Newbie Confessional: How to Survive Your First Lifestyle Event as a Couple

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Alright y'all, before we
dive in, a quick heads up.

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This show is raw, real, and
definitely not rated pg.

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We're talking about adult themes, sexual
content, and the kind of stuff you

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probably don't want blasting through your
speakers at work or around your kits.

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So grab some headphones, pour your
drink of choice and get comfy.

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Oh, and just so we're clear, we are not
licensed therapists, counselors, or sex.

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Couches.

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Sex coaches.

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Sex coaches,

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not sex couches

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or just a couple of people sharing our
lives, experiences and sexy adventures.

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An ethical non-monogamy.

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So with that, pull up a
chair and enjoy the show.

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And.

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Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam.

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And I'm Pris.

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And on today's quickie, we're talking
about something that hits really

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close to home for us because we were
literally this couple, once we got a

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message from a listener who found us on
TikTok, and honestly, it might be one

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of the best questions we've ever gotten.

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We're talking about how to prepare
as a couple for your first lifestyle

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event when one of you is super
excited, and the other, let's

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just say cautiously optimistic.

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Yeah, which in lifestyle terms
means she's into it, and she

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doesn't wanna fully admit that yet.

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I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

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Now, before we read this message,
everything you need from us

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lives@beyondmonogamy.com, our episodes,
our blogs, our events tab, and our

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completely anonymous confessional.

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If you've got a story that you need
to get off your chest, like this

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person that we're talking about in
this show, if you're on Spotify or

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Apple Podcasts, drop us a review.

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It genuinely helps more
people find the show.

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Now, I'm gonna go ahead and read this,

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all right.

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As best as I can.

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Okay?

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And I'm gonna try and
really channel this person,

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okay?

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Okay.

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Go.

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Here we go.

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All right.

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Hello, Adam and Pris.

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I have been wanting to get into the
lifestyle for about three years.

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This past winter, I finally got the
courage to talk to my wife about my

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kinks and how I feel the lifestyle
could provide an opportunity to live out

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some of those experiences, particularly
public sex or others watching us.

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Initially, I was shot down,
but I came back to the topic

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when I felt it was appropriate.

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I explained how her reaction
hurt my feelings, and that

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opened the conversation again.

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After some more talking, I finally got
it out of her that she was actually

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fantasizing about very similar scenes.

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She agreed that maybe a trip to a club or
a resort would be fun and sexy, however.

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There is always a, however, we've
been married 20 years, and I'm

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picking up on some concerns she
has about other women or couples.

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We joined a local organization
and set our sights on a Halloween

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hotel takeover as our first event.

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She's worried about unwanted attention.

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I, on the other hand, get aroused
by other men looking at her, but

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she mainly wants attention from me.

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I've reassured her that nobody expects
us to play and that anyone who crosses

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consent lines will get removed.

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We've been watching porn together
to get into the right head space.

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But what exercises can we do as a
couple to ease fears and tension?

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I want her to be comfortable
accepting compliments in front

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of me because she's dropped dead
gorgeous and has the body to match.

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She listens to the podcast.

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Thanks to the both of you.

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You make my workdays fly by.

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Aw.

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Thank you for the compliment.

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Yes, thank you.

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Appreciate that.

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Uh, oof.

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Yeah.

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So first off, can we just
appreciate this man for a second?

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Yeah.

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Because he didn't pout.

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No,

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he didn't pressure her.

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I was gonna

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say,

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um, that's a beautiful thing.

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'cause it, I even, I have pouted,

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he didn't shut down.

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I've done it.

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Early on.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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If I didn't get my way, yes.

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I, I remember very particularly there
was somebody that I was interested in and

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you were like, okay, I'm gonna set it up.

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And we had an opportunity
and it didn't get set up.

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And I remember just being so upset and I,

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there was a few

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times I was like, Ugh.

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You know, you just don't want
me to have my experiences.

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Yeah.

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I think and, and I'm glad that he did not
come off that way, at least on his letter.

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Yeah, we, we had a few, a
few times where you pouted.

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We did, yeah.

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I mean, I didn't, so that was the
hard part for me going into this,

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was that you had already had your,
you had already had experiences.

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Granted they were bad experiences, but you
had these experiences of which I did not.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so anytime I, you know, I
had to, I felt like I had to

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rely on you to set things up.

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Yeah.

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Because I was not very confident
in doing so, and I didn't really

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understand the rules of everything.

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So it was just easier to
have you set things up.

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Yeah.

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And if you didn't, then I just
felt like it was you cock blocking.

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Yeah.

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And I'd get upset.

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Yeah.

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And I'd be like, God.

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And I'm glad that, I mean, I'm, I'm kind
of happy that he came out and he did not.

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Like he told her, he mentioned it
once, and then he said that he came out

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her, or he came and they talked again.

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And explained Yeah, you the fact
that, that his feelings were hurt.

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That his feelings

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were hurt.

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Yeah.

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I thought that was really cool
because, you know, that means that

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they have a really good communication,

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which is

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already

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key.

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That is key to the lifestyle.

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Yeah.

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Oh my gosh.

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You can't do it without, and she was
already fantasizing about the same things.

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Uh, you know, I thought
that was pretty cool.

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True.

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You know?

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True.

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You know, that's, that's
kind of a, that's a win.

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Yeah.

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That's definitely a win because
it's like, okay, we're talking about

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this and we're on the same page.

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You've been thinking about this too.

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Yeah.

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So this is something that we
can explore together, you know?

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Especially after 20 years.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's a So, hmm.

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I can't answer.

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I don't know what kind of woman she is.

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So I understand, and I'm just gonna give
you my opinion or my, my stance on this.

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I understand the, you're saying,
you said that in your letter that

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she, or your email that she has some

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standoffish, or not standoffish,
but has some concerns.

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She has

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concerns

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about women and couples and, and
the, and the boundary breaking and

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that sort

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of thing.

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So, usually unknown lady, let me
tell you, usually men will not make

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advances towards you in the lifestyle
unless they have seen you open to that.

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I, we have tons of friends
in the lifestyle and.

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It's a very rare occasion where a man
makes an advance towards me, and I've

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been in this lifestyle for 15 years.

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Let's not forget all of the
other things that have come up.

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So yeah, it hasn't, there
hasn't been a whole lot of men

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that have broken boundaries.

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There's

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women

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with you.

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There have been women.

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Women, yeah.

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That and that is, that is the thing.

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And I, it's definitely
worth talking about.

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And is your, and I wonder, is her concern?

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So for me, my concern was I don't
really like a lot of men, so I

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didn't want them coming at me.

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And I really think a lot of
women are shady sometimes.

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So that's, that, those were my concerns.

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For us, I have not had
either of those two things.

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Women, shady women do not approach us.

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And that's just the way,
I don't know what it is.

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We have that magnet or
that demagnetizing thing

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that Yeah.

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I think shady women, we, we
come off very open and honest.

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Yeah.

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And very genuine.

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And I feel like shady people tend to
stay away from, stay away, very honest

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people because we'll call you out.

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But that was my fear,

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you know,

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my fear was shady women.

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Yeah.

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And that's just justice.

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Going back to the poly thing,

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and even still, you, you
have still mentioned.

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Mm-hmm.

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Like, I, I trust you.

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I just don't trust the
women that are around.

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Yeah.

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And I don't.

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Right.

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But I, I trust him that he is going
to put a stop to whatever happens.

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And couples, I mean,
you get your own vibe.

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So what I think you should do
is maybe go to a few events.

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Like meet and greets.

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Yeah.

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You mean a, a few, uh, kind of
like vanilla setting events.

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Yeah.

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So like stuff that they hold in bars and
things like that where you don't have to

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worry about playing, you don't have to
worry about somebody really making a move

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on you because it's in a vanilla setting.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean, although it does happen to our,
in our groups of friends, but I mean,

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I think it could happen anywhere

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really.

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It can.

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I think that's a really good, y'all's
communication seems to be on point.

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You know, the concerns about,
about boundaries and other people,

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violating those boundaries.

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I mean, let's be real.

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It's.

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It will happen.

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Mm-hmm.

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I mean, it has happened to anybody
who has ever even attempted to be in

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this lifestyle for a year or more.

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You will run across it.

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Yes.

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And, and some people don't even
realize, but it does happen.

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It

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does.

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Uh, and it's not always on purpose.

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Yeah.

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Uh, sometimes the communication
is poor and things are misread.

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Maybe somebody got a little too sauced and
they, their inhibitions went way too low.

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Yeah.

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Now, that to me is not the greatest
of excuse, but I understand it.

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You know, like I said, we've
had not so many issues with men.

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No.

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Crossing crossing the
lines, but more so women.

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Mm-hmm.

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And women crossing the lines with me
and women crossing the lines with her.

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Yeah.

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It ha it happens.

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Well, they're not cross,
they're crossing the lines.

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Not Do they cross the lines with you?

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You like to get

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curse?

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Well, they used to.

254
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:20,134
Oh, okay.

255
00:09:20,134 --> 00:09:22,114
They used to, as far
as you were concerned?

256
00:09:22,119 --> 00:09:22,829
As far as I was concerned.

257
00:09:23,074 --> 00:09:24,514
'
cause they were doing it without consent.

258
00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:24,934
Yeah.

259
00:09:24,934 --> 00:09:26,344
I dug it and Yeah.

260
00:09:26,344 --> 00:09:27,544
I didn't have a problem with it.

261
00:09:27,574 --> 00:09:27,694
Yeah.

262
00:09:27,694 --> 00:09:28,414
But you did.

263
00:09:28,504 --> 00:09:28,984
Yes.

264
00:09:29,044 --> 00:09:29,764
You know what I'm saying?

265
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,884
So technically it was
still crossing a boundary

266
00:09:32,884 --> 00:09:33,094
Right.

267
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:33,724
For one of us.

268
00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:34,024
Yeah.

269
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:37,094
But where they really crossed
the boundaries is with you.

270
00:09:37,424 --> 00:09:37,604
Yes.

271
00:09:37,604 --> 00:09:41,324
Like e everybody seems to think, well not
everybody, but a lot of people seem to

272
00:09:41,324 --> 00:09:42,524
think that you're just fair game, right.

273
00:09:42,524 --> 00:09:44,144
Because you're a bisexual woman.

274
00:09:44,204 --> 00:09:44,564
Yeah.

275
00:09:44,844 --> 00:09:45,289
And, and

276
00:09:45,289 --> 00:09:51,559
there's only really a handful of
women that I'm okay with them at

277
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:52,879
any point coming and touching me.

278
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:55,849
Like it's, that's a, but I
make that very clear to them.

279
00:09:56,209 --> 00:10:01,069
So I would, I would definitely try to,
our community has a lot of like events.

280
00:10:01,069 --> 00:10:01,159
Mm-hmm.

281
00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,229
They have meet and
greets of vanilla places.

282
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:03,439
Yeah.

283
00:10:03,619 --> 00:10:05,869
They also have like
bingos, stuff like that.

284
00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:09,409
So find yourself an area or a place
that you can at least go and meet

285
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:16,479
potential friends and, you know, you get
to know them, you'll feel their vibe.

286
00:10:16,479 --> 00:10:21,559
You'll get to see how they act
in a vanilla setting because

287
00:10:21,739 --> 00:10:22,069
Yeah.

288
00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:22,639
You know, when

289
00:10:22,639 --> 00:10:25,309
you're lifestylers act a way
different in vanilla than they do.

290
00:10:26,194 --> 00:10:30,919
They can, they can, my thing is, is if
you're new to that community and say

291
00:10:30,919 --> 00:10:32,269
you go to a meet and greet or something.

292
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:32,389
Mm-hmm.

293
00:10:32,809 --> 00:10:34,009
Make at least one friend.

294
00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:34,429
Yeah.

295
00:10:34,429 --> 00:10:36,859
Make at least one friend
hold onto them, talk to them.

296
00:10:36,859 --> 00:10:36,919
Yeah.

297
00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:41,429
Learn about them and maybe plan on seeing
seeing each other at the next event.

298
00:10:41,429 --> 00:10:42,419
It is, you know, that sort of thing.

299
00:10:42,419 --> 00:10:45,059
And y'all can meet people together.

300
00:10:45,419 --> 00:10:45,599
Yes.

301
00:10:45,599 --> 00:10:45,609
Yeah.

302
00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:45,674
It's.

303
00:10:46,174 --> 00:10:47,314
It's nerve wracking.

304
00:10:47,764 --> 00:10:53,349
I do not get anxiety anymore, but I
do remember when we would go to greet

305
00:10:53,484 --> 00:10:53,544
the

306
00:10:53,544 --> 00:10:54,474
different Meet, meet and greet.

307
00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:57,174
Greet, or even when we first
started and we had, we went to

308
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,704
like the house parties, right?

309
00:10:58,704 --> 00:11:02,334
And we didn't know a lot of people
like you did from Facebook or whatever,

310
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:05,694
but I wasn't really involved in a lot
of those conversations until like,

311
00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:07,854
and I really didn't know a lot of these

312
00:11:07,854 --> 00:11:08,004
people

313
00:11:08,274 --> 00:11:08,814
very well.

314
00:11:08,814 --> 00:11:08,874
Yeah.

315
00:11:08,964 --> 00:11:10,464
And we kind of just jumped in.

316
00:11:10,524 --> 00:11:12,324
And so it is, it is nerve wracking.

317
00:11:12,324 --> 00:11:15,804
So definitely we should
have done meet and greets.

318
00:11:15,864 --> 00:11:17,574
I don't even know if
there was any back then.

319
00:11:18,164 --> 00:11:20,534
There were, we just weren't.

320
00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:22,309
We weren't very privy.

321
00:11:22,414 --> 00:11:23,374
Privy to them.

322
00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:25,264
Like we wouldn't really
pay attention to 'em.

323
00:11:25,264 --> 00:11:25,324
Yeah.

324
00:11:25,324 --> 00:11:27,514
We weren't in the same circles very much.

325
00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:27,604
Yeah.

326
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,564
You know, I know when we first
got started, my, my big complaint

327
00:11:31,564 --> 00:11:33,034
was nobody invites us to stuff.

328
00:11:33,364 --> 00:11:33,484
Yes.

329
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,834
We don't ever get invited to stuff.

330
00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:34,979
Yes.

331
00:11:35,464 --> 00:11:37,984
And that's a thing that you'll notice.

332
00:11:37,984 --> 00:11:38,044
Yeah.

333
00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:41,014
A lot of people will invite
people that they know.

334
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:41,314
Right?

335
00:11:41,314 --> 00:11:41,434
Yes.

336
00:11:41,704 --> 00:11:43,354
So how do you get invited to stuff?

337
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,334
And it kind of is disheartening
because it's like, ugh,

338
00:11:46,114 --> 00:11:47,554
we used to have a lot of fomo.

339
00:11:47,644 --> 00:11:48,094
Yeah,

340
00:11:48,094 --> 00:11:48,154
yeah.

341
00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:48,899
We used to have a lot of fomo.

342
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:52,819
Then we started realizing, okay,
you know, what is, it is best to

343
00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:54,384
know the people that you invite.

344
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:54,584
Yeah.

345
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:57,889
So then you have to kind of
inch your way into that door.

346
00:11:57,919 --> 00:11:57,979
Yeah.

347
00:11:57,979 --> 00:12:00,229
And get to know people
little bit by little bit.

348
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:04,309
And as they get to know you, they're like,
Hey, why don't you friend me on Facebook?

349
00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:04,369
Yeah.

350
00:12:04,369 --> 00:12:06,109
Hey, let's, let's have
a text conversation.

351
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:08,749
Oh, by the way, we're throwing
a house party in two weeks.

352
00:12:08,749 --> 00:12:09,439
You guys should come.

353
00:12:09,709 --> 00:12:11,329
And then before you know it,
you're at the house party.

354
00:12:11,329 --> 00:12:13,669
You meet five other people who
throw house parties and, and

355
00:12:13,669 --> 00:12:14,499
then you're getting around.

356
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:14,769
Yeah.

357
00:12:14,769 --> 00:12:17,889
And you know, you can make
some really good friends that

358
00:12:17,889 --> 00:12:19,449
have the same interests as you.

359
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:21,849
So it doesn't always have to be lifestyle.

360
00:12:22,329 --> 00:12:22,629
Now.

361
00:12:23,074 --> 00:12:27,934
What caught me off guard was that they're
looking for their very first event.

362
00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:28,324
Yeah.

363
00:12:28,324 --> 00:12:30,624
And their very first event
is gonna be a hotel takeover.

364
00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:31,979
My goodness, man.

365
00:12:32,189 --> 00:12:32,879
Y'all got some

366
00:12:33,379 --> 00:12:38,899
That's so, I, I'm not gonna say it's
a bad idea, but it's the equivalent of

367
00:12:38,899 --> 00:12:41,809
jumping off into the deep end of the pool.

368
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:42,169
Yeah.

369
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,089
When you don't know how to swim Yes.

370
00:12:44,089 --> 00:12:46,694
In hopes that you're just
gonna float and you'll be okay.

371
00:12:46,694 --> 00:12:46,704
That's,

372
00:12:46,779 --> 00:12:46,959
Yeah.

373
00:12:46,959 --> 00:12:50,259
That's why I'm saying like, you have
until October, it's a Halloween party.

374
00:12:50,379 --> 00:12:50,649
Yeah.

375
00:12:50,799 --> 00:12:55,059
So you have all this time to
try and get yourself out there.

376
00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:55,419
Right.

377
00:12:55,519 --> 00:13:00,709
Now the only reason why hotel takeovers
are, are a bit, I wouldn't say advanced,

378
00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:05,479
but a bit shakier than, than most
things to start off with is because you

379
00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:07,129
know, it's a, there's a lot happening.

380
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:07,654
It's a lot happening.

381
00:13:07,659 --> 00:13:10,939
And as a new person, you're
gonna feel compelled to have to

382
00:13:10,939 --> 00:13:12,499
take part in every single thing.

383
00:13:12,899 --> 00:13:12,909
But.

384
00:13:13,499 --> 00:13:16,954
If you go in with the mentality of
I'm not gonna play with anybody.

385
00:13:16,954 --> 00:13:17,274
Mm-hmm.

386
00:13:17,374 --> 00:13:19,259
We have a hotel room to ourselves.

387
00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:19,439
Mm-hmm.

388
00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:21,389
This is us doing this together.

389
00:13:21,389 --> 00:13:24,959
We're gonna scope things out, we're
gonna do things as we talk about them.

390
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:25,079
Yeah.

391
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,039
Well then you're 20 steps ahead of the
game and you're gonna be just fine.

392
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:29,849
Um,

393
00:13:29,849 --> 00:13:32,579
but wait, what did you say you're
compelled to play with them?

394
00:13:32,669 --> 00:13:33,269
Or what did you say?

395
00:13:33,269 --> 00:13:33,749
You're consultant.

396
00:13:33,749 --> 00:13:33,929
Yeah.

397
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:38,249
So like, as a new person going
into a big event, like a hotel

398
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:42,779
takeover, you feel like you have
to take part in certain events.

399
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:47,329
You feel like maybe there's gonna be
more pressure at certain events to do

400
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:49,369
certain things, to keep up with everybody.

401
00:13:49,369 --> 00:13:50,329
You know what I'm saying?

402
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:52,219
I totally think opposite.

403
00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:52,819
What?

404
00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:53,359
Yeah.

405
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:53,854
Really.

406
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:54,829
I, I don't, yeah.

407
00:13:55,519 --> 00:13:57,289
I don't think No.

408
00:13:58,039 --> 00:13:58,639
At all.

409
00:13:58,644 --> 00:13:59,449
How, how do you figure,

410
00:13:59,659 --> 00:14:04,279
I mean, you go in and people are
all over the place and it's very

411
00:14:04,279 --> 00:14:05,599
rare that people are playing.

412
00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:07,759
This one that we went to last time.

413
00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:08,239
Yeah.

414
00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:10,759
People were playing, but you
just watch and you walk out.

415
00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:11,589
Yeah.

416
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:13,499
I mean, that's pretty
much how they all are.

417
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:13,799
Yeah.

418
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:14,654
But I, it's how

419
00:14:14,659 --> 00:14:14,999
the last

420
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:16,289
did you feel, did you ever feel pressure?

421
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:16,859
Like even the

422
00:14:16,859 --> 00:14:19,199
first, I always felt pressure
to keep up with everybody.

423
00:14:19,199 --> 00:14:19,319
Really?

424
00:14:19,829 --> 00:14:20,639
Absolutely.

425
00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:20,699
Wow.

426
00:14:21,539 --> 00:14:21,989
Wow.

427
00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:22,799
100%.

428
00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:23,249
I never,

429
00:14:23,249 --> 00:14:27,509
every single time we've been at a hotel
takeover, I have felt horrible at the

430
00:14:27,509 --> 00:14:29,459
fact that I didn't play with anybody.

431
00:14:29,459 --> 00:14:32,279
As a matter of fact, this last
time I didn't feel bad about that

432
00:14:32,279 --> 00:14:33,719
at all because we got around.

433
00:14:33,809 --> 00:14:34,049
Yeah.

434
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,599
But the ones before that, no, we didn't.

435
00:14:36,749 --> 00:14:36,869
No.

436
00:14:36,869 --> 00:14:42,199
And I, I was very much like, wow,
this was an unsuccessful takeover.

437
00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:42,829
Oh, you see?

438
00:14:42,829 --> 00:14:43,369
Opposite.

439
00:14:43,369 --> 00:14:45,859
I thought it was very
successful because we didn't.

440
00:14:46,489 --> 00:14:48,889
Well see, that's why
I'm voicing that is that

441
00:14:48,949 --> 00:14:49,219
Yeah,

442
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,759
you don't have to feel that way.

443
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:51,114
It's different.

444
00:14:51,114 --> 00:14:52,219
No, and she's right.

445
00:14:52,279 --> 00:14:52,609
Yeah.

446
00:14:52,639 --> 00:14:54,289
You don't have to feel that way.

447
00:14:54,409 --> 00:14:54,589
Yeah.

448
00:14:54,679 --> 00:15:00,199
You know, that's, but the way I felt
is the way most people who are new

449
00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:04,429
feel, they feel the pressures of
having to keep up with everybody else.

450
00:15:04,609 --> 00:15:08,449
If they're all in the pool and
everybody's wearing their swimsuits

451
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,669
and then all of a sudden everybody
starts taking off their swimsuits,

452
00:15:10,939 --> 00:15:12,979
you gotta know that you're okay.

453
00:15:13,189 --> 00:15:14,269
You don't have to do it.

454
00:15:14,329 --> 00:15:14,419
Yes.

455
00:15:14,419 --> 00:15:15,109
If you don't want to.

456
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:15,289
Yes.

457
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:15,949
You know, that sort

458
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:16,099
of thing.

459
00:15:16,099 --> 00:15:17,239
Go in with that mentality.

460
00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:18,679
You don't have to play with anybody.

461
00:15:18,679 --> 00:15:20,569
You don't owe anybody an explanation.

462
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:24,519
A high and a bye is perfectly fine.

463
00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:27,819
And since you guys are so good
with your communication as is

464
00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:28,164
mm-hmm.

465
00:15:28,359 --> 00:15:31,119
I really don't feel like it would
be too much of a problem as long

466
00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:33,069
as you pre prepared ahead of time.

467
00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:33,549
Yeah.

468
00:15:33,609 --> 00:15:36,869
Uh, you know, watch all of
our hotel takeover shows

469
00:15:37,059 --> 00:15:38,439
and, and absorb that content.

470
00:15:38,439 --> 00:15:40,929
And I guarantee you, you
guys are gonna be set.

471
00:15:40,929 --> 00:15:40,989
Yeah.

472
00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:44,429
It's, I mean, it's, it's a,
it's very, it's a lot of fun.

473
00:15:44,429 --> 00:15:46,709
But that's a big jump.

474
00:15:47,269 --> 00:15:47,629
It is.

475
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,789
You know, I mean, it can, you
know, just, you have a hotel room.

476
00:15:49,939 --> 00:15:53,479
The first, the second one we went
to, we had a hotel room and we stayed

477
00:15:53,479 --> 00:15:55,249
in the hotel room the whole time.

478
00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:56,269
We did, we did, we did our show.

479
00:15:56,269 --> 00:15:57,139
We stayed in the hotel.

480
00:15:57,139 --> 00:15:58,429
That was our little getaway.

481
00:15:58,789 --> 00:15:58,879
Yeah.

482
00:15:58,939 --> 00:16:03,159
Um, but you have a lot of different
opportunities to try different things.

483
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,669
But I would say grab some friends.

484
00:16:06,909 --> 00:16:12,279
Try to find out, try to see if you
can, like, break into that community

485
00:16:12,699 --> 00:16:15,399
a little more and see the people
that you're supposed to see at that,

486
00:16:15,699 --> 00:16:17,559
how it's all takeover beforehand.

487
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:24,659
Now I will say, you know, on the plus
side, the hotel takeover, if you go to it.

488
00:16:25,159 --> 00:16:27,919
You will be immersed Yes.

489
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:29,419
In your community after that.

490
00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:29,509
Yes.

491
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:32,839
Because if you talk to
everybody, forget playing.

492
00:16:32,989 --> 00:16:36,949
If you just talk to everybody and
you make those contacts, by the

493
00:16:36,949 --> 00:16:39,949
time you leave there, I guarantee
you people are gonna be blowing up.

494
00:16:39,949 --> 00:16:42,719
Your social medias going, Hey,
we saw you there and mm-hmm.

495
00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:44,809
You know, let's, let's be friends.

496
00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:46,279
You know, it's gonna happen.

497
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:46,549
Yeah.

498
00:16:46,609 --> 00:16:50,359
Because there's a comradery that's
established during that whole weekend.

499
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:50,514
Yeah,

500
00:16:50,514 --> 00:16:50,674
yeah,

501
00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:50,899
yeah.

502
00:16:50,899 --> 00:16:51,439
For sure.

503
00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:51,679
Yeah.

504
00:16:51,679 --> 00:16:52,819
It's not like gonna the club.

505
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:52,999
Yeah.

506
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:55,939
No, it's nothing like going to the club.

507
00:16:56,029 --> 00:16:56,209
Yeah.

508
00:16:56,709 --> 00:16:57,189
Yeah.

509
00:16:57,689 --> 00:17:02,689
So the only thing, he also mentioned
that she doesn't really care for.

510
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:03,509
Compliments.

511
00:17:03,509 --> 00:17:04,619
Compliments, yeah.

512
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:04,904
Same.

513
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:05,144
Yeah.

514
00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:07,709
I am barely getting used to compliments.

515
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,699
It took me a while just because, eh.

516
00:17:10,199 --> 00:17:12,779
Sometimes I don't think they're
sincere, and I just think, oh, you're

517
00:17:12,779 --> 00:17:14,099
just telling me I'm pretty and hot.

518
00:17:14,129 --> 00:17:15,089
'cause you wanna get in my pants.

519
00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:16,769
That's just my thoughts.

520
00:17:17,699 --> 00:17:21,809
Well, so I never thought, but that's plan
compliments coming to me, were sincere.

521
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:22,199
Yeah.

522
00:17:22,289 --> 00:17:25,109
I just always thought that
they were being nice so that

523
00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:26,129
they could get into your pants.

524
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:26,669
Yeah.

525
00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:28,059
But I mean, that's

526
00:17:28,059 --> 00:17:28,624
not the case.

527
00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:33,214
It's, it, it, I've, I've finally realized
just the same as I'm sure you have

528
00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:35,704
that not everybody's giving you a line.

529
00:17:35,824 --> 00:17:38,134
No, not everybody has given you a line.

530
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:38,494
Yeah.

531
00:17:38,614 --> 00:17:40,434
And what are we here for?

532
00:17:41,034 --> 00:17:41,874
We're here for sex.

533
00:17:42,304 --> 00:17:42,664
Yeah.

534
00:17:42,964 --> 00:17:46,864
They're trying to get in my pants,
but I do feel the compliments.

535
00:17:46,894 --> 00:17:50,294
I am now a little bit more
accepting of the compliments.

536
00:17:50,864 --> 00:17:54,194
I understand what you mean is that you'd
rather just have 'em from your husband,

537
00:17:54,194 --> 00:17:58,574
but if you're smoking hot, you're gonna
get compliments and you just take 'em.

538
00:17:58,574 --> 00:17:59,804
Just be like, okay, thank you.

539
00:18:00,344 --> 00:18:01,319
Just because they give you a compliment.

540
00:18:02,129 --> 00:18:05,129
Doesn't necessarily mean
they wanna get in your pants.

541
00:18:05,399 --> 00:18:09,739
You know, it, it, it is good
advice in trying to learn

542
00:18:09,739 --> 00:18:11,119
how to take a compliment Yes.

543
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:12,739
In just, in just a passive way.

544
00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:13,159
Yes.

545
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,719
In just, uh, thanks.

546
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:14,839
You go

547
00:18:14,839 --> 00:18:15,289
get them.

548
00:18:15,409 --> 00:18:17,989
So that was something that I had
to learn how to do because I've

549
00:18:17,989 --> 00:18:19,789
never been complimented before.

550
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:19,909
Yeah.

551
00:18:19,909 --> 00:18:24,179
And then when we got into this this
whole circle here, this community

552
00:18:24,719 --> 00:18:27,689
you know, we started getting a lot
of compliments and me particularly,

553
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,419
I was getting a lot of compliments
and I didn't know how to take it.

554
00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:31,769
I felt like I was so awkward.

555
00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:32,399
Mm-hmm.

556
00:18:32,639 --> 00:18:32,649
Mm-hmm.

557
00:18:32,649 --> 00:18:32,884
Mm-hmm.

558
00:18:32,964 --> 00:18:37,529
Um, so then I just learned to
anytime I got a compliment to

559
00:18:37,529 --> 00:18:39,929
just smile and go, Hey, thanks.

560
00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:40,019
Yeah.

561
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:41,129
That's really nice.

562
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:41,669
Yeah.

563
00:18:41,669 --> 00:18:42,689
And then just move on.

564
00:18:42,894 --> 00:18:42,934
Yeah.

565
00:18:43,554 --> 00:18:47,189
You know, and like, it sounds
simple, but I mean, it really,

566
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:48,989
it's not that simple sometimes.

567
00:18:49,019 --> 00:18:49,559
Yeah.

568
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:54,529
Also, when it's a couple,
one of y'all always will be a

569
00:18:54,529 --> 00:18:55,879
little louder than the other.

570
00:18:55,879 --> 00:18:56,479
One of them.

571
00:18:56,689 --> 00:18:58,459
One always stands out more.

572
00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:06,674
One is always the more looser
of the bunch of the couple

573
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:07,424
possibly.

574
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:07,814
Yeah.

575
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:07,824
Yeah.

576
00:19:07,844 --> 00:19:10,964
Um, and that's, that can be a little,
that can be a little hard because

577
00:19:11,924 --> 00:19:13,394
one of y'all's gonna disappear.

578
00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:16,634
Not disappearing, like really, but
one of y'all just gonna be like

579
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:21,344
behind, like for us, right In the
beginning you were more talkative.

580
00:19:21,349 --> 00:19:21,509
Yeah.

581
00:19:21,509 --> 00:19:21,669
You would.

582
00:19:21,674 --> 00:19:23,509
And I was kind of just be behind you.

583
00:19:23,509 --> 00:19:24,914
You were always just behind me.

584
00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:25,454
Yeah.

585
00:19:25,454 --> 00:19:26,984
I don't, I was a social butterfly.

586
00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:27,104
I was doing, I would

587
00:19:27,104 --> 00:19:27,374
talk,

588
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:27,584
yeah.

589
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:31,454
I was a social butterfly at one
point, and then Adam became an

590
00:19:31,454 --> 00:19:34,784
introvert and I had to stay home and
then I became an introvert and then

591
00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:35,699
yeah, I had drug her

592
00:19:35,699 --> 00:19:35,899
down

593
00:19:36,059 --> 00:19:36,259
and

594
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,454
so we, we opposites.

595
00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:41,784
Now I'm starting to get better at, at
opening up and being more talkative.

596
00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:43,199
But yeah, I just kind of felt,

597
00:19:43,199 --> 00:19:46,524
well really since the podcast,
so before the podcast.

598
00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:47,304
Wanna

599
00:19:47,304 --> 00:19:47,669
to anybody.

600
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:49,854
She always felt like she
didn't have an identity.

601
00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:51,084
She was just here kind

602
00:19:51,084 --> 00:19:51,204
of

603
00:19:51,204 --> 00:19:51,224
behind me.

604
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:51,234
Yes.

605
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:51,829
I was always Adam's

606
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:52,194
behind me.

607
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:52,374
Yeah.

608
00:19:52,374 --> 00:19:53,424
I was always Adam's wife.

609
00:19:53,454 --> 00:19:57,924
And then when we started the podcast, I
was like, look dude, you are an individual

610
00:19:57,924 --> 00:20:00,204
and you need to let people know about you.

611
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:00,744
Yeah.

612
00:20:00,744 --> 00:20:03,474
And you need to be able to
have conversations with people

613
00:20:03,474 --> 00:20:04,644
individually without me.

614
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,054
And now forget it.

615
00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:06,624
Yeah.

616
00:20:06,804 --> 00:20:07,764
Center stage.

617
00:20:07,824 --> 00:20:08,484
I'm a little butterfly.

618
00:20:09,204 --> 00:20:09,264
So

619
00:20:09,264 --> 00:20:10,884
center stage over here.

620
00:20:11,154 --> 00:20:11,394
Yeah.

621
00:20:11,424 --> 00:20:14,004
Uh, pushing me off the, off to the side.

622
00:20:14,274 --> 00:20:14,334
Hi.

623
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:15,049
I'll push you off to the side.

624
00:20:15,239 --> 00:20:16,209
Realize you wanna watch.

625
00:20:16,319 --> 00:20:19,564
Then i.one of these days is just
gonna be beyond monogamy with Pris

626
00:20:20,324 --> 00:20:21,494
and the guy who carries, I would

627
00:20:21,944 --> 00:20:23,324
it beyond monogamy was pri

628
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,124
It doesn't have a good ring.

629
00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:26,204
That's not a good ring.

630
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:26,474
No, you're right.

631
00:20:26,744 --> 00:20:26,864
I

632
00:20:26,864 --> 00:20:27,044
would

633
00:20:27,044 --> 00:20:28,124
not even put that name.

634
00:20:28,184 --> 00:20:29,684
Okay, good.

635
00:20:30,184 --> 00:20:35,314
You know, I think, um, another,
another good, a little bit of advice

636
00:20:35,314 --> 00:20:40,654
is before you go to events, have a
really deep conversation on what your.

637
00:20:41,044 --> 00:20:44,134
Expectations are because
they're not gonna happen.

638
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:45,054
Yeah.

639
00:20:45,054 --> 00:20:46,074
You know, that's a really good

640
00:20:46,074 --> 00:20:46,194
point.

641
00:20:46,194 --> 00:20:49,524
Well like, just talk about 'em,
you know, Hey, I saw so and so.

642
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:52,494
Put, get your rules and
your boundaries set.

643
00:20:52,494 --> 00:20:53,294
Like, know what you want.

644
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,134
Talk about, about what
your goals are like.

645
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:57,394
So what's the goal of this whole event?

646
00:20:57,394 --> 00:20:58,629
Like, what are we wanting to get?

647
00:20:59,109 --> 00:21:00,939
What are we wanting to have when we leave?

648
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:01,299
Yeah.

649
00:21:01,299 --> 00:21:03,969
Do we wanna walk out with
at least knowing two people?

650
00:21:04,539 --> 00:21:06,069
Maybe we set up a dinner.

651
00:21:06,189 --> 00:21:08,019
Are we gonna get naked in front of people?

652
00:21:08,019 --> 00:21:08,469
Like what's

653
00:21:08,589 --> 00:21:08,829
Yes.

654
00:21:08,829 --> 00:21:11,379
What's the furthest we're
willing to go sexually?

655
00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:11,439
Yeah.

656
00:21:11,439 --> 00:21:13,149
Like how, what do we
feel comfortable with?

657
00:21:13,209 --> 00:21:13,269
Yeah.

658
00:21:13,269 --> 00:21:14,739
Is that gonna be something in the moment?

659
00:21:14,799 --> 00:21:14,919
Yeah.

660
00:21:15,129 --> 00:21:16,154
Oh, also.

661
00:21:16,654 --> 00:21:17,374
Safe work.

662
00:21:17,704 --> 00:21:18,274
Safe work,

663
00:21:18,274 --> 00:21:18,934
apparently.

664
00:21:18,994 --> 00:21:19,234
Yeah.

665
00:21:19,324 --> 00:21:20,104
Safe work.

666
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:20,374
Yes.

667
00:21:20,374 --> 00:21:21,064
Make sure you got that.

668
00:21:21,544 --> 00:21:24,124
And another, some good advice,
or not just a little tidbit.

669
00:21:24,244 --> 00:21:26,944
Consent is huge.

670
00:21:27,159 --> 00:21:27,379
Yes.

671
00:21:27,434 --> 00:21:29,114
Huge, huge in the lifestyle.

672
00:21:29,234 --> 00:21:32,564
And that's why I say it's a very
rare thing that someone approaches me

673
00:21:32,804 --> 00:21:35,844
in, like unwanted, touching consent.

674
00:21:36,344 --> 00:21:41,444
If someone touches you, you just tell
them, excuse me stop your husband's

675
00:21:41,444 --> 00:21:43,874
there with you, so don't be too scared.

676
00:21:43,874 --> 00:21:48,524
Like it's a really, it's a fun
environment to just let loose and be

677
00:21:48,584 --> 00:21:51,044
like, wow, I've never had my tits out.

678
00:21:51,539 --> 00:21:52,349
At the pool.

679
00:21:52,434 --> 00:21:52,724
Yeah.

680
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:52,889
Yeah.

681
00:21:53,009 --> 00:21:57,419
You know, or I've never been
fully naked in front of 50 people.

682
00:21:57,689 --> 00:22:00,389
And I mean, let's understand
what hesitation really is.

683
00:22:00,389 --> 00:22:02,699
Hesitation is a lack of feeling safe.

684
00:22:02,759 --> 00:22:03,539
It is, yes.

685
00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:06,179
If, if you're not gonna
feel safe, then you're gonna

686
00:22:06,179 --> 00:22:07,709
hesitate on what you want to do.

687
00:22:07,889 --> 00:22:07,979
Yes.

688
00:22:07,979 --> 00:22:11,849
So this is really where husbands
need to listen very well.

689
00:22:11,854 --> 00:22:11,964
Mm-hmm.

690
00:22:12,044 --> 00:22:16,949
Because if your partner is hesitating
and, and, and you can tell by the

691
00:22:16,949 --> 00:22:20,189
look on their face that they look
uncomfortable and you can feel certain

692
00:22:20,189 --> 00:22:23,369
ways, like my guy here who's been,
they've been together 20 years.

693
00:22:23,369 --> 00:22:23,429
Yeah.

694
00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:24,389
They've been married 20 years.

695
00:22:24,749 --> 00:22:25,709
You know her.

696
00:22:26,069 --> 00:22:26,279
Yes.

697
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:29,309
If there's any hesitation, don't push it.

698
00:22:29,399 --> 00:22:30,089
You know what I mean?

699
00:22:30,139 --> 00:22:35,389
Just really make sure and establish
that safety because without it

700
00:22:35,394 --> 00:22:35,624
mm-hmm.

701
00:22:35,809 --> 00:22:37,459
You won't be able to go any further.

702
00:22:37,549 --> 00:22:37,789
Yeah.

703
00:22:37,849 --> 00:22:39,829
So continue that safety.

704
00:22:39,829 --> 00:22:42,389
Take it little baby steps,
further and further if you can.

705
00:22:42,389 --> 00:22:44,669
That's a really good, that's
a, that's a really good thing.

706
00:22:44,769 --> 00:22:45,399
Also.

707
00:22:45,899 --> 00:22:50,399
Painter scenarios, you know, like,
Hey, we're going to the club tonight.

708
00:22:50,789 --> 00:22:50,909
Yeah.

709
00:22:51,029 --> 00:22:52,559
So and so might be there.

710
00:22:53,059 --> 00:22:54,769
Do we wanna do a full swap?

711
00:22:54,769 --> 00:22:56,149
What's, what are we looking at?

712
00:22:56,199 --> 00:22:56,209
Yeah.

713
00:22:56,494 --> 00:22:56,704
Yeah.

714
00:22:56,884 --> 00:22:59,194
Doesn't mean it's gonna
happen, but at least I'm, he's

715
00:22:59,194 --> 00:23:00,454
preparing me and I'm preparing

716
00:23:00,454 --> 00:23:00,514
him.

717
00:23:00,514 --> 00:23:04,534
We've, we've driven to a meet
and greet and during the drive

718
00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:07,954
she's looked at me and gone, okay,
so, so and so's gonna be there.

719
00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:09,964
I'd really appreciate it if
you didn't make out with her.

720
00:23:10,144 --> 00:23:10,384
Yes.

721
00:23:11,074 --> 00:23:11,374
Okay.

722
00:23:11,644 --> 00:23:11,794
Yes.

723
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:12,244
You got it.

724
00:23:12,604 --> 00:23:14,819
Um, you know, I mean, it's,
it the problem is, is that we

725
00:23:14,819 --> 00:23:15,929
can't read each other's minds.

726
00:23:16,079 --> 00:23:16,139
No.

727
00:23:16,539 --> 00:23:18,279
And y'all have the same problem, I'm sure.

728
00:23:18,369 --> 00:23:18,429
Yeah.

729
00:23:18,669 --> 00:23:21,274
So the only way to get rid of
that is to fully communicate.

730
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:21,594
Mm-hmm.

731
00:23:21,909 --> 00:23:27,789
Communicate like every single thing you
can think about, if so-and-so's giving you

732
00:23:27,789 --> 00:23:30,639
a hug if what if they go in for a kiss?

733
00:23:30,639 --> 00:23:32,019
Are y'all okay with kissing?

734
00:23:32,319 --> 00:23:32,499
Yeah.

735
00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:35,599
Um, friend, get your voice.

736
00:23:36,409 --> 00:23:38,659
Say the no, say no thank you.

737
00:23:39,499 --> 00:23:41,359
Don't be intimidated by the men.

738
00:23:41,659 --> 00:23:43,429
Don't be intimidated by the women.

739
00:23:43,909 --> 00:23:45,169
It is easier said than done.

740
00:23:45,229 --> 00:23:46,909
It is very much easier said than done.

741
00:23:46,909 --> 00:23:53,779
But because I struggled with all of this,
I am a very territorial, jealous person.

742
00:23:53,779 --> 00:23:55,339
I was super, super insecure.

743
00:23:55,699 --> 00:23:57,829
Um, I only wanted my husband to touch me.

744
00:23:57,829 --> 00:24:01,159
I only wanted him around when
I was in the mood, lifestyle

745
00:24:01,159 --> 00:24:02,479
events and things would happen.

746
00:24:02,789 --> 00:24:07,619
But yeah, it's, it is easier said
than done, but that voice, you know,

747
00:24:07,619 --> 00:24:09,469
that voice, you're gonna need it

748
00:24:09,969 --> 00:24:10,449
that friend.

749
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:11,229
Trust your voice.

750
00:24:11,229 --> 00:24:11,379
Yeah.

751
00:24:11,379 --> 00:24:15,114
You're gonna, that voice, you know,
also, uh, practice receiving compliments.

752
00:24:15,114 --> 00:24:15,879
I know I said that earlier.

753
00:24:15,879 --> 00:24:16,199
Mm-hmm.

754
00:24:16,279 --> 00:24:21,924
That's a big one because it's, uh, you
as a woman are going to receive a lot,

755
00:24:21,924 --> 00:24:22,044
tons

756
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:22,884
of compliments

757
00:24:22,884 --> 00:24:23,994
from both men and women.

758
00:24:24,144 --> 00:24:24,444
Yeah.

759
00:24:24,449 --> 00:24:28,519
So, my job as the husband I
always felt like was to funnel

760
00:24:28,519 --> 00:24:29,719
compliments towards you.

761
00:24:30,019 --> 00:24:34,279
I get a ton of compliments
about you, and my thing is Yeah,

762
00:24:34,379 --> 00:24:35,759
I know exactly what I have.

763
00:24:35,759 --> 00:24:36,659
Like, she's incredible.

764
00:24:36,689 --> 00:24:36,779
Mm-hmm.

765
00:24:37,319 --> 00:24:41,669
Um, to me, people are going to
give you compliments while I'm just

766
00:24:41,669 --> 00:24:43,289
gonna be louder with my compliments.

767
00:24:43,289 --> 00:24:43,949
You know what I mean?

768
00:24:44,009 --> 00:24:44,249
Yeah.

769
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:48,319
And any uncomfortableness that
you have around people giving you

770
00:24:48,319 --> 00:24:51,409
compliments, I'm right there next
to you going Yes, I know, right?

771
00:24:51,469 --> 00:24:52,399
Isn't she amazing?

772
00:24:52,399 --> 00:24:54,799
And then before you know it, she's
just taking compliments from me.

773
00:24:55,129 --> 00:24:57,589
So husbands, you can always be step up

774
00:24:57,589 --> 00:24:58,054
your game, you

775
00:24:58,054 --> 00:25:00,469
know, be the, be the, the blocker.

776
00:25:00,569 --> 00:25:01,789
For your, your spouse.

777
00:25:01,789 --> 00:25:02,359
And you know what?

778
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,339
I was just thinking Start slow.

779
00:25:04,759 --> 00:25:08,179
Y'all are there at the hotel
takeover, y'all can start making out.

780
00:25:08,179 --> 00:25:08,239
Yeah.

781
00:25:08,689 --> 00:25:11,419
There's little things you can
do to make it hot and heavy.

782
00:25:11,479 --> 00:25:11,779
Yeah.

783
00:25:11,779 --> 00:25:14,659
And really you guys can
just be into each other

784
00:25:14,869 --> 00:25:15,109
mm-hmm.

785
00:25:15,349 --> 00:25:16,789
With the background Yeah.

786
00:25:16,789 --> 00:25:20,559
Of all the sexiness, like, that's,
that's what we did oftentimes.

787
00:25:20,559 --> 00:25:23,649
Like sometimes we would go to house
parties and we didn't wanna play with

788
00:25:23,649 --> 00:25:26,169
anybody and we just were into each other.

789
00:25:26,269 --> 00:25:29,239
And we went to a room and we had
our fun, you know, and, and that

790
00:25:29,239 --> 00:25:30,289
was the case a lot of times.

791
00:25:30,319 --> 00:25:31,159
There is, yeah.

792
00:25:31,369 --> 00:25:32,389
You know what I do?

793
00:25:32,489 --> 00:25:34,919
I do a lot of tunnel vision.

794
00:25:35,429 --> 00:25:38,579
So someone says, man,
you just walk around.

795
00:25:38,819 --> 00:25:40,829
You walk out and you're
like all super confident.

796
00:25:41,189 --> 00:25:42,299
I'm tunnel visioned.

797
00:25:42,629 --> 00:25:47,219
I am, I walk out of bath, the
bathroom in my lingerie or whatever,

798
00:25:47,219 --> 00:25:48,809
and I'm just like looking straight.

799
00:25:49,259 --> 00:25:52,439
I'll smile and then I'll just
look straight at where Adam

800
00:25:52,439 --> 00:25:53,549
is and I can just see him.

801
00:25:53,549 --> 00:25:55,019
And so I'm just walking towards him

802
00:25:55,204 --> 00:25:56,464
and I'm usually staring at him.

803
00:25:56,639 --> 00:25:56,909
Yeah.

804
00:25:56,909 --> 00:26:01,079
And so that's makes it super comfortable.

805
00:26:01,179 --> 00:26:02,919
But I get how you feel.

806
00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:07,839
I get, I understand even without
your husband delving into the

807
00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:09,339
what exactly is bothering you.

808
00:26:09,489 --> 00:26:10,809
I understand it all.

809
00:26:11,259 --> 00:26:18,959
It's a very hard, it's a hard place to
feel comfortable until you've done it a

810
00:26:18,959 --> 00:26:24,529
few times after that, it gets super easy
after you make your your group of friends.

811
00:26:24,559 --> 00:26:25,459
It's super easy.

812
00:26:25,519 --> 00:26:29,729
And it could just be one couple, one
couple that y'all really vibe with, it,

813
00:26:29,734 --> 00:26:34,224
it gets easier and it's so much fun.

814
00:26:34,764 --> 00:26:35,409
Even just, it can be,

815
00:26:35,409 --> 00:26:35,609
yeah,

816
00:26:35,614 --> 00:26:41,364
just being with, with my husband
at places is knowing that it's a,

817
00:26:41,424 --> 00:26:42,804
it's a swinger place, you know?

818
00:26:42,804 --> 00:26:43,794
It's a lifestyle place.

819
00:26:43,794 --> 00:26:43,854
Yeah.

820
00:26:43,914 --> 00:26:45,144
It's very hot.

821
00:26:45,174 --> 00:26:45,234
Yeah.

822
00:26:45,284 --> 00:26:48,704
Well, you know, and, and just a quick
message to my husbands out there.

823
00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:49,824
It's hard.

824
00:26:50,184 --> 00:26:52,509
It's hard when you're new
in the lifestyle mm-hmm.

825
00:26:52,589 --> 00:26:56,814
And you go in as a couple, it is hard
on the ego, it's hard on the psyche,

826
00:26:57,234 --> 00:27:01,074
uh, because you go in thinking, holy
shit, I'm gonna be able to have all

827
00:27:01,074 --> 00:27:03,564
this fun and all these women are
gonna want me, et cetera, et cetera.

828
00:27:03,984 --> 00:27:06,954
And then you realize this
is a very woman centric

829
00:27:07,014 --> 00:27:07,134
Yes.

830
00:27:07,514 --> 00:27:08,174
Lifestyle.

831
00:27:08,444 --> 00:27:08,504
Yeah.

832
00:27:08,864 --> 00:27:13,124
And everybody loves the woman
and usually the husbands are

833
00:27:13,124 --> 00:27:14,624
kind of tossed off to the side.

834
00:27:14,624 --> 00:27:18,464
And this is what I tell a lot of
the guys, uh, in my groups, is.

835
00:27:19,274 --> 00:27:20,294
It's perception.

836
00:27:20,354 --> 00:27:21,164
Mm-hmm.

837
00:27:21,434 --> 00:27:25,394
Uh, for many years I perceived
it as, nobody wants to talk

838
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:26,594
to me, they just want my wife.

839
00:27:26,594 --> 00:27:28,964
And it was very sour
and I didn't enjoy it.

840
00:27:28,969 --> 00:27:33,379
But then once I realized, hey, we're
all after the same thing here, uh,

841
00:27:33,379 --> 00:27:34,969
which is to have sex with women.

842
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:35,509
Yeah.

843
00:27:35,514 --> 00:27:38,239
Um, so obviously they're
gonna be after my wife.

844
00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:40,129
That kind of takes the pressure off.

845
00:27:40,189 --> 00:27:40,489
Yeah.

846
00:27:40,489 --> 00:27:41,059
You know what I mean?

847
00:27:41,239 --> 00:27:43,969
You don't feel like you have
to be this performing monkey.

848
00:27:43,969 --> 00:27:45,229
You can just be yourself.

849
00:27:45,529 --> 00:27:51,289
And I noticed when I started re relaxing
and being myself, that's when I really

850
00:27:51,289 --> 00:27:52,999
started getting attention on my own.

851
00:27:53,149 --> 00:27:53,239
Mm-hmm.

852
00:27:53,549 --> 00:27:56,699
So it, it really is just kind
of figuring out what the game

853
00:27:56,699 --> 00:27:58,019
is and going along with it.

854
00:27:58,124 --> 00:27:58,414
Yeah,

855
00:27:58,419 --> 00:27:58,629
yeah.

856
00:27:58,629 --> 00:27:59,739
But don't lose confidence.

857
00:27:59,769 --> 00:28:00,489
Don't lose it.

858
00:28:00,494 --> 00:28:00,504
It's,

859
00:28:00,504 --> 00:28:01,299
don't let it hit you.

860
00:28:01,509 --> 00:28:03,429
It's gonna be perfectly fine.

861
00:28:03,429 --> 00:28:06,399
Take little baby steps, keep
that communication going.

862
00:28:06,909 --> 00:28:08,589
Talk about every feeling.

863
00:28:09,069 --> 00:28:11,349
Talk about every scenario.

864
00:28:11,499 --> 00:28:11,799
Yeah.

865
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:15,729
Go out to a bar, wear
something a little bit, sexy.

866
00:28:15,789 --> 00:28:16,689
A regular bar.

867
00:28:16,689 --> 00:28:20,169
Y'all two go out and let everybody stare.

868
00:28:20,349 --> 00:28:23,739
Get used to the idea that
people are staring at you.

869
00:28:23,744 --> 00:28:23,904
Yes.

870
00:28:23,904 --> 00:28:24,104
Yeah.

871
00:28:24,249 --> 00:28:26,409
And that's something that I had
to tell my wife for many years.

872
00:28:26,409 --> 00:28:27,459
'cause she used to get upset.

873
00:28:27,759 --> 00:28:27,909
Oh man.

874
00:28:27,969 --> 00:28:32,349
She would, she would walk out of the
house looking frigging hot, and then

875
00:28:32,349 --> 00:28:35,949
she would be at the grocery store and
she would be ready to punch somebody out

876
00:28:35,949 --> 00:28:37,659
because they're staring at her chest.

877
00:28:37,929 --> 00:28:38,739
And I'm like, yo,

878
00:28:38,859 --> 00:28:39,219
they're just

879
00:28:39,219 --> 00:28:39,549
tits.

880
00:28:39,554 --> 00:28:42,644
It's it's, it's a thing like, yeah,
you look frigging smoking hot.

881
00:28:43,004 --> 00:28:45,254
You're dressed the way you are,
you're at the grocery store.

882
00:28:45,254 --> 00:28:46,214
What do you think is gonna happen?

883
00:28:46,214 --> 00:28:46,274
Yeah.

884
00:28:46,274 --> 00:28:47,054
People are gonna look.

885
00:28:47,294 --> 00:28:49,394
Now if they come up to you and
they touch you, well that's a whole

886
00:28:49,424 --> 00:28:53,954
different story, but people are going
to admire what they find attractive.

887
00:28:53,984 --> 00:28:54,104
Yes.

888
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:57,254
And it's an absolute high compliment.

889
00:28:57,494 --> 00:28:58,694
It's just a compliment.

890
00:28:58,694 --> 00:28:58,904
It's,

891
00:28:59,054 --> 00:28:59,534
yeah.

892
00:28:59,534 --> 00:28:59,544
Yeah.

893
00:28:59,834 --> 00:29:00,629
So that's, I don't know.

894
00:29:00,629 --> 00:29:01,769
That's how I feel about all

895
00:29:01,769 --> 00:29:02,244
that I think.

896
00:29:02,249 --> 00:29:04,289
I think we hit a lot of nails in the head.

897
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:05,939
I think we hit a lot of nails.

898
00:29:06,059 --> 00:29:06,119
Yeah,

899
00:29:06,359 --> 00:29:07,019
that's right.

900
00:29:07,019 --> 00:29:07,619
I think so.

901
00:29:07,619 --> 00:29:07,919
Yeah.

902
00:29:08,069 --> 00:29:09,209
And that's the quickie.

903
00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:12,629
So if this one hit home for
you, share it with whomever.

904
00:29:13,169 --> 00:29:16,439
Whomever you think, send it to
a couple who needs to hear it.

905
00:29:16,499 --> 00:29:20,009
You might literally change the
direction of their relationship.

906
00:29:20,819 --> 00:29:21,269
Oh, that's right.

907
00:29:21,364 --> 00:29:21,959
I like that.

908
00:29:22,199 --> 00:29:27,269
And if you haven't already, follow us
wherever you listen, leave us a review on

909
00:29:27,269 --> 00:29:29,789
Spotify or Apple Podcast and subscribe.

910
00:29:29,789 --> 00:29:31,079
So you never miss an episode.

911
00:29:31,319 --> 00:29:35,039
It takes 30 seconds and it
genuinely means everything to us.

912
00:29:35,099 --> 00:29:36,209
Everything.

913
00:29:36,239 --> 00:29:36,449
Yes.

914
00:29:36,749 --> 00:29:40,889
And head over to www.beyondmonogamy.com.

915
00:29:41,369 --> 00:29:45,869
Every episode, every video clip,
our blog, upcoming events, merch.

916
00:29:45,899 --> 00:29:49,229
And our 100% anonymous
confessional are all right there.

917
00:29:49,609 --> 00:29:55,249
If you want to hang out with us, we are
on full swap radio.com every Thursday,

918
00:29:55,699 --> 00:29:58,549
two shows, 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM Central.

919
00:29:59,209 --> 00:30:01,519
Come get into it with us in real time.

920
00:30:02,419 --> 00:30:06,709
And we have a Live Beyond Monogamy
event coming up, and we want you there

921
00:30:06,799 --> 00:30:10,369
June 20th at Club Eden, San Antonio.

922
00:30:10,369 --> 00:30:11,269
We will be there.

923
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:12,129
Come meet us.

924
00:30:12,129 --> 00:30:13,269
Come hang out with us.

925
00:30:13,269 --> 00:30:16,179
Yeah, we're gonna, there you
can meet the community and it's

926
00:30:16,179 --> 00:30:17,379
going to be the best night.

927
00:30:17,449 --> 00:30:19,549
All details are gonna
be on our event tab that

928
00:30:19,564 --> 00:30:24,439
created Yeah it's a, uh, it's an
event that's currently in the process

929
00:30:24,439 --> 00:30:25,939
of being built, but we figured.

930
00:30:26,584 --> 00:30:27,904
You can mark your calendars now.

931
00:30:27,964 --> 00:30:28,174
Yes.

932
00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:32,074
So the details 20th will be
coming out more as we go along,

933
00:30:32,074 --> 00:30:37,649
but June 20th Club, eat in San
Antonio, 9:00 PM Be there or be Be

934
00:30:37,654 --> 00:30:38,194
Square

935
00:30:38,194 --> 00:30:39,004
an orangutan.

936
00:30:39,394 --> 00:30:43,654
With that, we appreciate you guys
hanging out with us as always, and

937
00:30:43,654 --> 00:30:44,944
we will see you guys next week.

938
00:30:45,184 --> 00:30:45,754
Bye.