Diving into the Boundaries and Rules of the Lifestyle

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This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. We explore topics

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surrounding sexuality, intimate relationships, and related

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subjects in an open and candid manner. Please be advised that we

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are not licensed marriage or sex therapists and the content

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we invite you to settle in and enjoy the show.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Beyond Monogamy.

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I'm Adam. And I'm Chris. Pull up a chair, because today we

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are talking about rules and boundaries.

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Yes, we are. Now, as far as the LS

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is concerned, the lifestyle,

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as we refer to it, the swinging lifestyle. Depending on what year

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you were born, we,

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it really depends on how you.

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Lifestyle, I guess they could say, but everybody

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has their own set of rules and boundaries.

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And boundaries. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Now, I, I've always been one

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to sit back and go, well, what's the difference between a rule and a boundary?

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Because sometimes and a lot of times actually, people tend to use

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them interchangeably. And so I actually looked up,

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I had to look it up because I'm one of those people where I

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utilize it a little bit. There's a difference between the two. There,

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There is, there is actually. So rules are

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actually non negotiable principles that are made to protect the

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couple and the relationship. Oh.

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Whereas boundaries are a line in the sand,

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so to speak, that can evolve as you both evolve in the

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lifestyle. Okay, so we have boundaries, we have boundaries. We started off with

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rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. For sure. A lot

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of, a lot of Priscilla rules. Oh, man. Yeah.

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Yeah. Well, because I'm, I'm not a jealous person. And so

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if I'm not a jealous person, it's, it was pretty easy to,

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to get past that. But. Yeah, no, you had, you had a lot. I have

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a lot of roles. Should I mention a few of them? Oh, absolutely.

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Okay, so I, the one I

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find funny right now is the rule of don't

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heart anybody's picture. Oh, man,

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did I catch slack for that. That was the most like, like looking

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back now and we've evolved. That one still

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gets me laughing. Well, now, I, I, I seem to

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remember maybe earlier this year you telling me that you struggled

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with seeing me put certain comments on certain people.

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Certain comments, yes, for sure. So we

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have little nicknames for each other and we are not to

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use those. Well, he doesn't Use those nicknames with anybody. I'm the only one.

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But there's a few, like, little things that he will post

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on people, and I'm like. I'll text them immediately and be

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like, oh, so we're using that verbiage, are we?

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And, you know, he calms down like crazy.

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But I'm a little. As we've said before, I'm a little reactive.

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And that was one of my little roles. But, yeah, yeah, that one. That one

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took a little bit to get past. You didn't have. You didn't have a lot

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of rules. No, no, I was. I was relatively easy. And, you know,

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that's really the reason why I enjoy this lifestyle. Hold on.

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What? Wait, What? You do have a rule.

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What? What rule do I have?

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What? The. The laughing.

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Oh, now that's not so much a rule.

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Okay, so you have to understand, I am not a jealous person.

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I have. I'm rarely intimidated by somebody if

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they are physically. Okay, there you go. Intimidation. Yeah. If they're physically

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better looking than I am, I'm not intimidated by that

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because I've been spending my whole life around. I don't

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get intimidated by personality because I'm not

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going to lie, I'm a little bit of a firecracker, and I could be fun

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to be around. But, you know, because of that, I don't

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have jealousies or insecurities. But there is one thing. There is one

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thing that I pride myself on. When I got

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with this woman, and she was my best audience, I used

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to do a little bit of amateur standup comedy a long,

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long, long, long time ago. And, you know, the.

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The ability to make somebody laugh is. Is big for

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me. And when I got with Priscilla,

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she was my best audience, and she was not the

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type of person to find people funny,

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and I was able to make her laugh. And I think making her laugh was

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probably one of the things I loved the most.

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And so now I kind of have a boundary,

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actually. Well, I would consider it a rule. Don't go out

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with anybody funnier than me. Yeah, and that's

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a tough one because. That'S hard because there's a lot of funny

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people. Oh, stop.

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You guys are funny. No, you guys are not.

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Let me tell you something, okay? I think y'all are

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witty. You're very enjoyable. But do not make this woman laugh

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or we will have fisticuffs. Oh, my God.

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That's right. Anyways, no, so I. You know,

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I will say that that. That's more of an insecurity and less of

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A rule boundary. I got it. So more or less,

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I kind of jotted a few things down. See how much we love you

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Very much. Because I am jotting things down. Yes. I am off from work.

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Yes. But I jotted a few things down as far as some

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common rules that are out there. And, and we're really

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going to list them out and we're going to try and decipher are they a

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rule or are they a boundary? One of the things I

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saw was no taking one for the team. Now, if you ask me,

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that is a rule, not a boundary.

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This is not something that's non. This is non negotiable,

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essentially. But what if you come

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across something like that.

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I'm sorry, would you explain? Yeah, like say you,

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you've come out, you come across a couple and you like

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them and they only play together. Is it a deal breaker

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or can one take one for the team?

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Well, you know, that's. So that would be more of a victory.

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That's very philosophical of you. Well,

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so that is a good point. And realistically,

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and this is something I'm big on and nobody should be able to

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tell you whether you're doing it right or wrong.

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Correct. I agree with that. How it works for you and your

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significant other, that's how it works for you and your significant other. And you don't

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gotta share all your rules and boundaries with. I'm just saying.

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You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Yeah. Like. Well, I mean, they're gonna, they're gonna

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come out at some point because realistically you have to communicate openly

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with the people that you're. You're courting.

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Yeah. God, I am aging myself today. But, you know,

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whoever it is that you're interested in playing with, or you're talking, whoever you want

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to smash you, well, you've gotta. Yeah, there you go.

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Out the hood, in you. There you go. Whoever you want to smash papas

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with. There you go. If, if, you know, if these,

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these people you're interested in, obviously you want to be open with your communication

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as far as what your rules and boundaries are and what you're looking for.

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And so you kind of have to reveal that you do.

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And I guess, I mean, you are right, you shouldn't take one for the team.

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But whatever your boundary and rule is with your significant

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other, it's yours. Right? Exactly. And some people are

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into that. It's like some people are okay with that. Right. I know

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between you and I, you have taken one for the team a

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few times. I have. Fair to Say, and. Yeah, primarily in the beginning,

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for sure. Yeah, primarily because we were looking for experiences

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more so than, you know, enjoying ourselves.

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Yeah. We are trying to fulfill these experiences we've never had.

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So. Yeah. It's safe to say that you've taken one for the team.

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I have even. Let's even say this really, really fast. I have.

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We can delve into the story later. But I have taken one for the team

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and then been like, oh, wow, I actually did not take that one

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for the team. That one was pretty good. Oh, okay. So it worked.

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That's interesting. So you just never know. You never know. So. Yeah. But I mean,

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again, but that, that is technically, I would, I would establish that more

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as a rule. Yeah. Than a boundary. Okay, now the no kissing

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rule. Now we, I think we had dabbled in that a little bit at the

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beginning because me. Yeah. I don't, I didn't

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like to see him make out with people. Wasn't sure

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how I was going to react to that. So I, I was a lot

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of. No, no kissing. You can kiss, but it's a quick, like none

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of this making out. But that went out the door.

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Did it though? Yeah, I mean.

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Okay. Did it though. I mean, I don't mind you.

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Well, like, we don't mind each other making out with people.

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No. We don't want to be ignored in the make out session.

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Correct. Like, if you're making out with A

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and I'm making out with B, we're not going

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to like, ignore each other from making out sessions. Like, no makeout

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sessions. I guess that's more confusing. Well,

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no makeout sessions. I don't want you to sit there and just be like,

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I'm, you know, you walk in with me. Sure. And then so

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and so takes you and is making out with you. And where,

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where, where is that person I came in and what's her name?

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Me. Oh, I get to like ignore you for the rest of the

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night kind of thing. But I'm really, I'm. I mean, you're my best friend,

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so I always like, ladies, if you see where I

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pull my husband away from your mouth because you have

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engulfed his face. Oh, okay. I do that sometimes.

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And I think our friends know that I do that sometimes. Well, now they're our

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friends. I think our friends know that I do that sometimes. I'm like,

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okay, let's go. Yeah. Yeah. You're pretty

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good at interjecting yourself. I do it in a nice way. Yeah.

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I'm not mean about it. No, you're a real Sweetheart. Yeah,

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but yeah, no, the. I'm so.

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So no kissing is a rule. So. No, actually. So no

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kissing. Is it a rule or a boundary?

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Now for us it was a boundary that started.

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Was not as a rule. Yeah. And became a boundary and then, and then

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now it's non. Existent. Non existent. Fair to say. Yeah.

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Yeah. So. So I would, I would classify that more as a boundary.

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Yeah. And I think for me it's just my, it's. It's preference as

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more so than it is rule or boundary. Yeah. Yeah.

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So I know that there are couples out there and,

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and I've seen them. They exist where they, they say that they.

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I'm sorry, but there will be no kissing. Yeah. And I completely

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understand. And not shaming them at all. Not in the slightest.

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Because it is a preference. Me personally, I don't.

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I could, I could abide by it. But really the kissing

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is kind of part of the foreplay. Yeah. You know,

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for me is more oral hygiene than anything

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at all. Oh, okay. So for me, I,

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I keep it a rule for me and I will mention it to certain people

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and it's not for everybody. And that's just my

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preference. So I'm really big on

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oral hygiene. Oral hygiene. Yeah. Yeah.

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So that could be a wife. Cut this out. Or we

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can keep it. But I'm just going to keep it real. Like I'll

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kiss you. I mean, I won't kiss you. Wow. Suck your dick.

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That's. Wow. Seriously,

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isn't that the most ridiculous thing to think of? Like you're thinking about

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it right now. Yeah. Because. Yeah,

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I'll. Hey, I'll blow you, but I won't. I won't

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kiss you. Wow, that is a shame because you are a good kisser.

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I think I'm a really good. Yeah, you're pretty good. You're pretty good. You're suave.

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Yes. You're swamp. Very soft. And you smell pretty. Yeah, you too.

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Thank you. I tried. So, yeah, that was a rule. So that, that for

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some people is a rule. A hard. A hard rule.

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For others it is a boundary. Like us, it was a boundary.

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Another one that I've run into is the soft

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swamp or the no penetration. You had to explain that to me because I wasn't

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really sure what that was. Well, so when we first started, I don't, I guess

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you don't remember this, but when we first started in the lifestyle,

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I had like a geek, just really done all my

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research on the different things. And I

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remember talking to you about how we wanted to do this. And did we want

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to, like, dip our toes in or did we want to just do the soft

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swap initially? Right. And I said, you asked

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me that because you were more experienced. And I said, I think I just want

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to jump in. Yeah. Feet first. Like, let's just do this,

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because either I'm going to like it or I'm not going to like it.

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Correct. And so that's exactly what we did. And I would

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say for us, full swap was good. But there are couples

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out there who are strictly soft swap. Yes. And there

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is nothing wrong with that at all. But it's

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essentially where there is no penetration.

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So you can do everything up to and

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including oral, but no

227
00:13:43,841 --> 00:13:47,121
penetration. Okay. So that's the difference between soft swap

228
00:13:47,153 --> 00:13:49,609
and full swap. And it could be either in the same room or not in

229
00:13:49,617 --> 00:13:53,073
the same room. Yeah, that's a whole. That's a whole nother rule

230
00:13:53,129 --> 00:13:56,697
right there. I got you. Yeah. So. So that. That essentially. Oh, look,

231
00:13:56,721 --> 00:14:00,601
it's the next rule. It's actually the next one written down. Yeah. So the next

232
00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:03,649
one going into it is same room or separate room. Now, now,

233
00:14:03,697 --> 00:14:07,305
these can also be considered what your dynamics are, along with

234
00:14:07,385 --> 00:14:10,881
full swap and soft swap. You know, those are also.

235
00:14:10,993 --> 00:14:14,689
When people ask you what's your dynamic? Right. Oftentimes that's

236
00:14:14,737 --> 00:14:18,121
what you're gonna break down for them. Okay. If you're full swap

237
00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:21,921
or soft swap, and if you are. Separate room. Same room.

238
00:14:22,113 --> 00:14:27,069
Separate completely. You know what? We've been running across people

239
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:31,421
that have a boundary, but then they'll come out and say,

240
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:35,429
well, it really. We actually leave it up to the other.

241
00:14:35,597 --> 00:14:39,765
The other couple, because we, you and I had

242
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:43,525
sort of kind of a boundary. And then I told

243
00:14:43,565 --> 00:14:46,973
it to this couple. But then you and I talked and we were like,

244
00:14:47,029 --> 00:14:50,515
oh, I mean, we'll leave it up to them, whatever they're comfortable with,

245
00:14:50,645 --> 00:14:54,255
which we've been finding a lot of. I think it's great.

246
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,839
That's awesome. Because I kind of tells you they're kind of laid back

247
00:14:57,887 --> 00:15:02,071
like us. Right. And so, you know, the vibe's going to be freaking amazing.

248
00:15:02,183 --> 00:15:05,311
Sure. Right. So that's a really. That's a really good,

249
00:15:05,503 --> 00:15:08,487
you know, rule or boundary for people. But.

250
00:15:08,671 --> 00:15:12,327
Yeah, well, you know, the. The same room and the

251
00:15:12,351 --> 00:15:16,719
separate room was something that you and I had always discussed,

252
00:15:16,887 --> 00:15:20,835
and for the longest time it was same room. But now

253
00:15:21,215 --> 00:15:24,759
we have decided to explore more separate room. Right.

254
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,543
And primarily separate. The same roof.

255
00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:32,615
Right. Same roof. Not for everybody. Not for everybody.

256
00:15:32,775 --> 00:15:36,191
It is situational. Situational.

257
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:40,023
Yeah. As everything is Situational. Yes. And we

258
00:15:40,079 --> 00:15:43,663
have decided we're going to start exploring that more. And really,

259
00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:47,887
that kind of goes to that whole. That whole kink of

260
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:52,755
hearing each other while not being there and just that whole heated

261
00:15:53,095 --> 00:15:56,591
sexual moment there. Yeah. And so that is not

262
00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,287
a rule for us. That is a boundary. Yes. Because that is something that

263
00:16:00,351 --> 00:16:04,231
has evolved as we have evolved. You know, a lot of these things have evolved

264
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:08,031
for us. That's really cool. Well, the next one is kind of interesting because that

265
00:16:08,063 --> 00:16:11,303
one has always been a foundation of our rules. Yeah.

266
00:16:11,359 --> 00:16:15,157
No analogy. No anal. No anal. Nobody in my back door.

267
00:16:15,261 --> 00:16:18,545
Nobody been there, done that.

268
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,853
Now, you and I have not.

269
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:25,285
No done that. Have you seen what you're packing?

270
00:16:25,365 --> 00:16:28,461
I. I see it every day. No clean

271
00:16:28,493 --> 00:16:31,501
it. Yeah. Well, so that's the thing, though,

272
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:35,149
is you. But you are not an anal virgin.

273
00:16:35,317 --> 00:16:38,179
You did this with your first husband. Yes.

274
00:16:38,317 --> 00:16:41,847
And you. You. Oh, I did it with the second. One and the second one

275
00:16:41,871 --> 00:16:45,383
as well. So just. Just me. That just did not do that. Yes.

276
00:16:45,559 --> 00:16:48,967
And that's. I mean, the first. Wow. When, you know, when we say that out

277
00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:52,399
loud. Yeah. Kind of sounds horrible. Yeah. Sorry. But no,

278
00:16:52,447 --> 00:16:55,511
actually, to be honest with you, I have no interest anyways. And I have no

279
00:16:55,543 --> 00:16:59,911
interest. I really did that for them.

280
00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:02,475
Really. Not for me.

281
00:17:03,135 --> 00:17:06,919
Not my thing. Never got off of it. I didn't know that

282
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:10,933
people, Women. Well, people could get off on it until

283
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,733
you told me. Yes, yes. And then we googled it and I started

284
00:17:14,789 --> 00:17:18,333
reading about it and then I started asking people. So. Yeah.

285
00:17:18,389 --> 00:17:22,225
But no, that is a hard rule. Not in the sand,

286
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,717
ever gonna happen. So that's a rule. Not a boundary. Not a boundary. And there's

287
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,093
like, no anal play, period. Yeah, yeah,

288
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:33,103
yeah. Like, nobody needs to be like. Yeah,

289
00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:37,563
no, no, no. That's. It doesn't matter what is inserted.

290
00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:41,227
It is correct. No anal for. For you.

291
00:17:41,251 --> 00:17:44,787
So men, when you're. Or me, men. This also

292
00:17:44,851 --> 00:17:48,427
includes when you are fingering a girl and

293
00:17:48,451 --> 00:17:52,695
you want to push in that back area. That is exactly a no to

294
00:17:53,195 --> 00:17:56,123
don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't try to be in.

295
00:17:56,179 --> 00:17:59,947
Now. Don't knock on the door. Don't knock on the door. Don't even tiptoe towards

296
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:04,135
it. Yeah, yeah. Stay away from the wooded area. That's my thing.

297
00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:08,191
Okay, good to know. Good to know. Go just

298
00:18:08,223 --> 00:18:11,959
a little bit south and then stay north. Oh, my gosh. This may be tmi,

299
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:15,695
but I used to kind of, you know, be in that general area

300
00:18:15,735 --> 00:18:19,103
when we were first. You and I getting Acclimated with each other.

301
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,631
Anybody else? Roger that. Got it. Got it.

302
00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:26,535
Okay, well, are you new? I'm learning new things every

303
00:18:26,575 --> 00:18:30,271
day. Okay, so I do know that there are

304
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,789
a few other rules out there. What is that? No repeats.

305
00:18:33,887 --> 00:18:37,009
What does that mean? That means if, say,

306
00:18:37,097 --> 00:18:40,169
I play with somebody on my own,

307
00:18:40,217 --> 00:18:43,565
separately or whatever, and I have a good time,

308
00:18:43,865 --> 00:18:47,377
that means I'm not allowed to see that same person again.

309
00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:51,289
Okay. There are some couples that have no repeat rules, really,

310
00:18:51,377 --> 00:18:54,881
where you cannot have sex with the same person more than. Once, even if they're

311
00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,961
doing it together. Even if they're doing it together. Period.

312
00:18:58,073 --> 00:19:01,355
Period. No repeats. What if they're good?

313
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,643
I don't know, because obviously we don't have. I mean,

314
00:19:04,699 --> 00:19:08,147
I do see the. The repeat

315
00:19:08,211 --> 00:19:11,855
if you're repeating it separately with the same person,

316
00:19:12,435 --> 00:19:16,131
like, oh, okay, she has an availability

317
00:19:16,243 --> 00:19:19,531
on Friday and so do I. Oh, okay, we have another

318
00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:22,295
availability on Monday.

319
00:19:22,835 --> 00:19:26,765
Right. You know, I think that that's a definite.

320
00:19:27,185 --> 00:19:30,673
I feel like that's a good role. Yeah. Because then

321
00:19:30,689 --> 00:19:33,833
you're going to start doing the I feel feelings,

322
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:37,401
and I feel like. You know, I don't know.

323
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:41,225
I don't have a problem with a little regularity. You know, if you're with somebody

324
00:19:41,385 --> 00:19:45,485
who is fantastic and

325
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:49,113
it doesn't take much. Work the way you just said fantastic.

326
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,089
Yeah, well, I said fantastic because you're fantastic.

327
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:55,241
Oh, okay. I know. That's a save. Hey, you've been doing that.

328
00:19:55,273 --> 00:19:59,269
This. Okay, go ahead. Anyway, let me tell you something. Okay. You are

329
00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,717
amazing. Thank you. Podcast world out

330
00:20:02,741 --> 00:20:06,813
there. She is amazing. And so if you find

331
00:20:06,869 --> 00:20:09,789
somebody who is sexually fantastic,

332
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,325
and of course you're going to want it again, and if they want

333
00:20:13,405 --> 00:20:16,757
you again and it's just kind of like a friends with benefits

334
00:20:16,821 --> 00:20:20,505
situation, why can't you want regularity?

335
00:20:21,205 --> 00:20:23,861
I don't know. You know, what is wrong with that? I'm going to have to

336
00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:26,701
come back on that one. I don't know. You know, I'm not talking about every

337
00:20:26,733 --> 00:20:30,497
single day. Obviously, you know, for a married couple example, you know,

338
00:20:30,601 --> 00:20:34,049
if you're having sex with somebody else every single day. Well, maybe there's.

339
00:20:34,097 --> 00:20:38,185
There's more to talk about than the lifestyle, but I

340
00:20:38,225 --> 00:20:41,705
would say, you know, once. Once every couple of

341
00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:45,641
weeks or something. You know, just a visit here and

342
00:20:45,673 --> 00:20:49,685
there. I don't know. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You look conflicted.

343
00:20:50,425 --> 00:20:53,793
If I was ever to list a name for that face

344
00:20:53,849 --> 00:20:57,467
that looks conflicted. So, yeah, if there's anybody out

345
00:20:57,491 --> 00:21:00,995
there who. If it's your rule of no repeats,

346
00:21:01,075 --> 00:21:04,027
if you could email us sometime.

347
00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:07,259
You can. You can email us at beyond monogamy,

348
00:21:07,347 --> 00:21:09,855
number four, letter U,

349
00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:14,227
gmail dot com. And. And just let

350
00:21:14,251 --> 00:21:17,931
us know, you know, let us know what you. What you

351
00:21:17,963 --> 00:21:20,835
think about that rule, how it works for y'all. And. And,

352
00:21:20,875 --> 00:21:23,299
you know, something that we can read on the air, because that would be kind

353
00:21:23,307 --> 00:21:26,303
of cool. That would be really cool. You know, I don't, hon,

354
00:21:26,339 --> 00:21:29,879
honestly have that rule. I don't know anybody who does. So if you have that

355
00:21:29,927 --> 00:21:33,119
information, please give it to us. We have smart people in these

356
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:36,671
groups, and they, like, really give us some really

357
00:21:36,743 --> 00:21:39,703
good details on both ends, like.

358
00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:43,103
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, they know their business. Yes. Yeah, for sure.

359
00:21:43,159 --> 00:21:46,383
So please email us. So one of

360
00:21:46,399 --> 00:21:49,999
the other rules or boundaries. No solo communication.

361
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:53,009
Now, I know that that was something that we had,

362
00:21:53,207 --> 00:21:56,645
so I would say that was a boundary for us that we have

363
00:21:56,685 --> 00:22:00,345
pushed to the side. Oh, yeah. Well, I think

364
00:22:00,845 --> 00:22:04,453
you and I. So you and I have the access to get on each

365
00:22:04,469 --> 00:22:08,021
other's phones. Yeah. Or. Hey, honey,

366
00:22:08,053 --> 00:22:11,717
who did you talk to today? Ooh, can I read that? Right? Things like

367
00:22:11,741 --> 00:22:15,541
that. I maybe used to use that in. The beginning, you know,

368
00:22:15,573 --> 00:22:18,845
for a while there, actually, even up to a few years ago.

369
00:22:18,925 --> 00:22:22,029
Yeah. You kind of had the ideal that

370
00:22:22,117 --> 00:22:26,035
nobody should be talking to me one on one. It should be a group thing.

371
00:22:26,695 --> 00:22:29,967
Also, they usually would ask me,

372
00:22:30,151 --> 00:22:33,967
do you mind if I message your husband? And in situations

373
00:22:33,991 --> 00:22:37,943
like that, it was cool. Yeah. So people would always ask,

374
00:22:37,999 --> 00:22:41,071
like back in the day when we first kind of started years ago, it was

375
00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:44,279
just a. They would always, like, shoot me a message

376
00:22:44,407 --> 00:22:48,423
and ask. And I really. I thought that was cool. It's not done anymore.

377
00:22:48,519 --> 00:22:52,245
I mean, I don't do it all the time, so I understand. Time is

378
00:22:52,335 --> 00:22:55,369
changing. That was a rule. No solo communication.

379
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,401
But no, now it's not. No, no.

380
00:22:58,433 --> 00:23:01,857
I. I don't. I don't think that you and I really hold ourselves to

381
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:05,729
stuff. No. But I think maybe that's. That's. That's probably

382
00:23:05,897 --> 00:23:08,777
safe for them and, you. Know, there's nothing wrong with it.

383
00:23:08,881 --> 00:23:12,449
I. Whatever makes you comfortable. Right. Because it used to make me comfortable

384
00:23:12,497 --> 00:23:15,657
to ask you. Right. Now I just ask you, hey, do you talk to anybody?

385
00:23:15,681 --> 00:23:18,537
And you'll tell me. I'll be like, cool, yeah. No, that's the end of the

386
00:23:18,561 --> 00:23:21,857
conversation. I've reached out to people before

387
00:23:21,961 --> 00:23:25,457
and had them tell me, hey, I'm sorry, but would you mind reaching out to

388
00:23:25,481 --> 00:23:28,561
my husband? That's also. Some. Some people have that rule

389
00:23:28,593 --> 00:23:32,441
as far as communications, you know, it's like no opposite sex

390
00:23:32,513 --> 00:23:36,313
communication. Yeah. So I would have to talk to only the husband or you'd have

391
00:23:36,329 --> 00:23:39,345
to talk to only the wife, that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. And so we've

392
00:23:39,385 --> 00:23:42,745
come across that a few times and it's understandable because it is a,

393
00:23:42,785 --> 00:23:45,937
it is a safe bet, you know, if you want to

394
00:23:45,961 --> 00:23:49,097
set this up, you want to make sure. That person's not creeping, you're not there

395
00:23:49,121 --> 00:23:52,933
yet. You know, like you haven't really met them. Ye. Or whatever. And that's

396
00:23:52,949 --> 00:23:56,237
good. Whatever makes you comfortable. Yeah. I mean, whoever has.

397
00:23:56,261 --> 00:23:59,749
It's a really good rule. Yeah. Yeah. Now one of

398
00:23:59,757 --> 00:24:03,581
the big rules that come through and should be normalized

399
00:24:03,653 --> 00:24:06,505
as conversation is condom usage.

400
00:24:07,005 --> 00:24:11,037
And I've noticed that oftentimes people

401
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:15,181
are a little afraid to talk about condom usage.

402
00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:18,889
Yeah. When you talk to different couples,

403
00:24:18,977 --> 00:24:22,793
every. Everything leading up to the actual setting up of the sex is

404
00:24:22,889 --> 00:24:26,457
very awesome. And then I notice

405
00:24:26,521 --> 00:24:29,481
when we go to go play with somebody and it's like, oh, well,

406
00:24:29,553 --> 00:24:32,785
have we talked about condoms? You know, it's usually not

407
00:24:32,825 --> 00:24:36,625
a. Yeah, you're right. They've had, they kind of like

408
00:24:36,745 --> 00:24:40,233
brought it up last minute type of thing. Yeah. It's not, it's not really

409
00:24:40,289 --> 00:24:43,425
discussed ahead of time and as openly. Yeah.

410
00:24:43,545 --> 00:24:46,801
And so condom usage is definitely

411
00:24:46,873 --> 00:24:50,577
a hard rule. Yeah. Rarely a boundary

412
00:24:50,761 --> 00:24:54,737
for others. Yes. And I think

413
00:24:54,841 --> 00:24:59,433
that it's not just, not just the condoms, but when

414
00:24:59,529 --> 00:25:03,105
condoms are utilized because some people really want

415
00:25:03,145 --> 00:25:06,257
condoms utilized during oral as well as regular

416
00:25:06,321 --> 00:25:09,979
penetration. How is it, how does the,

417
00:25:10,027 --> 00:25:13,531
how does the guy do it? If, Wait, does the girl want a condom on

418
00:25:13,643 --> 00:25:17,731
when the guy is going. Down on her like one of those dental dams.

419
00:25:17,883 --> 00:25:21,763
Dental dams? Basically the, the, like a piece of plastic or

420
00:25:21,779 --> 00:25:24,715
a Saran Wrap that you. Yeah, that you. I mean, I know what a dental

421
00:25:24,755 --> 00:25:27,731
dam is. I worked in the dental industry. Oh, yeah. Is it really a dental

422
00:25:27,763 --> 00:25:31,035
dam? Yeah, it's a dental dam. For women and for,

423
00:25:31,115 --> 00:25:34,715
for men, you can, you can wear condoms. Some women will. Will give

424
00:25:34,755 --> 00:25:39,095
oral. I've seen. Yeah, yeah, I've seen that oftentimes.

425
00:25:40,235 --> 00:25:43,459
Well, I don't like, like spermicides. Yeah.

426
00:25:43,587 --> 00:25:47,379
So when we use condoms, we usually bring our own.

427
00:25:47,467 --> 00:25:51,627
Yeah. Because you never know. Like, you should, y'all should really be discussing that because

428
00:25:51,811 --> 00:25:55,955
I am allergic to a lot of different liquids.

429
00:25:56,075 --> 00:26:01,375
Oh yeah. You know, I've even had a reaction from cum.

430
00:26:01,835 --> 00:26:04,455
That's right. Like an irritation. So.

431
00:26:04,895 --> 00:26:07,567
Yes. Like guys talk about it.

432
00:26:07,671 --> 00:26:11,551
Yeah. Condom usage and, and, and when

433
00:26:11,743 --> 00:26:15,335
to use it. I think that should really be normalized. It should

434
00:26:15,375 --> 00:26:18,663
really be an open discussion. There shouldn't be any kind of shame

435
00:26:18,719 --> 00:26:22,415
involved in it. We're adults, man. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, if we're talking about

436
00:26:22,495 --> 00:26:26,111
sex, we should be talking about. That should be your top condom usage.

437
00:26:26,263 --> 00:26:29,543
Another one along with condom usage, of course, goes hand in hand.

438
00:26:29,599 --> 00:26:33,771
Is testing. Yes. You know, and just a small PSA

439
00:26:33,803 --> 00:26:37,091
for everybody listening. Testing is sexy. You got it. You got to get

440
00:26:37,123 --> 00:26:40,283
tested. We keep our community as safe as

441
00:26:40,339 --> 00:26:43,387
possible by keeping ourself as safe and healthy as possible.

442
00:26:43,451 --> 00:26:47,651
So it's. It's. It's definitely a thing don't

443
00:26:47,683 --> 00:26:50,495
feel ashamed to discuss.

444
00:26:51,275 --> 00:26:54,083
You know, what you need to discuss when it comes to testing. It should be

445
00:26:54,099 --> 00:26:57,789
a normalized conversation along with condom

446
00:26:57,837 --> 00:27:01,061
usage. Yes. Oh, and you know. Oh,

447
00:27:01,093 --> 00:27:04,989
well, that's not really a rule, so never mind. Go ahead, continue.

448
00:27:05,077 --> 00:27:09,077
Well, it was going to be, you know, have also the conversation if you have

449
00:27:09,101 --> 00:27:12,545
to take any kind of medication to be enhanced.

450
00:27:12,925 --> 00:27:16,629
Oh. So that rule. But that is. That. That is interesting.

451
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:20,437
That's more on the. So that's on the communicating side, straight up.

452
00:27:20,501 --> 00:27:25,085
Yeah. And that's a good thing to actually lead into, because communication

453
00:27:25,665 --> 00:27:29,257
is and should be, if it's not a hard rule.

454
00:27:29,361 --> 00:27:33,405
Yes. Not a boundary. Like open communication,

455
00:27:33,705 --> 00:27:37,337
not only between you and your spouse, but between you and

456
00:27:37,361 --> 00:27:40,921
the people that you're looking to connect with. Yes.

457
00:27:41,033 --> 00:27:44,617
And play with. You have to communicate

458
00:27:44,801 --> 00:27:48,609
with all the parties involved and, like, openly communicate.

459
00:27:48,657 --> 00:27:52,077
Yes. Many times there have

460
00:27:52,101 --> 00:27:55,629
been situations where things

461
00:27:55,717 --> 00:27:59,541
have not worked out, and when that happens,

462
00:27:59,653 --> 00:28:02,437
you have to look back and go, well, did I communicate everything that I should

463
00:28:02,461 --> 00:28:05,317
have communicated? You know,

464
00:28:05,381 --> 00:28:08,701
sometimes drama comes out between couples.

465
00:28:08,813 --> 00:28:12,581
What. What is that about? Well, probably lack of communication as

466
00:28:12,613 --> 00:28:15,951
you can with one. With your relationship.

467
00:28:16,053 --> 00:28:20,155
Yes. Like, that should be. Honesty and transparency

468
00:28:20,235 --> 00:28:23,819
are two different things. So be transparent.

469
00:28:23,947 --> 00:28:27,655
Absolutely. Absolutely. And with the person you're going to play with, like,

470
00:28:27,995 --> 00:28:31,895
if they do not like what you're saying,

471
00:28:32,515 --> 00:28:36,059
sit back and just think about that. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what?

472
00:28:36,227 --> 00:28:40,099
It's. It's okay. It's totally

473
00:28:40,147 --> 00:28:43,841
okay. It's okay to be in a situation

474
00:28:43,953 --> 00:28:47,805
where you want somebody, but maybe they're not

475
00:28:48,385 --> 00:28:51,521
agreeing with the same rules or boundaries that you

476
00:28:51,553 --> 00:28:55,273
have, or maybe they're just not on the same trajectory as you.

477
00:28:55,329 --> 00:28:58,473
That's okay. It's not the end of your world.

478
00:28:58,609 --> 00:29:01,697
You're gonna be all right. So, you know, just some things to think

479
00:29:01,721 --> 00:29:04,817
about on. On that end. But really, communicating should be your

480
00:29:04,881 --> 00:29:08,325
number one. You should not only be communicating, you should be over

481
00:29:08,445 --> 00:29:11,917
communicating. If you feel like, you're giving too much information,

482
00:29:12,101 --> 00:29:15,869
then you're probably doing it right. Because then they know where you're coming from.

483
00:29:15,997 --> 00:29:19,757
And there's no second guessing that. I've. I think we've lucked

484
00:29:19,781 --> 00:29:23,101
out. We are incredibly overly

485
00:29:23,213 --> 00:29:26,485
communicative with each other. Yes. Not just with each other,

486
00:29:26,525 --> 00:29:30,189
but with our kids and with everybody that we

487
00:29:30,237 --> 00:29:33,949
come into contact with. Yeah. So that's pretty much how we live our life.

488
00:29:34,037 --> 00:29:37,985
And I think we've had an overabundance of people.

489
00:29:38,645 --> 00:29:42,461
Just tell us. Wow. You know, I feel like

490
00:29:42,653 --> 00:29:46,013
I know where you're coming from. And, you know, you really

491
00:29:46,109 --> 00:29:49,581
just tell us everything. And it's like, I used to think that that was

492
00:29:49,613 --> 00:29:53,029
a bad thing, that. Yes. That I was giving

493
00:29:53,077 --> 00:29:56,037
too much information. As a matter of fact, you used to tell me, don't.

494
00:29:56,101 --> 00:29:59,765
Don't say certain things. Yes. And I'm not like,

495
00:29:59,925 --> 00:30:03,819
you can wait a little bit. Yeah, no, you are. You are

496
00:30:03,867 --> 00:30:08,195
very open in different situations.

497
00:30:08,315 --> 00:30:11,459
Yes. You're very. You have a really good communication.

498
00:30:11,587 --> 00:30:14,547
I remember early on in our relationship,

499
00:30:14,691 --> 00:30:18,819
early on, when we first started living together, and we were still going

500
00:30:18,867 --> 00:30:22,227
out with some vanilla friends and stuff, and we would set

501
00:30:22,251 --> 00:30:25,683
up certain weekends where we were going to go out and we'd have

502
00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:29,315
to cancel because we wouldn't have any money. Oh, my gosh. We would be broke.

503
00:30:29,395 --> 00:30:32,517
Yeah. And you'd be like, okay, yeah,

504
00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:34,557
we're going to have to cancel. We don't have the money to go out.

505
00:30:34,621 --> 00:30:37,661
And so I'd say, okay. And I would text them and be like,

506
00:30:37,773 --> 00:30:40,973
sorry, guys, we can't go out with y'all. We're broke,

507
00:30:41,109 --> 00:30:43,105
until we get paid. Yeah. I didn't.

508
00:30:44,805 --> 00:30:48,045
Because I was like, you don't have to tell everybody our business. And it's not.

509
00:30:48,085 --> 00:30:50,989
It's. I mean, it was just honest. Yeah. It would just make you feel,

510
00:30:51,037 --> 00:30:54,061
well, I wasn't raised like that. So it was. I wasn't raised that way.

511
00:30:54,093 --> 00:30:57,733
Yeah. But, yeah, that's true. Yeah. So, yeah. Communication for sure.

512
00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:01,317
Even with our friends, almost to a fault. It's way better now. Yeah. For me,

513
00:31:01,421 --> 00:31:04,105
you really. You really have to have it. I am.

514
00:31:04,565 --> 00:31:07,757
Yeah. 100%. It's big. It's very big.

515
00:31:07,821 --> 00:31:11,461
It's big. Now, there is one. One rule that

516
00:31:11,493 --> 00:31:15,221
I can say is definitely on our list, and that is

517
00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:18,225
drinking or drug usage limitation.

518
00:31:19,085 --> 00:31:22,245
Because we're not big drinkers, and there's

519
00:31:22,285 --> 00:31:25,965
no. There's no judgment to anybody who drinks at all. It's not

520
00:31:26,005 --> 00:31:29,109
that we can't drink. We do drink every now and then, but it's just

521
00:31:29,157 --> 00:31:32,581
not really our preference. And so, you know, it really

522
00:31:32,613 --> 00:31:35,901
makes us sleepy more than anything else. So that's. That's really kind of been

523
00:31:35,933 --> 00:31:39,757
our thing. But when it comes to play time,

524
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:44,465
we have noticed that people tend to drink

525
00:31:44,765 --> 00:31:48,437
to get loose, to lose their inhibitions a little

526
00:31:48,461 --> 00:31:52,719
bit so that they can be able to play. And there's

527
00:31:52,767 --> 00:31:56,631
a small little window of time where

528
00:31:56,663 --> 00:32:00,087
they've had just enough to loosen them up to play.

529
00:32:00,191 --> 00:32:03,951
Yes. But if they continue drinking, they pass that

530
00:32:03,983 --> 00:32:07,215
window. Yes. And go into the realm of sloppy.

531
00:32:07,295 --> 00:32:10,815
Sloppy. Yes. Or. And so that's where we kind of cut

532
00:32:10,855 --> 00:32:13,375
off. Or. The whiskey. The whiskey.

533
00:32:13,455 --> 00:32:16,247
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eggplant. The whiskey.

534
00:32:16,271 --> 00:32:19,923
Eggplant. Well, you basically have said worse earlier, so I think

535
00:32:19,939 --> 00:32:23,299
you can say the word yes. Attention. Men.

536
00:32:23,427 --> 00:32:26,683
Women know that. And. Yeah,

537
00:32:26,819 --> 00:32:31,667
so that is. I've had a lot of issues with that. Have you really?

538
00:32:31,731 --> 00:32:35,027
Yeah. When we've played with certain people or whatever in the past.

539
00:32:35,091 --> 00:32:38,531
Yeah, that was an issue. And it's like, I didn't know what it was.

540
00:32:38,563 --> 00:32:41,643
And I asked you. I was like, what is that? Do guys not know?

541
00:32:41,779 --> 00:32:45,727
You know, honestly, I. When we first got together,

542
00:32:45,891 --> 00:32:49,679
I felt like I always had trouble

543
00:32:49,847 --> 00:32:53,351
coming quick. And so when we would drink,

544
00:32:53,423 --> 00:32:56,863
we would come home and we'd have a wild night of sex, it would take

545
00:32:56,879 --> 00:33:00,247
me a long time to come. Yeah. But that was just me,

546
00:33:00,391 --> 00:33:03,743
you know, I was always in my head about something, and so it always took

547
00:33:03,759 --> 00:33:07,351
me a long time to come. So I. People would tell me about whiskey

548
00:33:07,383 --> 00:33:10,919
dick, but I didn't think. I didn't know what it was either until

549
00:33:11,007 --> 00:33:13,905
I asked you. And I was like, what is that? Why do.

550
00:33:14,365 --> 00:33:17,597
Is that everybody? And so you explained it to me,

551
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:22,341
and I was like, oh, I didn't know. That was a. That explains so

552
00:33:22,373 --> 00:33:26,261
much. Yeah. Yeah, well, it was explained to me. And so

553
00:33:26,453 --> 00:33:30,165
that. That apparently is a thing. So that is a rule for us.

554
00:33:30,205 --> 00:33:33,225
Like, if you are too. But. But understand,

555
00:33:33,685 --> 00:33:37,125
I'm not going to put a number on it because it's different for

556
00:33:37,165 --> 00:33:40,285
everybody. Yes. It's that. Just that little window of time.

557
00:33:40,325 --> 00:33:44,053
Yeah. If we know that you are really, like, inebriated,

558
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:47,677
like, extremely. If you're. If you're slurring a little bit or

559
00:33:47,701 --> 00:33:51,705
if there's. If there just seems to be a little bit of loss of.

560
00:33:52,085 --> 00:33:55,589
Of. Of any of your senses. Yes. That's enough

561
00:33:55,637 --> 00:33:58,469
for us to say, no, maybe not this time around.

562
00:33:58,637 --> 00:34:01,997
And. And primarily because. And this leads

563
00:34:02,021 --> 00:34:05,421
into the next one. Primarily because you don't know if you're

564
00:34:05,453 --> 00:34:08,885
Getting consent. Yes. And that's kind of a big

565
00:34:08,925 --> 00:34:13,336
thing. Yeah. Especially, it should have always been a big thing, but especially now.

566
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:17,728
Consent is everything and you really need consent before

567
00:34:17,816 --> 00:34:20,888
you do anything. And because of that,

568
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:24,432
if somebody is past that window of,

569
00:34:24,528 --> 00:34:28,376
of feeling good and into full inebriation.

570
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,336
Yeah. How do you know you're getting full consent? You know,

571
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,704
exactly. I don't, I don't know if that's a, you know,

572
00:34:35,744 --> 00:34:38,712
there will be people out there that can say, well, no, I,

573
00:34:38,848 --> 00:34:41,681
I may be drunk, but I can, I still know that I'm saying yes.

574
00:34:41,713 --> 00:34:45,177
Yeah. It's my whole. I'm, I, I like to drunk. I could drive really good

575
00:34:45,201 --> 00:34:49,057
when I'm drunk. Right, right. It's a, it's a, it's a drinking logic where

576
00:34:49,081 --> 00:34:52,801
it's like, no, I, I'm in control of my faculties. And that may

577
00:34:52,833 --> 00:34:56,433
be the case. You know, some people have higher tolerance than others.

578
00:34:56,609 --> 00:34:59,929
But just to be on the safe side,

579
00:35:00,017 --> 00:35:03,833
I, I would rather not, you know, if somebody's been drinking

580
00:35:03,889 --> 00:35:07,963
or, or even doing some drugs a bit much

581
00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:11,331
and they seem like there's just a little bit of out of controlness.

582
00:35:11,483 --> 00:35:14,603
Yeah. I normally will say no. Yeah.

583
00:35:14,699 --> 00:35:17,995
So, but like I said, that leads us into our next one, which is

584
00:35:18,035 --> 00:35:21,579
consent. You know, I mean, that, that should be a hard rule for,

585
00:35:21,667 --> 00:35:25,419
for mostly everybody is, you know, in,

586
00:35:25,467 --> 00:35:28,667
in this lifestyle, we are a bevy of personalities.

587
00:35:28,731 --> 00:35:32,543
We're a bevy of people with different backgrounds,

588
00:35:32,739 --> 00:35:36,615
different traumas, different things that we hold on

589
00:35:36,655 --> 00:35:40,879
to, different triggers. And you have to know that

590
00:35:40,927 --> 00:35:43,455
unless you are on that level with them.

591
00:35:43,615 --> 00:35:47,475
Yeah. That you should ask for consent

592
00:35:47,895 --> 00:35:51,535
every. Which way to whomever. Yeah. And that should not be a boundary.

593
00:35:51,575 --> 00:35:54,687
That should be a hard rule. Yeah. Women should ask men, men should ask women

594
00:35:54,751 --> 00:35:57,895
and so on and so forth. Whoever you're going to be with, whatever you want

595
00:35:57,935 --> 00:36:01,313
from them. Right. You should ask for permission. I'm not a

596
00:36:01,329 --> 00:36:04,641
very touchy feely person, so when somebody asks for a hug,

597
00:36:04,673 --> 00:36:06,977
I'll give them a hug. If somebody asks for a kiss,

598
00:36:07,121 --> 00:36:11,577
I'm pretty much almost always

599
00:36:11,761 --> 00:36:14,777
a hard no. Yeah. For me,

600
00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:18,569
really, that's me. I have to be comfortable.

601
00:36:18,617 --> 00:36:22,025
I am not like you. You know, we are. What am I like? You?

602
00:36:22,065 --> 00:36:25,721
You don't mind. You like kisses? You know, I, I, that's true. You can

603
00:36:25,753 --> 00:36:29,081
be a stranger at HEB is like, oh, I like your lips.

604
00:36:29,113 --> 00:36:32,411
Can I have a kiss now? So, and, and this is, this is the

605
00:36:32,443 --> 00:36:36,459
thing. So I will say consent is sexy, but I, I can say

606
00:36:36,507 --> 00:36:40,371
for my own personal Self. Are you going to do the whole I'm a blank.

607
00:36:40,523 --> 00:36:44,395
Yes. On everything? Because I've heard that so many times. Pretty much.

608
00:36:44,475 --> 00:36:47,715
And then I tell people, you can't. Don't do that. And I shouldn't.

609
00:36:47,755 --> 00:36:51,059
I shouldn't say that. No, but I. But I'm. I can say that.

610
00:36:51,147 --> 00:36:54,843
So I like the affection. I like the attention.

611
00:36:54,899 --> 00:36:58,123
Yeah, I like that. No, you like that. But I mean a

612
00:36:58,139 --> 00:37:01,567
good. Hey, Adam, can I give you a kiss? I think

613
00:37:01,591 --> 00:37:04,783
that's hotter. Okay. Okay. I will say that I think that's hotter.

614
00:37:04,839 --> 00:37:07,935
Hey. Hey. I want to. I want to be with you. Like,

615
00:37:08,055 --> 00:37:11,255
absolutely. Are you kidding me? Just as forming that in a sense.

616
00:37:11,295 --> 00:37:14,639
Exactly. As opposed to somebody. So that's why. That's why, like, I'm saying,

617
00:37:14,687 --> 00:37:17,919
like, just. Just let them ask you to

618
00:37:17,967 --> 00:37:20,543
say pussy. Touche.

619
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,183
Okay. Do you like the way I asked you? Oh, my God. You know,

620
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:26,959
that turned me on just a little bit. Just a little bit. I lost.

621
00:37:27,007 --> 00:37:30,903
Okay. So as we're going through those, there's a few that people

622
00:37:30,959 --> 00:37:35,159
have that are personal. So one is just

623
00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:39,287
setting rules and boundaries. Some people go

624
00:37:39,311 --> 00:37:43,327
in there and are like, how about we try something and

625
00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:46,595
see if we like it? Because I've actually told you even recently,

626
00:37:47,055 --> 00:37:50,235
because we've done different things that we've

627
00:37:50,975 --> 00:37:54,823
hadn't really come across. Right. Right. So I always

628
00:37:54,879 --> 00:37:58,333
tell you, because you're always scared I'm going to get mad at you. Oh,

629
00:37:58,389 --> 00:38:01,621
well, I wonder where I got that from. Like, I don't know if this is

630
00:38:01,653 --> 00:38:05,093
going to be a role or boundary. I'm not sure yet

631
00:38:05,149 --> 00:38:08,525
because I don't know. It's a feeling I've never had.

632
00:38:08,565 --> 00:38:12,197
So do what you're gonna do. Sure. Then let us talk about it.

633
00:38:12,261 --> 00:38:15,125
Yeah. So some people are like that. Some people are like,

634
00:38:15,285 --> 00:38:19,053
eh, Dominos, let's just try this. Let's see how this

635
00:38:19,109 --> 00:38:22,155
goes. Right. And then we'll set up. And then.

636
00:38:22,235 --> 00:38:25,507
Oof. A fight happened. It can be dangerous, especially if there's,

637
00:38:25,571 --> 00:38:29,091
you know. Yeah. A little bit of alcohol involved. Yeah. It could.

638
00:38:29,123 --> 00:38:32,627
It could lead to some drama. So have a talk

639
00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:36,775
with your partner. And really before you play,

640
00:38:37,235 --> 00:38:40,971
you know, set expectations. Set expectations

641
00:38:41,043 --> 00:38:44,883
ahead of time. Yeah. Like before we go to the club.

642
00:38:45,019 --> 00:38:48,587
Yes. Whenever we go to the club we normally have, because the clubs

643
00:38:48,611 --> 00:38:51,697
that we go to, they're an hour away from where we live.

644
00:38:51,761 --> 00:38:54,913
Yes. So we've got to drive. Yes. And as we drive,

645
00:38:54,969 --> 00:38:58,645
we're sitting there, we have our conversation, and we tend to discuss

646
00:38:59,225 --> 00:39:02,969
what's going to happen or what we can expect right before

647
00:39:03,017 --> 00:39:07,009
we go into the club. Right. And so we try to set proper expectations.

648
00:39:07,097 --> 00:39:10,289
If I'm feeling absolutely hoish, I'm going

649
00:39:10,297 --> 00:39:14,217
to tell you, yes. Be prepared. Yes. I'm going to be a

650
00:39:14,241 --> 00:39:17,939
hoe. Yes. Like, if I can, I'm gonna be a. I'm gonna be

651
00:39:17,947 --> 00:39:21,419
a pollinating bee. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna go from flower to flower.

652
00:39:21,507 --> 00:39:25,203
Yes. I never happened. Because I'm a big talker.

653
00:39:25,259 --> 00:39:28,731
Yes. And I'm not a big walker. Freaking hot when you say it,

654
00:39:28,763 --> 00:39:31,575
too. Oh, my gosh. I just like to get you going. Yeah.

655
00:39:32,555 --> 00:39:36,675
But. But I. I do try. Like, if I'm not

656
00:39:36,715 --> 00:39:40,083
feeling very anxious and I feel like I could be chill and have

657
00:39:40,099 --> 00:39:43,093
a good time, I will let you know. I'll be like, you know what if

658
00:39:43,109 --> 00:39:45,653
I'm feeling it? If somebody comes up to me and asks me to go to

659
00:39:45,669 --> 00:39:48,677
the back, I'll be like, peace out. I'll be back.

660
00:39:48,861 --> 00:39:52,065
I'll be back in a couple of rounds. You know what I mean?

661
00:39:52,565 --> 00:39:56,245
So it's. It's a nice.

662
00:39:56,365 --> 00:40:00,221
It's a nice idea. Yeah. But it. It's important

663
00:40:00,373 --> 00:40:04,317
and it's not talk about it. Yeah. And. And not only that, but not

664
00:40:04,341 --> 00:40:07,617
only between the significant others, but if. Say you're going with

665
00:40:07,641 --> 00:40:11,521
a couple. Yeah. Say you're going exclusively

666
00:40:11,633 --> 00:40:15,177
with a couple to a club. Almost like a double date.

667
00:40:15,241 --> 00:40:18,285
Yeah. You have to set proper expectations.

668
00:40:18,945 --> 00:40:21,553
Like, are you going to stay with them the whole night? Are you going to

669
00:40:21,569 --> 00:40:24,777
go out and have fun? You know, that's. That's a big question.

670
00:40:24,961 --> 00:40:28,457
Because not everybody likes somebody kind of

671
00:40:28,601 --> 00:40:32,217
stuck to their side. Some couples. Some. Some couples make

672
00:40:32,241 --> 00:40:35,505
you their property. Oh, yeah. Take you to the club. It can

673
00:40:35,545 --> 00:40:39,401
happen. It can happen. So another. Another rule or boundary is

674
00:40:39,433 --> 00:40:42,929
a safe word. You and I have a safe word. We do?

675
00:40:43,097 --> 00:40:46,385
Yeah. What is it really? Wait,

676
00:40:46,505 --> 00:40:49,393
should we not say this? No. Okay. Can we talk about this later?

677
00:40:49,449 --> 00:40:53,017
Yes. You and I have a safe word. You can text it. I mean,

678
00:40:53,121 --> 00:40:56,753
we know. Put it in the Apple notes so we can share it. We know

679
00:40:56,809 --> 00:41:00,323
we have really, a safe look. I know the safe look

680
00:41:00,379 --> 00:41:04,131
is normally a scary look. That's the one where we go to. Really?

681
00:41:04,203 --> 00:41:06,615
That's our word. We go to.

682
00:41:07,475 --> 00:41:10,915
For all I know, you could have been saying that this entire time. I would

683
00:41:10,955 --> 00:41:14,467
have never known. I had no idea, guys. I had no

684
00:41:14,491 --> 00:41:17,427
idea that we had a safe word. She just showed it to me, she texted

685
00:41:17,451 --> 00:41:21,131
it, and now I know. Wow. Wow.

686
00:41:21,283 --> 00:41:24,933
I never had to use it. I Know the family safe word? Yes. Don't say

687
00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:27,637
it. I've. I've been known to say that out loud. I shouldn't say that out

688
00:41:27,661 --> 00:41:30,405
loud? Yes. But. Yeah, I didn't know that we had a safe word, so.

689
00:41:30,445 --> 00:41:33,637
We do. We'll make one. We'll make a new one. I'm gonna. I'm going through

690
00:41:33,661 --> 00:41:36,685
my card file of moments. No,

691
00:41:36,725 --> 00:41:40,149
I've never had to use it. But we do have a safe word. Okay,

692
00:41:40,277 --> 00:41:43,773
I will teach it to you again because, I mean,

693
00:41:43,869 --> 00:41:47,357
you just do my safe look. Oh, man. Your. Your safe look is scary.

694
00:41:47,421 --> 00:41:50,877
My safe look and my safe. You're not really. You don't

695
00:41:50,901 --> 00:41:55,225
really question if I say, let's do this or let's go. Let's go or

696
00:41:55,525 --> 00:41:59,437
no, you're not talking to that person. That's just kidding.

697
00:41:59,621 --> 00:42:03,181
Yeah, no, we have. We have our safe words. Well, I had

698
00:42:03,213 --> 00:42:06,701
a safe word. Well, now, thanks for letting me into your world.

699
00:42:06,893 --> 00:42:10,805
That's interesting. So that's that one. And there are

700
00:42:10,885 --> 00:42:13,825
also. Let's see. We did the health,

701
00:42:14,205 --> 00:42:17,733
privacy and discretion. Oh, you know, discretion is a

702
00:42:17,749 --> 00:42:20,481
thing. So for us, obviously,

703
00:42:20,633 --> 00:42:23,753
we are less discreet than most. Yes.

704
00:42:23,809 --> 00:42:27,089
And we were. We were discreet for a very long

705
00:42:27,137 --> 00:42:30,593
time. And it was difficult because I am not a liar, so I

706
00:42:30,609 --> 00:42:33,233
cannot lie to people. I'm a bad liar. Let me put it that way.

707
00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:36,297
But we have friends that we've been friends with our friends, and they're like,

708
00:42:36,361 --> 00:42:40,449
we're very discreet. Yes, yes. And so I. I completely

709
00:42:40,497 --> 00:42:43,633
understand that. I'm sure it's very stressful. And so because of that,

710
00:42:43,689 --> 00:42:47,591
you know that communication needs to be had, because sometimes

711
00:42:47,663 --> 00:42:51,463
people will tag things on people's profiles.

712
00:42:51,639 --> 00:42:55,415
Sometimes they don't have an LS Specific profile.

713
00:42:55,495 --> 00:42:59,311
We don't. We do not. We do. No, ours is our profile. And it's

714
00:42:59,343 --> 00:43:02,927
just that I will delete. If I'm on my. As open as I

715
00:43:02,951 --> 00:43:07,551
am, we've had friends in the lifestyle

716
00:43:07,703 --> 00:43:11,495
that have brought up to your attention. People putting

717
00:43:11,655 --> 00:43:15,053
comments on my pictures, on my, like, regular pictures,

718
00:43:15,149 --> 00:43:19,957
not in groups and being kind of not

719
00:43:20,021 --> 00:43:23,661
gross, but a little bit too forward. And they've

720
00:43:23,693 --> 00:43:26,741
called, they've told you. They're like, wow, you know, so,

721
00:43:26,773 --> 00:43:30,749
like, for us, don't. If you're, like, leaving a really vulgar

722
00:43:30,877 --> 00:43:34,293
comment on my regular. If you're a friend of mine, I will

723
00:43:34,349 --> 00:43:37,989
delete it. Yeah, but we're pretty open. Everybody knows our

724
00:43:38,037 --> 00:43:42,091
life and. Yeah, you know. Well, I think what. What happened was

725
00:43:42,283 --> 00:43:45,795
we became. When we became poly is when we

726
00:43:45,835 --> 00:43:49,075
decided to come out not Only as

727
00:43:49,195 --> 00:43:52,387
ethically non monogamous. But also you came

728
00:43:52,411 --> 00:43:55,947
out as bisexual. We literally had the

729
00:43:55,971 --> 00:43:59,859
whole conversation with the family. Yeah. And all of our

730
00:43:59,907 --> 00:44:03,147
friends, and we just came out with it because we said, you know, we can't

731
00:44:03,171 --> 00:44:06,693
live. I got outed. I'm not outed, but shunned. Yes.

732
00:44:06,749 --> 00:44:09,733
And so we lost a lot of friends, we lost a lot of families,

733
00:44:09,869 --> 00:44:12,893
lost a lot of people in our lives. And. And you know, realistically,

734
00:44:13,069 --> 00:44:16,709
it's all for the good. It was all good. Yeah. We found that the people

735
00:44:16,757 --> 00:44:20,341
that stuck around us, especially the people who were our

736
00:44:20,373 --> 00:44:23,701
vanilla friends. Yes. Stuck around.

737
00:44:23,893 --> 00:44:27,293
Didn't show any judgment. Still don't show judgment to this day.

738
00:44:27,429 --> 00:44:30,757
And those are the people that we actually consider family. For sure.

739
00:44:30,821 --> 00:44:34,301
Yeah. Yes. Because they have never been judgmental towards us

740
00:44:34,373 --> 00:44:38,149
and they accept us for what we do and in our lives. Yeah.

741
00:44:38,237 --> 00:44:41,629
And. Yeah. No, some people love it. Yeah. Some people have a lot of privacy

742
00:44:41,677 --> 00:44:44,585
and discretion. That's a rule for them. See,

743
00:44:45,085 --> 00:44:48,945
acknowledgement. Acknowledgement. Recognize jealousy

744
00:44:49,285 --> 00:44:53,133
and natural feelings. Yeah. So you have to address that.

745
00:44:53,309 --> 00:44:55,685
That's again with communication. Yeah.

746
00:44:55,805 --> 00:44:59,261
If. If you don't like Tommy to

747
00:44:59,373 --> 00:45:03,085
be loving on a picture, you better tell your Tommy not to love

748
00:45:03,125 --> 00:45:06,485
on that picture. That's. If that's. If that's a trigger

749
00:45:06,525 --> 00:45:10,257
for you, it. Really needs to be said out loud. You know, because it

750
00:45:10,281 --> 00:45:14,485
like, like Adam mentioned earlier, we've been. We've been doing it for 13 years.

751
00:45:14,785 --> 00:45:18,673
And what bothered me then I thought I

752
00:45:18,689 --> 00:45:22,385
was over. Bothered me recently. And it's

753
00:45:22,425 --> 00:45:25,849
like, you know, you just never know.

754
00:45:25,897 --> 00:45:28,793
You should always like, have that communication and talk.

755
00:45:28,929 --> 00:45:32,105
Yeah. That is a. That is a tough one. Because you don't want to trigger

756
00:45:32,265 --> 00:45:35,729
your partner. No. You know, the easier

757
00:45:35,857 --> 00:45:39,713
your relationship is, the. The better this whole ride

758
00:45:39,769 --> 00:45:43,805
can be. Yeah. Now I. We can talk exit strategy.

759
00:45:44,385 --> 00:45:47,689
Exit strategy. Communication,

760
00:45:47,817 --> 00:45:51,865
really. It ties into that communication. Part of it, you know, exit strategy.

761
00:45:51,905 --> 00:45:54,885
As far as, you know,

762
00:45:55,225 --> 00:45:58,593
how are you going to really

763
00:45:58,769 --> 00:46:02,497
get out of the situation if you're feeling overwhelmed, like. Out of the

764
00:46:02,521 --> 00:46:06,445
lifestyle? Yeah. Pretty much like communicating

765
00:46:06,525 --> 00:46:08,945
that. Okay. What will.

766
00:46:09,565 --> 00:46:12,965
What are the rules and boundaries that would make you go, you know what

767
00:46:13,005 --> 00:46:16,525
if you violate this, we're done.

768
00:46:16,685 --> 00:46:20,317
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What. What are the. What are

769
00:46:20,341 --> 00:46:23,909
the light boundaries? What are the heavy rules?

770
00:46:24,077 --> 00:46:28,077
You know, what's. What. What's ours? We mentioned in the last show,

771
00:46:28,261 --> 00:46:32,087
ours is really, if either of us want to get out of

772
00:46:32,111 --> 00:46:34,595
the lifestyle for whatever reason,

773
00:46:35,015 --> 00:46:38,743
we don't really question it. Yeah. Once it's. Once it said we

774
00:46:38,759 --> 00:46:42,007
just say, okay, yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. And. And so,

775
00:46:42,071 --> 00:46:44,895
realistically, that was always a big thing for us,

776
00:46:44,935 --> 00:46:48,095
but, you know, it's different. Different degrees for

777
00:46:48,135 --> 00:46:51,455
different people. So say you have a no

778
00:46:51,495 --> 00:46:54,999
kissing rule, and then all of a sudden you

779
00:46:55,047 --> 00:46:58,055
get drunk and you're kissing somebody. Yeah. You know,

780
00:46:58,095 --> 00:47:01,527
that's. It's okay, you know, because you guys can talk

781
00:47:01,551 --> 00:47:04,959
about it and go, you know what? That's okay. It's more of a boundary.

782
00:47:05,047 --> 00:47:08,831
It's not a hard rule. But then that same person

783
00:47:08,903 --> 00:47:12,431
goes and calls somebody, you know, on the sly. Gotcha.

784
00:47:12,503 --> 00:47:16,087
And says, hey, yeah, let's. Let's fool around. My spouse

785
00:47:16,111 --> 00:47:19,727
isn't home. Well, that's just straight out cheating. Yes. You know, and that's the

786
00:47:19,751 --> 00:47:22,647
end of the entire relationship. So.

787
00:47:22,671 --> 00:47:26,395
Yeah. Yeah. Another one right before we end this,

788
00:47:26,735 --> 00:47:30,751
a pause. So talk about. Talk about it with your partner. If you

789
00:47:30,783 --> 00:47:33,711
feel like you just want to pause. The lifestyle.

790
00:47:33,903 --> 00:47:38,095
That's. That's something. Taking breaks, taking breaks. However many breaks

791
00:47:38,135 --> 00:47:41,679
you want. You know, make that a rule when one of y'all is getting overwhelmed

792
00:47:41,727 --> 00:47:44,815
and you have communicated that. Take a break.

793
00:47:44,935 --> 00:47:48,479
Yeah, absolutely. Everybody needs to kind of reconnect. Not only that,

794
00:47:48,527 --> 00:47:51,655
but to everybody in the community,

795
00:47:52,155 --> 00:47:55,459
if somebody decides to take a break,

796
00:47:55,627 --> 00:47:59,011
support them. Yeah. Not everybody is supportive when

797
00:47:59,083 --> 00:48:02,443
somebody says, oh, you know what, we're taking a break for a little while.

798
00:48:02,619 --> 00:48:06,155
Sometimes people get their feelings hurt or they

799
00:48:06,195 --> 00:48:10,011
feel some sort of projected rejection. It is not a

800
00:48:10,043 --> 00:48:13,931
thing. They're doing what's best for them. So you really have to accept

801
00:48:14,003 --> 00:48:17,353
that if you're going to really be a kind

802
00:48:17,409 --> 00:48:20,729
human being, just accept it. Yeah. And support them on it.

803
00:48:20,777 --> 00:48:23,525
Yeah. You know, and support your partner. There's.

804
00:48:24,025 --> 00:48:27,921
Remember that there's. Not everybody can communicate really well, but with

805
00:48:27,953 --> 00:48:31,729
your partner, try to. Try to make that a really good role for y'all.

806
00:48:31,897 --> 00:48:34,365
Like, if I can give anybody advice,

807
00:48:34,785 --> 00:48:38,457
reassurance, communication, and just

808
00:48:38,641 --> 00:48:42,635
like, really opening that door with your partner really will strengthen your

809
00:48:42,755 --> 00:48:45,931
life in the lifestyle. Absolutely. It only

810
00:48:46,003 --> 00:48:49,387
will bring you all together. Yeah. You know, it makes a complete

811
00:48:49,451 --> 00:48:53,075
difference. So. Yeah, I think those are all good,

812
00:48:53,195 --> 00:48:56,571
good things. You know, I left our email

813
00:48:56,643 --> 00:48:59,859
on here earlier. Just if you have anything

814
00:48:59,907 --> 00:49:04,035
else that you find interesting or that wasn't listed here,

815
00:49:04,115 --> 00:49:08,193
email us at Beyond Monogamy number four.

816
00:49:08,369 --> 00:49:12,936
And the letter u gmail.com says beyond monogamy4u

817
00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:16,633
gmail.com and let us know what you think so that we can read it

818
00:49:16,649 --> 00:49:20,297
on the air. We're also on Instagram. We. We have

819
00:49:20,321 --> 00:49:23,897
an Instagram now and a TikTok. So we'll start posting that

820
00:49:23,961 --> 00:49:26,833
on our little website as well.

821
00:49:27,009 --> 00:49:31,321
If you want to look for us on Instagram, it's beyondmonogamy.

822
00:49:31,473 --> 00:49:34,085
Underscore the number four and you.

823
00:49:34,585 --> 00:49:38,073
All right? Yeah. We're actually extending

824
00:49:38,169 --> 00:49:42,401
things quite a bit here from our little podcast

825
00:49:42,473 --> 00:49:46,565
that was just started last week. It's funny,

826
00:49:47,385 --> 00:49:51,121
as we're wrapping up here, I just want to say thank

827
00:49:51,153 --> 00:49:54,845
you. A very big thank you to our community.

828
00:49:55,505 --> 00:49:59,201
We had a very, very big response from

829
00:49:59,233 --> 00:50:04,205
you guys. I mean, big. And it was heartwarming.

830
00:50:04,365 --> 00:50:07,701
It was definitely something that we

831
00:50:07,773 --> 00:50:11,293
felt from you guys. I mean, like, earthquake measured.

832
00:50:11,469 --> 00:50:15,385
We got great feedback from everybody that listened to the podcast

833
00:50:15,925 --> 00:50:19,437
from our community. People are spreading it out and

834
00:50:19,581 --> 00:50:22,869
really sharing it with their friends. You do not have

835
00:50:22,917 --> 00:50:26,403
to be in the lifestyle to listen to our podcast

836
00:50:26,589 --> 00:50:30,335
to support us in that way. If you just like us

837
00:50:30,495 --> 00:50:34,279
and you just want to hear what it's like to be next to us

838
00:50:34,327 --> 00:50:36,983
in the conversation, by all means,

839
00:50:37,079 --> 00:50:41,115
join us. Because we are going to be dropping an episode a week

840
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:45,231
and maybe more at some point down the line. But right now we're looking

841
00:50:45,263 --> 00:50:48,855
at about an episode a week, dropping it on Sunday

842
00:50:49,015 --> 00:50:52,191
evening. And if you're following us on

843
00:50:52,263 --> 00:50:54,975
Facebook, Beyond Monogamy Podcast,

844
00:50:55,395 --> 00:50:59,579
we do notify everybody when the

845
00:50:59,627 --> 00:51:02,995
new episode has dropped. But of course, as always, you can follow

846
00:51:03,035 --> 00:51:06,731
us on whatever platform you listen. We are on Apple,

847
00:51:06,843 --> 00:51:10,467
on Pandora, on Spotify, and iHeartRadio,

848
00:51:10,611 --> 00:51:14,075
and we'd love to have you join us every

849
00:51:14,115 --> 00:51:17,915
week. So I really appreciate everybody, what you're doing, the support

850
00:51:17,955 --> 00:51:21,545
that you're showing. We think that you

851
00:51:21,585 --> 00:51:24,365
guys are just an amazing community.

852
00:51:24,825 --> 00:51:27,889
And with that, we are going to go ahead and sign off.

853
00:51:28,017 --> 00:51:32,121
Thank you for joining us today with Beyond Monogamy.

854
00:51:32,193 --> 00:51:35,753
Once again, I am Adam. And I'm Chris. And we'll see you next week.