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And so we'll have a session and we'll
stop and we'll go back to the club.

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Yes.

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Then we'll go back to the back
again and we'll, you know, we'll

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have several different sessions.

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But you, but, or she doesn't.

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What she doesn't realize, what you're
gonna soon realize, girlfriend, is that he

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can finish with you and still keep going.

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So

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this is true.

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Yeah.

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What that brought to my mind was
that I am totally that person.

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You are totally that person I

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love instant she put it so plainly.

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Yeah.

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Instant gratification.

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I love that because I love for
my man to finish and to know

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that they did it because of me.

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I think it's super hot.

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Well see.

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So I take, I take issue with
this and, and not in a bad, I, I

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don't really take issue with it.

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But here's the thing.

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I grew up.

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In the eighties and the nineties, and we
always saw and heard comedians and pop

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culture references and movies talking
about how men don't last very long.

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And that's a three stroke guy
and Oh, he last five minutes.

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That's

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I'm saying.

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And it was a lot of complaints.

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Well, yeah, but it can't, so

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and so now the complaint is the opposite.

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He,

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he lasts to.

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I think it depends on the person, because
I've had guys finish in two minutes.

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I've had guys not even be
inside me and have finished.

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I find that super hot.

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Now, there are men who
finish, who take a long time.

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If you take a take, take a
long, long, long time, like.

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A long time.

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I'll stop you.

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Okay.

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I'll stop you.

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But I do like that it's like,
you, you like to make me come?

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Yeah.

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And

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you'd like to see how many times.

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Yeah.

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But see that's, that's what I was talking.

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So when I first became sexually active

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Is when I realized I last a long time.

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Yeah.

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And for the longest time.

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Hell, until I met you, I never
met a woman who could hang.

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Oh.

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And then you used to say, I
don't know how to do a quickie.

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I couldn't, yeah.

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I couldn't do a quickie.

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And you, you've mastered it.

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You've learned how to Yes.

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How to make me do a quickie.

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Yes.

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But I was really worried
because I had, I've had women

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tap out and not in a good way.

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They've gone and said, okay,
yeah, dude, I'm exhausted.

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You gotta stop.

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Yeah.

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And of course.

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For a guy who's excited to play
and this and that, you know, I just

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felt like something was wrong with
me because I lasted a long time.

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Yeah.

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And I felt like women didn't like that.

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Did you?

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But you

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made yourself

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last then?

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No, I've gotten better about
figuring out what to think in

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my head to not last as long.

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Mm. Uh, not to mention
so, so understand that.

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The lifestyle itself and swapping and
doing, being watched and things, all the

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things that we love those are all turnons.

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Those are all major turnons.

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Previous to the lifestyle, I was only, I
would only be with one woman at a time.

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Uh, and so when I'm
one-on-one with a woman

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Yeah, it would take a long
time and I would not be able

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to make myself come fast.

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Mm-hmm.

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Like it just wasn't.

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Mm-hmm.

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Now, in the lifestyle, it's different
in the lifestyle, there's all sorts

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of different things going on that can
easily make me finish pretty quick.

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Yeah.

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Now, it wasn't until like the past
couple of years that I've realized that

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a lot of women prefer men who come fast.

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Yeah.

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I like it to last as long
as I like it to last.

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Is that right?

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Yeah.

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So I've been told by a lot of women that
they like it when a man finishes early

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or, or can't control when he finishes.

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Yes.

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Because it means that,
that you did a great job.

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Yeah.

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That you couldn't, you couldn't.

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Have him control himself.

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Yes.

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Like that's how hot you were.

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Yeah.

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And I've heard that from a lot of women.

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Yeah.

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I wanna say I am.

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I am that person.

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I've never really made fun of thought
it was a problem if you finished fast.

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Although I haven't had it very often.

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The many times that I've had it.

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I love it.

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Yeah.

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I think it's so hard.

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I love making you come fast because then
I'm like, oh, we're gonna do this again.

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Really?

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Yeah.

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I thought you went, oh,
I can go back to sleep.

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No, that too.

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That's only, every now and then.

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Yeah, no, I do.

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I love it.

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Um, so I do, I love that,
that, and I love it for males.

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Men and women.

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So either or, if I can make
you have an orgasm, like within

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just, five minutes or whatever.

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Ugh.

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Yes.

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Have you ever made a woman come that fast?

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I've made men come that fast.

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Well, yeah.

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You've made men come without actually
touching them, which I find incredible.

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Yes.

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I don't think I've ever had that happen.

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Yeah.

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No.

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This guy came just eating me out.

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That's impressive.

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He was like, I'm sorry, I already came.

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And I was like, homie, that was hot.

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But see, that's so, that's so
confusing for someone like me who

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I mean, you can read the

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room.

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Yeah.

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Sometimes you don't, you don't last.

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Like you can, I've

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gotten better at it.

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Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

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Like you can,

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yeah.

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And women know, like I've heard
women tell you I'm not gonna come.

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So you, you don't have to,
and I've told you that too.

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I'm not gonna have orgasm.

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Like you can just like finish.

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But that's where you really.

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Take a while.

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'cause you're like, I'm
gonna make her come.

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Well,

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yeah.

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So I'm a people please and we take a

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long time sometimes.

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Yeah.

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I'm a people pleaser and so I don't,
I've gotten myself trained where I don't.

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Unless I've been told, Hey,
you don't have to work on me.

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Like, yeah, you go ahead.

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Yeah.

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Okay, cool.

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Yeah, like you've told me that before.

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Oh, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Uh, I don't think this is gonna happen.

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Yeah.

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You go ahead.

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It's like, okay.

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Especially in the morning,
I'm like, I just woke

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up.

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Yeah.

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You know, and I'm okay with that.

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Yeah.

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I'm, I'm, do you like
instant gratification?

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If you can get somebody to get there fast,

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For me, coming is not the.

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What sex is all about.

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Well, yeah, but I know that, but
like, I enjoy the act itself,

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Uhhuh so it doesn't matter, do you?

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It doesn't matter.

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Like as long as I'm
having sex, I'm satisfied.

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And I've, I've had, I've had you
know, we've had experiences with

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others where you know it, women didn't
even, I didn't, I didn't finish.

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Oh, yeah.

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And we put at the club
And you didn't finish.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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But.

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It didn't mean that I didn't enjoy it.

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Oh, yeah, I did enjoy it.

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Well,

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that is that's, that's,
I, I mean, that's true.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean, that's what it comes
down to is I enjoyed that.

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I and would I have
enjoyed it if I had come?

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Absolutely.

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Okay.

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But do you

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like gratification when you make the
woman, like, for me, it's the, yeah.

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Oh, so like, one of my
favorite things is when you.

262
00:09:15,536 --> 00:09:21,266
When you decide to tell me, oh, well
tonight you're gonna eat my pussy.

263
00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:24,356
And you're gonna, you're gonna
do this and you're gonna do that.

264
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:25,406
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

265
00:09:25,526 --> 00:09:25,916
Okay.

266
00:09:26,726 --> 00:09:31,376
And as soon as we go to the room, not
even a minute and a half, and you're.

267
00:09:32,066 --> 00:09:32,726
Finished.

268
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:33,926
And it doesn't take long, man.

269
00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:34,856
I know your spots.

270
00:09:34,886 --> 00:09:34,976
Mm-hmm.

271
00:09:35,306 --> 00:09:36,026
And so

272
00:09:36,266 --> 00:09:37,796
Well, I mean, like with
you, I know how to Yeah.

273
00:09:38,216 --> 00:09:38,841
Oh yeah, exactly.

274
00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:39,201
I know

275
00:09:39,206 --> 00:09:40,256
exactly what I'm saying.

276
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:40,676
Yeah,

277
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:41,666
exactly.

278
00:09:41,666 --> 00:09:42,386
That's fun.

279
00:09:42,446 --> 00:09:43,076
It's fun.

280
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:43,416
It's fun.

281
00:09:43,471 --> 00:09:44,096
It's fun.

282
00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:45,016
But I like that.

283
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:49,036
So I, but what's cool is,
is that you can finish

284
00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:49,336
mm-hmm.

285
00:09:49,636 --> 00:09:50,656
And not finish.

286
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:51,286
You know what I'm saying?

287
00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:51,406
Yes.

288
00:09:51,526 --> 00:09:52,396
I can keep going.

289
00:09:52,546 --> 00:09:52,696
Yeah.

290
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,226
There's some women that we know Oh, yeah.

291
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:58,096
And that we've played with, and like
that straight up say, don't make me come,

292
00:09:58,156 --> 00:09:59,746
because if you make me come, I'm done.

293
00:09:59,836 --> 00:09:59,956
Mm-hmm.

294
00:10:00,256 --> 00:10:01,846
And trust me, you don't want that.

295
00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:04,086
That's like, mm. Ran,

296
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:04,686
ran.

297
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:06,861
Yeah, and I'm like just
work through it, man.

298
00:10:07,221 --> 00:10:07,881
You'll be all right.

299
00:10:08,151 --> 00:10:08,931
Just work through it.

300
00:10:09,771 --> 00:10:11,661
Just pretend it's a little tickle.

301
00:10:11,931 --> 00:10:12,561
It'll go away.

302
00:10:13,061 --> 00:10:13,811
Just finished.

303
00:10:14,311 --> 00:10:14,431
You

304
00:10:14,431 --> 00:10:14,881
got it.

305
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:18,246
Don't be there for, I, I wanna say
I do like the instant gratification.

306
00:10:18,246 --> 00:10:23,726
Like she said, I do not like
the taking a long time now.

307
00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:25,466
I don't mind it, but.

308
00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:28,306
If I'm done, sometimes I'm done.

309
00:10:28,606 --> 00:10:28,966
Yeah.

310
00:10:29,236 --> 00:10:29,626
Yeah.

311
00:10:29,626 --> 00:10:33,706
If I've already been there with my legs
open or on my bed, on my stomach or

312
00:10:33,706 --> 00:10:37,546
whatever it is, for a long time, I'm done.

313
00:10:37,546 --> 00:10:37,606
Yeah.

314
00:10:37,796 --> 00:10:38,306
Take a break.

315
00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:38,876
Yeah.

316
00:10:38,966 --> 00:10:39,176
Hmm.

317
00:10:39,536 --> 00:10:42,356
And I feel like if you're going to
take a long time, you should tell

318
00:10:42,356 --> 00:10:44,536
the person I don't really come fast.

319
00:10:44,596 --> 00:10:45,616
And you can just say that.

320
00:10:46,006 --> 00:10:48,046
And us as adults, we understand that.

321
00:10:48,316 --> 00:10:48,526
Yeah.

322
00:10:48,586 --> 00:10:51,286
But that's kind of a,
that's a hard thing to say.

323
00:10:51,436 --> 00:10:51,976
Why?

324
00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:52,836
What do you mean?

325
00:10:52,836 --> 00:10:53,256
Why?

326
00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:54,876
That's just a hard thing to say.

327
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:58,066
You, I mean, it's one of those things
where it's just one of those things

328
00:10:58,066 --> 00:11:00,016
that's a hard thing to discuss.

329
00:11:00,406 --> 00:11:00,616
Not

330
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:04,556
everybody has that ability and, you know,
yeah, I could easily do it because that's,

331
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:08,426
I'm, I'm open and honest in that way,
but a lot of people don't talk like that.

332
00:11:08,426 --> 00:11:08,726
We should

333
00:11:08,726 --> 00:11:10,016
normalize that guys.

334
00:11:10,256 --> 00:11:13,786
Normalize that if you take a
while, tell the person you're

335
00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:15,736
with, Hey, it takes me a bit.

336
00:11:16,336 --> 00:11:19,066
I've had people ask me,
so what gets you there?

337
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:20,176
And I'll tell them.

338
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:21,346
And it works.

339
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:21,936
Oh

340
00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:22,336
Yeah.

341
00:11:23,086 --> 00:11:25,366
This last one, this.

342
00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:26,916
She asked me, oh yeah.

343
00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:29,376
She was like, okay, what
makes, what gets you there?

344
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:30,936
And I was like, oh, well, hold on.

345
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:34,566
Get this baldheaded
man to do what he does.

346
00:11:35,286 --> 00:11:35,976
And he did.

347
00:11:36,336 --> 00:11:36,696
I did.

348
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,046
And it worked out great.

349
00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:38,706
This is true.

350
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:39,576
This

351
00:11:39,576 --> 00:11:39,966
is true.

352
00:11:40,236 --> 00:11:42,486
What else can give you
instant gratification?

353
00:11:42,986 --> 00:11:48,576
Once someone contacts you and
someone says, Hey Adam, I really like

354
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:49,506
you, and then you get to meet him.

355
00:11:49,506 --> 00:11:50,946
That's like an, that's like really good.

356
00:11:51,681 --> 00:11:53,391
Fun little feelings, right?

357
00:11:54,351 --> 00:11:54,951
Yeah.

358
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:55,581
Yeah.

359
00:11:55,641 --> 00:12:00,371
Um, it's exciting to know that
somebody finds me attractive.

360
00:12:00,491 --> 00:12:02,801
It's exciting to know
that somebody wants me.

361
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:08,081
And the funny thing is, is that alone,
that information alone is a turnout.

362
00:12:08,086 --> 00:12:08,116
Mm-hmm.

363
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:08,756
Like

364
00:12:09,041 --> 00:12:10,301
it's an actual turnoff.

365
00:12:10,331 --> 00:12:10,631
Yeah.

366
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,431
I can't come.

367
00:12:13,226 --> 00:12:14,336
From that information.

368
00:12:14,426 --> 00:12:16,456
Uh, but it is a turnout.

369
00:12:16,876 --> 00:12:20,796
And you know, it's, it's, it definitely,
it's one of those things where

370
00:12:20,796 --> 00:12:25,866
somebody can come up to me and they
can kiss me and I can be ready to go.

371
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:26,496
So

372
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:30,826
Like what makes you, what brings
out that hotness in the lifestyle.

373
00:12:31,066 --> 00:12:31,456
Okay.

374
00:12:31,666 --> 00:12:34,606
Because she meant, because our
friend mentioned that I, it got me

375
00:12:34,606 --> 00:12:36,736
thinking about a lot of other things.

376
00:12:37,236 --> 00:12:43,196
What in the lifestyle takes a long
time that doesn't get you, because

377
00:12:43,226 --> 00:12:47,236
what she was trying to say is, Hey,
I want you to be able to come fast.

378
00:12:47,236 --> 00:12:47,506
Right?

379
00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:47,596
Yeah.

380
00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:49,396
Or like to, I wanna be able to finish you.

381
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:49,546
I

382
00:12:49,546 --> 00:12:49,846
can't.

383
00:12:49,846 --> 00:12:50,896
I can't spend forever.

384
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:51,046
Yeah.

385
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:51,166
Like,

386
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:52,156
I wanna finish you.

387
00:12:52,156 --> 00:12:52,216
Yeah.

388
00:12:52,246 --> 00:12:52,636
Right.

389
00:12:52,936 --> 00:12:55,756
Because she likes that
instant feeling of happiness.

390
00:12:56,086 --> 00:12:57,136
So what else?

391
00:12:57,766 --> 00:13:00,136
So I was thinking about that, right?

392
00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:02,446
And I was like, okay,
well I like that too.

393
00:13:02,946 --> 00:13:06,566
So I think that instant
gratification, I think that's

394
00:13:06,566 --> 00:13:08,126
a, a really interesting topic.

395
00:13:08,126 --> 00:13:12,266
But, you know, I I, I do wanna take
this show in a different direction.

396
00:13:12,596 --> 00:13:12,626
Okay.

397
00:13:12,696 --> 00:13:17,016
Because I was contacted by, uh,
a mutual friend of ours today.

398
00:13:17,106 --> 00:13:17,136
Okay.

399
00:13:17,466 --> 00:13:18,306
They are a couple.

400
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:19,686
Lovely people.

401
00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:23,286
Really, really kind people
love being around 'em.

402
00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:23,976
Love their energy.

403
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:30,626
Uh, she reached out to me today and
she said she basically was asking

404
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:36,536
if we had a podcast that was talking
about how to let down a couple easy.

405
00:13:37,086 --> 00:13:41,376
Essentially the situation here is they.

406
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:42,936
As a couple.

407
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:43,416
Yeah.

408
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,096
Met up with another couple.

409
00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:45,606
Yes.

410
00:13:45,886 --> 00:13:47,026
They became friends.

411
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:47,776
They liked them.

412
00:13:47,776 --> 00:13:48,946
Everything was cool.

413
00:13:49,126 --> 00:13:49,426
Yeah.

414
00:13:49,726 --> 00:13:54,096
Uh, but s they sexually, they all,
they played and it wasn't Okay.

415
00:13:54,426 --> 00:13:57,936
It wasn't a good time as far as
they were concerned, but the other

416
00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,376
couple of course, enjoyed it.

417
00:13:59,436 --> 00:13:59,586
Yeah.

418
00:13:59,586 --> 00:14:00,546
And they want to have more.

419
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:00,816
Yeah.

420
00:14:01,806 --> 00:14:02,556
So they do.

421
00:14:03,246 --> 00:14:08,076
I have had this happen,
dear friend, many times.

422
00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:09,756
Many, many times.

423
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:10,026
Yeah.

424
00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:11,736
Because I am

425
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:12,396
selective.

426
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,826
Selective and

427
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:15,486
I am not.

428
00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:16,356
That's okay.

429
00:14:16,776 --> 00:14:18,786
So it is okay for you.

430
00:14:18,846 --> 00:14:20,496
Let's just paint this guys.

431
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:26,196
It's okay for you to try something
and then be like, I don't like it.

432
00:14:26,496 --> 00:14:28,866
Now how are you gonna
express that to that person?

433
00:14:29,256 --> 00:14:30,216
Well, see, that's the thing.

434
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:31,446
So I understand.

435
00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:31,721
It's very easy.

436
00:14:31,886 --> 00:14:32,996
It's one of those things.

437
00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:36,416
Like I was talking about earlier, it's
one of those things where it, you can say

438
00:14:36,416 --> 00:14:40,556
it, but it takes balls to say it does,

439
00:14:40,706 --> 00:14:44,246
and there's so many
different ways to spin it.

440
00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:46,826
I can give you my way.

441
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:52,876
I usually if we played
and it wasn't the best.

442
00:14:53,376 --> 00:14:54,426
You can just say that.

443
00:14:54,456 --> 00:14:58,356
You can be like, Hey, so that was fun, but

444
00:14:58,566 --> 00:14:59,346
it really wasn't.

445
00:14:59,436 --> 00:15:03,546
I really don't feel the vibe sexually.

446
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:07,976
Like it was fun, but we could still
remain friends at that school.

447
00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:13,766
Now people are going to get hurt because
we're humans and there's feelings.

448
00:15:14,606 --> 00:15:17,276
But if you just continue to be.

449
00:15:17,936 --> 00:15:18,866
Their friend.

450
00:15:18,896 --> 00:15:20,066
It's going to be fine.

451
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:21,896
Now we are all adults.

452
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:22,436
Yeah.

453
00:15:23,396 --> 00:15:26,666
We don't always like the same things.

454
00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:29,306
No, he's a different person than I am.

455
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:33,506
We do not like the same, it's a
very rare thing that we like the

456
00:15:33,506 --> 00:15:36,326
same kind of woman or the same kind.

457
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:41,486
It happens, but I'm just saying like it's
a, it's actually, it's very rare that we

458
00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:43,676
don't, but there are sometimes we don't.

459
00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:44,136
Um.

460
00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:48,086
I have just told people, even
without playing with them, I've

461
00:15:48,086 --> 00:15:53,066
gotten many messages where it's
like, Hey, I wanna play with you.

462
00:15:53,756 --> 00:15:55,946
I have to be attractive to somebody.

463
00:15:55,946 --> 00:15:58,816
I have to be attracted
to the way they look.

464
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,606
It could be anything,
but I have to have that.

465
00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:02,866
That's just me.

466
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:05,176
And so I usually just say that.

467
00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:07,696
I usually say, well, thank you.

468
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:08,926
I appreciate that.

469
00:16:09,016 --> 00:16:14,276
But yeah, no, you are cool and
thank you for reaching out.

470
00:16:14,276 --> 00:16:16,546
But I don't think the
vibe is going to be there.

471
00:16:16,816 --> 00:16:21,546
You know, it's, it's unfortunate that
we, we are a, a society of people

472
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,586
who don't want to hurt feelings.

473
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,096
Yes.

474
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,646
Uh, yet we manage to hurt.

475
00:16:26,961 --> 00:16:27,981
People's feelings.

476
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:28,311
Yeah.

477
00:16:28,431 --> 00:16:29,781
When we're not honest.

478
00:16:30,051 --> 00:16:30,171
Yeah.

479
00:16:30,261 --> 00:16:33,301
You know, and, and I think that's
something that I had to learn as

480
00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:38,671
time went on because I had trouble
being able to tell people no,

481
00:16:38,971 --> 00:16:40,381
because I didn't wanna hurt feelings.

482
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:41,851
I didn't wanna hurt anybody's feelings.

483
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:42,061
Yeah.

484
00:16:42,091 --> 00:16:43,621
But then what I would find out is.

485
00:16:44,476 --> 00:16:47,206
Is that it would come out eventually.

486
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,716
Like I either, I would
have to just avoid them.

487
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:51,016
Mm-hmm.

488
00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:53,346
In which case that hurts feelings.

489
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:54,906
Well, you could fizz or you ghost them.

490
00:16:55,176 --> 00:16:56,016
That hurts feelings.

491
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:56,436
You know?

492
00:16:56,441 --> 00:16:56,631
I like, I

493
00:16:56,631 --> 00:17:00,336
would rather fizzle, I'd rather the
friendship fizzle than to ghost them.

494
00:17:00,846 --> 00:17:04,421
Well, so I, and I agree that I'm just
saying that there's different things.

495
00:17:04,421 --> 00:17:05,351
There is people do.

496
00:17:05,471 --> 00:17:05,741
Yeah.

497
00:17:05,861 --> 00:17:10,601
And you can let it fizzle, but letting
it fizzle is essentially ghosting.

498
00:17:11,101 --> 00:17:12,451
Stopping contacting it.

499
00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:15,946
Maybe you're not ignoring them,
but eventually you are, you know?

500
00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:19,561
Well, I think dosing is more completely
like, like you, you would block

501
00:17:19,566 --> 00:17:21,271
completely Block just disappear.

502
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:21,451
Yeah.

503
00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:21,511
So

504
00:17:21,826 --> 00:17:22,666
fizzling, I mean,

505
00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:24,106
I mean, it seems similar to me.

506
00:17:24,856 --> 00:17:26,026
Letting it fizzle out.

507
00:17:26,031 --> 00:17:26,221
Yeah.

508
00:17:26,226 --> 00:17:26,416
Yeah.

509
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:30,406
It seems like a similar tactic
which hey, it is what it is.

510
00:17:30,526 --> 00:17:34,406
Uh, we've had friendships fizzle out
because we did not play with them.

511
00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:34,736
Mm-hmm.

512
00:17:34,736 --> 00:17:38,846
And it's one of those things where
I, we're in this for the friendship.

513
00:17:39,456 --> 00:17:41,796
Granted we love the sex, but
we're in this for the friendship.

514
00:17:42,096 --> 00:17:47,521
And frankly, if we tell you or she tells
you, or if I tell you that, uh, it's.

515
00:17:48,516 --> 00:17:49,776
The vibe's not there.

516
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,696
But we can still be friends if
you're gonna get upset about that or

517
00:17:53,696 --> 00:17:57,706
you're gonna decide, eh, I don't want
to be your friend, then fuck you.

518
00:17:57,856 --> 00:17:58,156
You know?

519
00:17:58,641 --> 00:17:58,671
I

520
00:17:58,671 --> 00:18:01,606
mean, like, well, because I, I basically,
I don't what else to say to that.

521
00:18:01,846 --> 00:18:04,246
I hear a lot of like different things.

522
00:18:04,246 --> 00:18:07,906
Like I hear a lot of people, and I,
I think you've told me too, you're

523
00:18:07,906 --> 00:18:12,556
like, you can't be so selective
sometimes you, it's experiences and.

524
00:18:13,246 --> 00:18:17,426
I think you finally, after all these years
realize, Nope, that's just the way I am.

525
00:18:18,346 --> 00:18:18,466
Yeah.

526
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:19,126
I can't fight you.

527
00:18:19,126 --> 00:18:19,186
Yeah.

528
00:18:19,426 --> 00:18:24,016
But also consider the fact that you have
said, well, you can play separately.

529
00:18:24,196 --> 00:18:24,436
Yeah.

530
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:25,696
That you don't miss opportunities.

531
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:25,816
Yeah.

532
00:18:25,821 --> 00:18:27,086
Because that was one of
the hardest things for me.

533
00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:27,311
Mm-hmm.

534
00:18:27,466 --> 00:18:31,396
Was having to, you know, when I connected
with somebody having to tell 'em,

535
00:18:31,396 --> 00:18:33,256
sorry, I can't, my wife's not into it.

536
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:33,526
Yeah.

537
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:33,886
You know what I mean?

538
00:18:33,886 --> 00:18:35,986
Like, that's just not, that's sucks.

539
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:36,316
Yeah.

540
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:36,976
That's not fun.

541
00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:37,276
Yeah.

542
00:18:37,276 --> 00:18:38,866
But if that's your rule, that's your rule.

543
00:18:38,956 --> 00:18:39,136
Yeah.

544
00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:39,616
You know what I mean?

545
00:18:39,616 --> 00:18:40,996
That was a rule for a long time.

546
00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:41,206
Yeah.

547
00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:43,426
Uh, luckily it's not a rule anymore.

548
00:18:43,636 --> 00:18:43,906
Yeah.

549
00:18:44,236 --> 00:18:46,406
But you know, it's one
of those things where.

550
00:18:47,051 --> 00:18:49,421
You kind of have to just be upfront.

551
00:18:49,481 --> 00:18:50,771
You have to be honest.

552
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:51,791
You there, if the

553
00:18:51,971 --> 00:18:59,701
vibe wasn't there, if the, if the sex
with the person wasn't fun, I know that

554
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,321
they're gonna get their feelings hurt.

555
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:04,921
But I feel like you
can, you could say that.

556
00:19:05,421 --> 00:19:06,171
Sorry.

557
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:11,541
You're cool, but I did
not care for the sex.

558
00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:12,021
Yeah.

559
00:19:12,741 --> 00:19:13,136
Well, so.

560
00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:18,226
What if that person ends up telling
you, Hey, well it was a bad night.

561
00:19:18,646 --> 00:19:20,146
I think I've said this to somebody before.

562
00:19:20,386 --> 00:19:21,376
It was a bad night.

563
00:19:21,616 --> 00:19:22,636
I was in my head.

564
00:19:23,086 --> 00:19:24,166
Can you give me a second chance?

565
00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:24,886
What, what about that?

566
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:26,026
For me, it's a no.

567
00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:26,536
Yeah.

568
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:27,276
It's, it's

569
00:19:27,276 --> 00:19:28,406
not much for second chances, not

570
00:19:28,406 --> 00:19:29,546
much for second chances.

571
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:30,936
I've had people tell me.

572
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,416
I'm better now since the last time.

573
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:34,496
That's great.

574
00:19:34,496 --> 00:19:35,276
Good for you.

575
00:19:35,786 --> 00:19:39,896
But no, I'm just not interested
if I'm I, and it's something I'm

576
00:19:39,896 --> 00:19:41,366
like not gonna talk to you anymore.

577
00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:44,456
I just admire me from afar.

578
00:19:44,956 --> 00:19:45,256
That's it.

579
00:19:45,916 --> 00:19:47,386
I admire me from afar.

580
00:19:48,316 --> 00:19:49,876
Jerk off to my pictures.

581
00:19:50,206 --> 00:19:53,776
I'll send you a few videos,
but sexually, you and I are

582
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,336
not going to have that again.

583
00:19:55,336 --> 00:19:55,396
No.

584
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:57,171
Yeah, that's just me.

585
00:19:57,176 --> 00:19:57,831
Yeah, yeah.

586
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:58,311
No, yeah.

587
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,326
I'm sure that there are several
women out there like there.

588
00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:03,861
Uh, but I know that there are
a lot of women I'm chances too,

589
00:20:03,861 --> 00:20:04,521
so, yeah.

590
00:20:04,851 --> 00:20:10,311
And I'm okay with telling somebody,
Hey, um, it was fun, but nah,

591
00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:12,021
we're not doing that again.

592
00:20:12,786 --> 00:20:13,296
Yeah,

593
00:20:13,776 --> 00:20:18,336
but see, and there's you, if you say
it was fun, but then you say, nah,

594
00:20:18,336 --> 00:20:19,656
isn't that like a contradiction?

595
00:20:19,656 --> 00:20:19,806
Like it

596
00:20:19,806 --> 00:20:21,726
was fun to, to connect.

597
00:20:21,786 --> 00:20:25,251
It was fun to chill out and
relax because I'm sure it wasn't

598
00:20:25,256 --> 00:20:26,131
fun enough for a sex chance.

599
00:20:26,131 --> 00:20:27,216
It wasn't fun to have sex.

600
00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:28,446
Like our, the sex wasn't fun.

601
00:20:28,806 --> 00:20:33,006
But chilling, like chilling with
you at the club and dancing and

602
00:20:33,336 --> 00:20:36,636
you know, having drinks and maybe
dinner, whatever, that's cool.

603
00:20:36,876 --> 00:20:38,166
But sexually, nah.

604
00:20:38,401 --> 00:20:38,691
Yeah.

605
00:20:39,246 --> 00:20:39,846
Yeah.

606
00:20:40,026 --> 00:20:43,176
Look, people, we are not all the same.

607
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:47,636
Say you tasted the yogurt
and it was a vanilla yogurt

608
00:20:47,696 --> 00:20:49,766
and it was delicious, right?

609
00:20:50,036 --> 00:20:52,916
And then you tasted it
again and it sucked.

610
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:54,176
Wait, no.

611
00:20:54,676 --> 00:20:55,006
Okay.

612
00:20:55,606 --> 00:21:00,756
Say you tasted a pasta and
you're like, Nope, not for me.

613
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:04,296
Everybody's raving about it
on Instagram wasn't for me.

614
00:21:05,121 --> 00:21:05,751
It's okay.

615
00:21:06,171 --> 00:21:07,461
It's okay to not like it.

616
00:21:07,671 --> 00:21:11,541
It's okay to tell your boyfriend who
took you to that fancy restaurant.

617
00:21:12,051 --> 00:21:13,601
Hey, I didn't care for it.

618
00:21:14,471 --> 00:21:15,791
You know what's a better example?

619
00:21:16,181 --> 00:21:16,631
Tell me.

620
00:21:16,631 --> 00:21:17,381
'cause that one sucks.

621
00:21:17,381 --> 00:21:18,671
This is a real life example.

622
00:21:19,171 --> 00:21:24,691
There was one Christmas that
I got you a Christmas present

623
00:21:25,111 --> 00:21:27,111
some shoes and what hell was my

624
00:21:27,111 --> 00:21:27,681
birthday?

625
00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:29,076
Was it, was it your birthday?

626
00:21:29,286 --> 00:21:29,946
Maybe it was Christmas.

627
00:21:29,946 --> 00:21:30,666
I think it was Christmas.

628
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:30,786
Mm-hmm.

629
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,416
And you took those shoes and
they were, you did not like them.

630
00:21:34,506 --> 00:21:34,776
Nope.

631
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:36,036
And you returned them.

632
00:21:36,096 --> 00:21:36,606
Yes.

633
00:21:37,026 --> 00:21:39,516
And then you used the money for
something that wasn't even shoes.

634
00:21:39,726 --> 00:21:40,206
Yes.

635
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,966
And I remember being butt hurt about that.

636
00:21:44,146 --> 00:21:44,446
Oh yeah.

637
00:21:44,746 --> 00:21:47,776
Because I was like,
dude, I, I bought that.

638
00:21:47,776 --> 00:21:48,346
Like that was.

639
00:21:49,196 --> 00:21:52,046
It was, uh, from the heart, you know,
I mean, if that was the case, you could

640
00:21:52,046 --> 00:21:54,746
have just bought some, you could have just
gotten something and then I could have

641
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:56,126
just given you the money or I could just,

642
00:21:56,156 --> 00:21:58,111
We're not gonna delve
into that story, but Okay.

643
00:21:58,111 --> 00:21:59,336
But you know, it's an example.

644
00:21:59,336 --> 00:21:59,906
It's an example.

645
00:21:59,936 --> 00:21:59,966
Okay.

646
00:22:00,356 --> 00:22:02,006
I'm just getting, I'm
getting to the example.

647
00:22:02,006 --> 00:22:02,246
Okay.

648
00:22:02,246 --> 00:22:02,726
I'm getting there.

649
00:22:02,876 --> 00:22:03,116
Okay.

650
00:22:03,236 --> 00:22:04,016
Take the trip with me.

651
00:22:04,016 --> 00:22:04,406
Okay.

652
00:22:05,066 --> 00:22:07,136
So I wasn't very happy about that.

653
00:22:07,136 --> 00:22:10,406
And you were like, you eventually
sat down with me and you were like,

654
00:22:10,406 --> 00:22:13,286
look, I really appreciate the thought.

655
00:22:13,286 --> 00:22:14,516
I appreciate the gift.

656
00:22:14,546 --> 00:22:16,796
I think that was marvelous, but.

657
00:22:17,471 --> 00:22:19,271
I did not like the gift.

658
00:22:19,481 --> 00:22:19,601
Yeah.

659
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:27,011
And you should not be forcing
me to accept and try and love

660
00:22:27,011 --> 00:22:28,481
a gift that I just don't love.

661
00:22:28,511 --> 00:22:28,691
Yeah.

662
00:22:28,691 --> 00:22:31,311
Like I it's my, you, it's
supposed to be a gift for me.

663
00:22:31,341 --> 00:22:31,671
Yeah.

664
00:22:31,671 --> 00:22:32,031
You know?

665
00:22:32,091 --> 00:22:32,391
Yeah.

666
00:22:32,511 --> 00:22:37,041
And when you told me that, I was
like, okay, I guess that makes sense.

667
00:22:37,046 --> 00:22:37,956
And that's our room now.

668
00:22:37,956 --> 00:22:38,841
And so that is our room.

669
00:22:38,901 --> 00:22:39,171
Yeah.

670
00:22:39,171 --> 00:22:39,831
That is our, I mean,

671
00:22:39,831 --> 00:22:40,911
I buy amazing gifts.

672
00:22:41,411 --> 00:22:41,981
No, I don't.

673
00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:45,311
As a matter of fact, I have a closet
of some of your amazing gifts that.

674
00:22:46,196 --> 00:22:47,006
We're not so amazing.

675
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,226
The difference is I never returned them.

676
00:22:49,376 --> 00:22:49,796
Liar.

677
00:22:49,886 --> 00:22:50,366
I have them.

678
00:22:51,026 --> 00:22:52,046
I've given to the kids.

679
00:22:52,136 --> 00:22:52,796
You're such a liar.

680
00:22:52,796 --> 00:22:53,906
You like all my gifts?

681
00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:54,146
No.

682
00:22:54,176 --> 00:22:54,806
No, I do not.

683
00:22:55,676 --> 00:22:56,576
Is this breaking news?

684
00:22:57,076 --> 00:22:57,286
No.

685
00:22:57,286 --> 00:22:59,081
You've given me some gifts
that I I'm buying you anything.

686
00:22:59,221 --> 00:23:00,646
See, this is what I'm talking about.

687
00:23:01,126 --> 00:23:03,466
Why your wife, you've given me
shirts, you've brought me home

688
00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:05,526
stuff, and it's like, I love it.

689
00:23:05,706 --> 00:23:06,306
Thanks.

690
00:23:06,336 --> 00:23:06,876
Appreciate it.

691
00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:09,846
But no, I, there's not, not everything.

692
00:23:09,846 --> 00:23:11,976
Oh, you should return it by,
I don't, I don't do that.

693
00:23:12,336 --> 00:23:13,926
It's, I love everything you give.

694
00:23:14,136 --> 00:23:14,526
Wait, but

695
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:15,546
what was your analogy?

696
00:23:16,026 --> 00:23:16,656
That was it.

697
00:23:16,746 --> 00:23:22,566
It was that you, you don't have to,
you don't have to accept something.

698
00:23:22,806 --> 00:23:23,076
Yeah.

699
00:23:23,286 --> 00:23:26,436
Because you don't wanna
hurt somebody's feelings.

700
00:23:26,436 --> 00:23:26,496
Yeah.

701
00:23:27,096 --> 00:23:28,896
That's what it comes down to, you know?

702
00:23:28,896 --> 00:23:32,586
And, and, and I, I'm gonna say
it a little bit stronger now for

703
00:23:32,586 --> 00:23:34,416
the person that that was asking.

704
00:23:35,076 --> 00:23:37,206
You don't owe anyone an an explanation?

705
00:23:37,266 --> 00:23:37,476
Nope.

706
00:23:37,476 --> 00:23:37,746
Ever.

707
00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:38,226
Nope.

708
00:23:38,346 --> 00:23:40,896
If your no is a no, it's a no.

709
00:23:41,076 --> 00:23:41,226
Yeah.

710
00:23:41,496 --> 00:23:43,296
And it can be a no in person.

711
00:23:43,746 --> 00:23:45,336
Uh, you know, at in the moment.

712
00:23:45,636 --> 00:23:47,646
It could be no weeks in advance.

713
00:23:47,946 --> 00:23:48,996
It can be a no.

714
00:23:48,996 --> 00:23:50,496
Whenever you want it to be a no.

715
00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:50,556
Yeah.

716
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,956
If it's a no, when they ask,

717
00:23:52,956 --> 00:23:54,966
Hey, you've already tried the flavor.

718
00:23:55,116 --> 00:23:55,326
Yeah.

719
00:23:55,386 --> 00:23:56,406
It wasn't for you.

720
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:56,676
Yeah.

721
00:23:56,676 --> 00:23:57,426
And, and you don't

722
00:23:57,426 --> 00:23:58,176
have to have seconds.

723
00:23:58,536 --> 00:24:02,706
Frankly, I would be wary
of anybody asking me why.

724
00:24:03,486 --> 00:24:04,626
If I told them no.

725
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:05,046
Yeah.

726
00:24:05,826 --> 00:24:09,306
If I, you know, if, if they
asked me, Hey, do you wanna play?

727
00:24:09,726 --> 00:24:11,736
And I'd say, no, I
don't, I don't think so.

728
00:24:11,736 --> 00:24:12,336
I'm sorry.

729
00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:14,466
So I, and I also, that's it.

730
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:18,036
I'm also gonna throw in
don't keep them lingering.

731
00:24:18,536 --> 00:24:20,336
Don't say, oh yeah, next time.

732
00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:21,266
Oh yeah, next time.

733
00:24:21,806 --> 00:24:22,616
Don't lead 'em on.

734
00:24:22,616 --> 00:24:22,656
Don't lead 'em on.

735
00:24:22,656 --> 00:24:23,516
It's not cool.

736
00:24:24,086 --> 00:24:26,096
If you're gonna do that,
you need to tell them.

737
00:24:26,516 --> 00:24:27,656
You don't have to explain it.

738
00:24:27,656 --> 00:24:29,216
You could just be like, thanks.

739
00:24:29,216 --> 00:24:30,116
But no, thank you.

740
00:24:30,896 --> 00:24:31,136
Yeah.

741
00:24:31,346 --> 00:24:32,216
I mean, and that's it.

742
00:24:32,366 --> 00:24:39,061
You, you are, you are the controller
of your own life and it's nobody's

743
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:40,921
deal, but yours, like, yeah.

744
00:24:40,921 --> 00:24:45,121
You don't have to say anything
to anyone outside of your, no.

745
00:24:45,181 --> 00:24:45,361
Yeah.

746
00:24:45,451 --> 00:24:47,611
And if you don't want to explain
yourself, you don't have to.

747
00:24:47,671 --> 00:24:47,821
Nope.

748
00:24:47,911 --> 00:24:52,106
And if they ask why, you just
basically say it's just a no, sorry.

749
00:24:52,106 --> 00:24:52,141
And again,

750
00:24:52,261 --> 00:24:53,491
we're all

751
00:24:53,491 --> 00:24:54,211
adults.

752
00:24:54,331 --> 00:24:54,661
Yeah.

753
00:24:55,231 --> 00:24:55,771
This.

754
00:24:56,131 --> 00:25:00,181
Maybe for some people it's
experiences and oh, I wanna be with

755
00:25:00,181 --> 00:25:01,591
that person for the experience.

756
00:25:01,591 --> 00:25:03,091
I wanna be with this
person for the experience.

757
00:25:03,751 --> 00:25:05,101
Not everybody is like that.

758
00:25:05,131 --> 00:25:07,261
I am not like that.

759
00:25:07,266 --> 00:25:09,451
Yeah, I do not care.

760
00:25:09,991 --> 00:25:12,121
That's true for experiences.

761
00:25:12,481 --> 00:25:15,001
I want friends.

762
00:25:15,031 --> 00:25:15,091
Yeah.

763
00:25:15,091 --> 00:25:22,321
I want some sort of connection
or some sort of attraction.

764
00:25:22,951 --> 00:25:23,221
Little bit.

765
00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:23,851
And that's just me.

766
00:25:24,351 --> 00:25:24,561
State.

767
00:25:24,861 --> 00:25:25,731
Not everybody's like me.

768
00:25:26,181 --> 00:25:26,331
No.

769
00:25:27,291 --> 00:25:27,711
Should be.

770
00:25:28,011 --> 00:25:28,521
I'm just kidding.

771
00:25:29,021 --> 00:25:30,251
I mean, you wouldn't
have to go through this.

772
00:25:30,751 --> 00:25:31,231
Just kidding.

773
00:25:31,591 --> 00:25:32,191
I'm fitting.

774
00:25:32,221 --> 00:25:36,091
I, I felt like it was, and it's something
that we've touched up on in a few

775
00:25:36,091 --> 00:25:39,991
different episodes, because initially
what she was asked, she was asking if we

776
00:25:39,991 --> 00:25:42,361
had any episodes that were referring to.

777
00:25:42,361 --> 00:25:43,231
We just made one for you.

778
00:25:43,411 --> 00:25:46,921
And a lot of the episodes
that we have referred to.

779
00:25:47,551 --> 00:25:49,841
You know it Ha it hasn't
been whole shows about it.

780
00:25:49,946 --> 00:25:50,166
No.

781
00:25:50,341 --> 00:25:53,611
It has been interjected in, in three
different shows, and they were all on

782
00:25:53,611 --> 00:25:57,901
the audio version, uh, the audio podcast
before we started, uh, adding video.

783
00:25:58,531 --> 00:26:02,671
And so, uh, I went ahead and looked back
and I, I suggested a few episodes, but,

784
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:05,221
uh, realistically, that's where you're at.

785
00:26:05,271 --> 00:26:10,041
And that's what I would tell you
is that as hard as it is to say no

786
00:26:10,401 --> 00:26:12,381
it's even harder to explain your No.

787
00:26:12,621 --> 00:26:12,831
Yeah.

788
00:26:12,951 --> 00:26:16,311
So do yourself a favor and just say no.

789
00:26:17,256 --> 00:26:18,396
Say it in a nice way.

790
00:26:18,426 --> 00:26:18,756
Yeah.

791
00:26:18,936 --> 00:26:19,896
And just leave it at that.

792
00:26:20,076 --> 00:26:24,216
And if they ask you why,
you just say it's just a no.

793
00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:24,276
Yeah.

794
00:26:24,336 --> 00:26:24,966
I'm sorry.

795
00:26:24,996 --> 00:26:27,141
I, and just leave it like you don't, yeah.

796
00:26:27,216 --> 00:26:29,226
You don't have to explain
yourself to anybody.

797
00:26:29,276 --> 00:26:33,686
People, again, not everybody
is going to like you.

798
00:26:33,716 --> 00:26:34,256
That's true.

799
00:26:34,406 --> 00:26:36,446
Like it is what it

800
00:26:36,446 --> 00:26:37,076
is.

801
00:26:37,136 --> 00:26:38,906
Not everybody's gonna be good at sex.

802
00:26:39,086 --> 00:26:39,896
You know what's funny?

803
00:26:39,926 --> 00:26:41,396
Not everybody's going to be good at sex.

804
00:26:41,396 --> 00:26:42,896
This is the interesting thing.

805
00:26:43,396 --> 00:26:47,476
You would think in a community
where people have sex often

806
00:26:47,686 --> 00:26:47,776
mm-hmm.

807
00:26:48,016 --> 00:26:48,136
With

808
00:26:48,136 --> 00:26:48,856
other people.

809
00:26:48,956 --> 00:26:52,526
You would think there would be a
larger amount of people in that

810
00:26:52,526 --> 00:26:55,106
community that could do good sex.

811
00:26:56,006 --> 00:26:59,066
No fact of the matter is No, there is not.

812
00:26:59,071 --> 00:26:59,821
No, no.

813
00:27:00,321 --> 00:27:04,701
There's people out there that are having
sex every week and they are not good.

814
00:27:04,821 --> 00:27:05,031
Yeah.

815
00:27:05,511 --> 00:27:06,171
Not good.

816
00:27:06,441 --> 00:27:06,561
Yeah.

817
00:27:06,591 --> 00:27:08,091
And nobody's telling them.

818
00:27:08,591 --> 00:27:11,981
And so they just continue, they
continue to go out there and

819
00:27:11,981 --> 00:27:14,651
ruin people's sexual lives.

820
00:27:14,951 --> 00:27:15,191
And it

821
00:27:15,191 --> 00:27:15,671
happens.

822
00:27:16,481 --> 00:27:18,041
Unless anybody tells 'em
they're not gonna know.

823
00:27:18,311 --> 00:27:18,791
It happens.

824
00:27:18,791 --> 00:27:19,481
What can you do?

825
00:27:19,631 --> 00:27:19,691
Yeah.

826
00:27:19,691 --> 00:27:20,201
What can you do?

827
00:27:20,201 --> 00:27:24,191
And that's, that's why honesty
is the best key for everybody.

828
00:27:24,311 --> 00:27:24,611
Oh, yeah.

829
00:27:24,616 --> 00:27:30,041
Uh, there is, there are ways to
be honest and to be not rude.

830
00:27:30,956 --> 00:27:32,786
There are ways to be honest and be rude.

831
00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:33,686
That's the simple way.

832
00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:36,206
But there are ways to be
honest and be nice about it.

833
00:27:36,296 --> 00:27:36,416
Yeah.

834
00:27:36,716 --> 00:27:40,916
I know a lot of people who take what
they're trying to say and they put it

835
00:27:40,916 --> 00:27:49,586
into cha GBT and say, how do I make this
sound nicer so I don't hurt feelings?

836
00:27:50,096 --> 00:27:54,506
And even if you don't copy and paste
it, at least, at least take what it says

837
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,636
and go, okay, I can, I can say that.

838
00:27:57,276 --> 00:27:59,316
But I mean, that's what you do.

839
00:27:59,556 --> 00:27:59,886
Yeah.

840
00:27:59,946 --> 00:28:01,056
You do it with everybody.

841
00:28:01,056 --> 00:28:02,276
You, I'm very,

842
00:28:02,276 --> 00:28:04,586
I'm a very harsh, not harsh.

843
00:28:04,646 --> 00:28:05,156
I just,

844
00:28:05,156 --> 00:28:05,846
no harsh is right.

845
00:28:06,206 --> 00:28:10,436
I'm a very harsh person, but
I, I, I do understand feelings,

846
00:28:10,526 --> 00:28:14,326
but sometimes I say things and
I want it to be a little softer.

847
00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:17,416
So yes, I would do what he just said.

848
00:28:17,916 --> 00:28:18,426
Good point.

849
00:28:19,056 --> 00:28:19,476
Yeah.

850
00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:20,496
Yeah.

851
00:28:20,496 --> 00:28:20,586
You're

852
00:28:20,586 --> 00:28:20,766
so

853
00:28:20,766 --> 00:28:21,336
smart.

854
00:28:21,336 --> 00:28:21,786
Oh, thank

855
00:28:21,786 --> 00:28:22,356
you so much.

856
00:28:22,356 --> 00:28:23,556
I appreciate Kiss.

857
00:28:24,056 --> 00:28:25,826
I think that was an interesting show.

858
00:28:25,856 --> 00:28:28,716
I know that we covered a couple
of topics there that hopefully

859
00:28:29,146 --> 00:28:30,346
y'all listen to the end.

860
00:28:30,526 --> 00:28:32,476
This was Priscilla's, ADHD show.

861
00:28:32,896 --> 00:28:33,451
Yeah, that's right.

862
00:28:33,951 --> 00:28:37,211
But either way, thanks for hanging
with us for this week's quickie.

863
00:28:37,361 --> 00:28:42,011
If you loved it, make sure to like,
subscribe, share, and leave us a review.

864
00:28:42,071 --> 00:28:45,041
It helps us grow and it
keeps the conversation going.

865
00:28:45,041 --> 00:28:49,811
And if you did it, maybe you'd stop
hearing me say, Hey, leave a review.

866
00:28:50,531 --> 00:28:53,901
Remember, you can find
everything beyond monogamy at

867
00:28:53,911 --> 00:28:58,951
www.beyond-monogamy.com, including
our Beyond Monogamy Confessional,

868
00:28:58,981 --> 00:29:01,416
the blog post merch that I make.

869
00:29:02,371 --> 00:29:03,901
And all the juicy extras.

870
00:29:03,901 --> 00:29:04,231
That's right.

871
00:29:04,921 --> 00:29:07,171
There's lots of links on there, guys.

872
00:29:07,231 --> 00:29:07,771
There really is.

873
00:29:08,281 --> 00:29:08,941
There's a whole bunch.

874
00:29:09,811 --> 00:29:13,681
Don't forget to check out our events
tab on our website as well for details

875
00:29:13,681 --> 00:29:17,881
on upcoming Beyond Monogamy events
or even just where we may be hanging

876
00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,771
out in case you want to hang out.

877
00:29:19,796 --> 00:29:20,546
Join us.

878
00:29:20,546 --> 00:29:22,496
We have spontaneous
visits every now and we

879
00:29:22,496 --> 00:29:23,036
do so

880
00:29:23,036 --> 00:29:23,246
yeah,

881
00:29:23,301 --> 00:29:23,521
do

882
00:29:24,081 --> 00:29:27,926
remember we're also streaming every
Thursday on full swap radio.com

883
00:29:27,926 --> 00:29:29,666
at two and 7:00 PM Central.

884
00:29:29,666 --> 00:29:32,126
So tune in there, show
us some love over there.

885
00:29:32,366 --> 00:29:34,346
Don't forget about us,
don't forget about us.

886
00:29:34,766 --> 00:29:38,666
And as always, thanks for listening
and we will see you guys next week.

887
00:29:38,876 --> 00:29:39,236
Bye.